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Lifestyle

Jason Mraz Believes If You Look for Joy, You’ll Find It.

Since his first hit single “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)” in 2002, Jason Mraz has built his musical career by crafting positive, upbeat music. This week sees the release of his new album, Look For The Good, a collection of songs that encourages us to find hope, optimism and gratitude despite the turmoil the world is experiencing right now. The two-time Grammy winner talked with Live Happy to explain how this collection of songs came about, what he learned in the process of writing and recording this album, and what he hopes every listener takes away from it. This is an exciting album to talk about because it's so timely. Can you tell us how this whole project came about? I knew it was going to be an election year, and election years usually bring out the debates and they’re very just heated, which is good. It’s a good thing because I think it helps us know ourselves and it helps us hear ourselves for what we are craving, what's working, what's not working. On a debate year, I wanted to make sure we release some music that wouldn’t necessarily influence debates, but just would remind us to be kind; remind us to be human and treat the others on the other side of the aisle with dignity and respect, regardless of our beliefs. At the end of the day, we’re all still these very fragile human bodies made up of microorganisms and bacterias and viruses and things. Regardless of our political beliefs and geographical borders, let’s remember that we’re human. That’s kind of what the songs are about. Let’s just remember that we’re human and we’re fragile and that there should be love for each other. I love the reggae influence on this album, and I always feel like reggae is such a great carrier for positivity anyway. Can you talk about why you wanted it on this particular set of songs? It really began as an experiment. It was something I wanted to make because as a live performer, whenever I would play a reggae song or I would say convert an older song of mine to a reggae style or fashion, I would get a different sensation from it. Then I would notice the audience would also connect to it in a different way. So, I thought there’s something magical about reggae that causes people to dance and connect. As a performer, you pair that with some positive layers, like you pair that dance with and it feels like church in a way. I'm able to sing a positive message but I'm also able to dance on the fringe of ideas that are not as easily sung in traditional pop. The reggae genre allows me to breathe life not only into love and positivity but into transformational messaging or the kind of message that breathes life into an ever-changing world. I've not been able to do that necessarily in the pop category as easily. Your music has always been so positive and uplifting. In that sense, you’ve always kind of swam upstream from the rest of the industry because positivity isn't necessarily what we get out of what’s playing on the radio. Why has that always been important to you? It starts with the love of performing and love of songwriting. I love singing, and so I became a songwriter because I love to sing. If I sit down with an instrument to sing, I just feel joy. So, it seems like what should be coming out of my mouth is something joyous, not something sad and depressing. Then if I have the luxury of someone's ear and if they're giving me their time and listening, I want to share with them my joy, not my sadness. I always found myself wanting to share joy. Usually, I sit down at a piano to celebrate joy because life has gotten dark and out of balance. I say, “Okay, I’ve got to get to my instruments because that's where joy lives. That's where a bigger spirit in me dwells.” For some reason, joy songs just work better for me. They keep me going. Does your positivity come to you naturally? Some people really have to work to think positive, and it seems like maybe you lean that way anyway. Well, I do but I have to work at it because I get it through my music practice. Trust me, I get long periods of just melancholy and sadness, so I will shift to music and I will work on music or crafting something creative until that melancholy blows over, rather than just sit with the melancholy and start adding extra weight to it. I work at it, I shift, I go to music, I go to crafting and I write. I go to journaling. I go to poetry until I feel that transformation and that transformation goes, “Aha, I am a powerful creator. I am worthy. I am new. I am renewed.” All of that comes through the creative process. "Look for the Good" is the lead single, and it’s also the name of the album. Where did that come from? That was actually a title that Michael Goldwasser submitted. Michael was the producer of this album, and he had heard his rabbi sermonize, “Look for the good and you will see the good.” So, if you go out in the world looking for it, you’ll find it. Same as bad news, look for the bad and you'll find the bad. It’s easy to find. Look for the good and you'll find the good. That was a title he submitted to this project. When he sent me an instrumental, a musical idea to work on, that was the title. All I had to do was sit down and expound upon that idea, which is what I love to do. It's just another version of gratitude. When you're asked to look for the good or when you're asked to say thank you like, “Hey, what are you thankful for?” the first thing we do is we start scanning either our memories or our environment for something good because we want to say thank you for that thing or that person or that experience in our life. That’s excellent and it’s a great leadoff. It’s a great way to introduce yourself to this whole collection. Another song that I wanted to talk to you about is “You Do You” which features Tiffany Haddish. I love how it celebrates individuality. When people listen to that, what do you hope that they hear? First, joy. Always joy. Freedom and joy. Those are my two favorite things, freedom and joy. They’re a favorite because I've been given those things in life through my parents, through the resources, through my public school. Just the system was designed for a kid like me to have freedom and joy, and so it's been my work in my adult life to make sure others and every other human being also gets to experience freedom and joy. “You Do You” is a song that says let us all be free to be ourselves and let us be joyous and let us celebrate each other for each other's freedoms. We’re all going to have a different version of what that feels like, and we’re all going to have different versions of joy. There’s a lot of different ice cream flavors in that frozen food section. Everybody wants something different. Freedom and joy, that’s what I hope people get out of “You Do You.” That’s certainly what I get out of it. Before we let you go, your wish to make the world a better place certainly doesn't end with your music, so can you tell us a little bit about your foundation? Yes, the Jason Mraz Foundation. It’s something I started back in 2011. Three years ago, we refocused it to focus specifically on inclusive arts education and the advancement of equality, and that is similar to programs that I came up through as a kid. Arts education is just such a great medium for collaboration. When you add inclusivity to that arts education, you’re not only getting a great arts training but you're getting compassion and empathy and acceptance. You’re learning how to…you’re basically learning how to sit on that subway or train car and see the good in everybody. Basically, it’s what inclusive arts education does for the purpose of the advancement of quality. Because as I said earlier, I came up through great public school that made it easy for me to experience freedom and joy, so the Jason Mraz Foundation is helping to breathe life into programs that exist, as well as create new programs that can hopefully also create experiences of freedom and joy for young people who are pursuing the arts. Everything from dancers to visual artists, to poets, to songwriters, singers, you name it, we’re out there trying to help them get a hand up in the world to experience their freedom and joy.
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Self-Care

3 Ways to Design Your Environment for a Happier Life

You are the product of your culture and context. You’re the product of the information and inputs you consume. Everything that comes in—the food, information, people, experiences—shapes you. Instead of having your environment and circumstances reflect your current identity, you want to design your environment to reflect your future identity. When you change your environment, over time, everything about you will change. You’ll begin having new experiences. You’ll have new thoughts and emotions. You’ll be around new people. You’ll be engaging in new behaviors. Your identity and personality will change. This article provides a few key strategies for re-designing your environment to aid in you creating your desired future. Start Putting Yourself Into New Situations As a person ages, they tend to stop engaging in new situations, experiences and environments. In other words, people’s personalities become increasingly consistent because they stop putting themselves into new contexts. The philosopher and psychologist William James believed that a person’s personality basically became fully formed and fixed by age thirty, because thereafter a person’s life often becomes highly routine and predictable. Although culture is rapidly changing, there are still similar patterns. By the time a person reaches their thirties, they stop having as many “first” experiences. In their childhood, teens, and even twenties, there are a lot of experiences: First kiss. First time driving. First job. First big failure. First time moving to a new city. But at some point, we “settle down.” We stop engaging in new roles and new situations that bring out new and different sides of us. Because people’s lives become highly routine, both in their social roles and their environments, you begin to see very predictable behaviors and attitudes. This is one of the core reasons why personality is viewed as stable and predictable over time. It’s not that your personality itself becomes stable, but rather that your routine environments and social roles lock you into habitual patterns. Want to evolve? Start trying and learning new things. Pick up a new language. Join a new social group. Travel. If you keep putting yourself in the same situations and the same roles, you’ll plateau. Take on Big Challenges Many American teenagers are becoming increasingly inflexible. Many students across the country are demanding that they no longer be required to give in-class oral presentations, claiming their issues with anxiety make them “uncomfortable” with presenting in front of an audience. They believe they shouldn’t be required to do something that feels so unnatural. In an article published in The Atlantic entitled “Teens Are Protesting In-Class Presentations,” one fifteen-year-old tweeted the following statement, which garnered more than 130,000 retweets and nearly half a million likes: “Stop forcing students to present in front of the class and give them a choice not to.” Confidence and psychological flexibility are built by taking on new challenges and situations. Of course, in the moment, those situations may not feel great. But on the other side, you become a more capable and flexible person. When my wife and I became foster parents of three siblings, we were in way over our heads. Neither of us had ever been parents before. But over time, we adapted to our new situation. It became our new normal. And we changed dramatically through that experience, becoming more flexible, patience and empathetic. Want to transform? Take on new challenges that may initially feel difficult or “unnatural.” Over time, you’ll adapt, becoming more flexible, capable and confident. Become “Strategically Ignorant” Peter Diamandis, one of the world’s foremost experts on entrepreneurship and the future of innovation, has said, “I’ve stopped watching TV news. They couldn’t pay me enough money.” Peter is strategically ignorant. He’s created an environment to shield himself from the distractions and negativity of the news media while staying informed on the topics he cares about through careful and deliberate research. Being a successful creative person requires selective ignorance. Another example is Seth Godin, who purposefully doesn’t read the comments on Amazon about his books. He used to do so, but it only left him feeling horrible and questioning himself. So now he has stopped. Seth is selectively ignorant to what the trolls say, and he’s better off as a result. He doesn’t need that noise coming into his psyche, confusing his identity and purpose. Selective ignorance is not the avoidance of learning. It’s not the avoidance of getting feedback. It’s simply the intelligence of knowing that with certain things and people, the juice will never be worth the squeeze. It’s knowing what to avoid. If you want to transform your life, you’ll need to transform your environment. This includes the experiences you have, the people you surround, and the information you consume.
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Podcast

Managing Grief and Anxiety in Difficult Times With Aneesh Chaudhry

At any given time, everyone is going through something in their lives. But rarely do we have a situation where so many people are collectively going through such trying times. The good news is, we’re going to get through this, and we can use this time to build new habits and be stronger than before. This week, we talk with Aneesh Chaudhry, founder of the brain health clinic SoulPhysio Lifestyle, where he works with a team of doctors, psychologists and other healthcare professionals to take a whole body approach to mental and physical wellness. He’s here to talk about how to manage our energy and deal with such negative emotions as grief, loss and anxiety. In this episode, you'll learn: The importance of learning and practicing acceptance. What energy management is and why it matters. How to work through negative feelings during difficult times. Links and Resources Facebook: @soulphysiolifestyle Instagram: @SoulPhysioLifestyle LinkedIn: Aneesh Chaudhry Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Practice

Standing on and Standing For

Give me a place to stand on and I will move the Earth.—Archimedes There are two perennial questions we need to ask in order to find each other and our way in the world. They are: What am I standing on? and What am I standing for? Standing on refers us back to a timeless foundation, to some sense of Source, to all that is larger than us from which we’re renewed as integral beings. Standing for leads us into the heart of what we value and the ethics by which we live in the world. Standing on gives us a compass. Standing for gives us a direction to stay true to by following that compass. The two perennial questions need to be asked of ourselves and everyone we meet. They are a basis for honest relationship. What we stand on is inextricably linked to what we stand for. Consider how a simple lever works. Using a pivot point known as a fulcrum, one weight can leverage the lift of another weight. With our commitment as the fulcrum, what we stand on gives us leverage to empower what we stand for. In this way, who we are leverages what we do in the world. But without knowing what we stand on, what we stand for can become hollow. Without knowing our foundation, we can become overbearing in our opinions. There are always two sides of knowing. One is the quest for meaning, the endless forging of what is essential in order to live. The other is our attachment to a particular view, idea, feeling, or belief. This is the trap of conviction: the stubbornness that turns truth into an assumption or conclusion. It’s the trap of conviction that has Israelis and Palestinians distrust each other without ever having met while young Christians in the Midwest run with no reason from Islamic children. As Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it, “If you’re too convicted in your opinions or beliefs, perhaps you are a convict, imprisoned within the confines of your own understandings.” In this way, unquestioned convictions are old thoughts hardened into seldom-tested beliefs. Instead of bringing us closer to life and each other, our hardened views enforce patterns that keep us from reclaiming the common ground we all stand on. Ultimately, we’re challenged to find something lasting to stand on and something noble to stand for." Part of the riddle of being human resides in this question: If love and truth are in us, why are they so hard to find and grow between us? It seems that love and truth wait like seeds within us. If never watered, they never grow. But if what lives in us is watered, the vastness of life enters our heart like rain soaking seeds waiting in soil. In time, there’s a fertile silence that takes the place of words as we break surface and living with that, our pains give way to joy. How vastness enters our heart is part of the human journey. For everyone will be dropped into the depth of life. What matters is how we meet that moment and who comes with us. Meeting that chance is how the deeper journey of life begins. For me, that chance was my journey through cancer. It changed my stance in the world. It made me a student of all paths and all traditions. It made me a student of applied Spirit. It led me to what I stand on and stand for. But it doesn’t have to be illness or catastrophe that grounds us. It can be wonder, beauty, love, or surprise. Great love and great suffering come to us all, to remind us how rare it is to be here at all. Then it’s our job to stay awake and aware, kind and loving. Ultimately, we’re challenged to find something lasting to stand on and something noble to stand for. Being human is such a mystery, filled with blessings and hardships, often one leading to the other. And through my own spin from blessing to hardship and back, I’ve learned that when all else fails, I’m often forced to stand exactly where I am until the ground of being that lives forever comes up through my feet, making me a little more solid. So I invite you to reflect on what you stand on. What is your deepest, bedrock, your foundation? How does it solidify your place in this life? And what do you stand for? What are the values and ethics that guide your truest actions in the world? In a personal way, how is what you stand on related to what you stand for? I invite you to also reflect on your hardened convictions, obsessions, and excesses, as a way to diagnose what keeps you from what you stand on. I invite you to listen to your experience, as a way to put down what’s in the way. For inner work begins with the vow to get closer to life. Standing on and standing for are endless quests for how we in our fullness can keep the world together. I only know that when a flower finally opens, it accepts everything that comes from the sky. And when a heart finally opens, it accepts everything about existence. And when loving wholeheartedly, we can make honey out of anything. The river of who we are runs through every country. It ignores all borders. Our call is to follow that river. Questions to walk with: In your journal, describe one way you are trapped in your own convictions, one way you are too stubborn about something you believe in. How can you update and refresh this conviction or belief? In conversation with a friend or loved one, take turns describing what each of you stands on and what you stand for. Then discuss one aspect of your personal history that you both have in common.
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relationships

5 Tips to Keep Your Relationships Happy, Healthy and Strong

Like never before, many couples are finding they are spending more time together than ever. Rather than simply surviving this crisis, couples can use this as an opportunity to grow a deeper connection with each other. People who are intentional to use this time wisely are shutting off their television at night and working to create greater intimacy with their partner. Meaningful conversation, working together on projects around the house, making meals together, playing games and having intimate romantic connections are all ways to use this time to benefit your relationship. Marriage is hard and takes lots of work. No one inherently knows how to be a great spouse/significant other; it takes years to become proficient at being in a successful relationship. You can’t know if you can flourish as a couple until you learn the tools to create a happy relationship. Here are five tips to strengthen your relationship with your significant other: Learn to process your feelings. Couples should spend time talking about their feelings during this difficult time. Just as important, if not more so, is validating each other’s experiences and feelings. People tend to want to rescue others from difficult feelings, but sometimes people just need space to process their emotions before they can fully move through them to the other side. Have meaningful conversations. Couples should try and find time to have meaningful conversations—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Talking about more than the everyday tasks that must be accomplished. Ask each other questions about your childhood, your current goals, and future hopes and dreams. Many couples find even after decades together that there are still things to discover that will deepen your knowledge of each other. Find time to exercise. Exercise, whether together or alone, is extremely helpful for increasing positive brain chemistry, and working out stress. Taking the time to go on a walk outside the house when possible gives couples a much-needed change of scenery. Even if it’s just pushing a stroller or bringing the dogs along, walking is a simple activity that gives couples the chance to move together and reconnect through uninterrupted conversation. Take a break from electronics. Constantly having a screen in front of your face doesn’t allow for quality interpersonal communication. Setting aside a couple of hours a night or a day a week to go tech-free really forces couples to prioritize each other, and practice more face to face interaction. It gives the mind a break and challenges us to find ways to reconnect intentionally with our significant other. Be a helper to your partner. Asking on a daily basis, “What can I do to help you today?” is a simple way to make sure you are actively working to meet your partner’s needs. Whether it’s a long hug, help with laundry, a listening ear or assistance with the kids, checking in to see what your partner’s immediate needs are is a way of putting a “deposit” in your love bank. Having a full account means that, when times get tough, you will have a cushion to fall back on for a withdrawal. Many couples counselors have noticed a dramatic uptick in the number of couples seeking therapy and relationship coaching right now. If you are struggling, you should reach out to a competent, qualified professional with training and credentials. I would highly suggest scheduling a telehealth therapy appointment with someone who can show you how to repair your relationship before ending it. This is good advice for couples who are not in crisis too. Take the time to reach out to someone who can help equip you with the lessons you need to make your romantic life happier and more fulfilling.
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Self-Care

6 Strategies for Holding on to Hope

The COVID-19 pandemic has not been an easy time for many of us. Stay-at-home orders, CDC guidelines, news hysteria and working from home transitions have left us unsure, worried and simply—unhappy. Every day, our plans, dreams, and hopes are being relegated to the future. It’s as if the rug of life has been pulled out from under us. So, how can we hold on to hope when there is no clear path forward or even a resolution in sight to the health crisis the world now faces? Well, that is the $64,000 question! In the spirit of inspiring hope and courage in each one of us, I offer strategies that may be useful during this unprecedented time. Accept your feelings (don’t deny them). It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to be frustrated—and it is definitely OK to be fearful. But these are not all of the feelings available to you. Reach deeper. Reach for your Strength. It is there and can ground you in this time of extreme change. The strongest part of you knows that this will pass. It’s important to stop, take a deep breath, accept what you cannot control and remember to move forward. Be mindful of what you listen to. Although it’s important to stay informed, this is not the time to keep up with the negativity that encompasses us in today’s news and media. This is a time for focusing on you. Allow those in your inner circle, and those who are positive, to surround you and to remind you that we are not alone in this. We can get through it together. So, turn off that TV, and instead, stay connected with your friends and family. Whether it’s with a quick call, or a video chat, just listening to the voices of those close to us can guide us toward hope and resiliency. Be clear about how you are changing (for the better). This is an incredible opportunity to take that extra time we have suddenly been allotted to reflect and learn. In what ways are you appreciating the little things more? Talking with others you haven’t had the chance to for quite some time? Realizing some of the things you have been missing, some of the things that are really important for you? Ask yourself what it is that you can do with your time now—refocusing on your priorities and acting accordingly. Reaffirm your commitment to self-care. The human spirit is resilient. Look at how quickly we have all transitioned our work arrangements, our lifestyles, our family care. Necessity demands swift action. Realize that your desire to live healthy is greater than any act of self-sabotage. What are the things that make you joyous? Incorporate these acts at least once into your daily routine. Listen to your spirit, take a walk, meditate, video chat a friend, or simply just enjoy the present moment. Remember the children. Children continue to play, laugh, and find joy in life. Take a good look in the mirror and get in touch with the child in you. Put your arms around that child. Hug yourself like you have never been hugged before. You deserve it! Tell yourself, “Good job, I’m proud of you.” You’ve been through so much in the last few months, and you are making it. Hope for the better. When all is said and done, the human mind and spirit is remarkable. It is sustaining. What will the “new normal” look like? We just don’t know, but you know what we do know? We know that we will find a way to make it work, and we will make it a little better than it was before. “Help me let go of the fight to control things and let me accept them as they are.”
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Self-Care

4 Ideas for Unlocking the Pure Gratitude of Being

Pure gratitude opens us to experiencing grace—that is, the awe-inspiring awareness of the gift of being alive. Through the eyes of pure gratitude, everything looks more beautiful. We are touched with awe. I came to experience the pure gratitude of simply being after living through immense tragedy and loss: In 2008, a California wildfire took my home, a lifetime of memorabilia and the space where countless wonderful memories had taken place. Then, a year later—in the span of eight weeks—I lost my husband, my father and my youngest son. I’ve written about all of this in my memoir Six Funerals and a Wedding.  Here is what I learned for unlocking and experiencing the pure and simple gratitude of being which people may find especially helpful in these times: Look at life through the lens of love and what is real. If the old saying “It’s all in how you look at it” is really true, we can decide how we want to see our situation. Practice this feeling and nurture the awareness it creates. You can even have fun with it by asking yourself questions such as: Does a new car inspire you differently than the smile of an elderly neighbor you have called on to just see how she has been doing? You can ask yourself the same question as applied to other situations, too, and make a list of the things that inspire you most. Chances are, they are not material, but instead, have to do with human connections and moments spent together with others. Appreciating the profound joy in these moments will bring immense gratitude is one key to experiencing pure gratitude. Celebrate goodness. Look around you: there is goodness everywhere, even in the most surprising places. But we tend to forget that. As a reminder, try acknowledging and celebrating this goodness wherever it is. One way to do this is to thank everybody present before a meal and acknowledge any special events that may have occurred since you were last together: birthdays, new jobs, new children or grandchildren. Lately, during the COVID-19 crisis, I have been finding myself more aware of the importance of acknowledging events that are happening around me. The recent celebration of Cinco de Mayo, for example. With restaurants being closed to diners, many friends were doing delivery or making their own dishes. A family member suggested we make margaritas to celebrate the occasion. And I thought, why not? Why not do something special to join in the fun. We don’t make margaritas all that often but ended up having a great time together. My point is this—don’t miss your opportunity to do your version of a holiday or celebration. It puts you in the spirit of things and keeps you connected to friends and loved ones. Surround yourself with grateful people. There’s a saying: “We are who we spend time with.” We can influence others by being our best selves, and can become better, more grateful people by surrounding ourselves by others who do the same. I think it’s okay to do inventories of your friendships from time to time. We are at our best and feel most grateful when we have more to give to the world. But if we find that the people we’re spending time with are making us feel drained or don’t live in a place of gratitude themselves, gratitude can be hard to experience. Allow yourself to decide how much time you’ll spend with people who have that effect on you, and to limit it as needed. On the flip side, indulge in spending time abundantly with people who you feel grateful simply to be with. Let go of material things that burden you. If you find yourself spending time or energy worrying about your things—how to care for them, the expenditures they require, where to store them—they are getting in the way of your experience of the gratitude of being. Letting go of them will free you to connect with gratitude more profoundly. It also brings an opportunity to remember the joy each thing once brought you, to be grateful for the memories of those times and to imagine the joy these things might bring to a new owner. I tend to get easily overwhelmed with stuff. Something as simple as buying a new kitchen rug can feel good for a moment until I realize that I didn’t really need it. It is important to notice when enough is enough. You have everything you need. If you like to buy pretty things, maybe look into providing them for someone else. Contact a shelter or senior center and see what they may need. That can be a very joyful experience. Anyone of these four steps has the potential to unlock a new level of gratitude. Taken together, they can unlock a beautiful way to simply be.
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Podcast

Turning Social Isolation Into a Creative Outlet With Martha Alderson

Tapping into your creativity is a proven way to increase your personal well-being. It can put you in a positive mood, give you a sense of purpose, promote problem solving and reduce stress and anxiety. But sometimes, we get so busy with our lives that we lose touch with our creative side. This week’s guest is an expert in tapping into creativity. Martha Alderson is an author who also works with bestselling authors, Hollywood directors, artists and performers all over the world to tap into their creativity. Now, you can try this at home! Martha’s new book, Boundless Creativity: A Spiritual Workbook for Overcoming Self-Doubt, Emotional Traps and Other Creative Blocks, can walk you through the steps back to discovering your creative self. In this episode, you'll learn: What the Universal Story is and how it relates to you. The spiritual value of connecting with your creativity. How working on creativity as a family can help build communication and solve problems. Links and Resources Facebook: @PlotWhisperer Instagram: @MarthaSAlderson LinkedIn: @MarthaAlderson Twitter: @PlotWhisperer YouTube: marthalderson Have you heard? Now you can start each day with the Live Happy Daily Happiness Briefing. This two-minute dose of happiness can be enabled as an Alexa skill just by clicking here. Then, start your weekday by saying, “Alexa, give me my daily happiness briefing!” Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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relationships

4 Ways to Parent Mindfully During Challenging Times

My yoga teacher Tiffany Wood loves to say, “you may not be in control of every situation, but you can always take charge.” It took time for this teaching to sink in, and becoming a mother gave me a whole new perspective on being out of control. Parents are handed a tiny human with their own agenda and pretty strong opinions out of the gate. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting and it only gets harder when your child is old enough to look you in the eye and shout, “No!” Add challenging situations like massive winter storms, losing a job, family health issues or coronavirus, which can all leave you feeling vulnerable and unprepared. The good news is when you apply a mindfulness lens you can learn to take charge of what’s meaningful and necessary without needing to control things that are not in your grasp. Here are four simple tips to mindfully take charge when life seems out of control: 1. Dedicated time for connection vs. independence. When I first got the news that my kids’ school would be canceled for three weeks straight, I panicked. The first few days I scheduled our time too rigidly and I always seemed to be “on,” as if I was running a three-ring circus. I learned after some trial and error that our daily cadence went much smoother when I create times for us to come together and times for us to play apart. So now we typically eat a meal together and follow it with 20-40 minutes of focused instructional or learning activity time that fosters connection with my kiddos. Then I say, “Okay, now it’s choice time! Would you rather play Magna-Tiles or go outside while I do my work for half an hour?” In an hour or so I help them clean up and transition back together for a snack and meaningful learning time before giving them an entirely different choice, “Play with your dolls or make a sticker scene?” 2. “Notice” when your kids are independent, responsible and cooperative. Many unwanted toddler behaviors come in response to a child’s deep desire to have more control, and you can help them be in charge where it’s possible. While it may feel strange at first to talk to a child like an adult, I encourage you to try it and see what you discover. Independence: “You are learning to do so many things all by yourself, aren’t you? I see you climbing up into your seat and getting yourself dressed. You’re working hard!” Responsibility: “Did you put your muddy pants in the laundry hamper? Thank you! That’s so responsible, you know just where they go, don’t you?” Cooperative: “Wow, I love how cooperative you are these days. I know it’s not always fun to brush your teeth or put away your toys, and your help is much appreciated.” 3. Learn together, naturally. Don’t pressure yourself into thinking you need to teach your child like their classroom teacher would. I’m a high school educator by trade, and I spent a few hours going down the homeschool rabbit hole trying to prepare myself to teach my Kindergartner and Preschooler while they were home from school. In just a few hours we churned through the resources I had prepped the night before, so I sent them out to “recess” feeling defeated. Instead, I started noticing small opportunities for learning unfold naturally around us. At meals, we played alphabet or rhyming games. The girls asked if they could make their own snacks, so I moved a selection of food to lower cupboards and shelves and discussed food groups so they could make a “balanced meal.” We “played math” using playing cards for a game of Go-Fish and Memory. Yesterday my girls, ages three and six collected various pine cones for a fairy garden, and I quickly found a chart online to help us identify the different trees. My favorite natural learning opportunity was when they counted, sorted, compared, created patterns and traded their mini-M&M’s, while I did the dishes! 4. Reassure them. Often times, parents see a rise in tantrums, bedtime call-backs, mealtime meltdowns and other unwanted behaviors during a time of instability or transition. The good news is that a little reassurance goes a long way. Let your child know that they are a priority in your life by carving out “Special Kiddo Time.” Put down your agenda, set a 10-minute timer and let them pick an activity to do together. Additionally, you’ll want to remind your children that life may look, sound and feel different than it used to, but you love them just the same. The great news is that there are tools to help parents take charge of big emotions and connect more deeply with their kiddos. Using mindful parenting practices helps us to solve problems more efficiently and experience fewer breakdowns in general.
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Self-Care

3 Bad Habits That Lead to Emotional Eating

Eating is probably one of the most natural things in the world. We need to eat to live, and to live well, enjoying food is a big part of it. Unfortunately, our motivation for eating is often unclear due to a variety of factors. Socioeconomic demographics, generational values and our caregivers' relationship to food can be huge influences in the way we relate to food as adults. It's important to note that eating as an adult is very different than eating as a young child. As a child, food is very structured. We have three meals and three snacks per day. This is mainly to provide structure and ensure the energy of the child is balanced. Additionally, children don’t have much control or choice around food. So, it is important to notice that children don't have the choice to decide WHEN or WHAT to eat, nor are they mature enough to understand the WHY behind their food choices. Why is this important? Because so often in my coaching practice, I see full-grown adults struggling with their relationship to food and they don't know why. Their lives have been hijacked by anxiety, fear, shame and guilt. I am here to crack that code for you! 1. Attachment to Labels Organizing an eating schedule around breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks like we did as kids creates a rigidity that as adults we cannot often abide by. Spontaneous work and family obligations, travel and other joyful life things that as adults we have the privilege of enjoying cannot coexist with a rigid food schedule. We must grow the inner child to trust in the fluidity of being an adult. We do this by learning to eat more intuitively. This means being in touch with hunger cues and being prepared when the time arrives. It also means understanding what your body needs for you. It’s taking back the When and What. This is the agency adults have. 2. Scarcity Complex This is another belief we picked up as children. Remember when your caregiver told you to finish everything on your plate because food is expensive and there won’t be anything else to eat if you don’t? This belief is one of the root causes of compulsive eating and directly disconnects us from the part of ourselves that has trust in the goodness of the world. Preserving this innocence is so key in the development of well-adjusted adults. It is this lack of trust that is one of the main contributors to emotional eating. That deep-rooted fear that if we don't finish everything on our plate or eat the free food from work even if we aren’t hungry or that isn’t what we want, we are inherently bad people. We are selfish, wasteful and ungrateful. However, as adults we have choice. Choice is available at any time and has no judgments. It is up to us to learn the tools to slow down enough to understand what motivates our choices and then develop the skills to relate to those choices with compassion. Once we install these tools and skills, we can begin to truly build trust in the abundance that is available for us. It is from this core belief that we can begin to heal our emotional relationship with food. 3. Soothing Mechanism From a young age, we were conditioned that food helps to soothe discomfort. If we cried as babies, we got fed. If we were celebrating a win or a birthday there was food involved. We are trained that food immediately makes everything better and happy. Now, don’t get me wrong—food as joy can be wonderful if internally regulated, and there is an understanding of the WHY behind the eating. But so often, as adults, we forget to ask the why before diving headfirst into last night’s leftover dessert after a long day where we felt inadequate or insecure. One of my biggest tools for helping clients overcome emotional eating is to offer them this tool. Be willing to feel into the sensations of your body as you are about to reach for that trigger food. Ask yourself if you are physically or emotionally hungry. Physical hunger will feel like pangs and dizziness. Emotional hunger will feel like heart racing, chaos and urgency. If you do not feel physical sensations or you know you cannot be physically hungry because you just finished a meal, then ask yourself what emotion is trying to speak to me. Until you get an answer pause. Develop substitutes for eating like drawing, painting, taking a walk outside, calling a trusted friend. Over time, you will recondition yourself with new soothing mechanisms and shift your relationship to food. Remembering that eating was one of the first ways we connected to others as children is essential in creating a healthy relationship with food as an adult. Once we can uproot and compassionately reintegrate the ways in which childlike conditioned beliefs are quietly running the show, we will be free to explore, experiment and appreciate the joy of eating as an adult does offer.
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