You searched for self | Page 88 of 130

Sweet Dreams Return!

As we continue with Live Happy’s special series 90 Days to a Happier You, join editor at large Shelley Levitt for part two of her blog series in which she triumphantly gets some sleep. A few weeks ago I was so exhausted from being restricted to a mere five hours of sleep a night that when I went to a 9 p.m. showing of The Martian I told my date to nudge me if I started nodding off. He did, and more than once. I’m pretty sure Matt Damon didn’t end up perishing on Mars, but I couldn’t say for sure. Now, a month later, I can report that the torturous “sleep prescription” my sleep coach Michael Breus had me follow—I couldn’t climb into bed before 1 a.m. and I had to get out by 5:30 or 6 a.m.—has proved remarkably curative. After years of chronic insomnia, I’m consistently enjoying a good night’s sleep. The path to good sleep is paved with interventions Under Michael’s coaching, I’ve changed a lot of behaviors beyond my sleep schedule. I no longer take naps. I don’t have caffeinated drinks after 2 p.m. While I’m still waking up a couple of times during the night, I’m not checking the time on my phone. And, in what I think has made a huge difference, I don’t pick up a book or start watching TV on my iPad—not even when I wake up feeling so fully alert and anxious that I won’t be able to fall back asleep. I’ve been shocked, and happily so, to discover that I actually will drift into the Land of Nod, as long as I keep the room dark. Questioning my beliefs Pretty much everything I thought I knew about my capacity for sleep has been turned upside down. Before we started the intervention Michael asked me to fill out a questionnaire that examined my beliefs about sleep. I had “strongly agreed” with statements like: “I need 8 hours of sleep to feel refreshed and function well during the day.” “I am concerned that chronic insomnia may have serious consequences for my physical health.” “I can’t ever predict whether I’ll have a good or poor night’s sleep.” “I feel insomnia is ruining my ability to enjoy life and prevents me from doing what I want.” A couple of days ago I filled out the questionnaire again and this time I checked off “strongly disagree” with each of these questions. Sleep restriction: painful but effective The evolution took place over weeks, with Michael gradually moving my bedtime back. Now, I’m on a midnight-to-6 a.m. schedule. It doesn’t feel like quite enough sleep; I think my sweet spot for slumber will turn out to be around seven hours. I’m no longer hitting a wall in the late afternoon, but I do find my energy sputtering at about 9 p.m., and it’s still an effort to stay awake until my prescribed bedtime. (Sometimes I don’t make it and I fall asleep on the couch, Kindle in hand.) I’ve asked (OK, begged) to get an extra half hour of sleep in the morning, but for now Michael isn’t budging. “The wake-up time is the anchor for the program,” he says. “You can vary your bedtime with social commitments, but if you start changing the time you get out of bed you’ll undo all my hard work…and yours!” And he showed no mercy when I told him how much I missed reading in bed. “I would prefer you NOT read in bed,” he responded when I emailed for a reprieve on the books-in-bed ban. “When you are lying down your heart rate and blood pressure will lower merely by your position and I like using that to help you fall asleep. If your brain gets used to that position while you are remaining alert to read, it will not be helpful. I suggest you find a favorite reading spot in your home.” Welcome, sweet dreams While I look forward to moving toward an 11:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. schedule, I agree with Michael’s assessment of my progress. “The number of awakenings and the length of awakenings are reducing,” he wrote. “You should realize that you are actually getting more sleep now. This is exactly on cue with what I was hoping would happen for you.” What’s more, I’m dreaming again, something I haven’t done in a long time, and that’s a good indication that I’m sinking into the deeper, more restorative stages of sleep. Read Michael Breus, Ph.D.'s blog in which he troubleshoots the most common issues that come up for people undergoing a sleep treatment. Read Shelley's first blog on her sleep program here. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy.

It’s Not Easy Being Teen (or the Mom of One)

As we continue with Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, join contributing editor Susan Kane for part two of her blog series as she works to improve communication with her teenage daughter Coco. Whenever my daughter Coco and I get into a fight—when I feel the tears hot behind my eyes and see no way to restore our relationship back to a fun, loving one—I reach for the notes from my sessions with Michele Gravelle, my 90-Day challenge coach. Usually, I find some nugget of wisdom that allows me to go back to Coco and make things OK again, or at least better than they were. The most surprising, upsetting and possibly most effective suggestion was for me to keep a journal and jot down whatever is going through my mind right after an interaction with Coco. Looking at my emotions I didn’t think I was capable of having a less-than-loving thought about her. Was I feeling little peeved? Sure. But having to record my thoughts in the heat of the moment forced me to face just how angry I really felt. I wasn’t just angry….I was ANGRY. “It’s not always the words you say,” Michele told me, “but it’s your tone, your posture, what she sees in your face.” When I realized that Coco was seeing that rage directed at her, I sobbed. Since then, I have been able to stop myself before getting so mad. I remind myself first of how much I love her, and also that she is the kid in the relationship and I’m supposed to be the grownup! Self-compassion and self-forgiveness I was hard on myself when I read my journal, but Michele helped so much by reminding me to be more self-forgiving. She also asked me to examine my expectations around how Coco “should” behave and what our relationship “should” be like. When I catch myself getting too hard on myself, Michele says, think about statements like the following: “I forgive myself for judging Coco as belligerent. I forgive myself for wanting something different from her.” It sounds kind of corny, but it has made me feel better. Don't get “hooked” Michelle urges me to notice where I get “hooked”—in other words, when my buttons get pushed—and try to “rewrite the script.” The other day, Coco said something to me along the lines of, “Your outfit is ugly!” My feelings were hurt and I asked for an apology. When she then said “Sooorry” in that totally unsorry teenage way, I heard myself utter that typical-mommy phrase: “Say you’re sorry like you mean it!” Michele suggested that next time, instead of falling into a trap like that exchange, I try to get curious and turn things around by asking Coco a question, like what kind of fashion advice she would give me. (After giving birth to two kids, this body would not be well served in a crop top and skinny jeans, but I think just asking Coco for her advice, even if I don't take it, would probably have made things better.) The hardest years Despite Michele’s excellent tips, Coco and I continue to struggle sometimes when we communicate. She wants me near her and yet she pushes me away, at times leaving me feeling rejected and confused. But I have to remind myself that I’m the lucky one here. I’m a happily married grownup with a job I love. Coco is 13, and doesn’t that say it all? Being 13 stinks! My next coaching session is only five days away, and until then, I’m going to do my best to make life easier for the teenager in my life, whom I love with all my heart. Read Susan's coach Michele Gravelle's blog about maintaining healthy communication, here. Catch up by reading Susan's original blog here, if you haven't already. Susan Kane is a contributing editor at Live Happy.

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

As part of Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, join art director Kim Baker for part two of her blog series as she attempts to worry less and let go of perfectionism. What’s the use in worrying? What’s the use in hurrying? Turn turn, we almost become dizzy.”—“Dancing Nancies,” by Dave Matthews Band This song lyric resonates with me and serves as a reminder that I don’t want worry to take over my life. When I let negative thoughts and worries consume me, I begin to feel dizzy sometimes—my mind races and I don’t think clearly. I can become irritable and I don’t enjoy the moment. I am already jumping ahead to what needs to be done next and wondering whether I’m doing it well enough. Exposing myself to mistakes This is where my coach Dr. Karen Cassiday’s advice for me has been so helpful. Along with exposing myself to things that worry me and tracking my anxiety, she also asked me to work on mistake or flexibility exposure, which is a way for me to practice not over-preparing for the future and not trying to do everything perfectly. In anticipation of an event, I often get worked up over every little detail. So when I have a lot of things on my to-do list, that pesky anxiety has a tendency to show up because I am putting too much pressure on myself to do too much and do it all “the right way”—whatever the right way is, exactly. Happy times? The opportunity to work on keeping worry at bay and to expose myself to mistakes could not have come at a better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) time. For the past few months, I was swamped with design work for Live Happy magazine. I was also doing some work on my house, and some close family came to visit for two weeks. And yet I had taken on this, um, wonderful extra assignment for the 90-Day challenge at work. I guess you could say I was worried about my worry. What a great time to put these tools to use! Although I was pretty stressed and overwhelmed at times, I noticed that just being aware of the anxiety and thinking that I wasn’t going to sweat every little thing also helped a lot. I overindulged a little and didn’t exercise enough while my family was visiting, but I let myself off the hook a little and I tried to take “me” time in between the hustle and bustle. I got more sleep and enjoyed some days off, as well. Rethinking perfectionism Of course life is not going to be without to-do lists, plans and obligations. But I realized that I can choose to get worked up over every detail or I can take a deep breath and do the best I can. I can double-check my list instead of triple-checking and not over-think a present I bought or party I’m throwing. I can bring store-bought cookies to a birthday party instead of baking all day. At the end of the day, we are all human, we all make mistakes and if we are trying too hard all of the time to avoid those mistakes, we cause ourselves much unnecessary stress. We can be good enough without being perfect. At least, that is my takeaway. It certainly feels better for me. Read Kim's first blog here. Kim Baker is an art director at Live Happy.

Do the Anxiety Detox

As we continue with 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, anxiety expert Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., addresses the most common issues that come up in the middle of a worry detox. It is easy to start a journey and easy to finish once you are close to the end. The difficult part is what happens in the middle when you’ve lost your initial enthusiasm but are not in sight of your final goal. The pitfall of overconfidence This middle zone is challenging for several reasons: If you experienced some initial success, you might have gotten overconfident and stopped doing the very behaviors that led to that success. For example, if you were following my six steps for overcoming worry, you probably started feeling better. Then you may have decided that you no longer needed to keep track of your thoughts, avoid reassurance-seeking or attempt worry exposure. Big mistake! Remind yourself that the best way to keep worry in check is to turn the skills you’ve learned so far into part of your daily mental hygiene. Too busy to stop worrying I have really enjoyed working with Live Happy art director Kim Baker. Kim explained how her hectic life has occasionally kept her from strictly adhering to the worry detox. This offers a great illustration of something else that gets in the way of worry management skills when we are in the middle zone: Kim has gotten caught up in the tyranny of the urgent—when work deadlines, family matters and other immediate needs take precedence over what might, in the long run, be most important, learning to conquer anxiety. Kim has great intentions to overcome her anxieties, but sometimes convinces herself in a busy moment that it is better to manage the little details and to spend her energy trying to get everything done in an ideal way than to slow down and identify what real problems need to be solved. Double the worry, double the stress When you worry you inevitably end up doing two things at once: the task you intended to do and the task of thinking about all the things that could go wrong. You double the effort it takes to live each moment while guaranteeing an unnecessary focus upon disaster. Worry and reassurance-seeking make you feel as though you are avoiding potential disaster when in fact you are being taken away from fully living in the present and fully meeting the demands of the present, regardless of whether it is a pleasurable moment or a tragic moment. Lastly, science shows us that it takes one to two years to change a habit into an automatic behavior. Be prepared for recovery to take time, to involve some slips and ultimately to be well worth the effort. To see Karen's recommendations in action, read coaching subject Kim Baker's blog here. Listen to Karen discuss How to Manage Negative Thinking on our podcast, Live Happy Now. Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., is president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and a leading expert on the treatment of anxiety.

How to Get to Sleep and Stay Asleep

Dr. Michael Breus, Ph.D., troubleshoots your sleep treatment. We are halfway through the 90 Days to a Happier You challenge to change our habits and live better in 2016. Perhaps you've been following the advice from sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus's previous post, 6 Steps to Better Sleep. Here he addresses the most common issues that come up for patients going through his sleep treatment. Q: How do I know this treatment will work? A: These suggestions have been developed by clinical psychologists and tested in sleep clinics throughout the world. About 75 percent of chronic insomniacs have been shown to benefit from these procedures, with a 50 to 60 percent improvement in the time it takes someone to fall asleep and helping people stay asleep. This is not a magic cure, but it will help you take control of your sleep and deal with future sleep problems you encounter. However, you must follow the suggestions consistently, every night, in order for them to be effective. In many studies, when patients followed the treatment only “selectively,” their sleep remained poor. Q: Regarding the sleep deprivation part of the program, I’m reluctant to postpone my bedtime until I’m tired because I don’t want to miss the most refreshing portion of a night’s sleep. How can I avoid that? A: Although deep sleep (the most nourishing sleep) usually occurs during the first part of the evening, it will always occur first, no matter what time you go to bed. What you miss is usually REM sleep, which is not as crucial. Q: I can’t stay awake until my prescribed bedtime. What should I do? A: Start by making a list of activities that will keep you engaged until the right bedtime and then refer to the list when you are feeling sleepy. For example, you can do something physical like exercise, cleaning or walking the dog. You can catch up on emails or balance the checkbook. Do not, however, do something passive such as read or watch a movie, as this will only put you to sleep. Q. What should I do if I can’t fall asleep once I’m finally in bed or I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep? A: If you’re unable to fall asleep within 20 to 30 minutes, get out of bed. This isn’t a punishment because you can’t sleep, it is a way to re-establish the association of sleep with the bedroom. Lying in bed trying to sleep only increases anxiety and frustration, which makes it harder to sleep. If it is too cold, have a robe sitting on the foot of the bed or an extra blanket. If you do not know what to do when you get up, make a list of possible non-stimulating activities to do during the night (for example, reading, prayer, letter writing, watching a pre-taped relaxing movie, listening to soft music, meditating, etc.) Do not try to schedule your day, do anything physical or get on the computer—these are too stimulating. Q. But what if, as soon as I do get out of bed, I think I’m going to fall back asleep any minute? A: To avoid more restlessness and frustration in bed, you want to be sure your sleep drive is, in fact, strong enough to allow you to fall back asleep within a few minutes. A good rule of thumb, the amount of time you’re awake before you get out of bed is the time you must stay out of bed. For example, if it takes you 25 minutes to get up and out of the bed, then you shouldn’t go back to sleep for 25 or so minutes—or until your body clearly tells you that you are very sleepy (see below). Q. Once I get out of bed, I’m afraid I’ll stay up all night and never get back to sleep. What should I do? A: The longer you stay up the quicker you will fall asleep when you return to bed, providing that you stop worrying about your sleep. It’s important to be able to recognize when you are getting sleepy. For example, are your eyelids heavy? Your limbs heavy? Are you beginning to yawn a lot? If so then it’s time to return to bed. Q. Can I sleep in on weekends? A: It is incredibly important that you wake up at your prescribed time consistently. Insomniacs are notorious for messing up their biological clocks. This is how you can fix it. First of all get an alarm clock if you don’t have one. Get a few and place them around the room. Have your partner wake you. Exercise with someone in the morning, lift the shades and get some light. Schedule activities that will make you get out of bed. Whatever works for you, but you must wake up at the prescribed time every day. Q: What if I fall asleep in other places besides the bedroom? A: This is common for insomniacs. As much as you can, try to get back to the bed to sleep; remember we are trying to associate the bed with sleeping. Q: I like to read or watch TV before bed. Why should I stop? A: For some people, reading or watching TV is sleep-inducing. Try this test: When you read or watch TV, how long does it take you to fall asleep? If it is more than 30 minutes, it is highly unlikely that this activity is helping you sleep. Is it your partner or you who likes this ritual? If it’s your partner, try to get him or her to let you take the TV out of the bedroom, at least until you can get your sleep back under some control. Is the bedroom the only place you or your partner can do these things? Try to identify other places where the two of you can read together or watch TV. The bedroom should be reserved for sleep. Dr. Michael Breus, Ph.D., DABSM The Sleep Doctor ™ thesleepdoctor.com To see Michael's recommendations in action, read sleep intervention "subject" Shelley Levitt's blog here. Listen to Michael himself explain how to overcome chronic insomnia on our podcast! Michael Breus, Ph.D., is a diplomate of the American Boardof Sleep Medicine and a fellow of the American Academyof Sleep Medicine. His books include Good Night: The Sleep Doctor's 4-week Program to Better Sleep and Better Health and The Sleep Doctor’s Diet Plan: Lose Weight Through Better Sleep.

Stop the Blame Game

As part of Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, we’ve gathered experts from around the country to help us—and you!—change habits and live better in 2016. In the second part of her blog series, communication expert Michele Gravelle explains how to prevent blame from mucking up difficult conversations. If you’ve been following along with Live Happy contributing editor Susan Kane and me on the 90 Days challenge, perhaps you’ve set your own goal for better communication. You’ve started journaling and paying attention to what you are thinking, feeling and not saying in your conversations. You are inquiring and empathizing—and yet you find yourself still getting triggered or inadvertently triggering the other person. Now I want to talk about what you can do to get back on track and navigate through the tough spots. A common challenge One of the most common pitfalls that keeps us stuck in our old behaviors is blame. In almost all difficult conversations, there is an undercurrent of, “I’m right, you’re wrong—and if you would just stop doing what you’re doing, then I would stop being upset with you and we wouldn’t be having this hard time.” In essence, we are saying that the current challenge is the other person’s fault. We need to take a very honest look at our thoughts and behaviors to uncover our not-so-hidden message of blame, because even though we may believe we aren’t openly blaming the other person, if we are thinking it or feeling it, then I guarantee that message is leaking into the conversation, and that’s what the other person is reacting to. As an example, let’s look at Susan’s situation with her daughter Coco. Susan sometimes feels that her daughter speaks to her disrespectfully, and this has been an ongoing challenge. I think all of us who have lived through those teenage years with our kids can relate. It’s easy to think, “I’m the parent, they are the child, they need to treat and talk to me with respect. If they would stop being so disrespectful, then I would stop being so angry with them.” In theory, that makes sense. However, the underlying message that the teenager hears is, “This is your fault,” which, of course, acts as a trigger and causes the child to be even more volatile and defensive. How to turn it around When we make our kids (or anyone else) responsible for our feelings, we are then forever waiting for them to change in order for us to experience peace of mind or happiness. A better approach is to take responsibility for your own state of mind and feelings. Not only will this allow you to feel better, it also takes the blame out of your message to your child and allows you to model the exact behavior you would like them to adopt. Here’s a sample of what a non-blaming conversation might sound like: Child speaking to parent: “I hate you! Why do you always stick your nose in everything I do? Just leave me alone.” Parent: (Instead of saying “Don’t talk to me that way”) “Sounds like you have something on your mind?” Child: “No, I just want you to let me have my own space.” Parent: “What is it I’m saying or doing that is most frustrating for you?” Child: “Everything!” Parent: “Ok, if you were going to coach me to be a better parent, what is one thing that you would like me to do differently in the future when I’m curious about how your day was?” Child: “Let me decide when and what to tell you, instead of bombarding me with questions the minute I come home from school.” Parent: “I’ll work on that and if I forget and start asking you too many questions, I would like you to say, ‘Mom, remember, we agreed that you wouldn’t ask so many questions.’” Takeaways This conversation may seem a little unrealistic for those of you who are in the middle of raising teenagers. Your inner voice may be saying “Yeah, right, my son/daughter would never talk like that.” However far-out it might sound, there are some key lessons to learn here: Notice that in each turn of the conversation, the parent responded to the child with inquiry, not blame. The parent asked for specific coaching. Your kids have all kinds of useful advice to give you. When you ask for their input, it raises their self-esteem and demonstrates that you value and respect their ideas. The parent is modeling that they want to learn and in the process they are offering their child choices in the conversation. These conversational moves work with everyone—not just between parents and kids. Next time you find yourself stuck in a conversation and feel that you’ve gotten off track, stop and ask yourself how you might covertly be blaming the other person. Or, simply ask the other person, “What do you see me doing in this conversation that’s not helpful?” Asking your conversation partner to give you feedback in the moment is a powerful move to make and if done sincerely can yield valuable information and rebuild trust. Want to hear more about communicating with loved ones from Michele? Listen to her discussing positive communication on our podcast here. To see Michele's recommendations in action, read communication coaching "subject" Susan Kane's 2nd blog here. Michele Gravelle is an experienced executive coach, communications expert and consultant with The Triad Consulting Group. She also facilitates executive education programs at the Harvard Negotiation Institute and Duke Corporate Education, and is a contributing author to the book Enlightened Power: How Women Are Transforming the Path to Leadership.

Self-Care

8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise

Even if you’ve never experienced the elusive runner’s high, you probably know exercise can make you happier. Scientific research has shown there are countless connections between mind and body; to simplify a complicated process: exercise boosts dopamine and other chemicals in the brain that make us feel happier. What’s more, many kinds of exercise can put us in a wonderful “flow” state, which is one of the hallmarks of well-being, according to positive psychology. Beyond happy chemicals, though, here are eight more surprising ways exercise makes us happier. 1. Leads to achievements When we have a goal, we become more engaged with life and excited about the future. Whether it’s jogging your first mile without stopping or exercising three times a week, having a goal initially sparks enthusiasm, and then making progress toward that goal really fuels our commitment and makes us feel good. It may even motivate us to plan and accomplish other goals! 2. Creates “me” time Picture your exercise time as a mini-retreat for some healthy “me” time. We often think of “me” time as sitting by a fire with a cup of tea or reading a book, but a good sweat session can help you let go of stress, increase your energy and think with clarity. Even on those days when you aren’t in the mood to move, you will always feel better after you exercise, because when you feel fully charged, it’s much easier to be happy. 3. Retains your quality of life as you age Staying in good cardiovascular shape and using your muscles can help prevent injuries and illness as you age. It also can help you with everyday movements (functional fitness) that involve lifting, carrying, bending and stretching as you get older. Retaining your quality of life is an essential ingredient to your future happiness. 4. Pushes you beyond your normal limits Whether it’s going to a spin class, signing up for your first 5K or doing yoga for the first time, exercise is an opportunity to challenges yourself—to do something that scares you simply for the sense of exhilaration you’ll feel. When you do something outside your comfort zone, you may just surprise yourself with your abilities and gain an incredible sense of satisfaction and pride. 5. Leads to social connections Gym memberships, group fitness classes, charitable walks and running groups are all opportunities to connect with others, which is big when it comes to happiness. Be a part of a healthy group of friends and watch your mood soar. 6. Inspires those around you Let your actions speak for you. Lace up your sneakers, trot off to the gym or take a long bike ride. Your children will notice. Show your kids that physical activity is something you value and they will value it as well. Plus, you never know who else you might be inspiring, such as a parent or coworker. 7. Builds up your self-confidence Doing what you set out to do and sticking with it is the fastest way to invest in your self-confidence. Savor the amazing feeling of making exercise a habit, getting stronger or enjoying clothes again. As your muscles grow stronger, so will your self-esteem. 8. Brings out the kid in you Remember the days of running around outside for hours and coming in smelling of fresh air? Tap into that childhood freedom by finding an exercise that feels more like play, whether it’s a game of pick-up basketball or a joyful Zumba class. Added perk? You will sleep like a baby. Read more: Healthy From the Inside Out: 5 Tips to Get Fit Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Self-Care

Bethany Hamilton Rides a Wave of Purpose

Bethany Hamilton’s dramatic story is full of fortitude, faith and the power to overcome fear. At age 13 in 2003, the young surfing phenom was spending a carefree Hawaiian day in the water paddling to catch a few waves when a 14-foot tiger shark attacked, severing her left arm at the shoulder. At that moment, any dreams of surfing professionally could have been washed away with the tide, but true grit, determination and her trust in God set Bethany on a positive path to prove to the world that nothing could hold her back. Now, more than a decade later, Bethany is surfing professionally and encouraging young girls to overcome adversity to follow their passions. Bethany's busy new life Life has certainly changed for Bethany, but in her opinion, for the better. She has found true love in her husband, youth minister Adam Dirks, and the couple recently celebrated the birth of their first child, Tobias (the one event that has kept her out of the water for more than a month). She is working on a film project about her sport that she hopes will become one of the best female surf documentaries to date. Her life is full, and she will always follow her passions. She says Adam keeps her balanced when things get too lopsided, and he watches the little one while she sneaks away to catch a few waves. The couple’s faith and awareness ground them, and their priorities of love and family are firmly in place. The silver lining “I look back on the shark attack, and I don’t think negatively toward it,” Bethany says. “I kind of see it as something good because of all the good that has come out of it since. I look at the different trials in my life and how it has shaped me as a person or encouraged me in my faith.” Less than a month after her attack, she took second place in the 2003 National Scholastic Surfing Association’s championship and has been consistently ranking in competitions every year since. She credits her resilience to her strong Christian faith, which gave her the courage to get back in the water, and her supportive family, who always told her to never look back. It's in the genes “My parents have always raised me that way.…It’s been a long time since that initial accident happened, and there have been so many trials since then,” she says. “My mom definitely encouraged me to find things to be thankful for on rough days and just look for the good in tough situations.” That is a family dynamic she aims to repeat. “I really hope to be involved in my kids’ lives every single day, and love on them in the morning and love on them at night and all throughout the day.” Giving back Losing her arm, she adds, has given her the opportunity to love and help others. Her story has resonated with so many people. She’s received myriad awards, including ESPN’s ESPY for Comeback Athlete of the Year in 2004 and a Heal the World Award in 2012; she has been the subject of a major motion picture, Soul Surfer, in 2011 (based on her best-selling autobiography), and regularly speaks to groups to encourage and inspire others, including young girls and fellow amputees. A chance to inspire young girls Now in its third year, Bethany’s annual Beautifully Flawed Retreat is an event where young girls who have experienced a limb loss can get together in a loving environment and relate to one another. “It’s always fun to talk with people with different physical challenges,” Bethany says. “I find some kind of camaraderie between us. We can relate to each other on a whole other level.” Hosted by Bethany; Lauren Scruggs, who survived a plane propeller accident; and the Friends of Bethany Hamilton organization, girls can learn about fitness, fashion and how to overcome the physical and mental challenges amputees face every day. Bethany’s passion for helping others overcome issues of self-image even inspired her in 2014 to write the book Body & Soul: A Girl’s Guide to a Fit, Fun and Fabulous Life, encouraging young girls to live in a confident and healthy way. Bethany has always been a happy and joyful person. We have much to learn from her example: Find your purpose, have faith and love one another completely. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Happier at Work in Just 11 Minutes

When was the last time you felt really energized and excited about your work? A few hours ago? A few years ago? When it comes to enjoying our work, some days are clearly better than others. But what if you could find something to enjoy every day in your job? Show your strengths Last year Live Happy, the VIA Institute and I helped more than 2,000 people around the world to create an 11-minute daily strength habit to see if this made it possible to be happier at work. While there is a growing body of evidence about the benefits of developing our strengths—those things we’re good at and enjoy doing—the truth is, most of us struggle to find the time to fit it in. So we tried to shrink the time needed make developing your strengths busy-proof by harnessing the brain’s neurological habit loop of cue, routine and reward. It turned out that just 11 minutes each day of doing what they did best each day was enough to help many participants feel more engaged, energized and flourishing at work. New habits that take eleven minutes or less Here are some of the most popular daily strengths habits people tried during the one week global Strengths Challenge: Curiosity: Learning one new thing each day—When I turn on my computer (cue), I will spend 10 minutes reading something new and make a note of what I learn (routine). I will then open my emails (who knows what’s in there!) (reward). Creativity: Finding fresh solutions—When I sit down for my morning coffee (cue), I’ll spend 10 minutes brainstorming as many ideas, solutions, possibilities to a problem or opportunity our team is facing (routine). I’ll share the best three ideas with another team member (reward). Fairness: Being fair to others—When reviewing my schedule each morning (cue), I’ll look for one thing I can do today to make life a little easier for my colleagues or a client (routine). Then I’ll grab my morning coffee (reward). Gratitude: Creating a daily gratitude habit—When I pack up to go home (cue), I’ll take a few minutes to thank someone for how they made my day a little better or easier (routine). Then I’ll go home (reward). Perseverance: Delivering what matters most—Each morning when I complete my daily planner (cue), I will prioritize the three goals I most need to accomplish (routine). I will tick these off as I go (reward). If you gave yourself the gift of just 11 minutes a day to just a little more of what you do best, what might your habit look like? For more information, go to strengthschallenge.com. Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania.

work

5 Tips to Make Work Your Happy Place

When you think “happy place,” your mind probably conjures up a sandy beach or a quiet mountaintop, an elegant outdoor café or maybe just your cozy bed on a cold winter morning—pretty much anywhere but your workplace. A happy place is where you feel the most calm, comfortable and at ease. Even if you love what you do, the deadlines, duties and long hours spent at the office (or wherever you work) can result in stress, which in turn wreaks havoc on your body and mind. We can’t turn work into play, but we can uncover little tweaks and easy practices that will make your workweek a whole lot brighter. 1. Make friends—it's worth the effort No matter how much you love your job, the daily grind can grow dull. Our minds crave novel experiences and when you do the same thing day after day at work you’re bound to experience some unhappiness. Shake up your work life and increase well-being by creating fresh relationships at work—either with someone new to the office or someone you haven’t gotten to know yet. Invite a coworker to lunch or schedule a coffee date. 2. Keep track of the good stuff It’s often easier to focus on what’s going wrong than what’s going right at work, creating a cycle and culture of complaint. To remind yourself to take note of the good things, put a jar (or coffee mug) on your desk; every time something good happens—your boss says “Great job!,” you land a new client or you complete items on your to-do list—write it down on a slip of paper, fold it up and tuck in the jar. At the end of each month, read the “good moments” for an extra boost of happiness. Then empty the jar and begin again. 3. Create a chain of kindness Acts of kindness can inspire more kindness. Studies have shown that those who experience kind acts are likely to do something kind to others. Creating a chain of kindness at your workplace can start with you! Commit one small act of kindness¾email your boss about a colleague’s great work, offer to help with a project in another department, bring your coworker her favorite cup of coffee—every day for a week. You’ll be surprised by how much happiness you’ll experience! 4. Re-think your workday routine We often fall into a workday routine out of convenience. Take stock of your day, from when the alarm goes off until you come home in the evening: What could you change that would have the greatest impact on your weekday happiness? Ask to move your desk in order to get more sunlight? Tidy your office before you leave each day? Keep the office refrigerator stocked with green tea instead of Diet Coke for a healthier afternoon pick-me-up? Set a goal to make the necessary changes and you’ll see huge improvements to your week overall. 5. Spice up your workspace Most workplaces are designed for utility, not beauty. To make your office or cubicle more of a happy place, liven it up and make it yours. Family photos are just the starting point. If you have a favorite color, flower or theme that you love, go to town. Love owls, pugs or Captain America? Hang artwork and images to reflect that. If possible, bring in a small plant or something else to remind you of the natural world beyond your office; a beautiful desktop wallpaper is the next best thing. Happy working. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author ofStay Positive,The Positively Present Guide to Life, and a variety ofe-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.

Sweet Dreams Return!

It’s Not Easy Being Teen (or the Mom of One)

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

Do the Anxiety Detox

How to Get to Sleep and Stay Asleep

Stop the Blame Game

8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise

Bethany Hamilton Rides a Wave of Purpose

Happier at Work in Just 11 Minutes

5 Tips to Make Work Your Happy Place

Store

Articles

Quick Links