People social distancing

Finding Happiness in a Socially Distanced World with Dr. Jennifer Wegmann

We talk a lot about the importance of social connection for maintaining our well-being, but how do you find happiness when you’re socially distanced? This week’s guest is Dr. Jennifer Wegmann, a professor in the Department of Health and Wellness Studies at Binghamton University. She teaches classes on stress management and contemporary health Issues, and her audiobook Resilience: How to Master Stress, Reduce Anxiety, and Live Well, provides listeners with a new, informed mindset about stress. She’s here to talk about how we can improve our happiness and our connections while staying safe and healthy. In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between social distancing and isolation. How this current time can help us re-evaluate what we need for our personal happiness. How finding purpose during a pandemic can help us help others. Links and Resources LinkedIn: Jennifer Wegmann Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Finland Remains the World’s Happiest Country

For the fourth consecutive year, Finland was named the happiest country in the world in the 2021 World Happiness Report. The annual report, released by the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network, ranks countries according to national happiness in addition to providing in-depth reports on specific areas of happiness and well-being. The United States dropped one more spot in the rankings, from No. 18 last year to the 19th spot for 2021. Five years ago, the U.S. ranked 13th. The lowest-ranking countries were Rwanda, Zimbabwe, and Afghanistan. The World Happiness Report has been produced every year since 2012 and uses data gathered by the Gallup World Poll. This year’s editors are John F. Helliwell, Richard Layard, Jeffrey D. Sachs, Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, Lara B. Aknin, and Shun Wang. While introducing the report during a workshop on Saturday, March 20 — the International Day of Happiness — Sachs noted that 2020 presented “the strangest year in producing the World Happiness Report.” “We were trying to understand and monitor in real-time incredibly complex challenges and changes,” he said. “The impacts of COVID-19 have differed so widely across different groups in society.” He added that as the pandemic continues unfolding, the report provides an analysis and snapshot of a complicated story. Understanding the Impact of COVID-19 This year’s report looked specifically at how the global coronavirus pandemic affected happiness and well-being around the globe. Not surprisingly, survey respondents reported their mental health was affected by COVID-19, and that decline was seen around the world. The UK, for example, reported a 47% increase in mental health problems. Globally, women, young people, and poorer populations were hit harder by the pandemic. The problem was exacerbated by the disruption of mental health services in many countries just when they were needed most. However, report authors noted, the positive effect is that more attention is being given to mental health and this increased awareness could pave the way for more research and better mental health services. One of the biggest impacts on happiness and well-being has been the lack of social connection during COVID-19. Due to physical distancing, lockdowns, and self-isolation, people had fewer opportunities to connect with others. Feelings of connectedness to others were related to levels of happiness, and when less social support was available, loneliness increased and happiness fell. In many cases, digital connections — such as Zoom — provided a way to stay less isolated, and that was reflected by the lower levels of happiness in people without proper digital connections. Other factors that further diminished happiness were prior mental illness and a sense of uncertainty about the future. Gallup’s Jon Clifton noted that loneliness has been greatly exacerbated by lockdowns: “Right now, over 300 million people in the world — that’s the same size as the United States — do not spend a single hour with a single friend.” Some of the practices found to offset loneliness and help people cope were gratitude, grit, volunteering, previous social connections, exercise, and having a pet. Work and Well-being Work and its effect on happiness has been widely studied, and in 2020, the results around the globe were similar. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve of Oxford University led a team of scholars to look at how COVID-19 affected work and well-being and discovered that as unemployment rose, the effects were “devastating.” That was true regardless of income levels, global location, or gender, and resulted in a 10-30% drop in well-being, depending on the situation. “At the start of the pandemic, 50% fewer jobs were being posted,” De Neve said. “As unemployment rose, job postings dropped. Not having a job or falling unemployed during a pandemic, mixed with half as few jobs available, is a toxic mixture.” As people became unemployed, their loneliness escalated. “There was about a 40% further impact on a person’s well-being if they didn’t have social support to rely on. People who [already] felt lonely were doubly impacted by losing their social networks at work.” During the pandemic, supportive management and job flexibility became more important drivers of happiness at work, while such factors as purpose, achievement, and learning at work became less important. However, a sense of belonging, trust, and support remained unchanged, which De Neve said indicated that what makes workplaces supportive of well-being in normal times also makes them more resilient in hard times. “Many more lessons can be learned from this on the future of work and how to build back happier,” he said.
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All You Need is Love

Love is a flower—you’ve got to let it grow,” Beatles legend John Lennon said. In truth, it’s perhaps the most beautiful flower we could ever plant (no green thumb required). We have to water it with affection, fertilize it with compassion and shelter it from the storms of everyday life. Here are 4 Ways to Strengthen the Relationships in Your Life: Journal with your spouse. Find a journal—anything will do, including a basic spiral notebook—and take a few minutes to write to each other. Remind your spouse why you love him or her, whether it’s generosity toward those in need or unfailing ability to make you smile. Ask your spouse out on a date. Most of all, keep your writing positive and focused on each other. When you do, you’ll end up creating the ultimate mood-booster and a family heirloom that generations to come will read and cherish. Send a greeting card. Sending a text message or email is a quick, easy way to say hello to a friend or relative, but sending a physical greeting card shows thought and effort and love. Plus, your recipient can post your card on his or her refrigerator or desk as a daily reminder of you and your relationship. Collect ticket stubs. Remember when you enjoyed the evening under the stars and listened to your favorite band play? Or when you saw that awful movie together? Keep the ticket stubs from wherever your life as a couple takes you, collect them in a glass jar and place it visibly in your home. When you add new tickets to your collection, take a couple of minutes to look at the other stubs in your jar and reminisce about the fun you’ve had together. Plan the ultimate family fun day. Mark it on your calendars. Treat it as seriously as you would a work meeting or soccer practice, and escape the commotion of life for a day of family fun. Get the entire family involved in the planning—surprise the kids with a short day trip; attend a local festival; or maybe even spend the day at home baking, watching movies and building a fort. Your family fun day doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg; it’s more about the entire family spending time together, creating memories and laughing. Take it From the Experts How can we communicate more effectively with our loved ones? “For more than four decades I have been privileged to share the five love languages with people around the world. Understanding this concept gives individuals the information needed to effectively express love. By nature, we do for our loved ones what we wish they would do for us. We assume they feel loved. When they eventually say to us, ‘I feel like you don’t love me,’ we are surprised. The problem was not our sincerity. The problem was we were not speaking their love language.”—Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., author of The 5 Love Languages series What are some of the relationship-building benefits of the family dinner? “In today’s fast-paced, technology-steeped culture, having family dinner is the most doable way to hang out together; there are few other settings where the family gathers….Family dinner provides a way to connect...a time to unwind, to check in, to laugh together, to tell stories. These benefits don’t depend on you making a gourmet meal, using organic ingredients or cooking from scratch. Food brings the family to the table, but it is the conversation and the connection that keeps the family at the table and provides the emotional benefits.”—Anne Fishel, Ph.D., author of Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids What is the single most important thing we can do to improve our relationships with our children? “Our relationships with our children improve the most when we work on our relationships with ourselves. When we find ways to be happy and calm and present, we are warmer and more responsive to our children, better listeners—and more consistent disciplinarians.”—Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work How do we use play to make our relationships stronger? “If you get into a win-lose situation, ‘I have to win and the other person has to lose,’ you are in an irresolvable situation. If on the other hand you can play with the others’ ideas without reacting to them and they can play with yours, you usually can arrive at a solution or compromise, a creative way of unifying these two differences.”—Dr. Stuart Brown, author of Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. How can we create long-lasting, happy relationships? “Relationships thrive when there is an investment in an emotional piggy bank. Without a balance of positive feelings for each other, there is little to draw on during difficult times. The best way of allowing these positive feelings for each other to grow is to not deplete them. If you can have fewer negative emotions and reactions with each other in the first place, it can help preserve your positive resources.”—Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D., MFA, MAPP, author of Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir Just the Facts Be an Active, Constructive Responder Fact: Martin Seligman, Ph.D., says our responses to our partners can turn a “good relationship into an excellent one.” Use positive emotions when engaging with your partner by genuinely smiling, touching and laughing. Source: Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being Be Social Fact: Research suggests that your future spouse is less than three degrees from you in your social network. So, go out and be social—you have a 68 percent chance of meeting your soul mate through someone you know. Source: Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives—How Your Friends’ Friends’ Friends Affect Everything You Feel, Think, and Do Happy and Healthy Fact: According to psychologist Ed Diener, Ph.D., close relationships influence our happiness and health. Being in a relationship with someone who shares mutual understanding, caring and validation can greatly improve your life satisfaction. Source: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth Happiness Attracts Fact: Studies suggest that people with higher levels of wellbeing are more likely to eventually find marriage partners than those with lower levels. Also, they are more likely to have stronger marriages. Source: The Oxford Handbook of Happiness Laughter Is the Best Medicine Fact: Adults with children at home are more likely to have stress, but they are also more likely to smile and laugh a lot. Source: Gallup.com Bonus Tip Bring a smile to a loved one's face with a promise ring. They are symbolic pieces designed to shout your feelings from the rooftops.
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Making Your Home the Happiest Place on Earth

When Susan Froetschel, a mystery writer, moved from Washington, D.C., to East Lansing, Michigan, for her husband’s teaching job, she had only a week to find their new home. Her real-estate broker was certain she had the perfect house. It was in the location Susan wanted—just blocks from the town’s main street—and at $130,000 well within the couple’s budget. Still, Susan balked. “From the front it was completely plain and boxy without any outdoor space,” she says. “I didn’t even want to walk inside.” But the interior was lovely, and Susan had a vision of an enclosed front porch lined with windows on three sides. Today, some three years later, the 20-by-8-foot porch, with its view of a maple tree, is the blissful center of Susan’s home. “The porch is shelter and observatory,” Susan says. “It connects us to nature and to our neighborhood. It’s where my husband and I eat, entertain, work and talk late into the night. Neighbors walk by, and we wave them in for a cup of tea or a glass of wine.” Four months before her August 2013 wedding, while working nonstop to launch a new website, Silicon Valley entrepreneur Jessica Greenwalt broke her engagement. She moved from the San Francisco apartment she’d shared with her fiancé into a rental in Berkeley. With its layers of beige paint and bare lightbulbs standing in for fixtures, “it was depressing,” Jessica says, “and it was making me even more depressed.” Once she got her startup off the ground, Jessica devoted a week to create a place that reflected her frilly, ornate taste. She painted her living room walls antique yellow, replaced those naked bulbs with chandeliers, filled the apartment with vintage French Victorian furniture and placed antique knickknacks on the favorite landing places of her parakeet Lord Jello Worthington II. “I took a comically rundown apartment,” Jessica says, “and turned it into a home that reflects who I am and what I love.” In 1997, Esther Sternberg, a neuroimmunologist, lost her mother to breast cancer. Along with her grief, she was experiencing intense pain from inflammatory arthritis in her knees, wrists and shoulders. When friends invited Esther to stay in their cottage on the Greek Island of Crete, she was grateful for the change of scenery. Every day she swam in the Mediterranean and climbed the pebbly pathways, “at first hesitating,” she says, “then with increasing confidence,” to a stone chapel that sat on the ruins of an ancient temple to Asclepius, the Greek god of healing. By the time she left Crete 10 days later, Esther was on the path to healing. She was also on her way to becoming one of the most prominent scientists studying the interaction between our environment and our physical and psychological wellbeing. “What we see, what we smell, what we touch in our environment can improve our mood and our health and help us heal,” says Esther, the founding director of the University of Arizona’s Institute on Place and Wellbeing. We may not be conscious of it, she writes in Healing Spaces: The Science of Place and Well-Being, but a place can trigger memories and habits that can “cause us to spiral down into despair” or “rescue us in times of need.” All of us, Esther says, can create surroundings that tap our brain’s “internal pharmacies.” And it’s in our homes where we have the greatest capacity to take advantage of this environmental Prozac, says Travis Stork, an emergency-room physician and co-host of the syndicated talk show The Doctors. “People underestimate the impact our homes have on our health,” Travis says. “But, I’ve seen in the ER and in my own life that our home can go a long way in either undermining or enhancing our physiological and emotional health.” Sitting pretty If you want a blueprint for happiness, modern science can help provide it. As environmental psychologists study the effects of physical space on mood and emotions, neuroarchitects—a mashup of neuroscience and design—investigate how our physical surroundings influence brain processes such as stress, emotion and memory. Together, their findings suggest that the purchases we make at Home Depot or Pottery Barn can affect us in ways we never would have imagined. Consider the matter of buying a chair. Sally Augustin, Ph.D., editor of Research Design Connections, says that psychologists studying the implications of the way we sit found that our posture influences “the rich chemical stew in our brains.” People sitting up straighter have more positive views of themselves than people slouching. Sitting in a way that allows you to take up as much room as possible leads you to feel more powerful and have a higher tolerance for risk. Even padding matters. People perched on hard chairs are much more inflexible during negotiations than those on soft seats. So, when it comes to planning the family vacation, move the conversation from the stiff-backed Queen Anne chairs in your dining room into the living room with its upholstered sofa and easy chairs. Science also explains why we’re so willing to pay more for a room with a view: it’s good medicine. A 1984 study by psychologist Roger Ulrich found that surgical patients in a Pennsylvania hospital whose windows overlooked a small stand of trees left the hospital a full day sooner, had fewer complications and required less pain medication than patients with views of a brick wall. In 2006, neuroscientist Irving Biederman of the University of Southern California would discover that there’s a part of our brains, the parahippocampal cortex, that responds to sweeping views. Rich in opiate receptors, the site releases endorphins, our feel-good hormones, when we gaze at pleasing vistas. What Esther calls the brain’s “beautiful view spot” can be tickled not just by the hills of Crete but by a sliver of sky above a city skyline. Or, even by a painting or photography. In a recent study at a men’s detention center in Sonoma County, California, a mural of a savanna grassland was installed in the booking area, and versions of the same scene were placed over the cell blocks. The researchers wanted to see what, if any, impact the landscape would have on the correctional officers. They outfitted them with heart monitors, and the findings were striking. After the murals were mounted, the heart rates of the correctional officers were considerably slower when they began their shifts than they were pre-mural. And their heart rates didn’t spike by the end of their shifts the way they typically did. Researchers say we’re hard-wired to respond to nature because our survival as a species depended on careful observation of it. We needed to know how to respond to weather, spot predators, find refuge, farm and hunt when there was sunlight and sleep when there was none. Roger Ulrich, who did the study of hospital-room views, has said, “When we recognize those elements today, even if we’re highly stressed or sick, our blood pressure lowers, our immune system functions better, and we feel less stressed.” Harvard biologist Edward O. Wilson coined the term “biophilic design” to describe architecture or design that connects us with a living environment. To get a biophilic buzz, we don’t need to let goats graze in our living room. We can stay in touch with the cycle of sunlight—and our own circadian rhythms—by placing sheer curtains on our windows. Or, says Sally, even incorporating visible wood grain into our environment, through hardwood floors or unpainted maple or walnut furniture, will have a calming effect. Happy places Creating what Sally calls a more “place happy” home isn’t rocket science. Or even neuroscience. But it does require us to approach buying, remodeling or decorating tweaks to our home with introspection. Architect Sarah Susanka is the author of a series of best-selling books such as The Not So Big House, Not So Big Remodeling and Not So Big Solutions for Your Home. Her philosophy is that instead of focusing on square footage and traditional room plans, we think instead about what it takes to create a home that’s an expression of our authentic self. “When our houses reflect who we really are,” she says, “we end up feeling much more at home in our lives.” Sarah says her clients are often uneasy ceding control to an interior designer. “It’s like walking onto the stage set of somebody else’s home,” she says. “It’s filled with beautiful things but it doesn’t feel like their home because these objects don’t have any meaning to them.” Jessica understands that feeling. She says her “extravagant design outburst,” was unleashed by the disquiet she felt when she moved into her former fiancé’s apartment, which was furnished to suit his tastes. “He preferred industrial-style design,” she says, “and while everything was nice, it didn’t reflect me at all. I always felt like a visitor in my own home.” Sarah suggests keeping a place journal for home-improvement projects—large or small. Make notes about the places in your life that make you comfortable and uncomfortable. Take photos and make diagrams; you might admire the beauty of a soaring greenhouse but feel diminished by the scale of the space. Supplement with pages from your favorite magazines or websites. “Our home is not just a visual thing, it’s a feel thing,” says Maxwell Ryan, creator of the design website Apartment Therapy. Sound and texture, Maxwell says, are important elements in creating an environment that feels nurturing. “Most people want their homes to be a retreat from the world,” he says, “a place where they can recharge. You won’t achieve that with rooms that feel noisy and harsh.” Maxwell is a strong advocate of the noise dampening effect of fabric. “Whether it’s curtains, rugs, wall hangings or upholstered furniture,” he says, “fabric can give a room a quieter and more peaceful feeling.” 8 Steps to a Happier Home Use space creatively. Make a dining room double as a library by adding bookshelves. Place area rugs beneath furniture arrangements to define areas for reading, conversation and work. Bring in the houseplants. Greenery helps sharpen focus, boost immunity, clear the air and boost our spirits. For a natural sleep aid, keep potted lavender in your bedroom. According to NASA, plants can remove up to 87 percent of gases like benzene and formaldehyde within 24 hours. Make a breeze. Movement in a room will remind us of a meadow on a spring day. Arrange seating for conversation. Not every chair should face the TV. Have a focal point in each room. A fireplace, bay window, sculpture or potted palm tree are all good forms of visual punctuation. Move away from the walls. Place furniture in a way that lets people meander around the space, but make sure everyone’s back is protected. Create “symbolic” points of protection with standing lamps and console tables. Create a space of your own. We all yearn for an area of retreat. This can be a window seat or a corner of a room framed with a folding screen for quiet contemplation. Cultivate smart messiness. For all the books on banishing clutter, décor that’s too minimalist can rob us of ways to highlight our values and interests. Decorate with travel mementos, family photos and objects that evoke happy memories. This article was originally published in the January 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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6 Steps to Positive Change

Driving home from a family gathering or a dinner with friends, you might conjure up a being who looks like you but behaves differently. He or she was more gregarious at the party, slower to anger at a sister-in-law’s snarky comments and assertive when a colleague offhandedly dismissed a solid proposal. Pretty much all of us, psychologists say, harbor visions of a new and improved version of ourselves. “A vast majority of people want to change at least some aspect of their personality,” says Nathan Hudson, Ph.D., a researcher at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. A study he co-authored found that when it came to tweaking personality traits, 87 percent of participants wanted to become more extroverted while 97 percent said they’d like to increase their conscientiousness. Not very long ago, experts would have said that those hopes were nearly as futile as the wish to be two inches taller. A concept of personality called the “Big Five” emerged in the 1970s, developed by researchers at the National Institutes of Health, the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor and the University of Oregon. According to this model, an individual’s personality is a blend of five core dimensions. These include the two traits that Nathan mentions above: extroversion (outgoing, talkative, sociable) and conscientiousness (organized, disciplined, trustworthy). The other three dimensions are agreeableness (compassionate, kind and friendly), openness to experience (creative, curious) and neuroticism (people low in this trait are calm and confident while those on the other end of the scale are prone to anxiety, anger and depression). A growing body of research is leading experts to revise the view that these core traits are rooted in genetics and mostly fixed in adulthood. The longest-running personality study ever undertaken, for example, shows that our personality changes dramatically over our lifetime. In 1950, researchers at the University of Edinburgh rated some 1,200 14-year-olds in Scotland on six personality traits, from self-confidence to perseverance. Six decades later, the researchers tracked down and reassessed nearly 200 of those original participants. Their findings: Thanks to small incremental changes over the decades, there was no significant correlation between the traits people had as teens and the ones they displayed as seniors. In other words, they were dramatically different individuals at 77 than they had been at 14. Those findings don’t surprise psychologist and adult development pioneer Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. In a landmark study, she followed a single group of women and men from their years as undergraduates well into middle age. As she notes in her book, The Search for Fulfillment: Revolutionary New Research That Reveals the Secret to Long-Term Happiness, our robust ability for change doesn’t carry a “best by” date. “At any age, anyone can feel fulfilled, can create a sense of meaning, and, essentially can find happiness—no matter what their level of satisfaction was in their youth.” In a personal example, she recently left the rambling home she lived in for 33 years in Amherst, Massachusetts, and moved across the state to Boston to join the faculty at the University of Massachusetts Boston. “I wanted something new,” she says. “Moving out of my house was agonizing, but also very liberating.” Susan adds, “The great thing is that when you start to tinker with the behaviors that bother you, you’ll start to change the way you think about yourself. Your narrative goes from ‘I’ve always been a worrywart,’ which is high on neuroticism, to ‘I can feel relaxed if I want to.’ Seeing yourself in charge of your personality rather than being run by it may be the key to having your personality suit instead of define you.” One of the clear findings in Nathan’s recent research at the University of Illinois with fellow researcher Christopher Fraley is that small changes can have big payoffs. Yet, “It’s not sufficient to merely make an intention to change a personality trait. People have to actually change their behaviors, week by week, with small, realistic and attainable goals.” Try these six expert tips to begin making real and lasting personality adjustments. How to Get Started 1. Look forward to looking back. “Live your life when you’re young as if you’re looking back on it when you’re old,” Susan advises her students. The same thing holds at any point in your life. Five years from now, you’ll be glad you decided to put more effort into your marriage, signed up for that watercolor class or gave online dating a chance, whatever the outcome. “People think the only way to change is to go completely all off the rails,” Susan says. “But ‘change’ with a lowercase c can be easier to wrap your head around and surprise you in how much it impacts your happiness.” 2. Find your motivation. “You can’t prioritize everything,” says Alice Boyes, Ph.D., author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life. “It takes cognitive effort and discipline to make a change from whatever comes most naturally to you, so find the bigger reason for making a change, like stronger relationships or a more satisfying work life.” “People devalue incremental improvements,” Alice says. “But what I call micro-steps might completely solve a problem and have a big impact on your happiness.” Feeling distant from your spouse? If you spend 180 minutes a day together, make a commitment to devote just 10 percent of those moments—18 minutes in all—to being more emotionally connected. Turn off the TV, put away your smartphones and engage in a conversation about something other than politics or household chores. “Over time,” she says, “that can really lead to a relationship that feels closer.” 3. Get real with yourself about what you’re willing to do. Consider obstacles when you’re forming a plan for, say, losing weight or eating healthier, Alice says. Saying you’re going to eliminate all white foods from your diet is unrealistic when your favorite dish at the corner bistro is linguini with clam sauce. You might, however, be willing to replace white bread with whole wheat and experiment with different types of pasta, like brown rice or quinoa, when you’re cooking at home. 4. Respect your temperament. “Acting out of character can have a depleting effect on us,” says Cambridge University psychologist Brian Little, Ph.D. That’s true whether you’re a natural-born introvert trying to behave more gregariously or you’re attempting to temper a combative personality. Brian’s advice is to seek out what he calls “restorative niches,” where you can allow your inborn temperament to roam free. A self-described “lifelong introvert,” Brian sometimes gives daylong presentations. By the end of the morning sessions, he’s feeling depleted and over-aroused. To recharge for the afternoon sessions, he declines invitations to lunch with colleagues and instead spends the hour taking a recuperative, solitary walk. 5. Accept that you’ll experience a mix of positive and negative emotions. Stepping out of your comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. But, says Alice, there’s power in learning to tolerate emotions like anxiety, frustration, doubt or envy. “[It] opens up a world of possibility for what you can accomplish,” she says. “Choosing the most meaningful path over the most comfortable one will help you reach your potential.” 6.  Expand how you define yourself. A rigid self-identity can cause you to underestimate the available opportunities and choices, Alice says. If you define yourself as polite and easygoing, you may not be able to imagine yourself being assertive in asking for what you want. With flexibility, you can give expression to less dominant parts of yourself—the hidden extrovert, the sometime adventurer. “Every new situation provides us with an opportunity to bring any sides of ourselves that we want to that situation,” Alice says. Brian, in his influential book, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being, says there has been a “sea change” in how psychologists view the link between personality and a motivation to change. “Under this new perspective, genes influence us as do our circumstances, but we are not hostage to them,” he writes. The “personal commitments and core projects that we pursue in our daily lives” allow us to rise above what are our natural inclinations. And, he notes, the new science of personality overlaps with positive psychology. Instead of only emphasizing pathology or shortcomings, it’s just as concerned “with positive attributes like creativity, resiliency and human flourishing.” “Change is what our lives are about,” Susan concludes in The Search for Fulfillment.  “No matter how you started out or where you are now, it is possible for you to get back on track with your original goals and dreams, or to find and define new ones. Your life’s script is one that you can write any way you want to, starting right now.” This article was originally published in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Practicing With Purpose

“When you create a gratitude practice, it’s very intentional and defined,” says Jan Stanley, who has worked with Fortune 500 companies to develop leadership development programs and is now a speaker and teacher on the topics of rituals, practices and habits. She says a gratitude practice helps you slow down and take note of the many gifts in the world around you. Studies are showing that practicing gratitude increases life satisfaction and overall well-being. In fact, one study by Robert Emmons, Ph.D., of the University of California, Davis, indicates that a regular gratitude practice helps people “appreciate life to the fullest”—even during difficult life events. “People roll their eyes because it’s so simple, but even if you start small with the intention of becoming grateful, you will see changes,” Jan says. “Start thinking about not just what you’re grateful for that day, but why,” she says. As you think about what those things mean to you, your appreciation for them grows. Some simple gratitude practices include: Gratitude Journal: Write down what you’re grateful for every day. Focus on one topic and write about why it makes you feel grateful, or list several different things that make you grateful. Gratitude Jar: Keep a jar of glass beads or stones in a central location, and make sure every person in the home or office has an empty jar. “If you’re grateful for something that person did, put a stone in their jar and tell them why,” Jan says. Three Blessings: Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Candle Ritual: This can be done as a daily ritual or for special family gatherings; each person lights a candle while sharing what he or she is grateful for. “What happens is that you start looking for things throughout the day that make you grateful. It has an amazing, transformative effect,” Jan says. “You start noticing things you didn’t see before and appreciating them.” This article originally appeared in the December 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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How Pets Make Us Happier and Healthier With Dr. Margit Gabriele Muller

Many of us would do just about anything for our pets. But have you thought about how much your pet is doing for you? This week’s guest is here to tell us! Dr. Margit Gabriele Muller is a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine and executive director at Abu Dhabi Falcon Hospital. But she’s also a speaker, life coach and author of multiple books on animals, including her latest — Your Pet, Your Pill: 101 Inspirational Stories About How Pets Lead You to a Happy, Healthy and Successful Life. She’s here to explain what our furry, feathered and finned friends are doing for our health and overall well-being. In this episode, you'll learn: How pets are beneficial for our daily lives and our health. How pets have been so important during the COVID-19 pandemic. How to learn to “listen” to your pet. Links and Resources Facebook: @drmgmuller Twitter: @Dr_MargitGM Instagram: @dr.margit.muller Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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father and daughter enjoying spending time with dog in the bed.

More Than a Best Friend

Around July 26 every year, Megan-Mack Nicholson organizes a spirited celebration that is part family reunion, part birthday extravaganza. Although the site rotates to a different house every year, common party threads include cooking on the grill, wine and plenty of playtime. But two activities are absolutely non-negotiable and thought of as ritual for this extended family: a dip in the nearest body of water and, of course, a good, old-fashioned group howl. Ten white German shepherds, all from the same litter, are the guests of honor at the appropriately named White Shepherd Puppy Party, and Megan-Mack describes their chorus, which might last a couple of minutes, as deafening. “(It’s) so loud and beautiful, people and dogs in this huge family pack,” she says. “It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.” The puppies were brought into the world by Megan-Mack’s dog, Kaya, on July 26, 2005. She gave all but one of the puppies away to friends around Ithaca, New York, where she lives. She kept one puppy, whom she named Rayleigh. “I just thought it would be fun (to throw a birthday party) the first year, and it was such an absolute hoot, we made sure to continue the tradition,” she says. Meat cakes—plural—are another standard usually enjoyed at the puppy party. Megan-Mack starts with a traditional cake option, like strawberry shortcake, then adds “every meat under the sun”—hamburger, steak, chicken spread, tuna and even spam. The plurality of the cakes is important: The inaugural year, she only baked one large cake, and Kaya ate the entire thing in seconds, while the candles were still lit. “It’s such a sweet gathering,” she says. “We haven’t missed a year. It’s important for all of us to connect because it is family.” Claiming a dog—or 11—as family is something that might have raised more than a few eyebrows 10 or 20 years ago, but today it’s the norm. Rejecting the terminology of dog ownership, many people now choose to define themselves as guardians or pet parents and refer to their beloved canines as their fur babies or children. “The data suggests that the majority of people consider their pet a family member,” says Allen McConnell, Ph.D., a Miami University psychology professor who studies the impact pets have on human health and well-being. His most recent data suggests the number is about 77 percent. But adoption into the family isn’t just about status. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2011, Allen and colleagues examined the amount of support 217 people received from their pets, be they dogs, cats or other animals, as compared to their best friends and family members. “One thing we found,” Allen says, “was that people received as much support from their pet as they did from their parents or siblings,” although best friends were found to be a more powerful source of support than pets. “For a pet to be as big as parents or siblings is a pretty strong statement,” Allen says. All Heart Susan Burnstine can agree with that statement, strong as it is. Susan, a Los Angeles-based photographer, says 3-year-old Australian kelpie, Raven, is her family. And it is Raven who is getting her through the death of another beloved family member, Blue, also a kelpie, who died at the extraordinary age of 21. “I lost both parents and everyone in my family,” Susan says, “and that was tragic like you wouldn’t believe, but losing (Blue) hurt more. I’m almost ashamed to say that. But it was like losing my child.” For the first 8 months of her life, Blue was used as pit bull bait for an illegal dog fighting facility, but a local rescue group helped her escape. When Susan and Blue were introduced, it was love at first sight. “She sort of found everything for me,” Susan says. “She set the path for my life. She was just a remarkable dog.” As a photographer, Susan is known for the dream-like images produced from her homemade cameras and lenses. The first photo she took with one of her own cameras was of Blue’s nose, and that photo helped jump-start her career. Before she made it as a photographer, Susan worked in the entertainment business, but she eventually burned out. While she tried to figure out her next step, she spent time hiking with Blue at LA’s Runyon Canyon Park. At the time, the park wasn’t well-attended, so Hollywood actors would frequent its trails. When Susan mentioned to a friend of hers, the late actor Michael Jeter, that she just wanted to hike with her dog all day, Michael suggested she do just that—but with other people’s dogs as well. And so, Susan started a business providing not just hiking but individualized cardio sessions for the dogs of her clients, who are often actors. She still works with about 12 clients in addition to her work as a photographer, and Blue was the impetus for the whole operation. “(Blue) was a Zen dog,” Susan says. “She would just know everything.” Now, Raven is helping Susan cope with the loss of Blue. “The only thing that got me through was Raven,” Susan says. “She has so much energy, I don’t have a second (to myself).” Susan loves dogs more than anything in the world. “They are very empathetic animals. They’re all about their heart.” The Science of Puppy Love Susan, Megan-Mack and countless others share a special bond with their dogs, and recent research examines that interaction, describing how dogs pay attention to us like no other animal. Scientists Adam Miklosi and Brian Hare, among others, have demonstrated that dogs can read human facial expressions and follow cues from gestures or the direction of a person’s gaze, and they can do so at least as early as 6 weeks old. No other non-human animal possesses this innate ability—not even our closest relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos, which need extensive human contact before they can demonstrate similar abilities. Dogs are also the only animals besides primates that look humans in the eyes, and researchers from three Japanese universities found that this eye contact is especially significant. In a study published in the April 17 issue of Science, the scientists found that when people sustain a long gaze with their own dog, both receive a boost in the brain hormone oxytocin, which is associated with bonding and attachment. The findings suggest that dogs tap into the same mechanism that parents use to bond with their infant children. Another study, published in the journal Behavioral Processes in January, measured the neural responses dogs have to known and unknown smells. The researchers found that the scent of the dogs’ owners engaged the caudate nucleus, the part of the brain associated with reward. These studies represent only the tip of the iceberg in research on the unique relationship between people and dogs, and not all experts agree on how to interpret them. But the findings could indicate that both species are specially wired to live with one another, and this is a significant part of the reason humans incorporate canines into nearly every facet of our lives. Working Into Our Lives The brakes are out on Megan-Mack’s truck, and she’s not sure if it would pass inspection, but she doesn’t want to get rid of it because it reminds her of her dog. Earlier this year, Kaya passed away, and she has vivid memories of both of her dogs sticking their heads out of the window on her way to work. “I want everything to be the same as it was when she was here,” Megan-Mack says, and that includes both of her dogs joining her for the workday. Megan-Mack is a ropes course director and adventure center manager. When she was promoted to the position, which meant longer hours, she made sure her contract stipulated that the girls could join her. “My sanity is all due to them at work,” she says. “They remind me to step outside and smell the air.” The dogs also brightened the days of customers and staff on a regular basis. Rayleigh is especially attuned to people’s needs and moods. Megan-Mack says the attentiveness of dogs like hers comes from generations of loyal dogs trying to fulfill jobs. She believes the job of the modern dog is to be a part of the family. That certainly wasn’t always the case. “The first role dogs played was very likely not as a pet,” says David Grimm, author of Citizen Canine: Our Evolving Relationship with Cats and Dogs, which came out in paperback in June. “It was more of a co-worker relationship.” At the time, David says, humans were nomadic and had no time for pets. Dogs probably helped hunt smaller game and guard campsites at night. In return, dogs received food. And that’s the way things were for thousands of years. As humans started settling down in villages, the status of dogs began to change. The first evidence of a more personal relationship between the species dates back 12,000 years to Israel, where archaeologists found a buried human cradling a puppy. “Fast forward 10,000 years and some societies had pet-like relationships,” David says. “For example, the Romans are burying dogs in human cemeteries and breeding lap dogs.” Not every culture had pets, and dogs generally suffered through the Middle Ages. But even in pet-friendly cultures, a distinct separation existed—dogs belonged outside. That would change in the late 1800s with the advent of flea and tick medicines. “Now you can bring dogs indoors, and (then) they don’t smell like garbage, basically,” David says. “The separation breaks down, and a new (pet) industry arrives with dogs and cats... There’s a snowball effect, and the relationship is much closer.” The relationship strengthened by the decade. Then, 20 or 25 years ago, our relationship with dogs evolved again. Smaller families, higher divorce rates and more people living alone, combined with the increasing isolation of the digital age, changed the way we look at dogs and cats, according to David. “Everyone’s on the computer all the time,” he says. “Pets are the last bastions in your house that need to physically interact with you. Your dog’s not going to play on the Xbox or start texting and ignore you.” All these factors have led to people claiming dogs as family, an idea that would have seemed strange to most people 30 years ago. But now, a majority of people report that their dogs sleep in their own beds. “We’ve become so close,” David says. “It’s hard to imagine we can become much closer in the social sphere—you can’t get much closer than a member of the family.” This article originally appeared in the October 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Overjoyed young family with little preschooler kids have fun cooking baking pastry or pie at home together, happy smiling parents enjoy weekend play with small children doing bakery cooking in kitchen

7 Keys to Healthy Family Relationships

Your family is the foundation on which much of your happiness, success and physical and emotional well-being is based. If your family relationships are unstable, that can cause a ripple effect that affects work, friends, finances and even your health. The feelings of connection and security that come with strong family relationships can give you the lift you need to endure life’s challenges and meet your goals with confidence and courage. Some of the main causes of families’ reduced emotional health are changes in family structure, medical problems, parenting or relationship issues, career struggles and financial challenges. Long-term stress on a family—even if the stressors seem to be small—can also have a significant impact. Many of us are so busy keeping up with daily tasks and pressures that we do not focus enough on building and maintaining our closest relationships. Ideally, families are intended to provide a safe haven, serving as an enduring group of individuals who transcend time and life circumstances. Here are seven ways to improve your family relationships. Healthy families... 1. Learn what their strengths are and use them to overcome obstacles and to stay connected. They put in the effort to identify and work on their weaknesses as individuals and as a whole. If your family is great at networking, use your networking skills to help yourselves in times of need. If your family has weakness in the area of conflict, make a family pact to try harder to be calmer during arguments and to improve your conflict resolution skills. 2. Have a foundation of respect. John Gottman, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and researcher, has written books and articles stating that within minutes he can determine whether a couple’s relationship will be lasting and happy simply based on their behaviors regarding respect. The same is true for families. Respect relates to how members of a family feel and think about each other and how they interact with each other. You show respect if you always consider your family members’ happiness and place it equal to your own. 3. Value investment in the family. Anything that we truly care about requires investment of time and energy. Make sure that you and all of your family members make a concerted effort to spend time together, think about one another and work toward being a strong and happy unit. Plan family days where each family member is responsible for one component of the day. One member plans an outdoor activity, another an indoor activity and one chooses or prepares lunch. 4. Work on good communication skills. Communicating takes effort; it is not just about having a conversation. Focus on listening and understanding what your family member is trying to say. Carve out time to work on communication skills by putting away cellular phones and other devices at the dinner table so you can interact with one another. 5. Know the value of fun and laughter. All of us know that happiness can be the best medicine physically, psychologically and spiritually. Laughter and fun are guaranteed pathways to happiness. Plan time for your family to do shared activities that everyone enjoys: play games together, have a water balloon or snowball fight outdoors, tell bad jokes while decorating homemade cookies. 6. Establish traditions, values and goals, and work toward achieving them. One of the greatest ways to connect is to have shared traditions, values and goals. If you have already developed some, do your best to continue what you started. Sit down to discuss and reinforce values, invent new traditions and plan how you’ll accomplish goals together. 7. Problem solve as a group. One of the greatest things about family is that you can lean on each other for advice and support. Plan family brainstorming sessions or family meetings to solve important dilemmas or plan your next weekend adventure. Share your joys with each other as well as your challenges. This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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art school, creativity and people concept - student girl or young woman artist with easel, palette and paint brush painting still life picture at studio

Happiness Is All in Your Mind

While creativity once was considered the domain of artists, musicians and writers, today we’ve expanded our understanding of how it applies to our lives. Whether we’re talking a child into getting ready for school, substituting a missing ingredient in a favorite recipe or working on a new business plan, creativity is about coming up with fresh, new ideas, then putting them into action. New research is disproving the old notion of the right brain as our creative center while the left brain is analytical and logical. New studies show creativity engages the entire brain, with different regions working together during various stages of the creative process. In other words, all of us have a creative network just waiting to be activated. “All human beings have a capacity to be creative,” says Dr. Nancy Andreasen, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and psychiatrist. “People who like to cook are being creative—it’s not limited to producing great paintings or creating music or writing novels or making scientific discoveries. Some people enjoy gardening…learning to play a musical instrument....There are all kinds of things that people do that are creative.” The positive feelings our brains generate during our creative pursuits put us in a state of “flow,” during which we become completely immersed and in tune with what we are doing. This leads to a feeling of joy not only while the task is being performed, but after it is completed. “Once those creative juices start flowing, and you’re no longer focusing on your own life or problems, you get into that flow state where you’re working and the positive feelings are being reinforced,” says Shelley Carson, Ph.D., a Harvard psychologist and the author of Your Creative Brain. “It’s a great way to enhance your mood.” Whatever Happened to the Tortured Artist? The idea of creativity feeding happiness—and vice versa—flies in the face of the long-held belief that pain and suffering are prerequisites for creative genius. Through the years, great creative minds seemed to reinforce the argument, with notables like Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, Tchaikovsky, Vincent van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway and others showing mood disorders. Nancy, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa and winner of the National Medal of Science, conducted some of the first empirical studies on the links between creativity and depression and other mental illnesses. But, despite the connection, Nancy found that 20 percent of the writers from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop she studied had what she describes as “big ‘C’ ” creativity—what she calls an extraordinary example of creativity, “like discovering something that leads to a Nobel Prize.” “They were just more well-balanced—or they were lucky,” Nancy says. “They tended to come from families that also did not have mental illness.” Other studies done both with depressed and non-depressed subjects have shown that creativity enhances moods—which is why things like music therapy, art therapy and dance therapy have proved successful. However, the myth of the tortured artist is strong enough that some resist getting help, fearing they’ll lose their inspiration. Julia Cameron, author of more than 30 books, including The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, has known artists who resisted exploring happiness because they were afraid of losing touch with their creativity. On the other hand, she’s worked with people who are hesitant to explore their creative side for fear it will ruin their stable life. “We have a certain mythology around creativity that simply is not correct,” she says. “We have been brought up to believe that artists are broke and tortured and crazy. When I say, ‘Let’s become an artist, let’s play, let’s get in touch with our inner resources,’ people are frightened. They believe they can’t be happy if they become an artist, but the opposite is true.” Julia believes that all of us are artists, regardless of whether our medium is a kitchen stove, computer keyboard, blank canvas or tool shed. “Artistic, creative people are solvent, they’re happy; just start working on your creativity and watch what it does for you.” But the happiness effects of our creativity extend beyond us and can bring happiness to the people enjoying our work, Nancy says. “If you are a creative cook, you can survey what's in your garden and what's in your refrigerator and spontaneously come up with a new combination of things that you then serve to your family, spouse or whoever,” she says. “That's very happiness-generating.” Being creative—and enjoying the effects of creativity—doesn’t mean you need to become a world-renowned chef, sculpt like Michelangelo or write like Hemingway or sing like Elvis. Being creative can be as simple as writing down your family history, making up silly songs or taking an art class. “It’s never too late to discover your creativity,” Shelley says. “There are wonderful implications from exploring creativity, regardless of your age.” This article originally appeared in the October 2014 issue of Live Happy magazine.
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