Self-Care | Live Happy

A Journey Toward Peace

The introduction to The Art of Living by Thich Nhat Hanh says “Spirituality is not religion. It is a path for us to generate happiness, understanding, and love, so we can live deeply each moment of our life. Having a spiritual dimension in our lives does not mean escaping life or dwelling in a place of bliss outside this world but discovering ways to handle life’s difficulties and generate peace, joy, and happiness right where we are, on this beautiful planet.” Photographer Geoff Oliver Bugbee, drawn to the peaceful, happy faces and purposeful actions of Buddhist monks from various orders around the world, captured the accompanying images during his travels starting in 1994 to share their lessons of living in the present with others. Below, Sister Hien Nghiem (Sister True Dedication), of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village order in the South of France, shares her spiritual journey and insights. For me, Buddhism is more a way of living, an art of living, than a religion. It is ancient wisdom—more than 2,500 years of it. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of those great lights who will go down in history as someone who has made these teachings effortlessly relevant and helpful to our modern way of living. He often teaches and writes so simply, with such elegance, it’s hard to see all the wisdom and brilliance within and behind the words. It’s a bit like watching Michael Jackson dance. Part of his genius was making his dancing look so effortless—and he was one of the best dancers of his generation. For me, Thich Nhat Hanh’s books are like that. They look simple, but they’re genius. An Oasis of Calm The ancient depth of Buddhism has the capacity to address our deepest concerns. In the book The Art of Living, Thich Nhat Hanh shares eloquently and with great depth a very accessible Buddhist way to approach questions like, “What does it mean to be alive?” or “What should I do with my one, precious life?” or “Where do we go when we die?” or simply, “Who am I?” As an engaged Buddhist community, our monasteries are a kind of oasis, a refuge for people to come and live a mindful way of life alongside us, all year round. I’m currently living in Plum Village, France, and we recently had more than 8,000 people come to stay with us for a week or more in 2016. We help people learn how to cultivate a moment of happiness and how to handle a moment of suffering, of challenge, when things are just too much. We help people learn how to relax, how to arrive in every step, how to land into the present moment and find peace and ease there. We don’t learn these things in school, so oftentimes people are learning it for the first time with us. Teaching in Every Moment Thich Nhat Hanh used to say that we are very lucky: We can already see the impact of our mindfulness practices and teachings on people, just in how their faces relax and brighten up after a week with us. So our life is strangely public. Everywhere we go, our life is our message. We do our best to cultivate joy and happiness. Sometimes people see us cry, but most of the time they see us smile. We’re human: humans practicing a deep life of mindfulness. That touches people. Some of us may live our lives so that day flows into another day, and we live just to “get through it.” We do things other people suggest we do. We do what everyone expects us to do. But if we’re really honest with ourselves, I think all of us need and want a spiritual dimension to our lives. Spirituality helps reclaim our lives, to live the kind of life we want to live. We dare to dream, and we dare to realize our ideals. Living in mindfulness is like living in high-resolution. Suddenly we’re awake to the hyper-connectivity of everything. And we realize that we are not alone and that everything we do, no matter how small, has meaning. It’s part of the song of life. About Geoff Oliver Bugbee “For me, photographing Buddhist monks began as a peripheral undertaking on my photo assignments in Asia. The practice of compassion and nonviolence are personal pillars of strength in my life, so I’ve always been intrigued with the spiritual deeper dive and lifestyle of Buddhist monks and nuns. No matter my whereabouts, without exception monks have allowed me into their daily business—whether it be walking in their footsteps in the Yangon, Myanmar, streets for alms; observing a head-shave ritual in Sikkim, India; or poking into the middle of a cacophonous monastic debate in Lhasa, Tibet.”

Self-Care

10 Ways to Power Your Positive Energy Over the Holidays

The holidays are a wonderful time to pull together your past, present and future into a powerful ball of positive energy that will fuel you all the way into the new year ahead. Your daily physical and mental patterns determine the quality of your experiences. For example, do you multitask or calmly do one project at a time? Do you take a moment to wake up each morning peacefully? Winter holidays are a perfect time to try out new techniques to regulate these patterns and bring more pleasure into your life. Quality Experiences Good energy facilitates quality experiences. When your energy is too low, it is hard to absorb the full vibrancy of the moment. You simply cannot pay adequate attention to the details that will ignite you. Knowing a little about how your physical and mental energy join forces to create experiences can go a long way toward making life even happier. When you are happy you naturally gravitate toward more positive patterns in your thoughts, memories and feelings.” When your brain is overloaded with negative or stressful energy, it is difficult to experience life’s joys. For example, say you have family and friends coming over for a holiday party and you discover you forgot a few food items you need. Next thing you know the stress is rising and your sense of organization is diving. To compensate, your brain responds with an electrochemical cocktail that reduces your stress but can sap your energy. Your memories, thoughts and emotions switch on and off daily, also affecting your energy. When you are happy you naturally gravitate toward more positive patterns in your thoughts, memories and feelings, each one kicking in to spin more joy. When you are angry or disappointed, your mind starts uploading your top five or six annoyances. So if you’re feeling down, you want to flip the positivity switch as soon as possible to avoid winding up in a negative spiral. How can you take better control of your energy and mood? Energy Tips to Triple Your Holiday Joy Becoming more aware of these pivotal mood-changing moments can work magic. Here are a few holiday do’s and don’ts that will show you how to recognize them and help you move your best energy forward into the new year. Don’t Multitask. It lowers your energy, increases stress and decreases your ability to focus on the energetically rewarding details, so it lessens your daily pleasures as well. Let unwanted memories distract from your joy. Try this: Whenever you feel an uninvited nerve-wracking memory coming on, play a favorite funny holiday song, like Elmo & Patsy’s recording of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” Lou Monte’s “Dominick the Donkey” or Adam Sandler’s “The Chanukah Song.” Every time you do this short-circuiting exercise, you weaken the negative memory trigger, until it eventually goes away. Use aggressive language. It can increase your anxiety and stress, as well as decrease organization and lower your overall energy. It will also extend its influence to others and into daily activities. Try to keep up a manic pace. In winter, nature’s energy cycle is waning. Slow down, get creative instead. Do Gently transition to a new day each morning. As you wake up, your body and mind are affected by changes in hormonal and neural activity. You can help this transition by taking a slow, deep breath and emptying your mind. Make this a pattern. Send your memory as far back as you can to a warm and cozy holiday scene from your youth. Consider something you can do during your day that includes one of the details from your memory. Create a holiday playlist or set your radio to your favorite holiday music. Tunes that spark positive emotional memories from your past work best. Enjoy the uplifting and peaceful vibes. For an added lift, sing or dance along. Take a silly selfie—the sillier the better! Use it year-round whenever you need a mood shift. Make new memories on a holiday sightseeing trip with a friend, partner or family member. Take pictures so you can revisit this positive energy throughout the year. Create a new tradition such as donating to or volunteering at a food pantry, or learn how other cultures celebrate the holidays. Take an evening or late-night walk with loved ones. Incorporate soothing holiday fragrances into your festivities, such as scented candles, fresh plants or the scent of cookies baking. Place the energy of calmness between all your actions. How you enter and leave each daily experience is as important to creating joy as the experience itself. Listen to our podcast: How to Master Body Intelligence With Joseph Cardillo JOSEPH CARDILLO, PH.D., is an inspirational speaker and sought-after expert on energy teaching. He is the author ofBody Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energies for Your Best Lifeand the body-energy classicBe Like Water.He has taught his methods to more than 20,000 students. Visitjosephcardillo.comor follow him on Facebook or Twitter @DrMindFitness.

Self-Care

Ask Stacy: Holiday Bliss Is Easy to Miss

Happiness is something we all search for and that we each deserve in our lives. However, obstacles inevitably get in the way, whether that means negative people, current or past circumstances we can’t control, bad luck—even our own self-destructive patterns. I have developed this column to helpLive Happyreaders overcome these stumbling blocks. As the new year approaches, are you feeling stressed out? Send your happiness questions toaskstacy@livehappy.com. Dear Stacy, I am a hairdresser and I love my job, but I can’t stand listening to people who have no money talk about how they spend it all on holiday gifts. Yesterday, my client told me that she has been struggling, and yet she is buying the new $1,000 iPhone 10 for her husband. What can I do or say to these people who are making choices that are financially wrong? I hear stories like this every work day. —Bonnie Dear Bonnie, I have great admiration for your care and compassion for your clients and their financial well-being. Many people in the service industry do not invest as much in the people they work with. While I understand your concern about your client buying an expensive cellular device, it is not our place to tell other people how to spend their money. In addition, while she might share her financial woes with you, you have no way to be certain how she prioritizes her spending or whether this will, in fact, make a big impact on her financial situation. In my many years as a psychotherapist, I have encountered several clients who have expensive phones, cars, vacations, etc., and yet are willing to sacrifice in other areas of their lives, including a suitable place to live or a balanced and complete meal. While it is sometimes challenging to watch, it is important we know our role in a person’s life and to understand that, ultimately, they have control over their decisions. If you really feel compelled to have a conversation, the only thing I think would be appropriate is to let her know that you know that she’s making an expensive purchase and that you hope it does not negatively impact her finances. Dear Stacy, Whether at Thanksgiving, Easter or Christmas, our holiday dinner table is always filled with tense conversation. I am anticipating that the current national and political climate will make the next holidays even worse. At Easter last spring, the arguing grew so intense that I brought out an antique bell and started ringing it loudly, to little avail. I simply want some holiday peace. Would you come to our dinners, Stacy, to mediate, or do I need to hire a referee? Thank you in advance, and please do not use my real name because my sister reads Livehappy.com, too. Many thanks. —Frustrated Frances Dear Frances, Sadly, what you have described at your holiday dinner table is something that happens to many of us—particularly when there is turmoil within our families, our community and our country. I think ringing an antique bell was a brilliant idea! Particularly if it added some lightness and fun to the conversation. In times of stress, I always recommend people try to break the tension with a little humor. Being that your bell did not work the last time, I have a few other suggestions: Invite additional guests to dinner to serve as buffers. Often if guests are present who are not close family members, your relatives will be on better behavior. Additionally, extra people might open up more areas of conversation so the unpleasant topics can be avoided. Create ground rules before everyone arrives. Let guests know that they have political, environmental and situational differences and that topics that create conflict are not allowed at the dinner table. If these controversial topics are then brought up, remind them of the table rules and ask them to finish the conversations after the meal. Have a dinner activity prepared should the conversation get heated. Go around the table and have people say what they are thankful for, or their wishes for the coming year or have everyone share a funny story about a family member who is sitting at the table. Dear Stacy, My name is Donna and I am 58 years old. I have made family photo holiday cards since my children were born; they are now in their 20s. This year they will not have any part of it. I start planning in October for these cards because I like us to wear themed clothing and hire a photographer. This year they have all said they are done with my cards. I figured I would have at least until they had families of their own. I am devastated, Stacy. They each told me this in an email, and they have no idea that I started crying when I got this bad news. I have been doing these cards for more than 20 years! I don’t know if the problem can be resolved, but I saw your advice column and I thought maybe it was destiny since the refusals to domy card arrived this week. —Donna Dear Donna, I absolutely love that you have had a family tradition of making photo holiday cards since your children were born! I can see how much meaning these cards must have for you, and I understand why you were so upset when your children told you they were no longer interested. Perhaps you can convince your family to do one final card just for this year? It might be a good compromise that allows you one final hurrah and also addresses the fact that they feel they are ready to move on from this activity. If your kids are not willing to bend, or if you still feel sad about stopping the cards next year, I encourage you to create a new family holiday tradition that makes you and the rest of your family feel happy and fulfilled. Perhaps start a potluck dinner where everyone brings a favorite dish even if they all end up being desserts. Or take lots of family photos wearing silly or festive hats and glasses while at a holiday meal. Ask your family members what they would be willing to try that could be fun for both them and you. Maybe you will even come up with a few new holiday traditions that will be passed on for generations! Read more: Ask Stacy: Expert Tips for a Happy Life Stacy Kaiseris a Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is the author ofHow to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know,and editor at large forLive Happy. As a former weekly advice columnist forUSA Todaywith more than 100 appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.

Self-Care

8 Expert Tips for Better, More Restful Sleep

Imagine your health is a triangle, and nutrition, exercise and sleep represent the three sides. Until recently, sleep had not received the same kind of serious attention as nutrition and physical fitness. However, it is just as important to your health, according to new research. Routinely sleeping less than six or seven hours per night can have serious consequences on your health, says Matthew Walker, Ph.D. He is a sleep scientist and the Director of the Center for Human Sleep Science at the University of California, Berkeley. In his new book, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, he writes that sleep deficiency is associated with a compromised immune system, greater risk of cancer, problems with concentration and memory, and possible shortened life spans. Matthew recommends eight hours sleep a night and is actually lobbying doctors to prescribe sleep. (Sleep, not sleeping pills.) While some people may cut short their sleep on purpose to gain more waking hours, many others long for a solid eight hours of rest, but have trouble getting or staying asleep. According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, approximately $63 billion is lost each year due to insomnia; it has become a national crisis. For many of us, active, stressed-out brains—our monkey minds—keep us in overdrive. How can we make our racing minds relax so we can get that badly needed sleep? “Count backwards from 300 by 3s,” says Dr. Michael Breus, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, sleep expert and author known as “The Sleep Doctor.” “It is mathematically so complicated you can’t think of anything else, and it is so boring you are out like a light.” Stress and anxiety are the big culprits for making us toss, turn and lose our ability to will ourselves back to sleep. Both cause physical tension in the body, Michael explains, and they also cause the body to release hormones such as adrenaline, cortisol and norepinephrine, which boost energy and alertness and raise heart rate and blood pressure, priming the body for fight or flight. Fortunately, several approaches have proven effective to help you get back to sleep. Tips From Matthew Walker: 1. Get out of bed. If you are having trouble falling asleep for more than 15 minutes, he suggests getting out of bed so your brain doesn’t associate that as the place where you don’t sleep. He recommends going to a dim room to read a book—no digital devices, no screens. When you get sleepy again, go back to bed. 2. Meditate. Scientific data supports meditation as a powerful tool for falling asleep and getting back to sleep. Meditation can be as simple as paying attention to your breathing. 3. Keep it cool. Sleep in a cool room if you can; a temperature of around 68 degrees is ideal. Visit Matthew's website to learn more about the importance of sleep, and how to get more of it. Tips From Michael Breus: 4. Realize that how you spend your day impacts your night. Think of consistent attention to relaxation as a round-the-clock investment in your nightly sleep. Are you drinking excessive caffeine in the afternoon? Watching a scary movie right before bed? Expect to see an affect on your sleep. 5. Use self-directed phrases that promote relaxation. Quietly or silently repeat words or phrases such as “I feel supremely calm” that cultivate sensations of warmth and heaviness in different regions of the body. 6. Try 4-7-8 breathing. Inhale for four seconds, hold breath for seven seconds, exhale slowly for eight seconds. Repeat several times. “A long slow exhale has a meditative quality to it that is inherently relaxing,” he says. 7. Use visual imagery. Imagine yourself on a restful journey—such as floating peacefully in a calm ocean, being rocked by gentle waves and caressed by a warm breeze. This can help separate you from a stressful day. 8. Try progressive relaxation. Working with one area of the body at a time, tense and then relax each muscle group from your toes to the top of your head. As you do this, be aware of what your body feels like when it is relaxed. Visit Michael's website to find more advice for getting to sleep, articles, apps and more. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner of themediaconcierge.net.

Self-Care

7 Ways to Help When Someone You Love Is Depressed

You probably know someone who is unhappy or struggles with anxiety or depression. When someone close to you—a spouse, a family member or best friend—is suffering, it can be painful. You want to help, but you may not know how. Maintaining your own happiness can become a challenge, as well. We turned to the experts for advice on how to navigate this difficult emotional terrain. First, identify if the problem is clinical and requires professional treatment, or situational (job loss, divorce, loss of a parent), and if it is short- or long-term. In all circumstances, experts advise not to take ownership of the problem by saying, “I know how you feel.” Instead, you might say that you cannot fully understand their pain because they are the ones experiencing it. Let a loved one know you are there for them, that you care, and that he or she is important to you. Offer empathetic words such as, “I am sorry you are suffering.” If you think your loved one needs professional help: Recognize that you can only offer the support of your presence and assure them repeatedly that you are there for them. Suggest that the person talk to a professional. Although the situation is painful for you, sometimes people don’t want to get better or cannot be helped. Acceptance may be your only choice. If the unhappiness is situational and short-term, you can: Be there for them and reassure them, and this may be enough. Most people do not want to be unhappy and will mourn and move on. They will actively seek to help themselves by talking, exercising and finding other things to focus on. Make suggestions you think might help or just offer support to ride out the pain with them. 1. Be present. If you determine the cause is short-term or your loved one can be helped, give the gift of your time and presence, listening, supporting and being there. “If it’s a spouse, gently probe,” advises Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W., and clinical psychotherapist and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. “I notice you don't quite seem yourself lately...has anything happened to upset you?” And then offer supportive words: “I love you. I'm here, and I care. Please tell me.” Men tend to go inward to protect their spouse from pain in their life, and shut down rather than say, “I hurt or my friend died...or I'm upset with myself about my finances,” Pat explains. She recommends a “help first” approach. “Let go only after repeated attempts at listening, and then announce that you are letting go so they don't feel abandoned. Tell your spouse you will reengage when they open up,” she says. 2. Listen. If you can facilitate a conversation, let the other person have the floor. “Many times depression is anger turned inward. Let your loved one get those feelings out, help them get the feelings out and that will help tremendously,” Pat says. 3. Realize unhappiness can lead to positive change. Suffering, as hard as it is to witness, can lead to growth. Sometimes people have to hit bottom to begin to rise. 4. Vent to friends. It’s difficult to feel powerless in the face of a loved one’s unhappiness. “Go about your life and reach out to other friends,” Pat recommends. “Don’t be a martyr. Express your frustration, anger and concern. That expression keeps your feelings flowing.” 5. Set boundaries. Although your intentions may be noble, emotional enmeshment isn’t healthy. “You have to claim responsibility for the happiness you can create,” says Pat. “That happiness is inside you. You can invite others to be happy but it's up to them if they accept. That's the boundary between personal responsibility and over-giving.” 6. Protect yourself. Realize that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own happiness and no matter how much you love someone, you are never responsible for someone else’s emotions. If you determine someone you love is not willing or able to move on, realize the situation can be damaging to you and take steps to protect yourself. You don’t have to take a loved one’s problems on as your own. Give yourself space to protect your own mental health and don’t become immersed in your loved one’s unhappy feelings. 7. Don't neglect your own happiness. Working on your own happiness isn’t selfish—even when someone you love is unhappy. Your happiness shows others what is possible. Expressing your joy can result in emotional contagion—where your happiness begins to rub off on those around you. No one wants to see someone they love suffer, and we have a natural inclination to want to help. If someone you love doesn’t bounce back after a loss or difficult time, and only seems to get worse, try to keep listening and stay positive while encouraging them to seek professional help. Give yourself permission to be happy and realize your happiness can encourage others to find their own. Read more: Combat Anxiety and Depression With These Tools Read More: Teen Angst or Teen Anguish? Deliver a Message of Empowerment A Hug To You Hug Ring Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner of themediaconcierge.net.

Self-Care

Ask Stacy: Expert Tips for a Happy Life

Happiness is something we all search for and that we each deserve in our lives. However, obstacles inevitably get in the way, whether that means negative people, current or past circumstances we can’t control, bad luck—even our own self-destructive patterns. I have developed this Ask Stacy column to help Live Happy readers overcome these stumbling blocks. As the holiday season approaches, are you already feeling stressed out? Send your happiness questions to askstacy@livehappy.com. Dear Stacy, I wonder what you think would be the best plan for a happy life for someone who has everything he needs but at times still feels dissatisfied? —Tony Dear Tony, You do not specify what you mean by having everything you need, but that often implies that a person has many or all the basic requirements but lacks what I call life’s “happiness enhancements.” Happiness enhancements are not necessities, but they are, nonetheless, important to our emotional and/or psychological well-being. Perhaps you like to sit in nature and take in its beauty or you enjoy eating a piece of lasagna with extra cheese or you find fulfillment in spending time with an old friend and sharing memories. Make a concentrated effort to infuse your life with these types of experiences. I would also recommend that you place more focus on what you are passionate about. Passion is one of the greatest forces that fills us with both energy and greater happiness. We tend to get stuck in habits and routines and lose sight of what we were once passionate about. Spend time investing in your interests, or look for new hobbies and interests that will elevate your future experiences. Giving back is another wonderful way to enhance your well-being. Helping those who are less fortunate improves your life as well as the lives of those you are giving to. Giving back has some side benefits, too: You meet new people you enjoy being around and who share your values. Dear Stacy, I am in love at the age of 70, but I can’t seem to let go of my feelings of self-doubt and inferiority. I fear I am slowly destroying my last chance at happiness, and I can’t stop myself. What is going on? —Barbara Dear Barbara, In reading your letter, I found that it was one filled with both happy and sad news. On a positive note, you have been lucky to find love! On a disappointing note, you seem to be getting in your own way of enjoying and appreciating it. Many of us have trouble focusing on and enjoying the happy times because we tend to overthink and worry. You are so busy questioning yourself and thinking about the worst-case scenario that you are not able to be in the moment and be grateful for what you have. You say you “can’t stop” yourself. We do not always have power over things in our lives, but one thing we do have power over is our own behavior. Sometimes we just need a little guidance or support to make it happen. I recommend that you focus on your partner’s positive feelings about you instead of your negative ones. If your partner thinks you have a wonderful personality, accept that as fact and bask in the glow. Try focusing on your positive attributes and the good elements of your life, and push aside the negativity. Find comfort in accepting that someone else has found you to be lovable and worthy. Dear Stacy, Do you have any suggestions for trying to calm the mind to meditate or sleep easier? —Deb Dear Deb, Feeling rested and getting the appropriate amount of sleep are vital to overall happiness, and I am so glad you asked this question. Here are a few practices that should help: 1. One to two hours before going to bed, begin to wind down. Do not pay bills, think of stresses of the day, plan for tomorrow, etc. This should be a time for relaxation for both your mind and body. Watch an enjoyable television show, take a bath, sit in front of a fire and read calming books. 2. Develop a bedtime ritual to slow your activity levels. Wash your face, put on favorite pajamas, snuggle with your significant other. As you are engaging in these rituals, think restful and peaceful thoughts. 3. Once you climb into bed and turn off the light, try to stay in the present. Tell your brain that you are not going to think about tomorrow until you get there. Then do your best to just rest, listen to your breathing, meditate and relax. This may take some practice. 4. Keep your bed a screen-free happiness zone. No arguments or toxic conversations should be allowed while you are in bed, whether they are in person or via telephone or text. Read more articles with great advice from Stacy Kaiser here. Stacy Kaiser is a Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and editor at large for Live Happy. As a former weekly advice columnist for USA Today with more than 100 appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.

Self-Care

Never Stop Learning

As part of our special bimonthly series on Character Strengths, we are posting articles that highlight the 24 strengths (your best innermost qualities) outlined by the VIA Institute on Character and discussing how to better apply them in your everyday life. To take the free survey and find our your own top strengths, click here. A Zen teacher once said, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few.” Lifelong learners take this fresh mindset of seeing things as “new”—like a beginner—and view everything as a series of opened doors to delight in new learning. If you are high in this character strength, then you see your problems and life stress as opportunities—ways you can grow and gain new perspective—rather than feeling squashed or hindered by them. And, research shows love of learning is also linked with healthy and productive aging and the ability to seek and accept challenges. It helps us have a greater sense that more is possible! In my strengths workshops, I often teach people like Sandy, who subscribes to the school of life philosophy. Despite having a college degree, Sandy attends as many courses and certifications in positive psychology that she can. It’s as if she is collecting courses that might help her along her career path. Sandy is systematically building up her knowledge, using her passion for learning as the driver. This makes her a more knowledgeable and prepared employee and offers her an abundance of coping and personal development tools to enhance her own life along the way. How might you boost your love of learning? Try these strategies: 1. COMBINE YOUR STRENGTHS Research shows that your strength of curiosity is particularly important for building your love of learning. Ask yourself: What topics am I most interested in? What subjects do I feel a sense of passion for? 2. USE THE WEB TO YOUR LEARNING ADVANTAGE Two pathways to consider: Select a topic you are curious about. Read and explore 10 websites on the topic. Search for a MOOC (massive open online course)—these are free classes on just about any topic and offered by some of the most prestigious universities in the world. Try one course to build your knowledge. 3. ATTEND TO THE FIZZLE What interest areas have you allowed to fizzle in your life? Maybe you used to love painting or drawing? Perhaps you started learning tennis but didn’t have time to keep it up? Give yourself time to dig back into the learning you once started. Read more about character strengths: 3 Ways to Find the Funny in Everyday Life and Appreciate the Beauty All Around You RYAN M. NIEMIEC, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist, certified coach, author and Education Director of the VIA Institute on Character, in Cincinnati, Ohio. His latest book, Character Strengths Interventions: A Field Guide for Practitioners, was released earlier this year. For more, visit viacharacter.org.

Spiritual illustration of woman mediating

Self-Care

Are You in Touch With Your Spiritual Side?

As part of our special series on Character Strengths, we are posting articles that highlight the 24 strengths (your best innermost qualities) outlined by the VIA Institute on Character, and discussing how to better apply them in your everyday life. To take the free survey and find your own top strengths, click here. The strength of spirituality involves our capacity to dig deep and find the greater meaning in life, to align ourselves with a purpose that extends beyond ourselves and to find unity with something greater such as nature, God or the transcendent. When looked at broadly and with an open mind, this strength applies to all of us—the fervently religious, the atheist seeking meaning, the agnostic questioning life’s grand scheme and the ever-increasing group of the unaffiliated who view themselves as spiritual but not religious. Research shows that spirituality is one of the character strengths most associated with a meaningful life. It is linked to greater compassion, altruism, volunteerism and philanthropy, all of which help make the world a better place. Want to tap into your strength of spirituality? Here is a research-based list of activities to get you moving in that direction: 1. Build purpose: Become proactive in your community by taking on one new volunteer position. 2. Learn from spiritual models: Name a spiritual role model—someone in your life (or the public eye) who is an exemplar of goodness. Reflect on that person’s best quality and how you might take steps toward embodying that quality. 3. Make an object spiritual: Spend a few minutes each day with a special or cherished object (e.g., a photograph, a statue, a symbolic piece of jewelry). View it quietly in a purposeful way—seeing it as holy and precious. 4. Pursue a virtue: Choose a virtuous quality you want to build up in your life (see VIA's 24 Character Strengths to help you select one). Practice using the virtue in a new way each day. 5. Take the deathbed test: Find meaning by exploring this provocative test. Imagine you are lying on your deathbed and are to finish this sentence: “I wish I had spent more time ____.” What would you say? How might you use your character strengths to help you live up to your values? Read more: Find the Funny in Everyday Life Read more: Appreciate the Beauty All Around You RYAN M. NIEMIEC, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist, certified coach, author and Education Director of the VIA Institute on Character, in Cincinnati, Ohio. His latest book, Character Strengths Interventions: A Field-Guide for Practitioners, was released early this year. For more, visit viacharacter.org.

Self-Care

Finding Faith in La La Land

Journalist Ken Baker recently departed from his usual beat, chronicling the latest celebrity escapades for E! News, to embark on a deeper quest. After two decades as a Hollywood reporter, he was experiencing “existential anxiety.” Plagued by panic attacks and tormented by thoughts that he would one day die, as would his wife and two children, “I was distracted, unsettled, sad all the time,” he says. “I realized that to become a happier, healthier, more balanced person, I needed to rediscover and define my spiritual faith, practices and values.” Ken, who also founded the Mindful Writing Center, an online writing academy, recounts that journey in his new book The Ken Commandments: My Search for God in Hollywood. Raised Catholic in Buffalo, New York, he begins his hunt for holiness by returning to his early faith. He takes Bible study classes with a preacher who tends to a flock of young Hollywood stars like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, and glimpses Gwen Stefani at services. He sits beside the Kardashians on Easter Sunday at a church that Kris Jenner helped launch. He would go on to discuss atheism with Adam Corolla, have a disquieting visit to Scientology’s Celebrity Centre and what he describes as a “profound experience” with a young psychic who “was able to reveal to me knowledge about myself that was so deep I had forgotten about and had never written or shared.” In the end, it was the meditation practice that Ken began under the tutelage of Deepak Chopra that brought him out of his funk. “It’s not an overstatement to say meditation saved my life, or at least saved the quality of my life,” he says. Today, Ken meditates daily, beginning each 20-minute practice with four questions: Who am I? What do I most desire? What am I grateful for? What is my dharma, or purpose, in life? He also tries to be more mindful throughout the day, less reactive about, say, E! not assigning him the big Miley Cyrus interview. “Old Ken would get caught up in ego. Why didn’t I get it? I’m the best interviewer,” he says. Now he realizes that “comparison is the thief of joy, and there’s nothing to gain from becoming so attached to something that’s outside my control.” Listen to our podcast: The Ken Commandments With Ken Baker Shelley Levitt is a freelance journalist based in Los Angeles and editor at large for Live Happy. Her work has appeared in Real Simple, People, SUCCESS and more.

Self-Care

Surviving Breast Cancer, Cynicism Intact

I never planned to write about breast cancer—partly because I told myself it wasn’t that big of a deal, but mostly I didn’t want to be a pink-ribboned poster girl for the disease, trotting out my story and cheapening it with every retelling. Buck up and deal with it, I told myself. Get the surgery. Take the chemo. What else was I going to do? If I wanted to live to see my 11-month-old son grow out of his baby bed, and watch my 3-year-old daughter start kindergarten, my path was clear. Whatever pain I might have after surgery, however sick I felt after chemo, I would get through it. Reality Bites I recently heard an interview with a veteran Marine who talked about a motto that’s often used in the military: Embrace the suck. I’m not in the military, but I know what she was talking about. Hearing this phrase was the first time I had words to nail down exactly how I got through breast cancer. Deep down inside, I knew this wasn’t the flu. The fact is, women die from breast cancer every single day—even in 2017. Doctors staged my cancer at 2b. Had it been stage 4, the statistics say I probably wouldn’t be here writing about it. So I embraced the suck, because it did suck, and there was no use pretending otherwise. I couldn’t Pollyanna my way through it. I had no other options beyond accepting my reality and reacting to each minute as it unfolded. If anything could be construed as “positivity,” I suppose it was my acceptance of the situation. For the 33 years until my diagnosis, I’d been living in a universe where everything just worked out. Then I blinked. And when I opened my eyes, I realized that I’d actually been in a parallel universe my whole life. One where I had a BRCA2 gene mutation that meant when some cells in my right breast started growing out of control, this mutated gene couldn’t go in and stop the nonsense like a healthy BRCA2 gene would do. When I accepted this universe, life with cancer was manageable. It was a kind of suck that I had to embrace. Finding the Goodness For example, I embraced the distressing news from my aunt Margie, who told me that my grandmother wasn’t the only one in our family who’d had breast cancer. My grandmother’s sister had died of breast cancer at age 35. Had Margie not told me this, I never would’ve started doing self-exams in the shower. (Lesson: Know your family history and check your breasts.) I embraced the fact that it was our neighbor and friend Miss Beth who had to read The Monster at the End of This Book to my curly haired daughter when I couldn’t. My husband and I embraced Miss Beth’s husband, Mike, when he brought his homemade, Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes to our kids one Saturday morning. I embraced my mother for staying with me when, after my nine-hour bilateral mastectomy, my plastic surgeon had to wheel me back into the operating room to take care of a hematoma that had developed. I can’t imagine what a mother feels like after everyone else goes home for the night, and her daughter has to go back into surgery. I embraced my stepmother for doing my family’s laundry, and my dad for being a good sport and dancing when my daughter commanded him to, and for helping my husband get two tiny kids out of the bathtub because I couldn’t. I embraced TLC for creating the reality show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding so that I had something to binge-watch while trying to ignore the nausea from chemo. I embraced my husband for his humor, and his guidance in helping me choose the right implants for my reconstruction. And for going with me to every single infusion, even though I told him he didn’t have to. I embraced my co-workers who taped three-dozen tiny pink ribbons on the walls of our conference room—and left them there until I was done with my treatments. Looking for Silver Linings I embraced modern medicine. Despite the nausea and utter disgust I felt after each round of chemo, I still thanked God that these medications (and some pretty powerful antiemetics) exist. I embraced the fact that, early in my diagnosis, we learned that a gene mutation runs on my mother’s side of the family. This explained my great-aunt’s premature death, and the fact that my own grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer not just once, but twice. Knowing this mutation runs in our family taught us all to be more proactive in taking care of our health. And today I embrace the fact that I can sit here and write about cancer. Because you know what? It was a big deal. And because not everyone’s fortunate enough to live through it. And because writing about my own unique perspective—one where the patient doesn’t wear a pink tutu in the O.R. or hang gaudy pink metallic wreaths on her door but instead finds her own begrudging path through this thing—might be helpful after all. Maybe as much for me as for anyone reading this. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. To learn more go to the National Breast Cancer Awareness website. Melanie Medina is a breast cancer survivor and freelance writer who loves dog breeds that end with "doodle."

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