When we start a new relationship, we often assume things will always be this wonderful. We think if we have a strong connection and shared interests, those things will last over time. However, the reality is that partnerships change: life gets challenging, days get busy and we get wrapped up in day-to-day problems.
These normal life circumstances may cause distance in our relationship or may make us feel disconnected from our partner. While we are busy taking care of home, family, friends, work and more, it is important that we make an effort to stay connected to our partner so that we can maintain a relationship that has strength and intimacy over the long term.
This quiz will help you evaluate the current health of your romantic connection, and what aspects of the relationship you may need to work on. Choose the answer for each question that best describes how you tend to think, feel or behave in your relationship.
1. My partner and I take time out to do things together as a couple.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
2. I take time to connect during the day, even if it is only for a brief moment.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
3. I tell my partner that I love him/her.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
4. My partner and I engage in loving acts towards one another, even if they are small.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
5. I make necessary sacrifices to improve my relationship.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
6. I take time out to listen to my partner and really hear what he or she is trying to say.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
8. I make an effort to find new ways to bond with my partner.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
9. If something is not going well in my relationship, I work toward improving the situation.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
10. When my partner and I are not getting along, I attempt to communicate in an effective way to try to resolve things.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
11. I try to do kind things for my partner on a regular basis.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
12. I spend time planning how to make my partnership better for the future.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
13. I make an effort to build closeness with my partner.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
Read more: 7 Keys to a Happy Relationship
14. I plan date nights for us to spend time as a couple.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
15. I specifically ask my partner questions about how he or she is feeling or how his or her day went.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
16. My partner and I laugh together.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
17. I celebrate my partner’s successes and I am a shoulder to lean on when my partner experiences failures.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
18. I plan adventurous and spontaneous activities to make things more interesting.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
19. I make an effort to be flirty or romantic.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
20. I try to make our conversations interesting and engaging.
- I almost always do this
- I sometimes do this
- I almost never do this
Healthy, happy, strong connected relationships take time, energy and effort to remain successful. While it is completely normal to be impacted by life and its stressors, we need to make sure that we are investing in our important relationships.
Read more: What’s Your Communication Style?
Score the quiz:
If most of your answers were A:
You generally feel connected to your partner and you work hard, using your skills to create a stronger connection. Many relationships do not have a strong level of connectedness, and those that do often struggle to keep it going. So keep up the good work, and continue to reassess yourself in this area.
If most of your answers were B:
You are like many couples who have moments of connection and moments of distance. Ask yourself if this is an isolated period of time or if this is something that has been going on long-term. If you believe that this is an isolated incident, you still need to put in some effort to reconnect and discuss repairing what led to this level of disconnection. If you feel it has been a long-term issue, you should sit down with your partner and discuss strategies to improve communication and intimacy. Make sure you are spending time together and focusing on making your relationship happy for the long term.
If most of your answers were C:
You appear to be feeling disconnected from your partner, and perhaps because of that, you or your partner are putting in too little effort to make things better. Ask yourself if there is one particular incident or issue that is causing the distance. If so, what can you do to work on that issue while also engaging in connecting with your partner on a deeper level?
If there isn’t one particular issue and this has been an ongoing problem, it may be a good idea for you to communicate this to your partner and seek professional help or counseling. Make a greater effort to use connection skills and to find ways to feel closer to your partner. A professional couples’ therapist will give you tools and techniques to help do this.
Read Stacy Kaiser’s companion piece: 4 Ways to Reignite the Spark and Reconnect With Your Partner
