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Let’s Be Civil

The bride and groom look lovingly at each other, savoring their special moment. Guests listen with quiet attention as the priest begins to read the wedding vows. And…is that the theme from Super Mario Bros. or just one of Samsung’s standard ringtones? Not only did a guest’s cellphone ring in the middle of wedding vows, according to a post on the Facebook page of The New York Times weekly etiquette column “Social Q’s,” but the guilty party went ahead and answered it. This anecdote prompted a series of tut-tuts, jokes and OMGs from the page’s followers, including a comment from one woman who sheepishly admitted that her own phone had recently gone off, to her mortification, at a memorial service. We can laugh, shake our heads and discreetly check to make sure our own phones are on vibrate—but the fact is, lack of civility has become a staple of modern life. In Civility in America VII: The State of Civility, an annual survey by the PR firm Weber Shandwick and Powell Tate with KRC Research, 75 percent of respondents agree that incivility has reached crisis levels in America. Whether at work, waiting in an airport security line, on social media or when dealing with neighbors, rudeness, bullying and obnoxious behavior are ever-present. And if you are an immigrant, woman or person of color, according to the report, you’ll probably get more than your share. We can do something to turn the tide, however. With our discourse and behavior as a model, we can create ripples of kindness, compassion and civility that radiate outward to family, co-workers and the community to counteract the stress hormones from negative interactions that wreak havoc on happiness and health. When we interact with others, we make a choice about how to comport ourselves. Will it be a neutral exchange, a microaggression of incivility or what psychology professor Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., calls “positivity resonance,” a positive moment shared between two people. In her book Love 2.0, Barbara, one of the pioneers of positive psychology, explains that these moments of positivity resonance can release the hormone oxytocin in the brain, and have the potential over time to change your life. “They forge new coalitions with strangers, advance your acquaintanceships into friendships and cultivate even deeper intimacy in your most cherished intimate relationships,” she writes. Alternatively, if you approach these small moments with incivility or lack of empathy, you unleash anger, contempt and the hormone cortisol, which can lead to stress, social isolation and a greater risk of heart disease and stroke. Looked at through this lens, civility is essential to our health. The word civility comes from the Latin word civitas, or “good citizenship”—the set of rules and mores that binds together a community. According to Daniel Buccino, director of the Johns Hopkins Civility Initiative, “much of our quality of life depends on the quality of our relationships at home and at work. Civility gives us the skills to be a good person, a good employee, a good family member. When civil discourse starts to break down, the sense of community can erode; people get more disconnected.” This kind of disconnect can happen anywhere, whether you are traveling, at home in your neighborhood or interacting online or at the workplace. Sideline Work Stress Christine Porath, an associate professor of management at Georgetown University and author of the book Mastering Civility, researches incivility at work and its costs in productivity and profitability. Uncivil behavior at work has become more pervasive in recent years, Christine says, due in part to the rise of digital technology. “Email is a huge issue. There are a lot of misunderstandings that can happen because you don’t have tone of voice or eye contact,” she says. On top of that, “people feeling like they are not being listened to because bosses and co-workers are looking at cellphones instead.” But the main driver of rude behavior, says Christine, is not technology, it is stress. “When I ask people why they do it [behave in an uncivil manner], more than 60 percent say they are stressed or overwhelmed. When you are feeling that way, you are not going to be as mindful.” Many employees, says Christine, “feel belittled, undermined or disrespected by their bosses.” This in turn has a negative impact on productivity. In a 2016 paper in the Journal of Applied Psychology, Michigan State University professor Russell Johnson, Ph.D., and colleagues found that those who experienced rude behavior at work felt depleted, and “this mental fatigue, in turn, led them to act uncivil to others.” In other words, incivility is contagious and costly. The same study found workplace incivility has doubled over the past two decades and cost companies “an average of $14,000 per employee due to loss of production and work time.” Companies lose out when workers expend an inordinate amount of time and energy processing and responding to these incivilities, while teamwork and collaboration suffer and turnover increases, Christine says. Travel Troubles While one-third of people surveyed in the Civility in America study say they have experienced uncivil behavior at work, 56 percent say they have experienced incivility on the road. “Road rage is the classic example of how stress and anonymity are two of the main drivers of incivility,” says Daniel. “Everyone is locked in their own little car, everyone is stuck in traffic and can’t get anywhere.” And it’s not just rush-hour traffic that brings out the worst in us. Airplane behavior has become so bad that it is now fodder for viral videos and late-night punchlines. Long security lines, delays, overbookings and anxiety about flying contribute to an overwhelming amount of stress, which then erupts into a shock of uncivil behavior. On one flight from Dallas to Montreal, according to a Live Happy business traveler, a man who needed overhead compartment space simply tossed other passengers’ luggage to the floor and dared anyone to defy him. On a flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco, Heather Puerzer’s tearful 5-year-old daughter had to sit by herself when a woman refused to switch one window seat for another so her mother could sit next to her. The layer of anonymity—knowing that we will not see these people again, or be held responsible for our actions—lends itself to a level of incivility you would not see in other situations. Be a Good Neighbor When it comes to your neighbors, you will have to see them again. And yet there seems to be a disintegration of discourse in our own communities, as well. According to the Civility in America survey, 25 percent of respondents have personally experienced incivility in their own neighborhoods. “It’s worth reaching out and getting to know the neighbors,” Daniel says. Yes, we are busy, we are working and don’t have time to hang out chatting on the front stoop. “But people are still making the effort to have a sense of community,” he says, “because at the end of the day, people feel a need to belong.” One way neighbors can easily do that is through social media platforms like Nextdoor.com and private Facebook pages. But according to Amy Blankson, author of The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-Being in the Digital Era, these platforms can be spaces not only for connection and sharing but also of dissent and bullying. A neighborhood social media page, like a neighborhood itself, is a place where a disparate group of people are thrown together, linked by nothing more than geography—not kinship, not political allegiance, not musical taste. “People are finding lost dogs or making friends [on these pages], and that is beautiful,” says Amy. “I would never want to give that up.” But things can go sour, online and off. Most of us have experienced incivility close to home. According to Margaret Pearson, when one of her neighbors in suburban Boston grew tired of his other neighbor’s dog doing his business on his lawn, instead of speaking to the neighbor, he scooped up the poop and put it in her mailbox. “I believe it’s very important to stay civil, even in the face of other people’s incivility,” says Daniel, who calls this “living one step beyond the Golden Rule—thinking about others first.” What does this mean in practice, when it comes to our neighbors’ barking dogs, our street’s limited parking spots, the tree hanging into our yard? “Think of it this way,” explains Daniel, “even if I would not mind someone practicing drums at 10 p.m., my neighbor might, so maybe I should restrain myself.” Try approaching your neighbor with compassion and the benefit of the doubt. “We want to aspire to not give our power away to someone else and not get pulled down to someone else’s level.” Keep Calm Online How can we pull ourselves out of this spiral of incivility? Some things, such as the stress of work, a mobile society and new technology are here to stay. But the way we respond and engage with them is up to us. On social media, Daniel says, “Don’t participate, don’t instigate, don’t inflame. When tempted to write that angry email, try to not say anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.” In real-life discussion, if things get heated, “you should back away,” Daniel advises. “If someone says something offensive, you can say ‘Ouch. That hurts me.’ Or ‘I didn’t appreciate that comment about me, or my co-worker.’ You don’t have to let it slide by unnoted.” But don’t escalate it into a fight. One thing you can do right away to increase civility: unless you are waiting for a kidney, put away the phone. “In the workplace, just having your phone in your field of vision decreases your focus, productivity and connectedness,” says Amy, citing a study from the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. In fact, we often relate to our phones instead of each other. A 2013 survey of cellphone users found that 72 percent of respondents were never more than 5 feet from their phones, and 33 percent thought it was OK to use on a dinner date. We use it in the shower (12 percent), and even during sex (9 percent). Suddenly the phone ringing at the wedding doesn’t seem so crazy. “We need to put these devices down to get that face-to-face contact,” Amy says. “It’s a new challenge.” Putting down the phone is the first step toward being present with each other. What Barbara found (and documented in Love 2.0) is that practicing loving-kindness meditation (LKM) regularly also greatly increases the chances of having a deeply positive interaction with strangers and loved ones alike. When you are at work and get a terse email, get cut off in traffic…stop and take a deep breath. “Just because someone else is rude and disrespectful doesn’t mean we should be,” Daniel says. “It’s difficult not to…but because we respect ourselves and others and are trying to teach our children a virtuous way in the world, we want them to see us choosing civility.” Think the situation through: Is it really that important? What if you let the other driver go ahead of you? If you don’t respond to the email? “We stay civil, not because others always are, but because we are,” Daniel says. People always say incivility is worse than ever, he says, but don’t necessarily think of ways they could help the situation. Instead, we could focus on being part of the solution. Simple Ways to Spread Civility 1. Smile and greet people warmly. 2. Listen and be present. 3. Say “I’m sorry.” 4. Don’t blame others. 5. Find possibilities, not problems. 6. Respect others’ opinions. 7. Be willing to explain your point of view. 8. Express thanks. 9. Say “You’re welcome” and not “It was nothing” or “No problem” when someone thanks you. 10. Exercise empathy. Source: Johns Hopkins Civility Initiative Emily Wise Miller is the Web Editor for Live Happy.

Practice

Practice Random Acts of Kindness Every Day

Dylan Siegel, 10, has watched his best friend Jonah Pournazarian check his blood sugar daily since they were in preschool. He was 6 when he learned that Jonah has a rare and possibly fatal liver disease called GSD Type 1b. Dylan wanted to help. He decided to write a book and sell it to help find a cure for the disease. He titled his book Chocolate Bar, a phrase he says means “awesome.” His parents helped him print copies so he could sell it at school events—then the story went viral. Two years after publishing Chocolate Bar, Dylan has raised more than $1 million. “We are on the verge of curing or treating this disease and that would not have been possible if a 6-year-old hadn’t created this book,” said Jonah’s doctor, David Weinstein, M.D. “Kindness starts with one,” is the motto of the Random Act of Kindness Foundation, known as RAK. Formed in 1995, RAK encourages people to become kindness ambassadors. They believe everyone has the potential to change the world through caring actions—just as Dylan did. And so,RAKlaunched a 14-week #CaptureKindnesscampaign and photo contest on World Kindness Day (Nov. 13). It runs throughRAKWeek (Feb. 11–17). RAKinvites participants to look for kindness in everyday occurrences, preserve those moments by snapping photos and share the pictures with the hashtag #CaptureKindness. Each week will feature a different theme and the photographer who best captures it will be awarded a bagful of swag. The weekly winners will then be entered into a drawing for three grand prizes at the end of the contest—state-of-the-art cameras for memorializing more magnanimous moments. “Kindness is all around you if that’s where you place your focus,” says Rachelle Stubby,RAK’scommunity engagement coordinator. Rachelle is hopeful this year’s #CaptureKindnesscampaign helps people notice all the goodness in the world and that it inspires a bona fide kindness movement. Need inspiration? You’ll find tons of ideas for how to spread the love onRAK’s website, including: Surprise a neighbor with baked goods. Clean up a park with friends. Take toys to kids in a hospital. Purchase extra dog or cat food and drop it off at an animal shelter. RAK has a Kindness in the Classroom program for educators and is building up its resources for the workplace as well as for parents; moms and dads can find lots of fun games and activities that teach compassion and helpfulness on RAK’s site. You can join their community by becoming a “Raktivist” (learn how at randomactsofkindness.org). Rachelle encourages people to add thoughtful deeds to their everyday routine. “When you drive to work, let someone merge in front of you. Pay a small compliment to a co-worker or ground and dispose of it,” she says. Pay a small compliment to a co-worker or friend. Pick up trash you see on the ground and dispose of it,” she says. "Kindness requires intention—and it can change the world. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor toLive Happyand the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Podcast

Attitude of Gratitude with MJ Ryan

MJ Ryan is one of the creators of the Random Acts of Kindness book series and the author of several books, including The Happiness Makeover, The Power of Patience and Attitudes of Gratitude. MJ has mastered the art of living in gratitude, and says that anyone can find more joy by applying this simple practice. She’ll teach us how we can improve our workplace, our relationships and our personal lives with a little more gratitude. What you'll learn in this episode: The value of gratitude How to practice gratitude during difficult times How gratitude can improve your relationships Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about MJ on her website. Purchase her book Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your Life. Follow her on Twitter.

work

Tackle Work Stress With These Practical Tips

The workplace: It’s where we spend one-third of each day and at least 90,000 hours in a lifetime. Research by Harvard Medical School, UCLA and the RAND Corporation found that the workplace in America is a “physically and emotionally taxing” place. What’s more, two-thirds of Americans say they work under tight deadlines, with 25 percent saying they lack the time to do their jobs. Yet, when employees have higher levels of well-being at work, everyone wins. Employees enjoy their lives more in and out of the workplace, and employers see an increase in productivity. Invest in Wellness A 2010 study published in the journal Health Affairs found that for every dollar a company spends on a wellness program, its return on investment is $3.27. Employees feel valued their company cares about their well-being and, in turn, employee performance more than doubles, according to a study by Right Management. Researchers also found employees who take advantage of wellness programs contribute the equivalent of an extra day of work in productivity every month. Toni Farris, a certified yoga instructor in Plano, Texas, teaches the art of mindfulness to businesses large and small. “We have a culture of suffering,” she says. “The more suffering you do, the more important you are.” We wear our overworked status as a badge of honor, which may lead, she explains, to a false sense of value and security. “It’s not helpful.” She should know. Before embarking on her mindful journey, Toni worked for the accounting firm Arthur Andersen, and the stress wreaked havoc on her health. Overworking yourself leads to stress, she notes. The decision-making process narrows and the quality of the work can be affected. “Strategy and balance, both physical and emotional, come from a relaxed place,” she says. Talk with your human resources department to bring someone like Toni into the office. If a mindfulness consultant isn’t an option, she offers a few tips to get you started: Be Nice Compassion is a kind of social superglue that holds everything together. Christopher Kukk, Ph.D., author of The Compassionate Achiever: How Helping Others Fuels Success, finds that compassion can create a friendlier and happier workplace, increase productivity and improve health. “When we think from a compassionate mindset, we release the peptide hormone oxytocin, which then activates the neurotransmitters dopamine (brain reward) and serotonin (anxiety reduction), which facilitate happiness and optimism—two characteristics that contribute to success,” he says. To change your mindset to be more compassionate at work, Christopher recommends changing your feelings about achieving success. “If you believe, for instance, that your own as well as your organizational successes were achieved by you alone, then you are—simply stated—lying to yourself,” he says. He suggests reflecting on how your success has benefited from others. This will make you more inclined to contribute to the successes of your colleagues. “When compassion flows, a business grows,” he adds. Get More Shut-Eye According to The Sainsbury’s Living Well Index conducted by Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research in the U.K., 50 percent of participants polled would rather have a good night’s sleep than a pay raise. Matthew Walker, Ph.D., Director of UC Berkeley’s Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab and author of the new book Why We Sleep, says that more than $400 billion in our economy is lost due to poor sleeping habits. What’s more, sleep deficits make us more prone to lying at work and other deviant behaviors. The sleepless also lack in areas of creativity, problem solving and charisma. “Every key facet required for business success will fail when sleep becomes short within an organization,” he says. One thing we can do is drop the mindset that more sleep equates to laziness. “The global sleep-loss epidemic is fast becoming one of the greatest public health challenges of the 21st century,” he says. “I hope the many chapters on the disease, sickness and ill health that comes by way of sleep loss makes this case clear.” Aside from the obvious health benefits of sleep—it builds a strong immune system, lowers risks of stroke, heart attacks, diabetes and depression—it also improves our performance at work. Employees who sleep more, according to Matthew’s book, earn more money, too. Just an extra hour of sleep can improve your financial situation. Quick Biz Tips TAKE A STAND • According the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reducing occupational sitting by 66 minutes per day can boost your mood and reduce upper back and neck pain. EAT LUNCH WITH COLLEAGUES • Cornell University researchers studied firehouses in large cities and witnessed that workgroup performance was enhanced when firefighters broke bread together. KEEP IT POSITIVE • In her book Conscious Communications, entrepreneur and author Mary Shores recommends stopping yourself when you start to think or talk in a negative way. She says that the words we use define who we are, and the negativity can spread throughout an office and even to the customer. Toni’s Tips for Tackling Stress BEFORE WORK: • Use an alarm clock with a soothing tone. Waking up in a panic is never good. • Try getting ready in the morning without the TV or radio. Incorporate more silence. • Add an extra 20 to 30 minutes to your routine so you are not in a rush. AT WORK: • Find a quiet space in your office for about 10 to 15 minutes, and use a mindfulness/meditation app. In a pinch, use your car. • After lunch is the best time to relax. Rest and digest is the opposite of fight or flight. You will feel better for the remainder of the day after a constructive rest. • If possible, let your co-workers know you need time to process any requests before committing. AFTER WORK: • Set boundaries with yourself and work. Don’t answer emails or calls after a certain time. • Turn off electronics one hour before bed. This will help your brain decompress. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

5 Simple Tips for Easing Holiday Stress

My email notification pings. I open the message to a brightly colored elf serenading me with a work party invitation. It happens to be my face pasted on the comically oversized head. “I’m serenading myself,” I think, chuckling under my breath. This is the invite to Plasticity Labs’ holiday tradition—the “holidate”—one of my favorite events of the year. For many of us, the holidays are filled with invitations from co-workers, planned events with family and all the usual celebrations of the season. The holidays can be both stressful and joyful, bundled into one emotionally charged season. Rodrigo Araujo, Ph.D., senior data scientist at Plasticity Labs, analyzed workplace stress and seasonality. He identified fall (October to December, including the winter holidays) as the unhappiest time of the year for people in the workplace. At first, we were surprised. We thought late winter (January to March) would be the gloomiest season. Obviously, our bias as long-sufferers of the tough Canadian winters played a role in that hypothesis. However, when we reviewed our earlier research, it validated why this time of year causes stress. Our emotional volatility increases during the fall for myriad reasons, but one of the biggest impacts on our stress is an increasingly busy and ever-fluctuating schedule. This causes an out-of-control feeling that can make our brains uncomfortable. But, there is a way to combat this seasonal stress, even when social pressures threaten to derail our best intentions. Most importantly, we need to remind ourselves that there is much to love about this time of year. To keep us on track, here are a few best practices to rewire your attitude (and happiness) during the holiday season. 1. Make it a team effort. Are you stressing to get everything accomplished for the holidays? Check off your to-do list during the workday with friends. Initiate “Wrapping Wednesdays” during the month of December. Order in lunch, bring in communal paper, tools and tape, and have fun gift-wrapping together as a team. Employees can have their gifts wrapped for a fee and the proceeds donated to a local charity. This saves you time, eliminates a chore and gives something back to the community. 2. Give experiences, not stuff. If your workplace participates in gift exchanges, remember that thoughtful is always more valuable. On birthdays and special holidays, we smile bomb our co-workers. Desks are covered in sticky notes with descriptions about what makes them special. It’s the gift that keeps on giving; I love rereading my notes whenever I’m having a tough day. 3. Be authentic. Host holiday events that resonate. Most companies throw a formal holiday party. It may be exactly what your employees want, but do you know for sure? If you’re a decision-maker or influencer, come up with a few ideas, poll the group and act on the results. For our holidate, we do lunch and take the afternoon off to watch a movie (StarWars—three years running). The day is simple, intimate and authentically tied to our amazing geeky culture. 4. It’s OK to say no. We often feel obliged to say yes to every holiday invite. It’s tough to turn down a co-worker and even tougher to say no to the boss. However, stress stems from being overextended. Start by asking your peers which events are of higher priority for you to attend. Now you won’t burn out trying to be everywhere for everyone. 5. Save a vacation day. Did you know that the average employee receives two weeks of vacation and leaves five days on the table every year? According to Project: Time Off, an initiative of the U.S. Travel Association, Americans forfeited 206 million vacation days in 2016. We tend to hold on to our vacation days for a rainy day, and yet, that rainy day never comes. It may seem like it’s counterintuitive to take time off work just before the holidays, but saving one day for yourself—to do absolutely nothing—will be the best way to stay energized, fresh and engaged at work. I’ll leave you with this bonus tip to ensure that you close 2017 with a positive mindset. The next time an RSVP notification pops up from a dancing elf, remember, it could be worse. Instead of groaning, practice gratitude instead. This is the time of year to be full of thanks and grace, a time to reflect on the past and look ahead optimistically to what the new year will bring. Practice gratitude to rewire an otherwise stressful time and finish off 2017 with positive experiences and happy memories. 2018 will thank you. JENNIFER MOSS is the co-founder of Plasticity Labs and best-selling author of Unlocking Happiness at Work. She’s a happiness researcher and thought leader on the topics of emotional intelligence and organizational performance and a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC, National Post and Huffington Post. Jennifer was recognized with the International Female Entrepreneur of the Year Stevie Award, and she and her two co-founders were named Canadian Innovators of the Year.

work

Develop Your Signature Strengths in 4 Steps

Do you have the chance to do what you do best each day at work? If that sounds far from reality, you’re not alone. While most of us may have moments of feeling engaged, energized and happy with our jobs, the reality is that 70 percent of employees around the globe report that most days they don’t feel engaged. But surely that’s just the reality of work, right? It turns out a growing body of research over the last decade has found that when you have an opportunity to use your strengths—those things you’re good at and enjoy doing—even for just part of your day, you’re likely to feel more confident, more energized and up to six times more engaged. And the good news is, not only will you feel happier, but this sense of well-being has a ripple effect. This means your work colleagues and customers are also more likely to feel happier. It’s a win-win outcome. So why is it so hard? Unfortunately, we are wired with a negativity bias: the bad stuff around us just screams louder and longer than the positive. This is why Ryan Niemiec from the VIA Institute, one of the leading researchers and teachers on character strengths, suggests we look for new ways to develop our strengths at work. Here are some of Ryan’s suggestions: 1. Take the free VIA Character Strengths survey In just ten minutes you’ll be able to identify your character strengths. By reflecting on the moments when you’ve felt most engaged and energized, you’ll be able to easily see how these strengths show up in your job. 2. Align your strengths to your job No matter what your job might be, you can always find ways to bring your best qualities to an activity, conversation or routine to improve your engagement. List the five things you do most frequently at work (it could be filing, leading team meetings or emailing clients). Then write down one way you can use your top five VIA strengths for each of the five work tasks. For example, it might be using creativity to end each team meeting with a new quote. 3. Subtract a signature strength It can be easy to take for granted the impact your strengths have on what you do. However, what would happen if you couldn’t use your strengths? First consider how one of your top five VIA strengths has helped you so far in life: it could be building relationships, achieving many things, or feeling happy and contented. Now, imagine that you're not allowed to use that strength for the next month. For example, if you choose curiosity, you can’t ask questions, try new experiences, new foods or search the Internet. Consider what that would be like, and how you would feel. 4. Create a strengths habit Research shows that one of the most effective ways to make a change is to create a small daily strengths habit and be consistent in practicing it. Just select the strength you want to focus on and harness your brain’s neurological habit loop by creating a cue to trigger off the habit, a routine to use your strength for at least ten minutes or more, and then make sure you reward yourself immediately for your effort so your brain learns to love this routine. For example: “When I arrive at work, I’ll spend ten minutes developing my strength of curiosity by reading something new and my reward will be getting my morning cup of coffee.” To learn about more than 70 different strengths habits, join Live Happy and the VIA Institute for the free Global Strengths Challenge. How can you start putting your strengths to work? Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author, teacher and coach with a masters in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. She has written extensively on well-being in the workplace.

Reading

Find Your Blue Zone for a Long and Happy Life

Dan Buettner’s groundbreaking research on longevity has changed our understanding of what leads to a long, happy life. Starting with his 2005 National Geographic cover story, “The Secrets of Long Life,” Dan has allowed us to accompany him on a journey of discovery into the Blue Zones where the world’s happiest and oldest populations thrive.With his new book, The Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons from the World’s Happiest People, Dan explains how to implement the Blues Zones mindset into your everyday world. LIVE HAPPY:What new insight will we gain from The Blue Zones of Happiness? DAN BUETTNER: That the organizing principle of longevity has less to do with modifying your behavior than with modifying your environment. None of these spry centenarians living in the Blue Zones said, “I’m going to diet and exercise and take supplements so I can live a long life.” But what they did was live in an environment that nudged them to movement and social connections. No matter where you are in the world, that is the underpinning of longevity. And the same is true of happiness. LH: What does the Blue Zones mindset teach us about happiness? DB: There’s a lot of information out there about changing habits to become happier, but the problem is those strategies tend not to work in the long term—and most people want to be happy for a long time! We found the statistically happiest places on the planet and then dissected the anatomy of those places that are not only producing the happiest people, but also the longest-living. Once you can identify all those facets, then you can see how to set up your life to be happy. LH: If you are unhappy with your current situation, what is the most important thing you can do? DB: Pack up and move! It sounds simplistic, but it’s been demonstrated statistically and in real life. There are things you can do—like picking a neighborhood where you can have friendships and walk to the grocery store and create an environment where you run into people enough that friendships combust out of those spontaneous interactions. You are more likely to be happy in a place where you have social connectivity; about the only thing that works for everyone is social connections. So, there are things you can do to stack the deck in favor of happiness. LH: Your book offers ways to bring a Blue Zones environment into all facets of our lives, from the workplace to our finances. What changes will we see when we start implementing some of these practices? DB: It’s subtle. In the financial realm, for example, as we realize that financial security is more powerful than consumption, we gradually shift how we spend our money. It shifts from buying “things” to paying down debt or buying insurance, and as a result, you sleep better, so you feel better. You stop worrying about what happens if something goes wrong, because you feel more secure. LH: What’s the No. 1 thing you want readers to take away from your book? DB: That the path to a happier life is via an environmental change rather than simply a behavioral one. There’s a lot of emerging literature showing that environmental changes are what will make you happier in the long run. And now we have valid science that shows us what we can do to shape our environment for happiness. Listen to our podcast with Dan Buettner: Read more: Ikigai: The Secret to a Long and Happy Life Read more: Fort Worth Kicks Off Blue Zone Initiative Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Flourishing Center

Driving Long Term Goals

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how a simple question can help you identify how satisfied you are with your life. LifeHack—Learn how a simple, proven techniques can help you achieve your long-term goals. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how Susan Chritton, the author of the book Personal Branding for Dummiesis using positive psychology to change peoples' lives. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone, and with me today, I have Susan Chritton, who is a positive-psychology-based executive career coach. She comes to us from California. She was actually part of our very first California-based CAPP program, our Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology Program. She's author of Personal Branding for Dummies, and she's doing some really unique work in the world. I'm so excited to share her with you, because she's helping utilize positive psychology, not just to increase others well- being, but also in how they think about who they are, and the impact that they make in the world. So, thank you so much, Susan for being here with us, and thanks for creating the time. Susan: Great Happy to be here. Emiliya: So Susan, tell us a little bit about your work in the world. Susan: So, I began as really a career counselor and found that I worked so much with people in career transition, which I still do, and I still love that, but I was always frustrated that we weren't doing more work with people in the workplace to help them be happier where they were, and flourishing really, using our terms here in positive psychology. About in the early 2000s, soon after it [positive psychology] started, I started taking classes and learning more about personal branding and have really incorporated that so much into my work and career. Then a few years ago, I think it was 2015 when I did that Positive Psychology Program, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, this just gives me even more of what I was looking for to help people in their work, and to bring in the positive of how they are best working with themselves." Emiliya: Awesome, and really people on the line might not be familiar with what it means to work with a career coach, or work within personal brandings. So, would you give us a little bit more information about what does that look like, and what does all of that mean? Susan: As a career coach, there are many places that someone could come in and work with you. It could be early on in your career, even or, in a career transition or when you're really trying to figure out, who are you? What do you know how to do? What might be a good place for you in the world, with your set of skills? Over the years, I've worked with a lot of people, just helping them figure out how do they use who they are in the world in a really practical way. So, moving on kind of along the lines, it could be that people work with a career coach to build the tools they need to take that out there. I would say the work that I'm doing today, as I have evolved in my own career, is I work with a lot of pretty senior-level executives, who know who they are, but often need to be reminded. I would say, a lot of my clients are often in their kind of, I would say between late 40's and early 60's, and they're really now doing a big shift from just achievement, to taking their values into the workplace. Taking their values into the way they lead people. That's when I really bring in the piece around personal branding, is that we really look at who are they? How are they seen now? How do they want to be seen, and how do they live a more authentic life? And this is where I do bring in a lot of positive psychology in helping a person look at that, and then identifying how do they want to use that in the world, in a very practical way? Right? So, it's not just like, "Oh, you know, I want to do good in the world." That's great, but we also look at a very practical way about, what do you have to offer, and how do you do that? Emiliya: That is so cool, Susan. Thank you for sharing that. How are you integrating positive psychology research and skills, into that kind of work? Susan: I would say, the first answer that pops in my head, and the place I use it the most is around the strengths. So, in the engagement piece of our work in positive psychology, I use a lot of work around strengths, and I love the combination of using Strengths Finder, along with the VIA Strengths, the Values In Action Strengths, to look at both, what strength do you have that motivates you from within, and what strengths do you have that are talents, that show up out in the world, that are easy for you to do, that come really naturally? So, I would say, the first place I use that is there, and I'll give you a quick story, because I think that stories always illustrate things so much better. I have a client who is a transitioning-out CEO of an educational company. We did a Strengths Finder and he has like strategic and futuristic, and what struck him as odd was that when we did the VIA Strengths, leadership showed up in the bottom third of his strengths. He said, "This really bothers me. I'm a CEO of a company. Part of what I do is leadership." What he said after our discussion as to what motivated him was not to be a leader. What motivated him was being curious, was being creative, and he loved to lead to bring those things out in other people. Emiliya: So cool. What impact did your perspective make on him? Susan: It was really interesting because he had this sort of look of stun on his face, and he goes, "Oh, my gosh. That just changes the way I think about everything." And he said, "All this time, I've been framing that it's all about leadership, and I realized that leadership is just the avenue. What I'm motivated by really is the psyche of curiosity and creativity." And he said what it did, what shifted for him was he said, "I don't need to be a leader to do that." So, it broadened in one sense, the possibilities of what he would do next. He was thinking he needed to show back up as a CEO, but what he really came up with was, "I just need to do really cool, creative work in the world, and if it happens to be with people, I'm good." It was a big shift in that, and I would say, other pieces just kind of go back to your original question, which is how else do I use positive psychology? I look at it often with my clients, because I look at it as really a toolbox, and I listen carefully to what they're looking for, where they're at. What can I pull from my positive psychology toolbox to say, how can I better serve this client at this moment? A lot of times, it could be around the life satisfaction pie. It could be about the idea of optimism and pessimism. So, different things, and I really do look at it in a way. I do actually, I have another kind of funny story is. I have another pretty senior-level client who was being fairly stubborn in his things. I said, "Have you ever heard of that fixed versus growth mindset?" And he goes, "No." And I said, "Well, we need to have a chat about that." That was an interesting one, and that opened up a lot of doors for him to actually start to examine, where was he kind of set in his ways? Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. A number of our listeners may not be familiar with fixed and growth mindset, so will you give us a high-level overview of what you shared with him, and what impact that it made? Susan: What we were looking at is Carol Dweck's work, and so she's written a book called Mindset, where she looked at a fixed mindset, and that is where intelligence is static. It's where people see things in a certain way, and don't necessarily look to challenge themselves to have a growth mindset, which is about intelligence can be developed, and how do you persist when you have setbacks? And things like that. But it's more than that. It's also about challenging your assumptions. For him [my client], it was going from that judging place, which is more of a fixed mindset, to more of a learning mindset. Emiliya: That's exactly what the research, I find, to be the most compelling, is the difference between focusing on judging and proving, and moving it into learning and growing. Like the saying says, that a fixed mindset focuses on showing, whereas growth mindset focuses on learning. Susan: One of the things I really try and do too is, and I think that this is why I was drawn to be a career coach versus maybe other things, I'm very practical, and I always like to say, "Okay, how do I move this from theory to practice? How do I look at taking what I know how to do, and giving people really practical tips?" For example, like the idea of willpower is that you tend to have more willpower in the morning. So, a very practical tip is when you have big decisions to make, try and make them early in the day, before you get too stressed or tired, because you tend to not make as good as decisions then. Unless you have filled yourself up back at lunch with good food, and maybe a little walk around the block, or whatever it might be, but ideally it's that place of, try and make big decisions when you have more willpower to think them through. Emiliya: Awesome. I'm curious, what are some of the positive psychology practices that you utilize the most in your life, that nourish you? Susan: Well, lately this summer, I've been really focused on my health, and just really looking at, what do I need to do to replenish myself? I realized that I had been pushing myself actually for a number of years, and I would say, more than any other time in my life, I let myself have space to just kind of get my own balance back in play. There are many things that I do. Along with that, it's just sort of savoring the moment. That's a positive psychology piece that I do a lot, which is just try and enjoy things. Enjoy my food. Enjoy my walk. I don't even take, this is terrible, but I don't even take my dogs on a walk with me, because that is like, my time where I just look around at the trees, and I wave to the neighbors as I walk, and I listen to all the music I want to listen to. That kind of thing. Emiliya: I love how you are so aware of what you need, and are able to give yourself that sense of self-care. I think it's such an interesting place to even just be able to say, I don't take my dogs for walk because- Susan: I think one of the challenges that sometimes we face in choosing our own self-care is the sense of guilt. For the parents to take the time to practice self-care, if they're not utilizing that time with their children, or for me to take a walk and not bring my dog, because I feel like I would feel guilty that I should be, but instead to think about all the ways in which we need to nourish and feel ourselves first. Emiliya: I'm sure when you come back from that walk, you're much more present to your pet, than you would be otherwise? Susan: I probably am. I have two new kittens, and pay a lot of attention to where they're heading, like the potted plants. I think it's even just, like whereas before I would look at things like even having kittens, and the havoc that they cause. I'm just so enjoying watching them play. I think a big piece of having to working with positive psychology is, and I feel like I'm always been pretty present to what's around me, but I pay even more attention now. Even things like, if I have a down day, I'm just like, "Okay, this is really normal." If anything, and this sounds again, sort of bringing everything back to a singular place, but to me, this is all about permission to be human. Including when I'm not having a great day, and also really accepting who I am, which is I do look at things kind of academically. I was always kind of a different mother, than a lot of the women in my neighborhood, and I just really accept that, because that's really who I am, and it's OK. That's what I love about this whole thing is that who you are becomes OK. Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. I'm curious, in what ways has positive psychology supported you in overcoming any obstacles or challenges, that you've experienced in your life? Susan: Well, I would say even a bigger one I've been working on is, I tended to be more of a pleaser, right? Like I would do things to try to please people or maybe sometimes give up too much a piece of myself to kind of keep that place. Maybe this is not a good advertisement for it, but I have decided that I need to first and foremost, be true to who I am and I've really let go of some of the people that it's not more of a reciprocal relationship, and that's been really healing for me too. I have found that again, and that permission to be who you are, it actually started quite, it was in some ways opening up a big Pandora's box to really look at everything, and saying, "What works for me? What doesn't work for me, and how do I be true to that, including being loving?" I feel like love is one of my top VIA strengths, and it's even in that way, what does that look like? Another piece I've been really playing with and actually thinking about using in my work. I've used this one in a huge way the idea of what the trust equation is. So, the idea of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, over self orientation equals trustworthiness. I have been playing with that one. I don't know why that particular piece of learning really stuck with me, but I play a lot with that about the credibility, reliability, the intimacy. How much we share with each other, and then also, the self orientation, like how much of it's about me? How much of it is about them? How much of it becomes about us? Even looking at that from a, like even social media. I think that that's a huge place to look at. Where do we lose trust in social media, and things like that? Emiliya: I'm such a huge fan of that trust equation too, and for listeners on the line, I'll do it again first, just so that you could digest this. This is the research that comes out directly from the business world. Actually looking at, what does it take for people to feel that another person is trustworthy? And that it has these four components of intimacy. How much is the person lets themselves be seen? It's a credibility. How credible are you around what you're talking about? How credible are you in what you are trying to propose? How reliable are you in the way that you show up, and how much are you oriented around yourself versus others? This equation that has the numerator, being made up of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, divided by self-orientation. The self orientation being on the denominator, and that yes, when we have people who focus so much just on themselves are broadcasting themselves, without a real connection to the people that they're trying to share their work with. We're going to lose our sense of trust. We might not necessarily know why that is, but we'll feel it and I'm right there with you, Susan. I love this research because it's one of those things that we usually feel when we really trust someone, or we feel that we are not really quite sure why I don't trust you as much, but then to have somebody laid out for us in a very specific way, is so helpful, because then it makes a lot of sense. Susan: I think the first place we go to often with trust is, do I feel like they're lying to me, or can I trust what they say? What I like about this equation is it really does break it down into these components of being able to start to understand yourself even, how trust shows up for you on a personal level with that. I think the other piece of my work as a career coach is, I do do a lot on meaning and purpose, and looking at, and of course that is a huge component of people wanting to find more meaning and purpose in their work. Emiliya: How do you support them in doing that? Susan: For starters, I really kind of dissect for them, what are they looking for? What I often see is that people are looking for some grandiose purpose of saving world peace, or that everyone has food on the table. A piece that we look at is, what's their role in that in breaking it down into really some bite-size pieces, that they feel purpose more on a daily basis than because they have an accomplished purpose, than if they're still having purpose. Like often people look and say, it's all about accomplishments or achievement with purpose, and actually that's not so. It's more around connection to your role in the world. That's a place I often play with. Emiliya: I love that. That purpose is something you do. It's not just something you have. It's a choice. It's not the goal that you've accomplished, as much as everyday I'm living my life with purpose in doing purposeful things. Susan: Right. Purpose could be opening the door for somebody that's struggling, and the fact that you're there to help. It doesn't have to be grandiose. Actually, you can find purpose in every single day, if you pay attention. Emiliya: My last question is, Susan, I'm curious if you find that you have any words to live by, or any grounding motto for yourself, that you love to live by? Susan: Well, my very favorite one was from a fortune cookie, probably about 20 years ago. It was, "Life is a precious gift. Do not vegetate." So for me, it is that life is a precious gift, and for me, being a person of action, it is about do not vegetate. It doesn't mean that I can't occasionally do that, but anyway, that's a little motto that I really do live by. For me, it is about taking who I am out into the world, and trying to live by those principles. Emiliya: Awesome, Susan. Susan, if people wanted to find out more about your work, your publications, where would they go to find you? Susan: I have a website. It's just my name so, it's susanchritton.com, and then also, just I'm on Amazon, and barnesandnoble.com for Personal Branding for Dummies. There's some information there as well. Emiliya: Thank you so much for being here with us, Susan. Susan: Great. Thank you, Emiliya. It's always a pleasure to talk to you. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's Science Says, Life Hack, and Practitioner Corner. For more information on positivepsychology, the science of happiness and well- being, visit our website, theflourishingcenter.com. Learn about how you too, can bring positive psychology into your home, your work, and your community at large.

Practice

33 Ideas for Giving Back

“Do not run after happiness, but seek to do good, and you will find that happiness will run after you.” — James Freeman Clarke 2. Read 365 Ways to Live Generously By Sharon Lipinski. 3. Watch Same Kind of Different As Me. 4. Listen to the Live Happy Now podcast “EPISODE 53: BIRJU PANDYA ON GIVING BACK.” 5. Fill the red kettle. 6. Give blood and register as an organ donor. “I believe...that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another.” —Thomas Jefferson 8. Read Altruism: The Power of Compassion to Change Yourself and the World by Matthieu Ricard. 9. Watch Wonder. 10. Listen to “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers. 11. Donate your gently used items. 12. Offer to shovel an elderly neighbor’s driveway. “There is a sort of gratification in doing good which makes us rejoice in ourselves.” —Michel De Montaigne 14. Read The Power of Half: One Family’s Decision to Stop Taking amd Start Giving Back by Hannah Salwen. 15. Watch A Christmas Carol. All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.” —Anna Quindlen 17. Give back the gift of song. Go caroling! 18. Buy gifts from B Corps this holiday season. 19. Become a foster parent to rescued dogs or cats. 20. Listen to “Turtles All the Way Down” by Sturgill Simpson. 21. Give a gift subscription of Live Happy to someone you love. 22. Be part of the solution on #GivingTuesday (November 28). 23. Read The Power of Kindness: The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life by Piero Ferrucci. 24. Listen to “Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)” by George Harrison. 25. Leave 10 $1 bills in random spots in the dollar store for a lucky shopper to find. 26. Help clean up your town. 27. Volunteer at your local library or public elementary school. 28. Bake holiday cookies for your neighbors. “Human service is the highest form of self interest.” —Elbert Hubbard 30. Read Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie. 31. Bring Thanksgiving to your workplace. 32. Read Radical Generosity: Unlock the Transformative Power of Giving by M.J. Ryan. “The greatest pleasure I know, is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident.” —Charles Lamb

Flourishing Center

Cognitive Reappraisal

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology withThe Flourishing Centerpodcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about the relationship between genes and depression. LifeHack—Learn how to ruminate less and reappraise more. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how one company uses positive psychology to take care of their employees' wellbeing. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya: Hello and welcome to the practitioner's corner. Today with us we have Jeff Thomson from Northbrook, Illinois. He is the lead performance coach for Energy for Life at Allstate Insurance Company. Fun little factoids about Jeff, he is one of 10 kids in his family. And, he has been to 69 Dave Matthews Band concerts. But who's counting, right Jeff? We're so happy to have you here with us. In our 5i Change Agent Model, you're an implementer. You're utilizing positive psychology within an organization, and we're so excited to learn more about what brought you to this work and how you are helping people bring positive psychology into their day-to-day life. Jeff: Thank, Emiliya. I'm so happy to be with you today. Emiliya: Jeff, tell us. What brought you to this work? Jeff: I think, first off, probably a lot of self-work and just life experiences that had me on a search for more happiness and fulfillment in my own life due to just life circumstances that had me in the dumps at different times. That pursuit I think, ultimately, just led me forward and learning more about the science of happiness. Emiliya: Tell us more about how you work at Allstate right now. Jeff: My job for the last six plus years at Allstate has been implementing Energy for Life. It actually comes from an organization called the Human Performance Institute, based in Orlando, Florida. That's part of Johnson and Johnson. They developed a program, a two and a half day workshop called The Corporate Athlete, that uses a four dimensional view of energy management. Looks at spiritual energy, emotional, mental, and physical energy. Allstate has been one of their chief champions of the work and has been licensing their content under the name of Energy for Life at Allstate now, in different variations for probably upwards of 10 plus years. Emiliya: It is so neat to see organizations be bringing these types of programs in for their employees and to be investing in human potential and human capital. What are some of the impacts that you've seen these programs make on the people that you work with? Jeff: There's so many amazing success stories or testimonials that we get from over the years of training, or delivering the content to our employees. We've now had ... Today over 22,000 employees have gone through the program. One of the things I always like to say about it first and foremost is it's a free opportunity. It's not a requirement for employees to go through, it's just a free gift that Allstate offers to its employees to really make an investment in them and their lives in a multidimensional kind of way. What I love is that the stories that come back are very multidimensional in in of themselves. You'll hear all sorts of success stories of people that have made some tangible changes around the physical dimension. They have started a new exercise regimen, or they've shifted their eating habits. The stories that always impact me the most, though, are the ones that are more relational in nature where, you just hear stories of a mother, a father, who reengages with their kids differently because they learned about the value and importance of full engagement, and bringing your fully energy to a singular task or person. Just a lot of success stories in that regard. People have shifted careers because they just really realized that their spiritual energy was out of alignment with something they valued and really wanted in their lives, so they make a career change. Yeah, the stories really are endless. Oftentimes, it's life transformational, what we hear from people. Emiliya: That is incredible. Even so cool to hear the word spiritual be referenced within an organizational setting. Jeff: Yeah. When we deliver the program, we even go the extra mile of really helping people because we know that that probably, for some people, could create discomfort, to your point that it's not something that would commonly be used. If it makes people feel more comfortable, we'll offer synonyms for it. This is what the ... What matters less is the word we use, and more is what's a part of this dimension of energy, which is really around your purpose and having a sense of purpose and clarity of what matters most to you in your life so that as you have that, working to align elements of your life with those things that matter most to you. What we commonly find is for many people, those things have just gotten out of order either accidentally or they haven't paused really in life to try and understand their north star, or taking participants through a series of reflective exercises to develop that. It's usually an intimidating exercise for someone to write that mission statement, but even the process of getting them to think about what do they want their legacy to be? Who are the people and what are the things that matter most to them in their lives? Are not common questions that people reflect on, particularly at work. Giving them that space to make that investment in themselves and make some deep connections in that regard and walk out of there with either a much clearer sense or a slightly clearer sense really helps people make some of the behavior changes that they made be looking to make in a more tactical, tangible level. Emiliya: So cool, Jeff. Thank. What are some of the ways that recently you've been integrating positive psychology? Jeff: I think what was really neat for me is that my story really was so much self-discovery and self-taught. I went out and I probably purchased over 100 books on happiness just because I really started it as a selfish mission for myself, of having been depression at different points in my life because of a difficult relationship breakup or something. I just was really in hot pursuit of how I could feel better. Then, from that, as I just saw my own application of that build my own muscles of resilience and how to live a happier life, it became more altruistic from there and just, "Okay. If these are skills that one can learn, how do we make that more known to others?" I became very purposeful from a career perspective to find work that would allow me to bring this to the world so I could serve as a catalyst to others, and saw a great opportunity at Allstate that was already investing in this program that seemed so deeply aligned with where I thought I could bring value. It was really from that that in my discontinued evolution of trying expand my thinking in the space and thought leadership that led me to so much of the science seems to point back to this field. At the time I knew very little about it, positive psychology, but now I feel much more connected to, largely through my experience being in the CAPP program. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. I'm curious, what stands out for you as some of the more poignant positive psychology concepts that you've learned? Jeff: A big one for me was around meaning. I joke, when I deliver the Energy for Life workshop, that I created a mission statement of my life probably 15 years ago that was two pages long, about eight paragraphs in length, and I was so proud of it after I had developed it. It was this mini manifesto for myself. What I came to realize in the years that followed was that I still made a lot of poor life choices or ones that didn't align fully with that, and I think it was because I wasn't so clear on it. I eventually whittled it down to a one word ultimate mission, which is happiness for me. But I think now, looking back to when I started in CAPP, my mission statement was short-sighted because I think I was really missing out on the meaning element of happiness. That's really one of the big concepts that really helped shift things for me, was learning more about meaning and meaning's role in creating a life. A flourishing life. How there's meaning available in every moment, should we choose to see it in so many small ways. I think ... I almost walked away from CAPP with that as a challenge to myself. Like, how can I seek more meaning in just day-to-day moments? A big part of that being ... Also connected to that was the storytelling component. I like to use the term storytelling because so much of our experiences based on the stories we create for ourselves about our life experiences. I try to be very intentional about both creating a story that can explain what's happened to me in a way that really serves my growth moving forward. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Jeff, I'm curious, what are some of the obstacles you see for bring positive psychology into the workplace? Jeff: I think it's probably, on some level ... I think language is really important. Just how you had a reaction to the term spiritual, and you know that that's not such a commonly used word in corporate America, or corporations. I think that same could be true of using terms like positive psychology. People have a reaction to that. That's interesting now that I'm so deeply into it, like, I don't even think about it anymore, but I occasionally get that reaction where someone chuckles in response to me using those words. I think being really deliberate about the language we use to describe what it is in a way that's more accessible to people. In a way that sounds more naturally desiring and minimally causes curiosity versus judgment, hopefully. From that, I think, big thing that I try to focus on is how to hook into and talk about it in a way that will get a positive reaction from most. Talking about the demands that people face in their lives, that demands are increasing. People can relate to that. They just feel more naturally under pressure or stressed, or just needing some kind of lifeline to help make their days a little bit better. By connecting first to what the pain points are for someone, I think, is really useful to them saying, "Oh, you mean there's a toolkit? There's a toolbox of things that I could do and practice and be deliberate about? Really build some muscle around that helps make elements of my life even just a little bit easier or better than that? More fulfilling and meaningful?" I think that's a hook that's pretty attractive to many people. But if you can't first connect with them around where they're pain or disturbance is in their life, I think you could end up just missing each other. Emiliya: Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that perspective. I'm curious, what are some of the self-care practices that you personally utilize that sustain your wellbeing? Jeff: For me, there's so many and I feel like that's part of what's valuable, is I try to always remind myself and then also the team that I work with. We have to start with self. If we have to apply the very things we're teaching others, we have to be in active work doing the self-work. That's hard, right? But that's also where I think we show up as way more real to the people that we bring this to. I feel like I benefit from so many different strategies. An example of one that I've experimented with based on the referral from someone else in the CAPP program is I started 2017 by downloading this five minute journal app, which allowed me to take my gratitude practice really to a whole other level, by starting my day and being deliberate about three things I'm grateful for. Three things I want to achieve or how I want to operate in the day, work that around my intentions, and then doing that same practice for a couple minutes at the end of the day to think about what were the best parts of my day, and then what would I have done different. Just those triggers to really cause me to pause and reflect and appreciate. Gratitude is a significant one for me. The physical dimension that came more naturally to me from being involved in athletics. I oftentimes underestimate it, but if I pull myself away, I realize that it's really at the core of what helps me to have physical energy throughout my days. Getting my exercise in, being conscious of what foods I eat and what I'm putting in my body and knowing that that has so many effects, positively or negatively, how I show up over the course of the day. Just, again, the practice of full engagement. That is daily work. I've got two young daughters at home, and it's easy for me to come home at the end of a difficult day, same with my wife, and just not be fully attentive to a conversation that's unfolding in front of me and end up showing up as half that husband or half the dad that I want to be in those moments. Really being deliberate, like, if I'm cooking dinner, try to stop cooking dinner. Turn the burners off if I need to, to just really engage in the conversation and be fully present. Anytime I can just practice full presence in a moment, that is one of the most valuable self-care strategies that I've ever learned. Because the beauty of it is it's both self-fulfilling ... It's so appreciated by those that you're with too. They see that you just show up. I can tell how I'm just in this moments, when I'm really there with my daughters or my wife. It's a great validation of why I need to keep practicing that. Another self-care strategy that's been really valuable for me is the importance of taking breaks throughout my day. One of the things I've learned from HBI was the recommendation around every 60 to 90 minutes that we oscillate our energy in some kind of way, whether that's mentally, emotionally, physically, to just take some kind of break. To push away from whatever it is that you're working on. I've found so much value of just one, getting up and physically moving around my office space. Walking, getting my water bottle refilled, that's a nice way of doing multiple good things for yourself at the same time. But I also love ... I follow inspiring thought leaders on Facebook and sometimes if I have two stolen minutes between conference meetings or something, I'll just stop and read an inspiring article on Facebook. It just adds great fuel to my day, to the next thing that I'm going to walk into. Just being really deliberate about taking time for yourself throughout your day I think helps you to have more energy at the end of your days. Emiliya: That is so true, and I think of the times when I'm speaking about mindfulness within an organizational setting. I'll sometimes say to a group of people, "If I'm thinking about something else or I'm not present, you guys can't tell, right?" I'll demonstrate it where I just stand there and I look like I'm smiling at them, but I demonstrate that I might be thinking many thoughts in my head that they might not know about. Most people nod their head that yeah, you can't tell if someone's mind has wandered because technically you can't read what they're thinking. You can't see what they're thinking. But then I ask them to pause and I say, "But, do you really know when someone is present with you?" Then after a moment people go, "Yeah, yeah you do." Because you can tell the energetic shift and especially with children. It's such a gift to give them to know that what they say matters to the adults that they care about, that cares about them. To give them the gift of your presence. Jeff: It reminds me of a story when both my daughters were younger. This was probably five plus years ago, but when I'd come home at the end of the day, there was a time when my younger one would run up to me and would want to tell me about her day, and because my wife works as well, I'm the first one home, I'd commonly pick her up and I'd set her on the counter while I start putting dinner together. I would say, "Annabelle, tell me about your day." All of a sudden, time would pass and I'd realize that I had heard nothing of what she just said to me. I'd be like, Okay, bad dad Jeff. Ask her again. "Annabelle, how was your day?" This would happen multiple times and I was just realizing that I wasn't really hearing her. Then, over time I saw that she stopped coming up to me when I'd come home at the end of the day. This really causes some level of heartbreak for me. Like, "Wow, my youngest daughter doesn't get excited when Dad comes home anymore. What have I done to contribute to this?" I started being deliberate about when I would come home of sitting her on the couch next to me, or taking a knee and really connecting with her eye to eye. What I saw ... These weren't long conversations. Usually they were just a couple minutes of really just practicing connection, and I remember that after doing that enough times, it change again. All of a sudden, Annabelle was running to greet me at the back door. I was like, "Thank you for getting it right and paying attention enough, Jeff, to realize that you were contributing both to the problem, and now you're contributing to a much more meaningful solution now. Where, she's excited to have dad come home at the end of the day." Emiliya: So beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing that. Jeff, I'm curious, how would you define what it means to flourish? Jeff: Great question. I think, to me, it's all about being able to reflect on your days and believe that you matter to other people. That you were present enough with them to have an impact. Small, medium, large, however it may show up. But to me, that's the more my journey has continued, the more I realize that it's not so much about myself as it started with, about me finding happiness, but that that comes more naturally as a result of me really making investments in others. That, to me, is flourishing but again, there is this self piece, to your question that I love, around self-care that I have to be selfish enough to make sure that I'm taking care of my own wellbeing so that I can be the best I want to be and aspire to be to the people that come across my path and my life. When I know I'm doing that, the right balance of taking care of me so that I'm showing up to others the way I want to, that to me feels like those are my flourishing days. Emiliya: Any tips or recommendations you would make for people who are interested in positive organizational cultures, or how corporations could begin to learn from what you are all doing at Allstate to bring positive psychology into their workplaces? Jeff: I think, certainly, reaching out to organizations, like a human performance institute, or The Energy Project is another one, doing very similar work. Just understanding what they offer. You can try and build this yourself in an organization, and that's probably the cheaper way to go, but there's probably all sorts of potholes and roadblocks with that plan, versus going out and talking to organizations that already have really constructed a multidimensional framework, and have really made organizations a primary target audience that they work with. Just something I've really appreciated, knowing that they existed. From there, there's a lot to learn then from other organizations. I love opportunities to talk to peers that work in other industries that use HPI. It's a great opportunity to learn how they've done their rollout, where they have challenges, it's all the same kind of ... Any change initiative, it goes back to the common things around having senior leader sponsorship, change champions in an organization making this into different parts of the organization so it's more than just a workshop. There's all these sustainability challenges that any organization would face, even after you've trained 22,000 people, leaning on other organizations that are already trying to solve for many of the same challenges, I think has been a ... One, it's just a great support system, but two, so many valuable insights that you can go back and then try experimenting with and applying in your own organization is really helpful. Emiliya: Earlier, we said that you serve as a coach within your organization, the lead performance coach. What does that role entail? Do you do a lot of the training, or do you actually do one-on-one work with individuals to help them implement their work? Jeff: Yeah, it's almost misleading in that regard in terms of how we traditionally think of a coach, which is more of that one-on-one relationships. At Allstate, while that's the title of the role, it largely shows up in terms of the delivering workshops to, on average, probably somewhere 20, 25 participants, employees in the organization. The coaching that I think I do has less to do with that formal role, and probably a lot more to do with the role I play to the other performance coaches on my team, or just other people, stakeholders that I get to know through the organization. But yeah, that's more the informal part of the one-on-one coaching versus a formal capacity that I serve in. Emiliya: Got it. Yeah. One of the challenges I think the coaching industry faces is the use of the word coach, and how we keep coaching as coaching. Jeff, if people want to follow up to learn about you and your work, any way that they can be in contact with you? Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. I would relish the opportunity to meet more people and expand my network in any way possible. The best ways to reach me would probably be via email, jeff.thomson@allstate.com. Or, by phone. 847-840-8385. I welcome the additional connections and opportunities to share what I've learned and learn from others as well. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Thanks for being with us today. Jeff: Thank you so much, Emiliya. I really appreciate the opportunity to share some of my story. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's episode. We hope that you'll take away a renewed energy around reappraising your thoughts, and that when stressful events happen, the mediator between being at risk for winding up feeling stuck and depressed, is not just having a genetic predisposition but it's the ability to work with our thoughts, to do less rumination and thought suppression, and to spend more time reframing our thoughts. If you're someone who finds that it's a harder thing for you to do, know that these are all skills that we can build. I hope that you've taken some inspiration from learning about Jeff and seeing that there are organizations throughout the world that are doing their best to invest in their employees' wellbeing, and that there are strategies and skills that we can take on to self-care so that everyone thrives together. Thanks for listening. We hope that you'll share this podcast with others that you think will benefit from it.

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