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21 Days to Resilience with Zelana Montminy

Zelana Montminy, Ph.D., is a leading figure in positive psychology, bringing a unique and varied skill set to the well-being realm. Zelana is the author of 21 Days to Resilience, which is ranked No. 1 on Amazon’s Mental Health Hot New Releases, and she speaks around the world on the topic of resilience. What you'll learn in this podcast: Resilience can be taught. Happiness should be a byproduct of your life, not the end goal. The true superpower of happy people. Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of 21 Days to Resilience. Follow Zelana on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn.

Smiling woman looking up from a laptop computer.

Positive Psychology

12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online

What brings a sense of purpose to our lives? Why is gratitude such an important factor in well-being? How can I be happier and bring a sense of authentic joy to those around me? Positive psychology is a fascinating field, but most of us aren’t able to set aside the time and money necessary to study for a master's or Ph.D. in the subject. Luckily technology has made it easier than ever to learn about the science of happiness since the days when Tal Ben-Shahar taught one of the first courses on the subject—and one of the most popular ever—at Harvard University, along with Shawn Achor. Information about positive psychology and well-being has now become much more widely available. Below are some of the best courses and certificate programs on positive psychology that you can access without having to leave the comfort of your own desk. 1. UPenn Positive Psychology Center Martin Seligman and the University of Pennsylvania's acclaimed Positive Psychology Center have coordinated with Coursera to create a five-course online certificate program called Foundations of Positive Psychology. The five courses offer an overview of the field, with insights into such topics as grit and character. They will be taught by regular UPenn MAPP (Masters in Applied Positive Psychology) professors including Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., and James Pawelski, Ph.D. For more information, click here. 2. Barbara Fredrickson Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., a psychology professor at North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Director of the PEP (Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology) Lab, and one of the founders of positive psychology, is an expert in the area of love and connection. You can get a taste of her research from her books, Positivity and Love 2.0, and articles, and now by taking her six-week MOOC (massive open online course) “Positive Psychology” on Coursera. The course includes discussion of concepts such as loving kindness and “positivity resonance,” as well as “practical applications of this science that you can put to use immediately to help you live a full and meaningful life.” For more information, click here. 3. Greater Good Science Center The Greater Good Science Center is a nonprofit research institute that provides excellent information and cutting-edge research on the psychology of well-being through its website, newsletter and books. They also offer a free online course called “The Science of Happiness” taught by University of California, Berkeley’s psychology professor Dacher Keltner, Ph.D., and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Ph.D., the center’s science director. These two experts lead students through the fundamentals of positive psychology, such as why social ties are so important to well-being, the benefits of daily happiness practices and the new science of awe. You must register for the course, and it begins on a specific date (September 6, 2016), but you can take it at your leisure—as long as you finish within six months. The course (also a MOOC), taught on the EdX platform, is open to everyone, but for undergraduates, there is a midterm, final exam and class credits. Everyone else gets quizzes, polls and “emotional check-ins.” For more information, click here. 4. The Flourishing Center The Flourishing Center, founded by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, offers a certificate in applied positive psychology (CAPP) program in locations all over the United States and Canada with a focus on flourishing, resilience, coaching and mentoring. Faculty include UPenn MAPP graduates, published authors and Live Happy writers such as Louisa Jewell, Louis Alloro and Carin Rockind. The Center has recently added an online option that covers the same curriculum as the in-person course and that has students connecting live online twice a week for 36 weeks. The online course is geared toward international students who don't have access to the in-person courses; however, exceptions are made. An application and interview are required for acceptance. For more information, click here. 5. The Big Know The Big Know, which partners with Life Reimagined—an AARP company, is a fantastic resource for free and low-cost online courses taught by some of the most respected experts in the mindfulness and happiness realms (many of whom have been featured in Live Happy). You can study “Brain Power: How to Improve Brain Health” with Wendy Suzuki, Ph.D., “Mindfulness and Meditation” with Richard Davidson, Ph.D., “How to Bring More Joy to Your Life” with Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., and the list goes on. Other instructors include Blue Zones' founder Dan Buettner and stress expert Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It is truly a gold mine of quick and easy access to expert teachings on happiness—done through video—available at your fingertips. For more information, click here. 6. Profit from the Positive If you are a business owner, coach or executive who would like to bring the power of positive psychology into your workplace, this is a great place to start. Margaret Greenberg and Senia Maymin, Ph.D., co-authors of the book Profit from the Positive (and Live Happy columnists), have put together a 5-week online certificate program of the same name that teaches leaders and executive coaches how to harness the science of happiness in order to increase team productivity, decrease turnover, put employees’ strengths to work at the office and increase the bottom line. The class unfolds over the course of ten 90-minute live video sessions with Margaret and Senia and includes all editable slides and worksheets with no licensing fee and membership in a growing international community of positive psychology practitioners. Live Happy readers can receive a 20% discount off of registration using the promo code: LiveHappyNow. For more information, click here. 7. Pursuit of Happiness Pursuit of Happiness is a nonprofit organization led by prominent psychologists and educators such as Paul Desan, Ph.D., director of psychiatric services at Yale New Haven Hospital, and Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., professor at George Mason University and co-author of The Upside of Your Dark Side. They promote positive psychology by disseminating information and offering an online certificate course called “The Psychology of Happiness,” which is taught by Desan and other experts, including Dan Tomasulo, Ph.D., who created the positive psychology curriculum at Columbia University Teacher’s College. The course, which comprises two live webinars, emphasizes practical implementation of the latest scientific findings in the happiness realm. For more information, click here. 8. Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan Happiness expert, best-selling author and Live Happy columnist Shawn Achor has teamed up with Oprah Winfrey to create two 21-day courses on happiness. The first is called “21 Days to a Happier Life,” and the second is “21 Days to Inspire Happiness Around You.” The first class includes a happiness assessment, a discussion of daily happiness habits and creating a personal happiness formula. In the second class, students expand their happiness reach by learning about acts of kindness, increasing social bonds, inspiring positive change in others and sharing that happiness with the wider world. Michelle Gielan, Shawn’s wife, business partner at GoodThink Inc. and the author of Broadcasting Happiness, teaches a quick and inexpensive online course to help you improve positive communication and leadership called “Broadcasting Happiness.” For more information, click here. 9. Harvard University Extension Courses in the extension school are generally not taught by Harvard professors. They are, however interesting online courses that cost a whole lot less than enrolling at Harvard. The course catalog changes, but as of 2016, you could sign up to take “The Science and Application of Positive Psychology,” taught by Stephanie Peabody, Psy.D., Executive Director of the International Mind, Body, Health and Education Initiative. This is a general introduction to the concept of positive psychology, including "its implications for physical health and well-being." For more information, click here. 10. Via Institute on Character The nonprofit Via Institute on Character was created 15 years ago under the guidance of clinical psychologist Neal Mayerson, Ph.D., and positive psychology founding father Martin Seligman, Ph.D., in order to bring the benefits of “strengths theory” to as wide an audience as possible. Known primarily for its incredibly useful strengths survey, the institute also offers online courses, webinars and personalized coaching on such topics as “Character Strengths at Work,” “Positive Relationships and Character Strengths” and “Creating a Strengths-Based Life.” Courses are taught by Ryan Niemiec, Ph.D., education director at VIA and a licensed psychologist, and Donna Mayerson, Ph.D., lead consultant for applied practice at VIA and a licensed psychologist. For more information, click here. 11. Wholebeing Institute Run by happiness scholar and expert Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., the Wholebeing Institute is devoted to educating the public about positive psychology, mindfulness, spirituality and the happiness movement. Taking a page from Martin Seligman's PERMA model for well-being, Tal has developed the acronym SPIRE to describe the mission of the Wholebeing Institute: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational and Emotional. The Institute offers a certificate program at two-day in-person retreats with a changing roster of locations, as well as a variety of courses that you can access online. Self-directed courses are taught over five weeks and include video lectures from Tal. Subjects range from “Introduction to Positive Psychology” to “Mind-Body Connection,” “Relationships” and “Positive Psychology in Coaching.” For more information, click here. 12. University of Missouri Some universities—such as the University of Pennsylvania in particular—are well-known for their masters programs in positive psychology. The University of Missouri, however, offers a certificate in pos. psych of 15 class credits that is done completely online. The program entails a core course plus several electives. It is important to point out that this is a certificate, not a terminal or “higher” degree. It may be a good choice for someone who would like to further an existing career or perhaps become a life coach. For more information, click here. Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Livehappy.com.

Stop ruminating and find solutions instead

Positive Psychology

Move Beyond the Problem

Whenever anything went wrong in her life, our dear friend Samantha became a broken record, stuck playing the same refrain over and over. If a colleague criticized her work, she’d call five of her friends to tell each of them the story in detail. If someone cut her off in traffic, she’d blast it out on social media and further fuel the fire by replying to all comments. If her husband put his dirty gym bag on the clean kitchen table, that would be her top story for days. Samantha was stuck focusing on the problem, with no thought to the solution. Our new research sheds light on just how toxic behavior like this is for both the problem-focused person like Samantha as well as the people listening to her. More importantly, it reveals exactly how we can all approach problems in a way that makes everyone feel better faster and that also yields better solutions. For parents, business leaders and teachers, there are important implications to this research. The negativity spiral Focusing on a problem has value, but getting trapped there leaves us stressed and decreases our ability to fix it. In a study we just completed with Arianna Huffington and researcher Brent Furl, we found that when people are merely exposed to problems and don’t spend any time thinking about solutions, their brains get stuck in negative places. However, pairing a problem with a discussion of a solution instantly makes us feel better. More importantly, though, if we focus on the right kind of solution, it fuels creative problem solving and overall performance. A study in contrasts In this study involving nearly 250 research participants, we tested each person’s mood and creative problem solving ability by having them read a randomly assigned article and then tested them again. There were four possible articles to read: Two pieces presented a problem in our world (either the mass shooting crisis or food bank shortages), while the other two articles discussed these same problems but then quickly moved on to solutions. The people presented with a solution-focused article reported feeling much less negative than the people who only read about the problem (specifically, 23 percent less uptight). This means individuals could be aware of a negative event but be buffered from its negative effects if they are also made aware that something can be done about the problem. Solutions-based approach The performance boost occurred when participants were presented with solutions they could be a part of. Focusing on personally actionable solutions increased creative problem solving on future unrelated tasks by 20 percent. In the solution-focused article about food bank shortages, we featured five ways you could help food banks, such as by donating or fundraising. The solution-focused article on the mass shooting crisis, by contrast, discussed measures a police department had taken to keep its city safe—and it did not create the same jump in performance. Personal solutions show our brain a path forward and give us a sense of empowerment. For anyone in a leadership role, including parents guiding their children through the pitfalls of growing up, here are three ways to apply this research to fuel success in others: 1. Ask a question Questions can sometimes be the simplest, least threatening way to move a conversation about a problem forward. For instance, if your son is worried about getting another C in math, you could ask him, “If you could do one thing to raise your grade, what would it be?” 2. Pivot the topic If a friend is having issues finding a solution to one problem, talk about ways he or she could solve another one. Seeing success in that domain can help fuel your friend’s success with the original issue, as we saw with the people who read the food shortages article with personally actionable solutions. 3. Be a positive role model The people around a leader often adopt his or her pattern of behavior. When discussing a problem in your own life, don’t just vent. Come up with solutions or invite other people to brainstorm with you. By consciously switching your focus to solutions when talking to others, you become a positive influence on them. In an amazing turn of events, our friend Samantha recently mentioned to us she was tired of having so many problems in her life, and she wanted to start taking action to fix them. (We of course told her that if she wants someone to brainstorm solutions with to call us anytime!) The result? Her Facebook feed is more positive, she gets along better with her husband and she has more time to focus on things that make her happy. It’s just more proof that a small shift in your attention can create an incredible ripple of positive change in your life. SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with over 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success and the author of Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national news anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at goodthinkinc.com.

Attractive middle aged couple leaning against each other.

Self-Care

8 Ways to Thrive in Midlife and Beyond

American society values beauty and youth. It’s a fact of life. Look at any movie—Hollywood or independent, it doesn’t matter—magazine (aside from AARP), or television show (Golden Girls went off the air a long time ago, people) and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a gray hair or wrinkled brow among them. And the portrayals you do see of older people are often hackneyed stereotypes of asexual, grouchy killjoys or someone having a midlife crisis. Change the script about getting older “Let’s change the conversation about what getting older means,” says women’s health expert Dr. Christiane Northrup in her book Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being. “Our culture tries to tell us how to move through time and tell us we only have so much time left,” she writes. She suggests rewriting the script by realizing chronological age just measures time, and by calling it getting older, not aging. “Getting older is inevitable, but aging is optional,” she writes. Let’s look at how we can challenge what we are told about age in our culture to have a more positive mindset about getting older. 1. Stop calling it a midlife crisis We should probably save the word “crisis” for the real deal and not for another pass around the sun. Plus, the bulk of research shows that there may be a shifting of gears in the 40s or 50s, but it’s often one of renewal and exhilaration, not crisis, writes Barbara Bradley Hagerty in her bookLife Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife. 2. Break routines Thrive later in life by using your foundation—your experience, resources and sense of self—to take risks aligned with your purpose. Midlife can be about renewal: taking the time to renegotiate your purpose, refocus your relationships, and transform the way you think about the world and yourself, Barbara explains in her book. 3. You don’t have to do (or not do) something based on your age Christiane says you don’t have to cut off your hair at a certain age, wear dowdy clothes or stop thinking of yourself as a useful, contributing member of society. She suggests looking for ageless role models like actress Helen Mirren, writer Margaret Atwood or singer Mavis Staples. Companies sometimes take for granted the contributions of older workers—especially women. But some research suggests that people who continue to work into their golden years can experience a greater sense of happiness, meaning and well-being than those who fully retire. Websites such as LifeReimagined.org and Encore.org are ready to help you make the most of your third act. 4. Try not to brand yourself negatively Always talking or posting about your latest ache or pain means you are dwelling on the negative, which can be a slippery slope to acting a lot older than you are. Practice having a positive mindset about your age by focusing on and being grateful for what your body can do. 5. Keep old friendships and form new ones We are born as social creatures and our need for meaningful relationships doesn’t diminish with age. No age is too old to make new friends. A close network of friends to share life’s burdens with can keep you healthier and living longer. Long-term studies have shown that our social connections can even stave off heart attack, stroke and depression. 6. Challenge what you see on TV Go to a dance club with your 40-something friends. Run your first 5K in your 50s. Start a business in your 60s. Or enroll in a class to learn a new skill at any age. Test your limits, try new things and talk about yourself with vitality and strength so you can feel that way, too. 7. Invest in your physical and mental health Exercising, doing your newspaper’s crossword puzzle or writing poetry all can help you retain cognitive function as you get older. Weightlifting helps retain muscle and bones; and cardiovascular exercise improves your heart function, your mood and the appearance of your skin. 8. Switch up how you celebrate your birthday Christiane suggests that we stop celebrating milestone birthdays because “the milestone becomes a millstone.” Instead, she suggests having “a celebration of your worth….Celebrate triumphs and the moments when you didn’t think you’d make it and did.” When you engage in life with a youthful mindset, it can open your life up to many exciting possibilities. You can challenge preconceived notions about your age and help change perceptions about getting older. While family history and environment have an impact on overall health that is beyond our control, when it comes to aging, “belief trumps genes,” Christiane says. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Podcast

Small Changes, Big Shifts with Dr. Michelle Robin

Live Happy CEO Deborah K. Heisz joins Dr. Michelle Robin to talk about the impact of small changes on your overall well-being. Michelle is an international speaker, best-selling author and founder of Your Wellness Connection, one of the nation’s most successful integrative healing centers. What you'll learn in this podcast: Small steps you can take for a happier life Mindfulness practices you can implement today The importance of experiences over things Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Visit Dr.MichelleRobin.com Listen to Dr. Robin's podcast on iTunes Follow Dr. Robin on Facebook and Twitter Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!

Self-Care

5 Ways to Commit and Make it Stick

Have you ever wondered what makes us emotionally committed? Some people are committed because they have strong feelings for a person, place or purpose. Others are striving to reach a goal. Some make commitments out of a sense of obligation because their job or relationship requires it from them. Commitment is the emotional backbone that gives us strength, determination and focus and that deeply connects to our feelings of happiness and well-being. It is nearly impossible to talk about commitment without talking about engagement. Engagement is the act that demonstrates commitment. For example, you cannot just buy a plant and announce your commitment to take care of it. While it may be interesting for you to shout out in the store, “I am buying this plant, and I will nurture it and make it grow!” the true proof is in the actions you take after you have brought it home. You will need to provide it with sunshine and water, prune its leaves and regularly tend to it. Show, don't tell Life works very much the same way. I have worked with countless couples who say they do not want to divorce, people who claim they do not want to lose their jobs or say they want to be better parents, but they are not actively engaged in demonstrating their commitments. For example, you can show up to work and sit at your desk and call yourself “committed to your job,” and yet if you do not show engagement by being responsible, meeting deadlines, thinking creatively to solve problems and meeting customer needs, then you will not be as successful because you are not, in fact, truly committed. To assess how engaged you or someone else is in a commitment, first look at actions. The difference lies in whether one is locked into what I call “passive commitment” or “active engagement.” Passive commitment is when you say you are invested or committed but you wait for things to happen instead of taking action on your own. Here are 5 ways to build up your active engagement skills: 1. Make conscious commitments and have a plan to back them up Announce your action, such as, “I am committed to spending more quality time with my family,” or “I am committed to helping others more than I have in the past.” 2. Team up Surround yourself with others who are actively engaged in what’s important to them. Team up with a friend, colleague, life partner or business partner. It is easier to be committed when you are working toward something together that you all care about. 3. Let your actions do the talking Your actions, language and body language all reflect your engagement. Follow through on your conscious commitments. 4. Balance expectations Make a schedule to invest the necessary time and energy to be engaged in what’s important in your life. Balance your abilities to meet others’ expectations as well as your own. 5. Regularly evaluate your commitments Do you have too many or not the right ones? It can be difficult to maintain momentum if you are unhappy or if you feel that what you are investing in is not accomplishing the desired results. Take time out to examine the situation and adjust as needed. The good news about building skills in the area of engaged commitment is that they apply to any endeavor you care about: relationships, work, family, health and community. So now is the time to take the first step. Determine what’s important to you, commit to those people or actions and engage to become a better, happier you. Stacy Kaiser is an editor at large for Live Happy.

Self-Care

Are You Living Fully Charged?

Most of us plow through life operating at a fraction of our capacity. We manage to make it through each day, but create far less well-being than what’s possible. Based on research we conducted for the documentary Fully Charged, a mere 20 percent of people spent a lot of time doing meaningful work in a given day. Only 16 percent had extremely positive interactions. Perhaps most disturbing, out of 10,000 people surveyed, just 11 percent said they had a great deal of energy. Charge yourself first Simply getting through a day is not good for you, your work or the people you care about most. Even if you orient your entire mission in life around serving others—as great parents, teachers, nurses and leaders often do—it is impossible to be your best if you fail to charge yourself first.In recent years, I have spent a great deal of time with nurses, physicians and leaders in health care. Within this general field, one of the groups I admire most is hospice and home care nurses. I deeply admire their desire to serve others. On a daily basis, hospice nurses put the needs of terminally ill patients and their families first. As a result, the last thing they think about is their own health and energy. Yet when I ask hospice nurses what it takes to be their very best at helping people during this time of need, they acknowledge that they could be of far more service if they invested time in their own health and energy. At risk of burnout A study of more than 30,000 nurses across Europe found that those who work long shifts (more than 12 hours) are 30 percent more likely to rate the quality of care on their wards as poor, compared with nurses working eight-hour shifts. They were also 41 percent more likely to report failing or poor standards of safety on their wards. In many cases, working longer hours is a disservice to those you intend to serve. I have seen this phenomenon play out in homes and businesses around the world. At work, there is often an implicit pressure to be the first into the office, to work the longest days and to claim you need very little sleep. Yet the last thing businesses need is star performers in the workplace burning out because they have a routine that is unsustainable. Take care of yourself to take care of others The research my team conducted on this topic found that people who have very high energy levels in a given day are more than three times as likely to be completely engaged in their work that same day. If you want to make a difference—not just today, but for many years to come—you need to put your health and energy ahead of all else. If you are wiped out from working around the clock, subsisting on food from a vending machine and not making time for daily exercise, then there is no way you’ll be effective at helping your friends, family, colleagues, patients or customers. The good news is that making choices to improve your energy does not require a complex grand plan. It all starts with the next small choice you make. Tom Rath is a researcher, filmmaker and author of six international best-sellers, including StrengthsFinder 2.0, Eat Move Sleep, and Are You Fully Charged? His most recent work includes the feature-length documentary Fully Charged, a film featuring many of the world’s top social scientists. Listen to our Live Happy Now podcast with Tom for more.

Positive Psychology

5 Ways to Flourish

While the specifics of what constitutes flourishing may vary by the individual, the basic foundation is the same. Building a life with more PERMA (positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement) is crucial. Here are the five pillars of PERMA: 1. Positive emotions Because of our natural negativity bias, it’s almost impossible to avoid negative emotions. However, offsetting those with positive interactions can have a powerful effect. John Gottman, Ph.D., suggests seeking out five positive emotions for each negative encounter. This can include practicing gratitude or self-compassion, doing something you love or even just making a point of being mindful of the positive emotion you’re feeling. Read more: 8 Easy Practices to Enhance Gratitude 2. Engagement Engagement can also be referred to as “flow,” that state where you are, in the words of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., “completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” Seek out things you enjoy and can do well and then make it a point to participate in those things regularly. Read more: The Flow in All of Us 3. Relationships There’s plenty of research pointing to the value of relationships in our happiness and well-being. Practice building positive relationships both at work and at home by creating more positive interaction and weeding out the relationships that are harmful to your emotional health. Read more: 7 Keys to a Happy Relationship 4. Meaning Meaning gives us a sense of belonging and connects us to our higher purpose. Simple ways to develop more meaning include participating in a spiritual practice that resonates with you, volunteering for a cause or charity you believe in and making positive changes, however small, in your little corner of the world. Read more: 5 Ways to Get in Touch With Your Higher Calling 5. Achievement An important aspect of flourishing, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., is achievement for achievement’s sake, not for the sake of a waiting reward. Work toward an accomplishment in which the reward is merely the accomplishment itself, and you may be surprised to see how it enhances your sense of well-being. Read more: 90 Days to Breakthrough Success Paula Felps is the science editor at Live Happy magazine.

relationships

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

Happiness within a relationship is hard to define. Not only is each relationship different, but within each relationship, each person defines happiness in an individual way. Some people view happiness as a peaceful conflict-free life. For some, happiness involves a tremendous amount of fun, great intimacy or lots of laughter. Whatever your definition, it directly correlates to your expectations, desires, wants and needs—and those things can change over time. What holds constant are 7 specific behaviors and attributes laid out below that, in my experience, can almost guarantee the likelihood of long-term success and happiness in a relationship. If you work toward integrating these keys into your daily life, you will most certainly experience greater joy and less conflict in your primary relationships. 1. Respect Every successful relationship is built on a foundation of respect. Respect means caring about your partner’s wants and needs and always taking them into account before speaking or acting. The expectation is that your partner will follow the same guidelines. My official definition is as follows: Respect means putting the comfort, well-being and happiness of the person you’re with at an equal level to your own. 2. Loyalty We feel happy when we know that someone has our backs. Relationships have the greatest success when each partner focuses on supporting one another at all times. This means that if someone is antagonizing your partner, you will either back your partner up directly or support him or her from behind the scenes. This also means that if your partner has done something you believe is wrong or that you don't approve of, that you speak to him or her privately about the issue, never in front of others. 3. Priority If you want to build a stronger positive relationship, let your partner know that he or she is a priority. Commit time and energy to talking and addressing each other’s wants and needs. Be sure that the two of you have “quality time” alone to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Even though work, children and other obligations are also priorities, find the balance so that your partnership is not neglected. 4. Pick Your Battles Strong and happy couples know when to bring up issues and when to put them aside. My rule of thumb: If you can let something go, move on and still enjoy your partner … let it go! If you cannot move on and are ruminating or worrying about something, then bring it up. When you do bring it up, make sure it is in a calm manner, in private and at a good time for you two to discuss it. Never bring something upsetting up in bed, and never in earshot of children or other family or friends. And if you know your partner is sensitive about a specific subject, be intentional about you bring it up in conversation. Some people are more reactive to certain topics, and you want to be careful not to hurt their feelings. If you calmly approach the topic, you are more likely to receive an amiable response and resolve the issue at hand. If you want to continue to develop the way you discuss sensitive issues with your partner, consider scheduling a couples therapy session expert counselors. Read more: Play Nice, Fight Fair 5. Loving Gestures The concept “Actions speak louder than words” is an important one when it comes to relationships. It is not enough to simply feel that you love someone, you must also show that you love that person. Use kind words, be physically affectionate, leave little love notes around the house … whether it’s a verbal gesture or a material one, make sure that you are letting your partner know in no uncertain terms that you love him or her. Take the Quiz: What's Your Communication Style? 6. Put in the Work Partners in a successful relationship understand that you need to put in the work to keep things running smoothly. That means sometimes you need to do things that you do not want to do because it matters to your partner. Other times it means you have to put in that extra effort to calm down or hear out your partner’s concerns, even if that isn’t the easiest or most convenient thing to do in the moment. Relationships take a lot of work if they are going to be happy, successful and long-lasting. 7. Focus on the Positives Even the best of relationships have challenges, and even the most wonderful of partners can have less-than-stellar moments. When times are tough, those who are seeking a happy relationship will combat the negative with a positive. If your mate is irritable after a long day, remind yourself about that great time you had last weekend or how funny he or she can be. If you have found that your partner is a bit messy, for example, and it doesn’t seem to change, focus on the fact that he or she is a great cook or a terrific parent. Reverse your thinking to remind yourself that your mate has great qualities and that you are happy to be together. Read more: How Close is Your Relationship? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Podcast

How Expressive Writing Improves Your Happiness with Joshua Smyth

Joshua Smyth, Ph.D., is a professor of Biobehavioral Health and Medicine at Penn State and co-author of the upcoming book Opening Up by Writing It Down–How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain. Joshua was interviewed for an article in our latest issue of Live Happy magazine about how a 20 minute practice of creative writing can help make you happier, healthier and more resilient. In this episode of Live Happy Now, we talk with him about how expressive writing can help manage stress and improve well-being. What you'll learn in this podcast: What is stress and how we respond to it How we attempt to manage stress by coping Expressive writing as a useful technique to help manage day-to-day stress Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Free download: Creative, Artistic, and Expressive Therapies for PTSD Purchase a copy of Opening Up by Writing It Down Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!

21 Days to Resilience with Zelana Montminy

12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online

Move Beyond the Problem

8 Ways to Thrive in Midlife and Beyond

Small Changes, Big Shifts with Dr. Michelle Robin

5 Ways to Commit and Make it Stick

Are You Living Fully Charged?

5 Ways to Flourish

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

How Expressive Writing Improves Your Happiness with Joshua Smyth

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