Happier People make a positive impact on your bottom line

Live Happy has developed a cost-effective program to easily convey the key practices that directly lead to true happiness and a life of meaning—based on decades of scientific research conducted by positive psychologists and researchers around the world. Email us to create a custom package for you or to arrange to receive one of the below existing packages.  For $795 per month, select any three of the following— Content customized for employee wellness program newsletter, intranet or website (2x per month) Social media content (FB posts, tweets, etc., 4x per month) Text messages (can be sent up to 2x per week) Illustrated quotes (delivered via email or text, 4x per month) Emailed articles (2x per month) Video (2–3 minutes long, 1x per month) For $1250 per month, select any four of the following— Access to training videos (up to 6 per year) Digital subscriptions to Live Happy magazine for up to 50 employees Content customized for employee wellness program newsletter, intranet or website (2x per month) Social media content (FB posts, tweets, etc., up to 4x per month) Text messages (can be sent up to 2x per week) Illustrated quotes (delivered via email or text, 4x per month) Emailed articles (2x per month) Video (2–3 minutes long, 1x per month) For $1950 per month, select any four of the following— Training curriculums (2x per year) Access to training videos (up to 6 per year) Digital subscriptions to Live Happy magazine for up to 100 employees Content customized for employee wellness program newsletter, intranet or website (2x per month) Social media content (FB posts, tweets, etc., up to 8x per month) Text messages (can be sent up to 2x per week) Illustrated quotes (delivered via email or text, 4x per month) Emailed articles (2x per month) Video (2–3 minutes long, 1x per month) If you are interested in our expert speakers, video content, the Feed Your Happy app or customized podcasts, please email us to find out more.  We will price a special package for you.
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Rio Olympics 2016

At Rio Olympics, Athletes Go Beyond the Gold

Whether you’re in training to become the next Michael Phelps or Gabby Douglas or gearing up for a work presentation or weekend 10K, there’s much to learn from the way Olympic athletes prepare for the biggest competition in their lives—and we’re not talking about endless laps in the pool or drills on the balance beam. Turns out, Olympians have a lot to teach the rest of us about happiness. Elite-level athletes have mastered the art of staying calm in high-stress moments, they’ve learned to find joy even in harshly competitive situations, and they realize they perform their best when they’re at ease and relaxed. Those are skills any of us can develop. Going with the flow Take Michal Smolen, a professional slalom kayaker en route to his first Olympic appearance this August, when the Olympic Games come to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. When Michal slides into the seat of his kayak, the rest of the world disappears. It’s just him and the water, flowing down-river in an endless stream. Maybe his comfort in his boat comes from the fact that he’s been kayaking competitively since he was a kid. Or maybe he’s just figured out how to quiet his mind, even when the pressure is on. “It’s a matter of not letting any expectations affect me,” Michal says. “I have to leave all that behind and just tell myself that I’m doing what makes me happy. If I’m flexible, relaxed and focused, I can cancel out anything that gets in my way.” Psychologists call this “flow state,” and it’s proven to boost performance and mental focus. “In a flow state, you are completely involved in the activity and time starts flying,” says Wendy Suzuki, Ph.D., professor of neural science and psychology at New York University and author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life. “In this state, worry and ego are not engaged, and you can focus totally on the task at hand. Part of being relaxed, at ease, and having fun is finding a way to enter the flow state where focus can be fully directed at the activity.” Michal, 22, lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, where the U.S. National Whitewater Center is located. He would have been a top contender on the U.S. Men’s Kayak Team at the 2012 Olympic Games in London if a citizenship snag hadn’t gotten in the way. Michal moved to America with his family from Poland when he was 10 years old. His father, Rafal Smolen, was a member of the Polish National Kayak Team and is now a coach for the U.S. Olympic team. A life of competition Michal got into kayaking early but soon discovered he had a fear of water, and at 13, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He put kayaking on hold, sorted out the proper medication to minimize his seizures, and he joined the swim team, hoping to conquer his water anxiety. It worked. “I wanted to be like Michael Phelps—I was very ambitious as a kid,” he says. “I started doing really well at swimming, but it wasn’t bringing me the same enjoyment as kayaking. So I switched back.” By high school, Michal was one of America’s best young slalom kayak racers, getting fourth place at the Junior World Championships at age 16. By 2012, he placed second at the Olympic trials, but he learned too late that his U.S. citizenship papers would take longer than he thought. He was devastated to sit out his first opportunity to compete at the Olympics. Finally, in February 2013, Michal officially became an American citizen. Since then, he’s been focused on this summer’s Olympic Games. In 2014, he won the Under 23 World Championships, the biggest victory of his career. Last year he became the U.S. National Champion and won a bronze medal at the World Championships and gold at the Pan-American Games, setting him up to be a favorite in Rio. Going for the joy He has no idea what to expect from his first Olympic appearance, but he says he plans on keeping a level head and not letting anything get to him. “When I’m racing that most important race of my life, I want to make sure I’m not shaking and sweating and doing all these crazy things before I’m about to go. I want to tell myself, ‘I did everything I could. I’m ready for this. I’m going to enjoy it,’” he says. “That’s what I do this for: I do it for myself and for the joy of it.” Michal has figured out something that scientists and doctors have been studying for years. Studies have shown that athletes with positive psychological states—those who are relaxed, at ease, having fun—physically perform better in competitive settings than those with negative emotions. “If an athlete’s overall sense of wellbeing and happiness is within a suitable range, they tend to perform better based on the fact that their perceived level of stress is reduced and their subjective belief is ‘I’m doing well,’” says Jason Richardson, a former World Champion and Pan-Am Games gold medalist in BMX racing, who is now a psychologist working with Olympic athletes. “Those beliefs become the driving force, as they precede the feelings and actions that ultimately bring results.” You don’t have to be an Olympian to gain something from this lesson: Enjoy yourself and you’ll do better at whatever it is you set out to do. Less stress, more success Miles Chamley-Watson, 26, just missed the podium at the London Olympic Games. A fencer, he was ranked No. 2 in the world entering the 2012 Olympics, and he was aiming for gold. But he was defeated in the second round and wound up in fourth place in men’s foil. “I wanted to come away with hardware, so I wasn’t happy,” says Miles, who was born in London but moved to New York when he was 9 and will be a top fencing competitor this summer in Rio. “It was incredibly frustrating. It was my first time at the Olympics and everything felt magnetized and blown out of proportion.” In a study that looked at the emotional reactions of Olympic medalists at the 1992 Games in Barcelona, Spain, researchers found that silver medalists were reportedly less happy than those who took bronze. Why? “The silver medalists feel like they are so close to winning, but just missed the mark, whereas the bronze medalists are just happy to get a medal,” says Caroline Miller, an expert on positive psychology and the author of seven books on the subject, including her upcoming book, Getting Grit. “There are people who win and they feel empty afterward. They think it will bring them happiness but the Olympics don’t buy you happiness.” Just as Miles has found through the extensive mental training he’s done to prepare for this summer’s Olympics, the more stressed he is in the midst of a competition, the less likely he will perform at his best. Whereas the more joyful and relaxed, the better he’ll do. In other words, happiness begets success, not the other way around. Put happiness first “It used to be thought people became happy by having success. But pinning your happiness on winning a gold medal isn’t how it works,” Caroline says. “People succeed by being happy first. Their bodies are relaxed and in a different state of consciousness. They’ve done all the preparation they need to do and they’re utterly confident and relaxed about it. They’re not constricted or anxious.” We can’t all be Olympic fencers, but we can learn from Miles. “Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t let anyone tell you no. Above all, take risks,” Miles says. “I’ve taken so many risks in my life and that’s what’s gotten me where I’m at now.” Caroline says it’s those risks that bring such a high level of joy. “The reason why the highs are so high and the lows are so low is that these athletes take risks and because of the intensity of passion that they bring to their lives and their sport,” she says. “They’ve invested so much and they’ve given up so much in order to pursue their craft.” Sure, getting fourth place may not feel great, but Miles, who, in 2013, the first American fencer to win an individual World Championship title, also knows what victory feels like. “There’s no feeling like when you work really hard for something and the training actually pays off,” he says. “You win a competition and there’s no other feeling like it in the world.” A 2009 report in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that those who attempt to master a new skill may be frustrated or stressed throughout the process, but they have greater happiness long term. “Very few of us can be Olympians. But we can all learn from what these men and women bring to their sport—they live with joy, they live with a sense of satisfaction,” Caroline says. “At the end of every day, we scan our days for what we did that was hard. We’re only proud of ourselves when we did something out of our comfort zone. We all need to have something we’re passionate about, something that lights us up, something that makes us work for it.” Happiness in sync Leading up to the Games in Brazil, synchronized swimming duet partners Anita Alvarez and Mariya Koroleva often spent 24 hours a day together. They’re in the pool training for long hours, they sleep in the same hotel room, and they have meals side by side. “We start to understand each other and we learn everything about each other,” says Anita, who at age 19 will be making her Olympic debut. “It’s important to have that bond and connection not just in the pool but also outside the pool. I can’t imagine going into this intense competition without her there.” “It’s nice to have someone going through the exact same thing as you, especially in the hard times, after a long training day,” adds Mariya, 26, who competed at the 2012 Olympics with a different duet partner and placed 11th. “After you compete together and you have a good score, it’s even more exciting to be able to share it with someone. It’s not just your success.” Studies have shown that athletes who train in groups are more motivated and experience less pain than those who train alone. Plus, they’re happier. “People are happier when they’re training and celebrating their victories with other people. They need a team around them,” Caroline says. “It’s not just about getting what you want, it’s about getting what you want and celebrating with someone else.” Mariya, who was born in Russia but moved to the U.S. as a child, underwent back surgery just six months before her last Olympic appearance. She was forced to rush her recovery process in order to compete at the last Olympics and during the Games, she loaded up on pain medication to ease the throbbing in her back. But still, she says, it was worth it for that feeling of walking in the opening ceremony and knowing she had made it. “It’s important to remember nothing that you accomplish that’s great is going to be easy,” Mariya says. “If you’re having a hard time, remember that it’s supposed to be hard. You have to keep pushing through and fighting for what you want. The harder it is, the happier you’re going to be.” Jason says there’s science behind this, too. “When an athlete suffers injury or great loss and finds victory again, it’s more meaningful,” he says, “because the true win is not just in their sport, but also the internal struggle within themselves.” The meaningful life Mountain biker Lea Davison competed at her first Olympic Games in 2012 in London, and she’s on track to race again this summer in Rio. In London, she was just happy to make the team after rebounding from a serious hip injury that benched her for an entire season. “Just making it to the Olympics was a dream come true. Everyone says that, but it’s true,” says Lea, who’s 33 and from Jericho, Vermont. “To say I’m an Olympian has been my goal since I was a kid.” She, too, knew that if she was going to perform her best at the Olympics, she had to forget about all the hype—the pressure from the crowds, the media, her sponsors. “I was nervous for months beforehand, but you have to get that out of the way. On the morning of the race, I was able to be calm,” Lea says. “You try to treat it like any other race. Sure, there’s a lot of hoopla surrounding it—it’s the Olympics. But I just kept reminding myself, ‘This is just another bike race. You know how to do this.’” She ended up 11th place in women’s mountain biking and says walking into the closing ceremony alongside her American teammates was her proudest moment. “To hear the roar of the crowd was very powerful,” she says. “Seeing your country behind you and all of that support, it was just quite a moment.” Finding authentic happiness When Lea was a college student at a liberal arts school in Vermont, she took a positive psychology course. In the class, Lea, who grew up ski racing and started mountain biking competitively in high school, read Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. She learned about the three dimensions of happiness, as described in the book. First is the simplest form, which Martin calls the pleasant life—Lea describes this as “eating a Girl Scout cookie and being happy for the next 10 minutes.” The second state, called the good life, is about finding your own strengths and using them to improve your life. Lea says she found this easily when she discovered mountain biking. “You have to be present and in the moment when you’re navigating these trails and courses,” she says. The third and deepest level of happiness Martin calls the meaningful life, which is when we use our powers for the greater good. That, Lea says, took longer for her to find. Lea graduated college in 2005 and dedicated herself to a career as a professional mountain biker. In 2008, she and her sister, Sabra, decided to start a nonprofit organization called Little Bellas, which aimed to get young girls in their home state of Vermont into mountain biking. The program took off and they now have chapters nationwide to introduce girls ages 7 to 13 to the sport they love. Little Bellas is what helped Lea find her most meaningful life. “It’s worthy to go after your goals and see how far you can push yourself, but it’s essentially a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about how fast I can turn the pedals over,” she says. “But helping these young girls become themselves and figure out what they can do, that is what brings me true happiness.” “As an athlete matures, he or she begins to recognize a world that is bigger than just them,” Jason adds. “Even the best do not find as much meaning in just performing well in the arena when they become older and wiser. This is not to say that they are no longer competitive. It is to say that winning doesn’t have the same meaning as it did when they were a rookie.” Gaining perspective Cycling, Lea says, has provided her with many life lessons. “I could get wrapped up in all the details and be very narrow focused,” she says. “But sometimes, you have to just step back and look up from the trail and realize how beautiful this place is. You have to take in the bigger picture because there’s always something to be grateful for.” So we can’t all be Olympians, but we can watch them from afar, cheer for them as they take on the hurdles of their competition. We can take a piece of their experience and let it inspire us to live more meaningful lives. “We all should tune into the Olympics because those are the people who are taking risks and putting it all on the line,” Caroline says. “When you see people giving it their best, you become awed and inspired. And when you’re awed, people tend to look up, figuratively and emotionally. It causes people to want to be better than they are already.” Megan Michelson is a freelance writer and a freelance editor for ESPN.com. She has also worked as an editor for Skiing and Outside magazines.
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Dr. Srikumar Rao – Creativity and Personal Mastery to Change Your Life

Srikumar Rao, Ph.D., has helped thousands of executives and entrepreneurs all over the world discover deep meaning. His methods have enabled them to achieve quantum leaps in effectiveness. Graduates of his workshops have become more creative and more inspiring leaders. He conceived the innovative Creativity and Personal Mastery course that he teaches in London and New York. Students found it so overwhelmingly powerful that it remains the only business school course in the world to have its own alumni association. What you'll learn in this podcast: How to dramatically reduce and possibly even eliminate stress in your life. How to form deeper, more meaningful relationships. How to feel more purpose and meaning in day-to-day work and activities. Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download afree sketch noteof this episode. Download Srikumar's article "Stop. Think. Live!" Learn more about The Rao Institute. Request a syllabus from srikumarsrao@gmail.com. Thanks for listening! Thank you so much for joining us this week onLive Happy Now. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. Also,please leave an honest review forLive Happy Nowon iTunes! Ratings and reviews are important in helping others find the podcast; we greatly appreciate it! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Special thanks to Srikumarfor joining us this week. Related articles: 10 Questions That Will Save Your Life Start aJournal, Change Your Life Top 10 Books That Will Change Your Life
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Diverse array of colorfully dressed, happy kids.

How to Raise Happy Kids

Ask parents what they want most for their children and they’ll answer the same: happiness. But if we hover and coddle and grant their every wish, they grow up to expect that treatment from the rest of the world and are going to be seriously unhappy when they realize that’s not how things work. And if we exert too much control while instilling traditional discipline and a strong work ethic, says a new British study, we could scar them emotionally for life. So how do we raise happy children? “The science of positive psychology has shown us that happiness comes from experiencing lots of different positive emotions: gratitude, appreciation, optimism and confidence about the future, joy and contentment in the present,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. “Of course we will all still have negative emotions, and parents should not try to protect their children from those experiences. Time and again, the research demonstrates that what we say and do with children is far more important in their success and happiness than any innate talent or disposition.” Get started today—no matter what age your children are—cultivating the following five character traits that positive psychologists have found happy children share. (Not surprisingly, they’re also found in joyful, fulfilled adults!) 1. Happy kids are connected Today’s parenting culture tends to revolve around achievement—be it in the classroom or on the playing field—and that’s a mistake, say positive psychology experts. Focus instead on really getting to know and enjoy your kids. Knowing they are loved for who they are is fundamental to a happy life. “The most important thing parents can give a child is a life that’s full of positive points of connection—at home, at school, on teams, at church and in your community,” says Dr. Edward (Ned) Hallowell, Harvard psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness. “And those positive connections occur when you enjoy your kids and have fun together. Set up family traditions and celebrations. Use physical touch: Snuggle, kiss, wrestle.” Of course your family life won’t be perfect: “You will get mad and yell; you will be too busy to sit down for dinner together all the time; they will try to get out of doing chores. All of that is good; they’re signs you are connecting!” he notes. “In disconnected families there is no conflict, because no one cares.” Preschoolers: “Kids need to get that you like them,” says teacher and family therapist Susan Stiffelman, author of Parenting with Presence: Practices for Raising Conscious, Confident, Caring Kids. “They need to feel like your heart lights up when you see them. That tells children they have value and infuses them with confidence so that later, when life doesn’t go as they expect, they are still able to cope.” Let the chores wait and read together, play in the backyard, take a nature walk, act silly. Be a kid again yourself when you’re with them. Grade-schoolers: This is the stage when children begin to venture out into the community and form relationships with others, so encouraging friendships should be a big priority, Ned notes. But don’t stop at just setting up play dates. “Kids need to be taught the principles of friendships just like they need to be taught math facts,” he points out. “Explain to your child that he needs to be loyal, which means not trying to get out of an invitation when something better comes along. Show him examples of bullying, bragging or embarrassing someone and point out why they’re wrong. And always encourage your child to include peers who are being left out.” Another excellent decision if you can swing it, Ned says, is to get a pet. Pets not only teach children responsibility, but they provide more opportunity to practice give-and-take relationship skills, reinforce the power of unconditional love and will help the whole family relax and have fun together. Teenagers: “Interactions with teens can quickly devolve into ‘Do this’ and 'Haven't you finished that yet?' and Where’s that permission slip you were supposed to bring home?’” Susan notes. “You get so little time with teens that you don’t want all your interactions to be about getting them to do something. But they’re also not inclined to sit down and play Monopoly with you for two hours.” Instead, Susan recommends ignoring your to-do list and when your teen walks into the room, try to conjure up that baby you couldn’t take your eyes off—even though he may be in serious need of a shower—and pay him a compliment or tell him a joke. “You want to shift the ratio so that you have more positive interactions and fewer demanding ones,” she says. “It can just be a short 30-second exchange, but if it results in a smile, it’s a deposit into the emotional bank account. Your teen will feel uplifted and you’ll have demonstrated you care without forcing it.” 2. Happy kids are playful “There’s so much pressure to sign kids up for loads of activities today, but not enough free time negatively impacts a child’s happiness in two ways,” explains Katie Hurley, Los Angeles author of The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World. First, if kids are constantly doing structured activities, they are not spending time with you. Different children can handle different degrees of busyness, but a good rule of thumb is one sport, and maybe one other activity per season. Secondly, overscheduled kids don’t get time to just play, which provides a wealth of benefits that contributes to happiness: Play develops imagination and creativity, builds social skills and teaches problem-solving, to name just a few. Play is also a critical way to discover what you’re good at, Ned says, and that leads children to want to practice and master that skill, whether it’s riding a bike, shooting a basketball, painting or learning to cook. Preschoolers: Go retro when it comes to toys. Sure, a smart phone or tablet app comes in handy from time to time, but to really foster creativity and build imagination, young kids need simple wooden blocks, sidewalk chalk, dolls and balls, Katie says. In short, you don’t want too many toys that are passive or that do the thinking for your child. Also, never underestimate the power of the recycling bin. Every craft project need not come from a prepackaged kit. Grade-schoolers: Sports are terrific arenas for play now, and that goes beyond just signing them up for an official team, Ned notes. Encourage your kids to have friends over to play soccer in the backyard. Organize a flag football tournament or basketball game at family gatherings. “And when your child does play on a team, don’t turn it into a pressure-packed, hypercompetitive drama. Emphasize the fun aspects, not the win-loss record,” Ned says. Teenagers: Finding the high-school equivalent of playing in the sandbox is challenging to say the least, but adolescents need those creative outlets more than ever. Point them toward groups like makerspace.com, an online community where they can create, invent and learn about things they’re interested in with peers. Encourage writing a short story or taking up photography. Got a musician? Invest in some noise-canceling headphones (for yourself!) and allow her to have friends over for jam sessions. At this age, play takes a more productive turn but is nonetheless creative. 3. Happy kids are…confident Few feelings in life are as thrilling as that moment when a child realizes, “I can do it!” The sense of security that comes with deep connections, along with the skills your child builds through play, leads to the confidence to try new things. And con! dent children are optimistic children. “When problems arise, as they do for all of us, the confident, optimistic child tackles them with the certainty that they are solvable and continues to try again, rather than give up,” Ned explains. Christine seconds that: “Optimism is so closely related to happiness that the two can practically be equated,” she notes, “and a key to helping your child stay optimistic is teaching a growth mindset. Growth mindset people believe that success is a result of effort, not inborn talents.” Preschoolers: Start early on to use praise to cultivate a positive mindset. Be sure you're praising specific hard work and good deeds rather than the child. So instead of “Great job!” or “You’re so smart!” say, “That was really nice of you to let Jack use the swings first," or "You worked really hard on that puzzle and you didn't give up until you figured it out.” Avoid pessimistic reactions to your child’s behavior as well. Say one sibling hits another. Instead of “That’s mean, Emma. You’re not going to have any friends at preschool if you act that way,” respond with a way to help. Try “You’re having a hard time, Emma. I bet you’re hungry. Say you’re sorry and let’s get something to eat so you feel better.” This way, Emma sees that even though she is experiencing the negative feelings, they are temporary and she has the power to fix them, Christine says. Grade-schoolers: As your child matures, you want to create as many opportunities for him to succeed as you can, but also be careful to not cross the line to expecting perfection. You don’t have to get a gold medal in a sport to enjoy it. Nor do you have to receive the highest score on the test to know the subject matter thoroughly. “People incorrectly believe that perfectionism will propel kids to the top of their class, their teams, and ultimately their careers,” Christine notes. “Instead, perfectionism creates a constant state of discontent and fear of making mistakes.” Avoid this scenario by not doing too much for your child: If you constantly correct his math homework or rewrite his essays, he’ll begin to believe he’s not capable of doing it on his own. If you repeatedly deliver that forgotten lunch or homework, he’ll have no reason to try to remember it. And when you do need to deliver criticism, try to make it positive and productive: Instead of “I told you to put your science folder in your backpack last night,” say, “You remembered your homework Monday. What did you do then that you didn’t do today?” Teenagers: Confidence is essential to your teen’s ability to make safe, informed decisions, and it grows as he or she learns to cope when life throws curve balls. It’s hard to do, but the bigger they get, the more we need to let them fail a bit, then bounce back on their own, Christine says. “Happy kids can risk making mistakes because they know how to correct them and they take steps on their own to do so.” Instead of jumping in and fixing things, help your child make a plan to reach his goal. When your teen gets cut from a high school sports team, for example, acknowledge the disappointment and praise the effort he put in: “I know you probably feel sad and frustrated. You worked really hard on your basketball shooting skills.” But also encourage him to think positively about ways to succeed: “What do you think you could do to increase your chances of making the team next time?” Read more: Overparenting Anonymous by Dr. Wendy Mogel 4. Happy kids are…grateful Of course you’ve been teaching your children to say “Please” and “Thank you” since they began to talk. Now a bevy of research connects a deeper understanding and attitude of gratitude with true happiness and life satisfaction. Preschoolers: One of the first things you want to do with your children is make a habit of expressing thankfulness for the family’s blessings. Researcher Giacomo Bono, Ph.D., co-author of Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character, has found that children who say grace at mealtime have developed more gratitude than their peers. Get into the habit of saying the traditional prayers of your faith with your children at dinner and bedtime, but also use these moments to express thanks for people in their lives, he recommends. Giacomo also advises parents to emphasize the nuances of gratitude to young children. Point out how, for example, a gift is going to improve a child’s life: “Those finger paints Aunt Sara gave you are going to be a lot of fun. Let’s invite some friends over to play with them.” Then explain that the benefactor made a choice to do something good and went out of her way to do it for you: “It was really kind of Aunt Sara to make a special trip to the toy store and spend her money on you.” Also make it a habit to encourage your child to do nice things for others: “I put an extra snack in your backpack. Why don’t you share it with one of your friends at school today?” Grade-schoolers: As kids mature a bit more, they can better appreciate the intentions and motivations of the benefactor, so point those out, too. Say, for instance, “It was really nice of your violin instructor to recommend you for that orchestra. She really loves playing and wants you to feel the same passion for it.” Children this age are also becoming more aware of other people and the world around them, so when they bring up, say homelessness, take advantage of the opportunity, Giacomo says. A school-age child can volunteer at a soup kitchen with you, or accompany you when you do something to help an elderly neighbor. You’re modeling generosity, and your child gets to observe the gratitude that someone feels from it—as well as realize how much he himself has to be grateful for. Teenagers: Adolescents are ready to discover their meaning and passion in life, and practicing gratitude will help them do that, Giacomo notes. Tap into their interests by giving them ideas on how to use technology to express gratitude. Instead of writing a thank-you note, teens can make a thank-you video. They can create a slideshow of things they’re grateful for on their phones or make a Pinterest board. Also encourage your child to share his skills in the community. A varsity athlete might volunteer to coach younger kids in his sport; a teen with an interest in photography could share her skill with a group of seniors. 5. Happy kids are positive thinkers Teaching kids to have a glass-half-full attitude when something negative occurs in their lives is essential to their happiness, and building all the other skills we’ve discussed so far puts them on this positive track. “Understanding what triggers all types of feelings helps children work through the negative so they get to a positive viewpoint,” Katie notes. To make this happen, parents need to be “emotion coaches,” Christine emphasizes. According to research, children—and adults—who can manage their emotions experience negative feelings for shorter periods of time. Preschoolers: The first step with little ones is label, label, label, beyond happy and sad. Katie recommends describing your child’s emotions as well as his behavior back to him: “You just kicked the tower over. You must be frustrated.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one: “I bet you can get the tower to keep standing. What do you think would have worked better?” Grade-schoolers: We tend to think of small children as the ones who have temper tantrums, but bigger kids can have massive meltdowns over homework, sports and friendships. The single best thing you can do, say Giacomo and Katie, is to model calmness. “A calm response shows your child that the problem is solvable so he can move to a positive approach,” Giacomo emphasizes. Instead of “I can’t do this,” stepping back and taking a deep breath allows them to get to “OK, I can fix this.” “I tell kids to pretend they are blowing up a balloon very slowly. It calms their senses and slows their heart rate,” Katie explains. “It’s a skill they can use at any time.” Teenagers: Being an adolescent today is seriously stressful, and even kids who have had it together so far can buckle under the pressures of popularity (or lack thereof) and academics. “One of the main functions of adolescence is to learn to cope with really big emotions, but you also don’t want your coaching to feel condescending,” Christine notes. “A smart way to keep things positive now is to frequently narrate your own emotions for your teen, but also follow that with a positive.” Say, for instance, “Standing in this checkout line is really aggravating, but we’ll have all the groceries we’ll need and won’t have to waste time coming back to the store for a few days.” Or, “Boy, am I nervous about this presentation tomorrow, but when we get the business I’ll get a nice bonus and we can take a special vacation this summer.” As Christine says, you want to teach them to “fake it until you make it.” The science of positive psychology has shown us that forcing yourself to smile when you don’t always feel like it creates a physiological reaction that produces feel-good brain chemicals. And when children learn how to induce their own positive emotions, happiness wins. Listen to our podcast: Raising Confident and Creative Kids, with Heather Shumaker Stephanie Wood is a freelance writer and editor based in the New York City area.
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Art class for special needs students

Expressing Themselves

I have always encouraged my children, Madison and Arthur, to draw, paint, color or just create anything. They loved these exercises. When they were younger, their teachers would invite me into their classrooms to talk about painting and work with them on various activities. After my son, Arthur, was diagnosed with autism, I was even more involved in his classes at elementary school. During one visit, when I volunteered to help his class paint dogs and cats, a mother asked if I would consider painting with adults with special needs in the Des Moines area. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to work with older individuals facing circumstances similar to my son’s. The whole thing blossomed into a class that now meets in my garage six weeks. We meet one night a week every fall with a Christmas art show at the end of the session. I’ve never seen people prouder of their art than this group. The artists come to paint and love to express themselves. It is like a party every Thursday night in our garage. How it works The students come with care providers who help them focus during the class. Our class has grown so much that I’m spread fairly thin during the two-hour sessions, so I appreciate the volunteers. These individuals come to learn something new, they come to experience a community that they have created by their art interest, and they come to see their friends. All are welcome and I only ask that they try their best. I am continually impressed with their talents and how focused they remain during the class. I joke with them, but I do expect them to put forth the effort. My children have grown up painting, and I have seen their personal development through their art. My art is my own therapy. I see it no differently for these students and their peers. Some of the providers pick up brushes as well. There are no rules. A little bit of encouragement goes a very long way with this group. Everyone is a success story. For that reason, we have had many individuals who have come back for more classes. I would say some have been returning for seven years or more. This fall is our nine-year anniversary. A love of art My sister was a very good artist and I always admired her drawings. I wanted to be just like her. I also remember sitting with my mom when we were very young and she would draw our portraits. However, I think I received most of my encouragement from my high school teacher. He was very quiet. He would assign something and walk around and look at what we were doing, throw out a comment, and keep walking. One day he walked by my desk and said, “You want to draw a mural on a blank wall in the music room?” I said yes, of course, and had no idea of the size of that wall or the first thing about a mural. That wall must have been 15 feet tall by 25 feet wide. I did an abstract modern interpretation of musicians. The final painting was influenced by the style of Paul Klee. I didn’t have any rules, and I loved doing it. That project led to painting another mural in the school and two others around my town; one of those was on a side of a barn. I was hooked. I went on to study every aspect of art and design in college and loved every minute of it. There is continually so much to learn. Read more: Create Outside the Lines Bold and beautiful I think one of my favorite moments was when a student visited the class a couple of times, and then I saw him at the Christmas party. He said he wanted to join the art club and I told him he should because he was a very good artist. His response was, “I know!” I love the confidence in these students. My son and I always do a few paintings one-on-one during the year, and then we submit one of the paintings to the Iowa State Fair competition. I got a call one summer night from a juror who wanted to congratulate one of my children on winning the third-place award in the show. I had assumed it was my daughter, Madison, but it happened to be Arthur! Madison received a merit that year in the older division, so that was the icing on the cake. I enjoy observing the students’ approaches to color and line. It is deliberate and without reservation. I learn a little every year seeing their approaches to the canvas. I have no excuse not to pick up my brush and work when I can. I see how much they enjoy and take this opportunity to express themselves. It is their choice to do this. They do not waste this experience. Read more: Love Him to the Max How to get started A journal and a pencil is an inexpensive investment in art. Sit on a hill and draw the vast scenery or draw a leaf. Whatever makes you happy. Big or small, the touch of the pencil to the paper is just the beginning of this therapy. I always enjoyed the direction I received in college: Draw what you see. Looking at things and understanding their color and structure is so key to drawing. Most of my drawing and painting is for children’s books or pet portraits, and I’m very comfortable with where this journey has taken me. Giving back is natural for our family because we receive so much in return. We should be able to experience everything in this life we so choose. I’m just lucky enough that the interest in art lives in this group of individuals, and I’m happy to do what I can to push them to whatever level they want to achieve. Kathryn Finney is Live Happy’s creative director; her daughter, Madison, is following in her footsteps as an artist, and her son, Arthur, continues to win awards for his work.
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The Importance of Positive Education Continued

This week we sat down with positive psychology and well-being thought leaders live at The Festival of Positive Education in Dallas, TX. We asked them why positive education was so important, what children can gain from it and how focusing on developing character strengths in students can begin to help society as a whole. Who you'll hear in this podcast: Dr. Abdulla Al Karam Lea Waters, Ph.D. Links and resources: Visit theInternational Positive Education Networkwebsite. Thanks for listening! Thank you so much for joining us this week onLive Happy Now. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. Also,please leave an honest review forLive Happy Nowon iTunes! Ratings and reviews are important in helping others find the podcast; we greatly appreciate it! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
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Happy on Paper?

Happy on Paper?

In my practice as a therapist, I talk with dozens of people every week, and over time I have noticed a common theme: Everyone wants to be happy. Yet, many of us fail to achieve this goal, despite our best efforts. I call this the happiness crisis. You are ticking all the boxes necessary to be happy, and yet you remain dissatisfied: The dream job you worked so hard to get has a downside; you lost 20 pounds but you still have low self-esteem; your partner may not be such a good match after all. Where is that pot of happiness gold we were promised? Everything looks good from the outside A post on the Humans of New York Facebook page tells the story of a couple who landed in one of these happiness crises: “We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. We’d complete each other’s sentences. We got married two weeks after she graduated from UCLA, and we never stopped moving after that. We had our first child while we were in law school. Then we both had to pass the bar. After that we had to find jobs, and we had a second kid. At some point we just got into survival mode. It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made. We kept telling ourselves that things would get better once life settled down. We’d say, ‘Let’s just get through law school.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through finals.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through this move.’ We never communicated things that were bothering us. After 13 years, we finally decided that the time was now. Counseling was hard. But we’re so glad we went because things are better now. And we feel like we’re growing again.” Cognitive dissonance Sometimes a happiness crisis arises when things are “good on paper.” You have the mate, the kids, the car, the house, the job, your health—and you’re still not happy. Subsequently, feelings of sadness, guilt or frustration can set in. Psychologist Leon Festinger identifed that people have a need for internal consistency. We want our experiences to match up with our feelings, and we want our thoughts and beliefs to be consistent. When they are not, and instead we are twisted up in a confusing internal conflict, the field of psychology calls this cognitive dissonance. This is perhaps why the happiness crisis can be so confounding: Everything may look fine on the outside, but inside we are suffering. If you are experiencing a happiness crisis, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Have you looked at the big picture? Make a checklist of all of the things that you believe will make you happy in life. Pivot and make sure they all ring true, and be sure to acknowledge and be grateful for those big-list items you have already achieved. Then create a strategy for how you will focus on getting/creating the missing pieces. 2. Are you guilty of making comparisons? Are you dissatisfied with your partner only because your friend’s partner seems more doting? Do you feel disappointed in your job only because your sister loves hers more? If your lack of happiness is based on envy, it’s time to adjust your mindset. Research shows that social comparison will only make you more depressed. We all have good and bad things in our lives. Concentrate on Question No.1: Be grateful for what you have and then work toward getting more of what you want. 3. Have you been brushing issues under the rug while building success and happiness in other areas? The Facebook couple is guilty of doing some of this. They were busy climbing professional ladders and raising a family, and in the process they stopped nurturing their relationship, and their communication came to a halt. Once they identified the problem areas in their marriage, they were able to reconnect and came out of their happiness crisis. 4. Are you bored? Sometimes feelings of isolation or a lack of things to do can make us overanalyze and critique parts of our lives. Take up a new hobby, plan more date nights with your mate. If you have free time, reach out to friends and people in your community to see what opportunities exist for volunteering and giving back. 5. Have you changed? As we grow older, our values and ideals evolve, and we often forget to examine and readjust our goals. A friend of mine used to be “a shopper”—every time she had extra money she spent it at the mall. She realized that it had become a habit; she had a closet full of things that she didn’t wear. She had grown “numb to shopping,” and that made her unhappy. After reflection, she discovered a desire to travel and now spends her former mall time planning fun and stimulating adventures. Take stock of all of the positive things in your life and focus on the feelings they evoke. Sometimes just increasing our awareness and gratitude for what we already have can provide a new perspective that increases our happiness. Listen to our podcast with Stacy Kaiser on The Perfect Parent. STACY KAISER, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, media personality and Live Happy editor at large.
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The Importance of Positive Education

This week we sat down with positive psychology and well-being thought leaders live at The Festival of Positive Education in Dallas, TX. We asked them why positive education was so important, what children can gain from it and how focusing on developing character strengths in students can begin to help society as a whole. Who you'll hear in this podcast: Angela Duckworth Sir AnthonySeldon Steve Leventhal with CoreStone Aliénor Salmon with UNESCO Barry Kerzin Laurie Coots with The Hawn Foundation Fred Kiel with KRW Research Institute Links and resources: Visit the International Positive Education Networkwebsite. Thanks for listening! Thank you so much for joining us this week onLive Happy Now. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. Also,please leave an honest review forLive Happy Nowon iTunes! Ratings and reviews are important in helping others find the podcast; we greatly appreciate it! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
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Is Your Fitness Tracker Making You Miserable?

Is Your Fitness Tracker Making You Miserable?

If you have a love/hate relationship with your fitness tracker, then you are typical of many Americans. When you first buy the device, you are excited to watch your steps add up throughout the day. You love checking the app and charting your progress. You find it energizing to hit that goal of 10,000 steps, and you literally step up your activity, exercising more. But as the novelty wears off, you start falling short of your goal. Perhaps you begin to feel guilty and start looking around for creative ways to get those 10,000 steps in....Next thing you know, you've strapped the device on your 8-year-old son and told him to run on the treadmill! Yes, it's a sad story but not an unusual one. In the end, you found a way to hit that 10,000 steps all right, but the fitness tracker stopped doing what it was designed to do: make you healthier and more active. The agony of outcomes In January, the Journal of Consumer Research published a study that found people who consistently measured their activity with a tracking device actually began to get less enjoyment out of their movement. While the tracker was successful in encouraging people to move more, it also began to rob them of their well-being. Instead of feeling like a pleasurable break from work, that afternoon walk instead began to feel like just another form of work. “While measurement increases how much of an activity people do…it can simultaneously reduce how much people enjoy those activities,” says researcher Jordan Etkin, Ph.D. “This occurs because measurement can undermine intrinsic motivation.” By turning their focus to output, such as the number of steps or how many calories they were burning, the study found, people who used trackers lost their enjoyment in whatever it was they were doing. Read more: Making Motivation Work The measure of success Fortunately, a study published in the journal Psychology of Well-Being in June found that not all who don a device are doomed. A team led by Evangelos Karapanos of the Cyprus University of Technology discovered that how you use such fitness devices makes a big difference in the way it can affect your well-being. Those who used the trackers as simply a tool for storing information (rather than considering it a reflection of how well they were doing) found the greatest happiness with the devices. Many users were initially surprised to learn how much they sat during the course of a day, and they used this new information as a way to implement lasting lifestyle changes. Rather than feeling driven (or bullied) by their device, they actually felt more autonomous, informed and empowered. They also found psychological advantages: The Psychology of Well-Being study showed participants felt less bored and also better about their physical appearance when they wore the fitness trackers. They gained a shot of self-esteem just by wearing it because it reminded them they were doing something positive for themselves. But they also didn’t let it guide their idea of success or failure. Movement with meaning Plenty of science points to the psychological benefits of physical activity, and these two studies add a reminder that it’s not just what you do that’s important; it’s how you approach it, too. Activity for the sake of enjoyment is a double thrill for the mind and body; you get the joy of movement and the reward of doing something you love. So whether that’s playing badminton, riding a bike or mastering the latest Just Dance Xbox game, let yourself enjoy the moment. Take a walk, stop and smell the roses…without stopping to check how many more steps you need to go. Even better, take off the tracker and turn off the pressure. Maybe try rediscovering what it’s like to get out there and move just because you like it. You just might be surprised how much better that makes you feel than hitting your 10,000 steps for the day. Read more: More Fun, More Fitness Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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Coxless Crew Rowing the Pacific

Rowing the Pacific

Out in the middle of the vast and unpredictable Pacific Ocean, wonders abound. For the U.K. women who would spend nine months rowing across the ocean in the 29-foot carnation-pink carbon fiber boat they’d named Doris, those wonders were a balm to extreme sleep deprivation, seasickness, constant pain from pressure wounds and a few too many meals of freeze-dried beef curry. Dolphins, sea turtles, breaching whales and a friendly shark the crew dubbed “Eduardo” swam within an oar’s distance of Doris. Surrounded by an ever-changing seascape and a 360-degree horizon, “it was effortless to stay in the moment,” says crew member Natalia Cohen. “Sometimes at night the water was so still and  at that the stars were reflected perfectly and we felt like we were rowing through the galaxy.” The Coxless Crew The team hadn’t known each other before this epic journey. It all began with Laura Penhaul, 32, a physiotherapist for the British Paralympics who is also a marathoner and triathlete. She had been planning to join an all-female crew that was rowing the 2,500 miles of the Indian Ocean. When that fell apart, she widened her ambitions to crossing the Pacific. Laura wanted, she says, to “find my own abilities and to challenge myself to get a glimpse of what it is you draw on when the odds are against you.” Natalia, 40, had been managing a safari lodge in Tanzania when she saw the listing Laura had placed on a website called Escape the City. It asked, “Are you woman enough to row the Pacific?” Though Natalia had no rowing experience, she loved the ocean and was a diehard adventurer. “I’ve always chosen to follow opportunities outside my comfort zone,” she says, “because I believe that’s where you have the deepest experiences and can explore the power of your mind and the human spirit.” Emma Mitchell, 30, who manages a global expedition program for schoolchildren, was the third crew member to row the entire crossing. She’d once spent four months in the jungles of Belize, studying wilderness medicine and learning how to survive with only a machete. “When the opportunity to do the row came up, it was something that I couldn’t turn down,” she says. “I have always liked to challenge myself, and I love the sense of achievement gained from doing something that scares me.” (Three other crew members each rowed one leg of the journey: Isabel Burnham, 30, is a London lawyer and ultramarathoner; Lizanne van Vuuren, 26, is an osteopath, cyclist and triathlete; and Meg Dyos, 25, works for a London real-estate office and led an expedition that climbed Kilimanjaro.) They called themselves the Coxless Crew, because they’d be rowing without a coxswain and, not incidentally, without a support boat. On April 25, 2015, they set off from San Francisco, only to have to turn back 10 days later for repairs when huge seas flooded their battery hatch, setting off a fire. They would then spend the next 257 days at sea—some three months longer than they had calculated—stopping only twice, in Honolulu and in Samoa, to stock up on provisions. Preparing for the journey of a lifetime While the six women of the Coxless Crew achieved something no one had before in rowing across the world’s largest ocean, in some ways they saw their journey as unexceptional. “Everyone has their own Pacific to cross,” they like to say. As part of their mission to help women facing especially challenging crossings, the team made their expedition a fundraiser for two U.K. charities, Breast Cancer Care and, to support service women injured in action, Walking With The Wounded. So far, they’ve raised more than $75,000. Getting to the start line of the row was nearly as challenging as the journey itself. It took almost four years before all the logistics, including finding sponsors, developing a marketing plan and dealing with legal issues, were in place. “I was really naïve about the enormity of it all,” says crew leader Laura Penhaul. “It was like setting up a small business.” There were months of grueling training, including one exercise where the women rowed for 48 hours straight to test their stamina. They also worked with a sports psychologist, Keith Goddard, who trained the women in mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy so they could maintain strong mental and emotional health throughout the row and function well as a team. Keith guided the crew to come up with team values. (They settled on “Spirit,” an acronym for strength, perseverance, integrity, resilience, inspiration and trust.) Listen to our LiveHappyNow podcast with Natalia Cohen. Testing their mettle During the journey, the Pacific was true to its reputation as the world’s most difficult ocean crossing. Doris was pummeled by four-story high waves and relentless rain while the women, who were always leashed to the boat, rowed on. Temperatures rose to 110 degrees on deck. One day Laura was hit so hard in the head by a flying fish she was nearly knocked unconscious. When the team reached the equator and the area that’s known by sailors as the doldrums, the currents were against them, and for days they found themselves moving backward. If Mother Nature provided challenges, so did the living conditions. The team rowed in pairs for two hours at a stretch in round-the-clock shifts and slept only 90 minutes at a time. For bathroom functions, the women relied on the technique they describe as “bucket and chuck it.” They slept in the boat’s two cramped cabins, each no bigger than a two-person tent. Privacy was impossible. Tempers sometimes flared, including one especially pitched argument over a packet of instant noodles. Small wonder this is a journey few choose to make. When the team arrived at the finish line at the Marlin Marina in Cairns, Australia, on January 25, 2016, after 8,446 miles on often rocky seas, they had achieved two world records. They were the first team of six and the first all-female team to cross the Pacific. Beyond limits Even more important than those records, the Coxless Crew had fulfilled their personal goals of testing themselves and stretching their boundaries. For Laura, this meant learning to value the full range of her feelings. “I used to think if you’re a leader you have to be really stoic,” she says. But the first 10 days of the trip she was too violently seasick to hide her distress. “The whole journey has highlighted the strength in showing your emotions,” she says. “Being vulnerable within your team brings you closer and allows other people to support you just as much as you’re supporting them.” Despite illnesses and exhaustion, no one missed a single rowing shift during the entire journey. “We drew strength from one another,” Laura says, “cared for each other when someone was down, drew on humor to keep us going and allowed emotions to be shared and free flowing.” When it was painful to row because of sores on hands and buttocks or it was difficult to stay awake during a middle-of-the-night shift, the team members would distract each other with songs or quizzes, by retelling their favorite novels or movies, or sharing their life stories. “You rarely have the time and the opportunity to fully listen to people,” Natalia says, “but on the ocean, we were really able to listen and be heard.” Documenting the journey Amid all the rigors of the voyage, the women were blogging regularly and keeping video journals for Sarah Moshman, an Emmy-winning filmmaker whose credits include The Empowerment Project: Ordinary Women Doing Extraordinary Things. Sarah, who had equipped the women with cameras and hard drives, is making a documentary about the journey, called Losing Sight of Shore. The title is taken from a quote by Christopher Columbus and became an anthem for the women: “You can never cross an ocean until you lose sight of shore.” Ten days before the crew completed their journey, shore was almost within sight. Emma had finally drifted off to sleep in an “unbearably hot” cabin when Natalia opened the hatch to call her up for a row. “The salt sores on my bum hurt, the salt in my clothes is making me itchy and I can’t find a comfortable way to sit,” Emma wrote in a blog post. “However, the sun is setting in a glow of orange behind us and the sky in front of us glows pink with grey clouds. The beauty still takes my breath away and all of a sudden I’m not in such a rush to get to land.” To learn more about The Coxless Crew and their continuing efforts to raise money and awareness for women's causes, got to coxlesscrew.com. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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