Self-Care | Live Happy

Miles Chamley-Watson Goes for Gold in Rio

Miles Chamley-Watson, 26, just missed the podium at the London Olympic Games. A fencer, he was ranked No. 2 in the world entering the 2012 Olympics, and he was aiming for gold. But he was defeated in the second round and wound up in fourth place in men’s foil. “I wanted to come away with hardware, so I wasn’t happy,” says Miles, who was born in London but moved to New York when he was 9 and will be a top fencing competitor this summer in Rio. “It was incredibly frustrating. It was my first time at the Olympics and everything felt magnetized and blown out of proportion.” In a study that looked at the emotional reactions of Olympic medalists at the 1992 Games in Barcelona, Spain, researchers found that silver medalists were reportedly less happy than those who took bronze. Why? “The silver medalists feel like they are so close to winning, but just missed the mark, whereas the bronze medalists are just happy to get a medal,” says Caroline Miller, an expert on positive psychology and the author of seven books on the subject, including her upcoming book, Getting Grit. “There are people who win and they feel empty afterward. They think it will bring them happiness but the Olympics don’t buy you happiness.” Just as Miles has found through the extensive mental training he’s done to prepare for this summer’s Olympics, the more stressed he is in the midst of a competition, the less likely he will perform at his best. Whereas the more joyful and relaxed, the better he’ll do. In other words, happiness begets success, not the other way around. Put happiness first “It used to be thought people became happy by having success. But pinning your happiness on winning a gold medal isn’t how it works,” Caroline says. “People succeed by being happy first. Their bodies are relaxed and in a different state of consciousness. They’ve done all the preparation they need to do and they’re utterly confident and relaxed about it. They’re not constricted or anxious.” We can’t all be Olympic fencers, but we can learn from Miles. “Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t let anyone tell you no. Above all, take risks,” Miles says. “I’ve taken so many risks in my life and that’s what’s gotten me where I’m at now.” Caroline says it’s those risks that bring such a high level of joy. “The reason why the highs are so high and the lows are so low is that these athletes take risks and because of the intensity of passion that they bring to their lives and their sport,” she says. “They’ve invested so much and they’ve given up so much in order to pursue their craft.” Sure, getting fourth place may not feel great, but Miles, who, in 2013, the first American fencer to win an individual World Championship title, also knows what victory feels like. “There’s no feeling like when you work really hard for something and the training actually pays off,” he says. “You win a competition and there’s no other feeling like it in the world.” A 2009 report in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that those who attempt to master a new skill may be frustrated or stressed throughout the process, but they have greater happiness long term. “Very few of us can be Olympians. But we can all learn from what these men and women bring to their sport—they live with joy, they live with a sense of satisfaction,” Caroline says. “At the end of every day, we scan our days for what we did that was hard. We’re only proud of ourselves when we did something out of our comfort zone. We all need to have something we’re passionate about, something that lights us up, something that makes us work for it.”

Well-Being

Pound it Out

Five years ago, when a car rammed into the vehicle that Sarah Knobloch was riding in, it dramatically changed—nearly ended—the then-15-year-old’s life. “She was in a coma, and the doctors told us to start thinking about organ donation,” recalls her mother, Caroline Knobloch. “We weren’t ready for that.” Doctors weren’t sure how long she would survive or, if she did, how well she would recover. The accident left her with severe brain and spinal cord injuries, and the coma lasted 20 days. In addition to Sarah’s unwavering positive attitude, her mother credits her recovery to two things: music and movement. “Early on, the doctors said we could bring music into her hospital room,” Caroline says. “One of my friends is a music teacher who downloaded a bunch of classical music for us to play in her room. We always had music playing.” As Sarah remained hospitalized and slowly began to recover, music and exercise were mainstays of her daily program. “I like rap and hip-hop, so that’s what works best for me,” says Sarah, who, despite spending seven months in the Atlanta hospital, completed high school on time and is now studying to be an occupational therapy assistant. “The music helps me remember good times, and for someone with memory loss, that’s been really important.” Read more: Find Happiness in Your Headphones Researchers have found that music is effective for both physical and emotional healing because it engages all three areas of the brain: reptilian (body functions), limbic (memories and emotions) and the neocortex (language and consciousness). They’ve also learned that outcomes are better when hospitals use “patient preferred” music—even rap and metal can promote healing if it resonates with the patient. “I like listening to all styles of music,” Sarah says, “but listening to what I used to listen to has helped me the most.” Healing with a beat Earlier this year, Sarah learned about Pound, a program that uses specially weighted drumsticks to create a choreographed cardio workout. She implemented the workout into her regimen and says it has helped her retrain her brain for better balance and body movements. For Pound co-founder Kirsten Potenza, that’s pretty much the point. Although many seek it out for its fat-blasting, high-energy routines, Kirsten says a lot of science went into creating the drum-centric workout. Sure, it’s stress relieving to be able to beat bright green drumsticks on a yoga mat while listening to upbeat music, but the idea behind Pound goes beyond that. “There are a lot of studies showing the brain-boosting effects of drumming,” she says. “It improves focus, boosts the immune system, lowers chronic pain and improves decision-making skills. And, when you do it in a group, it’s even more powerful.” Pound has been called the new SoulCycle by many, and Kirsten says the thing the two workouts have in common is the way the music speaks to the heart and soul while moving and improving the body. “A lot of this is about the power of the music,” she says. “There’s something so powerful about being able to become part of the music. This isn’t about how your body looks or how you look doing it; this is about how it makes you feel. This is about making people happy.” Read more: What's Your Healing Rhythm? Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Self-Care

At Rio Olympics, Athletes Go Beyond the Gold

Whether you’re in training to become the next Michael Phelps or Gabby Douglas or gearing up for a work presentation or weekend 10K, there’s much to learn from the way Olympic athletes prepare for the biggest competition in their lives—and we’re not talking about endless laps in the pool or drills on the balance beam. Turns out, Olympians have a lot to teach the rest of us about happiness. Elite-level athletes have mastered the art of staying calm in high-stress moments, they’ve learned to find joy even in harshly competitive situations, and they realize they perform their best when they’re at ease and relaxed. Those are skills any of us can develop. Going with the flow Take Michal Smolen, a professional slalom kayaker en route to his first Olympic appearance this August, when the Olympic Games come to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. When Michal slides into the seat of his kayak, the rest of the world disappears. It’s just him and the water, flowing down-river in an endless stream. Maybe his comfort in his boat comes from the fact that he’s been kayaking competitively since he was a kid. Or maybe he’s just figured out how to quiet his mind, even when the pressure is on. “It’s a matter of not letting any expectations affect me,” Michal says. “I have to leave all that behind and just tell myself that I’m doing what makes me happy. If I’m flexible, relaxed and focused, I can cancel out anything that gets in my way.” Psychologists call this “flow state,” and it’s proven to boost performance and mental focus. “In a flow state, you are completely involved in the activity and time starts flying,” says Wendy Suzuki, Ph.D., professor of neural science and psychology at New York University and author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life. “In this state, worry and ego are not engaged, and you can focus totally on the task at hand. Part of being relaxed, at ease, and having fun is finding a way to enter the flow state where focus can be fully directed at the activity.” Michal, 22, lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, where the U.S. National Whitewater Center is located. He would have been a top contender on the U.S. Men’s Kayak Team at the 2012 Olympic Games in London if a citizenship snag hadn’t gotten in the way. Michal moved to America with his family from Poland when he was 10 years old. His father, Rafal Smolen, was a member of the Polish National Kayak Team and is now a coach for the U.S. Olympic team. A life of competition Michal got into kayaking early but soon discovered he had a fear of water, and at 13, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He put kayaking on hold, sorted out the proper medication to minimize his seizures, and he joined the swim team, hoping to conquer his water anxiety. It worked. “I wanted to be like Michael Phelps—I was very ambitious as a kid,” he says. “I started doing really well at swimming, but it wasn’t bringing me the same enjoyment as kayaking. So I switched back.” By high school, Michal was one of America’s best young slalom kayak racers, getting fourth place at the Junior World Championships at age 16. By 2012, he placed second at the Olympic trials, but he learned too late that his U.S. citizenship papers would take longer than he thought. He was devastated to sit out his first opportunity to compete at the Olympics. Finally, in February 2013, Michal officially became an American citizen. Since then, he’s been focused on this summer’s Olympic Games. In 2014, he won the Under 23 World Championships, the biggest victory of his career. Last year he became the U.S. National Champion and won a bronze medal at the World Championships and gold at the Pan-American Games, setting him up to be a favorite in Rio. Going for the joy He has no idea what to expect from his first Olympic appearance, but he says he plans on keeping a level head and not letting anything get to him. “When I’m racing that most important race of my life, I want to make sure I’m not shaking and sweating and doing all these crazy things before I’m about to go. I want to tell myself, ‘I did everything I could. I’m ready for this. I’m going to enjoy it,’” he says. “That’s what I do this for: I do it for myself and for the joy of it.” Michal has figured out something that scientists and doctors have been studying for years. Studies have shown that athletes with positive psychological states—those who are relaxed, at ease, having fun—physically perform better in competitive settings than those with negative emotions. “If an athlete’s overall sense of wellbeing and happiness is within a suitable range, they tend to perform better based on the fact that their perceived level of stress is reduced and their subjective belief is ‘I’m doing well,’” says Jason Richardson, a former World Champion and Pan-Am Games gold medalist in BMX racing, who is now a psychologist working with Olympic athletes. “Those beliefs become the driving force, as they precede the feelings and actions that ultimately bring results.” You don’t have to be an Olympian to gain something from this lesson: Enjoy yourself and you’ll do better at whatever it is you set out to do. Less stress, more success Miles Chamley-Watson, 26, just missed the podium at the London Olympic Games. A fencer, he was ranked No. 2 in the world entering the 2012 Olympics, and he was aiming for gold. But he was defeated in the second round and wound up in fourth place in men’s foil. “I wanted to come away with hardware, so I wasn’t happy,” says Miles, who was born in London but moved to New York when he was 9 and will be a top fencing competitor this summer in Rio. “It was incredibly frustrating. It was my first time at the Olympics and everything felt magnetized and blown out of proportion.” In a study that looked at the emotional reactions of Olympic medalists at the 1992 Games in Barcelona, Spain, researchers found that silver medalists were reportedly less happy than those who took bronze. Why? “The silver medalists feel like they are so close to winning, but just missed the mark, whereas the bronze medalists are just happy to get a medal,” says Caroline Miller, an expert on positive psychology and the author of seven books on the subject, including her upcoming book, Getting Grit. “There are people who win and they feel empty afterward. They think it will bring them happiness but the Olympics don’t buy you happiness.” Just as Miles has found through the extensive mental training he’s done to prepare for this summer’s Olympics, the more stressed he is in the midst of a competition, the less likely he will perform at his best. Whereas the more joyful and relaxed, the better he’ll do. In other words, happiness begets success, not the other way around. Put happiness first “It used to be thought people became happy by having success. But pinning your happiness on winning a gold medal isn’t how it works,” Caroline says. “People succeed by being happy first. Their bodies are relaxed and in a different state of consciousness. They’ve done all the preparation they need to do and they’re utterly confident and relaxed about it. They’re not constricted or anxious.” We can’t all be Olympic fencers, but we can learn from Miles. “Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t let anyone tell you no. Above all, take risks,” Miles says. “I’ve taken so many risks in my life and that’s what’s gotten me where I’m at now.” Caroline says it’s those risks that bring such a high level of joy. “The reason why the highs are so high and the lows are so low is that these athletes take risks and because of the intensity of passion that they bring to their lives and their sport,” she says. “They’ve invested so much and they’ve given up so much in order to pursue their craft.” Sure, getting fourth place may not feel great, but Miles, who, in 2013, the first American fencer to win an individual World Championship title, also knows what victory feels like. “There’s no feeling like when you work really hard for something and the training actually pays off,” he says. “You win a competition and there’s no other feeling like it in the world.” A 2009 report in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that those who attempt to master a new skill may be frustrated or stressed throughout the process, but they have greater happiness long term. “Very few of us can be Olympians. But we can all learn from what these men and women bring to their sport—they live with joy, they live with a sense of satisfaction,” Caroline says. “At the end of every day, we scan our days for what we did that was hard. We’re only proud of ourselves when we did something out of our comfort zone. We all need to have something we’re passionate about, something that lights us up, something that makes us work for it.” Happiness in sync Leading up to the Games in Brazil, synchronized swimming duet partners Anita Alvarez and Mariya Koroleva often spent 24 hours a day together. They’re in the pool training for long hours, they sleep in the same hotel room, and they have meals side by side. “We start to understand each other and we learn everything about each other,” says Anita, who at age 19 will be making her Olympic debut. “It’s important to have that bond and connection not just in the pool but also outside the pool. I can’t imagine going into this intense competition without her there.” “It’s nice to have someone going through the exact same thing as you, especially in the hard times, after a long training day,” adds Mariya, 26, who competed at the 2012 Olympics with a different duet partner and placed 11th. “After you compete together and you have a good score, it’s even more exciting to be able to share it with someone. It’s not just your success.” Studies have shown that athletes who train in groups are more motivated and experience less pain than those who train alone. Plus, they’re happier. “People are happier when they’re training and celebrating their victories with other people. They need a team around them,” Caroline says. “It’s not just about getting what you want, it’s about getting what you want and celebrating with someone else.” Mariya, who was born in Russia but moved to the U.S. as a child, underwent back surgery just six months before her last Olympic appearance. She was forced to rush her recovery process in order to compete at the last Olympics and during the Games, she loaded up on pain medication to ease the throbbing in her back. But still, she says, it was worth it for that feeling of walking in the opening ceremony and knowing she had made it. “It’s important to remember nothing that you accomplish that’s great is going to be easy,” Mariya says. “If you’re having a hard time, remember that it’s supposed to be hard. You have to keep pushing through and fighting for what you want. The harder it is, the happier you’re going to be.” Jason says there’s science behind this, too. “When an athlete suffers injury or great loss and finds victory again, it’s more meaningful,” he says, “because the true win is not just in their sport, but also the internal struggle within themselves.” The meaningful life Mountain biker Lea Davison competed at her first Olympic Games in 2012 in London, and she’s on track to race again this summer in Rio. In London, she was just happy to make the team after rebounding from a serious hip injury that benched her for an entire season. “Just making it to the Olympics was a dream come true. Everyone says that, but it’s true,” says Lea, who’s 33 and from Jericho, Vermont. “To say I’m an Olympian has been my goal since I was a kid.” She, too, knew that if she was going to perform her best at the Olympics, she had to forget about all the hype—the pressure from the crowds, the media, her sponsors. “I was nervous for months beforehand, but you have to get that out of the way. On the morning of the race, I was able to be calm,” Lea says. “You try to treat it like any other race. Sure, there’s a lot of hoopla surrounding it—it’s the Olympics. But I just kept reminding myself, ‘This is just another bike race. You know how to do this.’” She ended up 11th place in women’s mountain biking and says walking into the closing ceremony alongside her American teammates was her proudest moment. “To hear the roar of the crowd was very powerful,” she says. “Seeing your country behind you and all of that support, it was just quite a moment.” Finding authentic happiness When Lea was a college student at a liberal arts school in Vermont, she took a positive psychology course. In the class, Lea, who grew up ski racing and started mountain biking competitively in high school, read Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. She learned about the three dimensions of happiness, as described in the book. First is the simplest form, which Martin calls the pleasant life—Lea describes this as “eating a Girl Scout cookie and being happy for the next 10 minutes.” The second state, called the good life, is about finding your own strengths and using them to improve your life. Lea says she found this easily when she discovered mountain biking. “You have to be present and in the moment when you’re navigating these trails and courses,” she says. The third and deepest level of happiness Martin calls the meaningful life, which is when we use our powers for the greater good. That, Lea says, took longer for her to find. Lea graduated college in 2005 and dedicated herself to a career as a professional mountain biker. In 2008, she and her sister, Sabra, decided to start a nonprofit organization called Little Bellas, which aimed to get young girls in their home state of Vermont into mountain biking. The program took off and they now have chapters nationwide to introduce girls ages 7 to 13 to the sport they love. Little Bellas is what helped Lea find her most meaningful life. “It’s worthy to go after your goals and see how far you can push yourself, but it’s essentially a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about how fast I can turn the pedals over,” she says. “But helping these young girls become themselves and figure out what they can do, that is what brings me true happiness.” “As an athlete matures, he or she begins to recognize a world that is bigger than just them,” Jason adds. “Even the best do not find as much meaning in just performing well in the arena when they become older and wiser. This is not to say that they are no longer competitive. It is to say that winning doesn’t have the same meaning as it did when they were a rookie.” Gaining perspective Cycling, Lea says, has provided her with many life lessons. “I could get wrapped up in all the details and be very narrow focused,” she says. “But sometimes, you have to just step back and look up from the trail and realize how beautiful this place is. You have to take in the bigger picture because there’s always something to be grateful for.” So we can’t all be Olympians, but we can watch them from afar, cheer for them as they take on the hurdles of their competition. We can take a piece of their experience and let it inspire us to live more meaningful lives. “We all should tune into the Olympics because those are the people who are taking risks and putting it all on the line,” Caroline says. “When you see people giving it their best, you become awed and inspired. And when you’re awed, people tend to look up, figuratively and emotionally. It causes people to want to be better than they are already.” Megan Michelson is a freelance writer and a freelance editor for ESPN.com. She has also worked as an editor for Skiing and Outside magazines.

Self-Care

Happy on Paper?

In my practice as a therapist, I talk with dozens of people every week, and over time I have noticed a common theme: Everyone wants to be happy. Yet, many of us fail to achieve this goal, despite our best efforts. I call this the happiness crisis. You are ticking all the boxes necessary to be happy, and yet you remain dissatisfied: The dream job you worked so hard to get has a downside; you lost 20 pounds but you still have low self-esteem; your partner may not be such a good match after all. Where is that pot of happiness gold we were promised? Everything looks good from the outside A post on the Humans of New York Facebook page tells the story of a couple who landed in one of these happiness crises: “We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. We’d complete each other’s sentences. We got married two weeks after she graduated from UCLA, and we never stopped moving after that. We had our first child while we were in law school. Then we both had to pass the bar. After that we had to find jobs, and we had a second kid. At some point we just got into survival mode. It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made. We kept telling ourselves that things would get better once life settled down. We’d say, ‘Let’s just get through law school.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through finals.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through this move.’ We never communicated things that were bothering us. After 13 years, we finally decided that the time was now. Counseling was hard. But we’re so glad we went because things are better now. And we feel like we’re growing again.” Cognitive dissonance Sometimes a happiness crisis arises when things are “good on paper.” You have the mate, the kids, the car, the house, the job, your health—and you’re still not happy. Subsequently, feelings of sadness, guilt or frustration can set in. Psychologist Leon Festinger identifed that people have a need for internal consistency. We want our experiences to match up with our feelings, and we want our thoughts and beliefs to be consistent. When they are not, and instead we are twisted up in a confusing internal conflict, the field of psychology calls this cognitive dissonance. This is perhaps why the happiness crisis can be so confounding: Everything may look fine on the outside, but inside we are suffering. If you are experiencing a happiness crisis, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Have you looked at the big picture? Make a checklist of all of the things that you believe will make you happy in life. Pivot and make sure they all ring true, and be sure to acknowledge and be grateful for those big-list items you have already achieved. Then create a strategy for how you will focus on getting/creating the missing pieces. 2. Are you guilty of making comparisons? Are you dissatisfied with your partner only because your friend’s partner seems more doting? Do you feel disappointed in your job only because your sister loves hers more? If your lack of happiness is based on envy, it’s time to adjust your mindset. Research shows that social comparison will only make you more depressed. We all have good and bad things in our lives. Concentrate on Question No.1: Be grateful for what you have and then work toward getting more of what you want. 3. Have you been brushing issues under the rug while building success and happiness in other areas? The Facebook couple is guilty of doing some of this. They were busy climbing professional ladders and raising a family, and in the process they stopped nurturing their relationship, and their communication came to a halt. Once they identified the problem areas in their marriage, they were able to reconnect and came out of their happiness crisis. 4. Are you bored? Sometimes feelings of isolation or a lack of things to do can make us overanalyze and critique parts of our lives. Take up a new hobby, plan more date nights with your mate. If you have free time, reach out to friends and people in your community to see what opportunities exist for volunteering and giving back. 5. Have you changed? As we grow older, our values and ideals evolve, and we often forget to examine and readjust our goals. A friend of mine used to be “a shopper”—every time she had extra money she spent it at the mall. She realized that it had become a habit; she had a closet full of things that she didn’t wear. She had grown “numb to shopping,” and that made her unhappy. After reflection, she discovered a desire to travel and now spends her former mall time planning fun and stimulating adventures. Take stock of all of the positive things in your life and focus on the feelings they evoke. Sometimes just increasing our awareness and gratitude for what we already have can provide a new perspective that increases our happiness. Listen to our podcast with Stacy Kaiser on The Perfect Parent. STACY KAISER, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, media personality and Live Happy editor at large.

Self-Care

Is Your Fitness Tracker Making You Miserable?

If you have a love/hate relationship with your fitness tracker, then you are typical of many Americans. When you first buy the device, you are excited to watch your steps add up throughout the day. You love checking the app and charting your progress. You find it energizing to hit that goal of 10,000 steps, and you literally step up your activity, exercising more. But as the novelty wears off, you start falling short of your goal. Perhaps you begin to feel guilty and start looking around for creative ways to get those 10,000 steps in....Next thing you know, you've strapped the device on your 8-year-old son and told him to run on the treadmill! Yes, it's a sad story but not an unusual one. In the end, you found a way to hit that 10,000 steps all right, but the fitness tracker stopped doing what it was designed to do: make you healthier and more active. The agony of outcomes In January, the Journal of Consumer Research published a study that found people who consistently measured their activity with a tracking device actually began to get less enjoyment out of their movement. While the tracker was successful in encouraging people to move more, it also began to rob them of their well-being. Instead of feeling like a pleasurable break from work, that afternoon walk instead began to feel like just another form of work. “While measurement increases how much of an activity people do…it can simultaneously reduce how much people enjoy those activities,” says researcher Jordan Etkin, Ph.D. “This occurs because measurement can undermine intrinsic motivation.” By turning their focus to output, such as the number of steps or how many calories they were burning, the study found, people who used trackers lost their enjoyment in whatever it was they were doing. Read more: Making Motivation Work The measure of success Fortunately, a study published in the journal Psychology of Well-Being in June found that not all who don a device are doomed. A team led by Evangelos Karapanos of the Cyprus University of Technology discovered that how you use such fitness devices makes a big difference in the way it can affect your well-being. Those who used the trackers as simply a tool for storing information (rather than considering it a reflection of how well they were doing) found the greatest happiness with the devices. Many users were initially surprised to learn how much they sat during the course of a day, and they used this new information as a way to implement lasting lifestyle changes. Rather than feeling driven (or bullied) by their device, they actually felt more autonomous, informed and empowered. They also found psychological advantages: The Psychology of Well-Being study showed participants felt less bored and also better about their physical appearance when they wore the fitness trackers. They gained a shot of self-esteem just by wearing it because it reminded them they were doing something positive for themselves. But they also didn’t let it guide their idea of success or failure. Movement with meaning Plenty of science points to the psychological benefits of physical activity, and these two studies add a reminder that it’s not just what you do that’s important; it’s how you approach it, too. Activity for the sake of enjoyment is a double thrill for the mind and body; you get the joy of movement and the reward of doing something you love. So whether that’s playing badminton, riding a bike or mastering the latest Just Dance Xbox game, let yourself enjoy the moment. Take a walk, stop and smell the roses…without stopping to check how many more steps you need to go. Even better, take off the tracker and turn off the pressure. Maybe try rediscovering what it’s like to get out there and move just because you like it. You just might be surprised how much better that makes you feel than hitting your 10,000 steps for the day. Read more: More Fun, More Fitness Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Rowing the Pacific

Out in the middle of the vast and unpredictable Pacific Ocean, wonders abound. For the U.K. women who would spend nine months rowing across the ocean in the 29-foot carnation-pink carbon fiber boat they’d named Doris, those wonders were a balm to extreme sleep deprivation, seasickness, constant pain from pressure wounds and a few too many meals of freeze-dried beef curry. Dolphins, sea turtles, breaching whales and a friendly shark the crew dubbed “Eduardo” swam within an oar’s distance of Doris. Surrounded by an ever-changing seascape and a 360-degree horizon, “it was effortless to stay in the moment,” says crew member Natalia Cohen. “Sometimes at night the water was so still and at that the stars were reflected perfectly and we felt like we were rowing through the galaxy.” The Coxless Crew The team hadn’t known each other before this epic journey. It all began with Laura Penhaul, 32, a physiotherapist for the British Paralympics who is also a marathoner and triathlete. She had been planning to join an all-female crew that was rowing the 2,500 miles of the Indian Ocean. When that fell apart, she widened her ambitions to crossing the Pacific. Laura wanted, she says, to “find my own abilities and to challenge myself to get a glimpse of what it is you draw on when the odds are against you.” Natalia, 40, had been managing a safari lodge in Tanzania when she saw the listing Laura had placed on a website called Escape the City. It asked, “Are you woman enough to row the Pacific?” Though Natalia had no rowing experience, she loved the ocean and was a diehard adventurer. “I’ve always chosen to follow opportunities outside my comfort zone,” she says, “because I believe that’s where you have the deepest experiences and can explore the power of your mind and the human spirit.” Emma Mitchell, 30, who manages a global expedition program for schoolchildren, was the third crew member to row the entire crossing. She’d once spent four months in the jungles of Belize, studying wilderness medicine and learning how to survive with only a machete. “When the opportunity to do the row came up, it was something that I couldn’t turn down,” she says. “I have always liked to challenge myself, and I love the sense of achievement gained from doing something that scares me.” (Three other crew members each rowed one leg of the journey: Isabel Burnham, 30, is a London lawyer and ultramarathoner; Lizanne van Vuuren, 26, is an osteopath, cyclist and triathlete; and Meg Dyos, 25, works for a London real-estate office and led an expedition that climbed Kilimanjaro.) They called themselves the Coxless Crew, because they’d be rowing without a coxswain and, not incidentally, without a support boat. On April 25, 2015, they set off from San Francisco, only to have to turn back 10 days later for repairs when huge seas flooded their battery hatch, setting off a fire. They would then spend the next 257 days at sea—some three months longer than they had calculated—stopping only twice, in Honolulu and in Samoa, to stock up on provisions. Preparing for the journey of a lifetime While the six women of the Coxless Crew achieved something no one had before in rowing across the world’s largest ocean, in some ways they saw their journey as unexceptional. “Everyone has their own Pacific to cross,” they like to say. As part of their mission to help women facing especially challenging crossings, the team made their expedition a fundraiser for two U.K. charities, Breast Cancer Care and, to support service women injured in action, Walking With The Wounded. So far, they’ve raised more than $75,000. Getting to the start line of the row was nearly as challenging as the journey itself. It took almost four years before all the logistics, including finding sponsors, developing a marketing plan and dealing with legal issues, were in place. “I was really naïve about the enormity of it all,” says crew leader Laura Penhaul. “It was like setting up a small business.” There were months of grueling training, including one exercise where the women rowed for 48 hours straight to test their stamina. They also worked with a sports psychologist, Keith Goddard, who trained the women in mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy so they could maintain strong mental and emotional health throughout the row and function well as a team. Keith guided the crew to come up with team values. (They settled on “Spirit,” an acronym for strength, perseverance, integrity, resilience, inspiration and trust.) Listen to our LiveHappyNow podcast with Natalia Cohen. Testing their mettle During the journey, the Pacific was true to its reputation as the world’s most difficult ocean crossing. Doris was pummeled by four-story high waves and relentless rain while the women, who were always leashed to the boat, rowed on. Temperatures rose to 110 degrees on deck. One day Laura was hit so hard in the head by a flying fish she was nearly knocked unconscious. When the team reached the equator and the area that’s known by sailors as the doldrums, the currents were against them, and for days they found themselves moving backward. If Mother Nature provided challenges, so did the living conditions. The team rowed in pairs for two hours at a stretch in round-the-clock shifts and slept only 90 minutes at a time. For bathroom functions, the women relied on the technique they describe as “bucket and chuck it.” They slept in the boat’s two cramped cabins, each no bigger than a two-person tent. Privacy was impossible. Tempers sometimes flared, including one especially pitched argument over a packet of instant noodles. Small wonder this is a journey few choose to make. When the team arrived at the finish line at the Marlin Marina in Cairns, Australia, on January 25, 2016, after 8,446 miles on often rocky seas, they had achieved two world records. They were the first team of six and the first all-female team to cross the Pacific. Beyond limits Even more important than those records, the Coxless Crew had fulfilled their personal goals of testing themselves and stretching their boundaries. For Laura, this meant learning to value the full range of her feelings. “I used to think if you’re a leader you have to be really stoic,” she says. But the first 10 days of the trip she was too violently seasick to hide her distress. “The whole journey has highlighted the strength in showing your emotions,” she says. “Being vulnerable within your team brings you closer and allows other people to support you just as much as you’re supporting them.” Despite illnesses and exhaustion, no one missed a single rowing shift during the entire journey. “We drew strength from one another,” Laura says, “cared for each other when someone was down, drew on humor to keep us going and allowed emotions to be shared and free flowing.” When it was painful to row because of sores on hands and buttocks or it was difficult to stay awake during a middle-of-the-night shift, the team members would distract each other with songs or quizzes, by retelling their favorite novels or movies, or sharing their life stories. “You rarely have the time and the opportunity to fully listen to people,” Natalia says, “but on the ocean, we were really able to listen and be heard.” Documenting the journey Amid all the rigors of the voyage, the women were blogging regularly and keeping video journals for Sarah Moshman, an Emmy-winning filmmaker whose credits include The Empowerment Project: Ordinary Women Doing Extraordinary Things. Sarah, who had equipped the women with cameras and hard drives, is making a documentary about the journey, called Losing Sight of Shore. The title is taken from a quote by Christopher Columbus and became an anthem for the women: “You can never cross an ocean until you lose sight of shore.” Ten days before the crew completed their journey, shore was almost within sight. Emma had finally drifted off to sleep in an “unbearably hot” cabin when Natalia opened the hatch to call her up for a row. “The salt sores on my bum hurt, the salt in my clothes is making me itchy and I can’t find a comfortable way to sit,” Emma wrote in a blog post. “However, the sun is setting in a glow of orange behind us and the sky in front of us glows pink with grey clouds. The beauty still takes my breath away and all of a sudden I’m not in such a rush to get to land.” To learn more about The Coxless Crew and their continuing efforts to raise money and awareness for women's causes, got to coxlesscrew.com. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

How to Cope With Bad News Overload

If you’ve begun to feel that turning on the nightly news is an exercise in personal fortitude, you’re not alone. Recent weeks have seen the headlines dominated by both man-made and natural tragedies, from terrorist attacks to twisters to escalating racial unrest. And let’s not even get started on politics. Jump online to escape with a couple of mindless videos, and you’ll soon find yourself wading through even more bad news. Friends and family use social media to weigh in on the day’s events and you quickly learn just how different their opinions can be—and how cutting the arguments become. Frankly, it makes it hard to find your happy place. Naturally negative Our innate negativity bias doesn’t help, either. While we are naturally drawn to events that are more dangerous or tragic, we also pay an emotional toll for that attraction to darkness. Studies have shown that continued exposure to negative news can lead to anxiety, depression and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Neurologically, when we’re exposed to negative programming for a prolonged period, we begin to interpret the world as less safe. We become more aware of negative events, which then creates a vicious downward spiral for our brains. Now for the good news: While you can’t change the headlines, you can change how they affect you. “A lot of it depends on how we listen to the news and how we balance it out,” says Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energy for Your Best Life. Joseph says it begins with listening with compassion, which requires us to let go of our preconceived notions and judgments. This takes practice, he admits, but it is key to developing an understanding of why things are happening to individuals and to entire populations. Use empathy, practice kindness “Once we better understand why bad things are happening, we can mindfully turn our attention toward little things we can do to reverse negative things,” he says. That might mean offering a smile or hug to someone who is upset or feeling down. It could be doing something nice for a co-worker. Send a thank-you note to a police officer you’ve never met; buy coffee for a stranger. You won’t just make them feel better, you’ll feel better, too. “When we do things like this, we balance the interplay between feel-good hormones in our bloodstream, like serotonin and dopamine, so you feel good, virtuous, rewarded and happy,” Joseph explains. “Those changes in blood chemistry and mindset facilitate a preference for continued higher-level thinking and problem-solving. This is a win-win situation, because we are simultaneously making ourselves feel happy, but contributing to the greater good by creating a loop of energy that is humane, healing and sparkling.” In other words, what goes around really does come around. And practicing positive or compassionate acts, even in the midst of trying times, will have a genuine impact on your physical and emotional well-being. “In philosophy, this is the power of the human spirit,” he explains. “It is powerful enough to establish pathways for new procedures in the brain and, hence, new circuits in your brain to help flow into states of happiness and health.” Easier said than done? If the solution sounds too simple, try putting it into daily practice and you may be surprised how much work it takes. Again, that built-in negativity bias will try redirecting our attention, but Joseph suggests the following techniques for cultivating some feel-good energy. Start and end your day with mindful physical exercise. Jogging or a morning walk while paying attention to the beauty of nature around you is a healthy way to wake up and can put you in the right frame of mind. Likewise, gentle mindful stretching or yoga is a good way to shake off the news of the day. Take a break from negativity—and know when you’ll allow yourself to be exposed to it. Sure, you want to stay informed, but taking in negative news before you have to do something important, like going to a meeting or greeting a loved one, can alter the energy of that event. Choose your timing carefully. Know what lifts your spirit. We all have certain colors, scents and songs that we respond favorably to; create your own positivity first-aid kit and use it when you start feeling drained or sad. Of course, we all strive to maintain that balance between staying informed and becoming overwhelmed. If you feel powerless, try taking action where you can—such as giving blood or volunteering with a cause you believe in. Doing so will give you a positive sense of engagement in the face of all that negativity. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Well-Being

3 Quick Energy Boosts You Can Use Anytime

One thing we all want is an increase in high-quality energy. This is especially true when everyone is constantly trying to squeeze more out of you. It’s easy to find yourself reaching for that third cup of coffee before you even walk out the door in the morning. But wait! We’ve all experienced those high-quality energy moments of perfect flow, when you feel at the top of your game. These are moments when you are so into what you are doing, you aren’t even thinking about the task at hand; you just love it. Instead of feeling drained by the activity, you are energized, happy and satisfied you have performed your best. So where does this energy come from and how can you get more? Body intelligence is key Body intelligence helps you identify, harness and activate the energy you need to generate flowing experiences. This allows you to mix and match the right energy with the right activities in your life for higher-energy days. Your body is an incredibly intelligent machine. It works like an antenna capable of drawing energy from everything in its environment, including from within. For example, a weightlifter trying to lift 350 pounds has to tap into a different energy than a violinist playing a beautiful melody or a student trying to solve a difficult math equation. Body intelligence, essentially, refers to you and your awareness and ability to harness your body’s full energy spectrum. What you gain with body intelligence Practicing body intelligence allows you to figure out your daily energy needs. You replace energy drains with energy gains. You replenish energy while you use it so you always feel refreshed, perform your best, get better sleep, and wake up happy and ready to greet the day. Three energy bites to get started Beat midday slump. Instead of reaching for caffeine when your body is actually craving vitamin D and you’re dragging, refresh your blood chemistry with a short walk outdoors. The exercise and fresh air will revitalize you and the sunlight will melt away the melatonin (the hormone responsible for grogginess) in your bloodstream. Discover healthy environmental energies. Next time you’re outdoors, mindfully observe various sights, sounds, scents and other sensory details. When you feel a jolt of negativity or positivity, ask yourself, “What just happened?” Be specific. Can you identify why you are feeling this way? Ponder what reaction you would prefer to have in the future. Shift into a positive mood fast. Give your brain a good-mood neurococktail by looking at a photo of a loved one that you carry in your wallet or cellphone. For an extra boost, smile at your photo as you absorb the healthy currents into your body. For more on the mind and body connection, be sure to look for more of Dr. Cardillo's columns on harnessing healthy energy in the future. JOSEPH CARDILLO, PH.D., is an inspirational speaker and sought-after expert on energy teaching. He is the best-selling author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energies for Your Best Life. He has taught his methods to more than 20,000 students at various institutions. Visit josephcardillo.com or follow him on Facebook, Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., and Twitter @DrMindFitness.

Self-Care

10 Reasons to Celebrate Your Wins

When you are plowing through your to-do list, orchestrating the various demands of life, it’s likely that you will overlook what could be a major source of daily happiness: Your wins, your accomplishments, the things on your list (or off) that you have actually managed to get done. According to an article in the Harvard Business Review, there is power in small wins, and it’s the fulfillment that comes from making progress on meaningful goals. Each day you experience wins, both major and minor, but you could be moving too fast (or you are too hard on yourself) to notice. Entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk acknowledges he has a hard time celebrating wins because he “loves the climb.” But he says there is danger in ignoring both incremental wins and wins of any size. To always be focused on “what's next?” can deplete you. Once you make an effort to start noting and celebrating your wins, it can increase your sense of self-worth and your happiness. Plus, some people are motivated by celebrating stepping stones of progress. Ask yourself if you gloss over any of these achievements without stopping to take notice: 1. You exercised It’s 3 p.m. and you’re wondering where your day went. You are stressed because you still have so much more to do. While all that might be true, are you skating over the workout you got done early in the day? Exercise has too many benefits to list here, but if you did it today, that’s a win. Count it. Celebrate it. Oh, and don’t make the mistake of downplaying your heart-healthy time. If you walked, don’t beat yourself up for not jogging. Whatever exercise you completed, it’s on the board. Don’t devalue it with negative thinking. 2. You tackled a work project Most jobs involve a list of work to-do's or big projects that are not possible to complete in one day, so why do so many of us make ourselves feel bad when we don’t conquer everything by the time we go home? In her book Thrive, Ariana Huffington writes, “We often use deadlines—real and imaginary—to imprison ourselves.” By switching your focus from the undone to the done you can celebrate the completion of small tasks on the way to completing a bigger project. 3. You had a touching conversation with your child You know the moment when your child says something that just makes you melt? Soak up those moments of connection. We know that playing another round of Jenga or giving your kids a bath might not instantly resonate with you as productive time, but spending quality time with your kiddos is a big win. While you don’t need anyone telling you that time with your kids is important, when was the last time you gave yourself credit for your care and devotion? 4. You ate a healthy breakfast Green smoothie? Steel-cut oatmeal? Scrambled eggs? That's a win! There’s nothing like getting a small triumph in the first hours of your day. Notice and celebrate your healthy choice. 5. You said “No” If you said “No” to something you didn’t want to do or something that wasn’t congruent with who you are or how you want to spend your time, score one for your wins! Saying “No” can be a big deal when it’s an expression of our boundaries and values. Go ahead and feel triumphant over what you turned down. 6. You accomplished a large or difficult project Say you cleaned out your garage or finished creating a huge spreadsheet at work, but instead of taking a moment to celebrate, your mind quickly moved on to the rest of the projects that await you. Don’t determine your self-worth by what’s left on your list. (Chances are you will always have a long to-do list. Most people do.) Take notice of how your hard work resulted in a clean and organized garage or a robust and useful spreadsheet and do a little happy dance before moving on to the next project. 7. You completed a bunch of small autopilot tasks When you grocery shop, water the plants, change the bed sheets, wash the car and clean the house...take a minute to stop and think about all these tasks you complete week in and week out. You may think of it as drudge work or you may find joy, but either way, take pride in the fact that you are such a consistently productive human being who does so many essential services for your family and yourself. 8. You faced a fear If you did something that scares you—whether big or small—make sure your mental chatter pauses long enough to give you some celebratory love. Maybe you are shy and went to a networking event. You pursued a new business opportunity. Maybe you successfully quieted your mind after an anxious moment. All of these success stories might not be noticeable to others, but they are clearly wins for you. Savor and celebrate. 9. You take time to do the things you love If you are aligning your life with your values—the things you care about most—that’s a big win. Devoting some of your time to your favorite activities and experiences means you are living authentically and are more likely to be happy. Observe how your choices are creating a life you love and take time to be grateful for the role you play in making your incredible life happen. 10. You took stock of your accomplishments One way to celebrate your wins is to keep track of them and even give yourself some rewards. For example, use a monthly calendar to note the days when you worked out and schedule a massage as a reward. Applaud yourself for writing another chapter of your novel by treating yourself to lunch at a favorite cafe. Prime your environment for success. Play a favorite song or put a smiley-face emoji in your phone calendar when you have a yogurt for a snack instead of a chocolate chip cookie. (No, we're not in pre-school, but some behavior modifications work for 40-year-olds as well as 4-year-olds.) Documenting your wins gives you visible proof of what you've accomplished so that you are more likely to keep at it. It also helps silence that inner critic who tells you that you are never doing enough. If you are married to productivity, tough on yourself or future-focused, you might easily skip right past some of your small wins. It’s important to catch more of your wins because making progress on your goals fuels a sense of happiness and makes life so much more enjoyable. You're doing great—give yourself a pat on the back. Celebrate your wins! (Just not always on social media.) Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor for Live Happy.

Attractive middle aged couple leaning against each other.

Self-Care

8 Ways to Thrive in Midlife and Beyond

American society values beauty and youth. It’s a fact of life. Look at any movie—Hollywood or independent, it doesn’t matter—magazine (aside from AARP), or television show (Golden Girls went off the air a long time ago, people) and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a gray hair or wrinkled brow among them. And the portrayals you do see of older people are often hackneyed stereotypes of asexual, grouchy killjoys or someone having a midlife crisis. Change the script about getting older “Let’s change the conversation about what getting older means,” says women’s health expert Dr. Christiane Northrup in her book Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being. “Our culture tries to tell us how to move through time and tell us we only have so much time left,” she writes. She suggests rewriting the script by realizing chronological age just measures time, and by calling it getting older, not aging. “Getting older is inevitable, but aging is optional,” she writes. Let’s look at how we can challenge what we are told about age in our culture to have a more positive mindset about getting older. 1. Stop calling it a midlife crisis We should probably save the word “crisis” for the real deal and not for another pass around the sun. Plus, the bulk of research shows that there may be a shifting of gears in the 40s or 50s, but it’s often one of renewal and exhilaration, not crisis, writes Barbara Bradley Hagerty in her bookLife Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife. 2. Break routines Thrive later in life by using your foundation—your experience, resources and sense of self—to take risks aligned with your purpose. Midlife can be about renewal: taking the time to renegotiate your purpose, refocus your relationships, and transform the way you think about the world and yourself, Barbara explains in her book. 3. You don’t have to do (or not do) something based on your age Christiane says you don’t have to cut off your hair at a certain age, wear dowdy clothes or stop thinking of yourself as a useful, contributing member of society. She suggests looking for ageless role models like actress Helen Mirren, writer Margaret Atwood or singer Mavis Staples. Companies sometimes take for granted the contributions of older workers—especially women. But some research suggests that people who continue to work into their golden years can experience a greater sense of happiness, meaning and well-being than those who fully retire. Websites such as LifeReimagined.org and Encore.org are ready to help you make the most of your third act. 4. Try not to brand yourself negatively Always talking or posting about your latest ache or pain means you are dwelling on the negative, which can be a slippery slope to acting a lot older than you are. Practice having a positive mindset about your age by focusing on and being grateful for what your body can do. 5. Keep old friendships and form new ones We are born as social creatures and our need for meaningful relationships doesn’t diminish with age. No age is too old to make new friends. A close network of friends to share life’s burdens with can keep you healthier and living longer. Long-term studies have shown that our social connections can even stave off heart attack, stroke and depression. 6. Challenge what you see on TV Go to a dance club with your 40-something friends. Run your first 5K in your 50s. Start a business in your 60s. Or enroll in a class to learn a new skill at any age. Test your limits, try new things and talk about yourself with vitality and strength so you can feel that way, too. 7. Invest in your physical and mental health Exercising, doing your newspaper’s crossword puzzle or writing poetry all can help you retain cognitive function as you get older. Weightlifting helps retain muscle and bones; and cardiovascular exercise improves your heart function, your mood and the appearance of your skin. 8. Switch up how you celebrate your birthday Christiane suggests that we stop celebrating milestone birthdays because “the milestone becomes a millstone.” Instead, she suggests having “a celebration of your worth….Celebrate triumphs and the moments when you didn’t think you’d make it and did.” When you engage in life with a youthful mindset, it can open your life up to many exciting possibilities. You can challenge preconceived notions about your age and help change perceptions about getting older. While family history and environment have an impact on overall health that is beyond our control, when it comes to aging, “belief trumps genes,” Christiane says. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

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