Blissed Out With Alanis

Blissed Out With Alanis Morissette

Photo shoots are always exciting and one of the many reasons I love my job as an art director at Live Happy. Whether we are photographing a celebrity, a family at home, or an entrepreneur on the job, there are always colorful personalities and environments to capture on film—and a team of people behind the scenes that make it all come together.My last photo shoot was a highpoint for me personally. I had the opportunity to go to Los Angeles and be part of the team photographingAlanis Morissette for our August Live Happy cover.JLPI have been a huge fan of Alanis since her debut album Jagged Little Pill was released in 1995. Her music and lyrics resonated when I was 18, and still do to this day. Although the subjects and focus of her songs have evolved over the years, I feel I’ve gone on the journey with her.My best friend Rachel and I used to drive to community college together every day back in the ‘90s; Jagged Little Pill (along with Dave Matthews Band and Beastie Boys) was our soundtrack for that ride—and for our late teens/early 20s in general. We would belt out the lyrics from “Ironic” ("It’s like Raaaaiiiiiinn, on your wedding day!"), as well as “All I Really Want,” “You Learn” and many others. Later I would put my hair up in “Alanis braids,” go to her concerts and soak up her free spirit. I probably looked silly but I didn’t care; she inspired me.Peace outAnother reason I think I feel such an affinity for her music is that we share a passion for yoga, spirituality and mindfulness.The album Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie also had a profound effect on me. It was more spiritual, the sound was different from JLP … it referred to India, gurus, and delved deeper into subjects like relationships, self-awareness and confidence: All things I could relate to in my life at that time. I was in a serious relationship with my soon-to-be-husband and trying to figure out who I was and what the rest of my life would look like after college.I thought I would try this yoga thing out, and Alanis was something of a guide for me in that direction, too. As years went by, I understood and related to her lyrics even more as I went on my spiritual journey. Some of my favorite lyrics from this album still move me to this day.“How bout me not blaming you for everything, How bout me enjoying the moment for once”“The moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handleThe moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down”-"Thank U"Now I’m older and a parent, and I still love her music. What makes me smile most is when my 4-year-old Kensie asks to hear “You see Everything” or “It Figures” (Ironic). She also asks for “the softer version” of “You Oughta Know” (the acoustic version) which just makes me laugh because it’s not exactly the song you want your toddler listening to! Alanis’ music has definitely come full circle in my life.Back to the gardenThe hidden Los Angeles garden is filled with gorgeous flowers in bloom, providing the perfect backdrop for Alanis’s cover shoot. I’m a little nervous to meet my idol, but on set, she is just as self-aware, confident and calm as I thought she would be—as is her son, Ever, who joins her on set and is very sweet as he quietly explores the garden.Although we don’t get a chance to chat much at the shoot, I can sense that she is totally genuine and kind. She introduces herself to everyone personally, shaking our hands, and is gracious and patient throughout the shoot. It seems that her lyrics come from a real place inside her—that in a way I already knew a part of her.I feel so grateful for this experience and so lucky to have met one of my favorite musicians. This was a meaningful moment for me, and I hope our readers find her presence in our magazine as magical as I do.Thank U, Alanis.Read more about what Alanis Morissette is up to at the present moment here.
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Quiz: What's Your Relationship Mindfulness IQ?

When it Comes to Love, Are You Mindful or Meh?

Relationship mindfulness is a long-proven method toward improving our relationship happiness. In 2004, the University of North Carolina launched a study of “relatively happy, non-distressed couples.”The results of their study proved what experts have known all along: Couples who practice “relationship mindfulness” are happier, have less stress and have a better ability to cope during challenging times.Take our quiz to find out how mindful you are when it comes to your own relationship.1. In my relationship, I consider my partner's feelings when making a decision.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never2. If I need to discuss an uncomfortable subject with my partner, I am conscious of my behavior throughout the discussion.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or Never3. I can tell when my partner is not in a good mood.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never4. When my partner appears to be having a tough day or is in a bad mood, I attempt to inquire about what is wrong. A. Most of the time B. Some of the time C. Rarely or never5. When my partner appears to be having a tough day or is in a bad mood, I try to provide comfort.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never6. When my partner appears to be having a tough day or is in a bad mood, I make an effort to see if I can be helpful.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never7. When having a conversation with my partner, I do my best to focus on the exchange and try to avoid multi-tasking.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never8. When it comes to my relationship, I would consider myself to be present, mindful and aware.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never9. In times of stress or conflict with my partner, I take time out to think about how to best handle the situation before I react.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never10. When it comes to my relationship, I make an effort to avoid saying things that I might regret.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never11. I realize that my partner and our relationship shift and evolve over time; I try to adapt to those changes.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never12. I stay on top of what triggers me, stresses me out or makes me angry so that I can anticipate what might create conflict in my relationship.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never13. I am honest with myself about my relationship.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never14. I initiate bookend connections with my partner (the connections when I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, and when I leave and arrive at home)A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never15. I focus on good communication with my partner, both verbal and nonverbal.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never16. I take time out to assess and understand my partner’s wants and needs.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never17. I realize that personal growth will help my relationship, so I work toward that goal.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never18. I know that I am not always the perfect partner, and so I acknowledge my mistakes when they happen.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never19. I make efforts toward deepening my relationship with my partner.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or never20. I make an effort to put my partner’s happiness on an equal standing with my own.A. Most of the timeB. Some of the timeC. Rarely or neverEvaluate your answersA'sIf most of your answers are ‘A’ then you are doing a great job at having a mindful heart in your relationship and you are successful at striking the balance between what is best for you and what is best for your relationship. You are able to assess and adapt to your partner’s needs and have the ability to find compromises for the greater good of the relationship. You are mindful of your partner’s wants and in return that should result in a more successful and happy relationship.B'sIf most of your answers are ‘B’ then you have either been mindful of your partner and relationship, or you are naturally gifted with some of those skills. It would be helpful to you and your relationship if you would carefully look at exactly how and when you are considerate of your partner’s wants and needs so that you can assess where your strengths and weaknesses are. For the areas of strength, pat yourself on the back. For the areas that need improvement, make more of a conscious effort to practice being more mindful in your relationship so that you can deepen your connection.C'sIf most of your answers are ‘C’ then you either lack the natural skills to be mindful in your relationship, or you haven’t put in the time or energy to improve your abilities in this area. If you were not aware of your imperfections in this area, perhaps you can invest more of your focus on being more aware and balancing what both you and your partner want and need. If emotional distance or resentment has been the cause of your lack of mindfulness, then make an effort to bridge the emotional gap and diffuse the tension by trying to engage in more of these connecting activities.Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy.
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33 Ideas for Happy Travels

33 Ideas for Happy Travels

Whether you are leaving on a jet plane or off to a weekend getaway, taking regular trips can be beneficial for your mental and physical well-being. Here is a list of our ideas for you to do, read, watch, and contemplate in your daily travels.1. “A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” —Lao Tzu2. Read An Inland Voyage by Robert Louis Stevenson.3. “Life is a journey. When we stop, things don’t go right.” —Pope Francis4. Listen to “Walking in Memphis” by Marc Cohn.5. “Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.” —Ernest Hemingway6. Go to a music festival.7. Watch Into the Wild.8. “It is better to travel well than to arrive.” —Buddha9. Read A Walk in the Woodsby Bill Bryson.10. Watch The Endless Summer.11. Travel with a purpose.12. Take a weekend trip.13. Make a slideshow from previous vacations.Read more about making the most of your vacations here.14. Learn a new language.15. Go camping and unplug.16. Listen to “California Dreamin’” by The Mamas and the Papas.17. Listen to “Roam” by the B-52s.18. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles.Learn the 8 Secrets to a Happy Family Roadtrip.19. Book a train ride.20. Host an international dinner party.21. Watch Rick Steve’s Europe on PBS.22. Read A Cook's Tourby Anthony Bourdain.23. Pretend to be a tourist in your hometown.24. Spend time with your family planning a vacation.25. Read The A to Zen of Travelby Sarah Tucker.26. Listen to “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode.27. Read Pass the Butterworms: Remote Journeys Oddly Renderedby Tim Cahill.28. Witness the beauty of America on two wheels.29. Listen to Iggy Pop’s “The Passenger.”30. Visit a national monument or a state park.31. “I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.” —Rosalia de Castro32. Read On the Roadby Jack Kerouac.33. Watch Roman Holiday.Need more inspiration? How about 33 Ideas for Living a More Courageous Life.What are some of your favorite places to go? How do you like to spend your time when you travel? Let us know in the Comments section, below.
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Amy Van Dyken: A Potrait of Resilience

The Bounce-Back Effect

Challenges pop up every day, and you must figure out ways to go around or over them,” says Olympic swimming champion Amy Van Dyken. “You have to be a creative problem solver who looks three steps ahead.”Everything changedEverything changed for the six-time gold medalist on June 6, 2014. While driving her all-terrain vehicle (ATV), Amy tumbled over an embankment. The accident left her with a severed spinal cord and brain injuries. She made it through a potentially fatal emergency surgery but was left paralyzed from the waist down. Yet, true to form, her trademark positive spirit and humor never wavered.“I’ve always been funny,” she says. “The person you see now is the person I’ve always been. Even after my accident and major back surgery with multiple blood transfusions, I awoke talking and laughing. The doctor said jokingly, ‘I must be in the wrong room.’”Amy’s can-do attitude drove her to extraordinary success in her swimming career. It is also what motivated her to go from reclining in bed to sitting in a matter of days—a feat that can challenge the balance of some paralysis patients for weeks. She now drives around in her modified Camaro SS, which stands for “super-sexy,” she says. Her ability to focus on the positive in the face of trauma is far from extraordinary, experts say. Rather, resiliency is something we’re all born with—we simply have to develop it.No ‘ordinary magic’Cincinnati’s VIA Institute on Character says each and every person possesses 24 character strengths, the building blocks of resilience, to some degree. But it’s our “signature strengths” that form the cornerstone of our personal storehouses of resilience, says Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D, a psychologist and the institute’s education director.For example, people endowed with lots of perseverance “generally don’t see obstacles as obstacles,” he says. “They see these as opportunities…to learn…to rise to the occasion or…make the end goal that much more sweet.” And where some people prefer to rely on hope as they focus on the future and remain optimistic through the difficult times, others draw on bravery or depend on their creativity to brainstorm solutions to challenges.Resilience = Positive adaptationBecause of the complexity of its interaction with our other personality traits, Ryan prefers to call resilience “positive adaptation.” “This means that when a stressor occurs, [people] don’t cower away,” he says. “They also don’t turn to alcohol and drugs to avoid it, and they don’t spend time getting emotionally upset. Instead, they adapt in a way that is constructive and beneficial.”Ann S. Masten, Ph.D., has dubbed this type of adaptation “ordinary magic.” The University of Minnesota professor studied youth growing up in disadvantaged environments and concluded that most, despite the obstacles they face, turn out f ne. Her unexpected findings convinced her and other experts that resilience is the practical ability to combine skills such as problem-solving and self-control with caring relationships and social resourcesto recover from setbacks.Post-traumatic growthThat can lead us to achieve what experts call “post-traumatic growth.” Case in point: Drs. Steven M. Southwick and Dennis S. Charney found that 93 percent of the 30 former Vietnam prisoners of war they studied attributed their greater appreciation of life to being imprisoned. The authors of Resilience:The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges discovered that the POWs took a painful experience and made it meaningful by using it to readjust their priorities and self-perceptions. By doing this, they had internalized the belief that “I’ve been through the absolute worst, and though I’m vulnerable, I’m also much stronger than I ever imagined.”Read more about The Science of Post-Traumtic Growth.Learning through failureThe Vietnam POWs aren’t alone. Shannon Polly, MAPP, who has facilitated resilience training for more than a thousand U.S. Army sergeants, says, “Soldiers in World War II felt that surviving combat made them more resilient. Resilience is believing you can learn through failure.”Mark D. Seery, Ph.D., an associate psychology professor at the University of Buffalo, says research suggests that experiencing adversity “may have an upside—a silver lining—in that it may help foster resilience.”Amy is living proof of this. Despiteher upbeat attitude, she has mourned the loss of her mobility and still has tough days. “Every day she suffers from physical pain that she calls a ‘blanket of fire,’ ” says Elisa Persi, Amy’s close friend of 12 years. “She has some bad days, but still remains positive.”“It’s a big, huge deal—for me and my husband,” Amy says. “But I allow myself to have moments when I’m sad or angry, and then I move on.”The road to resilienceLike Amy, our personal journeys toward developing resiliency are as defined by our signature strengths as they are by our lifestyle choices. In fact, improving the quality of our overall health—through exercise, sleep, diet and relaxation—can help us rebound after a traumatic life event.“Research shows if you work with a trainer in a gym for three months, you have a better bounce-back from stress,” says Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., a George Mason University professor and researcher. “You build up willpower, stamina; your mind is better able to respond in a sophisticated way to challenges, and you’re more likely to have a white space between what happens and your response.”Repairing the brain, and the soulIn part, this is due to the brain’s lifetime neuroplasticity or cognitive flexibility, but studies also indicate exercise can repair damaged neurons, says Arun Krishnan, Ph.D., an associate professor at the University of New South Wales, Sydney.“Before the accident I was doing a lot of lower body work—squats, lunges,” Amy says. “Now I’m lifting weights and working harder than I did before the Olympics. It was hard just learning how to sit.”We also cope better when we don’t go it alone, Todd says. “[My friends] don’t let me mope,” Amy says. “They’ll come over and say, ‘Let’s go to the mall.’ They’re amazing.”Reaching out to othersAmy says she regularly reaches out to her network of friends and health professionals and is active on Instagram and other social media sites. And in January, she returned to her broadcasting career, calling a swim meet for Olympic hopefuls. “Seeking out others—being physically near and touching someone—is beneficial,” Todd says. “Military comrades say they feel a sense of love and contagious bravery.”However, Steven and Dennis caution that we’re not all on a level playing field when it comes to resiliency. As always, our genetics and environment affect who we are—and how resilient we can be.“People with social anxiety disorder, for example, don’t differ from [resilient people] in their number of stressful interactions,” Todd says. “[What differs is] they are unable to be in contact with their anxious thoughts. But we can train them to distance their thoughts…and function. Moving through fear is one way of being flexible.When you interview snipers, martial artists, actors and athletes, they all talk about feeling fearless. But they experience fear and are aware of it. They just know how to channel it.” And while our personal brand of resiliency may not manifest itself in the same form as Amy’s, experts say moving forward in the face of everyday setbacks, such as job loss or making mistakes, provides us with protection from depression and negative emotions.Bouncing forwardToday, nearly a year after the ATV accident that changed her life, Amy is grateful to be alive and to be a high-functioning paraplegic. She’s also discovered the lesson learned by so many others: Altruism can buttress resilience.For Amy, that means touring the country on behalf of the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation promoting spinal cord research. It has also meant founding her own nonprofit, the Amy Van Dyken Foundation, which provides patients with spinal cord injuries needed medical supplies not covered by insurance. Her appearance as the grand marshal in the 2014 Fiesta Bowl Parade alone raised $10,000 for her charity. Now, she has her eyes set on a new personal goal: to become an inspirational role model like fellow paraplegic Christopher Reeve.“He dealt with his injury with great dignity, and that’s what I want to do,” she says. And today, Elisa says Amy treats every day as a gift. “She doesn’t take things for granted anymore, and when things get rough, she uses perspective to realize that things could be worse.”“I truly believe I’m here for a reason,” Amy says. “I should be dead. Someone’s not done with me.”Janice Arenofsky is a freelance writer based in Scottsdale, AZ.
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Happily Self-Employed

How to Be Happily Self-Employed

There are countless reasons people decide to go into business. for themselves. They do it because they have ideas they think will make the world a better place. Maybe they want to escape the constraints of 9 to 5, or create legacies that will outlive them.But no one becomes his or her own own boss to work 24/7, ruin their relationships and make their families miserable. Yet that often happens. Want to avoid it? Here, happy entrepreneurs share their tactics for being your own boss and loving it.I have a one-minute rant timer, and whenever I want to complain or vent to my husband, I flip the timer and go for it for a full minute! Then we can discuss solutions, if needed. But most times, once I’ve gotten things off my chest, I can move on and enjoy family time. Without the timer, the rant sessions used to go on for hours."—Jamie Novak, organizing specialist and author of Keep This, Toss ThatI plan fun activities the same way I plan business meetings. I will even put things on my calendar like 'Lie in bed and read.' It sounds goofy, I know, but it works. I’ve also returned to hobbies like knitting and baking, which give me creative satisfaction but are not my day job."—Nancy Shenker, CEO, theONswitch marketing companyWhenever I feel my life getting out of balance, I sit down and make a list of all the ways I spend my time during my waking hours, everything over and above a standard eight-hour work day. I rank the list in order of the amount of time I spend on each. Next to that list, I write down the five things I consider the most important in my life, in order of their importance. For me, just seeing the discrepancy between those lists is an incredibly powerful motivator for putting things back into perspective."—Barry Maher, of Barry Maher and Assoc. (BarryMaher.com), author of Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive Thinking in BusinessAs a company, we dedicate some of our time and energy to helping homeless children. Through an ongoing initiative, we fill up tote bags with blankets, stuffed animals and books and deliver them to a network of local family shelters. Making this a part of my company feeds my spirit and reminds me of what is important, even when something petty is going on with work.—Allison Kugel, co-owner, creative director, Full Scale Media public relations firmBeing in the 24/7 travel business, it’s nearly impossible to keep work from running my life. But I’ve found a way to disconnect and get on with being a husband and dad. My wife takes my phone on Friday evenings and returns it to me on Saturday morning. No calls, no e-mails and no texts. It’s difficult for me to separate myself, but my wife’s a psychiatrist, so I figure she knows best on these matters."—GregGeronemus, co-CEO, smarToursIt's easy to fall into a rut when you work for yourself. There are many days when I’ve found myself attached to my laptop, in my PJs and on the couch at 8 p.m., having barely budged except to open the door for the Chinese food delivery guy.You have to force yourself to get up, get dressed and go out. Even if it’s just taking the dog for a walk, changing up your routine and getting some fresh air is healthy and necessary. Every now and then devote a full day to a field trip; visit a museum or go on a long hike.Inspiration comes from all places, and you’ll find that taking a day off to recuperate and recharge, even in the middle of the week, will do wonders for your productivity and drive.—Sasha Moyer, co-founder and creative director of adelamei.com online clothing boutique
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Become More Resilient in 9 Simple Steps

We may take time to think about how to be healthier, but we don’t often spend a lot of time thinking about how to become more resilient. Resilience is mental toughness. With it, you can bounce back from setbacks more quickly and find the positive in challenging circumstances. In his book, The Resiliency Advantage, the late Al Siebert, Ph.D., contends that highly resilient people are more flexible, adapt to new circumstances more quickly and "thrive in constant change.” If you want to begin to build up your resilience muscle, here are nine things you can do: 1. Change your self-talk Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up into your head. If they are critical or negative, replace them with a positive thought or two. According to positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman, Ph.D., you can give yourself a cognitive intervention and counter negative thinking with an optimistic attitude. Treating yourself with self-compassion sometimes takes work, but when you are kind to yourself it increases your resilience because you have your own back. Treat yourself like you would a best friend. 2. Celebrate your wins If you don’t think you can do something, or your self-confidence is flagging, think of a time when you succeeded. List your wins—those times when you achieved something you didn’t think you could do. Recalling your wins restores your belief in yourself. Psychologist and author Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., says we need a three-to-one ratio of positive to negative experiences to build our resilience and flourish in life. 3. Be solid in how you see yourself One of the easiest ways to boost your self-image is to make decisions that make you feel good about who you are, according to psychologist and Ohio University professor Gary Sarver, Ph.D. With a positive self-perception, you won’t let the moods and opinions of others knock you off course. You will realize that the opinion that matters most is your own opinion of yourself. 4. Give yourself a pep talk If you repeatedly tell yourself you are strong, not only will you begin to believe it, but you also will look for ways to prove that it’s true. Most of us are a lot stronger than we think; we just have to believe it first in order to see it in our own lives. 5. Push outside your comfort zone It’s hard to believe in our fortitude if we hide within a comfort zone. Do the things that scare you a bit and watch your resilience build up. Afraid of public speaking? Try talking to a small group first. Nervous to change jobs? Just start interviewing. Afraid to have a difficult conversation? Write out what you want to say first. Fear dissipates with action. Make up your own mantra. Try … Let’s do this. Be bold. Keep moving forward. Or, forget fear. Power up big with a tiny sentence. 6. Cultivate your relationships Resilient people tend to have strong support systems with family, or they cultivate strong, supportive relationships with friends and mentors. Knowing you have people you can turn to when times get tough makes you a little tougher. 7. Boost your energy Running on empty is a quick way to deplete the positive way you feel about yourself and leave you feeling like you’ve run out of resources. What activities recharge you? Is it exercise? A day on the golf course? A coffee shop and a good book? Seeing a good movie? A hike in the woods? When you feel your best, your mental resilience stays strong. 8. Brood less If you find yourself ruminating over problems or having anxious moments, try to take a 20,000-feet perspective and realize that a lot of what we dwell on never happens or won’t matter a week from now. Try letting go of more things so you can spend your brain power thinking empowering thoughts and taking positive action steps. In Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman writes that self-awareness is "the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.” 9. Sleep more Sleep makes everything better, including our resilience. When you are sleep-deprived, it’s easier to get stressed out, be more reactive, make poor decisions and feel mentally drained. Sufficient sleep (that’s about eight hours a night) boosts your mental brain power, restores mental clarity and is more likely to contribute to a positive outlook. Read more about the importance of sleep for well-being. When you feel mentally tough, you can relax into your life and pursue the life you want without limitations. You aren’t afraid of adversity or change because you know you will adapt. Resilient people are more likely to look for the positive and share the love with others.
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3 Practices for Developing Your Mindful Parenting Superpower

Mindful Parenting 101

Sometimes it feels like it takes more than a village to raise a child—it takes a superhero. On any given day, we have work, commitments, emails and, of course, people (big and little) fighting for our attention. The problem is, we’re not superheroes. We can’t fly, we don’t have super-speed, nor can we be in several places at once. And unfortunately for us, we don’t have eyes in the back of our heads (what a handy parenting super-power that would be!). What is mindful parenting? There is, however, one superpower we can all have, if we develop it: mindfulness, which can easily and usefully be applied to parenting. Simply put,mindful parenting is when we pay attention and listen to what our children are saying, become aware of their emotions, are compassionate toward our children (and ourselves) and accept them for who they are, without judgment. When we add elements of mindfulness to parenting, our relationships with our children are strengthened by the warmth, trust and sharing. And, as an added bonus, our own stress tends to ease and is replaced by a sense of calmness. With that in mind, here are three easy ways to implement mindful parenting into our daily lives—no super-human strength required: 1.Self-Regulate When your little one doesn’t clean his room or when the wall becomes the canvas for artwork, “pay attention to what you’re feeling, but don’t act on it,” advises Laura Markham, Ph.D. The Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids author says our first responsibility as parents is to be mindful of our own inner state, particularly during challenges. “Mindfulness is the opposite of losing your temper.” Instead, imagine the world, and how you appear and sound, from your child’s perspective, say Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., and his wife, Myla, the authors of Everyday Blessings. Doing this allows you to use self-talk to think about how you carry yourself in your body and the words you use, and modify them as needed. 2.Practice Gratitude One of the best ways to foster mindfulness in children (and ourselves) is by encouraging them to identify the good thoughts and feelings they experienced throughout in the course of the day, as well as and who or what brought them about. Kristen Race, Ph.D., author of Mindful Parenting, suggests creating a gratitude jar for family members to write or draw pictures of who or what they’re grateful for and then reviewing the jar together each week. Or, make sharing gratitude a daily event by encouraging family members to acknowledge three things they’re grateful for each night during dinner or before bedtime. “In order for our children to be grateful, they must first slow down enough to recognize all of the blessings in their lives,” say Jeffrey Froh, PsyD, and Giacomo Bono, Ph.D. “Being mindful does just this.” 3. Disconnect to Connect To create moments for connection daily, whether it’s snuggling before bedtime, engaging in active listening and conversation, taking a walk together outside or immersing ourselves in child-led playtime, we have to disconnect from technology, tasks and thoughts of other responsibilities. “The trick here is to notice when our attention has wandered, and then gently bring it back to our child,” says Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., in her book, Parenting in the Present Moment. “Imagine that a specific event is the last time you’ll ever experience it.” Because while we don’t move as quickly as the Flash, time can feel like it does. Little moments with our children are more significant than all the other things that seem so important. After all, our kids deserve our mindfulness superpower, and so do we. Dr. Colleen Georges is a nationally certified psychologist, licensed professional counselor, certified positive psychology coach, Rutgers University lecturer and mom who lives her purpose of helping others to see the good in themselves. Colleen authors the positive psychology blogSeeing All The Good, blogs for the Huffington Post, and is a co-author in the award-winning Contagious Optimism,as well as 10 Habits of Truly Optimistic People,101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career, and The Book of Success.
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Rev Run is the Real Cookie Monster

Rev Run Is the Real Cookie Monster [video]

Cookies, magazines ... a trip to Barnes & Noble with his son ... these are the things that make musician and Cooking Channel star Rev Run Happy. In this except from the PBS documentary This Emotional Life, we see the Rev just riffing about a few of his favorite things.
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Give Your Job a Makeover!

6 Quick Tips for a Job Happiness Makeover

With approximately one-third of our waking hours spent at work—and another third presumably spent thinking about it—there’s no question that where, how and with whom we work plays a significant role in our overall well-being. “Being happy at work is key to being happy in life,” notes Shane Lopez, Ph.D., Gallup senior scientist and research director at Clifton Strengths Institute. “Lots of different domains in our life hinge on it. If that work domino doesn’t fall into place, it’s hard to make the most of your relationships or be your best self. So you have to make sure you’re as happy as possible at work.” Gallup’s numbers show that only 30 percent of U.S. workers are truly engaged and like their jobs. Of those, a mere 1 percent claim to love their jobs. Of the other 70 percent, about 40 percent say they are not engaged at work, and 30 percent are actively disengaged. Maybe you used to love your job, but the thrill is gone. Or maybe you never felt much love for it to begin with. Regardless, there are many ways to improve things. Kerry Hannon, author of the new book, Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness, columnist for The New York Times and AARP’s Job Expert, offers the following tips: Take a moment; take a breath Mindfulness and other forms of meditation have been found to be extremely effective in helping relieve stress and can change the way you feel about your situation. Read about the new movement in workplace wellness. Remove the toxins Avoid engaging in negative conversations, gossip and backbiting. Volunteer Doing something for someone else will make you more grateful for your own situation. Many companies offer volunteer opportunities, or you can look for a cause you feel particularly passionate about. Learn Keeping your brain stimulated can help improve your feelings about your job. Don’t have time for a class after work? Set Google alerts for your area of work so you can keep up with industry trends. It may give you new ideas for innovating on the job. Focus on the positive Keep a work journal, and each day write down one thing you did well or that went right. It will make for great reading on days when you’re feeling down. Laugh Gallup polls show that people who laugh and smile are more engaged at work. Read about how coworkers at Hallmark let loose and have fun together.
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Caitlyn Jenner's transformation will pave the way for others

Transformation Can Bring Happiness

"I'm so happy after such a long struggle to be living my true self. Welcome to the world Caitlyn. Can't wait for you to get to know her/me," Caitlyn Jenner tweeted while revealing her Vanity Fair July cover photo by famed photographer Annie Leibovitz. When Fran Fried read of the Olympian's transgender transition, she thought it sounded similar to another story—her own. Eight years earlier, Fran began what turned out to be a depression-lifting transition, experiencing a life-changing epiphany that “he” was in fact a “she” at age 46, while working as a newspaper editor in Fresno, CA. Everyone's experience is different, but both Fran and Caitlyn say they are happier after coming out as transgender to friends, family and eventually the world. "My smiles now are a hell of a lot more genuine; even my smiles looked sad before," Fran told Live Happy. Fran's story According to Fran, her transition added a new dimension to her life. "You feel much more the self you really are," she said. It's evident in talking to parents and friends. "I didn't trade in all my boy cards. Now I can talk to them about shoesandfootball." After years of struggling to hide that she felt like one of the girls despite being born a man, Fran began her transition in 2008 by coming out to close friends. In 2009, the newspaper where she worked laid her off in a staff reduction unrelated to her transition. After five months living full-time as a woman, she started therapy. In 2010, after undergoing psychological tests, a doctor gave Fran her first hormone treatment. "Two days later, my depression was gone," she said. Today, she says, she walks more confidently in heels, figuratively and literally. Now that Fran is well through her transformation, she describes herself as an "accidental human rights activist." "Just living is a political act sometimes. Just living out in the everyday world is my own little victory and my own little blow for civil rights. It took all the strength and the acceptance of people around me to help me become happier. You realize why were you hiding all these years. It's not a thunderclap." Tough transitions Psychologists and counselors say transitions are tough, but they usually have positive results despite challenges that remain. A study led by two University of Kentucky professors, Sharon Rostosky, Ph.D., and Ellen Riggle, Ph.D., revealed eight positive outcomes from identifying as transgender: Congruency of self Enhanced interpersonal relationships Personal growth and resiliency Increased empathy A unique perspective on both sexes Living beyond the sex binary Increased activism Connection toLGBTQcommunities "LGBTQ people clearly use their identities as opportunity to create positive meaning," Rostosky and Riggle wrote in their book, A Positive View of LGBTQ: Embracing Identity and Cultivating Well-Being. "Transgender people are happier in the sense they have less anxiety, less dysphoria and they feel better in their own skin," said Ami Kaplan, a New York-based licensed clinical social worker who counsels people about transition. How happy they are depends on how their transitions went, Ami says. People entering a stigmatized group face many land mines that could blow up relationships with family, friends and work, she said. "People come out pretty much as they were before, only in a new gender." Liberation, and discrimination "Coming out helps individuals reconcile conflicts and ambiguity," said JoAnne Keately, MSW, director of the Center of Excellence For Transgender Health at the University of California, San Francisco. "People not able to do that end up dealing with a lot of dysphoria and anguish and fear they will be found out. Coming out publicly is "liberating" because the "process eliminates fear of disclosure." Still, the process is fraught with danger. Regardless of socio-economic status, most trans people will experience stigma, bias and discrimination, JoAnne cautioned. Even Caitlyn, despite mostly friendly media coverage of her transition, has seen less-than-favorable responses, attempts at mockery and pushback on pronoun usage. "As celebrated an athlete as Caitlyn was before transition, as big a public figure as she's been, Caitlyn is not immune to bias many experience on a daily basis," JoAnne said. "However, Caitlyn's coming out won't hinder her ability to earn income," she said. "A lot of other trans people, if they are lucky enough to be employed, to come out would put them in danger of losing their employment." The more transgendered people rgar come out, the more likely acceptance and the waning of discrimination are to follow, JoAnne said. "Living in a closet builds a lot of self-doubt and lowers self-esteem. It eats at you if you can't be who you feel you are authentically. Living as your authentic self is a good thing for us all," she said. JoAnne credited Caitlyn with planning to use her position of privilege and her upcoming E! reality show to shed light on the conditions in which many of America's estimated 700,000 to 3 million transgendered live and on issues such as suicide. Getting a clear picture Transgender people are pretty common, Ami said, "We shouldn't think of it as people 'out there,' Hollywood celebrities or on society's fringe. "These are people in our lives, in our workplaces, who are gender variant. And never assume. Not everyone who is gender variant looks gender variant." Vanessa Fabbre, Ph.D., LCSW, professor at Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis, focuses on late-life transitioners. "To really understand the experience, the magnitude and the implications of transitioning, you have to understand the social context of people making the decisions," Vanessa said. "We all have gender identity, a common connector. We all have gender expression." Her 2014 study, "Gender Transitions in Later Life: A Queer Perspective on Successful Aging," shows how transgender older adults experience challenges to their gender identities that put their emotional and physical well-being at risk. In the end, experts and people who have been through it all agree—transitions are incredible difficult. It may feel easier to sit it out and not rock the boat. But in the end, if you do not embrace who you really are, you may have trouble finding true, authentic happiness. Jim Gold is a veteran journalist who splits his time between Seattle and the Bay Area.
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