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Winning Perspective

As the 2014 Winter Olympics begin in Sochi, Russia, keep an eye on those smiling faces on the podium—you might be surprised. Researchers who have followed the Olympics have found a consistent pattern through the years: Athletes who take home the third-place bronze medal are happier than those who scored second with a silver medal.Original studies on this date back to the 1992 Summer Olympics, when researchers took video footage of the winners’ podium in Barcelona, Spain, and then rated the winners’ expressions. In a 1995 research paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Victoria Medvec, Scott Madey and Thomas Gilovich noted that, on a scale of 1 to 10, bronze medalists showed greater happiness (7.1) than their silver-winning competitors (4.8). (Of course, gold medalists have consistently shown elation.)Their findings were no fluke. At the 2004 Olympic Games, a study of judo medalists showed that, while gold and bronze medalists smiled after their matches, the silver medalists did not. In fact, their expressions were described as ranging from “sad” to “contemptuous.” And at the 2012 London Olympics swimming competitions, a disappointed Ryan Lochte apologized for his second-place showing in the men’s 4x100 freestyle, while Brendan Hansen was nothing short of exuberant as he claimed the bronze for the 100-meter breaststroke.So why the glum faces on silver medalists?Scientists call it “counterfactual thinking.” While the silver medalist is disappointed for missing out on the gold, the bronze medalist was facing the reality of not winning anything at all—and therefore, is elated by bringing home the bronze. In a nutshell, while silver medalists are lamenting what they missed out on, bronze medalists are celebrating their accomplishment.That’s a good thing to keep in mind. You may want a new car, a bigger house, a promotion at work—and it’s healthy to work toward those things. Just remember, along the way, celebrate what you’ve already accomplished. And if life hands you a silver or bronze medal, remember what we’ve learned from the Olympians: It feels better if you celebrate like it’s solid gold.

Nature

Winter Garden

Outside my cottage high in the mountains of Vermont, snow is piled up to the window boxes. Crystals of ice catch the morning sun and reflect light over the landscape, while a flock of small birds is already at work breakfasting on the bright red berries of the holly I planted beside the front steps last spring. Opening the door for our Westie to leap out into the snow and plow a path toward the trees, I look out at the hollies, hemlocks, maples, birch, and a variety of shrubs and grasses framed by the doorway—then offer a small prayer of gratitude for the sweet moment of crisp mountain air, the tiny terrier and the glorious sun filtering through the pines. The Five-Minute Fix Winter in Vermont is tough. It lasts for six dark months every year and mountain temperatures can plummet 10, 20, even 30 degrees below zero between late December and early February. Most of us who live here take the cold and dark in stride. But that’s because we plan for it. As temperatures start heading toward zero, we check our woodpiles and generators, load up on flashlight batteries, canned goods and candles, then strategize how we’ll fend off the moodiness, snarliness, sleepiness and depression that the coming darkness can precipitate. Some of us climb on skis, snowmobiles, sleds and skates, and throw ourselves down mountains and onto ice-bound lakes. Others schedule vacations in sunny climes. And still others create a winter landscape—a “winterscape”—of shapes, textures, colors and lights that we can see through the windows of our houses, apartments, condos and businesses. Playing around with your yard may sound like an odd way to fight the moodiness of winter, but studies from the University of Michigan, Texas A&M, Sweden’s Uppsala University, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and the Norwegian University of Life Sciences all suggest that even just a glimpse of trees, shrubs and grasses through a window triggers a change in the electrical activity of the brain that measurably improves mood. And it does so within three to five minutes. Creating theWinter Garden Most of us are probably more accustomed to thinking about landscapes around our homes and workplaces in terms of how they frame a house or building, or how they look to others from the street. But Vermont Certified Horticulturist and landscape designer Judith Irven has long felt that the view from inside your home or workplace to the outside is an opportunity to create art. “I’m always reminded of the 18th century poet Alexander Pope, who said that ‘All gardening is landscape painting,’ ” says Judith. “So when I look through my windows into the winter garden, I’m always thinking of making paintings.” The scene through the glass becomes her canvas, the window frame defines it, and on her palette is light and shadow, shape and texture, browns and blacks, plus an occasional splash of red, green or yellow. “The winter landscape is spare and elegant,” says Judith, who founded Outdoor Spaces, a garden consulting firm, in Goshen, Vermont. “We can actually see the bones on which it’s built without masses of colorful flowers to distract. So whether you live in a canyon in California, a rain forest in Oregon or the high mountains of Vermont, winter is the time to go out and look around, then think about the landscape paintings you want to create.” Simple Steps toTransformation Judith’s approach is one that appeals to the artist in each of us. And with the promise that each garden painting we create has the potential to lift us away from winter’s darkness and into the light, here’s how to get started on your own work of art. Take a tour. Look out the windows through which you’d like to see into your own landscape paintings, and take a photo of the scenes on which you’d like to focus, Judith suggests. Print each photo on an 8½-by-11 inch sheet of paper, and put a sheet of tracing paper on top. That will be your working sketch. Then grab some orange-tipped flags to stick in the ground, pull on your Wellies, slip into a warm coat and head outdoors. Look at the shapes. Walk around the area in each photo. Look at where the edges of garden beds are currently located. Are you happy with their shapes? Does one bed take up too much of the window photo? Should it be smaller? Should it curve in one direction or another? If so, says Judith, stick some flags in the ground to reshape the bed’s edges and mark the changes you’d like to make. Tinker with structure. Now head back indoors, pull out your photos, and draw the revised shapes on your working sketch. Think about vertical structures like trees and shrubs. Is there a particular spot where you’d like to see a vertical shape thrust upward from surrounding shrubs? Think about the size you’d want it to be, then look online or in books at trees and shrubs that might work in that particular spot, Judith advises, paying particular attention to the tree or shrub’s size when it reaches maturity. If you’d like to see the field beyond the tree, buy a tree that won’t grow so tall it will obscure your view from inside your home or workplace. Or if you’d like to obscure a line of recycling bins and trash cans, look for a shrub that will give you both the vertical and horizontal coverage you need when it matures. Then check a USDA Plant Hardiness Mapto make sure that any plant you buy will thrive where you live. Add a sculpture. Tuck a whimsical piece of metal sculpture, a simple rock formation, even a handcrafted birdbath into the scene on your working sketch. What you add depends on themood you’re trying to create. The garden framed by the window beside the desk in my study, for example, is on the edge of a forest and bordered by an area of wild grasses, brambles and a jumble of wildflowers. Massed together, it’s a bunch of unruly textures against the rough bark of a pine forest that goes on forever, and in winter, the whole scene has a contemplative vibe. So a simple stone statue of St. Francis quietly tucked into a niche of grasses extends the underlying sense of contemplation—and gives me a deep sense of peace when I look up from my work and out the window. Use a touch of color. Select a trio of red-twigged dogwood, a patch of sedum ‘Autumn Joy,’ a grouping of winterberries, even a crabapple tree to add a splash of intense color across the spare winter landscape.

Self-Care

Going with the Flow

Heather McPhie had never felt sicker. Heather, the defending national champion in mogul skiing, was at the U.S. Freestyle Championships at California’s Heavenly ski resort last March.The week before, she’d come down with a horrible sinus infection, which she was trying to fight off with antibiotics.The drugs appeared not to be working, and her symptoms—runny nose, achiness, chills—seemed to peak on the Friday of the biggest contest of her season. She was one of the clear favorites to win.Between qualifications and finals, Heather slept for a couple of hours under a table in the VIP tent. She was too tired to take her inspection run, a critical step in planning and visualization.A rare fog settled over the mountain, and visibility was poor. At the top of the course, Heather put her headphones on and tried to push away all of the negativity—her illness, the weather.“It was incredibly stressful, but I quieted my mind,” she says. “You never know what’s going to happen and there are so many variables, so I just focused on my breathing.”She stood in the starting gate as an official counted her down. Three. Two. One. Go! When she pushed off, everything came into sharp focus. Her brain and body, hard-wired to perform thanks to years of training, kicked into overdrive. Time seemed to dissipate and whatever had been bothering her before suddenly vanished.She carved meticulous high-speed turns through the mogul field, wriggling her way down the mountain with the grace of a ballet dancer and the speed of a race car driver. On the first jump of the course, Heather did a huge layout, her body straight as she flipped into the air, landing solidly on both skis. On the second jump, she went for a D-spin, a 42 difficult off-axis 720 (two complete rotations), again landing with ease.The run earned her a miraculous victory and cemented her second national championship title. Her win also nearly guaranteed Heather a chance to represent the United States in mogul skiing at the Winter Olympic Games this February in Sochi, Russia.So just how did a girl who was sick and sleeping under a table hours earlier transform herself into a national champion and pending Olympian in a matter of moments? The answer is something even she can’t quite explain.“It was the like the perfect storm,” Heather says. “I barely remember actually skiing that run. I crossed the finish line, and I was like, ‘I’m not sure exactly what I just did,’ but I knew it felt really good. It was just a feeling. You can’t think your way through it.”This trance—an instinctual mental state that gives way to a sense of effortless concentration—is something that psychologists have spent the last five decades attempting to figure out. The phenomenon has a name: flow.And flow, it turns out, may also hold the key to happiness.Tapping into FlowDating as far back as Aristotle, there is evidence that man could become absorbed by one singular thing.“Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free,” wrote Chuang-Tzu, a Chinese philosopher who lived around the fourth century B.C. “Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.”But the idea wasn’t formally named until the 1970s, when a Hungarian-born researcher named Mihaly “Mike” Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeksent-me-hi), now considered the founding father of flow, debuted his findings. In his research, he described flow as the mental state in which people become so intensely involved in a specific activity that nothing else appears to matter.He came upon the subject from his own experiences. As a child, Mike and his family were held in an Italian prison camp during World War II. He used chess to find a mental escape. “I discovered chess was a miraculous way of entering into a different world where all those things didn’t matter,” Mike once said. “For hours I’d just focus within a reality that had clear rules and goals.”In 1990, Mike published the bookFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experiencewhich became a national best seller. In it, he explained that flow typically occurs when a person stretches his or her mind or body to its limits to achieve something both difficult and worthwhile.That experience, his research found, turned out to be a critical step toward living a happy life. “Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated and defended privately by each person,” he wrote. “People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.”According to his research, Americans report that they experience something akin to flow several times per day, while about 15 percent of people say they never encounter it. He found that musicians, artists and athletes achieved flow most frequently.But for many people, finding flow isn’t as simple as it sounds.“There’s something about flow that’s really intriguing,” says Daniel Tomasulo, an instructor of applied positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “The goal is clear, there’s a very high degree of focus and people can lose their consciousness by engaging in the action.”Through flow, Daniel says, time and reality can appear distorted. “Flow is like all altered states; it’s a type of high,” he says. “And because of that, everybody wants flow.”But how, exactly, do you achieve flow? There’s no easy, front-door entrance, sadly.The way Daniel describes flow, it sounds more like a secret rabbit hole into Wonderland. “If you’re too anxious, you’re not going to be able to function. If you’re too bored, you’re not going to be engaged,” Daniel says. “Being in flow straddles those two extremes. What you’re trying to do is find a portal between the two that pulls you into the flow zone.”If there’s one group of athletes that flow researchers often point to for their high frequency of flow, it’s skiers.Mike often used skiing as a vehicle to describe flow. “Imagine that you are skiing down a slope, and your full attention is focused on the movements of your body,” he writes. “There is no room in your awareness for conflicts or contradictions; you know that a distracting thought or emotion might get you buried face down in the snow. The run is so perfect that you want it to last forever.”Perhaps skiers are more apt to find flow because their sport—which takes place in an often high-risk mountain environment—requires utmost focus and blends challenge with thrill and reward. Or perhaps it’s just because skiers have found the rabbit hole.“In flow, the activity feels effortless. You’re totally engaged from the inside out,” Daniel says. “A skier, for example, might have some ailment, but as soon as they’re in flow, the ailment almost magically goes away.”Staying in the PresentIn 2007, Heather’s first year on the World Cup, the most competitive circuit for elite mogul skiers, she earned rookie of the year. In 2010, she competed at her first Olympics, the Vancouver Games, and she qualified for finals but then crashed. The more intense the competition got, the more anxious she felt.“I kept choking under pressure,” Heather admits.Over the next few years, she battled injuries, while self-doubt and anxiety continued to plague her. As a result, she was struggling to break into the top 10.“I wonder what you could do if you believed in yourself,” her boyfriend said to her around that time.The comment struck her. “For the first time, I realized I was really holding myself back,” she says now. “I doubted myself. I was exhausted and constantly saying, ‘I could be doing more.’ I was just pinballing.”Her coach offered to set her up with a sports psychologist and with that help, McPhie slowly worked through her mental obstacles. She’d always trained intensely on a physical level to get her body ready for the winter season, but never before had she thought she had to train her mind, too.I worked on not worrying about the past or the future but just being here,” she says. “I have made amazing strides.”— Heather McPhieShe learned to focus on the present, the here and now. “I worked on not worrying about the past or the future but just being here,” she says. “I have made amazing strides. Now, I’m much more comfortable with myself. I’m so much happier. I’ve become more relaxed. It’s a constant thing and every day is different. Every day you have a choice.”In addition to being happier, Heather also started to perform better. In 2012, she earned four World Cup podiums and her first U.S. National Championship title. In 2013, Heather had the best season of her career, including five World Cup podiums, three of them gold, and her second National Championship title (while, of course, suffering from a sinus infection). She finished last season ranked third overall in the world, heading into this Olympic year.She says her skiing became more consistent and she was able to push herself to try more difficult tricks. In other words, without even trying to, by focusing on the present and pushing away negative thoughts, Heather reached flow nearly every time she dropped into a contest run.Her next challenge will be keeping that focus during the Olympics this February, where Heather, 29, will be one of the top American women to watch in mogul skiing.“My dream for the Olympics is to have the best run of my life,” she says. “I want gold, don’t get me wrong, I’ve dreamt of that moment. But I’m doing everything I can to stay focused on what I can control. I’m really excited to see what I can do.”Pushing Outthe NegativeLike Heather, Noah Bowman started crumpling under pressure.The Canadian halfpipe skier from Calgary, Alberta, broke onto the competitive freeskiing scene as an alternate at the X Games in Aspen, Colo., in 2012. He wasn’t planning to compete, but when another skier got hurt, Bowman nabbed a spot in the qualifiers.With no pressure and no expectations, he breezed through to the finals, where he landed a switch alley-oop double 900. This insanely technical trick involves a backward take-off with two and a half rotations and two inverted flips. Noah learned the maneuver just days earlier and no skier had ever landed it before. The trick helped Bowman secure a silver medal at his rookie X Games appearance.Looking back, Noah knows he was in flow at that time. “It felt as if I wasn’t thinking about anything, my subconscious took over and everything felt natural,” he says. “I had no outside or negative thoughts and it opened the door to continuously move forward and progress.”But in 2013, now a skier to watch and with halfpipe skiing slated for its Olympic debut in Sochi, Noah felt the glare of the world. He couldn’t commit going into the harder tricks, he felt distracted and he fumbled with moves that previously came naturally to him. His results reflected it—he narrowly missed qualifying for finals at both X Games events last winter.This summer, he knew if he wanted a chance to compete at the 2014 Olympics, he’d need to figure out what was stuck in his path. He worked with a mental trainer and found that stress and negativity were stopping him from getting into flow.“I’ve been able to identify these problems and step past them. I now have a much stronger understanding of flow state and what it takes to achieve it on a regular basis,” Noah, 21, says. “For me it comes down to one very simple thing to get into the flow, and that is fun. Fun is the spark that gets the momentum going, the energy up, and allows me to take myself to new levels.”This winter, when Noah is standing at the top of the halfpipe, waiting for his moment to drop in, whether he’s on Olympic primetime or just out skiing with friends, he’ll be controlling his thoughts, replacing all negative emotions with positive ones. But mostly, he’ll be having fun.He suggests you do the same.“What it really comes down to is finding things that allow you to access flow,” he says. “Find something that makes you happy, something you are passionate about, and then pursue it. You will feel the zone when you do something you love and over time you will learn to control the flow.”Megan Michelson is the freeskiing editor for ESPN.com and a freelance writer, based in Tahoe City, California. She previously worked as an editor for Skiing and Outside magazines and she’s skied everywhere from Alaska to Iceland.

Self-Care

In the News

August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Yahoo Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Standard Republic re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017- Live Happy mentioned on ABC7 Chicago re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Celebrity Insider re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on E!news re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, again. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on FOX News Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Cosmopolitan.com re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in IBTimes.uk re Anna and Chris. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in News.com.au re Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8. 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Page Six re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on CNN re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. 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August 30, 2016 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on KTLA Newscast re: Making the Best of Your Empty Nest. March 16, 2016 - Live Happy and Happy Acts featured in the Kansas City Star. January 12, 2016 -SheScribes.com featured Live Happy in a piece on how to be happy in the New Year, which included reference to the magazine, website and magnetic chalkboard, recipe sign and water bottle January 5, 2016 -Good Morning Texas had Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, in-studio for a LIVE segment January 1, 2016 -DFW.CBSlocal.com interviewed Deborah Heisz for article "Ask a DFW Expert: 5 Best Snow Day Activities" December 30, 2015 - TODAY Show revealed online coverage of Live Happy Editor-at-Large, Stacy Kasier, TODAY show segment "How to Hang On To Holiday Joy" (Even After the Holidays) December 29, 2015 -TODAY Show aired segment with Stacy Kaiser on the topic of “joy” related to the season and carrying on into the New Year December 18, 2015 -MariaShriver.com featured article by Stacy Kaiser, "When Gift Giving Goes Wrong…7 Things You Can Do" December 11, 2015 -WPTV NewsChannel 5 at 5 NBC mentioned Live Happy's tips on giving "redeemable" gifts December 11, 2015 -MariaShriver.com posted "3 Secrets for De-Stressing The Season & Enjoying the Holidays" December 9, 2015 -Twitter.com/ToTheMotherhoodtweeted a picture of Live Happy Nov/Dec issue cover and subscription December 9, 2015 -WSVN Channel 7 News FOXMention’s Deborah Heisz's tip on giving adult coloring books December 8, 2015 -KPTV More Good Day Oregon, FOX Portland featured Deborah Heisz's clip on returning gifts December 8, 2015 - WGHP Fox 8 News (FOX) mentions Live Happy magazine in segment about subscription gifts December 8, 2015 -Greatist.com featured Stacy Kaiser's expertise in "The Best Way to Respond to Passive Aggressive People" December 4, 2015 -WSVN 7 News Miami (FOX) picked up Fox News Edge, introduced Deborah K. 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November 18, 2015 -iWayMagazine.com featured Live Happy in article about Jeff Olson in conjunction with visit to Mexico November 17, 2015 -Radaronline.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in celeb slide show, "When Celebrities Go Out They Go All Out!" November 16, 2015 -The Steve Harvey Show introduced Stacy Kaiser as Live Happy Editor in Chief , included in her lower third, and showed the Nov/Dec issue cover in single-mom panel segment on Nov. 16 November 14, 2015 -TasteofCountry.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in "Dolly Parton Shares Her Secret to Happiness" November 11, 2015 -Dr. Michelle Robin's Radio Show interviewed Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 11, 2015 -BlogTalkRadio.com featured Dr. Michelle Robin's interview with Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 5, 2015 -MarthaStewartWeddings.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s insight in a piece on “10 Ways to Calm Your Nerves Before You Walk Down the Aisle” November 5, 2015 -YourTango.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on fall dating do’s and don’ts November 4, 2015 - The Hoda Show (Sirius XM) interviewed Live Happy Editor in Chief, Stacy Kaiser, for her monthly ongoing segment Link: Stacy talks about forgiveness on The Hoda Show November 3, 2015 -Twitter.com/NBC shared Dolly Parton’s cover story and image to help promote her cover story and her NBC movie, Coat of Many Colors October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in an article on whether it’s wrong for childless people to give parenting advice October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on why parents should be popular with their kids and teens October 29, 2015 - Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, quoted in USA Today story about clearing clutter October 25, 2015 - Editor at large Stacy Kaiser quoted in story about divorced moms October 23, 2015 - Stacy Kaiser is quoted in this article on 10 Ways to Boost Confidence August 15, 2015 - Mediapost.com Link: Interview with Live Happy Editorial Director Deborah Heisz August 1, 2015 - Inc.com Link: Deborah Heisz's advice is included in this article about vacations July 25, 2015 - The HodaShow Link: Stacy Kaiser on Hoda'sSirius Radio Show July 25, 2015 - The Kim Pagano Radio Show Link: Interview With Deborah Heisz, LH Co-Founder July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heiszdiscusses Traveling With your Kids July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heisz discusses Ways to Find Your Happy Place July 9. 2015 - LadyLux.com Link: Mentioned in article about The Benefits of Play July 6, 2015 TODAY Show Editor-at-large Stacy Kaiser and contributors Adam Shell and Nick Kraft were featured on the TODAY show July 1, 2015 The Jane Wilkins Radio Show Link:Deborah Heisz Discusses Live Happy and Happiness June 29, 2015 MotherhoodDefined.com Article: Deb Heisz:Kickstart Your Day With a Dose of Positivity June 25, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: What to Do If Mom and Dad Have Different Parenting Styles June 23, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: How Grandparents Can Help During a Divorce June 21, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Summer Travel Round-Up (Gratitude Journal) January 23, 2015 People.com Article: Why Is Scott Foley Hiding Under the Covers Every Morning? October 31, 2014 JustJared Article: Kristin Chenoweth Gets Into Holiday Spirit for Live Happy Mag October 31, 2014 celebuzz.com Article: Kristin Chenoweth'sWickedly Happy Holidays for 'Live Happy' Magazine August 19, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: Celebrating 31 Days of Friendship August 18, 2014 washingtonpost.com Article: Stay Happy, and You May Live Longer August 7, 2014 semmessavers.com Article:Get Positive with Live Happy Magazine (Review) August 7, 2014SheScribes.com Article:Learn how to Live Happy August 4, 2014 nypost.com Article: Replace your therapist with these psych magazines August 4, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: “Live Happy” Magazine Review July 30, 2014 lovetoknow.com Article: Why Are Jobs Stressful? 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March 19, 2014 —Positively Positive Article:What Successful People and Happy People Have in Common March 19, 2014 Article:Happiness is the Thing March 4, 2014 — Huffington Post Article: Happiness Gets its Day January 10, 2014 —Des MoinesRegister Article: Iowa editor of 'Live Happy' magazine looks beyond bullet-point platitudes December 28, 2013 —Mr. Magazine Article:Live Happy Magazine: Happiness Finds Its Way to Print. The Mr. Magazine™ Interview with Editor in Chief Karol DeWulf Nickell. December 23, 2013 —Albuquerque Journal Article:Positive psychology focuses on what makes us happy December 13, 2013 — MyFox4 Video:Good Day Dallas December 13, 2013 —95.9WATD Article:SSMN: Wednesday December18th, 2013 December 2, 2013 —Washington Post Article:What’s so bad about feeling good? 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Well-Being

Hopeful People and Their Superpowers

This special emotion is a constant in our lives that helps us achieve what might have been beyond our reach. Hope thrives inside us the moment we are born. As infants we cry out, hoping for comfort. As young children, we anticipate special days and the rituals that go with them, while when we are adolescents, we want a particular boy or girl to like us, a driver’s license and a college acceptance letter. Young adults hope to find a life partner, build a successful career and have a firstborn. We yearn for a loving family to care for us and a long life in our sunset years. While hope evolves and changes throughout our lifetimes, the feelings, motivational benefits and successful outcomes stay the same. More than 20 years of experience and numerous clinical studies have shown me that those who live in a “hopeful” state tend to be more motivated, driven and adventurous, all of which tend to reinforce a strong sense of self-worth and provide more moments of happiness. They benefit from more satisfaction in their chosen careers, have greater romantic success and more friends. They tend to be excited with the possibilities in their lives and surround themselves with successful, hopeful others. As an added bonus, research has proved again and again that happy, hopeful, productive people with solid support systems benefit from a longer, healthier life. Some people turn up their noses at the very concept of hope without realizing that a hopeful person can accomplish things others might find to be out of reach. We live in what can sometimes be a cynical, critical world. Life delivers hard knocks to everyone, no matter what they believe or how positive their attitude. While a hopeful outlook can be somewhat of a hard-wired character trait—often upbringing, difficulty moving on from life’s disappointments such as divorce or financial problems or just one too many tough times—can cause even the most positive person to have partially or fully put hope away. When this happens, the goal is to coax that glorious and life-changing sense of hope back out and reignite it. It starts with hope. The first step begins with taking some time to think about goals that are realistic and within reach, being open to exploring new options, rallying your support system, and doing whatever possible to turn hope into something that is real, tangible and happiness-making. Hope is related to your perceptions about yourself, others and the world around you. If deep down you still believe that good things can happen to you, that life still has possibilities and that you can find a way to make what you are hoping for come true, that is a terrific beginning. Take a moment and think about all the things that you are continuing to hope for. Are you hoping to accomplish a New Year’s resolution? Reach a new level in your job or relationship? Trying to become a kinder person? Lose some weight? Make a hope list. For each item on that list, think about all the things that you can do to accomplish what you were hoping for, and then get started on the easy ones right away. Spend time around a person or a group that you consider to be hopeful and optimistic. Hope is contagious. Being around others who see potential and possibility in their lives will have a ripple effect on yours. Consider joining a group focusing on weight loss, volunteering or attending a book club— it’s much easier to stay motivated and hopeful when you are surrounded by individuals with the same goals. Fill a “hope jar” with slips of paper that include all of the positive things that you hope for. Include the smallest item you can think of, like mastering how to bake cookies without burning them, to larger items, like learning a new skill or finding or improving a relationship. Pull one piece of paper out at the first of every month, and commit to spending the next 30 or so days doing all that you can to accomplish it. Hold onto hope and don’t give up until you’ve turned that idea into a reality. If you feel you are stuck and struggling to re-ignite the fire of hope, reach out to family or friends who appreciate your assets and skills and ask them to offer input on how you might move forward. Often it takes a person who is wiser than you to help you see how to be your best you. As a therapist, I am often asked how I hear so many stories on a daily basis that include struggles, fears and pain. My answer has always been that I see at least a sliver of hope in every person and a grain of optimism in every situation. That’s good news for you, because that means that there is hope and optimism living and breathing inside of you. Stacy Kaiser, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a successful licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and media personality. She has a B.A. in Psychology from California State University, Northridge and her M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. With more than 100 television appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, and a weekly advice column for USA Today, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insight to a wide range of topics.

work

Trick Yourself into Getting Started

It’s the new year. You may have recommitted yourself to your goals or set somenew ones. You may have vowed that you want to get more done without working more hours. You may want to feel like each day ends on a high note at work. You may want to feel energized, not drained. We’re going to let you in on somewhat of a productivity secret. It may seem counterintuitive at first, but it works. Before You Start: AssessYourself “Which goal has eluded me? Which goal have I not been able to achieve?” We don’t want you to start with something completely new like training for a marathon when you’ve never run a mile in your life. We want you to assess those things that bother you just enough that you want to change them. For example, you may exercise once a week, but perhaps haven’t been able to convert that into a daily habit yet. Or maybe you accomplish your day-to-day work but haven’t been able to devote enough time to more long-term, strategic projects. We want you to think about one of those goals, something that’s bothersome that you haven’t been able to achieve. Before we let you in on the secret, let’s takeyou to the car wash. Step 1) Start Earning Your “Free Car Wash” “How can I trick myself into believing I started yesterday?” Two researchers wanted to see which of two car wash loyalty cards would be more persuasive. At a professional car wash, the researchers gave out 300 loyalty cards. Half of the loyalty cards had eight spots that needed to be stamped in order to get the ninth free car wash. The other half of the loyalty cards had 10 spots that needed to be stamped to get the eleventh free car wash, but the first two spots on the card had already been stamped. Which loyalty card would get YOU to go to the car wash more often to eventually redeem the free wash? Think about it. Both require only eight visits. Would it make any difference to you? In the study, when customers had to get all eight spots stamped for a free car wash, only 19 percent followed through and redeemed the free car wash. When customers had to get 10 stamps but the first two had already been completed for them, 32 percent redeemed the free car wash. What was going on? When two stamps had already been placed on the 10-spot loyalty card, people felt that they were already in progress, that they had already started working on getting that free car wash. How can you do the same? How can you trick yourself into believing you’ve already started your project? One coaching client we know does just that.She creates her Tina’s Ta-Da! List, just like you probably do. The difference? The first two items on her list are things she has already completed, so she can feel the joy of immediately crossing them off. In fact, another client, Bob, always writes as the first item on his to-do list “make to-do list” and immediately crosses it off. Step 2) DON’T Finish Your Work at the End of the Day “How can I return to a project I’m energized about?” We told you there would be some counterintuitive advice. You might think that to increase your productivity, it would make sense to try to finish projects. Not so fast. There is some thorough research on the effect of interrupting yourself and leaving a project unfinished until you return to it. Consider our client Samantha. Samantha used to stay late at the office to finish her work. At the same time, she found that nearly every morning, she struggled with which project to work on first and was unmotivated and unfocused. Then we told her about research that demonstrates that people better remember those activities that they leave unfinished. Samantha started outlining the work she wanted to accomplish the next morning. What happened? Samantha found that when she returned to her desk the next day, she was full of energy for completing the previous day’s work. In some cases, she had even had a few additional thoughts about her work between going home and returning to the office in the morning. The best part for her though was that she felt more focused in the mornings, and had clear projects to jump back into. Step 3) Make a “Gladly Do” List “How can I make my steps so simple that I actually look forward to my to-do list?” One of our colleagues, Joanne, attempts as much as possible to be in control of her day. A lot of psychology research shows that some of the most engaged workers are those who feel in control of their own work. Joanne breaks down her tasks and projects into items so compact that she actually enjoys the specific actions. In fact, she calls her to-do list the “gladly do” list. How could you break out the steps of a project to the degree that each of those individual steps feels the opposite of overwhelming? How could you break out the steps of a project into “gladly do” actions? After: Reassess and Celebrate Your Progress “How have I been tricking myself into getting more done?” Finally, once you try to trick yourself into starting a project, once you curtail the urge to complete all of your work by the end of each day and once you convert your “to-do” list to a “gladly do” list, make sure to go back and reassess your progress. Sometimes, we make the mistake of assuming that a certain technique works for us. Check in with yourself, and reassess whether these trick-yourself steps have helped you get more done without working more hours. Finally, not all the car washes, finished presentations and to-do lists in the world are going to compensate for the calmness and pride of putting a dent into a project that had been unfinished. We wish you all the best with your project! Get Started Today: 1) TODAY Ask the three most important questions: What can I do if I only have five minutes? What can I do to move this project along by just 1 percent? What’s the smallest step I can take right now for the biggest, most positive impact? 2) EVERY DAY Keep a daily 10-minute appointment with yourself. The best way to break a work project into daily workable chunks: Schedule a 10-minute appointment with yourself on your calendar with a reminder alarm a few minutes beforehand. Use that 10 minutes daily to work on or plan out the project; it may feel unorganized and unclear at first, but keep at it – it takes a while to sort through the initial vagueness of organizing a project. Keep using those 10 minutes (you will get a lot of mileage from having that same appointment with yourself at the same time and in the same place each day); now use those 10 minutes to complete one or two small tasks related to the project each day. 3) EVERY WEEK Track weekly progress: If you are a visual person, hang a calendar in your office and mark off the days when you work on your project. If you love using apps for your lists and productivity, then create a simple way to track your consistency. One of us created a spreadsheet with weeks across the top: “Week of January 6,” “Week of January 13,” etc. Consistency can be as simple as a yes/no question: “Did I exercise today? Yes/no.” Margaret H. Greenberg and Senia Maymin, are organizational consultants and executive coaches. You can find more information at ProfitFromThePositive.com. Their new book is Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business. “Trick Yourself into Getting Started” is one of more than 30 research based tools in their book.

magic light at the and of walkway in autumn park

work

Why You Should Turn Your Wishes Into Hopes

Are you wishing or hoping for good things this year?Wondering what the difference is? According to new scientific findings, quite a lot in terms of the results you’ll be getting.Shane Lopez from the Gallup Research organization recently found that eighty-nine per cent of people believe the future will be better than the present. This is what scientists call a wish.Unfortunately, Lopez found only fifty per cent of us believe we can make it so. Yet scientists are adamant both beliefs are required in order for us to ignite enough hope to move us from where we are to where we want to go.The problem with a wish is it makes you passive and less likely to reach your goals. Hope has been found to lift your spirits, buoy your energy and positively change your day-to-day behaviour.The work of you head and your heart, hope happens when your rational self meets your emotional self, Professor Rick Snyder and his colleagues found hope requires three elements:Firstly, hope is built from clearly conceptualized goals that most excite you and fill your mind with pictures of the future. This is called ‘goal thinking’.Secondly, you need to be able to seek out and identify multiple pathways to your goals, pick the most appropriate routes for your situation, and monitor your progress over time. This is called ‘pathways thinking’, but you might want to think of it as ‘way power’.Finally, you need to be able to motivate yourself and to build capacity for persistence and long-term effort in the face of obstacles. This is called ‘agency thinking’, but you might want to think of it as ‘will power’.When it comes to our work researchers have found hope plays a central role in driving persistence, motivation, goal setting and innovation.In fact, other things being equal, hope has been found to lead to a 14% bump in productivity because it makes us feel more engaged and enthusiastic about our work. To put that into context, it means hope is worth about an hour a day.Longitudinal studies of workers have also suggested that employees high in hope experience more happiness and well-being over time.One of my favorite approaches to turn a wish into a hope was created by Lopez and it’s called a Hope Map. Next time you want to turn a hope into action try this simple exercise:Take a piece of paper and place it horizontally on your desk. Then fold it into three sections and open it up once more.On the far right third of the page write the heading ‘Goals’. Then note down below a goal you’re hoping to achieve.On the far left third of the page write the heading ‘Pathways’. Try to note down at least three different pathways you’ll need to initiate to reach your goal.In the middle third of the page write the heading ‘Obstacles’. Try to note down at least one obstacle for each of the pathways you’ve identified. One of the things researchers have uncovered about achieving our goals is we’re more likely to succeed when we plan for possible obstacles at the outset. This way they don’t send us into such a loop.Around the edges of your page note down what you can do to maintain your motivation and will power to complete the pathways and achieve your goal. How will you make the journey enjoyable? Which strengths can you use? Who will encourage you? How will you measure your progress?Once your map is complete your hopes are clear and you’re ready to get on with it.Research suggests no other workplace measure – including job satisfaction, company commitment and confidence to do the job – counts more than hope in determining whether you’ll show up, it’s surely worth a try.So what are you hoping for?Michelle McQuaid, aborn and raised Australian girl, is a best-selling author, workplace wellbeing teacher and playful change activator.

Self-Care

Olympian Steve Holcomb Defeats Despair

Hope is a huge part of sports; hope is the basis of everything we do,” says Steve Holcomb, 2010 Olympic gold medalist in four-man bobsled. “If you knew right now that there’s no chance of doing well at the Olympics, then why bother doing anything? What’s the point?” But hope is not just optimism, and hope is not wishful thinking. “Hope,” he says, “is knowing the possibilities are always open. Nothing in the future is set. You can make it what you want to make it.” For Steve, the element of self-determination is key. When a degenerative eye disorder threatened to end his career, Steve lost hope. In 2007, Steve had just become the No. 1 driver in the world, but he could barely see beyond the front of his sled. He had keratoconus, a progressive thinning of the cornea, and his vision was rapidly deteriorating. Doctors said his only option to save his sight was a cornea transplant, but it would require giving up the bone-jarring, head-rattling sport he loved: careening down icy chutes at 80 mph and withstanding four times the force of gravity. Faced with having his passion stripped away, Steve grew depressed and, at age 27, attempted suicide with 73 sleeping pills and a liter of Jack Daniel’s. “I gave up,” he says. “I regret that. I should have kept hope alive, but I didn’t.” When he woke up he realized, “It wasn’t my time.” Until then, Steve had kept his deteriorating eyesight a secret because vulnerability might have resulted in him losing the best equipment and the best push crews. But when he told his coach about the problem, he helped Steve find an ophthalmologist who was able to restore Steve’s vision by performing two experimental operations in 2008. A year later, Steve became the first American driver in 50 years to win a bobsled world championship. In 2010, he became the first American man since 1948 to win Olympic bobsledding gold. In 2012, he swept the two-man and four-man world titles. And this month, Steve, 33, is poised to defend his Olympic title in Sochi. Looking back, he feels he was fortunate to have been without hope. He can now say, “I’ve been there,” helping keep others from making the same mistakes of falling into the trap of despair. “I’m telling you from experience,” Steve says. “There is always hope.” Aimee Berg is a longtime Olympic writer and two-time Emmy winner whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Men’s Journal and many others.

Self-Care

The Randyland Community

In the second of three posts about the importance of community, I want to bring you to Randyland, where one man brought the world to his door and built a community around his eccentricities.When people hear the word community, I think they tend to imagine a pre-existing group of people in which they must assimilate. “Get involved in your community” is a piece of advice we’re often given when we’re bored, feeling disconnected, or looking to/for help. But what if you don’t fit into a community, what do you do then? What if you’re so eccentric and odd that there’s no place to fit in? For Randy Gilson, the answer was easy: start painting!If you find yourself in Pittsburgh, start asking about Randyland. It’s not the sort of place you can enter into Google Maps (which will direct you to Randy Land Gaming in Douglas, Georgia), but any local can point you right to it. “It looks like a box of crayons exploded” is perhaps the best description we heard of the “brownstone” which I put in quotations because there isn’t a single inch of the two buildings where you can see the original color.Randy is eccentric, to say the least. I would not be surprised if we have to slow down our footage just to catch every one of his words. His sentences all wrap up with “and that’s the story of Randyland. Niceeeeeee!” These words are often accompanied by two thumbs up and a big grin. He has a very hard time calling himself an artist, “I’m just a painter with a lot of energy and ideas” but if you’re one of the thousands of annual visitors, you’d probably argue that he’s a lot more than just a painter.Randy is a beacon of color in an otherwise gray neighborhood. His property is sandwiched between Section 8 housing. In other neighborhoods, Randyland might be considered an eyesore, but everyone who drove by while we were filming honked and yelled encouraging words. One would not expect to find this cornucopia of color in such a downtrodden neighborhood, but Randy’s unbelievable energy transformed his block into a hot tourist destination.“I haven’t been on vacation since I was 16, but every week I hear five or six different languages here at Randyland. People come from all over to take photos here and meet me!”On the day that we finally caught Randy, it was pouring rain. This did not stop him from giving us a full tour; he seemed to draw energy from the rain. I halfway expected him to start stomping in the puddles. He paraded around his property in his paint splattered clothes, telling us stories of all his art. Every piece carried at least three stories: where the materials came from (all were donated or found), what inspired the piece, and lastly, all the comments from patrons.“I’m a roadside attraction!” he proudly declared. Not only do people flock to the place, but many of them return and because Randy lives right upstairs, he often forges friendships with the tourists.In an effort to continue to transform his block and meet new people, Randy told us about his plans for the first floor, which is currently his indoor workspace. “I want to make it into a community café that also sells pies, because who doesn’t love pies? We’ll employee people from the neighborhood and then use all the proceeds from the café to maintain Randyland and my gardens after I pass away.”Randyland is a community in a different sense of the word than Hershey, PA. While there may only be one inhabitant of Randyland, the building serves almost as a mission statement for what Randy believes and how he lives his life. His assorted collection of goods lets you know he’s accepting of all people, and his obsession with color lets you know how warm he is. Through the highly visible structures and hundreds of community gardens, he beckons like-minded people to come share in his excitement. He builds a community around his home and welcomes all inside.Adam Shell and Nicholas Kraft are traveling the country to find our nation's happiest people, all while filming the experience to share with audiences inPursuing Happiness, a feature-length documentary.

Hope 3D text surrounded by question marks.

Self-Care

QUIZ – How Hopeful Are You?

Instructions: Read the question and answer A, B or C. Answer the letter that is closest to what you would say or do in the scenario.1. You are really looking forward to attending a friends wedding in a few weeks. You are out taking a brisk walk, trip over some broken up sidewalk and break your leg. Do you… A. Immediately call the bride and groom to cancel. B. Decide to wait a few days and see how you feel before canceling. C. Let the bride and groom know that you are feeling optimistic about your recovery and plan to be there.2. You apply for a job that you think you're highly qualified for. Two weeks have passed and you have heard nothing. Do you... A. Feel depressed and worry that you won't ever have a job. B. Decide to give it another couple of weeks before looking into other opportunities. You’ll wait it out. C. Tell yourself that you have skills and potential and that a job will come eventually and keep looking.3. Your birthday is a week away and no one has mentioned trying to make any plans to take you out or celebrate. Do you... A. Assume people forgot or don't care. B. Hope that if you wait a little longer, someone will mention it. C. Assume that people will want to celebrate you and start talking with them about plans for your birthday.4. You have an opportunity to be hired for a much higher paying job that is out of the range of your normal experience. Do you... A. Decide there is no way you're capable and say no. B. Feel uncertain about your skills and ask other people to convince you that you might be able to pull this off. C. Feel certain that you could undertake and succeed at something new as long as you really tried and got help as needed.4. Your best friend just moved out of the city that you live in. Do you… A. Get very sad because you know that your relationship is over and that you will never find another best friend again. B. Figure that you will keep at least a bit of a relationship and talk once in a while. C. Assure yourself that if you work hard at staying connected, the two of you will stay close friends.5. When you imagine yourself five years from now, do you… A. Think things could be the same or worse. B. Hope for the best but expect the worst. C. Know that if you really want to and put your mind to it, you can build an even happier and more productive life.6. You are in the mall and parked in a metered spot when you arrived. You suddenly realize that the meter may have run out a few minutes ago. You think… A. I’m doomed! I bet my car was towed by now and my whole day is ruined. B. I will probably get a ticket. C. There is nothing I can do at this point in time and I will deal with whatever happens. Maybe if I hurry, I will get lucky and get there before something bad happens.7. After a routine medical visit, you doctor was mildly concerned about a non-life threatening medical issue. It is suggested that you have a follow up test to assess if there is cause for concern Do you… A. Call everyone and say you are very sick and might be dying. B. Get frightened, insist on a second opinion and research every treatment under the sun. C. Feel concerned, but know there isn’t a real reason to worry yet and wait for the test results.The Answer:If you answered mostly A’s you are a person that is not filled with very much hope. You tend to see life in a negative way, and not only do you not hope for the best, you tend to imagine the worst.If you answered mostly B’s, you are a person who has moments of hopefulness, but you tend to wait until the situation looks positive before allowing yourself to be optimistic.If you answered mostly C’s, you tend to be extremely hopeful. When times get tough, you try to be optimistic and look for the positive in a situation. People come to you in times of trouble, because they know you will see the silver lining.For more information on the benefits of hope read “The Hope Monger” in our February 2014 issue. Or try out some daily actions of hope you can do with our “31 Ideas of Hope.”Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. With more than 100 television appearances on major networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS and FOX, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.

Winning Perspective

Winter Garden

Going with the Flow

In the News

Hopeful People and Their Superpowers

Trick Yourself into Getting Started

Why You Should Turn Your Wishes Into Hopes

Olympian Steve Holcomb Defeats Despair

The Randyland Community

QUIZ – How Hopeful Are You?

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