Self-Care | Live Happy

Satisfaction with Life Scale

To understand life satisfaction scores, it is helpful to understand some of the components that go into most people’s experience of satisfaction. One of the most important influences on happiness is social relationships. People who score high on life satisfaction tend to have close and supportive family and friends, whereas those who do not have close friends and family are more likely to be dissatisfied. Of course the loss of a close friends of family member can cause dissatisfaction with life, and it may take quite a time for the person to bounce back from the loss.Another factor that influences the life satisfaction of most people is work or school, or performance is an important role such as homemaker or grandparent. When the person enjoys his or her work, whether it is paid or unpaid work, and feels that it is meaningful and important, this contributes to life satisfaction. When work is going poorly because of bad circumstances or a poor fit with the person’s strengths, this can lower life satisfaction. When a person has important goals, and is failing to make adequate progress toward them, this too can lead to life dissatisfaction.A third factor that influences the life satisfaction of most people is personal—satisfaction with the self, religious or spiritual life, learning and growth, and leisure. For many people these are sources of satisfaction. However, when these sources of personal worth are frustrated, they can be powerful sources of dissatisfaction. Of course there are additional sources of satisfaction and dissatisfaction—some that are common to most people such as health, and others that are unique to each individual. Most people know the factors that lead to their satisfaction or dissatisfaction, although a person’s temperament—a general tendency to be happy or unhappy—can color their responses.There is no one key to life satisfaction, but rather a recipe that includes a number of ingredients. With time and persistent work, people’s life satisfaction usually goes up when they are dissatisfied. People who have had a loss recover over time. People who have a dissatisfying relationship or work often make changes over time that will increase their dissatisfaction. One key ingredient to happiness, as mentioned above, is social relationships, and another key ingredient is to have important goals that derive from one’s values, and to make progress toward those goals. For many people it is important to feel a connection to something larger than oneself. When a person tends to be chronically dissatisfied, they should look within themselves and ask whether they need to develop more positive attitudes to life and the world. In most ways, my life is close to ideal. Strongly Agree Agree Slightly Agree Neither Agree or Disagree Slightly Disagree Disagree Strongly Disagree The conditions of my life are excellent. Strongly Agree Agree Slightly Agree Neither Agree or Disagree Slightly Disagree Disagree Strongly Disagree I am satisfied with my life. Strongly Agree Agree Slightly Agree Neither Agree or Disagree Slightly Disagree Disagree Strongly Disagree So far I have gotten the important things I want in life. Strongly Agree Agree Slightly Agree Neither Agree or Disagree Slightly Disagree Disagree Strongly Disagree If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. Strongly Agree Agree Slightly Agree Neither Agree or Disagree Slightly Disagree Disagree Strongly Disagree Your Score 30 – 35: Very high score, highly satisfied Respondents who score in this range love their lives and feel that things are going very well. Their lives are not perfect, but they feel that things are about as good as lives get. Furthermore, just because the person is satisfied does not mean she or he is complacent. In fact, growth and challenge might be part of the reason the respondent is satisfied. For most people in this high-scoring range, life is enjoyable, and the major domains of life are going well—work or school, family, friends, leisure and personal development.25 – 29: High scoreIndividuals who score in this range like their lives and feel that things are going well. Of course their lives are not perfect, but they fell that things are mostly good. Furthermore, just because the person is satisfied does not mean she or he is complacent. In fact, growth and challenge might be part of the reason the respondent is satisfied. For most people in this high-scoring range, life is enjoyable, and the major domains of life are going well—work or school, family, friends, leisure and personal development. The person may draw motivation from the areas of dissatisfaction.20 – 24: Average scoreThe average of life satisfaction in economically developed nations is in this range—the majority of people are generally satisfied, but have some areas where they very much would like some improvement. Some individuals score in this range because they are mostly satisfied with most areas of their lives but they see the need for some improvement in each area. Other respondents score in this range because they are satisfied with most domains of their lives, but have one or two areas where they would like to see large improvements. A person scoring in this range is normal in that they have areas of their lives that need improvement. However, an individual in this range would usually like to move to a higher level by making some life changes.15 – 19: Slightly below average in life satisfactionPeople who score in this range usually have small but significant problems in several areas of their lives, or have many areas that are doing fine but one area that represents a substantial problem for them. If a person has moved temporarily into this level of life satisfaction from a higher level because of some recent event, things will usually improve over time and satisfaction will generally move back up. On the other hand, if a person is chronically slightly dissatisfied with many areas of life, some changes might be in order. Sometimes the person is simply expecting too much, and sometimes life changes are needed. Thus, although temporary dissatisfaction is common and normal, a chronic level of dissatisfaction across a number of areas of life calls for reflection. Some people can gain motivation from a small level dissatisfaction, but often dissatisfaction across a number of life domains is a distraction, and unpleasant as well.10 – 14: DissatisfiedPeople who score in this range are substantially dissatisfied with their lives. People in this range may have a number of domains that are not going well, or one or two domains that are doing very badly. If life dissatisfaction is a response to a recent event such as bereavement, divorce, or a significant problem at work, the person will probably return over time to his or her former level of higher satisfaction. However, if low levels of life satisfaction have been chronic for the person, some changes are in order—both in attitudes and patterns of thinking, and probably in life activities as well. Low levels of life satisfaction in this range, if they persist, can indicate that things are going badly and life alterations are needed. Furthermore, a person with low life satisfaction in this range is sometimes not functioning well because their unhappiness serves as a distraction. Talking to a friend, member of the clergy, counselor, or other specialist can often help the person get moving in the right direction, although positive change will be up to the person.5 – 9: Extremely DissatisfiedIndividuals who score in this range are usually extremely unhappy with their current life. In some cases this is in reaction to some recent bad event such as widowhood or unemployment. In other cases, it is a response to a chronic problem such as alcoholism or addiction. In yet other cases the extreme dissatisfaction is a reaction due to something bad in life such as recently having lost a loved one. However, dissatisfaction at this level is often due to dissatisfaction in multiple areas of life. Whatever the reason for the low level of life satisfaction, it may be that the help of others are needed—a friend or family member, counseling with a member of the clergy, or help from a psychologist or other counselor. If the dissatisfaction is chronic, the person needs to change, and often others can help.

Self-Care

A Heartwarming Lesson in Gratitude

Recently I had the privilege of attending a charity event for a local organization. It was an evening I was looking forward to. Little did I know that I would be walking away with a heartwarming lesson in gratitude. At the event one of the fundraising activities was a raffle drawing in which the winning ticket holders would receive a $25 gift card to Best Buy. The raffle tickets were $5 each and there were 20 gift cards being given away.After I placed my raffle tickets into the drawing box a fifty-something man slowly walked up to the box and deposited nearly two dozen tickets. A little boy around the age of 6 shuffled up to the box next. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one crumpled ticket. As he tentatively dropped his ticket into the box the boy turned to me and shared that he had raked leaves for hours in his neighborhood to earn the money to buy that one ticket. He explained that he desperately wanted the gift card to buy a video game that his parents said he had to pay for himself. The man and I glanced at one another, smiled and wished the boy good luck. I secretly hoped that the little boy would win.Toward the end of the evening the host announced that it was time to draw the tickets for the lucky winners. Out of the hundreds of people in the room it was easy to spot the little boy sitting in a chair, nervously kicking his feet back and forth, waiting for the raffle to begin. I didn’t win, and neither did he.As both a parent and a therapist, I felt compelled to encourage the boy to keep working toward earning enough money to get that video game. One disappointment didn’t mean he could never have what he wanted. I chuckled to myself, because I just can’t help myself—I’m forever trying to show people “the life lesson” and find “teachable moments” in a situation, and there I was, at it again!Just as I approached him, the fifty-something man walked up and handed the boy two gift cards. He had won and chose to share his winnings with this hard-working little kid. Wow. After the two of them parted ways I went to speak to the man. I felt compelled to tell him how impressed and grateful I was that he made such a kind and generous gesture. After I gushed over him for a moment he said, “I did nothing special. I am grateful that I won and have learned to pass along a piece of anything wonderful that I receive to someone else so that they can also have something to be grateful for. I like to make people feel good.”Remember I told you a little earlier in my story that I can’t help but show people life lessons and teachable moments? Well this life-lecturer learned a few life lessons herself! I realized that gratitude and generosity of spirit are contagious—that even a small gesture can have a big impact on others.Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. With more than 100 television appearances on major networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS and FOX, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics. You can learn more about Stacy on her website.

Skills

My Go-to Happiness Tools

1. Do a shower power meditation. Take a shower and multitask washing away your stress and anxiety. Concentrate on the feel of the water upon your skin. Envision the power of the shower washing away your negative thoughts! Whoosh! Envision fear, regret, and anger soaping off you and swirling down the drain. 2. Send the universe some “muah!” Gratitude is often the antidote to depression. And that’s a researched fact. A study done by the University of California showed that when people took time each day to think about five things that made them happy, they increased their overall joy and improved some health issues as well. With this in mind, send five “muahs!” to the universe. Literally. Think up something you’re grateful about, then pucker up and blow the universe a kiss! Then do it again! Appreciate. Blow a kiss. Repeat. Appreciate. Blow a kiss. Repeat. 3. Juice up your spirit. I love how I feel when I’m drinking fresh-pressed juices on a regular basis. They increase my energy—and help me to feel healthier and happier! (Oh, and younger too, thanks to those awesome antioxidants they provide!) 4. Sniff your way to a happier mood. Studies from the University of Miami School of Medicine report that lavender is a major olfactory happiness tool—shown to improve mood, soothe anxiety, and even help to reduce some physical pains. If you don’t have lavender around your home, grab a bottle of vanilla extract from your kitchen cabinet. This yummy scent is also considered a powerful aromatherapy happiness booster. Added Bonus: Studies also show the scent of vanilla arouses men, so considered yourself forewarned! 5. Get lit. Studies show that sitting in dark rooms can lead to darker thoughts and that, alternatively, spending time in bright light (from being outside in the sun or inside in very well-lit rooms) can create happier brain chemistry. With this in mind, the Princeton Theological Seminary recommends something called “happy light bulbs,” which is either 60- or 100-watt daylight bulbs. 6. See problems from a headstand position. Yoga in general is a wonderful practice to keep your mind, body, spirit at their happiest and healthiest. Many yoga passionistas (including celebrity yoga guru and fellow Positively Positive contributor Jennifer Pastiloff) especially recommend doing headstands to release stress. MRI studies even back up a headstand’s mood-boosting benefit—showing how regular headstands literally improve brain function. 7. Get doodle happy. Grab some magic markers and doodle lots of heart icons. Big heart doodles. Small heart doodles. Give some of the heart doodles smiley faces. The silliness of this doodling action combined with the repeated visual stimuli of seeing icons representing love will cheer you up. Extra Feel Good Bonus: Doodle your heart icons on a plain white card and mail it to a friend/loved one with a note expressing your adoration of them 8. Stare at something yellow. Put on a yellow shirt. Buy some yellow flowers. “Yellow can lift your spirits and self-esteem,” says color psychologist Angela Wright. 9. Walk on something green. Being surrounded by nature is good for human nature. Go take a hike, or go for a stroll in the park. 10. Say “ohmmmmm.” Give yourself the gift of five minutes of quiet time, sitting in a comfortable position, humming “ohmmmmmm.” Studies show the sound of this vibrating in your throat relaxes your body—even warming up the skin a bit. 11. Organize your home/office. You’ll wind up cleaning up messy thoughts in the process. It’s a funny thing how the less clutter you have all around you, the more calm your mind becomes. 12. Give yourself a helpful hand. Try some hand reflexology. Massage the chakra points on your palms—right at the base of each thumb. They match up with your adrenal glands, which need a little loving attention when you’re stressed/depressed. Hold one hand in the other, then use the pad of your thumb to gently but firmly massage this zone. 13. Give someone else a helping hand. Studies show that doing acts of altruism and kindness create an instant happy mood boomerang, raising the serotonin in the giver as well as the receiver of these actions of love. Interestingly, studies show that even observing someone else doing something kind can increase one’s own happiness levels. There’s even an expression for this, called “Helper High.” With this “Helper’s High” in mind, feel free to share this list of happiness tools with others—and give yourself an “instant happy” for knowing you might be improving someone’s day!

Smiling Buddha in Grass with Yellow Flowers

Self-Care

The Happiness Trap and How to Avoid It

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about happiness. It’s a subject not many people devote themselves to. Until the advent of “positive psychology” in the last decade, the psyche was largely studied through the window of unhappiness. Psychologists had their hands full treating anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and a host of other maladies the mind is heir to. It was assumed that happiness didn’t need much thought, on the whole. When pollsters asked the simple question “Are you happy?” more than 80 percent of Americans answered “yes.”But there’s a hidden trap behind this cheerful response. The expansion of happiness is the goal of life. However you define success, if it didn’t bring a measure of happiness, success wouldn’t be worth attaining. So what kind of success would make a person truly, deeply and permanently happy? Society pressures us to believe that external achievement is the key. If you attain enough money, status, power and all the other trappings of a burgeoning career, you will experience happiness. To this list, most people would also add the need for fulfilling relationships and a secure family life.The trap is that external success doesn’t lead to happiness. The evidence is well-documented by now. Studies of wealth reveal that, beyond a certain modest prosperity, having more money not only doesn’t buy greater happiness; rather, it tends to make people unhappy. On the broad scale, the traffic in pharmaceuticals for depression and anxiety is a multibillion-dollar business. Divorce rates hover around 50 percent, meaning that anyone’s chances of attaining a happy marriage are no more than random.Standing back from this confusing picture, I began to think of one person who had the courage to test, through his own experience, almost every avenue that might lead to happiness. He came to a definite conclusion, and he did it 2,500 years ago. Born a prince, he was carefully protected from any form of external suffering, yet by the time he grew up, simply the sight of other people’s suffering convinced him that money and privilege were fragile and unreliable. Every person, he reasoned, must confront disease, aging and death. Those threats were enough to undercut the comforts of the most coddled lifestyle.Therefore, he turned to a simpler existence. He left his family and wandered the countryside, begging for alms and depending on the kindness of strangers. He had no worldly obligations and enjoyed the simplicity he had found, yet his mind refused to be tamed. It ran riot with subtle fears and anxieties.So he decided to tame his mind by taming his body, because the body carries out the mind’s rampant desires. Through rigorous discipline, he underwent one kind of purification after another until his body wasted away and he was on the brink of death. Yet his mind refused to be tamed. He crawled back to a normal existence, and as he recuperated, he wondered what path was left to him.By now, you may realize that we are talking about Siddhartha Gautama, the ancient Indian prince who became the Buddha. As a physician myself, I think of him as a kind of soul doctor, someone who was willing to test to the fullest what it means to be alive and conscious. Siddhartha spent year after year in dissatisfaction, searching for one thing: a happiness that cannot be taken away. And year after year that kind of happiness eluded him.Until he attained enlightenment. The awakening of the Buddha is said to have taken place sitting under a tree on a moonlit night. But how can total transformation take place instantly after years of searching? Having found the goal of life—supreme happiness that can never be taken away—the Buddha must be called an ultimate success. I’d like to suggest that what turned Siddhartha into the Buddha is actually quite simple: He discovered his true self.I am not a Buddhist; rather, his story is symbolic of everyone. Happiness is a universal goal, and if the Buddha’s soul experiment was valid, the true self that he found is always available. By “true self,” I mean a level of awareness that is happy without reasons to be happy. It enjoys a permanent state of fulfillment, needing no externals. When you don’t need money, status, power or even other people to love you, those things don’t vanish. They remain valuable as mirrors of your inner fulfillment. Or, to put it simply, the externals that people chase after are the byproducts of happiness, not the cause.That’s where my recent thoughts led me, to the notion that enlightenment is actually the simplest and most basic way to be happy. Siddhartha found that pursuing his true self, as directly as possible, was the route to happiness.As I see it, enlightenment is not only a normal state; it’s the most normal state of existence. It’s also the highest definition of success.Deepak Chopra is a leader in the field of mind-body medicine and the author of numerous books, including the best-sellingAgeless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old.He serves as the director of education for the Chopra Center for Well-Being in California.

Self-Care

Faith-Based Friendships Increase Well-being

People who go to church have higher levels of well-being than those who don’t, according to a Gallup Poll; but a study in the American Sociological Review shows that happiness has more to do with your friendships at your place of worship than your faith. Chaeyoon Lim, a sociology professor at University of Wisconsin-Madison, says “the evidence substantiates that it is not really going to church and listening to sermons or praying that makes people happier, but making church-based friends and building intimate social networks there.” With faith-based friendships, people experience a sense of connectedness and belonging that may improve their sense of well-being. Cultivate your friendships at your church, synagogue or place of worship, and you just may end up more satisfied with your life. Try these reminders: Be the person you want to meet. If you want a friend, be a friend. Your smile and friendly banter can easily lead to new friendships at church. Greet people and introduce yourself to someone new each week. Consider attending your place of worship at the same time weekly so you can see many of the same faces. Recognition more easily leads to new friendships. Ask another person or family out for breakfast or coffee after a service. Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author of The Happiness Projectsays, “Radiate energy and good humor. Because of the phenomenon of ‘emotional contagion,’ people catch the emotions of other people, and they prefer to catch an upbeat, energetic mood.” Don’t just attend services; attend the activities hosted by your congregation. People who attend functions hosted by their church are likely to have similar interests and values, and more open to making new friendships. Events after services are often more casual in nature and more conducive to forging friendships. Get to know the leaders in your church or synagogue. If you attend services at a large congregation, it can be a bit intimidating trying to get to know people in the beginning. If you are new to your church or synagogue, focus on the leadership first—because it’s their job to know everyone, and they can introduce you to other people. Volunteer- Offer to make food for a function, hand out bulletins or welcome newcomers; organize an event or help with community fundraisers; get involved with religious study, youth groups, sporting events or other projects affiliated with your church. As you work alongside others, friendships will naturally evolve. “Rather than trying to figure out what everybody can do for you, start looking for things you can do for somebody else,” says Joel Osteen, pastor of the Lakewood Church whose church sermons are broadcast worldwide. “Make relational deposits wherever you go. Be a giver rather than a taker. Give compliments freely and seek to make every person you meet feel important.” Faith and friendships offer a sense of connectedness that’s tied closely to personal contentment. Friendships with a shared religious connection you can count on for social support provide a sense of security and belonging. As you invest in others and build your community of friendships, you also will be making deposits in your own well-being. SandraBienkowski, owner of The Media Concierge, LLC, is a national writer of wellness and personal development content and a social media expert.

Closeup portrait of a young woman praying

Self-Care

Faith Therapy

Monterrey, Mexico may not be the first place that comes to mind when thinking about happiness. Poverty, corruption, unfulfilling jobs and lack of education are social issues that touch most families there either directly or indirectly. And yet as, Dan Buettner explains in his book Thrive, the people living in this community share an abundance of what he refers to as “happiness assets ” that increase both their longevity and their quality of life.Central to this community’s happiness is the practice of faith. Even if you don’t consider yourself religious, you can benefit by adopting some of their habits.Believe something bigger—and better—than yourself.Many of the world’s religions are based in belief in a god that is omnipotent and omnipresent. “But simply believing in God alone doesn’t guarantee happiness,” writes Buettner. An uplifting faith, one that allows for peace and hope, is what the people in Monterrey seem to share… and it makes a positive difference in their lives.Connect with people who support and encourage you.Their “supercharged faith helps people cope with hardship–even if it just means having someone listen to one’s problems,” Buettner writes. Community has long been linked to longevity. Having people you can trust to share your struggles, and in turn people you support and encourage, is a common trait in all Blue Zones. (A Blue Zone is an area where people live long and especially happy lives.)Faith-based communities are often referred to as families that are linked by the bonds of love and shared belief. They offer a place to turn in times of tragedy and a community with whom to celebrate life’s joys. Knowing you aren’t alone and that other people deeply care for your well-being can give you a healthy, happier outlook on life.Participate in faith-building, stress-relieving activities regularly.Growing up, Sunday mornings weren’t altogether stress-free. My parents took turns hollering for me and my siblings to drag ourselves out of bed. Then there was the prospect of what to wear—nothing ever seemed right. Then came the inevitable fights with my sister in the car on the way to church. We arrived at the building tense and frustrated. Thankfully, all that stress evaporated as soon as the singing started.The fact is worship, meditation, prayer, and turning your mind from self-focused to things of an eternal, spiritual nature all help reduce stress. Research shows that those who meditate regularly have higher levels of activity in the left prefrontal cortex of the brain, “the part of the brain where happiness ‘lives,’” says Buettner. Other research suggests that belonging to a faith-based community can add between four and fourteen years to your life when you meet at least four times a month. A weekly time to rest, pray and focus on family, friends and faith—whether that’s for an entire day or just a few hours—helps you connect with what really matters in life.Be good to yourself.Most spiritual practices of the world offer advice for “good living.” That advice often includes abstaining from behaviors that are considered risky—sexual promiscuity, drug use or excessive drinking for example. You don’t have to be religious to understand how such behaviors could negatively affect your physical health and mental health, or shorten your lifespan. The reality is that those who avoid risky behaviors tend to live longer.However, more important than the list of dos and don’ts that exist in most religions is the underlying belief that each person has innate value and is worthy of respect—including self-respect. That belief shows up in various ways, from practices regarding diet and health to acknowledging that every person has a purpose on this planet. The core message is: This life is a gift, cherish it.Faith connects people in a powerful and unique way. It offers a way to reduce stress and increase peace... and it very well may help you live happier.Erin K. Caseyis a writer, editor and book coach who helps people share their message. She is a Texan living in Ireland, and she loves to talk with people about why faith matters in the real world.

Skills

Simple Pathways to a Happier You

Quick, name three things that make you happy. OK, now when was the last time you enjoyed those three things? Sometimes the secret to a happier you is as simple as asking yourself what makes you happy, and taking a look to see if you are actually doing those things. You could be so busy living you haven’t stopped to reconnect to your sources of happiness. Sound like you? Here are some simple ways to get reacquainted with the happier you.Be grateful all day. It may sound like a tall order, but you can live daily in a state of gratitude; all you have to do is be present. Notice all those tiny things you love about your day each day. Have a little bit of appreciation for that cup of coffee in the a.m., a smile from your child, the music you love on your way to work, or the text from your best friend. It only takes seconds to notice things you love throughout your day, and the reward is great—a smiling you.Go for imbalance. The notion of life balance gets a lot of play, as if someone somewhere is living this perfectly harmonious life where work, family, friends, sleep and play all get equal parts of your time. It’s silly. Toss out the notion of life balance and throw your life purposefully into imbalance so it leans toward the things you value the most. Phew, doesn’t that feel better already?Get your resilience lingo ready. Have a phrase that can snap you out of a funk or a bad mood fast. Maybe it can be as simple as “I’ve got this,” or it could be funny, like “Time to pull up my big girl boots.” Just come up with a quick sentence that resonates with you.Marinate in anticipation. Ever notice how happy you are when you are counting down the days to a fun trip or a vacation? You can be happy like that more often. Actively schedule fun things on your calendar and enjoy the happiness that comes from anticipation. Always peppering your calendar with things to look forward to is a serious mood booster.Get your heart into it. If you want to be happier, exercise. This isn’t a public service message, but real science. Researchers at Penn State University found that exercisers have greater feelings of excitement and enthusiasm. Plus, exercise reduces the stress hormone cortisol, releases those feel good endorphins and increases your energy.Focus on your strengths. Using your strengths makes you feel strong, says author Marcus Buckingham, and that’s a lot more rewarding than the frustration that comes from trying to work on your weaknesses. Notice moments when you feel strong or in your zone (typically it’s when you lose track of time) and find ways to have more of those moments. It’s all about identifying the moments that renew your energy and bring you joy and going after those moments, Buckingham says.Choose one of these strategies today and reintroduce yourself to the happier you.Sandra Bienkowski, owner of The Media Concierge, LLC, is a national writer of wellness and personal development content and a social media expert.

Happy woman in swimming pool wearing sunglasses.

Skills

How to Have a Happy Forecast

Every time someone walks into a room, they bring their own weather.Some people smile at you and you feel warmed just by their attention. Spend time with them and you get a sunnier perspective on the landscape that you are walking together. When you’re with them, you feel stronger to face the challenges.Some people usher in a cold front. You wrap your sweater a little tighter around you to insulate yourself from their chill. Others bring cloudy skies, with a chance of rain. Unpredictable, stormy, or just overcast.Yes, a happy person chooses their own barometric pressure. And you can tell the temperature in their spirit the minute they walk into the office, the book club or the party.Now there are plenty of good reasons why sunny days turn cloudy, but the person who has learned to navigate their own weather welcomes a whole lot of other people to walk with them in the rain. How do they do that? Among other things, they adopt three sheltering attitudes:They consider others. When they walk into the room, a happy person doesn’t think, “Well, here I am. Please love me.” Instead they get their eye on someone in front of them, walk toward them with body language that says, “Well, there you are! I was hoping you’d be here.” They set their own insecurities aside and serve another. In so doing they take the pressure off themselves—to measure up a certain way or out-do someone else. They are free to make someone else feel braver, and not surprisingly, they get there themselves.They know how to share their life. One year for my birthday, I bought myself counseling. It’s funny now, but at the time, I knew I needed to work through some huge hurts and changes in my life and I wanted to spare my girlfriends another lunch talking about the situation. I wanted to share my life with them, but the whole of my life—not just the sad parts. I care about my girlfriends and they care about me and we’ve learned that sharing includes, but is not limited to, “help me get through this.”They say thank you. Gratitude just makes you sunnier. With practice, anyone can see the good that even rain brings. Gratitude sets an altitude for living. When you’re most grateful, you just find it easier to breathe. It’s a curious fact—often the people who have suffered the most are also the most grateful. In their struggle to survive, they see something beautiful and precious that gets missed in routine living. I think they get a glimpse of the blue skies above the clouds.What’s the forecast today? You tell me. We all struggle with insecurities, with heartache, with challenges, but we can also choose our own weather outlook.Makes you wonder, when people see you coming do they grab their umbrella or sunglasses?

"Stickney Brook Yoga 56" by raganmd, on Flickr

Self-Care

Exercise and Happiness: Finding Flow

Do you ever go out jogging and feel completely in a groove? You are in a zone and feel like you could run forever. Or you get so enthralled with your yoga class that your stressful day melts away, time disappears and you are surprised when class is over? While that feeling may not happen as often as you'd like, it's an example of flow, a coin termed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a professor of psychology. Happiness and positive psychology experts believe experiencing flow is tied closely to personal happiness. To experience flow means you are in the middle of an activity or task with complete, intense absorption and you've hit just the right combination of challenge and skill. Flow can refer to any activity (not just exercise) where you are completely engaged and absorbed. Your sense of accomplishment and happiness are enhanced. "A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe." —Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi If you want to experience more moments of flow in your life, Csikszentmihalyi outlines the following eight conditions of flow: Goals are clear. You know what you are trying to accomplish. You have a sense of clarity. You know what you need to do. Feedback is immediate. Results are measurable. You know if you are doing well. A balance between opportunity and capacity. It has to be the right mixture of skill and challenge. If it's too easy, you get bored. Too hard, and anxiety creeps in. Concentration deepens. You are totally absorbed. The present is what matters. No worries about the past or thinking about tomorrow, you are only focused on the task at hand. Control is no problem. You have a sense of control and satisfaction. The sense of time is altered. Time flies! The loss of ego. You are lost in what you are doing, and feel part of something larger. Self-consciousness disappears. What are you doing when you experience flow? What tasks require full involvement and are the right combination of challenge and skill for you? Finding activities and environments conductive to flow can increase your happiness, whether at work, at home or during your workout routine. To help you find flow, follow these tips: Flow happens when you are doing what you really love to do. Flow has a strong correlation with the development of skills and personal growth. Once you have mastered a skill, seek greater challenges to keep you in a state of flow. You are motivated to perform and perform well. Pursue your expertise or specialization, where you can improve your knowledge over time. Don't just pursue an activity to achieve something; enjoy the activity for its own sake. Yoga is an example of flow for many people. In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes, "The similarities between yoga and flow are extremely strong. It makes sense to think of yoga as a thoroughly planned flow activity. Both try to achieve a joyous, self-forgetful involvement through concentration which is made possible by the discipline of the body." So, what's flow for you? When you lose track of time, you will know! "People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy." —Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Chris Freytag has dedicated her adult life to motivating people to lead healthier lives. A contributing editor to Prevention magazine, she's also written two books, Shortcuts to Big Weight Loss, and her latest, 2-Week Total Body Turnaround. She also had appeared on NBC's Today show and MSNBC's Weekend Update.

"time to meditate" by BettyNudler, on Flickr

Well-Being

Want Peace of Mind?

Multitasking — it's the small-business owner's Red Bull. Without it, you feel like you'll never get through all you have to do in a day, right? Well, get this: "The newest research shows that multitasking results in greater stress and lower productivity. That means the more you try to get done at once, the less you get done in practice," says David Dillard-Wright, assistant professor of philosophy at the University of South Carolina Aiken and author of Meditation for Multitaskers. If you're thinking, Research, smesearch. Give me one good reason why I should change the way I work, Dillard-Wright offers this word: "Peace." "I think that we have been conditioned to believe that life must be hectic and unmanageable," he says, "that it's just a dog-eat-dog world and we all have to scramble to survive. That mentality leads to a lower standard of living, measured in quality of life, for everyone." Dillard-Wright says meditation has been shown in a number of peer-reviewed studies to reduce stress and improve health, not to mention focus. And, he says, "far from being impractical or escapist, meditation actually induces a more realistic perception of the world by helping us to see clearly." Meditation can also help you learn to remain calm in bumper-to-bumper traffic. It changes your thought processes, says Dillard-Wright, "getting to the very basis of problems like depression and anxiety. Oftentimes we think that something must be wrong externally with our lives when the real problem lies in false perceptions." To begin, try sitting still for a few minutes and noticing your breathing. Count the breaths or listen to some soothing music. Don't overcomplicate it. Be quiet, and let that be enough. Stress Less > Get relaxation on the go with these apps for meditation and stress reduction Stress Free With Deepak Chopra—Five relaxing soundtracks, including breathing and sleep programs, guided by the meditation master. $1.99 for iPhone/iPad StressPile—A stress tracker that helps you identify where and when you're most vulnerable to a meltdown so you can start to manage repeat offenders. $0.99 for iPhone/iPad Simply Being—Guided voice meditation for 5-20 minutes, plus music or nature sound options. $0.99 for iPhone/iPad/Android Medication Objections > Think you can't meditate? You're not alone. I'm not crossing my legs like that. "Don't get too focused on having the proper techniques," says David Dillard-Wright, author of Meditation for Multitaskers. "Meditation should be the simplest, most intuitive part of your life. There are plenty of good meditation teachers, but practice is the best teacher of all. In the beginning, don't be intimidated and just get started. Silence will teach you everything you need to know." I can't sit still that long. "The ability to sit for longer periods of time comes with practice. Everyone has a set point beyond which continuing to sit brings diminished returns. You will know when you have reached that point when you either fall asleep or want to throw something against the wall. Just like in physical exercise, you develop your meditation 'muscles' with repeated use." My mind never shuts up. "You don't have to master your mind in order to meditate, if mastery means beating it into submission. As thoughts arise you simply dismiss them, like pop-up advertisements." I have about five minutes of spare time. "Meditation is as simple as taking a few deep breaths and developing a receptive attitude toward the world. Rather than imposing your will on reality, you simply pay attention to whatever arises in yourself or in the world."

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