Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy

Available for pre-order at these locations: From Deborah K. Heisz and the editors of Live Happy magazine we bring you the latest research on what practices and actions contribute to a happy life with 40 inspiring, often deeply moving stories from celebrities and regular people on how those particular practices made their lives significantly happier. Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joypublished by HarperElixir, an Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers will teach you how little tweaks to your attitude and behavior can hugely impact how joyful your everyday life is. Happiness researchers around the world are making incredible discoveries every day, and Live Happy is the repository for all this wonderful knowledge. It's our privilege to be able to share the proven "how-to" of happiness—not just momentary fun, but real, lasting fulfillment in career, relationships, self-image, spiritual connection and much more You will read stories from celebrities including: Hoda Kotb, Jason Mraz, Alanis Morissette, Niki Taylor, Arianna Huffington, Shawn Achor, Laura Benanti, Gretchen Rubin and more. In stores March 2016.
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The Slight Edge to Happiness with Jeff Olson

This week, Founder of Live Happy, Jeff Olson, shares insights to small actions you can take to achieve happiness. Over the past 30 years Jeff has helped hundreds of thousands of individuals achieve better levels of financial freedom and personal excellence. Jeff describes himself as "a perpetual student of personal development," and he is as devoted to health and happiness as he is to personal and financial success. Jeff has worked with a series of sales, marketing, and distribution companies, building three different sales and distribution forces into multimillion dollar organizations from scratch, ultimately becoming CEO of one of them. Based on that experience, he went on to found The People's Network, one of the largest personal development training companies in the nation where he produced over 900 television programs around personal excellence in health, finances, relationships, and more. In this episode, you'll learn: How to achieve big goals through small actions The power to shift your mindset towards choosing happiness One thing you can do to be happier today Links and resources mentioned in this episode: SlightEdge.org The Slight Edge on Amazon Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
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Find Your Meaning in Life

5 Ways to Get in Touch With Your Higher Calling

Finding meaning in one’s life is such an integral concept to Martin Seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology, that he includes it in his shorthand for happiness, PERMA, which stands for Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement. While the fleeting happiness we get from something like watching a gorgeous sunset is nice and part of the “pleasant life,” Martin says, if we want to be happy in the long term, we need to strive for “the Meaningful Life” in which “we find a deep sense of fulfillment by employing our unique strengths for a purpose greater than ourselves.” It sounds wonderful. A “purpose-driven life” as it were. But how do we find it? In church, synagogue or mosque? Alone in the wilderness with our thoughts or while finding a deep sense of connection with our friends and families? Some seem to have a clearer view of how to arrive there than others. The passionate artist, the pediatric surgeon, idealistic missionary or dedicated social worker ... they seem to already know or quickly find their strengths, follow their passions, help, teach and give to others, and gain a deep sense of satisfaction from their work. But most of us spend a little more time wandering in the wilderness. Here are a few ideas for those who are still searching for a greater sense of purpose in life: 1. Volunteer Working with children, seniors, at-risk teenagers … anyone who needs help will give you a quick on-ramp to the purpose superhighway. Many cities have volunteer clearinghouses like Volunteer Match that will help match you with an organization. Or if you prefer, stay close to your community and pitch in at the local elementary school. The rewards will be immediate and plentiful. When we pursue a meaningful future, it sheds a special light over our daily life, painting the most mundane and pedestrian activities in brighter colors.” — Ran Zilca, research scientist, author and chief data-science officer at Happify. His latest book, Ride of Your Life, was released this year.** 2. Get in touch with the divine Pray, meditate, walk outside, stargaze. There are myriad ways to remind ourselves that we are small bits of a large, interconnected universe. Whether you believe in God, a higher power or the power of humankind, prayer and meditation, as well as reconnecting with nature, are ways to get in touch with the sacred. I believe that meaning is an experience that we can cultivate, influence, and in a certain sense, create… The best way to make this meaning—to have this experience—is by identifying and then living our life purposes." — Eric Maisel, Ph.D., a California-licensed family therapist who has written more than 40 books, including Life Purpose Boot Camp 3. Spread positive emotion Give to the world what you would like to get back. See how you might add more positive emotion to your life by strengthening relationships and being kind and compassionate toward friends and strangers alike. Start performing small Happy Acts as a way of giving back. We can endure the most difficult of times and even thrive in the midst of the chaos around us when we give our lives meaning." —Barb Schmidt, international speaker, philanthropist, spiritual mentor and best-selling author of The Practice. 4. Practice gratitude Focus on things already meaningful in your life instead of taking them for granted, invest each one with a deep sense of gratitude. Soon you may feel motivated and energized to help and protect the people and things you care about, whether that means writing a letter to a nephew or starting a non-profit. 5. Create When you were younger, did you love to draw, throw pottery or write short plays? Something about the act of creating makes us feel alive and part of the dynamic universe. We can make something out of nothing! It’s exhilarating. You can do your thing in solitude or join a playhouse or rent space in a collective studio. In this way, a hobby has the potential to develop into not only a great source of purpose and a sense of identity but also of important and meaningful relationships. And once you've gotten really great at something, you can teach others to do it. You will get back much more than you give. For much more on finding a sense of meaning and purpose in your life, see our feature story, "The Path to Purpose," in the October issue of Live Happy magazine—on newsstands September 1. **Expert quotes are from the “Survey” section (pages 28-29) of the October issue of Live Happy magazine.
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Mindfulness Matters: Drastically change the way you think and feel.

Give Yourself a Mindfulness Makeover

Diane Baumer admits she was fairly certain mindfulness wouldn’t work for her. “I knew it had worked for others, but my depression was so severe and nothing had ever worked [for treating it]. I’ve had it all my life, and it’s completely rearranged the pathways in my brain.”She first became aware of mindfulness in the 1980s, when she was introduced to Buddhism, but had only learned about it in theory. Last year, desperate to ease her depression and obsessive thoughts, she enrolled in an eight-week mindfulness course. The course taught her how to stay in the moment and not get carried away by her thoughts.“I was amazed by the change in me,” says Diane, who lives in Florence, Kentucky. “I didn’t have racing thoughts, and my obsessive thoughts about death and dying were gone. By the end of the eight weeks, I had learned to just notice my thoughts rather than grab them and run with them. It’s been life changing.”Appreciating life as it happensMindfulness, experts say, is a practice that helps us pay attention to and self-regulate our thoughts. Staying mindful, or in the moment, allows us to appreciate life as it happens. When our minds are busy doing that, it’s impossible to also be ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.Although it is based on a 2,600-year-old Buddhist practice, interest in mindfulness has surged globally in recent years. It began gaining significant traction in the U.S. in the 1970s when Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., began studying the effects of mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He created the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, the first documented structured program to teach mindfulness, which became the model for many programs developed since then.Today, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programs have been implemented in more than 200 medical centers, clinics and hospitals around the world. But it also has gone beyond the medical field. Neuroscientists continue investigating how mindfulness can change both the structure and function of our brains; psychologists use it for their own cognitive improvement as well as to help clients with everything from anxiety and depression to compassion and self-acceptance; business leaders are looking at how mindful decision-making can redefine their workplaces; and educators are embracing such concepts as mindful learning and mindful reading.Studies show mindfulness can improve communication and happiness between couples and co-workers, and prisons have even used it to help reduce hostility and mood disturbances among prisoners.It’s about paying attention“When I start talking about all the things mindfulness can do, I sound like a snake oil salesman,” jokes Richard Sears, PsyD, Ph.D., MBA, ABPP, of the Center for Clinical Mindfulness and Meditation at Union Institute and University in Cincinnati and author of Mindfulness: Living Through Challenges and Enriching Your Life in This Moment.“It increases happiness, improves relationships, helps alleviate conditions like depression and chronic pain.…But really, what’s going on is awareness. It’s about paying attention, bringing us back to what is going on right now.”Richard’s work in the area of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is a form of MBSR that implements cognitive therapy-based exercises. Cognitive therapy explores and challenges negative thought processes; MBCT is effective in treating problems like depression and anxiety, he says, because it creates a connection between our thoughts and our feelings.Listen to author and Live Happy science editor Paula Felps on the Live Happy Now podcast as she discusses what happens "When Happiness Has a Bad Day."Take a moment, take a breath“Once you’ve experienced depression, it cuts a pathway in your brain and makes it easier to become depressed the next time you feel sad,” Richard says.“MBCT teaches you to notice signs of the problems coming up so you can prevent them.” Mindfulness teaches us to take a moment, take a breath and get back to what is happening right now rather than reacting to the “what ifs” of the situation.For Diane, that means one rough patch in her day no longer spirals into negative thoughts that trigger bad memories and depression. “With more awareness comes better choices,” Richard says. “If I’m aware of how I’m reacting, I can lower my stress response, and that makes other things better. I’m less vulnerable, and my immune system can heal better. Everything improves when you become more aware.”Healthier mind, healthier bodyThe mind-body connection has been well proven over time, and mindfulness proponents and practitioners say it holds many keys to creating a healthier, happier life by influencing the body. “It’s not a cure-all, but it will assist in whatever a person is struggling with, whether that’s physical, mental or emotional,” says Ryan M. Niemiec, PsyD, education director at the VIA Institute on Character and author of Mindfulness and Character Strengths: A Practical Guide to Flourishing.“It offers support and assistance in whatever you’re trying to accomplish. Take for example someone with chronic pain; to learn how to face that directly is a huge challenge. But to bring an honest awareness to your own suffering can completely change your relationship with it.”Studies have documented the effects of mindfulness on physical ailments. Ryan says medical and scientific endorsements have boosted its popularity and have shown the ways it can help both physical and mental challenges. “Before” and “after” brain scans show that certain areas of the brain get thicker after practicing mindfulness for about eight weeks, according to Richard. He equates it to building muscle by lifting weights—over time, you get stronger, but it has to be maintained in order for the results to continue.Read More: 3 Must-Have Mindfulness AppsA powerful tool for healthSome clinical studies have focused on how mindfulness can influence specific ailments, including substance abuse, anxiety, PTSD, depression, autism, cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, AIDS, high blood pressure and headaches. On the broadest level, mindfulness is seen as a tool to improve health because it boosts our immune system. Scientists have attributed this to lower secretions of cortisol and adrenaline, both of which suppress the immune system.Louis Alloro was working on his Master of Applied Positive Psychology degree when he first learned about mindfulness. “Even though I had been involved with personal development my whole life, and had started getting involved with positive psychology, I kept thinking, ‘I don’t know how to do that.’”But once a friend (and fellow MAPP student) started teaching him mindfulness, he realized that not only was it something he could do easily, it was something he had always had the tools for. All he needed was someone who could show him how to use them.Today, Louis can’t imagine daily life without mindfulness and meditation practices, which he says help make him more positive and appreciative and benefit him both physically and mentally.Easy self-care“I think the future of health care is self-care, and mindfulness is such an effective, easy and cheap strategy for self-care,” he says. “We can calm our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest-and-digest system, and those are two things that just seem to always be in overdrive today.”Being mindful has allowed Louis to slow his reactions, calm his mind and become healthier. In doing so, he is able to accomplish more while feeling less stressed. “I love the adage that you have to slow down to speed up,” he says. “Mindfulness lets you do that.”Driven to distractionA study by the National Science Foundation discovered that, on any given day, our brain generates some 50,000 thoughts. That averages out to about 52 thoughts a minute during waking hours, so is it any wonder that many of us find it a challenge to “stay in the moment?”As a doctoral student at Harvard, Matt Killingsworth became interested in the association between happiness and what we’re thinking about. He developed the Track Your Happiness app to study the causes of happiness, and monitored users in real time.With more than 15,000 subjects in 80 countries, Matt collected 650,000 “live” reports that led to the conclusion that “a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” People who were “in the moment” consistently were happier than those whose minds were wandering, even if they were performing a task they didn’t enjoy.Unquiet mindsWhat Matt found most surprising was just how often our minds wander. Overall, our minds are on something other than what we’re doing 47 percent of the time. And, unfortunately, when our minds wander, they usually aren’t visiting a happy place. We often end up with anxiety and worry about the future, or anger or regret about the past. Matt’s studies showed that a wandering mind isn’t the consequence of unhappiness and related anger or anxiety; it’s the cause of it.“The only moment we can ever be in is the present,” Richard points out. “Mindfulness is about being in the moment, bringing our attention back to what’s happening right now.” For most of us, learning to be in the moment takes some work to undo what’s become a deeply ingrained pattern. As children, we have the innate ability to enjoy the present moment as it unfolds, but before long, we’re taught to start thinking about the future.Your life is now“We’re often taught that the ‘good thing’ is coming. It’s always about the next thing,” he says. “Over time, we lose the capacity to enjoy good moments. Even when we [accomplish] a great thing, we’re already thinking about what’s next.”While there is a place for planning, he says the current model doesn’t allow us the chance to enjoy the moment. As children, we start talking about what we’ll be when we grow up; we go to high school and think about college, and while in college we dream of the career waiting for us. The cycle continues once we get that job; we start saving for our dream house, working for the next promotion, building the future. Before long, it’s time to save for retirement and plan for the golden years.“About middle age, a lot of us wake up and realized we’ve been tricked. We realize, ‘This is my life! It’s not coming; it’s already here!’ ” Richard says.Putting it into practiceMindfulness can help put us back in touch with our true thoughts and feelings, and millions of people around the world have found it transformational. One of the most effective paths is through meditation, but Ryan says many people are intimidated by the idea.“The three most common reasons for people to abandon their mindfulness meditation practice is that their mind wanders, they forget to do it or they don’t have time,” Ryan says. “Meditation is a way of cultivating mindfulness, so having a formal meditation process is helpful in improving that. But it’s more about finding the right fit.”For one person, that fit might be a centering prayer; for another it might be self-hypnosis; someone else might choose to do an insight meditation. Many classes and online courses now teach mindfulness and meditation practices. Keep in mind that there’s no onesize-fits-all solution; it’s what works for the individual.Find your fit for meditationLouis, for example, is fond of taking mindful walks as a way to improve positive emotions. “I put away my phone and purposefully attend to the experience of taking a walk,” he says. “I feel my feet each time they connect with the ground, and I see things to be grateful for. I can feel my heart rate slowing down, and I become more calm, more at peace.” Walking or eating mindfully are easy, effective ways to take a break—and they can be done unnoticed by others.Diane practices mindfulness in everything from washing the dishes to taking a walk, being careful to notice the touch of sun or water on her skin or the sounds around her.Other simple, common ways to implement mindfulness can include:• Sit quietly and observe what you’re experiencing in that moment. Observe the sights, sounds, and smells that typically go unnoticed during a busy day.• Take note of the physical sensations you’re feeling, whether it’s the texture of a book in your hands, the feeling of the chair against your legs and back or the feeling of water splashing on your skin as you wash your hands.• When experiencing anxiety, depression or anger, become an observer; look at how your body is responding to the emotion instead of becoming absorbed in the feeling itself.Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD of Harvard Medical School, likens it to watching clouds drift by; Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., compares it to watching soap bubbles float in the air. Try using the experience as an opportunity to understand the feeling rather than reacting to it.• And, when all else fails, just take a breath.“With mindfulness, there is no goal than to become more aware,” Ryan says. “A great place to start is just to breathe. Follow your breath, it’s something we all have. And you’ll notice physiological changes almost immediately.”Listen to author and Live Happy science editor Paula Felps on the Live Happy Now podcast as she discusses what happens "When Happiness Has a Bad Day."Read More: 33 Ideas on Mindfulness
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Find the Sacred in Everyday Life

Find the Sacred in Everyday Life

In our fast-paced and commodified world, we are encouraged to fly at lightning speed and to relish the latest material thing or fleeting pleasure. At the same time, the study and practice of spirituality has grown enormously in popularity and continues to receive widespread attention. Our frenzied, plugged-in lives have driven us to seek some sort of spiritual refuge or respite from the technological whirlwind. (See: the success of a meditation app like Headspace or other evidence of an increased search to slow down and unplug.) Perhaps this heightened interest in spirituality reflects a personal thirst for meaning in our lives. Many of us are seeking not only to slow down but also to find a firm footing on a more solid—and perhaps sacred—ground. The search for the sacred "Spirituality can have a positive impact on our well-being by helping us focus on what we value most in life," says Ken Pargament, a world-renowned scholar of religion. The Bowling Green State University psychologist has been studying spirituality for more than 35 years and has written several books on the subject, including Spiritually Integrated Psychotherapy and The Psychology of Religion and Coping. Defined as “the search for the sacred,” spirituality enables us to see the extraordinary in the ordinary, Ken says. "Sacred" refers to human perceptions on qualities often associated with the divine or higher powers: transcendence, ultimacy (essential and absolute truth), boundlessness, interconnectedness and spiritual emotions. Spirituality enhances well-being Research has shown that people who find the sacred in various spheres of life—such as relationships, work, and nature—enjoy enhanced well-being. For example, a 2010 study conducted by Ken and colleagues found that pregnant couples who viewed their marriages and pregnancies as sacred experienced increased positive emotions and were better able to overcome adversity during tough times. Similarly, research headed by Yale professor Amy Wrzesniewski in 1997, then at the University of Michigan, found that people who see their work as sacred report higher levels of job satisfaction. More recently, a 2014 study by Ken and colleagues showed that sacred moments were commonly reported by mental health providers and were linked with positive outcomes for the patient, the provider and the therapeutic relationship. Patients experienced healing and growth, and providers a greater sense of meaning in their work, according to Ken. Read More: The New Prayer Finding the divine If you feel you may be missing aspects of the divine and the sacred in your own life, Ken suggests asking yourself these questions to help foster a more integrated sense of spirituality: What do you hold sacred? Do some soul-searching to identify what matters most to you. How much time are you devoting daily to your spiritual strivings? How might you find more time everyday to search for the sacred? Where do you find the sacred? There are many spiritual pathways. Some of us find the sacred in relationships, some in prayer or meditation, still others through study or action. Reflect on where you experience your deepest feelings of awe, gratitude, mystery, timelessness and love. Emotions like these provide clues about where you might find the sacred and might try to spend more of your time. How committed are you? Practice makes perfect in the spiritual realm as in other areas of life. Spiritual growth takes commitment and hard work. Prepare yourself for a long-term process and don’t be discouraged by frustrations along the way. Read more by Suzann PileggiPawelski: The Power of Passion Suzann Pileggi Pawelskiis a freelance writer specializing in the science of happiness and its effects on relationships and health.
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33 Ideas on Mindfulness

33 Ideas on Mindfulness

Being mindful helps us to stay in the present moment and to appreciate the world around us. Here are 33 ideas to help you calm your mind.1. Read Be Here Nowby Ram Dass.2. “In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived; how well we have loved; how well we have learned to let go.” —Jack Kornfield3. Watch Peaceful Warrior.4. Download Headspace.5. Listen to “Across the Universe” by The Beatles.6. Read Hardwiring Happinessby Rick Hanson, Ph.D.7. “Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” —Mother Teresa8. Watch I Heart Huckabees.9. Get more Metta.10. Listen to “Thank U” by Alanis Morissette.11. Read Wherever You Go, There You Areby Jon Kabat-Zinn.12. "The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival." —AristotleRead More: Mindful Parenting 10113. Watch The Mindfulness Movie.14. Take a walk without your phone.15. Listen to “No Rain” by Blind Melon.The Mindfulness Coloring Book: Anti-Stress Art Therapy for Busy Peopleby Emma Farrarons.17. Meditate.18. Listen to “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam.19. Read The Mindfulness Revolution edited by Barry Boyce.20. “Self-awareness is not just relaxation and not just meditation. It must combine relaxation with activity and dynamism. Technology can aid that.” —Deepak Chopra21. Watch Room to Breathe.22. Be present.23. Listen to “Realize” by Colbie Caillat.24. Listen to "Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips.25. Read The Now Effect by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.26. “Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different.” —James Baraz27. Watch The Dhamma Brothers.28. Do nothing.29. Listen to “Living in the Moment” by Jason Mraz.30. “Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.” —Thich Nhat Hanh31. Watch The Wizard of Oz.32. Watch Dying to Know.33. Check out the September/October issue of Live Happy for 33 Ideas for finding purpose in life.Read More: 3 Must-Have Mindfulness Apps
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Bullying’s Ripple Effect

Bullying’s Ripple Effect

Teenage bullies can inflict emotional and physical pain on their victims in countless ways—calling kids names on the playground, flipping books out of their arms in school hallways or flaming them in cyberspace. Researchers have long known that bullying can trigger depression in adolescents. British researchers now suggest that depression can reach at least into early adulthood. The findings have educators renewing calls for more effective programs to curb bullying and its effects.From bullying to depressionAt the University of Oxford, a team led by Professor Lucy Bowes, Ph.D., found that nearly a third of early adult depression cases could stem from bullying in teenage years. Her team also found that kids who were frequently bullied at age 13 are more than twice as likely to be depressed at 18 as those who were not bullied. Their study results were reported in The BMJ (British Medical Journal).“We had anticipated that we would find a link between peer victimization in the teenage years and clinical depression,” Lucy told Reuters. “What was surprising was the proportion of depression that might be explained by peer victimization if this really is a causal relationship—nearly 30 percent in our sample.”Read More: Teen Angst or Teen Anguish?Age 13, the most vulnerable timeHer team analyzed bullying and depression data from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children (ALSPAC), a long-term look at 14,500 families in the Bristol, England area. Nearly 7,000 kids reported bullying at age 13, when they were asked whether and how often they had experienced peer victimization including exclusion, rumor spreading or physical violence.At age 18, they returned to complete assessments that identified people with depression. Of the 683 teenagers who reported bullying at more than once a week over six months at age 13, 14.8 percent were depressed at age 18. Of the 1,446 teenagers bullied one to three times over six months at age 13, 7.1 percent were depressed at 18. Only 5.5 percent of young teenagers who did not experience bullying were depressed at 18.What can be done about it“There are many school-based interventions targeting bullying, but these need to be more rigorously evaluated so we can understand which are most effective at reducing bullying and support schools in implementing these,” Lucy says.In an editorial that accompanied Lucy’s research, Maria M. Ttofi, Ph.D., a University of Cambridge psychological criminology lecturer who has also studied youth victimization, says, “societies need to take measures to protect vulnerable young people…Bowes and colleagues’ work offers clear anti-bullying messages that should be endorsed by parents, school authorities and practitioners internationally.”For more on bullying and how it can be prevented, look for the October 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine.Jim Gold is a veteran journalist who divides his time between Seattle and the Bay Area.
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Parents: The First Role Models

Parents: The First Role Models

Many of us think of a role model as someone iconic and famous, looked up to by thousands of people. But according Merriam-Webster's dictionary, a role model is merely “a person whose behavior in a particular role is imitated by others.” What that means is that no matter who you are, how you feel, or how you behave, if you are active in a child’s life, you are one of their role models. Children learn from how they live When I was a young mother and a new psychotherapist, I was raising my kids in a wide, three-bedroom, ranch-style home. Rather than walk into the room where I was, my toddler daughter would scream across the house to get my attention. "MOMMY!!!!" she would yell over and over, until I would either come to her or yell back. If I ignored her, the yelling got louder. I was frustrated, exasperated, and no matter how many times I told her to stop yelling or tried to ignore her, the behavior would not stop. Fortunately, my mentor was a child development expert. She listened compassionately to my dilemma, but when I asked her if this was normal behavior, she said, “only if your daughter has been learning this; she wasn't born this way.” Well, I assured her that there was no way that I or her father had taught herthis behavior as we could barely tolerate it! Looking inside myself She then asked, “Do you ever call out to her from the kitchen that dinner is ready? Do you ever beckon to her from another room, asking her to come to you?" I sheepishly said,“Yes, but don’t yell, I only raise my voice slightly."To which she replied, “You have taught her that it is acceptable to call out from another room. She is simply using her version of it. "You have two choices, either everyone calls out from another room in the house in their own way or no one does. If you don’t want this behavior, you must start walking into the room that she is in if you need her, and you must teach her to do the same." Modeling unacceptable behavior I was modeling the very behavior that I was trying to stop.To this day, when parenting my teenagers, I am mindful that my actions, both good and bad, will be observed and emulated. When focusing on being an effective role model, seek progress, not perfection. Pay extra attention to these suggested important areas, and you will be on the right track! 1.The importance of focusing on the positive As parents, we tend to evaluate our kids and assess how they behave. We must take the time to let our kids know we like when they behave nicely, and that we love them for who they are. Let them hear when they are doing something right! Read More: 7 Keys to a Healthy Argument 2.Awareness of how we communicate verbally and non-verbally Whether speaking or not, we send messages to the world. Our words and our actions are equally meaningful. Teach your kids that a scowl, a frown or crossing arms in front of their chests puts out a negative message. A smile, a kind gesture or extended arms reaching out for a hug are all valuable body language messages. 3.The need for support and a sense of community Kids and adults need to feel like they have cheerleaders when they're up and shoulders to cry on when they're down. A good support system and community will provide both. As adults we can model how to be good to our friends and to nurture our community. Read More: 31 Days of Community 4.Have respect, kindness and compassion for yourself and others The ability to have respect, kindness and compassion for ourselves and others is not something we are born with, it is a skill we learn. The more we are taught these attributes and the more we practice them, the more likely we are to use them in our daily lives. Talk about how to be attentive and nurturing to physical, emotional and spiritual needs. And just as critical, our children should see us living that attentiveness through our actions. Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
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Top 3 Reasons to Travel With Your Kids

Top 3 Reasons to Travel With Your Kids

After more than a decade traveling while producing the television series Travel With Kids, people always ask me: "Why travel with kids?"The family bonding and intellectual and emotional growth that takes place when you travel together builds a child's confidence to explore his or her world. If you didn't travel with your own parents, you may be reluctant to start the tradition. Whether you don't know where to start planning or worry it will turn into a Griswold family vacation, it can be a bit scary as you venture into the unknown. But the rewards are well worth it.Family BondingWhen you explore a new place together—whether it’s a farmers market in the next county over or an exotic locale in a distant land—there is an essence of bonding that takes place. When everything around you is new, families tend to stick together through the experience. Your common background allows you to feel comfortable exploring the unknown. And the shared memories you experience will bond you in the future.Read more about the connection between travel and happiness.Intellectual GrowthTravel can be extremely educational, and not in a boring way. The hands-on, interactive opportunities to learn history and culture can be so exciting that the kids won’t even realize they are learning. At Travel With Kids we call it edutainment.Some great examples include learning how coffee is made by hiking through the orchard and following the bean from tree, to roaster, grinder and cup; crawling through the Cu Chi tunnels and hiking through the jungles to get a greater understanding of the Vietnam War; hiking the mountain trails up to the lost Incan civilization at Machu Picchu; or walking through the streets ofSoweto, South Africa, and through the prison on Robben Island to comprehend the life of Nelson Mandela.I’ll never forget my son Nathan’s first day of first grade. He walked in and saw a picture of a Mayan pyramid, and said, “Hey, Chichen Itza!” (a place we had visited the summer before). He could tell the teacher how the Mayans lived there, how they used the sun and moon, etc. It’s hands-on learning, and it sticks with them as they learn about the places in school.Read More: Opportunities for "volunteer tourism."Emotional GrowthWe all hope to raise emotionally healthy children who are confident in their own abilities and beliefs. When kids see that parents are willing to put themselves out there, and sometimes fail at a new activity or language, it shows them that it is OK to take risks in a healthy manner. Whether you are trying zip lining for the first time in Costa Rica, horseback riding in Arizona or learning indigenous words in Alaska, when your kids see that you are willing to risk failing, they will be more likely to try new things themselves.When they get back to school, maybe they will try a new sport, try out for the school play or run for student council. The positive, safe risk-taking behavior you have modeled will help them succeed.Read More: 8 Secrets to a Happy Family Road Trip.
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3 Expert-Tested Tips for Tackling Anxiety

3 Expert-Tested Tips for Tackling Anxiety

There’s something deeply reassuring about having a book about coping with anxiety written by an expert who’s actually been there: the racing heart, the nausea, the obsessive thoughts. That’s the case with Alice Boyes, Ph.D., author of The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points. “Since I’m anxiety-prone by nature,” she writes, “almost every major good decision I’ve made in my life has involved feeling physically sick with anxiety. If I weren’t willing to make decisions that lead to temporarily feeling more anxious, my life would be much emptier than it is today.” If you’re a worry wart by temperament and want to live a full, rich life, you’re going to need to step outside your comfort zone. But instead of rah-rah, “just do it” advice, Alice offers tips that are doable. She calls these “micro-interventions” to handle the times when you find yourself “over-checking, over-researching, overthinking, or being unwilling to try something that’s important to you because of a chance that something might go wrong.” Alice’s strategies don’t make you feel like you’re leaping off a cliff, more like you’re stepping onto an escalator that’s moving just a tad faster than you’re accustomed to. Here are three of Alice's top anxiety-reducing tips. 1.Work with your nature rather that fighting against it. Recognize when you’re berating yourself for feeling anxious, Alice says. For example, you say to yourself, “I should be able to chat with strangers at a party without getting so nervous,” or “I shouldn’t worry so much about what other people think of me.” That kind of “should/shouldn’t” thinking can prolong and intensify your anxiety, Alice says. Instead, treat yourself with compassion and empathy, the way you would a good friend. For starters, replace the “shoulds” in your self-talk with “prefer.” Rather than saying, “I should be more outgoing in social situations,” try “I would prefer to be more outgoing.” This may seem like a ridiculously simple change, Alice says, but it works. “It can help you disrupt your overthinking just enough to give you a small window of clear mental space. This allows you to start doing something useful rather than keep ruminating.” Read More:Become more resilient in 9 simple steps. 2.Change your behavior instead of waiting to change your mind. It’s easier to change your behavior and let your thoughts naturally catch up, Alice says, than it is to make the leap from insight to actions. Those of us who are anxious often wait to start something new until we’re 100 percent sure it’s going to be successful or absolutely certain that we’ve made the right decision, whether that means choosing the color to paint our walls or posting a profile on a dating website. This kind of hesitancy is a common anxiety trap that keeps us slamming the brakes when we want to tap the accelerator. Real problem solving, in contrast to avoidance, Alice says, involves “concretely defining what the problem is, generating a short list of your best options for moving forward, picking something, and deciding when and where you’re going to implement that solution.” Read More: Are you sabotaging your self-esteem? Take our quiz to find out. 3.Don’t try to be someone you’re not. By nature, some of us are gregarious extroverts, with a wide circle of friends. Others of us are introverts, reserved and less social with a few close relationships. Knowing your personality type, Alice says, can go a long way in helping you manage your anxiety. She suggests finding the right level of “busy-ness”—enough activities and social engagements to keep you feeling stimulated but not scattered—and maintaining a mix of change and routine in your life. If you’re someone who clings to the familiar, consider alternating vacations to the same old place with someplace you’ve never been before. Read More: Have you tried the 5-minute misery cure?
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