10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

Happiness is something we all strive to attain, and yet it can be a struggle to get there. Circumstances—not to mention genes—can have a major impact on our moods. But research shows that much of our happiness depends on small choices we make on a day-to-day basis. Here on livehappy.com, we have chronicled many of the practices that happy people do on a regular basis. But what about the potentially disastrous, joy-killing choices that some of us fall into without even realizing it? We thought it would be just as important to learn the top behaviors that the happiest people don’t do. 1. Happy people don’t worry too much about what others think Happy people are still human, and everyone cares a little about what others think. But the difference is that happy people don’t ruminate or obsess about others’ opinions of them. They value other people’s perspectives and are open to advice and guidance, but happy people ultimately stay true to their core beliefs and don’t waver from them—even if that means not fitting in with everyone else. 2. Happy people don’t waste time doing things they dislike While there are always going to be things we don’t like doing (laundry, taxes, etc.), happy people don’t waste time on activities that they don’t have to do and don’t enjoy. Happy people don’t spend time watching TV shows they don’t love; they don’t attend events that make them feel anxious; they don’t stay in careers that don’t fill them with joy. One of the greatest secrets of happy people is that they know what they don’t enjoy, and they don’t waste time on it out of a sense of fear, inertia or obligation. 3. Happy people don’t try to manipulate or change other people Happy people know that change is an inside job, and the only way people change is if they want to. This knowledge is essential to happy living because it means not wasting time trying to manipulate others. Most happy people aren’t shy about sharing their opinions or thoughts, but they’re aware that they cannot force transformation in others (and that trying to do so will only be a waste of time). Instead they focus on what they can do to take themselves out of a negative situation. 4. Happy people don’t allow themselves to stay stuck in the past Focusing too much on the past is one of the quickest ways to become unhappy, and this is something that happy people inherently know to be true. While happy people do pay attention to—and strive to learn from—things that have happened in the past, they’re careful not to spend too much time ruminating on what was. Happy people know that the present is much more valuable than the past, and they focus most of their attention on the now. 5. Happy people don’t obsess over what might happen in the future It’s important to plan for the future, but it’s detrimental to obsess and worry over what might happen. Happy people know that there are a great many things they cannot control, and the future is one of them. Rather than worrying about what could go wrong, happy people strive to prepare as best they can and then direct their attention back to the present moment. 6. Happy people don’t strive to achieve absolute perfection Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness, and happy people are well aware of this. Though they strive to do their best and aim high with their goals, they aren’t caught up in having “perfect” lives or being the “perfect” spouse, worker or parent. They don’t try to compare their real lives to those “highlight reel” images on Instagram and Facebook. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 7. Happy people don’t forget to be thankful for what they have One of the quickest ways to access lasting happiness is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Happy people spend more time thinking about what they’re lucky to have and very little time wishing for things they don’t have. They look for and find the silver lining in a bad situation, and are able to remind themselves of just how fortunate they are. 8. Happy people don’t value material possessions over experiences Scientific research has shown that people who use their money to buy experiences such as travel, sporting activities and outings to the theater enjoy a greater, more prolonged sense of happiness than those who spend money on objects. The happiest people seem to have figured this out; they value activities such as spending time with friends and family, traveling to new places and stepping outside of their comfort zones. 9. Happy people don’t seek fulfillment in the wrong places For happy people, fulfillment doesn’t come from the size of their bank accounts, the amount of likes on social media or the type of car they drive. Happy people see fulfillment in meaningful things—connections with others, spirituality and meaning, and rewarding career paths. They know that status symbols are not as valuable in the long run as a sense of belonging and giving back to the community and the world at large. 10. Happy people don’t stay in negative situations for long Perhaps most important of all, happy people don’t stay in negative situations or tolerate negative people in their lives. Happy people find a way to leave situations, careers and relationships that cause excessive amounts of stress. They avoid spending time with people who dwell on the negative. And under no circumstances do they tolerate emotional or physical abuse. While some people have, by default, happier temperaments than others, happiness is something that requires dedication and hard work. If you’re looking for more happiness in your life, don’t just think about the practices such as meditation, exercise and good sleep habits, but also consider this list of don’ts, so you won’t get stuck in a negativity trap. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author ofStay Positive,The Positively Present Guide to Life and a variety ofe-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.
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Laura Benanti living happy

Laura Benanti Gets the Right Kind of Attention

Tony Award-winning actress Laura Benanti has dazzled audiences on the stage as well as onscreen since the age of 18. She is best known for her appearances on Broadway, including the revival of The Sound of Music, Swing! and Into the Woods, but you may also recognize her for her recurring television roles on Nashville, Royal Pains and most recently Supergirl. As if she didn’t have enough to do in her whirlwind life, Laura also finds time to write and play music. In 2013 she released her first solo album:In Constant Search of the Right Kind of Attention: Live at 54 BELOW. We caught up with the the busy actor/singer to find out a little more about how she stays balanced and happy with so much on her plate. Live Happy: What projects are you working on now? Laura Benanti: I am rehearsing for a show on Broadway called She Loves Me at the Roundabout Theater Company. It’s a beautiful love story. I’m also writing a comedic book of essays, tentatively titled I Stole Your Boyfriend (and Other Monstrous Acts on My Way to Becoming a Human Woman). Who has taught you the most about happiness? My husband, Patrick Brown. I watch him choose happiness every single day. He approaches every new day like it is a fresh start. He doesn’t dwell on the past or obsess over the future. He assumes the best of people unless proven otherwise, and even then he doesn’t take it personally. He just uses it as information and moves on. When was the last time you laughed out loud? Today at rehearsal. That’s what I love about rehearsals with Broadway folks. We laugh all the time. What is your "go-to" movie or book when you want to lift your mood? I love to watch the movie Some Like It Hot. Or I listen to [Buddhist teacher] Pema Chodron. What are you most passionate about? My family, my friends, music, laughter, being kind to others and fighting for what I think is right. How do you make the people close to you feel happy? I try to abide by the golden rule. But most importantly, understanding that I can’t actually make someone happy has been a very illuminating concept. I don’t have control over other people and how they might feel. All I can do is treat them with respect and consideration. Where is your "happy place"? My childhood home in Kinnelon, New Jersey. When my parents bought it over 30 years ago it was a run-down mess. They have lovingly and painstakingly turned it into an oasis. How do you live happy? I’m married to my best friend. I try to eat well, meditate twice a day for 20 minutes, and “lean towards the light.” Singing also makes me very happy. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy.
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Put down your phone and be in the moment!

You’ve Changed—Now Stick to the Program!

As we wind up Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, happiness expert Christine Carter, Ph.D., offers the last word on how to untangle yourself from your phone and other digital distractions. If you've been following along and doing this 90-day email detox together with Live Happy managing editor Donna Stokes, I hope you've found that it takes less and less willpower to stick with he changes you’ve made, and that the activities you’ve chosen to replace checking your email (or phone) all the time are now a regular part of your lifestyle. They are well on their way to becoming habits, which is great news, because habits often last a lifetime. Here are some final tips for maintaining those changes over the long term: 1. Celebrate your success, but beware of moral licensing As you notice how well you’re doing at staying unplugged or not working when you aren’t at work, don’t let yourself feel so good about your progress that you unleash what researchers call the “licensing effect.” The licensing effect occurs when we behave virtuously and then cancel out our good deeds by doing something naughty. When we behave in line with our goals and values—whether it’s something as large as staying unplugged for an entire vacation or as small as not talking on the phone while checking out at the grocery store—we, ironically, risk backsliding. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to feel that healthy or virtuous activities entitle us to partake in less-good activities. Smokers will smoke more, for example, when they believe they’ve just taken a vitamin C tablet. Similarly, philanthropists tend to give away less money after they’ve been reminded of their humanitarian attributes. One study even found that after people buy eco-friendly products, they’re more likely to cheat and steal! Avoid the licensing effect by reflecting on your goals and values rather than your accomplishment. Why have you decided to turn your phone off during dinner time? What larger mission are you trying to fulfill? How will you or others benefit from the habit you’re working on? Questions like these can help us avoid self-sabotage. 2. Gather your “cabinet” Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when [we] discover that someone else believes in us and is willing to trust us.” When we’re making lifestyle changes, it is best not to go at it alone—we need to know who else believes in us, who trusts that the changes we’ve made are going to stick. You don’t have to be the president to need a cabinet of close advisers for advice and inspiration, so surround yourself with people who understand what you’ve been working so hard on and who can support you going forward. I can’t underscore enough how critical this is for success. The first and most obvious reason why we need a support team is that our cabinet can help hold us accountable, acting as a bit of external willpower when our self-control falters. This is especially important during a digital detox. Our friends know when we’re addicted to technology again—they can see the time stamp on our emails! Most of us care what other people think of us, and when we make our intentions public in some way—even if our public is just an inner circle of close friends—our intentions have more power. Beyond that, other people can keep us on track when we’re so depleted that we no longer care what other people think. Our friends can refuse to respond to texts that come after our bedtime, for example, and they can help us shut down our computers when it’s time to take a break. Second, there is a plethora of empirical evidence that shows we’re herd animals and we typically do what our peers do. Compelling research demonstrates that our behavior is influenced not just by our friends, but by our friends’ friends’ friends. Because the behavior of others is highly contagious, we do well when we hang out with people who already have the types of habits that we’re trying to maintain. At a minimum, this means finding people at work who are succeeding at leaving their work at work. 3. Begin again after any major change in circumstances. Your habit will stick so long as the circumstances in which you established your new behavior remain the same. But life is full of change. You may change jobs, move to a new apartment or have a baby. Or you might do something as simple (and routine-rocking) as go on vacation. And as you’ve probably experienced, any of these things can disrupt your routine enough that your old, bad habits of working at night or checking your phone while you drive can easily slip in. This unfortunate reality cannot be avoided, but it can be planned for. Before a big change occurs, make some notes about what worked best for you in establishing your new habits the first time. Then anticipate the new obstacles coming your way, and plan for them. What will you need to do differently under the new circumstances? And then—this can be a sour pill to swallow—begin the process of unplugging again. Here’s the good news: You’ve already found a way to stop checking your phone or email; it’ll be much easier to re-establish these behaviors in your new circumstances than it would be to start from scratch. This is because the neural networks exist now where they didn’t before. If you need additional support or would just like more tips, I hope you’ll join my free habit-formation coaching program! Register here. Good luck with your new habits! Read Christine's first blog, 6 Steps to Unplugging From Work. Read Christine's second blog, 5 Ways to Stay Engaged and Keep Email at Bay. Listen to Christine discuss Unplugging From Work on our podcast. Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a sociologist, author, educator and senior fellow at University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center. She is also the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work and Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.
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Michael Strahan Wakes Up Happy

Michael Strahan Wakes Up Happy

As a youngster who idolized his three older brothers, Michael Strahan was heartbroken when he learned why they called him “Bob.” The future 6-foot-5 muscular, quarterback-crushing Hall of Fame defensive end was, at age 13, chubby. “Bob” stood for “booty on back,” one of his brother’s friends revealed as Michael huffed and puffed his way up a fence trying to keep up with the older kids. Holding back tears, Michael asked his mom if it was true that he was fat. “Oh no, baby,” she said. “You are husky.” But when Michael pressed his dad, he conceded that the boy could lose some weight. Fit and disciplined So Michael bought a Jane Fonda workout video (the year was 1985). He started saying “no” to second and third helpings of his mom’s cooking, saved up to buy football hero Herschel Walker’s workout book, and added situps and pushups to his regimen during TV commercials as Herschel advised. On weekends, Michael and his father jogged miles together around the U.S. Army base in Mannheim, Germany, where the elder Strahan held the rank of major. Within a few months, Michael was trimmer and fitter than he’d ever been. His brothers stopped calling him “Bob,” and Michael gained something more important, proving to himself that he could accomplish what he set his mind to. His father reinforced the lesson. Anything is possible “Growing up, my dad always used to say, ‘when’ not ‘if,’ ” Michael tells Live Happy. “‘When you get a scholarship to college…’, ‘When you make it into the NFL…’, ‘When you get into the Hall of Fame….’ He taught me to believe that my dreams were not only possible, but that they were inevitable with hard work and dedication. I’ve carried this positive perspective with me throughout all aspects of my life. When things seemed tough, I just reminded myself that it was all part of the process and that things would always work out the way that they were meant to.” He understood the payoffs for hard work could be sweet. “The juice is worth the squeeze,” he writes in his new book, Wake Up Happy: The Dream Big, Win Big Guide to Transforming Your Life. And he learned “grit, desire and discipline” were important on and off the playing field, as well as in day-to-day choices— happiness included. Choose to be happy “I believe everyone can be happy. It’s about choosing to be happy,” he says. “Sometimes happiness and a positive attitude does take grit, desire and discipline. Sometimes it also takes patience and persistence. You have to trust yourself and always do what’s best for you.” Now serving as co-host on LIVE! With Kelly & Michael, special guest host on Good Morning America and football analyst on FOX NFL Sunday, Michael made his transition from pro sports look simple. Figuring it out wasn’t easy, though, and neither was being comfortable on camera for the admitted introvert. But he paid attention, practiced and persevered. He made 20 guest-host appearances with LIVE! host Kelly Ripa in almost a year before he was chosen for the job full time. Fear is good when it challenges you “Most major decisions we make involve fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of missing out, etc. The best thing we can do is to never let fear consume us,” he says. “Don’t let fear stop us from trying something outside of our comfort zone. Fear is good when it challenges you and pushes you forward, but it’s important to trust your instincts and be confident in what you are doing. You have to be open to new opportunities and experiences for personal growth to happen.” Even before he left the NFL, Michael was preparing for his second act. As he continued racking up accolades and trophies, including the coveted Super Bowl ring in his final year with the New York Giants, he was cultivating people from whom he could learn, absorbing everything he could, staying open to new ideas. A man of many talents “Sometimes you’ll catch the big fish and sometimes you won’t, but without a line in the water you don’t stand a chance,” he writes. Today, Michael has a wealth of opportunities. In addition to appearing on live TV six days a week, he also has a line of men’s suits, the Collection by Michael Strahan, sold by J.C. Penney. With Wake Up Happy, he’s recently added best-selling author to his credits. In the book, Michael admits he doesn’t have everything figured out. Twice divorced, he says his love life is a work in progress. After his first marriage ended, his ex-wife took the two oldest children back to Germany where she and Michael first became teenage sweethearts. Michael regrets the time he missed with the kids and has worked to make it up. He also played Mr. Mom to his twin daughters who were just babies when he and their mother divorced. Still a work in progress To gain joint custody, a judge ordered Michael to care for the girls without outside help, and Michael did it. He continues to work on himself, too. But he may have eased up a bit. His best advice to live happy, he says, is to “be as nice, encouraging and kind to yourself as you are to everyone else. Don’t be so hard on yourself and live life to its fullest! Life has its ups and downs, but focus your energy on enjoying the ride.” As someone who grew up abroad and has traveled extensively since then, the International Day of Happiness has special meaning for Michael. “No matter where you are from, everyone has struggles and disappointments,” he says. “Happiness may come easier to some than others, but we all have conflicts. We are universally connected in that we all deal with these things on a daily basis. How we deal with them is what sets apart the truly happy people. It’s about gratitude and appreciation and being thankful for all that we do have instead of focusing on what we don’t have.” Lisa Ocker is a longtime journalist who formerly served as editor of SUCCESS magazine.
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Are You Making This Common Parenting Mistake?

After relationship issues and personal growth, parenting ranks among the most pressing topics facing adults today. I am a parent, and I also talk to a lot of parents, both in my personal life and at work in my private practice as a therapist. Parenting is clearly an important and difficult job. We, as parents, are not only providing for the basic physical needs of our children, but we are often hyper-focused on their psychological needs as well. On top of that, we hold ourselves responsible for the implications of each of our decisions: We want to do the best job possible and not mess up our kids! This desire to be the best parent possible can translate into an unrealistic ideal of the super parent. Thanks a lot, Martha Stewart! When my daughter was in elementary school, she participated in a children’s book club in our neighborhood. Each family took a turn hosting with a theme-related activity, decorations and food. Parents went all out! When it was our turn to host, the book was about puppies. My daughter and I baked cookies in the shape of dog biscuits, we made a puppy-related art project and bought puppy plates. I really thought I had hit it out of the park when we bought little plastic bowls for the kids to drink out of instead of cups. To be honest, I felt like a very successful parent—something I struggled with because I worked outside of the home. One mom arrived early and complimented all that we had done but then critically asked why I did not have puppy ears for the kids to wear. In hindsight I now see that she was inconsiderate and ridiculous, but at the time I was truly crushed. It took me a few minutes to regroup, because her judgmental question launched me into a state of insecurity and worry. We put so much pressure on ourselves that it’s easy to feel that we have somehow failed, or at least not met expectations. Underpraised and overburdened The drive to be a super parent can leave you feeling stressed out, depressed, guilt-ridden and like a complete failure. Trying to be and do everything at a level of perfection will only lead to exhaustion and unhappiness, and set a poor example for our children—the very people we are trying to nurture, teach and please. Typically the need to be a super parent emerges from these three areas: Expectations: Whether set by our own standards or those we perceive from society, expectations cause us to stop focusing on what is emotionally best for our families. This creates too much pressure, which can lead to guilt, disappointment, frustration and sadness. Comparison/envy: Sometimes we are so busy looking at what other people are doing that we lose focus on what is best for our family. While it is tempting to try to keep up with, or even outdo, a neighbor’s over-the-top birthday party, it may not be what your child wants, or what you can afford. Insecurity: The need for perfection can be rooted in insecurity. We may feel overextended and worry that we are not devoting enough time and energy to parenting. That can lead to skewed perceptions of what is good, healthy and desirable. Let’s stop trying to be super parents and focus on being good parents instead. Good parents allow room for error and fatigue, accept their imperfections and model to their children that trying your best is what is important. Good parents focus on the well-being and happiness of themselves and their family.
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Why March Madness Makes Us So Happy

Why March Madness Makes Us So Happy

The drama, the anxiety, the upsets...That’s right, it’s that time of year again when the masses turn their frenzied fervor for college hoops into all-out madness. Like moths to a flame, millions will flood into sports bars or sneak a peek at their phones to catch the scores every five minutes to see what's happening in the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament. Bring on the Madness! So what is it about March Madness that draws in so many people—even many non-sports fans? Sean Farnham, ESPN college basketball analyst and former co-captain of the 1999–2000 UCLA Bruins, says it is all about the unpredictability, the fact that once a team is in “the dance,” anything can happen. Win or go home. “Inevitably, what we all love is the real-life drama of the underdog. The NCAA Tournament offers that every single year,” Sean says. “We see that small school from a couple of years ago, Florida Gulf Coast, that was the ‘little engine that could’ and got hot at the right time after finishing second place in their conference tournament. They won two games to advance to the Sweet 16 and they captured the imagination of the country, especially in the world of sports.” The bonding, the betting... It’s pageantry unlike any other sporting event, save for the Super Bowl, and it is consumed by millions. According to ncaa.com, the 2015 tournament was the most watched in 22 years, with an average of 11.3 million television viewers and 80.7 million live video streams. Ryan M. Niemiec, Psy.D., psychologist and education director of the VIA Institute on Character, says one of the interesting aspects about March Madness is that not everyone has to like college basketball to get joy from the tournament. The thrill of picking the winners on wildly popular brackets is intriguing because anyone can participate and win. Last year, global outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc. reported that in 2014, more than 11 million brackets were filled out just on espn.com alone and more than 50 million people participated in some sort of office pool. While your boss may not like the fact that over a billion dollars in productivity is wasted by workers following the games every year, it is proof positive that Americans love March Madness. The “Cinderella Stories” “There are always surprises—aka Cinderella teams—that aren’t expected to win but who do well. And psychology teaches us that people love to root for the underdog,” Ryan says. Yes, it’s an opportunity to kick your hope meter into gear rooting for your favorite picks, but you may be surprised by the additional character strengths that become involved. “We can learn a lot about character and character strengths in the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat,” Ryan says. “We learn which players and coaches have strong and balanced levels of humility, self-regulation, social intelligence, perspective and kindness, to name a few. “These sports—and especially the intrigue and emotionality around the NCAA Tournament—offer a great opportunity for players and coaches to use their best qualities, their character strengths. The fans then can fine tune their skill of spotting character strengths in action,” he adds. It’s also a chance to connect with friends, co-workers and family, find common ground and experience something together, and maybe even engage in a little ribbing just for fun. We love March Madness for the raw, unpredictable drama “More than any other sporting event, we see the raw emotion of the moment, and it is something that is very real,” Sean says. And he should know. From the jubilation he felt in 1997 as a UCLA Bruin making it to the Elite Eight his freshman year, to the pain he felt losing in the first round his junior year to Detroit Mercy, those experiences conjure emotions that he will never forget, especially in March. “To me the NCAA Tournament every year is like Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It’s not just a movie. It’s a moment. An event,” he says. “It is something that will always be remembered.” Chris Libby is the section editor for Live Happy magazine.
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Should We Aim To Be Perfectly Happy?

Should We Aim To Be Perfectly Happy?

If you were to score yourself on a scale of zero to 10, how happy were you yesterday? And how happy are you today with your life? Over the last decade, researchers, workplaces and governments have begun repeatedly measuring our levels of happiness. Why? As we have documented in Live Happy over the past two-and-a-half years, a growing body of research suggests happy people are more successful in marriages, friendships, earning money, work performance and physical health. So surely the higher our happiness scores, the more success we’ll all have. Right? Well perhaps. A more nuanced look at happiness “In our achievement-oriented culture, we often expect to see scores go up,” explains Dr. Peggy Kern from The University of Melbourne, and one of the world’s leading researchers on well-being and its impact. “But I think being 10 out of 10 on a happiness or well-being measure is probably maladaptive. It’s good to have a high level of happiness and to maintain that over time, but it’s also important to be aware that we can have too much of a good thing. And depending on what’s going on in your life, being happy is not always appropriate” For example, researchers have found that while many of us may believe reducing our level of stress is key to improving our happiness, the Gallup World Happiness Report has found that countries with high stress also score high on happiness and well-being. Despite the common perception, stress is not necessarily a bad thing. Happy lives are not stress-free, nor does a stress-free life guarantee happiness. The right kind of stress Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal in her best-selling book The Upside of Stress explains: “The Gallup Poll found that raising a child under 18 significantly increases the chance that you will experience a great deal of stress every day—and that you will smile and laugh a lot each day. Entrepreneurs who say that they experienced a great deal of stress yesterday are also more likely to say that they learned something interesting that day. Rather than being a sign that something is wrong with your life, feeling stressed can be a barometer for how engaged you are in activities and relationships that are personally meaningful.” As psychologists Richard Ryan, Veronika Hutaand Edward Deci write in a chapter of The Exploration of Happiness, “The more directly one aims to maximize pleasure and avoid pain, the more likely one is to produce instead a life bereft of depth, meaning and community.” The many facets of happiness “Happiness comprises multiple elements, such as positive emotions, engagement in life, relationships, a sense of meaning and accomplishment and good physical health,” explains Peggy. “By regularly measuring how we are doing in different areas, we can start to understand what happiness means to us personally, and how we’re impacted by the actions we choose to take and our life experiences.” “Again the goal is not a perfect score in every domain,” she says. “Instead, it’s about noticing when you are living in a way that is most adaptive for you based on what you value, the situations you find yourself in, the resources you have to draw upon and the results you want to achieve. Then take steps to maintain this consistently, or make adjusts as needed.” How can you broaden your measures of happiness? Here are six evidence-based steps: Track your well-being Take the free PERMAH Workplace Wellbeing Survey developed by Peggy to see how you’re doing, set small goals for improvement and access a database of more than 200 different evidence-based practices to improve your happiness at work. Balance your emotions Researchers have found that both positive and negative emotions have their place when it comes to flourishing. While positive emotions can boost our energy, self-confidence and creativity, negative emotions can trigger our awareness that something important to us is not right. They can be a catalyst for change. Happiness is about having the psychological flexibility to understand when heartfelt positive emotions serve us best, and when we need to practice being comfortably uncomfortable with stress and anxiety. You can track your emotions and reflect on their impact using the free two-minute test at www.positivityratio.com. Develop your strengths Researchers have found using our strengths—those things we’re good at and enjoy doing—can help us feel more confident, engaged and energized about our work. They also caution that focusing only on our strengths can give us a false sense of competence, result in over-used strengths and ignores the power of our weaknesses. Happiness requires being able to find the right strength, in the right amount and for the right outcomes, and being able to tackle our weaknesses head-on when they are important. You can start by discovering your strengths using the free 10-minute survey at www.viacharacter.org. Create authentic connections Considerable scientific evidence suggests other people matter. Practicing gratitude not only improves our relationships, but has also been found to reduce stress and negative emotions, and increase our levels of energy and resilience. Before you leave work each day, take the time to genuinely thank one person for how they made your day a little better. Be specific about what you appreciated and why. Find a healthy sense of meaning Adam Grant, Ph.D., expert in altruism and professor at the Wharton Business School of Business, notes the single strongest predictor of having a sense of meaning and purpose is the belief that what we do has a positive impact on others. Think about how what you do each day can help others—even if it’s just the person sitting next to you. Then take time each week to savor the difference you make. Be aware, however, that when our passion becomes obsession (and you hear yourself saying “I have to” instead of “I want to”), this can undermine happiness in the long term. So try to aim for balance, not obsession. Nurture hope While 89 percent of us believe tomorrow will be better than today, only 50 percent of us believe we can make it so. Researchers suggest this belief is the difference between wishing and hoping. When we hope, we set clear “want-to” goals, pathways to reach them, and we find ways to maintain our willpower. As a result, hope can add about an hour a day in terms of productivity, and it helps to improve our health and well-being. You can map your hopes at work by following these simple steps. So this year on the International Day of Happiness, what steps can you take to improve your happiness? Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Her work has been featured in Forbes, The Harvard Business Review, The Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal and many other outlets.
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Ali Smith on Mindfulness

In this episode Live Happy Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah K. Heisz talks with Ali Smith, co-founder of the Holistic Life Foundation, on one of 10 practices for choosing joy: mindfulness. Ali has more than 15 years of experience teaching yoga and mindfulness to diverse populations. Through his work at the Holistic Life Foundation, he has developed and piloted yoga and mindfulness programs with at-risk youth at drug treatment centers, juvenile detention centers, alternative high schools, mental crisis facilities and in many other underserved communities. What you'll learn in this podcast: How to incorporate mindfulness in your life How to teach mindfulness to kids Why mindfulness is important Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about the Holistic Life Foundation Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
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Happiness Around the Clock

Happiness Around the Clock

There are 1,440 minutes in a day, and while we can’t expect every moment to be blissful, we each have the means to increase our sense of joy, connection and well-being in our daily lives. Two main strategies will help you achieve this. One, through simple actions you can train your brain to “tilt toward positivity,” says neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Two, you can live more harmoniously with your body’s natural rhythms by aligning activities like eating, sleeping and when you turn on and off the lights to your circadian clock. Throughout the day this built-in internal timer regulates everything from body temperature to the release of hunger hormones. Follow these cues and you’ll flourish, disrupt them and you’ll experience an avalanche of disturbances, from insomnia and weight gain to foggy thinking and depression. “Circadian rhythm hygiene is every bit as important to good health as washing your hands,” says Christopher Colwell, Ph.D., director of the Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. With expert advice, we’ve put together a template of what these two strategies would look like in an average day. Consider it a tick-tock of contentment. Adjust the timing to your needs but try to follow the general principles for a week or two. You’ll likely find you experience more happy moments each and every day. 6:30 a.m.: Wake up to an alarm clock that mimics the rising sun. A study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology shows that gradual light exposure during the last 30 minutes of sleep can increase alertness, enhance both mental and physical performance, and improve mood. The Soleil Sleep Spa and the Philips Wake-Up Light both combine dawn simulation with nature sounds like morning birds or ocean waves. 6:45 a.m.: Devote a few minutes before you get out of bed to a mindful check-in. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, suggests asking yourself questions like, “How am I starting this day? How is my body feeling? How am I feeling emotionally?” If you notice you’re tense, Elisha suggests widening your arms to expand your chest, opening your mouth a few times to stretch out the jaw muscles and dropping your shoulders. “You want to begin your day from a place of ease,” Elisha says. 6:50 a.m.: Make Your bed. This simple act creates a small sense of satisfaction and pride that sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, notes that a daily tidying of the sheets correlates to better productivity and a greater sense of well-being. 7 a.m.: Shower with intention and attention. “Mindful showers have transformed my life,” Elisha says. “I always thought of the morning shower as one of those daily tasks you have to do.” That changed when he bought a bar of rose-scented soap. The fragrance evoked sensory memories of the summers he spent at his grandmother’s house in Burlington, Vermont, and summoned feelings of love, warmth and comfort. Now, Elisha begins his showers by holding the bar of soap, inhaling its scent for a few deep breaths and paying attention to the feeling of the warm water against his skin. “The small splurge on a special soap is a way of taking care of yourself, and that can boost your feelings of self-worth,” he says. 7:30 a.m.: Eat breakfast within the first two hours of waking up. “Delaying any longer than that and you’re skipping a meal, and that depletes your physical and mental energy,” says Lisa Dierks, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program. The ideal breakfast will include a protein, a grain and a fruit or vegetable. For example, plain Greek yogurt topped with berries and low-sugar granola. 8 a.m.: Take your first 10-minute dose of daily exercise. Don’t have time for a lengthy workout every day? No sweat! Shorter bouts of exercise can boost your well-being just as effectively as a single sustained session. Maybe even more. One recent study at the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University showed that walking briskly for 10 minutes, three times a day, was significantly more effective in lowering blood pressure than a single half-hour session. 8:30 a.m.: Find ease during your morning commute. Whether we battle bumper-to-bumper traffic or crowded subway cars, the commute to work can be stressful. The road to relaxation? Cultivating a sense of community with your fellow commuters. When Elisha finds himself getting tense on the drive to Los Angeles’ Center for Mindful Living, which he co-founded and where he practices as a clinical psychologist, he turns inward rather than venting at the drivers around him. “I ask myself, ‘What am I really needing right now? What are the other drivers around me needing?’ ” The answer often leads him to silently recite, “May we all have more ease and patience in this traffic.” This creates a shift, Elisha says, “that completely transforms my experience. I go from disconnection to connection and the whole frustrated mind seems to dissipate.” 9 a.m.: Center yourself before you transition to a new activity. We often carry around the equivalent of an emotional doggy bag as we move through our day, bringing the stress of a harried morning to an important meeting or the fatigue of a three-hour business meeting to giving our kids a bath. “A lot of time our focus gets stolen,” says Sam Chase, author of Yoga & the Pursuit of Happiness and co-owner of New York’s Yoga to the People studio. To begin a new activity fully present, he suggests slowing down for a moment of transition. “When I’m about to go into a new situation, I’ll pause and take three breaths right at the doorway,” he says. “That helps me let go of what I was doing and open myself up to whatever I’m entering without distraction.” 12:30 p.m.: Choose a true happy meal for lunch. Skip the fast food and opt for a mix of protein, veggies, whole grains and healthy plant-based fats like those found in avocados or olive oil. “I think of food as edible happiness,” says chef and nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs, author of Happy Foods: Over 100 Mood-Boosting Recipes. “On the most fundamental level, food, beyond just sustaining us, has the capacity to nourish us on a deeper level.” When we eat heavily processed meals that are heavy in refined carbs, like white rice or pasta, and sugar, we set in motion a series of physiological responses that lead to the release of stress hormones, mood swings, fatigue, and, as a recent study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed, a higher risk of depression. 1 p.m.: Take your second dose of daily exercise. Want to get even more benefit from your brisk walk? Seek out some greenery—a tree-lined street, a local park, an urban garden amid city skyscrapers. Studies show that a walk in nature reduces activity in the part of the brain associated with rumination, that endless loop of doomsday thinking and self-reproach. Another way to put more bounce in your step is to share your walk with a co-worker or two. Strong relationships with co-workers are one of the most important factors in workplace satisfaction. 3 p.m.: Beat the mid-late afternoon slump with a healthy alternative to a sugary snack. Karen suggests half an avocado with a sprinkling of sea salt and a dash of lemon juice; a slice of turkey or ham wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf or ½ cup full-fat yogurt with a tablespoon of sunflower seeds. Instead of a cup of coffee—caffeine after 2 p.m. can interfere with sleep—try this energizing alternative: Keep a bottle of an essential oil, like rosemary or peppermint, in your desk drawer or purse. Place three drops in the palm of your hands, rub them together, hold your palms up to your face and inhale deeply for three breaths. 4:30 p.m.: Pause for a moment to consider your personal values. Make a habit of taking a break from meetings and emails for a moment of self-reflection and inspiration. Erica Brown, a Jewish scholar and educator, suggests thinking about a different aspiration or emotion each day. In her new book Take Your Soul to Work: 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership, she suggests pondering questions like, “What does your authentic self look like when no one is looking?” “When is the last time you shared something of beauty with those who work with you?” and “Name something you love so much that it can never fail you.”6 p.m.: Build a better to-do list. Before you leave your workplace for the day, create a to-do list for tomorrow. Along with jotting down the tasks you need to complete, make sure you’re carving out time in your day for things you love to do. Researcher Lahnna Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, calls this “prioritizing positivity.” Her research shows that it’s a far more effective tactic for achieving happiness than striving to feel joy, contentment, gratitude or peace every second of the day. Prioritizing positivity means different things to different people, Lahnna says. Two activities that elicit positive emotions in most people are connecting with a loved one and doing something physically active. 7 p.m.: Enjoy dinner with family or friends. Close relationships with other people are a keystone to happiness, and the dinner table is a natural place for connecting. A new study of more than 11,000 adults shows that face-to-face interactions with friends and family members offer powerful protection against depression; contact by phone, text or emails don’t have the same power. Plus, a slew of studies have shown family meals lead to a wide range of benefits, including better grades and fewer incidences of behavior like smoking and drinking in teens. 7:30 p.m.: Close down your kitchen. Scientists are discovering that when you eat is nearly as important as what you eat. “Our bodies are designed to take in calories over 12 hours and fast for 12, says Christopher, the neuroscientist. Research at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego has shown that disrupting this natural order by, say, snacking at midnight or 2 a.m. leads not only to poor sleep and weight gain but also to the kind of metabolic disorders seen in people with diabetes. Now, a study just completed at Christopher’s lab suggests that mistimed eating can also impair memory and learning. 8 p.m.: Take your final dose of exercise. Go for a post-dinner stroll but avoid intense aerobic exercise. We fall asleep when our core body temperature drops, says Christopher, and when you do a heavy workout you raise the body temperature, thwarting slumber. 9 p.m.: Eliminate sources of blue light two hours before you hit the hay. “Light is a huge anchor for sleep,” says Colleen Ehrnstrom, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, and co-author of the upcoming book End the Insomnia Struggle (coming October 2016). Just as the light of dawn awakens us, the dimming of light cues our body to produce melatonin, a hormone that quiets alertness and preps us for slumber. The kind of blue light that’s emitted by our electronics devices is especially disruptive. You can filter out some of the blue light by lowering the brightness of your screen, donning glasses with orange lenses or covering your screens with an orange filter. (You can find a range of products at lowbluelights.com.) 10:30 p.m.: Transition to bedtime with a nightly ritual. “We often think that going to sleep is like shutting off a computer,” Alex says. “You just hit the power button and you shut your brain down. But, in fact, your brain requires a little more time to relax and unwind.” Along with brushing your teeth and cleansing your skin, prime yourself for sleep with simple yoga stretches, prayer or meditation. 11 p.m.: Lights out. Spend your last few minutes of wakefulness noting a few things that you’re grateful for. These can be both big—the good health of your family—and small—the lemons ripening on your windowsill. Keeping a gratitude list will make you more optimistic, healthier and alert. You’ll also be more likely to make progress toward an important personal goal and more likely to help others. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Create a Family Happiness Board!

Whether you are part of a traditional family, or have a group of friends who are as close as family, chances are you derive a significant portion of your happiness from spending time and sharing experiences with the ones you love. Science tells us that looking forward to those experiences as well as reflecting on joyful memories generates a boost to your well-being that is almost equal to the experience itself! Bringing happiness back home As the editorial director of Live Happy, I’ve spoken at the United Nations and traveled the world as an ambassador for the importance of happiness in our lives. Now I am bringing the message back home with the Family Happiness Board—and I’d like to invite you to make one, too! A happiness board not only reflects past joyful moments, but it works as a reminder of what we love and how we can share happiness with the world around us. Here’s how I—and Live Happy contributing editor Sandra Bienkowski—put ours together. Please share photos of your boards with us using the hashtag #HappyActs on Twitter or Instagram. It’s also easy and fun to do. First, have each member of your family reflect on three questions: What makes me happy? What makes my family happy? What can we do together to make the world a happier place? Discuss the answers, and then get started making your board. Gather photos, quotes, mementos and other items that are meaningful and reflect on those times when you’ve been the happiest. I created a board with my family, and it was a blast. My children love to stare at it and talk about what every detail means to them. They point to the pictures and reminisce about vacations we took years ago. When we look at it together, it is an opportunity to go over what we do as a family to make others happy through our church, scouts or Live Happy’s #HappyActs campaign. Seeing the board hanging on the wall every day is both a reminder of great memories and a signal to do more to bring happiness to each other and to our community. It definitely raised the Gross National Happiness quotient in my house, and I highly recommend you give it a try, too. For more information on the International Day of Happiness on March 20 and how you can be a part of it, check happyacts.org.
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