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Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Sound It Out With Dr. Regina Miranda  [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:05] PF: What’s up, everybody? This is Paula Felps, and you are listening to On a Positive Note, where I sit down with a songwriter, recording artist, or a music insider to learn how music can lift our spirits and heal our hearts. Today, we're talking with Dr. Regina Miranda about the Sound It Out campaign, which uses the power of music to help parents and caregivers support emotional wellness in young people. This remarkable program uses songs and lyrics to help kids open up about their feelings, as well as giving them tools for handling difficult emotions. Regina, a professor of psychology at Hunter College, is one of the advisors for the program, and she's here to tell us more. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:43] PF: Well, Regina, thank you for being our guest on On a Positive Note. [00:00:47] RM: Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here. [00:00:49] PF: You are part of something that is so fascinating. When I found out about this campaign, I immediately had to dig in and learn more. Sound It Out campaign uses music as that entry point for talking about emotions. Can you tell us how that program works? [00:01:06] RM: Yeah. So we know that mental health problems have been increasing in the US and including among children. Some kids and families tend to have less access, particularly youth of color, to mental health treatment or mental health care, health care in general. So Sound It Out is a program that uses music to help parents and caregivers have conversations with their kids about mental health and emotional wellbeing, with a specific focus on middle schoolers and youth of color. But really, it's meant to be broader for all middle schoolers. But it targets the audience of middle schoolers. [00:01:43] PF: How did this program come about, how it was developed? Then can you tell us how you became involved in it? [00:01:49] RM: So it's a partnership between the Ad Council and Pivotal Ventures. The way that I became involved, actually, I was referred by a colleague, Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble of The AAKOMA Project. So she got me hooked up with the Ad Council for the campaign, and it was an amazing opportunity. [00:02:06] PF: Can you build out for us what all this campaign entails? Because there is so much to it. It has so many offerings. I was just blown away as I delved into it. Can you really explain how it's set up and what all it offers? [00:02:19] RM: So we know that learning to navigate our emotions is a fundamental part of being human. But it can be hard to have conversations and to really check in with our kids and know when to check in with our kids and how. So the idea behind Sound It Out is to use music, which is the universal form of expression. We know that even when people who speak lots of different languages, when we can't communicate verbally, we can certainly have similar experiences when we listen to the same music and to the same songs. We also know that kids listen to music, and music is a part of their lives, is a part of their experience. So the idea is to help caregivers have conversations with their kids by using music because it can be hard to know how to approach the topic. It can seem like a big deal to start talking about emotions and mental health. So sometimes, by starting small, with something that you can both relate to, that can open up bigger conversations about emotions and mental health. The campaign features songs by four artists and lyrics with notes to the lyrics that the artists wrote. So kids and parents can go to the website, listen to the music, talk about the lyrics. It also features guides for parents to start conversations with their kids, games that they can play with their kids. So there's music that they can listen to without lyrics and write their own lyrics, for example. Also, resources, if parents need additional crisis or mental health-related resources, they can find that information on the website. More recently, Sound It Out launched a Conversation Starter Pack, which is a game that parents or caregivers and their kids can play together. It provides prompts and guides to talk about things like anxiety, stress, emotions, family support, racism, social media. So things that are relevant to the kids targeted by the campaign. [00:04:15] PF: That Conversation Starter Pack, that will sometimes have them reference a song or a lyric that explains how they're feeling. Can you kind of tell us what that's all about? [00:04:24] RM: So you can ask kids things like what's a song that expresses how you were feeling today? What's a song that makes you feel better after you have a hard day? Or what music are you listening to now? Why do you like that song? So this is just a way to get the conversation started, to find small moments with our kids and use that to open up bigger conversations. [00:04:48] PF: How does that work? How can parents who are listening to this, how do you use music to really help children identify and to explain their emotions? Because, obviously, middle school, that's a crazy time, and you've got things going on. You don't understand. I mean, as adults, we don't understand our emotions all the time, either. So how does music become this tool for helping them name and clarify their emotions? [00:05:13] RM: Well, sometimes it can be hard to describe how we're feeling. Sometimes, when we – I think many of us have had that experience that we were feeling a certain way, and then we listen to a song, and someone's describing exactly how we're feeling in the moment. So it's interesting how the experiences that we have come to be associated with music, and music is such a part of our – It’s either in the foreground of our lives, or it's like the soundtrack to our lives. That's what makes music so powerful as a form of expression and a way of relating to each other to talk to our kids about, “Okay, what is it that you like about that song?” For my daughter, for example, she doesn't like the popular Taylor Swift song. She likes the more folksy, the slower ones. So expressing curiosity, what is it about that song that you like? [00:06:04] PF: I think that's what's – Because songs are such an emotional touchstone. When we overlook that, we're overlooking this huge opportunity for ourselves and, really, for all our relationships of learning more about that person, and what is it that appeals to you about it, and how does that express what you're feeling. But especially, as you've discovered with Sound It Out campaign and the work that you're doing, it is so powerful. What do you see happen when children and adults start connecting with that music and using it as a tool, not just as background music? [00:06:38] RM: It’s really about starting the conversation. It may not be music. It may be something else that they can relate to. So it could be a show on television. It’s just about starting that conversation. [00:06:52] PF: What about adults who are non-parents? Like how do you reach a child? So let's just say not all children have terrific parents, and not all children are receiving the love and the attention that they need and deserve. So what if you're an adult who has a child like that in your circle? How do you then use some of these same talking points and use some of the music to be able to help them because there's a little bit of a different area that you're treading into? [00:07:20] RM: Well, it's geared towards caregivers. So not only caregivers who are parents, but it can be an adult in the person's life. Even as a parent, it may not be the goal that your child speaks to you about what's going on. Maybe there's another adult in their life that they feel more comfortable talking to. But it's about modeling and normalizing talking about our emotions. Even if it's a niece or a nephew or a friend, I think that one could use similar strategies. It's really about being in the moment together and starting the conversation, finding an opening, and starting small. Then as you build that relationship, build to the bigger things. [00:08:01] PF: I think you're giving adults such great tools for using this to meet children where they are. [00:08:09] RM: Sometimes, I wonder if the tools – I think the tools are just as helpful for parents to learn about themselves, and it is to learn about what's happening with their kids and for kids to learn about themselves. The more we learn about ourselves and process our own feelings as parents, I think the more we can model that for our kids and then help them process what they're going through and really normalize that what we're going through, especially now. So it's an interesting time that we're in because the pandemic is a collective stressor, and there's a lot going on that's tough for kids. It can be tough for kids to process. But at the same time, it's made us more attentive to the importance of mental health. So it's really a time when it's become more acceptable to talk about how we're feeling and when we're not doing so well. [00:08:54] PF: Yeah. That’s one reason this campaign is so effective and so perfect for right now. Because to be able to seize the moment of when everybody is going through something, whether it's anxiety, depression, just outright fear that they've got going on. To your point earlier, I think adults will benefit from it too because even if you're listening to your child, you're looking at this – You’re going to answer it like, “Okay, this is what comes to mind for me, and this is what I think, and this is how I feel.” I think it's a terrific tool for everyone to be able to use at any age. You mentioned about facilitating the conversation between a music star and teens. Tell us how that whole process worked. [00:09:36] RM: So these were musical artists and teens who had never met. There was a national search for these teens. I'm not sure exactly how the search happened, but these teams were selected, and I met with them first. I've met with them and their mothers first, and then I also met with the artists, and then we had conversation together. These conversations happened in English and Spanish. Then the artists turn those into original songs, and the songs are on the website as part of the campaign. [00:10:08] PF: Then with the game aspect of it, where you have music without any lyrics, and parents and children can work on that together, how does that work? Because if you have parents who are like, “I don't know how to do this. I'm not sure. I'm not a writer. I'm not a songwriter,” tell us how they can actually use that. [00:10:27] RM: So it can be awkward. Sometimes, when you're trying new things that you're not used to trying, it can feel kind of artificial or like you're faking your way through it. But I would encourage people to work through the awkwardness. If you think about it, trying a new thing that you've never done, like trying to write a song, it's kind of like trying to talk about emotions that you're not used to talking about. It's really trial and error. At first, it'll just feel weird doing it. But I think as you get comfortable, something always comes out of it. Whatever it is that comes out of it, at least it'll be a conversation starter, and it may be that like, “Ah, I'm not really – Nothing really comes to mind.” But it's really about the experience of doing an activity together. [00:11:09] PF: Yeah, that's wonderful. Then what does the Ad Council hoped that the overall outcome of this campaign is? [00:11:17] RM: So decreasing the stigma about talking about our emotions and mental health, and really normalizing talking about mental health and our emotions, and also encouraging people to seek help if they need it. Learning more about what some of the warning signs are when kids may need additional help and then encouraging help seeking by parents. [00:11:36] PF: You give a lot of resources on the site. So I think that's what's so wonderful about it, too, is you open this door and give them all these different entry points through music and then also lead them into here's where you can get help. Here's where you can go for more information. [00:11:52] RM: Yes, exactly. [00:11:53] PF: I think it's so well done. All this month at Live Happy Now, we've been talking about going back to school and the hectic pace that it's added to us and the additional emotional stress. So based on your experiences, how can we use music to kind of help us get through this really crazy time, as we settle into our new routine and going back to school? [00:12:15] RM: It's okay to be nervous and maybe excited at the same time. So talking about what are some things that you're looking forward to about the start of the year? What are some things that are kind of scary about the start of the year that you're not looking forward to? Is there a song that you've been listening to that reminds you of what it's like to start school or what it's like when you don't know what to expect? Or is there a song that helps you feel comforted when you are anxious or when you're afraid? What is it about the song that you like? [00:12:47] PF: That's excellent. Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking about this. Again, this program is just fantastic. I was really excited when I learned about it. Really excited to sit down and talk with you. Thank you for all the work that you're doing to help make this happen. [00:13:02] RM: Thank you. I'm happy that I had a chance to come on, and I appreciate your time. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:13:09] PF: That was Dr. Regina Miranda, talking about the Sound It Out Campaign and how music can support emotional wellness. If you'd like to learn more about the campaign or download a free Conversation Starter Pack, just visit livehappy.com and click on the On a Positive Note podcast link. If you'd like to work on some song lyrics of your own, why not do that in Live Happy’s On a Positive Note journal? This 250-page notebook offers inspiring quotes and tips, along with plenty of room for you to add your own thoughts. You can find it on sale now at store.livehappy.com. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of On a Positive Note and look forward to joining you again next time. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Learning to be a Kind Traveler With Jessica Blotter  [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 375 of Live Happy Now. Now that we're taking vacations again, have you thought about how to bring more kindness to your travels? I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week, I'm talking with Jessica Blotter, a speaker and journalist who specializes in sustainable and regenerative tourism. After witnessing extreme poverty on a vacation to Belize, Jessica launched a movement in 2016, called Kind Traveler, which allows travelers to positively impact the communities they visit, and enjoy incredible experiences as well. She's here today to talk about why it's so important to travel kindly, and how you can make every trip you take, make a difference. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:48] PF: Jessica, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:50] JB: Thank you so much for having me, Paula. It's such a pleasure to be here. [00:00:54] PF: It's exciting to have you on the air. We've had you on our website. We had you when we had the magazine. And you have such an incredible mission, because you are all about sustainable tourism and giving back. So, before we dig into what you're doing, let's start by explaining what sustainable tourism even means. [00:01:11] JB: Sure, happy to. So, sustainable tourism is really about asking the question, how one can maximize, their, perhaps, positive impact when they travel and minimize their negative impact when they travel. We're really looking at the entire cycle of the traveler journeys. So, from how you get there, your transport, the type of lodging that you choose, the behavior and activities that you have on the ground, and throughout all of those, that travel cycle, looking at that question, and how can I maximize positive impact as a relates to communities and the environment, and the actual destination that you're, in minimizing things like your carbon footprint, or preventing food waste, or things like in that nature. So, that's the essence of what it is. [00:02:09] PF: Why is it so important for us to not just continue those practices, but really to step it up when we're going to go on vacation? [00:02:15] JB: Right. Well, when you look at the volume of travelers taking international trips, especially if we look at pre COVID, you have 1.4 billion travelers traveling around the world, right, and then you have 1.8 or more billion projected by 2030. So, the power of the travel industry can actually be a force for good, or it can be a force for the negative. You see things on the negative side, such as over tourism. You also see things like communities adversely being affected. Whereas on the on the positive side, if travel dollars can be situated and manifested in such a way that it can actually do a lot of good, it can support communities, it can support the environment. So, it's just really important to think about how one can vote with their dollar, and perhaps choose things that are good for the planet, because of its sheer impact that it can make on a global level. When you look at the amount of people that are traveling in today's world. [00:03:24] PF: It's so interesting, because I know a lot of friends who travel, have come back and said, “Oh, man, it was horrible. Because to get to our resort, we had to go through this village.” And they would talk about the poverty that they saw on. I used to go to Cabo a lot and it was that same kind of thing where you're staying in a very opulent place, and you're surrounded by poverty. So, doing this, we don't really think that we can make a difference in that community. Like it doesn't even register with a lot of us. How do we make sure that that is happening and how do we become a part of that? [00:03:57] JB: It's great that you say, that because that's actually how Kind Traveler began is that my co-founder and I, we were actually on a vacation and witnessed a lot of poverty. We saw a lot of emaciated dogs roaming the streets, families living in shacks next to polluted swamps. And we had a really hard time sort of turning away from those experiences and getting excited about the vacation itself. We had been and still are, animal rescue volunteers, and for us, it was virtually impossible for us to turn a blind eye to these rib protruding dogs begging for food. So, we decided to feed them, not knowing really what else to do. And we unintentionally inspired other travelers to get involved with this small act of giving back. When we walked away from this experience, the mood had really shifted and see how the other travelers went from this feeling of sadness and despair and helplessness to one have a little bit of hope and joy and laughter. We just started to think about how perhaps we could create a way to make it easy for travelers to give back and make a positive impact in the destination that they visit, specifically through giving back. And we realized that there are so many wonderful nonprofits that are on the ground that are supporting animals, or supporting the environment. They're helping lift local communities out of poverty. Not everybody wants to volunteer necessarily on their vacation. They might not have time. They don't want to do it. And it's also earned a bad reputation over the years, frankly, in some other countries. That act of giving back and when you're traveling, seemed like something that was very important to help create a sustainable future for the travel industry and utilizing the potential power of those 1.4 billion trips that happened, at least pre COVID. That was actually that story just described, was something I think a lot of people have experience. They're often left with this feeling, something that's called travelers guilt. And when it's not easy to do something and they don't know how to do something, it can be quite frustrating, and lead to someone perhaps not feeling quite satisfied or happy even on their vacation. [00:06:23] PF: What you did was different, because a lot of people go through that. You have that travelers’ guilt, and you hear like, “I wish I could do something”, and then you go home and you get on with your life. That is not what you did. [00:06:34] JB: No. No, we did not do that. [00:06:38] PF: So, tell me how you went about this experience and how did that become a movement? I mean, I think that is so fascinating to me. [00:06:46] JB: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so when we had that experience, keep in mind, both Shawn and I, we were at this point in our careers in our lives, where we both were entrepreneurs and involved with other businesses in the past. And we're kind of very comfortable in this space of entrepreneurialism, and we were very passionate about travel. We were both doing a lot of volunteering at that time. I was also a travel writer at that time. I was doing some freelancing with travel writing. So, our hearts and our minds were really in this very special place when we had that experience. Our hearts were definitely in an open place where we were actively kind of looking to find certain gaps that that existed. We saw this gap. We started just asking ourselves like, “Wow, what if we could use our passion for travel, and for helping nonprofits? What if we could use that passion to create a pathway and make it easy for travelers to give back to the destinations that they visit?” That got us so excited. We came back, we started doing research after the trip and we realized, and there are research that a lot of travelers, in fact, at that time, it was 70% of travelers want their travel dollars to make a positive impact in the communities. [00:08:10] PF: That's so great to hear. [00:08:11] JB: Yeah, but then we saw that the challenges were, that about half of travelers find this completely confusing and don't know necessarily what that means or how to do it. So, we started talking to hotels as well and we decided that we wanted to build a platform that would essentially make it easy for travelers to give back to the communities that they visit and in turn, be rewarded for special offers from hotels that were also committed to the same values within the community and the environment. Because of that trip, Kind Traveler was born. We launched it in 2016 and it was the first and only, I should say, socially conscious give and get hotel booking platform that empowers travelers to give back and make a positive impact on the communities that they visit. The way it works is really quite simple. It's a $10 minimum donation to a locally vetted charity that is in the community that you're going to, and that donation or more will unlock an exclusive offer that we've negotiated with our hotels, and they even offer whether it's an exclusive rate or some special perks. Through that booking, we see a triple win happens because the traveler is winning, they get to have this amazing offer they give back, the charity is winning, and the hotel is winning. 100% of donations are given back to the charity through this model. And a couple other things that make it special is that we measure the impact across the entire site. So, whether you're giving back to a local wildlife group or an environmental organization, whatever it is, you're going to learn about that charity, specifically. Why it's important? What your $10 donation will do? And become very educated about your impact that you're able to make. [00:10:12] PF: That is so cool. And as you said, you started this in 2016. What have been some of the challenges to launch it and get it up and scale it, so that you can start really giving people these offers? [00:10:27] JB: So, in 2016, I think that we are definitely ahead of the curve. Today, in 2022, a lot of folks are really starting to think about sustainable tourism. Regenitive tourism has become quite popular. But back then, we found ourselves doing a ton of educating to everybody about why this was so important. I feel like it was just starting to – sustainable tourism was really becoming slowly more popular over the years in terms of a topic that the media wanted to cover and such. But we started out with 20 hotels on the platform, just based mostly in the US and the Caribbean. And today, we have 140 hotels in 22 countries around the world, and represent around 125 nonprofits around the world. All of the nonprofit goals are aligned with something called the United Nations Global Goals for Sustainable Development. And it just ensures that all of our impact goals are essentially working to either fight poverty, advance education, and communities, create equality in communities. And then on the environmental side, it's largely about addressing the climate crisis and working with environmental groups that are protecting biodiversity and wildlife, or working to advance ocean conservation. So, that kind of gives us like a framework around that. But it's been a really rewarding journey, and now that people are talking more about how to do this, I think that the timing of our platform really becomes more important. [00:12:05] PF: Sure. And obviously, we went through a time of not traveling much in the last couple of years. [00:12:11] JB: That’s true too, of course. That was a huge challenge. [00:12:13] PF: Yeah, oh my gosh, I can't even imagine what it looked like from your end. But do you see, as we come out of this a little bit, do you see a difference in the way people are approaching travel and, in their willingness to give? [00:12:25] JB: Absolutely. I mean, we took that time during the pandemic, to actually launch a new platform. So, we launched a brand-new platform in January of this year of 2022, and we wanted to create some additional things that would make it even easier for travelers to use the platform and added several dozen new properties during that time as well. But I do think that yes, that the pandemic has indeed created a greater appreciation for travel, because we all stayed home, and we got to see what destinations look like when there aren't any visitors, and there were lots of great stories around that time, around wildlife being regenerated, and communities that became better, in fact, because they weren't dealing with the plagues of every day. Over tourism, even. Since then, we've seen destinations come back and, and take measures to even prevent some of those things that were less desirable from happening, like certain places like Venice, cruise ships aren't allowed anymore. And certain destinations, you have to now pay environmental fees to access. So, we're seeing the destinations and governments really double down on sustainability, which I think raises the bar for everybody to start thinking about it more, and there's an overall raising of consciousness that is happening around this topic. You have a climate crisis that was officially declared, The Cop 26 Summit. So, you have a lot of conversations going on right now in a time where our world is at a critical point, to embrace positive change if we want to create a sustainable future for it. [00:14:21] PF: I think, as you mentioned, the climate crisis, it's now we can't deny it anymore. And how then does this affect how we raise our children to be sustainable travelers and how does having a way to give back change the travel experience that they grow into? [00:14:38] JB: Absolutely. I mean, family travelers really see this as an educational opportunity to teach their children about the importance of giving back and even the feel-good associations that come with giving. Making that connection early on is so important, but there's also so much insight out there about the younger audiences, like Gen Z, who, at the oldest right now is 25. But they've listed that one of their number one concerns is the climate crisis. And millennial audiences have also listed this as one of their top concerns as well. So, you see these younger generations being very concerned about these topics and actively looking for ways to become more sustainable, responsible traveler, but also in their everyday lives. What you do in your everyday life should be no different than when you travel as well. There's this movement taking place, and there's a lot of interest with it with younger generations as well. The goal for brands like Kind Traveler is to make it easy, essentially, for these choices to be made that create a sustainable future that we can all thrive in and feel good about. [BREAK] [00:16:00] PF: We're going to take a break from the show right now and bring back Casey Johnson, our ecommerce marketing manager. Casey, how are you doing today? [00:16:07] CJ: I'm great. How are you? [00:16:10] PF: Fantastic. We've been talking about Organifi the past couple of weeks, and how we love being able to just take a scoop of it and add it to water and have a super healthy beverage during the day. And Organifi has this whole line of products that meets a variety of needs. One that we haven't talked about that is great for wrapping up the day is Organifi Gold, because this has like all the things our bodies need to recover like turmeric, ginger, lemon balm, mushroom, and I personally like it mixing hot water, but you can also do it with more milk or ane alternative to hot chocolate. Casey, how about you? How are you enjoying the Organifi Gold? [00:16:51] CJ: First of all, I just want to say the Gold is – [00:16:53] PF: The bomb. [00:16:56] CJ: Yeah, but seriously, I love it. And you know, contains nine superfoods. You mentioned a couple of them, and this specific juice is meant to promote rest and relaxation. Who doesn't love that, right? I personally like to drink this with warm oat milk. I like the milk alternatives and it's like a hug in a mug. Caress all day. [00:17:16] PF: Oh, that's awesome. But it really is. I love it. So, how can our listeners learn more about it and start enjoying the benefits of it? [00:17:25] CJ: So, our listeners can go to organifi.com/livehappynow and they'll save 20% off automatically at checkout. Or you can go to organific.com, and use code Live Happy Now to save 20% off. [00:17:42] PF: That sounds awesome. I hope people check it out. And we're going to go check out more of our Organifi Gold. Right now, we're going to go back to the show. [EPISODE CONTINUES] [00:17:54] PF: Doing good and giving back does release endorphins, and people feel good about themselves and they just feel good. Can we talk about that? Like what it does when you give back to local communities as you travel? How does it help you as a traveler? And how does it increase the way that the satisfaction that you feel with that experience? [00:18:15] JB: There are a few great studies out there that actually link trip satisfaction to giving back. And it's because when you give a donation or you volunteer or you just help somebody, endorphins are released in the brain that allow you to feel happier, healthier, and even more connected. We feel that that really is the perfect storm for the traveler who's looking to build purpose and meaningfulness in their vacation experience. That feeling when we're trying to get the most of our vacation, if we think about how we can optimize our travel dollars in a way that gives back and makes a positive impact within communities in the environment, not only are we doing good for the world, but we're also going to feel really good about our decisions and in fact, have a better vacation experience. I love just making that connection so clear for people and that opportunity that it exists for those that want to get the most out of their vacation. [00:19:21] PF: And then how does that change how they look back at that experience? [00:19:24] JB: There's lots of evidence around how you're giving back, how this also creates a more memorable experience. So, the way you look back and remember, your experience might even be more vivid. Also, on Kind Traveler, I want to mention that beyond just giving a donation, a lot of these charities actually offer really unique experiences. There's a little section when you click on the charities on our website, it's called How to Travel Kindly. If the charity offers unique experiences, which like I said, many of them do, you can also go and visit them and have a very memorable experience that also gives back and supports these nonprofits that are on the ground, doing the good work in destinations. So, that is a sure way to also create a memorable experience that gives back and creates a memory that will be very different than perhaps other trips. [00:20:23] PF: What I love about this is children that are growing up this way and going and having these incredible experiences are more likely to then, as they become adults, not only will they continue doing that, but then they're going to raise their next generation of children who see that as part of the travel experience. [00:20:40] JB: Yeah, absolutely. It's a cycle. So, it's a great way to have fun with your family and teach them a very powerful, meaningful lesson of what it looks like to in fact, live a fulfilled life through giving back, and how that looks, perhaps, when you travel. [00:21:00] PF: That's terrific. You show so many different ways to do it. So, I think that's what's cool, too. People might even be inspired to do things on their own when they're out there as they travel. [00:21:10] JB: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we have a few examples I can share on the website. I mean, we do a lot of work here in California, where we're based in, up in Northern California is Sonoma County, which is such a sustainable destination. 99% of their vineyard acreage is certified as sustainable. So, that in itself says so much about the destination. But we have a variety of hotels out there that you can visit, such as the farmhouse and vintners and so many others. But we have at least six different charities out there that are so unique that you can give back to, but also that you can have experiences with. So, charities like farm to pantry, Charlie's acres, the Russian River Keeper, the Sonoma Land Trust, just to name a few. And for an experience with a charity, one of the ones I love so much is with Charlie's Acres Farm Animal Sanctuary, which is a nonprofit that's dedicated to rescuing farm animals who were abused or destined for the dinner table. This organization offers unique ways to connect with these animals that are recovering from different situations, and they offer like sheep meditation. [00:22:29] PF: Oh, wow. [00:22:31] JB: Yeah, or even like goat yoga. It's just a way to kind of slow things down a bit, enjoy the sounds of nature, and learn more about animals. So, that’s one experience that you can have that, is directly with a nonprofit that really goes back into supporting the community. [00:22:49] PF: Oh, that is terrific. That sounds like so much fun. [00:22:52] JB: Thank you. Yeah, I have another one. I'll share with you if you’d like. [00:22:55] PF: Yes, please. [00:22:56] JB: Over in Florida, we do a lot of work with Fort Myers, and over there, we have a couple of hotels that we work with from the Western Cape Coral Resort, Diamondhead Resort and the Pink Shell Beach Resort. But our local nonprofit that we support is the Crow Clinic, The Center for the Rehabilitation of Wildlife. When you book on Kind Traveler, of course, and you support Crow Clinic, a $10 donation, and we measure this on the platform, but it can provide up to five days of care for an eagle with a broken wing as an example. So, that's the other thing that a lot of people ask, “Well, what can a $10 donation do?” Well, it can go a really long way and do a lot of really cool things. And we tell you, all of that on the website when you book. Another thing it can do is provide two weeks of antibiotics for a gopher tortoise that was hit by a car. So unfortunately, they have a lot of that happening there. But this organization is there, doing a lot of the wildlife rehab. And you can also go to the Crow Clinic as a visitor. They're very child friendly. You can go and visit these rehabilitated animals, those that can be released in the wild or released those that cannot be, we'll call it a sanctuary. But it is a great way to engage, learn and support a nonprofit that is really vital to the health and wellbeing of that destination. So, that is in fact, sustainable tourism right there. [00:24:29] PF: This is terrific. I love the work that you're doing and the way that it continues to spread. On our website, we're going to tell people how they can find you, give them more information. We'll share the previous stories we've run on you and just let them know how they can get in touch with you. But as we're entering these final weeks of summers and families are trying to squeeze in those last-minute trips, what do you recommend? What can families do differently to make a difference as they get in their final travel of the summer? [00:25:00] JB: Think about a couple of things. I say it's easiest to look through a lens of kindness when you make your travel planning decisions. And the lens of kindness I look at is a quadrant of four pillars. So, it's kindness to communities, to the environment, to animals, but also to oneself, to one's looking at individual wellness. So, when we kind of look through this lens of kindness, we can ask ourselves that question in the beginning, how may I maximize my positive impact and minimize my negative impact? So, with transportation, for example, because we know that both aviation is a – the aviation industry, for example, contributes to 8% of all carbon emissions. And the ground transport industry is responsible for 26% of all carbon emissions. So, we might want to look at how the word traveling. Can we look at slow travel? Can we travel perhaps by a train as a very slow way of traveling that reduces carbon emissions up to 55%? So, looking at ways that we might be able to travel in such a way perhaps, it's with an electric vehicle, or it's with public transport, it's by carpooling, perhaps. Looking at some of those ways that we can reduce our carbon footprint specifically, then, of course, choosing a hotel that is also abiding by not just environmental sustainability initiatives, but also community impact. And so, choosing the type of hotel that you would stay at, that would in fact, embrace all those values. And then, of course, the activities that you choose. Are there nonprofits that you can go visit and support such as little local sanctuaries or classes that you could take offered by different nonprofits? Doing your research, right? You have to spend a little bit of time asking these questions, doing your research, voting with your dollar, while looking through a lens of kindness. [00:27:09] PF: Fantastic stuff. We have so much to learn from you. You are doing so much good in the world. It's truly appreciated and you are making a difference. I appreciate you coming on the show and telling us about it. Again, just thank you for everything that you're doing. [00:27:25] JB: Paula, thank you so much. It was such a pleasure. I so enjoyed being here and talking with you. Thank you for the opportunity. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:27:36] PF: That was Jessica Blotter, CEO and founder of Kind Traveler, talking about how to make a difference by changing the way we travel. If you'd like to learn more about Jessica's work, check out Kind Traveler or follow Jessica on social media. Visit our website at live happy.com and click on the podcast app. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paul Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Making Friends With Your Anxiety With Liza Kindred  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 365 of Live Happy Now. Not to sound like a broken record, but May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Here at Live Happy, we're using this time to take on some of the tough topics surrounding mental health. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and throughout the month we're focusing on tools for better mental health. This week, I'm talking with Liza Kindred, author of the fabulous new Calm Your Anxiety Journal. Liza is a licensed minister, Reiki practitioner, and meditation teacher whose work has been featured in publications around the world. She's here today to talk about why we're so anxious and how making friends with her anxiety can help change the way it affects us. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:46] PF: Liza, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:49] LK: Hi, Paula. I'm really excited to be here. Thank you for having me. [00:00:53] PF: This is a great conversation that I'm really looking forward to because what you have done with your book, Calm Your Anxiety Journal, is mind-blowing. I have read many books on anxiety. This is hands down the best book on anxiety I’ve ever picked up. [00:01:07] LK: Oh, my gosh. [00:01:09] PF: So before we dig into what it's all about and how important this is, let's talk about you. You teach meditation and you use a lot of Buddhist principles. Can you talk about what led you down the path and how you got to where you are? [00:01:22] LK: Yeah, thanks. Like so many people I think who end up in this space, I had kind of different careers before. I worked in technology, and I worked in fashion, and then I worked in fashion technology, so wearable tech for a while. I was designing and helping people build these, well, wearable tech devices. At the same time, in my personal life, I had started studying Buddhism, going to retreats, trying to live this kind of uninterrupted life. Then at work, I was really like designing devices that actually interrupt, like they're designed to be disruptive. After a while, I was like, “This isn't adding up. I'm not living my values to be like working.” I think we can all kind of see now with a lot of the downsides are to big technology. I was just starting to feel like that's not what I want to be putting out into the world anymore. So I kind of have shifted to focusing on the things that are near and dear to my heart and have given me so much benefit, which are things like meditation and mindfulness, which stems from my Buddhist path, and also doing things like helping people with anxiety, like we're going to talk about today, and just a variety of different healing modalities. It feels like a really special way to be able to live my values and put that out in the world. So hearing you say those things, it's like it makes my heart just like sore and like, “Oh, my gosh. I'm doing it, I think. I’m putting some good into the world, so thank you.” [00:02:49] PF: You're doing so much good. How did you make that transition in a career sense? A lot of us might start applying these principles and using these practices, but it doesn't mean that we can parlay that into an actual career like you've been able to do. [00:03:03] LK: Sure. Yeah. I mean, it is difficult, but I kind of took some baby steps. I initially stepped back into focusing on mindful technology, so kind of just baby stepping a little bit out of technology, trying to bring it. I was doing keynotes around the world, talking about how to bring the principles of mindfulness and the practices of mindfulness into technology and really trying to help people to be very cognizant and thoughtful about the tech that they're building. That was a good baby step into a different zone, but I still felt like I was serving our tech overlords in a way that didn't feel right. So I’ve kind of taken another step out. But at the same time, I have not ever been a monk on the side of a mountain. I very much live in this world, in the world of tech, in the world of stressed out deadlines, anxiety. Just recently, I'm not a New Yorker anymore. So my first book about meditation called Eff This! Meditation and this book about anxiety is really meant to meet people who are like, “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” But I'm a caregiver. I have a job. I have to do all this stuff. So how do we actually fit this stuff in in like the real world? [00:04:13] PF: Yeah. I think that's what's so amazing about it because you do show us that it can be done with this balance because I feel like sometimes books on anxiety are too academic. It's like, “Okay, that's great. But if I'm not a researcher, who's spending my life hold up studying this, how am I going to actually live this way?” [00:04:31] LK: Right. If you have to like look up what the words even mean. It’s nice to have like an academic foundation. But, yeah, how do I apply this? It's like, “Okay, I wrote all those big words, but like now I'm feeling more anxious.” Something else I found out there was like I also just – I looked at like everything out there, and there are some great books about anxiety. No offense to anyone but I haven't found any other good journals about anxiety. In fact, one of them I found, one of the practices, was like, “List all the things that make you anxious.” I'm feeling more anxious just thinking about listing. What? [00:05:04] PF: Yeah. Because like what you focus on is what is going to grow. [00:05:08] LK: Right. Right. Like this need isn't big enough. I'm already anxious. 00:05:14PF: I'm going to need another journal. So how did anxiety become such a central focus for your messaging? [00:05:20] LK: Yeah. Well, I mean, we all have it. Increasingly, a lot of the time that I'm spending with my meditation students, it's like when we're sitting down on the cushion, and we're trying to meet ourselves where we are, so often where we are is like super anxious, and it's for really good reason. Like that's something else that I really want to be able to get across to people is just how much like anxiety makes sense, looking at what's going on around us. One of my favorite quotes was – It’s almost 100 years ago. Indian philosopher and poet named Jiddu Krishnamurti said, “It’s no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society.” [00:06:04] PF: That needs to be on my coffee mug. [00:06:06] LK: Yes, yes. [00:06:07] PF: That's really good. [00:06:08] LK: Isn't it? 100 years ago he said that. So I'm like, “Well, of course, we're feeling anxious and all kinds of disease and struggling with mental health. Look around us.” But yet when it comes to like my anxiety and my problems, it's like we kind of blame ourselves for not coping. But it's like, “Oh, my gosh. We're coping great compared to what's happening.” [00:06:32] PF: All things considered. Yes. Did you start this book pre-pandemic, during the pandemic, or kind of what was the – [00:06:40] LK: Totally during. Yeah. It was totally during, and I had the opportunity, I mean, during quarantine to go really, really deep into it and really try to create something. Take like the most helpful pieces, the most solid pieces of things like cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT, and ABT, and mindfulness, and really like go deep into what is actually the most helpful for anxiety in the long run. So I'm really grateful that I actually had the opportunity to do that, like spend some real time and do a real deep dive, because I feel like then the journal and all the practices in the journal and even the order that the practices go in, are very intentionally designed to make a difference in the long term. Like not just in the short term. I think there's awesome vagal system, nervous system practices we can use to help calm ourselves down in a short term, but like we got to kind of get out of the anxiety cycle for it to make last long term. [00:07:34] PF: Well, and this is so comprehensive. Like it addresses so many different aspects of how anxiety affects us and how we deal with it. How did you make sure that you were covering so many bases? Because I think that’s what was mind-blowing too. Yeah. I was like, “Man, she just really left no stone unturned here.” [00:07:52] LK: Thanks for saying that. I mean, I read all. I got very, very academic. Like I really got in there and reading these like six 800-page academic books about stuff and trying to really understand that. It does cover a lot. But I also feel like to really make changes to our anxiety, we have to kind of understand all those different things. Like we were talking just before we started recording. We were talking about how anxiety is actually biological. It's physical, and that's not like a metaphor to say it like lives in the body. But it's actually like physically resides in there. It resides in our tissues, in our nervous system and the way that our synapses are firing. So I think that's really important. [00:08:34] PF: Yeah. I think it's important to there's been a lot of studies coming out very recently that talks about intergenerational trauma. So my family has a huge history of anxiety, and there was up until this point. I think a lot of people just felt like, “Well, it's just because your mom was anxious, so you learned anxiety. So you grew up anxious.” But now, you see, it is truly like an intergenerational thing that happens as well. [00:09:00] LK: When we're born to someone who was anxious when we were gestating. We're in the womb. That affects us. That kind of stuff really does pass down. As far as what genes are turned on or turned off, and yet I still feel like so many of us still, yeah, blame ourselves or like maybe blame another person like, “It's on me,” or, “It’s on my mom,” or whatever. But it is so much more complicated than that, like you're saying. [00:09:21] PF: Would you see less shame around it? Because I know, say 20 years ago, you wouldn't walk around and say, “I'm having issues with my anxiety.” You just didn’t. You could not. [00:09:30] LK: That’s so true. That’s so true. Yeah. Yeah. [00:09:34] PF: Now, I see people being a little bit more willing to talk about it. I think that has to help with the healing of it too. [00:09:42] LK: Oh, my gosh. Yes. Like to be able to – If we're experiencing something in our body, like we're in a room or a conversation, and we're feeling anxious, to be able to say, “I feel anxious,” is the first step of in dissipating the anxiety. To stop fighting it and when we just like let it be, then we are actually do start calming ourselves down. So being able to do that in the moment or even, yeah, in the broader picture. Someone's like, “How are you?” It's like, “Oh, man. I've been anxious lately.” The response is like, “Oh, man. Me too.” [00:10:13] PF: Yeah. I don't think anyone's like, “Really? I've just been chill.” [00:10:16] LK: Yeah. Why? What's wrong? Is something wrong? Is something stressful? [00:10:21] PF: With the Calm Your Anxiety, I guess, I really want you to explain kind of the format a little bit because it's unlike most books. It's kind of like a workbook. It's kind of like a journal. It's kind of like a study guide. It takes all these different elements. It's also like having a really good friend walk you through it because the tone of it is not academic, even though it's very instructional and helpful. But you just kind of walk us through this. [00:10:47] LK: Thank you so much for saying that. I'm cherishing what you're saying. I’m so glad that that comes across. I kind of alluded to this, but anxiety is for sure something I've struggled with too. In fact, I feel like there's quite a few meditation teachers who struggle with anxiety. Not all of them feel comfortable talking about it I think because maybe that seems a little bit – It's like, “Oh, your meditation isn't working." But you can see from the book, it’s like there's eight sections. Mindfulness is one of them. So it’s like we have more to do there. But it really is about like, first and foremost, understanding what anxiety is. I feel like it's so important that people understand that, also, anxiety is something that like we're anxious about something because something went wrong in the past. We're not making it up. It might not be happening now, but anxiety always stems from a truth. So it kind of hurts my feelings sometimes to see – Not my feelings but I get a little like sad when I see people posting things like your anxiety is lying to you because it's not. Our anxiety is telling us a truth. It's just like maybe exaggerating or bringing it up at the wrong time. But understanding that I think is key. [00:12:00] PF: Yeah. Because it's kind of like a warning system that your body created to tip you off because of past trauma. [00:12:06] LK: And to keep us alive too. [00:12:08] PF: Yeah. That too. [00:12:10] LK: There’s like a lion coming. You should run. It’s like the same system. So it is giving us helpful messages, and that's part of why you can't just like shut it down because your body's like, “I need you to hear what I'm saying, or I can't go away.” So during these practices of like sitting with it and making friends with it, which is kind of where the journal goes next, is like how do we actually listen to our anxiety without like being mad at it. Or maybe we're mad at it, whatever. But if we're listening because that can actually start the physical process of our parasympathetic nervous system kicking in and us being able to actually calm down because we all know that we can't just be like, “Okay, Liza. Just relax. Just relax.” [00:12:48] PF: Stop it. [00:12:49] LK: Yeah. Calm down. It's like that doesn’t work. So we have to actually do things that will work, which is working with our bodies and working with our nervous system, which are all things that the journal covers as well. It’s like how do we make friends with that? How do we understand it? Then how do we step out of the cycle? [00:13:06] PF: What does it do when we befriend it? Because I love that, the way that that whole chapter walks you through it. It’s like then I started seeing in my head this whole little play of like your anxiety sitting down. You hate it at first, and then you're like, “Oh, it's not so bad.” That’s really what that chapter made me do. So tell us what that does when you make peace or make friends with your anxiety. [00:13:27] LK: Yeah. Or even just the beginning stages of that, like just like paying attention to what it's saying, like acknowledging, “Oh, did you have something to say?” It's like a really does – We can't actually get rid of anxiety totally. Like there's not like a cure, and that's because it is the same biologically wired system that's keeping us alive. It's like danger. It's our danger schema. It's like, “Hey, there's like something going on here. You might want to pay attention.” If it's bad, then we're like – We go into the different responses like fight, flight, freeze, fawn, collapse. But before that, we're just like, “Hey, pay attention. Hey, pay attention.” There's something going on here. So if we're able to just like, “Hey, pay attention,” if we could just like sit with it and be like, “Okay, hang on. What's going on?” By listening to it, it gives us the opportunity to then say like, “Okay, I've given my signal. I've been heard.” When we're pushing stuff away, it’s like, “Stop being anxious. Stop being anxious.” Like we're giving all this power to it. So it's kind of like, “You know what? Fine. You can sit down. Sit on the couch. What do you need? Okay, got it. I can hear you. I heard you. Got it. Thank you.” It’s like someone that loves us, like overbearing like parents that like, “Hey, be careful. Be careful.” [00:14:42] PF: I’m just trying to keep you safe. [00:14:43] LK: Yeah, yeah. Totally. It’s like that's our anxiety right there. I'm just trying to keep you safe. [00:14:51] PF: That's so good. I love what it does in your brain when you start thinking about it differently. Because then instead of when you start feeling your individual triggers kicking in and instead of being like, “Oh, crap. Here we go,” you can react differently to it. [00:15:05] LK: Yes. For me, I'm always like, “Oh, here we go again. What's wrong with me? Why is this making me anxious? No one else is anxious,” da, da, da. If we could just like stop that. In Buddhism, we call that the second arrow. So it's this idea of like we've been like hit with an arrow, and that hurts. But then when we like beat ourselves up for being hit by an arrow, that's kind of like sending a second arrow. So if we can avoid that and just not be like, “What's wrong with me? Why do I have anxiety?” If we could just be like, “What up anxiety? Okay, what do you need to say,” that creates a sense of ease, where before that it was maybe like all tension. That’s the beginning of it. That feels good. It can feel good. [00:15:44] PF: Yeah, yeah. It takes a minute I think when we’re good. [00:15:46] LK: Right, right. No guarantees. It takes a while. [00:15:51] PF: One of the things that I really liked it, anxiety isn't one size fits all because we all have our thing, but there are familiar patterns within it. So what really struck me with Calm Your Anxiety is how it personalizes each person's individual struggle with anxiety and give so many different ways to manage it. So was that designed to let each person find what works for them? Or is it do you want them to use all the things that were – How does this work? [00:16:19] LK: Yeah. In both of my books, I’m like, “Just take what works and like leave the rest, always.” It's like everything is so personal. Especially in wellness, there are so many people that are like, “I have the answer. It worked for me, so it will work for everyone.” It's like we're all so different, and we all need different things. The way we experience it is different. Where it came from is different. One of the things I was really fascinated to learn through the research of this book was the different ways that different cultures talk about anxiety. The language that they use is really different. Some cultures, and I'm sorry, I'm not remembering where right now, but in some places, the focus on anxiety is having a hot face is how it's described. In some other cultures, it's talked about like a rising wind, which I think must be like a tornado kind of. Even the way we talk about it, how we experience it, how we talk about it is all really personal. So what's going to work is personal. So I would just love for people to just try something. If it doesn't work, it's like, “Thank you, next.” There’s plenty to do. [00:17:24] PF: Yeah. That is – It’s like this little toolbox where you can just choose which one is most appealing to you and seems like most reasonable fit into your life. [00:17:35] LK: Exactly. Yeah. Because people are busy, and we have ups and downs, and highs and lows, and busy times and slow times. If people can just like work through the book as quickly or as slowly as it feels right, there is real change by the end. [00:17:51] PF: I love how you end it with a graduation certificate. [00:17:54] LK: A certificate of completion. Thanks for saying that. My publisher was like, “Well, how are they going to know if they've earned it?” I’m like, “Even if they just slipped through the book and just see it, they've already earned it. So I'm signing it already.” [00:18:08] PF: Yeah. It just gives you that – It made me smile because it's like, “What a great reminder.” If you're having an off day, if you're having a struggle with anxiety, where you can look at that and be like, “I got this because –” [00:18:19] LK: Right. I've practiced. I've got the tools. [00:18:21] PF: Yeah, absolutely. So one of the things I wanted you to explain to us is about morning meditation. Can you talk about how starting your day with a morning meditation can help us change our anxiety? [00:18:34] LK: Yeah. I mean, we all have anxiety at different times. But a lot of people do have it in the morning, waking up and just like the day starts, and we start – [00:18:44] PF: Well, and then we have to go to work. That doesn't help. [00:18:46] LK: Yes. I rush. A lot of times, I have to rush, right, which is like the worst for anxiety, rushing. So being able to take some time to like check in and see. Not try to change where we're at, but just see where we're at and just be where we're at. That's all we're really trying to do is like, “Hey, Liza.” I talk to myself a lot like, “Hey, self. Hey, me. How are you doing,” and being able to just start the day, checked in, and it was a mindful breathing and a little bit of mindfulness practice in the meditation. We're really setting the day up for success. If we can even bring an intention into it before, during, or after the practice where we can kind of come back to that throughout the day like, “Okay, I have this intention,” or, “I had this experience that I know that even if I'm not feeling calm right now, I know that calm exists, and it exists in me, and I can get back there.” It helps us to build confidence in getting back to that place. [00:19:45] PF: Yeah, definitely. How does it work to set an intention for the day? Because I know on days when I do that, there's a huge difference, and I don't know why I don't do it every day because I see the results. [00:19:56] LK: Because we're busy. [00:19:58] PF: Yeah. Talk about that. When you can set an intention, how do you do that? [00:20:03] LK: It’s almost like dropping an anchor. It's like I've seen some people, when they set intention, it’s set like pretty long sentence or a couple sentences about like, “Today, I'm going to be calm and open.” We always want to state what we want, not what we don't want. So we don't want to say like, “I won't get angry.” We're not trying to put our energy or use our words there but saying like, “I will be calm.” So really like giving it some positivity. I mean, we don't – We’re not going into like overly, “Everything is great. Everything is great.” But we’re just setting a positive intention, leaving room with a reality of what is, which is all the highs and lows. But like, “I'll meet things with calmness as best I can.” Or we can list a few things. Or for me, a lot of times, it's just a word that comes to me when I'm meditating. Sometimes, it's like the same word peace for a week or – Recently, it was clarity. I was just getting the word clarity again and again. Throughout the day, I would know if I'm starting to feel stressed out or struggle or just have a quiet moment, just coming back to that intention, whether it's clarity or it's a longer thing. It's like coming back home to yourself. [00:21:14] PF: I love how you say that. That's a beautiful thought. [00:21:16] LK: We dropped that anchor and the weather could get choppy. The boat could go around. But it's like but we can always kind of pull on that anchor and know that like, “All right, I put this here for myself.” Like, “Okay.” [00:21:28] PF: That's great. Yeah. Because we know that we can pull back to it and get there and make it through that day or just through that moment if we have to. [00:21:35] LK: Yeah. I have a lot of people tell me that they do it in the bathroom. It's like, especially at work, if we're in a busy office, just like kind of go into a stall or something and just like have a minute of like, “Okay, I'm coming back to myself, where I am.” [00:21:47] PF: Yeah. Yeah. That's so important to do, and we've been seeing a lot of material about how high our anxiety levels are, the increase in mental health problems. There was one stat that I saw a couple of weeks ago that talked about if all of the therapists practicing in the US today saw 3,000 patients a year, they would not be able to get through everyone that needs mental health assistance right now. So we look at it, and that's just overwhelming to look at that kind of a need. As we think about that, and I know that we get a lot of feedback, and people are dealing with so many different things, so what are the things that you would recommend right now to the people who are listening to where they start to reclaim better mental health? [00:22:34] LK: Yeah. Thanks for that lead in too because one of the things that that I feel like that really kind of like shocking statistics speaks to is how much more systemic help we could really use. I want every person who wants a therapist to have a therapist. Everyone should have that, and we don't. So what we're left with a lot of times are these tools, like personal tools for us to try. Tools like this journal, tools like some practices. So we kind of have to rely on ourselves in a way that we really should be able to be relying on the mental health system. [00:23:12] PF: That's a great point. Yeah. That is a really great point because not everyone has the resources to see a therapist. Even if they do, they may not be able to get in. It's – [00:23:22] LK: Yeah. It takes a while to find a good fit. Yeah. I mean, I have a therapist I love and I'm so grateful for that because that's hard to get. We all deserve good help. But I appreciate that lead into the question because I want to share some tools and some practices that people can do. I feel like it's really important that we all know that like we shouldn't have to be doing this on our own. To the extent that we can get help and support from other people, I wish that for you. Please fight for it if you can. But there are things we can also do for ourselves, and so that's where this book comes in and things like – My absolute favorite, this is the most simple thing that we can do, which is that when our exhale is longer than our inhale in our breathing, so if we’re breathing out longer than we're breathing in, that triggers the parasympathetic nervous system response and starts to calm our heart rate. It's a physical message that we send to ourselves. Calm down. It’s okay. It doesn't work to say it in our heads, but we can actually talk to our nervous system. Especially doing deep belly breathing, where if we put like one hand over our belly and when we inhale, we really try to fill our bellies up with air, and make them like big and beautiful. Then exhale slow, long and slow. A few cycles of that is one of the most powerful ways to shift the response and to start to be able to calm ourselves down in the moment. Some of the other practices that I like are like self-soothing, like just taking our fingers and gently rubbing our other arm. It's self-soothing. It feels a little bit. It can feel a little childish kind of. It's like the thing we do to soothe a child. But we're doing a bilateral movement, so we're engaged in both sides of our brain. We're coming back into our body. We'll go as fast or as slow as we feel that feels good. So we're always kind of doing it right for ourselves. It is actually self-soothing. If you're in a meeting, it's something you can do like under the table. Or like whatever. It just looks like you're kind of mindlessly using your thumb to stroke your arm or something. But these kinds of things where we can actually just really start to just break that like, “I'm freaking out,” cycle coming back to ourselves, coming back to our body, coming back to the present moment. Because anxiety, we spiral out of our body. We spiral out of the here and now. So these really simple practices can help just bring us back to the here and now. [00:25:50] PF: You have several great free resources on your site. You've got some meditations. You've got some other little goodies on. [00:25:55] LK: Heck, yeah. Thank you. Yeah. We’re building a whole resource library. We're feeling like really good about it. Most of it's free. Yeah. We have all kinds of meditations, meditation scripts, different journal prompts, things like that. One of the ones that I especially recommend for people who are interested in working with our anxiety is the body scan meditation, which we have on there for free, where we can do a shorter or a longer body scan. That can really help us to take that brief moment of coming back into our bodies and extend it out for even longer, and it can be very relaxing. [00:26:28] PF: Terrific. You have given us so much to work with, so much to help us manage our anxiety better. I'm really excited for our listeners to discover your site, all those great resources. [00:26:40] LK: Thank you. [00:26:40] PF: I hope they check out the journal. As we let you go, what's the one thing you hope everybody takes away from this talk we've had today? [00:26:49] LK: Yeah. This is it. You are complete. You're just not finished. [00:26:54] PF: Love it. [00:26:55] LK: You are whole. You have everything that you need. You are unbroken. Everything that you need already lives in. You're just kind of refining it still. You are complete, just not finished. [00:27:07] PF: I love that. Liza, thank you so much. Promise me you'll come back and talk to me again. [00:27:10] LK: I would love that. Thank you, Paula. Thank you to everyone for listening. I'm sending you the very, very best. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:27:20] PF: That was meditation guru, Liza Kindred, talking about how to make friends with our anxiety. If you'd like to learn more about Liza, follow her on social media or learn more about her new Calm Your Anxiety Journal. Visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're on our site, remember you can get 20% off anything and everything in the Live Happy Store this month when you use the code SELF-LOVE 20. That's SELF-LOVE 20. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: How Social Media Influences Your Happiness With Jessie Kanzer    [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 355 of Live Happy Now. Throughout the month of March, we're celebrating the International Day of Happiness, and a whole month of happy acts. As part of this year's celebration, we're looking at the theme of unity. I'm your host, Paula Felps. This week, I'm joined by Jessie Kanzer, author of Don't Just Sit There, DO NOTHING. Much of Jessie's work looks at social media and how we can become more mindful about it to minimize its negative impact. Sit back, and let's hear what Jessie has to say. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:36] PF: Jessie, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:38] JK: Thank you so much, Paula. [00:00:41] PF: This is the perfect time to talk to you, not just because your new book is out, but because we are doing this whole month celebrating the International Day of Happiness on March 20th, and really doing a whole month of happy acts. Our theme this year is unity. Anytime we have a discussion about unity and conflict, it seems that social media comes up. This is something that you talk about. I wanted to talk today about how it affects the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. To kick it off, you talk about why this one thing called social media is so powerful. [00:01:15] JK: Yes, and I do talk a lot about it. Because, like you said, it's so prevalent. Before we talk about what's wrong with it, let's just acknowledge what a big part of our life has become. In fact, in my book, Don't Just Sit There, DO NOTHING, I have a chapter called Stop the Thumb, which you can interpret it as you will, but it's about stopping that scrolling thumb that never stops itself. I do think that it's easier said than done. You could easily just tell people, just get off social media. I've heard that so many times. Just get off of it. Realistically speaking, for a lot of us, for creatives, like myself, for podcasts, there's a lot of need for social media, for the businesses and for the positive information we're trying to spread. We can't just get off social media, because that's where we now reach people, because that's where people are. It's not as easy anymore to just say get off of it, or cancel your accounts. Because for a lot of people, that's not something you can do. Our livelihood has begun to depend on social media as well. What's happened is, the lines have blurred between – There used to be clear cut marketing, clear cut advertising. That would be the commercial on TV, or the radio spot that played. Now, it's not quite so. We are on Instagram, on Facebook, on TikTok, seemingly just entertaining ourselves, or scrolling through what our friends are doing, etc. We are also being advertised to all the time. What I don't love, to start with social media, there's no longer a line between what's just content for you to consume and what's actually content that is trying to influence your behavior. [00:03:10] PF: Yeah. It can quickly change the way that you think and the way that you perceive things. If you've liked certain things, the algorithms are going to send material to you, and it can take you down a rabbit hole. It can start changing the way you view society, the way you view yourself, the way you view your neighbors. [00:03:29] JK: Yes. I don't know if you have watched the film Social Dilemma. I remember watching it last year. It's scary, right? I think that I actually wish everyone in the world would have watched it. Because what I now understand and what helps me a lot is knowing that this construct exists to learn me, to stay there as long as possible. That it is addictive to me, not because there's something wrong with me, but because it was formulated to be addictive. Once you realize that, you can at least start to forgive yourself a little for the time you're spending that you lose on social media without realizing, because we've all found ourselves in those holes that you mentioned. You're like, “Why have I just been on here for 20 minutes, half an hour?” [00:04:15] PF: I know it lift your head up and you're like, “What just happened to me?” [00:04:18] JK: Yeah. It was formulated to do that. That's what it's formulated to do. Like you said, it does – Unfortunately, the way the algorithm works is it picks up on what you're there looking at and what you're doing. It'll send you more and more and more of that. If we look at politics, we know what happens. What happens is we end up in echo chambers, where we just hear what we already believe, and then we become more and more convinced. It doesn't matter if it's truth or not truth, because it becomes our truth. [00:04:48] PF: Yeah, and one thing that's happened in this time of isolation and more people are working remotely and we're not interacting, so we don't have that time where we call it the water cooler, but where you’re grabbing a cup of coffee in the break room and you're talking to someone who has a different opinion, you had more balance, I feel. There was more of a balance of input of ideologies and just thoughts, and whether or not you agreed with them, you're hearing different opinions. [00:05:15] JK: I think that when you're speaking with a person, an actual person face-to-face, they don't become this demon that sometimes people become on social media. We're just people. For some reason, the screen of anonymity that Twitter, for example, can provide where just somebody's name, and it's not their real name; some name that they chose for their account. They can say pretty nasty things. They could say whatever they want. They wouldn't say that to you in real life, face-to-face. [00:05:46] PF: Oh, yeah. Getting on Twitter feels like going into a street fight. I'm like, “I need a helmet and a shield.” It's tough. [00:05:55] JK: Yeah. Then on the other hand, you have Instagram, which has been shown to be very detrimental to young people. I, myself as someone who struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager, and then in my early 20s, I really, really caution parents to pay a lot of attention to what their kids are consuming. It's hard. I'm not saying it's easy to always be on them. I know. I mean, my kids are only five and seven. Already, sometimes I look over, what is she watching? It's not easy, but I think it's super important. Because as we understood, Instagram will keep providing for you the content that you're looking at. If you're a young girl, and you're becoming obsessed with your body image, you will keep seeing things that will keep making you feel more insecure, and maybe take you down a rabbit hole of years of less than a healthy existence. That's what happened to me just from teen mags. I can imagine that being the age of social media is more challenging. [00:06:55] PF: Absolutely. As we've acknowledged, civility is a big issue. It is a big issue, even in the real world now. On social media, it is amplified. One thing I really want to talk with you is how can we start using our social media to become unified, rather than divided? By unified, I don't mean that we just find all these people who think the same way we do and it's, we're right, and they're wrong. How do we bridge that? [00:07:25] JK: I have a couple of suggestions. [00:07:27] PF: I was hoping you would. [00:07:30] JK: Yeah. With how we can create healthier relationships. Because, again, like I said, for a lot of us, just quitting social media altogether is not an option. I believe that learning how to live with something is the most, the strongest act that we can do for ourselves as someone. I struggled at an early age with bulimia. Now, I see similarities here because, well, in order to get over bulimia, you have to get over the behavior of binging on food. but you can't get rid of eating food as a whole, because we need food to live. What you need to do is actually change your entire relationship with food into a healthy relationship, and it takes time. Doing the same thing with social media, it's not going to happen overnight. One thing, for me, my social media is very healing. I made the algorithm work for me. When I go on my Instagram feed, I'm really posting and looking for spiritual insight, upliftment, information on well-being. The more I was paying attention to that and not allowing myself to go down the rabbit hole of what's Kim Kardashian doing, or what's whoever else, I just decided, this was my focus time to make it work for me. I would go on for short periods of time, I would post something, whether it be a quote from Don't Just Sit There, DO NOTHING, or maybe a little discussion about what's going on right now and some positive take on that. Then I would look for people, again, who weren't necessarily exactly my opinion, but people who were putting something positive out into the world. I follow, for example, podcasts that are positive podcasts, that are uplifting podcasts. The more I did that, I would also concurrently unfollow stuff that would trigger me. Anything I saw, which I realized was just putting more drama out into my feed, I would just unfollow. Simply, I would follow what lifted me up, unfollow what brought me down. Just paying attention and creating an awareness of how any post makes you feel is very important. If we can bring in mindfulness, which is a practice that can be brought into anything, like mindfulness can be brought into, even into social media. [00:10:02] PF: Yeah, that's good. I'm glad you brought that up, because I was going to ask you, what role mindfulness plays when you're managing your social media. [00:10:09] JK: I practice mindfulness. I try to practice mindfulness all day, every day. I mean, obviously, I'm not perfect. I'm human, but I try to be mindful when I'm folding my kids’ laundry, and when I'm trying to get them out and rush them out in the morning to their bus. I try to bring in a little mindfulness there, so that what mindfulness is, is being in the present and being connected to exactly what you're doing right now. We know that. I know that your audience knows that. You know what? It can be brought to, once you bring mindfulness into what you're doing on social media, you take yourself out of that dynamic that was set up, which was just to have you be a user. Let's remember that we're called users in the social media world. Not consumers, users. Okay, you pay attention, you go a little slower. First of all, you slow down that thumb. You go a little slower. You pause, every time you see something and you ask yourself, “Is this something I want to see more of?” If not, simply unfollow. Not that hard. Just unfollow. Something I want to see more of, press a like. What happens is slowly, your feed starts to look like yourself. My feed, if you looked at it, would be like, “Oh, I get who Jessie is. She's into the whole woo-woo world, she’s a wellness fanatic.” I think, that if everyone can do that, it will not be this alienating place anymore. I mean, for me, so I have a whole community on social media. My mentor, Laura Day, she's an intuitive. She holds morning meetings, where we just gather and we work on something positive for ourselves, and it's a short thing. You were talking about unity. I thought it's really interesting, because I found this community. She calls us the circle. These folks are just there. They're there. If I post something, they're there with some support. Like for my book launch, they're there with their positive affirmations, or helping to spread the word. In my experience, I now feel that I have unity in social media. [00:12:17] PF: That's amazing. Because so few people feel that way right now. [00:12:22] JK: Absolutely. That's why this is something. I discuss this in detail in the book, in the Stop the Thumb chapter. It's about, first of all, becoming mindful about what we consume. Also, this is an important one, be the change you want to see. You become mindful about what you post. [SPONSOR MESSAGE] [00:12:43] PF: I'm going to be right back with more of my conversation with Jessie. I wanted to take a moment to talk about one great alternative to social media. If you're looking to stop the mindless scrolling, how about putting your hands to use doing puzzles? Puzzles are a great gadget-free way to give your brain a break. We recently discovered Unidragon Puzzles, which you really need to see to believe. These gorgeous wooden puzzles are works of art that feature nature scenes, animals, Mandalas, and so much more. If you're looking to kick your social media habit, or at least rein it in, I can't think of a better way to do it than by spending time with these puzzles. Right now, you can get 10% off your order when you visit unidragon.com enter the code Live Happy Now. That's unidragon.com, and the code is Live Happy Now. Now, let's get back to my conversation with Jessie Kanzer and learn more about how to handle our social media habits. [INTERVIEW CONTINUED] [00:13:40] PF: I'm glad we're talking about this. Because there's something that you said that completely changed the way I was posting. That was, paying attention to your ego, and why I'm posting this. The fact that hey, I'm showing somebody I was having this great time, but how does this affect how somebody else feels? Can you pick that up? Because that is just beautiful insight that I needed to know. [00:14:05] JK: Of course. Paula, we're not, again, we're not perfect. Sometimes, I just have this freaking cute picture of the kids. I got to put it up and I just can't – You know what? The intention behind what you post is everything. Because if I just think this is the cutest, funniest thing in the world and I post it, often I get back, that made my day. I think, the intention behind what we post is very important. We all have an ego. It's okay that we have an ego. It’s okay that sometimes we want to show how well we're doing. It's all fine. We need to go back and remember that every time we post about what we have, somebody else is reminded, what they don't have. I remember this a lot during the days of everyone getting engaged in my own circle of friends. I remember this constant barrage. I had a lot of relationship difficulties at that time. I just remembered this barrage of engagement rings. It used to annoy me so much. If I look at it and why it annoyed me, of course, it's about what was missing in my own life, but also, was just – it felt so show-offy. I don't think that's what people are trying to do completely, but it's also the lack of bringing mindfulness into our post. It became what we're supposed to do. The second you get engaged, you post directly. [00:15:31] PF: I actually have a friend, who, when her son and daughter-in-law got married, the first thing the girl turned around, they kiss the bride, they turn around, they were announced as husband and wife and she yelled out, “Somebody change my Facebook status.” [00:15:43] JK: That’s really funny. That’s really funny. I get it. I get it. It's an exciting time. Boy, it felt like such a win for me, because I had such a long, barrage of heartbreaks. When I got married, I get it. Everything is okay when you put mindfulness into it, because at least you're aware, even if you're breaking that rule once or twice, you're aware, but you're not going to be sleepwalking anymore. That's really helpful. The other thing I say is, okay, fine. Once in a while, we want to post something that we did that was really fun, that was really beautiful, that we want to share. Remember to also, at least once in a while, share the vulnerabilities of your life, the stuff that maybe didn't go right. That's where actually, I found my sweet spot on social media, and maybe in my writing as a whole. I write a lot about my humiliations in life. I'm very, very open about all of the mistakes I made, because my goal is to help people feel less alone, if they are themselves finding that they're in this “loser spot” in their life, where they feel like a loser. I know what that feels like. I say, I try to hold on to the humility of a loser no matter where I am in life, because I really believe that if we open ourselves and show everyone the bad stuff, as well as the good stuff, we're doing a service to everyone else who may be struggling right now. [00:17:21] PF: Absolutely. I just love the way that because of you, I just do a little bit of a gut check before I post something now. It's like that. Okay, why am I doing this? Am I doing this for my own, because I want to show off, the fact that I got to drive this car? Or, am I doing it because I really want to share this experience? You know what? I'm leaving a lot of stuff off now. Because it's like, no, this was really not about uplifting someone else. It's about, “Hey, I got to do this really cool thing.” That’s how it feels. [00:17:51] JK: You know what, Paula? I love that you tell me that. That is so amazing to hear. Because, and again, if you do that gut check, and maybe you just saw a gorgeous sunset, and you want to post that, because you want to share the feeling of seeing this gorgeous sunset. Well, go ahead. That is a beautiful intention to have. It's not about, “Hey, look at me. What I get to see.” It's about, I want to share this with you. It's just about that small shift in intention that I think can connect us together. I try to balance. Obviously, I also promote stuff. I have to promote my book, because I want people to know about it. Again, I go back to the intention. I want to spread awareness about something I created out of love, because I want people to feel less alone, and I want people to have tools for healing. Then I say to myself, “That's okay to promote that, because I have an intention that's a loving intention in there.” [00:18:46] PF: Yeah. Once we get our own feeds under control, and we start curating what we're consuming, what do we do then about those posts? We cannot control what other people post. Sometimes it might be on our own page. How do we deal with those posts that immediately incite us? [00:19:03] JK: We take a deep breath. We pause and we delete. Seriously, or untag, or unfollow whatever you can do, but we don't engage. If it's something that is inciting you, I suggest you walk away from it. If it's something that you feel an hour later, or two hours later that you want to engage in, then go ahead, but from a commerce standpoint. Again, the intention of what you're bringing to this interaction is not that anger that you initially feel. It's not that triggered feeling. Maybe you're coming in to, because you feel that it's important to provide some truthful information. [00:19:41] PF: Well, a lot of times if we feel compelled to do that, and I've not done this, because I've seen what happens to people and it's a lot like a bunny rabbit walking in a herd of coyotes. It's like, someone feels compelled to explain like, “Look, this is why I feel differently.” They are pounced on and not – it doesn't stop and till they're a carcass pretty much. [00:20:03] JK: Yeah. I’ve seen that. [00:20:05] PF: Yeah. How do you do that? If it's someone, say, what's happening with a lot of people is someone they truly care about, whether it's a family, close friend, whatever, will say something that is so opposed to how they feel. That other person feels the need to – Like say, I might feel the need to say, “Look, that's really not where I'm coming from. This is why I think that way.” What's a better way to approach that? [00:20:26] JK: I would, in my personal experience, I probably would not. I would not engage in that in social media, on social media. If you feel strongly enough and if this person is in your life, there are other ways to connect with people. There's the telephone. I do find – [00:20:43] PF: Oh, is that still around? What? That thing? [00:20:45] JK: It's interesting. I find that the further removed we are from each other, right, so we're talking about the watercooler conversations. Then, you take that to a phone conversation, where you still hear each other's voice, and you can talk. Then you take that one step further removed, and maybe you're texting, and then a little further, and you're just posting something on social media for all to see. The further removed we get from each other as humans, the dirtier it can become. I don't see a need. Here's the thing. Yes, people post misinformation on social media. I say, and this is what the Daodejing has taught me; this is what I write about also in my book is, you cannot change the entire world. But in preserving your balance your sanity, in being the best you you can be, the changes that you provide for this world are going to be much bigger than you can imagine. Anything that is going to interfere with your well-being, don't do it. [00:21:50] PF: That's great advice. We know that, but we're not taking it. It's a weird time. One thing that you say – I know we're running out of time, but we've got to talk about this, because this is a great barometer. You say that people really need to pay attention to how they feel when they're on social media. We do not do that. Why is that so important? Then, what is it that we should be looking for? [00:22:14] JK: Yes. I think, we should pay attention to how we feel at all times. My joke of a title, Don't Just Sit There, DO NOTHING, the book is really, it's not about doing nothing, but it's about being able to disconnect from all of the messages, which because of social media, or just never-ending, to connect with our own inner voice. When we take the time to do that, when we connect with our own inner compass, we feel off. When we feel off, we know that we're off. In other words, I call it awareness. I say, your awareness is your superpower. The more you connect with your inner compass, the more you're able to feel when you're off. For me, honestly, when I get on social media, and I just started scrolling blindly, I'm often about 0.2 seconds. I realized that sometimes I do it anyway. I'm not saying that I'm perfect. The awareness is the superpower, because do I really want to be off 20 times a day? It helps us get that behavior under control, is by being aware and really being mindful of how we feel. What we should be looking for is a feeling of upliftment, connection, even neutrality, where you're just like, maybe you've learned something. The second you feel jealous, because jealousy is something that comes up a lot in social media, because people are posting from their egos. When the second you feel jealous, or you feel triggered, get off. Get off as soon as you can and do anything else. I even suggest to people, well, go turn on the TV. Even that is better than the way you get sucked in by the algorithms of social media. My other quick advice is to be mindful of the amount of time you spend. I say, if you've really gotten out of control, and you know when you have. We all know, do a timer, right before you enter your Instagram, enter your Facebook feed, press the timer, say five minutes. That's what I'm letting myself go on for. Then my one final piece of advice, which is really hard, but it's important. Don't sleep with your phone right next to your bed. [00:24:23] PF: Right. Yeah, that's super important. Because I know people that do that. I put mine on airplane mode at night. [00:24:30] JK: That’s really helpful. [00:24:30] PF: People are like, “What if something happens?” It's like, I will find out. I will find out later.” I will be rested and able to deal with it. [00:24:39] JK: Exactly. You'll be in your best shape. I tell people, so we cannot ignore the fact that we're all addicts when it comes to technology; social media, Google, etc. Google News, Apple news, whatever. We're all addict, because this is our first time in history where we're dealing with this kind of barrage of technology and information. Yeah, we're all addicted. We don't have to constantly put this source of addiction right in front of us. Somebody recovering from alcoholism would not sleep with a bottle of vodka right next to their bed. That's how we need to treat ourselves gently, but admit to ourselves that we're addicts, because we're human and we're dealing with machines created to lure us. [00:25:26] PF: That is so great, Jessie. Man, we could talk for hours, but they won't let us. This is terrific. You've given us so much to think about. Your book, we're going to tell people how they can find you, find your book, learn more about this. Thank you for the work that you're doing, and for spending time with me today to talk about this. This is such an important topic. [00:25:46] JK: It is such a pleasure for me, Paula, because my intention is to spread just a little bit of light. If we all do that, I think the world can change. [00:25:55] PF: I love it. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:26:01] PF: That was Jessie Kanzer, talking about how to create a healthier relationship with your social media. If you'd like to learn more about Jessie, follow her on her very healthy social media channels, or pick up a book. Just visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. Remember to check out those amazing puzzles at unidragon.com and get a 10% discount by entering the code Live Happy Now. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]