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4 Ways to Put a New Twist on Halloween

October 31 marks Halloween—complete with candy, costumes and a bit of spookiness. While the annual celebration is all about fun, there’s always room to add some meaning. We have come up with five ways to insert a bit of good doing into the festivities, and perhaps even create some new traditions along the way. Feel free to share some of your own Halloween traditions with us in the comments below. Trick-or-treat! 1. Start a new tradition Halloween is an exciting night filled with trick-or-treating and fun costume parties, but it can also serve as a good time to spend some quality time with your loved ones. A pre-Halloween meal with healthy fixings can become a great new tradition to kick off the revelry. Eating nutritious foods before heading out for the night will fill your kiddos up and leave less room for sugary candy. 2. Costumes: Go DIY Dressing up is what makes Halloween so fun—for kids and adults alike. Your creativity can run wild and you can be whomever you want—the sky’s the limit. But instead of going out and buying a costume that you’ll wear for a couple of hours once a year, make one yourself (if you have time)! Most costume elements can be found at home or even borrowed from friends. For some great DIY kid’s costumes explore Real Simple, Handmade Charlotte and Parenting. If you’d like to buck the trend, try dressing your kid up as a historical figure and explain to them the significance of that person. For the adults out there, you are not forgotten! Here are some cool and culturally relevant DIY costumes from Buzzfeed, Babble and the daily green. 3. Think beyond the Jack O'Lantern Carving pumpkins is a great Halloween activity; there are so many inventive ways to create a jack-o-lantern. Plus, it’s always nice to display your beautiful handiwork for the whole neighborhood to see. While you’re carving your pumpkin, instead of just chucking out the insides, put them to good use! There are many tasty ways to use more of the pumpkin like roasting the seeds and composting the rest. 4. Neighborhood clean-up Trick or treating brings the whole neighborhood out and is a fun affair for all. But a night of trick-or-treating also makes for a lot of mess, with discarded candy wrappers and abandoned costumes littering the ground. Start a new tradition by rallying friends and family to clean up the ‘hood after Halloween by picking up garbage from the night before. This article was originally published on Goodnet.org.

Podcast

Exploring Happiness Through Film with Adam Shell

Adam Shell is an award-winning documentary film director, editor and musician. In his latest film, Pursuing Happiness, Adam and producer Nicholas Kraft, embark upon a journey to find what makes Americans happy. What you'll learn in this podcast: How the creative process works in compiling a film of this magnitude The impact the film has had on Adam's personal well-being A glimpse of some of the stories shared in Pursuing Happiness Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Visit PursuingHappiness.com Follow Pursuing Happiness on Facebook and Twitter

Practice

How to Be Your Best Self Every Day

Tom Rath's inspirational documentary Fully Charged uses social scientists’ latest research and powerful, real-life stories to show us practical ways to energize and find meaning and purpose in work and life. We caught up with him to ask him about his purpose in making the film. Live Happy: What inspired you to create the film Fully Charged, and what do you want it to accomplish? Tom Rath: I want to help people see how small adjustments in their daily routines can lead to substantive improvements to their well-being. There is an abundance of quality research on these topics, yet it often ends up hidden in books or academic articles. We need the great research from people like Brian Wansink or Amy Wrzesniewski to reach more people. This is what led us to not only spend time interviewing some of the world's leading experts on well-being, but also to film some of the best individual stories of how this research can be applied to both work and life. LH: How have your own health challenges since you were a teenager contributed to your life’s work, including this film as well as your best-selling books? TR: My lifelong battle with cancer is what motivates me to make those small adjustments and be fully charged, which in turn impacts my long-term health and well-being. It also keeps me focused on how I can contribute to projects like Fully Charged, which will hopefully continue to influence and grow when I am gone. LH: In the film you list the three key elements to a life considered to be fully charged. What are those three things and why is it important for all of us to start to take better control of them? TR: The three elements of being fully charged on a day-to-day basis are having meaningful moments, positive interactions and the physical energy you need to be your best. What I have learned from a lot of research is that well-being is created in the moment. So these are three practical things that need to be present to have a day where you are truly thriving. LH: What top five takeaways or tips do the sources in your film offer viewers to get started in building more energy at work and at home? Eat more greens and less sugar. Move throughout the day. Sleep longer. Make every interaction a net gain. Do something meaningful for another person. LH: Why are interactions so critical? How do those we spend the most time with influence our health and happiness, and what are most of us doing wrong in this area? TR: These little interactions accumulate more rapidly than we realize. We tend to focus on big or grand actions, yet simply asking a brief question and genuinely listening for a moment can often turn someone's day in the right direction. To a degree, our lives are the sum of all these little interactions…so we have to make them count. LH: If we aren’t lucky enough to pursue our life’s passions for a paycheck, how do we begin to build purpose and meaning into our work? TR: If you narrowed down to the core of almost any job, there should be an intent to do something that adds value to the world, for another human being. Even if your job isn’t anywhere close to “ideal” right now, if you can remind yourself of the person you are serving in a very simple way, it should help to build more meaning into your routine. This can be as easy as seeing someone eat a meal you prepared or noticing the smile on the face of a customer you helped. LH: What surprised you about the process of making this film or from the personal journeys of those interviewed? TR: The commonality of human goals and aspirations is pretty remarkable. We all want our lives and the lives of people we care for to be a bit better tomorrow than they are today. When we interviewed people in very different jobs, situations, ages and so forth, it turns out there is a lot we can learn from almost anyone about creating better days. LH: How can readers view the full film or learn more? TR: The film is available through several major retailers (e.g., Apple, Amazon), and more information and video excerpts can be found at fullychargedmovie.com. Listen to our Live Happy Now podcast with Tom for more: 3 Ways to Get More Out of Life With Tom Rath TOM RATH is a researcher, filmmaker and author of six international best-sellers, including StrengthsFinder 2.0, Eat Move Sleep and Are You Fully Charged? Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

relationships

The Friendship Prescription

When Liz Hilcken went through a bad spate of depression in her 20s and early 30s, she didn’t turn to her three older sisters, though the four siblings are extremely close, texting, calling and visiting weekly if not daily. Liz didn’t tap the support of her husband either, nor her colleagues at the hospital where she worked as a nurse in the pediatric intensive care unit. Instead, she turned to her best friend, Elis, a woman she describes as her polar opposite. “I’d seen all the horrible things that could happen to kids because of my job, so I was the classic helicopter mom,” says Liz, 51, who has two daughters and lives in Seaford, New York. “Elis is from Ireland and grew up running around in pastures until dark; she doesn’t have rules.” The two met as young mothers nearly 25 years ago, through their then 3-year-old girls. “I was in a blur of depression,” says Liz, “I’d recently lost both my parents and I was struggling as a young wife and mother,” she says. “My sisters are the best, but when you’re the youngest, you have to behave a certain way and follow the rules you were raised with.” For Liz, that meant trying to be the perfect sister, spouse, nurse and mother. No judgments In other words, it meant not always showing her authentic self, something it can be easier to do with friends than family. “I would go to work or visit my sisters and smile; I’d pretend I was OK. I even pretended with my husband because I didn’t want him to worry,” Liz says. She didn’t pretend with Elis. “When I was with her, I wasn’t expected to be happy all the time,” Liz says. “She was very accepting. I could just go to her house and sit there quietly at her kitchen counter, whatever my mood, with no judgments.” There’s a certain kind of joy that comes from truly being known and understood, the way Liz felt known and understood by Elis, the way we feel with our closest friends. “My therapy was talking to Elis, being with her, and being myself with her,” Liz recalls. “That saved my life.” It has been well-documented by psychologists that social connections like family or a spiritual community are crucial to health and happiness. Indeed, a 2010 landmark study at Brigham Young University found that people with strong social ties have a 50 percent lower risk of dying than more solitary sorts, even if the socializers smoke or drink excessively. Certainly, a loving family has a huge influence on our well-being. But when it comes to day-to-day joy and ultimate life satisfaction, our friends play a crucial role. Read more: Friends With Benefits Friends and family: What’s the difference? There’s something unique about friendship, something that sets it apart from the far more widely studied bonds of family and romance. “There’s plenty of vibrant research on marriage and parent-child relationships, but friendship doesn’t get the focus it deserves,” says Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a visiting professor and researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. In fact, we rely on friends to maintain our happiness—one reason being that there is not the same fear of judgments we may get from parents or a partner. “It can be easier to seek help from friends, to talk honestly about our health and behaviors without fear of worrying or angering them,” says psychologist Terri Apter, Ph.D., author of Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls’ and Women’s Friendships. “It can also be easier to vent or moan to a friend and get uncomplicated positive feedback in return.” With family, it's complicated... Uncomplicated positive feedback is not necessarily something that most relatives are known for, however beloved they may be. “In friendships, there tend to be fewer hierarchies,” says Ruth Nemzoff, resident scholar at the Women’s Study Research Center at Brandeis University. But “in families, parents tend to have power over children, and older siblings may have power over the younger,” Ruth says. Marriage, too, comes with a wealth of complications that generally don’t arise with pals. “Unlike with a romantic partner, with friends, you don’t have the tension that comes with thinking about the future, or the complications that can arise with sex,” says Rebecca Graber, Ph.D., a lecturer in psychology at the University of Brighton in England. A matter of choice—and mutuality We also don’t get to choose our parents and siblings the way we do our friends. That simple act of choosing, say researchers, can bring a wealth of happiness benefits that may extend from childhood on. “We tend to expect help from our family, so we take it more for granted. But friendships are voluntary, so we often feel deeply grateful when our friends help us out,” Ruth says. And gratitude, as a raft of positive psychology studies have shown, is intimately linked with greater happiness. Ricki Frankel, 53, felt deeply thankful for the unconditional love and support she got from her former sorority sisters during and after her divorce. “We’d do group emails regularly and they were completely there for me,” says Ricki, an instructor at Stanford Business School. “It was comforting to have this group firmly and unequivocally with me during that difficult time.” With a little help from my friends That solid connection and support may foster the kind of pick-yourself-up attitude that helped Ricki get through her divorce and love again, and that nudged Liz through the darkest days of her depression. In an as-yet unpublished study of an international group of women ages 35 to 56 done at the University of Leeds in England, Rebecca found that women with these kinds of high-quality friendships were more resilient and had better life coping skills. “The same is true in children,” she says. In the May 2016 British Journal of Psychology, a study by Rebecca and colleagues reported that children in low-income neighborhoods with just one close friendship were more resilient than those without a good friend. “For both boys and girls, those with better friendships were likelier to get through difficult times without doing things like using drugs or disengaging,” Rebecca says. More evidence that the benefits of friendship start early: A 30-year Swedish study of 996 adults published in 2013 found that eighth-grade children who felt happy with their friends were more satisfied with life and friendships when they were in their 40s, compared with kids who felt rejected in eighth grade. Keeping it casual Of course, not every friend has to be a best friend, or even someone with whom we share our most intimate thoughts. One of the unique benefits of the friendship bond, both Ruth and Rebecca have found, is that most of us have different friends for different parts of life. “You can have your shopping friends, your book club friends and your running friends,” Ruth says. “Even if these friendships are casual, the more cohorts you have, the more parts of yourself get valued.” Surprisingly, the fragmentation that can characterize friendship is also beneficial to happiness: Because you don’t necessarily give your friends all of yourself, friendships can feel less complicated and, often, more fun than the bonds of family or marriage. “With all my sisters in my life, I never thought I’d need anyone to just play with,” says Liz. “But with my girlfriends, I don’t have that stifling history. I can just enjoy myself.” Another reason less-intimate friendships confer happiness benefits is because we have to do some work to keep them going, according to Rebecca. All that texting and calling to make a date (something we don’t do with a spouse), may make us value our friends more—which contributes to the pleasure we take from them. Think about it: You may not get the same jolt of delight when your spouse comes home (since he or she comes home every day) as you do when you finally manage to connect with a pal after umpteen emails and calendar reconfigurations. You don’t even have to see your friends in person to reap the benefits. A now-famous 2008 report in the British Medical Journal found that when our friends are happy, we may get happy, too—even if we don’t see or speak to them. The findings suggest that happiness can spread to up to three friends within a given social network, albeit within a fairly close geographical distance. Researchers found that if a happy chum lives within a mile, your chances of becoming happy increase 25 percent. In contrast, a happy sibling living within a mile increases happiness by only 14 percent; a cohabitating spouse by only 8 percent and happy co-workers not at all. Read more: Redefining Love Quality or quantity? Ultimately, though, researchers agree that having at least one close, intimate friendship trumps a large network of casual pals every time. “There is no ideal number of friends you must have to get the benefits,” Rebecca says. “If you have one or two people you can call true friends, who aren’t your partner or your family, you’re in a good place.” Indeed, a 2015 survey of 25,000 people done by researchers at Chapman University in Orange, California, found that the two biggest predictors of life satisfaction were quality of friendships and job engagement. “Quality beats out quantity across all dimensions, ages and genders,” says Brian Gillespie, co-author of the Chapman study. The question is, what counts as a quality friendship? Brian and his colleagues teased out three aspects they believe bump a bond from eh to essential: companionship (a person you can count on to show up at a big birthday or other milestone event) expressive support (a friend with whom you can talk about anything, including sex) and instrumental support (a friend who will do things with you or for you—like pick up when you call at midnight to cry about a breakup). Read more: Life Is More Fun When Shared With a Friend They'll be there for you Friendships with these components—quality friendships—play an important role outside the marital relationship, according to Brian. “They can relieve stress in the marriage because they serve as a sounding board, especially important if you are having problems with your spouse,” he says. “Friendships that have all of these qualities are also the most satisfying kind. And the more satisfied you are with your friendships, the more satisfied you are with your life. Having quality friendships, as opposed to a larger groupof casuals, may be especially important in middle age, when people are juggling kids and ailing parents, and may not have time for girls’/boys’ night out. “Once people reach their 30s, 40s and beyond, they tend to prune away the acquaintances and shift into higher-quality, more substantial friendships,” Brian says. Those are the kind of friendships that sustain us for the long haul. As Liz copes with the kinds of dramas that typically come with middle age, she remains glad that there’s one constant in her life: her unwavering, deeply comfortable bond with her best friend. “Whatever is going on, we can still laugh together, relax together, tell stories from all our years of friendship,” says Liz. “If someone asked me, ‘Who is your person in life?’ well, Elis is my person.” Listen to our Podcast with Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., on Relationships and Love Paula Derrow is an experienced writer, editor and content strategist. Learn more at PaulaDerrow.com.

Positive Psychology

4 Ideas Shaping the Future of Education

With adolescents increasingly experiencing anxiety, depression and other forms of mental illness, the need for change on a global scale for our youth has never been greater. The formation of the International Positive Education Network (IPEN) in 2014 paved the way to apply to education the principles of positive psychology, which research shows creates better outcomes, both academically and emotionally, for students. IPEN members advocate that developing students’ character strengths and well-being are as important as academic achievement to their future success and happiness. The organization’s goals include changing educational policies to recognize and include positive education principles and to then help put such programs into place. Although many positive education initiatives have been developed around the world, IPEN brings them together. “We needed a way to share best practices and try to form all of those disparate things that are happening into a global movement,” explained Lord James O’Shaughnessy, chair of the IPEN steering committee. In July, IPEN held its inaugural Festival of Positive Education in Dallas, offering workshops and presentations to some 800 attendees from more than 30 countries. Academics and positive psychology experts traded ideas on introducing classroom practices. Although the event was geared toward education, it provided plenty of takeaways for life outside of the classroom. Here are four of our favorites. 1. Grit takes a team Author and psychology professor Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., has almost single-handedly brought the word “grit” to the forefront of conversation. But she said an individual child’s grit isn’t the only factor that determines his or her success. “Grit is not just something that you have yourself, it’s also the resources you have with other people.” That means we can increase our grit by drawing upon the strength of those around us, and we also can help boost the resilience and grit of other people in our lives. “When I interview people…who have accomplished incredible physical feats, you have to realize they have around them people who don’t let them quit. Sometimes, it’s not their grit [that drives them], it’s the grit of people who care about them,” Angela said. She emphasized that such encouragement is different from forcing others to participate in activities they aren’t passionate about; grit is about learning to persevere when times are difficult, when your team isn’t winning or you’re no longer at the top of your class. “What a powerful thing to wake up and say, ‘We do things when they’re hard.…we never lose hope; we are the ones who look for hope and change.’ ” 2. Parents: Positive psychology's missing piece? Today, positive psychology is accessed in many different ways: Organizations teach its principles to improve business practices; higher education institutions make it part of curriculum and even elementary and high schools are finding ways to include it. Where it’s still lacking, though, is in reaching parents directly, said Lea Waters, Ph.D., founder of the Australia-based Positive Detective, a school-based well-being program. “The topic of parenting has been neglected in positive psychology,” she said, noting that from 2006 through 2014 only 1.7 percent of the articles published in positive psychology journals focused on parenting. “It’s a missing piece of the puzzle.” Finding a way to do that may present a challenge for positive psychology practitioners, but it’s a problem that should no longer be ignored, according to Lea. “Not every child goes to school; many of them are home-schooled,” she points out. “And not every adult goes to a workplace every day. How are we going to reach them?” 3. Focus on the positive Being mindful of what you’re focusing on matters more today than ever before, said contemporary historian Sir Anthony Seldon, vice-chancellor of the University of Buckingham. As co-founder and first director of the Centre for Contemporary British History and co-founder of Action for Happiness, he offered unique insight into the intersection of world politics and positive psychology. And never, he said, has global politics been in greater need of an infusion of positivity. When the media focuses on what’s wrong with a country, a leader or a political group, he explained, it creates a fearful, negative mindset that permeates an entire culture and can have long-lasting repercussions. Individually, we can begin changing that mindset by re-evaluating what we listen to and where we focus our energy. “There will always be demagogues who try to pull people apart. They work on fear rather than operating on a positive vision,” he said. However, “…there will always be people who define themselves primarily by their humanity. Positive psychology pulls us toward what we share in common with others.” Learning to appreciate our commonalities instead of arguing over our differences is critical to how we progress globally. “We must encourage our sense of identity, based on our common humanity. Those who would see our differences as something to be feared and separated will only lead to a more violent, divided world.” 4. Check the facts As a broadcast journalist, Michelle Gielan knew the importance of checking the facts in her stories. But as a positive psychology researcher, she’s found that same skill can help each of us improve our well-being. The Broadcasting Happiness author reported that people who read negative news could actually have positive reactions, but only if they were offered solutions to the problems they’d just read about. A study she conducted with Arianna Huffington found that when readers were offered solutions, they not only showed an improved attitude toward the news they’d just read but also increased their overall creative problem-solving abilities by 20 percent. “If we can remind the brain that there is a path forward in one domain, we actually empower [ourselves] to take positive action and become more creative problem solvers in other areas.” To do that, she recommended a three-step fact-checking process to overcome negative thinking and obstacles: 1. Isolate the negative thought. “When someone is overwhelmed, you start by finding out what, at the core, is stressing them out?” For example, if someone is stressed out about work, find that core thought—such as the fear of missing an important deadline. 2. List known facts. “Strip out the emotions,” she suggested, then examine the truths surrounding that negative thought. In the case of work, that might mean listing what needs to happen in order for that deadline to be met, and what obstacles stand in the way. 3. List the new set of facts that can illuminate the situation. This could include looking at who else could help meet this deadline, or even considering seeing if the deadline can be extended. “It’s not about disproving the old story, it’s about seeing the rest of the picture,” she explained. “If we can guide people to this solution-focused and resource-focused response…that’s when you empower them.” Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

relationships

Born to Love

Humans are social creatures. Sure, some of us like a little solitude now and then, but even introverts need to feel connected, cared for and understood. Our DNA compels us to seek relationships that satisfy those needs. From the most basic viewpoint, the biological need for connection may stem from the survival instinct; propagation and protection of the human species depend on the bonds of our relationships. But love and connection provide much deeper benefits than a simple response to the instinct to survive. Positive relationships contribute to better physical and mental health, longevity and, yes, happiness. Although your closest relationships, those with your partner, children and inner circle of friends, are most essential to your well-being and life fulfillment, feeling connected at work or in your community also contributes to happiness. You may not define your work or social connections as love, but when nurtured, they can stimulate a physical and emotional response that mirrors the benefits of close personal relationships. In his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman presents evidence that social connection is as important to our survival as food and shelter. In fact, positive relationships are one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction. In a Harvard study of nearly 300 men over the course of 75 years, having meaningful relationships is identified as the only thing that truly matters in life. George Vaillant, one of the principal researchers, noted in his book Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study that even when the men had money, health and good careers, they weren’t happy unless they had strong, positive relationships. And it isn’t just emotional wellness that love and connection confer. In a recent meta-analysis of 148 smaller studies, researchers at Brigham Young University showed that loneliness and social isolation are just as deadly as obesity, smoking and other extremely negative factors. John Cacioppo, Ph.D., is the director of the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience and has studied the causes and effects of loneliness for many years; he is also the author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. When a person feels socially isolated, John has found, his or her body produces more of the stress hormone cortisol. As time goes on, too much cortisol in the system leads to organ wear and tear, which in turn can lead to a variety of maladies from depression to high blood pressure to major strokes. But if loneliness hurts, love and companionship heal, boosting both our health and our happiness. The biology of love “Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the Earth’s atmosphere and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love,” says Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D., director of the Positive Emotions & Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a leading researcher on the benefits of connection and the author of Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection. “Love—like taking a deep breath, or eating an orange when you’re depleted and thirsty—not only feels great but is also life-giving, an indispensable source of energy, sustenance and health,” Barbara says. When you feel loving, kind and trusting toward someone, Barbara says, your brain releases oxytocin into your body. Oxytocin is the calming and connecting hormone. What’s more, when your body releases oxytocin, it can stimulate a release of oxytocin in the other person, Barbara says. That’s why a crying child can often be calmed by a loving parent’s touch. It’s also how mutual trust is fostered in relationships. Besides producing oxytocin when we have warm and trusting feelings for another person, our bodies quell production of the stress hormone cortisol. This tandem event—a boost in oxytocin and a tamping down of cortisol—allows us to handle stressful situations, such as a conflict with a spouse or business person, more easily. Just as important as oxytocin’s role in our ability to connect with others is that of our vagus nerve, which links our brains to our hearts and other organs. The vagus nerve regulates the heartbeat and, working with oxytocin, stimulates the “calm and connect” response, Barbara says. “It stimulates tiny facial muscles that better enable you to make eye contact and synchronize your facial expressions with another person,” she says, adding that it even allows our ears to better distinguish another person’s voice against background noise. Finally, we are built not just to connect and love, but also to share those loving, good vibes. A 20-year study of 4,739 people known as the Framingham Heart Study concluded that happiness is contagious, spreading from person to person. Love is all you need Relationships compose one of the largest pillars upon which our happiness is built. So take time out for the people who matter to you. Deepen your existing relationships and be open to forming new connections. The three stories shared here show how, by nurturing the positive in a variety of relationships—with a spouse, family or one’s co-workers—life becomes rich in the truest sense of the word. Because when considering the famous question, “What’s love got to do with it?” the answer, as far as your happiness is concerned, is everything. Shawn Achor and Michell Gielan: When happiness experts fall in love A former TV reporter and anchor Michelle Gielan had shifted her career path to pursue a master’s in positive psychology. As part of her coursework, Michelle had read—and loved—Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage. So when she needed a mentor in her new field, she e-mailed the Harvard-trained happiness expert and asked to set up a meeting. It wasn’t the only reason she was looking forward to meeting him. “I had definitely looked at the back flap of the book and seen his picture,” Michelle laughs. A few short months after that first meeting, the two began dating and today they are married and have a toddler son, Leo. Shawn and Michelle knew that having healthy relationships is one of the greatest predictors of long-term happiness. In their own relationship, they’ve learned first-hand that by being intentional every day about the way they interact with each other, they can strengthen their marriage and add to each other’s happiness. “When we see each other for the first time after we’ve been away on a trip or for just a few hours, we always make sure to start our interaction by sharing something positive that’s happening,” Michelle says. Making the initial encounter a positive one sets the tone for the rest of the day. They also help each other recognize less-than-positive attitudes and behaviors so they can be stopped or adjusted. “We call each other out when one of us is going down an unproductive thought path,” Shawn says, “and suddenly you realize that the negativity isn’t going anywhere—it’s just spinning you around on an emotional cycle.” By the same token, when either party is stressed by work, travel or parenthood, the other asks for three good things that are happening at that instant. “So if she asks me to do that, suddenly I’ll realize, yeah, I’m traveling to give a talk on happiness that will help people,” Shawn says. “Or we’re on our way to the airport for a great, fun vacation. Or I’m with the people I love.” During disagreements, Michelle explains that the first thing to consider is that the other person is coming from a place of love. “I know that he’s got my back. So when we have a disagreement, we’re disagreeing about the thing, the event, not the other person fundamentally. And we’re also very big on communicating along the way, talking issues through as they pop up, so that they stay small things and don’t become big things.” Gary and Vicki Flenniken: More to love For 14 years, Gary and Vicki Flenniken lived full, mostly happy lives as a DINK couple (double income, no kids). But they felt that something was missing. They tried for years to have children and finally went through fertility testing. But just three days after Vicki began treatments, Gary’s old friend called in the midst of a family crisis. She told Gary that Child Protective Services (CPS) had removed her sister’s two children—one of whom was an infant—from her home and they were now in the friend’s care. The friend was panicked: She already had four children and felt overwhelmed. Gary and Vicki immediately offered to care for the baby. Suddenly, they were parents. “We brought her into our home with zero preparation. We didn’t have bottles, a bedroom for a baby, diapers; we didn’t have anything,” Gary says. Anything, that is, except love to share in abundance. During the next two years, the Flennikens waded through the long process of adoption and continued to love the little girl, whom they knew could be taken away from them at any moment. “It was an incredibly stressful time that taught us how to pray. We understand lamentations,” he says. “The joy, the relief that finally came when the judge said she was legally ours was overwhelming.” Ten years after welcoming their daughter, Sydney, into their lives, a phone call expanded their family once again. “We got a call from a friend who said her daughter was pregnant and in jail. She asked if we could be of any help finding a place for the baby,” Gary says. After hanging up, he turned to his wife and asked, “Are you ready for a baby?” Months later, Gary and Vicki watched their new adoptive son come into the world. The hospital even prepared a room for them and had Vicki snuggle the newborn on her bare chest to encourage bonding. Concerned that the baby may have been exposed to harmful drugs while still in the womb, doctors kept the baby, Zach, in the hospital for five days to watch for withdrawal symptoms. Because of that concern, hospital staff also contacted CPS to check on the woman’s other three children. A few months later, a caseworker told the Flennikens they needed a home for Zach’s two older brothers, ages 2 and 3. And a few short months after that, their older sister, Kylah, who had been living with her grandmother, joined the family. In less than a year, their family grew from three to seven members. “I wouldn’t trade any of it,” Gary says. For the first time in our life, we’re looking for places where kids eat free on Tuesday nights.” They laugh a lot, but sometimes there are tears, too. “The 2-year-old had been burned in hot water and was just traumatized when we put him in the bathtub the first time,” Vicki recalls. While his older brother splashed and played in the water, the little one screamed, “Hot, hot! Burn, burn!” “For 14 days, he just screamed at bath time, and it broke my heart. The first time he took a bath and didn’t cry, it was amazing,” Vicki says. “It took 14 days for him to trust me. God makes these little people so trusting. We need to learn from that. You can start over, and life can be good again. Now when we say, ‘Hey, it’s bath time,’ he’s the first one running up the stairs.” Gary and Vicki expect there to be ups and downs as the children grow and bond with them, but, says Gary, “We are blessed beyond belief, and we want people to know that adopting is a way to bring joy not just to the child, but to the entire family. We couldn’t be happier.” Jenn Lim and Ton Hsieh: Happy at work A 2013 Gallup report, State of the American Workplace, shows that happy workers are good for business: They’re more productive, more loyal and make the office a more enjoyable place to work. Jenn Lim, chief happiness officer of the Zappos spinoff consulting group Delivering Happiness, can attest to that: She was instrumental in helping Zappos founder Tony Hsieh create an environment where employees feel respected, cared for and connected. In 2003, the company was growing and its customer service was unparalleled, but the culture needed some work. Tony suggested that Zappos should hire people whom existing employees might “also enjoy hanging out with after work,” he recalls in his book Delivering Happiness. A movement was born, starting with the development of 10 core values based on input from everyone in the company. Two of those values include “Build open and honest relationships with communication” and “Build a positive team and family spirit.” Living up to these core values is part of an employee’s job description. One of the most enduring aspects of Zappos’ culture—one that has defined it from the start—is its sense of connectedness. “We are more than just a team—we are a family,” Tony explains in Delivering Happiness, where he tells how this quality is driven home by Robin P., an employee who lost her husband very suddenly. Robin’s first phone call conveying the news was not to a relative, but to her employer, Zappos. “That one action made me realize the strong connection I felt with my co-workers and the Zappos culture. It was essentially my home away from home.” Zappos gave her the time she needed, volunteered to cater the funeral service, offered her a shoulder to cry on and was her “refuge” and “healing place.” “We watch out for each other,” Tony says in Delivering Happiness, “care for each other, and go above and beyond for each other, because we believe in each other and we trust each other. We work together, but we also play together. Our bonds go far beyond the typical co-worker relationships found at most companies.” Jenn echoes this sentiment. “A sense of connectedness, that is, meaningful relationships, is one of the most sustainable forms of happiness. Relationships matter because people don’t show up to work because they have to—but because they want to be with their friends, their tribe. And they matter because people tend to go above and beyond when they share mutual respect and trust.” This excerpt is from the book Live Happy: 10 Practices for Choosing Joy, available online and at bookstores near you. Deborah K. Heisz is the CEO and Editorial Director of Live Happy.

Happy 40-something woman lifting weights in the park.

Self-Care

Top 5 Fitness Tips for People Over 40

Exercise just may be the magical key that unlocks happiness. Science tells us that exercise improves mood, fights depression, enhances quality of sleep, reduces stress and prevents disease. And according to a study published in Medicine & Science in Sports and Exercise, regular exercise can actually slow the aging process. If you are north of 40, keep your body strong and your energy up with our best exercise advice. 1. Choose something you love If you see exercise as a chore, you are less likely to experience its benefits because you probably won’t stick with it in the long-term. Find an exercise you love and you don’t have to go in search of your motivation. No one has to drag you out of bed to do something you love. Experiment until you find a type of exercise that makes you happy. The feel-good emotions can also help you stick with exercise long-term. In his book, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and theBrain, Dr. John Ratey, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard, writes, “When we begin exercising, we almost immediately begin releasing dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. Those are all neurotransmitters that deal with feelings of reward, alertness, contentment and feelings of wellbeing.” What to do: What exercise did you love as a child? Use your answer as inspiration to find an exercise you love as an adult. Ride a bike. Go for a hike. Swim laps or try water aerobics. Take up Pilates or the newest class at your gym. 2. Strength train If making yourself exercise is a tall order, you might be immediately dismissive of strength training. However, “doing some form of strength training is mandatory as we age,” says national fitness trainer and founder of GetHealthyU Chris Freytag. “You can use dumbbells, resistance bands or your bodyweight, but muscle is the best way to rev up your metabolism as you age, and it’s something you have control over,” Chris says. “Muscle tissue can burn three to five times more calories than fat does. So the more muscle you have, the more calories you will burn, even while sitting,” Chris explains. Strength training also slows bone and muscle loss as you age and keeps your body strong for everyday activities like taking the stairs and gardening. “As people age, there needs to be a stronger emphasis on functional movement and activities that are performed in daily life, such as squatting and pushing doors open,” says Mary Edwards, MS, director of fitness and a professional fitness trainer at Cooper Fitness Center. “Strength training helps increase muscle strength in the limbs and core, which are most important as people age. American College of Sports Medicine recommends strength training, especially for those ages 56 and up as important for maintaining functional movement, balance and power.” You don’t need to invest much time with strength training to see results. What to do: “Working with weights or your body weight for as little as 20 minutes for two to three days a week can crank up your resting metabolic rate over time,” Chris says. If you are using your body weight, try pushups, squats, lunges and planks. 3. Mix it up If you love to jog or love to run, you might just want to stick to your favorite workout day in and day out, but your body needs a mix of cardio (for your cardiovascular health) and weight training (for your body’s strength). Founder and chairman at Cooper Aerobics Center and practicing preventative physician, Dr. Kenneth H. Cooper prescribes the following ratio of aerobic training vs. strength training for maximum health benefits as we age: If you’re 40 years old or younger, devote 80 percent of your workout time to aerobic training and 20 percent to strength training. If you’re 41 to 50 years old, shift to 70 percent aerobic and 30 percent strength work. If you’re 51 to 60, do 60 percent aerobic exercise and 40 percent strength training. After you pass 60, divide your workout time more evenly between the two strategies – while still giving an edge to aerobic exercise, which provides the most health benefits: 55 percent aerobic work and 45 percent strength work. What to do: Sometimes people are intimidated by the weight rooms or weight machines at gyms. You can strength train using your own body weight by holding planks, doing pushups and situps, wall-sits, lunges and squats. Or buy some hand weights and do some workouts at home. There are lots of online workouts both free and subscription-based. 4. Set a goal and track your progress Write down the workouts you do on a calendar you see daily. Seeing your efforts in writing (or on your phone) gives you a boost and a sense of accomplishment. As happiness expert Shawn Achor says, “Happiness is the joy you feel striving toward your potential.” Use what you’ve done to fuel your motivation to do more. A goal can be a powerful reminder to exercise consistently. What to do: Set a goal that holds you accountable. Maybe it’s signing up for a race, a desire to see muscle tone in the mirror, or working out a certain number of times per week. Keep going until you reach that goal. 5. Stretch “After age 30, we start losing elasticity in our tendons and ligaments, making them tight,” Mary says. “As we age, stretching helps us maintain a good range of motion in the muscles, allowing joints to operate at normal functionality so they’re not limited.” What to do: Make it a practice to stretch regularly when your body is already warmed up. American College of Sports Medicine recommends stretching muscles surrounding major joints two to three times per week, while holding each stretch for 60 seconds. The best advice from all the experts? Keep moving. “As people age, the body changes and injury can occur, so dysfunction can creep in, Mary says. “Focus on what you can do, not what your limitations are.” Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Lifestyle

Jillian Rose Reed Is Happily Connected

After five years on the successful MTV teen dramedy Awkward as the quirky best friend Tamara and as the voice of Naomi in Disney Channel’s latest animated series Elena of Avalor, Jillian Rose Reed has mastered the art of friendship in her performances. Whether it is art imitating life or vice versa, having valuable friendships is something that is important to her. “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my friends to cheer me up when I’m down, make me laugh or act crazy with,” she says. “I think it’s important to connect with others. People need people.” She also reciprocates that behavior by making herself available for those in need. “No one can get through life alone; that would be terrible.” An advocate for giving back, Jillian also works with charitable organizations such as DoSomething.org, Breaking the Chains and the American Diabetes Association. Her brother Matt suffers from Type 1 diabetes. “Using my platform as an actress to educate young people on the importance of getting involved in something they’re passionate about is something I take very seriously,” she says. Live Happy recently caught up with the young actress to find out what makes her smile. LH: HOW DO YOU LIVE HAPPY? JRR: I live happy by doing things that make me happy and by surrounding myself with people who make me happy. I do things for myself like work out...or eat french fries! And I’m constantly around friends and family who are uplifting. WHO HAS TAUGHT YOU THE MOST ABOUT HAPPINESS? Everyone in my life is extremely positive, but I think I mostly figured out happiness on my own. I’m not sure you can teach that. I had to grow up and find what makes me happy. HOW DO YOU MAKE OTHERS CLOSE TO YOU HAPPY? I’m pretty much available 24/7. Even if I’m not physically there, I can always be reached. I make sure my friends know they can always call me if they need advice. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND WHAT PROMPTED IT? I had dinner with a great friend today. We laugh about everything! WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO BOOK, MOVIE OR TV SHOW TO LIFT YOUR MOOD? I love the TV show Friends. I’m the girl with all the seasons on DVD. It’s definitely my go-to. WHAT IS THE KINDEST ACT SOMEONE HAS EVER DONE FOR YOU? Little things mean more to me than big gestures. If I call a friend when I need a shoulder to lean on, and they pick up, that’s the kindest thing. WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT? I’m passionate about being creative, about food, about my family and my love life. WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF A PERFECT DAY? It would be spent on set shooting a project I’m passionate about. But, if I’m not working, then I’d say it would start with a killer workout, a good lunch and hanging with my family and my boyfriend. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Happy mom and daughter blowing bubbles outside.

Positive Psychology

How You Can Inspire Happiness in Others

A few years ago, Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan, a married pair of happiness researchers and Live Happy contributors, produced a PBS program dedicated to research that shows happiness is a choice. The studies they shared explained how a positive brain can increase your energy by 31 percent, triple your creativity, significantly boost your intelligence and even improve your health. In spite of all these benefits, however, it can be hard to stay happy when others around you are negative or stressed. This December, PBS will begin broadcasting Shawn and Michelle’s new program,Inspire Happiness, on how you can help make the people close to you happier and more positive—and in doing so, also make it easier for you to find happiness. Recently, Live Happy CEO and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz sat down with the couple to discuss their powerful new research. DEBORAH: Can you tell us why the focus of your research recently shifted? MICHELLE: We’ve come to see that making others happier is the primary way we can create and sustain real meaning and happiness for ourselves. We all have someone in our lives who is struggling. We’ve tried to help that person feel happier. We want our spouse to think that happiness is a choice. We want our parents to be optimistic about their future. We want our kids to feel strong and confident. But when it doesn’t work, we start to believe we can’t change others. SHAWN: Society says you can’t change other people so don’t even try. But I know that’s wrong, not only because of the researchbut also because of what I have seen watching my father since I was young. Earlier this year, after 38 years of being a neuroscience professor, my father retired. His research from early in his career helped start the entire neuroscience field. But my father never made the rank or pay of a full professor. Instead of focusing on research, he accepted five times the number of advisees as the average professor. My father, like many people, chose impact over pay and prestige. While he sent hundreds of students to medical school, he also sat with crying students who didn’t get in. And he showed them how they could find different and perhaps better paths. He successfully shifted the mindsets of other people—helping them think in happier, more constructive ways. While I was speaking at his retirement, our 2-year-old son, Leo, ran up to the stage, and I held him for the second half of the talk. Here I was, a proud son talking about his father, and also a proud father holding his son, and things started to make sense in a new way. I thought I already wanted everything for Leo—to be happy, creative, a bright light. But as I reflected on my father while holding my son, I realized that I want too little for my son. I don’t just want him to be happy; I want him to make everyone around him happier. I don’t just want him to be creative; I want him to make everyone around him more creative. I don’t just want him to be a bright light; I want him to also make others shine brighter. True potential is not measured just by your own attributes, but by how much power you have to change others. We can impact people’s happiness in dramatic ways and transform their lives’ trajectories." —Shawn Achor DEBORAH: And studies from positive psychology—both your own and from other researchers in the field—support the fact that changing others is possible? MICHELLE: In one example, researchers at University of California, Riverside, found that if you have three people in a room, two of the people will be influenced by the mood of the most expressive person in the room. The mood of three participants was tested before asking them to sit together for just two minutes without saying a word. After that, their moods were tested again. In repeated experiments, two of the participants experienced a change in mood—because of the third, more expressive person. If that person was frowning or crossing arms, the other two felt less happy. If the most expressive person was smiling or relaxed, it made the others feel more positive. DEBORAH: You share five research-based communication strategies in your PBS program to shift others’ mindsets to be more positive, empowered and resilient, especially in the face of adversity. Can you share one of them with us now? SHAWN: There are times when we want certain behaviors from other people—but some limiting thought is holding them back. For instance, your son is smart but clearly not applying himself when preparing for tests, or your spouse who used to help around the house has recently stopped. Instead of complaining, we’ve found in our research that the stronger approach is to compliment them for their good behaviors. Get them to see how they are actually a good student who works hard or a helper at home, and the more you strengthen that identity, the more likely they are to engage in these positive behaviors. MICHELLE: For one week, take a break from pointing out another person’s problems and instead launch what we call a “right” campaign. Call that person out for what he is doing right! Make his first thought about himself positive and active. Figure out how you want this person to change, and start encouraging him to see himself as that type of person. So who will you target with your right campaign? This approach works with bosses by pointing out how understanding they’ve been, or with your kids when you talk about how responsible they are. SHAWN: When we were putting Leo to bed, we found that it would backfire when we’d say, “OK, you HAVE to stay in your crib tonight.” His response would be, “Nope. Downstairs. Trucks.” Instead, we’ve found a lot of success by telling him what a good boy he is; what a good sleeper he is. He now goes to bed trying to live up to our high opinion of him instead of being determined to rebel against our demand. A University of Pennsylvania Wharton School of Business study found that the more you strengthen someone’s identity as a giver, the more generous he or she is in giving back to the school. This works in many domains of identity. Here is a quick video teaser of Shawn and Michelle's upcoming PBS show Inspire Happiness. Want to learn more? Sign up for Shawn and Michelle's "Wake Up & Inspire Happiness" Video Workshop at Broadcastinghappiness.com/happiness.

Self-Care

Noah Galloway Is Living With No Excuses

Some people will bump up against a minor obstacle and find it overwhelming, while others can survive horrific circumstances and embrace life in the aftermath with incredible courage and fierce determination. Noah Galloway is firmly in the second camp. A member of the Army’s 101st Airborne Division, Noah was three months into his second tour of duty during Operation Iraqi Freedom in December 2005 when he was severely injured by an improvised explosive device (IED). He lost his left arm above the elbow and his left leg above the knee; his right leg and jaw were badlyinjured. Having fought his way back from both the physical and mental wounds he sustained, the father of three is now a personal trainer, model and motivational speaker. Noah stars on Fox TV’s American Grit, where he and three other veterans lead teams competing in a series of challenges modeled after military training exercises. “I love working with people, so that excited me, and it’s been absolutely amazing,” he says. He also garnered national attention for his inspiring performances on season 20 of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, where he finished third with professional dance partner Sharna Burgess. “I’m always pushing people to take on challenges with no excuses,” Noah says, “and I can’t think of anything more challenging than dancing in front of 15 million people on television. So I thought, ‘If I’m going to talk the talk, I better walk the walk.’ ” Connections count Still, the role he relishes most in life is being a dad to sons Colston, 11, and Jack, 8, and 6-year-old daughter Rian—tossing a Frisbee, going fishing or just hanging outdoors. Jack recently had an assignment at school to write a report on an influential figure and present it as that person. “They were all lined up in the hallway and they gave their little speech,” Noah says. “Some were presidents. One was Elvis Presley. My son chose to be Noah Galloway. It’s choking me up just talking about it. When I walked into the hallway and saw him, it was everything I could do not to cry. If my 15 minutes are up, and nobody ever wants to talk to me again, that’s ne as long as I’ve done right by my kids.” Noah says his children continue to motivate him to try new things and are his greatest joy in life. “I think of them first in every decision I make, and I make sure that whatever I’m doing is going to benefit them in some way. No matter what a bad day I’m having, one of them is going to say or do something that is going to cheer me up.” He adds that the relationship he has with them is stronger because of what he’s been through. Finding purpose “When I woke up in the hospital I was unaware what had happened,” the 34-year-old recalls of that Christmas Eve 11 years ago. “My parents were walking into the room. I saw them and knew that I was somewhere safe or they would not be there. I had no idea what condition I was in, and it was my mom who told me that I had lost my arm and my leg.” The Birmingham, Alabama, native enlisted in the Army after Sept. 11, 2001, wanting to serve his country. Noah has no regrets about that decision, but after he was injured he struggled with depression. His first marriage crumbled, and he spent a lot of time smoking, drinking and sleeping. His second marriage also ended. “I went through a couple years of depression. I felt like I had no purpose,” he says. “I never regretted going into the military or what happened to me. [I was] a little upset I lost two limbs, but I think what terrified me was the future. “I didn’t know what it was. I like making sure I’m taking care of others, and I thought if I was injured, I couldn’t do that. Once I realized I still needed to be a father to my children, then I had purpose again. I found that even with my injury, I wanted to help other people; I get that from my mom. Once I got that sense of purpose back, my life turned back around. Everything has just gotten better and better with each day.” Noah emphasizes that you don’t have to lose two of your limbs to experience depression. “It is real,” he says. “The mind is a very complex organ. If I break my leg, I’d go to the doctor. It baffles me that here it is 2016 and it’s not completely socially acceptable for someone to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist.” Noah’s parents also gave him a positive foundation and were great examples of how to flourish despite life’s many challenges. He acknowledges that his dad’s life helped prepare him for his circumstances. “My father has one arm. When he was 18, he worked in a plant and lost his arm,” Noah says. “I’ve never seen him with two hands. He doesn’t wear a prosthetic and he’s done construction my entire life, so I learned there’s no reason you can’t do something. My father just kept driving on even with an injury that could have stopped someone else, and he took on manual labor. He didn’t want to sit in an office at a desk. Seeing all that growing up definitely played a huge part in who I am today.” Walking the walk Noah created the No Excuses Charitable Fund to raise money and awareness for causes dear to his heart—Operation Enduring Warrior, the YMCA in Alabaster, Alabama, and Homes for Our Troops, which provides specially adapted homes for injured veterans. “Since my injury, I have worked with so many different organizations and people who have been so supportive of me,” he says. “I don’t think it’s right to go up the ladder alone. You take as many people as you can with you, and so many people have been there for me. I wanted to do something that was giving back. “Life isn’t going to be perfect and things are going to happen,” Noah says. “But when you figure out how to work around those things, it actually makes life more enjoyable. You learn, and that’s what life is about.” Noah Galloway’s book, Living With No Excuses: The Remarkable Rebirth of an American Soldier, was published in August by Hachette Book Group.