Child with gears coming out of her head.

Your Brain Is a Mess—and That’s a Good Thing!

As scientific director of the Imagination Institute and a researcher in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, Scott Barry Kaufman is known for his work on intelligence and creativity. In his new book, Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind, Scott and co-author Carolyn Gregoire explore the habits and techniques that can help us tap into our creative sides. Live Happy contributor Suzann Pileggi Pawelski recently sat down with Scott to learn more. Live Happy: In Wired to Create, you talk about creative people having “messy minds.” What does that mean? Scott Barry Kaufman: When you look at the lives of lots of creative people and look at their thought patterns, you see that they are constantly switching back and forth between these different modes of thought that seem incompatible with each other. It creates kind of a paradox. For example, they seem very sensitive but also very tough and are able to overcome the obstacles to achieve their goals. Creativity involves periods of downtime and reflection as well as periods of openness and deliberation and trying to make something practical and tenable. So having messy minds contributes to the messy creative process. LH: Can you briefly explain some additional paradoxes you mention in your book, starting with mindfulness vs. daydreaming? Scott: Creative people will often be very mindful of their surroundings and attentive and focused, and they will also be open to long periods of daydreaming and mind wandering. LH: What about solitude vs. collaboration? Scott: Creative processes benefit from both solitude and collaboration. With solitude it is particularly important to get a lot of ideas down on paper and for there to be no judgment....Collaboration is an important stage of being able to present your ideas to get feedback and additional inspiration from the audience. LH: Finally, what about seriousness vs. play? Scott: Creative people are serious about their work and their goals, but the process they use to reach those goals is trial-and-error. When they talk about their passions, creative people are very intense, but they tend to be very playful with their ideas and present various ways of looking at a situation. LH: Are you saying that contradiction is a hallmark of creative minds? Scott: Yes. You find that creative minds are messy in the sense that they are flexible in switching between different ways of thinking. It’s important to their creative process to have that flexibility because creativity itself is a messy process. I think we really need to be open to the messiness of the process without trying to find the one secret to creativity. LH: What else do we need to learn about messy minds? Scott: I think society in general should appreciate messy minds more. We value efficiency so much (like in our schools with standardized tests), but I don’t think this emphasis on efficiency is producing optimal creativity and innovation. A key point I want to make is that messy minds are characterized by their variability and trial and error, not by their efficiency.
Read More
Woman doing an easy yoga pose.

Four Yoga Poses to Try Right Now

At your desk at work? In need of a short break? No problem. In fact, your office—or a nearby park as our Live Happy team recently discovered—is the perfect place to learn about the benefits of yoga. Three years ago, Matt Sanderson, a practicing attorney in the Dallas area, wandered into a yoga studio out of curiosity and was hooked after the first class. Before long, his colleagues told him they barely recognized him and wanted to know what he was doing differently to increase focus and fitness and lower stress levels. From lawyer to yogi “Stress is part of every lawyer’s job, and I won’t pretend that it’s not still hard,” Matt says. “However, after taking yoga and now as a teacher, that stress takes on a different form. When I can remember that, which is still hard for me like it is for everyone, stress is not nearly as internalized as it once was.” As part of his yoga teacher training, Matt was directed to give free community service classes. “The folks at my law firm had heard that I was becoming a teacher, and they actually insisted that I teach at the firm. After 10 classes or so, the class solidified, and Yogis On The Go was born.” Practice yoga anywhere Matt, founder and president of the traveling yoga company, says, “Our yoga students have seen weight loss, arthritis reduction, the reduction in lower back pain and swelling, and many more physical improvements. Additionally, especially forthose in the office environment, the yoga we offer works like a release for anxiety, stress and many other mental challenges as well.” Four poses to practice at the office include: Simple Sitting Pose: This can be done even in a chair or at your desk. Just close your eyes and breathe. Forward Fold: Stand up, slightly bend your knees, and bend at the waist. Then, release the head. Seated Twist: Either on the floor or in a chair, place one hand on the opposite knee. Look over the shoulder, pull up through the crown of the head, and twist on the exhale. Seated Oblique Stretch: Either on the floor or in a chair, take both hands high. Use one hand to pull the opposite wrist over the head, but ground down through the hips to increase the stretch. “The practice of yoga is one of the most meaningful things I do in life, and when I teach, I have the blessing of bringing that same feeling of peace and happiness into the lives of others,” Matt says. “There's almost no greater thing I can do for people than to teach them to find happiness in their lives, and that's the reason I started Yogis On The Go.” Pick up the fall 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine for more exercises and poses from Matt.
Read More
7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

Happiness within a relationship is hard to define. Not only is each relationship different, but within each relationship, each person defines happiness in an individual way. Some people view happiness as a peaceful conflict-free life. For some, happiness involves a tremendous amount of fun, great intimacy or lots of laughter. Whatever your definition, it directly correlates to your expectations, desires, wants and needs—and those things can change over time. What holds constant are 7 specific behaviors and attributes laid out below that, in my experience, can almost guarantee the likelihood of long-term success and happiness in a relationship. If you work toward integrating these keys into your daily life, you will most certainly experience greater joy and less conflict in your primary relationships. 1. Respect Every successful relationship is built on a foundation of respect. Respect means caring about your partner’s wants and needs and always taking them into account before speaking or acting. The expectation is that your partner will follow the same guidelines. My official definition is as follows: Respect means putting the comfort, well-being and happiness of the person you’re with at an equal level to your own. 2. Loyalty We feel happy when we know that someone has our backs. Relationships have the greatest success when each partner focuses on supporting one another at all times. This means that if someone is antagonizing your partner, you will either back your partner up directly or support him or her from behind the scenes. This also means that if your partner has done something you believe is wrong or that you don't approve of, that you speak to him or her privately about the issue, never in front of others. 3. Priority If you want to build a stronger positive relationship, let your partner know that he or she is a priority. Commit time and energy to talking and addressing each other’s wants and needs. Be sure that the two of you have “quality time” alone to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Even though work, children and other obligations are also priorities, find the balance so that your partnership is not neglected. 4. Pick Your Battles Strong and happy couples know when to bring up issues and when to put them aside. My rule of thumb: If you can let something go, move on and still enjoy your partner … let it go! If you cannot move on and are ruminating or worrying about something, then bring it up. When you do bring it up, make sure it is in a calm manner, in private and at a good time for you two to discuss it. Never bring something upsetting up in bed, and never in earshot of children or other family or friends. And if you know your partner is sensitive about a specific subject, be intentional about you bring it up in conversation. Some people are more reactive to certain topics, and you want to be careful not to hurt their feelings. If you calmly approach the topic, you are more likely to receive an amiable response and resolve the issue at hand. If you want to continue to develop the way you discuss sensitive issues with your partner, consider scheduling a couples therapy session expert counselors. Read more: Play Nice, Fight Fair 5. Loving Gestures The concept “Actions speak louder than words” is an important one when it comes to relationships. It is not enough to simply feel that you love someone, you must also show that you love that person. Use kind words, be physically affectionate, leave little love notes around the house … whether it’s a verbal gesture or a material one, make sure that you are letting your partner know in no uncertain terms that you love him or her. Take the Quiz: What's Your Communication Style? 6. Put in the Work Partners in a successful relationship understand that you need to put in the work to keep things running smoothly. That means sometimes you need to do things that you do not want to do because it matters to your partner. Other times it means you have to put in that extra effort to calm down or hear out your partner’s concerns, even if that isn’t the easiest or most convenient thing to do in the moment. Relationships take a lot of work if they are going to be happy, successful and long-lasting. 7. Focus on the Positives Even the best of relationships have challenges, and even the most wonderful of partners can have less-than-stellar moments. When times are tough, those who are seeking a happy relationship will combat the negative with a positive. If your mate is irritable after a long day, remind yourself about that great time you had last weekend or how funny he or she can be. If you have found that your partner is a bit messy, for example, and it doesn’t seem to change, focus on the fact that he or she is a great cook or a terrific parent. Reverse your thinking to remind yourself that your mate has great qualities and that you are happy to be together. Read more: How Close is Your Relationship? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
Read More
Woman looking off into the distance

Nothing Compares to You

I was 8 years old the first time I had the feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I had just moved schools; all of the other girls at my new school wore designer jeans and took private dance lessons from someone named Miss Barbara, while I went to the community center. The other girls seemed wealthier, prettier, more sophisticated, more confident. I felt like a loser next to them, and so I became desperate to fit in. I would have done anything to be like them and be liked by them. This kind of social comparison led to decades of feeling unworthy, unlikable and just plain not enough. As a teen I thought, if I could just wear different jeans or make the cheerleading squad, then I would be enough. At some point though, the comparison turned from motivating to self-defeating. For years, I thought I was the only one who eyed other women with envy, who walked into every room and gauged my social standing by seeing others as more than or less than me based on their looks, intelligence and wealth. Why do we compare? Comparing yourself to others in this way is crippling—particularly for women. Every time we do it, we devalue our worth and kill our joy. So why do we do it? Thousands of years ago, social comparison may have helped our early ancestors survive. If your neighbors found food or avoided predators, it was an evolutionary advantage to watch them closely and follow their lead. Today, though, this evolutionary benefit is a hindrance. Research from Stanford University and elsewhere has long shown that constantly assessing yourself against others and judging yourself inferior is associated with depression, envy, isolation and low self-esteem. Plus, the more you do it, the more destructive it is because you build strong neural pathways of negativity. Social media: the ultimate comparison delivery system These days you don’t need a research study to prove it: Just look at your Facebook feed. Maybe you’re one of the lucky few who feels awesome watching everyone else’s highlight reels, but most people feel downright depressed staring at picture-perfect families, exotic vacations and promotions. We need to do what we can to help our adolescent kids navigate through this new minefield of self-esteem killing media. I’ve put a lot of work into healing myself and regaining my self-esteem and self-worth. The result is a joyous inner peace I haven’t known since I was a little girl (before I moved schools). You, too, can let go of social comparison and feel this way. Here’s how: 1. Have self-compassion It isn’t your fault that you compare, so be gentle when you do. Love the younger you who created these patterns, then give her a break. She’s done her job and you now can choose another way. Kristin Neff has done great research on self-compassion and has a variety of online tools you can use. 2. Reframe your worth Your value as a human is not based on what you have, but who you are. Ask your friends what they love about you and repeat that to yourself often to rewire your brain’s automatic thoughts. 3. Get support and heal Begin a self-care process to heal old wounds. Get support from a therapist or a coach and include anxiety-relief techniques like meditation, acupuncture and lavender baths. Spend time in activities you love and with people who feed your soul. 4. Claim your unique beauty Would you compare the beauty of a sunset to that of a field of sunflowers? Of course not. They are each beautiful and so are you. Know your unique strengths and build upon them to shine. 5. Be inspired (not defeated) by what you see in others It is possible to make comparisons in a healthy, positive way. My friend and colleague Emiliya Zhivotovskaya taught me to quote When Harry Met Sally: “I’ll have what she’s having.” Then create a plan to get it. Positive intention, encouragement and planning lead to goal achievement. One caveat: check in about why you want to be as skinny as Judy or as successful as Joe. If it’s ego, let it go. If it’s meaningful, make it your own and make it positive, such as saying, “I want to be healthy,” instead of, “I wish I were skinnier.” Whatever you do, decide to end the cycle now. Comparison kills joy and quashes self-worth. Enough is enough! Start loving yourself now, for who you are. Listen to our podcast: 5 Steps to a More Confident You with Carin Rockind. Carin Rockind is a speaker, author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) from the University of Pennsylvania.
Read More
5 Traits of Resilient Moms

5 Traits of Resilient Moms

To be a parent takes patience, grit and an endless reservoir of love and affection. It also takes resilience—that partly innate, mostly learned, ability to bounce back from life’s little spills and giant collapses so that you can move forward with a sense of peace and happiness. Here is a look at five common traits resilient moms share that help them navigate the glorious minefield of parenting. 1. Flexibility Bend before you break, and adjust with flexibility. One of the things I have learned as a parent is that while some things are in my control, often children and their feelings and behaviors can turn a situation upside down. A resilient mom learns to roll with the punches. 2. Self-care It is important for all parents to learn that taking care of oneself is as important as taking care of others. If you are not well rested, fed and emotionally healthy, it is much harder to meet someone else's needs. You cannot help your child in an emergency if you are not functioning. Life is the same way. 3. Acceptance of imperfections No one is perfect. Resilient parents learn to accept the fact that we and our children make mistakes and have plenty of imperfections. Perhaps your child is forgetful or loses things. A resilient mom comes to realize that this just might be the nature of the child and invests extra time and energy in teaching them organizational skills instead of getting angry and worked up. 4. A positive outlook In life there will be good days, rotten days and everything in between. A resilient mom learns to focus on things that make her happy, and she remembers what she's grateful for to help her get through the more difficult moments. When you are running late, your child is having a temper tantrum and knocks over a glass of juice—it's frustrating, but remind yourself about the peaceful times, and even talk with your child about those times as a distraction from the chaotic moment. Be grateful that you have time with your child and that you are healthy and strong enough to clean up that mess. 5. A growth mentality Often as a mother, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine. Get up each morning, get the kids ready for school or day care, go to work or do things for the household, come home, have dinner and go to bed. And start over again. While there is nothing particularly wrong with this schedule, a person can become resentful without some fun or novelty added to the mix. A resilient mom realizes that she needs to continue to grow and evolve, just as the kids do. Taking a class, starting a new hobby…these are ways to continue learning and finding joy in your daily life. Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is an editor at large for Live Happy, and the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know.
Read More
Mario Andretti Follows His Passions at Full Speed

Mario Andretti Chases His Passions at Full Speed

Few men are so successful in a chosen field that their name becomes synonymous with their profession, but racing legend Mario Andretti has achieved that iconic status. From humble beginnings in his native Italy through his glory days on racetracks all over the globe, Mario’s life has been an incredible journey. And even at 76, he refuses to shift gears and slow his pace as the Indianapolis 500 celebrates its 100th running on May 29. “I’ve been totally blessed, and because I’ve had such a long career, I’ve been able to cover the entire globe,” Mario says. Today he owns a winery and a petroleum business and also works closely with several major corporations including Firestone, where he’s had a long relationship as a test driver and spokesperson. “I’ve raced in five continents, and I’ve won at least one race in all of them,” he says. “I’ve always set some very, very ambitious goals. I’m always looking for the stars. You have to have the mindset.” That mindset has brought Mario decades of happiness, but his journey to becoming the world’s most famous race car driver didn’t start out an easy one. Mario was born in Montona, Italy, but after World War II, the town was ceded to Yugoslavia and fell under Communist rule. Three years later his family fled his hometown and eventually landed in a refugee camp in Lucca, Italy. The Andrettis lived there for seven years before obtaining visas and moving to the United States, settling in Pennsylvania when Mario was 15. Born to race His love of racing began even before he came to America. “Something captured my imagination at a very young age,” Mario says. “Italy was very prominent in the ’50s in Formula One [racing] with Ferrari and Maserati. My idol was the world champion Alberto Ascari,” Mario says, recalling the one time he saw Alberto race before the Andretti family moved to America. “As a kid you formulate your dreams and, quite honestly, the more I got into it, the more I had a goal. And I didn’t have a plan B. I had a one-track mind to pursue this and I had no idea how, when or where, but I did it—and we did it, my twin brother, Aldo, and I. “Together we had the same ambitions, and of course the sport was not so kind to him [Aldo was in a terrible crash that nearly killed him early in his career]. That’s when you come to realize that if you come through unscathed, as I have, how fortunate you’ve been.” Life in the fast lane Mario is often quoted as saying, “If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough,” and that fearless spirit has served him well. He won his first significant victory in March 1962 and went on to take the checkered flag 111 times over the course of five decades in racing. Before he retired from the sport in 1994, Mario had won the Indianapolis 500, the Daytona 500 and the Formula One World Championship. He won the Indy Car National Championship four times and was a three-time winner at Sebring International Raceway. He dominated in every type of car, from sports cars to stock cars, and every kind of track, from pavement to dirt, ovals and road courses to drag strips. His list of accomplishments would run for miles, but highlights include being named Driver of the Year in three different decades (the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s), Driver of the Quarter Century (in the ’90s), and Driver of the Century by The Associated Press in 2000. The family business When asked what he feels has made him so successful, Mario says, “It comes down to desire, just a burning desire to accomplish something and commit to it. I wanted to do this. I enjoy it so much, I didn’t want a day off. I raced 40 to 50 races a year. I had this burning passion to be a part of it, and I’m still living the dream with the family. There are three generations of drivers both on my brother’s side and my own. We know nothing else.” Indeed the Andretti name will always be known for racing, and Mario is proud to see grandson Marco Andretti carrying on the family tradition. “The biggest satisfaction is seeing Marco do what I love and seeing him enjoy it,” Mario says. “He loves it as much as I did. It gives me so much pleasure to see that, and my son, Michael, is fielding a very powerful team. It’s all part of our DNA. Would I ever want to do anything else? Absolutely not.” Being with the people he loves is clearly just as important to Mario as doing what he loves. Mario married his wife, Dee Ann, in 1961, and they have three children and seven grandchildren. “Somehow we hit it off and that’s it, we never looked back,” he says of meeting Dee Ann in school shortly after his family moved to America. He credits her support with fueling his success over the decades. “I just married the right woman. She’s the one that understood and gave me the opportunity to satisfy a career to the fullest. She never nagged, and there was no ticker tape parade when I came home with a trophy. I got the same kiss or hug if I won or lost, so that kept everything stable, and that’s what I needed. She was the rock and still is.” The Indy 500 Mario is looking forward to this Memorial Day weekend and the 100th running of what has been called the “greatest spectacle in racing,” the Indy 500. He’ll be there participating in numerous activities throughout the weekend. “It’s been there longer than any other sporting event, and I think that pretty much says it all,” he says of the famed Indianapolis race. “It’s an incredible legacy, so that’s why it’s a very coveted celebration that we’re looking forward to.” Mario is profoundly grateful for his long and distinguished career. At 76, he recently passed his physical and is still licensed to drive a race car. It remains a passion after all these years. “Even though my kids and grandkids are all involved, I cannot just be a spectator,” Mario says. “I’m not that kind. My passion is to continue doing all the things that I’ve been doing. Go to the limit and not give up. “The definition of happiness is to really enjoy life to the fullest,” he says. “Try to do things that actually make you smile,” Mario advises. “I’ve been so lucky to look forward to going to work and then, when my work is done, to look forward to being with my family for the quality time that we have together. If you can formulate your life in those terms, you can’t do any better than that.” Deborah Evans Price is a freelance writer based in Nashville, Tennessee.
Read More
Jesse Tyler Ferguson with his dog

Jesse Tyler Ferguson Is Fully Committed

Jesse Tyler Ferguson is, as his Modern Family co-star Ty Burrell says, “a big fat liar.” Eric Stonestreet, who plays Jesse’s husband, Cameron Tucker, on the long-running ABC sitcom, also questions his honesty. “Jesse said that?” Eric asks incredulously. “That might be true of me, but it’s certainly not true for him.” Here’s what’s causing Eric and Ty to scoff. “Sometimes,” Jesse has said, “I show up on the Modern Family set very, very cranky.” “Jesse does not get cranky,” Ty, who plays Phil Dunphy, insists. “He gets a little bit pink in the face, and you know he’s stressed out. What happens is that Jesse is such a gentle, sensitive soul that he gets stressed not when he’s fighting with somebody—because he does not fight with anybody—but by conflict in general, by other people who are having tantrums.” OK, the five-time Emmy-nominated actor may not be the type to pitch a fit, but Jesse says lately he has been thinking about starting a meditation practice or even seeing a therapist. Life, he says, has provided an abundance of good fortune and he wants to be able to enjoy it all. “I get overwhelmed very easily,” Jesse says, sounding a bit like his Modern Family alter ego, the high-strung lawyer Mitchell Pritchett. Sometimes he feels so jittery he needs to retreat to a quiet place to “take a few deep breaths and tell myself it’s all going to work out. You just have to tackle one thing at a time.” It’s at these moments that he calls his husband, Justin Mikita, who has an unflappable temperament, “to see if he can talk me off the ledge.” Life on the edge Still, Jesse far prefers the ledge to living inside his comfort zone. His definition of a rich, vibrant life is one that’s over flowing with bold risks, new challenges, deep relationships and being on the front lines of the causes that you believe in. That means embracing the full kaleidoscope of emotions, including, at times, anxiety, fear and self-doubt. “As everyone does, I always want to live in a place of utmost happiness,” Jesse says. “But that’s just not possible. There are going to be times when you feel really down and times when you feel like the world is against you and it’s impossible to accomplish things, and you wonder if you’re ever going to be as happy as you want to be again. I’ve learned that even in those down times happiness still exists within you. You just need to be OK with the shift.” A very full plate Small wonder Jesse experiences a pounding heart on occasion: He’s juggling simultaneous roles in film, TV and theater. For the past few months, he’s been shuttling between the Modern Family soundstage on the Fox lot in Los Angeles and another building on the lot where he’s voicing the yoga-loving Shangri Llama in this summer’s Ice Age: Collision Course, the fifth installment in the animated franchise. And every three weeks, he flew to New York for rehearsals for Fully Committed, a one-man Broadway show that began previews on April 1 and will run for 15 weeks. Since Broadway is “where I cut my teeth and where my true passion is, to be able to do something as exciting as a one-man show on Broadway, that’s like the cherry on top of the sundae right there,” Jesse says. In his first return to Broadway in a decade, Jesse plays Sam, an out-of-work actor who mans the reservations line at a hot Manhattan restaurant. There are also desperate callers, panicked waiters, a haughty chef, a skittish maître d’. In total, it’s a cast of 40 men and women of all ages and nationalities. Jesse plays them all. “I read the script and said, ‘OK, I have to have a French accent, a British accent, a Southern accent. I’m not just doing monologues, this is dialogue with myself.’ I thought, ‘this is really terrifying!’ ” The terror was the selling point. For me if you’re not scared by something,” says Jesse, “maybe it’s not worth doing. What really creates a better artist, in my opinion, is putting yourself at risk. Fear is a really great motivator.” As if multiple roles across three different mediums weren’t enough, Jesse has another plate in the air. A passionate foodie who loves to cook and entertain in the Spanish Colonial home he shares with Justin and Leaf, their 7-pound Maltese-terrier mix, he’s just launched a food blog on his website (jessetylerferguson.com) with his good friend Julie Tanous, a professional chef and recipe developer. The two met at a dinner party and bonded over their culinary passions. “I would love to put myself through culinary school if I had the time,” Jesse says. “If this acting thing ever stops, I would be very happy in a kitchen.” For now, he’s learning professional techniques from Julie in his spacious, well-appointed kitchen. “Julie came over a few times and we started cooking,” Jesse says. “I’d ask her questions like, ‘How should you actually dice a tomato?’ She’s been a private tutor for me, and we had such a good time in the kitchen, I thought, ‘We should document this and share it.’ ” To read the rest of this article and get the full details about Jesse Tyler Ferguson's life and work, pick up the June issue of Live Happy magazine. Click here for one of Jesse's favorite dinner party recipes: One-Pan Roasted Chicken And Brussels Sprouts. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
Read More
Learning to flourish can help you go beyond happy

Go Beyond Happiness

When psychologist Corey Keyes, Ph.D., used the term “flourishing” in 2002, he assigned a single word to describe a mental state characterized by positive feelings and positive functioning. Since then, researchers, educators, employers and even governments have looked at the many aspects of flourishing, the role it plays in our overall happiness and, perhaps most importantly, how we can create and sustain a life that promotes it. Their discoveries have provided overwhelming evidence of how flourishing leads to positive, long-term change. In the workplace, for example, studies in many different countries—including France, New Zealand, The Netherlands and South Africa—have shown that employees who flourish are more creative and productive, have greater engagement with co-workers and are less likely to miss work or change jobs. In college, flourishing students have higher grades, lower incidences of depression and procrastination, are more likely to stay in school and, overall, exhibit greater self-control. And, in day-to-day living, adults who score high in the area of flourishing enjoy the highest level of resilience and intimacy and are at lowest risk for cardiovascular disease and chronic physical conditions. Corey, the Winship Distinguished Research Professor at Emory University and Founding Fellow of the Center for Compassion, Integrity and Secular Ethics, defines flourishing as “feeling good about a life in which one belongs to community, is contributing things of value to the world, is accepting of others.” These people have “a purpose to life, can manage their daily life and can make sense of what is going on in their world.” What flourishing looks like In short, it is the state of feeling good and functioning well—regardless of what challenges we may face in our personal and professional lives. It’s something that Renie Steves had the chance to practice when she slipped and fell down the stairs in November 2014, breaking two vertebrae in her neck. When the 78-year-old woman’s doctor gave her a grim prognosis, she got a different doctor. “I asked for one with a sense of humor,” says Renie, who lives in Fort Worth, Texas. She knew that her attitude and optimism were as important to her recovery as medical care, and when she returned home from the hospital and rehabilitation a month later, she says doctors “were still trying to figure out how I was alive.” Wearing a brace that kept her head and neck still, Renie resumed her active life as soon as possible. She was back in the gym five days after returning home, and when the holiday party season kicked in, she decorated her brace with seasonal touches such as holiday ornaments and Christmas lights. “I knew that a lot of the final result depended on me,” she says. “I survived and, yes, my life has changed because of it, but I’m still me.” Not just surviving, but thriving Today, she has an even greater appreciation for her friends and family and feels more engaged and inspired than ever before. “In general, the simple word for it is ‘thriving,’ ” says Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D., education director for the VIA Institute on Character. “It’s when we’re functioning at our best—physically, socially, psychologically. We’re on top of our game in all of those areas.” He’s quick to point out, however, that this doesn’t mean that our lives are entirely free from stress or conflict. Some, like Renie, may find their greatest joy during times that are also physically or emotionally challenging. Less than a year before her accident, Renie had gone through a divorce after 55 years of marriage. She was enjoying her new life and immersing herself in travel, writing and some extensive home design projects. “The divorce was a very positive thing for me,” Renie says. “I was learning how to express myself and be who I am again. So I wasn’t going to let my accident change that. I wanted to make this a happy, healthy, healing journey.” Essentials of flourishing Unlike happiness, which can mean different things to different people—and can present itself in many ways—flourishing is typically measured in terms of mental health. Corey calls flourishers the “completely mentally healthy.” In his book Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being, Martin Seligman, Ph.D., delves into the essential building blocks of a positive life. He establishes flourishing as the end goal of positive psychology, and the groundbreaking book introduced his well-being theory, a model that has five components, commonly known as PERMA. The elements of PERMA, Martin points out, contribute to well-being and are pursued for their own sake, not as the means to achieving one of the other elements. “Each one is related, but they also are independently measurable,” explains Ryan, adding that the key ingredient to achieving those five elements is the use of character strengths. Character strengths, as classified by the VIA Institute on Character, are 24 positive components that, when analyzed, can help us identify which attributes come to us most naturally. Learning to employ those strengths can help us improve certain skill sets, become more engaged in our relationships and feel more satisfied overall. “[Martin] squarely says that character strengths are the pathways to PERMA. It’s one thing to know or to become aware of your strengths, but to be actually trying to consciously use those strengths, that’s the level that is associated with PERMA,” Ryan says. In fact, a study co-authored by New Zealand researcher Lucy C. Hone published in the September 2015 Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine found that workers who regularly used their character strengths were 18 times more likely to flourish than workers who did not. “There are still benefits just with awareness of your strengths,” Ryan says, “but when you start thinking of how you can use them each day, you’re going to see more results.” Flourishing, languishing and what lies between In Flourish, Martin explains that positive mental health is not merely the absence of mental illness, and that “the absence of sadness, anxiety and anger do not guarantee happiness.” In fact, mental health exists on a continuum, much like physical health. At the far end of the scale are those who are languishing. But between those two end points are the moderately mentally healthy, those who are free from serious mental illness and depression but fall somewhere in the middle. It is there where the most opportunity exists for people to learn to flourish. “Studies show that increases in the level of positive mental health reduce the risk of developing mental disorders like depression,” Corey says. “We could prevent a lot of depression if we created more conditions for Americans to flourish. We cannot ‘treat’ our way out of the mental illness epidemic, we must promote and protect what makes life worth living.” When people are flourishing, they’re also improving the world around them. Lucy’s study found that individuals who flourish also improve the community and workplace around them. And research by the team of Jane E. Dutton, Ph.D., Laura Morgan Roberts, Ph.D., and Jeff Bednar, Ph.D., that was published in the book Applied Positive Psychology: Improving Everyday Life, Health, Schools, Work, and Society reported that helping others and giving to a cause greater than themselves promoted flourishing. Simple steps to flourishing Just as some individuals are genetically predisposed to be happy, some may flourish more easily than others. A 2015 study led by Marijke Schotanus-Dijkstra, a Ph.D. candidate in positive psychology at the University of Twente in The Netherlands, found that those who were flourishing were more conscientious and extroverted than non-flourishers. In fact, the research team found a strong connection between conscientiousness and flourishing, leading them to conclude, “conscientiousness might have a stronger relationship with flourishing than previously thought.” They concluded that conscientious individuals tend to set challenging goals for themselves and have the discipline needed to achieve those goals, which coincides with the need for engagement, achievement and other aspects of flourishing. They also confirmed what previous studies have found: Social support plays an important role in one’s overall well-being. That’s something Renie says has been key in her healing process, and she practices it daily. She attributes at least 50 percent of her recovery to positivity shared with good friends and to staying active socially and physically. “The support system I found was so phenomenal,” she says. “We made it a festive thing. People enjoyed being around me, and I was able to enjoy myself. There’s no way someone could be unhappy when you’re surrounded by that much love.” Paula Felps is the science editor for Live Happy magazine.
Read More
Hands of women meditating.

The Benefits of Compassion Meditation

Lately it seems that everyone is singing the praises of meditation and its magical properties. Not only die-hard acolytes such as film director David Lynch, but also people in the news, from British comedian Russell Brand to ABC correspondentDan Harris have credited meditation with their recovery from addiction, depression and anxiety. From fringe to mainstream Many of us are aware of meditation as a way of getting rid of stress and achieving a sense of inner peace. What was once the domain of West Coast seekers and wannabe gurus is now nearly ubiquitous, and as accepted into the mainstream as yoga. In fact, some people may have gotten a first whiff of meditation in yoga class, or even in a therapy setting. There are various different kinds of meditation, and they originate from several Eastern religious practices. In the West, the most familiar kind is probably TM or transcendental meditation, which comes from a Hindu tradition. It was popularized in the 1960s by the MaharishiMahesh Yogi, who famously taught it to The Beatles. Vipassana and Zen are also well-known and come from a Buddhist tradition. Loving Kindness as a form of meditation A somewhat lesser known but increasingly popular type of meditation is compassion meditation. This practice emerges from the Buddhist concept of “Loving Kindness,” or mettā. During compassion meditation, the goal is to build a sense of empathy and connectedness to the people around us. This can be done either on your own, using a series of thoughts, feelings and visualizations, or with the help of a guided meditation, such as an audio recording. (Many audio recordings are available as apps, podcasts and MP3s. We have included one below to give you an example.) Academic studies There is growing interest in compassion meditation, not just as a way to increase compassion, but as a relatively easy and accessible tool for improving wellbeing as a whole. In 2013, a study from the University of Wisconsin, Madison, concluded that “cultivating compassion and kindness through meditation affects brain regions that can make a person more empathetic to other peoples' mental states.” At Emory University in Atlanta, the Emory-Tibet Partnership offers an eight-week program of “Cognitively-Based Compassion Training.” Though the training is secular, it comes out of the tradition of Tibetan meditation (as well as cognitive behavioral therapy), and its aim is to “develop attention and stability of mind,” along with other possible benefits. Recently, a study conducted by the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education found that the regular practice of compassion meditation had a significant effect on the subjects’ sense of compassion for others and themselves, as well as increased empathy and mindfulness. At the same time, they also found an improvement in positive emotion and satisfaction with life. Unlike medication, it has no side effects; and unlike therapy, it’s free. So let’s lie down and get started! Guided compassion meditation You'll find plenty of examples of guided loving-kindness and compassion meditations online and in apps. Try several and find ones that you like best. Here is a link to several guided compassion meditations done by Kristen Neff, Ph.D., professor at University of Texas, Austin, and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Read More
Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s Favorite Dinner Party Recipe

Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s Go-To Dinner Party Recipe

Though he is often at a Broadway stage set or away from home working on his hit television series Modern Family, the kitchen is one of Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s favorite places. And that’s especially true when he’s sharing chopping and sautéing duties with his good friend Julie Tanous, a professional chef and recipe developer. Together, the two have launched a food blog on his website jessetylerferguson.com/food. Here they share a one-pan dish that’s perfect for stress-free entertaining. One-Pan Roasted Chicken & Brussels Sprouts Feeds 4 hungry adults or 6 adults on diets This is a great dish to serve at a small dinner party because you can pop it in the oven, walk away and enjoy time with your company. And because everything is roasted in the same pan, cleanup is pretty painless.Roasting the Brussels sprouts flat side down creates a beautifulchar. You might think you’ve overcooked the sprouts, but trust us, that caramel char is where the flavor lives! When mixed with the juices from the chicken, you’re left with amouthwatering feast.Because we love pretty much anything chef and restaurateur David Chang creates, the Brussels sprouts at Momofuku are the inspiration behind this recipe. INGREDIENTS 1 ½poundsBrussels sprouts, trimmed and halved 2largecarrots, peeled and cut into 2-inch pieces 2shallots, peeled andquartered 3tablespoonsfish sauce 3tablespoonsrice vinegar ½tablespoon sugar ½ teaspooncrushed red pepperflakes 3 tablespoons grape seed oil, plus1 tablespoonfor greasing pan 1wholechicken, broken down into 8 pieces 3tablespoons unsalted butter Good quality sea salt orHepp’sgarlic salt (which is what we used and loved) Fresh ground pepper ½ teaspoonfresh chopped thyme DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 400 F. Line a large baking tray with aluminum foil.In a large bowl,gentlytossthe Brussels sprouts, carrots and shallots with the fish sauce,rice vinegar,sugar, crushed red pepperflakesand oil.SpreadtheBrusselssproutsin a single layeron the foil-linedsheet tray and arrange the sprouts so that they are flat side down. Rinse chicken pieces under cold water and pat dry with paper towels.Place the chicken, skin side up, on top of the Brussels sprouts. Make sure the sprouts are nestled close together so that your chicken pieces areeven. Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat or inamicrowave.Using a pastry brush, generously coat the skin of the chicken with the butter. Season each pieceof chicken with the garlic salt,fresh ground pepperand thyme. Roastuntilthe chickenbreasts register 160 F andthe drumsticks andthighsreach175 F,about35 to 40 minutes. Transferthechicken toaserving platter. Tossthe Brussels sprouts with thecaramelized pan juices,making sure toscrape upbrowned bits,and spreadthe sprouts aroundthechicken.Step away from the dish and baskinthe glory of your applause. For more on Jesse Tyler Ferguson, see our profile in the June 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine. Shelley Levitt is editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
Read More