SuperHeroFamily.jpg

Are You Making This Common Parenting Mistake?

After relationship issues and personal growth, parenting ranks among the most pressing topics facing adults today. I am a parent, and I also talk to a lot of parents, both in my personal life and at work in my private practice as a therapist. Parenting is clearly an important and difficult job. We, as parents, are not only providing for the basic physical needs of our children, but we are often hyper-focused on their psychological needs as well. On top of that, we hold ourselves responsible for the implications of each of our decisions: We want to do the best job possible and not mess up our kids! This desire to be the best parent possible can translate into an unrealistic ideal of the super parent. Thanks a lot, Martha Stewart! When my daughter was in elementary school, she participated in a children’s book club in our neighborhood. Each family took a turn hosting with a theme-related activity, decorations and food. Parents went all out! When it was our turn to host, the book was about puppies. My daughter and I baked cookies in the shape of dog biscuits, we made a puppy-related art project and bought puppy plates. I really thought I had hit it out of the park when we bought little plastic bowls for the kids to drink out of instead of cups. To be honest, I felt like a very successful parent—something I struggled with because I worked outside of the home. One mom arrived early and complimented all that we had done but then critically asked why I did not have puppy ears for the kids to wear. In hindsight I now see that she was inconsiderate and ridiculous, but at the time I was truly crushed. It took me a few minutes to regroup, because her judgmental question launched me into a state of insecurity and worry. We put so much pressure on ourselves that it’s easy to feel that we have somehow failed, or at least not met expectations. Underpraised and overburdened The drive to be a super parent can leave you feeling stressed out, depressed, guilt-ridden and like a complete failure. Trying to be and do everything at a level of perfection will only lead to exhaustion and unhappiness, and set a poor example for our children—the very people we are trying to nurture, teach and please. Typically the need to be a super parent emerges from these three areas: Expectations: Whether set by our own standards or those we perceive from society, expectations cause us to stop focusing on what is emotionally best for our families. This creates too much pressure, which can lead to guilt, disappointment, frustration and sadness. Comparison/envy: Sometimes we are so busy looking at what other people are doing that we lose focus on what is best for our family. While it is tempting to try to keep up with, or even outdo, a neighbor’s over-the-top birthday party, it may not be what your child wants, or what you can afford. Insecurity: The need for perfection can be rooted in insecurity. We may feel overextended and worry that we are not devoting enough time and energy to parenting. That can lead to skewed perceptions of what is good, healthy and desirable. Let’s stop trying to be super parents and focus on being good parents instead. Good parents allow room for error and fatigue, accept their imperfections and model to their children that trying your best is what is important. Good parents focus on the well-being and happiness of themselves and their family.
Read More
Should We Aim To Be Perfectly Happy?

Should We Aim To Be Perfectly Happy?

If you were to score yourself on a scale of zero to 10, how happy were you yesterday? And how happy are you today with your life? Over the last decade, researchers, workplaces and governments have begun repeatedly measuring our levels of happiness. Why? As we have documented in Live Happy over the past two-and-a-half years, a growing body of research suggests happy people are more successful in marriages, friendships, earning money, work performance and physical health. So surely the higher our happiness scores, the more success we’ll all have. Right? Well perhaps. A more nuanced look at happiness “In our achievement-oriented culture, we often expect to see scores go up,” explains Dr. Peggy Kern from The University of Melbourne, and one of the world’s leading researchers on well-being and its impact. “But I think being 10 out of 10 on a happiness or well-being measure is probably maladaptive. It’s good to have a high level of happiness and to maintain that over time, but it’s also important to be aware that we can have too much of a good thing. And depending on what’s going on in your life, being happy is not always appropriate” For example, researchers have found that while many of us may believe reducing our level of stress is key to improving our happiness, the Gallup World Happiness Report has found that countries with high stress also score high on happiness and well-being. Despite the common perception, stress is not necessarily a bad thing. Happy lives are not stress-free, nor does a stress-free life guarantee happiness. The right kind of stress Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal in her best-selling book The Upside of Stress explains: “The Gallup Poll found that raising a child under 18 significantly increases the chance that you will experience a great deal of stress every day—and that you will smile and laugh a lot each day. Entrepreneurs who say that they experienced a great deal of stress yesterday are also more likely to say that they learned something interesting that day. Rather than being a sign that something is wrong with your life, feeling stressed can be a barometer for how engaged you are in activities and relationships that are personally meaningful.” As psychologists Richard Ryan, Veronika Hutaand Edward Deci write in a chapter of The Exploration of Happiness, “The more directly one aims to maximize pleasure and avoid pain, the more likely one is to produce instead a life bereft of depth, meaning and community.” The many facets of happiness “Happiness comprises multiple elements, such as positive emotions, engagement in life, relationships, a sense of meaning and accomplishment and good physical health,” explains Peggy. “By regularly measuring how we are doing in different areas, we can start to understand what happiness means to us personally, and how we’re impacted by the actions we choose to take and our life experiences.” “Again the goal is not a perfect score in every domain,” she says. “Instead, it’s about noticing when you are living in a way that is most adaptive for you based on what you value, the situations you find yourself in, the resources you have to draw upon and the results you want to achieve. Then take steps to maintain this consistently, or make adjusts as needed.” How can you broaden your measures of happiness? Here are six evidence-based steps: Track your well-being Take the free PERMAH Workplace Wellbeing Survey developed by Peggy to see how you’re doing, set small goals for improvement and access a database of more than 200 different evidence-based practices to improve your happiness at work. Balance your emotions Researchers have found that both positive and negative emotions have their place when it comes to flourishing. While positive emotions can boost our energy, self-confidence and creativity, negative emotions can trigger our awareness that something important to us is not right. They can be a catalyst for change. Happiness is about having the psychological flexibility to understand when heartfelt positive emotions serve us best, and when we need to practice being comfortably uncomfortable with stress and anxiety. You can track your emotions and reflect on their impact using the free two-minute test at www.positivityratio.com. Develop your strengths Researchers have found using our strengths—those things we’re good at and enjoy doing—can help us feel more confident, engaged and energized about our work. They also caution that focusing only on our strengths can give us a false sense of competence, result in over-used strengths and ignores the power of our weaknesses. Happiness requires being able to find the right strength, in the right amount and for the right outcomes, and being able to tackle our weaknesses head-on when they are important. You can start by discovering your strengths using the free 10-minute survey at www.viacharacter.org. Create authentic connections Considerable scientific evidence suggests other people matter. Practicing gratitude not only improves our relationships, but has also been found to reduce stress and negative emotions, and increase our levels of energy and resilience. Before you leave work each day, take the time to genuinely thank one person for how they made your day a little better. Be specific about what you appreciated and why. Find a healthy sense of meaning Adam Grant, Ph.D., expert in altruism and professor at the Wharton Business School of Business, notes the single strongest predictor of having a sense of meaning and purpose is the belief that what we do has a positive impact on others. Think about how what you do each day can help others—even if it’s just the person sitting next to you. Then take time each week to savor the difference you make. Be aware, however, that when our passion becomes obsession (and you hear yourself saying “I have to” instead of “I want to”), this can undermine happiness in the long term. So try to aim for balance, not obsession. Nurture hope While 89 percent of us believe tomorrow will be better than today, only 50 percent of us believe we can make it so. Researchers suggest this belief is the difference between wishing and hoping. When we hope, we set clear “want-to” goals, pathways to reach them, and we find ways to maintain our willpower. As a result, hope can add about an hour a day in terms of productivity, and it helps to improve our health and well-being. You can map your hopes at work by following these simple steps. So this year on the International Day of Happiness, what steps can you take to improve your happiness? Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Her work has been featured in Forbes, The Harvard Business Review, The Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal and many other outlets.
Read More
Making Motivation Work

Making Motivation Work

Every year we resolve (yet again!) to exercise, lose weight, or find a new, more lucrative or satisfying job. This time we are sure to succeed, we tell ourselves. Despite good intentions, however, we often lose motivation and end up right where we started—or perhaps even further behind, as we have disappointed ourselves by dropping our goals. We wonder what went wrong. Barry Schwartz, professor of psychology at Swarthmore College and a leading researcher in the science of human behavior and decision-making, suggests that rather than a lack of motivation, it may be flawed thinking that is getting in the way of our success. The paralysis of choice In his latest book, Why We Work, the best-selling author dispels common behavioral myths and once again emphasizes that often “less is more.” The more choices we are confronted with in life the less effective we are at making them, Barry says. We often become stressed and suffer subsequent “paralysis from analysis.” In one of Barry’s studies, customers who were offered a choice of six varieties of jam purchased a jar more often than those offered a choice of 24 types, leading him to determine that, when it comes to choice, the less we have, the more motivated we are to take action. We also feel better about our decision because we don’t feel like we are missing out on the thing we didn’t choose, Barry says. Less is more Less is more when it comes to our motives, as well. Contrary to popular belief, having two reasons or motives for doing something isn’t necessarily better than one. In fact, Barry says, “two reasons may be worse than one” and can kill the natural joy we feel in doing a certain activity and decrease our chances for success. This finding was a revelation to me. As a child, I had a strong affinity for gymnastics. I performed cartwheels and back handsprings non-stop because it brought me sheer joy! However, that changed after I joined a competitive team. My focus turned to potential medals. Practice suddenly seemed arduous and I lost interest in my beloved hobby. Where’s the joy? What happened? According to Barry, the competitive goal of winning a medal turned my hobby into a chore. Having the additional motive (medals) canceled out my internal motivation, which was joy. “Paying people or giving them awards for activities they would do on their own weakens these internal motives, and the pay doesn’t compensate,” says Barry. He explains that “little kids who get awards for drawing become less interested in drawing, and draw worse pictures, than kids who don’t.” So how can we apply these findings to our own goals? Focus on one thing at a time. Forgo trying to tackle a huge list of goals or changes. Instead, focus on just one (or two) and give it your full attention. You’ll feel better knowing you succeeded with your chosen goal(s), rather than dwelling on those you didn’t accomplish. Find your motive. Ask yourself what is your main motive for a resolution and keep that in mind. For example, perhaps you enjoy your regular exercise routine. Focus on how that makes you feel rather than finding another reason to exercise. However, if your exercise already feels like a chore, adding a goal can help. Set many short-term goals along the way to your final goal. Break up big projects into smaller, more manageable steps you can take each day. It will prevent you from procrastinating and feeling overwhelmed. Having a sense of daily accomplishment, regardless of how small, will likely keep you motivated, increasing your chances for success. Equipped with the right tools, you’re more likely to succeed! Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski will be presenting at the Embodied Positive Psychology Summit (April 26-29th) at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.
Read More
Happiness Wall

Get Ready for the International Day of Happiness

And once again Denmark tops the list of happiest countries. In 2012 the United Nations established March 20 as the International Day of Happiness (IDOH), acknowledging that well-being is as important a measure of a population as longevity or wealth. World Happiness Report Every year during the lead-up to IDOH, the United Nations releases the World Happiness Report 2016, a ranking of the world's countries ranked according. This year, the United States comes in at a tepid 13, which is two better than in 2015. Topping the list once again, after briefly losing first place to Switzerland last year, is Denmark: Land of the Frozen Smile. At the other end of the spectrum are war-torn countries such as Burundi, Iraq and Syria. Happiness walls Live Happy has adopted the IDOH celebration as our own; we start the month off with our #HappyActs campaign, which builds up a joyful momentum, encouraging everyone to spread happiness around the globe. Each year, giant orange Happiness Walls are erected across North America as a focal point for people to pledge how they will share happiness with others. To find out where you can get to a Happiness Wall near you, check the map here. Schools, offices and local community organizationscan also join in the celebration by hosting their own happiness walls. This Friday, March 18, our “Happiness Ambassadors” will be hosting 68 walls in cities across the country, including Cincinnati, Ohio; Dallas, Texas; Detroit, Michigan, and many more. Family Happiness Boards If you won’t be able to make it to a Happiness Wall, you can always create a Family Happiness Board at home. It's a fun, crafty project you can do with the whole family that will bring back joyful memories all year long. Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Just in time for the International Day of Happiness, Live Happy is proud to launch our new book, Ten Practices for Choosing Joy. Live Happy Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah K. Heiszand award-winning documentary filmmaker Nicholas Kraft will be presenting the book for the first time at the United Nations Bookshop on Thursday, March 17, at 1 p.m.
Read More
article-mindfulness.jpg

Ali Smith on Mindfulness

In this episode Live Happy Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah K. Heisz talks with Ali Smith, co-founder of the Holistic Life Foundation, on one of 10 practices for choosing joy: mindfulness. Ali has more than 15 years of experience teaching yoga and mindfulness to diverse populations. Through his work at the Holistic Life Foundation, he has developed and piloted yoga and mindfulness programs with at-risk youth at drug treatment centers, juvenile detention centers, alternative high schools, mental crisis facilities and in many other underserved communities. What you'll learn in this podcast: How to incorporate mindfulness in your life How to teach mindfulness to kids Why mindfulness is important Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about the Holistic Life Foundation Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
Read More
Happiness Around the Clock

Happiness Around the Clock

There are 1,440 minutes in a day, and while we can’t expect every moment to be blissful, we each have the means to increase our sense of joy, connection and well-being in our daily lives. Two main strategies will help you achieve this. One, through simple actions you can train your brain to “tilt toward positivity,” says neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Two, you can live more harmoniously with your body’s natural rhythms by aligning activities like eating, sleeping and when you turn on and off the lights to your circadian clock. Throughout the day this built-in internal timer regulates everything from body temperature to the release of hunger hormones. Follow these cues and you’ll flourish, disrupt them and you’ll experience an avalanche of disturbances, from insomnia and weight gain to foggy thinking and depression. “Circadian rhythm hygiene is every bit as important to good health as washing your hands,” says Christopher Colwell, Ph.D., director of the Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. With expert advice, we’ve put together a template of what these two strategies would look like in an average day. Consider it a tick-tock of contentment. Adjust the timing to your needs but try to follow the general principles for a week or two. You’ll likely find you experience more happy moments each and every day. 6:30 a.m.: Wake up to an alarm clock that mimics the rising sun. A study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology shows that gradual light exposure during the last 30 minutes of sleep can increase alertness, enhance both mental and physical performance, and improve mood. The Soleil Sleep Spa and the Philips Wake-Up Light both combine dawn simulation with nature sounds like morning birds or ocean waves. 6:45 a.m.: Devote a few minutes before you get out of bed to a mindful check-in. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, suggests asking yourself questions like, “How am I starting this day? How is my body feeling? How am I feeling emotionally?” If you notice you’re tense, Elisha suggests widening your arms to expand your chest, opening your mouth a few times to stretch out the jaw muscles and dropping your shoulders. “You want to begin your day from a place of ease,” Elisha says. 6:50 a.m.: Make Your bed. This simple act creates a small sense of satisfaction and pride that sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, notes that a daily tidying of the sheets correlates to better productivity and a greater sense of well-being. 7 a.m.: Shower with intention and attention. “Mindful showers have transformed my life,” Elisha says. “I always thought of the morning shower as one of those daily tasks you have to do.” That changed when he bought a bar of rose-scented soap. The fragrance evoked sensory memories of the summers he spent at his grandmother’s house in Burlington, Vermont, and summoned feelings of love, warmth and comfort. Now, Elisha begins his showers by holding the bar of soap, inhaling its scent for a few deep breaths and paying attention to the feeling of the warm water against his skin. “The small splurge on a special soap is a way of taking care of yourself, and that can boost your feelings of self-worth,” he says. 7:30 a.m.: Eat breakfast within the first two hours of waking up. “Delaying any longer than that and you’re skipping a meal, and that depletes your physical and mental energy,” says Lisa Dierks, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program. The ideal breakfast will include a protein, a grain and a fruit or vegetable. For example, plain Greek yogurt topped with berries and low-sugar granola. 8 a.m.: Take your first 10-minute dose of daily exercise. Don’t have time for a lengthy workout every day? No sweat! Shorter bouts of exercise can boost your well-being just as effectively as a single sustained session. Maybe even more. One recent study at the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University showed that walking briskly for 10 minutes, three times a day, was significantly more effective in lowering blood pressure than a single half-hour session. 8:30 a.m.: Find ease during your morning commute. Whether we battle bumper-to-bumper traffic or crowded subway cars, the commute to work can be stressful. The road to relaxation? Cultivating a sense of community with your fellow commuters. When Elisha finds himself getting tense on the drive to Los Angeles’ Center for Mindful Living, which he co-founded and where he practices as a clinical psychologist, he turns inward rather than venting at the drivers around him. “I ask myself, ‘What am I really needing right now? What are the other drivers around me needing?’ ” The answer often leads him to silently recite, “May we all have more ease and patience in this traffic.” This creates a shift, Elisha says, “that completely transforms my experience. I go from disconnection to connection and the whole frustrated mind seems to dissipate.” 9 a.m.: Center yourself before you transition to a new activity. We often carry around the equivalent of an emotional doggy bag as we move through our day, bringing the stress of a harried morning to an important meeting or the fatigue of a three-hour business meeting to giving our kids a bath. “A lot of time our focus gets stolen,” says Sam Chase, author of Yoga & the Pursuit of Happiness and co-owner of New York’s Yoga to the People studio. To begin a new activity fully present, he suggests slowing down for a moment of transition. “When I’m about to go into a new situation, I’ll pause and take three breaths right at the doorway,” he says. “That helps me let go of what I was doing and open myself up to whatever I’m entering without distraction.” 12:30 p.m.: Choose a true happy meal for lunch. Skip the fast food and opt for a mix of protein, veggies, whole grains and healthy plant-based fats like those found in avocados or olive oil. “I think of food as edible happiness,” says chef and nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs, author of Happy Foods: Over 100 Mood-Boosting Recipes. “On the most fundamental level, food, beyond just sustaining us, has the capacity to nourish us on a deeper level.” When we eat heavily processed meals that are heavy in refined carbs, like white rice or pasta, and sugar, we set in motion a series of physiological responses that lead to the release of stress hormones, mood swings, fatigue, and, as a recent study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed, a higher risk of depression. 1 p.m.: Take your second dose of daily exercise. Want to get even more benefit from your brisk walk? Seek out some greenery—a tree-lined street, a local park, an urban garden amid city skyscrapers. Studies show that a walk in nature reduces activity in the part of the brain associated with rumination, that endless loop of doomsday thinking and self-reproach. Another way to put more bounce in your step is to share your walk with a co-worker or two. Strong relationships with co-workers are one of the most important factors in workplace satisfaction. 3 p.m.: Beat the mid-late afternoon slump with a healthy alternative to a sugary snack. Karen suggests half an avocado with a sprinkling of sea salt and a dash of lemon juice; a slice of turkey or ham wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf or ½ cup full-fat yogurt with a tablespoon of sunflower seeds. Instead of a cup of coffee—caffeine after 2 p.m. can interfere with sleep—try this energizing alternative: Keep a bottle of an essential oil, like rosemary or peppermint, in your desk drawer or purse. Place three drops in the palm of your hands, rub them together, hold your palms up to your face and inhale deeply for three breaths. 4:30 p.m.: Pause for a moment to consider your personal values. Make a habit of taking a break from meetings and emails for a moment of self-reflection and inspiration. Erica Brown, a Jewish scholar and educator, suggests thinking about a different aspiration or emotion each day. In her new book Take Your Soul to Work: 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership, she suggests pondering questions like, “What does your authentic self look like when no one is looking?” “When is the last time you shared something of beauty with those who work with you?” and “Name something you love so much that it can never fail you.”6 p.m.: Build a better to-do list. Before you leave your workplace for the day, create a to-do list for tomorrow. Along with jotting down the tasks you need to complete, make sure you’re carving out time in your day for things you love to do. Researcher Lahnna Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, calls this “prioritizing positivity.” Her research shows that it’s a far more effective tactic for achieving happiness than striving to feel joy, contentment, gratitude or peace every second of the day. Prioritizing positivity means different things to different people, Lahnna says. Two activities that elicit positive emotions in most people are connecting with a loved one and doing something physically active. 7 p.m.: Enjoy dinner with family or friends. Close relationships with other people are a keystone to happiness, and the dinner table is a natural place for connecting. A new study of more than 11,000 adults shows that face-to-face interactions with friends and family members offer powerful protection against depression; contact by phone, text or emails don’t have the same power. Plus, a slew of studies have shown family meals lead to a wide range of benefits, including better grades and fewer incidences of behavior like smoking and drinking in teens. 7:30 p.m.: Close down your kitchen. Scientists are discovering that when you eat is nearly as important as what you eat. “Our bodies are designed to take in calories over 12 hours and fast for 12, says Christopher, the neuroscientist. Research at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego has shown that disrupting this natural order by, say, snacking at midnight or 2 a.m. leads not only to poor sleep and weight gain but also to the kind of metabolic disorders seen in people with diabetes. Now, a study just completed at Christopher’s lab suggests that mistimed eating can also impair memory and learning. 8 p.m.: Take your final dose of exercise. Go for a post-dinner stroll but avoid intense aerobic exercise. We fall asleep when our core body temperature drops, says Christopher, and when you do a heavy workout you raise the body temperature, thwarting slumber. 9 p.m.: Eliminate sources of blue light two hours before you hit the hay. “Light is a huge anchor for sleep,” says Colleen Ehrnstrom, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, and co-author of the upcoming book End the Insomnia Struggle (coming October 2016). Just as the light of dawn awakens us, the dimming of light cues our body to produce melatonin, a hormone that quiets alertness and preps us for slumber. The kind of blue light that’s emitted by our electronics devices is especially disruptive. You can filter out some of the blue light by lowering the brightness of your screen, donning glasses with orange lenses or covering your screens with an orange filter. (You can find a range of products at lowbluelights.com.) 10:30 p.m.: Transition to bedtime with a nightly ritual. “We often think that going to sleep is like shutting off a computer,” Alex says. “You just hit the power button and you shut your brain down. But, in fact, your brain requires a little more time to relax and unwind.” Along with brushing your teeth and cleansing your skin, prime yourself for sleep with simple yoga stretches, prayer or meditation. 11 p.m.: Lights out. Spend your last few minutes of wakefulness noting a few things that you’re grateful for. These can be both big—the good health of your family—and small—the lemons ripening on your windowsill. Keeping a gratitude list will make you more optimistic, healthier and alert. You’ll also be more likely to make progress toward an important personal goal and more likely to help others. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
Read More
article-giving_back.jpg

Birju Pandya on Giving Back

In this episode Live Happy co-founder and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz talks with Birju Pandya, a senior advisor for RSF Social Financial, on one of 10 practices for choosing joy: giving back. Birju is also involved with ServiceSpace, an organization run entirely by volunteers that leverages technology to encourage everyday people around the world to do small acts of service. Some of the projects by ServiceSpace include a daily positive news service, an acts-of-kindness portal and a gift-economy restaurant. What you'll learn in this podcast: The importance of giving back and how it affects your happiness How to train your brain to become happier How a gift culture invites a reciprocation of kindness Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about ServiceSpace Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
Read More
Family-Bliss-sized.jpg

5 Tips to Increase Family Bliss

Every parent knows the magic of those transcendent moments when one of your children will say or do something so sweet, or the family will be having so much fun, that it temporarily swells everyone's heart several sizes. But let's be honest: parents also know quite well the drudgery—or worse, an ongoing state of low-level annoyance—that can come with shuttling kids to activities, quelling the constant drone of sibling bickering and negotiating schedules and chores. If you often find yourself wishing that everyone could just get along, that you could somehow tap into those moments of family harmony, but then the ebb and flow of life carries you along before you can do anything about it, take heart: You don't need to wait for the next family vacation to recapture the magic. Try working these five ideas into your life and make the most of your family's time together. 1. Unplug, unplug, unplug Yes, we all know we should do a little less staring into our phones, but recent studies show that the very sight of screens (even if switched off!) can result in more shallow interactions between people who are spending time together. So silence your phone and stash it out of sight whenever you're with your family, unless you’re expecting an urgent message. You can then encourage your partner and/or kids to do the same. 2. Divide and conquer In their bestselling book Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish warn against the trap of "togetherness," especially if the kids are going through a bickering patch. One parent taking one child out while the other stays home with the other—or splitting up on a family outing, then coming back together for a meal—can give everyone a break from a dynamic that they might be stuck in. Similarly, parents should prioritize regular date nights where they can catch up with each other. 3. But…maintain family routines Family rituals, like special weekend meals, movie or game nights, religious worship or even the smaller everyday ones like a regular family dinner or a shared sibling storytime before bed, provide a predictable framework for being together that is comforting for everyone and that makes them feel happy at being a member of the group. 4. Don't get caught up in what everyone is doing wrong "Our habits shape our perception of our partner (or kids), so that if we start to think our spouse is sloppy, for example, we will always note when the socks are on the floor, but we don't notice how many times the socks are not there," says Marko Petkovic, author of The 5 Little Love Rituals. If you find yourself trapped in a loop of frustration at something one of your family members is doing, stop and remind yourself of a time recently when that person did something good. 5. Greet with a hug and part with a kiss Hugging produces happy neurochemicals such as endorphins, oxytocin and serotonin. Plus it is always a good idea to start and end the day on a loving note. Take the time to give your family a warm hello and goodbye even if you are in a hurry or may not feel like it at the moment. It will increase your well-being and stimulate good feelings all around. Lesley Porcelli is a freelance writer living in New York.
Read More
article_gratitude.jpg

Sonja Lyubomirsky on Gratitude

In this episode Live Happy Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz talks with Sonja Lyubomirsky about gratitude. Sonja is author of The How of Happiness, the first book by a highly-credentialed positive psychologist to present the latest research in a “how-to” format.  Sonja’s work has been awarded a Templeton Psychology Prize, a Science of Generosity grant, a John Templeton Foundation grant, and a million-dollar grant (with Ken Sheldon) from the National Institute of Mental Health to conduct research on the possibility of permanently increasing happiness. What you'll learn in this podcast: The importance of gratitude to your overall happiness The challenges to maintaining a gratitude practice Tips you can follow to create more gratitude in your life Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Take the free online happiness course Read a free excerpt of The How of Happiness Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Purchase a copy of The How of Happiness Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
Read More
MGravelle_blog3_Main.jpg

Turn Tough Conversations Into Positive Ones

As we wind up Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, communication expert Michele Gravelle gives us a final cheat sheet for making difficult conversations into healthy, productive ones. We’ve covered a lot of ground these past few weeks, and I trust you’ve been practicing some of the conversational tools that I have gone over with Live Happy contributing editor Susan Kane. For my third and final blog, I’d like to give you three tips for carrying these concepts forward and making them work in your everyday conversations. The goal, of course, is for you to build and grow relationships, both at work and at home. 1. Think of your effect. If you have an important message, feedback or a response that you want to share with someone, first think about how both the information you’re sharing and your delivery will affect the other person. What is your motive? If it is to lash out, retaliate, “set the record straight,” prove a point or show the other person is wrong, then you are not in a good position to have the conversation. Wait until you are genuinely curious about what the other person has to say and then engage in a dialogue. 2. Pause and be curious. Train yourself to pause before you react. Do a mental scan and think about your life as well as  the other person’s life. What’s going on? How might your thoughts about the other person leak into your conversation? It takes self-awareness and persistence to change the behaviors that get in the way of a productive, healthy dialogue. 3. Take responsibility for your own behavior. One of the most masterful moves you can make is to take responsibility for the words you say and actions you take. The more self-awareness you demonstrate and the more responsibility you are willing to take for your words and actions, the more you set the stage for a productive, neutral conversation. Remember, what you say and do does one of three things to your relationship: Nurtures it Changes nothing Damages or hurts it Susan and I covered a lot of ground these past few weeks, and I hope that some of what we have shared in our stories will help you in your own conversations and relationships. The more you practice these behaviors, the more they will become part of your natural conversational mojo! Best of luck to all of you! Read Michele's first blog here. Read Michele's second blog here. Listen to Michele on our podcast here. Michele Gravelle is an experienced executive coach, communications expert and consultant with The Triad Consulting Group. She also facilitates executive education programs at the Harvard Negotiation Institute and Duke Corporate Education, and is a contributing author to the book Enlightened Power: How Women Are Transforming the Path to Leadership.
Read More