Man with horse

The Healing Horse

Wooden fence pickets form a square surrounding a barrel. A brown-and-white paint horse moves along the perimeter, gently exploring the pickets with its muzzle. Before long, he’s nudging and gnawing at the wood. Soon, the horse has removed any barrier the barrel once had. The horse’s non-verbal communication and reflective nature allow for self-discovery and awareness in the moment. By telling their story through the animals, those suffering from emotional distress can find solutions, free from bias and judgment. When a horse representing recovery rests its head on the shoulder of a proud soldier, the message is: “It’s OK to heal. I’m safe and recovery is my friend.” Symbolism is important in equine-assisted psychotherapy, and everything is a potential metaphor. “Metaphors heal, enrich and transform our lives,” says psychologist Annie Ricalde. “They capture the essential and natural experience.” Developed by the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association, the EAGALA model involves the free movement of horses and humans in a holistic, peaceful setting. Sessions are solution-focused and facilitated by a licensed mental health expert as well as a qualified equine specialist. Recently, the PEACE Ranch in Traverse City, Mich., collaborated with the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) on a pilot program introducing veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder to the EAGALA model. The program resulted in a significant reduction of symptoms in most of the participants and a clinical reduction in half. Because of the treatment’s effectiveness, the VA is referring more veterans to facilities offering EAGALA sessions, many free of charge. The calming interaction with the horse affects other areas of their lives, making the veterans self-aware, present and hopeful for the future.
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Woman squeezing her stomach

QUIZ: Do You Love Your Body?

Body image is such a loaded, complicated subject—especially for women. How we view our bodies is tied up inextricably with how we were raised, how our culture and community view women’s bodies, control issues and of course, self-esteem. Research shows that between 70 and 90 percent of women dislike their bodies. (In my own experience talking to women over the last 20 years, I am inclined to believe that it is closer to 90 percent.)On top of that, few of us realize how damaging a critical body image can be. If you are unhappy with your body or appearance, it can lead to eating disorders, excessive weight loss or gain, and it can impact how you feel emotionally, psychologically and even spiritually, leading to feelings of depression, hopelessness and anxiety.Spurred by cultural pressure and unattainable images of perfection in the media, most of us are either unappreciative, critical or downright unrealistic about our bodies. This quiz has been designed to help you assess whether you have a harshly critical view of your body; a loving, accepting image; or if you walk the line in between.1. You’ve walked out of the shower and realize that you didn’t grab a towel in advance. Your partner is in the next room. Do you…A. Quickly figure out a way to dry yourself without asking him for a towel, because you don’t want him to see you fully naked.B. Hide behind the shower curtain or do your best to cover up your “less attractive areas,” and ask him to please bring a towel to you.C. Call out to him to please bring you a towel and wait patiently in all of your naked glory for him to come into the room.2. You run into a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and she says, “You look great!”Do you…A. Feel uncomfortable and say something like, “Oh no, I look terrible,” or “You need new glasses!”B. Thank her for the compliment, but then say you think you look tired, your outfit is old, or that it’s only because you’re wearingSpanx.C. Appreciate her for being so complimentary, take it in as positive feedback and move forward with your day knowing you’re looking good.3. When you walk up to a full length mirror, do you…A. Immediately notice all of your faults and begin to pick yourself apart.B. Acknowledge both the good and the bad that you see in front of you.C. Immediately notice something positive or good about yourself.4. You’ve been invited to a dressy event such as a wedding or banquet, and you need to buy a new dress. Do you…A. Think you are fat and dread going shopping because everything will look awful.B. Have some concerns that, due to your imperfections, shopping will be challenging, but expect you will find something.C. Know that you will find something flattering that will make you happy.5. It’s time for your annual doctor’s visit and the nurse has asked you to get on the scale. Do you…A. Panic, look away and tell her not to tell you what your weight is.B. Get on reluctantly, and hope for the best.C. Get on the scale knowing that whatever the number on the scale is what it is, and it doesn’t change how you feel about yourself.6. Someone you were dating casually has stopped calling. Do you…A. Immediately think it’s because something is wrong with the way you look.B. Wonder if it is because of your appearance and also think of the other reasons it could be.C. Assume that it has nothing to do with how you look.7. How often are you in a bad mood or depressed about your appearance?A. Daily or most of the week.B. Whenever appearance-related things are brought to your attention.C. Rarely. You feel pretty good about your appearance overall.8. A friend has joined a gym and asks you if you want to join with her and go together. Do you…A. Think: “Wow, she must think I am out of shape.”B. Wonder if she has been judging your body, but appreciate the concern.C.Be glad she is trying to be healthier and exercise, and appreciate that she is interested in spending time with you.9. When you are thinking about your body and your appearance, do you…A .Find yourself being critical, judgmental and downright mean.B. Spend some time picking yourself apart while trying to find the positives as well.C. Know that you aren’t perfect, but try to think of the things you actually do like and appreciate about yourself.Results:If most of your answers are “A”:You are way too hard on yourself when it comes to your weight and overall appearance. Being this critical can lead to depression, anxiety and even an eating disorder. It is important that you work on how you see yourself so you can find the positive in who you are and how you look. If you feel truly stuck in this negative cycle, seek counseling or other professional guidance.If most of your answers are “B”:You walk the line between being hard on yourself and emotionally well-adjusted when it comes to your body image. If you have more A’s and B’s and not enough C’s, you are in danger of becoming too self-critical and hurting your self-esteem. Pat yourself on the back for the areas where you are accepting of yourself, and note that you need to focus a bit more on the positive so that you can have a more kind and loving view of your physical self.If most of your answers are “C”:Congratulations! You are comfortable and accepting of your physical self. This will benefit your confidence and wellbeing on a larger scale. Take a moment to read through the answers where you may have chosen “B” or “A” so that you can work on being more positive in those specific areas.The goal of this quiz is to cause you to think about how you might be sabotaging your self-esteem by being overly critical of your body and appearance. If you came up with a lot of A’s, I encourage you to work on your self-image and retake this test again in a week and then again in a month to see if the view of yourself has improved. No one is perfect and few people likeallparts of their physical selves.When working toward being emotionally healthy and having a positive sense of self, it is imperative that we be as kind and accepting as possible. After all, you are with yourself 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. If you are constantly criticizing yourself and obsessing over flaws, it’s almost a form of self-abuse. Be as kind and loving to your body as possible. Try to be grateful and appreciative of all the things your body does for you!
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Music makes us happy

Clap Along

For proof of how contagious music can be, we need look no further than Pharrell Williams’ current hit song, “Happy." The upbeat, infectious track from the 2013 movie Despicable Me 2 (and the lead single from Pharrell’s 2014 album G I R L) has not only topped the charts and prompted millions of downloads in multiple countries, but also has spawned hundreds of tribute videos on YouTube. Everyone seems to be singing (and dancing) along; the “Happy” music is as contagious as its message. The song’s effect is no fluke; studies show that our brains are hardwired to react to music. Brigham Young University psychology professor Ross Flom, Ph.D., found that babies as young as five months old reacted positively to happy, upbeat tunes; by nine months, they also responded to sad songs. And as our brains develop, the psychological effect of music only intensifies. Music as therapy Today, doctors know that music provides much more than ear candy; it’s been used to boost patients’ immune systems following surgery, to lower blood pressure and heart rates in cardiac patients and to reduce stress in pregnant women. Cal State Sacramento researchers discovered that children are happier during music therapy than during play therapy, and music therapy also is a proven treatment for anxiety, depression and loneliness in the elderly. So what is it about music that makes us so happy? For one, it’s the rhythm and tempo itself. Songs with a fast tempo written in a major key bring about physical changes that are associated with happiness, such as breathing faster. Neuroimaging studies show that, like language, music stimulates many areas of the brain and helps spark imagination. Songs with lyrics fire up the part of the brain that processes language, while the visual cortex works on creating a visual image. Meanwhile, the motor cortex wants to get in on the act, too, and makes us start tapping our feet. The cerebellum ends up playing traffic cop, using previously heard songs as a way of trying to figure out where the music is going next; and the medial prefrontal cortex—our memory bank —is lighting up with nostalgia. In short, the pieces of our brain work together like a scientific symphony to decipher this music. And the result? Imaging studies show that it releases dopamine and gives us the same kind of pleasurable feeling we get from chocolate or sex. Radio on That’s good news for people who need a quick boost of happiness. While more conventional methods of developing happiness – like practicing gratitude or exercising a signature character strength – are touted as ways to build long-term wellbeing, results from a pair of studies published last year in The Journal of Positive Psychology showed that listening to music could elevate happiness levels almost immediately. Both studies found that people who consciously tried to feel happier while listening to music reported a more positive feeling afterwards than those who simply focused on listening to the music. In other words, intentions matter. While merely listening to upbeat music will help put us in a good mood, researchers found that listening to upbeat music with the specific goal of boosting our mood can turbo-charge the effect. Sad songs, too Surprisingly, it’s not just those feel-good ditties that can boost your mood—Elton John had it right when he sang, “Sad Songs Say So Much.” A Japanese study published last year in Frontiers in Emotion Science found that people who listened to sad songs felt happier than expected when they listened to sad songs. One explanation? If we expect a song to make us feel sad, we actually feel happy when that expectation is met. So, in essence, it’s feeling sad that makes us happy – a complex emotional response that Ohio State University researcher and author David Huron calls “sweet anticipation.” What’s more, researchers from the UK found that listeners who focus on the beauty of sad songs found it to be an effective way to alleviate sadness. Their study, which was published in the journal Psychology of Music, also found that people who listened to sad songs that they felt related to their own personal experiences actually felt happier afterwards. Tunes from the past, meanwhile, can create feelings of connectedness, which boosts self-esteem and leads to a happier more optimistic outlook, according to a recent study from the University of Southampton. Studies show that, happy or sad, music can alter our mood and lift our sense of wellbeing. So go ahead: clap your hands, and check out our own Live Happy Playlist on Grooveshark.
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Woman holding up a painting of the Eiffel Tower

Create Outside the Lines

Katrina Lewis makes a living painting images with words.But when the marketing writerwalked into a local art studio to celebrate a family member’s birthday, she foundherself trading in her adjectives for anapron, a canvas and a palette of paint.“Once I got over the initial, ‘I’mnot an artist,’ I realized that none ofus were; we were all starting with ablank canvas—literally,” Katrina says. “We began painting, joking aroundand mixing colors, and I began to seemy own individualityreflectedin mymasterpiece. It was funny how we wereall essentially painting the same thing,but everyone’s looked so different.That’s when I realized this wasn’tabout painting at all; it was about beingcreative and expressing ourselves.”Katrina’s experience echoes what manypeople are finding. Instead of hitting thenightlife scene, friends, family and evenco-workers are gathering at local “art asentertainment” studios and rediscoveringcreativity they’d thought was lost. Allthat’s needed is a small fee for supplies,an open mind and a couple of hours,and the studio’s staff will supply the rest,including step-by-step instructions.Find a non-judgmental environmentIt’s a comfortable,there-are-nomistakesenvironment, says ChristyStindham, who owns a Dallas-areafranchise of paint-your-own-potterystudio Color Me Mine. “You’re safe—nobody’s going to laugh at you...You don’t have to know how to painta straight line or a brushstroke, andif you make a mistake, we can showyou how to turn it into somethingthat looks intentional, or you can justwipe off the paint and start again.”It’s that sense of safety andencouragement that allows weeknightartists like Katrina to relax and be inthe moment. Psychologists have drawnconnections between creativity andhappiness for years, but the relationshipbetween the two is on full display whenyou visit a studio on a busy Fridaynight. Whether it’s painting a pictureof the Eiffel Tower or a colorful bowl,the laughs come easy, the mood islight—it’s hard not to be happy.Let yourself go“People lose track of time,” Christysays. “They become so involved inwhat they’re doing that they look upand it’s been three hours, and theydidn’t even realize it because theywere having such a great time.”As Katrina and other modern-dayartists are realizing, what they gainfrom their night in the studio lastslong after the paint dries, they take offtheir paint-spattered aprons and returnto work.“Every time I look at thatpainting hanging in my home’s livingarea, I think of that night, of the fun Ihad,” Katrina says. “It’s my personalreminder that sometimes I have to taketime out of my schedule to be creativein a very real, very tangible way.”Find your own way to express your creativityDo as the ancients did, andtransform molten glass into art.Enjoy a fun evening out with friends atColorMe Mineor a mom-and-pop“art as entertainment” studioin your area.Gather the family, get a set ofwatercolors and some whitepaper and paint portraits of each other.Get your hands dirty—reallydirty—andtake a spin on the pottery wheel.Put creativity on your schedule and take an art class at alocal community college.
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Person meditating against a sunset sky

Step-by-Step Guide to Compassion Meditation

Below is a step-by-step set of instructions on how to practice compassion meditation, from members of the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism training team. For more about Compassion Meditation, see our companion article with audio, as well as the June 2014 issue of Live Happy magazine.1. Create a spaceIt might be a small room in your home or an outdoor garden where you won’t be disturbed, or anywhere you can find a few moments of quiet. If you have a regular practice space, make it beautiful—bring in images, smells and sounds that are meaningful to you.2. CommitBegin by committing to 5 to 10 minutes of meditation once a day, and plan to expand it to 20 minutes once you feel comfortable slipping into meditation. Studies show that the more time you spend in meditation, the more compassionate you become.3. Feel your natural rhythmFind a comfortable place to sit and take a posture that is straight but not overly rigid. Take a few deep breaths, then let your breath settle into its own natural rhythm. Take a minute or two to settle into your body, lightly focusing your attention on the physical sensations of the breathing process.4. Think about the people in your lifeOnce you are settled, think about all the people in your life who love and support you. Now, think about the ways in which you, too, play a supportive role in the lives of countless others. Let your mind abide in this awareness of interconnectedness for a little while.If you are doing a self-guided compassion meditation, you might think of someone with whom you are irritated or frustrated. Picture the person in your mind if you are a visual thinker, or just focus on your sense of that specific person. Consider that this person has a desire for a life imbued with purpose, work that is meaningful, relationships that are supportive. Consider this person’s web of social connections—the people they are important to, and how much these people care about them. Think of their rich, textured life experiences, including their disappointments and successes.5. Listen to your bodyNotice how focusing your attention on this person shows up in your body. Take note of the kind of physical sensations you are experiencing. What is the emotional undertone?Turn your attention toward your own inner experience with a sense of curiosity. Perhaps your reflections are enhancing a sense of connection to the person or perhaps the opposite. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Simply notice, with curiosity. You can stay with this exploration for as long as it feels comfortable for you. If you are a new meditator, this could be three to five minutes; if you are experienced, you might stay longer.6. Feel your connection with othersAs your meditation practice draws to a close, let your heart and mind be touched by the feeling of common humanity and connection with others, and rest your attention on the natural rhythm of your breath.7. Extend your awareness back into the worldWhen you sense you’re nearing the end of the time you’ve set aside, take a few minutes to make a conscious transition into the space you’re in, sensing the temperature of the air on your skin, feeling the floor beneath you. Take your time and experiment with seeing how you can carry the continuity of your awareness forward into the activities that you move into next.8. Tinker and find your wayOnce you’re comfortable with the basics of a compassion meditation, think about how you might personalize it. Adapting practices to fit your values, your language and your inclinations is important.With time, this kind of practice should help us learn how to reach past that moment of discomfort in which we turn away from those who need our help.Do you have a specific method to your meditation? Tell us about it in the comments, below.
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Image of hands holding an iPad with Pinterest displayed

Pinned Up

Here you are thinkingPinterestis just another way to watch your time disappear into the social media sinkhole. You’ve made up your mind: You’re not going to do it! You’re already on Facebook, and you are not about to get sucked into a world of online scrapbooking. (You haven’t even finished your baby’s first-year offline scrapbook, and your baby is now starting high school.) But what if spending time onPinterestcould make you happier online and off? Here’s how:Set your visionRemember when vision boards were popular? You’d spend all day cutting magazine clippings and quotes, piecing them together on a giant poster board so you could send your brain visual messages about your ideal life: The house, the clothes, the healthy body, and personal goals, all represented in a vivid collage. Now you can hop onPinterestand, in a matter of minutes, create your own vision board with quick "pins" of pictures, quotes and articles that inspire and encourage you. Click on yourPinterestpage and your neurons are instantly flooded with colorful images and contagious ideas that will make you want to take action offline.Get a sense of connectionLook aroundPinterestand you’ll find a crazy-quilt of shared interests and endeavors. It’s a visual collective—a place where you can swap recipes with friends, share images of movies and books you love, or get a glimpse of someone else’s offbeat passions. You love yarn-bombing and Italian New Wave film? So doLinda in Des Moines and Jen in San Diego! The sense of community thatPinterestcreates heightens sharing and community offline as well; you’ll be inspired to try a new craft with friends, bond with your spouse over a great meal or plan a family adventure.Collect ideasThrowing a party and want to impress your friends? Bored with your hairstyle? Need some decorating inspiration for bare walls?Pinterestcan be your personal guide to visual ideas. You can both share your own projects and bring others in to collaborate by designating family and friends to be contributors to your board. You can also navigate through the overwhelming load of visual information by “following” boards that you like.Change your moodWhen you’re feeling down,Pinterestcan act as a virtual pick-me-up. Start dreaming about your next vacation by looking up images of sparkling beaches or taking a photo tour through Paris. Check out quotes on gratitude and mindfulness, or ogle the latest puppy visuals for a quickoxytocinrelease. Become a hunter-gatherer for your personal happiness, and visit our snappyPinterestboard!Happy pinning!
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Women and men in a fun dance class

More Fun, More Fitness

I nearly skipped my exercise class the other day. No real reason—I wasn’t ill, my workout clothes weren’t in the laundry, I wasn’t trapped in one of those three-hour windows during which the cable guy might show up. I was just a little cranky, and antsy about a looming deadline. It was freezing outside—a cruel slip of the mercury after a sundress-and-sandal-worthy weekend. Going AWOL from my workout meant I could spend the morning working in the toasty warmth of my house, feeling productive, cozy, content.Except I knew I would be anything but content if I blew off class. I wouldn’t feel guilty about neglecting my cardio health, or worry that skipping a workout would be a death sentence for my waistline. I doubted my frugal self would fret about the fact that I’d already paid. It just so happens that this particular exercise class—a hip-hop dance class that I take three times a week—is also one of the richest sources of happiness in my life.The un-hedonic treadmillNow, if you consider your fitness routine to be a chore, a bore, (or worse—it hurts, you hate it), you may find it hard to understand how I could derive flat-out elation from muscle-challenging, sweat-inducing physical exertion. Cynics may even sniff, “Of course you feel good after class: It’s the endorphins, stupid.” True, plenty of research shows that exercise triggers the release of mood-lifting brain chemicals. I feel pretty darn good after a workout with a trainer, too, even though I wince every time he makes me do something like hop from side-to-side over a block of wood. But the effect on my mood, both during and after, doesn’t come close to my beloved dance class.My emotions are affected in a vastly different way by the two mainstays of my fitness regimen: One leaves me feeling good afterwards, even if I don’t always enjoy it; the other has me pumped from the minute I step onto the floor until hours later, when I crank up whatever song we’re working on and dance it out in the kitchen (causing my kids to run screaming from the room!). I wondered what it is about hip-hop that brings me such glee, and how those things might be helpful for anyone in search of fitness bliss. Here’s what I came up with:The fun factorI’ve always gravitated toward dance-y activities: ballet in college; in my twenties, an addictive aerobics class on the Upper West side of Manhattan that had me prancing around in Reeboks and leg-warmers like a Rockette; highly choreographed step classes after having my first kid. I’m not alone: Zumba is the largest fitness brand in the world, according to BusinessInsider.com. WERQ (dance workouts that, like Zumba, are taught by certified pros) are popping up in health clubs and other fitness facilities nationwide. (There’s even a class in Manhattan that teaches Beyonce routines!)Studies have found that when you find an activity enjoyable, you’re more likely to commit to it, so the fact that I straight-up love moving to music has lots to do with my commitment to hip-hop. “The first thing I talk about with women who want to start an exercise program is finding something they want to do,” says Jennifer Huberty, Ph.D., an associate professor of exercise and wellness at Arizona State University and founder of FitMinded, a woman’s book club designed to promote physical activity. “I suggest approaching it like speed-dating: Try as many things as you can until you find something that clicks.”My hip-hop familyI’ve been in class with many of the same people for five years. We have a Facebook page, meet up for drinks, swap recipes and send flowers when a member loses a loved one. Looking forward to seeing folks I’ve grown fond of definitely motivates me. “Social support is a key facilitator of physical activity,” agrees Huberty. That doesn’t mean your exercise mates need to be your best friends. Even if you’re in a room full of strangers, you can draw on their energy and enthusiasm. You may even get a better workout, depending on who you sweat with: A recent study published in the Journal of Social Sciences found that when people exercised with someone they considered more fit than themselves, they worked harder.An amazing teacherMy class wouldn’t exist without our teacher, Angel Williams. Angel’s approach to teaching is to treat us like professional dancers rehearsing for a big performance. Her verbal flair and ability to evoke mental images helps us understand how we should move our bodies. And finally, she has an incredibly compelling personal story: Angel was seriously overweight when she began teaching hip-hop at our local YMCA in 2004; in that time she’s overcome a lot of prejudice about her size, has gone from a size 26 to a 10 (and is fast approaching her 6-to-8 goal), and is now in business for herself. Because Angel inspires us so much, we want to do our best for her. If you’re into group exercise, an instructor who inspires and entertains can definitely make the workout more enjoyable.It’s empowering In class, Angel demands that we check our everyday identities and inhibitions at the door, and forget that we have desk jobs and families, problems and responsibilities. It’s a liberating mindset. I’m thrilled to find that I can make my body move in ways that I would never have thought possible. As a white mom of four living in the suburbs, I hardly have a natural knack for urban dance! It’s an exhilarating accomplishment to master the intricate choreography that Angel dreams up. My friend Deb summed it up perfectly: “It’s like therapy. On the dance floor I’m no longer a mom, a wife, a creative director—I’m a woman. I can appreciate and challenge my body rather than nitpick and notice the flaws. I don’t even notice it’s exercise—it’s joy, power, sexuality, childhood, anger, freedom, storytelling. The fact that it’s a damn good workout is secondary.”
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Woman working out on mountain

Fit for Happiness

As a fitness instructor, motivational speaker and lifestyle coach, Chalene Johnson has heard it hundreds of times: “If I can just lose 20 pounds, I’ll be happy.” Or, “I’ll be happy once I getback in shape.” The problem is, she says, it doesn’t work that way.“Most people assume that if they can achieve their physical goals, they’ll be happy. So they go to extreme measures, and either they fail because the goal was too big, or they succeed at their goal, but find out it doesn’t change how they feelabout themselves—so they still perceivethemselves as failing.”While setting personal health and fitness goals is important, believing thathappiness will come from reaching thosegoals can set someone up for failure. “Happiness never comes from theoutside,” Chalene says. “It comes froma combination of all areas of our lives.Certainly, a lot of people start from theoutside, but it is the other changes theymake in their lives along the way thattruly make them happy.”She says working on fitness goals mayhelp put other areas of life in balance. Forexample, people may work fewer hours orspend less time in front of the television;they might start eating healthier mealsand make better choices. As all of those different areas of their lifebegin aligning, they are less likelyto self-medicate with food oralcohol—and as a result, theyfeel happier overall.Chalene’s observations, whichcome from more than 20 years of fitness and lifestyle coaching, havegrowing scientific evidence toback them up. Tim Sharp,Ph.D., executive coach,clinical psychologistand adjunct professorat the University of Technology, Sydney, Business School and RMIT University & School of Health Sciences, is alsofounder of The Happiness Institute,based in Sydney. His research theory, called “The Primacy of Positivity,”proposes that practicing the principlesof positive psychology and doing what isnecessary to create a happy life must bethe first step—not the end result.Taking such an approach “will boostmotivation and energize a person tothen do more of what they need to do,such as live a healthy life,” he says. “Allof these principles are very possible before goal attainment.”Delaying HappinessThe belief that happiness comes from reaching goals can actually have a negative effect on people, creating what Tim calls “the tyranny of when.” “[This] is the phenomenon resulting from a group of related thoughts and beliefs associated with imagined and seemingly desirable, but currently unreached, goals,” he explains. “For example, ‘I’ll be happy when…I have more money, a bigger house or a better job.’”In a paper published in theMarch 2011 edition of Coaching: AnInternational Journal of Theory, Researchand Practice, Tim explains how “thetyranny of when” can thwart goals andlead to a range of problems, includingnegative and self-defeating emotions.When someone is operating under“the tyranny of when” and fails toreach a goal, they may have already talked themselves out of being happy.As a result, any success or progressthey might have made on the way toreaching that goal is discounted. Forexample, instead of being happy aboutlosing eight pounds and celebrating thataccomplishment, someone might bedisappointed because they didn’t losethe 10 pounds they had intended.As a countermeasure, Tim isamong those who propose a newapproach that challenges the traditionof working toward goals. He arguesthat achievement and success are moreattainable if happiness and positivity arecreated first.“So even if happiness is not anexplicit goal in and of itself, it shouldstill be seen as a highly useful means toa desired end.”Reversing theThought ProcessShawn Achor, author of the books Before Happiness and The Happiness Advantage says the practice of attaching happiness to a goal or accomplishment is “scientifically broken" and believesit interferes not only with our overallhappiness, but with our outcomesand success.“Every time you record a victory,your brain changes the goal post of whatsuccess looks like,” he notes, addingthat it means we will always need a newaccomplishment to continue feelingsuccessful. However, research Shawnhas conducted at Harvard Universityindicates that the level of happinesscreated by the success doesn’t change orincrease with each success; it remainsthe same.In other words, greatersuccess does not, by itself, translate togreater levels of happiness.“But flip around the formula,prioritize creating a positive brain inthe present, and suddenly, every singlebusiness and educational outcomerises,” he says. “Raise happiness levelsin the present and your success raterises dramatically.”Successfully reaching personalweight and fitness goals requiresbecoming realistic about what one wantsto accomplish, and about the result thatreaching that goal will have.“Part of the frustration that canoftentimes come from trying to speedtoward certain goals is that sometimesthose goals are irrational,” he says.“Start with a realistic assessment ofwhere you are, but maintain the beliefthat your behavior matters in thepresent: ‘Can I work out today?’ ”That’s a simpler and more attainablegoal than vowing to exercise six days aweek.Looking at the goal in smaller,bite-size pieces makes it moremanageable, and creates more victoriesto celebrate. It also helps us stay positiveand makes us less likely to berateourselves if we have an “off” day,knowing it can be compensated for thenext day. Becoming more realistic andstaying committed while not makinghappiness contingent upon the outcomeare important shifts in thinking thatallow us to accept ourselves morereadily—and be able to celebrate theaccomplishment of simply takingbetter care of ourselves. And, bestof all, pursuing a healthier and more fitlifestyle will automatically supporteach individual’s personal questfor happiness.Which Comes First?Dr. John Ratey, an associate professorof psychiatry at Harvard and the authorof the book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain explains that exercise and happinessgo hand-in-hand. The challenge liesin getting people to recognize its many benefits and stop looking at it merely as a tool for physical attractiveness.“There’s a feeling among many people that exercise is work, and that’s a problem,” he says. “They see it as a chore or as work instead of seeing it assomething that has tremendous benefits to them. We are such a push-button,immediate digitalized response world that we demand change immediately,and that’s our downfall when it comes to exercise. If people are using thisto improve their outward physicalappearance, they know it’s going to takesome time.”However, he says anyone whoexercises can enjoy immediate benefits,even though they aren’t necessarily the kind of results that will show up on thescale in the morning.“People talk a lot about endorphinsthat are released through exercise,but that is just part of it,” John says.“When we begin exercising, we almost immediately begin releasing dopamine,norepinephrine and serotonin. Thoseare all neurotransmitters that deal with feelings of reward, alertness,contentment and feelings of wellbeing.”Even more importantly, the brain begins to secrete something known as “brain-derived neurotrophic factor,” or BDNF, a protein that is associated with the growth and development of neurons within the brain. John calls BDNF “brain fertilizer,” noting that it has been proven effective in combating both depression and anxiety, and even has been successful in fighting substance abuse issues.Exercise: The Stress Killer“In general, it allows us to combatstress hormones directly within thebody, but also to combat outsidestresses overall. And all of those thingscontribute to our feelings of happiness.”John says the key to enjoying a fitnessregimen—and therefore, increasing theodds of staying with it—is to understandthe immediate benefits it creates andbegin appreciating what it can do in theshort term rather than focusing on long-termbenefits.“People know that it’s going to havelong-term effects; it can fight depressionand Alzheimer’s and help them loseweight,” he says. “But we’ve become tooaccustomed to only placing an emphasison the physical. There are tremendousimmediate emotional and cognitiveeffects to exercise.”Maintaining a commitment to fitness can create a sense of mastery and pride in accomplishment—while at the same time, triggering a series of positive neural responses within the brain. It can lower blood pressure and blood sugar levels in just a few minutes, and it improves mood and enhances the quality of sleep. John says it doesn’t matter what the activity is; regardless of whether it’s yoga, CrossFit, weightlifting or Zumba, any exercise that stresses and challenges the brain will engage it immediately and set the benefits in motion. In fact, he notes that the brain is more engaged during exercise than it is during any other activity—including studying.“The thing that people need to thinkabout is that they are doing somethingto make them feel better today,” Johnsays. “When you exercise and increaseyour overall feeling of wellbeing fortoday, you’re going to feel better abouteverything that happens that day. You’regoing to feel happier overall.”A 2013 study by Katherine M.Appleton of Queen’s University inBelfast, U.K., published in the Journalof Health Psychology further illustratesJohn’s point. Her study showed thatregular exercise helped people feelbetter about themselves and theirappearance—even when there wereno obvious outward physical changes.Participants were divided into twocontrol groups; one group spent 40minutes reading six days a week, theother group spent that same amount oftime exercising. Neither group showedchanges in their appearance, but at theend of the study, the exercise groupshowed marked improvement in theirbody image, while the reading groupshowed no change in their body image.Katherine wrote that her study“confirm(ed) current theories of bodyimage, where changes in body imageare mediated by body perceptions asopposed to actual body indices.” Whatshe saw firsthand was that exercisecan help improve body image and mindset, even if no weight was lost or ifmeasurable improvements were made inthe shapes of their bodies.Katherine’s findings are similar tothose being made by other psychologistsand scientists around the globe.Many experts today believe that thelink between physical activity andhappiness is inextricably linked,and that exercise is a way to unleashhappiness—something that could play apivotal role in helping people reach theirpersonal health and fitness goals.Reaching Realistic GoalsHarvard psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., who teaches a course on positive psychology, frequently preaches a gospel of exercise to induce and maintain happiness. “Physical exercise, three times a week, is equivalent to some of our most powerful psychiatric drugs in terms of its effect on depression and anxiety,” he said during the PBS television program, Life (Part 2).He has frequently been quoted as saying avoiding exercise is the equivalent to taking depressants. And Niyc Pidgeon, a U.K.-based positive psychologist specializing in physical activity, sport and exercise, has created a performance pyramid similar to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to illustrate the formula for reaching optimal performance in life. Her model places “mindsets and optimism” as the essential foundation for building other necessary characteristics such as self-awareness, positive emotions and emotional intelligence.“Choosing an [optimistic] mindset can be fundamental in developing, enhancing and maintaining performance,” she says. “Optimism is associated with more positive and authentic relationships, better physical health and a longer lifespan.”What emerges is a sort of chicken-and-the-egg question between exercise andhappiness. Exercise is proven successful in releasing stress, unleashing feel-good chemicals in the brain, and enhancing mood and motivation. At the same time, those who see the results of exercise as thepath to their happiness may find themselves disappointed, disillusioned—and ultimately unsuccessful at both finding happiness and reaching their goals.“If you solely focus on your physiqueand that outcome, you’re going to bedisappointed,” concludes Chalene.“You have to find what makes you trulyhappy in life first. You have to create thatbalance in your life. Otherwise, you willstay on this hamster wheel of trying to behappy forever.”
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Young woman lying on the grass

4 Websites That Will Help You Build Hope

Hope gets you out of bed every morning, and yet by lunchtime, that wide-eyed optimism can turn into an empty homily. Here are four websites that can help you stay focused and turn your good intentions into reality.FutureMe.Org lets you send a letter to your future self, days, weeks, months or even years in the future. You can use it to remind yourself of a where/when plan you’ve made (“Hi, Today is the day you’re signing up for swimming lessons”) or check in on your progress. More than two and half million future letters have been written through the website.StickK.com allows you make a “commitment contract,” declaring your goals to yourself and others, and making it binding. You choose your objective—losing weight, quitting smoking, writing the first 100 pages of your novel, running a 5K—pick a timeframe and designate a referee who will monitor your progress as well as supporters who will cheer you on. You can also set a stake—betting, say, $10 a week that you’ll keep your commitment—and choosing where the money will go (a charity, perhaps) if you fail.Timebanks.org helps send ripples of hope out into your community. Using time as currency, members of the bank contribute their skills and earn “time credits” in exchange. Everyone’s time is valued alike. You might deliver an hour of resume writing and withdraw an hour of carpentry down the road. “We are all assets,” the website says. “We all have something to give.”Hopemonger.com is Shane Lopez’s website and it is filled with hope-building resources, including a link to the Hope Scale, so you can measure (and track) your own hope; information on “nexting while talking,” a technique for practicing hope with your kids; and hope how-tos on mapping out hope and sharpening your hope skills.
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People talking in group at work

What’s Your Communication Style?

How the world perceives us and the way we come across to others is so important, that in my book How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, I put my thoughts about effective communication right up front in Chapter One. In this quiz we’ll assess your communication style and pinpoint any problem areas that may be hindering you.This quiz breaks our communication styles down into three categories.Choose option A, B, or C for the questions below; answer the answer that best fits how you might respond in the particular scenario.1. When I am involved in a disagreement with someone important to me:A. It's easier to walk awayor back down immediately to avoid conflict.B. I will engage in the discussion no matter how heated it becomes until I’m sure I’ve gotten my point across.It's important that my voice be heard.C. The relationship is more important than the outcome of this argument, so I respond based on wanting to stay connected, despite our disagreements.2.When I feel my needs are not being met in a relationship:A. I rarely ask directly for what I want. I hope they the other person will figure it out on their own and do it for me.B. I tend to be demanding. If I don't put it out there, I know I won't get it.C. I find a way to discuss it or ask for it that provides the least conflict but gives me the best chance of getting what I want.3.When it comes to having a heart-to-heart with someone I care about:A. I don't have heart-to-heart conversations. I just let the relationship play out and adjust to whatever the other person says and does.B. I often become angry and accusatory during serious discussions. It's hard for me to stay calm when I discuss important matters.C. I express what I am trying to say calmly and give the other person a chance to express themselves. I want things to remain peaceful.4.When it comes to expressing myself at work:A. Typically, I can’t articulate my long-term goals, and find it difficult to approach those in a position to help me. I keep my head down and do what’s asked of me.B. I know exactly what I want and need, and am very vocal in expressing it to my superiors. I will achieve my professional goals at any cost.C. I take time to consider the best person to approach forwhat I want to take away from our conversation. I have a definite plan is in place before I communicate.5.In a high-stress situationlike a job interview:A. I get so panicked thinking about all the possible negative outcomes that I am unprepared for the actual discussion and often feel I left much unsaid.B. I am demanding and to the point. I have been told that my style could be considered aggressive or abrasive, but I look at it as getting what I need.C. I carefully prepare the points I want to make, the questions I have, and chose a good time for a calm discussion.6.My style of talking could best be described as:A. Quiet, self-deprecating, and quick to agree and placate. I will always give in to get along.B. Loud and boisterous. I generally set the agenda or plans and others follow.C. I shift styles based on where I am and which friend or business associate I’m dealing with. I go with what feels right in the moment.7. At social gatherings like parties or events:A. I prefer not to attend events full of strangers. But if I do go, I prefer to blend in. I often sit in a corner and keep a low profile.B. I am often described as the life of the party. I generate most of the conversation, and feel a sense of obligation to keep things moving along – sometimes inappropriately (excess drinking, gossiping, etc.).C. I can function well in large parties of mostly strangers, and am completely comfortable in familiar settings with friends.8. When I am with others and not feeling well or in a good mood:A. I hide it all costs and try to stay quiet and hope no one notices. “I’m fine,” is my mantra.B. I tell everyone. There’s no hiding it, so I’m not shy about telling everyone why I’m so miserable. Maybe they can help, and at least they’ll listen.C. I am open about what is going on in my life if I feel the time is right to confide, but not if it will adversely impact the mood or flow.9. When I am involved in a negative interaction:A. I withdraw from the situation. I get quiet and retreat into myself.B. I get frustrated and have a hard time shaking it off. It impacts my mood for some time.C. I adjust to the situation and move on as quickly as possible in order to make the best of an uncomfortable experience.10. When I am in line in a crowded retail store and someonecuts in front of me in line:A. I say nothing.B. I loudly let her know that she has cut in line, and tell her to goto the end.C. I tap her politely on the shoulder and casually let her know that she may not have realized it but she has cut in front of me.If you answered:Mostly A’s, you are a Passive Communicator.Passive communicators tend to be fearful and avoid confrontation at all costs. It might be that you feel that you are not entitled or worthy enough to ask for or receive what you want, or perhaps you are willing to sacrifice your own wishes in exchange for avoiding conflict or confrontation. This style of communication might ultimately lead to feelings of anxiety, anger, depression and helplessness,which can certainly impact your ability to be personally happy and professionally successful.Mostly B’s, you are an Aggressive Communicator. Aggressive communicators tend to be confrontational and angry. Your (very) direct way of expressing your feelings and communicating can leave others feeling unheard, insignificant and even violated. This style of communication may ultimately lead to feelings of isolation, powerlessness and agitation, which can ultimately alienate you from getting what you want from others.Mostly C’s, congratulations, you are a Dynamic Communicator—the most effective kind of communicator. A dynamic communicator always wants both sides to walk away feeling somewhat satisfied; they are so successful in their skills that they can easily impact others with their words and style. Translation: Dynamic Communicators get more of what they want more often, with less conflict. A dynamic communicator lets go of the need to win and instead knows that the real winning comes when communication is effective and relationships are solid.
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