Forever Young

The Anti-Aging Workout

I’ve never been what you’d call a gym rat. But after a medical scare in my early 20s, I splurged on my first health club membership, and began exercising regularly—three to four days on the elliptical, the occasional yoga class, a slow jog in the park. I loved the endorphin buzz and my new muscles, plus I dropped a size or two. Thirty years on, I still exercised regularly, but I wasn’t getting the same results. Everything was starting to hurt—my feet and ankles when I rose out of bed in the morning; my left hip when I walked too long lugging a bag of groceries; my lower back after a day of sitting at my desk. My body was starting to feel old, I was starting to feel old, my walking pace slowing, my willingness to sprint for a bus (or sprint for anything for that matter) wavering. Which is how I found myself in the fitness studio of certified personal trainer Julie Gerrish. Julie, at 48 with two nearly grown kids, has the quads, glutes and arms of a college athlete. As we chatted, I inventoried all the spots on my body that hurt. When I finished, Julie asked me to do a squat while raising my arms above my head. “Your thoracic is really tight,” she said, touching my upper back. “Your hips, too,” she added. “See how your feet and knees angle inward when you go down? That means you need to work on your feet and ankles.” After I performed a series of similarly simple moves (walking a straight line, balancing on one foot), Julie sat me down and gave me the bad news, in the nicest possible way. My workout routine may have been fine when I was in my 20s and 30s, but if I wanted to stave off injury and pain, it was time for a serious reboot. Here are her suggestions for keeping your body supple and strong, whatever your age. Don’t get into a fitness rut. “Even people who exercise make the mistake of doing the same thing, over and over, because it’s easy,” Julie says. As you get older, however, repetitive stress injuries can happen, your body compensates, muscles get tight, and suddenly there are aches and pains that aren’t going away. “People don’t want to hurt themselves more, so they start to do less,” Julie told me. “The trouble is, the less you move, the less blood circulation there is to the problem areas, and the worse those problems become.” In a study that tracked the physical activity of over 24,000 adults ages 39 to 79, one finding was that elderly people who didsomethingeach week were 14 percent less likely to experience a cardiovascular event than folks who were sedentary. In other words, the most important way to stay fit as you get older is to mix up your workout and keep moving, every single day. Do push yourself as hard as possible—for just 30 seconds. As the body ages, metabolism slows and muscle mass declines, even if you continue with your same workout. “Unless you compensate for those natural losses by continuing to challenge yourself, you’ll lose ground,” says Julie. She suggests adding interval training—timed intervals of more vigorous activity—to your usual routine. That might mean cranking up the incline on the elliptical, speed walking to the next telephone pole during a stroll, or using an app to remind you to pick up the pace for 30 seconds, then slow down for 60 seconds, repeating for the duration of your activity. The results are well worth it: A 2014 study in the journal American College of Cardiology found that running for five paltry minutes a day at a relatively easy pace (i.e., a 12-minute mile), significantly reduced the risk of death from all causes in 55,000 adults with a mean age of 44 years. If you can’t run, “Walk as fast as you can for 30 seconds, swinging your arms and squeezing your glutes and abs,” suggests Julie. Do add some balance training to the mix. “I have clients who have run marathons but who can’t stand on one foot for more than a few seconds,” recounts Julie. Given that falls are the leading cause of death among older adults (and one of the most common reasons they’re admitted to the hospital) working on balance every day is crucial. During our twice-weekly sessions, Julie has me stand on one foot, close my eyes, and look to the left, right, up and down. Merely balancing on one foot while you’re brushing your teeth at night, however, can shore up your steadiness. If you can’t balance on one foot, try keeping one hand lightly on the wall, or just lift your heel up so only your toe is touching the floor. The point, as always, is to keep progressing. Don’t forget your feet and ankles. One surprise of working with Julie was how much time we spent focusing on my feet before we’d get to actual cardio and strength training. I started with rolling my bare soles on a small bumpy rubber ball and giving my toes a self-massage every day (a ritual that quickly did away with the morning stiffness I’d been feeling below the knees). Julie explained that foot and ankle immobility often lead to low back and hip pain: “Tight ankles can cause you to stand with your hips tilted back and your butt sticking out, which leads to tightness and pain in the calves, low back, upper back--all the way up the chain.” To stretch your ankles, stand facing a wall, palms on the wall, with one foot forward and the other back. Bend your forward knee toward the wall until you feel a stretch in your ankle; repeat five times. Then bend that same knee toward the wall but angling out slightly, again for five pulses. Repeat on the other side. Do roll with it. “My husband jokes that I think rolling cures everything—but it’s almost true!” laughs Julie. By rolling, she means using a foam roller to massage your mid-to-upper back (just lay back over it, knees bent, feet on the floor and let yourself glide back and forth); then do the same with your calves and hips, for a total of 5 minutes a day. If you don’t have a roller, you can use a tennis ball. Rolling helps release tight muscles, the same as a good massage might, and research backs up this claim: A Canadian study found that people who used a foam roller experienced less muscle soreness and had a greater range of motion than those who didn’t. Don’t skip weight training. You probably already know that the risk of developing osteoporosis—and more fragile bones—increases after menopause. The best defense is weight-bearing exercise. You can increase lower body strength by doing squats; upper body by doing pushups against a wall, no dumbbells required. “The point isn’t just to build muscles, but to be able to do everyday things easily, like lifting a gallon of milk with one hand or screwing off a tight mayonnaise jar,” Julie says. In other words, being able to move through the world confidently, with strength and agility, whether rising out of a low chair with no hands or breezing through a boot camp class. As for me, two years after starting with Julie, I stride with more energy, free from pain of any kind, my arms sleek and toned; my thighs (even my solid thighs!) a bit more contoured. “You walk like an athlete now!” a close friend remarked recently, and I felt a surge of pride. I may be in my 50s, but fitness-wise, I’m feeling a whole lot younger.
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7 Ways to Find Happiness in 2018

7 Ways to Find Happiness in 2018

The new year is an opportunity for a fresh start andan opportunity for reflection on what we can do to make 2018 a truly great year. Regardless of our life circumstance, what we all really want for ourselves and our families is to be happy. Weoften think external conditions like making more money,losing weight or finding the “right” mate will lead us to happiness. But researchers in the field of positive psychology have shown that happiness is an internal choice built on practice. In other words, sustainable happiness is achievable by practicing data-based tools that change our mindset and, over time, develop new neural pathways. We have control over what we choose to do and think. According to top positive psychologist and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and others, approximately 50 percent of variance in happiness is determined by genes and 10 percent is determined by circumstances;automatically, we have the power to influence 40 percent. Most significantly, happiness presupposes success, not the other way around. According toKaren Guggenheim, CEO of WOHASU, producer of the World Happiness Summit,“This new mindset can have positive consequences in every facet of our lives. Science tells us that we become more capable to problem solve in a state of happiness than under stress, and that we also elevate our levels of resiliency when things don’t happen as we expected and we then need to enlist our coping skills.Being happier even makes our work product better.” For a better 2018, WOHASU suggests these seven keys to happinessto improve your new year. 1. Gratitude Take some time out of your day to notice the world around you and appreciate the people you’re grateful for. Send your parents a text or write a list of all the good things in your life. 2. Ambition Set challenging—but still achievable—goals to work toward and be open to learning new things. Try volunteering your time, energy and skills to contribute to something bigger. 3. Resilience Find the strength to bounce back and push through the obstacles that life throws your way and keep a positive mindset. For Karen Guggenheim, the loss of her husband and the father of her children turned her world upside down. However, she found a way to push through: “Once I realized that I had to live, I made the very conscious choice that I was going to live happy. Be an active participant in your life, and whenever possible choose to disrupt in a positive way.” 4.Physical well-being Make sure you take care of your body; practice healthy eating habits, exercise and incorporate physical activities regularly to boost your physical and mental health. Keep moving! 5. Acceptance Be comfortable with who you are and accepting of other people and ideas around you. According toMegan McDonough, CEO of Wholebeing Institute,“We can only make a choice when we see more than one option. Practice perspective.” 6. Mindfulness Practicing mindfulness daily allows you to focus on the present and what’s happening in the moment. “Increased focus on present moment prevents us from spending all our time in the past, ruminating and regretting, or in the future, inventing hypothetical anxiety-provoking scenarios,” according to an article inTheBerkeley Science Review. 7. Giving Whether it’s a stranger or a longtime friend, never hesitate to do something kind for someone else. Caring and doing for others helps strengthen relationships and build stronger connections with those around us. World-renowned researchers and experts on the science of happiness, United Nations Advisors, life coaches, business and civic leaders, and many more will share actionable tools on increasing happiness atthe experiential2018 World Happiness Summit, from March 16–18in Miami. Visit the websiteto learn more about WOHASU’s proven platform to help people learn how to create happier lives. Learn about speakers, live events and how happiness can impact your life. The World Happiness Summit is the first large-scale global event uniting individuals and leading happiness and well-being experts in athree-day experiential forum about advancing human happiness through science-based tools and daily practices.
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Happy women in a cafe

Ask Stacy: How Can I Feel Happier for Other People’s Success?

Obstacles and conflict inevitably get in the way of our happiness, especially when it comes to relationships. I developed this advice column to help Live Happy readers overcome these stumbling blocks. I look forward to hearing from more of you soon at AskStacy@livehappy.com. Hi Stacy, How do you become genuinely happy for someone else who is doing well? I hate that I lack this quality. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, wondering if it’s jealousy, envy, frustration.... It’s definitely something I want to change. —Konnie Dear Konnie, You have correctly figured out the emotional layers behind what you are feeling. The good news is that any feeling that is caused by our own internal issues is easiest to change. The emotional reaction you are having is likely caused by feelings of inadequacy, negative thinking or a need to shift your focus. If your reactions are coming out of feelings of inadequacy, ask yourself what kind of judgments you may have internalized. Are you comparing yourself to others? Are your needs going unmet, or is your life filled with disappointment? Do you think that you have less than you deserve? If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, work on the underlying issues and try to find some appreciation and gratitude for the good things in your life. When you are experiencing negative thoughts about people who are doing well, take time to reframe and focus on positive ones instead. Are these people deserving of good things? Have they worked hard? Have they had their share of challenges already? Focus on the reasons you should be happy for them. Perhaps you are too busy thinking about what other people have instead of investing time and energy in your own life? Ask yourself if you are feeling envious because the other person is doing well and you are not. You might want to begin to set goals to improve your life so that you, too, can be happy and fulfilled. Hi Stacy, My wife and I are huge fans. We have been married for more than nine years, and I have lied to her about spending money on items that we don’t need. I have been selfish, and I hate where our marriage is right now. I want to fix our marriage, and any advice would be very much appreciated. —Jasen Dear Jasen, Conflict over finances in a marriage is very common. Rarely is a couple on the same page about how much to save, spend, donate, etc. I would recommend that all couples work out agreements over basic financial decisions before they merge finances. My hunch is that you and your wife have not done that yet, and as a result, you have felt the need to lie to her about spending money on unnecessary items. The good news is that you realize you made a mistake and want to improve yourself and your marriage. It is never too late to try to make changes and to heal the errors of your past. Schedule a time to sit down with your wife. Start by telling her how much you love her and that you deeply regret some of the ways that you have behaved when it comes to finances. The best apologies not only include the official “I’m sorry,” but also involve taking responsibility for what you have done and making a commitment that this behavior will not continue. Then discuss how you will move forward with your finances.You say you spend money on items that you don’t need, but maybe you want to have the freedom to do some of that. Many couples I know have a budget that allows them to spend a small amount frivolously and without permission. I give you a lot of credit for trying to improve your behavior and your relationship. Hopefully, the two of you can move forward in a closer and more honest way. Hi Stacy, My husband is not a communicator. He does talk with me, but he does not communicate his feelings. He is a good, hard-working man, and he provides all the basics. He buys me gifts on my birthday and anniversary and if he travels for work, he brings me a souvenir from the airport. This may sound as if I am a bad person, but I don’t really care about these airport souvenirs. He also barbecues my favorite steak on Sunday nights. While this is very kind of him, I would much prefer the occasional “I love you” or kind word. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but do you have any advice on how I might get him to express his love for me? —Gloria Dear Gloria, Your letter describes a common issue that a lot of couples face. It sounds like you and your husband have different ways of expressing your love and affection. If your definition of communicating requires verbal feedback, then I can see why you think he is not much of a communicator.That said, based on what you have written, your husband is communicating. His style is through giving gifts and cooking for you, instead of expressing how he feels with kind words and I love you’s. I suggest you make a list of the ways he shows you he loves you and cares about you—using nonverbal communication. I believe you’ll see he is more loving and attentive than you realize. Then, in a quiet moment, talk with him about how much it would mean to you if he would begin to express verbally how he feels about you. Let him know that you appreciate the gestures he is already making but that a kind word or two would be incredibly meaningful. We want to hear from you! Send your happiness questions toaskstacy@livehappy.com. Read more: Ask Stacy: Expert Tips for a Happy Life Stacy Kaiseris a Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is the author ofHow to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know,and editor at large forLive Happy. As a former weekly advice columnist forUSA Todaywith more than 100 appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.
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Two women back to back.

7 Ways to Stay Fit and Healthy at Work

Hard work builds character, pays the bills and may even be good for the soul. But recent research shows that some aspects of work life—the stress, long hours, missed sleep and constant sitting—is terrible for our bodies and general well-being. Many of us spend a lot of time in an office—a place that encourages a sedentary lifestyle punctuated by sugary snacks. Here are some easy hacks to help keep you moving and a little more fit around the office. 1. Park around the corner. That executive parking spot next to the front entrance may not be such a prize after all. Do your body a favor and park as far from the door as possible. Depending on the ticketing situation, park down the street or around the corner! Then watch as the extra steps add up. 2. Take the stairs. Unless you work in a skyscraper, try taking the stairs for a few floors and see how soon you can do it without feeling winded. Your office is offering you a free Stairmaster—no need to join the gym. 3. Bring your own lunch. Although the number of healthy take-out lunch places has grown, you still can’t beat making your own food from scratch when it comes to avoiding unhealthy things like salt, sugar and fat—not to mention the cost. Try bringing a big salad from home one or two days a week; leave bottles of olive oil and vinegar in your office kitchen to use as dressing. 4. Pack snacks. Even if you don’t like donuts, you will eat a donut from the kitchen come 5 p.m. if you’re starving. The answer is to not be starving. Bring almonds, fruit and protein bars to work—or whatever you crave in the afternoon when our willpower gets weak. Keep a couple healthy snacks on hand in case of emergency. 5. Go for walking meetings. Weather permitting, try going for a walk with your co-workers every afternoon. It’s a great way to enjoy being outdoors, get a little exercise and bond with your office-mates. You might even untangle a tricky work situation while strolling. 6. Take a time-out. Recent medical research shows a connection between sitting and heart disease. We know we need to get up and move, but it’s easy to get lost in work and let the hours roll by. Set your phone to vibrate or beep every 90 minutes or so as a reminder to get up and stretch. Use a wall as a balance to stretch your arms, hands, shoulders, and work all the way down to your quads and calves if you can by the end of the day. 7. Reboot your commute. In some places, biking or walking to work is simply not an option. But if you can swing it (perhaps with an assist from public transit), challenge yourself to get to work under your own power, starting with just once a month. You will arrive feeling empowered, energized and ready to take on the day. (Pack an extra shirt as needed.) One study from the U.K. shows that biking to work may even help you live longer. So what are you waiting for? Read more: 9 Tips to Be Happier Working From Home Emily Wise Miller is the Web Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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The word Impossible being cut in two

3 New Year’s Resolutions for Optimists

To those of you who are optimists, like us, who push yourselves to exhaustion to be better every day and are way too hard on yourselves when you don’t hit your own irrationally high standards, we have some advice for you: Stop it. This time, we are approaching end-of-year goal setting in a new way. The research in Shawn’s book The Happiness Advantage shows that we have our thinking backward when we assume that success will lead to happiness when, in truth, having a positive mindset is the greatest predictor of our sustained success. Goals are important, and you may have lots of them, but the best way to achieve them is to start with positivity. So, the key to next year is focusing on the good things in this year. Our three resolutions for optimists are based on new positive psychology research. Resolution No. 1: Be the same in the new year as you were last year. Why does a resolution have to force you to be different? Instead of striving to do something you’ve never done before, like learn Spanish or write a novel, repeat patterns that worked well for you this year. In Before Happiness, Shawn outlines research that shows only two things motivate a brain: seeing that the finish line is close and seeing progress. So, the list you should make for Jan. 1 is not a list of “never-dones,” but rather a list of “dones”—areas you have seen progress in your life that you want to build upon. Think back over the past year. What led to your best moments? Was it taking time to have a date night? Was it saving money so you could vacation in wine country? Whatever it was, resolve to do it again. In research, some say that the best predictor of future performance is past performance. We don’t fully agree with that because it ignores the potential for big change. In general, the only way big change can occur is by repeating a pattern of positive behavior that leads to success. So, instead of starting something new, do even more of what’s already been working for you. What’s the favorite part of who you were this year? Keep it going! Resolution No. 2: For one year, don’t repeat a previous resolution. If starting a yoga practice has been on your list for three years and you still haven’t done it, it’s time to take it off your list. You are better off showing your brain progress rather than continually reminding it of failure. This goes along perfectly with the character strengths research that shows you are better off capitalizing on one of your strengths rather than spending all your time on fixing the weaknesses. When you beat yourself up mentally for your weak areas, you waste mental resources that could be better used on your strengths. Resolution No. 3: Stop saying how happy you will be when you hit this goal. There are admittedly a few hours of anticipatory joy when you make your resolutions for the next year, when you think about how amazing things will be. But that is often quickly replaced by reality. It is much better to peg your happiness to positive things in the past and good things in the present. This is scary for optimists like us who love thinking about the future and talking about new plans. We found as a couple we’d spend time on our vacation dreaming about future vacations, and in doing so, our brains were not in the present. So instead, resolve to be happy today. Do not worry that this will make you content to not grow in the next year. The Happiness Advantage research is clear: Create happiness and every aspect of your life improves in the future. That’s incredible! Moreover, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds, that is an excellent goal. But you will not necessarily be happier, even if you think you will. We bet today alone you met several skinny people who are quite unhappy. Getting a promotion or hitting a sales target are good goals, but you will not necessarily be happier when you attain them. The gain in happiness from money is negligible. There is no known correlation between the number of books you read, how many languages you speak, whether or not you go skydiving and happiness. So many of the things that fill up your resolutions will not make this a happier year. Things that scientifically will make you happier? Being grateful daily for the past and present. Journaling about positive experiences. Making someone else’s year better through an act of kindness. Being resolved to be happy and kind today, focusing on your strengths and giving yourself a break are the keys to your best year ever. Listen to our podcast: The Happiness Advantage With Shawn Achor Read more: Which Kind of Goal-Setter Are You? SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with over 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. His latest book is called Big Potential. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success and the author of Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national news anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.
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Four people in profile

Personality Type Is Key to Keeping New Year’s Resolutions

Gretchen Rubin, three-time New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project, Happier at Home and Better Than Before, has a new book that could completely change how you make (and whether you keep) your New Year’s resolutions. In her previous books, Gretchen’s research showed how habits are critical to achieving goals. In her new book, The Four Tendencies, The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too), you can identify your personality type and use what you learn to set better habits for yourself (aligned with your values, interests and strengths). You can also learn to navigate the obstacles that have kept you from achieving goals in the past. To identify your personality type or tendency, first take Gretchen’s free quiz. Her four “tendencies,” or types, are based on how you respond to demands and expectations—both inner (i.e., wanting to lose weight) and outer (i.e., meeting a work deadline). Here are brief descriptions of each type: Upholders: Meet and respond to outer and inner expectations. Questioners: Question all expectations. Meet inner expectations. Resist outer expectations. Questioners won’t do something until it meets their inner standard and they understand why. Obligers: Meet outer expectations but resist inner expectations. Rebels: Resist both inner and outer expectations. Rebels like spontaneity and doing what they want to do. New Year’s resolutions are inner expectations—so each tendency responds differently to them, but one key to progress for all types is to turn behavior into a habit. “When we change our habits, we change our lives,” Gretchen writes. “If we have habits that work for us, we’re far more likely to be happier, healthier and more productive.” Consider what your tendency is when you set those resolutions so that you can create appropriate habits and achieve success. Here’s how each type can put her research into action. Read more: Gretchen Rubin's Strategies for the Holidays Upholders: Since you meet both inner and outer expectations with ease, you will have the easiest time setting and keeping New Year’s resolutions. You can count on yourself. You even enjoy New Year’s resolutions. How to strengthen your habits: “For an inner expectation to be met, it must be clearly articulated. Upholders must take care to define for themselves what they want and what they value,” Gretchen writes. Possible pitfalls: Don’t expect other types to be as committed as you are, and occasionally give yourself a break. Also, be aware of others who want to hitch a ride onto your accountability, whereas you might want to go it alone. Strengths you can deploy: A natural self-starter and self-motivated, you are likely to keep the resolutions you set. You are the perfect accountability partner or role model for the other types because you are independent, reliable and have a high degree of self-mastery. Questioners: You will readily meet expectations that are well justified because your outer expectation then becomes an inner expectation. “You can make and keep New Year’s resolutions but you may object to the arbitrary date of January 1 or the inefficiency of waiting to start a resolution,” Gretchen writes. How to strengthen your habits: Once you have and believe your “why” for doing something, you will do it. Convince yourself that it makes sense and you will have the commitment to follow through on your goals. Possible pitfalls: Analysis paralysis or waiting for perfect answers before making a decision or taking action. Getting stuck in endless research. Strengths you can deploy: Create a system you deem efficient and effective and you will follow it. Obligers: You respond to external accountability. When an expectation comes from the outside, you will respond. Obligers often say that they no longer make New Year’s resolutions because they’ve failed to do so in the past. Or, if they do make them, they often don’t keep them How to strengthen your habits:Create outer accountability. Possible pitfalls: Thinking you need to work on your motivation. Not true. “No matter how much obligers may want to meet a purely inner expectation—to exercise, to take an online course, to start their own company—they will almost inevitably fail. That’s a harsh thing to realize, but it’s true,” Gretchen writes. The good news is outer accountability is the crucial missing element for obligers. Strengths you can deploy: Obligers benefit the most out of any of the other types because all they need is to create a structure of outer accountability. It’s a straightforward fix. Need to work out? Hire a trainer. Or pay for a gym membership. Set up a system of outer accountability because you are great at meeting other people’s demands. Make sure you pick the type of accountability that feels right to you. Rebels: You are only going to make and keep a New Year’s resolution if you want to. In fact, you can probably stop reading this article because you are going to do what you want to do anyway. “Rebels won’t bind themselves with resolutions. Occasionally, rebels find it fun and like the challenge,” Gretchen writes. How to strengthen your habits: Make something a challenge for you. Rebels love challenges. Watch what happens if someone tells you that you can’t do something. Rebels also love defying people’s expectations. Possible pitfalls: You have trouble accomplishing tasks that need to be done consistently, the same way, every time. Rebels often do worse with an accountability partner. Strengths you can deploy: Don’t tie your goals to a schedule. “Rebels do better when they do what they want when they want—without any expectations that might trigger resistance,” Gretchen writes. One of the powerful takeaways from The Four Tendencies is realizing, even if we already know it intuitively, that people filter and respond to the world differently according to their personality. Accepting that others see the world differently should help us be more supportive of each other as we set new goals for the year ahead. Find The Four Tendencies at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Listen to our podcast:Better Than Before With Gretchen Rubin Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner ofthemediaconcierge.net.
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Woman in passenger seat of car

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

Everyone has a story. Our personal narrative plays a role in how we approach situations in life, other people and our own self-concept. Our story contains countless pieces of information, some random and insignificant, others full of meaning. Although the facts of our history are immutable, the way we react to them and weave them into our personal narrative is not. When we feel a need to make changes in our lives, we can rewrite or revise our story any time we like. It is an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to start over, and to behave in new and different ways. The start of a new year is a great time to think about rewriting your story by looking at your past, and deciding what changes to make for the future. Often our stories are connected to events from our past. Positive chapters such as a happy childhood, successful career trajectory or healthy relationship can impact our personal stories in an inspiring and uplifting way. These happy events can make us more kind, provide us a more positive outlook, and even improve our self-esteem. On the other hand, negative life events such as trauma, addiction, illness, divorce, etc., can impact our story in a negative way. These often leave us feeling isolated, depressed and anxious. They affect how we deal with people and circumstances later in life. Challenging and painful chapters can make it harder for us to rewrite our story because we feel stuck in the past, powerless or even unable to make a change. You can transform your story. Timothy Wilson, Ph.D., a social psychologist at the University of Virginia, is an expert in what he calls “story editing,” a way to edit our stories by rewriting the path we are taking. “Our experience of the world is shaped bythe stories we tell ourselves and our interpretations of it, and these stories can often become so distorted and destructive that they completely hinder our ability to live balanced, purposeful, happy lives. So the key to personal transformation is story transformation,” he says. 1. Assess who you are. The first step in rewriting your story is to assess who you are, how you have been feeling and behaving, and what circumstances have impacted your life. Ask yourself, “What is my story and what would I like to change about it?” Take time to truly figure out who you are, what is missing, what needs to be improved and how you want to be in the future. An important part of this step is to realize that you can be resilient and rise above challenging times, and a challenging past, by taking steps toward positive change. Read more: Are You Facing Your Addictions? 2. Identify what changes you want to make. The second step is to begin to work on the changes needed to rewrite your story. I have a client who I will call Lisa. She is an intelligent woman who balances working and raising a family. She is responsible, educated and kind-hearted. However, due to a troubled childhood, Lisa has always been the type of person who gets very wrapped up in her own life. Only her husband and children are included in her circle. As a result of this, her co-workers and friends feel they cannot count on Lisa for guidance or support. Lisa is the "fun friend,” but not someone her pals can rely on. While she has enjoyed being known for a good laugh, this has always bothered her. After serious contemplation, she decided to rewrite her story and make a more concerted effort to be what she calls a “heart friend” along with being a fun friend. A “heart friend” checks in on friends when they were going through a tough time, makes offers to help in times of need, and listens to people's stories of pain and struggle. It has taken some time, but Lisa has succeeded and is now not only an attentive friend, but she also feels more balanced in life and more able to reach out for support when she needs it. 3. Continue to revise as you go along. Finally, in rewriting your story, take time out on a regular basis to remind yourself that you can always take steps to change your behaviors, your path and even your life. When we forget we have this power, we tend to feel stuck. When we remember that we have the power to change the trajectory of our narrative, we feel strong, hopeful and happier overall. Read more: 10 Steps to Become a Fully Loaded Grown-Up Read more: 10 Reasons to Tell Your Story in Public Stacy Kaiseris a Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is the author ofHow to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Knowand editor at large forLive Happy. As a former weekly advice columnist forUSA Todaywith more than 100 appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.
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Woman with steaming cup of cocoa

3 Mindful Habits to Manage Your Holiday Time

There are very few guarantees in life, but one you can set your watch by is that time doesn’t stop. While trying to halt the passage of time is a fruitless task, choosing how you feel about it is certainly within your power. A recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that despite rising income and wealth globally, the stress of having very little free time contributes to reduced happiness, poor sleep and eating habits, and higher levels of anxiety. “This is the disease of our era,” says Pedram Shojai, author, former Taoist monk and doctor of oriental medicine. “Everyone is scrambling to find time and undo the stress and it is really hard.” Additional gatherings and commitments during the holiday season can add extra stress, yet it can also be a time for reflection and rejuvenation. In his new book The Art of Stopping Time: Practical Mindfulness for Busy People, Pedram writes that practicing good habits regularly to monitor how time is spent can help you repair “time famine” challenges. Good Holiday Time Habits Water Your Garden: Make a list of all of the things you want to do and prioritize. “Time is like water that you allocate to plants in your garden,” Pedram says. “If the holidays are about catching up on sleep and hibernating, then invest the time there. If the holidays are about spending more time with your loved ones, then those are the plants that you water.” Invest in You: Take personal time and listen to your mind and body to clear “emotional and mental indigestion,” Pedram advises. Once you catch up on “me” time, you can enjoy interacting with others. Ward Off Time Bandits: Choose to spend your time on the moments that are worth it, and weed out situations and people who deplete your energy. “Become brutally aware of the time parasites in your life and learn to excuse yourself; don’t give your time to things that don’t serve you.” To find “time prosperity,” spend at least 90 days building good time habits, Pedram says. “It’s easy to be enlightened in the Himalayas, everyone is chilling out,” he says. “Try doing it in traffic. Then you’ll know if it works.” Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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Sprigs coming through the ground.

Survivors of the Year’s Disasters Find Resilience, Hope

Furious wildfires. Destructive earthquakes. Mass shootings. As 2017 comes to an end, survivors of natural and manmade catastrophes are reaching deep inside themselves to gather the strength to rebuild their lives. It will take time. “There’s no quick fix for devastation,” says Ken Druck, Ph.D., expert on healing after loss and author of Courageous Aging and The Real Rules of Life. There’s no single path to recovery either, but receiving support from family, friends and community, letting your emotions run their course and feeling gratitude for what you’ve got all help, say experts and survivors. People who suffer catastrophic loss are utterly broken at that moment, says Ken, who learned lessons of loss when his 21-year-old daughter died in a bus crash in India in 1996. “The best way you can help is to have faith in them; know that they will someday have the ability to prevail, to survive the devastating losses that they’ve suffered.” A Year to Remember There were plenty of losses in 2017. Hurricanes Harvey, Irma and Maria killed more than 260 people and destroyed or damaged more than 200,000 mainland U.S. homes and thousands more in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. A 7.1-magnitude earthquake in October killed at least 369 and damaged or destroyed 23,000 homes and other buildings in Mexico City and the state of Morelos, the quake’s epicenter. Northern California wildfires damaged or destroyed more than 14,700 homes and killed at least 43 people in October. And as this piece was going to press, more wildfires raged in Southern California, driving thousands of people from their homes. Additionally, mass shootings in Las Vegas; Sutherland Springs, Texas; Corning, California; and other places left at least 140 dead and hundreds injured. “In every one of these communities, people have come together to help each other in unprecedented ways,” Ken says. “All of us are wired differently. Some people will find the strength within themselves to bounce back; others will need more help.” One Family in a Flood One Texas family grateful for support they received says the experience changed their lives. Becky and Steven Sapaugh were among the estimated 13,000 people rescued from Texas homes flooded by Hurricane Harvey. “Our entire neighborhood was flooded out,” Becky, 59, says of her 709-home gated subdivision in Katy, just west of Houston. “We have a two-story home, and everything on the bottom and three cars in our driveway—everything was completely demolished.” Before Harvey struck, the Sapaughs had stocked up with food and supplies and prepared to ride out the storm at home while listening to weather updates on their battery-powered radio. “We’ve been in the area for 30 years, so we felt very safe where we were, extremely safe, and we always had a second floor. We just decided to stay there like almost everyone in that part of the city.” On Saturday, Aug. 19, power was out but Harvey’s rains paused for a couple hours. Water that had crept into the Sapaughs’ yard drained completely. Family called and offered to put them up. “We said, ‘No, we’re going to stay here.’” By Sunday, gushing rain and reports of water rising along a nearby reservoir dam got them thinking about leaving, but it was too late. “When I woke up, it was like a waterfall was right outside my house,” Becky says. It sounded like rushing water was just falling from the sky.” The street leading out of their neighborhood was flooded. “You could not go right; you could not go left. They already had it blocked off by the police because water was so high out there.” But by Monday morning, when the Army Corps of Engineers started releases from a nearby reservoir, water rushed to their front porch. “That’s when we knew it was going to come in the house. That’s when we knew we were trapped with everyone in the neighborhood,” says Becky. Alerted by her daughter and her church that the Sapaughs were in the house, volunteers with a boat later knocked on their front door. “Are you Steven and Becky Sapaugh? We’re here to rescue you,” Becky recalls them saying. Volunteers lifted Becky, who has muscular dystrophy and can’t walk far, into the boat with her dog. Her husband followed, carrying just a backpack full of belongings and wading through waist-deep water as they made their way to the part of the neighborhood where bigger boats could evacuate them to safety. The Sapaughs stayed at their daughter’s Houston home, which didn’t flood, and now are in a company-paid apartment while they get back on their feet. About 10 days passed before they could first see their water-damaged home again. “The experience itself, although it was traumatic, sad and frightening—we have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ, and we would have never made it without our faith in God,” Becky says. “I started rethinking about how all of these strangers, the people I met all through the rescue process. That made me start realizing how much people care about each other and that made me want to help.” Her husband’s office gave employees time off to volunteer to aid flood victims. “His department came to our house, and they basically gutted the entire first floor. I mean everything—the sheetrock, appliances—everything is out of it and ready for rebuilding.” They recently signed loan papers for the project. “God gave us so many people that have been generous…and we have been so grateful. I am rebuilding my home, I have a roof over my head, my family is alive. A lot of people lost a lot more than we did and won’t get it back.” The Importance of Community Community support “absolutely helps” you recover, says Kevin Baughman, who with wife Janet lived on the outskirts of Santa Rosa, California. In October, wildfire flames roared down a ridge, consuming their retirement dream home that included a small vineyard, little winery and a guest house. They had lived in the home about seven years and had created many memories there. “I even had pictures of my granddaughter punching down grapes in the winery,” Kevin says. Flames devoured the pictures and nearly everything else they owned. On the evening of Oct. 8, wind-driven smoke permeated the air as Kevin put the chickens away in their coop for the night. He settled in the house’s front room so smoke could wake him if dangerous flames approached. Janet stayed in the master bedroom in the back of the house. Shortly after midnight, says Kevin, a loud, odd boom rousted him from a dreamy half-sleep. When he walked out front to investigate, he could see the ridge opposite their house smothered in orange-glowing smoke. “I knew there was a fire and it was pushing in our direction,” Kevin recalls. He went in, woke his wife, and by the time they returned to the front of the house a couple minutes later, the flames were coming down the opposite ridge. “It was crystal clear what I had to do; I didn’t feel muddled,” Kevin says. Yet he first grabbed the wrong keys to a nearby fire gate and roared off in their Ford F-250 pickup, honking his horn to alert neighbors to the swiftly approaching blaze. After returning to grab the right keys and opening the fire gate to back roads that would lead them out of the fiery hills, he spent nearly 20 minutes waking neighbors. He banged loudly on the windows at the home of one elderly man he knew took sleeping pills as his wife was in a care home and he had trouble sleeping. By the time Kevin got home, flames were down the ridge. His wife packed the pickup and he grabbed a few things. They headed to his son’s Santa Rosa home, where they were safe for a day until fire forced evacuation from there. However, his son’s home survived, and Kevin and Janet live there too, now, participating in life and babysitting whilst planning to rebuild the home they lost. At first, Kevin says, he felt disbelief, like it wasn’t really happening. “Looking back on it now, I ask myself why I thought my house would have a chance of making it. This is something you read about in the newspaper. It’s not going to happen to you.” Realization came when friends in search-and-rescue were clearing the neighborhood—looking for people who might have perished in the blaze—saw the house and told him it was gone. “It’s overwhelming. It felt like my brain got whacked. For the first week, it was like a record player stuck in a circle. You carry on normally. Maybe you have a conversation with somebody. You’re continually processing, but maybe you talk about a tool, you think, ‘I have that tool’ and then realize, ‘Oh, no I don’t!’” Everything got muddled and he was not sleeping well. Eventually Kevin came to terms with losing irreplaceable family heirlooms such as jewelry, clocks from the 1800s and a Winchester rifle from the Indian Wars. “Things you won’t have. What’s real is family around you, your faith and memories that you have. Feeling that is what made it easier,” Kevin says. “Besides, it’s tough to feel sorry for yourself when your 4-year-old granddaughter is running down the hall with a book she wants to be read.” How We Accept and Move On Brett Ford, assistant professor at the University of Toronto psychology department and director of the school’s Affective Science & Health Laboratory, has studied the psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts. Feeling negative is a natural response to stressors such as natural and manmade disasters, she says. “Although wanting to get rid of our negative emotions feels normal and is an automatic response for many of us, it can in fact be futile or counterproductive,” Brett says. “Simply realizing this—and interrupting our habitual responses to our own emotions—might be helpful.” Brett offers several strategies for recovering from tragedy. · When times are tough and you’re feeling angry, worried, sad—try to simply let your feelings happen. · Allow yourself to experience your feelings, without judging those feelings, and without trying to control or change them. · Let your feelings run their course. For example, you could tell yourself that there is no right or wrong way to respond, that these feelings are a natural response, or that your feelings are like clouds passing by that you don’t need to control. After Tragedy “Sometimes we feel like a victim,” says Ken, “whether we feel like it’s karma, God punishing us, bad luck, whatever our theory. Really, sometimes bad things happen to good people. There’s joy and miracles and boundless happiness and bliss, but there’s also suffering and sorrow, setbacks, moments of emptiness and lost-ness, and this is all part of life.” Kevin concurs, noting that he viewed the fires “in the realm of an act of God.” “If you live long enough, bad stuff is going to happen to you,” he says. “The West will deal with wildfires; the Midwest, sheet ice; other places, hurricanes. There’s not a place you can go where you’re completely safe,” Kevin says. This past year’s disasters are good reminders that you should do at least a little planning, says Kevin. “You take for granted what you have and are experiencing, and think it will go on forever. It doesn’t. A spouse dies, divorce happens, a house burns down. You never plan for that.” “We’ve become very contented with the way things are, we don’t want to think about a disaster, like Florida, Texas and California. But a little bit of forethought, as simple as setting down what are you going to grab in an emergency, like the computer or family jewels, would help.” Some of the things they had left behind included Kevin’s wife’s engagement ring, and a gold watch Kevin’s mom had given to his father. Returning to the burned ruins of his home, Kevin donned a hazmat suit and respirator, sat on the edge of the foundation and peered at the ash. He reached down and found a blob of beaded, melted jewelry with the engagement ring stuck to it. Going back to where he thought the closet had been, he turned over a shovelful of fire debris. That first shovelful held the watch melted into a blob in 2,000-degree fire. “It was barely recognizable,” says Kevin, “but I knew it was my dad’s gold watch that mom had given him years and years ago.” Jim Gold is a veteran journalist living in California. Savannah Mehrtens is a journalism student in her junior year at Texas A&M University.
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People wrapping holiday gifts

5 Simple Tips for Easing Holiday Stress

My email notification pings. I open the message to a brightly colored elf serenading me with a work party invitation. It happens to be my face pasted on the comically oversized head. “I’m serenading myself,” I think, chuckling under my breath. This is the invite to Plasticity Labs’ holiday tradition—the “holidate”—one of my favorite events of the year. For many of us, the holidays are filled with invitations from co-workers, planned events with family and all the usual celebrations of the season. The holidays can be both stressful and joyful, bundled into one emotionally charged season. Rodrigo Araujo, Ph.D., senior data scientist at Plasticity Labs, analyzed workplace stress and seasonality. He identified fall (October to December, including the winter holidays) as the unhappiest time of the year for people in the workplace. At first, we were surprised. We thought late winter (January to March) would be the gloomiest season. Obviously, our bias as long-sufferers of the tough Canadian winters played a role in that hypothesis. However, when we reviewed our earlier research, it validated why this time of year causes stress. Our emotional volatility increases during the fall for myriad reasons, but one of the biggest impacts on our stress is an increasingly busy and ever-fluctuating schedule. This causes an out-of-control feeling that can make our brains uncomfortable. But, there is a way to combat this seasonal stress, even when social pressures threaten to derail our best intentions. Most importantly, we need to remind ourselves that there is much to love about this time of year. To keep us on track, here are a few best practices to rewire your attitude (and happiness) during the holiday season. 1. Make it a team effort. Are you stressing to get everything accomplished for the holidays? Check off your to-do list during the workday with friends. Initiate “Wrapping Wednesdays” during the month of December. Order in lunch, bring in communal paper, tools and tape, and have fun gift-wrapping together as a team. Employees can have their gifts wrapped for a fee and the proceeds donated to a local charity. This saves you time, eliminates a chore and gives something back to the community. 2. Give experiences, not stuff. If your workplace participates in gift exchanges, remember that thoughtful is always more valuable. On birthdays and special holidays, we smile bomb our co-workers. Desks are covered in sticky notes with descriptions about what makes them special. It’s the gift that keeps on giving; I love rereading my notes whenever I’m having a tough day. 3. Be authentic. Host holiday events that resonate. Most companies throw a formal holiday party. It may be exactly what your employees want, but do you know for sure? If you’re a decision-maker or influencer, come up with a few ideas, poll the group and act on the results. For our holidate, we do lunch and take the afternoon off to watch a movie (StarWars—three years running). The day is simple, intimate and authentically tied to our amazing geeky culture. 4. It’s OK to say no. We often feel obliged to say yes to every holiday invite. It’s tough to turn down a co-worker and even tougher to say no to the boss. However, stress stems from being overextended. Start by asking your peers which events are of higher priority for you to attend. Now you won’t burn out trying to be everywhere for everyone. 5. Save a vacation day. Did you know that the average employee receives two weeks of vacation and leaves five days on the table every year? According to Project: Time Off, an initiative of the U.S. Travel Association, Americans forfeited 206 million vacation days in 2016. We tend to hold on to our vacation days for a rainy day, and yet, that rainy day never comes. It may seem like it’s counterintuitive to take time off work just before the holidays, but saving one day for yourself—to do absolutely nothing—will be the best way to stay energized, fresh and engaged at work. I’ll leave you with this bonus tip to ensure that you close 2017 with a positive mindset. The next time an RSVP notification pops up from a dancing elf, remember, it could be worse. Instead of groaning, practice gratitude instead. This is the time of year to be full of thanks and grace, a time to reflect on the past and look ahead optimistically to what the new year will bring. Practice gratitude to rewire an otherwise stressful time and finish off 2017 with positive experiences and happy memories. 2018 will thank you. JENNIFER MOSS is the co-founder of Plasticity Labs and best-selling author of Unlocking Happiness at Work. She’s a happiness researcher and thought leader on the topics of emotional intelligence and organizational performance and a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC, National Post and Huffington Post. Jennifer was recognized with the International Female Entrepreneur of the Year Stevie Award, and she and her two co-founders were named Canadian Innovators of the Year.
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