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Are You Living Fully Charged?

Most of us plow through life operating at a fraction of our capacity. We manage to make it through each day, but create far less well-being than what’s possible. Based on research we conducted for the documentary Fully Charged, a mere 20 percent of people spent a lot of time doing meaningful work in a given day. Only 16 percent had extremely positive interactions. Perhaps most disturbing, out of 10,000 people surveyed, just 11 percent said they had a great deal of energy. Charge yourself first Simply getting through a day is not good for you, your work or the people you care about most. Even if you orient your entire mission in life around serving others—as great parents, teachers, nurses and leaders often do—it is impossible to be your best if you fail to charge yourself first.In recent years, I have spent a great deal of time with nurses, physicians and leaders in health care. Within this general field, one of the groups I admire most is hospice and home care nurses. I deeply admire their desire to serve others. On a daily basis, hospice nurses put the needs of terminally ill patients and their families first. As a result, the last thing they think about is their own health and energy. Yet when I ask hospice nurses what it takes to be their very best at helping people during this time of need, they acknowledge that they could be of far more service if they invested time in their own health and energy. At risk of burnout A study of more than 30,000 nurses across Europe found that those who work long shifts (more than 12 hours) are 30 percent more likely to rate the quality of care on their wards as poor, compared with nurses working eight-hour shifts. They were also 41 percent more likely to report failing or poor standards of safety on their wards. In many cases, working longer hours is a disservice to those you intend to serve. I have seen this phenomenon play out in homes and businesses around the world. At work, there is often an implicit pressure to be the first into the office, to work the longest days and to claim you need very little sleep. Yet the last thing businesses need is star performers in the workplace burning out because they have a routine that is unsustainable. Take care of yourself to take care of others The research my team conducted on this topic found that people who have very high energy levels in a given day are more than three times as likely to be completely engaged in their work that same day. If you want to make a difference—not just today, but for many years to come—you need to put your health and energy ahead of all else. If you are wiped out from working around the clock, subsisting on food from a vending machine and not making time for daily exercise, then there is no way you’ll be effective at helping your friends, family, colleagues, patients or customers. The good news is that making choices to improve your energy does not require a complex grand plan. It all starts with the next small choice you make. Tom Rath is a researcher, filmmaker and author of six international best-sellers, including StrengthsFinder 2.0, Eat Move Sleep, and Are You Fully Charged? His most recent work includes the feature-length documentary Fully Charged, a film featuring many of the world’s top social scientists. Listen to our Live Happy Now podcast with Tom for more.

Positive Psychology

5 Ways to Flourish

While the specifics of what constitutes flourishing may vary by the individual, the basic foundation is the same. Building a life with more PERMA (positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement) is crucial. Here are the five pillars of PERMA: 1. Positive emotions Because of our natural negativity bias, it’s almost impossible to avoid negative emotions. However, offsetting those with positive interactions can have a powerful effect. John Gottman, Ph.D., suggests seeking out five positive emotions for each negative encounter. This can include practicing gratitude or self-compassion, doing something you love or even just making a point of being mindful of the positive emotion you’re feeling. Read more: 8 Easy Practices to Enhance Gratitude 2. Engagement Engagement can also be referred to as “flow,” that state where you are, in the words of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., “completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” Seek out things you enjoy and can do well and then make it a point to participate in those things regularly. Read more: The Flow in All of Us 3. Relationships There’s plenty of research pointing to the value of relationships in our happiness and well-being. Practice building positive relationships both at work and at home by creating more positive interaction and weeding out the relationships that are harmful to your emotional health. Read more: 7 Keys to a Happy Relationship 4. Meaning Meaning gives us a sense of belonging and connects us to our higher purpose. Simple ways to develop more meaning include participating in a spiritual practice that resonates with you, volunteering for a cause or charity you believe in and making positive changes, however small, in your little corner of the world. Read more: 5 Ways to Get in Touch With Your Higher Calling 5. Achievement An important aspect of flourishing, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., is achievement for achievement’s sake, not for the sake of a waiting reward. Work toward an accomplishment in which the reward is merely the accomplishment itself, and you may be surprised to see how it enhances your sense of well-being. Read more: 90 Days to Breakthrough Success Paula Felps is the science editor at Live Happy magazine.

Podcast

Small Town Life to the Hollywood Red Carpet with Ross Mathews

Ross Mathews has won the hearts of millions of Americans since his television debut as a correspondent for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Ross is author of the national best-seller Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence and can currently be seen as the newest host of FOX's Hollywood Today Live, on the red carpet with E! for the biggest awards shows of the season, and returning as a judge on the smash hit, LOGO series RuPaul’s Drag Race. In this episode we learn more about Ross’s journey toward happiness and what his keys are to living happy. What you'll learn in this podcast: The power of a positive attitude How to get over a bad day The importance of being yourself Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Follow Ross on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!

work

Let Happiness Impact Your Bottom Line

Recently we caught up with one of our Live Happy "Positive Work" columnists Margaret H. Greenberg for a discussion of how incorporating positive psychology into your company can make a big difference in the way you work: Live Happy: Your book, Profit from the Positive, was the first book we featured in our very first issue back in October 2013. Since then, I understand you and your co-authorSeniaMaymin, Ph.D., have been speaking to businesses, organizations and universities around the world about how they can create more positive work environments. What have you learned over the last three years? Margaret: Employees and managers are thirsty for a more positive approach to running their organizations. While fixing problems and shoring up weaknesses are important to the success of any business, if that’s all you focus on, it can be a drain of energy. A fix-it mindset also causes you to miss out on an important part of the equation—focusing on what’s going right and leveraging people’s strengths. Live Happy: Why should organizations care about creating more positivity at work? Margaret: It’s quite simple. More positive work environments create more positive, engaged employees, and more engaged employees create more loyal and happier customers. For example, in my research study at a large financial services company, we found that managers who gave more frequent recognition and encouragement had teams that were more than 40 percent more productive compared to managers who gave little or no feedback. Live Happy: What’s the best way to keep meetings positive and productive? Margaret: First, start with a sizzle. Begin your meetings by asking a positive question such as, “What’s the best thing that has happened since we met last week? or What are you most proud of?” University of North Carolina psychologist Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has found that when people are in a positive emotional state they are more open to possibilities and more creative, and we all know we could use more of those qualities in the workplace, especially when we’re trying to solve complex problems. Live Happy: How do you keep one team member’s negativity from dragging down the group? Margaret: Dr. Sigal Barsade from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business has found that it only takes one person out of five to “infect” a group with a positive or negative mood. Remember this the next time you find yourself in the company of a negative person. Imagine a shield or cape that is protecting you from getting “infected” and be that one person who infects the group with some positivity. Live Happy: One of our favorite questions you and your co-author Senia Maymin, Ph.D., ask at the end of every chapter in your book is: What is one small change you can make that will have the biggest positive impact? What would you advise for our Live Happy readers? Margaret: Be mindful of the mood you are projecting when you walk into work or return home at the end of the day. Psychologists call this contagion theory. We call it the “The Achoo! Effect.” Your emotions, both positive and negative, are contagious. Be sure you are spreading more cheer than fear. Be a positive deviant! Right now, get a 40% discount on Margaret and Senia's 10-week Profit From the Positive certificate program by registering here! Save more than $1000 on the course when you use the promo code: LiveHappy 2017. Margaret Greenberg is an experienced executive coach and author of the book Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business.

Reading

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

For almost 40 years, the field of positive psychology has shown that cultivating certain character traits (including optimism, gratitude and mindfulness, to name a few) can lead to a happy and fulfilling life. Got grit? The latest strength to emerge from the field comes from the compelling research of Angela Duckworth, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. In her first book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela makes a strong case for grit. Whether you want to become the boss, run a marathon or become a chess grandmaster, passion and perseverance—not innate talent—will make the difference. “ ‘She’s a natural!’ or ‘He’s a born athlete!’ we like to say about those who seem to excel effortlessly in their fields, but our love affair with ‘natural’ ability distracts us from the real work it takes to achieve greatness,” Angela says. How does she know? Growing up with a father who repeatedly told her she was “no genius,” Angela sought to impress him with tenacity instead. With degrees from Harvard, Oxford and the University of Pennsylvania (where she studied under Martin Seligman, Ph.D.), she did more than that: She created the hypothesis for a revolutionary line of research. The Beast Barracks test Fortitude, commitment and good old-fashioned practice—in a word, grit—trumps whatever aptitudes our genes gifted us with. Her most cogent proof involves new cadets at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. Less than 10 percent of the applicants—all top academics and athletes—make the cut. Yet, one in five cadets ends up dropping out, many during the initial seven-week training program called “Beast Barracks.” To determine who drops out and why, Angela administered her Grit Scale to 1,218 new cadets at the start of the grueling Beast. By the end, 71 dropped out. SAT scores, IQ, grades and physical fitness had nothing to do with which cadets lasted. What mattered was grit. Those who scored lower on the Grit Scale were more likely to quit than those who scored higher. Angela went on to replicate her findings among other achievers by studying the grittiness of Green Berets, top salespeople and Scripps National Spelling Bee contestants. Paragons of grit Peppered with anecdotes about dozens of “paragons of grit,” as Angela calls them—including best-selling author John Irving, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos and Seattle Seahawks football coach Pete Carroll (who nearly steals the book with his resolutely gritty philosophy of competition)—Grit inspires. The paragons have several things in common: They’re passionate about what they do; they find purpose that goes beyond themselves; they see setbacks as learning opportunities. “To be gritty is to fall down seven times, and rise eight,” Angela writes. That odds-defying optimism not only makes gritty people the most successful but the happiest, too. Parts of Grit can feel a tad plodding, like an exercise in how many ways you can say “practice makes perfect,” but the book as a whole leaves a freshly motivating impression. Besides, it’s not just practice, but “deliberate practice” that counts. Angela shows how to set “stretch goals” for yourself, commit yourself every day and continually evaluate your progress. Grit proves that there are no shortcuts to success and fulfillment but shows that the long road is more exciting and satisfying anyway.

Child with gears coming out of her head.

Reading

Your Brain Is a Mess—and That’s a Good Thing!

As scientific director of the Imagination Institute and a researcher in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, Scott Barry Kaufman is known for his work on intelligence and creativity. In his new book, Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind, Scott and co-author Carolyn Gregoire explore the habits and techniques that can help us tap into our creative sides. Live Happy contributor Suzann Pileggi Pawelski recently sat down with Scott to learn more. Live Happy: In Wired to Create, you talk about creative people having “messy minds.” What does that mean? Scott Barry Kaufman: When you look at the lives of lots of creative people and look at their thought patterns, you see that they are constantly switching back and forth between these different modes of thought that seem incompatible with each other. It creates kind of a paradox. For example, they seem very sensitive but also very tough and are able to overcome the obstacles to achieve their goals. Creativity involves periods of downtime and reflection as well as periods of openness and deliberation and trying to make something practical and tenable. So having messy minds contributes to the messy creative process. LH: Can you briefly explain some additional paradoxes you mention in your book, starting with mindfulness vs. daydreaming? Scott: Creative people will often be very mindful of their surroundings and attentive and focused, and they will also be open to long periods of daydreaming and mind wandering. LH: What about solitude vs. collaboration? Scott: Creative processes benefit from both solitude and collaboration. With solitude it is particularly important to get a lot of ideas down on paper and for there to be no judgment....Collaboration is an important stage of being able to present your ideas to get feedback and additional inspiration from the audience. LH: Finally, what about seriousness vs. play? Scott: Creative people are serious about their work and their goals, but the process they use to reach those goals is trial-and-error. When they talk about their passions, creative people are very intense, but they tend to be very playful with their ideas and present various ways of looking at a situation. LH: Are you saying that contradiction is a hallmark of creative minds? Scott: Yes. You find that creative minds are messy in the sense that they are flexible in switching between different ways of thinking. It’s important to their creative process to have that flexibility because creativity itself is a messy process. I think we really need to be open to the messiness of the process without trying to find the one secret to creativity. LH: What else do we need to learn about messy minds? Scott: I think society in general should appreciate messy minds more. We value efficiency so much (like in our schools with standardized tests), but I don’t think this emphasis on efficiency is producing optimal creativity and innovation. A key point I want to make is that messy minds are characterized by their variability and trial and error, not by their efficiency.

relationships

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

Happiness within a relationship is hard to define. Not only is each relationship different, but within each relationship, each person defines happiness in an individual way. Some people view happiness as a peaceful conflict-free life. For some, happiness involves a tremendous amount of fun, great intimacy or lots of laughter. Whatever your definition, it directly correlates to your expectations, desires, wants and needs—and those things can change over time. What holds constant are 7 specific behaviors and attributes laid out below that, in my experience, can almost guarantee the likelihood of long-term success and happiness in a relationship. If you work toward integrating these keys into your daily life, you will most certainly experience greater joy and less conflict in your primary relationships. 1. Respect Every successful relationship is built on a foundation of respect. Respect means caring about your partner’s wants and needs and always taking them into account before speaking or acting. The expectation is that your partner will follow the same guidelines. My official definition is as follows: Respect means putting the comfort, well-being and happiness of the person you’re with at an equal level to your own. 2. Loyalty We feel happy when we know that someone has our backs. Relationships have the greatest success when each partner focuses on supporting one another at all times. This means that if someone is antagonizing your partner, you will either back your partner up directly or support him or her from behind the scenes. This also means that if your partner has done something you believe is wrong or that you don't approve of, that you speak to him or her privately about the issue, never in front of others. 3. Priority If you want to build a stronger positive relationship, let your partner know that he or she is a priority. Commit time and energy to talking and addressing each other’s wants and needs. Be sure that the two of you have “quality time” alone to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Even though work, children and other obligations are also priorities, find the balance so that your partnership is not neglected. 4. Pick Your Battles Strong and happy couples know when to bring up issues and when to put them aside. My rule of thumb: If you can let something go, move on and still enjoy your partner … let it go! If you cannot move on and are ruminating or worrying about something, then bring it up. When you do bring it up, make sure it is in a calm manner, in private and at a good time for you two to discuss it. Never bring something upsetting up in bed, and never in earshot of children or other family or friends. And if you know your partner is sensitive about a specific subject, be intentional about you bring it up in conversation. Some people are more reactive to certain topics, and you want to be careful not to hurt their feelings. If you calmly approach the topic, you are more likely to receive an amiable response and resolve the issue at hand. If you want to continue to develop the way you discuss sensitive issues with your partner, consider scheduling a couples therapy session expert counselors. Read more: Play Nice, Fight Fair 5. Loving Gestures The concept “Actions speak louder than words” is an important one when it comes to relationships. It is not enough to simply feel that you love someone, you must also show that you love that person. Use kind words, be physically affectionate, leave little love notes around the house … whether it’s a verbal gesture or a material one, make sure that you are letting your partner know in no uncertain terms that you love him or her. Take the Quiz: What's Your Communication Style? 6. Put in the Work Partners in a successful relationship understand that you need to put in the work to keep things running smoothly. That means sometimes you need to do things that you do not want to do because it matters to your partner. Other times it means you have to put in that extra effort to calm down or hear out your partner’s concerns, even if that isn’t the easiest or most convenient thing to do in the moment. Relationships take a lot of work if they are going to be happy, successful and long-lasting. 7. Focus on the Positives Even the best of relationships have challenges, and even the most wonderful of partners can have less-than-stellar moments. When times are tough, those who are seeking a happy relationship will combat the negative with a positive. If your mate is irritable after a long day, remind yourself about that great time you had last weekend or how funny he or she can be. If you have found that your partner is a bit messy, for example, and it doesn’t seem to change, focus on the fact that he or she is a great cook or a terrific parent. Reverse your thinking to remind yourself that your mate has great qualities and that you are happy to be together. Read more: How Close is Your Relationship? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Self-Care

Nothing Compares to You

I was 8 years old the first time I had the feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I had just moved schools; all of the other girls at my new school wore designer jeans and took private dance lessons from someone named Miss Barbara, while I went to the community center. The other girls seemed wealthier, prettier, more sophisticated, more confident. I felt like a loser next to them, and so I became desperate to fit in. I would have done anything to be like them and be liked by them. This kind of social comparison led to decades of feeling unworthy, unlikable and just plain not enough. As a teen I thought, if I could just wear different jeans or make the cheerleading squad, then I would be enough. At some point though, the comparison turned from motivating to self-defeating. For years, I thought I was the only one who eyed other women with envy, who walked into every room and gauged my social standing by seeing others as more than or less than me based on their looks, intelligence and wealth. Why do we compare? Comparing yourself to others in this way is crippling—particularly for women. Every time we do it, we devalue our worth and kill our joy. So why do we do it? Thousands of years ago, social comparison may have helped our early ancestors survive. If your neighbors found food or avoided predators, it was an evolutionary advantage to watch them closely and follow their lead. Today, though, this evolutionary benefit is a hindrance. Research from Stanford University and elsewhere has long shown that constantly assessing yourself against others and judging yourself inferior is associated with depression, envy, isolation and low self-esteem. Plus, the more you do it, the more destructive it is because you build strong neural pathways of negativity. Social media: the ultimate comparison delivery system These days you don’t need a research study to prove it: Just look at your Facebook feed. Maybe you’re one of the lucky few who feels awesome watching everyone else’s highlight reels, but most people feel downright depressed staring at picture-perfect families, exotic vacations and promotions. We need to do what we can to help our adolescent kids navigate through this new minefield of self-esteem killing media. I’ve put a lot of work into healing myself and regaining my self-esteem and self-worth. The result is a joyous inner peace I haven’t known since I was a little girl (before I moved schools). You, too, can let go of social comparison and feel this way. Here’s how: 1. Have self-compassion It isn’t your fault that you compare, so be gentle when you do. Love the younger you who created these patterns, then give her a break. She’s done her job and you now can choose another way. Kristin Neff has done great research on self-compassion and has a variety of online tools you can use. 2. Reframe your worth Your value as a human is not based on what you have, but who you are. Ask your friends what they love about you and repeat that to yourself often to rewire your brain’s automatic thoughts. 3. Get support and heal Begin a self-care process to heal old wounds. Get support from a therapist or a coach and include anxiety-relief techniques like meditation, acupuncture and lavender baths. Spend time in activities you love and with people who feed your soul. 4. Claim your unique beauty Would you compare the beauty of a sunset to that of a field of sunflowers? Of course not. They are each beautiful and so are you. Know your unique strengths and build upon them to shine. 5. Be inspired (not defeated) by what you see in others It is possible to make comparisons in a healthy, positive way. My friend and colleague Emiliya Zhivotovskaya taught me to quote When Harry Met Sally: “I’ll have what she’s having.” Then create a plan to get it. Positive intention, encouragement and planning lead to goal achievement. One caveat: check in about why you want to be as skinny as Judy or as successful as Joe. If it’s ego, let it go. If it’s meaningful, make it your own and make it positive, such as saying, “I want to be healthy,” instead of, “I wish I were skinnier.” Whatever you do, decide to end the cycle now. Comparison kills joy and quashes self-worth. Enough is enough! Start loving yourself now, for who you are. Listen to our podcast: 5 Steps to a More Confident You with Carin Rockind. Carin Rockind is a speaker, author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) from the University of Pennsylvania.

Self-Care

Double Happiness

Life With Twins: The Mother of All Parenting Jobs On June 27, 2012, my doctor uttered this life-changing sentence: “Don’t be surprised if it’s twins.” My HCG level (the pregnancy hormone) was through the roof. As a 40-something mommy-to-be, I was thrilled just to be pregnant. Twins? I had a smile glued to my face as my brain raced with questions. Twins!? What do we need? Two of everything? How big will I get? My husband and I are both planners: We like to be prepared; he’s an Eagle Scout! But how do you prepare yourself for two infants at once? You can’t prepare We enrolled in a Parents of Multiples class. It was great to meet other parents of multiples and be reassured from the Mary Poppins-like teacher, but I laugh when I think back on the class now. Valuable lesson of parenthood: There are some things you cannot plan for. The teacher advised us to pack a bag for labor and delivery and fill it with a tennis ball for lower back massages, lollipops as a distraction tool, lavender oil for relaxation and a favorite pillow from home. We dutifully packed our bag and thought we were ready. When my water broke and we found ourselves in the hospital, all I wanted was an epidural. My husband dove headfirst into his iPhone so he could send everyone updates. My sister rubbed my back. All the stuff we were supposed to take was left untouched in our bag. Sydney and Riley were born five weeks early and weighed only four pounds each. Doctors let us take a quick peek before they whisked both away in a well-choreographed dance of tubes and tests. Doctors soon assured us that the girls were doing well and their NICU stay would just be for “feeding and growing.” In fact they were in the NICU for three agonizing weeks. The first six months is crazy town My mom moved in with us for three months to help. I was a human milk truck, producing so much milk that we stored it in a special freezer in the garage. My mom, husband and I started a milk-bottle factory: production, consumption by the girls every two hours, and nonstop bottle-washing. We were all operating in a sleep-deprived haze. My moods felt like a cue ball in a game of pool. I will confess: I had a brief moment when I wondered if I had ruined our carefree life of martinis, dinners out and watching the sun set over the mountains. Then I would take one look at our sleeping babies and all selfish desires dissipated. You do everything twice Two diaper changes. Two bottles. Two cribs. Two baths. Two babies waking up crying. You develop an intimate relationship with the baby monitor. It watches your precious offspring, and you watch it. The nurses in the NICU told us to keep the girls on the same schedule to retain our sanity. Our twins didn’t get the same message. You wonder why people without kids don’t worship their sleep time more. We get asked the same questions asked all the time: Are they twins? Yes. Are they identical? No. Do twins run in your family? No. Are you going to have any more? (laughter)" Twins create a sense of community There is something a little bit magical about twins (or maybe it’s just babies) that make complete strangers nicer. People exclaim, “Oh! Twins!” and just start talking with you. Usually, they know a twin, have a sister or brother who is a twin, or they are parents of twins. We always ask for their best twin advice. We often hear: Don’t dress them alike. And: Treat them like individuals with their own identity. It makes us happy to hear that twins have an inseparable bond and they will likely remain close as adults. I’m filled with gratitude I jot down three things I am grateful for in the morning to keep some sort of gratitude practice. Lately, I’ve discovered the things I write down are things they do or say. Riley says, “Music makes my body move.” Or Sydney says, “Mommy, you have big teeth.” I heard that parenthood can teach you a lot about yourself. I am still learning. I may still like to plan, but now I expect the plan to take on a life of its own. I think this is the magic of childhood and adulthood—letting go of how we think things should go and just embracing how wonderful things are. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

relationships

5 Traits of Resilient Moms

To be a parent takes patience, grit and an endless reservoir of love and affection. It also takes resilience—that partly innate, mostly learned, ability to bounce back from life’s little spills and giant collapses so that you can move forward with a sense of peace and happiness. Here is a look at five common traits resilient moms share that help them navigate the glorious minefield of parenting. 1. Flexibility Bend before you break, and adjust with flexibility. One of the things I have learned as a parent is that while some things are in my control, often children and their feelings and behaviors can turn a situation upside down. A resilient mom learns to roll with the punches. 2. Self-care It is important for all parents to learn that taking care of oneself is as important as taking care of others. If you are not well rested, fed and emotionally healthy, it is much harder to meet someone else's needs. You cannot help your child in an emergency if you are not functioning. Life is the same way. 3. Acceptance of imperfections No one is perfect. Resilient parents learn to accept the fact that we and our children make mistakes and have plenty of imperfections. Perhaps your child is forgetful or loses things. A resilient mom comes to realize that this just might be the nature of the child and invests extra time and energy in teaching them organizational skills instead of getting angry and worked up. 4. A positive outlook In life there will be good days, rotten days and everything in between. A resilient mom learns to focus on things that make her happy, and she remembers what she's grateful for to help her get through the more difficult moments. When you are running late, your child is having a temper tantrum and knocks over a glass of juice—it's frustrating, but remind yourself about the peaceful times, and even talk with your child about those times as a distraction from the chaotic moment. Be grateful that you have time with your child and that you are healthy and strong enough to clean up that mess. 5. A growth mentality Often as a mother, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine. Get up each morning, get the kids ready for school or day care, go to work or do things for the household, come home, have dinner and go to bed. And start over again. While there is nothing particularly wrong with this schedule, a person can become resentful without some fun or novelty added to the mix. A resilient mom realizes that she needs to continue to grow and evolve, just as the kids do. Taking a class, starting a new hobby…these are ways to continue learning and finding joy in your daily life. Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is an editor at large for Live Happy, and the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know.

Are You Living Fully Charged?

5 Ways to Flourish

Small Town Life to the Hollywood Red Carpet with Ross Mathews

Let Happiness Impact Your Bottom Line

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Your Brain Is a Mess—and That’s a Good Thing!

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

Double Happiness

5 Traits of Resilient Moms

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