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#HappyFacts: Smart Phone, Stupid People

Each week, Live Happy Radio presents #HappyFacts designed to enlighten, educate and entertain you. Here’s a look at what we’re talking about this week: The best part of waking up… Waking up and smelling the coffee apparently puts a little extra spring in your step—or at least adds some positivity to your social media. Researchers at Cornell University studied Twitter feeds and found that tweets made earlier in the morning reflected greater promise and optimism than those made later in the day. The research also found that moods dippedduring the day—presumably while the subjects were at work or school—but then became more positive late at night. Moods also appeared to be more positive on the weekends than on the weekdays, hinting at a possible link between our moods and the effects of work and commuting. Hmm, it may be time to find ways to spark more joy at work! Explore 7 science-backed tips for a happier morning. Ride your bike, change your life If you want to keep that positive morning momentum going, maybe riding a bike to work is the answer. Recent findings show that people who ride their bikes to work show lower levels of stress and improved work performance, paving the way for a great day. Cycling also requires you to stay in the moment by keeping you focused on what’s happening around you, instead of letting your mind wander to what needs to be done at work or the disagreement you’re having with your teenager or spouse. Plus, there’s the added benefit that being in nature—versus being in a car, bus or train—is a natural stress reliever. Still need a reason to switch to pedal power? You’ll cut the cost of your commute while cutting your risk of heart disease, cancer and early death. Find out how one nonprofit is biking for a change. Smartphone got your brain? If you’re having trouble thinking clearly, your smartphone might be to blame. At least that’s what researchers from the University of Texas at Austin found when they measured how well study participants completed tasks when their phones were nearby. What makes this most interesting is that just having the smartphones in the same room negatively affected the people’s ability to concentrate—even when the phones were turned off. The study concluded that even when we’re not able to use the phone, the mere fact that it’s in our line of sight gets our conscious mind thinking about not using it—which creates brain drain. Putting the phone in a drawer, bag or another room resulted in significant improvements in cognition and concentration. So, next time you want to get some work done, maybe you should give your smartphone the day off. Can't get away from your phone? Check out Amy Blankson'stech survival kit.

Self-Care

Appreciate the Beauty All Around You

As part of our special bi-monthly series on Character Strengths, we are highlight the 24 strengths (your best innermost qualities) outlined by the VIA Institute on Character, and discussing how to better apply them in your everyday life. To take the free survey and find our your own top strengths, click here. If you are quick to express wonder at the blueness of the sky or the curving architecture of a downtown building, or you notice the skill and the artistry of athletes at a sporting event and not just the numbers on the scoreboard, appreciation of beauty and excellence may be one of your prominent character strengths. People high in this strength realize that each moment is unique and try to savor every second. This appreciation will also make you more susceptible to positive emotions such as awe, wonder, admiration and elevation. You might notice awe and wonder when you are surrounded by nature or when you view a piece of art. Likewise, you feel admiration for an Olympic athlete shattering expectations and records with grace and precision. The least-known emotion, elevation, occurs when you witness kindness or bravery in action that leads to a warm feeling in your chest, positive tingling in your arms and the motivation to pay it forward. Research shows you can boost your appreciation of beauty and excellence, and in so doing, enhance your well-being. Try one of these strategies: Read more: The Science of Elevation and a Visit With Pope Francis 1. Build Wonder Look for beauty in the little things. Anyone can marvel at a striking sunset or a stunning mountain landscape, but challenge yourself to appreciate beauty in the little things: One leaf, swaying back and forth, as it falls from a tree; the light that fills a person’s eyes as they begin to smile; two people talking and connecting at a bus stop as you drive by. As we begin to appreciate these little things, we realize that life is a collection of tiny moments. We can see and experience them or we can miss them. 2. Build Awe and Admiration Place yourself in environments where you’re most likely to be filled with awe and admiration. For example, spend time regularly in nature, in art museums, at sporting events or volunteering. While there, allow yourself to fully appreciate the experience. 3. Build Elevation Rewatch a movie or TV show that you found especially inspiring because of the goodness of one or more of the characters. Allow yourself to feel the emotion of elevation as you observe people doing positive, strengths-based actions for others. Afterward, try to spread your own kindness and compassion. Read more about character strengths: 3 Ways to Find the Funny in Everyday Life RYAN M. NIEMIEC, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist, certified coach, author and Education Director of the VIA Institute on Character, in Cincinnati, Ohio. His latest book, Character Strengths Interventions: A Field-Guide for Practitioners, was released early this year. For more, visit viacharacter.org.

Giving

The Birthday Party Project Gives Homeless Kids a Day to Sparkle

Each month, 31 homeless shelters across the country serve as the backdrop for children’s birthday celebrations, transforming into magical settings where dance parties, spirited renditions of “Happy Birthday” and gleeful squeals combine to form just the right amount of controlled chaos. The organization behind the magic is The Birthday Party Project (TBPP), a North Texas-based nonprofit with event planner Paige Chenault at the helm. Its mission? To throw birthday parties for kids in homeless shelters—an idea that was originally sparked in Paige during a flight in 2008. Running her own successful events company at the time, Paige was pregnant with her daughter, Lizzie. As she read an article about kids’ birthday parties, she grew excited at the possibilities for Lizzie. On the same flight, she picked up another magazine and flipped to an image she says she’ll never forget: a young Haitian boy with sunken eyes, standing barefoot and shirtless in a crowded street but seemingly unnoticed. “Here I was dreaming about all the things I could do for Lizzie, and someone like him will never feel celebrated the way I knew I could celebrate her,” Paige says. By touchdown, the seeds of TBPP were planted. “I realized I could use my talents to throw birthday parties for kids who need it,” Paige says. “I felt in the core of who I was that I was being called to this.” Let the Games Begin Fast-forward to January 2012: TBPP hosted its first party at Family Gateway, a homeless shelter in downtown Dallas, committed to throw one bash each month there for the entire year. Paige, along with her husband, Colin, and a group of 15 close friends, entered that first event excited but unsure of what they were about to do. “We wondered if the kids would even like us,” Paige says. Luckily, the bracelet-making, balloon keep-away and spontaneous dance party helped win over the 50 children in attendance. After the party ended, 11-year-old Micah, whose demeanor had shifted from reserved to free-spirited, said, “Thank you, Miss Paige. This is the first birthday party I’ve ever had.” That powerful moment stuck with Paige. “I knew we were on to something great,” she says. Five years later, TBPP now partners with 31 homeless and transitional living facilities in 12 cities. Each month, shelters identify children ages 1 to 18 who will be celebrating a birthday. Paige, a team of six employees and an army of volunteers—dubbed “party enthusiasts”—then plan a group party, complete with an individual cake and gift for each birthday boy or girl. All of the children staying at the shelter, as well as parents of the guests of honor, are invited to attend the one-hour celebrations. Annie Fernandez, director of magic for TBPP, devises each month’s party theme: “Art Party,” “Mad Science” and “Olympics” have all made the lineup. This March, the theme is “Spring Fling”—think relay races incorporating gardening tools—while April brings “Superheroes,” giving kids the chance to create their own masks. Last December, 9-year-old Alicia celebrated her birthday at People Serving People in Minneapolis. A memorable moment? Teasing a staff member dressed as Frozen’s friendly snowman, Olaf, she said she was going to “eat his carrot nose with ranch.” The birthday parties can leave a lasting impression on the parents, too—just ask Lakechia Thompson, whose 3-year-old son, Kaden, celebrated his birthday at Detroit’s Coalition on Temporary Shelter. “The best part was the intent—to make the children feel important, regardless of their circumstances,” Lakechia says. Ready, Set, Grow To date, TBPP has celebrated about 3,400 birthdays, leading Paige to focus on the organization full time in 2014. This year, TBPP aims to increase its number of monthly parties from 31 to 45, helping spread joy to more of the country’s 2.5 million homeless children. Plenty of ways to get in on the magic await: Besides volunteering at a party, “sharing” your birthday is also an option. Instead of asking for presents on your birthday, collect gifts for TBPP, or set up a fundraising page on their website. “Every week, the children ask, ‘Is this the week of the birthday party?’” says Kathy Kidwell, director of community engagement at Family Gateway. “It’s life-changing changing for them—there’s nothing like it. It’s priceless.” Find out how you can get involved with The Birthday Party Project. Amanda Gleason writes regularly for Live Happy magazine. Check out her feature story "Make-a-Wish: Where Science and Hope Meet."

science

Is Longevity in the Cards for You?

We’ve long been told that we have to play the hand life dealt us—but what if you could improve that hand? According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, author of the Blue Zones series of books, you can, and he offers specific ways to stack the odds in our favor. “What’s new in the field of happiness is the ability to measure the facets that create it,” he says. “In my previous work with Blue Zones, studying some of the longest-living areas of the world, I’d say there is about an 80 percent overlap of characteristics of a place where people lived a long time and a place where people report the greatest levels of well-being.” Based on that research, Dan has found a few factors that make you happier—and help you live longer: Social interaction We are more likely to be happy if we get five to seven hours of meaningful social interaction a day. Meaningful work Doing something that you find rewarding, whether it’s at your job or through volunteering, is crucial. Green spaces Living near a park or in an area with trees has a direct link to increased happiness and greater longevity. Walking and biking options Being able to get around on foot or bicycle, rather than sitting in traffic, is better for your health and your mood. Quality food environment “Having access to healthy food and vegetables is shown to have a direct link to happiness and good health.” Neighborhood equality If you live in a neighborhood where all the homes are basically in the same price range, you’ll be happier than if you owned the least expensive house on the street (or the most expensive one). “The least expensive house reminds you of what you don’t have, and having the most expensive house puts more pressure on you.” Environment Finally, a significant factor in your happiness is location, location, location. “If you live near water, you are 10 percent more likely to be happy,” Dan says. “The same effect is seen with mountains.The overall thesis of changing your behavior is a waste of time; for both longevity and happiness, the most important thing you can do is change your environment.” How happy are you? Take our quiz to find out. Read more: Be Happy to Live Longer Read more: What DoTelomeres Tell Us? Paula Felpsis the Science Editor for Live Happy. Quiz by Plasticity Labs.

Well-Being

Make This Holiday Season Better Than Perfect

The most wonderful time of the year isn’t all that wonderful for many. Heightened stress, depression and anxiety can be as constant as the holiday songs belting out in stores. Why does sadness prevail for so many during the holidays? For about 10 million Americans, the cause is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of clinical depression that occurs in late fall/early winter and lasts through spring. For many more, however, the distress is subclinical, meaning it interferes with life but doesn’t prevent you from functioning. Kick the all-or-nothing mentality In my practice as a therapist (and, admittedly, in my own life), much holiday woe can be traced back to a common denominator: perfectionism. Perfectionism is not just having a tidy junk drawer. It is an all-or-nothing mentality. For a perfectionist, something is either perfect or a failure, as it should be or terrible, like everyone else or miserable. You may not think of yourself as a perfectionist, but it’s possible that perfectionism gets in the way of your holiday cheer. Pay attention to language. How often do you say (even internally) the word “should” when thinking about the holidays? For example, “I should buy everyone expensive gifts,” or “My family should offer to help out more.” The word “should” is a red flag that you are placing rigid expectations on yourself and others. This stringent, perfectionist thinking can cause a lot of distress when things don’t go as you think they “should.” Same stress, only stronger. While you may not get along that well with your family during the rest of the year, your negative exchanges during the holidays can cause the greatest disappointment. The same goes for loneliness. You might not typically go out much, but the lack of get-togethers during the holidays carries more of a sting. Or maybe your credit card debt is as big as Santa’s belly, but during the holidays you’re more upset because you can’t buy your loved ones everything they want. The holidays bring heightened—perhaps unrealistic—expectations of conviviality, and when those expectations aren’t met, our unhappiness is magnified. Sacrificing health When it comes to health and wellness, do you engage in all-or-nothing thinking, such as, “I had one cookie, so I might as well eat the rest of the plate” or “I have no time to go to the gym, so no exercise for me until January”? Another reason people tend to get the blues during the holidays has to do with health and lifestyle. ’Tis the season for late nights, libations and lots of sugary calories. Unfortunately, lack of sleep, alcohol and sugary processed foods are linked to depressed mood. Make it “Better Than Perfect” You put all your energy into making that one day amazing, spending hours planning, preparing and feeling excited. Then the day comes…and goes. A happiness hangover can take over when the event you anticipated for so long is now in the past. Again, an all-or-nothing mindset. So, what can you do to overcome this all-or-nothing approach? Be better than perfect. Better than perfect means dropping the rigid expectations and judgments. Instead, keep your attention on what is important to you. Here are four steps to do just that: 1) Focus on the positive While it may be easy to point out what is wrong (“Did cousin Krista really say that!?”), it can still make you feel lousy. Try turning it around by focusing on what you appreciate about people and experiences over the holidays. Yes, Krista really does forget to filter what she says, but she did bring her delicious fudge. Gratitude is a quick and easy way to boost your happiness. Read more: 8 Easy Practices to Enhance Gratitude 2) Create better than perfect health Get your sleep and take time to exercise and meditate. It doesn’t have to be perfect. If you can’t get to the gym for a workout, try doing 30 jumping jacks. Does the thought of sitting and meditating for 20 minutes seem impossible? Try taking five deep breaths. It is better than perfect. 3) Give meaningfully When it comes to giving gifts, there’s no need to spend a ton of money or obsess over the details. Consider something meaningful, such as making a photo album or personalized calendar rather than splurging on an expensive present. Read more: 17 Ways to Give Back According to Your Strengths 4) Out with the old and in with the new Just because you’ve always done something a certain way doesn’t mean you need to continue. Drop unwanted holiday burdens and start new traditions important to you. Maybe you’d like to start volunteering as a family. Perhaps you’ve decided to stop sending out holiday cards because they cause you too much stress. Maybe you’d like to institute a new tradition of hosting a potluck meal rather than doing it all yourself. Learn from the past: Make the changes necessary to create a truly happy holiday for you and your loved ones. Make it a better than perfect celebration. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love. She had made many TV and speaking appearances, and is a coach and sought-after consultant. How much does perfectionism interfere with your life? Find out at BetterThanPerfectQuiz.com.

Woman volunteering in a garden with a group of people.

Giving

17 Ways to Give Back According to Your Strengths

Use your gifts. You’ve probably heard this advice before. Identifying your unique skills, character traits and innate talents can help guide you to a career you love, where you get to use those strengths every day. Your strengths also can be guideposts for how to give back and make the world a better place. Using your strengths—those things you are good at and enjoy—gives you energy and boosts your sense of well-being. And you can get the same benefits from helping others. According to Harvard Health Publications, people who volunteer their time and talents feel more socially connected (which can ward off loneliness and depression) and may experience better physical health, including lower blood pressure and a longer lifespan. When you combine your skills with giving back, you’ve got a powerful combination to make a difference to the community at large. This year, on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, we celebrate "Giving Tuesday," a global movement and day that celebrates and encourages giving back. Unlike Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which emphasize material gifts or discount purchases, Giving Tuesday celebrates philanthropy and kicks off the charitable season. Giving Tuesday is a great reminder to write a check to your favorite nonprofit organization. But beyond money, when it comes to planning where and how you will spend your time and energy, let your strengths guide you to the most impactful ways you can help the people and community around you. And keep in mind that giving to a friend, neighbor or family member can be just as significant as giving to an organization; you are still making a difference in someone’s life. Discover your strengths The first step is to identify your strengths. “Don’t go looking for them,” says Michael Mantell, Ph.D., a transformational behavior coach. “Your strengths are within you, not to be looked for or searched for, rather, to be revealed.” If you aren’t clear on what those strengths are, tune in to the compliments people give you. “Sometimes, it’s someone else who sees something inside of us that reveals our strength,” Michael says. If you are still unsure, look for what you are doing when you don’t notice time passing. Or, pick up clues by remembering what you loved to do as a child. Or you can take VIA’s free 10-minute survey to reveal your character strengths. Writing a check or volunteering your time with your favorite nonprofit organization is always a great idea. But we’ve pulled together a list of 18 creative ways for you to put your strengths to work when giving back this year. Ways to give back Are you a savvy businessperson or entrepreneur? Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, came up with a twist on tithing: Instead of giving away 10 percent of your money, he suggests giving 10 percent of your fantastic business ideas to nonprofits. Are you an animal whisperer? Consider fostering some furry friends from your local animal shelter. Expert swimmer? Volunteer to teach children how to swim at your local gym or YMCA. If you are an Eagle Scout, volunteer to work with Boy Scouts or a similar organization. You can work with kids or help the organization with its fundraising efforts. If you’re an avid reader, pass on a bookthat could change someone’s life. The right book could help someone start a business, improve a relationship or provide a confidence boost. Love fitness? Sign up for a charitable walk or run and give to a cause you care about. Or, ask someone to work out with you and be a fitness mentor. Is your thumb green? Lead a community garden project or teach kids how to care for flowers and plants. Are you a talented teacher or an expert in a specific subject such as writing or math? Talk to a local school about volunteering to be a tutor. If you have skills as an event planner, you can donate your time and talents to a fundraising event for a worthy organization. Well connected? How could you use your network to help someone else? The right introduction could lead to a job prospect, an increase in revenue or a new friendship. Are you great with children? Volunteer to watch your friend’s kids for an evening or host a slumber party for your kids and their friends. If you are highly empathetic? Use this powerful emotional tool to lend an ear to someone in need. Look into organizations that work with at-risk youth or with teens who have gone through the juvenile detention system. Have a little extra cash in your wallet? Think about buying something for a stranger. Pick up the tab for the person behind you at the coffee shop or at the tollbooth on the bridge. Do you have a knack for photography? Offer to photograph a friend’s wedding, a home someone is putting up for sale or the birthday party of one of your friend’s kids. Are you a good mentor? If you’re in the position to do so, hire an intern who is interested in doing what you do and show him or her the ropes. Do you have the eagle eye of a copy editor? Volunteer to review and polish a resume for someone in need—or better yet, volunteer your services to a deserving nonprofit. Love to cook or bake? Volunteer your talents at a local soup kitchen. Stay true to yourself by giving in the realms that make you the happiest. When you give back with your own talents, it doesn’t feel like work—it feels like an expression of who you are.

Illustration of woman writing in gratitude journal.

Mindset

4 Gratitude Rituals to Increase Kindness and Joy

The holidays are a reminder to take inventory of all the blessings we have in our lives. Making gratitude a habit can have positive benefits to your own happiness as well as those around you by creating stronger bonds in your relationships, finding kindness in others and carving new “good mood” grooves into your brain. What’s more, these gratitude rituals are relatively simple to do and can be performed anywhere at any time. Here are a few tips for you to practice on your own or as a family. Ritual 1: Amazing Grace The dinner table is a great place to reflect and reinforce our feelings of gratitude. Before you break bread, start at one end of the table and encourage every person to share something they are thankful for in their lives. In Anne K. Fishel’s book Home for Dinner, she writes, “Rituals help create a shared family identity and sense of belonging.” By creating this time together, Anne says you can add meaning and stability to the family unit and set a positive tone for the rest of the meal. Ritual 2: Focus on the Haves Write down three positive things you are grateful for every night before you go to bed. Keeping a journal and a pen on the nightstand will serve as a reminder and help you establish this ritual. For the tech savvy, gratitude apps on your phone, such as Feed Your Happy and Gratitude Journal, are also a practical way to practice. Research shows that gratitude journaling can put you in a dramatically better mood and even prolong that feeling for weeks and months the more you practice. To beat the negativity bias, gratitude opens up your brain to attract positivity like bees to honey. Read more: Start a Journal, Change Your Life Ritual 3: The Write Stuff Think of someone in your life who has made a significant positive impact and write a letter expressing how much that person means to you. If possible, meet this person face-to-face and read the letter aloud. Notice the person’s reaction and savor those moments to recall in the future. Martin Seligman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and founding member of positive psychology, introduced this gratitude exercise to his students. The assignment has proven to be a powerful display of humanity and is now the most popular portion of his positive psychology course. Ritual 4: Thankful Awareness Try a new experience with the family and look for teachable moments, such as volunteering at a food bank or handing out gifts at a children’s hospital. Sometimes, the best way to appreciate all of the good in our own world is to take a moment to bear witness to the situations of those who are suffering. Gratitude in the face of adversity can help us weather the storms, provide a greater perspective to the plight of others and strengthen social bonds. Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Buddha’s Brain, says “sustained present moment awareness” can open our eyes to a world outside of our brains and help us “rest attention on the beneficial experiences of everyday life which are the building blocks of the inner strengths that we all want, like resilience, gratitude and love.” Read more: 8 Easy Practices to Enhance Gratitude Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Happy on Paper?

In my practice as a therapist, I talk with dozens of people every week, and over time I have noticed a common theme: Everyone wants to be happy. Yet, many of us fail to achieve this goal, despite our best efforts. I call this the happiness crisis. You are ticking all the boxes necessary to be happy, and yet you remain dissatisfied: The dream job you worked so hard to get has a downside; you lost 20 pounds but you still have low self-esteem; your partner may not be such a good match after all. Where is that pot of happiness gold we were promised? Everything looks good from the outside A post on the Humans of New York Facebook page tells the story of a couple who landed in one of these happiness crises: “We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. We’d complete each other’s sentences. We got married two weeks after she graduated from UCLA, and we never stopped moving after that. We had our first child while we were in law school. Then we both had to pass the bar. After that we had to find jobs, and we had a second kid. At some point we just got into survival mode. It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made. We kept telling ourselves that things would get better once life settled down. We’d say, ‘Let’s just get through law school.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through finals.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through this move.’ We never communicated things that were bothering us. After 13 years, we finally decided that the time was now. Counseling was hard. But we’re so glad we went because things are better now. And we feel like we’re growing again.” Cognitive dissonance Sometimes a happiness crisis arises when things are “good on paper.” You have the mate, the kids, the car, the house, the job, your health—and you’re still not happy. Subsequently, feelings of sadness, guilt or frustration can set in. Psychologist Leon Festinger identifed that people have a need for internal consistency. We want our experiences to match up with our feelings, and we want our thoughts and beliefs to be consistent. When they are not, and instead we are twisted up in a confusing internal conflict, the field of psychology calls this cognitive dissonance. This is perhaps why the happiness crisis can be so confounding: Everything may look fine on the outside, but inside we are suffering. If you are experiencing a happiness crisis, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Have you looked at the big picture? Make a checklist of all of the things that you believe will make you happy in life. Pivot and make sure they all ring true, and be sure to acknowledge and be grateful for those big-list items you have already achieved. Then create a strategy for how you will focus on getting/creating the missing pieces. 2. Are you guilty of making comparisons? Are you dissatisfied with your partner only because your friend’s partner seems more doting? Do you feel disappointed in your job only because your sister loves hers more? If your lack of happiness is based on envy, it’s time to adjust your mindset. Research shows that social comparison will only make you more depressed. We all have good and bad things in our lives. Concentrate on Question No.1: Be grateful for what you have and then work toward getting more of what you want. 3. Have you been brushing issues under the rug while building success and happiness in other areas? The Facebook couple is guilty of doing some of this. They were busy climbing professional ladders and raising a family, and in the process they stopped nurturing their relationship, and their communication came to a halt. Once they identified the problem areas in their marriage, they were able to reconnect and came out of their happiness crisis. 4. Are you bored? Sometimes feelings of isolation or a lack of things to do can make us overanalyze and critique parts of our lives. Take up a new hobby, plan more date nights with your mate. If you have free time, reach out to friends and people in your community to see what opportunities exist for volunteering and giving back. 5. Have you changed? As we grow older, our values and ideals evolve, and we often forget to examine and readjust our goals. A friend of mine used to be “a shopper”—every time she had extra money she spent it at the mall. She realized that it had become a habit; she had a closet full of things that she didn’t wear. She had grown “numb to shopping,” and that made her unhappy. After reflection, she discovered a desire to travel and now spends her former mall time planning fun and stimulating adventures. Take stock of all of the positive things in your life and focus on the feelings they evoke. Sometimes just increasing our awareness and gratitude for what we already have can provide a new perspective that increases our happiness. Listen to our podcast with Stacy Kaiser on The Perfect Parent. STACY KAISER, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, media personality and Live Happy editor at large.

Self-Care

How to Cope With Bad News Overload

If you’ve begun to feel that turning on the nightly news is an exercise in personal fortitude, you’re not alone. Recent weeks have seen the headlines dominated by both man-made and natural tragedies, from terrorist attacks to twisters to escalating racial unrest. And let’s not even get started on politics. Jump online to escape with a couple of mindless videos, and you’ll soon find yourself wading through even more bad news. Friends and family use social media to weigh in on the day’s events and you quickly learn just how different their opinions can be—and how cutting the arguments become. Frankly, it makes it hard to find your happy place. Naturally negative Our innate negativity bias doesn’t help, either. While we are naturally drawn to events that are more dangerous or tragic, we also pay an emotional toll for that attraction to darkness. Studies have shown that continued exposure to negative news can lead to anxiety, depression and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Neurologically, when we’re exposed to negative programming for a prolonged period, we begin to interpret the world as less safe. We become more aware of negative events, which then creates a vicious downward spiral for our brains. Now for the good news: While you can’t change the headlines, you can change how they affect you. “A lot of it depends on how we listen to the news and how we balance it out,” says Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energy for Your Best Life. Joseph says it begins with listening with compassion, which requires us to let go of our preconceived notions and judgments. This takes practice, he admits, but it is key to developing an understanding of why things are happening to individuals and to entire populations. Use empathy, practice kindness “Once we better understand why bad things are happening, we can mindfully turn our attention toward little things we can do to reverse negative things,” he says. That might mean offering a smile or hug to someone who is upset or feeling down. It could be doing something nice for a co-worker. Send a thank-you note to a police officer you’ve never met; buy coffee for a stranger. You won’t just make them feel better, you’ll feel better, too. “When we do things like this, we balance the interplay between feel-good hormones in our bloodstream, like serotonin and dopamine, so you feel good, virtuous, rewarded and happy,” Joseph explains. “Those changes in blood chemistry and mindset facilitate a preference for continued higher-level thinking and problem-solving. This is a win-win situation, because we are simultaneously making ourselves feel happy, but contributing to the greater good by creating a loop of energy that is humane, healing and sparkling.” In other words, what goes around really does come around. And practicing positive or compassionate acts, even in the midst of trying times, will have a genuine impact on your physical and emotional well-being. “In philosophy, this is the power of the human spirit,” he explains. “It is powerful enough to establish pathways for new procedures in the brain and, hence, new circuits in your brain to help flow into states of happiness and health.” Easier said than done? If the solution sounds too simple, try putting it into daily practice and you may be surprised how much work it takes. Again, that built-in negativity bias will try redirecting our attention, but Joseph suggests the following techniques for cultivating some feel-good energy. Start and end your day with mindful physical exercise. Jogging or a morning walk while paying attention to the beauty of nature around you is a healthy way to wake up and can put you in the right frame of mind. Likewise, gentle mindful stretching or yoga is a good way to shake off the news of the day. Take a break from negativity—and know when you’ll allow yourself to be exposed to it. Sure, you want to stay informed, but taking in negative news before you have to do something important, like going to a meeting or greeting a loved one, can alter the energy of that event. Choose your timing carefully. Know what lifts your spirit. We all have certain colors, scents and songs that we respond favorably to; create your own positivity first-aid kit and use it when you start feeling drained or sad. Of course, we all strive to maintain that balance between staying informed and becoming overwhelmed. If you feel powerless, try taking action where you can—such as giving blood or volunteering with a cause you believe in. Doing so will give you a positive sense of engagement in the face of all that negativity. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

relationships

8 Tips to Find Your Own Tribe

When you spend time with people who enjoy doing the same things you do—like playing music or dancing—the benefits to your body and mind just keep on coming. Connection leads to greater happiness. A sense of belonging boosts your immune system. And you can even reach a state of heightened consciousness called flow. Many positive psychologists have identified relationships with others as the most important feature of a long and happy life. Dan Buettner, founder of the Blue Zones movement, believes loneliness is the greatest public threat to health in the United States. People who feel they are an integral part of a tight-knit group, on the other hand, seem to thrive. So if you think you could use a little more connection and cohesion with other people, how do you get started? Here are a few ideas. 1. Follow your passions Do you excel at chess? Love to run? Never miss an opportunity to watch classic films? Sometimes as we get older, we let go of interests outside of work and family. You may need to think back to childhood or adolescence to realize what your talent or passion is. Once you find that, let it direct you to a community of like-minded people or organizations that specialize in what you love to do. 2. Go with a friend Do you have a friend who posts ecstatic photos on Facebook of her rock-climbing club? Are you intrigued by your neighbor’s involvement with the local community theater? Ask if you can come along to explore or look behind the scenes. Or investigate a new activity or group with like-minded friends; it will make it even more fun. 3. Venture outside your comfort zone A great way to meet people is to stretch yourself by charting new territory, perhaps by trying something you’ve been intrigued by but afraid to attempt until now. You may end up discovering a whole new talent or side of yourself. When you show courage and grit, you are even more likely to bond with the people surrounding you. You’ll never find out if it’s for you unless you take the risk. 4. Start online, but take it to the real world The web has made everything easier, including meeting like-minded people. You can find special interest groups and fan board for everything from Star Wars fanatics to knitting mavens. And Google is your best friend when it comes to finding any kind of activity in your area. But online groups can remain virtual and anonymous, and if you never make it out of your living room, you won't reap most of the benefits of belonging and connection that positive psychologists are so excited about. Meetup.com is a great place to start in terms of joining an actual community. Hashmeet is a new app that easily lets you start a new group in your area. 5. Join the congregation If you haven’t been to your church, mosque or synagogue for a while, it could be time to give it another look. These traditional communities offer a number of group activities, from scripture study to community volunteering to movie nights or weekly potluck dinners. 6. Get physical Doing a fun physical activity with other folks is a fantastic way to form social bonds. But the gym can be a pretty cold and anonymous place. Fitness programs like Camp Gladiator, SoulCycle, and CrossFit are a little intimidating, but they do break out of the typical gym atmosphere and inspire a kind of cult-like attachment in their members. If you find a yoga or Zumba class that you love, be consistent—go week after week—and you will start seeing the same people again and again. The more you get together (and sweat together), the greater chance you’ll start to get to know each other. Read more: More Fun, More Fitness 7. Volunteer Volunteering in a group is a bonding experience that can change your life, as well as the lives of those you help. In addition to congregations, above, and local schools, we've put together this very incomplete list of national organizations that offer group volunteer opportunities: Habitat for Humanity Volunteer Match Jewish Family Services Catholic Charities ASPCA Meals on Wheels, USA 8. Take the initiative Don’t wait for someone to invite you to join their cooking club or poker night—take the initiative and start one yourself! Call a few friends, put out a notice on Facebook and find out who might want to join in. Just because you started it doesn’t mean you are responsible for hosting every time. You are just kicking things off. Read more: Meet three people who found their tribe and thrived! Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy.

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