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Self-Care

What can you do to impact your own happiness? Read stories, learn simple tips, take quizzes and more to help build a happier life.

Living a more courageous life.
Self-Care

11 Steps to a Braver You

Think about The Wizard of Oz and its Cowardly Lion, who wishes for one thing: courage. He presents himself as fearful, timid and insecure. It’s only at the end of the story, when the Wizard of Oz places a medal around the Cowardly Lion’s neck, signifying the gift of courage, that he realizes he’d been courageous all along.And just as the Cowardly Lion learned, courage isn’t something we can receive in the form of a medal or find in a book, and it’s not something we’re born with. Rather, courage, in its truest form, is something we nurture and grow within ourselves.Here’s the good news: Courage doesn't have to involve rescuing someone from a burning building, grand sacrifices or awesome feats of physical derring-do. If you think about it, many of the things we do in our daily lives take courage. A certain amount of bravery is necessary just to get by in life.Cultivating courage can be easy, if we focus on putting in the time and energy to do it. Here are some of my favorite methods for developing courage on a daily basis:1.Know yourselfTake the time to examine who you are as a person so you can figure out your strengths and the areas where maybe you need to grow a little to be courageous. Then, start working on those areas where you could use some improvement or ask for help from others so they can pick up the slack.2.Take responsibility for your mistakesLook at how you live your life and where you have made errors. Own up to your mistakes, recognize them and try to learn from them. Apologize as needed.3.Forgive yourselfNo one is perfect. Strive for progress, not perfection. If you fall off the horse, be kind to yourself and get right back on.4.Stand up for yourselfDo not let others push you to think, act or feel in ways not right for you. Be brave in standing up for your wants and needs.5.Don’t give upRemember, you will always have hope as long as you keep trying. When times get tough and your courage is waning, rest, recharge and then keep going. Fight for what you want and need.6.Learn to say yesIf something sounds appealing but it is a little (or a lot!) scary, say yes and try it. At least put a toe in the water—you may discover something new about yourself.7.On the other hand, learn to say noIf something or someone makes you uncomfortable, rally your courage and say no to investing your time and energy.8.Let go of what you can’t fix or changeEven the most courageous of people can’t change what they can’t change. If you can’t change something, let go of it, accept it as it is and invest your skills in areas that you can change or improve.9.Don’t be afraid to be afraidMany of us think that we need to wait for the fear to go away, but sometimes it never goes away, so acknowledge your fear, allow it to exist and take the steps you need to anyway. Being afraid is both healthy and necessary.10.Focus on the positiveFocusing on the positive is important in every situation; however, it’s absolutely critical during challenging times. Look for the diamond in the rough, think about how great you will feel in the end and take time to smell the roses.11.Pat yourself on the backFacing your fears takes bravery. Much like the Cowardly Lion, we all deserve some sort of a “medal.” Pat yourself on the back, tell yourself “Job well-done” and allow yourself to enjoy recognition for your successes.Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality, and a frequent contributor to Live Happy.To read more about courage, see the June 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine.
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Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin
Self-Care

Habits Can Be Happiness-Forming

Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin had a lightbulb moment during a conversation with a friend that took her interest in habits and spiked it into the realm of near-obsession. Her friend wanted to exercise. She knew she’d feel more energetic and happier if she did, but she couldn’t get herself to do it. “The funny thing is,” said the friend, “when I was in high school, I never missed track practice, but I can’t get myself to go running now.” A "eureka" moment Gretchen was thunderstruck by this new perspective on behavior. “Why is that?” she thought. “Same habit, same person. At one time it was effortless, now it’s impossible. What’s the difference?” “That got me really focused on this idea of habits,” Gretchen says. From her research, she knew that people with steady, productive habits are happier and healthier. As she looked more deeply into habits, she had more questions than answers. Why do some people have an easier time forming habits than others? Why do some people like habits while others dread them? She began researching habits and testing her theories on willing friends and family members. Her findings led to her latest book, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives. She calls it a prequel to her best-selling The Happiness Project because it answers the question, “How do you start doing those things that lead to happiness?” The secret to positive habits To understand how people are able to change, Gretchen knew she must understand how habits are formed and how they stick. “Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life. We repeat about 40 percent of our habits daily, so they shape our existence and our future. When we change our habits, we change our lives. “I think people have a pretty good idea of the things that will make them happier, but they often can’t make them happen,” Gretchen says. She noticed that when people talk about something that makes them happy, they often focus on a healthy habit they finally managed to set in motion. Put your brain on autopilot “Most of the things people want to do, they want to do regularly,” Gretchen says. “Habits allow us to go on automatic. The crucial thing about habits is the lack of decision-making. You are not deciding whether to brush your teeth or put on your seat belt. You are just doing it automatically.” In this way, habits can free us from stress. “Making decisions is draining. Habits free you from using self-control or willpower,” Gretchen says. “Everything that is important to you—from getting enough sleep to exercising, working on a big project or even having more quality time with your family—once it’s a habit, you don’t have to decide.” Start small And while you’ll find lots of advice about how to set habits, from starting small to tackling a new habit first thing in the morning, Gretchen’s advice is different and goes deeper. To start a new habit, she says, “we have to first know ourselves. Once we know ourselves, we can manage ourselves better.” For example, if you are a night person you shouldn’t try to take on the habits of a morning person. Work with who you are, building on strengths and patterns that are already in place. What's your habit tendency? Habits are one way we follow through on things we know will make us happier, but the same strategies don’t work for everyone. “When we form a habit, we set expectations for ourselves,” Gretchen says. “How we respond to expectations—both internal (keep a resolution) and external (meet a work deadline) is a key question for habit change. To better explain how we fall into types when it comes to our relationships with habits, Gretchen developed a framework called The Four Tendencies. Upholders respond readily to both internal and external expectations. “I do what others expect of me—and what I expect from myself.” Questioners challenge all expectations. They meet an expectation only if they believe it’s reasonable (effectively making it an internal expectation). “I do what I think is best, according to my judgment. I won’t do something that doesn’t make sense.” Obligers respond readily to outside expectations but struggle to meet their own expectations. “I don’t like to let others down, but I often let myself down.” Rebels resist all expectations. “I want to do what I want, in my own way. If you tell me to do it, I’m less likely to do it.” Knowing thyself According to Gretchen’s research, if you identify your tendency, you will have a better idea of which one of her 21 identified habit-changing strategies will work for you. You can deploy multiple strategies at once or use a single strategy to master a habit. “For instance,” says Gretchen, “upholders do especially well with the strategy of scheduling, questioners with the strategy of clarity, obligers with the strategy of accountability and rebels with the strategy of identity. Base your style on personality and values “With habits, some people should start small and others should start big. One person should keep it private and another should go public,” Gretchen explains. “If you are going to have coffee with a friend once a week or read Scripture, it’s so much easier when there’s a habit to it. If something is really important to you, build a habit around it.” To help tailor your habits to your nature, ask yourself questions about how you spend your time, what you value most, and what habits you currently pursue. To do this, the book includes a helpful list with questions like: At what time of day do I feel energized? What’s most satisfying to me: saving time, or money, or effort? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would it be? The more your habits reflect your values, the happier you will be. Start with a strong foundation Begin with habits that strengthen self-control, what Gretchen calls The Foundation Four. These habits serve as the foundation for forming other good habits: sleep, move, eat and drink right, unclutter. “Foundational habits protect us from getting so physically taxed or mentally frazzled that we can’t manage ourselves. If you are a person who doesn’t get enough sleep and then you start getting enough sleep, that’s generally going to boost your sense of self-command. Foundation habits can even make profound change possible,” Gretchen explains. “A friend once told me, ‘I cleaned out my fridge, and now I feel like I can switch careers.’ I knew exactly what she meant.” Foundation habits reinforce each other. For instance, exercise helps people sleep, and sleep helps people do everything better. Ask yourself what you really want “I think a lot of people are plagued by these vague notions of habits they should change, and that’s very draining and makes you feel out of control of yourself,” Gretchen says. “Ask yourself what you really want and make your life reflect that.” Gretchen’s No. 1 rule on her Habits Manifesto: What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while. “Harness the power of habits to create a life that makes you freer and happier.”
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Woman making a power pose
Self-Care

6 Secrets of Better Body Language

Need a quick pick-me-up? Skip the coffee, and instead, stand straighter, smile and even try imitating a cheerful walk to lift your spirits.Here are six easy ways to beat the blues with your body language:1. Walk the walkScientists at Canada’s Institute for Advanced Research had two groups of study participants walk on a treadmill, one with their shoulders slumped and with a slow gait, and the other in a more cheerful fashion. As they walked, the test subjects were shown a list of positive and negative words.The depressed walkers recalled more negative words, while the cheerful walkers remembered the upbeat words on the list, suggesting that their body language during the test had affected their moods and memory. The lesson here? Lift your head and stand tall, and you may just see your spirits look up as well. 2. Smile!You know the saying “Fake it until you make it”? Well, it’s actually true when it comes to smiling. Since the 1970s, research has shown that even a manipulated smile can boost your mood. A genuine smile—one that involves both the mouth and the eyes—does all kinds of great things for you, like releasing endorphins into your bloodstream and boosting your immune system.What’s more, researchers at the University of Kansas found that people who smile have better heart recovery rates after stressful events. So, if you find yourself in a stressful situation, a smile could just be what the doctor ordered.3. Power poseTry a power pose to restore your confidence. Either raise your arms in the victory post or put your hands on your hips like Superman, and then hold your pose for a few moments. “Power posing” can help us reduce our cortisol (our stress hormone) while increasing our feel-good hormones, says Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, Ph.D.4. Become a mirrorBody language expert Christopher Carter says subtly mirroring others is a great way to build an instant connection, but warns mirroring exactly can feel like mocking. For example, if the person you’re with sits down and adopts a relaxed posture, do the same. And if the person's energy is very "up," you can build rapport with him or her by mirroring their energy. Later, once your rapport is established, try lowering your energy, says Carter, and the other person will lower their energy, too.5. LaughLaughter is a great mood booster—it allows your muscles to relax, improves our blood sugar, and raises and then beneficially lowers our blood pressure, according to the Mayo Clinic. Because laughing is a social thing (you’re 30 percent more likely to laugh with others than alone), it decreases isolation. But that laughter better be the real thing: It turns out, the brain can easily detect the difference between real and faked laughter.6. Spread outWhen you’re feeling nervous, uncertain and or afraid, you may find yourself crossing your arms or legs or may be putting your hands in front of our face or mouth. That’s called “body blocking,” and it’s a universal sign of discomfort, Carter says. To feel better, he advises flinging your limbs out and taking up more space. Making yourself and your space bigger conveys confidence, not just to those around you, but also to your brain.Peggy Conger is a freelance writer who lives on a ranch in New Mexico with 32 horses, assorted dogs and cats, and the occasional mountain lion. She writes about issues important to women at Moxie Lady.
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Tired woman
Well-Being

Did You Spring Forward Into Exhaustion?

By now we’ve all reset our clocks for the start of daylight saving time, but we wish we could hit snooze bars on our internal biological clocks. Besides costing an hour of sleep, the time change wreaks havoc with our circadian rhythms—even threatening our well-being, researchers warn.Resetting the inner clock“An hour seems like a minor change, but moving the clock ahead one hour can be very stressful or disruptive for some people, particularly for those who are already sleep deprived,” warnsDr. Jeffrey P. Barasch, medical director of The Valley Hospital Center for Sleep Medicine in Ridgewood, New Jersey.Our circadian rhythm, the biological clock located in a part of the brain behind the eyes, determines when we feel alert and when we are sleepy, he says. The clock needs time to adjust to synchronize our bodies with the daily light-dark cycle of the world.The lost hour: Where does it go?With daylight savings, a 7 a.m. wakeup becomes 6 a.m. Previously sunlit mornings are dark—at least for a while—slowing the clock adjustment and leaving us feeling tired for more than the one day on which the clocks change, Jeffrey says.Some German researchers believe ourbodies never adjust fully to daylight saving time.“When you change clocks to daylight saving time, you don't change anything related to sun time,”lead researcher Till Roenneberg of Ludwig-Maximilians-University in Munich said in a 2007 study of time-change disruption. “This is one of those human arrogances—that we can do whatever we want as long as we are disciplined. We forget that there is a biological clock that is as old as living organisms, a clock that cannot be fooled. The pure social change of time cannot fool the clock.”Be careful out thereOn average, we sleep 40 minutes less than our normal times on the Sunday nights following the springtime changes, theNational Sleep Foundation says. The consequences show the next day in terms of increased listlessness at work,according to a Penn State study; and even an increase in heart attacks and workplace injuries.“Pay close attention to light exposures since it will be brighter outside at bedtime now,” advises Lauren Hale, Ph.D., Stony Brook University School of Medicine professor and inaugural editor of Sleep Health journal. “This means you should be sure to shut your shades in addition to shutting off your screens at bedtime,” she said.Here are more tips to help us restore our well-being:Go to bed at your usual time after the time change.Get up at your usual time.Get sunlight soon after awakening.Avoid sunlight or bright light in the evening.Don’t nap within a few hours of your regular bedtime.Avoid caffeine, nicotine and alcohol for several hours before bedtime.Jim Gold is a veteran journalist who splits his time between Seattle and San Francisco.
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Three happy woman at the beach
Self-Care

33 Ideas to Bring Happiness Into Your Life

As the International Day of Happiness approaches on March 20, we’re highlighting some of the things that we think make life great. Pick and choose your favorites from our list to watch, read, contemplate and share happiness!1. “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” —H. Jackson Brown2. Read The Happiness of Pursuit by Chris Guillebeau.3. Listen to “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.4. Watch E.T.5. Make someone else happy.6. “Happiness is a direction, not a place.” —Sydney J. Harris7. Read Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill by Matthieu Ricard and Daniel Goleman.8. Listen to “Love and Happiness” by Al Green.9. Watch Amelie.10. Smile. It’s contagious.11. “At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.” —Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love12. Read Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence by Rick Hanson.13. Listen to “Shiny Happy People” by R.E.M.14. Watch I Love You, Man.15. Celebrate the United Nations’ International Day of Happiness by visiting a happiness wall on March 20.16. “I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.” —The Temptations17. Read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.18. Listen to “Happy Together” by The Turtles.19. Watch or read Julie and Julia.20. Take a walk on a nice day.21. “Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.” —Jack Kerouac22. Read The Wisdom of Compassion by the Dalai Lama and Victor Chan.23. Listen to “If It Makes You Happy,” by Sheryl Crow.24. Watch Yes Man.25. “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson.26. Read You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh and Melvin McLeod27. Take the #HappyActs Challenge.28. Enjoy the silence.29. Watch Happy Feet.30. Listen to “The Hallelujah Chorus,” Handel’s Messiah (Easter is April 5)31. Be kind—to yourself and others.32. Send a letter of gratitude to a positive influence in your life.33. Come back in April for 33 Ideas on Green Living.
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Happy couple in Alaska
Well-Being

And the Happiest State in the Nation Is …

If you guessed Florida, sorry, you’re not even close. California? Not even in the the top 10. Hawaii? You’re getting warmer: The Aloha State is No. 2. The highest-ranking U.S. state in the just-released annual Gallup-Healthways well-being poll is … Alaska. Who knew caribou jerky and sub-zero weather could be so much fun? Explanation of the rankings According to Dan Witters, Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index Research Director, Alaska's ranking is not such a surprise. “Alaska is no stranger to our top 10 rankings,” according to Dan. “In fact, it has been in the top five on three previous occasions, but this is its first year at No. 1.” The five indicators of well-being used in the poll were: purpose, positive social interactions, financial security, a sense of community and physical health. This year, Alaskans were feeling good enough to knock North Dakota off its 2013 perch as No. 1. Dog sledding is good for your health Says Dan, “Alaskans benefit from very good basic fitness and healthy choices.They top the nation in exercise, with 64 percent reporting that they exercise at least 30 minutes at least three days per week, and they have the lowest diabetes and cholesterol rates in the U.S.” Despite (or perhaps because of) a sparse overall population, Alaskans also report a very strong sense of community. Smoking, obesity: bad for your health At the other end of the scale, West Virginia came in at the bottom for the sixth consecutive year. Poor physical and mental health may be a contributing factor (or a consequence of other factors such as economics). According to Dan, “Residents of West Virginia carry the second-highest obesity rate (34 percent), the highest depression diagnosis rate (27 percent), the highest diabetes rate (16 percent), and the highest cholesterol rate (32 percent) in the nation.They also are heavy smokers, with 29 percent who report being a smoker.” Below are the Top 10 States for Well-Being in 2014. For the complete list, go to the Gallup-Healthways Site. Alaska Hawaii South Dakota Wyoming Montana Colorado Nebraska Utah New Mexico Texas
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3 Easy Steps to Healthier Eating
Well-Being

3 Easy Steps to Healthier Eating

We know we should eat whole grains, lean protein, and lots of fruits and vegetables. We've also learned that we should cut back on things like sugar and fast food. But these guidelines are easier said than digested. Instead of making huge steps, try making a few small changes to improve your eating step by step. Step 1: Cook your own food Restaurant food tastes delicious for a reason—actually for several reasons: sugar, salt and fat. Whether on the low or high end, restaurants put much more butter, salt and sugar in their dishes than you or I would when cooking at home. (Hey, they are not responsible to our mother or our cardiologist. They’d like us to come back, and they know what our taste buds want.) Here are some ways around that tasty predicament: Make it Fun! Cooking doesn’t have to be a chore. Take a cooking class with a friend to get you motivated and help keep you engaged, or read a few beautiful food magazines. If you are new to cooking, stick with simple fare that won’t leave you discouraged. Be Adventurous! Whole grains such as rice or bulgur may be off-limits to many people on fad diets right now, but in fact they are not only inexpensive, but also incredibly good for you—they taste great with chicken thighs or pork chops, too. Look for seasonings that aren’t loaded with salt. Mix it up a bit, combining spices and ingredients for a taste profile you enjoy. Keep it Interesting! Add and prepare fruits and vegetables in new ways. Have you ever made beets? Don’t worry if your kitchen looks like a crime scene afterward; those red and yellow beauties are great for your health. Think you don’t like broccoli? Have you ever roasted it? Take chopped-up broccoli or cauliflower, and instead of boiling or steaming, roast it in a 400-degree oven for about 20 minutes. You’ll never think of cruciferous vegetables in the same way. Step 2: Eat smart snacks Congratulations, you’ve started cooking more. You’re making your own dinners and possibly even bringing the leftovers to work. But what happens when you’re at your desk at around 4 p.m. and your blood sugar bottoms out? Do you go scrounging in the snack room for donuts? Do you head to Starbucks for a latte that has the calorie equivalent of a Big Mac? Our solution: Be prepared. If you can, keep fruit and cut-up veggies like carrots and cucumbers in your fridge at work. If not, a delicious protein bar in your desk may have a lot of calories but is still far healthier than what you were going to eat! A bag of nuts is perfect for those moments when you need a little lift. Step 3: Drink water You probably thought we were about to repeat that old saying about drinking eight cups of water a day. We're fine with that, but what we really advocate is drinking water instead of the alternatives. Sugary or diet sodas are a leading cause of obesity—and also one of the easiest things to cut out of your diet. Calories and sugar impact us more when we eat them rather than drink them. So use your calories wisely. Better for you than juice, iced tea and even milk, water is the universal solvent and our favorite drink. (Okay, we make an exception for a large cup of coffee in the morning and a little wine with dinner.) Enjoy!
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Friends hanging out
Self-Care

6 Easy Ways to Improve Your Social Life

When we spend time with family, have drinks after work with friends, or even reconnect by phone with an old friend, we don't need a scientific paper to tell us we feel great! Recent research by psychology professor Barbara Fredrickson shows that even casual positive interactions with acquaintances can cause a major lift in spirits. And the more of these little happy hits we get, the better. In fact, relationships are so important in positive psychology, they make up the "R" in PERMA (the model of thriving developed by Dr. Martin Seligman). We know that spending time with people we care about improves our well-being, and yet some of us may need a bit of a nudge to break us out of our hermit tendencies. Here is your nudge, in six parts: 1. Invite a co-worker out for lunch If someone is new to your workplace, make them feel welcome by inviting them for lunch. Or maybe you have the kind of office where most people eat while working at their desks every day. Gather a group together and go out one Friday—sit in the sunshine and chat about anything but work. 2. Meet a friend for coffee We all fall into ruts and routines; we tend to see just the same few people over and over—often just our families and co-workers. What about that friend you like but never get around to seeing? Give him or her a call and arrange a coffee date. Catch up on what's new while strengthening your relationship. Facebook is great, but nothing beats actual face-to-face contact for staying in touch. 3. Host a dinner party Sure, this is a little more ambitious, but you don’t have to be Martha Stewart to have a few friends over for dinner. Start small with perhaps just four or five people. Make as much of the meal ahead of time as you can, and be sure you have enough essentials on hand, such as napkins, chairs and silverware—preferably not when the party is five minutes from starting. If you don’t like to cook much, buy high-quality prepared food such as rotisserie chicken or cooked salmon from the market. Toss a salad, buy a baguette and some wine and you’re golden. 4. Join the club Many studies, as well as anecdotal evidence, show that people who enjoy the sense of belonging and camaraderie you get from a group or community gain immense benefits in terms of well-being—even recovering more quickly after a stroke or other illness. It doesn’t matter if it’s a religious congregation, a book club, a sports team … getting together with like-minded people on a regular basis is good for your physical and mental health. 5. Go solo Don’t let a lack of compadres stop you from hitting the town. So many restaurants now have counters or bars where you can comfortably sit as a single and watch the goings-on all around you. And even if they don’t, you have the right to occupy a table and enjoy a great meal as much as any family of six. Bring a book or tablet and read if you feel you need something to keep you occupied while you eat. As for going to movies, plays or museums alone, for many this is the only way to go! Enjoy the entertainment and your own company, while at the same time putting yourself out there in the public sphere and inviting the possibility of meeting someone with similar interests. 6. Turn off your computer The incredible conveniences of 21st-century technology are undeniable. Yes, you barely need to leave your house to buy pretty much anything under the sun. You can order up food to be delivered, and download movies right to your computer or TV. But doing so has a cost in human interaction, or lack thereof. According to research from the University of British Columbia, even so-called “weak ties," casual interactions like the kind that occur at your local Starbucks or corner market, are important for social and emotional well-being. (This dovetails with Barbara Fredrickson's research, mentioned above.) Instead of buying something online, go to a bookstore or record shop. If a store is independently owned, you have a better chance of real interaction and recommendations from the people working there. Get out there and be among the people!
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Mountaineer Dave Hahn
Self-Care

Dave Hahn Is Always Climbing Higher

Actively pursuing a life that is bigger than yourself, engaging your signature strengths and doing something you are insanely passionate about are paramount to happiness, according to the “father of positive psychology,” Martin Seligman, Ph.D. For mountaineer Dave Hahn, that purpose is found above the clouds. Dave has stood atop Mount Everest 15 times (more than any non-Sherpa). He’s reached the summit of Mount McKinley (the highest peak in North America) 21 times, Mount Rainier more than 275 times and Mount Vinson (the highest peak in Antarctica) more than 30 times. And during the three months when he’s not climbing, he works—where else?—in the mountains, on the ski patrol in Taos, New Mexico. The challenge to find balance Dave’s job is fully intertwined with his passion, so he acknowledges finding balance can be a struggle. “I’d be the last person accused of being balanced,” he says. “But I vary my challenges. I go to the Himalayas every spring, but I don’t take every chance to go to the Himalayas. I want some time at home. I want some time not climbing. I want some time pulling weeds in my yard. I want some times when I’m not scared of dying. I want some times when all the responsibility isn’t on my shoulders. So if there’s some shame in that, ‘What’s the matter? Can’t take it?’ so be it. “I’m fully aware that I’ll be right back in that arena before very long. When you’re younger, there’s this fear that if you take your foot off the gas pedal, you won’t be able to find the gas pedal again. Perhaps taking breaks…allows you to do this for 28 years instead of five.” Finding Everest Dave went to Mount Everest for the first time in 1991, but he didn’t reach the summit. His father (a former rock climber) introduced him to mountaineering. They planned to climb Mount McKinley in Alaska, but only if Dave went to Washington state’s Mount Rainier first to learn some basic climbing skills. That go-and-learn trip changed his life. “As soon as I got there and saw the guide service, that crystallized things for me,” he says of the 1985 Rainier trip. “Meeting these guys [who] were not much older than me [who] had been all over the world with climbing, I got pretty determined to be a guide.” Learning the ropes So he found a summer job waiting tables in Washington, climbed every day and kept learning. As he added glaciers and altitude, Dave’s fascination multiplied. He began to crave the fitness that climbing both required and granted. The teamwork and challenge of managing adversity helped Dave envision living in the mountains, not just conquering them. “My goals were about being in it for the long term, not about a tick list of, ‘OK, got that summit, move on to another one.’ ” Rainier, McKinley, Everest became “part of my life,” he says, “and as I took on new challenges, I never got rid of any of them.” Relationship with Everest In 1994, Dave returned to Mount Everest, but this time, he reached the 29,029-foot summit. On the descent, he was caught in a snowstorm and spent the night alone, without oxygen, in the death zone. One week later, he witnessed two members of his expedition undergoing a similar challenge. Only one survived. Dave still finds that day hard to describe. “That’s about as traumatic as it can get,” he says. “It framed what I’d gotten away with. Right when I was maybe tempted to get a little smug about what I’d accomplished, here was graphic evidence that I’d just barely been lucky enough to get through it.” Peaks and valleys The lesson? “Make yourself as strong and as capable as possible.” To that end, Dave is a certified emergency medical technician with extensive avalanche training. He is called upon to make harrowing rescues, including one on Mount Rainier in 2002, where he survived a helicopter crash, then made a tricky technical ascent to recover an injured climber. Last April, Dave was at his Mount Everest base camp when an avalanche swept over the perilous Khumbu Icefall, killing 16 Sherpas. Dave had been through the icefall a week earlier to assess whether the route was safe. His Sherpa team had been through the fall just the day before. But that Friday was a rest day for his team as they prepared for an ascent that might have marked Dave’s 13th year in a row safely reaching and guiding others to the top of the world. Instead, Dave went up to help recover the bodies and the season was canceled. Back on the mountain This spring, as usual, Dave will return to try again. The mountains that have given him so much pleasure—and heartache—have taught him that above all, finding happiness at more than 29,000 feet requires humility, respect and pragmatism. “When you’re in the big mountains, you’re having episodes where you’ve got to get yourself out of a f x or you end up helping someone else out of a fix,” Dave says. “Every day, my eyes would be wide open. I’d be amazed at how much life you could experience in how little time. I reached a point where this is exactly what I was looking for.”
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Woman in fallen leaves
Self-Care

12 Ways to Celebrate You

Life should be filled with joyful moments. On top of that, as living, breathing human beings we all deserve to be acknowledged, appreciated and celebrated. Life gets busy for most of us as we juggle responsibilities and spend much of our time nurturing others. It is important that we each find the time to celebrate who we are, to honor ourselves for our efforts and triumphs, and to praise our resilience even during the hardest of times.Here are 12 ways to celebrate you!1. Take a breakTake a stay-cation or a vacation that includes lots of the activities that you love to do. If you love reading in an Adirondack chair in a beautiful location, find a way to do it. If you love eating delicious foods, indulge in going out to dinner at one of your favorite restaurants. Take some time out to avoid feeling burned out.2. Write a gratitude letter—to yourselfMany of us have taken the time out to express our gratitude to others, but very few of us have really invested the energy in focusing on what we are grateful for in ourselves. Write a list or a letter highlighting all of the things about you that you’re grateful for. For example: the ability to juggle work and family, or that you have found a way to live within your means. Or maybe you are grateful that you’ve been eating and living in a healthier way since January.Whatever it is, write it down! Later, if you are having a day where you are feeling particularly down on yourself, refer to that list to put some positivity back into your mind and mood.3. Unleash your inner childReward yourself with a rare moment of instant gratification. Has there always been an activity you have been dying to try? Indoor skydiving? Paintball? A ballet class? Try it!4. Have a “celebrate us” gatheringGet a group of friends together to celebrate each other and your friendship. Bring your own favorite dish to share at a potluck or go to a restaurant that has meals you all love. Toast to the importance of close, wonderful relationships.5. Give yourself the gift of extra timeWake up a bit earlier or go to bed a bit later so you can have some extra time in the day just for you. Drink a cup of coffee by yourself, read a magazine or cuddle up on the couch and watch your favorite TV show.6. Give yourself a social media shout outHop on Facebook or Twitter and write a post that simply says something like, "I'm feeling great today, I hope you are, too," or "I'm having a great day today, I hope you are, too!" Your social media circle will love that you are feeling happy, and they will appreciate that you're wishing good feelings on them as well.7. Start a joyful ritualOnce a week (or month), set aside time to take a hot bubble bath, read your favorite books, or end your day with a scoop of your favorite ice cream.8. Put some happy in your workspaceFind a gorgeous photo of a place you dream of going to and make it your wallpaper on your computer or smartphone. Start working on a plan to go there.9. Listen upMake yourself a "mixtape." Design a playlist for your iPod, phone or computer that is filled with songs that you love and that make you happy.Listen often.10. Buy something beautifulBuy yourself some flowers and put them in a prominent place in your home or office where you can enjoy them. Maybe this can even become a weekly or monthly ritual.11. Document yourselfGet a new picture of you taken by a friend with a great camera or even a professional photographer. It could be colorful, or arty and black and white. Smile—you’ll be glad later that you documented this moment in your life.12. Be kind to yourselfDo to yourself as you might do for others. Make a concerted effort to be as attentive and giving to yourself as you would be to a boss, a customer, a child, a friend or a mate. Make your wants and needs a priority and focus.Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist and author of How to Be a Grown Up. A top relationship expert and media personality, Stacy contributes frequently to Live Happy.
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