Happy on Paper?

Happy on Paper?

In my practice as a therapist, I talk with dozens of people every week, and over time I have noticed a common theme: Everyone wants to be happy. Yet, many of us fail to achieve this goal, despite our best efforts. I call this the happiness crisis. You are ticking all the boxes necessary to be happy, and yet you remain dissatisfied: The dream job you worked so hard to get has a downside; you lost 20 pounds but you still have low self-esteem; your partner may not be such a good match after all. Where is that pot of happiness gold we were promised? Everything looks good from the outside A post on the Humans of New York Facebook page tells the story of a couple who landed in one of these happiness crises: “We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. We’d complete each other’s sentences. We got married two weeks after she graduated from UCLA, and we never stopped moving after that. We had our first child while we were in law school. Then we both had to pass the bar. After that we had to find jobs, and we had a second kid. At some point we just got into survival mode. It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made. We kept telling ourselves that things would get better once life settled down. We’d say, ‘Let’s just get through law school.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through finals.’ Or, ‘Let’s just get through this move.’ We never communicated things that were bothering us. After 13 years, we finally decided that the time was now. Counseling was hard. But we’re so glad we went because things are better now. And we feel like we’re growing again.” Cognitive dissonance Sometimes a happiness crisis arises when things are “good on paper.” You have the mate, the kids, the car, the house, the job, your health—and you’re still not happy. Subsequently, feelings of sadness, guilt or frustration can set in. Psychologist Leon Festinger identifed that people have a need for internal consistency. We want our experiences to match up with our feelings, and we want our thoughts and beliefs to be consistent. When they are not, and instead we are twisted up in a confusing internal conflict, the field of psychology calls this cognitive dissonance. This is perhaps why the happiness crisis can be so confounding: Everything may look fine on the outside, but inside we are suffering. If you are experiencing a happiness crisis, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Have you looked at the big picture? Make a checklist of all of the things that you believe will make you happy in life. Pivot and make sure they all ring true, and be sure to acknowledge and be grateful for those big-list items you have already achieved. Then create a strategy for how you will focus on getting/creating the missing pieces. 2. Are you guilty of making comparisons? Are you dissatisfied with your partner only because your friend’s partner seems more doting? Do you feel disappointed in your job only because your sister loves hers more? If your lack of happiness is based on envy, it’s time to adjust your mindset. Research shows that social comparison will only make you more depressed. We all have good and bad things in our lives. Concentrate on Question No.1: Be grateful for what you have and then work toward getting more of what you want. 3. Have you been brushing issues under the rug while building success and happiness in other areas? The Facebook couple is guilty of doing some of this. They were busy climbing professional ladders and raising a family, and in the process they stopped nurturing their relationship, and their communication came to a halt. Once they identified the problem areas in their marriage, they were able to reconnect and came out of their happiness crisis. 4. Are you bored? Sometimes feelings of isolation or a lack of things to do can make us overanalyze and critique parts of our lives. Take up a new hobby, plan more date nights with your mate. If you have free time, reach out to friends and people in your community to see what opportunities exist for volunteering and giving back. 5. Have you changed? As we grow older, our values and ideals evolve, and we often forget to examine and readjust our goals. A friend of mine used to be “a shopper”—every time she had extra money she spent it at the mall. She realized that it had become a habit; she had a closet full of things that she didn’t wear. She had grown “numb to shopping,” and that made her unhappy. After reflection, she discovered a desire to travel and now spends her former mall time planning fun and stimulating adventures. Take stock of all of the positive things in your life and focus on the feelings they evoke. Sometimes just increasing our awareness and gratitude for what we already have can provide a new perspective that increases our happiness. Listen to our podcast with Stacy Kaiser on The Perfect Parent. STACY KAISER, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, media personality and Live Happy editor at large.
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Is Your Fitness Tracker Making You Miserable?

Is Your Fitness Tracker Making You Miserable?

If you have a love/hate relationship with your fitness tracker, then you are typical of many Americans. When you first buy the device, you are excited to watch your steps add up throughout the day. You love checking the app and charting your progress. You find it energizing to hit that goal of 10,000 steps, and you literally step up your activity, exercising more. But as the novelty wears off, you start falling short of your goal. Perhaps you begin to feel guilty and start looking around for creative ways to get those 10,000 steps in....Next thing you know, you've strapped the device on your 8-year-old son and told him to run on the treadmill! Yes, it's a sad story but not an unusual one. In the end, you found a way to hit that 10,000 steps all right, but the fitness tracker stopped doing what it was designed to do: make you healthier and more active. The agony of outcomes In January, the Journal of Consumer Research published a study that found people who consistently measured their activity with a tracking device actually began to get less enjoyment out of their movement. While the tracker was successful in encouraging people to move more, it also began to rob them of their well-being. Instead of feeling like a pleasurable break from work, that afternoon walk instead began to feel like just another form of work. “While measurement increases how much of an activity people do…it can simultaneously reduce how much people enjoy those activities,” says researcher Jordan Etkin, Ph.D. “This occurs because measurement can undermine intrinsic motivation.” By turning their focus to output, such as the number of steps or how many calories they were burning, the study found, people who used trackers lost their enjoyment in whatever it was they were doing. Read more: Making Motivation Work The measure of success Fortunately, a study published in the journal Psychology of Well-Being in June found that not all who don a device are doomed. A team led by Evangelos Karapanos of the Cyprus University of Technology discovered that how you use such fitness devices makes a big difference in the way it can affect your well-being. Those who used the trackers as simply a tool for storing information (rather than considering it a reflection of how well they were doing) found the greatest happiness with the devices. Many users were initially surprised to learn how much they sat during the course of a day, and they used this new information as a way to implement lasting lifestyle changes. Rather than feeling driven (or bullied) by their device, they actually felt more autonomous, informed and empowered. They also found psychological advantages: The Psychology of Well-Being study showed participants felt less bored and also better about their physical appearance when they wore the fitness trackers. They gained a shot of self-esteem just by wearing it because it reminded them they were doing something positive for themselves. But they also didn’t let it guide their idea of success or failure. Movement with meaning Plenty of science points to the psychological benefits of physical activity, and these two studies add a reminder that it’s not just what you do that’s important; it’s how you approach it, too. Activity for the sake of enjoyment is a double thrill for the mind and body; you get the joy of movement and the reward of doing something you love. So whether that’s playing badminton, riding a bike or mastering the latest Just Dance Xbox game, let yourself enjoy the moment. Take a walk, stop and smell the roses…without stopping to check how many more steps you need to go. Even better, take off the tracker and turn off the pressure. Maybe try rediscovering what it’s like to get out there and move just because you like it. You just might be surprised how much better that makes you feel than hitting your 10,000 steps for the day. Read more: More Fun, More Fitness Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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Coxless Crew Rowing the Pacific

Rowing the Pacific

Out in the middle of the vast and unpredictable Pacific Ocean, wonders abound. For the U.K. women who would spend nine months rowing across the ocean in the 29-foot carnation-pink carbon fiber boat they’d named Doris, those wonders were a balm to extreme sleep deprivation, seasickness, constant pain from pressure wounds and a few too many meals of freeze-dried beef curry. Dolphins, sea turtles, breaching whales and a friendly shark the crew dubbed “Eduardo” swam within an oar’s distance of Doris. Surrounded by an ever-changing seascape and a 360-degree horizon, “it was effortless to stay in the moment,” says crew member Natalia Cohen. “Sometimes at night the water was so still and  at that the stars were reflected perfectly and we felt like we were rowing through the galaxy.” The Coxless Crew The team hadn’t known each other before this epic journey. It all began with Laura Penhaul, 32, a physiotherapist for the British Paralympics who is also a marathoner and triathlete. She had been planning to join an all-female crew that was rowing the 2,500 miles of the Indian Ocean. When that fell apart, she widened her ambitions to crossing the Pacific. Laura wanted, she says, to “find my own abilities and to challenge myself to get a glimpse of what it is you draw on when the odds are against you.” Natalia, 40, had been managing a safari lodge in Tanzania when she saw the listing Laura had placed on a website called Escape the City. It asked, “Are you woman enough to row the Pacific?” Though Natalia had no rowing experience, she loved the ocean and was a diehard adventurer. “I’ve always chosen to follow opportunities outside my comfort zone,” she says, “because I believe that’s where you have the deepest experiences and can explore the power of your mind and the human spirit.” Emma Mitchell, 30, who manages a global expedition program for schoolchildren, was the third crew member to row the entire crossing. She’d once spent four months in the jungles of Belize, studying wilderness medicine and learning how to survive with only a machete. “When the opportunity to do the row came up, it was something that I couldn’t turn down,” she says. “I have always liked to challenge myself, and I love the sense of achievement gained from doing something that scares me.” (Three other crew members each rowed one leg of the journey: Isabel Burnham, 30, is a London lawyer and ultramarathoner; Lizanne van Vuuren, 26, is an osteopath, cyclist and triathlete; and Meg Dyos, 25, works for a London real-estate office and led an expedition that climbed Kilimanjaro.) They called themselves the Coxless Crew, because they’d be rowing without a coxswain and, not incidentally, without a support boat. On April 25, 2015, they set off from San Francisco, only to have to turn back 10 days later for repairs when huge seas flooded their battery hatch, setting off a fire. They would then spend the next 257 days at sea—some three months longer than they had calculated—stopping only twice, in Honolulu and in Samoa, to stock up on provisions. Preparing for the journey of a lifetime While the six women of the Coxless Crew achieved something no one had before in rowing across the world’s largest ocean, in some ways they saw their journey as unexceptional. “Everyone has their own Pacific to cross,” they like to say. As part of their mission to help women facing especially challenging crossings, the team made their expedition a fundraiser for two U.K. charities, Breast Cancer Care and, to support service women injured in action, Walking With The Wounded. So far, they’ve raised more than $75,000. Getting to the start line of the row was nearly as challenging as the journey itself. It took almost four years before all the logistics, including finding sponsors, developing a marketing plan and dealing with legal issues, were in place. “I was really naïve about the enormity of it all,” says crew leader Laura Penhaul. “It was like setting up a small business.” There were months of grueling training, including one exercise where the women rowed for 48 hours straight to test their stamina. They also worked with a sports psychologist, Keith Goddard, who trained the women in mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy so they could maintain strong mental and emotional health throughout the row and function well as a team. Keith guided the crew to come up with team values. (They settled on “Spirit,” an acronym for strength, perseverance, integrity, resilience, inspiration and trust.) Listen to our LiveHappyNow podcast with Natalia Cohen. Testing their mettle During the journey, the Pacific was true to its reputation as the world’s most difficult ocean crossing. Doris was pummeled by four-story high waves and relentless rain while the women, who were always leashed to the boat, rowed on. Temperatures rose to 110 degrees on deck. One day Laura was hit so hard in the head by a flying fish she was nearly knocked unconscious. When the team reached the equator and the area that’s known by sailors as the doldrums, the currents were against them, and for days they found themselves moving backward. If Mother Nature provided challenges, so did the living conditions. The team rowed in pairs for two hours at a stretch in round-the-clock shifts and slept only 90 minutes at a time. For bathroom functions, the women relied on the technique they describe as “bucket and chuck it.” They slept in the boat’s two cramped cabins, each no bigger than a two-person tent. Privacy was impossible. Tempers sometimes flared, including one especially pitched argument over a packet of instant noodles. Small wonder this is a journey few choose to make. When the team arrived at the finish line at the Marlin Marina in Cairns, Australia, on January 25, 2016, after 8,446 miles on often rocky seas, they had achieved two world records. They were the first team of six and the first all-female team to cross the Pacific. Beyond limits Even more important than those records, the Coxless Crew had fulfilled their personal goals of testing themselves and stretching their boundaries. For Laura, this meant learning to value the full range of her feelings. “I used to think if you’re a leader you have to be really stoic,” she says. But the first 10 days of the trip she was too violently seasick to hide her distress. “The whole journey has highlighted the strength in showing your emotions,” she says. “Being vulnerable within your team brings you closer and allows other people to support you just as much as you’re supporting them.” Despite illnesses and exhaustion, no one missed a single rowing shift during the entire journey. “We drew strength from one another,” Laura says, “cared for each other when someone was down, drew on humor to keep us going and allowed emotions to be shared and free flowing.” When it was painful to row because of sores on hands and buttocks or it was difficult to stay awake during a middle-of-the-night shift, the team members would distract each other with songs or quizzes, by retelling their favorite novels or movies, or sharing their life stories. “You rarely have the time and the opportunity to fully listen to people,” Natalia says, “but on the ocean, we were really able to listen and be heard.” Documenting the journey Amid all the rigors of the voyage, the women were blogging regularly and keeping video journals for Sarah Moshman, an Emmy-winning filmmaker whose credits include The Empowerment Project: Ordinary Women Doing Extraordinary Things. Sarah, who had equipped the women with cameras and hard drives, is making a documentary about the journey, called Losing Sight of Shore. The title is taken from a quote by Christopher Columbus and became an anthem for the women: “You can never cross an ocean until you lose sight of shore.” Ten days before the crew completed their journey, shore was almost within sight. Emma had finally drifted off to sleep in an “unbearably hot” cabin when Natalia opened the hatch to call her up for a row. “The salt sores on my bum hurt, the salt in my clothes is making me itchy and I can’t find a comfortable way to sit,” Emma wrote in a blog post. “However, the sun is setting in a glow of orange behind us and the sky in front of us glows pink with grey clouds. The beauty still takes my breath away and all of a sudden I’m not in such a rush to get to land.” To learn more about The Coxless Crew and their continuing efforts to raise money and awareness for women's causes, got to coxlesscrew.com. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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How to deal with bad-news overload

How to Cope With Bad News Overload

If you’ve begun to feel that turning on the nightly news is an exercise in personal fortitude, you’re not alone. Recent weeks have seen the headlines dominated by both man-made and natural tragedies, from terrorist attacks to twisters to escalating racial unrest. And let’s not even get started on politics. Jump online to escape with a couple of mindless videos, and you’ll soon find yourself wading through even more bad news. Friends and family use social media to weigh in on the day’s events and you quickly learn just how different their opinions can be—and how cutting the arguments become. Frankly, it makes it hard to find your happy place. Naturally negative Our innate negativity bias doesn’t help, either. While we are naturally drawn to events that are more dangerous or tragic, we also pay an emotional toll for that attraction to darkness. Studies have shown that continued exposure to negative news can lead to anxiety, depression and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Neurologically, when we’re exposed to negative programming for a prolonged period, we begin to interpret the world as less safe. We become more aware of negative events, which then creates a vicious downward spiral for our brains. Now for the good news: While you can’t change the headlines, you can change how they affect you. “A lot of it depends on how we listen to the news and how we balance it out,” says Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energy for Your Best Life. Joseph says it begins with listening with compassion, which requires us to let go of our preconceived notions and judgments. This takes practice, he admits, but it is key to developing an understanding of why things are happening to individuals and to entire populations. Use empathy, practice kindness “Once we better understand why bad things are happening, we can mindfully turn our attention toward little things we can do to reverse negative things,” he says. That might mean offering a smile or hug to someone who is upset or feeling down. It could be doing something nice for a co-worker. Send a thank-you note to a police officer you’ve never met; buy coffee for a stranger. You won’t just make them feel better, you’ll feel better, too. “When we do things like this, we balance the interplay between feel-good hormones in our bloodstream, like serotonin and dopamine, so you feel good, virtuous, rewarded and happy,” Joseph explains. “Those changes in blood chemistry and mindset facilitate a preference for continued higher-level thinking and problem-solving. This is a win-win situation, because we are simultaneously making ourselves feel happy, but contributing to the greater good by creating a loop of energy that is humane, healing and sparkling.” In other words, what goes around really does come around. And practicing positive or compassionate acts, even in the midst of trying times, will have a genuine impact on your physical and emotional well-being. “In philosophy, this is the power of the human spirit,” he explains. “It is powerful enough to establish pathways for new procedures in the brain and, hence, new circuits in your brain to help flow into states of happiness and health.” Easier said than done? If the solution sounds too simple, try putting it into daily practice and you may be surprised how much work it takes. Again, that built-in negativity bias will try redirecting our attention, but Joseph suggests the following techniques for cultivating some feel-good energy. Start and end your day with mindful physical exercise. Jogging or a morning walk while paying attention to the beauty of nature around you is a healthy way to wake up and can put you in the right frame of mind. Likewise, gentle mindful stretching or yoga is a good way to shake off the news of the day. Take a break from negativity—and know when you’ll allow yourself to be exposed to it. Sure, you want to stay informed, but taking in negative news before you have to do something important, like going to a meeting or greeting a loved one, can alter the energy of that event. Choose your timing carefully. Know what lifts your spirit. We all have certain colors, scents and songs that we respond favorably to; create your own positivity first-aid kit and use it when you start feeling drained or sad. Of course, we all strive to maintain that balance between staying informed and becoming overwhelmed. If you feel powerless, try taking action where you can—such as giving blood or volunteering with a cause you believe in. Doing so will give you a positive sense of engagement in the face of all that negativity. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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3 Easy Ways to Boost Your Energy

3 Quick Energy Boosts You Can Use Anytime

One thing we all want is an increase in high-quality energy. This is especially true when everyone is constantly trying to squeeze more out of you. It’s easy to find yourself reaching for that third cup of coffee before you even walk out the door in the morning. But wait! We’ve all experienced those high-quality energy moments of perfect flow, when you feel at the top of your game. These are moments when you are so into what you are doing, you aren’t even thinking about the task at hand; you just love it. Instead of feeling drained by the activity, you are energized, happy and satisfied you have performed your best. So where does this energy come from and how can you get more? Body intelligence is key Body intelligence helps you identify, harness and activate the energy you need to generate flowing experiences. This allows you to mix and match the right energy with the right activities in your life for higher-energy days. Your body is an incredibly intelligent machine. It works like an antenna capable of drawing energy from everything in its environment, including from within. For example, a weightlifter trying to lift 350 pounds has to tap into a different energy than a violinist playing a beautiful melody or a student trying to solve a difficult math equation. Body intelligence, essentially, refers to you and your awareness and ability to harness your body’s full energy spectrum. What you gain with body intelligence Practicing body intelligence allows you to figure out your daily energy needs. You replace energy drains with energy gains. You replenish energy while you use it so you always feel refreshed, perform your best, get better sleep, and wake up happy and ready to greet the day. Three energy bites to get started Beat midday slump. Instead of reaching for caffeine when your body is actually craving vitamin D and you’re dragging, refresh your blood chemistry with a short walk outdoors. The exercise and fresh air will revitalize you and the sunlight will melt away the melatonin (the hormone responsible for grogginess) in your bloodstream. Discover healthy environmental energies. Next time you’re outdoors, mindfully observe various sights, sounds, scents and other sensory details. When you feel a jolt of negativity or positivity, ask yourself, “What just happened?” Be specific. Can you identify why you are feeling this way? Ponder what reaction you would prefer to have in the future. Shift into a positive mood fast. Give your brain a good-mood neurococktail by looking at a photo of a loved one that you carry in your wallet or cellphone. For an extra boost, smile at your photo as you absorb the healthy currents into your body. For more on the mind and body connection, be sure to look for more of Dr. Cardillo's columns on harnessing healthy energy in the future. JOSEPH CARDILLO, PH.D., is an inspirational speaker and sought-after expert on energy teaching. He is the best-selling author of Body Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energies for Your Best Life. He has taught his methods to more than 20,000 students at various institutions. Visit josephcardillo.com or follow him on Facebook, Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., and Twitter @DrMindFitness.
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Maya Rudolph TV show

Maya Rudolph Takes Charge

Some people find the key to happiness on a mountaintop. Others on a meditation cushion or a yoga mat. For Maya Rudolph, the epiphany that changed her life took place in the makeup trailer of the 2011 blockbuster comedy Bridesmaids. “In my younger years,” the actress-comedian and mother of four begins as she recounts the turning point, “I was always searching for happiness, always looking for a better moment. I used to think that happiness was something that you could bump against or a room that you walked into. Knowing how to be present and happy with where you are and who you’re with and what you’ve got was an important lesson for me and the biggest thing I want to teach my children.” The Bridesmaids' epiphany Fast forward to the making of Bridesmaids. With Maya as a bride-to-be, Kristen Wiig as her maid of honor and Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne, Ellie Kemper and Wendi McLendon-Covey as the rest of her bridal party, getting ready for each day’s shoot was like prepping for a real-life wedding. “We had this insanely long makeup trailer where the six of us would get our hair and makeup done,” Maya says. “You’re always tired because the call time was an ungodly 5:30 or 6 a.m. I was especially grumpy because I’m not a morning person, and my second daughter was only 7 months old so it was hard for me to be away from her. I'm in charge of making myself happy." “People would come in all the time and complain, ‘I’m sooo tired. I don’t want to be here.’ But I noticed that what I liked was when the door opened and the person who came in made you happy and made you feel good. Something in my mind clicked and I went, oh, I don’t have to react to other people walking into the trailer in a bad mood. And, I don’t have to wait for the person who comes in and is positive and uplifting. I can be that person who says a bright good morning and makes you feel good. “Recognizing that you can create your own happiness, especially when we’re getting all these different messages about what happiness is, was a shift that made a big difference in my life. It’s like emotional insurance. If I’m going to be at work and away from my kids and I’m working with people I love, then, OK, I’m going to make this day good. I’m in charge of making myself happy.” Live from New York As Maya shares this story, taking charge of her happiness is an easy task. She’s ensconced in a Manhattan hotel while she works on her new NBC comedy and music show, Maya & Marty, with Martin Short, a fellow Saturday Night Live veteran. The doorbell rings and room service delivers her breakfast—two poached eggs, gluten-free toast, jam and coffee. When the server asks if he can pour her coffee, Maya responds “Sure, why not?” with childlike delight. “This is insanely decadent for me,” she explains. “I don’t get to do this at home. I’ll take it. I appreciate it.” Maya’s glee in the morning’s peacefulness is understandable. Her three daughters and son, who range in age from 2½ to 10, are back home in Los Angeles with her husband, Paul Thomas Anderson, the Oscar-nominated director of films that include There Will Be Blood, Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love and Inherent Vice. Until her family joins her in a few weeks, Maya is enjoying life in a time machine that’s transporting her back to her late 20s. “I used to live and work in New York as a single person, pre-kids, so when I’m here working that old version of me kicks in,” Maya says. “I get a bit more sleep, which is rare, and I actually get to see friends, which is also rare. When I’m home with my family, the only priority is them. My kids always come first, and I don’t make much time for anything else. I don’t mind that at all. But this is a very nice way to focus on work without the usual guilt I’m riddled with. My kids are home and they’re in their routine. That makes me feel good.” Back to her comedic roots It’s been nearly a decade since Maya left SNL, where her repertoire of characters included Beyoncé, Donatella Versace, Oprah, Charo and, in the hilarious “Bronx Beat” sketches, Jodi to Amy Poehler’s Betty. After seven years on SNL, Maya went on to films that included comedies like Sisters, Friends With Kids, The Way, Way Back and Grown Ups 2, and animated pics like Shrek the Third, The Nut Job, Big Hero 6 and this summer’s The Angry Birds Movie. She also co-starred opposite Christina Applegate and Will Arnett in the short-lived NBC sitcom Up All Night. Now Maya is thrilled to be doing a variety show again, the perfect fodder for a self-described ham. “It really is the format I love the best,” she says. “After being away from SNL for so many years, I was craving performing in front of an audience again. There’s an incredible adrenaline rush you get from the immediacy of an audience response.” The new show is something of a follow-up to her 2014 comic-variety special The Maya Rudolph Show. But being paired with Martin Short gives her, she says, “such a great amount of confidence and joy. I feel this strange kind of calm that it’s all going to be all right. I’ve always loved and admired Marty, and he’s one of the loveliest human beings on earth. When he worked with my husband on Inherent Vice, I was severely pregnant and I came waddling down to the set just to watch him. He’s so lovable and so much fun to be with. I’d do anything with him.” Marty returns the compliment. The two performed together in February 2015 on The SNL 40th Anniversary Special, with Maya reprising her role as Beyoncé. “I thought our chemistry was kind of remarkable,” Marty says. “It was pure joy and fun and I thought, why not do more of this?” *** To read the rest of our feature on Maya Rudolph, pick up the September 2016 issue of Live Happy at a store or newsstand near you.
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Lorraine Toussaint's Everyday Happiness

Lorraine Toussaint’s Everyday Happiness

If you try to define Lorraine Toussaint by the many roles she has played throughout her career—including the vicious Vee Parker in Orange Is the New Black or the doting and big-hearted Donna, the mother of Dr. Beaumont Rosewood Jr., on the new Fox series Rosewood—you can see how good she is at her job. She brings passion and purpose to every character she portrays because she understands the brevity of each moment and is grateful just to be present. Her credo is to celebrate what’s lovely every single day. When she isn’t working, she maintains her website, everydaylovelybylorraine, where she shares her positive views on life. “We deserve to have every one of our days on this planet to be in some way, shape or form lovely,” she says. “And ‘lovely’ for me means authentic, real, transparent…and present.” HOW DO YOU LIVE HAPPY? Happy isn’t something that happens to me, it is a quality that I choose. Even if I am frustrated or challenged in the moment or going through a rough spot, it is one of my core qualities. So I am always aware that I am happy. I am happy to wake up; I am happy to breathe; I am happy to stand up in the morning. There are so many reasons why I am happy, but mostly I am happy because I choose to be happy. WHO HAS TAUGHT YOU THE MOST ABOUT HAPPINESS? The people in my life who have chosen to live unhappy lives. I watched the price they paid for unhappy living; it was active and it was a choice. Oh, good lord. Given the option I am going to choose happiness every single time. It’s a no brainer. So those really darkly depressed, complaining, ego-driven, narcissistic individuals in my life have really been my gurus. I am so not going down that road. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED OUT LOUD? This morning. I laugh out loud at myself all of the time. I laugh at my thoughts. I love the feeling and the sound of my laughter. I love trying to squeeze the life, the love and the joy out of my laughter. WHAT IS YOUR “GO TO” BOOK, MOVIE OR TV SHOW TO LIFT YOUR MOOD? I’m a real Scandal watcher, but I don’t watch very much television. I find a really good book on tape is a nice companion sometimes. If I need a laugh, I will tune into the comedy channel, just for the purpose of laughing. Mostly I like silence. I never have anything on in the background. I like hearing my thoughts. WHAT IS THE KINDEST ACT SOMEONE HAS EVER DONE FOR YOU? A very important woman in my life told me to trust myself above all others. Because you know yourself better than anyone. I remember the breath I took then, and it was such a lovely moment. I have seen so many acts of kindness. I went to Juilliard, which changed my life.…I have been broke as all get out, to the point where I had a friend sign a rental lease for me as collateral. I have had such kindness in my life. HOW DO YOU MAKE OTHERS CLOSE TO YOU HAPPY? I see them. I see the people in my life. I listen to them. There is nothing like being seen and feeling heard…and I make them tea. Many people come to my home and expect to be loved on. My doors are always open and I love on them. I like serving my friends and the ones I love. I create an environment where they can breathe deeply. That is what this home is meant to be. If you walk into a room I want you to know that I see you. That is a gift. WHERE IS YOUR HAPPY PLACE? The ocean. Anywhere there is water and being with my daughter is my happy place. My truly happy place is by the sea. I try not to be very far from the sea for very long. Chris Libby is the section editor at Live Happy magazine.
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Find Happiness in Your Headphones

Find Happiness in Your Headphones

In his song “I Believe in Music,” Mac Davis wrote: “Music is love and love is music If you know what I mean; And people who believe in music Are the happiest people I’ve ever seen.” As it turns out, Mac’s observation might have been more than a songwriter’s musings; it now appears to be scientifically accurate. In recent years, researchers from many disciplines have turned their attention to what music can do for our physical and mental health and why it seems to make us so happy. According to a study published in the journal Psychology of Well-Being, music is one of the most powerful and effective ways for creating lasting positive emotions. For many music lovers, the research is just confirmation of what they already know: Music doesn’t just sound good, it does good for your body and your brain. An officer and a musician While working the high-stress job of a police officer in Memphis, Tennessee, Susan Lowe used music as a way to let off steam and hit the “reset” button. “In the fifth grade, I went to see The Carpenters,” Susan recalls. “I saw Karen Carpenter up there playing the drums and knew that’s what I had to do. I went home and told my mom I wanted to play the drums.” She played in bands throughout junior high school, high school, college and beyond. When she joined the Memphis police force in 1985, she began living a double life of sorts, working full-time as a buttoned-down officer and then, after hours, drumming for a cover band that played the songs of Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Berlin and other chart-toppers of the time. “It was a total disconnect from my professional life,” says Susan, who is now retired from the police force but continues to play drums. “It’s a great outlet for stress; when you’re playing music, you don’t think about anything else. It’s just about the music.” At 54, she says she still listens to music all day, whether she’s in the car, at home or taking a walk. As a child—in the days before portable music players—she would take her vinyl music albums with her on vacation. “I would suffer emotionally if I didn’t have music,” she says. “It brings me peace. I identify with the music spiritually and emotionally, and I see things all the time that remind me of a song lyric. I can live without a lot of things, but I could not live without my music.” She’s not alone. A 2015 Nielsen study found that 93 percent of the U.S. population listens to music regularly, spending more than 25 hours each week taking in tunes. We spend more time listening to music than we spend watching TV—and the good news is, music does more than just sound good; it also can have a positive, powerful effect on our bodies and our brains. The more researchers learn about what it does for us, the more hopeful they are about how it can be used. Always on my mind Although no one is quite sure just how large a role our connection to songs plays in our happiness, it’s obvious that the connection remains for many years. Research from Alex Korb, Ph.D., an adjunct assistant professor of neuroscience at UCLA and author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, shows that listening to music from the happiest times of our lives can instantly change our current states of mind. He says the music serves as a reminder of the environment we were in during that happy time, while our brain’s hippocampus connects us with it emotionally. “I don’t know how I’d make it through Sunday night without them,” says Gail Leavey, nodding toward the band that plays each week at a Nashville, Tennessee, restaurant. “This is the kind of music we’d listen to when we were young, and it brings back so many memories.” The Nashville Sunday Jazz Band has been performing weekly since 1992; Gail has been there since the first show. For years, she and her husband only missed a show when they went out of town; after his death three years ago, she continued the weekly tradition, bringing his memory with her to every show. At any given time, the band’s rotating lineup can include music session legends, symphony orchestra members and jazz faculty from one of the area colleges. They play Dixieland and early swing, which for 97-year-old Gail is a treat for the ears. “There aren’t a lot of people who still understand this music,” she says. But inside that room on Sunday night, where the median age is well into the 80s, there’s a youthful energy that seems to swell with the music. Most, like Gail, are regulars; they’ve become friends over the common bond of music from the turn of the century—“the turn of the last century, not this one,” Gail points out with a laugh. “When we’re here, we forget our age,” confesses Gail’s friend, Billie Stuck, who turned 98 in May. “This kind of music was always my thing. It’s the beat, the rhythm—it’s a way to express yourself.” The two women still dance, now with each other instead of their husbands, letting the music take them back to another time and place. “It’s like ‘Brigadoon,’” says Ellen Pryor, referring to the story of the enchanted city that would rise seemingly out of nowhere. Ellen began attending the weekly jazz sessions when her husband, Bill, was struggling with Alzheimer’s. Bill was engaged by the music, and she found a caring community of music lovers who welcomed and supported the couple. When Bill died five years ago, the band played at his wake; it also has performed at anniversary parties and even weddings for this devoted group of followers. “It’s become an extended family that was brought together because of the music,” says Ellen, who drives several of the women to the performance each week. “It’s hard to explain until you see it for yourself.” Music & memories To understand why music has such an effect, scientists have explored what happens from the moment it reaches our ears. While there’s still much to be learned, one thing that has become clear is that it’s an automatic, not a learned, response. Dr. Jon Lieff, a Massachusetts-based psychiatrist who specializes in neurology, says that music—whether we’re listening to it or playing it—stimulates all of the brain’s regions responsible for emotional processing. Babies as young as 5 months old show emotional responses to happy music and by the time they are 9 months old, they can recognize a sad song, and it affects their mood. As we get older, that connection to music continues growing stronger. Jon says that’s because in addition to the alluring sound of the music itself we have emotional connections—both positive and negative—associated with it. Late Show host Stephen Colbert, in his tribute to Glenn Frey during a show earlier this year, illustrates this concept well in recounting his first slow dance ever to the Eagles song “Desperado.” “‘Desperado’ is the perfect last song at an 8th grade dance when you have danced with no one,” Stephen said. A girl he knew said that she loved the song, which gave him the courage to ask her to dance and led him to take a “small, very small step toward manhood.” As Stephen recounted on his show, “This was the first time I’ve ever had my arms around a girl in my entire life.” He called the dance “one of the sweetest, most beautiful experiences of my life….I just want to thank Glenn Frey for what he gave me.” Ever wonder why you tear up during some songs, while others might cause chills to run up your spine? It’s all in your brain. The sound of music Daniel Levitan, Ph.D., a cognitive psychologist who heads up the Laboratory for Music Perception, Cognition and Expertise at McGill University in Montreal, is a former rock musician and music producer who’s won 17 gold and platinum records and has worked with such artists as Santana, The Grateful Dead and Joe Satriani. His 2006 book, This is Your Brain on Music, was the first to delve into the intersection of neuroscience and music. Daniel explains that listening to music releases certain chemicals in the brain, such as dopamine, that “feel-good hormone” that gets a boost every time you hear a song you like. It may help explain why we just can’t seem to get enough of certain songs and why they have the same beneficial effect on us regardless of how many times we listen to them. It’s not just the memories we connect to that certain song; it’s the way our brains innately embrace the music. For Susan, hearing music from the ’80s is a double whammy; not only does it bring back memories of her youth, but she has fond memories of playing those songs on stage. At a recent Cyndi Lauper concert, she found herself watching the drummer. “We never played at that level, of course, but we played songs like ‘She Bop’ and ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun,’ ” she says. “When I go to these shows, it really takes me back to some moments in my life that were really special. It makes me smile.” You raise me up Armed with a growing dossier of studies showing we are hard-wired to respond to music, researchers are now looking at how to use that information to do more for our minds. A review of studies published in the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience offers repeated examples of how music is linked to improved skills in memory, language, speech and focus. What’s more, “There are entire populations of people that can be helped by music,” says Dr. Ron Eavey, director of the Bill Wilkerson Center at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville. The center is the home of a research hub that studies how music interacts with the brain and is looking at how it might possibly help heal everything from autism to Alzheimer’s to post-traumatic stress disorder and pain. They aren’t alone in their efforts; a Boston-based company named The Sync Project, a global collaboration of scientists, engineers, researchers and musicians, is looking at how music can be used to treat such things as schizophrenia and movement disorders. For one of its first studies, The Sync Project is examining how music can help athletes improve performance during high intensity interval training. After Dr. Christopher Duma, a California brain surgeon, saw improvements in patients with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and autism when he began using music as a therapeutic tool, he created The Music-Heals Project. Partnering with Mike Garson, former keyboardist for David Bowie and grandfather to an autistic child, they composed Symphonic Suite for Healing, which in addition to being used clinically is being performed with symphonies to raise awareness about the healing power of music. As more evidence of music’s healing power is discovered, researchers, scientists, doctors, psychologists and teachers are among those looking at ways to apply the findings and delve deeper into the secrets locked inside the notes. So happy together As much as music affects us individually, it becomes even more powerful when shared with others. Data from a number of top brain researchers confirms that listening to music with someone else can release prolactin, a bonding hormone. And singing together releases oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust. It even can help strengthen the immune system. A study by Tenovus Cancer Care, a British cancer charity, and the Royal College of Music, published earlier this year in the journal ecancermedicalscience, showed that cancer patients who sang in a choir for just one hour showed significant reduction in stress hormones such as cortisol and improved moods. They also registered an increase in the amount of cytokines, a protein found in the immune system that can boost the body’s ability to fight illness. Improved mood has been linked to lower levels of inflammation, which is often associated with serious illness, and the results were so compelling that Tenovus is now conducting further studies to see what kind of long-term rewards can be reaped when patients spend time singing with others. Of course, you don’t have to be ill or depressed to benefit from sharing music with others. “There are so many ways that music brings us together,” Jon says. “I don’t know exactly how it works, but it does. When you’re grooving on music together, there are synchronous brainwaves that occur. Music can bring people together through shared experiences or a shared song.” Grooving to the music In a live music setting, those feelings and forces can feel even more intense. Even though she no longer plays in a band, Susan says that music remains an important part of her life; she still plays the drums (“for fun and exercise”) and takes in about 60 live shows a year. “Seeing live music puts me in a different place, mentally,” she says. “You’re in the moment and just enjoying what’s happening. I’m watching the performers and the way they interact with each other. It’s a complete escape.” She has made lasting friendships at shows, both with the performers and with other fans. And she carries the memories with her. “One time during the late ’80s, we opened for Berlin, and during their set, one of their keyboards caught on fire,” she recalls. “It was like this unexpected pyrotechnic show! I think about that when I listen to their music, because it really stands out in my memory. We’re going to see them [on tour] this year, and having that experience makes me look forward to seeing them even more.” Jon says that the pre-existing history we have with certain songs amplifies the effects of listening to them at a concert; we then increase our connection with them each time we experience them differently. “When you go to a concert, you have memories that you connect with those songs, you know the history of the band, you’re hearing music and your body is moving. It has a broad, emotional meaning, and it’s involving all these different parts of the brain at the same time.” Jon adds that, with so many benefits—both known and yet to be discovered—music’s unique role as both a physical and emotional healer should be explored and enjoyed more fully. “It’s one of the most powerful spiritual forces out there for bringing people together,” he says. Listen to our Live Happy Summer Playlist! Paula Felps is the Science Editor at Live Happy magazine.
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friends having picnic on the beach.

8 Tips to Find Your Own Tribe

When you spend time with people who enjoy doing the same things you do—like playing music or dancing—the benefits to your body and mind just keep on coming. Connection leads to greater happiness. A sense of belonging boosts your immune system. And you can even reach a state of heightened consciousness called flow. Many positive psychologists have identified relationships with others as the most important feature of a long and happy life. Dan Buettner, founder of the Blue Zones movement, believes loneliness is the greatest public threat to health in the United States. People who feel they are an integral part of a tight-knit group, on the other hand, seem to thrive. So if you think you could use a little more connection and cohesion with other people, how do you get started? Here are a few ideas. 1. Follow your passions Do you excel at chess? Love to run? Never miss an opportunity to watch classic films? Sometimes as we get older, we let go of interests outside of work and family. You may need to think back to childhood or adolescence to realize what your talent or passion is. Once you find that, let it direct you to a community of like-minded people or organizations that specialize in what you love to do. 2. Go with a friend Do you have a friend who posts ecstatic photos on Facebook of her rock-climbing club? Are you intrigued by your neighbor’s involvement with the local community theater? Ask if you can come along to explore or look behind the scenes. Or investigate a new activity or group with like-minded friends; it will make it even more fun. 3. Venture outside your comfort zone A great way to meet people is to stretch yourself by charting new territory, perhaps by trying something you’ve been intrigued by but afraid to attempt until now. You may end up discovering a whole new talent or side of yourself. When you show courage and grit, you are even more likely to bond with the people surrounding you. You’ll never find out if it’s for you unless you take the risk. 4. Start online, but take it to the real world The web has made everything easier, including meeting like-minded people. You can find special interest groups and fan board for everything from Star Wars fanatics to knitting mavens. And Google is your best friend when it comes to finding any kind of activity in your area. But online groups can remain virtual and anonymous, and if you never make it out of your living room, you won't reap most of the benefits of belonging and connection that positive psychologists are so excited about. Meetup.com is a great place to start in terms of joining an actual community. Hashmeet is a new app that easily lets you start a new group in your area. 5. Join the congregation If you haven’t been to your church, mosque or synagogue for a while, it could be time to give it another look. These traditional communities offer a number of group activities, from scripture study to community volunteering to movie nights or weekly potluck dinners. 6. Get physical Doing a fun physical activity with other folks is a fantastic way to form social bonds. But the gym can be a pretty cold and anonymous place. Fitness programs like Camp Gladiator, SoulCycle, and CrossFit are a little intimidating, but they do break out of the typical gym atmosphere and inspire a kind of cult-like attachment in their members. If you find a yoga or Zumba class that you love, be consistent—go week after week—and you will start seeing the same people again and again. The more you get together (and sweat together), the greater chance you’ll start to get to know each other. Read more: More Fun, More Fitness 7. Volunteer Volunteering in a group is a bonding experience that can change your life, as well as the lives of those you help. In addition to congregations, above, and local schools, we've put together this very incomplete list of national organizations that offer group volunteer opportunities: Habitat for Humanity Volunteer Match Jewish Family Services Catholic Charities ASPCA Meals on Wheels, USA 8. Take the initiative Don’t wait for someone to invite you to join their cooking club or poker night—take the initiative and start one yourself! Call a few friends, put out a notice on Facebook and find out who might want to join in. Just because you started it doesn’t mean you are responsible for hosting every time. You are just kicking things off. Read more: Meet three people who found their tribe and thrived! Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy.
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33 Ideas for Summer Fun

33 Ideas for Summer Fun

While the weather is warm and the days are long, spend your free time having fun with the people you love! 1. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” —Ron White 2. Host a star-spangled soirée. 3. Listen to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys. 4. Enjoy a homemade ice cream social. 5. Create your perfect pool party playlist. 6. Read A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway. The most essential part of my day is a proper dinner.” —Rachael Ray 8. “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” —Albert Camus 9. Listen to “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. 10. Go “glamping” in style. 11. Turn your backyard into a movie theater. 12. Listen to “Saturday Night” by the Bay City Rollers. 13. “You have to live life to its full chorizo.” —Mario Batali 14. Have a “make your own pizza” party. 15. Let it all loose on Labor Day. For the happiest life, days should be rigorously planned, nights left open to chance.” —Mignon McLaughlin 17. Listen to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. 18. Read Sage Living: Decorate for the Life You Want by Anne Sage. 19. Make it a great day for croquet. 20. Attend a progressive dinner party. 21. “Life itself is the proper binge.” —Julia Child 22. Go berry picking. 23. Read The Art of Mingling by Jeanne Martinet. 24. “It is not length of life, but depth of life.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson 25. Plan a road trip to the nearest national park. 26. Read One Summer: America, 1927 by Bill Bryson. 27. Catch and release butterflies or lightning bugs. 28. Listen to “Man on Fire” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. 29. Backyard BBQ! 30. “Grilling takes the formality out of entertaining. Everyone wants to get involved.” —Bobby Flay 31. Read The Butler Speaks by Charles MacPherson. 32. Listen to “Times Like These” by the Foo Fighters. 33. Play in the sprinklers.
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