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6-Step Goal-Setting Challenge

As part of Live Happy’s special series 90 Days to a Happier You, we’ve gathered top experts from around the country with unbeatable advice about how we can change habits and live better in 2016. Below, as part of an ongoing blog series, expert coach Caroline Miller walks us through the steps of successfully setting short- and long-term goals. Self-help books are popular for a reason: Research shows that more than 90 percent of us would like to improve something about ourselves. Fortunately, the research also shows that with diligence and evidence-based goal setting processes, we have much greater chances of achieving our dreams than if we just wing it and hope for the best. Chris Libby, section editor of Live Happy, is a good example of someone who wants change, but didn’t know anything about the science of goal-setting, or the ways he might be hindering himself, until we started our coaching. Follow our journey—or better, join us by interacting with us—and together we will get a good look at how a step-by-step, scientific goal-setting method can help anyone get traction in life, regardless of where you start. Here are the six steps we will take together in the 90-Day Challenge: 1. Capitalize on your strengths First, I recommend taking the VIA Strengths Survey. Studies have found that knowing your top strengths makes you happier—particularly when you have the opportunity to put those strengths to use in new and resourceful ways. If gratitude is a top strength, you might leave a hand-written thank-you note instead of sending an email, for example, and think up other ways to share your heightened sense of hope and appreciation. Homework:  Write an essay called “Me at My Best.” Describe a time when you used all of your top strengths in a “peak moment,” or when others said you made a positive difference. This essay will serve as a blueprint of best practices for you as you go about setting your goals. 2. Create a daily happiness boot-up menu Research has found that success in life is preceded by being happy first, and not vice versa. If we are going to flourish and succeed, we have to do things that elicit and amplify positivity on a daily basis. There are several “positive interventions” that improve well-being, such as physical exercise, practicing gratitude, doing mindfulness/meditation activities, volunteering/giving, journaling and practicing forgiveness. Homework:  Create or reinforce daily habits that increase your happiness levels, and use your strengths in doing so. For example, if “zest” is a top strength, add vigorous exercise to your day or use your energy to support someone else’s cause. If love of learning is a top strength, find ways to investigate new sources of education such as a virtual course or a TED talk. 3. Write about your "Best possible future self”  This elegant journaling exercise is deceptively powerful: Mentally project yourself 10 years into the future and write about your life as if everything has gone as well as possible. Do this for three days in a row, for 20 minutes at a time. Research finds that people who complete this exercise are more hopeful, more committed to their goals and clearer about priorities. Homework: Pick at least one long-term goal that has emerged from this exercise and write down the short-term steps you are ready to commit to that are necessary to pursue this goal. Write about the obstacles that are likely to emerge as you pursue this goal and how you plan to handle them. How will you use your strengths to overcome obstacles? 4. Build a platform of psychological strength for change To carry out the steps needed to accomplish goals, you must have inner stores of self-regulation and resilience. Without willpower or the ability to delay gratification, it will be impossible to do difficult things outside of your comfort zone, which is where many of the most meaningful goals lie. We will need resilience to get up every time we are knocked down, challenged or delayed, too, and grit will be the strength necessary to carry us to the finish line of the longest, hardest goals. Homework: Take the Grit Scale test and reflect on your score. What are the hardest things you’ve ever done and how did you get yourself through them?  If you don’t have a history of being resilient, how can you use your strengths to find ways to protect yourself from being pulled off-course? 5. Prime your environment for change Marketers know the science of “priming” and use it to help them sell products; sport psychologists use it to motivate athletes. We can “nudge” ourselves in subtle ways throughout the day, in every environment, by strategically putting pictures of our goals in places we are sure to encounter, by hearing songs that energize us, and by reading inspirational e-newsletters about successful people. Homework: Scan your daily environment for “negative primes” that might be de-energizing. Replace pictures, driving routes, television habits or clothing with items that will inspire and motivate you. Consider replacing at least one computer password with a phrase associated with an important goal or a character strength that you want to embody. 6. Create a positive team Many people underestimate the undermining power of being surrounded by family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances who don’t support their positive change efforts. Social contagion theory states that we “catch” moods from those around us, including loneliness, depression, happiness and even grit. Other research connects “active-constructive responding” (marked by curiosity and enthusiasm) with friendship qualities that assist in proactive goal pursuit. Homework:  Create a “Web of Influence” document, with you at the center and those closest to you radiating outward. Do the qualities of those in your web match what you need to remain committed to change?  If not, what can you do to deliberately pull other, more positive, people closer to you to be cheerleaders or even members of a “mastermind” group that you can create? Read Caroline's second blog here, and her final blog here. To see Caroline's recommendations in action, read coaching "subject" Chris Libby's blog, here. Want more? Listen to Caroline discuss Setting Career Goals on our podcast, Live Happy Now. Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, is a professional coach, author, speaker and educator. Her book, Creating Your Best Life, is the first evidence-based book to connect the science of happiness with the science of goal-setting. Caroline gave an acclaimed TEDx talk on grit in 2014, a topic she will cover in her upcoming book, Authentic Grit.
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6 Steps to Healthier, More Productive Conversations

6 Steps to Healthy, Productive Conversations

As part of Live Happy’s special series 90 Days to a Happier You, we’ve gathered top experts from around the country with unbeatable advice about how we can change habits and live better in 2016. Below, in the first part of her ongoing blog series, communication expert Michele Gravelle walks us through the steps to more productive conversations with loved ones. Do you ever wish you could handle your most difficult conversations without getting stressed or upset? The good news is that you can learn to improve your conversational skills and understand your emotional reactions. In fact, by working on your communication “muscles” as part of your daily exercise routine, you will be able to break through the barriers you may be having in your important relationships at work and at home and experience a greater ease and harmony in yourself and your connections with others. Here is the six-step process of how to improve your difficult conversations. We’ll cover each one of these in more depth in future blogs. 1. Listen to your internal voice Your internal voice—all the thoughts, feelings, judgments and opinions you are thinking but not overtly saying—tells you a lot about yourself. Keep a journal so you can jot down what you were thinking and feeling right after having a difficult conversation. Often, the most volatile parts of a conversation are unspoken. Be rigorously honest with yourself: What might you be thinking about that is leaking into the conversation through your tone, facial expressions and body language. Think about how the other person might be interpreting what you are saying and how you are saying it. 2. Be clear, specific and over-explain yourself Don’t assume the other person can read your mind or get your hints. Explain how you arrived at your thoughts or conclusions. Remember, you are the only one who knows what you mean, so share your thought process with the other person and double check to make sure he or she understands where you’re coming from. 3. Inquire, get curious Get curious in your conversations, both about yourself and about the other person. Ask these questions of yourself as a way to prepare for the conversation: What have I said or done (or not said and done) in this situation that may have been misinterpreted? How might I have negatively impacted this other person? What do I need to own up to? Ask these questions out loud in the conversation with the other person: How do you see things differently than I do? What am I missing that you want me to know about? Help me understand what this situation means to you? 4. Understand emotional triggers We all have triggers that act as our barometer for whether we feel we are being treated well or not. When these emotional needs are not met in conversation, we get upset. And in turn when we don’t adequately meet others’ needs, knowingly or not, we are triggering them as well. (We will discuss triggering more in a future blog.) 5. Empathize One of the most powerful skills you can practice is empathy. We show empathy by asking questions to better understand the person we’re talking with. When we hear our conversation partner expressing complex emotions, we might summarize or repeat what they’ve said back to them to show that we are listening with empathy. 6. Coach the people in your life about how they can best communicate with you We often assume that the people in our lives should just naturally know how to talk to us. We will discuss in the next blog how you can proactively coach the people in your life so they will better understand how to interact with you. Read Michele's second blog here, and her final blog in the series here. Want to hear more about communicating with loved ones from Michele? Listen to her on our podcast here. To see Michele's recommendations in action, read communication coaching "subject" Susan Kane's blog here. Michele Gravelle is an experienced executive coach, communications expert and consultant with The Triad Consulting Group. She also facilitates executive education programs at the Harvard Negotiation Institute and Duke Corporate Education, and is a contributing author to the book Enlightened Power: How Women Are Transforming the Path to Leadership.
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Illustration of a woman knitting a heart.

Giving From Heart and Hands

Two steps into the little yarn shop on Third Street, and I simply laughed in delight. To a woman with a passion for knitting, Knit Culture in Los Angeles is a whisper of heaven. From floor to ceiling, baskets, shelves and cubbies are stuffed with a thousand skeins of yarn from a thousand farms all over the world—neatly arranged by texture and color. Bamboo yarns from Sichuan Province in China. Silk yarns from a plantation in India. Plumped-up wooly rastas from sheep farms in Uruguay, cashmere from goat farms in Mongolia. Soft baby alpaca yarn from Vermont. And the colors! Passionate purples, demure beiges, moody sea greens, curried yellows, rich creams and wild oranges all reflect the warm California light from the store’s front window—judiciously aided by halogen spots that allow the colors to glow with energy. Reverently, I reach out a hand to touch the delicate yarn of a baby alpaca, and I’m deftly caught in the eternal question of the passionate knitter: “What can I make with this?” Cast on! Somewhere around 28 million of us now regularly gather in yarn shops, knitting retreats and neighborhood knitting circles, so people are beginning to get used to us crazy knitters ooh-ing and ah-ing over a pile of yarn as though it were a baby. Today we knit everything from Christmas stockings to sweaters for family and friends. But according to the Craft Yarn Council of America, a whopping 49 percent of those who knit in the United States also spend time creating hats, socks, scarves, mittens and shawls for those who are ill, bereaved, abandoned, homeless and without hope. The payback for our generosity is immediate. Knitters have found that soft yarn, rhythmic movements and yarn-besotted friends counter the hard stresses, isolation and frantic pace of daily life. And studies back us up. At Harvard Medical School, for example, one study suggests that knitting drops us into a relaxed, meditative state that reduces blood pressure, lowers heart rate and mobilizes the 40,000 genes in the body to induce changes that counteract the effects of stress. Another study, this one published in the British Journal of Occupational Therapy, found that 81 percent of study participants diagnosed with depression reported feeling happier after knitting—and half of them emphasized that they were “very” happy. Knitting may cause the brain to release the feel-good neurotransmitter serotonin, explains Dr. Carrie Barron, a psychiatrist at Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York and a knitter herself. What’s more, there’s some suggestion that engaging in any activity that releases serotonin on a regular basis can, over time, “train” the brain to release more of it, thus suggesting that a simple hobby like knitting can have a long-term effect on our happiness. “We need more research,” Carrie says. “But I think we have a real need to make things. And knitting for others takes the effects of knitting on our psyche to a whole other level. It connects us to others in a very deep way.” Save the babies Few understand the deep connections knitting makes better than former Washington state social worker Jackie Lambert. Jackie is the caring woman who spends 40 hours a week knitting hats and sweaters for children who need them—particularly the Syrian children who now live in refugee camps in Jordan and throughout the Middle East. Of the 3 million men, women and children who fled the brutality rampant in Syria over the past two years, nearly 740,000 ended up in Jordan only to find that winter in the desert manifests its own kind of brutality. “Millions of people left Syria with just the clothes on their back,” Jackie says. “Now they’re living in tents in the snow. Every child needs a hat, a sweater and a blanket, and nobody has socks.” The U.N.’s World Health Organization stresses the need for hats to prevent life-threatening heat loss in babies, which is one reason why knitters around the world have had their needles clicking since the first wave of refugees left Syria. Two women from Ireland and an artist working with Save the Children in Syria launched a group called Save the Babies: Hats for War-Torn Syria, then put out an online call to knitters. The response was amazing. One newspaper reported 4,000 hats have been sent to Jordan’s Zaatari refugee camp alone. “You hear horrific things on the news, but this is something you can do something about on a one-to-one basis,” Jackie says. “For every child who gets a hat and a sweater, that’s one kid who isn’t getting cold.” Handmade Especially for You! While some of us knit to keep people warm, others knit to bring them comfort. And that includes California transplant Leslye Borden. Leslye had always loved knitting, so when she retired from running her own photo-sourcing agency in New York, she figured she’d spend her time sitting in the sun with a pair of needles and a ball of yarn. “I made the most gorgeous things for my three granddaughters,” she chuckles. “Beautiful sweaters, skirts, legwarmers, mittens, muffs—wherever they went people would stop them and ask, ‘Where did you get that?’ ” But as her daughter finally pointed out, how many sweaters, leg-warmers and mittens did the girls need? And where were they supposed to store them all? So Leslye looked around to find others who might need her gifts. She stumbled across an organization in Chicago that asked women to knit scarves for women who had been raped. “I had no idea when I made them what the scarves could do,” Leslye says. “I thought they’d be like a security blanket—something to hold on to.” But abused women told Leslye that the scarves felt like a hug around the neck and gave them a lift. And that’s all it took to yank her out of retirement. “I was amazed by the response,” Leslye says. She founded Handmade Especially for You, a nonprofit organization based near her home in Rancho Palos Verdes, and decided to make whimsical, wildly colorful scarves for women in California who had escaped abusive situations. In 2008, she approached yarn shop owner June Grossberg, who’d opened Concepts in Yarn in Torrance, California, and got enough donated yarn to knit a trunk-full of scarves—plus space to hold a scarf-knitting group every Wednesday night that continues today. Other yarn shops began sending Leslye yarn, knitters all over the state volunteered to help, and the next thing Leslye knew she was bagging yarn to send to knitters and shipping or delivering 12,000 scarves a year to 60 shelters throughout the state—each scarf with an attached tag signed by the knitter that says, “Made especially for you!” “My husband and I used to have a beautiful home,” Leslye says, chuckling. “Now everything is yarn or scarves—bags of yarn waiting to be wrapped, boxes of yarn waiting to be shipped, and boxes of scarves waiting to be opened.” She laughs. “I just love it!” A mother bear on the loose Leslye is not the only knitter to find herself launching an organization in response to someone’s need for nurturing. When Amy Berman, a Minnesota sales representative and mother of two young children, read a magazine story on virgin rape in sub-Saharan Africa some years ago, it made her sick. The story revealed a cultural myth that having sex with a virgin—including toddlers and infants—would protect or cure men from AIDS. The result was a practice that had left shattered children across the region and an increase in HIV and AIDS. “It was the most horrible thing I could think of,” says Amy, a former volunteer rape counselor. “Something that hurt kids and spread AIDS as well?” She shudders. “I had to do something.” Researching her options online, Amy found that South African police were asking for small gifts that might bring a tiny moment of comfort to the children touched by sexual violence. The image of her own kids cuddling the small, stuffed bears her mother had knitted for them flashed into her mind. The bears had comforted her kids when they were little. Could a group of knitters make them for children in Africa? Amy spoke to her mother, Gerre Hoffman, who was on board in an instant. The two worked out four bear patterns, and gave them to anyone who could knit. Amy went to a yarn trade show to spread the word, her mother started giving knitting lessons, a newspaper did a story and, within weeks, 3,000 requests for patterns came pouring in—followed in short order by package after package of colorful hand-knit bears, each with personal touches added by its knitter. Amy chuckles. “The bears took over my house!” Friends, family and knitters flocked to help. Big red hearts were sewn onto each bear because Amy wanted kids who received the bears to feel that there was someone, somewhere, who loved them. Knitters also added a tag hand-signed by the “mother bear” who made the bear. Amy made contacts in Africa, set up a distribution network, rented some storage space, and—borrowing the “mother bear” nickname with which her son had tagged her when he was a toddler—she named her emerging organization the Mother Bear Project. She also expanded the project to include those who had been orphaned by AIDS. Today more than 110,000 bears made by more than a thousand knitters from all across the globe are carrying a mother bear’s love to children touched by HIV/AIDS. Ripples of love While small bears bring comfort to children in Africa, prayer shawls—made as the knitter prays for the recipient and weaves her blessings into the gift—bring comfort to adults who are hurting around the world. Few of the knitters realize that the idea to knit prayer shawls was hatched by two women who were attending Hartford Seminary in Connecticut nearly 20 years ago. Janet Severi Bristow and Victoria Cole-Galo saw the comfort a shawl touched by prayer brought to a grieving classmate whose husband had died. They launched “The Prayer Shawl Ministry” as both a spiritual practice for knitters and a source of comfort for those who received the gift of their work. Today, 3,000 prayer shawl groups around the world have made an uncountable number of shawls, and Janet and Vicky feel humbled by the work they were led to do. “It’s all been a surprise,” Janet says. “The emails, the [four] books we’ve written, the gatherings.…” She shakes her head in amazement. “It was truly out of our hands. It was nothing about us. It was what we were meant to do.” Thinking about the 200 or so knitters who gather each November at a Hartford church to celebrate their work, she adds, “It touches me deeply that the love exhibited in that [church] ripples out to the world through the work of their hands and the prayers of their hearts.” Listening to Janet, I look over at the tumble of colorful yarns tucked in a basket near my chair, and I realize that with a half-dozen balls of that yarn and a pair of bamboo needles, I can make my own ripples and give someone who is half a world away the sense of being wrapped in love. Slowly, I get up from my chair and move toward the basket—feeling my heart lift with joy. Ellen Michaud is a Live Happy editor at large based in Vermont.
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Resilience Boot Camp with Rhonda Cornum

Rhonda Cornum was a 36-year-old flight surgeon in 1991 when her Black Hawk helicopter was sent to rescue a downed F-16 pilot. During the rescue mission her helicopter was shot down and Rhonda — who broke both arms, injured her leg, and was shot in the back — became an Iraqi prisoner of war. Through this — what she calls “one week of misadventure” — she remained positive. Her resilience surprised many of those around her, and today the retired brigadier general teaches those techniques to others, including overseeing the military's resilience training program. In this episode Live Happy Science Editor Paula Felps talks with Rhonda about where resilience comes from, the major challenges to teaching - and learning - resilience, and offers a few tips to help you become more resilient. What you'll learn in this podcast: Just like physical fitness, psychological fitness can be increased with training When to practice resilient thinking skills for maximum impact You can learn resilient skills at any age Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase She Went to War: The Rhonda Cornum Story Hear more from Rhonda and pre-order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
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Leaders Make Moves Toward Mindfulness

Leaders Make Moves Toward Mindfulness

Peace talks resumed in our nation’s capital recently, but this time the discussions didn’t involve foreign diplomats trying to sort out their differences. Instead, nearly 800 leaders in business, government and education gathered for second annual Mindful Leadership Summit, focused on how to use the latest mindfulness practices to create better working and social environments. A new kind of leadership summit “We're feeling overjoyed about the summit,” says co-founder Mo Edjlali. “It was such a wonderful opportunity for people from around the country, and in some cases around the world, to come together to explore what mindful leadership really means, and to learn more about how to bring mindfulness and compassion into organizations.” According to Mo, one of the highlights of the weekend was the talk with Greg Fischer, the Louisville, Kentucky, mayor who wants his city to become known for its compassion. According to Greg, more than 100 compassion-based programs and groups in Louisville serve local schools, jails and even animal control. This past year, the mayor said, 165,000 people participated in a week of service, and people who serve as mentors are given two paid hours a week to work with at-risk youth. “Compassion should be a part of everything we do,” Greg says. He told the crowd that “we have to do good things with the time we have.” Read more: 31 Days of Compassion Mindfulness and corporate culture Business leaders including Harvard Business School professor and former CEO of Medtronic Bill George, Patagonia outdoor clothing company CEO Rose Marcario and SAP’s Director of Mindfulness Programs Peter Bostelmann all explained how mindfulness has benefited their respective corporate cultures at an employee level as well as the executive level. Bill, author of Discover Your True North, has been practicing mindfulness for more than 30 years. He has held leadership positions at Honeywell and Litton Industries and served on boards of industry giants ExxonMobil and Goldman Sachs. He told the receptive crowd that in order to succeed in leadership, you need more than just passion, but courage and compassion as well. “You cannot be a good leader unless you are a good human being,” he says, and, in his opinion, most leaders fail when they don’t have heart. The panelists did point out that introducing mindfulness practices into the workforce is sometimes met with trepidation because of a lack of understanding and role models or influencers to show the positive effects. Companies with programs in place like SAP, one of the largest business software companies in the world, do see a boost in productivity because of an increase in focus and employees setting healthy boundaries between work and home reducing stress levels. Kelley McCabe Ruff of eMindful, an evidence-based provider of mindfulness programs for companies such as Aetna, Humana and NextEra Energy, explained the return on investment for companies included lower employee healthcare costs and less absenteeism from stress and illness. Now in its second year, Mo and summit co-founder Eric Forbis have seen attendance almost double and recently announced plans for another gathering, Mindful Life, in May of next year, which will feature Tara Brach, Dr. Dan Siegel and best-selling author Sharon Salzberg. Read more: Give Yourself a Mindfulness Makeover Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy.
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Shawn Achor's tips for being happy during the holidays.

3 Secrets to Happiness This Holiday Season

Expectations and stress seem to increase over the holidays, especially in the weeks leading up to them. We need to make the perfect meals, wear the perfect clothes and, of course, get the perfect gifts. But while it is easy to fall into the trap of striving for perfection, true happiness comes from some surprising places that are wonderfully imperfect. These never-talked-about holiday strategies for happiness are based on the research from our books BroadcastingHappiness and Before Happiness, and we have even tested them in our home. They can help you de-stress and keep your priorities in order so you’re not only happier this holiday season but better at spreading that joy, too.1. Eat a whole pumpkin pieWe are planning on eating a whole pumpkin pie each over the holidays. When writing your to-do list, include items you may have already accomplished or are guaranteed to tackle. If you know you are definitely going to eat a whole pie or stock the wine fridge ahead of a big celebration at your house, put those on your list as items to check off.As featured in Before Happiness, making a to-do list that includes easy wins becomes motivational fuel for your brain. A series of studies from the Columbia University Graduate School of Business found that if the brain perceives it is closer to the finish line, it works harder and faster, which makes you better prepared to accomplish more.2. Make 'em cryMake a list of family and friends you’d like to bring to tears, and then each day write one person a handwritten note to make it happen. Taking just five minutes, tell them why you are grateful for them and how they have made your life happier over the past year. Be specific. This is the perfect way to meaningfully touch their hearts and spread love to those you care about most. Additionally, this dose of conscious gratitude is good for you. A study at the University of Pennsylvania found that writing a gratitude letter and delivering it in person caused the giver’s happiness levels to jump dramatically and last for up to a month.3. Get Santa's greatest hitsSanta doesn’t reinvent the wheel each year. He has his greatest hits and sticks with them. In order to make this year’s holiday prep easier on you, ask yourself what you did last year that went really well, and build upon those successes. If your eggnog recipe was the rage, stick with it. If you found gift bags easier and prettier than wrapping presents with paper, go with what you know. Understanding our strengths and how to leverage them is central to positive psychology. It’s the key to achieving more in less time with less work. For instance, your zest can bring out others’ excitement and sense of fun, while your perseverance allows you to stay focused while preparing a complicated dish.Since people love traditions, they will come to know what they can expect from you each year. (Another eggnog, please!) From our family to yours, we wish you very happy holidays.Read more by Shawn and Michelle: Give HappySHAWN ACHOR is the New York Timesbest-selling author ofThe Happiness AdvantageandBefore Happiness. After he spent 12 years at Harvard University, Shawn traveled to more than 50 countries,bringing positive psychology to schools and companies. He is co-founder of the happiness research and consulting groupGoodthink Inc.MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success. She holds a master’s degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and is co-founder of the happiness research and consulting groupGoodthink Inc.Her first book is calledBroadcasting Happiness.
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Family Stories Do More Than Weave Us Together

Family Stories Do More Than Weave Us Together

At my parents’ house, where I still end up every holiday, the table is always set with the same tablecloth. My mother serves dinner on the same china each year. And we eat the same dishes my maternal grandma, Ursuline, used to make. She was known for cramming maximum fat content into vegetable dishes, which someone always mentions as we push back from the table with full bellies. Then we begin to tell stories about Ursuline; how smart she was and, as a young woman raising her little brother in the Depression, how tough. We talk about my great-grandfather Earl, who got paid in chickens when he started his legal practice. We tell the story of how my Uncle Tom proposed to Aunt Camille over a pay phone because he couldn’t bear to be without her another second. The stories that define us Those stories define our family, and every family has its own version. People tell these intergenerational stories universally across cultures, says family narrative expert Robyn Fivush at Emory University. “For positive events, it’s very much about sharing positive emotion and creating a positive family history. For stressful or negative events, we tell these stories to help children understand and to help them process their emotions,” Robyn says. Shaping identity Family stories help small children develop their sense of self and their own story-telling powers. But surprisingly it’s in teenagers where Robyn has found profound effects of family stories on well-being, behavior and developing their own adult identities. “In adolescence these stories really seem to be roadmaps that teens can use to understand that they’re not alone in the world,” Robyn says. Often teens and tweens are mapping their parents’ experiences onto their own. Teens who can better recall stories from their parents and grandparents show less anxiety and depression and behavior problems. They also have a higher sense of confidence, self-esteem and say they feel more purpose in life. A teen who knows the story of her mother’s difficult high school teacher or bad breakup might, explicitly or implicitly, draw on those stories to help her navigate her own trouble. Read more: Teen Angst or Teen Anguish? Stories weaving together generations Intergenerational stories help convey the values of the family to children. They also illustrate how parents and grandparents have their own identities in the world outside of the family, and how one day the teen will, too. Family stories help adolescents bridge identity crises that can happen when teens and young adults start to think about the kinds of people they want to become and begin setting goals and visions for their own adult lives. Robyn says families shouldn’t force intergenerational stories into their dialogues because that’s likely not to work—especially with teens. But infusing them into a normal conversation you’re already having does work. “If your child is telling you about a problem at school or with their best friend or on a sports team, you can say, ‘You know, that’s just like what happened to me.’” Read more: Family Strong And there are benefits for storytellers, too. Other research shows that parents and grandparents who tell tales of their own lives, especially those that reinforce the theme of resilience, are happier and have higher life satisfaction. This might be because happier adults are more likely to share stories or telling the stories themselves causes a happiness bump. Either way, "a family pattern of interaction around storytelling is a great way to understand each other,” Robyn says. Meredith Knight is a science writer based in Austin, Texas.
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The Slow Medicine Approach to Forgiveness with Dr. Michael Finkelstein

Dr. Michael Finkelstein, also known as The Slow Medicine Doctor, is the author of Slow Medicine: Hope and Healing for Chronic Illness. Dr. Finkelstein has been featured in The New York Times and on CNN for his work on both a micro and macro point of view on today’s health care needs and challenges. Live Happy COO, Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz joins Dr. Finkelstein to discuss the definition of forgiveness and some tools for releasing stress from traumatic experiences or toxic personalities. In this episode, you'll learn: More about the term “core wounding” The definition of forgiveness Practices to create inner tranquility and peace What you can do before the holidays to prepare for difficult family members Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Visit SlowMedicine.org Purchase a copy of Slow Medicine: Healing Chronic Illness  Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
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10 Questions That Will Change Your Life

10 Questions That Will Change Your Life

When we think about something that has the power to change our lives, we usually think big: a new job, a move across country, a relationship beginning or ending. Sometimes something small but meaningful can change the trajectory of our lives, such as a powerful book, a movie or even a gift.It may be surprising, but even a question—complex, pointed, and mulled over with care—can change the direction of your life. Take a look at the 10 questions below and see if one or two of them resonate with you.1. Am I really happy right now?We have a tendency to put our happiness on hold by telling ourselves, “When I get married I will be happy,” or, “When I graduate, I will be happy,” when we could permit ourselves to be happy now and enjoy each day, says Dr. Srikumar Rao, author of Happiness At Work and head of The Rao Institute. As a second part to this question, he suggests asking yourself: What is keeping me from being happy at this instant?2. If I had all the money in the world, how would I spend my time?Having to pay for rent and groceries (and those pesky bills) can cloud what’s truly calling to you. Take away financial concerns, and you can think more clearly about what is truly meaningful and important in your life. Yes, you still may need to keep your job, but your answer might lead you to start a side business, take up a new hobby or shift how you spend your time.3. What do I want my legacy to be? When we get caught up in the minutiae of day-to-day life, it’s easy to forget the big picture. How do you want to be remembered? What impact do you want to have with your life? It might sound grim, but picturing what you want people to say during your eulogy can really wake you up to how want to live today.4. How is my story holding me back?We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves. Are you letting yourself be defined by a negative narrative? We can choose to focus on the stories that empower us, and see ourselves and our strengths—rather than our past or even our genetics—as the determining factors in our future success.5. When should I say “no”?If you don’t say “no” when you want to, it can leave you no time to say “yes” to all those things you really want to do. If you say “yes” when that’s not how you really feel, you set yourself up for frustration and resentment. Saying "no" can actually be a kind act—for yourself and your well-being.6. What is a recurring problem in my life and how can I solve it?Sometimes we can get stuck—whether in the midst of a bad relationship, financial woes, weight gain or another personal challenge. Your recurring problem can derail you from striving toward your full potential because it keeps you distracted. Go after your recurring problem with focus and a solution-mindset to solve it once and for all. New opportunities arise when we get unstuck.7. What did I love to do as a child?When we are kids, we are truly ourselves. When we become adults with lots of responsibility, we tend to forget what we truly love. Think back to your happiest moments as a kid. What did you love the most? How can you do those things as an adult? Getting in touch with your childhood joys can change your career path or enhance how you spend your recreational time.8. How can I turn regret into motivation? If you are lucky enough to get lots of opportunity in life, then you also have lots of opportunity to regret things. "Turn any regrets into motivation," says Darlene Mininni, author of The Emotional Toolkit. “The key is remembering you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. It’s easy to judge yourself after the fact,” she says. “Let experience become your teacher and take your big, fat insight and make it a catalyst for change.”Read more by Darlene Mininni9. What are my top five strengths? Make a list of your top five strengths—those things you are good at and enjoy. When you align your life to use more of your strengths, you minimize anxiety and depression, and you can improve your mood and relationships with others, says Michelle McQuaid, author of Your Strengths Blueprint.Read more by Michelle McQuaid10. How can I look at life through a lens of gratitude? You can choose to view everything with a positive, gratitude-based lens and that will boost your mood. Facing adversity? Look for the bright side or ask yourself what you can learn. Trying to kick a bad mood? Jot down all that you feel grateful for in this moment. Nudge yourself to return to gratitude by asking if this (bad mood, irritation, challenge) will matter a year from now.Read more about gratitude.Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
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