Happiness Around the Clock

Happiness Around the Clock

There are 1,440 minutes in a day, and while we can’t expect every moment to be blissful, we each have the means to increase our sense of joy, connection and well-being in our daily lives. Two main strategies will help you achieve this. One, through simple actions you can train your brain to “tilt toward positivity,” says neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Two, you can live more harmoniously with your body’s natural rhythms by aligning activities like eating, sleeping and when you turn on and off the lights to your circadian clock. Throughout the day this built-in internal timer regulates everything from body temperature to the release of hunger hormones. Follow these cues and you’ll flourish, disrupt them and you’ll experience an avalanche of disturbances, from insomnia and weight gain to foggy thinking and depression. “Circadian rhythm hygiene is every bit as important to good health as washing your hands,” says Christopher Colwell, Ph.D., director of the Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. With expert advice, we’ve put together a template of what these two strategies would look like in an average day. Consider it a tick-tock of contentment. Adjust the timing to your needs but try to follow the general principles for a week or two. You’ll likely find you experience more happy moments each and every day. 6:30 a.m.: Wake up to an alarm clock that mimics the rising sun. A study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology shows that gradual light exposure during the last 30 minutes of sleep can increase alertness, enhance both mental and physical performance, and improve mood. The Soleil Sleep Spa and the Philips Wake-Up Light both combine dawn simulation with nature sounds like morning birds or ocean waves. 6:45 a.m.: Devote a few minutes before you get out of bed to a mindful check-in. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, suggests asking yourself questions like, “How am I starting this day? How is my body feeling? How am I feeling emotionally?” If you notice you’re tense, Elisha suggests widening your arms to expand your chest, opening your mouth a few times to stretch out the jaw muscles and dropping your shoulders. “You want to begin your day from a place of ease,” Elisha says. 6:50 a.m.: Make Your bed. This simple act creates a small sense of satisfaction and pride that sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, notes that a daily tidying of the sheets correlates to better productivity and a greater sense of well-being. 7 a.m.: Shower with intention and attention. “Mindful showers have transformed my life,” Elisha says. “I always thought of the morning shower as one of those daily tasks you have to do.” That changed when he bought a bar of rose-scented soap. The fragrance evoked sensory memories of the summers he spent at his grandmother’s house in Burlington, Vermont, and summoned feelings of love, warmth and comfort. Now, Elisha begins his showers by holding the bar of soap, inhaling its scent for a few deep breaths and paying attention to the feeling of the warm water against his skin. “The small splurge on a special soap is a way of taking care of yourself, and that can boost your feelings of self-worth,” he says. 7:30 a.m.: Eat breakfast within the first two hours of waking up. “Delaying any longer than that and you’re skipping a meal, and that depletes your physical and mental energy,” says Lisa Dierks, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program. The ideal breakfast will include a protein, a grain and a fruit or vegetable. For example, plain Greek yogurt topped with berries and low-sugar granola. 8 a.m.: Take your first 10-minute dose of daily exercise. Don’t have time for a lengthy workout every day? No sweat! Shorter bouts of exercise can boost your well-being just as effectively as a single sustained session. Maybe even more. One recent study at the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University showed that walking briskly for 10 minutes, three times a day, was significantly more effective in lowering blood pressure than a single half-hour session. 8:30 a.m.: Find ease during your morning commute. Whether we battle bumper-to-bumper traffic or crowded subway cars, the commute to work can be stressful. The road to relaxation? Cultivating a sense of community with your fellow commuters. When Elisha finds himself getting tense on the drive to Los Angeles’ Center for Mindful Living, which he co-founded and where he practices as a clinical psychologist, he turns inward rather than venting at the drivers around him. “I ask myself, ‘What am I really needing right now? What are the other drivers around me needing?’ ” The answer often leads him to silently recite, “May we all have more ease and patience in this traffic.” This creates a shift, Elisha says, “that completely transforms my experience. I go from disconnection to connection and the whole frustrated mind seems to dissipate.” 9 a.m.: Center yourself before you transition to a new activity. We often carry around the equivalent of an emotional doggy bag as we move through our day, bringing the stress of a harried morning to an important meeting or the fatigue of a three-hour business meeting to giving our kids a bath. “A lot of time our focus gets stolen,” says Sam Chase, author of Yoga & the Pursuit of Happiness and co-owner of New York’s Yoga to the People studio. To begin a new activity fully present, he suggests slowing down for a moment of transition. “When I’m about to go into a new situation, I’ll pause and take three breaths right at the doorway,” he says. “That helps me let go of what I was doing and open myself up to whatever I’m entering without distraction.” 12:30 p.m.: Choose a true happy meal for lunch. Skip the fast food and opt for a mix of protein, veggies, whole grains and healthy plant-based fats like those found in avocados or olive oil. “I think of food as edible happiness,” says chef and nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs, author of Happy Foods: Over 100 Mood-Boosting Recipes. “On the most fundamental level, food, beyond just sustaining us, has the capacity to nourish us on a deeper level.” When we eat heavily processed meals that are heavy in refined carbs, like white rice or pasta, and sugar, we set in motion a series of physiological responses that lead to the release of stress hormones, mood swings, fatigue, and, as a recent study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed, a higher risk of depression. 1 p.m.: Take your second dose of daily exercise. Want to get even more benefit from your brisk walk? Seek out some greenery—a tree-lined street, a local park, an urban garden amid city skyscrapers. Studies show that a walk in nature reduces activity in the part of the brain associated with rumination, that endless loop of doomsday thinking and self-reproach. Another way to put more bounce in your step is to share your walk with a co-worker or two. Strong relationships with co-workers are one of the most important factors in workplace satisfaction. 3 p.m.: Beat the mid-late afternoon slump with a healthy alternative to a sugary snack. Karen suggests half an avocado with a sprinkling of sea salt and a dash of lemon juice; a slice of turkey or ham wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf or ½ cup full-fat yogurt with a tablespoon of sunflower seeds. Instead of a cup of coffee—caffeine after 2 p.m. can interfere with sleep—try this energizing alternative: Keep a bottle of an essential oil, like rosemary or peppermint, in your desk drawer or purse. Place three drops in the palm of your hands, rub them together, hold your palms up to your face and inhale deeply for three breaths. 4:30 p.m.: Pause for a moment to consider your personal values. Make a habit of taking a break from meetings and emails for a moment of self-reflection and inspiration. Erica Brown, a Jewish scholar and educator, suggests thinking about a different aspiration or emotion each day. In her new book Take Your Soul to Work: 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership, she suggests pondering questions like, “What does your authentic self look like when no one is looking?” “When is the last time you shared something of beauty with those who work with you?” and “Name something you love so much that it can never fail you.”6 p.m.: Build a better to-do list. Before you leave your workplace for the day, create a to-do list for tomorrow. Along with jotting down the tasks you need to complete, make sure you’re carving out time in your day for things you love to do. Researcher Lahnna Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, calls this “prioritizing positivity.” Her research shows that it’s a far more effective tactic for achieving happiness than striving to feel joy, contentment, gratitude or peace every second of the day. Prioritizing positivity means different things to different people, Lahnna says. Two activities that elicit positive emotions in most people are connecting with a loved one and doing something physically active. 7 p.m.: Enjoy dinner with family or friends. Close relationships with other people are a keystone to happiness, and the dinner table is a natural place for connecting. A new study of more than 11,000 adults shows that face-to-face interactions with friends and family members offer powerful protection against depression; contact by phone, text or emails don’t have the same power. Plus, a slew of studies have shown family meals lead to a wide range of benefits, including better grades and fewer incidences of behavior like smoking and drinking in teens. 7:30 p.m.: Close down your kitchen. Scientists are discovering that when you eat is nearly as important as what you eat. “Our bodies are designed to take in calories over 12 hours and fast for 12, says Christopher, the neuroscientist. Research at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego has shown that disrupting this natural order by, say, snacking at midnight or 2 a.m. leads not only to poor sleep and weight gain but also to the kind of metabolic disorders seen in people with diabetes. Now, a study just completed at Christopher’s lab suggests that mistimed eating can also impair memory and learning. 8 p.m.: Take your final dose of exercise. Go for a post-dinner stroll but avoid intense aerobic exercise. We fall asleep when our core body temperature drops, says Christopher, and when you do a heavy workout you raise the body temperature, thwarting slumber. 9 p.m.: Eliminate sources of blue light two hours before you hit the hay. “Light is a huge anchor for sleep,” says Colleen Ehrnstrom, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, and co-author of the upcoming book End the Insomnia Struggle (coming October 2016). Just as the light of dawn awakens us, the dimming of light cues our body to produce melatonin, a hormone that quiets alertness and preps us for slumber. The kind of blue light that’s emitted by our electronics devices is especially disruptive. You can filter out some of the blue light by lowering the brightness of your screen, donning glasses with orange lenses or covering your screens with an orange filter. (You can find a range of products at lowbluelights.com.) 10:30 p.m.: Transition to bedtime with a nightly ritual. “We often think that going to sleep is like shutting off a computer,” Alex says. “You just hit the power button and you shut your brain down. But, in fact, your brain requires a little more time to relax and unwind.” Along with brushing your teeth and cleansing your skin, prime yourself for sleep with simple yoga stretches, prayer or meditation. 11 p.m.: Lights out. Spend your last few minutes of wakefulness noting a few things that you’re grateful for. These can be both big—the good health of your family—and small—the lemons ripening on your windowsill. Keeping a gratitude list will make you more optimistic, healthier and alert. You’ll also be more likely to make progress toward an important personal goal and more likely to help others. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Create a Family Happiness Board!

Whether you are part of a traditional family, or have a group of friends who are as close as family, chances are you derive a significant portion of your happiness from spending time and sharing experiences with the ones you love. Science tells us that looking forward to those experiences as well as reflecting on joyful memories generates a boost to your well-being that is almost equal to the experience itself! Bringing happiness back home As the editorial director of Live Happy, I’ve spoken at the United Nations and traveled the world as an ambassador for the importance of happiness in our lives. Now I am bringing the message back home with the Family Happiness Board—and I’d like to invite you to make one, too! A happiness board not only reflects past joyful moments, but it works as a reminder of what we love and how we can share happiness with the world around us. Here’s how I—and Live Happy contributing editor Sandra Bienkowski—put ours together. Please share photos of your boards with us using the hashtag #HappyActs on Twitter or Instagram. It’s also easy and fun to do. First, have each member of your family reflect on three questions: What makes me happy? What makes my family happy? What can we do together to make the world a happier place? Discuss the answers, and then get started making your board. Gather photos, quotes, mementos and other items that are meaningful and reflect on those times when you’ve been the happiest. I created a board with my family, and it was a blast. My children love to stare at it and talk about what every detail means to them. They point to the pictures and reminisce about vacations we took years ago. When we look at it together, it is an opportunity to go over what we do as a family to make others happy through our church, scouts or Live Happy’s #HappyActs campaign. Seeing the board hanging on the wall every day is both a reminder of great memories and a signal to do more to bring happiness to each other and to our community. It definitely raised the Gross National Happiness quotient in my house, and I highly recommend you give it a try, too. For more information on the International Day of Happiness on March 20 and how you can be a part of it, check happyacts.org.
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How to Survive a Workplace Bully

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, many adults spend more time at work than we do with our families. With so many hours spent at work, one would hope the time would be filled with relative peace and happiness—that we would be surrounded by friendly co-workers in a supportive environment, and that productivity and good relationships would be a priority. Sadly, that is not always the case. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, at least 27% of American adults have experienced bullying at some point. Workplace bullies almost never resort to physical violence—they use psychological and verbal attacks in order to gain a sense of power and cause emotional trauma. Typical bullying behaviors, according to the Institute, include verbal abuse; threatening, intimidating or humiliating behaviors; and work interference, including sabotage. What workplace bullying looks like Victims of workplace bullies often find that they are impacted both at work and away from work. Bullies have the unique ability to get under their victims’ skin in a way that is hard to shake off. Often even the most positive and emotionally healthy person will find him or herself feeling defeated, angry and even helpless. Victims can become depressed, anxious or suffer from lack of sleep. Psychologist Noreen Tehrani, Ph.D., wrote Managing Trauma in the Workplace after conducting research that showed bullying creates similar psychological and physical symptoms to those of soldiers who have returned from combat overseas! Interestingly enough, the targets of workplace bullying are not typically passive, insecure people who are inexperienced or new—much like we might see when we are talking about a school age bully. Instead, workplace bullies prefer to target employees who they see as a threat: someone who is competent, well liked and experienced. Their goal is to attempt to intimidate and gain power over the person in order to feel better about their own insecurities. How to handle the workplace bully As adults, bullies tend to be more subtle and passive-aggressive than the schoolyard variety. They are often driven, powerful individuals who at their core have similar emotional issues as child or teen bullies. They may behave this way out of low self-esteem, insecurity and a need to feel powerful by bringing others down. My experience as a therapist has taught me that it can be ineffective to try to get the bully to change unless he or she wants to change. As a result, my advice focuses on what the victim can do for him or herself. If you are being bullied at work and for whatever reason you need to stick with your job, you must focus on protecting your emotional state and preventing this person from emotionally and psychologically impacting you. 1. Do not let the bully impact your well-being. While it is natural to be rattled, hurt and angered by your treatment, it is important that you not allow the bully to take your emotional power away. Focus on the positive things in your life. Remind yourself that the fact that you are being treated badly does not have anything to do with who you are as a person. Redirect your emotions by doing things you enjoy that are away from work. 2. Distance yourself both emotionally and physically, if possible. It is important for your well-being to limit your interactions with anyone who is bullying you at work (or anyone who brings negativity into your life, for that matter). If you are forced to be around that person, limit the time you spend with him or her as much as possible and tell yourself to emotionally disengage. The less time and energy you invest in your relationship, the better. If you are in a frequent work relationship where you cannot disengage, consider talking to your manager about the situation or going to the Human Resources department for help. 3. Give back to those you feel deserve your time and energy. When you are feeling besieged at work, one way to increase your sense of well-being and self-worth is to give back to a worthy cause and remind yourself that you are a powerful positive force in this world. Donate to a favorite charitable organization or volunteer to help a friend with a challenging project. Then focus on the good you are doing to help offset the negativity coming at you at work. 4. Lean on your support system. When a person treats us in a way that is unkind, we often have a tendency to retreat and isolate. From a psychological point of view it is important to do the reverse: Bring people you love and care about closer, spend time with them, call them on the phone, and share your story and let them lift your spirits. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what city you live in, or where you work—you’re bound to encounter toxic people who treat others in a cruel and demeaning way. Since it’s nearly impossible to change these folks, your goal should be to minimize the impact they have on you. Make a pact with yourself that you will not let the bullies bring you down! Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is an editor at large for Live Happy, and the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know.
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5 Tips to Increase Family Bliss

Every parent knows the magic of those transcendent moments when one of your children will say or do something so sweet, or the family will be having so much fun, that it temporarily swells everyone's heart several sizes. But let's be honest: parents also know quite well the drudgery—or worse, an ongoing state of low-level annoyance—that can come with shuttling kids to activities, quelling the constant drone of sibling bickering and negotiating schedules and chores. If you often find yourself wishing that everyone could just get along, that you could somehow tap into those moments of family harmony, but then the ebb and flow of life carries you along before you can do anything about it, take heart: You don't need to wait for the next family vacation to recapture the magic. Try working these five ideas into your life and make the most of your family's time together. 1. Unplug, unplug, unplug Yes, we all know we should do a little less staring into our phones, but recent studies show that the very sight of screens (even if switched off!) can result in more shallow interactions between people who are spending time together. So silence your phone and stash it out of sight whenever you're with your family, unless you’re expecting an urgent message. You can then encourage your partner and/or kids to do the same. 2. Divide and conquer In their bestselling book Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish warn against the trap of "togetherness," especially if the kids are going through a bickering patch. One parent taking one child out while the other stays home with the other—or splitting up on a family outing, then coming back together for a meal—can give everyone a break from a dynamic that they might be stuck in. Similarly, parents should prioritize regular date nights where they can catch up with each other. 3. But…maintain family routines Family rituals, like special weekend meals, movie or game nights, religious worship or even the smaller everyday ones like a regular family dinner or a shared sibling storytime before bed, provide a predictable framework for being together that is comforting for everyone and that makes them feel happy at being a member of the group. 4. Don't get caught up in what everyone is doing wrong "Our habits shape our perception of our partner (or kids), so that if we start to think our spouse is sloppy, for example, we will always note when the socks are on the floor, but we don't notice how many times the socks are not there," says Marko Petkovic, author of The 5 Little Love Rituals. If you find yourself trapped in a loop of frustration at something one of your family members is doing, stop and remind yourself of a time recently when that person did something good. 5. Greet with a hug and part with a kiss Hugging produces happy neurochemicals such as endorphins, oxytocin and serotonin. Plus it is always a good idea to start and end the day on a loving note. Take the time to give your family a warm hello and goodbye even if you are in a hurry or may not feel like it at the moment. It will increase your well-being and stimulate good feelings all around. Lesley Porcelli is a freelance writer living in New York.
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How Healthy Are Your Money Habits? [Quiz]

When I think about what brings people the greatest unhappiness, money and money matters are always at the top of the list. While we don’t always have control over our financial situation, we can control whether our spending habits are healthy or in need of life support. Take this quiz and assess how well you are handling your part of the money equation. 1. I plan my spending budget in advance. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 2. I make sure not to spend everything I earn. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 3. I avoid impulse purchases for myself. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 4. I take the time to learn how to manage my finances so that I can continually improve. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 5. Even if it is uncomfortable or I’m afraid of what I’ll see, I look at my bills promptly so that I can make sure they are taken care of on time. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 6. If I am having a bad day and need a lift, if I choose to spend money, I monitor my expenses and manage my emotions. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 7. If I am uncertain about how to handle a financial situation, I reach out for guidance from someone who has more expertise or experience. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 8. I treat myself by buying myself things I can afford, so that I do not always feel deprived. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 9. I am prepared if faced with a big expense, like a repair to my home or car. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 10. When it comes to my finances, I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 11. I balance my lifestyle with my earnings so that I can be financially stress-free. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 12. I know exactly how much money comes in and how much goes out. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER 13. I feel good about my financial situation. A. ALWAYS B. SOMETIMES C. NEVER If most of your answers were: A: You have a strong hold over your finances and the behaviors and emotions connected with them. You tend to be responsible with your money and are advanced in this area. Keep a consistent eye on your financial situation, though, as sometimes successful people can grow too comfortable and stop being careful. B: You are successful in some areas when it comes to money and managing your finances. Continue putting effort into your strongest areas and pay close attention your weaker ones. Consider reaching out to your support system or an expert who can help guide you. If your weaker areas fall into the emotional realm, consider working on the emotions affecting your habits. If you struggle with your income, financial stability, etc., develop a plan that will put you on sturdier footing. C: You need to work on your finances and financial well-being. If you don’t feel educated and informed enough, reach out to financial experts and read books and online articles to help you grow. If emotional baggage is getting in your way, work through those issues so that you can handle your finances in a less emotional way. Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is an editor at large for Live Happy, and the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know.
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Raising a Teenager Without a Manual

As we wrap up the Live Happy 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, contributing editor Susan Kane writes a final blog about the difficulties of communicating with her teenage daughter. I feel so fortunate to have had Michelle Gravelle as my coach for the 90-Day Challenge. She is not only wise—she is a warm, compassionate human being who has made a real difference in the lives of her clients. And I hope you the reader have learned something from her wisdom, and from my experience, as well. My last session with her was a little sad because it was hard to say goodbye! My daughter Coco, with whom I am having difficulty communicating, is a teenager, so of course she still pushes my buttons and tests her boundaries. What’s changed during my coaching with Michele, though, is my attitude toward Coco's behavior. And because that’s different, Coco is different—in a good way. I am able to let go of a lot of what I saw before as rudeness on Coco’s part, or at least to react to it differently. So when she tells me what I’m wearing is ugly, I might just disagree. Or I might just let it go and change the subject. I won't get "hooked" Michelle told me to look for times when I get “hooked,” or triggered, and to shift from a negative reaction to something else. “You’ve got to break the pattern,” she said. I’ve learned there are lots of ways to do so. I also realized, with Michelle’s help, that one of the things Coco did that particularly upset me was related more to old baggage than it was to the present time. Whenever my teen asks me a question and I don’t know the answer, she says “You dodo.” I used to jump all over her: “That’s mean! Take that back! Seriously, honey, apologize!” Reaction, not overreaction Growing up, my parents treated me like I had a less-than-stellar intellect because they saw both my other sisters as gifted, so it still upsets me when someone doubts my intelligence. Just stopping to remember that my reaction is an overreaction, and that Coco is only teasing me (albeit in that rude, snotty way teens talk), has helped things stay light between us. Michelle also taught me to capitalize on those moments when Coco and I really connect. There are two times during the day when she likes to talk to me. One is when we’re driving somewhere in the car. The other is when we’re saying goodnight—and that’s when she truly opens up. It used to make me mad—I saw it as manipulative that just when she “should” have been going to sleep she’d try to delay it by gabbing (I always thought that the optimal amount of zzz’s for her age was important because I myself need a lot of sleep to feel well—but Coco, like her father, simply doesn’t). I’ve learned to relax then and to talk to her for as long as she wants. As a result, we’ve gotten a lot closer. I know more about her daily life, about what’s going well and what’s bothering her. Yeah, it cuts into both our sleep times, but you know what? My lovebug (yeah, I call her that) is way more important. Thank you, Michelle.
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And to All, a Good Night

As we wrap up the Live Happy 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, editor at large Shelley Levitt writes a final blog about the triumph of overcoming her chronic insomnia. Here are some things I have not done in the past three months: Taken a nap. Scrolled through Facebook on my iPad after waking up at 3 a.m. Had a late-afternoon cup of tea. Complained about being tired. Insomniac no more! Yes, it’s true. After 90 days of coaching by sleep authority Michael Breus, Ph.D., and some changes in habits (big and small), I can say with confidence and absolute delight that I no longer consider myself an insomniac. Not everything has changed, though. I wrote in my first blog post that I’ve never been someone who slept through the night, and that’s still true. But these awakenings no longer make me anxious. Rather, I simply note that I’m awake, go to the bathroom if I need to—trying to remember not to turn on the light, because light sends a “get alert” signal to your brain—roll over and contentedly drift back to the Land of Nod. Some habits are hard to break OK, I’ll admit, I haven’t completely stuck with the program Michael prescribed. Without getting the go-ahead from him, I extended my wake-up time to 6:30. I’ve confessed this to Michael, but what I haven’t shared with him is that I then spend an extra 30 minutes reading on my iPad before I get out of bed. And though I specifically asked Michael if I could read in bed at night and he very clearly told me he didn’t think that was a good idea, I have gone back to reading in bed. It’s just too great a pleasure to give up. Besides, as he has pointed out, it’s being in a recumbent position that primes your body for sleep, and I’m more likely to fall asleep before my bedtime if I’m on the sofa reading Fates and Furies (a novel I very highly recommend, by the way) than if I’m reading it sitting up in bed. Better sleep means a better me Michael tells me that I’ve snapped back to consolidated sleep at a pretty rapid pace. (“Consolidated sleep” means efficient sleep; if you’re in bed for seven hours, you’re sleeping for most of that time. When sleep isn’t consolidated, you might be sleeping for only four of those hours and tossing and turning for the remaining three.) “If your sleep does get off-kilter again, you’ll know what you need to do to bring yourself back on board,” Michael says. “You probably have more flexibility than you would imagine.” That said, he adds, “I do not recommend that you change your wake-up time. Keeping that consistent is the anchor of good sleep.” (Clearly, I need to guard against wake-up time creep.) I feel certain that I’ll be able to keep insomnia at bay, which is a pretty remarkable thing for me to write because I’ve suffered from poor sleep for years…make that decades. I thought I was a hopeless case. As I’ve been saying to my best friend, who also struggles with insomnia—we’ve both lay awake in the middle of the night on countless vacations—if I can solve my sleep problems, so can you. If you’re wretchedly sleep-deprived as you read this, I say the same to you. It will take effort and a couple of miserable weeks, but you, too, can enjoy restful, restorative nights of slumber. Read Shelley's first blog here; catch up on her second blog here. Listen to Shelley and other Live Happy staff discuss how the 90 Day challenge has impacted their lives on our podcast. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Progress, not Perfection

As we wrap up the Live Happy 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, art director Kim Baker writes a final blog about overcoming some of her chronic worrying. I am pleased to say that I worry much less today than I did when I started this 90-day journey. The tools and actionable items Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., provided me to manage my worry have proved invaluable, and our conversations the last few weeks were both enjoyable and beneficial (even when we discussed difficult topics). Putting the recommendations into action Today, I’m more flexible with my expectations of myself. I don’t worry about doing everything perfectly. I don’t Google my worries or poll my friends and ask for opinions. Instead, I take time to pause and breathe. I enjoy the moment more. (I’m also less irritable.) That said, though, I’m not completely worry-free, and I have to be careful not to get too relaxed about my tendencies. I know that as soon as I stop taking time to work on myself, when I get distracted or stressed, worry and anxiety can easily creep back into my psyche. But as Karen taught me, I’m not trying to rid or “cure” myself of worry, but instead, I’m creating a buffer between me and my fear of uncertainty. I have already reduced that fear quite a bit and I’ve learned to go with the flow more, but if I don’t pay attention to my needs and take care of myself, that buffer can get smaller. A work in progress As someone who wants to do things the “right” way, it’s comforting knowing that I’m not trying to heal or cure myself of a particular “ailment” and that I’m not a failure if I don’t recover from being a worrier a certain way. There is going to be an ebb and flow with this process, and as I have always said, I am and will always be a work in progress. I’m not striving for perfection but, rather, looking for peace in my head and heart—and have a little fun along the way! I am thankful for this experience with Karen, and I hope you have gained something along this journey with us. Read Kim's first blog here. Catch up on her second blog here. Kim Baker is an art director at Live Happy magazine.
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High Hopes for Unplugging

As we wrap up the Live Happy 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, managing editor Donna Stokes writes a final blog about overcoming her email addiction at work and at home. A cheerful ant starts up a steep hill carrying a chunk of food five times his size on his back. He pauses to say to a concerned-looking ladybug along the path, “I’ll quit when it stops being fun.” Nothing could better represent my work philosophy for the past two decades! Mike Twohy’s witty illustration in The New Yorker highlights the universal truth that we enjoy our work, even when it seems impossible. Sometimes especially when it seems impossible. And all the better if someone is there to notice. Yet, as I’ve mentioned before in this series, smart phones, web mail and social media have been game changers for me on the work-satisfaction front. The 24-hour work cycle What coach Christine Carter, Ph.D., has taught me over the past 90 days is that being continuously plugged-in makes that to-do list much more all-consuming and stressful than it needs to be. Hand that hardworking ant a cell phone and see how much fun he’s having the fifth time he gets an email or text from the ladybug asking for progress reports. Email—even of the work variety—wouldn’t be so addictive if it didn’t sometimes convey good news or praise, or make us feel productive, necessary and connected. Yet, for me, the cathartic lessons from Christine are about taking control of my email use and leaving time in each day for both clear-headed focus time at the office as well as downtime after hours to recharge and entertain rewarding pursuits unrelated to work. All triumphs are individual, but here’s what’s working for me: Set and stick to a schedule for each workday to designate focus time. It takes at least twice as long to complete a task if you read every email as it comes in. Productivity and focus are huge rewards. If you know you’ll be traveling or foresee other disruptions, revise the schedule and stick to that one. Plan specific times each week that you will be completely unplugged, like Tuesdays after 6 p.m. and all day Saturday. Then reinforce expectations among co-workers and even family members that you won’t be checking social media or email at those times and likely haven’t fallen down a well. If you are tempted to check email during unscheduled times, turn off the phone, put it in the trunk or otherwise keep it out of reach. My biggest challenges: Why is it so tempting to try to make the morning drive time more productive? Interminable stoplights are still a “reach for the phone” trigger. Getting my work inbox down to zero every day, or even every week, is a challenge. A range of 45 to 115 is still better than 14,700, but I’m not quite there yet. Deadline weeks bring chaos. Back and forth email is a critical part of the job, so I’m learning to go with what works to get things done during crunch time. Key revelations: My colleagues tell me that when I don’t send emails on evenings and weekends that it helps them, too. Even if they know a reply isn’t expected they still get the sense that maybe they should be working, too, if others are. Family members, not supervisors or co-workers, are often the ones most disturbed when I don’t respond immediately to texts or email. Checking email can be a crutch. It’s easier than tackling tough assignments that require focus, so be careful if you start thinking that checking email is a “break.” Now that I’m paying more attention when I reach for the phone, I realize in off hours it’s often out of boredom: during commercials or waiting in line. It’s much better to breathe, exercise or daydream instead. I miss my coach! It is so helpful to stay on track when you have regular check-ins. Luckily, I can go to christinecarter.com any time for new tips and inspiration. Thank you, Christine! Read Donna's first blog here. Catch up on her second blog here. Listen to Donna and other Live Happy staffers discuss how the 90-Day impacted their lives on our podcast. Donna Stokes is the managing editor at Live Happy magazine.
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The Final Countdown

The Final Countdown

As we wrap up the Live Happy 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, section editor Chris Libby writes a final blog about setting goals and sticking with them. My coaching sessions with Caroline Miller, MAPP, have taught me some things about myself that I might not have previously admitted or believed. For starters, she described me as the type of person who doesn’t feel as effective in my own life as much as I’d like to be—that I kind of “drift” without really knowing where I’m going or how I got here. (This would explain why leadership was on the lower end of the spectrum when I took the VIA Character Strengths survey.) But I hated the movie Patton She says she runs into this a lot with her clients. So many of us have a mental image of what a leader is (cue images of John Wayne and Gen. Patton), and leading others with such bravado and machismo can be daunting or even unappealing. In reality, though, what’s lacking is intrinsic leadership, or the ability to take charge of oneself. To achieve a goal...set by someone else A few years ago I ran a half-marathon. I trained for the race and finished in a respectable time. Running the 13.1 miles was a great goal, I know, but I didn’t set it for myself. Months before the race, I had casually mentioned to my wife (remember her? the overachieving goal-setter?) that it might be nice to run a half-marathon. She’d agreed, but little did I know that the gears in her head had been set in motion to turn this nonchalant comment into reality. So that year for Father’s Day I received running shoes from her on my daughter’s behalf, and inside my card was another unexpected gift: the receipt for an upcoming half-marathon in my name! I had to run the race. How could I ever look my sweet little red-headed daughter in the face if I didn’t? This time, it's personal In that case, the half-marathon was what Caroline calls an “extrinsic goal,” which is still a goal, but it’s one that someone else sets for you. And while, I admit, it did feel good to complete the half-marathon, I can’t live my life achieving goals other people have set for me—I have to create and complete my own. So, I signed up to run a different half-marathon in April, but this time I’m doing it for myself. I want to experience  the positive benefits of not letting myself down, including boosts in confidence and self-efficacy. And while completing a half-marathon isn’t exactly a lifelong goal, I do enjoy running, and at the start of the 90-day challenge, I didn’t have as much time for it as I’d liked. By making this commitment to myself, I had to plan, strategize and execute. Setting the scene for success To make this goal work, I made a game plan: I rearranged my schedule to accommodate morning runs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I started laying out my clothes for work the night before, going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. The first week, I overslept and missed my Monday run. But I had pledged to myself to complete this task, so instead of getting discouraged, I gave myself some latitude and geared up for the Wednesday run. As my alarm sounded Wednesday morning, I sprung out of bed (creative liberty used here to enhance excitement), put on my running clothes and hit the trail. I did it. My first morning run was a success, as was my second, and then my third, and so on. Nearly 12 weeks later, even despite the occasional setback, I’m committed more than ever to my schedule because I know it will help make my goal reality. Brainwash yourself I’ve also “primed my environment,” another great goal-setting tool that Caroline taught me. Every day, I see a picture of me from my last half-marathon and a note of the race time I’d like to achieve, and every day, it’s easier to get in the right mindset to reach my goal. As my 90-day challenge nears the finish line, I have enlightened myself to the “world of me.” My morning runs energize the rest of my day, which has a positive effect on my work; I’m free to spend the evenings with my family; and I’ve gained confidence and pride from taking control of my life. Realizing that the power to achieve is within my control is empowering, something I hope you will realize as well as you set out on your own goal-setting journey. There will always be risk involved when we want to climb a mountain, but there is no true achievement without risk. Once we rid ourselves of mental hurdles, it all starts with taking the first step. Read Chris's first blog here. Catch up on his second blog here. Listen to Chris and the other Live Happy staff discuss their 90 Day challenges on our podcast here. Chris Libby is the section editor at Live Happy magazine.
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