Sherry talking to Adam

Altering the Trajectory of Your Day

Today marks the end of week one of the Pursuing Happiness Northeast adventure! Adam and I flew into Boston and have been snaking down the East Coast – Providence, New Haven, New York and Philadelphia – and are now going west toward St. Louis, where our first three-week excursion ends. We’ve already documented an incredible amount of happiness: Mario, the 90-year-old Italian immigrant whose children’s shoe store was a staple of Boston’s North End for many decades; Jenine, a young artist who works out of a beautifully dilapidated factory in Providence; and The Connections, a duo that plays old soul standards in the New York underground. Additionally, we’ve interviewed some brilliant minds in the fields of positive psychology, neuroscience, theology, philosophy and business – we were, after all, in Ivy League country. I have so much to share, but as I ride shotgun on the way from Bedford, Pa., to Pittsburgh, all I can think about is the story I just heard. We visited Stephanie Angel, founder and executive director of Angelight Films, a nonprofit that gives children living with brain and spinal cord tumors the opportunity to express themselves by creating and starring in their own short film. We stopped by her New York City offices and learned how she came to create this idea, and it quickly became apparent that we needed to tag along for one of these shoots. That is how Adam and I ended up in a dairy farm, bundled up in scarves and down jackets, shooting infrared video in the middle of the night while two men peered through their gun scopes, on the lookout for coyotes. David, 17, and his father, Dave, are avid hunters. Many of their finest specimens are displayed in their rural Bedford, Pa., home; bucks, bears and a very special marlin take up a great deal of wall space. Any walls not dedicated to stuffed animals are covered in family photos—David has two younger sisters. The most cherished wall space though is void of fury critters. Instead, the three walls in the dining room are adorned with large circles drawn by one of the girls while she was still of the age where scribbling on the walls was excusable. Not just excusable, actually, but appreciated! Her mother, Sherry, was so impressed with the art that she told her husband that the only way she would allow him to paint over it was if he were to cut out the drywall and frame it for her. He never did, so as the family dines, they’re always reminded of their daughter’s artistic antics. This was a warm-hearted, tightknit family. This is an incredible statement when you consider that for over four years David has been living with an inoperable brain tumor. The family lives two hours outside of Pittsburgh, or a 31-minute chopper flight to the children’s hospital—something, unfortunately, they know from experience, having had to life-flight David twice. Three months after David received the diagnosis, his younger sister was diagnosed with an incredibly rare disorder of the pituitary gland – she essentially doesn’t have one, so her body is unable to produce most of thethings it needs. It would be very easy and incredibly understandable if this family wasn’t so cheery—life has thrown them two huge curveballs, and although both David and his sister lead happy and carefree lives, the threat of disaster is always present. Understandably, no one is more concerned and involved than Sherry. Perhaps that is why the story she shared with us just a few hours ago was so impactful. How do you deal with the darkness? How do you not collapse under the weight of what the world has given you? Even more so, how do you actually rise far above it to a place of cheerfulness? “It’s not easy,” she told us, “but being in the darkness means you’re alone, so I find the best thing to do is reach out to others.” She began to tell us about an encounter a few years ago in the local grocery store. While waiting behind an older woman in the checkout line, she began to place her items on the conveyor belt. When she finished, she noticed that the woman appeared to be purchasing lunch for one. “She went to place that rubber separator between our items, and I stopped her,” she recounted. “I asked her if I could buy her lunch. She protested for a minute, but I told her that she reminded me of my grandmother, and that it would be an honor to get her lunch. The woman was speechless—all she could do was hug me.” Sherry’s eyes welled up with tears, as if she were right back in line. “So there we were, in line at the grocery store hugging one another, two strangers. Of course, the guy ringing us up was just rolling his eyes, probably thinking that all women are crazy!” Sherry laughed at the thought as the tears broke from her eyes. This small act of giving clearly meant a lot to her and served as a reminder of something bigger than just ‘giving is the best gift.’ “It was so easy—so simple—yet it had a huge impact on both of our days. I had been in a bad place, but suddenly I felt so much better.” What a beautifully simple way to mentally get out of a bad place. Adam and I continually discuss the idea that one can choose to be happy, but what does that mean, exactly? I think one misconception is that it’s as simple as flipping a switch in your brain—saying, “OK, I’m going to be happy right…now.” Maybe for some that’s all it takes, but I think for the majority of people, it requires doing something more than just deciding to be happy – it takes deciding to do something to be happy. Sherry’s story of connecting with a stranger on a deep level, thus illuminating the darkness of loneliness—is one great way to change the course of the day—alter the trajectory of thoughts and feelings—to something positive. Adam Shell and Nicholas Kraft are traveling the country to find our nation's happiest people, all while filming the experience to share with audiences in Pursuing Happiness, a feature-length documentary.​
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Twins shouting at each other

Want to Be Happier? Argue with Yourself!

If someone were to say to you: “You are not a good friend,” you would instantly list a number of reasons why that person is wrong. How could they be right if, just this week, you surprised your co-worker with a get-well card, called your mom for her birthday and talked with your best friend for hours after her boyfriend broke up with her? All those reasons are proof positive that you are a thoughtful friend.And yet whenwe tell ourselveswe are not good at something, we believe it. We rarely argue with our own thoughts. We just listen and nod. The little voice in our heads can sometimes be hurtful, pessimistic, and downright mean, and we just sit back and take it. Believing what it says creates self-doubt and insecurity, which affects everything we do in life. The worst part is that often we are not even aware of our negative beliefs. We are so used to the chatter that we don't even notice. We simply experience the effects including anxiety,anger anddepression, and feelings of discouragement and hopelessness, to name a few.When was the last time you stopped to pay attention to what you really think about yourself and your potential? How often is it negative? Take a listen, it might surprise you!The next time you become aware of "negative talk" inside your head that doesn't seem fair, try the following steps:Identify the negative thought.Listen to your inner dialogue and write down what it is saying. It could be a simple one-liner. Some examples are: “I am never going to be in good shape,” “I am so bad at relationships and no one wants to date me,” and “I will never get a new job.”Give evidence to prove this thought is true.Let's take the first negative thought from above: “I am never going to be in good shape.” Evidence could include: I am trying to get in shape but my workouts don't seem to get any easier. I still find it hard to run a mile on the treadmill. I am sore after lifting weights. Put all the evidence down on paper.List the ramifications if this thought is true.If the statement “I am never going to be in good shape” is true, that means I am always going to be out of breath when I get on the treadmill. Climbing stairs at the office will continue to be exhausting for the rest of my life. I can never improve my level of physical fitness no matter how hard I work out at the gym. I am such a loser because I just can't seem to stick to my workout plan or even show up at the gym twice a week.Argue with yourself. Dispute the thought.Write down a list of reasons why this is not true. For instance, other people who go to the gym regularly do get in better shape. I was once in better shape when I exercised three times a week. Just by going to the gym once a week, I can already feel a difference climbing the stairs at work, even though I still get tired. That means I am making some progress and improving my level of fitness.Ask yourself if you want to believe that thought anymore.What value does it hold in your life? What do you get out of believing that thought? What could you achieve in life if you didn't believe that thought? “I am never going to be in good shape” does not help motivate anyone to work out. The thought provides no positive value to your life. Choosing not to believe it opens up the possibility that you could actually get in shape.Arguing with ourselves can be a great tool to help us change the way we see the world. Once we knock down these negative, limiting thoughts, we get out of our own way and start seeing that achieving anything really is possible.This post originally appeared on thePsychology Todaywebsite on April 6, 2010.
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Happy Staff Illustration

The Good Guys Win

Having happy, healthy-minded employees really does matter to a company’s overall performance and profitability, according to research conducted by the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. More companies are turning to compassion as a way to improve the bottom line. In 2004, Prudential Financial paid $2.1 billion to acquire the full-service retirement operations of CIGNA, a global health services company based in Hartford, Conn. This acquisition, says Dr. Kim Cameron, a professor of management at the University of Michigan, “was like merging the Red Sox and the Yankees”—a severe mash-up of different cultures and different systems on a massive scale. The merger came with the usual announcement of job attrition, and Hartford expected to lose one-fourth of the jobs associated with CIGNA’s retirement business. John Y. Kim, a former CIGNA executive who was tapped to lead the merger for the newly formed Prudential Retirement, did his best to pacify concerns with improved workforce forecasts and civic pledges to the city of Hartford—charitable contributions, economic development promises and so on. Prudential also provided temporary retention bonuses for employees who stuck around. These are standard steps that companies take to stem the disgruntled tide, but John wanted to do something more. He had been down this road before, having managed a merger between the ING Group and Aetna Financial Services. He was acutely aware that combining companies involves not just the “hard facets” of work and product systems, but also the “soft facets” of company culture. When culture goes bad, he says, companies might get the hard facets right and still lose customers and create miserable employees. Can big, complex corporate mergers actually be good not just for business, but for people, too? That’s the question John faced as he took a trip to his alma mater, the University of Michigan, about a year into the merger. While there, he learned about the Ross School of Business’s new Center for Positive Organizational Scholarship (POS), which had been founded in 2002 as the home of a new field of study that analyzes how organizations foster and achieve positive outcomes. POS was the brainchild of Kim, Dr. Jane Dutton, and Dr. Robert Quinn, three scholars at Ross who decided to take seriously some questions that no organizational studies scholars had ever quite taken seriously before, such as what good human behavior and “positive deviance” (exceptional, aberrational successes) have to do with businesses that prosper. In other words, Jane explains, POS is “about trying to reinvent professional practice in a way that’s ‘life-giving’ for both employees and the companies they work for.” Ten minutes into learning about the group’s research, John “decided to inject it into his organization,” Kim says. With the help of Kim and Robert, John and his team began to introduce positive organizational principles into Prudential Retirement—including institutionalizing forgiveness, resilience, supportive communication and employee empowerment—with the goal of creating sustainable culture change and meeting business goals. “Over the next four to five years, they had a lot of sessions with the senior team and salespeople. A lot of interventions occurred in which John was the champion for implementing these principles,” explains Kim. Over a period of time, there was a systemic change at the firm—a culture change, built around positivity, which had a remarkable business impact. Prudential Retirement executives feared they could lose 50 percent of their customers during the transition, but they retained 95 percent. “Bottom-line revenues,” Kim says, “increased by 5 or 6 percent.” The Virtues of Victorious Companies Kim’s area of expertise is the importance of “virtuousness” in organizations, and what he’s found since the emergence of POS is that the good guys really do win. Companies have a role to play in employee wellbeing beyond “up with people” motivational slogans—and even beyond compensation. Companies can structure themselves around the promotion and practice of good habits that engender spirits of genuine goodwill, and when they do, they’re more likely to flourish alongside their employees. The term “virtuousness” is intentionally broad. It is inclusive of several individual virtues, including kindness, compassion, forgiveness, humility, generosity, empathy and patience. In other words, “the best of the human condition.” Kim has conducted studies that attempt to determine “if one particular virtue or cluster of virtues is especially accountable for good performance. As it turns out, none of these virtues operate independently of each other. It’s the aggregation of virtue that’s more important than any single thing.” Kim stresses that a virtuous organization is more than just a collection of virtuous people. Businesses and other kinds of collectives possess a particular character just as an individual possesses a particular character. “You can have a whole bunch of virtuous people, and they can get into an organization where the culture or practices or routines drive out any opportunity to display virtues. The dynamics of organizations often supersede any individual attributes.” Practicing virtues, Kim has found, can turn organizations around. “Virtuousness is its own reward,” he says. “Of course, CEOs say, ‘Show me how it will pay off.’ And unequivocally, after a dozen years of research, we can see that bottom-line performance is significantly affected by these sorts of things.”Compassionate Companies Like Kim and all POS scholars, Jane agrees that positivity-driven success emerges from a braid of several good behaviors, but she has made compassion in the workplace her specialty. “There is so much human suffering at work,” she says. Other scholarly fields have long studied compassion, but “up until 10 or 15 years ago, we weren’t even thinking it had a place at work. But because people are at work, and people inherently suffer, there is always a place for compassion.” Jane has come to see compassion as “essential for sustainable economic performance.” The reason is simple: People who are grieving from pain are not as productive or successful as people who are healthy and whole, people whose most urgent emotional needs are being met. One study estimates that gaps in performance caused by grief cost U.S. firms an average of $75 billion annually. Jeff Weiner, the CEO of LinkedIn, one of the major social networking success stories of the last decade, is an outspoken advocate of compassionate leadership. Jeff has said that the practice of compassion is the single most important management principle he has ever adopted. Jane says that while “you hear a lot of leaders spinning this stuff,” she’s also seen recent evidence that Jeff means it. Earlier this year, a graduate student in Jane’s program applied for a summer internship with LinkedIn. One of the application questions asked the prospective intern to imagine that she was a manager who received a phone call from an employee whose baby had been put into a special incubator that was an hour away from the office. What would you do? “Most MBA internship questions are not about what you should do in response to human suffering,” Jane says. “Weiner is screening people for their compassion values. In recruitment, he’s favoring people who are compassionate.” Alongside the POS field in general, Jane’s attention to compassion in the workplace was kick-started by the events of Sept. 11, 2001. She had already been studying compassion for a few years, having become interested in it during a time of personal trauma in her own life when two different organizations responded to her needs in different ways—one caring, one not. Earlier in 2001, Jane and some colleagues proposed an article to the Harvard Business Review on workplace compassion, and “they had just canned it” in the days before 9/11. “On Sept. 14, I called the editor and said, ‘We know from what we’re seeing all around us that there needs to be an article’ ” on compassionate leadership and managing people through trauma. The Harvard editor agreed, and the journal “produced the fastest article they had ever done.” Jane’s research has grown ever since, and she’s replete with examples of the power of compassion in the workplace. One favorite is the story of “Ari,” a low-level district sales manager for the multinational corporation Cisco Systems. Not long after a regional office hired him, Ari was involved in a serious bicycle accident. John Chambers, Cisco’s CEO, had been working to instill a culture of employee care, and from the top down, Ari and his family were cared for generously during his long recovery period. Employees contributed unused vacation time, which was converted to cash. Cisco matched all donated funds, but it didn’t stop there. Ari and his family were given cell phones so they could stay in touch. He received regular emails from management, both local and global. Cisco even changed the description of Ari’s job, which had required extensive travel, so that he could return to work when he was ready. Inshort, Cisco and its employees took care of Ari—in a variety of ways, and for an extended period of time. “Imagine a wound in a body,” Jane says. “You’ve got lots of different systems that are emerging and coordinating in response to the need. That’s what compassion is like.” “Compassion is not a separate thing,” Jane says. “It’s an indicator of a healthy community. If you have an organization that is learning to flourish that is deeply alive, the compassion is just part of the soil. It’s just part of the competence of the collective. They care for each other in a way that allows them to do extraordinary things.” A more humble but no less compassionately powerful place that Jane and her colleagues studied was a 30-employee billing department at Jackson Community Hospital in Jackson, Mich. A medical billing department might be the last place you’d expect to be thriving in goodwill. “They do tough work,” Jane says. “Their job is to call people and chew them out for not paying their bills.” Many of the women who work there have tough lives outside of work. “These are single parents, or people who have had significant trauma in their lives,” Jane says. “Some normal suffering, but also some people who were experiencing domestic violence.” But throughout Jackson’s health system, the billing department is hailed as a dynamic, delightful place to work. Jane and her colleagues discovered that the reason for the department’s reputation is that it is a place that excels at compassion. “These employees would say they loved going to work,” Jane says, “because at work they were learning to love.” While the medical billing industry averages a staff turnover rate of 25 percent, the Jackson unit’s turnover rate is just 2 percent. One staffer, Korinna, lost her mother unexpectedly soon after she was hired, and her new billing department colleagues supported her for weeks on end. Korinna eventually needed a leave of absence to deal with her grief. “I was never made to feel guilty,” she told Jane. I knew that I was in everyone’s prayers and I knew that when I did come back, that I would be in a condition that I could give back what I had received—the compassion and theprofessionalism.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jackson’s billing department wears its good mood on its sleeve. It is located in “this pretty vanilla office building,” says Jane. “Vanilla walls. Vanilla everything. But you get off on the next floor and walk into the billing department and it’s like walking into that one classroom when you were a kid—that classroom that everyone wanted to be in. It’s vibrant, colorful. Nothing that costs a lot of money, but the rooms have all these beautiful construction paper cutouts and creative expression on the walls. It’s like play—they play a lot together.” In this compassionate climate, Jackson’s accounts receivable achieved a formidable accounts receivable record. In one five-year stretch, the department reduced the average number of days to collect monies from 160 to 60. As of the last study in 2011, that number is closer to 50 days, which rivals the industry average. Jane’s files are becoming packed with these stories. “We started this work thinking that the major story was going to be the absence of compassion” in the workplace, Jane says. “And there are huge absences of compassion. But the big surprise is that compassion is everywhere.” Patton Dodd’s work has been featured in Newsweek, Slate and Christianity Today. He has authored two books, The Tebow Mystique and My Faith So Far.
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Happy Man Speaking from a Podium

Diversity in Positivity

While attending the Positive Education Summit in the UK, I was encouraged by the diversity of thought around positivity, whether or not it was being discussed in the context of education. I’m in favor of lively debates, especially those open to all interested parties. I think that public conversations will increase awareness of, create a common language for and improve the long-term integration of positivity into everyday life.“What is there to debate?” you might ask. “After all, who would argue against making life more positive?”Positivity, like good weather, is widely appealing. But putting it into action is hard to do—like predicting good weather. Many people would agree that a life warmed by love and hope, tempered by compassion and forgiveness and enriched by gratitude and purpose is preferred over one that lacks those qualities, but they wouldn’t agree on how those things are defined, taught or measured.I experienced this phenomenon at the summit. As twenty-some presentations and follow-up Q&A sessions took place over two days, it was clear that different backgrounds, perspectives and agendas, as well as various cultural platforms, economic constraints and governmental structures, were part of each story. Delegates applauded the compelling research, advancements and scenarios, but at the same time, they were thinking, “Would this idea work in our case, in our school, in our country?” Rather than saying “no”, I hope that more thought, “well, maybe.”At Live Happy, we’re working to increase awareness of how positivity in everyday life can make life better, happier. We are building on what we share in common while opening our minds to thinking bigger, more inclusively. Agreement isn’t always necessary or even preferred, but constant conversation, sharing—and debating are.How will you increase positivity in lives around you? Let’s start the conversations.
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A 'personal' pat on the back cartoon image.

Are You Making This Gratitude Mistake?

Do compliments like “Great job. Gosh you’re talented!” or “Thanks for your help. You’re so clever!” roll off your tongue throughout the day? It’s hard to imagine these expressions of gratitude could be short-changing anyone. But it turns out these are some of the worst ways to express appreciation.Expressions like “you’re so clever,” which compliment what someone can do, are ability-based praise. Hearing ability-based praise feels nice, but it only scratches the surface of what we actually crave.Professor Carol Dweck of Stanford University suggests that we offer people effort-based praise. Try: “Thanks for having the persistence to see through this problem and helping me find an answer” instead, mentioning what they have accomplished.Dweck’s research has found that when most people are praised for their ability, it sparks a “fixed mindset” that causes them to reject challenges and learning opportunities for fear these tests might call their talents into question. Yet when most people are praised for the effort they make, it sparks a “growth mindset” that leads them to relish taking on challenging new tasks they can learn from.Dweck’s research has particularly focused on children. She argues they have been overly appreciated by the self-esteem movement for ability over effort, making them less resilient in the face of failure.She also notes these effects in adults, however, with ability-based praise making us less willing to take the initiative, see through difficult tasks, struggle and learn something new, be undaunted by setbacks and be open to act on criticism.So the next time you thank people – young or old – take a few extra seconds to offer them effort-based praise. Be specific about what you appreciated and why it was of value. You might be surprised by the genuine delight spreading across their faces.Michelle McQuaid, aborn and raised Australian girl, is a best-selling author, workplace wellbeing teacher and playful change activator.
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The Spitalnick Family at home.

Balancing Acts

Here’s the funny thing about balance: Sometimes it’s not obvious until it goes missing. When life is clicking along smoothly, we tend to take it for granted, barely noticing the pleasant rhythm of our daily to-ing and fro-ing. But as soon as it grinds to a halt—well, that’s when the longing for harmony barges in and demands our attention.Discovering balance is a deeply personal process, all about prioritizing, persevering, dropping balls and picking them up again. There are no secrets or shortcuts; it’s as individual as a fingerprint (and sometimes, just as complex). Below, meet the members of three very different households, each of whom has achieved balance in a unique, yet equally satisfying, way.Denise and Aaron Spitalnick, AtlantaMarried; daughter Nina, 5, and son Reid, 1Key to balance: Scaling backLike any first-time parents, Denise and Aaron Spitalnick had to find their footing as they adjusted to life as a family of three. But by the time daughter Nina turned 5 months old, whatever balance they had begun to restore had vanished: She was diagnosed with glycogen storage disease type 1A, a rare metabolic disorder that, improperly managed, can be fatal. GSD patients require a severely restricted diet and frequent feedings to manage their blood sugar; a hiccup in the system, such as a stomach bug, can prompt a trip to the emergency room.As they grappled with learning to handle Nina’s needs, the couple faced an additional worry: child care. With two demanding jobs—Denise as an attorney, Aaron as IT director for a large accounting firm—they needed to be completely comfortable with Nina’s caregivers. “We were nervous about leaving her with just anyone, and not having peace of mind throughout the day,” Denise says.The Spitalnicks ultimately hired registered nurses to care for Nina at home, which eased some of their anxiety. They also began working with Dr. David Weinstein, director of the Glycogen Storage Disease Program at the University of Florida, to manage Nina’s health. With his attention and guidance, she began to thrive.Still, as their careers intensified, their lives wobbled farther and farther off-center. They were thrilled when son Reid arrived in 2012, but also felt stretched thin. “Spending time together was difficult,” says Denise, who by that point had become a partner in her firm. And there was another stressor: school for Nina. Bright and precocious, she would blossom in the right preschool, her parents knew—if they could find it. Public pre-K classrooms weren’t set up to accommodate her medical requirements, and she didn’t qualify for the special education program or for a state-funded aide.Then Aaron learned of an IT directorship at a local private school for children with speech and language difficulties that offered a program that would match up well with Nina’s needs. Given the chance to be near his daughter, the fulfilling nature of the work, and the much more relaxed pace—in contrast to Denise’s hectic courtroom and travel schedule—he jumped on the job. The one downside, a lower salary, has been well worth the tradeoff, Aaron says.“At first I struggled with it, but I now truly understand that money cannot buy quality of life,” he says. “The better hours, shorter commute, family environment and opportunity to watch my daughter excel have been absolutely amazing. I come home infinitely happier, and it helps our family stay happy, which is the most importantthing.”Jason Keehn, New York CitySingleKey to balance: Meaningful workJason Keehn realized early on that a single-career trajectory—climbing the ladder in one field, then descending into retirement—wasn’t for him. As he mulled over how he hoped to look back on his life in older age, “I wanted to feel that I’d had a ‘life buffet,’ Jason says. “I didn’t like the idea of choosing one thing, but rather many things that added a new flavor to different points in my life.”First on the plate: a career in advertising and marketing, which appealed to his mix of business savvy and creative drive. “It was sort of flashy and cool and [spoke] to a lot of parts of my self-esteem that I wanted to connect to, like being a part of the style world,” Jason says. Eventually, though, it began to feel hollow. “I needed to know that all of my blood, sweat and tears every day were going to something that had a bigger impact.”The first flicker of insight came when he resigned from full-time work and enrolled in a global bioethics graduate program at Columbia University. Although he was passionate about the subject matter and entertained the idea of an academic career, he found that path too structured and slow-paced for his liking.Then the light bulb flashed on.“I noticed a lot of ethical fashion brands popping up,” Jason says. “I was thinking about what I wanted as a consumer about shopping ethically, asking myself, ‘How come I don’t shop ethically right now?’ The reason, he decided, was twofold: Not only was it inconvenient, but the ethical clothing on the market sometimes lagged behind fashion trends.“I saw a need for one retail destination that curates, in a style-conscious way, all of the ethical fashion out there in one destination,” Jason says.Thus was born Accompany, a fledgling e-commerce site that offers stylish pieces from labels that work toward improving a community’s quality of life. “We’re specifically curating products from artisan and handmade cooperatives around the world; fair trade or fair trade-certified; or humanitarian brands,” Jason says. “Every day I feel committed to something that I’m excited to do, and that hits many of my desires.“The most compelling way to live, for me, is to live my many facets [simultaneously], letting them be in tension with each other—an academic ethicist and a style-conscious consumer; a businessman and an activist,” he continues. “It reminds of some exciting articles I’ve read about how today we live in a ‘trade-on’ world. It’s no longer about sacrificing one preference for another, but finding a way to haveboth.”Linda Bell Blue and Steve Blue, Los AngelesMarriedKey to balance: Time togetherNot many couples fly back from their honeymoon, then kiss each other goodbye and head home to different cities. But Linda Bell Blue and Steve Blue are anything but typical. Both busy executives in the TV industry, they’ve been committed since the start of their 28-year marriage to squeezing every ounce of joy and fulfillment from their limited time together.“Our careers are important, but the most important thing in the world is when we’re together,” says Linda, now in her 19th season as executive producer of Entertainment Tonight. “And it’s the most precious thing in the world, because the moments can be few.”During the first year they were married, Linda was based in Los Angeles, while Steve lived in New York. Flying back and forth on the weekends gave them a measure of the couple time they craved. “There were probably, at most, 10 weekends per year that we weren’t together,” Steve says. “We just made that a priority, period.”Despite their passion for their work, being apart week after week was tough. Finally, Steve quit his job in New York to move to L.A. “From that moment on, I never, ever, ever took for granted a moment with him,” Linda says.Although their schedules haven’t gotten any easier—“There’s no vacation I’ve gone on in 25 years that I’ve ever not been on the phone dealing with something very important,” Linda says—they’ve refined the art of carving out time for closeness. “We try not to make the career and personal time mutually exclusive,” Steve says.They attribute their bond in part to their strong family life growing up—she in Missouri, he in North Carolina. Both remain close to their families; in fact, Linda’s mother moved to L.A. “She’s 85 years old, and I can’t keep up with her,” Linda says. She drops by each afternoon to visit and to pick up the couple’s boxer, Duke, whom her mom keeps while they’re at work.Although Steve’s mother still lives in North Carolina, they take every chance they can to see her. “We try to plan things so that my mom can come meet us in places—we try to make it a special occasion for her,” Steve says. She’s made numerous trips to California for gala events (both moms have attended the Oscars, the Emmys and theGrammys).“Linda’s mom and dad very much made it clear to everyone that they were the most important thing to each other by far,” Steve says. “They…showed us a lot about what it means to make your partner your priority.”Clearly, the couple has taken that example to heart. “I’d rather spend time with [Linda] than anyone else I’ve ever met,” Steve says. “She’s the funniest person I’ve ever met, and she just makes me generally happy being around her.”
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Tia Mowry-Hardrict in "I Insist!" video for FluMist Quadrivalent

Tia Mowry Insists on Healthy Living

Having a healthy and happy family is a goal most of us would like to achieve. In Tia Mowry-Hardrict’s mind, it is the foundation on which she is able to thrive in her personal and professional life. Being successful and constantly on-the-go does not deter Tia from making sure her family and their health are top priorities. “Basically I’m a working mom. I am an entrepreneur, I am an author, I am an actress, I am a producer, I am a wife and I am a sister. I live a very, very busy lifestyle,” Tia says. “My family’s health is my No. 1 priority, and living a healthy lifestyle is something I have been extremely passionate about.” The former Sister, Sister star recently teamed up with MedImmune, the makers of the nasal-spray vaccine FluMist Quadrivalent, for the launch of a Web video in which she portrays a busy working mother who needs to slow down and find time to vaccinate her family against the flu. While the “I Insist!” video takes a tongue-in-cheek approach to a day in her life, keeping her family healthy is very important to Tia. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, between 5 and 20 percent of the U.S. population contracts the flu every year. Fewer than half of adults and just over half of children get vaccinated. The flu, an unpredictable disease, can cause mild to severe symptoms that sometimes leads to more serious illnesses like bronchitis and pneumonia. Tia says that in the past she has overlooked flu vaccinations. But after learning about the toll that influenza can take on a household, especially on the household coordinator —mom—she makes certain that her family is vaccinated every year. And the fact that there are no needles involved makes that decision even easier. “We all know that when the mom is out, being sick is like instant chaos in the house,” Tia says. As she understood more about them, “flu vaccinations became a part of my family’s annual routine. I was extremely excited to bring awareness and educate families about the importance of flu vaccinations.” Taking preventative measures, combined with an organic diet and plenty of exercise, help Tia and her family stay healthy and maintain a sense of wellbeing. “My diet consists of predominantly organic foods; I am vegan. Also, I exercise on a regular basis,” she says. This wasn’t always the case. Her decision to change her diet stemmed from her doctor’s advice that it may help alleviate symptoms associated with endometriosis. This painful disorder affects the tissue in and around the uterus, often making it difficult to become pregnant, and in some cases, impossible. Red meat, non-organic meat and wheat tend to exacerbate symptoms of endometriosis, while a higher consumption of fruits and vegetables coupled with plenty of exercise can have the opposite effect. After two surgeries and the looming possibility that she might not be able to have children, she decided to drastically change what she was eating. She believes that by eating more organic foods and staying away from damaging processed foods that promote inflammation, she was able to get her body healthy enough to become pregnant. “When I saw that there was a benefit from eating healthy, I realized that food can be medicine,” Tia says. Eating healthy is now a big part of her life, and because she took the time and effort to research and essentially learn a new way to cook, she feels and lives better. With all her exciting endeavors pulling her in so many different directions, you would think that she never has time to unplug and make room for the normal family experience with her husband, actor Cory Hardrict, and young son Cree. But staying dedicated, working hard and having the right attitude affords her the luxury to do what she loves while keeping an unwavering focus on what is most important to her. “We realize that this a job that we have. It’s not our lifestyle. Our lifestyle is not about entertainment. We love what we do, but when we come home we shut it all off,” Tia explains. “My husband is my husband; I am his wife. All that other stuff goes out the window. I think what has helped me stay grounded is that I am a true believer in family. It’s what I value the most.”
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Couple hugging outside

Acts of Thanksgiving

We all seek unity, interconnectedness and happiness, but we have come to associate feelings of warmth and gratitude mainly with Thanksgiving, other holidays and major life events.As a therapist and believer in the importance of living a fulfilling and contented life, I encourage everyone I meet to start practicing active thanksgiving that goes well beyond the November holiday and religious services. This is not about feeling thankful when something great happens, but a regular part of every day—even the most challenging ones—especially unhappy days!In my work, I see many people in pain, struggling to cope daily. They may be dealing with a terminally ill parent, a child facing problems in school, an unwanted divorce or the loss of a friend or financial investments.It is difficult to introduce the benefits of thanksgiving to someone in crisis.That is why I encourage everyone to learn and use this tool immediately and often. Thanksgiving as a consistent part of your life will not only bring in more positive experiences, but it willarm you with stronger defenses for the hard times that are inevitable in life.Even when things seem to be hummingalong, it is easy to become discouraged by simply watching the news or reading something tragic. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless in this hyper-connected world we all live in.Thanksgiving will help you tune out the disconcerting chatter in your head and promote a sense of calm and focus.By consciously focusing on those people who give us support and care; life circumstances that make us feel lucky and blessed; and any experiences that bring us joy and satisfaction, we are sure to find ourselves in a happier, more productive state. Once you have experienced the positive effects of thanksgiving, you can deliver what I like to call conscious acts of gratitude. Here are some of my favorites:Social media shoutouts—public thanks to a friend who helped you, a mate who made you smile, a child who has made you proud.Gushing appreciation notes—Post-its, Post-its, everywhere! Grab a stack of those little sticky notes and write terms of endearment on 10 or 20. Hide them around the house. Leave the recipient wondering, “Will this gushing of appreciation ever end?”Take it upon yourself to do someone’s mundane household chore. Do this act quickly, quietly and as an expression of gratitude–not to score points or earn some gratitude of your own, but to show that someone cares enough to take a task off their list.Do something that’s surprising or special—bring someone a book from a favorite author or a trail of rose petals leading up to their door with a sign that says“Thank You!”Thanksgiving is not necessarily directed at another person. It is a state of mind to be cultivated inside your own head.If you practice regularly thinking thankful thoughts, they will lighten your mood and likely put a smile on your face–whether anyone knows you are doing it or not. Giving thanks works as a magnet: It redirects your feelings into a positive zone.Most of us know that having a positive state of mind is good for us emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually. There are also often secondary gains as well. Your upbeat state of mind can impact how others feel about you and treat you.Last fall, I worked with a client I’ll call Karen. Karen was a 42-year-old single woman who almost always spent the holidays alone. When we met in October, Karen was depressed. Another holiday season was fast approaching, and she was certain she would be by herself. She spent her first session with me talking about her isolated and lonely life, her failed relationships, her financial struggles and her dead-end job. Apparently, Karen was thankfulfor nothing.Still, after some probing, I discovered that she had two friends whom she felt close to; she really liked her boss and she loved listening through her apartment wall to her neighbor playing the piano. I assigned Karen to practice thanksgiving daily toward one of the few precious things in her life we had discovered. She was then to perform some conscious act of gratitude. By December, each person in her life she was thankful for had invited her to an activity over the holidays, and she had even found herself a loveinterest!Welcoming thanksgiving and gratitude into your life promotes feelings of calm and warmth. Thanksgiving makes you feel more motivated, enthusiastic, driven and satisfied. It wards off the blues and negative thinking. People who have an established thanksgiving ritual enjoy more friends, less conflict at work, raise happier children and enjoy more satisfying romantic relationships.Thanksgiving requires very little time, money or skill, yet offers enormous rewards.Don’t just take my word for the magic that comes out of thanksgiving. Make a commitment that you will find a way to observe the wonderful and meaningful people and parts of your life, and give thanks every day for a week…you’ll see what happens.In case you were wondering, I personally count my blessings and give thanks every single day. And so I don’t give Turkey Day short shrift, I count everything I’m thankful for on that daytwice!Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. With more than 100 television appearances on major networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS and FOX, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics. You can learn more about Stacy on her website.
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Close-up image of DNA

Gene therapy

Have you ever experienced a happiness so profound you felt it in your very bones? In fact, happiness goes even deeper than that—all the way to our genes. And, in a startling new discovery, researchers have found that different types of happiness affect the human genome in dramatically different ways, with potentially big implications for our physical health. “We’re finding that not all things that feel good are the same on the cellular level,” says Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., the lead author of the study, which was published in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Barbara looked at two different kinds of happiness. Hedonia is “in-the moment” happiness, the kind that comes from consuming things or experiences—a slice of pizza, a movie, a pair of new shoes. Meaningful happiness, what scientists call “eudaimonic wellbeing,” is the buzz we get from having a higher purpose, connecting to a community, being of service to others. It turns out that while eudaimonia gives our biology a boost, hedonic experiences do the opposite, undermining healthy genetic expression. Under the scrutiny of lab examination, hedonic happiness looks a lot like adverse life circumstances such as poverty, social isolation or being diagnosed with a serious illness. “These results really surprised me,” says Barbara, who is the director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill,and author of the books Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Lifeand Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become.“Hedonic happiness actually shows a pattern that’s similar to that which is seen with adversity or stress. We’re not seeing it at the same strength, but hedonia is looking like a little version of stress rather than the opposite of stress.” In the study, volunteers completed an online questionnaire designed to measure their levels of hedonic happiness and eudaimonic well-being. Then the researchers drew blood and analyzed the gene expression of the immune cells in these samples. They found that the volunteers whose happiness was primarily hedonic had high levels of inflammatory markers—which are linked to an increased risk of cancer, heart disease and Alzheimer’s— and low levels of disease-fighting antibody and antiviral gene expression. Volunteers who scored high on the eudaimonic scale displayed a reverse profile. Their robustly healthy immune systems were well-armed against infection while demonstrating little inflammatory activity. Does this mean we all need to go on a fun fast to protect our genomes? Not at all. “What this work tells us is not which kind of happiness to avoid, but rather which one you wouldn’t want to be without, and that’s the eudaimonic,” says Barbara. In the real world, both kinds of happiness reinforce each other. “Hedonia and eudaimonia go hand in hand,” she says. “What we know from past studies is that when people experience the positive uplift of hedonia they’re better able to go on and find meaning in their lives. And, that, in turn, becomes a durable resource. When times are tough you can touch base with the feeling that you’re a part of something larger than yourself and that kind of steadies the turmoil. Shelley Levitt is a contributing editor to SUCCESS magazine. Her articles on health, beauty and well-being have appeared in Women’s Health, Fitness, WebMD and Weight Watchers magazines.
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Live Happy Magazine Premiere Issue Cover Image

Live Happy Premiere Issue on Newsstands!

We’re celebrating at Live Happy! Our premiere issue is out on newsstands across the country! We’ve asked people to send snapshots of our blue cover featuring Ron Howard when they first spy us on the shelf. So far we’ve gotten shots taken at Whole Foods in Santa Monica, Calif.; at the Barnes & Noble in Plano, Texas; Whole Foods in New York; and at the Los Angeles airport. Our cover’s message of Life More Positive is reaching thousands who now have a new resource of information, inspiration and ideas on how to make their lives happier. We hope you count yourself in! Do I sound like a proud parent? You bet I do. Live Happy grew from a personal vision shared by two entrepreneurs to a broader project undertaken by a small band of dedicated professionals. Now, it’s a timely and relevant new magazine and website. My husband, Don, was the first to say to me, “You know, with everything that’s going wrong in Washington [this was during the government shutdown], your magazine’s positive message will be all the more important to people.” Steve Cohen, editor in chief at Media Industry Newsletter, a leading publication for the magazine publishing industry, echoed this thinking just this morning, as he was interviewing me about Live Happy. We couldn’t agree more. Live Happy is an idea whose time has come. Thankfully, that is the general consensus of the valuable contributors to Live Happy. Shelley Levitt, our fantastic writer from L.A., was the first to answer my call, covering the International Positive Psychology Association’s conference brilliantly and then writing key and groundbreaking stories for the first issue. Kathryn Finney, our art director extraordinaire, also said “yes” when my ears and heart needed it most. I will always be grateful for their—and all our contributors’—great work, enthusiasm and care generously given to Live Happy. Yes, we are celebrating at Live Happy. And there are a lot more good times to come!
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