Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Overcoming Election Stress With Dr. Lauren Cook
[INTRODUCTION]
[0:00:01] SS: Thank you for joining us for episode 483 of Live Happy Now. Election season is fully underway, and that means many of us are already feeling that little thing called election stress, but this week we’re offering a way to help you through it. I’m your host, Paula Felps, and I’m joined by Dr. Lauren Cook, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Generation Anxiety.
We’ve partnered with Lauren to provide a free four-week email course on overcoming election stress, and she’s here today to talk about some of the common causes of election stress, what we can do about it, and how this free email course can help. Let’s have a listen.
[INTERVIEW]
[0:00:43] SS: Lauren, welcome back to Live Happy Now.
[0:00:45] LC: Always good to be with you, Paula. Thanks for having me.
[0:00:49] SS: I am so excited to talk to you. We have been talking about this for a while, and putting this together. If you know me, I love a good origin story. It’s really your origin story. Tell our listeners how this whole idea of addressing election stress came about.
[0:01:06] LC: Well, Paula takes one to know one. We’ll just – prepared. I’m a millennial myself, and in my own lived experience, I was seeing such a surge of anxiety in my life. I was seeing it with my peers. I’m a clinical psychologist, so now I treat many millennial and Gen Z clients. I’ve seen so acutely, really over the last decade how much trauma there’s been, just collective anxiety.
You notice it starts to become almost a little bit cyclical with each election cycle. So, you know, I know you and I were talking about, as we get ready for this big election coming up, really wanting to be intentional about providing mental health support for folks, so that we can be preventative this time, because I think sometimes, we almost have that response after the fact. This time we really want to get ahead of it to make sure people feel supported.
[0:01:58] SS: Yeah. That is true. You had brought the thought to me that this was something that you were seeing in your practice, and this is really how it all began. Based on that, what are some of the things that you’re seeing are the main causes of election stress? Because we have elections every four years, but it hasn’t been like this, every four years forever.
[0:02:20] LC: Yeah. It’s true. Things are so much more heightened. I think there’s a lot of key reasons why that is. I talk about this in my book Generation Anxiety of why is it that we’re seeing such a surge in anxiety, both in prevalence, the amount of people who are experiencing it and severity, the intensity of those symptoms. The low hanging fruit, we’ve got to name this, is the social media piece. It knows, the algorithm knows how to get into our brains, how to feed us vitriolic content. We know too, and these companies know that posts get way more attraction when they use things like hate speech, and when they use things like graphic, violent images. It just gets more eyeballs on it.
We have to first acknowledge we’re getting inundated with content. We’re being fed very different content too, based on how we interact with it. So, what one person may be taking in is entirely different than what another person is taking in. We also have to consider too, and this is I think sometimes generationally where people can experience it differently, anybody can create content. Anybody, like anything. It’s not like 50 years ago, right, where you have the main network news channels and these different newspapers, and that was the mainstay of where people got their content.
Now, your neighbor, your mom, your nephew, they can all post videos, right? Not always really have that content back checked, but a lot of people can take any kind of information that they see online as truth. I think that’s where things have gotten a lot more decisive as well.
[0:04:00] SS: Yeah. With the rise of fake news and the application of AI, how does that stress us out? Because when we see something now, we have to go through this whole cycle of, is this real? Is it true? What’s really going on here? There’s a processing that we didn’t used to have to go through.
[0:04:18] LC: Exactly, exactly. It’s a whole other level of vetting. We are essentially having to be editors to everything, whereas before, it would be someone’s job at the LA Times, for example, to be the editor. Now, we are all the editors. So, that really takes a psychological toll over time. I’ll also add, it has gotten so contentious where people feel like if you disagree with me, I can’t have a relationship with you. It feels so threatening to me to have relationship with someone who feels differently than I.
I think part of that is because the content has become so intensified. So, how do we come back to that space where we can sit around the table, have our turkey dinner together, and not throw a fork at someone. How do we get back to that space, even holding that we may very much disagree? I think that is really a collective goal that we all need to come back to.
[0:05:17] SS: I’m so glad you brought that up, because I’ve seen posts where people say, basically, if you can’t agree with me on this, this, and this, then we can’t be friends anymore. It seems like there’s just these hard lines being drawn. I received a text from a person I know this morning, and it was very political and it didn’t skew the way that I believe. I just wrote – text her back and I said, “Hey, let’s not do the political thing this year, okay? Thanks.” She wrote back and just said, “Okay.” I think that’s, like it’s done. That’s it.
[0:05:50] LC: I love that.
[0:05:51] SS: In many cases, we feel though that we have to defend our position. How do we go through that little thing?
[0:06:01] LC: Yeah. Oh, it’s so tricky. This is something I have a lot of clients bring into the therapy space of how do I navigate this, right? Because I see the opposite side of it too, where people really silence themselves with how they feel about things, because they’re so afraid if I post about how I feel about this, all these people are not going to talk to me anymore. Then we’re really missing an opportunity where we could learn from each other and have respectful discourse and dialogue.
It really comes back to what we call the dialectic to both end holding the possibility that we can completely disagree and we can still be respectful towards each other. Does it mean we’re going to be besties? Maybe not. But I can still hold respect for your humanity, your lived emotional experience. We’ve got to come back to empathy with that, right? There’s this amazing quote that if you really got to know every single person on this planet, you would find something to love about them. That is true even with people who we completely disagree with politically, right? There can still be, for most people, something that we can still connect to in our shared humanity.
[0:07:14] SS: Yeah. That’s something I really try to look for, where it might be someone who thinks very differently than I do. I’m like, “Yeah, but they rescue animals.” It’s –
[0:07:25] LC: Yeah.
[0:07:26] SS: They do that. How bad can they be?
[0:07:29] LC: It’s hard, right? We get into all or nothing thinking a lot.
[0:07:33] SS: Right.
[0:07:33] LC: This is actually what gives people a lot of anxiety, because when we label people as all good or all bad, then we have to turn the mirror on ourselves and say, “Well, am I an all-good person?”
[0:07:45] SS: No –
[0:07:47] LC: Show me an all-good person. It’s an impossible amount of pressure. We have to then start looking at the fact of like, oh, I have messy broken parts in myself too, just as I’m looking at other people and seeing their messy broken parts and really checking ourselves on that front of like, I’m no better than someone else, like we’re all just in the mess trying to figure it out, right? But I think we have to check ourselves when we get into that, this person’s good or bad or this person’s right or wrong kind of thing.
[0:08:16] SS: Absolutely. Something that you’ve created for us and I am so excited to finally unveil is our four-part email series on election stress. Can you just walk us through what the four steps or weeks that you have and what people can expect when they sign up for this?
[0:08:33] LC: Yes. Let me just say, Paula, like thank you so much for advocating for this content, because talk about something that’s impacting our experience of happiness. This election gets in the way of that certainly. I love you making space for this. The first piece is identifying what the heck is election anxiety? What is this stress? What are the signs of it? How can I notice if I myself or my loved ones are struggling with it? What do we do about it? How do we work through it, right?
I never want folks to feel like they have to just sit in this and not do anything about it. That’s why I write so much about what I call empowered acceptance. We’ll just tease it at that, so that people want to find out more. Then we also talk about how do you actually have relationships with people when you do disagree, especially as we get into the holiday season coming up, there’s just statistically no way, probably that everyone in your family feels the exact same way you do. So, how do we have respectful discourse in our workplace, in our homes, all these different spaces, including online?
Then the last piece is processing the aftermath. You and I are talking about this before the election has happened. We don’t know what’s going to take place in a few months, but we really want to provide people support whether their party wins, whether their party loses. We don’t know, but all the same how to handle victory, how to handle loss with grace no matter what and really have compassion for other people’s experiences of it too. That’s a bit of a teaser of what’s ahead.
[0:10:01] SS: Yeah. I’ll just say for our listeners that this is exceptionally well written and presented and it is such valuable information and it’s a free email course that we’re going to offer. I’m really excited to be doing that. As we’re talking about that first issue that comes out, the signs of election stress, what are just a couple of the symptoms that you’re experiencing election stress?
[0:10:27] LC: I’ll give folks three things to pay attention to. One, the physicality of it. Anxiety is such a physical experience and we often forget that. If you notice you’re having sleep problems, stomach problems, stomach problems and anxiety are best friends, unfortunately. Pay attention to any physical cues that you notice. Then people tend to go one of two ways with election anxiety. They either get obsessive about it. If you notice you’re having the news cycle on constantly, you’re taking in the same content over and over again, but you just can’t walk away. It’s become addicting for you or oppositely you’re having an avoidant response. You don’t know anything of what’s going on politically, because it’s too overwhelming for you or it’s too activating. Either of those signs or cues that election anxiety may be at your back door.
[0:11:19] SS: That’s really good. Now your work, as you’ve said, it’s primarily with Gen Z and millennials, so you see how it’s affecting them, but this election stress takes down every generation. Does Gen X and baby boomers respond to it differently than you see with Gen Z and millennials?
[0:11:37] LC: Well, I think we all have some collective trauma in a way around past election cycles and how divided it led to in our families. We talked about this in the newsletter that one in five report that they have family relationship struggles, because of things that have happened with the election. So, when you take that all to heart and you think about the amount of estrangement that occurs in this country, I just did a really interesting post about the amount of families that go through estrangement. It’s about 25%.
[0:12:08] SS: Oh, really?
[0:12:09] LC: Gen X, the silent generation, all these different generations. They too are just as concerned about their millennial, their Gen Z kiddos, family members cutting them off. They really want to have close relationships with their loved ones. They also feel passionate about their viewpoints too. So, that could be a particular source of stress of what if my kid decides to cut me out and then I don’t know how to navigate that again.
I’d say that’s really the biggest stressor. I’m seeing that a lot of families are a little bit more avoidant, honestly, of having conversations around at this time, because it’s like, we’ve been here before, we’ve seen how this goes. You know what, that may be a little bit of a safer approach preserving that family unit versus nailing a point down to make a point, but then not having a relationship with your kid in the aftermath of that.
[MESSAGE]
[0:13:01] SS: This episode of Live Happy Now is brought to you by BetterHelp. As our kids head back to school, it’s a great time to give ourselves the opportunity to also learn something new. We can get so focused on meeting the needs of our families that we forget about what lights us up, but when we connect with our sense of wonder and curiosity, it adds more joy and meaning to our lives. One way to rediscover that curiosity is through therapy. With the help of a therapist, you can reconnect with your sense of wonder and explore what you’re interested in and where you’d like to grow and that’s where BetterHelp comes in. Because it’s completely online, BetterHelp works with your schedule.
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[INTERVIEW CONTINUED]
[0:14:05] SS: How do you prepare for these inevitable conversations or prepare yourself for the things that pop up, like somebody texting me something that I didn’t need to see? How do you go into this season prepared?
[0:14:20] LC: I think you handled that so beautifully by the way – like that is goals right there. One, I think we need to go into these conversations like having sets and rules for ourselves of we’re not going to get into politics tonight and really naming that with family as well. Before things really get heated saying, “Hey, let’s not go here tonight. Let’s have a good time together.” Knowing you can always redirect to if it is feeling too intense and too fraught.
I will also say being mindful of our alcohol and substance use, it’s an important point to make, because once people start to have different substances, we’re not using our cognitive functioning to the same degree. That can lead people to get pretty unfiltered at times. Then also, really coming back to compassion and kindness with each other. If we do say something hurtful, owning that and saying like, “Hey, I’m really sorry that I hurt you in that. I hope at the end of the day, I respect you and I want to have a good relationship with you, even if we disagree.” That can be such a joining comment when people may feel hurt by some of the things that we’ve said.
[0:15:31] SS: Right now, we’re talking like how do I keep myself from being that person? What about those situations where it’s another person who feels very determined to share their thoughts and their beliefs with us? How do we alleviate some of that? As you said, you have clients who just shut down and internalize things. What’s the best way to handle that? Then deal with the stress that comes in the aftermath of that experience?
[0:16:00] LC: I think you have to ask yourself first going in, how curious am I to better understand this? Because sometimes we genuinely are curious. I want to know like how did you come to this belief pattern, right? If you can comment something from a place of curiosity, you’re going to be able to withstand that conversation a lot better, but if you’re noticing even that physical reaction of like, “Oh, I’m feeling a little hot, like my heart’s racing.” Then that’s a sign of like, okay, maybe we go the route of taking in, listening, but not like jumping in with our argument or we set a very clear boundary of like, “Hey, I can tell you’ve thought a lot about this. I’m not sure we’re going to be able to get on the same page with this, so let’s shift gears.”
You can even almost incorporate like a little humor and playfulness, some lightness in it, because these conversations get heavy real quick, right? Also, worst case scenario, because a lot of us struggle with people pleasing and we start to get pulled into these conversations, set the boundary physically, remove yourself, right? “Oh, you know what? I’m so parched. I got to get a drink in the kitchen. I’m going to get a glass of water.” Right? It doesn’t have to be this big aggressive moment, but you’re shifting the energy, you’re extricating yourself from the situation. It’s always fine to do that.
[0:17:18] SS: Is there any practice you have that you can use daily to set your intention and set your day to say, “Okay, this is how we’re going to play it.” Because it really is a day-to-day thing. We are, as you have pointed out, we are getting bombarded with information, opinions, fake news, and it’s a lot. It’s almost like you get out of bed and you need to put on your helmet.
[0:17:40] LC: I know. It is. It is.
[0:17:42] SS: Get in there. What is the psychological helmet that we can put on?
[0:17:46] LC: That’s a good way to put it. My recommendation is find some way to take in some content, either the start of your day or mid-morning, like understand the lay of the land of what’s happening in our country. I do think it’s important to be informed about these issues. Then 15 minutes, once you have a general sense of like, “Okay, here’s what’s going on in the world today.” You’ve checked that box. You don’t need to keep playing the tape over and over again.
I really do think the news cycle and Liz Moody talks about this on her podcast. It’s addictive for people. It’s a stimulant and people can get very sucked into what’s going to happen next, right? Get your entertainment elsewhere if it’s not benefiting your mental health. Give yourself that permission of finding your outlet in other ways. If you’re getting repeat information, it’s time to change the channel.
[0:18:41] SS: Yeah. One thing I did, and this started in 2020, I stopped watching news on television, because it was just – I can’t control what’s coming at me. I started then consuming my news through websites, through news that way, newspaper, online. Then what I started doing was shutting off notifications.
[0:19:05] LC: Yeah.
[0:19:06] SS: Because breaking news, it’s like getting these little grenades thrown at you like every couple of hours. So, to cut off those notifications was really big. It makes you feel or makes me feel more calm. It’s less intrusive. It feels also like I’m in control of what I consume instead of having it’s not – I saw this great meme that said, “Life doesn’t hand me lemons. It lobs them at me through a lemon cannon.” I was like, the like the news is, you know?
[0:19:35] LC: That’s amazing. Yeah. I mean, not amazing that that’s how it feels, but that’s a great metaphor for it. Yeah. It is like that. I saw that even with the Olympics where they would send me the spoiler that would be like, “No.”
[0:19:49] SS: I was going to watch that.
[0:19:50] LC: Exactly, exactly. Yeah, go with the pace that works for you, right? I also will say though, when we do self-select our own content, it can start to get very filtered from like one lens.
[0:20:04] SS: Right.
[0:20:05] LC: I am a writer die today show girl. That’s where my dreams, like Beyond Today show, I love that show so much. I like that it’s something that they are trying one hopes to market to every person in this country.
[0:20:20] SS: Right.
[0:20:20] LC: That being said, and millennials in Gen Z are really pushing this that mainstream news is not sharing the nitty-gritty, the full details of what’s going on. So, keeping that in mind that our news sources may be not doing the deep dives that they should. So, that’s where I do think we need a nuanced approach of, okay, what is content that’s meant to be accessed by everybody? Then looking at what are the deeper dives to.
[0:20:51] SS: Sometimes what I’ll do is when there’s particularly exciting headline, and I see you on one form of media, I’ll go and look at what the exact opposite thinking media says about it. Because I’m like, “I just want to see what they say.” It’s one, it’s very interesting because it gives a lot of insight into why some people might think the way that they do and on either side of it. It is very interesting to get a look at it through two very different lenses.
[0:21:22] LC: It is. When you look at it that way, I think it really becomes so clear, like we take in the narratives that we are fed, right? If you keep taking in only one path of a narrative, that’s going to become like an entrenched hike that you just go up over and over again versus this other hike, which has its own path, right? But if you never walk up it, it’s going to feel totally foreign and unknown to you.
I think that’s a real humbling thing that most of us don’t want to admit. That we are a product of our environment, our families where we’re raised, like you put the same person in different environments. They often will adapt to the ideologies of the environment that they’re in. So, we really have to, I think, humble ourselves to know like, okay, I’ve got to check myself in terms of like what content I’m taking in.
[0:22:14] SS: That’s a great tip. As we go through the season, as we have this anxiety that bubbles up, when does someone know that the amount of stress they’re feeling over the election is normal or if they need to get some help for it?
[0:22:29] LC: Yeah. Here’s some hallmark signs. If it’s really impacting your sleep cycle deeply, like you are losing sleep at night over this, having ruminating thoughts, can’t fall asleep, pay attention to that. If you are getting obsessive about it, where it’s all you can talk about, think about. People in your life are giving you feedback of like time out, like can we talk about something other than politics, or if you are having panic attacks that you’re noticing, or you’re having such avoidant behaviors where you’re not wanting to vote, because it feels like, “Well, what’s the point?” Like you’re so disengaged that you are making your life smaller and smaller.
Lean into that process, like how can we expand that for you, because the goal is to be an active participating citizen that can handle the discomfort of things not always working out how we want, but still keeping the hope alive that it’s worth it for us to show up politically.
[0:23:26] SS: Yeah. Someone might be hesitant to say, well, I need to see someone about election anxiety, but – there’s no shame in that. I mean, that’s a real deal that’s going on.
[0:23:38] LC: I’m so glad that you bring that up, Paula. I wish people could hear the amount of clients that talk about the election in my therapy office with me, but it’s a real thing that gives people anxiety. So, validating it for yourself, not shaming yourself or saying, “Well, other people have it so much worse than me.” These are real fears, real concerns you deserve to give yourself the space to process those things.
[0:24:04] SS: I love it. Lauren, as always, you give us fantastic insights. We’re going to tell everyone how they can sign up for your election stress email course and share it with their friends. We’ll come back when all of this is done and talk about it again. Until then, just thank you so much for what you’re doing and for coming and talking to me today.
[0:24:25] LC: Always a pleasure, Paula.
[OUTRO]
[0:24:31] SS: That was Dr. Lauren Cook talking about election stress. If you’d like to sign up for our free email course on overcoming election stress or learn more about Lauren, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on this podcast episode or click on the Discover tab at the top of our site and choose newsletter.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of Live Happy Now. If you are already receiving us every week, we invite you to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, while you’re there, feel free to drop us a review and let us know what you think. That’s all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one.
