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Getting Happier in Miami

This weekend, the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU), in partnership with the University of Miami, will host more than a thousand people from all over the world introducing and discussing the latest information and research on the science of happiness and well-being. Featuring more than 30 speakers and thought leaders, including Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., Shawn Achor and Sonja Lyubormirsky, Ph.D., the third annual summit will be held at the University of Miami, March 15 through 17. Karen Guggenheim, founder and Chief Operating Officer of the World Happiness Summit, says she hopes this year’s event will manifest beyond the summit, giving people the practical tools to live happier, healthier lives. “What feels like drops of positivity, is actually a stream that has the potential of becoming a river and then an ocean,” Karen says. “We gather together to collectively grow the global happiness movement into a counterculture that will create new mindsets and make the world a better place.” Isaac Prilleltensky, Ph.D., and professor vice provost for Institutional Culture at U of M and author of the Laughing Guides to Well-Being, Change, and a Better Life, believes the summit brings together like-minded people with the collective goal to make lasting change in a positive way. Growing in attendance every year with more than 40 countries represented, Isaac continues to be impressed with the nature and quality of the presentations. One thing different at this year’s three-day event, best-selling author and positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar, will be bringing his entire online class from the Happiness Studies Academy to experience the summit. Isaac, who is also a student of the online program, says he is excited to meet his classmates in person. “We are all students of this terrific online program, so there will be a meeting of online friends,” he says. “Bonds are being created and people are reacquainting themselves. It’s like a movement growing.” Degrees of Happiness Conceived from the collaborative synergy that takes place at the WOHASU events, Karen, Isaac and several others at the university are currently working to introduce an interdisciplinary degree plan for happiness studies. If approved by the university, students will have to ability to receive a graduate degree in the science of happiness that is applicable to multiple career paths. “Karen from WOHASU is a wonderful partner in bringing together many communities of people interested in the pursuit of integrative happiness and well-being,” Isaac says. “I thank Karen for championing with enthusiasm the partnership with the University of Miami, where the summit takes place.” Some universities have and do offer individual classes on happiness and well-being, including the popular courses from Laurie Santos, Ph.D., at Yale and Tal Ben-Shahar at Harvard, and the University of Pennsylvania does offer a Master of Applied Positive Psychology graduate program. U of M, Isaac says, will be first the institution in higher education to offer an interdisciplinary graduate program solely focusing on happiness studies. “The goal is to equip students taking the program with the tools necessary to make their own lives workplaces and communities happier and healthier places,” Isaac says. “You don’t have to necessarily change your career. Everyone can benefit from a program in well-being.” With hopes of creating more agents of change, Isaac’s goal is to make the information widely accessible, including fundraising and scholarships. “The emphasis for well-being for all is very much part of our philosophy,” he continues. “We want to make sure the program is affordable to a wide variety of people, and not just to individuals who can afford hefty university tuition costs.” Isaac believes Miami is the right place for this type of program because of the inclusivity and dedication to student and faculty well-being through intergroup dialogue programs, a culture of belonging and acceptance, as well as ongoing research into well-being. “Once we accept everybody, we free up this tremendous human energy for creativity, engagement and involvement,” he says. “That is really quite remarkable.” If approved, the well-being program at the U of M could be available to students by next January. For more information, visit the summit website. For a 20 percent discount on passes, enter code LIVEHAPPY2018.

Self-Care

6 Strategies for Better Sleep

We’ve all been there, some even call it the witching hour. You find yourself eyes half open where it’s too early to start the day, but seems too late to fall back asleep. My clients often report that they wake up and immediately their mind is spinning; thoughts on what they need to do during the day, replaying events from the day before, even reaching for their phones to start checking emails and Instagram (because hey, someone I follow is on another time zone, and they are already having midday snack). Unfortunately, this sort of environment in the mind becomes a battle between an exhausted, and not fully awake mind that just wants to get going against cognitive efforts to convince yourself to fall asleep. “I need to get to sleep; I have a big meeting in the morning.” “If I don’t fall asleep now, I won’t get to work on time.” Or even worse, getting up two hours before rise time and finding yourself napping at your desk by 10 a.m. Sleeping is one of those underrated things that people loosely use to explain away their everyday problems. “I’m exhausted, I didn’t sleep well.” “My child had a fever, and we were both up all night.” “Once I have some coffee I’ll wake up.” Do this sound familiar? Sleep deprivation is a national epidemic. The NHTSA says it’s responsible for 72,000 crashes on the road every year, poor testing scores in children, a lot of the mood disorders people experience and it’s been attributed to some physiological disease processes as well. Sleep is the time when our body repairs itself, cheating yourself of those extra two hours in the morning is what contributes to lack of focus at work, short tempers and less productivity. Here are some strategies that will calm the mind enough to allow you to doze back to dream land. 1. Without turning on any lights, roll to your right side (consult a physician if you are pregnant or have known heart issues). When we roll to our right side (our heart side) we relieve pressure, which allows our blood pressure to reach homeostasis. 2. Without opening your eyes, try lifting your eyebrows. Some would also say gaze up to the spot in between your eyes (known as your third eye). This action will naturally allow any tension you are holding in your face to calm. Also, notice if you are holding your jaw tight during this time, relax it. Conversely you can tighten all the muscles in your face and then relax them. 3. Create a mantra you will use such as: “this thought is not welcome now; I invite it back in the morning.” While laying on your right side, with your face relaxed, take a deep breath in through the nose, letting your belly expand, and hold it slightly, then release it back through your nose. This is where the mind loves to take off. Insert your mantra here. 4. If you struggle to let go of thought because you are afraid you will need it tomorrow, keep a note pad and pen by the bed and jot it down. Make sure that you follow all of the above, low lights, and once you are ready to reset, lights out. 5. Do not be tempted by electronics (keep them in another room if needed). Reaching for your phone, flipping on the TV or grabbing your iPad is inserting blue light into the already complicated brain matter. The mind responds to this blue light as if it were day, ultimately throwing off your circadian rhythm which is how we get stuck in the 4am wake-up call day after day. 6. Do not get up. Making herbal tea might seem like a nice idea but once we stand up, physiological changes happen in our body. Our parasympathetic nervous system (whose job is to work when we rest, by conserving energy, slowing the heart rate, regulating a slightly lower body temperature, increasing intestinal and gland activity, and relaxing the sphincter muscles in the gastrointestinal tract) says, “time to shut off.” Then, our physical body switches over to non-resting mode, notably a faster heart rate, a higher body temperature and alertness. Remember, nothing that has come to you during the precious time of rest is more important than getting your rest so you can be as effective as possible during your day. If you can cognitively believe that this time of sleep is as important (if not more important) that anything else you do in your day, then you can consider sleep an important job, just like any other job you do. And you work hard, so you owe it to yourself to get your rest.

Portrait of a dreamy cute woman meditating outdoors with eyes closed, with the effect of blur, closeup.

Practice

Learning to Be Happy From Within

Have you ever heard the old saying happiness blooms from within? Well, it turns out there may be more to that saying than we even realize and all it takes to make that happiness bloom is a few minutes of daily meditation. Although we might not initially think of happiness as the main benefit of meditation, it is one of the most commonly reported secondary effects of the practice. I personally experienced this shift during my early twenties when I felt unfulfilled by the external world around me and started looking for happiness within. Every day I began doing meditations for joy and happiness, began to stop and pause during the day to go inward, and just be present with my inner self. It was nothing short of magical. Overtime, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me; my social anxiety was dropping and I began living life for me and no one else. In fact, this time of my life was so meaningful that it inspired me to become a teacher and create my location independent yoga and meditation school, Yoga For You, and my guided meditations podcast, Mindful in Minutes that now helps to share meditation with people in 162 countries. Brain Power Although many feel happier after meditation, the question remains what is actually happening during meditation that is making us happier? According to existing research done at universities across the United States, such as John Hopkins, meditation makes us happier because we are physically changing the size and structure of our brains with meditation. Although many feel happier after meditation, the question remains what is actually happening during meditation that is making us happier?" Studies show that over four to eight weeks of daily meditation our brains change on a neurological level. Brain scans of meditators and nonmeditators show that areas of the brain associated with fear, anxiety and pain—like the amygdala—shrink and became less active after daily meditation. Areas associated with happiness, memory, and emotion—like the frontal lobe—grow in those who meditate regularly. Chemically the brain changes as well. The feel-good chemicals in the brain oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, increase after meditation and levels of the fear and stress chemical and cortisol, drop physically. This helps you feel happier and less stressed over time. The changes in the brain also improve your sleep, boost your immune system and decrease your anxiety, can make you a happier and healthier person. Embrace Your True Self Although not backed up by research yet, a personal reason I believe meditation is the key to unlocking happiness, is the deep connection you get with your inner self. In my experience, those who meditate report feeling more content with who they are, what they have and feel they have more clarity in life. It is also during a deep meditation practice that you can connect deeply with atman, or the true self, which is according to yoga philosophy, is where pure happiness resides and how we create a direct line of communicating with our soul and intuition. So maybe the next time you’re feeling like you need a happiness boost instead of looking outward, try gazing inward and give meditation a chance. To access dozens of free 10-minute guided meditations you can check out my podcast Mindful in Minutes, or take my free 7-day meditation challenge at yogaforyouonoline.com.

Happy woman sitting in meditation pose under "to keep" sign, next to a pile of clutter under "to throw away" sign

Practice

Less Stuff, More Happy

For the past decade, Gretchen Rubin has been delving into what makes us happy. Her 2009 breakout book, The Happiness Project, rode to the No. 1 spot on the New York Times best-seller list and took readers along for the ride on her search for happiness. Since then, Gretchen has continued sharing her insight into what makes us happy—and why. With her latest book, Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness, she looks at how to create a peaceful environment in an increasingly chaotic world. She sat down with us to talk about why she chose to focus on decluttering and why it’s so important for our happiness. Live Happy: There seems to be a lot of interest in organization and decluttering right now; can you tell me why that is? Gretchen Rubin: I do think it’s something people are always interested in. But I do wonder if right now, the world feels like a very noisy, overwhelming place. It seems like there’s so much going on and so much to deal with. I wonder if that’s making people think, “You know what? I can’t control the world but I can control my coat closet, and if I can’t bring down the level of noise on the outside, I can at least get everything more orderly within my immediate environment, and that will help me cultivate that sense of calm [and] it’s going to make me feel better.” LH: Is it harder to declutter these days? It seems like we have more stuff… GR: Well, I do think it’s easier to buy more stuff. I think for a lot of people, things like online shopping have made it a lot easier in a way that maybe isn’t good. So, one of the things to do is understand where you might be tempted. Some people do a lot of online shopping. For them, [I’d say] delete your accounts. Every time you buy online you have to shop as a guest. That’s just a little bit more inconvenient and it’s probably enough that a lot of people won’t impulse-buy because it’s just a little bit of a nuisance. Part of it is just knowing what might cause you to buy things that you later regretted or realized you didn’t need. LH: What was it that made you personally interested in taking on this topic and giving us a great game plan for getting through all this clutter in our lives? GR: Ever since I wrote The Happiness Project, I’ve noticed how energized people are around the subject of outer order. People are not that energized talking about exercise, which is a habit that is very important, but it’s not like there’s this buzz around it. I became more interested, like, why is that? And I realized it’s because outer order contributes to inner calm for most people. Over time, I became more and more intrigued by it and wanted to focus on it. LH: We know that there is this great relationship between outer order and inner calm, but can you explain to us how it works? GR: Life is easier when you get rid of things you don’t need, don’t use, don’t love. I mean, you can find your keys more easily, you can clean and dust and vacuum more easily, you can put things away more easily. Life is just easier. It’s easier to make a decision like ‘What am I going to wear to work tomorrow?’ because everything fits and you’re not fighting your way through a bunch of stuff. LH: A lot of people can’t even imagine that they can get to the point that you’re talking about, where you can truly declutter. What’s so wonderful about this book is you tell them how to do that—but as you mention, it’s hard to maintain. How do you keep from re-cluttering? GR: There are a lot of little habits that you can follow that make it a lot easier. One is the one-minute rule. Anything you can do in less than a minute, do without delay. So, if you can hang up your coat, if you can print out a document and put it in the file where it belongs…if you could put the cap on the toothpaste and put the toothpaste back in the medicine cabinet, just go ahead and do it. This doesn’t take any time or energy out of your day because these are small tasks, but it gets rid of those little tasks that very quickly mount up if you’re not careful, and then you feel like, “Oh my gosh, everything is such a mess.” LH: One thing in your book that I really wanted to talk about was your “mock move.” Can you tell us what a mock move is and why it’s so helpful? GR: Absolutely. One of the most valuable times for clearing clutter is [when you’re] moving. Because you’re faced with, “do I really want this and do I want this to the point where I am going to pay for a box and a mover to move it and then figure out what to do with it on the other end?” A lot of things just fail that test. Because we get so used to our stuff, it’s hard to evaluate it. So, a mock move just changes your perspective and then you say, “Okay, well I have this fax machine from 10 years ago. It still works. Nobody ever sends faxes anymore, but it is still working. Why would I get rid of it? It’s perfectly good. But would I move it? There is no way. Why would I move a fax machine? I haven’t used it in 10 years. So, there’s something about doing a mock move that often helps people see that they don’t really value something, because if you wouldn’t pay to move it, and you wouldn’t pay to buy it, you probably don’t use it, need it or love it. So that’s a really helpful question to ask yourself. Hear our complete interview with Gretchen Rubin on the Live Happy Now podcast.

Lifestyle

Why Traveling Can Be the Key to Your Happiness

What is fulfillment? I consider experiencing transformational self-discovery and realizing your purpose in the world as fulfillment. That feeling of “completion” when suddenly your body tingles all over in the self-realization that you’ve aligned with the universe. In your gut, you know you are exactly where you are meant to be. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you need to travel more. I love that travel presents an opportunity for people to put their fast-paced, “connected” world behind them and build true, deep connections with themselves by experiencing new landscapes and making life-changing memories. As the host of the luxury lifestyle show, Travel Time with Linda, I recognize travel as the ultimate platform to create more meaning in your life happen. So, when was the last time you experienced “going to the nectar of your being” fulfillment? In the season two of Travel Time with Linda, premiering March 17th, I wanted to seek out the most incredible “bucket-list destinations” designed to inspire and fulfill. I consciously chose to reflect the mindset of experiential traveling, highlighting the joys of experiencing new landscapes and different cultures first-hand that make you feel whole and put life into perspective. From embracing pure escapism by glamping in Alaska, to the private island playground of The Maldives, or maybe learning archery in Ireland’s Game of Thrones Territory; it’s an immersive journey that provides unforgettable travel experiences. So, I have a confession to make: It’s not really “a secret” that setting time for travel is the key to fulfillment. There are many campaigns, such as Project Time Off, encouraging us to better our lives through travel, and according to the U.S. Travel Association, people who use all or most of their vacation days are 79 percent happier with their personal relationships. In a recent survey from senior living community Provision Living, out of 2,000 respondents, 95 percent say they have a bucket list of experiences or achievements they hope to accomplish while living life to the fullest. Travel is the number one bucket list category with eight destinations as the average number of locales to check off the average to-do list. Use this vacation planning tool provided by the U.S. Travel Association to get started ticking off your own bucket-list destinations in fulfilling your dreams and to live happier.

Man looking out into a bay, finding purpose

Self-Care

Proclaim Your Purpose

A few years ago, we were mentoring a young high school student whose goal was to be a social worker in his struggling neighborhood. With strong grades, he was accepted to his first-choice college. The only thing standing in his way was money. Twice he met with an adviser to talk about financial aid. Twice she told him there would be none because funds had already been allocated. The aspiring student went to the counselor’s office one more time. She was at lunch, so he started explaining to the receptionist how he knew his purpose in life was to help his community, but he needed support to turn his dream into a reality. The head of student financial aid overheard his story from her office next door and promptly met with him to figure out a plan to get him the aid he needed. He started college that fall. Success is never achieved in a vacuum. Having clarity of purpose is powerful; sharing it with others and getting them aligned with your goals raises that power exponentially. It can unlock doors in surprising ways. Whether your purpose in the world is to create a thriving business; raise healthy, happy children or donate time at a nearby home for the elderly; talking about it with others connects them with your deepest mission and can often lead to resources and opportunities. Too often we are held back by fear of what others will think, but that fear keeps us from connecting deeply with people and deprives them of the chance to be part of our success story. There are two ways you can share a vision or goal: broadcast or narrowcast. Broadcasting your goals to many people in your social support network can be like buying a bunch of lottery tickets. One or a number of them might hit. A young woman we know wanted to go to an MBA immersion program in China but couldn’t afford it so she broadcasted her need for financial support to her network. She ended up raising more money than she required. Sometimes sharing is better done with just a handful of people; in that case, narrowcasting the message is your best option. If you have a targeted goal that would be best received by a specific subset of people, narrowcast. This approach is ideal for those of us with limited time or resources. For example, a 15-year-old girl who started a series of local urban farms decided to narrowcast her mission to feed the hungry only to other teen farmers. She created a DIY guide and shared it with those who had shown interest in joining the movement. Her organization grew from a few farms to more than 75 gardens in 27 states! Determine whether narrowcasting or broadcasting is best for your current vision. Creating that collective, purpose-driven spirit can be as easy as saying one positive word. In a recent Stanford University study, researchers found that including the word “together” motivated people to work substantially longer and produce better-quality work. Participants first met in small groups and were split up later to work on challenging puzzles. Half of the students were told that they would be working on the puzzles “together” with their peers, even though they would be in different rooms. Each participant would exchange tips with other team members (via the researchers) to help figure out the puzzle. The rest of the participants were not told they were working together with the others; they thought the clues came from the researchers. Those who thought they were working together ended up laboring 48 percent longer, solved more of the problem sets correctly and were less tired after the challenge! People will work harder and longer when they feel connected to the purpose behind an activity and to each other. The results of having a clear vision of purpose are magnified when it is a collective vision. We’ve seen in our work at the Institute for Applied Positive Research that creating a positive, optimistic collective narrative about the process of achieving goals by connecting it back to purpose can boost sales, productivity and even help us lose weight. We all have a higher purpose in this world, and people are often more willing to help us achieve our goals than we might realize. How can you involve others in your quest to fulfill your purpose? Whether you broadcast or narrowcast your aspirations, involving others pays dividends and can propel you farther and faster than you imagined. (This article originally appeared in the October 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine.)

Practice

Empowerment to the People

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more who join the #HappyActs movement, the more positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! February’s happiness theme is empowerment. Helping others feel a sense of empowerment can be a powerful thing. In a recent Live Happy article, actress Britney Young, described how portraying Carmen “Machu Picchu” Wade on the hit Netflix show GLOW, really taught her about her inner strength and how much she could help others. “I hope audiences are inspired to break down their own barriers and go after things they have always been dreaming of, or have been afraid of attempting. Because once those boundaries are broken, anything is possible,” she says. We couldn’t agree more. Our February Happy Act is to help people feel empowered. In Paula Felps’ Live Happy article, Shower Trucks Helps Nashville’s Homeless, she tells the story of a couple who started a mobile shower stations for the homeless. The idea was so inspirational, soon, hair stylists and barbers pitched in offering free haircuts and shaves. These are regular people using their talents and skills to help people in need, turning despair into dignity. Look for the ways in your life where your talents to be a source of inspiration and empowerment for others. If you are musically gifted, you can piano lessons for free, or if you are handy, then help build houses with Habitat for Humanity. There are plenty of ways you can help people feel confident and hopeful again. Our February Happy Activist is Luc Swensson from Boise, Idaho. This impressive 13-year-old, has been helping others feel good about themselves for almost half of his life. At age 8, he started raising money for patients suffering from pediatric cancer, and just recently, he launched the I Love This Life Foundation. With this foundation, Luc travels the country encouraging kids to be their best selves. To find out more about Luc and his work, go to ilovethislife.org. For more inspiring stories about empowerment: Stitching Lives Back Together Rowing the Pacific The Empowered Britney Young Find Your Tribe Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall for the International Day of Happiness (March 20). Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.

Friends playing american football on beach

Self-Care

Five Ways to Increase the Laughter in Your Life

Laughteris a universal language. Wherever you are in the world, the slightest hint of a smile canconnect you to a stranger. It’s recognized by people and cultures across the globe, from Inuits in the Arctic to Maasai in Kenya. It is one of the most versatile communication tools, and forms of it are used by many different species. According to one study, even rats emit high-pitched squeaks when they are tickled (though don’t try this if you come across one). We are born to be able to laugh; it is one of the first responses we learn. As we grow up, we develop our laughter ability and use it for a range of purposes. In addition to its being one of the natural reactions to humor (depending on how funny you are?), laughter can help in social situations. Think about it, have you ever laughed at jokes you don’t think are funny? It’s a way we feel we get accepted in groups or even show we like someone. Research by Sophie Scott, Ph.D., neuroscientist at University College London, shows that we tend to laugh more at jokes from people we like or who we want to like us. So next time you find someone guffawing at your one-liner, maybe it’s because that person really likes you. The lovely thing about positive laughter is it’s contagious. Think about how many times you’ve laughed just at the sound of someone’s laughter? When we hear laughter, our body prepares muscles in our face to laugh. We are hardwired to find laughter funny. There are a bunch of neurons in our brains called mirror neurons, and they do exactly that, mirror other people’s emotions. This part of the brain helps with empathy and tunes into others’ emotions. This is the part of the brain that’s exploited in live recorded U.S. sitcoms, where audiences are often picked specifically for their infectious laughs. When we hear these laughs, we think the content is funnier, too! Laughter is also really good for us for physiological advantages. As I mention in my book Laughology, research shows laughtercan helpblood vessels function better, lowerthe riskof cardiovascular disease, relieve pain and reducestress hormonessuch ascortisol, epinephrine and adrenaline, thereby helping to guard againstweight gain, heart strain and lack of sleep. If you’re still not convinced of the advantages, you should know that laughter releases feel-good hormones such as endorphinsand serotonin,whichcanboost thebody’simmune system. As well as all that, laughter is a great workout, raising the heart rate and exercising the diaphragm,stomachand shouldermuscles. And it doesn’t end there. Along with the social, chemical and physical effects, laughtergives usmentalclarityin difficult situations and diffuses stressful ones.It providesa perspective that canencourage creative thinking andenhance problem-solving skills. It’s a powerful toolthat can improve communication, relationships anddecision making. The human brain changes constantly in response to stimuli, such as behavior and environment, around us. This constant adjustment is called neuroplasticity—a process by which we learn and evolve. Neuroplasticity enables us to train our brains to use humor to find perspective, become more positive andbe open tomore laughterin our lives. Humor is also an effective tool for interrupting unhealthy automatic responses to everyday situations. For example, during family gatherings where there are lots of different personalities, some of which might clash, try to imagine how a comedian would view the situation from that perspective, concentrating on the humor. You can even use laughter to trick yourself into having a good time. For example, all of us have found ourselves in social situations we don’t want to be in. At first, we fake interest and laughter. Then something strange happens. We begin to enjoy ourselves. This happens because the motor neuron function of the brain recognizes that the actions we’re performing—smiling, laughing, engaging socially—relate to an emotional state. Happiness. The brain, then, creates the emotional response to fit. So even though we may have to fake it at first, real laughs and feelings of happiness follow. That’s definitely something to celebrate! Here are a few practical ways to increase the laughter in your life: Make a conscious effort to go to a comedy club once a month. Make a laughter board for your home or workplace with pictures and photos that make you laugh. Try to use positive language, not just verbally but inyour internal dialogueas well. Substitute words such as “hard” for “challenging.” Be aware of the things that make youlaugh and build a mental stockoftheselaughter triggers to be recalled at stressful times. Spend more time with the people who make you laugh and less time with thoseI call “mood hoovers” who leave you drained.

Happy young couple hugging and laughing outdoors.

Self-Care

9 Ways to Deepen Your Relationship

I always say the best relationships are grounded in making our partner’s happiness and well-being equal to our own. What I mean is that each partner needs to strike a balance between what’s best for the relationship and what’s best for themselves. This delicate balancing act isn’t about ignoring our own desires, stifling our emotions or even making the other person our sole priority. Rather, just as you’re mindful of your feelings and desires, you should do the same for your partner’s. I call this “partner mindfulness,” and it involves nonjudgmental focus and awareness of your partner’s wants and needs, both in the moments you’re together and while you’re apart. Case in point: I recently spoke with a client about working on partner mindfulness, and her initial response was, “He does him and I do me, and I honestly don’t know if either of us can go back to the days of putting each other first.” I told her, “I’m not looking for you to put him first, just tied for first some of the time.” Partner mindfulness makes it easier to achieve this desired state of being in a relationship. Mindfulness, in its most basic form, is a skill we all exercise when addressing the needs and wants of our children, friends and co-workers, yet many of us put those tools away when it comes to our partners—especially during times of conflict and stress. When we practice partner mindfulness, though, we’re stepping outside our own thoughts and into our partner’s, allowing us to empathize and feel what it’s like to be in his or her shoes. It helps build bridges that will increase our connection and intimacy, lower stress, lessen conflict and increase our overall happiness. In short, it makes our partner feel heard, prioritized and nurtured. Now, I know life gets busy and most of us are juggling responsibilities and feeling pulled in many directions. The last thing you need is one more “to do” on your list, but hear me out. Here are nine quick, easy ways to practice partner mindfulness that you can integrate into your life every day: 1. Be honest with yourself about the state of your relationship. Assess your connection with your partner and ask yourself how attentive you are to each other’s wants and needs. 2. Commit to improving. Take it upon yourself to put in the extra effort and work on developing a stronger bond. 3. Narrow your focus. Clear your own thoughts and feelings and take a few moments to think exclusively about your partner, how he or she might be feeling, what his or her perspective is, and what he or she might want or need. For example, if your partner had a tough day and comes home in a bad mood, instead of thinking about how his or her irritability is affecting you, consider how your partner is feeling and how stressful it is to have a bad day that you can’t shake. 4. Make bookend connections.Make it a point to connect when you wake up in the morning and right before you go to sleep. Say goodbye when you part ways and hello when you return home. The simple act of giving your partner a hug or a kiss hello and goodbye allows you to focus on each other and your relationship for a moment. 5. Let your partner know what you appreciate about him or her. Take the time to acknowledge the good. 6. Be compassionate. If your partner is in a bad mood or is having a tough time connecting with you, approach him or her with compassion and understanding instead of disappointment or frustration. 7. Respond, DON’T REACT.Pause, think about how you want to respond and then put effort into interacting in a thoughtful, kind and loving way, even if you’re upset. 8. Focus on communication. Be aware of the messages, both verbal and nonverbal, you’re sending and make sure you’re mindful of your partner’s feelings. 9. Strike a balance. Assess your partner’s wants and needs. Try to behave in ways that take both of your feelings into account. When you’re feeling ignored or dissatisfied, it may seem unfair or even annoying to be the person who instigates this type of change and to be the one who demonstrates more sensitivity to your partner and your relationship. Relationships require ongoing work and effort to be rewarding and fulfilling, though. And when you make the commitment to motivate and influence each other, as an added bonus, your children will witness their parents being great role models and learn skills for successful relationships. So I encourage you to take the first step. As Gandhi says, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.” (This article originally appeared in the August 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine.)

Practice

So Happy Together

Since 2014, Live Happy has been creating awareness for worldwide happiness with our #HappyActs campaign. On March 20, every year we celebrate happiness by hosting pop-up walls where people can share their messages of happiness and hope. From nearly 30 walls in 2014 to an amazing 715 in 2018, we could never have pulled of such a feat without the help of our Happy Activist volunteers. In more than 20 countries, hundreds of happiness enthusiasts sign up at HappyActs.org every year to be a wall host and help bring more joy to the world. One of those happy hosts is Jane Serr from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, and she has been involved with #HappyActs for the past five years. She really enjoys helping people realize that they can live a happier life and her experiences at her Happiness Walls have left a profound effect on her. “I’ve always loved volunteering because of the release of the positive endorphins being a part of something that is good and amazing,” she says. “It’s nice to see what it does for other people and you get sort of a euphoric feeling in your own heart. I get to see what it does for other people and it just makes me feel good. It lets me know that I am doing something good in the world.” These good feelings are backed up by science, too. Author and professor of psychology Catherine A. Sanderson, Ph.D., writes in her latest book The Positive Shift, that research shows that when we do kind things for others we can increase our own happiness, which can have benefits on our health and well-being, and even extends our lives. Jane feels this is a “win, win” scenario and she has been able to create a lot of happiness at her Happiness Walls over the years. Whether it’s dancing to music, children playing and getting their faces painted or just people expressing their gratitude for her bringing more happiness into the world, happy people are interacting with each other, having fun and sharing their #HappyActs. “There are so many different things you can do at your wall and nothing is written in stone,” Jane says. “As long as it brings a smile and gets people out of their comfort zone and draws them in so they can understand the culture of what we are trying to do.” She admits that she gets curious looks from passersby, but once people stop to see what the buzz is about, the questions go from “What is this?” to “How can I do this?” The infectious feelings of happiness permeate, creating smiles for miles. “It’s just awareness that we can make a positive change. Even when people don’t understand and if they just take that leap of faith and find out a little bit more by participating, it makes a world of difference. They come out of it and they want to host their own wall in their communities or their schools. It’s really great thing to participate in.”

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So Happy Together

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