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Melissa Joan Hart’s Threads of Happiness

Melissa Joan Hart’s on-camera work has always reflected her own dedication to her family, both as a teen and as a wife and mother of her own three children. Whether she was everyone’s favorite sister and daughter on Clarissa Explains It All, our magical best friend on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, or mommy-in-training on Melissa & Joey, she’s always been someone we’d welcome to our dinner table.“I have children now, but I’ve always had little sisters and brothers running around,” she says. “I always gauged my work on whether or not I felt like they could see it, they could enjoy it. Now of course, I have my own children, so I use them to gauge.”Family friendlyMelissa’s dedication to family life isn’t limited to the on-screen roles she chooses. These days, it’s her off-camera work that allows her to devote plenty of time to her husband, Mark Wilkerson, and three boys, Mason (9), Brady (7) and Tucker (2). Her new children’s clothing line, cleverly named King of Harts, launched last spring with casual boys wear, and plans are already being made to launch a girls line. Trying to find clothes for their own three sons, the husband-wife team found inspiration from their own experiences to create “cool, casual and functional” options.“It’s been a new adventure for all of us,” she says. “It’s been exciting (and only slightly stressful) working with my husband, but it’s very fulfilling and gives me a reason to be home more, which is lovely.”Fun at the lakeSince Melissa and her family love spending time together at Lake Tahoe in California, her new fall collection out this August, titled Tahoe, features graphic T-shirts and camouflage pants that play off the rugged natural beauty of the area.“My husband and I always wanted to do some sort of a line of baby clothes, and we began to realize that there wasn’t a lot of cute boys’ stuff out there,” she says. “We decided to start small. We ended up with 12 styles for our first season. We couldn’t be more excited about it. It’s such a busy little business, but it’s something we’re really passionate about.”Paying it forwardMelissa also wanted to make sure that their new endeavor paid it forward. She says all of the proceeds from one particular item, a thermal shirt called “the Louie”—named after Olympic snowboarder and personal friend Louie Vito—go directly to Youth Villages, a private nonprofit group dedicated to helping abused and neglected children. “We did a lot of research, finding the right charity to tie with,” she says.Tailor-made“We really wanted it to be kid-related and nationwide, since we are an American-made brand. Youth Villages was the perfect fit for us because they give the support necessary to each family or individual for whatever their needs might be, whether they’re aging out of foster care or they’re adopted or their family just needs support counseling. These kids, they’re the kids that get lost, and [Youth Villages] is focused on making sure these children have the best future possible."Melissa is doing what she loves while spending time with the people she loves most, and that’s all she truly wants out of life. “I don’t hesitate every day to look around and see what I’m grateful for,” Melissa says. “When I do that, it really helps put things in perspective about what I truly need and what I truly want. When I realize that all those things are there, then I can just let go and be happy.”

Positive Psychology

Put Happiness on the Calendar

With so much time and research devoted to what it takes to be happy, it would seem that pursuing happiness should be easier than ever. After all, there are books, movies, podcasts, TED Talks and websites (even this magazine!) devoted to exploring the many roads to happiness. Despite that, not everyone is finding the happiness they desperately want. Planning makes perfect The good news is, the solution may all be a matter of planning. “Pursuing positivity is a delicate art,” Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., told attendees of the International Positive Psychology Association’s Fourth World Congress in June. Barbara, a University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill professor, added that with the increasing popularity in positive psychology, more people are becoming interested in the benefits of happiness but are also judging themselves for not being as happy as they should be. The 'dark side' of happiness A 2011 study led by Iris Mauss, Ph.D., at the University of California, Berkeley, showed that people who “value happiness to the extreme” are more prone to loneliness. And more studies are emerging about the so-called dark side of happiness, in which people are putting so much pressure on themselves to be happy that they’re actually feeling pretty miserable about it. Studies show that trying to be happier can actually make people feel worse. “People are…so worried about how they feel that they are missing opportunities to feel good,” Barbara says. But a study she co-authored with Lahnna I. Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco and Sara B. Algoe, Ph.D., of The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that perhaps the key lies in a subtle change. Make happiness a priority The study, “Prioritizing Positivity: An Effective Approach to Pursuing Happiness?”, was published in the December 2014 issue of the journal Emotion. Barbara and her colleagues found that people who make happiness a priority, and who build their lives around activities that are designed to increase their well-being, are much more satisfied than those who merely value happiness as an end goal. “Valuing happiness to an extreme oftentimes [views] happiness as a goal to be achieved, whereas in prioritizing positivity, the emotional goods are a byproduct of the behavior,” she says. Valuing vs. prioritizing The difference, Barbara says, is in our daily mindset and approach. The person who values happiness as an end goal is more likely to set unrealistic expectations about achieving happiness, research shows. That can include creating high-pressure thought processes such as “I ought to be doing better” or “I would probably be happier if.…” Her work shows that people who prioritize positivity may have more realistic and reachable visions of what happiness looks like for them. They constantly look for ways to nurture their positive emotions and structure free time around events and activities that make them happy and make major decisions—such as what job they choose or the home they buy—based on how that decision will influence their positive emotions. Prioritizing positivity is about following what’s good, and leaning in toward it. It’s about constantly making a choice to have a positive experience.” When happiness is seen as our ultimate goal, she says, we create too many ways to fall short. “It creates the idea that happiness is an achievement at which you’re potentially failing, versus seeing these micro-moments of each day as building blocks,” she explains. “When you think about happiness in terms of smaller building blocks, you get more chances to succeed and more chances to forgive yourself when you don’t.” Change your mind, change your life Barbara says the shift from valuing happiness to prioritizing it requires little more than changing our mindset. “That’s the lever that will jumpstart the emotional attitude,” she says. Too often, we learn what we should do, and then we fail to move that knowledge out of our heads and put it into action. Choosing a mindset that appreciates the little triumphs and moments of happiness as they occur can bring about dramatic and lasting changes. Give yourself a sense of control Barbara recommends we start looking at how our day-to-day actions line us up for happiness or failure. “You can regulate by planning, by setting up situations that are going to contribute to your happiness,” she says. “That gives you more of a sense of a control over your happiness instead of responding to the situations that are happening to you every day and then analyzing if those events or circumstances are making you happy. When you do that, you potentially have the grace to just experience that situation as it occurs.” Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Self-Care

YouTube Star Stands Up to Bullying

Keenan West found his voice at age 9—and he’s been using it ever since. In 2012, concerned by the growing accounts of bullying in schools, the aspiring hip hop singer wrote “Never Ever,” an anthem that showed the power of standing up for others. He then enlisted junior high and high school students in his hometown of Cincinnati to create a video for the anti-bullying song.[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hj_-kcX3q8 width:525 height:394 align:center autoplay:0]That video has been viewed more than 325,000 times on YouTube, and Keenan has partnered with the 'Secret' Mean Stinks anti-bullying program to take his message to school assemblies across the country. His one-hour show combines music, dance and videos to deliver a powerful message that he performed at more than 100 schools last year. Live Happy caught up with Keenan to learn more about his initiatives and what’s next.Live Happy: What inspired you to create an anti-bullying campaign?Keenan: That campaign evolved after I made the video for “Never Ever.” I saw firsthand how students responded not only to the music but, more importantly, how they responded to the message. My anti-bullying campaign is based around getting students to make the promise to each other that when rain does come, they will have each other’s backs.LH: Why is that such a major theme for you?Keenan: The focus needs to be placed on the students who sit back and choose not to use their courage to … speak up or stand up for the victims. Studies show that 57 percent of the times when bullying takes place, if someone would have the courage to speak up or stand up, the problem usually stops in less than 10 seconds.LH: Why did you choose videos as a way to share your message?Keenan: The videos make this message more relatable to ayounger demographic. For students,the delivery of a message is just as important as the message itself. I’ve wrapped [it] up in a package that resembles their favorite rapper or favorite pop artist. There is no better way to reach kids than to get on their level and meet them right where they are.LH: There are many anti-bullying initiatives out there–why is yours resonating so well?Keenan: Our pop-culture,anti-bullyingmusic videos and assemblies resonate with students because we are taking theresponsibilityto make sure schools are safe, bully-free zones out of the hands of the teachers, principals and counselors and putting it into the hands of thestudents. When young people see themselves and their peersstanding upanddoing what’s right, they respond much betterthan when it’sjust adults leading the way and telling them what to do.LH: What’s next for you?Keenan: To continue to reach as many students as I possibly can, [and] to continue in a healthy space of growth and gratitude. I’m proud tohave the calling to teach and instill this into the next generation.To learn more about Keenan and his work, visit his website and YouTube page.Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Self-Care

Find Your Fun

People often tell me, “I want to get more fun out of life,” or “I want to spend more time pursuing my passions.” But they feel frustrated because they don’t really know how to have more fun or what they’re passionate about.Ever felt that way? If so, ask yourself: “What did I do for fun when I was 10 years old?” Because if you loved doing something as a 10-year-old, you’d probably enjoy doing it now—whether in its original form, or in a more grown-up version. I was inspired to consider this question when I read eminent Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung’s memoir, Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Carl recalled that when he was 38 years old, he decided to start playing with building blocks again to tap into the enthusiasm he’d felt as a 10-year-old.Read More: Do What You LoveWhat did you love to do when you were a child?Maybe you loved to walk through the woods with your dog, or ride your bike, or do arts and crafts or take photographs, or write short stories, or color in coloring books. What did I do for fun when I was 10 years old? No chess, no ice-skating, no painting. I worked on my “Blank Books.” For my 10th birthday, my uncle gave me a book that looked like an ordinary book, but with blank pages, titled Blank Book.I filled my Blank Books with clippings, memorabilia, bits of information that interested me. A special series of my Blank Books were illustrated books of quotations. Every time I read a quotation I liked, I’d write it on a slip of paper, and when I saw a picture in a magazine that I liked, I’d cut it out, and I created my books by matching the quotations to the pictures.Read More: What Are You Waiting For?Like child, like adultKeeping up with my Blank Books was the main leisure activity of my childhood. Every day after school, I sat on the floor sorting, cutting, matching, copying and pasting while I watched TV. And what do I do for fun now that I’m an adult? Every week on my blog, gretchenrubin.com, I post one of my favorite quotations and choose a beautiful photograph to illustrate it. And I enjoy this adult, professional activity in exactly the same way that I enjoyed making my Blank Books.As my example shows, childhood fun can also point the way to adult career satisfaction. I have a friend who grew up with three dollhouses, who told me, “I played with dollhouses way past the point of social acceptability.” She’s now an interior designer. Another friend spent all his time talking into a wooden spoon in front of the mirror, and now he’s a newscaster.William Wordsworth wrote, “The Child is father of the Man.” We can learn a great deal by reflecting on our childhood selves.What did you do for fun when you were 10 years old?Gretchen Rubin is the bestselling author ofThe Happiness ProjectandHappier at Home. Her newest book, Better than Before, all about how we can develop positive habits, is scheduled for release in March, 2015. She is considered one of the most influential writers on happiness today, and has become an in-demand speaker and keynoter.You can read about Gretchen's adventures atGretchenRubin.com.

Podcast

The Sweet Spot with Christine Carter

This week, on Live Happy Now, we have Christine Carter, sociologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center and author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work. Dr. Carter offers listeners not just a way to cope with modern pressures, but a way to truly thrive. Dr. Carter looks at living life from our “sweet spot”—that place of both power and ease. In this episode, you'll learn how to: Say “no” strategically and when to say “yes” with abandon Make decisions about routine things once to free our minds to focus on higher priorities Stop multitasking and gain efficiency “Take recess” in sync with the brain’s need for rest Increase your ratio of positive to negative emotions Links and resources mentioned in this episode: ChristineCarter.com The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!

Self-Care

Can You Give Yourself a Mood Makeover? [QUIZ]

We all have those moments where we feel down in the dumps, gloomy, sad, scared or angry. Sometimes we even feel like we can be happy one moment and miserable the next.While bad moods can have legitimate internal and external causes, we all need the tools to be able to make over our moods so that we can be in a more positive place.Here's a quiz to help you figure out whether your mood makeover tools are sharp or whether you could use a refresher course about shifting from a negative to positive mood when the need arises.1. When I feel anxious about a situation, it impacts my day and my mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never2. If I am at a work, school or social event and accidentally discover a small spill on my pants it puts me in a bad mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never3. If my friend or co-worker has said something to hurt my feelings it is hard for me to shake it off.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never4. If I decide to try a new look and change something like my hairstyle and end up not liking it, I can be upset about it for days, weeks or even months.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never5. If my partner and I go to a party, and I accommodate him/her by leaving early even though I am having a good time, I will likely be upset with one or both of us for having left.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverRead More: Quiz: How Much Emotional Baggage Do You Carry?6. If someone is trying to be playful with me and I am not in the mood, I tend to react in a negative way.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never7. If a stranger approaches me to strike up a conversation, I am likely to be annoyed instead of interested.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never8. If you asked my friends or family, they would say that my negative experiences impact my life and relationships in a significant way.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never9. Sometimes I feel like I am at the mercy of my bad moods and I do not know how to make them better.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverRead More: Quiz: How Close Is Your Relationship?10. I tend to lose sleep over situations that are out of my control.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never11. I have a tendency to put a negative spin on things.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never12. When I feel self-conscious about my appearance or something I have done, it can put me in a bad mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never13. If an activity I was looking forward to is canceled due to bad weather or other outside influences, I would have a hard time letting go of my disappointment.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never14. I find that I can be easily distressed in situations that others might consider no big deal.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never15. I can be one of those people that switches from being calm to upset fairly quickly.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverAnswersMostly A'sIf most of your answers were A, in all likelihood the bulk of your negative moods do not necessarily have a specific external cause. Because our moods can be impacted by the way we think and feel, you might try to work toward channel your thoughts and feelings ina more positive direction.Perhaps you spend too much time dwelling on the bad experiences. Maybe you have a tendency to view things in a negative light. In your quest to make over your mood, it would be useful for you to figure out the source of your negative thinking. It is also important for you to make efforts to focus on positivity, gratitude and happiness in all areas of your life.Mostly B'sIf the majority of your answers were B, you have moments of being able to manage your mood into a positive direction but you also have many moments where you get stuck in negative emotional places. It is important that you identify the ways that you are effective when it comes to being happy and positive and make sure that you continue maintaining those. It is also important that you pinpoint the areas in which you struggling with your mood, so you can begin working at getting new tools and techniques to create more happiness.Mostly C'sIf the majority of your answers were C, you have a great mastery at the skills required to make over your mood. When you are in a bad emotional place or in a negative state of mind whether it is due to internal or external causes you do a good job of managing those feelings and moving into a more positive place. Keep up the good work!Read more about the "Mood Makeover" in the October, 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine!Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Self-Care

What Are You Waiting For?

When I was growing up, our living room was off limits, even when I was old enough not to spill grape juice on the carpet or break a lamp. My parents saved the biggest room in the house for special holidays or family gatherings around the fireplace—I actually thought of it as a museum because we couldn’t touch anything. Sound strange? I now know this: We all save the things we care about most for special occasions, when we could increase our happiness by enjoying those things today. Why do we do it? We’re waiting for the right opportunity So many of us put off doing the activities that bring us the most joy until the craziness of our days settles down and time opens up before us like stage curtains. The problem is that time will never arrive. Maybe you do this with reading—that stack of books you can’t wait to devour sits in the corner untouched. If we want to do more of the things we truly love, we have to schedule them just like we do a doctor’s appointment, because if we wait until nothing is hanging over us, we will always be waiting. Make a plan to do what you love most and then make it happen. We have a saving mentality A friend of mine never spent money on clothes, preferring to shop at consignment stores, because she’s quite frugal. Then one day she had a realization: What is she waiting for? Is she waiting until she is 50 to buy a beautiful dress or something that makes her feel or look good? She gave herself permission to splurge a little so she could live more right now. We can do this, too. Buy the good wine. Put out your best towels for your family. Use your best ideas now. Read the magazine article you clipped. Don’t let your special pens dry up—use them on a regular day instead of waiting for “special correspondence.” Read More: 4 Secrets to Following Your Dreams We are waiting until we feel we deserve it We all have a tendency to choose the things we think we need to do over the things we want to do. The problem is our wants get pushed aside. Maybe you want to paint but you won’t let yourself until you are caught up with work. Or perhaps you love to crochet but you aren’t going to give yourself permission until your chores are done. Remove your self-imposed conditions for your rewards. If you won’t allow yourself to play until your work is done and you’ve earned it, you will always be putting off playtime. Live anyway, live right now. We haven’t practiced doing things for ourselves If you always put your kids first and say yes to every friend or neighbor who needs a favor, maybe you need a little more practice putting yourself first. Spend the birthday money you received on you and not your kids. Treat yourself to things you consider “frivolous.” Make a list of your favorite things to do and then put them on your calendar. Your kids will still benefit by having a happy parent and seeing that you value yourself. Read More: Self-Care Isn't Selfish We plan but don’t act Setting a resolution to read or exercise more isn’t the same as actually reading more or exercising more. Don’t let yourself fall into the comfortable trap of planning, or you will get stuck at “someday.” Planning without action doesn’t cut it. Actually doing your favorite things is where the joy comes in. We follow rules that aren’t really rules You don’t have to use the china you inherited at your wedding just because you think you should. If someone gave you a cat blanket when you don’t really like cats, you don’t have to keep the blanket. Get rid of what’s not beautiful to you. Follow organizational guru Marie Kondo’s rule: If something doesn’t give you joy, don’t keep it. Decluttering and letting go can lighten our physical and mental loads, leaving space for happiness to enter. Our time here is limited, so wear the "good" jewelry! Buy those shoes! Live it up in your living room all year round. Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor forLive Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Podcast

Happiness Now with Robert Holden

Robert Holden, Ph.D., created The Happiness Project on the National Health Service in 1994. His work on happiness has been featured on an Oprah Winfrey Show called How Happy Are You? and in two major BBC-TV documentaries called The Happiness Formula and How to Be Happy, shown in 20 countries to over 30 million television viewers. Robert Holden, Ph.D., is a best-selling author, speaker and expert on happiness, forgiveness and well-being. Robert is the author of Happiness NOW!, Shift Happens!, Authentic Success (formerly titled Success Intelligence) and Life Loves You. In this episode Robert discusses his 8 week happiness program and finding the happiness within yourself. Holy Shift! 365 Daily Meditations from A Course in Miracles and Life Loves You, co-written with Louise Hay. Robert hosts a weekly show for Hay House Radio called Shift Happens! He contributes daily to his FB page at www.facebook.com/drrobertholden - See more at: https://www.robertholden.org/about-robert/#sthash.WVY77FvW.dpufIn this episode Robert discusses his 8 week happiness program and finding the happiness within yourself. In this episode, you'll learn: The Happiness Project How to follow your joy A new perspective on happiness How life loves you Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Take The Happiness Test based on the Be Happy Index, as featured on Oprah Purchase Happiness NOW! Purchase Shift Happens! Purchase Authentic Success (formerly titled Success Intelligence) Purchase Life Loves You Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!

work

5 Ways to Survive a Micromanaging Boss

It can be exasperating to work for a micromanager. You know that manager—the one who expects you to perform your job “her way,” or who leaves zero room for creativity? What typically happens with this kind of boss is that employees stop taking the initiative because they are afraid of making a mistake. Is your manager sabotaging your career? What about you? Are you trying to move your career or business forward or are you hanging back and trying to avoid mistakes? E. Tory Higgins, a professor of psychology at Columbia University, and his colleagues have been studying the difference in life approaches: considering either the promotion focus (moving forward, growth) or the prevention focus (caution, security). Having a micromanaging boss can drive employees to be risk-averse, slower to respond and unlikely to visit the land of creativity, hope and opportunity. More than 30 years of research shows a strong correlation between how much control an employee feels at work and that employee’s degree of performance, effort, motivation and satisfaction. Researchers have also found that a greater sense of control serves as a buffer against other situations that stress people out at work. Read More: 3 Simple Questions That Could Change Your Life What can you do about it? If your micromanaging supervisor is interfering with your career goals and job satisfaction and you believe he or she is unlikely to change, you may want to consider changing departments at your company or looking for more rewarding work elsewhere. However, if you love most aspects of your job and want to try to make it work, try these five options, below, before you get so frustrated that you quit or say something you regret. 1. Be your own control freak Focus on what’s within your sphere of control. Look hard. It’s there. It may be in how you organize your day or in how you answer the phone. 2. Focus on outcome When taking on new assignments, ask, “What will success look like?” If you are clear on the outcome, then how you accomplish it can be up to you. 3. Be proactive Micromanagers don’t like surprises. Check in periodically to share progress and provide drafts. 4. Goals and roles Have a conversation with your manager as part of a regular one-on-one meeting. What are the goals of a particular project and what role would the manager most like you to take on? 5. Get specific Micromanagers rarely recognize that they are micromanaging. Bring up one specific concern and one specific action you’re requesting. Try: “On this new project, I’ll be able to do my best work if we agree on the parameters, and then I work to meet them. I’d like to give this my best shot, and I will ask for help if I need it.” Read More: 1 Minute to Begin It Margaret H. Greenberg and Senia Maymin are organizational consultants, executive coaches and authors ofProfit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business. For more information about Senia and Margaret, go toProfitFromThePositive.comor find them on Facebook.

Reading

Library: Are You Fully Charged?

The three key pillars to improving your well-being are to have purpose (being part of something larger than ourselves), value people and experiences over stuff and put out health first, writes Tom Rath in his latest book, Are You Fully Charged? The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life. The biggest changes in our well-being start with small steps. Listen to the Live Happy Now podcast with Tom Rathtalking about being fully charged Build on strengths Double down on your talents and spend your time doing what you can do better than anyone in the world. Spend time building your skills and knowledge because your greatest potential for growth and development lies in the area where you already have natural talent. Cultivate relationships The connections we make with people are the most important assets of our lives. Our relationships give our lives meaning, but we can forget to be present with the people in our lives. Make your relationships count by unplugging and minimizing distractions during conversations. Think about your energy levels How you eat, move and sleep are essential to having more energy throughout the day. Make vegetables the center of your meals, and eliminate as much added sugar and fried foods as possible. The more you move, the better your mood. Look at sleep as an investment in your future and not an expense of time. With small wins each day you’ll be able to create more meaning in your life. Tom Rath is a New York Times bestselling author and researcher of human behavior in business, health and wellbeing. He has written six books in the past decade, including his first, How Full Is Your Bucket?and StrengthsFinder 2.0. Listen to Tom discuss "The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life" on our podcast Live Happy Now, available for free download on iTunes.

Melissa Joan Hart’s Threads of Happiness

Put Happiness on the Calendar

YouTube Star Stands Up to Bullying

Find Your Fun

The Sweet Spot with Christine Carter

Can You Give Yourself a Mood Makeover? [QUIZ]

What Are You Waiting For?

Happiness Now with Robert Holden

5 Ways to Survive a Micromanaging Boss

Library: Are You Fully Charged?

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