Woman complaining to her boyfriend.

Cut the Complaint Habit

Everyone complains. Whether it’s about being stuck in traffic, baking in the sun at a sporting event, or rising prices and bills piling up, we all do it. While complaining is inherently negative, it does have some value—it is a social unifier. People can, and often do, bond over shared complaints. When the lines at the grocery store are long and slow-moving, you might complain to the person in front of you and develop a connection. That happened to me recently, and the woman and I ended up chatting so much that we found each other on Facebook while walking out of the store! This type of complaining experience is positive: We vented, connected and made a friend. The trouble begins when complaining becomes part of your personality and starts a cycle of negativity. I have one friend who opens every conversation with a gripe. Even, “How are you?” elicits a list of complaints about everything from her kids and her husband to not having enough coupons for Bed Bath & Beyond. Being around her becomes tiring, and even she admits that so much complaining leaves her drained. So, when is complaining helpful and when it is hurtful? To find the answer, I have created two categories: positive complaining and negative complaining. Here are some examples of how complaining can be used in a positive way: Complaining can act as an emotional release. There are times when holding in our feelings can create stress and anxiety. If you are struggling at work with a difficult colleague or client, venting or complaining to a trusted co-worker can help you manage, and sometimes even problem-solve, the situation. If you are worn out because your kids are waking you up early or won’t get ready for school, complaining to them will probably not help the situation, but often sharing with a friend who can relate and sympathize will at least make you feel better. Complaining can help you rally community, social or emotional support. Speaking out about problems at home, at your job or, on a wider scale, at your local school or in your city can bring support from and connect you with like-minded people. You may even find that you can band together to effect change. Websites such as change.org have become large platforms for people with similar “complaints” to work together to take action and create social change. Complaining can build rapport and make connections. As I mentioned in the grocery store example above, complaining can be a way to bond with others. In my work with businesses and organizations, one technique we use often is a focus group. Employees sit in a room with me, without upper management, and are given an opportunity to vent about issues and brainstorm suggestions to improve the workplace environment. These meetings are not only effective for the company, but I have found that the employees also feel a sense of unity with one another afterward. Complaining can lead to problem-solving. When we take time to focus on what we are upset about, it inspires us to improve the situation. I often tell couples to make a list of their gripes about each other so they can begin to problem-solve in order to improve their relationship. Here are examples of negative complaining: Getting caught in the cycle of complaint. When we complain, we often hope for two things: that someone will listen and that someone will fix the situation. When you get caught up in the cycle of complaining and miss out on the action step of actually trying to solve your problem, you may feel frustrated or even helpless. Unless you are just venting and you know it, when you launch into a litany of complaints, think to yourself, do I have a solution in mind or am I just ruminating and focusing on the negative? If there is something you are unhappy about, how might you change it? Complaining so much that it impacts your mood. Negative thoughts can cause negative feelings. If you spend too much time in a dark state of mind, constantly focusing on what is wrong in your life, it can impact your overall feelings of well-being. If you find yourself in a complaining cycle or are faced with situations that make you want to lament often, make an effort to infuse more positive thoughts into your life. Complaining about issues we cannot control. While complaining sometimes helps with problem-solving, this is not true when we have no control over the troublesome situation. This kind of complaining can put us into a loop of negativity in which we feel stuck and helpless. I once had a client who regularly focused on the fact that she had poor vision and needed to wear glasses or contacts. She focused on it so often that she would get upset every morning when she would get ready to go out. Her husband began leaving the house before she woke up to avoid her complaining. Mornings were so bad, she confessed, that she did not want to be around herself either! If you find yourself in this type of dilemma, work on ways to accept things you cannot change and put your energy into things that you can change. Read more by Stacy Kaiser: How to Give Advice and 10 Ways to Turn Around an Argument So Both Sides Win Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling bookHow to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Knowand an editor at large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
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The Dog’s Guide to Your Happiness with Garry McDaniel

Garry McDaniel is an award-winning professor teaching courses in leadership, organizational behavior and management. He has written books on leadership strategy, conflict management, and most recently, The Dog’s Guide to Your Happiness: Seven Secrets For a Better Life From Man’s Best Friend.  Garry is a frequent on topics such as developing leadership skills, how to create an inspirational workplace, life balance, and what humans and businesses can learn from dogs to improve their lives. What you'll learn in this podcast: Seven attributes of dogs from which humans can learn and build their own happiness What is keeping you from being happy now Steps you can take to improve your feeling of happiness and fulfillment Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of A Dog's Guide to Your Happiness Share your stories with Garry about what you have learned from your dog
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#HappyFacts: Music is Medicine, Joy is Contagious

Each week, Live Happy Radio presents #HappyFacts designed to enlighten, educate and entertain you. Here’s a look at what we’re talking about this week: Music is medicine Next time you need a boost, reach for your iPod. We’ve all experienced first hand how music can put you in a better mood, but those side effects may go deeper – and last longer – than we realize. While you may consider it ear candy, it’s really a treat for the entire brain and body. Music influences the part of the brain associated with our emotions and arousal states, which is why it can help override emotions like anxiety, anger and depression. It also automatically helps our brains organize our motor states, which has been useful in helping people with brain injuries “remember” movement. And, if you need more reasons to reach for a happy track, there’s even research that shows listening to music that makes us happy also makes the people around us appear happier. How’s that for an instant cure for the blues? Read more about finding happiness in your headphones Joy is contagious If you’re happy and you know it…you’re probably making others around you happy, too. The British Medical Journal found that people who are around happy people are 15 percent more likely to report being happy than those who aren’t. Basically, we’re emotional sponges and we pick up on the happiness and unhappiness around us. Every unhappy friend you’re around increases the likelihood of your unhappiness by about 7 percent. The more happy friends you have around you – and that includes social contacts, spouses and family members – the happier you’re going to be. Choose accordingly! Learn more about spreading joy in the workplace Could this be your happy place? Naples, Florida, once again took the top spot in Gallup’s State of American Well-being poll, which named it the best metro area for well-being in the U.S. Several factors help make Naples such a happy place, but researchers pointed to the city’s perfect mix of community well-being, such as liking where you live, feeling safe and having pride in your community. You don’t have to move to Naples to find your happy place, but it’s important to know what community factors affect well-being. Other considerations include liking what you do for work each day and being motivated to reach your goals, having good relationships and enjoying good health. Explore Bhutan—one of the happiest places in the world What do you like most about the community you live in? How does it contribute to your well-being? Join the conversation!
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An anxious woman with her face hidden on a couch.

On Edge Looks at Living With Anxiety

As a longtime health reporter for The Wall Street Journal, Andrea Petersen was perfectly positioned to write a book on anxiety. But that wasn't the only thing motivating her to come out with the new book, On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety. Since Andrea’s college years, she herself has suffered from chronic anxiety. In On Edge, she deftly combines straightforward reporting on the history and current state of anxiety research with a candid memoir of her own pain and perseverance. We caught up with Andrea to ask her a few questions about the book. LIVE HAPPY: What made you want to write this book? I wanted to put something out in the world that would have helped me when I was 19 and had my first panic attacks, and I had no idea what was going on with me. The book is meant not only to provide information, but also to offer a sense of understanding. I have been a health reporter for a long time. So while I had this personal goal that I wanted to offer empathy and solace, I also realized this was a very exciting time in anxiety research. With advances in neuroimaging and genetics, scientists know so much more about what’s happening inside the brains of anxious people than ever before, and those breakthroughs are already starting to lead to new treatments. I realized there is a good story here, and I wanted to combine the two. I wanted to provide recognition for people who suffer, but also take my reporting experience and put that to work. LH: Who do you see as the primary audience? There are 40 million Americans who will at one point have an anxiety disorder, so that’s a pretty big group of people. It is written for people who suffer from anxiety, but also for the people who love them. It was always difficult for me to explain to someone what it feels like to be anxious. We all get anxious to a degree, but the persistence of it, the relentlessness, the inability to be reassured, can be incredibly maddening to someone who hasn’t experienced it—almost incomprehensible. I wanted to explain to the spouses, the parents, the friends, what it feels like. LH: Is anxiety getting worse in our society, or does it just seem like it? That’s the complicated question. Anxiety has been with us forever. It is laid over our ancient inner threat-detection system, which evolved to keep us alive [fight or flight]. But when I spent time with students at the University of Michigan while researching the book, I had a realization that it’s much harder to get into a top college than it used to be. It’s more expensive; there is a lot more pressure to keep grades up. And a college degree is no longer a guarantee of a good job. These kids came of age during the recession and that is top of mind for them. They have to get the right internship, the right job... The summer after my freshman year, I worked as a waitress at an Irish bar. That would not play well today. Those kinds of things do add a lot of stress. Then again, there is also just less stigma today. When I was in college, I didn’t know a single person who was seeing a therapist. I didn’t know one person who was taking a psychotropic drug. Now students talk about going to therapy, even having a mental illness, without fear of how people will see them. LH: Anxiety is often closely tied to depression, but in your book you stay clear of depression. Is it possible to have one without the other? It’s true that anxiety and depression are often linked. For me, I felt that depression had been covered already by some wonderful books, like Andrew Solomon’s Noonday Demon, and others, while anxiety was a little bit less explored. I definitely have had episodes of anxiety when I was also depressed. During my college years, I got to a certain point in my anxiety when I felt like couldn’t live like that anymore. And the comorbidity is strong. But I had to focus the subject for the book, and anxiety is such a big and unwieldy topic already. LH: What would you say to someone in college today who is suddenly hit with panic attacks as you were? Go get help. Go talk to someone at your college counseling center. Get appropriate help. I ended up in a psychiatric emergency room—I was suicidal, and they gave me several sessions of psychodynamic therapy. I am a huge fan of psychodynamic therapy, but I thought it was so irrelevant at the time whether or not I was angry at my father! Now, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is the first-line treatment. It gives you skills, such as how to ratchet down the negative thoughts. Mindfulness is also a great tool. I am terrible at meditating, but I love yoga. But for acute panic disorder, I would recommend medication and CBT. LH: Are you concerned about becoming ‘The Anxiety Person’? Yes, and that was why I am in awe of these young people I met at the university [of Michigan] who let me use their full names and even their pictures. And I do worry a little how they will fare in the world. I asked them, “Do you worry about how being so candid about mental illness will play out in the working world?” And they say, “A company that would discriminate against me—that’s not a place I want to work.” I have confidence that these same young people who are transforming their college campuses along with the faculty and staff will also transform the workplaces in terms of the taboo. Personally, it took me this long to “come out” and tell my story because I feel like I have a 20-year track record as a reporter at the Journal. My whole goal of doing this is to help other people who are in the same shoes I was in. I don’t know what the blowback will be, but I can handle it. On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety is available at Amazon and wherever books are sold. Read more: 10 Best Books for Depression and Anxiety and 3 Expert-Tested Tips for Tackling Anxiety Emily Wise Miller is the web editor for Live Happy.
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Man meditating on a mountain.

Jack Kornfield Finds Freedom in the Moment

Jack Kornfield says he’s never seen a time when people are working so hard to live more fully. But for too many of us, living more fully is synonymous with cramming in more activities or events. As a result, we’re actually missing out on the lives we’re trying to enjoy. “I felt like this was the time to talk about finding freedom where you are,” explains Jack, whose 15th book, No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are, was published May 16. “[People] want to know how to attend to our children, attend to those we love, to our work—but to do it with an open heart and a vast, wide-open spirit.” The best-selling author, and one of the leading teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practices to the West, says, “Living a simpler life is really an invitation to become more fully present,” he explains. “We spend so much time lost in thought, either worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, that we miss out on the moment.” But one day, today will be the past we’re looking back on, and he encourages each person to find the mystery and magic this moment offers. “If we can take a breath, a sort of mindful pause, and say, here I am entering my workplace, or fixing my child’s lunch, or planning my work agenda…if we can take that time to feel our bodies, notice what’s happening out the window, maybe even take a little walk, then we find that we are living in that moment.” Listen to our podcast with Jack Kornfield: Breath by breath Messages from traditional media and social media remind us that we’re missing out, but he says the real “missing out” comes when we’re not living in the present. “Our culture wants us to get more and go more places and do more, buy more—it’s always more, more, more.” The result is that we may be constantly busy but perpetually drained. And, instead of enjoying what we’re doing, we’re thinking about the next thing on our to-do list. “What helps is to understand we’re really not going anywhere,” Jack reminds. “Where we’re going is to be where we are. This [present moment] is God’s gift to us. So it’s not about doing more or getting more, it’s actually being present more.” The mindful pause While mindfulness—or what Jack calls “loving awareness”—can be difficult to master, it is easy to practice, and that’s really all it takes. It begins, he says, by taking two or three loving awareness pauses during the day. “In one minute, you can reset your compass,” he says, explaining that it is as simple as taking three or four breaths and quieting yourself for a moment. “Feel your feet on the ground, be wherever you are, and take those breaths. And then, ask yourself, ‘What is my best intention for this next moment?’ And in that simple pause, your heart will answer.” While this mindful pause will have an immediate effect, slowing down your heart rate, breath and mind, it will also have a longer lasting effect as you begin practicing it more. “There’s a quality of awareness that makes everything go better,” he says. “When you stand still and let the mind quiet just a little, the heart softens, the body is present and your intuition opens. From that, all kinds of possibilities open.” Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.
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A winning college baseball team.

How to Win Like an Underdog

Until June 30, 2016, Coastal Carolina University had never won a national championship in any sport. That all changed in Game 3 of the College World Series at Omaha’s TD Ameritrade Park. In the bottom of the ninth inning, pitcher Alex Cunningham struck out Arizona’s Ryan Haug—securing the title win for the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers and giving the first-time College World Series participants the chance to raise the coveted trophy. “I completely blacked out for a solid two-and-a-half minutes,” Alex says. “I saw myself on the interview, and I don’t even remember taking that interview.” His excitement is understandable, especially when you consider that no College World Series team had won the title in its first appearance in the finals in 60 years. “From the day we walked in there, we were kinda playing with house money,” says Gary Gilmore, Chanticleers head coach. “There weren’t a whole lot of expectations by all of the prognosticators—we were big-time underdogs in that whole deal.” Yet Gary and his coaching staff focused on factors outside of others’ expectations. “There are so many things that we can’t control,” Gary says. “The things we can, we want to be in complete control of: things like our preparation, how we do things to get ready for the game—things as simple as what time we go to bed at night. We don’t let the situation become bigger than life to us.” Take the pressure off One way the team maintained focus was simply by relaxing. “I don’t think anyone on our team felt pressure,” Gary says. A big reason for that: Gary discovered a newfound calmness in his coaching career last year, a trait he says came over him once he started reading the Bible every day. “I think the calmer I was, the calmer the team was,” Gary says. “There were several times in the playoffs when we did dumb things, and maybe five or 10 years ago, I would have come in the dugout and slung a helmet, let out some profanity and blown off steam. This time, I’d say, ‘Hey guys, not a problem. We’ll get them the next inning.’ ” After a hard loss in Game 1, Gary remembers praying for the right words to say to his crew. He walked into the locker room and started clapping in front of his bewildered team. “I told them that I was in the locker room of a national champion, and here’s what we’re going to do for the next two days.” Gary relayed who would pitch, who would relieve and what kind of success they were going to have. “I knew I had to make them believe that we could do it. We had lost, but we weren’t out.” And believing, it turns out, made all the difference. “Talent is on a piece of paper,” Gary explains. “We weren’t the most talented team there, but we played the best. I’ve coached one or two other teams that on paper had significantly more talent. And yet this team found a way to make it work.” Root, root, root for the underdog It’s no secret that most people love to pull for the underdog. Countless studies have backed up this phenomenon, including one published in 2007 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. When 71 participants were asked which imaginary team—one ranked higher than the other—they hoped would prevail in an Olympic swimming event, 75 percent said they preferred to see the lower-ranked team win. “People love to be awed and inspired,” says Caroline Miller, a certified professional coach and author of Creating Your Best Life and Getting Grit. “It’s built into our DNA.” She says the inspiration we feel when we see people outperform themselves causes us to release oxytocin, frequently referred to as the “love hormone”—which makes it easy to see why we get so attached to underdogs. This affinity for the “little guy” extends beyond sports. Southwest Airlines, Apple and even political candidates have gained notoriety and loyal followings due to underdog status. That makes you wonder: What if we could tap into the mindset of underdogs? What enables them to overcome the odds, and how can it be developed? In his 2013 book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell explains how we often overlook the advantages that go along with being an underdog. He writes: “It can open doors and create opportunities and educate and enlighten and make possible what might otherwise have seemed unthinkable.” How sweet it is It turns out, we can learn a lot from all types of underdogs—whether we’re talking about a College World Series team or two self-described “hippiedippy” 20-somethings with a love of ice cream and breaking the rules. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield met while running track in seventh grade gym class, the two slowest of the pack—quite fitting for the duo, as their underdog status would follow them into adulthood and eventually be their claim to fame. By the mid-1970s, Jerry had tried unsuccessfully to get into medical school, while Ben had dropped out of college and attempted to become a potter—only no one wanted to buy his pottery. The solution: They liked hanging out, and they liked eating, so they decided to go into the food business together. Their two favorite foods were ice cream and bagels, and since the machinery required for bagel-making came with a much heftier price tag than that of ice cream, the decision was simple. At war with a behemoth In 1978, Ben & Jerry’s first scoop shop opened in Burlington, Vermont, and beloved flavors like Chunky Monkey were born. As their local popularity began to grow, the pair began to package their ice cream into pint containers and sell it to restaurants and mom-and-pop shops. By the early 1980s, they had set their sights on their first major market: Boston. As they approached store owners there, they learned that business representatives from Haagen-Dazs—which sold to the same supermarkets—had issued an ultimatum to store owners: If they agreed to sell Ben and Jerry’s product, then they would not sell them Haagen-Dazs, a major moneymaker for the distributors. Ben and Jerry filed a class action lawsuit against Pillsbury, Haagen-Dazs’ parent company, but drawn-out legal battles weren’t a viable option for the small company. They knew they would run out of financial resources before the more established business. So what’s an underdog to do? “Ben and I learned to use every tool possible as underdogs, and the biggest resource we had was people,” Jerry says. “We didn’t have money. We didn’t have size to leverage. We had the opportunity to use our people to make a difference.” And so they got creative. The company launched the storied “What’s the Doughboy Afraid of?” campaign, taking out signs on buses, designing T-shirts and including an 800-number on the product packaging. Customers who called were treated to an answering machine message of the co-founders explaining the situation. If they left their address, a campaign bumper sticker was mailed to them. Taking their underdog cause to the streets ignited a passionate following, and Pillsbury soon backed down due to public pressure. These days, Ben & Jerry’s, which became a Unilever subsidiary in 2000, operates some 600 scoop shops in 35 countries. The company maintains an independent board of directors to “ensure we’re making the best ice cream possible in the best way possible,” as stated on benjerry.com. “There’s a curiosity that helps when we’re in that underdog mindset,” explains Michelle McQuaid, best-selling author and workplace well-being teacher. “It goes hand-in-hand with the strength of creativity and being willing to try new ways of doing things, rather than accepting that there’s only one path to success.” Also key to an underdog’s success is maintaining that mindset even after finding success. “In terms of what we spend on marketing and sales, there hasn’t been a significant change from when we were a small underdog business,” says Sean Greenwood, the “grand poobah” of public relations for Ben & Jerry’s and a nearly 30-year employee. “That forces us to be creative and keeps pushing us to use that underdog mindset in the marketplace.” Ben and Jerry didn’t fit the mold of your typical businessmen when they launched their ice cream business nearly 40 years ago—and it has made all the difference. “Embrace who you are and make that your strength,” Jerry says. “We wanted to be ice cream ‘for the people,’ and not an elegant treat just for some. Hold on to your beliefs. If you don’t like the way the model is, then think about changing the model to fit who you are.” A growth mindset Everyone has had moments of success—those times when we’ve pulled something off that we’ve been working really hard toward. Our brain is flooded with happy endorphins, and we never want the feeling to end. What we probably don’t realize, though, is that the high we gain from continued wins can be incredibly addictive. An interesting thing happens when we become accustomed to success. “Neurologically, it changes some things in our brain,” Michelle says. “We start to attach our success to our sense of identity. Then we can begin to fear if we’re not the winner, who does that mean we are?” That’s where underdogs have the upper hand, since they’re not burdened with that addiction to success. “The underdog mindset takes the pressure down,” Michelle says. “It changes the way our brains are working chemically, and it opens us up for learning and growth.” Taking the focus off winning and instead turning our attention toward learning and development is what psychologists call having a growth mindset—a key ingredient to an underdog’s success. Underdogs try harder Louisa Jewell, a well-being teacher and founder of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, says this kind of thinking actually feeds winning behavior. “When you’re an underdog with a growth mindset, you think ‘I don’t have it yet. If I work harder, if I practice more, if I persevere in the face of obstacles, I can get better.’ ” A fixed mindset, on the other hand, leads people to believe they either have it or they don’t—not leaving much room for improvement. “When we have a fixed mindset around our talents, then it doesn’t really propel us into action,” Louisa says. “It doesn’t really motivate us toward behaviors that allow us to work harder and believe that we could one day be the winner.” Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., is a leading researcher on growth mindset. In her research, she discovered that high achievers without a growth mindset eventually plateau and achieve less than they’re capable of because the anxiety tied to their previous successes becomes overwhelming, leading them to stop taking risks. Those with a growth mindset, however, go on to achieve high levels of success in all areas of their lives since they understand that it’s best to keep learning and growing. “It’s not that we don’t love a good outcome when we’re in a growth mindset,” Michelle explains. “We just prioritize the learning over the outcome. The funny thing is, the less we attach to the outcome, the more likely we usually are to get the desired outcome.” According to Caroline, people are often further motivated when they don’t quite get to the finish line the first time around—a concept researchers refer to as the psychology of the near miss, which is a type of failure that comes close to being a success. Take Alex, who before throwing the winning pitch in the 2016 College World Series had lost his high school state championship game three years in a row. “That definitely lit a fire in me that hadn’t gone away until that final pitch of the World Series,” Alex says. Like Alex, those who have authentic grit—another ingredient to an underdog’s success—will be inspired to come back and work harder. Caroline describes authentic grit as the passionate pursuit of hard goals that allows us to take responsible risks and promotes flourishing. “There’s a modicum of failure in everything that we try to achieve,” Gary says. “If you stay with it, every time you get knocked down gives you that much more resilience to come back and fight twice as hard.” Underdogs—and anyone striving for their goals—must also have a strong support system, Gary says. “All of us fail at really anything we try to do in life the majority of the time. We’ve got to have help from above, great friends and great family there to support us.” Don't worry, be happy Studies show us that for athletes to perform at their best, it helps for them to have fun and play in a carefree way. “Carefree doesn’t mean careless or caring less,” says Mike Margolies, chief operating officer of Mental Training Inc. and author of The Athlete Within You. “It means you’re focused on being present.” Think about it this way: Top dogs are usually in a no-win situation. If they win, that was expected. If they don’t, it’s a huge upset. Those in the favored position are under more pressure so they don’t always perform at their best—an advantage to the underdog. “An underdog’s confidence will start to rise because their expectations are pretty low,” Mike explains. “That means they’re going to play at a higher level because they can play carefree.” Winning for the underdog is a bonus, since they don’t face the same scrutiny as the top dog. “It was easy for us to play with confidence because we didn’t have that bar already set for us,” Alex says. “We were just having the time of our lives. There were no expectations to live up to.” Don't forget your 'why' The benefits of having fun aren’t limited to sports. In 1979, one year after being in business, Ben & Jerry’s developed two company philosophies: one focused on giving back to the community, and the second being, “If it’s not fun, why do it?” This importance on having fun is still a huge part of the company’s DNA, but the philosophy was phrased as a question on purpose. The co-founders say there were times with their startup business when 80-hour workweeks were the norm and fun wasn’t always on the agenda. The key is to know why you’re doing it. “You have to have a sense of passion,” Michelle says. “It’s really hard to persist as an underdog if what we’re chasing isn’t meaningful to us, because otherwise falling down just gets too painful for most of us.” Whether it’s launching a business, winning a sports title or achieving the countless other goals that lie within us, we’ve all probably felt at one point like insurmountable odds might get in the way. Luckily, lessons learned from successful underdogs can help guide us on our own paths to success. “If you’re going to be elite, every now and then you’re going to have to be an underdog,” Caroline says. “If you’re an underdog, it means you’re definitely not guaranteed a win—you’re shooting for the moon. Everyone should learn how to do that.” Amanda Gleason writes regularly for Live Happy magazine. Check out her other stories The Birthday Party Project Gives Homeless Kids a Day to Sparkle and Make-a-Wish: Where Science and Hope Meet.
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Coworkers having a conversation.

Your Company Is Having the Wrong Conversation

How often do you have conversations about strengths in your workplace? Researchers suggest most workplaces spend about 80 percent of their time pointing out weaknesses and ways to fix them, and only about 20 percent of their time spotting strengths and ways to build on them. But should this number be flipped? Research also shows that when you have the opportunity to use your strengths—those things you are good at and enjoy doing—at work each day, you are much more likely to feel engaged and energized in your job because you believe you’re making a difference and that your work is appreciated. And, most importantly, you feel that you are flourishing at work. So, over the last two years Live Happy, the VIA Institute on Character and my company have run a one week Global Strengths Challenge to give people across the world the opportunity to find ways to consistently put their strengths to work. Our participants took the free VIA Character Strengths Survey to help them identify their top five signature strengths, and then we used our knowledge about a simple neurological habit loop to give them an easy way to design an 11-minute “busy-proof” strength habit. This habit consisted of a: 30 second ‘cue’ which triggered the habit (e.g., arriving at work) 10 minute ‘routine’ (e.g., reading a new interesting article, for the curiosity strength) 30 second ‘reward’ (e.g., getting a morning coffee) We found that after taking part in our Global Strengths Challenge approximately a third of the participants reported feeling more engaged and energized (37 percent), making a difference (30 percent), respected and valued (30 percent), and flourishing (38 percent) at work. Consistent with other findings, people reported that the opportunity to use their strengths at work each day made the biggest difference in terms of feeling engaged and energized on the job. This result was amplified when employees were also able to engage in strengths-related discussions with their supervisors. Managers play an important role in helping make workplace conversations more strengths-focused. For example, The Corporate Leadership Council found that when managers focus on the strengths of their employees, performance improves up to 36 percent; whereas when they focus on their weaknesses, their performance declines by up to 27 percent. So how can you make conversations more strengths focused while still addressing areas for improvement? Try these three simple steps: 1. Look for people’s strengths Look for the moments when people are more engaged, energized and enjoying what they’re talking about or doing. Often their bodies will start to lean into the conversation, body language may become more animated and the tone of voice and pace of speech tend to be uplifted. Can you see their curiosity, creativity, humor, honesty or perseverance in action? If you’re not sure, ask your people to complete the free, 10-minute strengths survey atviacharacter.organd have a discussion about the results. 2. Develop people’s strengths: Give employees the opportunity to develop their strengths as they go about their job each day. Help them to use their strengths intelligently by showing them where they might be underplaying, overplaying or getting their strengths just right. Being strengths-focused doesn’t mean you have to ignore weaknesses or poor performance. What it does mean is that you have other tools, like looking for ways to dial an existing strength up or down to make performances a little easier and more effective and enjoyable. 3. Give strengths-based feedback: We all share a deep psychological need to be respected, valued and appreciated. So instead of just saying “Thanks,” and leaving someone wondering what they did right, try to tell them which strengths you saw them using and why you valued what they did so they feel confident to replicate the behavior again. For example, “Thanks for your curiosity (one of the 24 character strengths) in that meeting; the questions you asked helped us to have a more robust conversation.” What can you do to create more strengths-based conversations in your workplace? Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author, teacher and coach with a masters in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. She has written extensively on well-being in the workplace.
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Woman at the gym.

10 Top Health and Wellness Trends of 2017

Step aside, green tea. You’re so 15 minutes ago, paleo. Sorry, kale. There are some new health and wellness trends taking center stage this year. If you know what “athleisure” means (or you are wearing fractal-patterned leggings as you read this), you probably already know some of this year’s trends. We’ve reached out to experts to get the skinny (pun intended) and find out which fun or befuddling health practices will be coming our way this year. 1. Make time for recovery More people are taking muscle recovery seriously after hard workouts, says national fitness trainer and founder of Get Healthy U Chris Freytag. “Baby boomers still love to work out, but I think people are doing things like foam rolling, more yoga, acupuncture and cupping (an ancient practice of using bamboo or glass suction jars to enhance circulation and relieve pain). People are choosing more natural ways to take care of their muscles after a hard workout rather than taking an anti-inflammatory,” she says. 2. The new happy hour Going sans-alcohol is the new cool. Look for more bars and restaurants that feature fun, healthy “mocktails”—cocktail-like beverages made with fresh seasonal ingredients but minus any alcohol. More people are touting the health benefits of living permanently on the wagon and this is leading to social gatherings with a focus on connections over cocktails. Some of the health benefits in addition to no hangover? Abstaining from alcohol can mean improved mental clarity, less body fat, a better mood, enhanced quality of sleep and improved relationships. If that doesn’t make you want to put down your glass of red wine, we found this compelling: Some experts say your life’s purpose can sometimes be masked by even moderate alcohol consumption. Going dry may be the new non-smoking. 3. Fitness anytime, anywhere “In today’s world, where everyone is time-starved, health-conscious, individuals sometimes struggle to be as active as they’d like to be,” says Chuck Runyon, CEO and founder of Anytime Fitness, “our job as fitness facilitators is to help others lead healthier, more active lives whenever they can find the time—be it in the gym, at work, at home or while running errands.” Like other mobile workout businesses, Anytime Fitness has become less gym-centric, working to meet clients where they are. “We’ve also learned a great deal from millennials and that’s why we’re using multiple social media platforms, and a new mobile app, to coach and connect with our members. Imagine providing each of your customers with a personal wellness coach in his or her pocket.  That’s precisely what we’re aiming to do.” 4. A hot mug of bone broth While kombucha was last year’s magic elixir, bone broth, packed with minerals, is the healing tonic of choice in 2017. Mark Sisson, the author of the book The Primal Blueprint, calls bone broth an original superfood. The suggested health benefits are myriad: improved immunity, better sleep, improvement for a leaky gut, increased energy and a more youthful appearance. Mark writes, “A bone broth habit may allow you to enjoy the benefits of a diet rich in animal protein—good body composition, superior recovery from training, strong bones, overall robustness—while avoiding the downsides.” Where do you get this primal concoction? Look for bone broth bars, order it online or make it at home by roasting animal bones—beef, turkey or chicken—overnight with veggies. Enjoy a mug of the broth served hot. 5. Unplug using technology Yes, tech can help us chill out. Start by downloading and using some of the great meditation apps available, such as Calm, Buddhify and Headspace. There are apps that remind you to breathe  and whole gadgets made just to monitor your vitals for stress, such as the WellBe. “People are stressed and becoming more educated on the benefits of deep breathing and meditation even if just for a few minutes during the work day,” Chris Freytag says. Yes, our amazing, addictive devices have become a huge cause of stress and anxiety. Why not also let them help solve the same problem? 6. Veg out and get your protein Old school eating meant meat was the center of your meal and your main protein source. Modern nutrition is all about getting protein from plants. “Plant-based diets are becoming more common,” says Hillary Goldrich, a registered dietitian based out of Asheville, North Carolina. “Eating plant-based meals can improve inflammation, heart health, cholesterol and weight,” Hillary says. “Seeds such as chia, hemp and flax that provide omega-3 fats have become pantry staples. Protein-rich grains such as quinoa, amaranth, sorghum and teff are more accessible. Nuts, beans and avocados provide fiber, healthy fat and protein. Add these healthier proteins to a colorful array of vegetables and fruits, throw in some spices and herbs and you get a flavorful, well-rounded meal.” Meatless Monday may extend further into the week! 7. Don’t toss out the ugly apple Ugly produce needs love too. Social awareness regarding food waste is moving to the forefront, Hillary says. NPR reported that there was enough food waste last year in the United States to fill 44 skyscrapers. “People are seeking ways, on small and large scales, to reduce food waste and repurpose foods,” Hillary says. There’s a movement to love ugly produce and grocery stores are getting in on the love. You should be able to find some bruised and misfit fruit and veggies at Whole Foods and Walmart stores this year. Don’t judge a veggie by its looks. By buying them, you're helping ease the landfills and save the planet! 8. Health meals delivered  Want to whip up some butternut squash agnolotti for the family? Order up your meals and just follow the prep and cooking instructions. “Home cooking has seen a surge and continues to be on trend with the meal delivery service market growing,” Hillary says. “The ease of making a healthy, complete meal in conjunction with pre-measured ingredients and step-by-step instructions make these services overwhelmingly appealing. The competition seems to be keeping costs reasonable.” Hello Fresh, Plated and Blue Apron are some of the most popular meal delivery options. 9. Mindfulness is ever-present Mindfulness remains a focal point of yoga and meditation, but is now increasingly available as an immersive multisensory experience at wellness centers around the country. These spas aim to heighten your senses and increase mindfulness using sound healing, visualization techniques and aromatherapy. The Spa at Mandarin Oriental in Boston, for example, launched a multisensory experience this year designed to “restore health and a sense of well-being,” including sound therapy inspired by the ancient healing art of Himalayan singing bowls. Enjoy vibrations and harmonious tones meant to restore balance and energy. Mindfulness vacations and Zen retreats, once niche escapes for Buddhists and seekers, are also becoming more mainstream. 10. Gym clothes at work? Last year “athleisure” went from being a momentary trend to a lifestyle. Now it’s common to see people wearing fashionable and comfortable workout wear not only outside the gym (at the supermarket, in line at Starbucks), but also crossing over to the final frontier: the workplace. Athleisure is coming to cubicles and offices across the country. More of us are leading active lives and don’t have time to change shoes once we get to the office, let alone entire outfits as we dash to appointments or head to yoga class after work. “Business casual” is about to look—and feel—a whole lot more comfortable. Just think, soon you might be able to wear the same outfit in the office as you do to morning boot camp. “Workleisure” may be the new casual Friday. What new health and wellness trends are you seeing? We’d love to hear from you! Talk to us in the Comments section, below, or on Twitter or Facebook. Read more: 8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise. Listen to our podcast Mindfulness is Pure Awareness With Meditation Ex Jon Kabat-Zinn. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
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Woman looking at her phone.

Amy Blankson’s Tech Survival Kit

Does technology hurt our ability to be happy or can it actually help? With the proliferation of smartphones and the internet, Amy Blankson, co-founder of the global positive psychology firm GoodThink, says the answer to this question will define our time. In The Future of Happiness, Amy, a Harvard graduate and Yale MBA, reveals five strategies to harness technology to increase happiness and thrive in the digital age. LIVE HAPPY: What inspired you to write your book, The Future of Happiness? AMY BLANKSON: My brother Shawn Achor and I joined forces to create GoodThink in 2007. Gradually, the questions we heard at our talks began to change. Instead of uncertainty about the economic health of the world, we began to hear concern about our how technology is shaping our lives and those of future generations: Can happiness keep pace with innovation? Would we be happier without tech? How do we find happiness in spite of all this distraction? This book emerged from those real-life conversations with individuals across the globe, across economic boundaries and across ages. I don’t think I’m overstating it to say that the answers to these questions will de ne our time. These are the questions that undergird the modern family dynamic, that shape workplace efficiency and engagement, and set the baseline for our interactions and communications with friends. My goal with The Future of Happiness is to inspire a new way of thinking about technology, one that gives us new language to think about how we fuse technology into our lives. LH: What are a few examples of technology being used for good? Some of my favorite examples are: The Emma pen—used to help Parkinson’s sufferers write again. E-nable—a global volunteer organization that helps individuals 3D-print and assemble prosthetic limbs for children in need. Cochlear implants—enable people to hear for the first time. LH: Do you think there’s a lack of awareness of how technology can make us happier? Absolutely! In recent months, I have seen a growing number of posts about how bad technology is for us. As Shakespeare once said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Technology is a tool, a means to an end, and we get to decide how that story ends. LH: How do we consciously curate the tech we use and choose to use technology mindfully? AB: Rather than just getting away from our devices, I advocate a method I call strategic unplugging. To prove that tech is a tool and not a toxin, I am going to use tech to help you gain greater control over your tech. Know Your Stats. Download the Instant or Moment apps to see how many times you turn on your phone each day. The average person checks his phone 150 times every day. If every distraction took only one minute (a seriously optimistic estimate), that would account for 2.5 hours of distraction every day. That’s 912.5 hours a year, or roughly 38 days in a year. You see the problem? Knowing your stats increases your awareness, so that you can make choices about how you spend your time and energy. Know Your Limits. Download the BreakFree app to see how often you use different apps. Get creative about setting limits for use of technology, such as abstaining from tech at nighttime, which will improve your productivity and mood for future days. Know Your Weaknesses. Download the app Unplugged for iPhone or Offtime app for Android to boost your willpower in putting your phone down from time to time. Know Your Intentions. Download the Intentional Living app to write explicitly how you would like to use tech in the future. You might write: My intention is to check email only once a day. Without setting an explicit intention for yourself, the brain will resort to muscle memory and sink into previous habits. LH: How can people start seeing technology as a positive influence in their lives? AB: The first way is to acknowledge that technology has been a positive influence in our lives.Statistics show technology has improved relationships: 66 percent of internet users say their email exchanges have improved their connections to significant friends. 22 percent of respondents reported that they had either married, become engaged to or were living with someone they initially met on the internet. At GoodThink, we often teach individuals to scan their environment for three things for which they are grateful.This exercise teaches the brain that, although there are negative and positive inputs all around us, we can choose to look for the positive and give them priority in our lives. LH: What’s the one thing (above others) you hope readers take away from your book? AB: The future of happiness is up to us. By intentionally thinking about where, when, why and how we are using technology, we can begin to actively shape the social scripts and market forces that drive our culture to create the future that we truly want to see. Listen to Amy's Interview on the Live Happy Now podcast: Read more by Amy Blankson: Let Technology Life Your Life Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor for Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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The Norwegian flag with hands in a heart-shape in front of it.

World Happiness Report Names Norway Happiest Country in 2017

For the first time, Norway has moved into the top spot on the World Happiness Report’s annual list of happiest countries. Denmark, which has been in the No. 1 spot for three out of the past four years, moved to No. 2. Jeffrey Sachs, Ph.D., director of the Sustainable Development Solutions Network, which publishes the report, says the change underscores research indicating happiness is based on much more than prosperity. Although rich in oil, Norway has also invested in the future of its citizens, which has made it better able to weather recent fluctuations in the oil market. “This emphasis on the future over the present is made easier by high levels of mutual trust, shared purpose, generosity and good governance,” observed John Helliwell, Ph.D., of the University of British Columbia and a co-editor of the report. “All of these are found in Norway, as well as other top countries.” The United States dropped one spot from last year, now ranking as the 14thhappiest country worldwide. Other countries in the top 10 are Iceland, Switzerland, Finland, Netherlands, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and Sweden. According to the report’s executive summary, Norway chooses to produce its oil slowly, investing the proceeds for sustainability. To do this successfully requires high levels of mutual trust, shared purpose, generosity and good governance, all factors that help to keep Norway and other top countries where they are in the happiness rankings. New findings The report, which has been published each year since 2012, using six key variables to measure the subjective well-being of countries: GDP per capita, social support, healthy life expectancy, social freedom, generosity and absence of corruption. These variables help explain the variation of happiness across countries, and show the role of positive emotions in the perception of happiness and well-being. This year, the report also explores the social foundations of happiness. That includes looking at the role of happiness in the workplace and reviewing key determinants of happiness and misery, such as mental illness. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, Ph.D., professor at Said Business School, University of Oxford, co-authored the chapter on happiness in the workplace and said it is important to “understand the role that employment and unemployment play in shaping happiness,” since people spend a large portion of their lives working. “The research reveals that happiness differs considerably across employment status, job type and industry sectors,” he said, noting that while people who are paid well tend to be happier, there are many other factors, such as work/life balance, autonomy and variety, that also significantly influence happiness in the workplace. The World Happiness Report 2017 also includes chapters on happiness in China and in Africa. Its final chapter looks deeper into the United States’ history of happiness over the past decade. Written by Jeffrey, the chapter shows that while income and healthy life expectancy increased, Americans showed a decline in four other key social areas: less social support, a feeling of less personal freedom, a decline in donations to charity and a greater perceived corruption of business. Because of these factors, Jeffrey concludes that the falling level of happiness in America can be attributed primarily to social and not economic reasons. To download the entire report, visit www.worldhappiness.report Read previous reports from 2016 and 2015. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.
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