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Handle With Care

Patti Patton-Bader, concerned for her son when he was deployed to Iraq in 2003, started shipping care packages to him from her home in Pasadena, California. When he relayed to her that many of his fellow soldiers were not even receiving letters from home, she and a group of neighborhood friends decided to take action. Soon, the whole platoon started to receive care packages and Soldier’s Angels was born. “I wanted my son and his buddies to know that we cared and that they were going to make it,” Patti says. “It’s hard enough to be out there in a war without having an America that is not supporting them. To me, I was so thankful that people decided that we did want to support them and show them we cared.” Since then, she says thousands of people have volunteered for Soldiers’ Angels and more than a million service members have been helped. “The soldiers got help because so many people stood up and said they cared,” she says. “They wanted to make sure no soldier went unloved, that they had supplies and backpacks, and if they were wounded, the families knew someone cared. To me, that’s the best feeling.” Now, the organization offers a variety of programs including a letter-writing team, mobile food banks that feed veterans and their families, and even baby shower gifts delivered through its Operation Top Knot team. “We call our volunteers Angels, and that is truly what they are,” says Michelle Julazadeh Chavarin, a communications manager and one of fewer than 10 people employed by Soldiers’ Angels. “They go above and beyond every day for our service members and in everything that they do.” Soldiers’ Angels have shipped more the 800,000 care packages, handed out 33,000 blankets and sent 1.4 million letters. Support is given to the deployed, the wounded, the veterans and their families. Michelle adds that Soldiers’ Angels is one of the few military nonprofits that works within the Veterans Affairs hospital system. She also says the feedback they repeatedly get from service members is that it means a great deal to them to know that complete strangers back home care enough to show their gratitude and appreciation for their sacrifices.

Self-Care

Disconnect for Real Connection

Have you ever been tempted to kidnap your teen’s or your spouse’s phone and hold it for ransom—just long enough to get their attention? If so, you may be in luck, and it’s all because software developer Zack Prager kept forgetting to do the dishes. “I was having trouble keeping up with my chores at home, and my now-wife would get on me about not doing the dishes,” he says. “I realized that I was spending too much time on Instagram and Facebook and knew if she could block [those apps], it would be a good motivator to get my chores done.” That idea gave birth to Ransomly, an app that, when installed, sends a signal to the colorful, stone-shaped beacon that can be placed anywhere you want a phone-free zone. The beacon then locks up home screens of Android phones within range. Because of Apple’s restrictions that prohibit devices from blocking access to apps, Ransomly politely tells iOS users to put away their phones. “The idea is to create a space that encourages healthier relationships,” Zack explains. Zack, who earned a master’s of applied positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, says the app is the perfect addition to a family dinner table—or wherever you want to create a space to connect with your loved ones. “Anytime your phone buzzes or pings, or you look at the screen, it interrupts everything. It takes some of your bandwidth and you never really have full downtime,” he says. “I see this as a digital health tool to help you intervene with a potentially addictive device. It’s really all about molding the physical environment to help improve your mental well-being.” See more at Ransomly.com. This article originally appeared in the December 2017 edition of Live Happy magazine.

Calm brunette female with closed eyes, keeps both palms on heart, feels gratitude, being touched by something, dressed in casual pink t shirt, isolated over white background.

Self-Care

Forgiveness Means Freedom

Our families of origin, the families into which we are born, are the source not only of love, warmth, and special memories, but also of core wounds that can haunt us for a lifetime. On a spectrum of emotional injury, these wounds may fall anywhere from minor to devastating. In some families, these hurts were inflicted despite the best of intentions and greatest of efforts, while in others, the harm was more deliberate. In my medical practice, I frequently see patients who have low self-esteem or even feel self-hatred. On some level, as a result of the core wounding they experienced, they think they are unworthy of good health and nourishing relationships. While there are numerous causes of illness—viruses, bacterial infections, environmental toxins and more—the emotional fallout from core wounding may at best interfere with the body’s healing process and at worst have a more direct and adverse impact on physical health. In the interest of our own wellness, I maintain that it is essential for us to release ourselves from the consequences of harm from family members, whether that hurt was intentional or not, and whether it was severe or mild. I define this process as “forgiveness.” In a Slow Medicine context, forgiving means releasing ourselves from the shackles of resentment, hatred and other inflammatory emotions that, if left unchecked, can exacerbate the harm already done to us. Let me be perfectly clear: Forgiving does not mean forgetting or ignoring. It especially does not mean getting back into the ring with a manipulative, abusive or otherwise toxic individual. It does, however, require a deep reach into our own humanity. It asks that we recognize someone else’s limitations, accept the reality of their resulting behavior, and—most challenging of all—rise above it all. It asks that we ultimately make choices that support our health on every level. We can forgive family members and feel unconditional love for them, without ever seeing or speaking with them again. We even can forgive family members while taking them to court or otherwise holding them publicly accountable for their actions, as in the case of domestic violence. Forgiving simply means that we stop churning through the unproductive emotions that drag us down instead of lifting us up. In some situations, of course, we humbly may realize that our grievances and resentments are more of a matter of ego than anything else. In these cases, we may choose to overlook squabbles of the past and attempt to reconcile in the interest of restoring an important relationship. Indeed, once we grow from the experiences of the past, we might gain something very significant. When we reach out with an open heart and are met in kind, the depth of healing is profound. So perhaps the risk inherent in attempting to reconcile is worth the potential benefit. Whether and however we decide to interact with our families of origin, the bottom line is this: In the interest of our own wellness, we need to “forgive,” so as to free ourselves from the trap of recycling childhood wounds. To the best of our ability, we need to oust from our very cells the energy of the action that was taken against us so that we are no longer controlled or harmed by it. This release may happen through any number of means that help us cultivate peace and tranquility: writing a memoir, practicing meditation, white-water rafting, teaching self-defense, raising happy children, or doing whatever else helps us turn our anger, fear and hurt into something healthy and productive. We have very limited control over people and circumstances outside ourselves. We cannot make someone think, feel, or be what we want, and we cannot go back in time and undo the past. But we still have the power to make choices that contribute to a different kind of future, where we can walk side by side with people who feed our souls. Through “forgiving,” or releasing, family members who have harmed us, and through doing our best to live passionately and manifest our life’s purpose, we can experience deep healing in our bodies and our hearts. By turning the pain and indignities of the past into something positive for ourselves and others, we can transform, like a caterpillar, and emerge with wings to fly. For more on forgiveness, listen to Dr. Michael Finkestein on the Live Happy Now podcast.

relationships

Get More for Your Money

When you think of financial well-being, perhaps you think about having enough money in the bank for retirement or a stable job that gives you a regular paycheck. Or maybe it’s just being able to cover your expenses and save a little each month. Each of those examples are ways of calibrating financial well-being. I would like to suggest a new way to define financial well-being that focuses on the psychology of happiness. Happiness comes from a variety of sources, including the ability to create and enjoy memories and experiences. I propose that as part of building financial well-being that we carve out some of our finances to fill our lives with more of those things we so enjoy. When it comes to money, most of us like to think about how we are going to spend it. When the paycheck arrives, we first think about what bills we need to pay, what we want to buy, and—hopefully—what we plan to save or donate to charity. One thing many of us do not think about is how we might use our money to create more happiness in our lives by investing in gratifying life experiences. Though these experiences are often intangible, they can be appreciated for a lifetime. In one study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, researchers from San Francisco State University found that before making a purchase, people stated that they knew that a life experience would bring them more happiness, but that they thought it would make more financial sense to buy the material item. However, the researchers also found that the same individuals’ opinions changed after they made the purchase. Most of the participants said that they realized the life experience would have made them happier and also had better financial value. It may not seem like it when you’re passing by the department store window, but when it comes to long-term happiness, life experiences instill the greatest memories and bring the greatest joy. Making memories with your family and friends is a great way to connect." Some of my favorite memories come from experiences such as the day at the theme park with my children and their look of pride when they finally went on the big roller coaster; or the time we went on a progressive dinner and ate an appetizer at one restaurant, a main course at another and dessert at a third! In my private practice, I have heard time and time again from clients how important and lasting life experiences have been to their happiness.I had a client, Sharon, who was experiencing some marital difficulties and considerable financial stress.Her husband had ruined their family financially, which left her in an extremely bad situation.She ultimately became a single mom and had to rebuild her life. She also needed to take care of herself on an emotional level.She found joy in baking and enjoyed spending that quality time with her children.She carved out money each month to shop for unique ingredients and decorations while her kids bragged that their family owned 52 kinds of sprinkles! Though the sprinkles may qualify as “things,” they were merely an add-on to the incredible shared experience and wonderful memories of baking that my client was giving to her daughters. The goal here is not to go out and buy the most sprinkles in the neighborhood or to spend money at a theme park. The goal is to put aside some money every month for the set purpose of creating memories that can move you and the people that you care about into an emotionally positive place—creating lasting memories along the way. This effort toward my version of financial well-being involves creating experiences that aren’t routine; they are about doing something special. Swim with the dolphins, travel, take up a new hobby, bake five different kinds of unusual cookies and share them with your favorite neighbors. Take tons of pictures and make memory books, absorb the sights, smells and tastes of something new. When I am doing these activities, I tell myself to take pictures with my eyes. What I mean by that is that I will take a moment to focus on what I am seeing or doing, and I try to take in what it looks like, feels like, smells like so that I can remember as much as I can when I recall the experience. Making memories with your family and friends is a great way to connect. You can continue that bond by talking about the shared experience far into the future. Another tip: Make sure to include all of the participants in the planning, because often the anticipation and organizing of the activity is part of the joy and fun. That said, making memories can be unplanned as well. Sometimes a spontaneous trip to the beach with a picnic lunch from your favorite sandwich place or a quick surprise night away can be perfect happy memory makers! So, the next time you get that paycheck, or some money lands in your lap, see if you can set aside a little spending money that will enhance your financial as well as emotional well-being, and go make some memories. This article originally appeared in the February 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine.

Many confident boys and girls stand together

relationships

3 Steps for Raising Resilient Children

In our fast-paced competitive world, children often struggle to maintain their emotional stability, growing up safe and secure. Today, kids face challenges and dangers most of us never dreamed of, online predators, mass school shootings, cyberbullying—all of which can lead to anxiety, depression and worse (the consequences for which can be horrifying), all reminding us that parents need to pay attention. In my new book 21st Century Parenting, I point out that successful, emotionally stable children have parents who pay close attention to what’s going on in their child’s world emotionally, socially and behaviorally. They equip their children with the necessary tools to respond effectively to various challenges, supporting their resiliency towards embracing new opportunities driving them to their highest level of success. However, there are several obstacles parents must contend with in achieving that desired result. Each day millions of children and adolescents enter their world with more than their books, pens and iPads, often toting emotional backpacks crammed with issues, concerns and influence impacting their daily efforts. Unprepared due to insufficient parental support, direction and coping skills, their inability to demonstrate the resiliency needed to respond to various life crises, often causes them to embark on a downward spiral leading to decisions that sabotage their success. Others have similar experiences but respond with healthy coping mechanisms their parents helped develop. As a result, they bounce back, make good decisions and progress academically, socially and emotionally, feeling loved and supported by their family. So, how can parents guarantee parenting and family success? A direction parents may want to consider is a new twist on an old theme. Remember the old 3 Rs: reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic? Today, there’s a new set of 3 Rs, supporting a parental paradigm shift suggesting in order for children to be successful with the old three Rs, and more, parental attention should be focused on the influences and challenges affecting a child’s performance, health and welfare, and their inability to navigate through this “mind-field” of challenges without parental direction. The New 3 Rs The “New 3 Rs”, Reading, Regulating and Redirecting, provide parents a "Parenting GPS," leading to successful, emotionally stable children with promising futures who, when confronted with conflict or disappointment, make good decisions supporting positive outcomes with a sense of confidence control, and security. Reading identifies what parents must pay attention to, relating to what’s going on in their child’s world. By learning to read their child’s environment, their behavior, reactions and needs, parents come to recognize the challenges and conflicts their children are presented, knowing who and what influences them, and how this affects their performance and success. Regulating is where parents learn how to teach their child self-regulation. By recognizing the importance of teaching their children how to regulate their emotional temperature, parents can keep their children from slipping into negative mood states, as well as recognize how, if left uncontrolled, such responses can impact their child’s success, coloring the decisions they make and behaviors they demonstrate. Redirecting is where parents learn the importance of parental leadership, redirecting their child’s behavior in order to achieve positive outcomes, helping their children accomplish relevant goals that lead to a heightened sense of self-worth, self-assurance and motivation. So, today’s 21st-century answer to raising emotionally resilient children who bounce back from adversity and embrace new opportunities is adopting a new set of 3 Rs, Reading, Regulating and Redirecting a child’s environment, emotions and behavior, establishing present and future success and emotional well-being. Of course, this doesn’t come automatically. You can’t tweet, Google, FaceTime, Instagram or Snapchat your way to a healthy, successful family. Nor can you find parenting success on aisle nine at Target. Being a successful 21st-century parent mandates parents to recognize that what their children need most is the committed leadership and support of the single most influential people in their lives, their parents, supporting their development, safety and success—because if they don’t, no one else will.

Hand written Change habits message notepad with pencil on wooden table for change habits list for good life concept , overhead shot

Practice

Is it Time to Reinvent Yourself?

This month in my “Work-from-Anywhere-in-the-World” journey, I am posting from beautiful Jardin du Luxembourg, Paris, France. Here are this week’s coaching questions for you to consider: What have you been meaning to reinvent about yourself? What is one small step you will take this week to make it happen? I asked these questions to two young women here in Paris. First, Anastasia, whom I met at the Gardens in front of the Palais du Luxembourg, was on her honeymoon with her husband Dimitri. She says that when she returns home to Russia, “I don’t want to rush. I want to enjoy my life and my family.” The second woman is my daughter Maegan who joined me on this trip to Paris for a picnic in the park. She says: “One thing I am going to do to reinvent myself is learning to just be. My mom says we are human beings, not human doers, so I am going to practice just learning to be.” The small step she is going to do today is go to a café and just sit and enjoy the moment. “No phone, no book … just learn to just be.” Now, think about these questions and let me know, how would you reply? Au revoir and Live Happy, Coach Margaret

#HappyActs

Be Positively Optimistic

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! Every month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more people who join the #HappyActs movement, the greater the positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! October’s Happy Act theme is optimism. Optimistic people feel good about their future and are confident they will achieve positive outcomes. When we adapt to a positive mindset, we enjoy many mental and physical benefits, including lower stress and anxiety, stronger immune systems, better quality sleep and better coping skills. That’s not to say that we put our heads in the sand when bad things happen, but as optimists, we have the power to accept the negativity, deal with it and then move in a positive way. October’s Happy Act is optimism. People who see the glass half full also have better relationships and social interactions which can spread exponentially to other people. This behavior can create a ripple effect of happiness. Throughout your day, try making as many positive connections as you can. It can be a small gesture, such as a kind smile; or something greater, such as seeking out someone who is feeling down and out and letting them know how much you value them as a person and care about the positive outcomes of their future. Your kind gesture just might be the catalyst to turn someone’s day around. A recent study shows that our optimism can extend vicariously to other people, even strangers, when we hold positive and hopeful views about them. Our October Happy Activist is author and mental health advocate Mark Simmonds. His latest memoir Breakdown and Repair: A Father’s Tale of Stress and Success tells the story of how Mark went from suffering a mental breakdown due to stress and on the brink of suicide to championing for destigmatizing mental illness. Despite several setbacks, including helping his daughter Emily battle anorexia, Mark’s hope, resilience and optimism have kept him moving toward his goals for better mental health. After six long years, Emily has overcome the illness and is now thriving. “You are going to get confronted with lots of different situations in life,” he says. “When you come out of them, the reward and recognition you will get for showing resilience will be well worth the effort.” For more on optimism, check out these articles: The New Definition of Happiness Cultural Change and Moral Power A Positive Approach to Problems Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.

Podcast

Embracing Slowness With Jeff Bethke

If you feel like the world is moving a whole lot faster these days, you’re not alone. We’re consuming information at an unprecedented rate and living in an “always on” world. It’s no secret that this high-tech world is taking a toll on our health, our relationships and our overall well-being. Today’s guest, Jeff Bethke, looks at how this fast pace is zapping our sense of purpose and meaning. His new book, To Hell With the Hustle: Reclaiming Your Life in an Overworked, Overspent and Overconnected World, looks at how we can shift our focus from our online world to our inward life and find greater purpose and meaning. In this episode, you'll learn: How too much time online affects your sense of purpose. Why saying “no” is so powerful. How a Tech Manifesto can help you control your time online. Links and Resources Download the first chapter of his book for free! Twitter: @jeffersonbethke Instagram: @jeffersonbethke YouTube: Jefferson Bethke Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:

Fall color on curvy road over Fort Mountain in Northwest Georgia.

Lifestyle

Seeing is Be-Leafing

Autumn is upon us, and Mother Nature’s annual carnival of colors is in full swing. From September through November, “Leaf Peepers” traverse backcountry roads across the nation (and world) just to catch a glimpse of mosaic landscapes adorned with shades of red, orange and gold. When we stop to notice and appreciate the beauty around us, we can elevate our sense of awe and wonder, stoking our altruistic and prosocial behaviors. Arkansas The Natural State boasts a fall foliage season that lasts well into November. According to the Arkansas Department of Parks and Tourism’s Kerry Ann Kraus, the best time to visit is late October. The state’s most popular scenic views are in the Ozark National Forest in northwest and central Arkansas and the Ouachita National Forest in western Arkansas. For fantastic peeping opportunities, Kerry recommends taking the road less traveled and venturing to east Arkansas’ St. Francis National Forest. For updates on the state’s changing colors while you plan your trip, bookmark Arkansas.com. California Yosemite National Park is a nice place to visit any time of the year, but if you’re a leaf peeper, there’s nowhere else to be in autumn. With smaller crowds, cool weather and vividly colored maple, dogwood, aspen and oak trees, the park is perfect for enjoying the scenery in solitude. Abike ride through Yosemite Valley is an excellent way to take in the fall color and enjoy Yosemite’s granite peaks. If you are looking to feed your foodie appetite, don’t miss the 32nd annual Vintners’ Holidays food and wine event at The Ahwahnee, which begins inearlyNovember. Visit TravelYosemite.com for more great ideas for your Yosemite trip. Japan If you want to take your leaf peeping global, travel to Japan for “momijigari,” or “autumn leaf hunting,” and behold some of the season’s most brilliant colors. A popular destination for tourists and sightseers, Shiretoko National Park was designated a World Heritage Site by the United Nations to preserve its natural beauty. One of the most beautiful and untouched forests in the world is in eastern Hokkaido on the Shiretoko Peninsula. Roads go only three-fourths into the peninsula, but you can view the Shiretoko mountain range’s leaves by boat or on a leisurely drive through Shiretoko Pass. To learn more, go to Shiretoko.asia. Massachusetts The Northeast is a well-known hot spot for leaf peepers, and Massachusetts is no exception. Just a few weeks after Labor Day, the more muted and distinctive array of colors in popular travel destinations like Cape Cod and Nantucket begin to make their annual appearance. According to travel writer William DeSousa, the leaves change more slowly in that region, leading to longer visits and more time to peep. The colors also provide a beautiful backdrop for area festivals, including the Martha’s Vineyard Food & Wine Festival and the Nantucket CranberryFestival. Go to MassVacation.com to learn about the state’s exciting fallactivities. Vermont Leaf peeping in Vermont is serious business, with almost 3.6 million people descending upon the Green Mountain State every fall to see it turn red. With nearly three-quarters of the state forested, Vermont claims the highest concentration of sugar maples, producing spectacular scenes of crimson and bronze. Country road and small-town touring are must-do’s for any leaf peeper. And no trip is complete without a visit to the town of Burke, where every year, the city pays homage to autumn with its annual Fall Foliage Festival. Travel tip: Columbus Day weekend is the busiest of the year. For more planning information, go to VermontVacation.com.

Lifestyle

Mia St. John Is in Your Corner

Mia St. John understands tragic grief. Her son, Julian, who suffered from schizophrenia, committed suicide in 2014. Just last year, Julian’s father and Mia’s ex-husband actor Kristoff St. John passed away as well. After such loss, it’s understandable how someone could stumble back into old habits and break 30 years of sobriety. But for Mia, a world champion boxer and mental health advocate, she knew she had to get better. “There was a point where I thought that I would not recover and I was at my lowest low,” she said. “There was nowhere to go, I felt, but up. That's my personality. I always have felt that when I feel like I have no lower, I feel like I have no choice, but to pick myself up and fight on.” And she has. Mia is a staunch advocate for shining the light on the stigma of mental health and bringing its sufferers out of the darkness. Through her charitable organization, the Mia St. John Foundation, she helps those with mental health issues find dignity and purpose. She gives talks all over the country bringing awareness about the importance of mental health as well what to look for when someone is suffering, such as disinterest in normal activities, irrational speech, less interaction or any talk of suicide and depression. “Pay attention to that call for attention,” she says. What inspired you to become an advocate for mental health? I've always been interested mental health. My degree is in Psychology. My profession was as a fighter and I had always had interests in mental health, especially after my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia. After the death of my son, I realized how inadequate our mental health facilities are in the state of California. … I feel that to shut them down is not the answer, but to reform them instead. Who taught you the most about happiness and why? My sister, Leslie, who's deeply spiritual, taught me the most about happiness. The second person who taught me the most about happiness is Deepak Chopra. He has helped to guide my meditation. When is the last time you laughed out loud? I laughed out loud this morning. What is your go-to book, movie or TV show that lifts your mood? My go-to movie to lift my mood is The Stillness Is You. It's a very short film that you can buy on YouTube. Every time I feel down, it brings me up. What is the kindest act someone has ever done for you? We have just had a lot of like really dedicated fans who have remained loyal throughout the years and always manage to brighten my day with their sweet messages. What are you passionate about? I am passionate about traveling the world. As a 5-time boxing world champion, I was able to go to so many different countries and experience many different cultures. I love nature—from waterfalls, to the mountains, to the ocean, to the sunsets. How do you make others close to you happy? I make others happy by being happy myself, leading as an example. I always want to show an example of positivity. If I am happy, then I will inevitably help others around me to be happy. Where is your happy place? My happy place is in nature, by the water.

Handle With Care

Disconnect for Real Connection

Forgiveness Means Freedom

Get More for Your Money

3 Steps for Raising Resilient Children

Is it Time to Reinvent Yourself?

Be Positively Optimistic

Embracing Slowness With Jeff Bethke

Seeing is Be-Leafing

Mia St. John Is in Your Corner

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