Two happy finish women holding Finland flags

Finland Remains the World’s Happiest Country

For the fourth consecutive year, Finland was named the happiest country in the world in the 2021 World Happiness Report. The annual report, released by the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network, ranks countries according to national happiness in addition to providing in-depth reports on specific areas of happiness and well-being. The United States dropped one more spot in the rankings, from No. 18 last year to the 19th spot for 2021. Five years ago, the U.S. ranked 13th. The lowest-ranking countries were Rwanda, Zimbabwe, and Afghanistan. The World Happiness Report has been produced every year since 2012 and uses data gathered by the Gallup World Poll. This year’s editors are John F. Helliwell, Richard Layard, Jeffrey D. Sachs, Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, Lara B. Aknin, and Shun Wang. While introducing the report during a workshop on Saturday, March 20 — the International Day of Happiness — Sachs noted that 2020 presented “the strangest year in producing the World Happiness Report.” “We were trying to understand and monitor in real-time incredibly complex challenges and changes,” he said. “The impacts of COVID-19 have differed so widely across different groups in society.” He added that as the pandemic continues unfolding, the report provides an analysis and snapshot of a complicated story. Understanding the Impact of COVID-19 This year’s report looked specifically at how the global coronavirus pandemic affected happiness and well-being around the globe. Not surprisingly, survey respondents reported their mental health was affected by COVID-19, and that decline was seen around the world. The UK, for example, reported a 47% increase in mental health problems. Globally, women, young people, and poorer populations were hit harder by the pandemic. The problem was exacerbated by the disruption of mental health services in many countries just when they were needed most. However, report authors noted, the positive effect is that more attention is being given to mental health and this increased awareness could pave the way for more research and better mental health services. One of the biggest impacts on happiness and well-being has been the lack of social connection during COVID-19. Due to physical distancing, lockdowns, and self-isolation, people had fewer opportunities to connect with others. Feelings of connectedness to others were related to levels of happiness, and when less social support was available, loneliness increased and happiness fell. In many cases, digital connections — such as Zoom — provided a way to stay less isolated, and that was reflected by the lower levels of happiness in people without proper digital connections. Other factors that further diminished happiness were prior mental illness and a sense of uncertainty about the future. Gallup’s Jon Clifton noted that loneliness has been greatly exacerbated by lockdowns: “Right now, over 300 million people in the world — that’s the same size as the United States — do not spend a single hour with a single friend.” Some of the practices found to offset loneliness and help people cope were gratitude, grit, volunteering, previous social connections, exercise, and having a pet. Work and Well-being Work and its effect on happiness has been widely studied, and in 2020, the results around the globe were similar. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve of Oxford University led a team of scholars to look at how COVID-19 affected work and well-being and discovered that as unemployment rose, the effects were “devastating.” That was true regardless of income levels, global location, or gender, and resulted in a 10-30% drop in well-being, depending on the situation. “At the start of the pandemic, 50% fewer jobs were being posted,” De Neve said. “As unemployment rose, job postings dropped. Not having a job or falling unemployed during a pandemic, mixed with half as few jobs available, is a toxic mixture.” As people became unemployed, their loneliness escalated. “There was about a 40% further impact on a person’s well-being if they didn’t have social support to rely on. People who [already] felt lonely were doubly impacted by losing their social networks at work.” During the pandemic, supportive management and job flexibility became more important drivers of happiness at work, while such factors as purpose, achievement, and learning at work became less important. However, a sense of belonging, trust, and support remained unchanged, which De Neve said indicated that what makes workplaces supportive of well-being in normal times also makes them more resilient in hard times. “Many more lessons can be learned from this on the future of work and how to build back happier,” he said.
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Senior couple posing with a frame on the beach

All You Need is Love

Love is a flower—you’ve got to let it grow,” Beatles legend John Lennon said. In truth, it’s perhaps the most beautiful flower we could ever plant (no green thumb required). We have to water it with affection, fertilize it with compassion and shelter it from the storms of everyday life. Here are 4 Ways to Strengthen the Relationships in Your Life: Journal with your spouse. Find a journal—anything will do, including a basic spiral notebook—and take a few minutes to write to each other. Remind your spouse why you love him or her, whether it’s generosity toward those in need or unfailing ability to make you smile. Ask your spouse out on a date. Most of all, keep your writing positive and focused on each other. When you do, you’ll end up creating the ultimate mood-booster and a family heirloom that generations to come will read and cherish. Send a greeting card. Sending a text message or email is a quick, easy way to say hello to a friend or relative, but sending a physical greeting card shows thought and effort and love. Plus, your recipient can post your card on his or her refrigerator or desk as a daily reminder of you and your relationship. Collect ticket stubs. Remember when you enjoyed the evening under the stars and listened to your favorite band play? Or when you saw that awful movie together? Keep the ticket stubs from wherever your life as a couple takes you, collect them in a glass jar and place it visibly in your home. When you add new tickets to your collection, take a couple of minutes to look at the other stubs in your jar and reminisce about the fun you’ve had together. Plan the ultimate family fun day. Mark it on your calendars. Treat it as seriously as you would a work meeting or soccer practice, and escape the commotion of life for a day of family fun. Get the entire family involved in the planning—surprise the kids with a short day trip; attend a local festival; or maybe even spend the day at home baking, watching movies and building a fort. Your family fun day doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg; it’s more about the entire family spending time together, creating memories and laughing. Take it From the Experts How can we communicate more effectively with our loved ones? “For more than four decades I have been privileged to share the five love languages with people around the world. Understanding this concept gives individuals the information needed to effectively express love. By nature, we do for our loved ones what we wish they would do for us. We assume they feel loved. When they eventually say to us, ‘I feel like you don’t love me,’ we are surprised. The problem was not our sincerity. The problem was we were not speaking their love language.”—Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., author of The 5 Love Languages series What are some of the relationship-building benefits of the family dinner? “In today’s fast-paced, technology-steeped culture, having family dinner is the most doable way to hang out together; there are few other settings where the family gathers….Family dinner provides a way to connect...a time to unwind, to check in, to laugh together, to tell stories. These benefits don’t depend on you making a gourmet meal, using organic ingredients or cooking from scratch. Food brings the family to the table, but it is the conversation and the connection that keeps the family at the table and provides the emotional benefits.”—Anne Fishel, Ph.D., author of Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids What is the single most important thing we can do to improve our relationships with our children? “Our relationships with our children improve the most when we work on our relationships with ourselves. When we find ways to be happy and calm and present, we are warmer and more responsive to our children, better listeners—and more consistent disciplinarians.”—Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work How do we use play to make our relationships stronger? “If you get into a win-lose situation, ‘I have to win and the other person has to lose,’ you are in an irresolvable situation. If on the other hand you can play with the others’ ideas without reacting to them and they can play with yours, you usually can arrive at a solution or compromise, a creative way of unifying these two differences.”—Dr. Stuart Brown, author of Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. How can we create long-lasting, happy relationships? “Relationships thrive when there is an investment in an emotional piggy bank. Without a balance of positive feelings for each other, there is little to draw on during difficult times. The best way of allowing these positive feelings for each other to grow is to not deplete them. If you can have fewer negative emotions and reactions with each other in the first place, it can help preserve your positive resources.”—Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D., MFA, MAPP, author of Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir Just the Facts Be an Active, Constructive Responder Fact: Martin Seligman, Ph.D., says our responses to our partners can turn a “good relationship into an excellent one.” Use positive emotions when engaging with your partner by genuinely smiling, touching and laughing. Source: Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being Be Social Fact: Research suggests that your future spouse is less than three degrees from you in your social network. So, go out and be social—you have a 68 percent chance of meeting your soul mate through someone you know. Source: Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives—How Your Friends’ Friends’ Friends Affect Everything You Feel, Think, and Do Happy and Healthy Fact: According to psychologist Ed Diener, Ph.D., close relationships influence our happiness and health. Being in a relationship with someone who shares mutual understanding, caring and validation can greatly improve your life satisfaction. Source: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth Happiness Attracts Fact: Studies suggest that people with higher levels of wellbeing are more likely to eventually find marriage partners than those with lower levels. Also, they are more likely to have stronger marriages. Source: The Oxford Handbook of Happiness Laughter Is the Best Medicine Fact: Adults with children at home are more likely to have stress, but they are also more likely to smile and laugh a lot. Source: Gallup.com Bonus Tip Bring a smile to a loved one's face with a promise ring. They are symbolic pieces designed to shout your feelings from the rooftops.
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Side view of two sad good friends embracing in a bedroom in a house interior with a dark light in the background

The Strength of Forgiveness

While forgiveness has been cherished and heralded across cultures for centuries, it’s not as common as you might expect. In the United States, for example, its average rank is 19th out of 24 character strengths. The practice of forgiveness is complex, but the research is clear on one thing: It is a process. It’s not something that you do one time and receive dramatic results, especially if you’ve been deeply hurt. Forgiveness involves many character strengths: Bravery—the courage to be vulnerable. Wisdom—seeing the bigger picture. Self-regulation—not ranting, exploding or expressing grudges. Humility—placing attention on the other person. Learning to forgive has great benefits, both physical and psychological. Science shows us this is largely because when we forgive others, we let go of our own suffering.
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A person practicing mindful eating

Mindful Eating with Chef Dr. Mike

What if the way you eat could change the way food affects your health? This week's guest explains how you can enjoy better health by changing your approach to food. Dr. Michael Fenster, better known as Chef Dr. Mike, is the only cardiologist in the world who also has an academic degree in culinary medicine. He also teaches a course in culinary medicine and encourages people to take control of their health, wellness and happiness through their relationship with food. In this episode, he talks about mindful eating, how it affects us and how you can start your own mindful eating practice. In this episode, you'll learn: The health benefits of mindful eating. What culinary medicine is and why it matters. How to find greater happiness through healthy, mindful eating. Links and Resources Facebook: @chefdrmike Twitter: @ChefDrMike Instagram: @RealCheDrMike Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Mindful african mom with cute funny kid daughter doing yoga exercise at home, calm black mother and mixed race little girl sitting in lotus pose on couch together, mum teaching child to meditate

Take a Moment to Take a Breath

The terms “mindfulness” and “meditation” are often used interchangeably, but in reality, mindfulness is actually a form of meditation. “Meditation is a broad term that can mean anything, whereas mindfulness is a specific form of meditation. It doesn’t have to be done in the same formal way as what we would normally think of as meditation,” explains Richard Sears, PsyD, Ph.D., MBA, ABPP, of the Center for Clinical Mindfulness and Meditation at Union Institute and University in Cincinnati. “Mindfulness can be taking a breath, taking a moment to notice the trees while taking a walk; it’s more about setting aside time to be with yourself—in whatever form that may take.” Mindfulness is one of three common forms of meditation that are particularly popular today. Here’s a closer look at those three forms and how they can benefit you: Compassion and Loving Kindness This practice is designed to cultivate warm, compassionate feelings toward others, even toward those we may not like. It begins by cultivating feelings of self-compassion, then moves toward developing feelings of love and compassion toward others. A study from Stanford University led by researcher Cendri A. Hutcherson found that even a short, seven-minute compassion meditation can increase feelings of social connectedness with others. Focused Attention A wandering mind is the greatest challenge to effective meditation, and in focused attention, the meditator concentrates on the cycle of each breath as it goes in and out. Each time the mind begins to wander, the meditator returns his or her focus to the breath. At Emory University, a study revealed that different areas of the brain lit up as the attention shifted, further supporting findings that meditation—even in short increments—creates physiological changes within the brain. Mindfulness Mindfulness meditation involves observing what’s going on during meditation—sights, sounds, smells, sensations and thoughts. Instead of being engaged in them or carried away by them, meditators observe and dismiss them, and studies have shown that those who practice mindfulness experience diminished activity in areas of the brain typically associated with anxiety, such as the amygdala and the insular cortex. Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD, assistant clinical professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, teaches that walking and eating meditations are particularly effective for those who want to learn mindfulness. Both can be started informally, such as just being more “present” and aware while walking or eating, and then can become a more formal practice if desired.
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girl holds the bible in her hand and is praying for the Holy Scriptures in the park alone in the bright summer morning.

Practicing With Purpose

“When you create a gratitude practice, it’s very intentional and defined,” says Jan Stanley, who has worked with Fortune 500 companies to develop leadership development programs and is now a speaker and teacher on the topics of rituals, practices and habits. She says a gratitude practice helps you slow down and take note of the many gifts in the world around you. Studies are showing that practicing gratitude increases life satisfaction and overall well-being. In fact, one study by Robert Emmons, Ph.D., of the University of California, Davis, indicates that a regular gratitude practice helps people “appreciate life to the fullest”—even during difficult life events. “People roll their eyes because it’s so simple, but even if you start small with the intention of becoming grateful, you will see changes,” Jan says. “Start thinking about not just what you’re grateful for that day, but why,” she says. As you think about what those things mean to you, your appreciation for them grows. Some simple gratitude practices include: Gratitude Journal: Write down what you’re grateful for every day. Focus on one topic and write about why it makes you feel grateful, or list several different things that make you grateful. Gratitude Jar: Keep a jar of glass beads or stones in a central location, and make sure every person in the home or office has an empty jar. “If you’re grateful for something that person did, put a stone in their jar and tell them why,” Jan says. Three Blessings: Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Candle Ritual: This can be done as a daily ritual or for special family gatherings; each person lights a candle while sharing what he or she is grateful for. “What happens is that you start looking for things throughout the day that make you grateful. It has an amazing, transformative effect,” Jan says. “You start noticing things you didn’t see before and appreciating them.” This article originally appeared in the December 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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A family feeling grateful.

Living in Gratitude With Deborah K. Heisz

This has been the most unusual and, for many, the most difficult year in recent memory. So what’s gratitude got to do with it? As we celebrate Thanksgiving this week, it’s the perfect time to talk about how important gratitude is – not only at Thanksgiving, but as a daily practice. Live Happy CEO and co-founder Deborah K. Heisz joins us to talk about gratitude and other practices to make this unusual Thanksgiving more meaningful. In this episode, you'll learn: Why gratitude is more important than ever right now. Simple ways to increase gratitude in your own life. How to share your gratitude with others. Links and Resources Facebook: @livehappy Instagram: @mylivehappy Twitter: @livehappy Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Over shoulder view of old senior grandmother holding digital tablet computer in hands video conference calling granddaughter opening Christmas gift during distance virtual family online chat meeting.

5 Grounding Tips for the Holiday Season

As we officially enter into the holiday season, anxiety hangs in the air with so many worries. There is the obvious concern about our health and the health of our loved ones. Can we drive to see our aging parents? Can our adult children fly home for Christmas? Then there is the economic news of so many families struggling. How many presents can we afford under that tree this year? Can we even afford the tree? I feel the same crushing pressures as everyone. For more than 35 years, I have spent the New Year’s holiday with three best friends, which expanded to our partners and our children over time. For decades, our merry band of twelve have rung in the new year together. But not this year. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me. However, 2020 is what it is, and I am trying to make the best of it. For this holiday season, I have created a new home base for myself with new daily rules. Every day I try to do the same five things. Each of these activities makes me calmer, happier and/or more at peace. For ease of remembering, think of the mnemonic M.E.C.C.A. (Mecca being both a holy city and a word that means “center”). What is M.E.C.C.A.? Meditate Start your day with a brief meditation. I listen to Headspace, which offers a ten minute daily guided meditation. To be clear, every morning I wake up and think, “Oh let’s just skip meditating.” I really never want to. But, when I engage in meditation, I feel better: clear-headed, relaxed and refreshed. It is the best way to start the morning. Exercise Every day, I exercise. Given COVID, I stay away from the gym, but I can still walk the dog, or hop on our elliptical trainer or lift hand weights. And as with meditation, every time after I exercise, I think “Oh I feel so much better.” Remember too that with the holidays usually comes extra eating and drinking. Exercise helps combat that holiday five. Create Do you write? Paint? Quilt? Perhaps you used to practice a creative art years ago when you were in school. Creativity is one of the best coping tools we have. By creating, we can take our feelings and transform them into something else: something beautiful or moving or cathartic. And bonus, use your creative skills to make presents this holiday. I have a cousin who sends exquisite handmade cards every year at Christmas. Her skill is beyond me, but I always look forward to seeing her creations. Connect During the holidays, many people feel lonely. Many of us have lost someone, and we miss them particularly around this sentimental season. This year, there will be even more people missing their loved ones, because most of us will need to stay in our own homes. Reach out to your loved ones. Don’t just text, pick up the phone and talk. I grant you, the conversation won’t be riveting. No one is doing anything, so there isn’t much to talk about other than COVID 19. Just the same, call your friends. Call your aunt. Call your grandparents. Accomplish Every day, do something you have put off doing. You know those projects that you never have time for? My house was filled with those, but not anymore! And goodness knows, around the holidays there is plenty to be done. Perhaps this will be the year that I finally organize the Christmas paper bin. It is full of scraps of wrapping paper, dusty ribbons and cardboard boxes of dubious utility. Every year I tell myself I will clean it out and organize it. Something tells me that this will finally be the year. No one knows how long we will drift in this odd COVID limbo, but I hope you can make the best of this strange holiday season by caring for yourself and keeping a healthy grounding routine. You will find me meditating and exercising (reluctantly), creating my blogs and calling my friends on New Year's Day. You will also find me in the back of my garage, throwing out dusty wrapping paper. We will find our way back to normal, at some point. For now, enjoy the twinkle lights adorning your neighbor's houses. Take care and chin up. Humanity has gotten through many difficult times, and we will get through this too. Happy Holidays!
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Red heart in child hands. Kindness concept, gift, hand made valentine, close up.

6 Ways to Raise Kinder Kids

The thought of raising a brat of a child can bring panic and anxiety to any parent. It’s an especially overwhelming thought if you don’t have the proper tools on hand to teach your child how to be a kind person. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are doing wrong. Thomas Lickona, Ph.D., developmental psychologist and author of How to Raise Kind Kids, says the most common mistakes parents make in childrearing is not exercising moral authority with confidence, constantly making kids happy by sparing them from disappointment and not being intentional in creating a positive family culture. Kids who do respect their parents’ moral authority create a foundation for moral development later in life, Thomas says. “It’s difficult to teach kids anything if they don’t listen to you, they don’t obey you, they don’t respect the fact that you are the mom and dad and you have the right to expect obedience,” Thomas says. Try these six tools Thomas recommends for raising kinder kids: Develop a Positive Family Culture. Creating a family mission statement gives your children a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Thomas suggests sitting down together and discussing your family’s core values and virtues. For example, “the Smiths don’t lie, cheat and steal,” “the Davidsons are kind, gracious and don’t hurt people,” or “the Lannisters always pay their debts” (OK, maybe that last one is a bad example). Having a family charter sets a tone of how the family should behave and will give children moral clarity in why and what the family believes. Become a Character Coach. In order to raise a kind person, you need to be a kind person. Model good behavior and teach them the responsibility to care for others. Instill good virtues, such as kindness, respect and self-control. Thomas writes that the surest way to be happy is to make others happy. Good character also means not letting little infractions slide. “Take the small stuff seriously,” Thomas says. “If you don’t correct rudeness and tantrums, for example, in your 6-year-old, you’ll have a lot more trouble reining in swearing and door slamming by your 16-year-old.” Keep Constant Contact. The responsibility of raising children well falls on parents’ shoulders. Stay in touch by holding regular family meetings to discuss anything that may be exciting or troubling in their lives. Thomas suggests a technique he used in his own family, called the back and forth questions. The key is to ask your child a question, such as “what was the best and worst part of your day?” Encourage the child to reciprocate and ask you the same. After a while, you and your child will develop the art of good conversation. “Meaningful conversation enriches family life, builds relationships and gives you a vehicle to transmit your deepest values,” Thomas says. “Without those conversational exchanges, we really are on the sidelines of our children’s character formation.” In his book, How to Raise Kind Kids, Thomas provides 40 conversation starters to get the verbal ball rolling. Reduce Screens. Technology is great, but not at the expense of a deteriorating family life. A sad statistic is that screens—TVs, phones, tablets, video games—are drastically changing the amount of face time families put in each day. When kids “disappear” into their own worlds, parents know less about the goings-on within their children’s lives, and problems like irritability and poor sleeping habits can emerge. Challenges grow as teens begin to seek validation from social media. Thomas suggests a four-week electronic fast, a technique developed by child psychiatrist Victoria Dunckley, author of Reset Your Child’s Brain. He admits the first few days may be rough, but parents can start to notice real changes in their kids, such as fewer tantrums and arguments. After four weeks, slowly reintroduce devices, allowing one hour of screen time per day. A Little Hard Work Never Hurt Anyone. Our kids learn all their habits, good and bad, from what happens at home. Continuously trying to appease and not disappoint them can turn our kids into self-absorbed meanies. It undermines the family culture and can have adverse effects on the rest of the family. A good way to avoid these feelings of entitlement is to make the kids part of the household team. Thomas suggests giving them responsibilities and chores to do within their abilities and hold them accountable when they don’t meet expectations. They should know the value of work, and everyone within the household should contribute. Make Gratitude the Right Attitude. Constant complaining can be a drain on the family. It makes children unhappy, and it certainly is no joyride for the parents, either. Teaching good gratitude practices, such as using a gratitude journal or counting your blessings, can shift your child’s focus from what they have instead of what they don’t have. If this is a part of everyday life in your household, for example, giving thanks for a meal and asking around the table what everyone is grateful for, then positive feelings will start to cultivate and the negatives will dissipate. “Gratitude is an act of kindness and ingratitude is an act of unkindness,” Thomas says. “We should teach our children what gratitude means and why thankfulness is important. Gratitude is feeling and expressing thanks for the benefits we receive. Why does it matter? Because it makes us feel better, and counting your blessings is the secret of a happy life.” For more, listen to our podcast with Thomas Lickona, Ph.D. on Live Happy Now.
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Girl Writing Letter Home Concept

Write Your Way to Well-Being

The 25 women who had gathered in a windowless Seattle classroom for a writing workshop scribbled furiously for more than two hours in response to instructor Rachel M. Fiala’s “prompts.” In 10-minute sprints they wrote about difficult goodbyes in their lives, about their definitions of beauty, about what the sound of rain reminded them of. At the end of class Rachel gave her students an exercise in self-expression and self-discovery known as expressive writing: Over the next four days, for 20 uninterrupted minutes each day, write down your deepest feelings about an emotional upheaval in your life. Tonya Wilson, one of the most enthusiastic students in the class, would write about her mother abandoning her when she was 13. “The exercise was powerful,” she says. “I got to witness myself as that shattered 13-year-old.” Two years have passed since that writing assignment, but, Tonya says, “Talking about it today I can still feel the lump in my throat. I still mourn for that young girl and I think I always will, but now there is someone mourning for her rather than stuffing her in a closet and refusing to acknowledge her existence and her pain.” That first expressive writing assignment spurred a life-changing turnaround for Tonya. It all took place at the Washington Corrections Center for Women, the state prison where she has been serving time for attempted murder in the first degree since 2002. The Power of Personal Storytelling Expressive writing is a highly structured storytelling technique that guides people to describe their deepest worries and most troubling memories, find new meanings in these experiences and then go on to envision bolder and happier futures for themselves. It was developed in the mid-’80s by researcher James (Jamie) W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., now the Regents Centennial Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, who was investigating the health impact of a wide range of traumatic experiences—the death of a spouse, natural disasters, sexual or physical abuse, divorce, the Holocaust. He discovered that writing about these traumas in an open and emotional way led to significant improvements in both physical and psychological well-being. Over the past 30 years hundreds of studies have confirmed the benefits of expressive writing. It helps reduce cancer-related symptoms and fatigue, increases immune functioning. leads to fewer doctor visits and enhances memory and sleep. College students who took part in expressive writing improved their grades and were less likely to drop out. Married couples who explored their conflicts through expressive writing were happier in their marriages than their non-writing counterparts. When asthma patients tried it, their lung functions improved while patients with rheumatoid arthritis showed better joint mobility. Putting pen to paper helped veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress better regulate their emotions; their moods improved, their stress levels declined and they were more likely to experience post-traumatic growth. What’s more, expressive writing enhances your well-being in both the short and long term. Immediately after writing about an emotional topic, people had lower blood pressure and heart rates. That was still true months later. Likewise, symptoms of depression, anxiety and rumination declined in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals. Expressive writing can even improve your social life. In an innovative study that Jamie led in 2001, each participant was asked to wear a small tape recorder before and after writing about a deep-seated emotional issue. The results showed that in the weeks after the writing experiences, people were more outgoing, laughed more easily and more often and used more positive emotion words. Writing from a deeply personal place, Jamie concluded, seemed to make people more socially adept: “they were better listeners, talkers—indeed, better friends and partners. How to Do It Expressive writing follows six simple steps: 1. Set aside at least 20 minutes over four consecutive days for writing. Try to write at the same time each day. The best time to write is when you’re not feeling hurried. You can write in a notebook, a pad, a computer. 2.   Write about the issues, conflicts, stressors or upheavals that are keeping you up at night. That can be something that’s happening in the here and now or an experience from the past that still troubles you. (If you’ve faced a huge loss or trauma in the last couple of weeks, it may be too soon for you to write about it.) 3.  Write continuously once you begin. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. If you want to keep writing after 20 minutes, go ahead. But plan to write for a minimum of 20 minutes. 4.  Really let go and write about your deepest thoughts and feelings around the issue or event you’ve chosen. You can write about the same topic every day or different topics. Explore how the event is tied to other areas of your life—your childhood; people you’ve most loved, feared or felt the most anger toward; your relationships with friends and family; your work life. 5. On your final day of writing, reflect on what you’ve disclosed over the previous three days. How can the meaningful story you’ve constructed help guide your thoughts and behaviors moving forward? Write about how the event is related to who’d you like to become. 6.  Think of expressive writing as a tool that’s always available to you. While it doesn’t replace medical or psychological help when you’re going through a true crisis, a “booster session” can be helpful when you find yourself stymied by a work or personal challenge. The Science Behind the Stories What is it about expressive writing that makes it so effective? “It’s complicated,” researchers say. Joshua M. Smyth, Ph.D., is a professor of biobehavioral health and medicine at Penn State and co-author with Jamie of the upcoming book Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain. “It seems to help a lot of things a little bit,” Joshua says. It helps people regulate emotions a bit. It helps social relationships a bit. It helps people find their purpose in life a bit, and so on. These small changes feed off one another and over time it leads to big improvements in well-being.” Timothy D. Wilson, Ph.D., the Sherrell J. Aston Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia and author of Redirect: Changing the Stories We Live By, sees expressive writing as one technique of what he calls “story editing.” We all have personal narratives, he says, about what the world is like and who we are. Sometimes we develop pessimistic stories and get caught in self-defeating thinking. Revising our stories can help us view events through more optimistic lenses and that, in turn, can lead to positive and lasting changes. “Expressive writing helps us reframe events and our history,” Timothy says. “When you try out a different interpretation that shows in your behavior and your attitude and when you realize a payoff, you build on that new behavior.” This type of writing goes deeper than what most of us think about as journaling. That certainly was the case for John F. Evans, who leads expressive writing workshops at Wellness & Writing Connections in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. He’s also the co-author with Jamie of Expressive Writing: Words That Heal. But before he became familiar with Jamie’s work, John had maintained a journal, on and off, through high school, college and early adulthood. During these years he suffered from depression and it wasn’t until he was 40 that he took his first expressive writing workshop. He wrote about something that had remained a never-discussed family secret: the death of his sister when he was 3 years old. Though he would also seek out psychotherapy, the writing, John says, was the beginning of emotional restoration. “I was able to write about my deepest feelings, construct a meaningful narrative and then write about how I wanted to go forward,” he says. “It gave me a measure of control over my life.” That sense of control and narrative was missing from his journals. “When I went back and re-read them,” he says, “I realized they were mainly a place to vent. I kept writing about the same thing in the same way, using the same language. There was no arc in my story; it was a flat line. I was just ruminating on paper.” People who benefit the most from expressive writing use certain types of words throughout the exercise. Their writing includes more positive emotion words, such as love, funny, joy, courageous, calm and thankful, indicating that even while they’re acknowledging painful experiences they’re able to see the upsides. As they move from the first day of writing through the fourth, they go from using mostly first-person pronouns (I, me, mine) to incorporating he, she and they; that shows they’re viewing their emotional upheavals from different perspectives. And, as the days pass, they also sprinkle their writings with words like understand, realize and know, evidence that they’re able to find meaning in loss or distress. When we’re able to “repackage” a stressful event into coherent stories, a couple of important things happen. First, we move toward a sense of resolution that gradually diminishes the power and pain of the disturbing experiences. (Those of us who are brooders and ruminators are especially likely to benefit from expressive writing.) Secondly, we’re less likely to experience intrusive thoughts about the experiences, the kind that disturb our sleep, wreck our focus and even make us less able to stay connected with other people. It’s the equivalent of shutting down those apps that run in the background on our smartphones draining battery life and slowing performance. Closing the Circle Two months after she began serving her sentence, Tonya, in wrist and ankle shackles, would attend the funeral of her mother, who died of her decades-long drug addiction. From her first expressive writing assignment through many more, Tonya struggled to understand and forgive her mother. As she wrote she began to heal. “Expressive writing,” she says, “allowed me to see that my life has a purpose and my pain has a purpose.” She began to see her future as working toward prison reform and real, effective rehabilitation for inmates and others at the margins of society, including addicts. Transformation, she says, can take place only within a support system that sees the value and promise of every life and where people have a stake in each other’s success. In 2015, Tonya described her vision in a poetic and passionate TEDx talk. “True rehabilitation,” she said, “occurs through connections with others. Every time I’ve gotten better it’s because I’ve seen the possibility of healing or strength in another person. Every time I’ve been the model for someone else, lives have changed.” She would conclude her talk to a standing ovation. “Don’t underestimate the value of your own story simply because there is suffering it in,” Tonya said. “You may just be the catalyst for someone else’s rehabilitation. Continue with patience, with compassion and with an open heart." This article originally appeared in the June 2016 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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