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Are You Headed for an Energy Crisis? [QUIZ]

How many of the following statements are true for you? Body I don’t regularly get at least seven to eight hours of sleep and I often wake up feeling tired. I frequently skip breakfast or settle for something that isn’t nutritious. I don’t exercise enough (cardiovascular training at least three times a week and strength training at least once a week). I don’t take regular breaks during the day to renew and recharge/I often eat lunch at my desk. Read more about how to recharge your body. Emotions I frequently feel irritable, impatient or anxious at work—especially when work is demanding. I don’t spend enough time with my loved ones, and when I’m with them I’m not always fully present. I have too little time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy. I don’t stop frequently to express my appreciation to others or to savor my accomplishments. Read more about balancing your emotions. Mind I have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time, and I am easily distracted by stimuli such as email. I spend much of my day at work reacting to crises rather than focusing on activities with long-term value. I don’t take enough time for reflection, strategizing and creative thinking. I work in the evenings or on weekends and rarely take an email-free vacation. Read more about unplugging and being present in the world around you. Spirit I don’t spend enough time at work doing what I do best and enjoy most. There are significant gaps between what I say is important to me and how I actually allocate my time and energy. My decisions at work are more often influenced by external demands than a clear sense of my own purpose. I don’t invest enough time and energy in making a positive difference in the world. Read more about finding your purpose. How is your overall energy? Tally up the total number of statements that were true for you: 0-3: Excellent energy management skills 4-6: Reasonable energy management skills 7-10: Significant energy management deficits 11-16: A full-fledged energy management crisis SOURCE: theenergyproject.com Read more about The Energy Project and well-being at work.

Practice

The Gift That Changed My Life

Some gifts offer effervescent delights, lasting no longer than the bubbles in a glass of champagne. Others—a cashmere sweater, a handbag—provide pleasure for a season or two. More durable gifts, like jewelry, are an everlasting reminder of friendship and love. And then there are those rare gifts that alter the courses of our lives. They transform the way we see ourselves, leading us to pursue dreams, ambitions and daily happiness in radically new ways. Below, 10 people share the gifts that changed their lives. Emily Wise Miller Dallas, Texas Live Happy web editor GIFT: BICYCLE Two years ago, surgeons opened my sternum, stopped my heart and replaced a faulty aortic valve with a mechanical one. Before this surgery, I’d been pretty active: running, doing yoga, training with weights. During the recovery, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck; I couldn’t cook, I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t even reach for a bottle of milk on a high shelf. After a couple of months, I felt well enough to go on walks and short, easy hikes. It would be another six months before I could do yoga and almost a year before I returned to running and weights. Even then, a deep sense of fatigue persisted. I could barely go half a day without napping. Then, in February 2014, after years of working freelance, I joined Live Happy as the web editor. I was thrilled, but the added stress of starting a new job gave me less time for exercise. I gained weight and developed lower back pain and even high blood pressure. I knew something had to change. Once I started seeing a trainer and exercising again, I began daydreaming about the years my husband and I lived in Florence and traveled everywhere by bicycle. There is nothing like the feeling of riding across the Piazza della Signoria at night, almost empty except for the towering replica of Michelangelo’s David. My husband and I would look at each other on our one-speeds thinking, “We’ll never see or feel anything like this again.” For my birthday last March, my mother bought me a bicycle—a silver hybrid Trek small enough for my 5-foot frame. It was cute, cool and sporty. I was ecstatic! At first I just rode around the neighborhood with my kids. Then I moved on to nearby trails. Soon I was riding seven miles, then 10 and 15. I was hooked on the feeling of being on a bike. It’s both meditative and fun, a kind of energetic flow state. I began pushing myself in ways that I never had, even before surgery. Now, two or three mornings a week, I go for 20-mile rides, traversing the urban creeks and forests of Dallas while the city is still half-asleep. The gift of a bicycle pulled me out of my a negative spiral. When I get back from a 20- or 30-mile ride, I feel competent and strong, happy and free. Listen to Emily discuss her bike and how it affected her life on our podcast, HERE! Chandra Yarter San Antonio, Texas Wedding photographer GIFT: CAMERA My grandpa has always been the unofficial family photographer, and every week from the time I was 6 or 7 until my grandfather passed away when I was 16, I’d go with him to the local Kodak store to get his film developed. When I was 8, my grandparents bought me a camera—a small, wind-up Fuji. From the moment I got it, that camera was strapped to my hip. I’d take it to school, to the grocery store, to the playground. I’d take pictures of everything: my dog, my two sisters—we’re identical triplets—coke bottles. I got pretty good at taking photos, and when people started offering to pay for my services, I began thinking that maybe I could turn something I love into a career. Today, I have my own business as a wedding photographer. I shoot with a fancy top-of-the-line Canon these days, but it all began with that Fuji. Heather Rae Johnson Oakland, California Journalist GIFT: RED VELVET CHAIR In 1995, my boyfriend, John, fell to his death down a freight elevator shaft. That Christmas our friends got together in the apartment that John and Warren, his roommate, had shared. There were about 12 of us. We had gotten each other silly inexpensive gifts, like art deco ashtrays and beer mugs. Since there were so many gifts, we decided that each person would sit in the middle of the living room, blindfolded, while we piled the gifts around them. Then, they’d take off the blindfold and open them all. My friend Blair and I did a lot of antique store shopping that year. One afternoon I came across a gorgeous red velvet chair. It was $125. I passed it by because I had gifts to buy for others. The next week Blair said, “I went to that same store and your chair was gone.” Sadly, it wasn’t to be. At the party, it was my turn in the hot seat. When Warren took off the blindfold, there in front of me was a single gift: my pretty red chair! Everyone had pitched in, and Blair had gotten it for me. I cried. After going through something so terrible, losing someone I cared about so much, that little red chair reminded me, and still does, of the value of friendship and how good friends can come together and help each other through the absolute worst. Judith Viorst Washington Author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and many other books GIFT: FRENCH LESSONS Back in the late 1960s my husband, Milton, who speaks flawless French, gave me the very expensive gift of a week of total immersion at Berlitz. He was determined to spur me—who spoke zero French, flawless or otherwise—to share his knowledge of this beautiful language. As I recall it, the course involved five days of private, intensive lessons all day and all in French, with the hope that it would give me a jump-start in learning French, after which I would continue to study in more conventional ways. During that total immersion week I worked harder than I’d ever worked in my life…but, alas, got nowhere. At the end of the course I was called into the Berlitz office. And there I was told, more in sorrow than in anger: “ ‘Madame Viorst, you have remarkable stamina. But’...long pause followed by a sigh...‘no talent for languages.’ ” Freed by this verdict from my husband’s nagging and from ever having to study French again, I decided that I would concentrate on English, in which I now have written 43 books. Tom Broecker New York Emmy-winning costume designer for Saturday Night Live GIFT: MY BOOK ABOUT ME BY ME, MYSELF I was 6 years old when my father gave me My Book About Me as a Christmas present. I was already drawing a lot, and this book gave me focus. I’d go through the pages and with a bright orange crayon I followed the directions to do things like trace my hands and my feet. I’d pay close paid attention to myself, noticing things like which foot was bigger. There were also pages where you’d write about yourself. I wrote, ‘I am 6. I’m right-handed. I have straight blond hair and a long nose.’ I also kept a list of things I wanted to be when I grew up. My list included plumber, fireman, chef, astronaut and fashion designer. I was growing up in small-town Indiana with three brothers, a father who was a corporate lawyer and a mom who was a nurse. There weren’t many kids in Carmel, Indiana, who wanted to be a fashion designer, but that book helped me claim my own identity and my own ambitions. I went on to study costume design at the Yale School of Drama. I’ve been the costume designer at Saturday Night Live since it began in 1975. I’ve also been the costume designer for 30 Rock, House of Cards and lots of Broadway and off-Broadway shows. A few years ago I rescued My Book About Me from my parents’ basement and brought it home to my New York apartment. Every now and then, I look through the pages. As you get older, the self-doubts become louder and louder, but seeing my childhood drawings and notes in that book reconnects me with how filled with possibilities we all are as children. It’s a good reminder that it’s never to late to become what you want to be in life. Donatella Arpaia New York Chef/Partner, Prova GIFT: AN UMBRELLA ROD When I was 15, my family was in Puglia, Italy, where we typically spent our summers visiting family. I was sitting in the kitchen watching my Great Aunt Rosa make pasta by hand. This was something I’d seen her do many times, but in this instance she grabbed a thin metal, square-shaped rod out of a drawer. She started twirling it in the dough, making these gorgeous pasta shapes. I had never seen anything like it and asked her what the rod was called and where I could buy one. Aunt Rosa laughed and informed me it was a rod from her mother’s umbrella. She said the square edges made perfect pasta shapes. I continued cooking with her all summer, learning more of her great techniques. The day we were flying back to America, Aunt Rosa gave me a gift wrapped in simple paper: It was her precious umbrella rod, or rather “pasta maker,” handed down from her mother. James Strejc Houston Pre-schooler Kayla Hammergren Boston Account manager for digital ad agency GIFT: BONE MARROW Four-year-old James Strejc will tell you that the best present he ever got was his red Lightning McQueen bicycle. His parents, Stephanie and Nick, would choose another gift: the life-saving bone marrow that was donated by a stranger, Kayla Hammergren, a recent Boston College graduate. “Without Kayla,” Stephanie says, “we might not have this healthy, happy child.” When James was about 18 months old, he developed a troubling set of symptoms: He stopped eating, would sleep about 20 hours a day and had unexplained bruises. For weeks, doctors said James had just a garden-variety ear infection, but after Nick and Stephanie brought him to the emergency room with a raging fever he was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. “It was heartbreaking,” Stephanie says. “We were in pieces.” Treatment would be six rounds of chemotherapy, with a 30-day hospital stay for each round. Nick and Stephanie, who pretty much moved into Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston, marveled at their toddler’s resilience. “Just a couple of days after each treatment,” Stephanie says, “he’d be riding around the hospital on his scooter while Nick and I followed with his IV pole.” Right before his second birthday, James relapsed, with leukemia cells showing up in a brain tumor. He would again need chemotherapy, this time followed by radiation. And if he were to survive, another step was critical: a bone marrow transplant. Neither Nick nor Stephanie, or any of their friends or family who stepped forward as possible donors, turned out to be a match. “We knew we’d have to depend on the grace of a stranger,” Stephanie says. Meanwhile, Kayla had registered as a bone-marrow donor her sophomore year in college. One of her best friends, Michael, had lost a brother to leukemia, and he was organizing a donor drive for the Gift of Life Bone Marrow Foundation. “I thought ‘What if someone I loved got sick, and there was no one there to help them?’ ” she says. Five months later, Kayla got a call from Gift of Life. A 2-year-old boy was suffering from acute myeloid leukemia and she was a potential match. A week before Christmas 2013, Kayla was wheeled into a surgical suite at Boston’s Dana Farber Hospital. A few days later, James received her bone marrow. In April, Kayla met James and his parents at the Gift of Life Bone Marrow Foundation Walk for Life 5K in Boston. “They brought us up on the stage first,” Stephanie says, “and then I saw this young woman in the front of the crowd starting to cry. I nudged my husband and said, ‘That’s her.’ When Kayla came up she gave us all big hugs, and we were all crying happy, grateful tears. James immediately took her hand. He knew she was the someone special who had gotten a big poke and given him something that had made him better.” Kayla says she’s received a gift every bit as remarkable as the one she gave: “Seeing how happy James and his family are was just the greatest feeling in the world. They’re going to be in my life forever and that brings me amazing joy.” Read more about people who have found that giving back is the greatest reward. Danielle Montalvo Hesperia, California Founder of talvodesigns.com GIFT: SEWING MACHINE I was 22 and shopping for Christmas gifts for my 1-year-old son at Wal-Mart when I saw a Brother sewing machine. I was into collage and scrapbooking—I’d just started teaching a scrapbooking class—and I thought, “Oh, I’d love to learn how to sew.” I bought the sewing machine as a Christmas gift for myself, but a day later, I felt guilty—money was tight—so I returned it. I told my mother about it; saying it was just not the right time for me to be buying things for myself. My then-husband, son and I were staying at my parents’ house that Christmas, and on Christmas Eve a big box appeared under the tree. I knew immediately what it was and my eyes filled with tears. When I got pregnant at 20 I’d given up a lot of my dreams; this was the first time in a long time I had something that was just mine. Then in 2011, when I was going through a divorce, I started a company making eco-friendly toys for special needs children. It was a way of my regaining the confidence I’d lost and also helping not just myself and my child, but the community. I’d never really thought of my sewing as much more than a hobby, until it was the only thing I could rely on. A couple of years ago I started a new online store, Talvo Designs, where I sell custom-made bowties—my son loves them!—and handmade men’s grooming products. That first sewing machine gave me a way to express myself; it gave me strength; and it gave me a career. Michele Tremblay Philadelphia Paper sculptor GIFT: A PAINTING My mother died at the beginning of my sophomore year in college, and I transferred to Tyler School of Art in Philadelphia so I could commute to school and help my dad take care of my 10-year-old sister. One of the professors who most influenced me was the painter Roger Anliker. When he was teaching us egg tempera painting, he brought in an example of his own work. The painting, called Millay, was a portrait of a young girl looking out a window. It was only about 9½ by 10 inches and the theme was a simple one, but I immediately fell in love with it. When I graduated a couple of years later, my dad handed me a beautifully wrapped box and inside was Millay. I burst into tears. I moved into a tiny apartment after college, and I remember thinking, “I’m going to wait until I have a really great place to hang this painting.” The painting stayed in the box for two years and then late one night I hung it. Instead of waiting for the perfect time and place I decided that night and that apartment, humble though it may have been, was perfect enough. Millay hangs in the living room of my home today, and it’s still the most beautiful piece of art in my small collection. More importantly, it taught me how living with art can elevate one’s everyday life. Today, I’m a working paper sculptor, and I seek to help people achieve the same joyful experience that Millay has brought to my family and me for so many years. Read more: Give Happy Shelley Levitt, editor at large for Live Happy, is a journalist living in Southern California.

Lifestyle

The Joy of Being Dolly Parton

Whether she’s commanding one of the world’s most prestigious stages in concert or seated in a Nashville studio sharing anecdotes and insights during an interview, Dolly Parton’s larger-than-life persona makes any encounter feel somewhat magical. She sparkles from head to toe—and not just from the spotlights or the bling on her custom dresses and pantsuits—carrying with her a strong inner light from her early beginnings growing up in the mountains of Tennessee. Dolly credits her parents and her Appalachian upbringing for shaping her positive personality and teaching her resilience. “There is no doubt in my mind that it’s in my Smoky Mountain DNA,” Dolly says. “My mama and daddy were the strongest people I ever met. God, family and hard work weren’t just ideas at our house, they were what made our house. I carry those values in my heart every single day, and I think it’s the best gift my folks ever gave me.” She’s celebrated that legacy this holiday season with the autobiographical NBC movie Coat of Many Colors, named for one of her best-loved songs. “Of all the songs I’ve written, ‘Coat of Many Colors’ is my favorite, and the folks at NBC have done a fantastic job bringing it to life,” Dolly says of the movie, which aired Dec. 10. “I swear, it’s just like I remember it, and all the actors remind me so much of the real people they’re playing, it’s unreal. All about the music Ask her about her life today—her passions, heartaches and plans—and she points to her songs. “Everything there is to know about me is in my music,” says Dolly, a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame who has won seven Grammys, seven Academy of Country Music honors and nine Country Music Association Awards, including Entertainer of the Year. “My ups, my downs, my good- and my not-so-good times are all there in the stories I write. Every song I sing reveals a little more about my heart and what guides me through this life. I hope that if folks find it important or helpful it is because it gives them a voice and a knowledge that other people have the same feelings that they have, and that they’re not alone.” Despite her famously happy demeanor, Dolly admits she does have her down times just like everyone else. “In my stage show, I joke around and say that I’m not always happy, that it’s Botox that makes me look that way,” she says with a laugh. But I’ll tell you the truth, being happy is not always easy. No one can be happy all the time. As a songwriter, I need to feel all kinds of different emotions so I can tell my stories through the music. At the end of day, I choose to be happy.” “Everyone’s lives have ups and downs,” she says. “If there is something different in me, it’s that I make a choice each day to work hard to face challenges head-on, and keep reaching for those dreams. You’d be surprised how many I actually catch.” Or maybe we wouldn’t be so surprised. Over her five-decade career, Dolly has added her spunk and grit to iconic films such as Nine to Five and Steel Magnolias, and written and performed some of the most memorable hits in country and pop music, including “Jolene,” “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?” and “I Will Always Love You.” For three decades, her amusement park, Dollywood, has provided opportunities for residents of her East Tennessee hometown. Everyday Dolly Dolly began singing as a child, performing on local radio and TV shows in her area. She moved to Nashville the day after she graduated from high school to pursue a career in music. Shortly after her arrival, she met Carl Thomas Dean at a local laundromat. Next year on May 30, she and Carl will celebrate 50 years of marriage. “Carl is the funniest, sweetest, kindest, most romantic man I ever met,” Dolly says. “After 50 years, he still opens my car door for me every single time and treats me like a queen every second we are together. To me, he is happiness and joy.” Away from the spotlight, Dolly says she lives a pretty normal life and finds pleasure in the simple things. “I love to read. I love good books,” she says. “I love to cook. I love hanging out with my husband riding around in our little RV, because even though I get off the road after traveling thousands of miles I’ll say, ‘Get the camper. Let’s go somewhere.’ He’ll say, ‘Are you kidding? Ain’t you tired of riding?’ But no, I’m a gypsy." Dolly also enjoys spending time with family. Though she and Carl never had children of their own, she helped raise several of her siblings and is very close to her nieces and nephews who call her Aunt Granny. She can often be found babysitting the kids in her family. Christmastime is always joyous; there’s one tradition in particular that’s a favorite. “Cookie night!” Dolly says. “I love all holidays, but Christmas cookie night has been a family tradition for years. “I get all my nieces and nephews and their kids over, and we make all different kinds of decorated sugar cookies. I think more ingredients end up on the floor than in the cookies, but it’s all part of the fun. I usually find sprinkles in my hair until Valentine's Day." God, family and music When asked what gives her life the most meaning, Dolly replies, “Three things: God, family and music, in that order.” She’s always been very open about how her faith informs her life and brings her peace. “My faith is everything to me. I’m so thankful that I grew up like I did. My grandpa was a preacher and my mom was very spiritual. I’m not religious at all, but I’m very spiritual. I communicate with God in my own way....I don’t think you have to be in a church house. I think the church is in your heart, so I try to connect and stay close to God. It means everything to me." I can’t begin to imagine what life would be if I didn’t have faith, didn’t have something to believe in, something bigger than me, something greater than us. I want to be just connected to that and be a part of that and I believe in that with all my heart and that helps me a great deal.” Prayer is important to Dolly, even if it’s informal. “I just call on Him like he’s my best friend,” she says. “Every day I ask God to take all the wrong things and all the wrong people out of my life and bring all the right things and all the right people in and let me know the difference. I ask to shine and radiate with His love and light and be a blessing.” With all the things she’s accomplished, Dolly could easily just sit back and rest on her considerable laurels, but that’s just not in her nature. “I have never been one to live in the past,” she says. “I have new ideas and dreams every single day, and I can see them as if they were already happening. “I’m still working on my life’s story for Broadway. I still want a wig line and a cosmetic line. Lord, I can’t even list all the stuff I want to make happen. As far as home versus work, for me they are one and the same. I have been working on my dreams since I was 10 years old. I’m not sure I know how to ‘not’ work. I think my best and happiest days are still ahead of me. In fact, I know it.” Deborah Evans Price is a freelance writer based in Nashville, TN.

Self-Care

90 Days to a Happier You

We could have resolved to eat more leafy greens or to add another spin class to our weekly workout schedule. But when a team of us at Live Happy made it our mission to become happier this year, we dug deeper to identify the behaviors, interactions and attitudes that were sapping our energy, productivity and joy. Our issues, it turns out, are pretty universal: anxiety, troubled communications with a loved one, an inability to unplug from work, poor sleep, a lack of long-term goals. To help us tackle these challenges we’ve enlisted a squad of top experts who have agreed to coach each of us. And because we know that the most effective way to implement new habits is with deadlines and accountability, we’re putting both in motion. We’ve decided to bare our souls and write about our goals, struggles, setbacks and—we hope!—triumphs in frequent blog posts over the next 90 days. All of the experts agree that in three months, each of us should be able to achieve a significant happiness reset. We’d like to invite you to take this journey along with Susan, Kim, Chris, Donna and me (I’m the cranky, sleep-deprived member of the group). We’ve assembled everything you’ll need here. Along with our own blogs, which we will continue to publish as the 90 days progress, you’ll find regular posts from our coaches detailing the programs and strategies they’ve put together for us. They’ll be writing about what we can expect each step of the way, including how to get around roadblocks, bounce back from setbacks and maintain the new happier-you habits for a lifetime. You’ll also find podcasts with the coaches, links to resources and other helpful tools. Check the web page frequently for updates, and add Live Happy to your Facebook and Twitter feeds. We’ll have ongoing news for you, including the scoop on great giveaways and information on how to connect with our coaches through Twitter chats and more. And, in the June print issue of the magazine, I’ll be writing about what each of us achieved in our 90-day happiness makeover. We expect the changes will be transformative, for us and for you! 1ST CHALLENGE: CAN'T UNPLUG FROM WORK Subject: Donna Stokes, Live Happy managing editor Expert: Christine Carter, Ph.D., sociologist and senior fellow at University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center; author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work. What Donna says From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep, I’m checking my work emails every 10 minutes, including when I’m stopped at red lights or in line at the supermarket. My husband and I both have our laptops or tablets propped up during dinner. At midnight I’ll see 15 new emails in my inbox and my blood pressure spikes, even though there’s nothing I can do about it until I’m back in the office the next day. I’m lucky to have work I love, but I worry that this compulsion will lead to burnout. It’s also keeping me from doing other things I enjoy, like reading short stories at night or spending more time with my husband and dogs outdoors. What Christine says I love coaching people around unplugging because it’s so simple but it’s life-changing. I’m going to teach Donna some little techniques, which we’ll practice together, and her life is going to be so different and so much more fun. Unplugging does something really wonderful. It brings ease into our lives. That means we operate from what I call our “sweet spot,” when your greatest strengths overlap with the least resistance. There’s nothing wrong with making a powerful effort; we just can’t do it all the time. As human beings we’re part of nature, and all of nature ebbs and flows. To focus on pushing forward without ever allowing yourself an ebb is a very stressful and exhausting way of living, and neuroscience teaches us that it keeps our brain from functioning at its peak. We have this idea that if we’re just standing in the grocery line or staring out the window when we’re stopped at a red light, we’re wasting time. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. There’s a heck of a lot more brain activity while you’re daydreaming than there is when you’re focused on a task. While you’re “wasting time,” your brain is actually forming neural connections between things that it did not previously see as being related, and that’s where creative insights come from. If you’ve noticed that you have all your best ideas when you’re in the shower, that’s probably because the shower is the only time you give yourself a chance to daydream. There’s a very high cost to being plugged in all the time. Not only are you thwarting creativity, you’re also undermining your relationships." You can’t fully be present for another human being if there’s a screen between you. Research shows that even if a phone is turned off and face-down on a table, it lowers the quality of the conversation that takes place. I struggle with unplugging, too. I have a hard and fast rule that I never use a device when I’m doing something with my kids, and sometimes I slip. When I do, I’ll go on what I call a digital cleanse and bury my email or texting app deep in a folder so I really have to hunt for it. It’s a two-minute intervention that makes it a lot easier to change a behavior that’s become automatic. Get ready to tackle unplugging from work along with Donna For three weekdays and one weekend day, jot down every time you could have allowed yourself to daydream or be fully present for another person, but you allowed your device to get in the way instead. For example, you checked your texts while waiting in line to get into a movie with your daughter (and, yes, you’re allowed to make these notes on your phone). Read Donna's first blog about her unplugging challenge, here. Read Christine's 6 Steps to Unplug From Work, here. 2ND CHALLENGE: OVERCOMING ANXIETY Subject: Kim Baker, Live Happy art director Expert: Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and managing director of the Anxiety Treatment Center of Greater Chicago. What Kim says All my life I’ve dealt with anxiety that’s driven by worry. I can work myself up to the point where my heart is racing and my palms are sweaty because I’m thinking, “What if something happened to my daughter or my husband? What if my migraine is really a brain tumor?” These thoughts are distractions that take me away from living in the moment. It’s really important for me to be fully present for my family and my friends, so I want to learn better ways to manage my worry and anxiety. What Karen says Worry makes people really miserable. Ifyou’re a worrier, and a great many people are, you live your life in high idle; your mental motor is always turned up. Worriers tend to have trouble with their sleep, they have digestive issues, they have headaches and sometimes even chronic pain because their muscles are so stiff. Persistent worriers, who are twice as likely to be women, have literally forgotten how to relax. The irony is that worriers think they’re being responsible by preparing themselves for the worst. What’s really going on is that they can’t tolerate uncertainty. Psychologists know that faced with an uncertain situation, non-worriers will assume all is OK until they hear otherwise. Worriers, onthe other hand, focus on a few catastrophic outcomes. They'll spend hours searching online for all the life-threatening things those abdominal twinges might be. And they’ll constantly seek reassurance from other people. They may experience quick drops in anxiety when their doctors tell them, no, they don’t have cancer or co-workers assure them they’re not going to lose their jobs. But before long their anxiety returns, and it’s even stronger. Then, they’ll do another Internet search, re-read the information they’ve already read or replay conversations that they’ve had. It can be hard to recognize that worrying doesn’t solve problems; it doesn’t improve your ability to cope. It does, however, make you irritable, unpleasant to be around and more likely to feel overwhelmed. But don’t worry! The good news is that worry is very treatable. Here’s the catch. The treatment for worry, which includes techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy, is counterintuitive. When I work with someone who has issues around worry, I’ll expose her to uncertainty and then put a complete ban on seeking reassurance. That can feel uncomfortable, even reckless. To ease that discomfort, I also do mindfulness training, so runaway worriers can learn to stay in the present as opposed to the awful futures they’re imagining. Exercise is also an important part of the program. It helps mechanically loosen your muscles and also helps metabolize the chemical byproducts of anxiety such as stress hormones. The biggest hurdle for worriers to overcome is to recognize that what they’re worrying about isn’t the problem; the problem is the worry itself." It’s important to acknowledge what a detriment worry is to your well-being and that it’s something very much worth trying to overcome. Get ready to tackle worry along with Kim Keep a diary of your worry. The way to identify a worry, Karen says, is that it’spreceded by “what if,” such as Kim’s “What if something happened to my daughter?” thoughts. Jot down every “what if” rumination, from “What if I speak up at the meeting and everybody laughs at my ideas?” to “What if I have a panic attack when I’m driving across the bridge?” Read Kim's first blog about her anxiety challenge, here. Read Karen's 6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry, here. 3RD CHALLENGE: SETTING LONG-TERM GOALS Subject: Chris Libby, Live Happy section editor Expert: Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, author of Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide What Chris says I sometimes think I walk through life like Forrest Gump. I don’t really plan things; I just kind of let them happen. I’ve always believed that if you work hard, good things will come your way, and, in my life, they have. I spent 15 years at a local newspaper and a couple of months after it folded I got a call about a new magazine that was starting up. That magazine was Live Happy. As well as things have turned out, I do have a nagging sense that if I want to continue to nourish in my career and life, I need to be more proactive and begin thinking about where I want to be in, say, five or 10 years and what steps I might start taking in that direction. What Caroline says I get an incredible amount of pleasure out of helping people come up with goals that are closely aligned with meaning and purpose for them. Often they’ve never articulated these goals to anybody else or even to themselves. So it takes what I call “forensic coaching” we walk through their strengths and their values and explore their appetite for risk-taking. People like Chris, who are already happy and thriving in their careers, have a head start on setting and pursuing goals. Success flows from being happy first, not the other way around. If your job is bringing you joy, as Chris’ is, it’s the ideal time to aspire to be the best you can be by identifying some big dreams. Take your emotional temperature: If you’re feeling blue and pessimistic, you’ll want to do a mood intervention, with daily habits of gratitude, mindfulness and savoring, before your work on long-term goals. Life is transformed when people set hard goals. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Nobody changes and grows by playing inside their comfort zone. But if 2016 is the year that you want to explore risk-taking and you’re up for some hard work. Far from being selfish, setting bold goals for yourself is a mitzvah, Hebrew for a good deed or an act of kindness that you put out into the world." I’d encourage you to step outside your comfort zone to pursue a goal that’s big and intrinsic, meaning it comes from your own genuine desires, values and interests. Playing bigger and bolder is what happiness, purpose and fulfillment is all about. When you set these long-term goals, you move into an expansive way of thinking. Your eyes aren’t on your feet, they’re on the horizon. Audacious goals are energizing and inspiring, and they’re contagious. The people around you will “catch” that vibrant energy, too. Get ready to set some long-term goals along with chris Identify your signature strengths by taking the VIA Character Strengths Survey. A key tool in the field of positive psychology, the free survey assesses 24 different positive traits, such as persistence, open-mindedness, leadership, vitality and social intelligence. Research shows you’ll make more progress on your goals, and be happier pursuing them, if they’re aligned with your signature strengths. What’s more, as you move along on your three-month goal-setting program, you’ll find new ways to apply your unique strengths to whatever goals you do set. Read Chris's first blog about his goal-setting challenge, here. Read Caroline's 6-Step Goal-Setting Challenge, here. 4TH CHALLENGE: COMMUNICATING BETTER WITH A LOVED ONE Who: Susan Kane, Live Happy contributing editor Expert: Michele Gravelle, communications strategist with Triad Consulting Group What Susan says My daughter, Coco, and I had always been very close and loved spending time together. But that changed this year when Coco turned 13. Just my saying hello when I get home from work seems to annoy her. If I try to get anything more than a couple of words out of her, she’s rude and surly. Even though I recognize that this may be normal teenage rebelliousness, these interactions leave me swamped with sorrow. I’d like to learn more effective ways to respond to Coco so her guard comes down and we’re able to connect in more positive ways more often. What Michele says I’m thrilled to have the chance to coach Susan on improving her communications with Coco. And the reason why goes back to Labor Day 2013. My then 23-year-old son dove off the back of a boat into water that was too shallow. He broke his neck and suffered a spinal-cord injury that’s left him paralyzed from the chest down. I took a six-month leave of absence to be with Sam in the hospital, and when I came back I decided that I only wanted to do work that really matters. Giving people the tools to show up in their lives and talk to the people who are important to them is that kind of work. After all, what brings us happiness boils down to relationships and relationships are really just a series of conversations." It’s easy for conversations between family members to go off the tracks. Nobody knows how to push your buttons better than family. Your sister says something that hurts your feelingsor makes you angry and your knee-jerk reaction is to lash out in return. Part of choosing happiness is choosing a different way to respond. You’ll want to pause and take a moment to say to yourself, “OK, I don’t like what she said, but let me try to put myself in her shoes and see if I can understand why she said it.” When you practice that kind of empathy it makes it possible for you to have a more compassionate, respectful response. Curiosity is also key to improving communications. If someone has dug in his heels on an issue, you might say something like, “Help me understand why this is so important to you.” That really gets to the heart of things. Often the impact that we have on people is invisible to us; it’s our blind spot. To shed light on this we may need to ask them the question: “What am I doing that’s getting in your way or making your life more difficult?” That’s a hard question to ask, but it’s also an incredibly healing one that helps clear the air so you can begin to address things in a more neutral way. Working to keep communications strong with someone you love can be a lifelong project. But, by demonstrating empathy, curiosity and asking the right questions, you can expect less tension in the relationship, along with deeper and more meaningful conversations, in just 90 days. Get ready to tackle troubled communications with a loved one along with Susan Choose one person who really matters to you and with whom you’d like to improve communications. For two weeks keep a journal of your conversations—both the ones that went well and the ones that didn’t. Take notes on what you were feeling and what your internal voice was saying during these chats. Often, what causes a conversation to derail isn’t what we say, Michele points out, but what we were thinking and feeling. Read Susan's first blog about her communication challenge, here. Read Michele's 6 Steps to Healthier, More Productive Conversations, here. 5TH CHALLENGE: TACKLING CHRONIC INSOMNIA Who: Shelley Levitt, Live Happy editor at large Expert: Michael Breus, Ph.D., author of The Sleep Doctor’s Diet Plan: Lose Weight through Better Sleep What Shelley says I’ve never been someone who slept straight through the night. But over the past few months my sleep has been declining to the point where I’m up more hours than I’m snoozing. I’m constantly fatigued and irritable, and I’m so groggy by late afternoon, it’s hard for me to get through the rest of the day without taking a nap, which sets me up for another lousy night of sleep. On those rare occasions when I do get a good night’s sleep, my energy, confidence, productivity and optimism soar. I want to go from that being a rarity to being the everyday me. What Michael says You can’t live a happy life if you’re not getting good sleep. The more sleep-deprived you are the less likely you are to have positive relationships, whether we’re talking about marriages or business relationships. Lack of sleep compromises your resilience, making you less capable of bouncing back after a setback. Insufficient sleep even affects your sense of humor; you’re less likely to get a joke and more likely to take offense at neutral comments. We also know that inadequate sleep can lead to or worsen anxiety and depression. You can certainly live a happy life if you suffer from depression or anxiety as long as you’ve figured out how to manage it, but lack of sleep will dramatically undermine those strategies or treatments. Everyone has the occasional bad night’s sleep. But if you’re having sleep problems—either difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep—for three or more nights a week for a month or longer, you’re suffering from chronic insomnia." Keep in mind that good sleep is about not just the quantity of your sleep but the quality of your sleep. You need to move beyond the first two stages of light sleep and spend ample time in stages 3 and 4, deep or delta sleep, and in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep to feel physically and mentally restored. How much sleep we need is variable; my wife needs a solid eight hours; I’m good with six-and-a-half hours. Sleep is largely regulated by the brain’s suprachiasmatic nucleus [a tiny region in the hypothalamus], or what I call “the sleeper.” Very few people have a broken sleeper, which means that very few of us have an inability to sleep well. Good sleep comes from good habits. I can’t promise everyone that they’re always going to have a perfect night’s sleep—life with all its challenges and stressors can get in the way. But by changing your sleep habits and patterns over three months, the great majority of people can dramatically improve their general level of sleep. Fair warning: The first few weeks of the program may feel like torture. That’s because people who are chronically poor sleepers have an internal body clock, or circadian rhythm, that’s out of sync with their sleep drive. Getting these two systems aligned requires sleep restriction, often to just five or six hours a night. It’s a tough intervention but the eventual payoff—deep, restorative sleep —is huge. Get ready to tackle poor sleep along with shelley Keep a sleep diary for two weeks. Note the time you went to bed; the approximate time you fell asleep; the number of times you woke up during the night and how long you stayed awake; whether you took any sleep medication; how many naps you took and how long they lasted; and how many caffeinated beverages you had during the day. Read Shelley's first blog post about her sleep intervention, here. Read Michael's 6 Steps to Better Sleep, here. Go to 90 Days Home Base to follow our "subjects" on their 3-month journey. Find more information about our amazing coaches, here. Shelley Levitt, editor at large for Live Happy, is a freelance journalist living in Southern California.

Lifestyle

3 Holiday Cookies With a Healthy Twist

During the holidays when I was growing up, barely a surface of my home was left uncovered by faux pine or "snow," with garlands wrapped around the staircase railing. As an adult, however, I have never really gotten into winter tchotchkes or decorating for the holidays. But I do like to transform my kitchen into a sort of Santa’s workshop, with my oven turning out hundreds of cookies and other treats. Keeping in mind that these goods require an energy boost for those of us who make them, this year, I thought, why not lace my holiday cookies with some health-enhancing superfoods? Tradition laden with nutrients Matcha (a fine powder made from pulverized bright green tea) made me think of a forest of verdant little Christmas tree sugar cookies, each promising the concentrated antioxidants (and signature grassy flavor) of this special tea, higher than other green teas because it utilizes ground-up leaves, rather than filtering out whole ones. Turmeric has been in the news a lot, said to ward off everything from cancer to arthritis to heart and liver disease. In addition, turmeric is perhaps the most promising food in terms of fighting depression—a true mood food if ever there was one. Turmeric brought me to thoughts of curries, and thus coconut, and with it, my favorite coconut cookie, the ANZAC biscuit. Chewy and salty-sweet, the turmeric version brings a note to the cookie plate that is at once exotic and familiar. Finally, I wanted to include a classic holiday Linzer cookie, which has always gotten its toasty flavor from ground nuts. Why not make them with walnuts, whose health profile (one ounce boasts more antioxidants than you get from all the fruits and vegetables you eat in a day) should crown them as king of the nuts? I'm not claiming that these cookies will work any miracles, but I do promise that a little nibble will bring you that kind of whole-body good feeling that, who knows, might just have the power to transform your day. Matcha Sugar Cookies Makes about 5½ dozen cookies COOKIES: 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus additional for rolling out cookies 3 tablespoons matcha powder** 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1½ sticks (12 tablespoons) unsalted butter, at room temperature ½ cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 large egg 2 tablespoons milk, optional ICING: 1¼ cup confectioners' sugar 2 teaspoons matcha powder 3 tablespoons milk Red, white, or silver sprinkles or dragees (silver sugar balls) SPECIAL EQUIPMENT: A Christmas tree cookie cutter. For the cookies: In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, matcha powder, and salt; set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the butter, sugar and vanilla on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, scraping down the sides of the bowl once, about 7 minutes. Add the egg and beat until combined; scrape down the sides of the bowl. Reduce the speed to low and add the flour mixture in 3 additions, scraping down the sides of the bowl once, and mixing until the dough just comes together. If the dough remains crumbly, add the milk a tablespoon at a time and mix until it just comes together. Press into a flat brick and wrap in plastic; refrigerate until firm, at least 3 hours. Bring the dough to room temperature for 10 minutes. Position the oven racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven, and preheat to 350 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment or silicone baking pads. Dust a work surface and rolling pin lightly with flour. Remove a third of the dough and roll it out to about 1/8-inch thick. (Keep remaining dough wrapped in plastic.) Cut into trees and gather up the scraps; wrap scraps in plastic and refrigerate. (Repeat with remaining dough; you may re-roll scraps a few times.) Transfer trees to the lined baking sheets and bake until toasted and fragrant, switching and rotating the pans halfway through, about 8 minutes. Transfer to a rack to cool completely. For the icing: Whisk together the confectioners' sugar and matcha powder, then whisk in the milk until smooth. Spoon the icing on top of the cooled cookies and let excess drip off back into the bowl; sprinkle with decorations. Place on a rack to dry rack to cool. **Matcha powder is available at Whole Foods, specialty and health food markets, and online. Coconut-Turmeric Oatmeal Cookies Makes about 5½ dozen cookies 1 cup sweetened flaked coconut 1 cup all-purpose f our 1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats 1 cup granulated sugar 2 teaspoons turmeric ¾ teaspoon kosher salt 1½ teaspoons baking soda 2 tablespoons boiling water 10 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 tablespoon honey Position the oven racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven and preheat to 300 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment or silicone baking pads. In a large bowl, whisk together the coconut, four, oats, sugar, turmeric and salt. Set aside. In a small bowl, stir together the baking soda and boiling water. In a small saucepan, melt together the butter and honey. Remove from the heat, then whisk in the baking soda mixture. Stir into the flour mixture. Pack teaspoons of the dough and turn out onto the lined baking sheets, about 2 inches apart. Bake until golden brown, switching and rotating the baking sheets halfway through, about 10 minutes. Cool the cookies on the baking sheets 5 minutes, then transfer to racks to cool completely. Walnut Linzer Thumbprints Makes about 5½ dozen cookies 1 cup walnuts ½ cup granulated sugar ¼ teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon kosher salt 1½ sticks unsalted butter, cut into tablespoon-size pieces 1¾ cup all-purpose f our A scant ½ cup raspberry preserves (not seedless) Position the oven racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line two large baking sheets with parchment or silicone baking pads. Spread the walnuts out in a small baking pan and bake until fragrant, about 12 minutes. Cool completely and leave the oven on. In the bowl of a food processor, pulse the nuts with the sugar, cinnamon and salt until ground to sandy crumbs. Add the butter, a few tablespoons at a time, and pulse until blended before adding more. Add the f our and pulse until the dough forms a cohesive ball. Scrape the dough into a medium bowl. Remove heaping teaspoons of dough and roll into 1-inch diameter balls. Arrange dough balls about 1½ inches apart on the lined baking sheets. Press an indentation in the center of each ball. Fill the thumbprint in each cookie with about ¼ teaspoon raspberry preserves. Bake until toasted on the edges and fragrant, switching and rotating the pans halfway through, about 15 minutes. Let cookies sit on the cookie sheet on a cooling rack 5 minutes, then transfer the cookies to the rack to cool completely. Leslie Porcelli is a freelance writer living in New York. Previously she was an editor at Gourmet and Martha Stewart Living.

Lifestyle

Behind the Scenes with Jillian Michaels

Jillian Michaels shows up exactly seven minutes late for the Live Happy photo shoot at Smashbox Studios in Culver City, California, apologizing profusely. “I’m so tired,” she says. “I’m just waking up.” Later, her business partner, Giancarlo Chersich, or “G” as everyone calls him, will give an account for the delay. As they were heading out the door of Jillian’s Malibu farmhouse, her 3-year-old son, Phoenix, threw his arms around her neck. “Jillian was embracing him to death,” G says. “She was like, ‘one more minute, one more minute.’ I let it go for a while, before I said, ‘We gotta go.’” An ever-growing family By the time Jillian is sitting in the makeup chair, she seems revived. She shares pictures of Stella, her pet pig, with her crew—all old friends that she addresses as “mama”—and lets out a huge “what the…” when she gets a text from her partner Heidi Rhoades that says, “We have a new pet.” A photo shows an enormous turtle, soon to be named Elmer, that was rescued from a Malibu intersection. Jillian, real and relaxed Though Jillian gently chides her assistant, Emily, for loading up her lunch plate with brownies and cookies (“She never eats vegetables!” Jillian says, like a fretful mom), she is, in real life, nothing like her drill sergeant persona on The Biggest Loser. For one thing, she can be self-deprecating. “I hate being short!” she says, when a couple of the dresses she tries on for the shoot turn out to be way too long for her 5’2” frame. And when photographer Jeff Lipsky asks her to swing her arms while he’s snapping pics of her walking with, ironically enough, Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way” playing in the background, Jillian collapses in giggles. “Hold on, hold on,” she says. “ I don’t know how to do that!” The woman who pulls off every move, from karate kicks to burpees, with impeccable finesse, suddenly has forgotten how to coordinate her legs and her arms. Hurricane Jillian Maybe she’s just hungry. When the shoot breaks for lunch, Jillian is giddy. In full production on her new E! docu-series Just Jillian, she’s been working nonstop 17-hour days, and, she says, “I can’t remember the last time I sat down for a meal. I love this!” She goes back for seconds of quinoa, grilled vegetables and steamed fish. As they eat, everyone swaps stories about how they get their kids to stay in line. “I pull a Jerry Maguire,” Jillian says, evoking the 1996 Tom Cruise film. “I tell them, ‘Help Mommy help you.’” Back to the farm Before she leaves, Jillian stops to do some shopping right off the racks of clothing the stylist pulled for the shoot. Skipping over the designer dresses and consulting with Chloe, her best friend and hairstylist, she buys two pairs of Joe’s jeans and a flannel shirt by Current Elliott. Then it’s 25 miles back to Malibu to meet Elmer. To read our in-depth feature on Jillian Michaels, see the February 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine. Learn more about what's coming up in the magazine when you tune in to our fantastic new podcast, 3 Steps to Lasting Change With Tal Ben-Shahar, which includes a preview of the February issue. Shelley Levitt is a freelance journalist based in Southern California and an editor at large for Live Happy.

Young couple watching a movie in theater.

Lifestyle

5 Must-Watch Movies for the Holidays

Movies inspire and entertain us. They bring us together and keep us laughing (or crying) on a dark winter's day when it's too cold to go out and play. One thing good movies can also do is show us character strengths—those virtues or qualities that define us as individuals. The VIA Institute on Character has defined 24 character strengths—such as bravery, humor and integrity—which all of us have but use to varying degrees. This holiday season, try watching movies with friends and family and then talk about what’s most meaningful to you, or debate the best virtues of each character. 1. Frozen Since this is now officially the most popular animated film of all time, you’ve likely seen Elsa’s efforts to handle her “frozen” powers and Anna’s journey to save Elsa. What most people seem to miss is the “power” of Anna’s character strengths. We all can learn from Anna’s bravery and perseverance as she goes off into the wilderness, faces down wolves, the bitter cold and the unknown to save her sister. Anna is driven by the strength of love, as well as other strengths like fairness, teamwork, zest and curiosity. 2. Groundhog Day This unique comedy portrays an ungrateful, mean-spirited weatherman who finds himself trapped, repeating the same day over and over. Like a bad dream, he’s caught in the same routines and daily irritations, with no ability to do anything about it. It’s not until he begins to live fully and engage his strengths that he awakens from his autopilot experience. Look for the character strengths of gratitude, love of learning, kindness and curiosity. 3. The Blind Side Leigh Anne Tuohy’s strengths of authenticity, bravery and persevering kindness are on full display as she helps a young man who has been cast aside by society. She uncovers his suppressed talents and hidden strengths, bringing him into her family and loving him like her own son. She creates an environment for him to flourish and helps him navigate educational systems that would otherwise have failed him. 4. It’s a Wonderful Life It’s hard to imagine a holiday season without this cherished classic, which film experts call the single “most inspiring movie” in film history. The popularity of this film and its hero, George Bailey, has to do with its four key messages: It’s never too late to improve yourself; be grateful for what you have; prioritize family/friends; and when in doubt, be kind to your neighbor. Look for those and for George’s many character strengths such as forgiveness, perseverance, hope and kindness. 5. Joyeux Noel (Merry Christmas) While not for the entire family, this French drama tells the unbelievable true story of Scottish, French and German soldiers who call a truce and cease-fire on Christmas Eve during World War I. When the soldiers step across enemy lines and share family photos and champagne, we are reminded of the human connection we all share. Our own strength of wisdom builds as we see there is a common humanity that transcends even the horrors of war. Look for the character strengths of kindness, teamwork, fairness and perspective/wisdom. Ryan Niemiec is the Education Director at the Via Institute on Character, and co-author of Positive Psychology at the Movies and Movies and Mental Illness.

Practice

Positively Coincidental?

We’ve all had those moments; a certain song—and its accompanying memories—has played in our head all day, and when we turn on the radio, it’s on the air. Or a friend we haven’t heard from in years has been on our mind, and suddenly we get an email or phone call from them.In many cases, we’ll write this off as mere coincidence. But Chris Mackey, a clinical and counseling psychologist in Geelong West, Australia, says there can be much more to these unexplained incidents than coincidence. And when it happens on a large and impactful scale—such as something extraordinary happening that supports a recent life-changing decision we’ve made—it moves beyond the notion of a coincidence and becomes synchronicity.More than a coincidence“Synchronicity refers to coincidences that are so uncanny and meaningful that they seem to go beyond chance,” explains Chris, a Fellow of the Australian Psychological Society. “Synchronistic experiences can seem so improbable that they lead us to wonder about a mysterious hidden order in the universe. I think synchronicity is often an affirming ‘tick from the universe’ that [lets us know] we are on the right track.”While many view synchronicity as something mystical, Carl Jung was among those who viewed synchronicity as having both scientific and psychological components. The primary attribute of synchronicity is that it is meaningful, and not just what we might call a happy coincidence. Chris described it as something that can potentially enhance one’s sense of engagement, purpose and meaning.Chris has studied the use of synchronicity as it applies to positive psychology and has applied it in a therapeutic setting. His work led to his recently published book, Synchronicity: Empower Your Life With the Gift of Confidence.Acknowledge, cherish synchronistic experiencesChris’ findings show that synchronicity correlates with the PERMA model of well-being, in that it is associated with positive feelings, helps with engagement in our life roles, improves relationships by increasing our sense of connections with others and can help us gain personal meaning from our experiences.“It is often motivating and energizing in a way that supports our accomplishment,” he says. Acknowledging synchronistic experiences can also help us become more aware of them – which often leads to more of these “uncanny coincidences.” In other words, just being aware of synchrony can help invite it into our lives.Write it out“To further appreciate synchronistic experiences, it can help to record them in a journal,” Chris recommends. “As with recording dreams, recording synchronistic experiences can help increase their frequency and intensity.”To better appreciate synchronicity and what it has to teach us, he says it’s important to be open and aware to noticing it in action. Synchronicity often has a mysterious or “numinous” quality to it, and is often accompanied by positive reactions such as a sense of awe and wonder. That can help open our minds—and our hearts—to new experiences and possibilities.Invite in the irrational, cosmic connections“Synchronicity also has a sacred quality, inviting us to wonder about the nature of our lives and existence beyond what is readily obvious or rationally explained,” Chris says. “Appreciating our synchronistic experiences draws on our intuition as we creatively reflect on ourselves, our lives and where we are heading.”Paula Felps is the Science Editor at Live Happy.

Practice

6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry

As part of Live Happy’s special series 90 Days to a Happier You, we’ve gathered experts from around the country with unbeatable advice about how we can change habits and live better in 2016. Below, in the first of a series of blogs, anxiety expert Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., walks us through the steps of how to win the war against worry. At some point, most of us have felt that surge of panic when a worry invades our mind. Worry is the anxious response to uncertainty; it narrows the field of infinite possibilities down to a few worst-case scenarios. For example, a worrier has a headache that won’t go away and thinks, “What if I have a tumor?” The worrier looks up all the symptoms of brain cancer and asks several friends about the headaches. A non-worrier, on the other hand, might just take an aspirin and assume nothing serious is wrong. Worriers constantly seek reassurance (WebMD anyone?). The irony is that this kind of inquiry makes worry much worse because it is a form of negative reinforcement—an attempt at a quick escape from worry and often an entry into a rabbit hole of increased worry. Worriers forget to do things that promote wellness. They spend their days in constantly trying to prevent bad things from happening instead of enjoying the present. The six steps: Follow these six steps to help you address irrational thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that keep you in a cycle of worry. 1. Download the app, get the books, and look around the website Start by downloading the free app “Self-help Anxiety Management–University of West England” (“SAM”), as we will do much of our work using the various tools on this app. Start by getting familiar with the tools and information available on the app and begin tracking your anxiety in the "How's my anxiety right now" section." Meanwhile, start reading the book Women Who Worry Too Much or The Worry Cure; these books will fortify the six steps and give you more information for keeping worry at bay. You will also find excellent resources on the website for the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (full disclosure: I am the incoming president of this organization). 2. Keep a daily anxiety diary and do worry exposure Use the app to begin worry exposure in the section titled “Mystical Monitor.” Record yourself talking about your worst worries and then play the recording repeatedly until your anxiety level decreases by about half. This may take 20 to 30 minutes of repeated listening. Do this worry exposure listening daily for at least 20 minutes, or until your worries no longer make you anxious. (This may take several days to several weeks until you become immune to your worst worries.) 3. Stop seeking reassurance This is a tough one, because in the worrier's mind, his or her attempt to seek reassurance is a way to stop or postpone an imagined catastrophic future. It may take some time, but make it a daily goal to slow down and eventually stop seeking reassurance about your worries. Don't seek advice and reassurance from friends in the form of conversation or internet searches. This habit may take up to several months to break. 4. Challenge your thinking Use the app section called “Thinking and Anxiety” to challenge the way you think when you worry. For example, you may not realize that you have traits of a perfectionist (many worriers do). Perfectionism increases worry by making you believe that there is only one narrow option for success instead of many flexible solutions. Your goal would be to finish the day with at least two to three mistakes and to discover that nothing terrible happened even when others noticed. 5. Decrease intolerance of uncertainty You can start to decrease procrastination and intolerance of uncertainty by doing daily uncertainty exposure practice. Look for uncertain situations that trigger your worry and then expose yourself to these situations without engaging in reassurance seeking, procrastinating or over-planning. Keep a list of your successes. For example, your boss says very little when you talk about your work, and you begin to worry about being fired. Exposure practice would consist of talking to no one about the boss or the quality of your work and just going about your job. 6. Improve self-care Read the “Health and Anxiety” section of the app. Make a list of things that you can do each day that promote your well-being and start doing them. Keep track of your successes in a daily journal. One important form of self-care critical for people who worry is relaxation and meditation. Use the “Relaxation physical” and “Relaxation mental” portions of your app or any meditation or relaxation technique you like. Try practicing daily for about 15 to 20 minutes, or whatever amount of time fits your schedule. Read Karen's second blog here, and her final blog here. To see Karen's recommendations in action, read coaching "subject" Kim Baker's blog "No Worries." Listen to Karen discuss how to Manage Negative Thinking on our podcast, Live Happy Now. Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., is president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and a leading expert on the treatment of anxiety.

Practice

6-Step Goal-Setting Challenge

As part of Live Happy’s special series 90 Days to a Happier You, we’ve gathered top experts from around the country with unbeatable advice about how we can change habits and live better in 2016. Below, as part of an ongoing blog series, expert coach Caroline Miller walks us through the steps of successfully setting short- and long-term goals. Self-help books are popular for a reason: Research shows that more than 90 percent of us would like to improve something about ourselves. Fortunately, the research also shows that with diligence and evidence-based goal setting processes, we have much greater chances of achieving our dreams than if we just wing it and hope for the best. Chris Libby, section editor of Live Happy, is a good example of someone who wants change, but didn’t know anything about the science of goal-setting, or the ways he might be hindering himself, until we started our coaching. Follow our journey—or better, join us by interacting with us—and together we will get a good look at how a step-by-step, scientific goal-setting method can help anyone get traction in life, regardless of where you start. Here are the six steps we will take together in the 90-Day Challenge: 1. Capitalize on your strengths First, I recommend taking the VIA Strengths Survey. Studies have found that knowing your top strengths makes you happier—particularly when you have the opportunity to put those strengths to use in new and resourceful ways. If gratitude is a top strength, you might leave a hand-written thank-you note instead of sending an email, for example, and think up other ways to share your heightened sense of hope and appreciation. Homework: Write an essay called “Me at My Best.” Describe a time when you used all of your top strengths in a “peak moment,” or when others said you made a positive difference. This essay will serve as a blueprint of best practices for you as you go about setting your goals. 2. Create a daily happiness boot-up menu Research has found that success in life is preceded by being happy first, and not vice versa. If we are going to flourish and succeed, we have to do things that elicit and amplify positivity on a daily basis. There are several “positive interventions” that improve well-being, such as physical exercise, practicing gratitude, doing mindfulness/meditation activities, volunteering/giving, journaling and practicing forgiveness. Homework: Create or reinforce daily habits that increase your happiness levels, and use your strengths in doing so. For example, if “zest” is a top strength, add vigorous exercise to your day or use your energy to support someone else’s cause. If love of learning is a top strength, find ways to investigate new sources of education such as a virtual course or a TED talk. 3. Write about your "Best possible future self” This elegant journaling exercise is deceptively powerful: Mentally project yourself 10 years into the future and write about your life as if everything has gone as well as possible. Do this for three days in a row, for 20 minutes at a time. Research finds that people who complete this exercise are more hopeful, more committed to their goals and clearer about priorities. Homework: Pick at least one long-term goal that has emerged from this exercise and write down the short-term steps you are ready to commit to that are necessary to pursue this goal. Write about the obstacles that are likely to emerge as you pursue this goal and how you plan to handle them. How will you use your strengths to overcome obstacles? 4. Build a platform of psychological strength for change To carry out the steps needed to accomplish goals, you must have inner stores of self-regulation and resilience. Without willpower or the ability to delay gratification, it will be impossible to do difficult things outside of your comfort zone, which is where many of the most meaningful goals lie. We will need resilience to get up every time we are knocked down, challenged or delayed, too, and grit will be the strength necessary to carry us to the finish line of the longest, hardest goals. Homework: Take the Grit Scale test and reflect on your score. What are the hardest things you’ve ever done and how did you get yourself through them? If you don’t have a history of being resilient, how can you use your strengths to find ways to protect yourself from being pulled off-course? 5. Prime your environment for change Marketers know the science of “priming” and use it to help them sell products; sport psychologists use it to motivate athletes. We can “nudge” ourselves in subtle ways throughout the day, in every environment, by strategically putting pictures of our goals in places we are sure to encounter, by hearing songs that energize us, and by reading inspirational e-newsletters about successful people. Homework: Scan your daily environment for “negative primes” that might be de-energizing. Replace pictures, driving routes, television habits or clothing with items that will inspire and motivate you. Consider replacing at least one computer password with a phrase associated with an important goal or a character strength that you want to embody. 6. Create a positive team Many people underestimate the undermining power of being surrounded by family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances who don’t support their positive change efforts. Social contagion theory states that we “catch” moods from those around us, including loneliness, depression, happiness and even grit. Other research connects “active-constructive responding” (marked by curiosity and enthusiasm) with friendship qualities that assist in proactive goal pursuit. Homework: Create a “Web of Influence” document, with you at the center and those closest to you radiating outward. Do the qualities of those in your web match what you need to remain committed to change? If not, what can you do to deliberately pull other, more positive, people closer to you to be cheerleaders or even members of a “mastermind” group that you can create? Read Caroline's second blog here, and her final blog here. To see Caroline's recommendations in action, read coaching "subject" Chris Libby's blog, here. Want more? Listen to Caroline discuss Setting Career Goals on our podcast, Live Happy Now. Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, is a professional coach, author, speaker and educator. Her book, Creating Your Best Life, is the first evidence-based book to connect the science of happiness with the science of goal-setting. Caroline gave an acclaimed TEDx talk on grit in 2014, a topic she will cover in her upcoming book, Authentic Grit.

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