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Youth Mental Health Issues Raise Need for Solutions

May marks Mental Health Awareness Month in the United States and awareness is becoming critical given the alarming rates of mental health issues in this country. Currently, anxiety disorders affect 25.1 percent of American children between 13 and 18 years old, and reports of loneliness and social isolation are higher than ever, especially for the youngest generation. In a recent study published in the journal Pediatrics, suicide attempts among school-aged children have more than doubled since 2008. For the International Positive Education Network (IPEN), the most striking of these statistics is that mental health is getting worse for young people, with depression rates moving from 8.5 percent in 2011 to 11.1 percent in 2014. Research shows that when mental health issues go untreated, young people are more at risk to perform poorly in school, withdraw socially and engage in substance abuse. Many of these issues require immediate professional attention, which often is not available, so the problem worsens. The Opportunity It’s extremely important to encourage attention and support for open conversations about mental health challenges and solutions so those struggling know they are not alone and can easily seek the help they need. Despite the startling statistics, IPEN sees an opportunity in schools for building resilience and mental health. Positive education is a preventive approach that promotes teaching a double helix model of education with one strand being academics and the other character and well-being. Research shows there is no trade-off between academic learning and well-being, rather these strands are mutually reinforcing. Taking Action To bring the idea of positive education to a global audience, IPEN is partnering with the David L. Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry to host the World Positive Education Accelerator June 25–28 in Fort Worth, Texas. World leaders in psychology, education and policy will convene in one place to have a united conversation about the growing problem of mental health and well-being and how together we might add one solution through positive education. This event will be part inspiring keynotes, workshops and panel presentations as well as part appreciative inquiry summit. The summit, led by David Cooperrider, Ph.D., encourages the audience’s interactive participation in identifying and acting on solutions. Attendees will engage in critical dialogue around these issues and build an action plan that will last beyond the event. It is our hope that we can accelerate the conversation on prevention in mental health by equipping students around the world with the tools they need to build a flourishing life. To get involved, learn more at www.ipen-festival.com. If you are interested in bringing a group, email posednet@gmail.com for a discount code. Student Scholarships It is critical that this event include the voices of a diverse range of stakeholders and, most importantly, young people. Live Happy is offering 20 scholarships to students ages 15 to 21 from around the world to contribute their valuable voices. If you are interested in attending on a scholarship, please apply to livehappy.com/wpeascholarships by June 1.

Self-Care

6 Ways to Rediscover Your Authentic Self

Quick two-question quiz. 1. What things did you love to do before marriage, kids or increasing work responsibilities, including side hustles to help pay the bills? 2. How many of those things do you still do now? For many of us, spending time doing the things we love the most gets sidelined for the big “r” word—responsibilities. Sure, we’d love to take in a matinee on a Saturday, but kids’ soccer games and a trip to the grocery store take priority. Readers we asked miss spontaneity, creative projects, cranking up the music, reading and the indulgence of sleeping in. While not always doing what you want to do is just part of adulting, drifting away from what you love can erode happiness and cause you to lose sight of who you really are. How do you maintain the daily grind of responsibilities and stay connected to what you love? Rediscover your authentic self with our list of tips. Facilitate your own wake-up call Sherianna Boyle, author of the new book Emotional Detox: 7 Steps to Release Toxicity and Energize Joy believes focusing on the present can facilitate your own wake-up call and increase awareness. “No doubt getting married, raising children and becoming a homeowner gives us a lot of extra things to think about. When we worry, stress and overthink, the less energy we have. Choose to focus on the now and your energy will grow,” she says. Let yourself feel your emotions and use them as guideposts. Don’t let busy become an obstacle Obligations can interfere with what’s calling to us. Jen Sincero, best-selling author of You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, says, “When you constantly deny yourself the people, food, things and experiences that make you feel the most alive, that sends a pretty lousy message home.” Decide you are worth doing the things you love. She suggests making a conscious decision to increase your joy in whatever capacity you can. Plan the trip you’ve always wanted to take. Pursue a goal you fear. Spend an afternoon with a friend, dance at an outdoor music festival or buy an impractical pair of shoes. Don’t let busy win. Sure, you might not be able read in a hammock for four hours straight, but can you read every day for 30 minutes? Put yourself first Are you one of those people who never focuses on yourself? Start putting yourself first and trust that doing so will make you even more fulfilled and better able to give back to others. Investing in yourself is not selfish. “We drift away from doing what we once loved because it doesn’t fit our new lifestyle anymore or our partner doesn’t like the activity,” says Pat Pearson, a family therapist and author of Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve. “You don’t sing at the top of your lungs because the baby is napping. Life and love is a cost-benefit analysis. If the cost is too high and the benefit too low, we give up even enjoyable activities.” She suggests asking yourself this critical question: What do I want? “If it’s important to your well-being, you shouldn’t give it up. Find the place where you can have your joy and your spouse can have his/hers. Never give up on what you love if it feeds your soul. Negotiate on the time and space to make it happen.” Do not delay As writer Anne Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” While it might be comforting to promise ourselves “later” for those activities we love, the reality is we have to get them on our schedules in order for them to happen. Big life events—the death of a parent, a milestone birthday, an illness—can stir us awake and fuel our desire to pursue our passions, but without daily habits in place we often fall back into old routines. Seize the day. Tag team The obstacles to writing the next great novel or reveling in the joy of dancing alone in your house can be a matter of practicality. To give yourself more time, set up time swaps with your significant other. One of you has the kids, the other gets half a day to work on a personal goal. Switch places the next day or weekend. Do a date night swap Another practical fix is teaming up with friends to create windows of adult time. Gone are the days when babysitters are inexpensive. Instead of doing away with date nights or spontaneity due to the costs, swap date nights with another couple. This is an easy solution that will make your kids and wallet happy. Now you can date your spouse again. If you want to continue your education, get a massage, paint like you used to, start a side business or kayak in a new body of water, the most important first step is directing your attention to what you desire. Create a life with a rich blend of responsibilities and top interests.

Self-Care

Finding Happiness With the Help of Others

The latest research in maintaining the good life. Happiness, or the pursuit of, is at a record low with declines in 21 states, according to the Gallup-Sharecare Well-Being Index. Dan Witters, research director with Gallup-Sharecare, said on The Gallup Podcast that 2017 is “the worst well-being year on record for the nation.” Gallup-Sharecare measures well-being in five categories: purpose, social, financial, community and physical. The normal indicators that can drive down a well-being score, such as employment or a recession, don’t seem to factor into our unhappiness. Dan explains that Americans took a significant hit in social and purpose well-being and noted that poor mental health is increasing. Yikes! Well, we certainly have our work cut out for us to improve things this year. Challenge accepted. We have collected the latest in happiness research to show you that all is not lost. No matter how bad things can get politically, economically or emotionally, happiness is always a choice. Be a Social Butterfly Good social skills—or the ability to appropriately interact with others—are important for our physical and mental health, and the lack thereof can lead to serious complications. According to a recent study from the University of Arizona, poor social skills were linked to loneliness and stress. Researchers noted that learning good social skills can improve both physical and mental health. Happy Couples People who are married, especially to their best friend, enjoy more life satisfaction over those who are unmarried, according to a study from the Vancouver School of Economics. This marital bliss isn’t just in the honeymoon stage, but throughout the span of the relationship. This serves people especially well in midlife when we start to feel that U-shaped dip in life satisfaction as stressors pile on. Couples who feel they are married to their best friend experience about twice as much contentment. All Together Now If life has got you singing the blues, maybe try joining a choir to turn that frown upside down. A recent study from the University of East Anglia in England finds that singing in a group may be a great way to boost your mental health. Researchers monitored participants in the Sing Your Heart Out (SYHO) project who had had previous mental health issues reported less depression and anxiety. What’s more, the social aspects as well as the singing fostered greater feelings of belonging and well-being. Learned Happiness Earlier this year, Yale University's popular new course "Psychology and the Good Life," taught by Laurie Santos, Ph.D., broke an enrollment record with 1,200 students. Laurie says she started the class for three reasons: to share her knowledge of psychological science with the rest of the world, to help college students and to make herself a better person. “Psychology has a lot to say about fixing human problems—from the big global ones to the tiny personal ones," she says. “This course is my attempt to critically synthesize what psychologists have learned so far about making our lives better, both on a global and local scale.” For those who want to learn about the science of happiness without paying an Ivy League tuition bill, Laurie’s course is offered for free on Coursera.

relationships

Walking School Bus a Lesson in Happiness

“I always have a good day on Wednesdays,” says 12-year-old Albert Carter. The reason? That’s when he participates in his school’s walking school bus. Each week, a group of spirited senior citizens—including 66-year-old Jo Ann Washington and 80-year-old Bertha Barnes—along with other volunteers, chaperone about a dozen children on the 1-mile morning trek from East Berry Branch Library to Christene C. Moss Elementary School in Fort Worth, Texas. “It’s important to walk because when you wake up in the morning, you feel all tired,” Albert says. “Walking loosens you up and wakes you up so then you can have energy to go to school and get passing grades.” Eight-year-old Ja’liyah Williams puts it bluntly: “Driving to school is boring,” she says. “My favorite thing about the walking school bus is that everyone comes and we play together. We’re always singing.” Volunteers don fluorescent yellow vests and teach the children safety rules along the way, adding to their brood as they go since some children are picked up in front of their homes. “It gives me great joy working with them,” Jo Ann says. “I’m glad to be a part and just feel like a kid.” Principal Charla Wright-Staten says she’s noticed a change in her students who walk to school. “They’re able to get some of their restlessness out and come in ready to work and learn,” she says. “They don’t know they’re establishing healthy lifestyles—we kind of sneak that in.” Change of Pace In 1969, almost 50 percent of children in kindergarten through eighth grade walked or biked to school. By 2009, that number dropped to less than 13 percent. That’s why community leaders in Fort Worth and around the world are implementing walking school buses, which teach children lifetime fitness habits and reduce traffic at the same time. The idea is simple: A group of children walk to school with two or more adults. Some schools partner with community groups, like how Christene C. Moss Elementary joined forces with Silver Sneakers, a fitness program for seniors offered by a local YMCA chapter. That’s how Bertha found out about the program. “I like walking, and I like kids,” Bertha says. “All of my own kids are up and gone.” In Fort Worth, 30 elementary schools have launched walking school buses as part of the Blue Zones Project, a well-being improvement initiative aimed at helping people lead longer lives by making healthy choices easier. Across the country, 42 communities in nine states have joined the Blue Zones Project, and walking school buses are common in those locations. Take it from Ja’liyah: “Come walk and get used to it. Then when you grow up, you already know what to do.” Happy Feet While the physical benefits are clear, Charla notes another significant impact the walking school bus has on her students. “They see it’s beyond just their parents, teachers and principal that care about them,” Charla says. “They’re seeing that there really is a village around them.” Take Albert, who appreciates it when the adults listen to what he has to say. “I feel better when I’m walking because we talk about stuff, and I just think about that sometimes and that kind of boosts my day.” But it’s not just the students who are benefiting: While Ja’liyah and Albert both say they’re learning to pay attention, listen and get better grades, Jo Ann points out that she’s learning from the kids as well. “It was cold one morning, and I knew those babies weren’t going to come out and walk,” she says. “That particular day, there were even more of them. You talk about devoted.” For Bertha, interacting with the children is leaving a lasting impression. “They’re teaching me how to be jolly and not worry about anything,” she says. While Bertha hopes she’s relaying the importance of morning exercise, there’s another lesson that’s not lost on the students. “It’s amazing that you can be 80 and look 52,” Albert says after learning Bertha’s age. His wish when he’s 80? “I hope I'm like Bertha.”

Practice

Banish the Boogeyman

We all want our kids to feel happy and carefree. But struggles with anxiety are a reality during childhood and more common than you may expect. One in eight children develop an anxiety disorder, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Building character strengths to combat these anxieties—such as resilience and bravery—provide an opportunity to grow stronger by overcoming challenges, which is an important and rewarding aspect of your child’s life. Karen Reivich, Ph.D., director of training programs for the Penn Positive Psychology Center and co-author of The Resilience Factor, believes there is room for a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative. “Well-being, in my mind, is having the tools to live a life where you have a healthy diet of positive emotion, like happiness, but also other emotions, like curiosity or gratitude or contentment....I don’t think a life well-lived is solely focused on happiness.” If it’s getting harder to reassure your child, or if anxiety is starting to affect family life or school performance, the anxiety may be pushing past healthy boundaries. Knowing how to spot the warning signs will help your child find his or her bravest self. When Not to Worry About Worry It’s not fun to watch kids wrestle with fears, but a little anxiety from time to time is part of life. It can even be a good thing. “There’s often a myth or misconception that anxiety is a negative or unhelpful emotion,” says Lindsay Scharfstein, Ph.D., a psychologist at the Center for Anxiety and Behavioral Change who specializes in working with children and families. “Anxiety helps us in so many ways. It helps us keep things that are important on our minds, like an exam coming up, or finding friendships.” We want young kids to feel anxious about crossing the street, for example, and separation anxiety in babies is a sign of healthy bonding with parents. Older kids may feel stage fright before a big performance they’ve been looking forward to for months. “Viewing anxiety in a positive light helps us change the experience. Maybe that’s excitement about trying something new,” Lindsay says. Looking for the positive side can help parents, too. Interpret test-day jitters as a sign of your child’s motivation, and you’ll feel less stressed and be able to help your child calm down. Lindsay says anxiety affects the whole family, not just the child, so take time to care for your own mental well-being. An article in Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review found that fear cues in parents’ language may be associated with children’s anxiety. When you’re positive and confident, you’re modeling a healthy outlook for your child. Positive Childhood Anxiety Busters Parents can practice easy techniques at home to chase anxious thoughts away. Fans of the Harry Potter series will remember that the Boggart, a magical monster, is defeated by laughter. It turns out this works in real life, too. “Humor takes the power out of [anxiety],” says Kathleen Trainor, Psy.D., founder of the TRAINOR Center and author of Calming Your Anxious Child: Words to Say and Things to Do. “A lot of these kids are very serious, they can be very smart, they’re overthinking everything. The introduction of humor puts everything in perspective.” Timing is important. Gently joking about a fear is helpful when the kid is calm and thinking clearly. But when your child’s feeling panicky, humor’s more likely to make her angry. Allison Edwards, play therapist and author of Why Smart Kids Worry: And What Parents Can Do to Help, also recommends finding a positive spin for common fears. Movies like Monsters, Inc. can inspire kids to reimagine their own bedtime monsters as friends and protectors. Allison teaches kids to recognize anxiety in their minds and bodies. When it’s time to calm down (such as at bedtime or before a big game), breathing exercises can help. Her “Square Breathing” tool involves inhaling, holding, exhaling and resting, each on a count of four. Sometimes, parents may decide they need professional support to help their children control anxiety. “There are three areas of a child’s life: school, home and friends. If your child is struggling in two out of three of those areas, I would go to a counselor for additional support,” Allison says. Facing Their Fears Your child’s age and personality can guide your approach to easing his fears. Often, parental instincts fit beautifully with expert recommendations. When Mikaela Devine’s toddler developed a fear of the vacuum, Mikaela, a wedding planner in Bowie, Maryland, had family members and friends take turns hugging the machine. After a while, her daughter wanted a turn, too. Reframing a frightening object as something safe, and even cuddly, can help little ones relax. “What excites me about this work is...it’s science catching up with Grandma,” Karen says. “Traditional wisdom about building a happy life, like counting your blessings, looking on the bright side or sharing something you’re grateful for over family dinner, teaches healthy mental habits.” Sarah Hash, a prenatal genetic counselor in Rockville, Maryland, noticed her kindergarten-aged kids were excited to sign up for T-ball or gymnastics classes, but got clingy and anxious at drop-off time. “What we started doing is meeting the teacher or coach beforehand if possible,” she explained. “We ask them to give our child a job, such as collect all the balls in this bag, line up all the teddy bears, sort mats, organize shoes—something. That gave the child a focus because they knew what to expect and it led to a better first or second day of this new activity.” Happier Kids, Happier Families One unexpected benefit of childhood anxiety is that kids have the chance to develop new strengths. “It’s a very positive and self-esteem building and affirming process to work through anxiety. They [children] can feel proud of themselves for what they’ve mastered,” Kathleen says. Skills like enhanced self-awareness, confidence and self-control help kids keep fears at bay and serve them for the rest of their lives. They may even develop greater empathy. “I do believe they develop compassion for other kids, who face other challenges.” Allison also sees anxiety itself as a potentially positive force. The key is to harness its power for good. “If you channel anxiety in the right way, you can actually become very successful. Most of the kids I work with are very high-performing kids, and if they didn’t have anxiety, they wouldn’t be that way. Most high-functioning people have traces of [anxiety] because they’re afraid not to try, [and] not to do well.” Confronting anxiety head-on can lead to positive changes for the whole family. When parents learn to work together to handle a child’s fears, it can ease any tensions anxious behavior is causing in the marriage. Therapists can give siblings their own projects to master, reducing jealousy over the extra attention an anxious child receives. Working together to get anxiety under control doesn’t only lead to happier, braver kids, but happier families as well.

Practice

Five Benefits of Compassion

News & Trends

Earth Day is Every Day in the Philippines

The Philippines, a country of beautiful scenic islands, unique emerald rice fields, graffiti-splashed jeepneys, smoldering volcanoes and happy, hardworking and generous people, is unlike any other nation in the world. The beautiful mixture of culture and tradition unites thousands of islands into one shared and increasingly vulnerable land. The archipelago’s geography lends itself to extreme weather. With an increase in deadly typhoons in recent years and rising sea levels, any discussion about well-being or happiness returns to the topic of protecting the Earth to ensure future generations can enjoy nature’s benefits and not suffer as greatly from disasters. The Philippines’ Climate Change Commission emphasized the critical importance of both well-being and environmental protection as they unveiled their Happiness Wall at the Cultural Center of the Philippines and the senate house in Manila, Philippines, just a few weeks ago on March 20. Climate Change Commissioner Rachel S. Herrera, said, “As we celebrate the International Day of Happiness today, let us keep in mind that the more we preserve and treat our environment with kindness, the more we ensure our well-being and security as a nation.” Senator Loren Legarda, chairwoman of the Philippines’ Climate Change Committee, is working to adopt a policy similar to Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness (GNH) rather than Gross National Product (GDP) to reflect the happiness and well-being of Filipinos. The goal is to pursue a holistic development of their country to boost equality and environmental protection amid threats of climate change and increased risk of disaster. The panel’s efforts to connect happiness and environmental sustainability in the Philippines strives to create positive effects in many ways. The Live Happy article, “Can Happiness Save the Planet?” cites the Happy Planet Index’s conclusion that societies that practice sustainability are shown to be happier than their less environmentally minded counterparts. The global measurement standard multiplies an index of life satisfaction and the life expectancy average of each country’s residents, then divides that by the ecological footprint of the country. Results consistently show that residents with a smaller ecological footprint register greater levels of happiness, satisfaction and well-being.

News & Trends

Give Yourself Permission to Be Passionate

As children, we are told to live our dreams and follow our passions, but as we age, it gets harder to integrate our passions into our busy lives. We get caught up in “adulting,” and engaging in a passion can seem self-indulgent or a waste of precious time from making a living, raising a family or otherwise being successful. But, recent research shows that having a passion is highly beneficial and can improve performance, enhance relationships and support physical and psychological well-being. And not having a passion can lead to a decrease in psychological well-being over time. In short, there are numerous reasons why we want to be passionate, we just need to give ourselves permission to do so. The Definition of Passion Robert Vallerand, Ph.D., is at the forefront of research on passion. In his book The Psychology of Passion he defines the emotion as a “strong inclination for an activity (or object, person or belief) that we love, value, invest time and energy in, and is part of our identity.” Our passions are our “ers”—as in writer, painter, horseback rider. Our “ers” become a part of who we are. What the Research Says About Passion Robert and his colleagues found a strong relationship between having a passion and positive emotions, concentration, flow (Vallerand et al, 2003) and enhanced psychological well-being (Rousseau & Vallerand, 2008). Engaging in your passion has direct health benefits up to three weeks after engaging in the activity. Our energy levels are high when we engage in a passion, and we experience relaxation afterward, which improves functioning. This is why having a passion promotes performance in many areas of life. Having a passion can also promote positive relationships, even those that take place outside of the passionate activity (Philippe et al., 2010). A 15-year longitudinal study among hockey players shows how passion supports athletic performance. Compared to regular “practice,” being passionate about the activity has the added benefit of making us happy. Having a passion is also helpful when we go through life transitions, such as retiring. Rather than losing a work identity, we can use passions to engage in and nourish. Giving Ourselves Permission for Passion Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget what we are passionate about. I’ve found that when people learn about the well-being benefits, it gives them permission to rediscover their passions. I have experienced this myself. I was a passionate artist as a child; it was a part of my identity and self-expression. When I graduated from high school, I remember looking at the professional artists in New York and I wasn’t able to see myself sustaining my passion for drawing and painting the way they did. I decided to major in psychology and minor in fine art, business and philosophy and vowed that art would always be a part of my life. I would never let myself get too busy to create art. Fast forward from graduation, and 10 years passed since I had picked up a paintbrush! Robert’s research touched me, yet re-engaging my inner artist felt scary. I spent years building my skill and craft. What would happen when I touched my brush to canvas? I studied perspective, colors and techniques for blending and laying down paint. What if I tried and it was all lost? Robert’s research got me painting again. While I don’t yet consider myself a passionate painter who devotes many hours a week to art, I do consider myself a creator. Creating is my passion. I create experiences for people as a speaker and a teacher. My programs, slides and materials used to be my main works of art. Taking the time to doodle, sketch, paint or color felt like wasted time. Now I see how it fuels my success and well-being. Sometimes engaging in passions requires remembering what you loved as a child. Other times, it requires a research study. Do you need permission to find your passion? What will be your first step? _______________________________________________________________

relationships

Sisterhood Is Powerful

My sister Sara and I shared a wall between our bedrooms growing up. We had a secret knock we’d use to say good night to each other: I’d knock first and my sister would knock back. I’m younger than my sister by three years, and her little knock always made me feel safe. If there was a thunderstorm, I’d get scared and drag a blanket down the hall to her room. “Can I sleep in your room?” I’d whisper. “Yes, but on the floor,” she’d whisper back. Adults in midlife now, we laugh about that one. (She couldn’t give me a tiny sliver of her bed?) My sister and I are so different. We live about 1,000 miles apart and our personalities are that far apart, too. I talk too much; she’s shy. No one would know we are sisters; we are adopted and don’t look alike. While we don’t share genetics or personality type, we do share something powerful—sisterhood. Now science is even backing up this premise. A 2015 study from De Montfort University in the U.K. showed that “the presence of a female sibling may be a protective factor…improving family relationships and increasing self-efficacy, optimism and perceived social support.” This could not have been more true in my case. Sisterhood is a fierce bond. I could be my sister’s publicist in life. I love her and I’ve always looked up to her. She’s smart (high school valedictorian, educated at Harvard) but she would never tell you because she’s also humble. I feel fiercely loyal to my sister because we shared a tumultuous childhood that revolved around an alcoholic parent. We both had to enter adulthood with burdens to overcome, and that shared experience resulted in a stronger bond. My sister told me once, “You have never let me down.” And I responded, “You are my sister.” By which I meant, no matter what happens in our lives, I know she understands my past because it was hers, too. I don’t have to fill in the blanks for her or explain who I am, she just knows. Our connection is strong and comforting. Sisters have shared experience. When Sara and I were kids, I would take clothes out of her purple-beaded closet without asking. As sisters do, she’d yell at me for stretching out her clothes or ruining them. She’d read books in her bedroom and I’d slip notes under the crack in her door to make her laugh again and forgive me. We shared the levity of childhood—flashlight tag, long bike rides to the lake and road trips. And we also shared in the heaviness of adulthood—when we gathered around my mom’s bed on her last day of life. During every part of life, we have leaned on each other. Sisters are your tribe. At 26, I found my birth family and learned I had married birth parents and a birth sister. Gulp. When I finally met my birth sister, Jen, in the flesh, it was like looking in a mirror. Two redheads, two talkers. Two people who love to laugh and be the life of the party. Our connection was instant and easy. We didn’t have to share a past—we immediately got one another. Sisters are like that. A sister’s presence is powerful. When I am around either of my sisters, I feel happier. We all live in different states but we share an invisible connection beyond geography. Life is in session when we’re together. We relate. Sisters make you feel like you aren’t experiencing the highs and lows of life alone. With a sister, you always feel like you have a home base where you can draw strength, where someone is always in your corner. Sisters get personal. Even though my sister Sara is a quiet person, we still share everything and hash things out together. Swapping stories and venting gives us both a healthy outlet to process emotions and get feedback. This kind of expression also happens to foster well-being. Sisters look out for one another. My daughters are twin 5-year-olds. By watching their sisterhood play out before me, I notice how often they look out for each other, even at this young age. Sure, they tell on each other, but the sisterly love, generosity and consideration for one another seems innate. In separate preschool classes, they check in on each other on the playground. They shriek and chase each other around the house and prevent each other from falling asleep at night with their antics. Each will come up to me and say, “Mom, sister needs you.” I’m so happy they have each other. Sisterhood is powerful indeed.

science

Dare to Care

If it sometimes seems that the world isn’t quite as kind as it used to be, it may not be your imagination. One of the growing concerns among psychology researchers is the declining level of compassion—and its companion, empathy—in modern society. In fact, at the same time researchers from the University of Michigan found that students’ empathy levels are declining, psychologist and author Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., has found a rise in narcissism. There’s also a significant indication that some of the factors adding to this include social media and a lack of connection between people. “Technological distractions often keep us from being present,” says Louis Alloro, a senior fellow with the Center for the Advancement for Well-Being at George Mason University. “Even Charles Darwin noted that evolutionary success depends upon kindness and compassion. It’s something that everyone needs.” However, when we allow ourselves to be distracted by technology, we may be less likely to listen to others or to notice their suffering. The connection is so strong that Stanford University launched a Compassion and Technology Conference in 2013 to look at how toovercome the lack of social connection that occurs as we become more tech-centric. “Add to that a divisive environment, where it’s a ‘me vs. you’ mindset, and we’re not connecting with each other,” Louis says. “That drives away empathy and compassion.” Living Better, Longer While empathy is often confused with compassion, they are actually two separate experiences—but they play a crucial role together. Empathy occurs when you feel someone’s emotions, such as sharing the pain your best friend is experiencing over her divorce. Compassion is the response to those emotions and makes you want to help. In essence, empathy can be the fuel that propels compassion forward. “Empathy lends emotional weight to our kindness,” explains Jamil Zaki, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Stanford University. “It’s an umbrella term that refers to the multiple ways that we respond to other people’s emotions, including not only sharing their feelings but also understanding what they feel and why.” Nashville hairdresser Kayce Tutor has always been quick to help family and friends in need, but when she began volunteering and sharing her compassion with strangers, it changed her life. Once a week, on her day off, Kayce volunteers with the Nashville organization ShowerUp, a mobile shower truck that provides hygiene resources, meals and health care screenings to the homeless. “I set up a chair and tools next to the truck and do haircuts, beard and neck trims and even the occasional French braid,” she says. “Sometimes I have 10 or 12 people in my chair in one night; it’s not much different from what I do in the salon, other than the location.” Her personal Facebook page frequently reflects her most recent concerns and provides suggestions for how others can get involved. She rounds up donations from friends and co-workers for her weekly ShowerUp visits. And while the people who sit in her chair each week are considered the beneficiaries of her compassion, Kayce says she has gotten the greatest reward. “Since I started volunteering, I’ve felt a change in my anxiety level. I feel lighter and happier. It’s something so simple that took me so long to figure out, but what you give to other people you get back in abundance.” Kayce’s experiences align with Jamil’s finding that empathy and compassion may hold a key to not only living a happier, healthier life, but a longer one as well. “It can lead to a lot of good things, like prosociality, morality and connection,” he says, and it also affects our physical health. Studies show that people who practice compassion have a lowered stress response, which is directly related to harmful inflammation in the body. As Kayce noted, compassion also makes you feel good and slows down your heart rate, thanks to the release of the hormone oxytocin. What’s even more interesting, Jamil says, is that it isn’t just practicing compassion and empathy that builds better health; being on the receiving end of empathy can help give both our mental and physical well-being a boost. “Patients with empathetic doctors are healthy and happier,” Jamil says, “And employees with empathic bosses take less time off for stress-related illnesses.” There’s also evidence that people with empathic spouses experience greater marital satisfaction. But if it’s so good for us, why is it so easily tossed aside? “In the face of conflict, empathy gets turned upside down,” Jamil says. “It’s easy to empathize with people who look or think like us, but less easy to empathize with people who are different. As a result, we often dole out our kindness in ways that are uneven and biased.” Back to Basics As it turns out, we might be hard-wired for compassion. Dacher Keltner, Ph.D., author of Born to Be Good and faculty director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, has studied how compassion affects the autonomic nervous system. In the lab, studies have found that the vagus nerve, which controls unconscious bodily functions like digestion and heart rate, reacts strongly to images of suffering and distress. This indicates to researchers that compassion isn’t just a learned response; it’s a built-in instinct. Dacher even coined the phrase “compassionate instinct” to explain that compassion is a natural response that was essential for our survival. Even though it appears to be instinctual, compassion is something that needs to be nurtured. Practices like doing a daily loving kindness meditation, in which you send positive, healing thoughts both to yourself and others, is a good starting point. Learning how to practice compassion can make a profound and immediate difference, but it’s something that we must choose and practice every day. “It does involve some unlearning, especially if we’ve gotten used to not exercising compassion,” Louis says. “But the bottom line is, compassion feels good. It feels good to practice it and it feels good receive it. It’s exactly what we need to heal people, to heal organizations and to ultimately heal the world. It’s that powerful.”