girl holds the bible in her hand and is praying for the Holy Scriptures in the park alone in the bright summer morning.

Practicing With Purpose

“When you create a gratitude practice, it’s very intentional and defined,” says Jan Stanley, who has worked with Fortune 500 companies to develop leadership development programs and is now a speaker and teacher on the topics of rituals, practices and habits. She says a gratitude practice helps you slow down and take note of the many gifts in the world around you. Studies are showing that practicing gratitude increases life satisfaction and overall well-being. In fact, one study by Robert Emmons, Ph.D., of the University of California, Davis, indicates that a regular gratitude practice helps people “appreciate life to the fullest”—even during difficult life events. “People roll their eyes because it’s so simple, but even if you start small with the intention of becoming grateful, you will see changes,” Jan says. “Start thinking about not just what you’re grateful for that day, but why,” she says. As you think about what those things mean to you, your appreciation for them grows. Some simple gratitude practices include: Gratitude Journal: Write down what you’re grateful for every day. Focus on one topic and write about why it makes you feel grateful, or list several different things that make you grateful. Gratitude Jar: Keep a jar of glass beads or stones in a central location, and make sure every person in the home or office has an empty jar. “If you’re grateful for something that person did, put a stone in their jar and tell them why,” Jan says. Three Blessings: Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Candle Ritual: This can be done as a daily ritual or for special family gatherings; each person lights a candle while sharing what he or she is grateful for. “What happens is that you start looking for things throughout the day that make you grateful. It has an amazing, transformative effect,” Jan says. “You start noticing things you didn’t see before and appreciating them.” This article originally appeared in the December 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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father and daughter enjoying spending time with dog in the bed.

More Than a Best Friend

Around July 26 every year, Megan-Mack Nicholson organizes a spirited celebration that is part family reunion, part birthday extravaganza. Although the site rotates to a different house every year, common party threads include cooking on the grill, wine and plenty of playtime. But two activities are absolutely non-negotiable and thought of as ritual for this extended family: a dip in the nearest body of water and, of course, a good, old-fashioned group howl. Ten white German shepherds, all from the same litter, are the guests of honor at the appropriately named White Shepherd Puppy Party, and Megan-Mack describes their chorus, which might last a couple of minutes, as deafening. “(It’s) so loud and beautiful, people and dogs in this huge family pack,” she says. “It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.” The puppies were brought into the world by Megan-Mack’s dog, Kaya, on July 26, 2005. She gave all but one of the puppies away to friends around Ithaca, New York, where she lives. She kept one puppy, whom she named Rayleigh. “I just thought it would be fun (to throw a birthday party) the first year, and it was such an absolute hoot, we made sure to continue the tradition,” she says. Meat cakes—plural—are another standard usually enjoyed at the puppy party. Megan-Mack starts with a traditional cake option, like strawberry shortcake, then adds “every meat under the sun”—hamburger, steak, chicken spread, tuna and even spam. The plurality of the cakes is important: The inaugural year, she only baked one large cake, and Kaya ate the entire thing in seconds, while the candles were still lit. “It’s such a sweet gathering,” she says. “We haven’t missed a year. It’s important for all of us to connect because it is family.” Claiming a dog—or 11—as family is something that might have raised more than a few eyebrows 10 or 20 years ago, but today it’s the norm. Rejecting the terminology of dog ownership, many people now choose to define themselves as guardians or pet parents and refer to their beloved canines as their fur babies or children. “The data suggests that the majority of people consider their pet a family member,” says Allen McConnell, Ph.D., a Miami University psychology professor who studies the impact pets have on human health and well-being. His most recent data suggests the number is about 77 percent. But adoption into the family isn’t just about status. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2011, Allen and colleagues examined the amount of support 217 people received from their pets, be they dogs, cats or other animals, as compared to their best friends and family members. “One thing we found,” Allen says, “was that people received as much support from their pet as they did from their parents or siblings,” although best friends were found to be a more powerful source of support than pets. “For a pet to be as big as parents or siblings is a pretty strong statement,” Allen says. All Heart Susan Burnstine can agree with that statement, strong as it is. Susan, a Los Angeles-based photographer, says 3-year-old Australian kelpie, Raven, is her family. And it is Raven who is getting her through the death of another beloved family member, Blue, also a kelpie, who died at the extraordinary age of 21. “I lost both parents and everyone in my family,” Susan says, “and that was tragic like you wouldn’t believe, but losing (Blue) hurt more. I’m almost ashamed to say that. But it was like losing my child.” For the first 8 months of her life, Blue was used as pit bull bait for an illegal dog fighting facility, but a local rescue group helped her escape. When Susan and Blue were introduced, it was love at first sight. “She sort of found everything for me,” Susan says. “She set the path for my life. She was just a remarkable dog.” As a photographer, Susan is known for the dream-like images produced from her homemade cameras and lenses. The first photo she took with one of her own cameras was of Blue’s nose, and that photo helped jump-start her career. Before she made it as a photographer, Susan worked in the entertainment business, but she eventually burned out. While she tried to figure out her next step, she spent time hiking with Blue at LA’s Runyon Canyon Park. At the time, the park wasn’t well-attended, so Hollywood actors would frequent its trails. When Susan mentioned to a friend of hers, the late actor Michael Jeter, that she just wanted to hike with her dog all day, Michael suggested she do just that—but with other people’s dogs as well. And so, Susan started a business providing not just hiking but individualized cardio sessions for the dogs of her clients, who are often actors. She still works with about 12 clients in addition to her work as a photographer, and Blue was the impetus for the whole operation. “(Blue) was a Zen dog,” Susan says. “She would just know everything.” Now, Raven is helping Susan cope with the loss of Blue. “The only thing that got me through was Raven,” Susan says. “She has so much energy, I don’t have a second (to myself).” Susan loves dogs more than anything in the world. “They are very empathetic animals. They’re all about their heart.” The Science of Puppy Love Susan, Megan-Mack and countless others share a special bond with their dogs, and recent research examines that interaction, describing how dogs pay attention to us like no other animal. Scientists Adam Miklosi and Brian Hare, among others, have demonstrated that dogs can read human facial expressions and follow cues from gestures or the direction of a person’s gaze, and they can do so at least as early as 6 weeks old. No other non-human animal possesses this innate ability—not even our closest relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos, which need extensive human contact before they can demonstrate similar abilities. Dogs are also the only animals besides primates that look humans in the eyes, and researchers from three Japanese universities found that this eye contact is especially significant. In a study published in the April 17 issue of Science, the scientists found that when people sustain a long gaze with their own dog, both receive a boost in the brain hormone oxytocin, which is associated with bonding and attachment. The findings suggest that dogs tap into the same mechanism that parents use to bond with their infant children. Another study, published in the journal Behavioral Processes in January, measured the neural responses dogs have to known and unknown smells. The researchers found that the scent of the dogs’ owners engaged the caudate nucleus, the part of the brain associated with reward. These studies represent only the tip of the iceberg in research on the unique relationship between people and dogs, and not all experts agree on how to interpret them. But the findings could indicate that both species are specially wired to live with one another, and this is a significant part of the reason humans incorporate canines into nearly every facet of our lives. Working Into Our Lives The brakes are out on Megan-Mack’s truck, and she’s not sure if it would pass inspection, but she doesn’t want to get rid of it because it reminds her of her dog. Earlier this year, Kaya passed away, and she has vivid memories of both of her dogs sticking their heads out of the window on her way to work. “I want everything to be the same as it was when she was here,” Megan-Mack says, and that includes both of her dogs joining her for the workday. Megan-Mack is a ropes course director and adventure center manager. When she was promoted to the position, which meant longer hours, she made sure her contract stipulated that the girls could join her. “My sanity is all due to them at work,” she says. “They remind me to step outside and smell the air.” The dogs also brightened the days of customers and staff on a regular basis. Rayleigh is especially attuned to people’s needs and moods. Megan-Mack says the attentiveness of dogs like hers comes from generations of loyal dogs trying to fulfill jobs. She believes the job of the modern dog is to be a part of the family. That certainly wasn’t always the case. “The first role dogs played was very likely not as a pet,” says David Grimm, author of Citizen Canine: Our Evolving Relationship with Cats and Dogs, which came out in paperback in June. “It was more of a co-worker relationship.” At the time, David says, humans were nomadic and had no time for pets. Dogs probably helped hunt smaller game and guard campsites at night. In return, dogs received food. And that’s the way things were for thousands of years. As humans started settling down in villages, the status of dogs began to change. The first evidence of a more personal relationship between the species dates back 12,000 years to Israel, where archaeologists found a buried human cradling a puppy. “Fast forward 10,000 years and some societies had pet-like relationships,” David says. “For example, the Romans are burying dogs in human cemeteries and breeding lap dogs.” Not every culture had pets, and dogs generally suffered through the Middle Ages. But even in pet-friendly cultures, a distinct separation existed—dogs belonged outside. That would change in the late 1800s with the advent of flea and tick medicines. “Now you can bring dogs indoors, and (then) they don’t smell like garbage, basically,” David says. “The separation breaks down, and a new (pet) industry arrives with dogs and cats... There’s a snowball effect, and the relationship is much closer.” The relationship strengthened by the decade. Then, 20 or 25 years ago, our relationship with dogs evolved again. Smaller families, higher divorce rates and more people living alone, combined with the increasing isolation of the digital age, changed the way we look at dogs and cats, according to David. “Everyone’s on the computer all the time,” he says. “Pets are the last bastions in your house that need to physically interact with you. Your dog’s not going to play on the Xbox or start texting and ignore you.” All these factors have led to people claiming dogs as family, an idea that would have seemed strange to most people 30 years ago. But now, a majority of people report that their dogs sleep in their own beds. “We’ve become so close,” David says. “It’s hard to imagine we can become much closer in the social sphere—you can’t get much closer than a member of the family.” This article originally appeared in the October 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Over shoulder view of old senior grandmother holding digital tablet computer in hands video conference calling granddaughter opening Christmas gift during distance virtual family online chat meeting.

5 Grounding Tips for the Holiday Season

As we officially enter into the holiday season, anxiety hangs in the air with so many worries. There is the obvious concern about our health and the health of our loved ones. Can we drive to see our aging parents? Can our adult children fly home for Christmas? Then there is the economic news of so many families struggling. How many presents can we afford under that tree this year? Can we even afford the tree? I feel the same crushing pressures as everyone. For more than 35 years, I have spent the New Year’s holiday with three best friends, which expanded to our partners and our children over time. For decades, our merry band of twelve have rung in the new year together. But not this year. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me. However, 2020 is what it is, and I am trying to make the best of it. For this holiday season, I have created a new home base for myself with new daily rules. Every day I try to do the same five things. Each of these activities makes me calmer, happier and/or more at peace. For ease of remembering, think of the mnemonic M.E.C.C.A. (Mecca being both a holy city and a word that means “center”). What is M.E.C.C.A.? Meditate Start your day with a brief meditation. I listen to Headspace, which offers a ten minute daily guided meditation. To be clear, every morning I wake up and think, “Oh let’s just skip meditating.” I really never want to. But, when I engage in meditation, I feel better: clear-headed, relaxed and refreshed. It is the best way to start the morning. Exercise Every day, I exercise. Given COVID, I stay away from the gym, but I can still walk the dog, or hop on our elliptical trainer or lift hand weights. And as with meditation, every time after I exercise, I think “Oh I feel so much better.” Remember too that with the holidays usually comes extra eating and drinking. Exercise helps combat that holiday five. Create Do you write? Paint? Quilt? Perhaps you used to practice a creative art years ago when you were in school. Creativity is one of the best coping tools we have. By creating, we can take our feelings and transform them into something else: something beautiful or moving or cathartic. And bonus, use your creative skills to make presents this holiday. I have a cousin who sends exquisite handmade cards every year at Christmas. Her skill is beyond me, but I always look forward to seeing her creations. Connect During the holidays, many people feel lonely. Many of us have lost someone, and we miss them particularly around this sentimental season. This year, there will be even more people missing their loved ones, because most of us will need to stay in our own homes. Reach out to your loved ones. Don’t just text, pick up the phone and talk. I grant you, the conversation won’t be riveting. No one is doing anything, so there isn’t much to talk about other than COVID 19. Just the same, call your friends. Call your aunt. Call your grandparents. Accomplish Every day, do something you have put off doing. You know those projects that you never have time for? My house was filled with those, but not anymore! And goodness knows, around the holidays there is plenty to be done. Perhaps this will be the year that I finally organize the Christmas paper bin. It is full of scraps of wrapping paper, dusty ribbons and cardboard boxes of dubious utility. Every year I tell myself I will clean it out and organize it. Something tells me that this will finally be the year. No one knows how long we will drift in this odd COVID limbo, but I hope you can make the best of this strange holiday season by caring for yourself and keeping a healthy grounding routine. You will find me meditating and exercising (reluctantly), creating my blogs and calling my friends on New Year's Day. You will also find me in the back of my garage, throwing out dusty wrapping paper. We will find our way back to normal, at some point. For now, enjoy the twinkle lights adorning your neighbor's houses. Take care and chin up. Humanity has gotten through many difficult times, and we will get through this too. Happy Holidays!
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Red heart in child hands. Kindness concept, gift, hand made valentine, close up.

6 Ways to Raise Kinder Kids

The thought of raising a brat of a child can bring panic and anxiety to any parent. It’s an especially overwhelming thought if you don’t have the proper tools on hand to teach your child how to be a kind person. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are doing wrong. Thomas Lickona, Ph.D., developmental psychologist and author of How to Raise Kind Kids, says the most common mistakes parents make in childrearing is not exercising moral authority with confidence, constantly making kids happy by sparing them from disappointment and not being intentional in creating a positive family culture. Kids who do respect their parents’ moral authority create a foundation for moral development later in life, Thomas says. “It’s difficult to teach kids anything if they don’t listen to you, they don’t obey you, they don’t respect the fact that you are the mom and dad and you have the right to expect obedience,” Thomas says. Try these six tools Thomas recommends for raising kinder kids: Develop a Positive Family Culture. Creating a family mission statement gives your children a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Thomas suggests sitting down together and discussing your family’s core values and virtues. For example, “the Smiths don’t lie, cheat and steal,” “the Davidsons are kind, gracious and don’t hurt people,” or “the Lannisters always pay their debts” (OK, maybe that last one is a bad example). Having a family charter sets a tone of how the family should behave and will give children moral clarity in why and what the family believes. Become a Character Coach. In order to raise a kind person, you need to be a kind person. Model good behavior and teach them the responsibility to care for others. Instill good virtues, such as kindness, respect and self-control. Thomas writes that the surest way to be happy is to make others happy. Good character also means not letting little infractions slide. “Take the small stuff seriously,” Thomas says. “If you don’t correct rudeness and tantrums, for example, in your 6-year-old, you’ll have a lot more trouble reining in swearing and door slamming by your 16-year-old.” Keep Constant Contact. The responsibility of raising children well falls on parents’ shoulders. Stay in touch by holding regular family meetings to discuss anything that may be exciting or troubling in their lives. Thomas suggests a technique he used in his own family, called the back and forth questions. The key is to ask your child a question, such as “what was the best and worst part of your day?” Encourage the child to reciprocate and ask you the same. After a while, you and your child will develop the art of good conversation. “Meaningful conversation enriches family life, builds relationships and gives you a vehicle to transmit your deepest values,” Thomas says. “Without those conversational exchanges, we really are on the sidelines of our children’s character formation.” In his book, How to Raise Kind Kids, Thomas provides 40 conversation starters to get the verbal ball rolling. Reduce Screens. Technology is great, but not at the expense of a deteriorating family life. A sad statistic is that screens—TVs, phones, tablets, video games—are drastically changing the amount of face time families put in each day. When kids “disappear” into their own worlds, parents know less about the goings-on within their children’s lives, and problems like irritability and poor sleeping habits can emerge. Challenges grow as teens begin to seek validation from social media. Thomas suggests a four-week electronic fast, a technique developed by child psychiatrist Victoria Dunckley, author of Reset Your Child’s Brain. He admits the first few days may be rough, but parents can start to notice real changes in their kids, such as fewer tantrums and arguments. After four weeks, slowly reintroduce devices, allowing one hour of screen time per day. A Little Hard Work Never Hurt Anyone. Our kids learn all their habits, good and bad, from what happens at home. Continuously trying to appease and not disappoint them can turn our kids into self-absorbed meanies. It undermines the family culture and can have adverse effects on the rest of the family. A good way to avoid these feelings of entitlement is to make the kids part of the household team. Thomas suggests giving them responsibilities and chores to do within their abilities and hold them accountable when they don’t meet expectations. They should know the value of work, and everyone within the household should contribute. Make Gratitude the Right Attitude. Constant complaining can be a drain on the family. It makes children unhappy, and it certainly is no joyride for the parents, either. Teaching good gratitude practices, such as using a gratitude journal or counting your blessings, can shift your child’s focus from what they have instead of what they don’t have. If this is a part of everyday life in your household, for example, giving thanks for a meal and asking around the table what everyone is grateful for, then positive feelings will start to cultivate and the negatives will dissipate. “Gratitude is an act of kindness and ingratitude is an act of unkindness,” Thomas says. “We should teach our children what gratitude means and why thankfulness is important. Gratitude is feeling and expressing thanks for the benefits we receive. Why does it matter? Because it makes us feel better, and counting your blessings is the secret of a happy life.” For more, listen to our podcast with Thomas Lickona, Ph.D. on Live Happy Now.
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Voting entrance with handicap sign.

4 Ways to Stay Emotionally Healthy Amid a Stressful Election

In order to stay emotionally healthy during the final stage of the election cycle, it’s essential to remain emotionally elevated above the chaos. Recognize that an election cycle that has been this long, this negative and this intense, is bound to have an emotional impact because this event has created a frenzied frequency that people are feeling stuck in. In reality, this election has made the emotional environment that we all inhabit together the most reactive environment in American history. This is especially difficult for those who are more emotionally sensitive and are constantly absorbing the chaos in the environment and becoming more distressed with each day. With years of reactivity from the top-down infiltrating our society, this last stage of the election cycle is like a fever pitch of activity. It’s no wonder so many people feel more reactive and more emotionally exhausted than ever. For this reason, it’s critical that we shift all the emotional reactivity that has trickled down and spread rapidly across social media into intentionality that allows us to stay connected to ourselves and an empowered vision for our future. For the most emotionally sensitive people, this election driven reactivity can create a complete shutdown from overstimulation and isn’t sustainable. At times like this, it’s never been more important to turn our emotional reactivity into epic emotional strength. We can do this by shifting our reactivity to the election into a state of connectedness to the intentions we have for ourselves and our country. Turning emotional reactivity into epic emotional strength comes from following a set of strength training techniques called The Method. The Method works like this: 1. Stay connected to your Self to know if you are in a reaction or in an intention. Check in with yourself as often as you check your phone, so you keep building a connection to your Self instead of continually disconnecting from your Self due to stress. 2. Be intentional with your communications with your Self and others so you're communicating with intention instead of communicating to your Self or anyone else in reaction to something. It’s easy to be in a reactive state and have all of your internal and external communication come from a reactive place rather than an intentional one, so make sure you're communicating intentionally. 3. If you find that you’re in a reactionary state, make a shift by choosing an intention and harnessing all your emotions into an outcome that you want to create. Focus on your outcomes over your reactions. Shift what would otherwise be a chain of reactions you might get stuck in, into a chain of intentions you’ll feel great about, and you’ll feel immediately more elevated and above all of the reactive ruckus around the election. 4. Say and do only what will create your outcomes in order to be productive instead of reactive. No matter how tempting it may be to speak and behave out of reaction, take action that is intentional and designed to create a desired outcome. This will shift all of the distress into success and in doing so you can rise above the reactivity of the election and declare yourself victorious.
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Overjoyed young family with little preschooler kids have fun cooking baking pastry or pie at home together, happy smiling parents enjoy weekend play with small children doing bakery cooking in kitchen

7 Keys to Healthy Family Relationships

Your family is the foundation on which much of your happiness, success and physical and emotional well-being is based. If your family relationships are unstable, that can cause a ripple effect that affects work, friends, finances and even your health. The feelings of connection and security that come with strong family relationships can give you the lift you need to endure life’s challenges and meet your goals with confidence and courage. Some of the main causes of families’ reduced emotional health are changes in family structure, medical problems, parenting or relationship issues, career struggles and financial challenges. Long-term stress on a family—even if the stressors seem to be small—can also have a significant impact. Many of us are so busy keeping up with daily tasks and pressures that we do not focus enough on building and maintaining our closest relationships. Ideally, families are intended to provide a safe haven, serving as an enduring group of individuals who transcend time and life circumstances. Here are seven ways to improve your family relationships. Healthy families... 1. Learn what their strengths are and use them to overcome obstacles and to stay connected. They put in the effort to identify and work on their weaknesses as individuals and as a whole. If your family is great at networking, use your networking skills to help yourselves in times of need. If your family has weakness in the area of conflict, make a family pact to try harder to be calmer during arguments and to improve your conflict resolution skills. 2. Have a foundation of respect. John Gottman, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and researcher, has written books and articles stating that within minutes he can determine whether a couple’s relationship will be lasting and happy simply based on their behaviors regarding respect. The same is true for families. Respect relates to how members of a family feel and think about each other and how they interact with each other. You show respect if you always consider your family members’ happiness and place it equal to your own. 3. Value investment in the family. Anything that we truly care about requires investment of time and energy. Make sure that you and all of your family members make a concerted effort to spend time together, think about one another and work toward being a strong and happy unit. Plan family days where each family member is responsible for one component of the day. One member plans an outdoor activity, another an indoor activity and one chooses or prepares lunch. 4. Work on good communication skills. Communicating takes effort; it is not just about having a conversation. Focus on listening and understanding what your family member is trying to say. Carve out time to work on communication skills by putting away cellular phones and other devices at the dinner table so you can interact with one another. 5. Know the value of fun and laughter. All of us know that happiness can be the best medicine physically, psychologically and spiritually. Laughter and fun are guaranteed pathways to happiness. Plan time for your family to do shared activities that everyone enjoys: play games together, have a water balloon or snowball fight outdoors, tell bad jokes while decorating homemade cookies. 6. Establish traditions, values and goals, and work toward achieving them. One of the greatest ways to connect is to have shared traditions, values and goals. If you have already developed some, do your best to continue what you started. Sit down to discuss and reinforce values, invent new traditions and plan how you’ll accomplish goals together. 7. Problem solve as a group. One of the greatest things about family is that you can lean on each other for advice and support. Plan family brainstorming sessions or family meetings to solve important dilemmas or plan your next weekend adventure. Share your joys with each other as well as your challenges. This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Girl Writing Letter Home Concept

Write Your Way to Well-Being

The 25 women who had gathered in a windowless Seattle classroom for a writing workshop scribbled furiously for more than two hours in response to instructor Rachel M. Fiala’s “prompts.” In 10-minute sprints they wrote about difficult goodbyes in their lives, about their definitions of beauty, about what the sound of rain reminded them of. At the end of class Rachel gave her students an exercise in self-expression and self-discovery known as expressive writing: Over the next four days, for 20 uninterrupted minutes each day, write down your deepest feelings about an emotional upheaval in your life. Tonya Wilson, one of the most enthusiastic students in the class, would write about her mother abandoning her when she was 13. “The exercise was powerful,” she says. “I got to witness myself as that shattered 13-year-old.” Two years have passed since that writing assignment, but, Tonya says, “Talking about it today I can still feel the lump in my throat. I still mourn for that young girl and I think I always will, but now there is someone mourning for her rather than stuffing her in a closet and refusing to acknowledge her existence and her pain.” That first expressive writing assignment spurred a life-changing turnaround for Tonya. It all took place at the Washington Corrections Center for Women, the state prison where she has been serving time for attempted murder in the first degree since 2002. The Power of Personal Storytelling Expressive writing is a highly structured storytelling technique that guides people to describe their deepest worries and most troubling memories, find new meanings in these experiences and then go on to envision bolder and happier futures for themselves. It was developed in the mid-’80s by researcher James (Jamie) W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., now the Regents Centennial Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, who was investigating the health impact of a wide range of traumatic experiences—the death of a spouse, natural disasters, sexual or physical abuse, divorce, the Holocaust. He discovered that writing about these traumas in an open and emotional way led to significant improvements in both physical and psychological well-being. Over the past 30 years hundreds of studies have confirmed the benefits of expressive writing. It helps reduce cancer-related symptoms and fatigue, increases immune functioning. leads to fewer doctor visits and enhances memory and sleep. College students who took part in expressive writing improved their grades and were less likely to drop out. Married couples who explored their conflicts through expressive writing were happier in their marriages than their non-writing counterparts. When asthma patients tried it, their lung functions improved while patients with rheumatoid arthritis showed better joint mobility. Putting pen to paper helped veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress better regulate their emotions; their moods improved, their stress levels declined and they were more likely to experience post-traumatic growth. What’s more, expressive writing enhances your well-being in both the short and long term. Immediately after writing about an emotional topic, people had lower blood pressure and heart rates. That was still true months later. Likewise, symptoms of depression, anxiety and rumination declined in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals. Expressive writing can even improve your social life. In an innovative study that Jamie led in 2001, each participant was asked to wear a small tape recorder before and after writing about a deep-seated emotional issue. The results showed that in the weeks after the writing experiences, people were more outgoing, laughed more easily and more often and used more positive emotion words. Writing from a deeply personal place, Jamie concluded, seemed to make people more socially adept: “they were better listeners, talkers—indeed, better friends and partners. How to Do It Expressive writing follows six simple steps: 1. Set aside at least 20 minutes over four consecutive days for writing. Try to write at the same time each day. The best time to write is when you’re not feeling hurried. You can write in a notebook, a pad, a computer. 2.   Write about the issues, conflicts, stressors or upheavals that are keeping you up at night. That can be something that’s happening in the here and now or an experience from the past that still troubles you. (If you’ve faced a huge loss or trauma in the last couple of weeks, it may be too soon for you to write about it.) 3.  Write continuously once you begin. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. If you want to keep writing after 20 minutes, go ahead. But plan to write for a minimum of 20 minutes. 4.  Really let go and write about your deepest thoughts and feelings around the issue or event you’ve chosen. You can write about the same topic every day or different topics. Explore how the event is tied to other areas of your life—your childhood; people you’ve most loved, feared or felt the most anger toward; your relationships with friends and family; your work life. 5. On your final day of writing, reflect on what you’ve disclosed over the previous three days. How can the meaningful story you’ve constructed help guide your thoughts and behaviors moving forward? Write about how the event is related to who’d you like to become. 6.  Think of expressive writing as a tool that’s always available to you. While it doesn’t replace medical or psychological help when you’re going through a true crisis, a “booster session” can be helpful when you find yourself stymied by a work or personal challenge. The Science Behind the Stories What is it about expressive writing that makes it so effective? “It’s complicated,” researchers say. Joshua M. Smyth, Ph.D., is a professor of biobehavioral health and medicine at Penn State and co-author with Jamie of the upcoming book Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain. “It seems to help a lot of things a little bit,” Joshua says. It helps people regulate emotions a bit. It helps social relationships a bit. It helps people find their purpose in life a bit, and so on. These small changes feed off one another and over time it leads to big improvements in well-being.” Timothy D. Wilson, Ph.D., the Sherrell J. Aston Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia and author of Redirect: Changing the Stories We Live By, sees expressive writing as one technique of what he calls “story editing.” We all have personal narratives, he says, about what the world is like and who we are. Sometimes we develop pessimistic stories and get caught in self-defeating thinking. Revising our stories can help us view events through more optimistic lenses and that, in turn, can lead to positive and lasting changes. “Expressive writing helps us reframe events and our history,” Timothy says. “When you try out a different interpretation that shows in your behavior and your attitude and when you realize a payoff, you build on that new behavior.” This type of writing goes deeper than what most of us think about as journaling. That certainly was the case for John F. Evans, who leads expressive writing workshops at Wellness & Writing Connections in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. He’s also the co-author with Jamie of Expressive Writing: Words That Heal. But before he became familiar with Jamie’s work, John had maintained a journal, on and off, through high school, college and early adulthood. During these years he suffered from depression and it wasn’t until he was 40 that he took his first expressive writing workshop. He wrote about something that had remained a never-discussed family secret: the death of his sister when he was 3 years old. Though he would also seek out psychotherapy, the writing, John says, was the beginning of emotional restoration. “I was able to write about my deepest feelings, construct a meaningful narrative and then write about how I wanted to go forward,” he says. “It gave me a measure of control over my life.” That sense of control and narrative was missing from his journals. “When I went back and re-read them,” he says, “I realized they were mainly a place to vent. I kept writing about the same thing in the same way, using the same language. There was no arc in my story; it was a flat line. I was just ruminating on paper.” People who benefit the most from expressive writing use certain types of words throughout the exercise. Their writing includes more positive emotion words, such as love, funny, joy, courageous, calm and thankful, indicating that even while they’re acknowledging painful experiences they’re able to see the upsides. As they move from the first day of writing through the fourth, they go from using mostly first-person pronouns (I, me, mine) to incorporating he, she and they; that shows they’re viewing their emotional upheavals from different perspectives. And, as the days pass, they also sprinkle their writings with words like understand, realize and know, evidence that they’re able to find meaning in loss or distress. When we’re able to “repackage” a stressful event into coherent stories, a couple of important things happen. First, we move toward a sense of resolution that gradually diminishes the power and pain of the disturbing experiences. (Those of us who are brooders and ruminators are especially likely to benefit from expressive writing.) Secondly, we’re less likely to experience intrusive thoughts about the experiences, the kind that disturb our sleep, wreck our focus and even make us less able to stay connected with other people. It’s the equivalent of shutting down those apps that run in the background on our smartphones draining battery life and slowing performance. Closing the Circle Two months after she began serving her sentence, Tonya, in wrist and ankle shackles, would attend the funeral of her mother, who died of her decades-long drug addiction. From her first expressive writing assignment through many more, Tonya struggled to understand and forgive her mother. As she wrote she began to heal. “Expressive writing,” she says, “allowed me to see that my life has a purpose and my pain has a purpose.” She began to see her future as working toward prison reform and real, effective rehabilitation for inmates and others at the margins of society, including addicts. Transformation, she says, can take place only within a support system that sees the value and promise of every life and where people have a stake in each other’s success. In 2015, Tonya described her vision in a poetic and passionate TEDx talk. “True rehabilitation,” she said, “occurs through connections with others. Every time I’ve gotten better it’s because I’ve seen the possibility of healing or strength in another person. Every time I’ve been the model for someone else, lives have changed.” She would conclude her talk to a standing ovation. “Don’t underestimate the value of your own story simply because there is suffering it in,” Tonya said. “You may just be the catalyst for someone else’s rehabilitation. Continue with patience, with compassion and with an open heart." This article originally appeared in the June 2016 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Happiness Is All in Your Mind

While creativity once was considered the domain of artists, musicians and writers, today we’ve expanded our understanding of how it applies to our lives. Whether we’re talking a child into getting ready for school, substituting a missing ingredient in a favorite recipe or working on a new business plan, creativity is about coming up with fresh, new ideas, then putting them into action. New research is disproving the old notion of the right brain as our creative center while the left brain is analytical and logical. New studies show creativity engages the entire brain, with different regions working together during various stages of the creative process. In other words, all of us have a creative network just waiting to be activated. “All human beings have a capacity to be creative,” says Dr. Nancy Andreasen, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and psychiatrist. “People who like to cook are being creative—it’s not limited to producing great paintings or creating music or writing novels or making scientific discoveries. Some people enjoy gardening…learning to play a musical instrument....There are all kinds of things that people do that are creative.” The positive feelings our brains generate during our creative pursuits put us in a state of “flow,” during which we become completely immersed and in tune with what we are doing. This leads to a feeling of joy not only while the task is being performed, but after it is completed. “Once those creative juices start flowing, and you’re no longer focusing on your own life or problems, you get into that flow state where you’re working and the positive feelings are being reinforced,” says Shelley Carson, Ph.D., a Harvard psychologist and the author of Your Creative Brain. “It’s a great way to enhance your mood.” Whatever Happened to the Tortured Artist? The idea of creativity feeding happiness—and vice versa—flies in the face of the long-held belief that pain and suffering are prerequisites for creative genius. Through the years, great creative minds seemed to reinforce the argument, with notables like Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, Tchaikovsky, Vincent van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway and others showing mood disorders. Nancy, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa and winner of the National Medal of Science, conducted some of the first empirical studies on the links between creativity and depression and other mental illnesses. But, despite the connection, Nancy found that 20 percent of the writers from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop she studied had what she describes as “big ‘C’ ” creativity—what she calls an extraordinary example of creativity, “like discovering something that leads to a Nobel Prize.” “They were just more well-balanced—or they were lucky,” Nancy says. “They tended to come from families that also did not have mental illness.” Other studies done both with depressed and non-depressed subjects have shown that creativity enhances moods—which is why things like music therapy, art therapy and dance therapy have proved successful. However, the myth of the tortured artist is strong enough that some resist getting help, fearing they’ll lose their inspiration. Julia Cameron, author of more than 30 books, including The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, has known artists who resisted exploring happiness because they were afraid of losing touch with their creativity. On the other hand, she’s worked with people who are hesitant to explore their creative side for fear it will ruin their stable life. “We have a certain mythology around creativity that simply is not correct,” she says. “We have been brought up to believe that artists are broke and tortured and crazy. When I say, ‘Let’s become an artist, let’s play, let’s get in touch with our inner resources,’ people are frightened. They believe they can’t be happy if they become an artist, but the opposite is true.” Julia believes that all of us are artists, regardless of whether our medium is a kitchen stove, computer keyboard, blank canvas or tool shed. “Artistic, creative people are solvent, they’re happy; just start working on your creativity and watch what it does for you.” But the happiness effects of our creativity extend beyond us and can bring happiness to the people enjoying our work, Nancy says. “If you are a creative cook, you can survey what's in your garden and what's in your refrigerator and spontaneously come up with a new combination of things that you then serve to your family, spouse or whoever,” she says. “That's very happiness-generating.” Being creative—and enjoying the effects of creativity—doesn’t mean you need to become a world-renowned chef, sculpt like Michelangelo or write like Hemingway or sing like Elvis. Being creative can be as simple as writing down your family history, making up silly songs or taking an art class. “It’s never too late to discover your creativity,” Shelley says. “There are wonderful implications from exploring creativity, regardless of your age.” This article originally appeared in the October 2014 issue of Live Happy magazine.
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5 Ways to Move Beyond Coping

In two years of running real-world therapy groups for survivors coping with the loss of a loved one, Judith M. Stillion, Ph.D., author and professor emeritus at the University of North Carolina system, has found that positive psychology can move us through the grieving process, offering “almost a mini-vacation,” and helping us feel as though we have more control over our lives. Here are five exercises that Judith recommends to her clients: Every evening, focus on three positive events of the day, however small, that you are grateful for. “If you foster gratitude, you can’t stay totally depressed,” she says. Do something for your physical body daily. Do it thoughtfully and mindfully, whether it is taking a walk or even eating a special piece of food you enjoy. Find a cause bigger than yourself to work on, like making hats and scarves for the homeless, for example. Do something that “takes you outside your small self and makes you feel like you are giving something larger than yourself,” Judith says. Plan something for the future—tomorrow or next month or next year—allowing you to tap into your hope and optimism. Write 10 beliefs that you hold. Dig deep to see what you really believe, and realize that “beliefs are choices,” Judith says. It’s good to share your beliefs in a very small, trusted group. All of these exercises are better done in a group, and not even necessarily those led by a counselor or therapist, Judith says. When you are in a group, you can see others doing the same exercises—and you tend to open up more than you might individually. “Don't give up on groups just because the first group didn't work,” Judith says. “You can really be supported for a long time, if you get in the right group." This article originally appeared in the October 2014 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Who We Are

Who We Are LIVE HAPPY: MAKING YOUR WORLD A HAPPIER PLACE Live Happy takes you on a journey to find your authentic happiness in life, at work and at home through inspiring stories and hands-on tips rooted in the science of positive psychology. We are a digital magazine, website, podcast, line of gifts and apparel—but more than that, we are your home base for happiness. Our mission is to inspire and empower you to act to make your world a happier place. Happier people are healthier, more satisfied with life and their relationships, and more successful in their careers. Research shows that happier people even live longer. And happiness is a journey anyone can take, using the right tools. It starts with just one step.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIWQeMFncm8 WHAT WE DO Our award-winning content offers in-depth features and the latest news on mindfulness, health and wellness, gratitude and resilience—all delivered through fascinating stories about people, whether they be celebrities, authors or ordinary people with extraordinary lives. You’ll find your favorite, shareable features from the magazine, plus mood-boosting book and movie recommendations, lifestyle blogs, tech columns and practical advice. You’ll also find our podcasts and Live Happy store—all in one place. Want to share happiness in Spanish? Go to Live Happy en Espanol. LIVE HAPPY NOW Podcast Bringing you scientifically proven tips and ideas to live a happier and more meaningful life through interviews with positive psychology and well-being thought leaders. The Live Happy Now podcast brings you best-selling authors and happiness gurus that share their knowledge on topics such as wellness, gratitude, well-being and mindfulness. Interviews are conducted with people like Shawn Achor, Michelle Gielan, Dr. Christine Carter, Margaret Greenberg, Dr. Drew Ramsey, Gretchen Rubin, Barbara Fredrickson, Tal Ben-Shahar, Deepak Chopra, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Stacy Kaiser, Darin McMahon, Michelle McQuaid, Fred Luskin, Shani Robins, Kristin Neff, Dr. Rick Hanson, and many more. New episode every Tuesday! Live Happy Now is available wherever you listen to podcasts. LIVE HAPPY STORE Looking for a gift to delight a friend, teacher or neighbor? Or a T-shirt that expresses your radiant positivity? Visit the Live Happy Store today. International Positive Education Network Live Happy is a proud sponsor to the International Positive Education Network; Live Happy Co-Founders Jeff Olson and Deborah K. Heisz both sit on IPEN’s Advisory Board. Founded by leaders in the fields of positive psychology and education, IPEN seeks to expand the use of mindfulness- and strengths-based teaching in classrooms to increase student and teacher well-being around the globe. DEBORAH K. HEISZ CEO, Co-Founder And Editorial Director THE LIVE HAPPY TEAM As CEO, Co-Founder and Editorial Director of Live Happy LLC, Deborah K. Heisz is responsible for the management and development of the Live Happy business and creative operations. She joins the Live Happy team with more than nine years of experience leading and growing successful startups in the publishing industry and 20-plus years of management experience in a variety of fast-moving organizations. Deborah was the founding Editor in Chief of the current version of SUCCESS magazine (2008-2011). Also, as SVP of Publishing, in 2005 she successfully launched a thriving custom publishing business with several newsstand titles. She has also led the development of several multi-language titles, including placement on newsstands in Korea, Japan and countries in Europe. Deborah has a B.A. in English from Texas Tech University and an MBA from the University of Dallas. Her most significant asset is her expertise in starting and developing business initiatives. In prior roles, she has successfully led groups with responsibilities ranging from IT to Marketing to Product Development. What brings her the most happiness in the world is spending time in the great outdoors with her family and dogs. Her greatest source of joy and wonder is watching her three children learn, experience life and ask questions without filter. WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT LIVE HAPPY Press ReleasesAwardsIn the NewsContact UsAdvertise With Us GET SOCIAL WITH US! We want to hear from you. Your needs, wants, opinions and puppy pics are important to us, and they make us very happy—so get in touch! You can find us on Facebook Twitter Pinterest Instagram
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