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Do You Have The Grit To Create Lasting Success?

Live Happy blogger, best-selling author and wellness coachMichelleMcQuaidpresents a series of interviews entitled "Show Up, Shine and Succeed." This is the third of five insightful posts. Each podcast/interview features a differentpositive psychology expert, all speaking on topics related to happiness, confidence and success in the workplace. Do you have the passion and perseverance necessary to create a successful career?Researchers have found when it comes to successfully achieving our long-term goals, there’s one quality that distinguishes us most: grit. “Gritty individuals approach the journey to mastery like a marathon rather than a sprint, and this fuels their stamina to practice their talents over and over and over again,” explains Angela Duckworth, associate professor of psychology at University of California at Riverside. Click here to listen to the full podcast. Angela defines grit as the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward longterm goals. It entails working consistently toward challenges and being able to maintain interest and effort over time, despite failures, setbacks and plateaus in progress. Whereas most of us take disappointment or boredom as signals that it might be time to cut our losses, people with grit take these signs as the moment when they need to stick with it and truly show up. Her researchhas established the predictive power of grit to determine successful outcomes. While much is still being learned about the subject, Angela suggests three things you can do to improve your level of grit: 1. Be Meaningfully Interested Make sure your longterm goal is based around something that is interesting and meaningful to you. Professor William Damon at Stanford University has found that when we find something personally interesting, and it’s meaningful to the world beyond ourselves, we are able to connect passion with action. It motivates us, providing a sense of purpose and energy, and preventing burnout. 2. Cultivate a growth mindset In recent research with Professor Carol Dweck from Stanford University, Angela has found that grit is positively correlated with the belief that we can improve our talents and abilities. Having a “growth mindset” is one of the cognitive antecedents that makes you more inclined to be gritty because it cultivates the belief that things can improve, that failure is not permanent and that there is a reason to persist. 3. Ask for support Rely on other people around you who can hold you accountable to your goals and ensure you don’t quit in the face of frustration or discouragement. When you study the trajectories of top performers, you see that there were times when they stumbled and doubted themselves. It wasn’t always easy for them, and in many cases, they relied on others to help them get through the toughest times. As Woody Allen once noted, “Eighty percent of success in life is showing up.”And while the number 80 percent does not come from academic research, Angela does agree that for many endeavors, if you can just persist and keep showing up, you will eventually overcomes many of the obstacles in your path. You can test your levels of grit in Angela’s research lab at sites.sas.upenn.edu/duckworth. And if you’d like more tested, practical ways to show up, shine and succeed at work visit showupshineandsucceed.com.

Workplace

Show Up and Succeed

Recent polls show that two out of every three people report feeling disengaged in their jobs; many of us would simply like to be more inspired by our work.Perhaps you’re hoping for that extra bit of confidence to ask for a promotion. Maybe you’d like to be able to enjoy your work more, no matter what you’re doing or whom you’re working for. Or could it be that you hope others around you will finally recognize your skills and talents and reward you fairly for them.For many of us it’s as simple as having a bit more energy, feeling a little happier and finally being able to create the success we know we’re capable of. But what are the tested and practical approaches you can use to show-up, shine and succeed at work?Podcast series focuses on happiness and success in the workplaceEvery day next week, from September 29 to October 3, Live Happy will feature a podcast and blog in which work/wellness expert Michelle McQuaid discusses different aspects of workplace success and happiness. Five podcasts will feature five prominent experts in the field, each addressing a different perspective on how we can become more engaged and be inspired by our work.Louisa JewellPositive psychology expert Louisa Jewell notes that our sense of self-worth often impacts how we feel about our work. “Self-doubt causes us to engage in self-protective strategies at work like procrastination, hesitation and self-handicapping that hold us back from achieving the results we long for,” explains Louisa.Self-doubt is an internal phenomenon that reflects the way you talk to yourself. You can counter it with awareness, disputing the negative self-talk, and with a healthy dose of self-compassion. Increasingly studies find that self-doubt is generated by the social evaluations of others and the commentary that surrounds us.So how can you maintain your confidence in the face of other people’s criticism?Margie WarrellCourage coach and best-selling author Margie Warrell recommends making sure you are driven by what inspires you and not by what scares you.“In order for you to get outside your comfort zone and stop playing small and safe, you need to have a clear purpose,” said Margie. “Try to find what it is you are willing to speak up about at work. If you think through how you might want to transition your career, start a new business or take on a great big job when there’s more chance of you failing than the one you’re in right now.”Only when you can answer clearly ‘for the sake of what’ you’re willing to put yourself at risk, can you be as courageous as you can be, as purposeful as you can be and as successful as you can be.But will you have the grit to sustain your efforts?Angela DuckworthAngela Duckworth,Associate Professorat the University of Pennsylvania defines grit as the passion and perseverance for long-term and challenging goals. It's being inclined to really stick with a couple of things you care about and work hard towards them over weeks, over years and even decades.“Gritty people have placed extremely high values on their goals, and they understand that to accomplish anything worthwhile is going to require extraordinary investment,” explains Angela. “As a result they value habits, and accept that feelings of frustration are a normal part of growth.”But how can you develop positive habits when your time at work and home is already maxed out?B.J. FoggBehavioral psychologist B.J. Fogg, professor at Stanford University is dedicated to finding small changes that make improving our behavior easier.“Tiny habits help you scale back bigger behaviors into many small behaviors and sequencing it somewhere in your life that fits well. It relies less on willpower and motivation to create change and more on redesigning your life little by little so over time these small shifts create dramatic results.”For example, if you want to finally read the pile of articles and books growing next to your desk, then you could create a tiny habit recipe like this: After I turn on my computer at work, I will read one page. Then as the habit becomes routine, let it grow day by day until you’ve worked your way through the pile and are looking for new things to read.Once they start to stick though how will you protect your tiny habits from everyone else’s demands on your time and energy?Valorie BurtonBest-selling author and productivity coach Valorie Burton recommends setting and keeping clear boundaries with your boss and colleagues if you want to remain productive and happy at work.“Start by asking yourself, what are the boundaries you need to set in order to protect your own peace, joy and serenity at work,” suggests Valorie. “Choose the areas where you most feel the need for change and then ask yourself what conversation is it time to have?”To help you build up the courage, confidence and energy to take each of these steps, take the time to clarify in your own mind what it would take for you to show up, shine and succeed in ways that unleash your true potential at work.Sign up for the podcasts to be delivered to your inboxIf you’re ready to feel more engaged and inspired about your work, and to learn practical strategies for flourishing from top experts in the field, be sure to join Louisa, Margie, Angela, B.J. and Valorie for this special series of interviews. Sign up by clicking here to have the podcasts sent directly to your inbox, beginning on Monday, September 29th, or simply visit LiveHappy.com to access the podcasts and accompanying blog.

Workplace

About the Wake Up Happy guest speakers

Don't miss the May Wake Up Happy series!Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger, and designer living in a suburb of Washington, DC. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life (something that didn’t always come easy to her!).Anything and everything focused on positive personal development has a home on Positively Present including: tips for being more positive; advice for living in the moment; articles on how positivity can improve you; information on positive personal development; insights on how to share positivity with others; and resources and inspiration for being positively present.In 2012, Dani left her full-time job in Marketing to pursue a career with Positively Present. Since then, she has self-publishedStay Positive: Daily Reminders from Positively Present(learn more atStayPositive365.com) and publishedThe Positively Present Guide to Lifewith Watkins Publishing. Dani has also created e-books on specific topics such as self-love, holiday planning, and organization. She is currently working on her next book.Dani and her work have been featured in a variety of websites and print media, includingGlamour,The Washington Post Express,Forbes,The Huffington Post,The Globe and Mail, andThe Happiness Project. In 2015, Dani was featured byELLE Magazineas a Coach of the Month, writing weekly articles for the publication on mindfulness.While expanding her career as an author and blogger, Dani also began learning about graphic design and illustration. In 2012 she took her firstNicole’s Classescourse online and fell in love with creating illustrations, typography, and design. She has since launched a design studio,Twenty3,in which she creates downloadable content onEtsy, designs products forSociety 6, and works withindividuals and businessesto help create modern, uplifting illustrations and designs.When she’s not designing, blogging, or writing, Dani can be found with her head in a book (check out what she’s reading onGoodReads), creating images for Instagram (follow her on@positivelypresent), or pinning like a madwoman (take a peek at herPinterestboards).Arthur Woods is an entrepreneur, speaker and writer on the future of work. He is the co-founder and COO ofImperative, the first professional platform to help people manage a fulfilling career. Arthur's deep expertise engaging the millennial generation has enabled him to lead both the conversation and innovation around the next generation of work. His efforts have been featuredin Forbes,Fast Company, Huffington Post, Washington Post and ABC7’s Washington Business Tonight.Arthur previously led operations forYouTube EDUatGooglewhere he oversaw operations ofYouTube for Schools,managed the development of YouTube’s first guide for education and co-organized YouTube’s inaugural Education Summit.He previously co-founded theCompass Fellowship, the world's largest collegiatesocial enterprise training program, inover 18 universities worldwide. He also co-foundedOut in Tech, the largesttechnology meet-up for New York's LGBT community.Arthur studied Operations and information Management at Georgetown University and Project Management at Stanford University. He is a World Economic Forum Global Shaper and sits on the Boards of the Sierra Institute, Georgetown TechnologyAlliance and Compass Partners.Mitchel Adler, Psy.D., CGP is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, Certified Group Psychotherapist and the creator of MindBody Intelligence™ (MBI). He has served on the faculty of the UC Davis School of Medicine andis co-author of the book,Promoting Emotional Intelligence in Organizations(ASTD press) and other research articles.As a professional speaker and consultant, Dr. Adler has worked with numerous organizations including the USDA Forest Service, the City of Sacramento, The UC Davis, Graduate School of Management, The Monitor Group, the Organizational Development Network of Sacramento, and Calgene, Inc. As a member of the steering committee of California’s Psychologically Healthy Workplace Award Program, Dr. Adler participated in reviewing and selecting organizations that supported their employees in outstanding ways. He also has a private psychotherapy practice in Davis, California where he works with individuals and facilitates psychotherapy groups.As a staff psychologist at the University of California at Davis, Dr. Adler co-developed the university’s mind-body wellness program and established the inter-departmental mind-body wellness task force. He also created and facilitated mind-body workshops, seminars, and groups, as well as trained psychologists, social workers, physicians, and nurses in mind-body theory and interventions.Dr. Adler has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology fromthe Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology (GSAPP) at Rutgers Universitywhere he was the recipient of the GSAPP Scholar’s Award, the Graduate Scholar’s Award, and the GSAPP Alumni Scholarship. He received his bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor where he graduated with Distinction and was a James B. Angell Scholar.Thomas Bradbury is a Professor of Clinical Psychology. After earning his PhD in Clinical Psychology in 1990 from the University of Illinois, he moved to Los Angeles to start the Marriage and Family Development Laboratory at UCLA. Since then, Bradbury and his team have conducted several longitudinal studies that help explain how marriages change and how couples can keep their relationship healthy and strong. With funding from the National Institutes of Health, the National Science Foundation, and the John Templeton Foundation, Bradbury and his collaborators have published more than 100 research articles and three edited books, including The Psychology of Marriage.Recipient of the Distinguished Teaching Award from the UCLA Psychology Department, Bradbury has also been honored with several awards for his research on marriage and intimate relationships, including the Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Achievements from the American Psychological Association. Bradbury is a member of the Scientific Advisory Board at eHarmony.com, and he is an affiliated professor at the University of Fribourg, Switzerland. He speaks regularly at universities and conferences in the US, and he has presented his research findings in London, Cambridge, Tel Aviv, Milan, Heidelberg, Zurich, Geneva, Wellington, Christchurch, Toronto, and Vancouver.

Workplace

Exhibitors

Be an exhibitor. Sign up today.As an exhibitor, you want to put yourself in front of the right crowd.At theLive Happy Experience & Expo, our attendees will be a diverse group of high-achieving individuals, from small business owners to Fortune 500 executives—anyone and everyone who is interested in joining the happiness movement.This group will beengaged, inquisitive and be open to learning about new ideas and products. As an exhibitor, you will have direct access to the top people in the wellness and happiness fields. There could be no better opportunity—nothing to equal this gathering—in which you can market and sell your products and services straight to the target market.Reserve your spot today at livehappy.com/exhibitors, or for more information, contact Christine Wright, our exhibitor coordinator, at 214-444-7804 orevents@livehappy.com.Booth Packages1) Standard Booth Package - $1,99510-by-10-foot exhibit space, 8-foot back drape, 3-foot side drape, 6-foot draped table, two chairs, identification sign and wastebasketTwo standard registrationsListing in the program guide2) Standard-Plus Booth Package - $2,39510-by-10-foot exhibit space, 8-foot back drape, 3-foot side drape, 6-foot draped table, two chairs, identification sign and wastebasketThree standard registrationsListing in the program guide¼-page full-color ad in the program guide (ad provided by exhibitor no later than Oct. 10, 2014 and emailed to events@livehappy.com)3) Premium Booth Package - $3,89510-by-10-foot exhibit space, 8-foot back drape, 3-foot side drape, 6-foot draped table, two chairs, identification sign and wastebasketExhibit space carpetingThree premium registrationsListing in the program guide½-page full-color ad in the program guide (ad provided by exhibitor no later than Oct. 10, 2014 and emailed to events@livehappy.com)4) Platinum Booth Package - $4,99510-by-20-foot exhibit space, 8-foot back drape, 3-foot side drape, 6-foot draped table, two chairs, identification sign and wastebasketExhibit space carpetingYour choice of booth locations, if availableFour premium registrationsListing in the program guideFull-page color ad in the program guide (ad provided by exhibitor no later than Oct. 10, 2014 and emailed to events@livehappy.com)Platinum Group logo rotation on twin jumbo screensPurchase by Sept. 1, 2014, to save 20% on any booth package!Live Happy reserves the right and discretion to limit, accept or reject any exhibitor and/or its products or services.

Self-Care

Foods That Heal

Today, I am one of the happiest people I know: I have great relationships with my friends and family—and most importantly, with myself. My body is healthy and vibrant, and I am doing meaningful work that I love. But it wasn’t always this way. Just a few short years ago, I was clinically depressed, suffering with an excruciatingly painful and debilitating disease, stuck in a dead-end—all while my second marriage was ending painfully. Luckily, I learned that making changes to my meals, mind and movement had a huge impact on the way I feel—physically and mentally. Chasing a diagnosis Although pinpointing a diagnosis was difficult and time-consuming, with possibilities ranging from multiplesclerosis to lupus to rheumatoid arthritis, one thing was prettyclear: My body was attacking itself. For some reason, my immune system had gone into overdrive. All of the experts agreed, an autoimmune disease was ravaging my body. MRIs showed that my joints were literally dissolving away. The pain and disability were so pervasive that it was incredibly difficult for me to care for my children, keep my business going or even perform regular activities of daily life. I finally got a diagnosis: “destructive bilateral polyarthralgia with bony erosion.” Doctors said my condition would continue to deteriorate. They recommended starting with a course of chemotherapy, which would then be followed by injecting myself weekly with immune-suppressant drugs for the rest of my life, and/or the possibility that I might end up in a wheelchair. Because I have four children (and all of the germs that come along with them), I was hesitant to suppress my immune system for fear of being taken out by the common cold. The long list of side effects scared me to death, not to mention that the price tag for the injections—a whopping $5,000 a month! (At around the same time, I was also diagnosed with major depression. Again, I was reluctant to follow the recommended treatment: antidepressants with an endless list of side effects.) Hitting bottom Most of my doctors respected my hesitation to follow the recommended regimen, but responses ranged from compassionate understanding and thinly veiled pity to downright anger. One doctor even yelled in my face, accusing me of being a horrible mother if I continued to reject the treatments. Even my best friend, who had accompanied me to that appointment, was swayed by the sheer force of this doctor’s opinion and begged me to go on the drugs. Although my confidence faltered when confronted with such conviction, I still felt I owed it to my kids—and myself—to see if I could figure out a way to heal myself without causing more damage. So I set out on a mission. For five years, I searched high and low. I tried every possible cure I found on the Internet, heard about from a friend of a friend, or saw on late-night TV. I ate bunches of gin-soaked raisins for a stretch of time, introduced copious amounts of gelatin another and even subjected myself to freezing-cold ice baths—all with no resolution of my symptoms. A generous friend paid for a visit to an acupuncturist, but it wasn’t enough. I tried cutting out all nightshade plants from my diet, became a strict vegan and tried any supplement that promised to help… all to no avail. Finding functional medicine Just as I was about to give up hope, my husband at the time was given an out-of-state job transfer, and in a last-ditch attempt to salvage my failing marriage, our family relocated across the country. In these new surroundings, I found myself without the friends and family I had relied on when I needed help due to my limitations. My husband was starting to believe that the drugs might be the way to go, but I still wasn’t convinced, so we struck a deal: If I couldn’t figure out a cure within the next three months, I would follow doctors’ orders and begin the chemo/immuno-suppressant treatment. Two months later, I was given a referral for a chiropractor who is also a practitioner of what’s called functional medicine. Functional medicine takes a holistic approach to health and wellness, looking at the root cause of illness as opposed to treating the symptoms. She asked me about my daily activities, family dynamics, work, stress, exercise and diet. She ran all kinds of tests and counseled me about what I should and shouldn’t eat. Although I had already undergone testing by an allergist, she explained that food sensitivity testing would pinpoint items that may not cause immediate symptoms such as hives or anaphylaxis, but were nevertheless doing major damage. Immediate results Sure enough, once I eliminated the foods that the testing found I was sensitive to, along with cutting out processed foods, I felt the difference. I underwent a cleanse protocol which included probiotics along with vitamins and supplements. Almost immediately after I began filling my body with nutrients instead of toxins, my body was able to do what it was designed to do: heal itself. Within a week, I noticed I was able to move with less pain, rashes and headaches subsided. As a happy bonus, the extra weight that I had not been able to budge began melting away. Within a few short months, the change was amazing: I was able to play with my kids again, and I was strong enough to carry them without fear. Along with almost complete relief of my pain, my thinking was clearer, I was bubbling over with energy, and I had hope for the future. Meals that heal In my case, the journey towards health and happiness began at the end of my fork. It turned out that what I was eating was playing a huge role in the deterioration of my physical condition, as well as my mental condition. Even before receiving my lab test results, Dr. Ridley instructed me to cut out gluten, dairy and processed foods. I wasn’t sure how I could possibly accomplish this! Pizza and cheeses of all types were among my favorite foods; I couldn’t just break it off. But eventually I learned that I had non-celiac gluten sensitivity, and I knew that if these changes could make me healthier, I had to do it. I have to give up pizza? At first, changing my diet and learning to cook life-sustaining foods was a daunting task. As a working mother of four, I had fueled myself on frozen dinners and diet soda for decades, and heavily relied on processed convenience foods to get dinner on the table quickly. But at this point, I would have done anything to get my life and my health back.I researched ingredients, combed through thousands of recipes, spent hours going to store after store, only to come home and spend several more hours tweaking intricate recipes to meet my new standards. And the payoff was well worth it. I now knew how to create meals that were life-sustaining, and I was feeling so much better. But it still has to taste good As much as I was unbelievably grateful for this new lease on life, turning mealtime into a full-time job was keeping me from doing other important things, like spending time with my family and working on projects that were meaningful to me. With as much dedication as I put into overhauling my diet, I set out to create a new way of cooking. I held my meals to three standards: 1) they had to contain only real, whole foods—nothing processed and no chemicals, 2) they had to be quick to throw together and 3) they had to be tasty!While I would have been willing to subsist on kale and aloe alone when I was desperate to regain my health, I was beginning to realize that part of the nourishment we derive from the food we eat is the pure joy of experiencing delicious tastes, textures and smells. Not to mention that my family was certainly not excited for a menu of nothing but greens and sprouts. I developed several go-to weeknight meals that met my criteria so we could enjoy tasty, healthy dinners without spending hours preparing them. Sharing the knowledge Full of gratitude after regaining my own health, I went to work in the functional medicine field, hoping to help others like myself. I found that many of the physicians I was working with, as well as their patients, had difficulty with the same problems I faced in trying to eat healthfully. While they knew what to do (cut out processed foods, eat more fresh produce, etc.) they, and their patients, were struggling with how to maintain their busy lifestyles and balance other commitments while creating tasty meals that would contribute to their health and wellbeing. I began sharing my recipes with the doctors I worked with, and offered to speak with their patients and do cooking demonstrations for them. Eventually, I created and presented a teaching series at Baylor Medical Center, “Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Stress-Free,” to share my research and recipes for quick and easy meals and lifestyle tips. If you are struggling with low moods or physical challenges, be encouraged. It is possible that making a few small, relatively simple changes really can put you on the road to health and happiness. So many of the “bad” things that have happened in my life were truly the best opportunities for me to learn and grow. Now, it's my mission to share what I've learned, and continue to learn, with anyone who can benefit from it. Because life is meant to be lived, food is meant to be enjoyed, and the better you feel physically and the happier you are with the way you look, the more you can focus on fulfilling your dreams and achieving your personal goals.

relationships

Teen Angst or Teen Anguish?

My friend Lydia recently asked if I could recommend a therapist for her 14-year-old daughter, Helen, who’d left a note for her mom that read, “I’m really sad. I think I need to talk to somebody.” Lydia came to me for advice because she knew that my own daughter (a pal of her child’s since nursery school) was recovering from an eating disorder, and that over the past year we’d tried several treatment approaches before finding one that worked. She figured I’d have some insight about child-focused therapists in our area, which I did and was happy to pass along. Lydia was concerned, but not panicked, about Helen’s down-tick in mood. “We’d just had a bad family holiday,” she told me, “and many of her friends are dealing with all sorts of mental and emotional problems; one girl has so much anxiety she’s being home-schooled. I think Helen’s worried she might have a problem too, or at least thinks she couldhave. At one point she told me, ‘I feel bad when I’m happy because all my friends are sad.’ ” The age of anxiety—and more It’s not surprising that Helen was encountering so much emotional mayhem among her friends. Adolescence can be a period of physical and emotional hell. And for many kids, the challenges run deeper than acne breakouts and romantic breakups. According to a landmark study supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, half of all lifetime cases of mental illness start at age 14. What’s more, the research found, mental disorders among teens and young adults often go undiagnosed for 10 years or more, which can be devastating: The longer a mental illness is untreated, the worse it can become and the more likely it is that a co-occurring disorder will develop. But teen behavior can be deceptive. It’s often tough to tell the difference between age-appropriate ennui and a true psychiatric disorder. “As teens gain independence, they’re more likely to share what they’re going through with peers than with parents,” says Darcy Gruttadaro, director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Child & Adolescent Action Center. “And parents can easily write off mood shifts as due to social or academic pressure or hormones.” It’s important to note that “one of the most powerful myths surrounding adolescence is that raging hormones cause teenagers to ‘go mad’ or ‘lose their minds.’ That’s simply false,” writes Daniel J. Siegel. M.D., in Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. “Hormones do increase during this period, but it is not the hormones that determine what goes on in adolescence. We now know that what adolescents experience is primarily the result of changes in the development in the brain.” Judy Moody and the eating disorder I can relate. I had no idea my child was in trouble until three of her friends reported to the guidance counselor that she never ate lunch, she seemed really unhappy and they were worried about her. Sure, I’d noticed she was slimming down, but I chalked it up to the fact that she was also growing taller. Likewise I mistook her tendency to hole up in her bedroom to be a typical teen’s preference for keeping to herself. And her listless, gloomy, Eeyore-ness seemed perfectly normal: Aren’t all teenage girls moody? Even after speaking to the guidance counselor I couldn’t quite believe my daughter was ill. But when I took her to the pediatrician, the extent of the problem was right there on her growth chart: Since birth her weight had increased perfectly in step with her height, but this time, when the doctor plotted the two measurements, the line connecting her weight from the year before to her current one plummeted sharply down and away from the height line. This, plus other symptoms, confirmed that she was anorexic. It turned out that she was also depressed. Why so sad? “Teens can be genetically predisposed to mood disorders, which certain circumstances can activate,” says Phoebe Farber, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Montclair, N.J., who sees a lot of kids and teenagers. (This was likely the case for my daughter. My father was bipolar, and I’ve struggled with depression, too.) Even when there’s no family history of mental illness, adolescence is rife with factors that put teens at special risk for all shades of the blues, from garden-variety glumness to downright depression. A big one is the “struggle to become independent and autonomous, and the desire for freedom and experimentation while still having to abide by parents’ rules,” says Phoebe. “This clash of expectations is like planets colliding and has always been a huge source of angst for teens.” Other common triggers for teen torpor are personality traits like shyness that make it tough to navigate relationships, school pressure and sexual identity issues. A 2008 survey by the Human Rights Campaign of 10,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) kids ages 13 to 17 revealed that while 67 percent of straight teens consider themselves happy, only 37 percent of LGBT teens do. “Among the overriding feelings many teens have across these spheres are alienation and isolation, the belief that ‘no one understands me and there’s no one I can talk to,’ ” says Phoebe. On the other hand, teenagers are greatly influenced by their peers, and even fundamentally happy and healthy kids may feel the pull of peer pressure while evaluating how they compare to and fit in with their friends, as Helen did. Luckily, after three therapy sessions, she realized she was OK and told her mom she didn’t need to continue; the therapist agreed. But other kids can take copycat behavior much further. My daughter told me, “I see it all the time—people who most likely don’t have a real issue but who see eating disorders and self-harm and other mental illness as tragically beautiful and mysterious.” She said one friend drew lines on her arm with a red lip liner to make it look like she’d been cutting herself. Adds Phoebe: “The power of the group is strong; the gravitational force is toward belonging, not separating.” Depressed, or just down in the dumps? Given how complicated it can be to decipher a teenager’s moodiness, it’s important for parents to watch out for the hallmarks of depression, which can be very different for a kid than for an adult.According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, if a teenager develops one or more of these symptoms, it’s time to seek help: · Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying · Decreased interest in activities or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities · Hopelessness · Persistent boredom; low energy · Social isolation, poor communication · Low self-esteem and guilt · Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure · Increased irritability, anger or hostility · Difficulty with relationships · Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches · Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school · Poor concentration · A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns · Talk of or efforts to run away from home · Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior “If you see your child behaving in a way that’s different than usual, it’s a red flag,” adds Phoebe. “Be aware of a pattern of changes in behavior or appearance over a period of time, not just a bad day or an isolated bad mood.” Ease into the discussion And then what do you do? “Tread lightly,” says Phoebe. “Don’t try to find out what’s going on during the heat of an argument. Bring up your concerns when you’re both calm and feeling connected. Even then, don’t be too direct; say something like, ‘I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time in your room.’ Then see what you get. Above all, don’t switch into lecture mode; this is something my adolescent clients complain about all the time.” Awareness is also important. “We give kids tools for how to say no to alcohol and drugs; we teach them about STDs and smoking and the dangers of texting while driving. But we don’t talk about mental illness, even though of the more than 4,000 teens we lose to suicide each year, 90 percent have a diagnosable and treatable disorder,” says Darcy. She believes the message should come from all directions, that parents should be talking about mental illness at home, primary care doctors should be bringing it up during checkups and schools should be offering educational programs like NAMI’s Ending the Silence (50-minute presentations to high school students by folks who’ve experienced mental illness). A strong foundation Above all, build a strong bond with your child before she dives into the murkiness of adolescence, adds Phoebe. Show her that you’re listening and not always talking at her. Curb the criticism; don’t be judgmental. Developing rituals often helps. “My daughter loves Grey’s Anatomy, so I watch it with her,” says Phoebe. Now that my own child is healing from her eating disorder and receptive to spending time with me, we poke around in vintage clothing stores together. I like combing through racks of old clothes in search of wearable treasure, but even if I didn’t, it would be worth it just to spend the time with my daughter. If you know a teenager who is suffering or needs help, here is a list of resources: Teen Lineis a 24-hour hotline staffed by other teens. Teen Health and Wellness is a hotline as well as online resource. Teen Mental Health lists more than a dozen useful resources for parents and teens.

Self-Care

More Fun, More Fitness

I nearly skipped my exercise class the other day. No real reason—I wasn’t ill, my workout clothes weren’t in the laundry, I wasn’t trapped in one of those three-hour windows during which the cable guy might show up. I was just a little cranky, and antsy about a looming deadline. It was freezing outside—a cruel slip of the mercury after a sundress-and-sandal-worthy weekend. Going AWOL from my workout meant I could spend the morning working in the toasty warmth of my house, feeling productive, cozy, content.Except I knew I would be anything but content if I blew off class. I wouldn’t feel guilty about neglecting my cardio health, or worry that skipping a workout would be a death sentence for my waistline. I doubted my frugal self would fret about the fact that I’d already paid. It just so happens that this particular exercise class—a hip-hop dance class that I take three times a week—is also one of the richest sources of happiness in my life.The un-hedonic treadmillNow, if you consider your fitness routine to be a chore, a bore, (or worse—it hurts, you hate it), you may find it hard to understand how I could derive flat-out elation from muscle-challenging, sweat-inducing physical exertion. Cynics may even sniff, “Of course you feel good after class: It’s the endorphins, stupid.” True, plenty of research shows that exercise triggers the release of mood-lifting brain chemicals. I feel pretty darn good after a workout with a trainer, too, even though I wince every time he makes me do something like hop from side-to-side over a block of wood. But the effect on my mood, both during and after, doesn’t come close to my beloved dance class.My emotions are affected in a vastly different way by the two mainstays of my fitness regimen: One leaves me feeling good afterwards, even if I don’t always enjoy it; the other has me pumped from the minute I step onto the floor until hours later, when I crank up whatever song we’re working on and dance it out in the kitchen (causing my kids to run screaming from the room!). I wondered what it is about hip-hop that brings me such glee, and how those things might be helpful for anyone in search of fitness bliss. Here’s what I came up with:The fun factorI’ve always gravitated toward dance-y activities: ballet in college; in my twenties, an addictive aerobics class on the Upper West side of Manhattan that had me prancing around in Reeboks and leg-warmers like a Rockette; highly choreographed step classes after having my first kid. I’m not alone: Zumba is the largest fitness brand in the world, according to BusinessInsider.com. WERQ (dance workouts that, like Zumba, are taught by certified pros) are popping up in health clubs and other fitness facilities nationwide. (There’s even a class in Manhattan that teaches Beyonce routines!)Studies have found that when you find an activity enjoyable, you’re more likely to commit to it, so the fact that I straight-up love moving to music has lots to do with my commitment to hip-hop. “The first thing I talk about with women who want to start an exercise program is finding something they want to do,” says Jennifer Huberty, Ph.D., an associate professor of exercise and wellness at Arizona State University and founder of FitMinded, a woman’s book club designed to promote physical activity. “I suggest approaching it like speed-dating: Try as many things as you can until you find something that clicks.”My hip-hop familyI’ve been in class with many of the same people for five years. We have a Facebook page, meet up for drinks, swap recipes and send flowers when a member loses a loved one. Looking forward to seeing folks I’ve grown fond of definitely motivates me. “Social support is a key facilitator of physical activity,” agrees Huberty. That doesn’t mean your exercise mates need to be your best friends. Even if you’re in a room full of strangers, you can draw on their energy and enthusiasm. You may even get a better workout, depending on who you sweat with: A recent study published in the Journal of Social Sciences found that when people exercised with someone they considered more fit than themselves, they worked harder.An amazing teacherMy class wouldn’t exist without our teacher, Angel Williams. Angel’s approach to teaching is to treat us like professional dancers rehearsing for a big performance. Her verbal flair and ability to evoke mental images helps us understand how we should move our bodies. And finally, she has an incredibly compelling personal story: Angel was seriously overweight when she began teaching hip-hop at our local YMCA in 2004; in that time she’s overcome a lot of prejudice about her size, has gone from a size 26 to a 10 (and is fast approaching her 6-to-8 goal), and is now in business for herself. Because Angel inspires us so much, we want to do our best for her. If you’re into group exercise, an instructor who inspires and entertains can definitely make the workout more enjoyable.It’s empowering In class, Angel demands that we check our everyday identities and inhibitions at the door, and forget that we have desk jobs and families, problems and responsibilities. It’s a liberating mindset. I’m thrilled to find that I can make my body move in ways that I would never have thought possible. As a white mom of four living in the suburbs, I hardly have a natural knack for urban dance! It’s an exhilarating accomplishment to master the intricate choreography that Angel dreams up. My friend Deb summed it up perfectly: “It’s like therapy. On the dance floor I’m no longer a mom, a wife, a creative director—I’m a woman. I can appreciate and challenge my body rather than nitpick and notice the flaws. I don’t even notice it’s exercise—it’s joy, power, sexuality, childhood, anger, freedom, storytelling. The fact that it’s a damn good workout is secondary.”

Self-Care

Paula Felps

Live Happy Science Editor Paula Felps has worked as a freelance writer and editor since 1998. Covering topics ranging from health and fitness to luxury cars and travel to business and technology, she has written for such publications and websites as Executive Travel, American Driver, Self, Reserve, HI Luxury, Go Magazine, Private Clubs, Earth911.com and iVillage.com.Much of her writing has been on subjects that she is passionate about – including music, environmental issues and personal wellness. She is the author of six published books and has served as ghostwriter or editor on nearly a dozen other book projects, ranging on topics from business to spirituality.In addition to her work as a writer and editor, Paula is an advocate for sexual abuse survivors and founded the Sexual Abuse Resource Network in 2011. When she isn’t at her computer, she is probably practicing yoga or doing something with her two Boston terriers.

Self-Care

In the News

August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Yahoo Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Standard Republic re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017- Live Happy mentioned on ABC7 Chicago re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Celebrity Insider re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on E!news re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, again. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on FOX News Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Cosmopolitan.com re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in IBTimes.uk re Anna and Chris. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in News.com.au re Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8. 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Page Six re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on CNN re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on ET online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in IMDB.com news re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned and magazine cover shown on Exttra! TV online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Entertainment Tonight online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on E News! regarding Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. July 31, 2017 - Live Happy and Michelle Gielan mentioned in article in Inc.com. July 21, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser and Live Happy are mentioned in an article on SheKnows.com about body image. July 20, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on KTLA newscast to discuss the Netflix film To The Bone. July 19, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on Good Day L.A. July 18, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on FoxLA.com. August 30, 2016 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on KTLA Newscast re: Making the Best of Your Empty Nest. March 16, 2016 - Live Happy and Happy Acts featured in the Kansas City Star. January 12, 2016 -SheScribes.com featured Live Happy in a piece on how to be happy in the New Year, which included reference to the magazine, website and magnetic chalkboard, recipe sign and water bottle January 5, 2016 -Good Morning Texas had Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, in-studio for a LIVE segment January 1, 2016 -DFW.CBSlocal.com interviewed Deborah Heisz for article "Ask a DFW Expert: 5 Best Snow Day Activities" December 30, 2015 - TODAY Show revealed online coverage of Live Happy Editor-at-Large, Stacy Kasier, TODAY show segment "How to Hang On To Holiday Joy" (Even After the Holidays) December 29, 2015 -TODAY Show aired segment with Stacy Kaiser on the topic of “joy” related to the season and carrying on into the New Year December 18, 2015 -MariaShriver.com featured article by Stacy Kaiser, "When Gift Giving Goes Wrong…7 Things You Can Do" December 11, 2015 -WPTV NewsChannel 5 at 5 NBC mentioned Live Happy's tips on giving "redeemable" gifts December 11, 2015 -MariaShriver.com posted "3 Secrets for De-Stressing The Season & Enjoying the Holidays" December 9, 2015 -Twitter.com/ToTheMotherhoodtweeted a picture of Live Happy Nov/Dec issue cover and subscription December 9, 2015 -WSVN Channel 7 News FOXMention’s Deborah Heisz's tip on giving adult coloring books December 8, 2015 -KPTV More Good Day Oregon, FOX Portland featured Deborah Heisz's clip on returning gifts December 8, 2015 - WGHP Fox 8 News (FOX) mentions Live Happy magazine in segment about subscription gifts December 8, 2015 -Greatist.com featured Stacy Kaiser's expertise in "The Best Way to Respond to Passive Aggressive People" December 4, 2015 -WSVN 7 News Miami (FOX) picked up Fox News Edge, introduced Deborah K. Heisz as Live Happy director and featured gift clip December 3, 2015 -Fox 13 News Salt Lake City (KSTU) mentioned Deborah Heisz and Live Happy magazine in a piece on gift giving this season December 3, 2015 -GQ Magazine Mexico featured article on Jeff Olson and mentioned LiveHappy.com Mexico launch December 2, 2015 - Prevention.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts in article "The 2-Second Relationship Fix That Works" December 2, 2015 -The Hoda Show (Sirius XM radio) had Stacy on LIVE for her ongoing monthly segment in which she discussed holiday gift giving November 30, 2015 -Healthzette.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts in article, "When Bad Habits are Good" November 30, 2015 -MariaShriver.com posted "5 Tips to Get Fit" article from magazine November 23, 2015 -ABCNews.go.com featured Deborah Heisz's tips on a piece about how to MAINTAIN HAPPINESS during the Holidays November 23, 2015 -Just Jenny (Sirius XM) interviewed Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, live on November 20th to discuss gift guides and happy gifts November 18, 2015 -DivorcedMoms.com featured Stacy's advice in article about domestic disputes after divorce November 18, 2015 -WomensRunning.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts for a piece on "Holiday Fitness Hacks Straight from the Top". November 18, 2015 -iWayMagazine.com featured Live Happy in article about Jeff Olson in conjunction with visit to Mexico November 17, 2015 -Radaronline.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in celeb slide show, "When Celebrities Go Out They Go All Out!" November 16, 2015 -The Steve Harvey Show introduced Stacy Kaiser as Live Happy Editor in Chief , included in her lower third, and showed the Nov/Dec issue cover in single-mom panel segment on Nov. 16 November 14, 2015 -TasteofCountry.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in "Dolly Parton Shares Her Secret to Happiness" November 11, 2015 -Dr. Michelle Robin's Radio Show interviewed Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 11, 2015 -BlogTalkRadio.com featured Dr. Michelle Robin's interview with Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 5, 2015 -MarthaStewartWeddings.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s insight in a piece on “10 Ways to Calm Your Nerves Before You Walk Down the Aisle” November 5, 2015 -YourTango.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on fall dating do’s and don’ts November 4, 2015 - The Hoda Show (Sirius XM) interviewed Live Happy Editor in Chief, Stacy Kaiser, for her monthly ongoing segment Link: Stacy talks about forgiveness on The Hoda Show November 3, 2015 -Twitter.com/NBC shared Dolly Parton’s cover story and image to help promote her cover story and her NBC movie, Coat of Many Colors October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in an article on whether it’s wrong for childless people to give parenting advice October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on why parents should be popular with their kids and teens October 29, 2015 - Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, quoted in USA Today story about clearing clutter October 25, 2015 - Editor at large Stacy Kaiser quoted in story about divorced moms October 23, 2015 - Stacy Kaiser is quoted in this article on 10 Ways to Boost Confidence August 15, 2015 - Mediapost.com Link: Interview with Live Happy Editorial Director Deborah Heisz August 1, 2015 - Inc.com Link: Deborah Heisz's advice is included in this article about vacations July 25, 2015 - The HodaShow Link: Stacy Kaiser on Hoda'sSirius Radio Show July 25, 2015 - The Kim Pagano Radio Show Link: Interview With Deborah Heisz, LH Co-Founder July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heiszdiscusses Traveling With your Kids July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heisz discusses Ways to Find Your Happy Place July 9. 2015 - LadyLux.com Link: Mentioned in article about The Benefits of Play July 6, 2015 TODAY Show Editor-at-large Stacy Kaiser and contributors Adam Shell and Nick Kraft were featured on the TODAY show July 1, 2015 The Jane Wilkins Radio Show Link:Deborah Heisz Discusses Live Happy and Happiness June 29, 2015 MotherhoodDefined.com Article: Deb Heisz:Kickstart Your Day With a Dose of Positivity June 25, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: What to Do If Mom and Dad Have Different Parenting Styles June 23, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: How Grandparents Can Help During a Divorce June 21, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Summer Travel Round-Up (Gratitude Journal) January 23, 2015 People.com Article: Why Is Scott Foley Hiding Under the Covers Every Morning? October 31, 2014 JustJared Article: Kristin Chenoweth Gets Into Holiday Spirit for Live Happy Mag October 31, 2014 celebuzz.com Article: Kristin Chenoweth'sWickedly Happy Holidays for 'Live Happy' Magazine August 19, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: Celebrating 31 Days of Friendship August 18, 2014 washingtonpost.com Article: Stay Happy, and You May Live Longer August 7, 2014 semmessavers.com Article:Get Positive with Live Happy Magazine (Review) August 7, 2014SheScribes.com Article:Learn how to Live Happy August 4, 2014 nypost.com Article: Replace your therapist with these psych magazines August 4, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: “Live Happy” Magazine Review July 30, 2014 lovetoknow.com Article: Why Are Jobs Stressful? July 28, 2014 mamalikesthis.com Article: Live Happy Magazine Subscription July 9, 2014 Pblcty.com Article: Miranda Lambert Talks Life, Community, and Staying True to Her Roots July 9, 2014 CountryMusicRocks.net Article: Miranda Lambert Featured in Live Happy magazine July 3, 2014 Guitar Girl magazine Article: Miranda Lambert Graces the Cover of Live Happy and Discusses her Credo to Happiness June 30, 2014Dadofdivas.com Article:Be Part of the Movement to Live Happy #giveaway May 13, 2014 Everyday Health Article:Why You Should Make Every Meal a Happy Meal April 16, 2014Yesware Article:The Exercise Effect: How Exercise Can Boost Your Sales Performance April 10, 2014 DailyWorth Article:4 Steps to Find Your Happy March 21, 2014 — Pittsburgh Tribune-Review Article: Pitt Celebrates Happiness with Wall of Positivity March 20, 2014 — Dallas Morning News Article: March 20 is International Day of Happiness March 20, 2014 — Forbes.com Article: Why the World Needs a Happiness Campaign to Live Better March 19, 2014 —USA Today Article:Happy, happy, joy, joy: Books, apps bubble it up March 19, 2014 —Houston Chronicle Article:Houston, Are You Happy? March 19, 2014 —Positively Positive Article:What Successful People and Happy People Have in Common March 19, 2014 Article:Happiness is the Thing March 4, 2014 — Huffington Post Article: Happiness Gets its Day January 10, 2014 —Des MoinesRegister Article: Iowa editor of 'Live Happy' magazine looks beyond bullet-point platitudes December 28, 2013 —Mr. Magazine Article:Live Happy Magazine: Happiness Finds Its Way to Print. The Mr. Magazine™ Interview with Editor in Chief Karol DeWulf Nickell. December 23, 2013 —Albuquerque Journal Article:Positive psychology focuses on what makes us happy December 13, 2013 — MyFox4 Video:Good Day Dallas December 13, 2013 —95.9WATD Article:SSMN: Wednesday December18th, 2013 December 2, 2013 —Washington Post Article:What’s so bad about feeling good? November 25, 2013 —Good News Planet Article:Live Happy Magazine – 25 Ways to Give Happiness at the Holidays November 19 2013 —Wisconsin Public Radio Articles:25 Ways To Give Happiness Over The Holidays November 19, 2013 —Biz Mommy Article:If You're Happy and You Know It... November 18, 2013 —Complete Herbal Guide Article:The Most Important Secrets You Must Learn In Order to Live a Happy, Healthy & Productive Life November 13, 2013 —The Overwhelmed Brain Article:Episode 0001: Jeff Olson: The Slight Edge – The Compounding Effect of Daily Progress November 9, 2013 — Examiner Article:Read celebrity profiles in the new Live Happy magazine November 4, 2013 —EternalLizdom Article:LiveHappy November 1, 2013 —Dr.Oz Video:How to Stop Worrying October 30, 2013 — Networking Witches Article:Live Happy Magazine October 30, 2013 — The Shelly Wilson Show Article:The Shelly Wilson Show with Jeff Olson October24, 2013 —Media DailyNews Article:LiveHappy Launches

Happy woman portrait blowing soap bubbles at the park.

Self-Care

Working on Your Own Happiness Isn’t Selfish

“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”-Robert Louis StevensonIf you had the choice to spend the day with someone who exudes happiness or someone who has a martyr thing going, it wouldn’t be a tough decision, right? How about your super upbeat friend vs. your chronic complainer friend? Not a challenging choice there either. Spend time with someone who exudes positivity, and you are more likely to feel positive. Hang with someone who acts like life’s number one victim, and guaranteed, Debbie downer is going to rub off on you. It’s called emotional contagion, and it means the emotions of others can influence us. So if happy people make other people happy, why is it that happy people are sometimes thought to be selfish?“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided,” says Gretchen Rubin, happiness expert and author of The Happiness Projectand Happier at Home. “It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted.” Put another way …Happiness takes work. Happy people are taken for granted because they are thought of as naturally happy people or born happy, yet upbeat people have to work at being resilient, bouncing back, rising above, and staying positive. The outside world only sees the happy person and not the effort behind the scenes, so positive people don’t receive credit for creating their sunshine-like dispositions. “Happiness is a work ethic. You have to train your brain to be positive, just like you work out your body,” writes Shawn Achor is his book, The Happiness Advantage.Happy people are overlooked. If happy people are thought to be in selfish pursuit of their own fulfillment and pleasure, consider that the happy person often goes unnoticed. “No one is careful of (a happy person’s) feelings or tries to keep his spirits high,” Rubin says. “Because happy people seem self-sufficient, they become a cushion for others.” The happy person is expected to lift others up.Happiness doesn’t mean you lack empathy. Just because your smile lights up a room, doesn’t mean you are blind to the suffering going on in the world. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness to show the world you are compassionate. “Just as eating your dinner doesn’t help starving children in India; being blue yourself doesn’t help unhappy people become happier,” Rubin says. In fact, happier people are better equipped to demonstrate their empathy and help people because their emotional tanks are full. “When I’m feeling happy, I find it easier to notice other people’s problems. I have more energy to try to take action and I have the emotional wherewithal to tackle sad or difficult issues, and I’m not as preoccupied with myself. I feel more generous and forgiving,” Rubin says. There will always be tragic stories happening in the world, but empathy is better expressed with giving back and good deeds, than giving up your happiness in a show of support.Happy people give back. Happy people are more interested in social problems, more likely to do volunteer work and contribute to charity, according to Gallup Well-being polls. While unhappy people tend to socially withdraw and focus on themselves, happy people turn outward and are more available to help others. And when people give back it only enhances their happiness, says Harvey McKinnon, a nonprofit fundraising expert and author of The Power of Giving: How Giving Back Enriches Us All. “People are hard-wired to give, and when people give to others, it makes them feel better.” Turns out, one of the best ways to get happy in the first place is to do a selfless act—help other people be happy. Rubin calls it a splendid truth: “The best way to make yourself happy is to make others happy, and the best ways to make other people happy, is to be happy yourself.”So if anyone tries to rain on your happy parade by telling you that your investment in your happiness is a selfish pursuit, just say, “I am doing this for you,” because really, you are.Sandra Bienkowski, owner of The Media Concierge, LLC, is a national writer of wellness and personal development content and a social media expert.

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