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Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Launch Your Awakening Adventure With Steve Taylor [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:03] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 452 of Live Happy Now. Throughout the month of January, we've been sharing practices that can help you create habits to increase your wellbeing. Now, it's time for an adventure. I'm your host, Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Steve Taylor, a best-selling author and senior lecturer at Leeds Beckett University in England. Steve has devoted his life to investigating spiritual awakenings, both for himself and for others. In his new book, The Adventure, Steve provides a roadmap to walk us all through the practices he's found most useful for helping us embark on our own awakening journey. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW]   [0:00:45] PF: Steve, welcome to Live Happy Now. [0:00:47] ST: Hi, Paula. Great to be with you. [0:00:48] PF: I'm so excited to talk with you. All throughout the month of January, we've been talking about new practices, things that people can do to really start a new year off with change. We make resolutions, but those may or may not mean anything in February and after that. So what we're really talking about is practices that we can adopt and adapt into our lives. So your book, boy, when you talk about an awakening that is just so incredible. Tell us a little bit about what you mean when you talk about spiritual awakening. [0:01:22] ST: Awakening means really expansion, it's like an expansion of awareness, an expansion of potential, an expansion of our inner being. It's also about connection, it's about connecting to more deeply to ourselves, connecting more deeply to other people, and connecting more deeply to the world. Yes, the world in general. [0:01:42] PF: Yes. What kind of change does it make when we connect more deeply with ourselves? How does that connect us then with other people? [0:01:50] ST: It brings a sense of wellbeing, because most of the time, we live at the surface of our minds, we live at the level of thought, and our identity, our normal sense of identity is derived from our thoughts. Because our thoughts are so restless, because our thoughts often tend towards negativity, worrying about the future, feeling guilty, or angry about the past. If you leave at there before, it causes discord, it often leads to unhappiness. But when you expand your sense of identity, then you dive below the level of thoughts into your deeper being. It's like a diver, diving from the surface of the ocean, into the depths of the ocean. When you dive into the depths below the surface of your mind, you find that there is a natural harmony there, it just seems to be the nature of our deep being. It just seems to exist in a natural state of contentment and ease. Of course, when you do that, you also free yourself from the worries of the mind, the restlessness of the mind, you find a stillness. At that point too, you also find it easier to connect with other people. Because when our minds are filled with thought chatter, it creates a sense of separation. Thoughts, they enclose is within our own identity. So as soon as we go beyond thoughts, into our deeper beings, our being opens up, and we find it easier to empathize with others, we find that we are naturally more altruistic to others, because we feel more connected to them. [0:03:22] PF: That's incredible. I'll also point out, that what you talked about, like the story of diving into an ocean, that's also – you've got a great meditation that you start the book out with, that is exactly that. Like diving below the turmoil of the surface of the ocean and getting down underneath. I've got to say, I've been using that, and it's a really effective meditation.   [0:03:41] ST: So good.   [0:03:42] PF: Absolutely encourage anybody to check out the book, and learn that meditation, because it is really effective, and it's very peaceful. [0:03:49] ST: Oh, brilliant. Yes, I'm glad. I'm glad. [0:03:52] PF: So your book is called The Adventure. You say that awakening is the greatest adventure that we can undertake as human beings. Can you explain why that is? [0:04:02] ST: It's natural for us. I think we are meant to awaken in our lives. We're not meant to be enclosed. We're not meant to live within these restless minds, within this discord. That's not really a normal – well, it's a normal state, because it's the state we experience most of the time. But I don't think it's our natural state. I think it is our natural state to live in wellbeing, to live in a more expensive, and more connected way, and it feels right. One of the great things about awakening is, once you begin the journey, it has its own momentum, and you reap benefits almost straightaway. You feel an increasing sense of stillness, and ease, and harmony in your life. It's kind of self-perpetuating that wellbeing, that harmony propels you, gives you further motivation to continue. It seems so natural to grow. I think as human beings, we're meant to grow. We're meant to expand, just like all living beings grow in some form, physically, at least. But I think, human beings, we don't just grow physically, we grow psychologically, and spiritually as well. When we do that, it just feels so right and so natural. It feels like exactly what we're meant to do. [0:05:08] PF: This comes out at an interesting time, because there is a lot of turmoil. There's a lot of concern about what is going on. So it seems like if there was ever a time when we needed this awakening, it would be now. Can you talk about the need for a collective spiritual awakening? [0:05:26] ST: As you say, we are living through a time of great turmoil. I think in a way, that's always been the case. Human societies have always been full of conflict, and full of oppression. Human beings have, throughout recorded history, we've fought wars against each other. So there's always been conflict, and chaos, and discord. But now, because of the technology of the modern world, and the interconnectedness of the modern world, it seems to be more intense than ever. It's happening on a massive global scale. I think all of the problems we face in the world are the direct result of what I call our normal sleep state, they are the direct result of our normal, constricted, discordant minds. But when we open up, when we expand our awareness, once we begin to feel some sense of inner harmony, then everything changes, our own behavior changes, our relationship to others changes. We become much more altruistic rather than materialistic and selfish. We promote harmony in everything we do. Once you have a large number of people living in that way, the whole of society changes. If a large enough number of people did begin to live in that way, then the whole world would change, the world would shift from this state of discord into a mode of harmony, a mode of cooperation, rather than competition. We will treat nature as being sacred and spiritual, rather than exploiting nature. We will treat each other with respect rather than exploiting and mistrusting each other. The whole world would change. I do think that a collective awakening is the most urgent need of our time. [0:07:05] PF: The world that you've described sounds very appealing, very much where we want to live. How do we as individuals, if we're going on this individual, spiritual awakening, how do we help that create a collective spiritual awakening? [0:07:20] ST: It happens naturally to some degree, because as I say, once we undergo our own personal shift, it changes our behavior. But we also have a kind of – you've probably noticed it, if you've met people who are naturally content, who are naturally altruistic, those people probably are people who have had a spiritual awakening. Then, these people have a kind of radiance about them. They change the mood around them. You walk into a room with one of these people in it. You can sense the contentment around them. It just in the same way, as you walk into a room with a very aggressive or angry person, you can sense the mood around them. It changes in terms of how we behave, and it changes in terms of the aura or the atmosphere that we generate around us. It is kind of self-perpetuating. The more people who generate some degree of awakening within themselves, the greater the momentum of wakefulness will – ultimately, maybe it will reach a threshold where it becomes human beings normal state. [0:08:18] PF: I would love to see that happen. You really do walk us through how to reach this state of wakefulness. Eight of the things that you begin with, you talk about the qualities of wakefulness. Do you mind going over those a little bit, explain what wakefulness means, and why those qualities are so important? [0:08:34] ST: Great. Yes. Yes. I'd love to do that. Wakefulness is, you could define it very simply as an expansion of identity with a sense of connectedness on many different levels. I have a part time role as a psychologist. I've been a psychologist for many years, and I specialize in investigating cases of spiritual awakening in people. I've also been undergoing my own personal journey of awakening since I was a teenager. That's quite a long time now. Basically, in my own experience, and in my research, I've identified eight essential qualities, which all awakened people demonstrate and which naturally arise through the process of awakening. First one is disidentification. That means a bit like I described earlier. That's when we step outside the thought mind and realize that we are not our thoughts. Then, we have gratitude, which means developing an all-encompassing sense of appreciation for everything and everyone in our lives, including life itself. Then, third characteristic is presence, which basically means living in the moment, being aware of our experience, and our surroundings, rather than living in the future, or the past, or within our own thoughts. Then, altruism, giving to the world, which incorporates things like empathy, connectedness, being compassionate towards others, being generous, and kind to other human beings. Every spiritual tradition in the world, or every religious tradition emphasizes the importance of kindness and altruism. But altruism is also a spiritual quality in itself, it's a spiritual practice in itself. The fifth quality is acceptance, which means, simply not resisting the reality of our lives, not resisting the reality of our predicament in life or our situations in life. Then, we move on to integration with the body. That's important because there's a slight tendency in some spiritual traditions, certainly some religious traditions to denigrate the body, to see the body as an enemy, or even to suggest that the body is not really real. It's a kind of illusory thing. But it's very important to gain a sense of harmony with the body, and to realize that the body is sacred and spiritual in itself. Then, there is detachment. That simply means not being dependent on external things for your identity and wellbeing. Finally, the eighth quality is embracing mortality, which means being aware of our own mortality, accepting our own mortality, and living in harmony with the fact of our own mortality. [0:11:27] PF: Now, with those qualities, are those things that you need to learn and experience in the order that they're presented in the book and in the order that you just presented now? [0:11:37] ST: No, that's not really the case. There was one exception, which is disidentification from the ego. That is kind of the gateway to spiritual awakening. You can't undergo spiritual awakening unless you go through that stage of disidentifying with your thought mind. Once you've done that, then any of the other seven characteristics can be practiced in any order. They're not reliant, it may depend on your personality. Certain characteristics may be more important for you to develop. You may already have developed certain characteristics to some extent. So it will vary from person to person/ [0:12:13] PF: The ability to walk away from our thought mind for that disidentification is, it seems very difficult, because we are all wrapped up in our thoughts every minute of the day.   [0:12:26] ST: Yes, that's true.   [0:12:27] PF: Can you talk about that a little bit? That seems like an ambitious and very big first step talk, but you make it pretty simple in the book. Can you talk about that, like how people go about doing that, taking that first step on the journey? [0:12:41] ST: You're right, it is the first most important step. It may seem difficult, but if you think about it, there are lots of times in our lives when we step beyond the thought mind. They're usually the times when we are happiest. For example, when you get absorbed in an enjoyable activity, if you're playing music, or engaged in a creative activity, or even when you're socializing with friends, or even reading a really enthralling book, or watching a really enthralling film, you stop thinking. You step outside your thought mind. An hour or two may pass by, and then the activity, or the play, or the film is over, and you think, "Oh, here I am again. It's me. I can start thinking again." But you know that you've been in a state of wellbeing during those moments. Also, for example, if you walk in the countryside, you feel a sense of wellbeing, you feel a sense of inner calm, you feel connected to your beautiful surroundings. That's because your mind has become quiet, maybe your brain isn't completely empty, but you're thinking less. There are also certain moments when we don't like what we're thinking. We become aware of ourselves thinking silly thought, and we say to ourselves, "Don't be so ridiculous." You think about a job interview or something, and think, "Oh, no. I'm going to make a mess of it. It's going to be terrible." Then you think, "No, don't be ridiculous. It's going to be fine." We do it from time to time. That is an example of disidentifying with your thought mind. It is also the basic aim of meditation is to disidentify with your thought mind, or meditation practices teaches to do that. It's a question of, slowly developing an ability that we already have, and cultivating it over maybe a few weeks, maybe even a few months, so that it becomes stronger. [0:14:27] PF: It's not something that is going to happen overnight, that part. It's going to take some practice. [0:14:32] ST: Yes, you can certainly glimpse it. We all glimpse it from time to time, anyway. Maybe, once you glimpse it for the first time, then you realize, "Ah, I am not my thoughts. There is something else beyond or beneath my thoughts. That's a really important moment, that moment of realization encourages you to cultivate the state. It will usually take a few weeks or a few months for it to become stronger for it to pick up momentum. [0:14:57] PF: So as someone goes through this book, do you recommend that they read the entire book, or do they say like, "Do you have guidelines? So we know going into it." I love how you present that. If you're going to go on a journey, you need a map, because you need to know where you're going, and what to expect, how to dress for this trip. You do a great job of setting that up. Then, we get into that journey. Do we need to say, take that first chapter on disidentification, and just stay with that until we feel we've mastered that? Or do we read the entire book, and then come back, and do the practices? How do you see that working for people? [0:15:33] ST: I'd like people to be flexible. As I said before, there are certain characteristics which are maybe more important to some people. Some people will know that they need to work on one particular characteristic, so they can turn to that chapter straightaway. The chapters don't necessarily need to be read sequentially, although all of the eight qualities are important. A think they're all equally important. They do all need to be cultivated. But you know, people should be flexible. It never really works. When you're too prescriptive to people, when you say to them, do this, stick to the plan, you got to allow for some flexibility, and some variations in people's personalities. [0:16:09] PF: I love it. Here at Live Happy, we talk about gratitude a lot. That is one of the qualities, and the subtitle of that chapter is overcoming the taking for granted syndrome. Can you talk about what the taking for granted syndrome is, and then tell us how we overcome it? [0:16:25] ST: In my view, the taking for granted syndrome is probably the biggest single issue with human beings, the biggest single thing that stops us attaining happiness. It's basically the human tendency to take things for granted. It's so easy for us to take things for granted. Sometimes when some of that is taken away from us, we realize how valuable it is. For example, is your health. If your health becomes endangered, if you have a serious illness or an accident, you become aware of how valuable and how wonderful your body is, and how miraculous the body is. But then, your body heals again, and you start to forget it again. You fall under the sway of the taking for granted syndrome. It's the same with people. You may fall in love with a person, and they're the most wonderful person in the world for a few months, and your life is much better with them, you feel happy, you feel harmony in your life. But after a certain amount of time, you start to take them for granted, and they don't bring you as much happiness and your life is not so different the way it was before. That happens in all areas of our lives. It happens with life itself. One of the things that happens when people are close to death, in some way, if they have an accident or a life-threatening illness, they realize how miraculous, and how fragile, and how beautiful life itself is. They realize what an amazing gift it is to be alive, just to be alive. Doesn't matter what's happening in your life, just life itself. But again, we tend to switch off to that. One of the special characteristics of spiritually awakened people is that they're not affected by the taking for granted syndrome. They are always in a state of appreciation. They always, to some degree, they always appreciate the value of their health, the people in their lives, their freedom, and prosperity, and life itself. But yes, it's a process. It's a journey to transcend the taken for granted syndrome, but it can be done. I developed exercises over a number of years, all of the exercises in the book, we've been kind of road tested at workshops over a number of years. They all are effective, and that applies to the gratitude exercises too. [0:18:32] PF: Another thing that you talk about, it's near the end of the book, and I think this is so important. You talk about embracing our mortality. This is a two-part question, because first, I want to know how we do that, because it's difficult. We don't really want to think about that a lot. Then secondly, how does embracing our mortality help us become more awakened? [0:18:50] ST: It can be difficult. I mean, in psychology, there are three basic attitudes to death. This is sometimes called the three A's. One of them is avoidance, when we don't think about our death, or our mortality. The second one is anxiety, when we do think about it occasionally, but when we feel uneasy. The third one is acceptance, which is when we do contemplate our death, and we accept the fact that we're going to die, and we live life in the light of that. The only attitude which brings any well-being is acceptance. The other two, if you avoid thinking about mortality, or if you feel anxious about it, obviously, that leads to discomfort. Many human beings do live with those two attitudes to death with an avoidance or anxiety. But when we do contemplate death seriously, when we face it in a direct way, and we really acknowledged the fact that death is real, then we move beyond the anxiety. We actually begin to sense the value of life, and we begin to sense the preciousness of all of the things in our lives, and the preciousness of the world the precious beauty of the world. That's one way in which being aware of death brings wellbeing. It takes us beyond the taking for granted syndrome. It's a really good way of transcending the taking for granted syndrome. Another thing is that death gives us motivation, the fact that life is temporary. It gives us motivation to fulfill our ambitions, no longer to procrastinate. It makes us aware that we only have a limited amount of time. Life is fragile, and temporary. It also makes us more present, and it helps us to let go of attachments. Because being aware of mortality makes us aware that possessions are not important. The old saying, you can't take it with you. But possessions are meaningless, because sooner or later, they're going to be taken away from us. To some extent, even achievements, and even successes can be considered meaningless because it's going to be taken away. But what's really important, and what's real, is being here now in this present moment. So death helps us to be aware of that. [0:21:07] PF: You've given us so many ways to awaken. You've given us so many practices, and you also have an online course that that people can take. What is it that you really hope to accomplish with this book? It's not your first book, you've written several bestsellers. What is it about this one that you really hope every reader takes away from? [0:21:27] ST: This book is quite special to me, because it's my first really practical book. I've written a few books in the mode of psychologists, analyzing, and describing people's experiences, even described my own experiences. But this is the first book where I offer a guidebook, or a handbook of spiritual awakening. On the one hand, I hope that people realize that awakening or enlightenment is not something unattainable or inaccessible. Some people think that it's only monks or mystics, or people who've been meditating for decades who can become awakened. It's open to all of us. It's our most natural, authentic state, so it's in us already. It's really just a question of uncovering what's already in us. So I hope people realize that it's accessible. Although, you have to apply yourself, you have to stick to certain practices, you have to have a certain degree of discipline, and motivation. But it's not difficult, once you get started as I said before, it has its own momentum. It becomes self-perpetuating. In some ways, it becomes easier as you do it, that the path of awakening has its own momentum that carries you towards the goal. But ultimately, even beyond that, I want to promote harmony. Because as I mentioned earlier, I do believe that the world is in such a chaotic, such a state of suffering, because of our normal, limited sleep awareness. I think, really, the only way in which we can begin to live in harmony on this planet is for more people to move towards awakening. [0:22:59] PF: I would agree with you and you've given us a great roadmap to do that. I thank you for writing it, and I thank you for coming on the show and talking about it. [0:23:08] ST: Thank you, Paula. It's been really enjoyable. [END OF EPISODE] [0:23:14] PF: That was Steve Taylor talking about how to begin your own spiritual awakening. To learn more about Steve and his book, The Adventurer: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Awakening, or follow him on social media or visit his website. Just go to livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: The 3-Minute Meditation with Richard Dixey [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:03] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 451 of Live Happy Now. As we venture a little farther into the new year, that's a good time to pause, take a breath, and if you have three minutes, maybe even learn to meditate. I'm your host, Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Richard Dixey, a research scientist and lifelong student of Buddhism. Since 2007, he has devoted his life to teaching meditation, and his new book, Three Minutes a Day, is designed to teach readers how to change their lives with simple meditation practices that truly do take just three minutes a day. Be sure to stay tuned after my conversation with Richard to learn about a brand-new podcast called Built to Win, that's brought to you by Live Happy's sister company, Neora. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:50] PF: Richard, thank you so much for coming on Live Happy Now. [0:00:53] RD: I'm glad to be here. [0:00:54] PF: I wanted to talk to you right at the beginning of the year, because this is a time of year when people are adapting to new habits. They're saying, “Okay, I'm going to do it better than I did last year.” Meditation is something that people often want to do, and they're like, “Oh, it's just too hard. I don't have time.” Then you come along with this terrific book that says, we can do it in three minutes a day. First of all, what led you to discover this different way of meditating that we don't have to sit cross-legged for 30 minutes at a time? [0:01:28] RD: Actually, this is not so new. There are traditions amongst the Asian wisdom traditions in which this comes, which stress very short and often, they always say, because the whole trouble with meditation is making it fresh. If you say for half an hour, I suspect the 28 minutes, we'll be sleeping. You're only going to get two or three minutes before it's turned into a blank slate of one form or another. It's innovative to put it in a Western format. But the idea of short sessions that are very focused is not new. [0:02:02] PF: You just made it accessible to us. [0:02:04] RD: I'm the dean at Dharma College in Berkeley, which is a school that's dedicated to revisioning the wisdom traditions. You know, these wisdom traditions are really amazing. These meditation traditions are two and a half thousand years old, and they are unbroken. Ther have been master-student, master-student, master-student for two and a half thousand years. There's a lot of accumulated experience, and they have something really important to offer us today, which is why I was very motivated to teach meditation. Then in teaching meditation, I was really amazed how quickly you could actually get the core point over. That's what really inspired me to say, okay, let's make a 14-week course, three minutes a day, really short focused to give people a real taste of what meditation is. [0:02:50] PF: Yeah. With three minutes a day, we're all like, “Okay. I can do that. I don't care how busy my life is. I can do three minutes a day.” That makes it very appealing, because we live in a society that's instant gratification. We got to have it now and we're on the go. You created this. It's really a step-by-step guide. We need to clarify. It's not a book that you're going to sit down and read all the way through and then come back and try to implement these practices. Do you want to talk a about the setup of it and how – [0:03:16] RD: Yeah. I do. I do. Actually, there's a couple of very interesting points here. Meditation is about our own experience. It's not about anything else. It's not information, as we normally understand it. You're not going to learn about meditation. You're going to address your own experience. Now, this is really quite a challenging undertaking, because our entire educational system takes our experience for granted and talks about the world. Well, the world is actually constructed from our experience. Our experience is like, it's a window that you look out of, or all of these sorts of ideas. It's all completely nonsense. We construct our experience, but we never look at how we construct it. This means that you need to introduce various, simple techniques to give you a little taste of what this construction is. Looking at this construction is meditation. Now, of course, it's a bit like saying, I'm going to tell you about chocolate. You say, okay it's a bit sweet, a bit sticky, it melts in your mouth. You'd have no idea what chocolate was. Give you a piece of chocolate. Oh, I know what chocolate is. It's like that. What I'm trying to do is give these really short, little pieces of experience, not information. The idea is you read this book –we have chapters about four or five pages of introduction, a short meditation experience, and then some Q&A. What I want people to do is to read that first chapter, do three minutes of that particular exercise and read the second chapter. If you do that, you'll build up an experience of meditation. Once you do, it totally alters how you see the world. Everything is different. [0:05:01] PF: Do you find that readers have a certain meditation that they gravitate toward? Like, they say, “Oh, I really like the candle meditation. This is my favorite. This is what works for me.” [0:05:11] RD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have favorites. The trick to meditation is this. We're really riled up the whole time, because we're reacting to the construct we call the world. That reactivity is very stressful. Now, the truth is that a lot of what we react to is actually made by us and projected as real. This is what people Google, though, because they know, if you get a little buzzwords, you can make people click. You can force them into reacting. Of course, we carry around these mobile phones the whole time, which are literally doing this to us. The first thing to learn is how to become calm in the face of a rising experience. This is the first thing to learn. This is called Shamatha. Until we learn to become calm in the face of a rising experience, we really have no chance of seeing how the world is made. The first section of this book is all about looking at particular meditation objects, which are things you can concentrate on and learning to become calm. Now, becoming calm is not becoming all free. Becoming calm is engaging with that instantly, reacting with an opinion, or some like or dislike, or an aversion, or whatever it else it might be. Learning to engage without reactivity. If you can develop that foundation, which you can develop relatively quickly, they're on the basis of that foundation. You can start to look. You can look at thoughts, how the thoughts begin, how the thoughts end. What are thoughts exactly? How are my thoughts being manipulated by experiences outside me? Those sorts of questions become answerable once you see as being reactive. What meditation does is enable you to get control of your life at a very profound level. Actually, really, this control is the only genuine control that we have. Our attention is truly our possession. You can't be given it. You have it. The key is to learn how to use it. That's really what meditation is about. [0:07:15] PF: I think it's more important now than ever, because we are so distracted. As you said, our phones are there every 30 seconds, reminding us of what we need to do and what we didn't do and breaking news and all that. Just, we don't get a break. What changes do you see in people when they're able to sit down and learn this three-minute method? [0:07:36] RD: Well, this should be taught in primary school, honestly. Reading, writing, and meditation. Why is that? Well, it's for this reason. As I mentioned, we construct our experience. We actually have a word for it, which is in our language. We say, we recognize something. When you say you recognize, that word re. It means, you do it again. What happens is we have sense inputs, five senses, thoughts and imaginations. Then we recognize them as things, people, things I want, things I don't, good news, bad news, blah, blah, blah. Now that process of recognition is literally a process of world construction. The mechanism that recognizes takes memories and then looks at the cognitions that come in, compares them to memories, ascribes to their names and meanings and represents them as the world. It's that structure that really makes us human beings. What we have to do is make recognition part of our experience consciously. That process is meditation. [0:08:42] PF: Well, one thing that you talk about that I really don't think I've seen addressed much in meditation is the role that imagination plays. We don't really think about imagination and meditation going together. can You talk about that and how imagination helps us meditate? [0:08:58] RD: Yes. Well, imagination, as I mentioned, there are six gates of our experience, right? There are the five senses and then there are thoughts and imaginations. Now, thoughts and imaginations are as much an input into our experience as feeling, smelling, touching, tasting and hearing off. We normally don't really think about imaginations like that. Of course, we spend an awful lot of the day, I dread to think how much, but it's probably well north of 50% imagining, well, what about this? What about that? Well, I could do this. I could do that. These are all imaginations. One of the techniques that happens in this book is to actually say, okay, let's deliberately imagine something and make it a meditation object. Just like you might say, light a candle, look at a candle. You can imagine something and look at that. The moment you get that, you go, “Oh my God. Imaginations aren't actually part of me. They're constructed by me.” That again, releases all kinds of issues, because so many of the things that we think we want, or so many of the things that we think are bad for us are merely imagined. They're constructed by our imagination. The trouble is this mechanism that learns from the past is defensive. It was actually developed when we were on the savannas being prowled by saber-toothed tigers to immediately recognize a threat and run away from it. That's why we survived. Of course, now, this paranoid, defensive, backward-looking mechanism means that all we see is bad news, all we care about is bad news. We're not interested in good things, only bad things. Of course, the result is stress. If people just learn to see their experience as experience, oh, the stress starts coming back. It's like, okay, we can calm this down. [0:11:00] PF: As we're telling people, all right, this is something you're going to do for three minutes, can you give examples of some of the exercises so they can understand what they do for three minutes? [0:11:09] RD: Okay, the book starts with two key exercises, which I think are really, probably the fundamental thing of it. The wisdom traditions of Asia separate concentration into two phases. Now, we all know that concentration has something to do with meditation. Often, people think that you're meant to sit, not moving, thought-free, and just going to some blank, thought-free state, because that's what they think meditation is. Now actually, the trick is to get hold of our concentration and master it. Concentration, I said, has two phases. The first one is adverting. This is to be able to place your attention on a given object. That's what we’re all taught at school. Johnny, Johnny, concentrate. He does all the concentrate. Most contemporarily, educated people can concentrate. The problem is concentration like that is brittle. That's to say, you might be concentrating on one thing, then something else happens, “Oh, I concentrate on that, and then I concentrate on this. Then I can't.” That's exactly what happens to us. The first thing is to make the difference between adverting and another element of concentration, which is totally not stressed in our education system, which is savoring. Once you've adverted your concentration to an object, there's another element of concentration, which is to savor it. Now actually there are technical terms for these two things. One's called Vitaka, that's concentration adverting, and the other one's called Vicara, which is savoring. You can actually access these two things by developing simple meditation techniques. Once you've accessed savoring, then you can make your concentration stable. The trick is to first of all, experience Vitaka, adverting concentration, and I use a candle for that. The people watch a candle. What you'll find when you do this, even for three minutes is everything starts disturbing you. Thoughts disturbing. Car slams, you're disturbed by that. Someone talks in the next room, you're disturbed by that. You find yourself being disturbed. That's why most people say, “Oh, you've got to be in a totally silent room with the windows closed, your eyes closed, and no thought.” This is because they're only looking at Vitaka. Now, if you can then change your meditation object, and what I like to use is a bell, an object that fades, what happens is your Vitaka turns into savoring as you watch the fading sound. After a while, you can fade right into silence. You're still concentrated, but there's no object. You've entered something totally different. It's just like, pick up a cup of coffee, that’s Vitaka. Taste the coffee, that's Vicara. [0:13:53] PF: We're going to tell readers how they can find your book. But in the meantime, what's one thing they can start doing right now? Is there like, okay, this would work for me. I can give it three minutes a day. What's something they can do starting today? [0:14:06] RD: What they can do right now, you can go on to my website, richarddixey.com, and download a free app. What that app does is give you the meditation instructions. Then if you like the first one, get the book. What the app does, which always freaks people out a bit, is it requires you to do seven days of a three-minute thing, before it'll give you the next chapter. It's actually a trainer, it’s not really an – There’s a free trainer. The first exercise is candle-watching. Watching candles in itself is an amazing meditation. Just to watch a candle the three minutes. That itself, “Three minutes. There's nothing at all.” Three minutes is a long time if you do something deliberately. Just that alone, if you do that for a week, you will change. It's quite incredible how drip, drip, drip will fill the bathtub. It doesn't take a long time. It's just repetition that does it. Just do that. Within a week you'll go, “Well, I'm feeling a bit different. This is interesting. Something's changed.” That's because there's a wake-up call being given to your natural intelligence saying, “Hey, you don't have to be kidnapped by your recognitive map all the time. You could actually be free. You could be intelligent without having an object of intelligence. You could just be yourself.” That little wake-up call comes when you start taking that bit of control. Retaking of freedom of choice is a huge moment, where suddenly, we go, wow, so much of what is freaking me out turns out to be freaking out because I'm allowing it to. I'm giving permission for it to freak me out. What I've got to do is take a little step sideways. Oh, it doesn't freak me out anymore. That really is simple. [0:16:01] PF: That was Richard Dixey, talking about how you can transform your life in just three minutes a day. To learn more about his book, Three Minutes a Day, or download his free app and take your meditation on the go, visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. Speaking of things you'll find on our website, next I'm talking with Live Happy's Deborah Heisz, who is also CEO of our sister company, Neora, and has a great new podcast named Built to Win that she's here to tell us about. [DEBORAH HEISZ] [0:16:29] PF: Well, Deborah, happy new year. [0:16:31] DH:  Happy new year, Paula. [0:16:33] PF: This is such a great time of year, because everyone's starting new things and excited about the opportunities that are going on. All our shows this month are really tailored around new practices and new ways of looking at things. You have a lot of new things going on, a lot of things you're excited about. I wanted to take a few minutes and talk to you about that. [0:16:51] DH: I really do have a lot going on that I'm excited about. We have a lot going on that we're excited about. There's some great new stuff with Live Happy coming out. Happy Access coming up in March and we're talking about that right now, and we're talking about all the other things related to Live Happy that we like to put out in the world this year. I love the series that you guys are doing right now on new things, new practices. It's great. It's always good to put stuff in your head and new ideas on how you can improve. I love everything that's going on right now. I have something that's a little outside the Live Happy space that I've been working on that I wanted to share with everybody. I think, everybody knows the podcast. I am CEO of Live Happy. I also have a co-founder of Live Happy and his name is Jeff Olson. Jeff and I actually worked together on another company, a company called Neora. He's the founder of that along with his daughter, Amber Olson-Rourke and I'm co-CEO of that company. I'm really excited about what we've got going on, because we have just launched a new podcast called Built to Win. It's available on all your podcast places that you would find Live Happy Now. That podcast features Jeff. Jeff Olson, he's the author of the best-selling book, The Slight Edge, which is really a book that is a roadmap, how to accomplish anything. Then Amber Olson-Rourke, who is a very successful executive in her own right, and then also we have Dave Fleming, who is a seasoned international executive, who has been through a lot of challenges and done a lot of things in his life and then me. Basically, what we all are is we're personal development junkies and we've learned a lot. We spend a lot of time studying business practices, studying things that you can do to get better in life. Leadership. There's a lot of leadership lessons. What we really want to do is put out in the world a lot of our experience and to help those of you who are trying to build a business, who are thinking about managing a team, thinking about anything in your life. It doesn't have to be business. Thinking about challenges that you need to overcome. We're trying to put information out there that you can use in your everyday life to improve your life. It's not quite Live Happy, but it's in the same vein. Interesting, because the four of us just went through a really huge monumental challenge that most people will never see anything of that size in their business career. We navigated successfully and we won a very important battle in the business world. He first few episodes focus on math, but then most of the episodes focus and are going to focus on practices you can do in your everyday life, leadership lessons, how to make decisions in the trenches, how to get prepared for those problems when they come up, how to lead teams, all of those things that are critically important to basically, building leadership skills in your own life. That's what most of the podcasts are going to focus on. We just launched it, and so we wanted to share it with our Live Happy listeners. Because if you're someone who has a business, wants to be in business, is a manager of a team at a company, works in a business, most of us in the world do one of those things. [0:20:08] PF: Having listened to it, one thing that strikes me is even though you're talking about business principles, these are life principles, and they guided your business decisions, but even someone who isn't in a business environment can use those same principles and applications for making difficult decisions and taking on big challenges. That's really what struck me. It's like a movie that's set in a business world, but you could easily change the scene and make it a homework movie, where it's set in someone's house. That's really how it comes through. The lessons are applicable, whether you're trying to run a business, or run a household. [0:20:46] DH: You're exactly right, Paula. Because our intention is not to give people the nuts and bolts of how to do their accounting. You're not going to hear any of that. What you're going to hear is how to prepare to face challenges in life, how to face those challenges in life, how to get yourself prepared to have those challenges in life, and all of that is personal development. I mean, yes, a lot of the principles are grounded in some of our business experiences, but the reality is these are people who have been very successful in their lives. Jeff and Amber and Dave are great people. I get to work with them every day. I couldn't be more blessed. But they have applied personal development in their lives to be successful people. I actually hate the term personal development. I actually prefer success practices, or happiness practices. Personal development sounds like work. The reality is it's work. But really, what we're talking about is discovering and applying the tools that help you accomplish anything. That's why the name of the podcast is Built to Win. [0:21:54] PF: That’s right. [0:21:54] DH: Build yourself. Build yourself to win when those challenges come in. [0:21:59] PF: One thing that really struck me, I think it was in the very first episode, and I believe it was Amber who brought up the fact that you faced this big challenge, and she realized every little challenge that had frustrated her in her business career had also given her the resilience to face this big challenge. She could look back behind her and say, “Oh, all those little things that were bothersome actually strengthened me.” I think that's so great, because that's true in life as well. [0:22:27] DH: It is. There will be a lot less business talk on this podcast than there will be life talk. Amber and I are both parent – well, Amber, Dave and I are all parents with children still living in home. We have to balance our work life with our home life. I think everybody does. That’s where a lot of our challenges arise, too. We'll be talking a little bit about that. We'll be talking about a lot of Live Happy principles we talk about here; being present, being engaged, building trust, building relationships. All of that will flow into this podcast as well. I'm super excited about it. We're just getting started. As you know, Paula, Live Happy Now has been my favorite thing we've ever done at Live Happy. It still is. [0:23:20] PF: Mine too. [0:23:20] DH: I know. I think it always will be. Because just hearing from people who have been there and done that, who have researched happiness, who have their own life experiences to bring, I just love the conversations we're able to have, part of Live Happy Now. Now, we get to have those conversations twice, because I could have it on here and Built to Win as well. Once again, it's going to be people who've been there, people who face things that maybe you haven't faced. But we all have challenges, and we all have goals, and we all have dreams and ideas of where we want to be in life. You have to have the personal tool set in order to accomplish those things. That's really what I'm hoping Built to Win provides to its listeners, ideas and building their personal tool set to be able to face the challenges and accomplish the goals they want in life. [0:24:14] PF: We're going to tell them how they can subscribe. We'll include that on the landing page, so they can go to livehappy.com and click on the podcast page and find how to do that. What do you want them to do once they go discover Built to Win? [0:24:29] DH: First of all, I want them to go discover it. Download the first couple of episodes, take a listen. Know that just getting to hear Jeff is inspirational. [0:24:37] PF: It's a masterclass every time. [0:24:39] DH: It is. Every time somebody asks him a question, or he makes a comment, you’re just like, “I need to start taking notes,” and I'm on the podcast. [0:24:47] PF: That’s a good sign. [0:24:48] DH: Please, take the opportunity to listen to it. Because we've just launched, also, share with your friends, share with everybody, but mostly, please download and rate it. It's really important for new podcasts to get people to rate them and let us know how you think. It helps us be able to be found on the podcast apps and helps more people find us. [0:25:08] PF: Deb, I wish the best of success on Built to Win for so many different reasons. Thank you for coming on and talking about it. [0:25:16] DH: My pleasure. I want to come back and talk about happiness sometime soon. [END OF EPISODE] [0:25:23] PF: That was Deborah Heisz, talking about the new podcast, Built to Win. Learn more about it and subscribe when you visit livehappy.com and click on this episode. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: How Animals Help Us Heal with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore   [INTRO] [0:00:08] PF: Welcome to Happiness Unleashed with your host, Brittany Derrenbacher, presented by Live Happy. In this episode, Brittany is joined by Joanne Cacciatore, better known as Dr. Jo, a professor at Arizona State University and Director of the Graduate Certificate in Trauma and Bereavement. Dr. Jo also is founder of Selah Carefarm near Sedona, Arizona, which offers 20 acres of farmland where grieving family members can heal amongst rescued animals that have been abused, neglected, or discarded. Dr. Jo is here to explain how animals and humans can help each other through their painful journeys as they recover from their grief. Let's have a listen. [INTERIVEW] [0:00:48] BD: You're doing something really unique and profound out in Sedona with animals. You've created an intentional community where people can come and heal from trauma and grief surrounded by animals and earth-based practices. Can you tell us more about that? [0:01:06] JC: Sure. Selah Carefarm, we have been around literally seven and a half years, but in planning about eight and a half years, and we have 20 acres here, and we are on what's called Oak Creek, which is more like a river. The headwaters are in Flagstaff. So, we have 2,000 or so feet on Oak Creek, and all of our animals are rescued. So, they've all been rescued from varying levels of abuse, or torture, or homelessness, or starvation. We have goats, and sheep, and cows, and pigs, and horses, and donkeys, alpacas. I mean, dogs and cats, of course, and I'm sure I'm missing somebody. But we have a lot of different animals here. They are profoundly meaningful for the people who come here. That's one of the things, I'm a professor at Arizona State University, and one of the things in my research that we have found is that people love the counseling they get here, because everyone is trained in traumatic grief, and everyone has their own – all of our counselors are required to have their own practice and do their own deep work, which is not something that you see across the board with therapists, right? So, people love coming here for the animals and they love – I mean for the humans, the counseling and the nature and each other. But over and over and over again, in the research, the animals emerge as the number one most transformative thing for people. I didn't expect that. I mean, I knew the animals would be meaningful for people. I just didn't know how meaningful it would be for them to interact with animals, who also have known loss, and terror, and trauma, and grief, and sadness, and loneliness, and despair. It's this sort of connection in capital O, Oneness that creates kind of almost – it is. It's a magical, albeit painful interaction. [0:02:54] BD: Have you always had a special relationship with animals in your life? Is there a reason that you chose to bring these two communities together? [0:03:03] JC: Oh, man, that's a great question that I don't get a lot. Yes. I always have had a special thing with animals. When I was one and a half years old, a wild blue jay – we lived in Manhattan. My parents were immigrants. So, we lived in Manhattan and this wild blue jay flew into my house. I was one and a half. I have no cognizant memory. But a wild blue jay flew into our house and attached herself to me, and was with me, I think several days. So, my father called a reporter and they came out and took a picture. So, I have a picture of me, I believe, it was the New York Times, in the New York Times, with his wild blue jay sitting on my little dress. I have always had a soft spot for animals. I haven't eaten them since 1972. I have always known that they had some kind of existential self or soul. I've always seen in them deep emotions, and not just sort of the primal things that you would think of, and not just the domestic animals, but even in my limited interaction, because before the Carefarm, I had limited interaction with farm animals. But even before we had the farm, and I and I interacted so much with farm animals, which people kind of think of as these blobs with no personalities. I had a sense people were wrong about them. I had a sense that they knew. Of course, I saw some videos early on, which is what converted me to stop eating animals. I was only seven years old when I did that. As I watched these videos of these animals, to be honest, in slaughterhouses, I could see the fear in their eyes and I thought to myself, “Oh, when I'm afraid, that's what it feels like to me.” Those eyes, the wide eyed, all the whites around your eyes showing. The look of terror on your face. And I had been afraid. I remember being afraid as a child. I was raised in an interesting religious cult, and they talked a lot about Armageddon. I remember being very, very afraid of Armageddon. So, I really related to these animals who also had this look of fear and terror in their eyes. So, there was just always something in me that knew they were more than just blobs, and it wasn't just dogs who had feelings, and emotions, and attachments. But it really wasn't until we got the farm animals and we started rescuing them, because farm animals until they feel safe, they're not free to be who they really are. That's the interesting thing about them. So, like our goats, when we first rescue them, they run around terrified of you. So, you can't see their personalities. All you see is fear. Same thing with human beings, by the way, who have been abused, right? Human beings who have been tortured or abused, you can't see the full fruition of their character, their personality, because all you're seeing is fear and terror. All you're seeing is the flight, fight freeze response, and it's the same thing with these animals. So, once they started to feel safe, then they could become who they really were. So, now, we know that Gretel, the goat, is very timid and very shy, but also loves affection and warmth. And we know that Kurt loves affection and warmth too. But if food is available to him, he'll take food over affection and warmth. Now, we know that Captain von Trapp, we call him Mr. Loverboy. He gets very jealous when another goat is getting more affection than he is. So, he'll come and push the other goat away. All of their personalities and character illogical propensities come out when they have the freedom to be who they really are. Again, which is the same thing as human beings, when we're free to be who we are, and we're accepted, and we're liberated from coercion and pressure to be someone we're not, then we can experience the full manifestation of what our true character is. [0:06:42] BD: Both spectrum self. The name for the Carefarm in Hebrew, Selah means to pause and to reflect. I'm assuming that's intentional. [0:06:52] JC: It's quite intentional. It's an intentional space to pause and reflect on grief and those we love who died. It's a word that I found many, many years ago, probably two decades ago. I always knew like something special has to come from this word, because it's such a powerful word. So, it was quite intentional. It was quite intentional to give a nod to the poetry of feeling our feelings. [0:07:18] BD: Yes. That's beautiful. How do the animals at the farm teach us to live again? [0:07:24] JC: Well, I think it's a less direct path than that. Right? I think what it is we – our farm is built on a principle called Ahimsa, which is oneness, literally, and oneness and compassion, non-violence for all beings. Once we create this space where we can recognize that there is no capital O, Other. As Chief Seattle said, “What we do to the web of life, we do to ourselves.” And many religious and mystic traditions have always recognized this. But once you realize that, and you have an experience of oneness, it's very hard. It's like taking the red pill. You can't undertake it. It's very hard to see the world through the lens of an anthropocentric view. So, when people come here, and they have this experience of this animal we've just rescued, who won't let anyone within 12 feet of his space, because he's so terrified. Then, they see him six months later getting love and cuddles, and opening his heart to the possibility of trusting in the world again, people start to see themselves reflected in this creature, who without any effort. I mean, I think that's the beautiful thing about it. Animals just by being who they are, show us the way, because they're non-coercive. They just do it naturally. If we can connect with that inner animals, we're all animals, human beings, or animals, we're just human animals, as opposed to non-human animals. So, we're wired very similarly. If we can see ourselves resonated in an animal who has been on death's door, and literally had given up hope, for life. We can see that animal flourish and watch it flourish, watch him or her flourish, and deeper than that, maybe even be a part of that flourishing. Wow. I mean, it's a profound connection for people. So, they start making these little linkages between what did that animal need, and what did that animal do to get where he or she is? Needed good support, tenderness, care, love, non-judgement. The animals don't walk around judging themselves about their feelings. The animals don't walk around going, “Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I'm so fearful. I can't – why am I so anxious.” They just work with what they have and people start making those linkages and it is incredibly profound when you see it happening. It's beautiful, really. Many of our clients in the outtakes surveys call it magical, what happens here. [0:10:04] BD: Explain to the listeners what can clients expect coming in? What can participants expect coming in? What would a day at the farm look like? [0:10:17] JC: Most people come here and average of four or five days. It's a residential facility, so they stay on-site. If they come for an actual program, then it's reasonably structured. So, they wake up in the morning, there's yoga. They don't have to participate in the program, but most people want to. So, there's yoga. There's time with the animals. Usually, a few hours with the animals taking care of the animals, brushing the animals, meeting the animals. They can do more with the animals too, if they so choose. If someone has horse experience, for example, and they want to go spend time with the animals or pick the horse's hooves or something, then we can accommodate that. A lot of people who come here don't have farm animal experience, though. Then we have an art therapist on staff. We have group meetings. We have individual counseling in some of our programs. We have yoga. We have meditation. So, it depends on when they're coming and what their needs are. [0:11:10] BD: What's some of the biggest lessons that you've learned in your time at the farm? [0:11:14] JC: I think getting back into your body, especially if you've had traumatic grief is one of those things that is very difficult for people, because we can't get back into a body that doesn't feel safe, or we're much more reluctant to get back in a body that doesn't feel safe. How do you feel safe in a body when everyone around you is telling you there's something wrong with you? Because that's always the intimation about grief. You're grieving too hard. Not doing it right. You're grieving too long. You should feel better by now. There are all these intimations that surround grieving people constantly, that create a feeling of unsafety and loneliness. So, why would they want to be back in their bodies? Not to mention the trauma alone creates a sense of heightened fear and terror in being in our own bodies. I do think it's a combination of things for sure, as you said, and I also think the animals are tantamount. They're the centerpiece of everything that we do here. [0:12:13] BD: How do the animals on the farm model that safety to feel? What does that interaction look like? [0:12:21] JC: I just think there's a spaciousness about them. They're not in a hurry. They don't hand you a Kleenex and say, time to move on. They just accept people for who they are and how they feel in the moment. If we have somebody on the farm and they go sit underneath the willow tree, and they're crying, Gretel or Captain von Trapp, some of our more affectionate goats will just go and sit next to them and lay next to them. Or a dog will do that. The horses are incredible beings. Horses, there have been several studies that show that horses more accurately interpret and predict human emotion than even our closest relative, non-human animal relatives which is primates. Our horses help people be more aware of themselves, and themselves in space, and their own emotions. For example, Chamaco, my horse, he's the whole reason the farm exists. He can tell when someone is extremely anxious. And if someone is very fearful around him, or is having high anxiety, which is the same thing as fear, he'll back up, he'll take several steps back away from them. Not toward them, but away from them to give them space. Then they noticed that he does that, and then usually what happens is, they'll look to me, and I'll say, “Just notice how you're feeling.” And they're saying, “My heart's beating really fast. I'm having a lot of fear. I'm afraid of horses, or I'm thinking about my son and his love of horses, and I'm missing him. And I'm having a lot of fear come up.” Or whatever. But it helps raise their self-awareness of their own current emotional state in the moment, emotional state. And as they talk about it, and process it, it starts to dilute it or dissipate. And as it does, Chamaco will come toward them. So, I mean, and the beautiful thing about it is it says without any words at all. Words get human beings in trouble. Brittany, I don't know if you notice that. But word get human beings in a lot of trouble. We have way too many words, that when we should just, “Sshh, sshh.” Animals just naturally communicate compassion and care, and also boundaries without any words at all. [0:14:28] BD: Animals show up for us so differently than humans do, which is, I mean, it's humbling, right? Because as a therapist, I can watch my emotional support dog, Violet, go lay on my client and sooth them in a way that I cannot. [0:14:45] JC: Myself and colleagues conducted a study and we asked – we wanted to find out who was providing the best grief support subjectively from the experience of grievers. I mean, there's all kinds of talk about grief support in the empirical literature, but very few studies allow grievers to define what good support is. So, we asked about the actions and actors of good grief support. One of the first things that we found was that emotional acts of caring and emotional support were the types of support that grievers most often wanted. They also appreciated practical support, like meal trains, people cleaning their house and help with childcare. Those were helpful. But by far, in the data, emotional support and emotional acts of caring were significantly more important than any other kinds of support. That was the action. And then we asked, who are the people who are providing the best kinds of support? You name it. We asked about every human group there was. Then, just before we were getting ready to hit publish on the survey, I had a thought. I said, “You know what, I'm going to throw pets and animals in there. Just to see what happens.” I can tell you that pets and animals blew every human group out of the water, blew every human group. They came in at 89% satisfaction. The next highest group, the second highest group came in at 67% satisfaction and that was support groups. That's one of the things I say when it comes to good grief support, be an animal. Just sit and stay. [0:16:11] BD: Yes. That's beautiful. How has your work with animals empowered you in your grief journey? [0:16:19] JC: Oh, wow. Well, there's somewhere out there as a video, where someone was interviewing me and I said, pretty much every adult around me abandoned me. That's how it felt. They all wanted me to be who I was before, they wanted me to be better. They wanted me to stop crying. They thought I was going on and on and on. Just have another child, it'll be okay. You can't interchange kids, guys. That's not how it works. [0:16:45] BD: It doesn’t work that way. [0:16:47] JC: So, I remember that my dogs, I had two dogs at the time, and they were amazing for me. I would just be in a moment of absolute utter despair, sobbing on the couch, and my dogs would come up, and just put their heads on me and just sit with me. They didn't say, “Oh, you should stop crying or you should feel better by now.” Or, “You're taking this too far.” They just sat with me and accepted me. And the other being who sat with me was my three-year-old who is smarter than every adult around me. I remember the time when she sat on the arm of the – I was crying and it was a hard morning. And she came and sat on the arm of the couch with me. She said, “Mommy, it's okay to be sad. And it's okay to cry because babies aren't supposed to die.” I just looked at and I go, “You're a genius. You're a genius. All the adults around me are idiots, but you are a genius.” So, I guess I realized, I mean, I've always had a love for animals. But I guess I realized in that moment, that the smarter people, the more sophisticated people around me didn't really know what was happening. We’re not emotionally intelligent, and that animals and children seemed to be much more emotionally intelligent to me. My dogs played a really key role in helping me feel a little less lonely in the grief experience. And then fast forward to eight years ago, going on nine years ago, I met a horse named Tumaco. His video is out there as well. He's sort of a famous horse. He was the most tortured animal we have on the farm. His entire back, had bones protruding from his skin. He was 600 pounds underweight. He had huge, this big, gaping wounds on both of his sides, where the metal of the saddle was strapped against his bare muscle. He was tortured, literally tortured beyond anything I've ever seen. And people just wanted to go on their vacation. They just wanted to have fun. And they walked past him over and over and I just came upon him. But people literally were doing this as they walked by, so they didn't see him. They were averting their gaze, literally averting their gaze, because they wanted to have fun. I remember thinking to myself, that's what it felt like when my daughter died. People averting their gaze. They didn't want to see my pain because it made them sad. Because it ruined their holidays, or their good time, or their football game, or whatever was happening. I knew I was going to have to fight to rescue him. I did. It was quite a fight to rescue him. But I did because he was worthy of rescuing. And also, because he was me. I am that horse and that horse is me. We are no different. He was on death's door, and hopeless, and terrified, and uncertain he could live, and I was the same way in 1994, 1995, 1996, right after my daughter died. I was the same way. No one wanted to look at him. No one could bear to really see him and many others could not bear to really see me. So, rescuing him, saving his life, very worthy life, was saving my own life. My decision every day to live a compassionate life, and to make choices that don't harm others. Others broadly defined, both human and non-human animals. Both the planet that we live on. My decision to live that way, is a decision to also take care of myself, because I am one with everything, and they are one with me. I think animals taught me that. Again, I've always had a soft spot for them. But I think they taught me that. I think they helped me awaken from this very human-centric model of the world and see that what we're doing to this planet, we're doing to ourselves and our descendants, and all beings with whom we share this planet. And what we do to a baby cow and her mother we're doing to our own babies, and to ourselves. That, for me, is the only way I can live my life. I can't live my life any other way. So, I would say animals probably have played more of a role than anything in my life more than spirituality, my spiritual practice, more than my academic studies, more than friendships and family relationships even, because it's helped deepen all of those things. It's helped me really stay awake. [0:21:12] BD: We've spent a lot of time talking about how animals show up for us. How animals can teach us mindfulness. How they can teach us to feel. How they can support us through our trauma and grief. How can we show up for them? How can we better show up for them? [0:21:28] JC: Well, I'll be honest. We have to stop exploiting them. We have to – so, here on the farm, for example, we don't ever say use animals. We engage our animals. We invite our animals, but we don't use them. The animals are never haltered and never forced to interact with anyone they don't want to except for the vet. They don't love the vet, but they have to get their health care, and they don't always love it. But they're never coerced, they're never forced. This is an egalitarian model. Egalitarian is built into our model. It's called the attend model. And it's an acronym and, the E stands for egalitarianism. That means that we balance power. The humans here are not more important than the animals. So, the animals well-being is prioritized just as high as the human well-being. We try, we make every effort never to exploit our animals, and to give them free choice, and free will around with whom, and when they interact. If they're tired, and they don't want to come out, they don't have to come out. Having said that, this is a unique place. So, how do we live in accord with nature and in a way that respects the autonomy of our animal brethren? That's a tricky thing, because our agricultural system is set up in such a way, our research system is set up in such a way, our beauty system is set up in such a way that animals are routinely exploited for human benefit. That's a tough thing. It's a tough system to crack and all we can do is vote with our dollar and change. So, what I tell people is just start educating yourselves. Just start slowly. We move mountains. The Chinese have a saying, “We move mountains one stone at a time.” And so slowly, slowly start to learn about the agricultural system, about big agriculture, and how animals are exploited and what they do, for example, to ducks for down. Or what they do to sheep for the wool. Yes, of course, sheep need to be shorn because they're bred to have too much wool. But the ways in which we do it matter. There are several videos that people can watch. Start with something like what, the health. The beautiful thing about animals is when we treat animals with respect, our bodies end up benefiting from it. The same beauty that we give to animals, if we choose with our dollar, to eat differently, to put our makeup on differently, or do our hair differently, or wash our bodies differently. It happens to also benefit us. [0:23:58] BD: Dr. Jo, thank you so much for coming on Happiness Unleashed. This has been an honor to talk to you and thank you so much. [0:24:07] JC: Thank you for having me. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:24:08] PF: That was Brittany Derrenbacher talking with Dr. Jo Cacciatore. If you'd like to learn more about Selah Carefarm, follow Dr. Jo on social media or discover her book, Bearing the Unbearable. Visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. Of course, Brittany will be back here next month to talk more about how pets can bring us joy, help us heal, and be some of our best teachers. Until then, for everyone at Live Happy, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Create a Humor Habit for 2024 With Paul Osincup [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 450 of Live Happy Now. What's so funny about 2024? You're about to find out. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm talking with Paul Osincup, a speaker, corporate trainer, and author of the forthcoming book, The Humor Habit. Paul recognizes the importance of humor as a tool to relieve stress, improve our physical and mental health, and to make the world more enjoyable for ourselves and those around us. He's here today to tell us how we can create our own humor strategy for 2024, and make it a healthier, funnier year. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:39] PF: Paul, welcome to Live Happy Now. [0:00:41] PO: Thank you, Paula. This is my first time doing any kind of show or back and forth with a Paula. So, I'm excited to do it with Paula. [0:00:50] PF: I know we can do like Paul and Paula Show. [0:00:51] PO: That’s right. [0:00:54] PF: I'll run that up the flagpole and let you know how it goes. [0:00:56] PO: Yes, check with the supervisors. [0:00:59] PF: So, I'm really excited to have you on the show. For me, it was a great way to start the year, because you are all about humor and how we can develop it and use it. And honestly, coming into 2024, there's people with a lot of trepidation, and they're not feeling that there's a lot of humor right now. So, we want to kind of get into that. But first, I'm interested to know how you got into the subject of humor? How did you study it, learn its benefits? And like, are you a naturally funny guy? [0:01:28] PO: Well, I mean, I suppose there's part of the natural proclivity for it, because I'll tell you a quick story. The first time that I noticed the impact of humor, I was in third grade, and my third-grade teacher, Mrs. Temple, I was speaking in class again when I wasn't supposed to. And Mrs. Temple looked at me and goes, “Paul, you have diarrhea of the mouth.” The whole class goes, “Ooh.” Like, “Sick, burn.” And I was on the spot, and I was feeling like, totally cornered. She goes, “You have diarrhea of the mouth.” So, I put my hand under my chin and I go, “Oh, sick. It's running down my chin.” Everybody laughed and the whole class. Mrs. Temple goes, “You need to go to the principal's office.” So, I went to the principal's office, and I realized even in that moment that my little sophomoric yet, age-appropriate come back there, it got me out of this stressful situation where I was feeling put on the spot by my teacher. But then in the principal's office, and a principal, there was another adult there, said, “Well, why are you here, Paul?” And I told him, “Well, she said I have diarrhea of the mouth. I said, it's running down my chin.” And they were trying to be stern, but I could see they were kind of smi – they were like, “You know you shouldn't do that, Paul.” And I was like, “They can't be that mad at me because it's kind of funny.” I remember that moment of thinking, “Oh, this humor thing got some power to it.” But then, fast forward to my career working with college students in distress, like severe mental, cooccurring mental health and substance abuse issues. I was kind of living this double life. I was also performing stand-up and improv, and I was noticing at work how humor helped disarm people at times, helped bring my team together. So, I started researching it. I was just really interested and I kind of just became a humor nerd. I started doing some presentations on what I had learned on the power of humor, how I use it, and one thing led to another. Now, that's what I do for a living. [0:03:27] PF: That's fantastic. I love that because I think we really underestimate humor, and we try to put it in its place. Because throughout – I'm sure you heard this throughout your life as well, where people would say, “Well, humor is just not appropriate here.” It's like, “Yes, it is.” There's almost always a way that humor can be used appropriately in any situation. For me, it's been like the great stress reliever. Make somebody laugh or even make yourself laugh. It changes the tenor of the situation entirely. [0:03:58] PO: Yes. I mean, how sad is it if we spend a third of our lives at work? So, if there are people saying, “Well, it's just not appropriate.” Here, it's like, “Well, I don't want to live in a world where we can go a third of our lives without accessing a basic part of the human experience, which is our sense of humor. I mean, that's just crushing the human spirit to me. [0:04:20] PF: It is, and what happens because as children, we like to tell little jokes, and we like to laugh, and we kind of get away from that. We become grownups and think that humor is like we can go to a stand-up comedian show. We can go laugh there. We kind of reserve the spaces where we incorporate laughter. How does that happen? [0:04:39] PO: Yes, it's interesting you bring that up because I call it chronic seriousness. Over time, we develop this chronic seriousness. So, if you are someone who identifies as an adult, you may be suffering from chronic seriousness or may become an adult someday, but what happens there's a study Gallup’s World Happiness Report, over 1.4 million people surveyed across 166 countries that are propensity to laugh, like nosedives, when we hit about age 23, which is coincidentally, when we start to hit the workforce. We graduate from college and we get families and we complicate our lives with these things like jobs and promotions and variable rate mortgages. It's like, all of a sudden, I got to be serious, and I got things to do, and everything is just so serious. We don't start gaining those laughs back again. As you said, as kids, we laugh a lot more, have a lot more fun. We don't start gaining those laughs back again until we're nearly 80. [0:05:37] PF: Oh, my god, that's a long stretch. [0:05:40] PO: Fifty-year desert of laughter, where we're limiting our own access to a resilience tool that's built into the human psyche. [0:05:48] PF: Well, talk about that a little bit, because what does laughter and humor do for our overall health, our physical health, as well as our mental health? [0:05:57] PO: Yes, well, on a real basic level, like when we find something humorous, and when we laugh, but you don't have to laugh necessarily. Even just when your brain finds something funny, we get a dose of all these feel-good chemicals that flood our brain. By dose, I literally mean dose. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins flood our brain. We get all this like feel-good chemicals coming into our brain, and it lowers cortisol, which causes us stress, when we find something funny. That even happens just when we smile, when we start to smile. So, for all the listeners, if you're listening to this right now, just put the shape of a smile on your face. You don't even have to mean it. You could be thinking anything right now. Like, he has no idea if I'm doing this or not, or whatever. I really have to pee right now. Whatever you're thinking, it’s fine. But just by putting that shape of a smile on your face, or finding something amusing, you're changing your brain chemistry to all of a sudden start having some happier chemicals in there. But a next step further, people who use humor to say, cope with life's struggles, I call a developing a humor habit. Like, there's all these habits we can create to see the humor in life more often and rewire our brain to do it. People who do that actually end up becoming more positive, more optimistic, more resilient in the face of adversity. People who develop a humor habit, believe that they are more likely to get through traumatic situations and get through to the other side. So, there's a lot it does for our own wellbeing and mental health. [0:07:24] PF: So, what about people who have dark humor? Does that have the same kind of effect? [0:07:29] PO: Yes. Dark humor could have the same kind of effect. I mean, it kind of depends. I mean, there's a lot of research about, say, people in professions like police officers, medical professionals. Dark humor is really needed in terms of resilience to help people get through those difficult times. It is said too, that like dark humor, people who really liked dark humor, may have even higher intelligence levels as well. That being said, if you get really into super dark, or sarcastic humor only as your only type of humor, there is some research that shows that that can start to go the other way for you a little bit and you start to depress yourself. [0:08:08] PF: That's good. So, you can kind of balance it, like the kind of humor you use and that you listen to. That's an interesting point, too. If you say to skew toward dark and sarcastic humor, and you think like, I might be having a dark humor problem, can you correct that by listening to say lighter types of humor? [0:08:26] PO: Yes. That's a good question. I mean, I haven't seen necessarily research on it. But I know from my own experience, and working with people all over the world around this, that the more you explore, and I call it even like lowering your humor threshold. One of the habits that I talked about is letting yourself laugh more. I was somebody who, like, as a comedian, you think I'd laugh all the time, right? But I wouldn't laugh very much. I have a friend who just laughs all the time, really gregarious, and I was always jealous. I would watch my favorite comedies or go and see a comedian. I would kind of just sit there intellectualizing all of it, like, “Ah.” Do you ever do that to where you’re like, watch a show, it’s like, genuinely, something's funny. But you say to yourself, like, “That's hilarious.” But you don't laugh, right? Why not laughing if it's so hilarious? So, I would find myself doing that, and I thought, well, this can't be good. I should be laughing more. So, I kind of trained myself to let go and laugh a little more. The first step is to go into situations, whether it's watching a movie or a show, or going to a comedy club, with the intention to laugh. And instead of thinking like arms folded, like, “This better make me laugh”, thinking, “I can't wait to laugh”, and go into it with a smile on your face. Then, the second is to kind of fake it till you make it or kick it up a notch. So, if there was something that would kind of make me smirk or smile a little, I would just let out a little, “Huh.” And if there was something that gave me like a little, “Ha-ha”, I would purposely kind of push it to, “Ha-ha-ha.” Eventually, as I just – not crazy amounts, but I would just push it just a little more than normal. I found myself genuinely laughing out loud more often until now, I laugh out loud, genuinely at things, maybe funny things friends say, or TV shows, or my dog getting trapped in a blanket and running around. I'll laugh out loud numerous times a day. [0:10:18] PF: And that, in addition to the benefits of humor, laughter has its own set of benefits for us, like both physically and mentally. So, you kind of get like a double, they kind of piggyback there together. [0:10:29] PO: Yes. To me, part of it is finding a way to let yourself experience life in a lighter way, like finding the levity, just day to day, in day-to-day moments instead of – I had a job early on in my career, and I was like, fresh out of grad school, and I'd always been real light-hearted and gregarious, and I found myself in this job being really critical of everything. I was really negative. I didn't know where all that came from. There was a lot of drama going on at the place I worked and I was really embroiled in that. I remember thinking to myself, I don't want to live my life as an actor in a drama, just to reach the end to find out. I was the director and it could have been a comedy. The amount of evidence that supports just that thought that we actually have a lot of control over our own happiness, there's a ton of it. [0:11:21] PF: I love that you say that, because as we talked earlier, we've started a new year, no secret, and 2024, a lot of people have anxiety about it. We have a big election coming up. People are concerned. It doesn't matter where you stand. People are concerned. There's so much going on, wars, discontent, division, and people are like, “Okay, how am I supposed to be happier, funnier? How do I find more humor this year?” You have some great tips, like how can we incorporate humor into our lives, even in challenging and uncomfortable times? [0:11:59] PO: Yes. So, one of the things that's important to consider is the overall kind of rewiring of your brain. Just like you would you would do with anything else. I want to learn a foreign language or a musical instrument. It's by incorporating small habits over time, because the priming effect is like our brains are wired to see what we set them up to expect. You're going to buy a new car. You’re like, I really want a Jeep and you start looking at Jeeps on the Internet. And now everywhere you drive around town, there's a Jeep everywhere, and you see all these Jeeps. Well, we can do that with humor, and start to rewire our brain to see the humor more often in life. Instead of everywhere you see Jeeps, you see jokes. Here's one way to kind of start doing that. One of my favorite habits is a humor jar. You have a jar, glass jar, say, and some slips of multicolored paper, and you could do this at work, in your office, or you could do this at home with the family, or both. In your humor jar, you've got those slips of paper, and then when funny things happen randomly, which they do, someone does or says something funny, and everyone cracks up, you write that down on a slip of paper, put it in the jar, and then depending on how many people you have doing it over the course of time, you go back at the end of each month, or quarter, or year, and relive all your funniest moments. And this is bound in positive psychology research about savoring the moment and also reminiscing on past good moments. But you're also wiring your brain to look for the funny moments, savor those funny moments. Remember those funny moments in life, so you'll see more and more of them, because that's what we're looking for. [0:13:36] PF: That's so cool. You know what, like, one thing I do that really helps me and I've got a couple of really funny friends. So, our friends, Doug and Jolene, we text a lot with them. Sometimes it's just like, out of the blue, I'll be like, “I'm not maybe having a great day. But I'm like, what can I say that's going to make them laugh, because then they're going to try to top whatever I texted to them.” And it works. It's a rabbit hole that we go down. And it helps me change my state. [0:14:03] PO: That's great. Why I liked that, too, is it kind of taps into – in my life, things changed a lot for me when I started focusing more on giving a laugh than getting a laugh. I want other people to laugh for them, not necessarily for me. So, it sounds to me like that's what you're doing. Another one of the habits is I call having a humor homie, and you could do it like as a one-week trial where you and your humor homie just make an agreement that like every day this week, or this month or whatever, we're each going to find something that cracks us up and send it to the other with no obligation of a reply back like, “Oh, now I have to watch this video and I don't really have time right now.” Because sometimes you feel like, “Oh, gosh. This one person sends me all these memes or whatever.” But it's just what we're doing is we're holding each other accountable to you look for something funny, I'll look for something funny, and we're going to share it with each other and you're also building up your comedy treasure trove of funny stuff. [0:15:02] PF: Oh, that's terrific. So, you've got a couple of other practices I wanted to talk about, and one is having a mantra. Right now, everyone's like, they're setting their word of the year, they're setting their intentions, they're creating their mantras. You have a whole different take on that. [0:15:17] PO: Yes. Part of it, maybe it's because I'm so into comedy and humor, is that I'm like, I'm a cynical person, right? So, I've been through a lot of workshops and wellness seminars and stuff like that, and some of the stuff really resonates with me. And other stuff is like, I cannot picture myself or take myself seriously doing this. Some of these serious mantras, they work. I mean, the research is out there. They work. So, if it works for you, great. But for me, I can't take myself seriously sitting at my desk going, “I am not angry. I am calm. I am not angry. I am calm.” If I'm doing that, I'm about to put a five iron through my monitor and do snow angels on the carpet or something. [0:15:59] PF: You just sounded like the Headspace app right now. [0:16:01] PO: Exactly. Yes. Except if I was that app, it would be Headcase. Yes. So, you can still have a mantra, but have it be something funny or less serious. For example, Bud Light had these commercials for a long time where this king only liked to drink Bud Light and all the peasants would bring him all these drinks like these fine mead wines or whatever. When he didn't get what he wanted, he would say, “To the pit of misery” with this guy who brought him like a wine or whatever. And the whole town would yell, “Dilly, dilly.” So, for some reason, my wife and I anytime things were not going well in life or whatever, it was like our cross-country skis one time flew off the roof rack and got run over behind us. It’s like, “Dilly, dilly.” [0:16:50] PF: I hope you were on the way back from the vacation. [0:16:54] PO: Yes. It was all the way to, and two skis. It was two skis, but it wasn't like one pair. It was one of hers and one of mine. Like, come on man. But that mantra dilly, dilly like she ended up engraving dilly, dilly at a money clip she gave to me one year for Christmas because it's just an easy way to reframe and go, okay, these sucks but whatever. [0:17:17] PF: So, did it make you laugh? You just lost basically two sets of skis because you can't just buy like a single. Did it change the situation when you're like, dilly, dilly? [0:17:26] PO: Yes. It doesn't always make me laugh. What it does is gives me perspective. It helps my brain remember that like, okay, although this may not be funny right now, there is humor in this. So, taking out of the freak-out from a nine to a six? Hey, your perspective in this whole situation, it's okay, dilly, dilly to the pit of misery. [0:17:47] PF: So, how did someone really start finding that mirthful mantra? Because you can do a song. It might be hard for someone to be like, “Oh, what's that going to be?” Because we can't – I mean, you kind of topped us with the Budweiser, dilly, dilly thing. [0:18:02] PO: Yes. So, it could be something like that Budweiser thing started as kind of an inside joke, so it could be like an inside joke, or saying that happens with you, and your colleagues at work, or at home. It could be a song that you turn into a mantra. You could take a serious mantra, and give it a little makeover, serious mantra makeover. So, take your serious mantra, and in your head, or out loud, if you can do it out loud. Just picture a funny voice saying that mantra. Like, Gandalf, from the Lord of the Rings going, “This too shall pass.” Or Elmo like, “I have a choice and I choose peace.” And that might just give you a little perspective to make you laugh a little bit and go, “Okay. It's not the end of the world.” [0:18:47] PF: I love that. When you do this, how long does it take for it to kind of become second nature? Because we're trying to override all this negative stuff that's been thrown at us all day long. How much work does it take to let the humor override that? And how long does it take to make it a habit? [0:19:07] PO: Like anything. It's different for everybody. But I think, that's why I really liked the ones that start out as little inside jokes or things that you're already doing or saying that you think, “Wait a minute. We may already have some kind of a mantra that I'm just not using that that much.” There was this one hospital team I was working with and a woman said that she was rushing around, running around room to room and there was this one patient she had this woman with a real southern twang voice. She came in real quick to check on her and a woman grabbed her arm and said, “Breathe baby, breathe.” She told her other nursing staff that their whole team now when somebody's getting worked up, they all just go, “Breathe baby, breathe.” So, those types of ones I think are the easiest because they're already in the lexicon. I had one when I was working with college students that were having a hard time, and I had to have disciplinary conversations with them and stuff, and sometimes it didn't go well. I remember this one student at the end of the day. It was a long week. The end of the day, the student and his attorney, and mom left my office, they're angry, and I hear the student just yell, “I hate this F’n school.” I walk into the office and my colleague goes, “How you doing?” I go, “Oh, you know, changing lives.” And that changing lives kind of became one of those mantras where both good and bad. Sometimes we'd have breakthroughs and we'd be like, “Hey, changing lives.” And other times, it'd be like a tough day, like, “Changing lives.” But it kind of gave us a perspective that we’re in it together. [0:20:41] PF: I love that. I love that. So, as the year gets dicey, not that it will. If the year feels dicey, how can we then like make sure like really double down on our humor? Really make it, like find ways to make ourselves laugh, and make ourselves think everything's okay? [0:20:56] PO: One thing is, at times, you don't have to make everything okay. The great humorous Charlie Chaplin once said, “In order to really laugh, you need to be able to take your pain and play with it.” If you're into theater, or comedy, movies, or TV shows. I mean, the real great comedy comes from the pain points in life. The struggles. No one wants to watch TV show where the guy wakes up and loves his job, and everything's great with his family. It's like, who cares? But it's the funny things happen with the struggles. So, what I teach with groups and workshops is to be able to take your pain points, and play with them a little bit. Start with minor things. There's something called humorous reappraisal, where we take minor stressors that we had, and then look back and see how can I reframe that with humor? Or I call it play in the what I could have said game. How can I look back and go, “What could I have done or said in that stressful moment, to add some levity to it so that I didn't get quite so worked up?” That's a good way. There's a lot of research about that, that doing that, actually increases our overall positive emotions and decreases negative emotions more than just normal positive reappraisal. Numerous reappraisal does so even more. So, I can give an example. I always tell people, just start with real minor things, and then work your way up to more real difficult personal traumatic things. But like, let's say you're in an important meeting at work, with all the leadership team there, and you go to make a brilliant point, right? You spill your mug of coffee all over the table. And now, you're immediately flustered, your next getting red, your face is getting red. And you're like, “Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.” Apologizing profusely and embarrassed, and then you realize later, like, “I didn't even get to make my great point. And why did I let myself get so flustered about this? I wish I could have handled that with some levity.” Go back and play the what I could have said game. What would you have done? What would you have said to lighten the mood and settle yourself down and others down? Maybe you spill it and go, “This is going to generate a latte excitement.” Or, “It's okay, everyone. It's just half and half. Half on the table, half in my lap.” Whatever it is, it doesn't even matter if what you come up with when you're doing this exercise cracks you up. Because you're training your brain to associate these minor stressors and working your way up to major stressors with humor. Eventually, what will happen is, you'll think to play the what I could have said game like a couple days later, and then a day later, and then a few hours later, until eventually your brain is starting to make this humor connection closer to real time than retrospect. And you're starting to be hardwired for humor. [0:23:36] PF: I love that. I love that. There's so much that you can teach us and we're going to tell people how they can find you and where they can see your TED Talk and just all the great stuff that you've done. But before you go, I love this, I want you to tell us about a comedy chaser, because this is something we started doing in our house before like we didn't even realize it how to name. But it was something we had to do this because we couldn't go to bed with anything else in our mind. So, tell us what a comedy chaser is and how we can use this. I love it. [0:24:04] PO: Yes. And that's cool to hear that you've been doing that too, because that's just actually helped me a lot as well. But I'm not going to like screen shame anyone. We all have our screen habits where maybe we're on a certain app too long, or depending on what you like to watch. For some reason right now, True Crime documentaries, and like serial killer documentaries are huge. Some of us watch the news way too much. Whatever it is, it's fine. But a comedy chaser is at the end of the day, make the last thing you watch funny. After you've binged your True Crime thing, before you go to bed, or maybe it's before you get to work or sit down to do some work, make the last thing you watch something funny. Watch a couple of funny TikTok videos or whatever it is that makes you laugh, because then what you're doing is you're replacing stress-inducing hormones with stress-reducing before you go to bed, or get to work, or see your family, or whatever it is. [0:25:00] PF: Then, that's what's stuck in your head too. When you lay down, you're like rethinking that joke, rethinking what you just saw, and it's a much more pleasant experience. [0:25:08] PO: Absolutely. All of those benefits of humor and laughter are flooding your body before sleep, or whatever the next thing is that you're going to do, for sure. [0:25:19] PF: What I've noticed has happened with me is I've started doing that. I tend to have really funny dreams. I don't always remember them, but I will wake up laughing. [0:25:28] PO: Really? Oh, that's great. [0:25:28] PF: Yes. Then, sometimes I'm like, “I got to write that down because I got to try that.” As I've started doing comedy, before I go to bed, I see that happening more and more, where it's like – [0:25:38] PO: That’s awesome. [0:25:39] PF: – you just kind of wake up and you're laughing. You don't know why. It's like, it must have been a good dream. Wish I knew what it was. [0:25:45] PO: See. You're rewiring your brain for humor, and it's even happening in your sleep. That's amazing. [0:25:49] PF: That’s so easy. I can do it in my sleep. [0:25:51] PO: That's right. That's right. Very good. I need you to write something for me. “So, easy. You can do it in your sleep.” [0:25:59] PF: Well, Paul, you are a delight to talk to. I'm glad you could share this with us. Again, thank you for coming on. We're going to tell everyone how to find you and make 2024 a happier, more humorous year. [0:26:12] PO: That's right. Have a great 2024 everyone. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:26:19] PF: That was Paul Osincup, talking about the power of humor. If you'd like to learn more about Paul, follow him on social media or learn more about his book, The Humor Habit, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Take an Inner Field Trip With Leesa Renee Hall [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:01] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 449 of Live Happy Now. If you're looking for an adventure to start the new year, why not take an Inner Field Trip? I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm sitting down with Leesa Renee Hall, a mental health wellness advocate and author of the Inner Field Trip Workbook, which helps us explore what drives us, what oppresses us, and to recognize our personal biases. Armed with that information, Leesa says, we can change the way we move through the world and transform our relationships, which seems like a great way to start the year. Let's find out more. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:38] PF: Leesa, Happy New Year. [0:00:40] LRH: Happy New Year, Paula. Thank you. [0:00:43] PF: It is. It's a shiny, brand-new year. We're all excited about that. We wanted to kick it off with you, because you've got this terrific workbook that really helps us explore a lot of things inside. This is a time when people are looking at new beginnings, and your workbook fits so well into that. To get started, tell us what an Inner Field trip is. [0:01:06] LRH: The Inner Field Trip, it's a way to go internal within, and ask yourself those deed questions about the internalized messaging that you have, that you hold, that you've been socialized to believe that hinders your personal growth. The way I conceptualize the Inner Field Trip, I'm a hiker, I hike all the time. The way I conceptualize the Inner Field Trip is like a hike. We go, we hit the trail, and we go along a rugged, rocky terrain, get to the lookout, and then circle back to the trailhead. The Inner Field Trip is similar to that, but instead of going and driving to a trail and trudging along the rugged terrain, instead we go inner, internal, and we traverse our internal rugged terrain, and see what sights and sounds are along the way. [0:02:03] PF: What's so interesting is a lot of times, even if we think we know ourselves, we might be surprised at some of the pitfalls, some of the uneven terrain that we encounter when we go inside. [0:02:15] LRH: That's one of the reasons why doing the Inner Field Trip, or any introspective work, is so difficult for people, because it's Amanda Palmer, the musician said in an interview once that, it's like you go in to confront your inner part of yourself, and they're in the dark basement lifting weights. You confront them, and they're like these big, muscly things, and it's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, it can be scary to go within and ask yourself those hard questions. [0:02:51] PF: Well, tell me how you came up with this idea, because it's very – I've seen a lot of work books I've seen – there's so many ways that you can approach self-discovery and awakening and change, and yours is truly unique. So, tell me how you came up with this. [0:03:04] LRH: I always held a diary, but I hadn't written in one for a long time. I had one when I was young. The typical pink with a nice fuzzy exterior and a lock on there, when I was a teenager. I wrote in them a lot. You fast forward decades later, and I had a few personal setbacks, and I started journaling. I found that it was very therapeutic. At the time I didn't even know it was a thing. I didn't know that one can journal to improve their mindset, to improve their thought process, to improve their health. There's a lot of study around it. It's called expressive writing. There's a doctor or psychologist who's done almost 25 years' work of research into this. So, the time I'm journaling, and I'm just working through these personal setbacks. I was sharing my journey, or my log book, my dispatches, on Facebook at the time when I was using it quite regularly. People were asking me, “Oh, wow. I love what you're discovering. Can you help me out, too? Could you take me on this journey as well?” I started a group on Facebook in 2015, and I offered some writing prompts that came out of my own experience, and people started doing the same thing, journaling. A couple of years later, I wrote a blog post with some writing prompts. I had a very problematic interaction with a person who holds skin color, and gender privilege, and wealth privilege as well. So, I said to him, I said, “You seem so angry. Why are you so angry? Maybe take these writing prompts and sit for 15 minutes and journal.” He told me all sorts of terrible things about who I am. [0:04:54] PF: Oh, wow. [0:04:55] LRH: Yeah. It was terrible. It was awful. I threw the writing prompts in a blog post, and in the first three weeks, it was shared 10,000 times. [0:05:03] PF: Oh, my gosh. That says a lot. [0:05:05] LRH: That says a lot. Then people were sending me small gifts, financial gifts, $5 here, $50 here, through PayPal, saying, “This is such a gift. Thank you so much.” That's when I started a paid community to offer more writing prompts to those who like the process of journaling and being introspective. Then that's how Inner Field Trip was birth. [0:05:32] PF: I love that it was so organic. How it started as your own journey, and then just became you, wanting to share it with others. Then others really clamoring for it. I mean, I love when it evolves like that. [0:05:42] LRH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it was during the pandemic when I started adding art exercises, because many in my community were sharing with me that their inner oppressor, and the inner oppressor is who we meet on the Inner Field Trip. This is a part of ourselves that bullies us and pressures us into aligning with the status quo. So, what we do is we use the writing prompts to meet our inner oppressor, as we go on our Inner Field Trip, and we capture the ramblings of our inner oppressor through the journaling. Many during the pandemic said to me, many of my members in my community said, “My inner oppressor has become raging, angry, or nonverbal.” That they would sit down to journal to meet their inner oppressor, and nothing would come out. That's when I started adding expressive arts. There's a lot of research around the power of expressive arts and helping us to heal. Helping us to give language to what we don't have words for. Now, the Inner Field Trip combines the power of self-reflective journaling, along with expressive arts or expressive doodling to help us to have a holistic encounter when we go on our Inner Field Trip to meet our inner oppressor. [0:07:00] PF: Yeah. That was something I wanted to ask you about, because you do use so many different approaches, like you have the journaling, there's drawing, there's music, there's movement. Why are those different creative approaches so effective in that self-exploration? [0:07:15] LRH: A lot of what we tackle through the Inner Field Trip is, as I said, internalized messaging, but also internalized biases. So, growing up in a culture that tells us that we need to be self-reliant and pull up your bootstraps, and all these messages of individualism. It can be quite harmful to some people who don't have sheer – where sheer willpower is not enough for them to be able to create and maintain habits. There are environmental factors that prevent them from doing so. There are systemic barriers that they face. Some people are experiencing generational poverty. When you don't have enough time or money to create a space to create new habits, that's going to affect whether or not you can go and do these things, whether you can go on an inner field trip. The power of using all these different modalities is to meet people where they are. If you're experiencing generational poverty, well, maybe you can pick up a marker and sketchbook or even a piece of paper and just do it all for five minutes, and see what happens. There's people in my community who have been diagnosed with different mental health disorders as they've gotten older. I have a lot of my community that got a late-stage ADHD diagnosis or autism. If that is the case in how they learn and interact with content is going to be different. So, being able to do the dancing, or listening to music, or doing the doodling or journaling, helps again to meet people where they are. [0:09:01] PF: I think the book is so well laid out as well, because you build in these what you call active rest stops. I love that. Going back to the hiking thing. They put little things in the trail where you can sit and drink your water and catch your breath. You do that same thing. Talk about an active rest stop and what that is. Because to me, as I was going through your workbook, I felt like, boy, this is something you could do, even if you're not doing the workbook. You could build in like an active rest stop day where I do this. Tell us what it is. [0:09:30] LRH: When I hike, I usually go out. I usually do day hiking. I'll be out on the trail for two, three hours. As I'm marching along and hiking along, I will take a rest here and there. It's a long enough rest, so that I can grab a snack, and check the maps to make sure I'm going the right way. [0:09:52] PF: Important. [0:09:53] LRH: Right. So very important. What I'm not doing is I'm not going to pitch a tent and throw up in a sleeping bag and set up overnight. So, the active rest stop is the same idea within the Inner Field Trip. When it comes to creating and maintaining habits, we often try to do too much too soon. Then we end up burning out along the way. In fact, there is a study or something or stat that says, that most people will abandon their New Year's resolutions by February 12th. I believe that's the date. Then you start a cycle again in the next New Year, where you say, “I'm going to do this on January 1st.” Then by February 12th. It's done. It's abandoned and you spend the next 10 months not making the change. What's important to add to this pathway of trying to create new habits is to incorporate rest and pleasure and play. I recently held a gathering with workbook participants, people who bought the workbook, and we're doing what I'm calling a three-day jumpstart to help them get motivated to do the 30-day challenge in the book. One person said that as they've gotten to know themselves through the Inner Field Trip, they understand that they have this fun, dorky side. Then they said, “I'm a dork.” Then others agreed with them. Having the active rest stop means that we can slow down, rest, have some play, incorporate pleasure, so that we are nourished, nourished enough, so that we go ahead and we meet our inner oppressor again. It can't be all work, because rest is not a reward for the work. It's part of the work. [0:11:46] PF: I love that. That is something that is so often overlooked. I love that you've integrated that, and made it such a central part of this whole journey. That is so well done. Now was there a reason you chose 30 days? [0:12:00] LRH: It takes 66 days to form a new habit. 66. At least the inner field trip will get you half way. [0:12:09] PF: What do you do? You bring up a great point. We need this to be a habit. We need to change our way of thinking, but we get half way there. Do you go on the field trip again, or what do you do for that next 36 days? [0:12:23] LRH: Yes, yes, yes. So, yes, going on a field trip again is a great idea. Some people will repeat the book and keep repeating it over and over and over. Another thing to do is to get into community with others, where there's a chapter in the workbook that gives you some tips on how to form a book club, if that stuff interests you. You could do the first 30 days by yourself, do the next 30 days in community with others, and then that will get you closer to that 60 days. You see, the problem, one of the problems with habits and the forming of habits is that it teaches us – most of the advice out there says that if you don't have the willpower to stick to this habit, then you just need to change your mindset. Here's some mindset work for you to do. As I had shared before that people are experiencing systemic issues, which are preventing them from using sheer willpower alone in maintaining habits. A de-colonized approach to habit forming is to get into communion and/or community with others. Because it's when we are with others that we are more accountable, we're more likely to stick with the habit and we're with individuals who are also working towards the same goal. Doing this alone is not fun. [0:13:48] PF: Right. There's also a lot of research that shows just how good community is for our mental health. Just being with others and sharing that. That in itself, do you see changes in people when they're able to, instead of writing – I love journaling, it's such a valuable tool, but if instead of journaling, they're able to sit in a group and say, “This is how I felt and this is what I said.” Then someone else is saying, “Oh, my gosh. I didn't know someone else felt that way. I have the same thing.” What does that do for them? [0:14:18] LRH: Exactly. When I do the inner field trip, either in my community, virtually or in person in a workshop room, not only are we meeting our inner oppressor through the journaling, not only are we meeting the inner oppressor through the arts and the expressive doodling, but we also dance. After we journal and everyone's in their emotions, I throw on Madonna's Material Girl and we prance around the room until that song ends. [0:14:47] PF: I love it. [0:14:48] LRH: It's interesting, Paula, because some people, there's tears dripping down their face, because of the journaling has brought up things, and then you'll see them with their shoulder slump down, their hands hanging at their side, like spaghetti noodles, but yet, and they're still weeping, but they're prancing about the room with everyone else. It is so funny to witness. We do this, we do the music after such an intense journaling, because not only are we doing it in community with each other, but it helps us to discharge some of that energy that might be trapped within. So, that when we sit back down in community, we now feel more freedom in sharing what has come up in the journaling and the expressive arts. [0:15:34] PF: That's terrific. Can we talk a little bit about the effects that you've seen for people going on this journey? What happens when people start looking at their unconscious biases and really drawing those out? [0:15:46] LRH: Yeah. Oh, my goodness. It's so magical, Paula. It's so magical. I love it. I love it. I love it. The inner field trip itself was developed in community. People will pick up the workbook, do it on their own and they're great. Some people are like that. I'm a solo hiker. I prefer to go hiking by myself than in a group. Sometimes I want the group, because it's all about the socialization and all that. Some of the things that I've seen happen with people who've gone through the inner field trip is that people's relationships improve, so you can call me a relationship fixer. [0:16:21] PF: Now, there you go. [0:16:24] LRH: But also, for some people their relationships don't improve. I know that sounds weird, right? [0:16:32] PF: Is that because they recognize that they've been putting up with things that – [0:16:37] LRH: Ah, yes. [0:16:38] PF: - they shouldn't? [0:16:39] LRH: Yes. That's what happens, right? There's an awakening that they have that, wow, look at all this toxicity I put up within this relationship. Whether that relationship is personal, or whether that relationship is professional, like in a workplace or so on. Others have, for example, I've seen a few people in my community who have boldly come out and said, “The gender, or the sex assigned at birth is no longer the gender I identify with.” I've watched over several months, or years how they've transitioned and have become more confident and more assured of themselves. Perhaps, that's not going to be your story. Maybe your story is that you found your voice. I have a lot of people pleasers that come through my community. Weak boundaries, porous boundaries. Then they go through the inner field trip and they're able to have much stronger boundaries. Not rigid barriers, but stronger boundaries. [0:17:39] PF: Is that because they have a stronger sense of self? [0:17:41] LRH: Yes. They have a stronger sense of self and they're able to – they're able to find their voice and use it in a much more effective way. Again, it's not about creating rigid barriers. It's not like, they come out with a much more angry, stern voice, but now they're able to advocate for themselves. Ultimately, when we do this work with the inner field trip, it's about holding compassion for ourselves. It's about recognizing our own humanity, that we are messy, that we will stumble along figuratively on this path, and then when we can see how messy our own humanity is, then we can look at someone else's humanity and treat it with grace and love and compassion. [0:18:30] PF: What are some of the stories? Is there any one that stands out of this incredible transformation that you never would have anticipated would happen by someone going on this field trip? [0:18:43] LRH: Yeah, there's several. There's someone who used to be in my community, and unfortunately, she passed on. Just a wonderful advocate for the inner field trip. When she first came across the inner field trip, she was very timid, very timid, and broken as well. As I got to know her, she shared more about her experience, her life. Over and over, just many people taking advantage of her kind spirit. Once she went through the inner field trip, and she'd been in part of the community for many, many months, and she, in one of our gatherings, in one of our circles, she shared that she was able, finally able to communicate with her ex-husband, what her needs were around the co-parenting. She broke down in tears with us, because she said she had never before stood up to him that way. She thought he was going to rage, or get upset. But instead, he accepted her boundaries. She said, “Wow, who knows how different our relationship would have been,” had she known how easy it would have been to express her boundaries around co-parenting. [0:19:58] PF: That's amazing. [0:19:59] LRH: We cried, yeah. [0:20:01] PF: It sounds like, going through the field trip doesn't just change internally. It really changes the way these people are moving through the world. Then they are having an effect on the people that they come in contact with, because they're interacting with them differently. [0:20:19] LRH: Exactly. When people go through the inner field trip, one of the things that comes out is that they recognize that how they take direct action, whatever that looks like, that they feel more confident doing so in a way that aligns with their personality and their uniqueness. There are a lot of causes that we care about. Whether it's about saving the trees, or saving the pets, or maybe there's a conflict happening around the world where you really care about the plight of those who are suffering. Whatever that cause is, we each have something that we care deeply about. The way that people believe direct action should take place is you've got to go up there and march. You have to hit the – bodies on the line, boots on the ground is what I often hear. For some of us, that's not a form of direct action that we can take. Either, maybe you have a disability and you're not able to put those boots on the ground. Perhaps, you're not able, maybe you're time deficient or under-resourced in terms of time and you can't get to these marches and sit-ins, and so forth. When you can understand yourself better and you're able to work through your internalized issues, that confidence builds because now you know that, hey, my form of activism is writing letters, or my form of activism is holding space in a therapy room, in a session with someone who's gone through some trauma. If, as a therapist, you can sit there and provide compassion and help that person heal, that's your form of activism. Activism, taken direct action, doesn't have to look like this. There are so many different ways that we can show up in the world to help those who are suffering. [0:22:11] PF: I love that. I love that. Again, your workbook really lets people discover what's right for them. They're going to run into some uncomfortable characters on rough terrain inside that field trip. Again, what's so wonderful is there is a community that you've built, that they can reach out to and they can become part of and they can help process it with someone else. [0:22:34] LRH: Yes, absolutely, absolutely. [0:22:37] PF: As we start this new year, what is your wish for the people who are listening to this? What do you hope that they can do and accomplish by going inside themselves? [0:22:49] LRH: What I wish is that we stop trying to become allies. Instead, we look at becoming better ancestors. My wish is that we stop passing on pain and we start to pass on healing. That even if you don't have biological children, or you're estranged from your biological children, we each have something that we can pass on to the next generation. That's what I would like to see us do, that we look ahead and we take on the Iroquois Nation thinking, which is all about looking seven generations ahead and asking ourselves, “What decision am I making now in terms of the habits I'm going to form that I can pass on healing that will resonate seven generations from now?” I wonder how much different we would all be if seven generations ago our ancestors did that. They looked ahead and said, “Okay. I don't know what their faces will be. I don't know what their names will be, but I want to make sure I make a decision now in terms of the habits I develop, so that seven generations from now, my descendants look back and say, “Well done. Well done.”” I think a lot of the things we focus on and the things that are grabbing our attention is a distraction. A distraction away from the work that we need to do, so that we become better and we pass on better things to our descendants. [0:24:23] PF: That is so well said. We are very fortunate to have you in this tumultuous time on our planet – [0:24:29] LRH: So tumultuous. [0:24:31] PF: Yeah. To be able to guide us through this. I mean, this is – your timing on this and obviously, you were put here at this time for a reason and this workbook is such a wonderful way to help us navigate it. I thank you for doing that and I thank you for joining me here today. [0:24:48] LRH: Thank you, Paula. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:24:53] PF: That was author and mental wellness advocate, Leesa Renee Hall, talking about her Inner Field Trip Workbook. If you'd like to learn more about Leesa, follow her on social media, or learn more about the Inner Field Trip Workbook, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]