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4 Ways to Beat Loneliness

In a world with more than 7 billion people, it’s hard to imagine that loneliness—a loss of connection from people and self—could be a problem. But new research indicates loneliness and social isolation may now be bigger health hazards than obesity or smoking, and the problem is likely to get worse. About 42.6 million U.S. adults over the age of 45 suffer from chronic loneliness, according to a 2010 AARP study. Jeremy Nobel, M.D., of the Harvard Medical School in the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine, points out that the problem isn’t about spending time alone, which can have mental health benefits. People can feel lonely in a crowd or even in a marriage. He defines loneliness as having a gap or a feeling that something is missing. It’s an “emotional connection that you desire that is not present to you,” Jeremy says. “And it turns out that discomfort is toxic at a neurophysiological level.” How did we get here? Jeremy believes increases in divisiveness and technological convenience are partially to blame. “One way I often describe it is that you might have 600 friends on Facebook,” Jeremy says, “but who is bringing you dinner if you are sick?” Keeping robust and meaningful social networks is crucial to maintaining health and happiness.” Lonely people are less likely to be involved in social events, have fewer friends and deep relationships and could even face an earlier death than their social counterparts. Jeremy says there is growing research that shows loneliness contributes to substance abuse, depression, anxiety, suicide, cancers and cardiovascular disease. Happy Connections, Happy Health Jude Marie Goudreau, a 50-year-old mother and grandmother from West Palm Beach, Florida, wasn’t going to let the fact that she was a single empty nester keep her from enjoying life. “I needed more people to interact with. I found myself home talking to the cat often and I realized that it was kind of a sad story,” she says. “I started a Meetup group hoping to meet people to do things with and to prevent other people from sitting at home talking to the cat.” Her Meetup group, Middle Age Fun, launched in August of 2017 and quickly grew to more than 80 members. She was shocked that so many people—ranging in age from 40 to 80—signed up for the group and said people seemed eager to mix and mingle. “So far, I have had the most success with coffee hours at Dunkin’ Donuts and brunches on Sunday mornings,” she says. “We have been doing card games and game nights, too.” Jude Marie says she believes an active mind is a healthy mind. She witnessed family members decline rapidly after retirement, an effect she attributes to inactivity. “If you are happy, then you are healthy and if you are healthy, you definitely live longer,” she says. “If you are home alone and don’t have any contact with other people, you feel rejected and sad.” Eric Kim, Ph.D., a research fellow in the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, says social connections can help you bounce back from life’s curveballs. His research shows that social cohesion, even at the neighborhood level, is linked to better health outcomes and behaviors, especially with older adults. Those contacts can share very useful information, such as recommending a great physician. “They help you in very practical ways,” he says. “If you just had surgery, they can bring in the mail or groceries and even provide emotional support.” Relationships can also have negative effects, he points out, but if we have positive connections, it can go a long way to improving quality of life. The study "Interpersonal Mechanisms Linking Close Relationships to Health” finds that close relationships are crucial to health and well-being, as well as longevity. Social connections help buffer stress, lower cortisol and reduce risk of illness. Being socially connected can also help in areas of personal growth including finding love and intimacy. Digital Doldrums It’s not just older people who can fall victim to social isolation. A recent survey commissioned by online messaging business solutions provider LivePerson discovered that nearly 70 percent of young people would prefer to communicate digitally. Another study from the Center for Research on Health Care at the University of Pittsburgh says that people who spend at least two hours a day on social media are twice as likely to show signs of social isolation than those who only spend 30 minutes a day. Possible emotional triggers of jealousy and exclusion can be spurred by continuously looking at the carefully staged lives of others. Jennifer L. Taitz, Psy.D., a board certified cognitive behavioral clinical psychologist and author of How to Be Single and Happy, says that spending more time online reduces actual face time with other people. “When we feel tired and it’s freezing outside, it’s certainly much less effortful to lie on the couch and swipe through social media to catch up on the latest news, both in the world and in your personal circles,” she says. “That said, keeping up with people in this passive way takes a toll on our sense of connection. To feel close, we need to put in time, energy and courage.” Here are a few tips to connect with the world around you. Caring for Others: Eric Kim, Ph.D., notes that volunteering is an excellent way for people like recent retirees to meet new people and stay active. “Volunteering can actually have many health benefits, because we are engaging in healthier behaviors,” he says. “MRI studies show cognitive decline at a much lower pace.” Touch Over Tech: Jennifer L. Taitz, Psy.D., recommends using technology as a tool to make plans to meet up rather than replacing socialization. “If there’s an activity you’d find meaningful regardless of whether or not you meet good people, like a book club or volunteer group, that may be a great place to find someone with similar interests.” Self-Care: Jeremy Nobel, M.D., says sharing your story through creative expression can help you connect with yourself and other people. You can use the creative arts to find your mission, purpose and meaning. “What we are very confident about is that creative expression allows people to find, shape and share a personal narrative…a story about who they are and what matters to them.” Reconnect: “If you want more close friends but don’t know where to find them, take a couple of minutes and consider people you may have lost touch with who you can reach out to, or activities you love where you can [meet] people who share your passions,” Jennifer says. Listen to our podcast with Jennifer L. Taitz, Psy.D. here:

Self-Care

Do a Happy Dance

Elizabeth Spencer can’t remember a time when she didn’t love to dance. She was so drawn to it that while she was still a child, her parents enrolled her in classes—ballet, jazz, tap; you name it. “I loved my dancing classes,” says Elizabeth, who lives in Washington, D.C. “It’s one of the earliest things you do as a child. Even before they stand up, babies move to the music. It’s almost an innate thing.” The propensity for pirouetting that begins with your first hesitant steps can—and should—last a lifetime, believes Elizabeth, who never misses a chance to hit a dance floor, whether it’s at a wedding, a concert or a fundraising event. “What happens is that we get older and we get self-conscious, so we stop dancing. But it is so much fun. There are some songs where you just need to stop what you’re doing and dance.” You Make Me Feel Like Dancing For Elizabeth, cutting a rug is a way to lower stress, celebrate life’s small victories and get a healthy dose of happiness running through her body. “When a song comes on, I want to expend the energy of the joy the music gives us,” she says. “It is definitely one of life’s free, simple pleasures.” As it turns out, what Elizabeth is experiencing is more than a simple pleasure, it’s a physical and psychological lift. Dancing, researchers have discovered, delivers an immediate mood boost and helps increase feelings of relaxation. What’s more, those effects continue even after you’ve left the dance floor. In fact, a study conducted by the University of New England in Australia found that dancing the tango was as effective in staving off depression as mindfulness meditation and was actually more effective than meditation in relieving anxiety. So why does it make us feel so good? For starters, it gets us moving. Unless you’re busting a move in your car (or your office chair—we’re not judging), dancing requires you to get up and move your feet. That gets your heart and lungs working, which is a great antidote to today’s desk- and couch-bound lifestyles. And there’s evidence that all movement is not created equal; researchers have found that indulging in a few minutes of boogie fever does more for you than, say, taking a vigorous walk around the block. Shake Your Groove Thing In multiple studies from different countries, researchers have compared the effects of different types of dancing to physical activities ranging from running to bicycling to treadmill training and walking. While any sort of physical activity has a positive effect on your mental state and releases brain-pleasing endorphins, dancing amplifies that effect. That could be in part because of the way our brains are hard-wired to respond positively to music, which results in such positive outcomes as lower blood pressure and strengthened immune systems. While the music is setting the stage for a happier brain, the movement helps release those feel-good hormones to pack a healthy one-two punch. Not Just in Your Head If you’re excited to think that all that gyration leads to joy, the news just keeps getting better. That movement is doing more than just making you happy in the moment—it’s also helping you build a better brain. Psychologist Peter Lovatt, founder of the Dance Psychology Lab at University of Hertfordshire, has studied how dance changes the brain’s neural processing. His experiments have shown progress in using dance to improve thinking skills among patients with Parkinson’s disease, while a study published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease cited dancing as one of the activities that can cut the risk of Alzheimer’s in half. And, the bottom line is, whether you’re doing it for your mental health or your physical well-being, dancing is something that is fun and doesn’t require an expert skill level to deliver the benefits. Create your own happy dance or follow along in a class; either way, you’ll reap the benefits. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Well-Being

7 Ways to Find Happiness in 2018

The new year is an opportunity for a fresh start andan opportunity for reflection on what we can do to make 2018 a truly great year. Regardless of our life circumstance, what we all really want for ourselves and our families is to be happy. Weoften think external conditions like making more money,losing weight or finding the “right” mate will lead us to happiness. But researchers in the field of positive psychology have shown that happiness is an internal choice built on practice. In other words, sustainable happiness is achievable by practicing data-based tools that change our mindset and, over time, develop new neural pathways. We have control over what we choose to do and think. According to top positive psychologist and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and others, approximately 50 percent of variance in happiness is determined by genes and 10 percent is determined by circumstances;automatically, we have the power to influence 40 percent. Most significantly, happiness presupposes success, not the other way around. According toKaren Guggenheim, CEO of WOHASU, producer of the World Happiness Summit,“This new mindset can have positive consequences in every facet of our lives. Science tells us that we become more capable to problem solve in a state of happiness than under stress, and that we also elevate our levels of resiliency when things don’t happen as we expected and we then need to enlist our coping skills.Being happier even makes our work product better.” For a better 2018, WOHASU suggests these seven keys to happinessto improve your new year. 1. Gratitude Take some time out of your day to notice the world around you and appreciate the people you’re grateful for. Send your parents a text or write a list of all the good things in your life. 2. Ambition Set challenging—but still achievable—goals to work toward and be open to learning new things. Try volunteering your time, energy and skills to contribute to something bigger. 3. Resilience Find the strength to bounce back and push through the obstacles that life throws your way and keep a positive mindset. For Karen Guggenheim, the loss of her husband and the father of her children turned her world upside down. However, she found a way to push through: “Once I realized that I had to live, I made the very conscious choice that I was going to live happy. Be an active participant in your life, and whenever possible choose to disrupt in a positive way.” 4.Physical well-being Make sure you take care of your body; practice healthy eating habits, exercise and incorporate physical activities regularly to boost your physical and mental health. Keep moving! 5. Acceptance Be comfortable with who you are and accepting of other people and ideas around you. According toMegan McDonough, CEO of Wholebeing Institute,“We can only make a choice when we see more than one option. Practice perspective.” 6. Mindfulness Practicing mindfulness daily allows you to focus on the present and what’s happening in the moment. “Increased focus on present moment prevents us from spending all our time in the past, ruminating and regretting, or in the future, inventing hypothetical anxiety-provoking scenarios,” according to an article inTheBerkeley Science Review. 7. Giving Whether it’s a stranger or a longtime friend, never hesitate to do something kind for someone else. Caring and doing for others helps strengthen relationships and build stronger connections with those around us. World-renowned researchers and experts on the science of happiness, United Nations Advisors, life coaches, business and civic leaders, and many more will share actionable tools on increasing happiness atthe experiential2018 World Happiness Summit, from March 16–18in Miami. Visit the websiteto learn more about WOHASU’s proven platform to help people learn how to create happier lives. Learn about speakers, live events and how happiness can impact your life. The World Happiness Summit is the first large-scale global event uniting individuals and leading happiness and well-being experts in athree-day experiential forum about advancing human happiness through science-based tools and daily practices.

science

You Are What You Tweet

Margaret “Peggy” Kern doesn’t need to meet you to know how happy you are, or to get an idea of how good your physical health is. She doesn’t have to look at a photo of you or consult a crystal ball; she just needs to spend some time with your social media posts. “Words reveal so much about us,” says Peggy, senior lecturer at the Centre for Positive Psychology at the University of Melbourne’s Graduate School of Education in Australia. She earned her master’s and doctorate’s degrees in social/personality psychology at the University of California, Riverside, before pursuing additional postdoctoral work at the University of Pennsylvania. “We consistently see the effects of using certain types of language. If people use a lot of hostile language, they tend to have poor relationships, and they have bad habits such as smoking.” Peggy is one of the researchers on the World Well-Being Project at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, which measures psychological and physical well-being based on the analysis of language used in social media. Research results showed that people who used agreeable words were less likely to be depressed, while those who talked about pain were more likely to experience depression. In one study, for example, social media users whose posts were dominated by hostile and apathetic words, such as “hate” and “bored,” and cursing showed high risk for atherosclerotic heart disease, while those who used positive words like “wonderful” and “friends” consistently showed lower risk. “The differences are really surprising,” Peggy says. “It’s amazing how quickly you can make a story about someone’s life based on the language they use.” Which Came First? What the research can’t tell us about the subjects studied through the World Well-Being Project is whether negative language was already in place before their physical and mental health were affected, or if a diminished state of health and happiness led to the use of negative language. Peggy says both scenarios are possible. “Language reveals who you are, but it also impacts who you are,” she says. “As you use language and it becomes more and more a part of you, it influences who you are and how you think.” Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energiesfor Your Best Life, says that words have more power than we might realize, and using them affects us as well as having an impact on the people around us. “If we are constantly using dark or negative language, it’s not just about the words—it’s that we feel negative, too,” he explains. For example, if you frequently say you are “sick and tired” of one thing or another, you’re sending a message to your brain, which will react accordingly. “Our brain understands patterns. So if you keep telling your brain these things, then that pattern becomes your brain wave activity. And then you are sick. Or you’re tired. And you have more stress and more anxiety, and it affects your higher-level thinking and problem solving. In the end, it influences your relationships.” The words we use, Joseph notes, are not only an indication of how we feel, but also a map to where we are headed. “The good news is, you can pay attention to the words you use and possibly avoid getting into problems down the road. Your words will tell you what things are draining our energy and which things are boosting them. It’s not just the words, it’s about looking at where those words are coming from and what that’s doing to us.” The Power of Words There’s also proof from the medical community that words are strong influencers of our mental state. In their book Words Can Change Your Brain, Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Robert Waldman illustrate how the use of certain words can change the brain structures of both the person talking and of those listening. Positive words, their research found, strengthened areas in the brain’s frontal lobe and promoted cognitive brain function. Negative or hostile words, on the other hand, triggered the release of neurochemicals designed to protect us from stress. When those words are processed by the amygdala—our fear center—it sounds the alarm, shutting down our frontal lobe activity and triggering the fight-or-flight response. Just a single word, they write, can influence the physical and emotional stress response. “Words are energetic,” Joseph adds. “First of all, the sound itself is energetic. And then that release of energy impacts the other person.” He suggests putting more thought into what words we use to help create more positive situations and outcomes. “It’s a form of mindfulness we can all practice,” he says. Rethinking Our Talk Knowing how much words can influence the way we think and how they affect others gives us an opportunity to change. Peggy, who has lived both in the U.S. and abroad, says that even the way the evening news is presented has an effect on well-being and mindset. “In the States, every broadcast begins with the words, ‘breaking news,’ ” she says. “So immediately it sends people into crisis mode. It becomes a language that impacts our well-being. Changing the language we use can change the culture and create a positive impact.” Becoming aware of it is the first step, according to Peggy. “We certainly see from neuroscience the idea that growth can happen if you practice something over and over. We can rewire our brains in some ways, but it takes time and it’s constant,” she says. “This is about a pattern you create over a long period of time.” Paula Felpsis the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

7 Ways to Stay Fit and Healthy at Work

Hard work builds character, pays the bills and may even be good for the soul. But recent research shows that some aspects of work life—the stress, long hours, missed sleep and constant sitting—is terrible for our bodies and general well-being. Many of us spend a lot of time in an office—a place that encourages a sedentary lifestyle punctuated by sugary snacks. Here are some easy hacks to help keep you moving and a little more fit around the office. 1. Park around the corner. That executive parking spot next to the front entrance may not be such a prize after all. Do your body a favor and park as far from the door as possible. Depending on the ticketing situation, park down the street or around the corner! Then watch as the extra steps add up. 2. Take the stairs. Unless you work in a skyscraper, try taking the stairs for a few floors and see how soon you can do it without feeling winded. Your office is offering you a free Stairmaster—no need to join the gym. 3. Bring your own lunch. Although the number of healthy take-out lunch places has grown, you still can’t beat making your own food from scratch when it comes to avoiding unhealthy things like salt, sugar and fat—not to mention the cost. Try bringing a big salad from home one or two days a week; leave bottles of olive oil and vinegar in your office kitchen to use as dressing. 4. Pack snacks. Even if you don’t like donuts, you will eat a donut from the kitchen come 5 p.m. if you’re starving. The answer is to not be starving. Bring almonds, fruit and protein bars to work—or whatever you crave in the afternoon when our willpower gets weak. Keep a couple healthy snacks on hand in case of emergency. 5. Go for walking meetings. Weather permitting, try going for a walk with your co-workers every afternoon. It’s a great way to enjoy being outdoors, get a little exercise and bond with your office-mates. You might even untangle a tricky work situation while strolling. 6. Take a time-out. Recent medical research shows a connection between sitting and heart disease. We know we need to get up and move, but it’s easy to get lost in work and let the hours roll by. Set your phone to vibrate or beep every 90 minutes or so as a reminder to get up and stretch. Use a wall as a balance to stretch your arms, hands, shoulders, and work all the way down to your quads and calves if you can by the end of the day. 7. Reboot your commute. In some places, biking or walking to work is simply not an option. But if you can swing it (perhaps with an assist from public transit), challenge yourself to get to work under your own power, starting with just once a month. You will arrive feeling empowered, energized and ready to take on the day. (Pack an extra shirt as needed.) One study from the U.K. shows that biking to work may even help you live longer. So what are you waiting for? Read more: 9 Tips to Be Happier Working From Home Emily Wise Miller is the Web Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Thriving: The Recipe for Success

Reading

Top 10 Books That Will Change Your Life in 2018

When inspiration catches you at just the right moment, it can change your life. A new way of looking at things or an insightful tip can motivate you to create more meaning and fulfillment in your life. To help you find those ideas, we’ve narrowed your search by culling some of the most exciting new books about happiness, health and wellness, productivity and more. Get ready to shake up your status quo—one of these books may just hold the key you’ve been looking for. 1. The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist’s Journey from Helplessness to Optimism by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D. In his new book, which comes out in April 2018, positive psychology founder Martin Seligman takes an in-depth look at the history of the positive-psychology movement and intersects it with stories from his own life. He shares his personal struggle with depression at a young age and argues that by harnessing hope, gratitude and wisdom, anyone can achieve mental health and a brighter, more fulfilling future. 2. Big Potential: How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises Our Achievement, Happiness, and Well-Being by Shawn Achor In Shawn Achor’s bestselling book The Happiness Advantage, his research revealed that happiness leads to success, and not the other way around. In his follow-up book, Big Potential, Shawn shows that our connectivity with others is the path to fulfilling our potential. By pursuing success alone—or pushing others away—we limit our potential and become more stressed and disconnected. Studying people in 50 countries, he identifies five “seeds” or strategies to achieve big potential in today’s complex world. 3. The Healing Self: A Revolutionary New Plan to Supercharge Your Immunity and Stay Well for Life by Deepak Chopra and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. Deepak Chopra, an expert on integrative medicine, and Rudolph E. Tanzi, the neuroscientist who identified the genes that cause Alzheimer’s disease, team up to show us how to take care of our immune systems for lifelong health. This brand-new book provides a “transformative plan to enhance your lifelong wellness,” including ways to better manage chronic stress and inflammation with the right lifestyle choices. 4. Your Best Year Ever: A 5-Step Plan for Achieving Your Most Important Goals by Michael Hyatt Will this be the year you finally achieve a long-held goal? Discover how much power you have to act and effect change in your life. “We need to get beyond our natural urge to play it safe. Playing it safe is not that safe,” writes author Michael Hyatt, the former chairman and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers. This book outlines a five-step plan to achieve the goals you care about most. One of his tips: Use gratitude as an important tool for success. 5. The Wisdom of Sundays: Life-Changing Insights from Super Soul Conversations by Oprah Winfrey Fans of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday TV show will love this book—a collection of wisdom and “aha moments” from the show. Featuring insights from thought leaders such as Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hahn, Arianna Huffington and Shonda Rhimes, each chapter focuses on a different life-changing insight. “All of us are seeking the same thing. We share the desire to fulfill the highest, truest expression of ourselves,” Oprah writes. Read it to discover how to live more purposefully in the present moment. 6. Make Your Bed: Little Things that can Change Your Life by Admiral William H. McRaven In a commencement address at University of Texas at Austin, Admiral William H. McRaven shared 10 principles from his Navy Seal training that helped him overcome challenges. “Without pushing your limits, without occasionally sliding down the rope headfirst, without daring greatly, you will never know what is truly possible in your life,” he said, and the speech went viral, with more than 10 million views. His ultimate message: Face hardship and challenges with determination and compassion. Turn to this book when you get in a slump and need to recharge. 7. The Power of When: Discover Your Chronotype—and the Best Time to Eat Lunch, Ask for a Raise, Have Sex, Write a Novel by Michael Breus, Ph.D What if your life could improve dramatically just by understanding your natural rhythm of sleep and wakefulness? Knowing whether you are a morning person, night person or somewhere in between matters, according to Michael Breus, clinical psychologist and a diplomate of the American Board of Sleep Medicine. Each of the four chronotypes are represented by a different animal. Most people are bears, and their body clock tracks the rise and fall of the sun. Wolves are night people and lions are morning people. Dolphins often have trouble with sleep. Once you identify your chronotype, the book explains how to set up the ideal daily schedule to maximize your energy and get better sleep. 8. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David, Ph.D. The way we navigate our inner world—our thoughts, emotions and the narratives we form about ourselves—isthesingle most important determinant of our life success, explains Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. Our inner world drives our actions, careers, relationships, happiness, health—in short, everything. Learn a new way to talk to yourself and navigate your inner world with more flexibility. Evaluate your emotions and use them to more closely align your life with your values. Learn how to be emotionally agile, says Susan, and you will thrive. 9. I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time by Laura Vanderkam Organizational expert and author Laura Vanderkam set out to discover how women who thrive manage to “do it all” using real data. She collected hour-by-hour time logs from 1,001 days in the lives of women who make at least $100,000 a year. What she discovered about how these women spend their time surprised her. They went jogging or to the gym, played with their kids and had lunches with friends—finding time for the things that made them happy and gave them meaning. Instead of adhering to rigid schedules, they piece together their days “like a mosaic.” Restructure your day so you live life more fulfilled, says Laura; be kind to yourself and realize that quality family time around the dinner table is important. 10. How to Be a Person in the World: Ask Polly’s Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life by Heather Havrilesky Simply realizing that we are all in this life together can empower you to take risks and face new challenges, says Heather Havrilesky, author of “Ask Polly,” a weekly advice column for New York magazine. In this book, Heather shares a collection of wisdom gleaned over years of doling out advice—delivered with her signature grit and humor. “Every morning, you will wake up and see that life is all about fumbling and acceptingthat you’re fumbling. It’s all about saying nice things to yourself, even when you’re lazy, even when you’re lost. It’s about giving yourself the love you need in order to try,” she writes. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner ofthemediaconcierge.net.

relationships

Love and Happiness

In fairy tales, lasting love just happens. But in real life, healthy habits are what build happiness over the long haul. What follows is an excerpt from Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts. Written by positive psychology experts and husband-and-wife team Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James O. Pawelski, this is the first book to explain how you can use the principles of positive psychology to create thriving romantic relationships. *** As important as positive emotions are for us as individuals, they may be even more important for our relationships. They help us forge strong connections with others by breaking down boundaries that separate us from each other. By broadening our attention in ways that help us see ourselves as less distinct from others, they allow us to create all kinds of relationships, including romantic ones. When we are in romantic relationships we desire to expand ourselves by including our partner or spouse within our self and we associate that expansion of our self with the other. Overlapping Circles of Self This influential self-expansion model of love is based on the research of leading relationship scientist Arthur Aron, professor of psychology at Stony Brook University. Aron argues that self-expansion is a catalyst for positive emotions. He and his colleagues use pairs of overlapping circles to ask couples about their relationship quality. On one end of their scale, the pair of circles does not overlap at all, and at the other end, the circles overlap almost completely. The researchers have asked thousands of couples to pick which pair of circles best depicts how they feel about their relationship. The more overlap an individual feels with his or her partner, the better the relationship is likely to fare. This simple measure has been more effective than more complex surveys and interviews at predicting which couples will stay together and which will break up. While self-expansion triggers positivity, Barbara Fredrickson, Kenan Distinguished Professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and the leading researcher on positive emotions, finds it works the other way around, as well. In a variety of experiments, she has found that even lab-induced positive emotions can help people see more overlap between themselves and others. These emotions can help people feel closer and more connected to their loved ones. And the more you continually kindle positive feelings in your relationships, the more connected and happy you feel overall. Our Contagious Emotions Another way positive emotions can enhance relationships is through contagion. Just as we can pass colds along to our partners through physical contagion, so we can pass along our feelings to our partners through emotional contagion. Ever notice how when you spend time with your partner, you often wind up feeling the emotions he or she is experiencing? Emotional contagion is rather complex and often happens below the level of our consciousness. It results from the fact that we are built to mimic each other. As infants, we start mimicking our parents soon after we are born, behavior that is critical for our development and constitutes a primary pathway to learning and growing throughout our lives. Emotional contagion results from our tendency to copy or synchronize our facial expressions, vocalizations, postures, and behaviors with those around us, and as a result take on their emotional landscape. So although the underlying processes are different, we can talk about catching emotions from others, just as we can talk about catching their colds. And just as there are those who are more susceptible to catching colds from others, there are those who are more sensitive than others to their emotional environment, and thus more likely to pick up the emotions of those around them. This experience, of course, is even more common than the common cold. How many times have you found yourself in a situation in which you are doing fine, but then you spend some time with a partner who is not doing fine? Soon you begin picking up the other person’s negative emotions, and before you know it, you are not doing fine, either. Your partner’s negative emotions have spread to you, and you are now feeling them yourself. How Emotions Spread Researchers have studied this phenomenon by various means and have documented ways in which emotional contagion can result in behavior change. One such researcher is Sigal Barsade, now professor of management at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. She and her colleagues conducted an experiment with ninety-two college undergraduates, bringing them into a lab and randomly assigning them to twenty-nine groups of two to four students each to simulate a managerial exercise. In some of the groups, she also included a research confederate, an actor trained to display a negative mood. Before beginning the managerial exercise, participants completed a mood questionnaire rating how they felt right at that moment. Each participant, including the confederate, took turns giving a presentation. Immediately afterward, participants completed another questionnaire with the same mood items they had rated previously. They were also independently rated by video coders trained to recognize emotion through facial expression, verbal tone, and body language. Sure enough, the groups with the research confederate became more negative over time, with lower levels of cooperation, decreased perceived performance, and more conflict as compared to the other groups in the study. . This indicates that negative emotions can not only spread to those around us but also negatively affect behavior and performance. This study and others like it show us how important it is to be aware of our emotional states. The negative emotions we are feeling can easily spread to our partners and this can affect not just how we feel but also how we behave. Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts by Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP and James O. Pawelski, Ph.D. © 2018 by Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James O. Pawelski. TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC. Suzann (“Suzie”) Pileggi Pawelski (MAPP) holds a Master of Applied Positive Psychology degree from the University of Pennsylvania. She is a freelance writer and well-being consultant specializing in the science of happiness and its effects on health and relationships. Suzie blogs for Psychology Today and writes the “Science of Well-being” column for Live Happy, where she is also a contributing editor. James O. Pawelski, PhD, James O. Pawelski, PhD, is Professor of Practice and Director of Education in the Positive Psychology Center and Adjunct Professor of Religious Studies in the School of Arts and Sciences at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the Principal Investigator on a three-year, $2.5M grant from the Templeton Religion Trust on “The Humanities and Human Flourishing.” Together, Suzie and James give Romance & Research® workshops around the world. Go to buildhappytogether.com to interact with the authors.

work

Tackle Work Stress With These Practical Tips

The workplace: It’s where we spend one-third of each day and at least 90,000 hours in a lifetime. Research by Harvard Medical School, UCLA and the RAND Corporation found that the workplace in America is a “physically and emotionally taxing” place. What’s more, two-thirds of Americans say they work under tight deadlines, with 25 percent saying they lack the time to do their jobs. Yet, when employees have higher levels of well-being at work, everyone wins. Employees enjoy their lives more in and out of the workplace, and employers see an increase in productivity. Invest in Wellness A 2010 study published in the journal Health Affairs found that for every dollar a company spends on a wellness program, its return on investment is $3.27. Employees feel valued their company cares about their well-being and, in turn, employee performance more than doubles, according to a study by Right Management. Researchers also found employees who take advantage of wellness programs contribute the equivalent of an extra day of work in productivity every month. Toni Farris, a certified yoga instructor in Plano, Texas, teaches the art of mindfulness to businesses large and small. “We have a culture of suffering,” she says. “The more suffering you do, the more important you are.” We wear our overworked status as a badge of honor, which may lead, she explains, to a false sense of value and security. “It’s not helpful.” She should know. Before embarking on her mindful journey, Toni worked for the accounting firm Arthur Andersen, and the stress wreaked havoc on her health. Overworking yourself leads to stress, she notes. The decision-making process narrows and the quality of the work can be affected. “Strategy and balance, both physical and emotional, come from a relaxed place,” she says. Talk with your human resources department to bring someone like Toni into the office. If a mindfulness consultant isn’t an option, she offers a few tips to get you started: Be Nice Compassion is a kind of social superglue that holds everything together. Christopher Kukk, Ph.D., author of The Compassionate Achiever: How Helping Others Fuels Success, finds that compassion can create a friendlier and happier workplace, increase productivity and improve health. “When we think from a compassionate mindset, we release the peptide hormone oxytocin, which then activates the neurotransmitters dopamine (brain reward) and serotonin (anxiety reduction), which facilitate happiness and optimism—two characteristics that contribute to success,” he says. To change your mindset to be more compassionate at work, Christopher recommends changing your feelings about achieving success. “If you believe, for instance, that your own as well as your organizational successes were achieved by you alone, then you are—simply stated—lying to yourself,” he says. He suggests reflecting on how your success has benefited from others. This will make you more inclined to contribute to the successes of your colleagues. “When compassion flows, a business grows,” he adds. Get More Shut-Eye According to The Sainsbury’s Living Well Index conducted by Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research in the U.K., 50 percent of participants polled would rather have a good night’s sleep than a pay raise. Matthew Walker, Ph.D., Director of UC Berkeley’s Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab and author of the new book Why We Sleep, says that more than $400 billion in our economy is lost due to poor sleeping habits. What’s more, sleep deficits make us more prone to lying at work and other deviant behaviors. The sleepless also lack in areas of creativity, problem solving and charisma. “Every key facet required for business success will fail when sleep becomes short within an organization,” he says. One thing we can do is drop the mindset that more sleep equates to laziness. “The global sleep-loss epidemic is fast becoming one of the greatest public health challenges of the 21st century,” he says. “I hope the many chapters on the disease, sickness and ill health that comes by way of sleep loss makes this case clear.” Aside from the obvious health benefits of sleep—it builds a strong immune system, lowers risks of stroke, heart attacks, diabetes and depression—it also improves our performance at work. Employees who sleep more, according to Matthew’s book, earn more money, too. Just an extra hour of sleep can improve your financial situation. Quick Biz Tips TAKE A STAND • According the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reducing occupational sitting by 66 minutes per day can boost your mood and reduce upper back and neck pain. EAT LUNCH WITH COLLEAGUES • Cornell University researchers studied firehouses in large cities and witnessed that workgroup performance was enhanced when firefighters broke bread together. KEEP IT POSITIVE • In her book Conscious Communications, entrepreneur and author Mary Shores recommends stopping yourself when you start to think or talk in a negative way. She says that the words we use define who we are, and the negativity can spread throughout an office and even to the customer. Toni’s Tips for Tackling Stress BEFORE WORK: • Use an alarm clock with a soothing tone. Waking up in a panic is never good. • Try getting ready in the morning without the TV or radio. Incorporate more silence. • Add an extra 20 to 30 minutes to your routine so you are not in a rush. AT WORK: • Find a quiet space in your office for about 10 to 15 minutes, and use a mindfulness/meditation app. In a pinch, use your car. • After lunch is the best time to relax. Rest and digest is the opposite of fight or flight. You will feel better for the remainder of the day after a constructive rest. • If possible, let your co-workers know you need time to process any requests before committing. AFTER WORK: • Set boundaries with yourself and work. Don’t answer emails or calls after a certain time. • Turn off electronics one hour before bed. This will help your brain decompress. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

3 New Year’s Resolutions for Optimists

To those of you who are optimists, like us, who push yourselves to exhaustion to be better every day and are way too hard on yourselves when you don’t hit your own irrationally high standards, we have some advice for you: Stop it. This time, we are approaching end-of-year goal setting in a new way. The research in Shawn’s book The Happiness Advantage shows that we have our thinking backward when we assume that success will lead to happiness when, in truth, having a positive mindset is the greatest predictor of our sustained success. Goals are important, and you may have lots of them, but the best way to achieve them is to start with positivity. So, the key to next year is focusing on the good things in this year. Our three resolutions for optimists are based on new positive psychology research. Resolution No. 1: Be the same in the new year as you were last year. Why does a resolution have to force you to be different? Instead of striving to do something you’ve never done before, like learn Spanish or write a novel, repeat patterns that worked well for you this year. In Before Happiness, Shawn outlines research that shows only two things motivate a brain: seeing that the finish line is close and seeing progress. So, the list you should make for Jan. 1 is not a list of “never-dones,” but rather a list of “dones”—areas you have seen progress in your life that you want to build upon. Think back over the past year. What led to your best moments? Was it taking time to have a date night? Was it saving money so you could vacation in wine country? Whatever it was, resolve to do it again. In research, some say that the best predictor of future performance is past performance. We don’t fully agree with that because it ignores the potential for big change. In general, the only way big change can occur is by repeating a pattern of positive behavior that leads to success. So, instead of starting something new, do even more of what’s already been working for you. What’s the favorite part of who you were this year? Keep it going! Resolution No. 2: For one year, don’t repeat a previous resolution. If starting a yoga practice has been on your list for three years and you still haven’t done it, it’s time to take it off your list. You are better off showing your brain progress rather than continually reminding it of failure. This goes along perfectly with the character strengths research that shows you are better off capitalizing on one of your strengths rather than spending all your time on fixing the weaknesses. When you beat yourself up mentally for your weak areas, you waste mental resources that could be better used on your strengths. Resolution No. 3: Stop saying how happy you will be when you hit this goal. There are admittedly a few hours of anticipatory joy when you make your resolutions for the next year, when you think about how amazing things will be. But that is often quickly replaced by reality. It is much better to peg your happiness to positive things in the past and good things in the present. This is scary for optimists like us who love thinking about the future and talking about new plans. We found as a couple we’d spend time on our vacation dreaming about future vacations, and in doing so, our brains were not in the present. So instead, resolve to be happy today. Do not worry that this will make you content to not grow in the next year. The Happiness Advantage research is clear: Create happiness and every aspect of your life improves in the future. That’s incredible! Moreover, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds, that is an excellent goal. But you will not necessarily be happier, even if you think you will. We bet today alone you met several skinny people who are quite unhappy. Getting a promotion or hitting a sales target are good goals, but you will not necessarily be happier when you attain them. The gain in happiness from money is negligible. There is no known correlation between the number of books you read, how many languages you speak, whether or not you go skydiving and happiness. So many of the things that fill up your resolutions will not make this a happier year. Things that scientifically will make you happier? Being grateful daily for the past and present. Journaling about positive experiences. Making someone else’s year better through an act of kindness. Being resolved to be happy and kind today, focusing on your strengths and giving yourself a break are the keys to your best year ever. Listen to our podcast: The Happiness Advantage With Shawn Achor Read more: Which Kind of Goal-Setter Are You? SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with over 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. His latest book is called Big Potential. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success and the author of Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national news anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.

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