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10 Reasons to Tell Your Story in Public

When I gave my first TEDx talk about the power of happiness, it was life-changing. Being able to express myself to a receptive, completely engaged audience gave me a new sense of freedom and creativity. I wanted others to find the same experience. Several years earlier, I created Stand Up for Passion, an alternative to TEDx, as a way for ordinary people to express their struggles and achievements in a public forum without fear. It’s a seven-minute talk, just you and the mic. I work with each speaker over the course of a few weeks to create a cohesive story around the theme of identifying and then following a life's passion. Since starting Stand Up for Passion, we’ve heard tales of spontaneous acts of kindness, survival, bravery, cowardice, kismet, lost loves and fresh starts. What I’ve learned from telling my personal story—honestly and openly—and helping others craft theirs, is that a kind of alchemy takes place. Certainly part of the point is to entertain the audience with a compelling narrative taken from a pivotal moment in your life, but in doing so you also form a closer bond with the audience than you would have ever expectedand experience newfound growth and catharsis at the same time. Here are the most important reasons why you should take the plunge and share your story with the world (or at least a small, receptive audience). You will definitely be happier for it. 1. To heal Everyone has a story to tell. If you feel something heavy is sitting at your core and you need to get it out, talking about it is the way to heal yourself. When you tell your story, you make yourself vulnerable. You embrace your shadow and surrender the weight you’ve been carrying. This is an incredibly powerful process for healing. 2. To gain confidence Speaking in public is one of our greatest fears. Another is exposing our inner selves. Why not tackle both at the same time? If you want to work on self-confidence, go on stage and tell your story. Make yourself vulnerable in front of strangers. Express yourself deeply and honestly. The more personal you are, the more you will touch people. Test your limits. 3. To find your voice We all have different ways of expressing ourselves. The goal is to find your voice: the character, the poetry in you that you may not know exists. You will find your own unique way of speaking when you are at your most personal, but you can apply it in any context. 4. To make use of your biggest asset Your life, your experience, your story is your biggest asset. Our stories are deep, raw and real. People succeed not because they find what works, but often by doing everything that does not work first. Thinking back through your life at the ways you have survived and thrived will remind you of what a strong person you really are. Then when you craft the contours of that life into a narrative worth repeating to others, you will discover qualities you did not realize you had. 5. To express emotions Most people bury or deny their emotions. But once we have exhausted every technology, what will be left? Emotions, not emoticons, connect us as humans. When you tell your story with honesty and an open heart you make a direct and powerful connection with your audience and open yourself up in new and unexpected ways. 6. To become more comfortable in your body When you speak in public, you use not just your voice, but your whole physicality. In order to give meaning to your story, to make a connection with your audience and to express a range of emotions, you will need to truly be present in your whole body, aware and conscious of your movements, yet unselfconscious, almost like a dancer. 7. To become aligned Once your story is out, and you have fully connected with an audience that sees the real you, you are aligned. In other words, you are no longer hiding anything—no longer holding anything back. Your shadow has been exposed to the light and your mind-body-soul are in alignment. Happiness follows alignment. 8. To make negativity disappear Once you let out your story, you can use this event to “anchor” you in life. After telling your story and finding clarity and alignment, it will be easy for you to allow the negative energy or people around you to go away. 9. To create community Happiness comes from a group that forms around you, and with whom you share the same values. This community of like-minded people will come to you naturally once you share your story because they have seen the values that you both share. In addition, by crafting and telling your story, you have clarified your own values and vision for yourself. This allows you to go out and find the kind of community that will be right for you. 10. To become a storyteller Once you have crafted your first story, you will start to notice threads of narrative that run through other aspects of your life, such as your work and your family. Seeing the world through a storyteller’s lens is an enriching way to look at life. It is one way to bring a sense of meaning to an otherwise chaotic world. Arnaud Collery is an award-winning comedian, filmmaker and founder of StandupforPassion.com with events in Tokyo, London and New York. He is also aTEDx speaker on happiness and TEDx coach. Find more at arnaudcollery.com.

relationships

5 Tips to Maintain a Happy Relationship

I like to think of a committed relationship as a “journey from me to us.” Two unique people, with distinct thoughts, ambitions, and personalities now share their lives. But no matter how compatible you may be in the beginning, you will still face unexpected challenges along the way. Just as in any other journey, in order to meet these challenges, it’s helpful to have a map and a plan. As a life-long pragmatist I’ve accumulated a number of tools to help me navigate the exhilarating terrain of love and relationships. Here are my top five. I hope you find them easy to understand and useful to improve your relationship. 1. Keep each other close We all have limited amounts of emotional capital. It can be difficult to maintain intensely close relationships with more than a few people, so make sure one is your partner. If your busy lifestyle has you spending more time with friends and acquaintances than with the person you call your partner, reconsider your priorities. While absence might make the heart grow fonder, too much time apart can also result in emotional distance. When I find myself overly committed with social engagements and not home often enough, then I know I have to make a change. If I want to be emotionally close to my partner, I have to make sure we’re spending enough quality time together. 2. Find your own happiness You can never make someone else feel happy, and that obligation can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. people in relationships need to find their own happiness without expecting their partners to make them happy. Develop your own interests, take good physical and emotional care of yourself. Make time for what pleases you and makes you feel content. Structure your life to include time for those things. If I make myself happy and my partner makes herself happy ̶ then we will have lots of happiness to share with each other. 3. Be forgiving Sometimes, even the most loving of partners can say or do something petty or thoughtless. In an unhealthy relationship this could resort in a tit-for-tat race to the bottom of bad behavior. In this way, small slights can soon escalate out of control. If this happens often it can permanently damage a relationship. So when your partner says or does something hurtful, rather than retaliate, try to forgive. Take the high road. That way, if you say or do something your partner finds hurtful (and it is bound to happen) he or she will forgive you in kind. 4. Always keep the big picture in mind As a relationship moves forward, it’s all too easy to lose sight of the big picture, especially during emotional strain and conflict. We tend to become petty and focus on things that don’t matter in the big scheme of things. Remember that your relationship is more like a movie than a snapshot. It is a series of images that together tell a story. And, as in a movie, following every low point there is often a high point. Keep this long-term perspective in mind and you’ll both enjoy your movie better and be able to navigate any troubled waters you encounter along the way. 5. Lighten up There will be plenty of opportunities in a relationship to discuss difficult issues, but sometimes you just have to lighten up. One of the best ways for a couple to strengthen their connection to one another is to laugh and have fun together. Do you find yourself waiting to unload all of your grievances that have accumulated throughout your day on your loved one? Maybe your partner doesn’t want to hear only about the man who cut you off or the co-worker who won’t pull her weight. While there should always be space in a relationship to discuss the heavy stuff, make sure you find a balance. Make it a priority to have fun as well. Plan surprises, be playful, and don’t forget to laugh. Alan Foxis TheNew York Times–bestselling author of PEOPLE TOOLS, a series of self-help books that give powerful advice on building happy and meaningful relationships. He has shared his wisdom with national audiences including the Steve Harvey Show and The Meredith Vieira Show.

Giving

Alex’s Lemonade Stand

“You can get stronger through hardship if you focus on what you’ve gained,” Liz Scott says before a crowd of more than 2,000 who have gathered on the UCLA campus for the annual L.A. Loves Alex’s Lemonade fundraiser. Her voice breaks as she continues, “I often wonder what kind of woman Alex would have become. I know she’d be a wonderful daughter and a loving sister.” As the co-executive director with her husband, Jay, of the Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation, Liz has attended hundreds of these events. Her mission is to save other parents from the wrenching heartache she and Jay experienced when their 8-year-old daughter Alex died from neuroblastoma, a form of pediatric cancer. Alex had been diagnosed two days before her first birthday; when she was 4 she received a stem-cell transplant and hopes were high that she’d beat the odds. “When I get out of the hospital, I want to have a lemonade stand,” she told her parents. “I’m going to give the money to my doctors so they can cure other kids who are sick.” That first lemonade stand raised $2,000. When the treatments stopped working, Alex decided she wanted to raise $1 million before she died. As news of her courage spread, people nationwide held their own lemonade stands and sent Alex the proceeds. She died in August 2004, two months after she met her goal. Liz and Jay continued what Alex had begun. “We had the power to make a difference,” Liz says. “Everything Alex had done in her life was so unselfish, it seemed very selfish to stop.” The foundation has raised more than $120 million and funded 550 research projects. Liz has been able to watch children whose lives were saved by medical breakthroughs grow up and move on to college. “You have to give yourself permission to find meaning and happiness in your life,” Liz says. “I’m learning a new normal and a way to be grateful for what I have— including my three sons—and the work we’re doing with the foundation.” For more information on how to donate or get involved, go to alexslemonade.org.

News & Trends

Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me?

In his song from The Lion King, “The Circle of Life,” Elton John reminds us that, from the moment we’re born, “There’s more to see than can ever be seen; more to do than can ever be done.” Today, thanks to social media, we’re constantly reminded just how much there is to do—which often becomes a reminder of all the things we’re not doing. When viewed through the lens of Facebook or Instagram, it begins to look like everyone else is doing more than we are, or doing a better job at it, or having more fun doing it—without us. Before long, it’s easy to start feeling like a kid stuck inside with the flu on a snow day while the rest of the world is outside sledding. Universal fear The feelings created by this phenomenon are so common that they have their own catchy acronym: FOMO, or the Fear of Missing Out. The problem is so ubiquitous that scientists are beginning to study it, and the term has even been added to the Oxford English Dictionary. FOMO, that feeling that others are having a better time than you are, is what U.K. psychotherapist Philippa Perry calls “a modern take on the grass being greener on the other side.” And many experts fear that it’s getting worse. In 2015, the Australian Psychological Society conducted a survey on FOMO, studying adults as well as teens ages 13 to 17. Andrew Fuller, clinical psychologist and spokesman for the APS survey, reports that the study confirms what many of us suspected: Social media can make us feel isolated. “Teens who were heavy users [of social media] reported higher levels of FOMO,” Andrew says. “They report fearing their friends were having more rewarding experiences than them, being worried when they find out their friends are having fun without them, and being bothered when they miss out on a planned get-together.” Those who connected to social media five or more times per day showed the greatest levels of FOMO, with about 50 percent of the teens falling into that category. FOMO: Not just for kids It’s not just teens who feel the anxiety, either. An international study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that about 75 percent of the survey’s participants—who ranged in age from 18 to 62—experienced FOMO. What’s particularly interesting is that the very thing we’re using to connect with other people may actually be making us feel more isolated. “For those who fear missing out, participation in social media may be especially attractive,” concluded Andrew Przybylski, Ph.D., lead author of the study and faculty member at the University of Oxford. “Services like Facebook [and] Twitter … are technological tools for seeking social connection and provide the promise of greater levels of social involvement.” However, all too often those Facebook photos and Instagram posts serve as a reminder that someone out there is having more fun than you are. Turning to social media for connection may, instead, leave you feeling more isolated and left out. In fact, the international study, like the one conducted in Australia, directly linked higher levels of FOMO with greater social media interaction. Read More: Nothing Compares to You It’s not all bad…is it? Of course, social media alone can’t shoulder the blame for FOMO; how we approach it plays a big role in how it affects us. “We all have good and bad things in our life,” explains Eric Barker, writer and publisher of the Barking Up the Wrong Tree newsletter, which covers research-based formulas for happiness. “Focus on the good, you’re happy. Focus on the bad, you’re depressed.” He cites Paul Dolan of the London School of Economics, who says, “Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention.” Constantly comparing ourselves to others can force us to make “upward comparisons,” Eric adds. “That’s like comparing your paycheck to a billionaire’s. This is a prescription for FOMO. You could be focusing your attention on something great happening in your life right now, but instead you’re [directing your attention] to that friend who just bought a brand new Mercedes.” While it may be natural to compare ourselves to others to a certain extent, it’s not necessarily healthy. Nor is it entirely accurate. “On Facebook, everyone presents their best self,” Eric reminds. “They post photos of their fantastic vacation, not the lousy hotel room they stayed in on an awful business trip.” Read more: Is Facebook Making Us Depressed? No mo' FOMO How do you keep from getting sucked into FOMO? As Eric points out, it begins with where you focus your attention and what you take away from it. Here are three tips for giving FOMO the boot: Limit your social media time. “Rather than sprinting to your Facebook feed every moment there’s downtime, designate when you’ll check social media and, otherwise, stay off it,” Eric advises. “You want social media to be the place you visit, not where your head is primarily at.” Get in the moment. Instead of scrolling through other people’s lives, take a moment to be mindful of what is going on, in real time, in your real world. Stop worrying about what you’re missing and start enjoying what you’re doing; you’ll soon find yourself less concerned about what you aren’t doing when you start loving what you are doing. Resist making comparisons to others, suggests Rebecca McGuirre-Snieckus, Ph.D., in Psychologies magazine. “Look at the positives of your life, stop and think, ‘Wow, look what I’ve achieved.’” Comparing yourself to others won’t change your situation; appreciating what you have will only make it better. Read more: Living For Likes Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Woman with open book, her head filling with amazing ideas.

Reading

7 Best Books to Boost Your Brain Health

In the past few decades there has been an explosion of interest in physical fitness. We know that cardio workouts lift our moods and weight-training fends off bone loss. We’ve tried yoga and dedicated ourselves to the elliptical machine. But what about mental fitness? Now that Americans are living longer than ever, researchers, psychiatrists and other doctors are turning their attention to how we can maintain sharp and lucid minds, and also optimize happiness and creativity. Not surprisingly, many of the same practices used for physical fitness are also good for your brain. Each book below provides a slew of science-based tips to keep your brain sharp and your body healthier as you grow older. 1. Hardwiring Happiness By Rick Hanson, Ph.D. Want to have a happier, more peaceful brain? Rick Hanson says we first have to overcome our negativity bias, or how our brains learn more easily from negative experiences than from positive ones. His book explores his “HEAL” method: Have a positive experience, Enrich it, Absorb it, Link it to negative thoughts and feelings to soothe and eventually replace them (OK, that’s a long L). Practice daily and you can change your brain to a more nurturing and happy place, according to the book. 2. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life By Dr. Daniel G. Amen Neuropsychiatrist Daniel Amen offers scientific evidence on how to optimize brain function. The case studies he presents indicate that anxiety, depression, anger and obsessive-compulsive behavior are related to how structures in your brain work, and that you can in fact change how these structures work. His “brain prescriptions” to make those changes include breathing techniques, improvements in diet, meditation, self-hypnosis and writing exercises. 3. Your Creative Brain By Shelley Carson, Ph.D. Harvard psychology professor Shelley Carson, Ph.D., shows how brain-activation states (“brainsets”) influence the way we think, approach problems and perceive the world. Her “CREATES” model comprises seven brain-activation states that she says can enhance your creative brain and mental functioning: Connect, Reason, Envision, Absorb, Transform, Evaluate and Stream. She encourages the reader to use specially designed quizzes, problem-solving techniques and self-tests to tap into what she calls our most important asset, creativity. 4. Boost Your Brain: The New Art and Science Behind Enhanced Brain Performance By Dr. Majid Fotuhi and Christina Breda Antoniades Boost Your Brain offers actionable advice on how to get a “bigger and better brain,” based on more than 25 years of neuroscience research. Find out what foods help build new synapses and what key behaviors you should avoid. Dr. Majid Fotuhi explains that the size of our brains can be increased (due to neuroplasticity) in just a matter of weeks, resulting in improved focus, memory and creativity. To get a bigger brain, he recommends fitness training, stress reduction, meditation, cognitive skills training and improved nutrition. 5. The Brain Warrior’s Way: Ignite Your Energy and Focus, Attack Illness and Aging, Transform Pain into Purpose By Dr. Daniel G. Amen and Tana Amen, RN “The key to victory rests between your ears,” writes psychiatrist and best-selling author Daniel Amen. Fight against the constant bombardment of technology, negative news and a typical American diet that isn’t healthy, he says. While poor choices can lead eventually to disease, the book advises, thoughtful and goal-directed decisions can slow aging, help prevent dementia and improve your health, focus, energy and moods. 6. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain By Dr. John J. Ratey Exercise is a master key to brain functioning, says Dr. John Matey. Discover the role exercise plays in our mental processes and why it’s the best defense against numerous health conditions and diseases, including depression, addiction and Alzheimer’s disease. Matey’s research includes numerous case studies about how important exercise is to your overall well-being. 7. Eat Complete: The 21 Nutrients that Fuel Brainpower, Boost Weight Loss, and Transform By Dr. Drew Ramsey What you eat is directly connected to the health of your brain, says Drew Ramsey, a psychiatrist. Your brain impacts your mood, health, focus, memory and appetite. By fueling it nutritiously, your brain and body can operate optimally. With 100 recipes, Eat Complete shows readers how to avoid nutritional deficiencies and stimulate growth of new brain cells. Start your day with a cup of Tumeric Cinnamon Hot Chocolate if you want to slow your brain’s aging process, Drew advises. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Self-Care

Make the Best of Your Empty Nest With These Tips

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” –Dalai Lama My youngest child is heading off to college, and many of my friends are going through the same experience. Because I am a therapist as well as a mom, people ask my advice about how best to handle this tricky transition. It seems most Americans simply haven’t put a lot of thought into what it will be like when their nest becomes suddenly empty. Bittersweet mix of emotions Some of my friends have been downright celebratory about the imminent freedom from parental obligations; others are depressed and heartbroken—they wonder how they will carry on now that their jobs as parents have been taken away. Most parents fall somewhere in-between, with a mix of emotions. (At the negative extreme, some people feel devastated when their kids leave. They have what’s called “empty nest syndrome,” an emotional state in which a person feels depressed, lonely and filled with grief. If you find yourself feeling this badly, if it gets in the way of your normal activities, it is important to reach out for counseling and/or emotional support.) We are raising adults I like to say that we are not raising children, we are raising adults. From the early stages of life we teach our kids to walk, talk, be kind to others and find things that make them happy. We show them how to deal with anger in appropriate ways, to be respectful and so much more. As they become proficient in these areas, we take great pride and continue to teach them skills that will help them thrive and accomplish goals such as getting into college, finding a job, going out on their own and ultimately leaving the nest. All this hard work on our part and theirs culminates in what can be the greatest joy and one of our biggest heartbreaks. Yes, being an empty nester is bittersweet. On one hand we are proud to see our kids launch into the world and excited that we can actually have some fun and get some rest! On the other hand, our jobs as parents have changed and diminished, our houses are going to be quieter and we will worry about them in new and different ways. Read more: Parents: The First Role Models Here are common questions people ask me about the empty nest experience, and a few tips with each. How often should I contact my kids? Even though you will miss them and worry about them, when your kids leave home is the exact time when they may need to have a little space. It really depends on the child and what your relationship with him or her looks like. Try to adjust your interactions with your kids based on what you think they need and not just what you need. Have a conversation about what both of your needs are and figure out what works in terms of how often you will check in, and what form that will take. What are best ways to stay connected? Often kids are not up for talking on the phone, or your timing could be off from what works for them in their new situation. Sending a quick text messages is the best, most immediate way to check in. If you want to send a longer, more involved note, email works well. Send an old-fashioned care package filled with things they love and that will remind them of home. What do I do with myself in this new phase of life? Take time to experience your emotions. Grab a box of tissues and cry on the sofa, or talk to a friend who's been there and can comfort and advise you. Have fun. If you have free time, come up with new activities and hobbies, or pick up an old one. Reconnect with friends or even your spouse! Take a class and catch up on those books you’ve been meaning to read; fill your schedule with things that you enjoy doing. Rest. You worked hard, you raised an adult who is doing what he or she is supposed to be doing: leaving the nest. Take a vacation, go for long walks, sleep in. Plan for your future. Ask yourself what you want out of the next five or 10 years. If you have a partner, include him or her in that conversation. Set goals and get going on the things that will make you happy! Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Live Happy Tips for a Low-Stress Start to the School Year

Education

3 Tips for a Low-Stress Start to the School Year

The last weeks of summer—before the typical school-time scheduling overload begins—are a good time for families to evaluate what went right during the previous school year, and what could have gone more smoothly. Take a minute to think about those details in order to improve your planning for the year to come. For your first step, make a “Family Mission Statement.” Write down what you want to accomplish this school year, both for your family as a whole and for each person individually, and discuss your top goals. Do you want to spend more time eating dinner together? Does your son want to apply and get accepted to college this year? Would your daughter like to join the swim team? Or do the kids need less scheduling and more free time? These goals will help determine how you address some of the problems below. Problem 1: Chaotic first days of school The first few days are the hardest. Here are my tips for getting back on track after those lazy days of summer. Modify your kids’ schedule during the two weeks before school starts. This means an earlier bedtime as well as an earlier wake-up time. Review and revise your summer technology-use rules. Do they still apply now that school is starting? Create a “charging station” in an area away from the kids’ rooms. (Beginning at a designated time each night, kids bring their devices and plug them in at that area—and screen time is over. Plus, the devices are fully charged and ready for use the next day.) Problem 2: Homework I hear a lot from parents about how difficult it is to get their kids to sit down and finish their homework. Here are a few time-tested tips for getting back into the routine. Make sure others in the house know to be respectful and quiet when someone is doing homework. Create a designated home study area. Gather all materials necessary to complete any type of assignment, and keep those materials in the study area (this will keep a child from having to get up and search for something in the middle of working on an assignment, and since brain research tells us that it can take more than 20 minutes to get back on topic after a distraction, we want to avoid one at all costs). Find a container to hold all the supplies in case the study area is in a space commonly used for other things, such as a kitchen table or den. The container can then be quickly and easily moved when needed. Include a timer with the study materials to easily determine 20-minute study periods and five-minute break periods for getting a snack, using the restroom or quick mental or physical breaks. Problem 3: Extracurricular scheduling Ask yourself the following questions as you organize extracurricular activities for the coming year: Last year, did your kids did have ample time for homework, hanging out with family and friends and extracurricular activities? What were the logistical and financial implications for your family? Is the activity an outgrowth of your child’s passion and desire, or is this something you want for your child for other reasons? How many activities can you reasonably take on? What are the pros and cons of each one? I hope these suggestions will provide a framework for a more realistic and positive start to the school year! Take it one day at a time, and remember: even baby steps taken one after the other will result in a change of course. Good luck! Susie Wolbe, Ed.D., is an experienced educator who writes frequently about mindfulness and positive education. Her most recent book is The Empowered Teacher: Proven Tips for Classroom Success.

How to manage anxiety when the world is in chaos

Practice

5 Tools to Beat Anxiety During Tumultuous Times

If you’ve seen the news lately, it certainly seems like prejudice, murder, terrorism and disasters—both natural and political—are getting the upper hand. Maintaining your peace of mind and an optimistic outlook can be a daunting challenge when the news presents one negative image after another, accompanied by the commentary of an ever-changing roster of very angry people. As a clinician and researcher who specializes in anxiety, I can tell you there is hope—even in these difficult times. You do not have to allow terrible world events to produce chronic worry if you follow these science-based tips. 1. Adopt an optimistic attitude Research has shown that attitude is much more important than circumstance. The important thing is to look for joy in life, even during difficult or uncertain times. Optimism is the attitude that says “good things are going to happen,” and “my efforts mean something.” It is also the belief that good triumphs over evil and that loves prevails. These may sound like sugary truisms, but research shows that people who are slightly overly optimistic have the mental health advantage. Every situation has both a negative and a positive spin. I challenge you to try taking the positive spin and look for the silver lining next time you read or hear bad news instead of imagining the worst-case scenario. 2. Act on that optimism Go further by imagining what you can do to make a situation better and then take action to address that problem. You alone are not going to end terrorism or world hunger, but you can donate to a charity that addresses national or world issues, vote in an election, host a block party for your neighborhood to increase a sense of community and solidarity or volunteer your time to a cause that works to alleviate suffering or create societal change. Taking action reminds you that you are not a powerless victim in a tragic world, but instead that you are an agent of change and someone who lives to create a better future. Gandhi said it well: “Be the change you wish to see.” 3. Look for hope Humans are hard-wired to process fear-related information first (and blow it out of proportion as well). This is what makes it easy for mass media and social media to sell news that focuses on tragedy, disaster and human frailty. You can counter this tendency by seeking out news that reminds you of people’s capacity for greatness and compassion. Don’t just go on a media fast. Seek out news and stories that celebrate or promote compassion, gratitude and good humor. Subscribe to news feeds and blogs that focus on good things that happen in the world and share them with others. Elicit optimism and good humor from others by asking questions such as “What is the funniest thing that happened to you this week?” or “What is the best thing that happened to you today?” Take the time each day to write down at least three things that you are grateful for that happened during the preceding 24 hours. This practice has been proven to help alleviate depression if you do it regularly. Taking the time to be grateful is especially effective when you encounter tragic news because it reminds you of what is good and precious about your life. Get active in your religious or spiritual community. Research shows that when you regularly participate in a religious community, you have the advantage of receiving spiritual comfort and community support. In addition, spiritual practices enhance your ability to find meaning in tragedy and upheaval and feel connected to mankind, which makes us more resilient in the face of hardship. 4. Cultivate compassion Compassion allows you to reverse the angst caused by negative world events, increase positive emotions, increase positive perceptions of others and improve your ability to manage stress. Compassion is so powerful; don’t let it go to waste. Learn to be kind toward yourself and others—even those you might strongly disagree with. The best way to learn to be compassionate is to mindfully meditate upon wholeheartedly loving everyone and to engage in acts of compassion in which you strive to live the golden rule: “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” Compassion also means being kind even when the other person is annoying, fails to treat you well or misunderstands your good intentions. Compassion helps you view the world as your opportunity to express love rather than the place that is likely to harm you and destroy those you love. 5. Embrace uncertainty by living in the present The only moment you really have to live is the present. Worry will misdirect you into feeling as though you are headed for a frightening future. If you want to avoid worry by embracing uncertainty, then you need to learn to slow down, take a breath and take in the full experience of the present moment without judgment. For example, you hear a podcast about a terrorist attack while driving in your car and then you mentally slow down to notice the warmth of the sun on your face, the sound of the traffic outside your car, the solid feel of the steering wheel, the smell of your latte and the tightness in your chest from listening to the news. This simple act allows you to return from the netherworld of your worry into the reality of the present. It allows you to live more fully and consciously instead of becoming preoccupied with worry. You can train yourself to notice that even though the news is bad, there are many good and beautiful things happening in your immediate presence just waiting for you to notice and savor them. Mindful awareness allows you to cultivate a calm curiosity about the full experience of the moment instead of being overwhelmed by the scary information you hear and reacting with alarm. Lastly, remind yourself of the truth: Our planet has survived terrible disasters of both the natural and manmade kind before. The beauty of being human is the ability to forgive, love and carry on despite disaster. Resilient and joyful people are those who embrace uncertainty by choosing to live in the present with hope and compassion for everyone. Listen to our podcast with Dr. Karen Cassiday: Managing Negative Thinking Read more by Dr. Karen Cassiday: 6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., is president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and a leading expert on the treatment of anxiety. Find out more about Karen here.

Self-Care

Lea Davison Finds Meaning on the Mountain Bike

Mountain biker Lea Davison competed at her first Olympic Games in 2012 in London, and she’s on track to race again this summer in Rio. In London, she was just happy to make the team after rebounding from a serious hip injury that benched her for an entire season. “Just making it to the Olympics was a dream come true. Everyone says that, but it’s true,” says Lea, who’s 33 and from Jericho, Vermont. “To say I’m an Olympian has been my goal since I was a kid.” She, too, knew that if she was going to perform her best at the Olympics, she had to forget about all the hype—the pressure from the crowds, the media, her sponsors. “I was nervous for months beforehand, but you have to get that out of the way. On the morning of the race, I was able to be calm,” Lea says. “You try to treat it like any other race. Sure, there’s a lot of hoopla surrounding it—it’s the Olympics. But I just kept reminding myself, ‘This is just another bike race. You know how to do this.’” She ended up 11th place in women’s mountain biking and says walking into the closing ceremony alongside her American teammates was her proudest moment. “To hear the roar of the crowd was very powerful,” she says. “Seeing your country behind you and all of that support, it was just quite a moment.” Finding authentic happiness When Lea was a college student at a liberal arts school in Vermont, she took a positive psychology course. In the class, Lea, who grew up ski racing and started mountain biking competitively in high school, read Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. She learned about the three dimensions of happiness, as described in the book. First is the simplest form, which Martin calls the pleasant life—Lea describes this as “eating a Girl Scout cookie and being happy for the next 10 minutes.” The second state, called the good life, is about finding your own strengths and using them to improve your life. Lea says she found this easily when she discovered mountain biking. “You have to be present and in the moment when you’re navigating these trails and courses,” she says. The third and deepest level of happiness Martin calls the meaningful life, which is when we use our powers for the greater good. That, Lea says, took longer for her to find. Lea graduated college in 2005 and dedicated herself to a career as a professional mountain biker. In 2008, she and her sister, Sabra, decided to start a nonprofit organization called Little Bellas, which aimed to get young girls in their home state of Vermont into mountain biking. The program took off and they now have chapters nationwide to introduce girls ages 7 to 13 to the sport they love. Little Bellas is what helped Lea find her most meaningful life. “It’s worthy to go after your goals and see how far you can push yourself, but it’s essentially a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about how fast I can turn the pedals over,” she says. “But helping these young girls become themselves and figure out what they can do, that is what brings me true happiness.” “As an athlete matures, he or she begins to recognize a world that is bigger than just them,” says JasonJason Richardson, a former World Champion and Pan-Am Games gold medalist in BMX racing, who is now a psychologist working with Olympic athletes. “Even the best do not find as much meaning in just performing well in the arena when they become older and wiser. This is not to say that they are no longer competitive. It is to say that winning doesn’t have the same meaning as it did when they were a rookie.” Gaining perspective Cycling, Lea says, has provided her with many life lessons. “I could get wrapped up in all the details and be very narrow focused,” she says. “But sometimes, you have to just step back and look up from the trail and realize how beautiful this place is. You have to take in the bigger picture because there’s always something to be grateful for.” So we can’t all be Olympians, but we can watch them from afar, cheer for them as they take on the hurdles of their competition. We can take a piece of their experience and let it inspire us to live more meaningful lives. “We all should tune into the Olympics because those are the people who are taking risks and putting it all on the line,” says executive coach and author Caroline Miller. “When you see people giving it their best, you become awed and inspired. And when you’re awed, people tend to look up, figuratively and emotionally. It causes people to want to be better than they are already.”

Education

Does Grit Outweigh Talent?

You may remember this experience from your time at school: The principal stood in the auditorium and asked all the kids on the honor roll to stand up and come to the stage, while the rest of the students stayed seated and were instructed to clap. Awards ceremonies like these are intended not only to celebrate the successful students but also to inspire and motivate the other kids to strive for the honor next time around. But Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, believes that these well-intentioned scenes actually serve to cement kids’ place in school as either part of the “smart” or “not so smart” groups. “Kids really buy into the idea that they are innately capable or not,” she says. Yet Angela’s research has shown that academic achievement doesn’t come down to the IQ one is born with. What makes the difference is grit—hard work, practice and unyielding determination. In her new book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela presents her decade’s worth of research proving that grit trumps talent when it comes to success and satisfaction, whether you’re a freshman trying to make it through the grueling initiation at West Point, an athlete going for gold or a salesperson trying to make your numbers. Grit became an instant New York Times best-seller and sparked a “grit revolution” with readers professing to work toward their goals with renewed vigor and dedication. But the ultimate audience for Angela’s message, she hopes, is kids. As a former teacher, Angela’s personal mission and the ultimate goal of her lab work at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center is to “use psychological science to help kids thrive.” Grit, Angela has found, is a key component in helping students reach their full potential. But how do you teach grit? After all, we all probably heard the platitudes “Practice makes perfect” and “Don’t give up!” thousands of times when we were growing up—not one of which made us study harder, sit at the piano longer or play baseball better. Angela spoke with Live Happy about meaningful ways to encourage children to work hard, love learning and flourish. Model possibilities “It’s not about the slogans you put on posters,” Angela says. And it’s not about drilling kids—Tiger-Parent–style—on their multiplication tables or periodic elements. “I’ve been in the position as a teacher where a kid keeps getting a problem wrong and it’s frustrating,” she says. “But when you let your exasperation show through your body language, facial expression and behavior, it sends a strong message that you’ve given up on the student. Kids pick up on that. Instead of thinking ‘This kid just can’t learn it’ when he or she struggles, we should ask ourselves, ‘What’s another way to teach this? What could I do differently?’ ” Adults should be as resilient in our teaching as we want our kids to be in their learning, she believes. “The best piece of advice I can give parents and teachers is to model a genuine sense of possibility for your kids.” Encourage self comparisons When you divide kids up in ways that make some feel like they are smart and others feel like they are not, Angela says, no one is motivated to do better. “I’d rather schools send the message to students that they are a team that is all learning things together, and that all kids learn at different rates. Students should only compare themselves to what they’ve done in the past. I think that’s the most meaningful way to learn and improve.” Angela’s suggestion for everyone, especially kids, is to compare yourself to your “yesterday self” and improve upon it. Is your kid reading more sophisticated books than she was two months ago? That is worthy of applause. Foster a passion Central to Angela’s conception of grit is following your passion. After all, it’s tough to stay motivated if you don’t ultimately love and enjoy what you’re doing. She’s a proponent of picking one or two top-level, passion-aligned goals and organizing the rest of your life around them. But with kids, the calculus is different. “Interests need to be discovered, and it’s a messy and inefficient and fun process. Kids need to be on the track team before they can realize they don’t like the track team,” she says. The hobbies don’t have to be formalized, either. Your child may enjoy being in a dance troupe, for example, but baking at home is just as much an “activity.” In later elementary and middle school, adolescents can begin to understand what it means to intensify an interest. “It’s such a wonderful and exciting thing when a kid gets into something.” So gently encourage your children or students to see what it would be like to delve deeper into things, Angela advises. “Novelty is so enticing, particularly for youth, so you have to find novelty within the same interest.” If your son loves cooking, spend lots of time whipping up omelets, of course, but sign him up for a nutrition class, too. If your daughter enjoys chess, introduce her to tournaments as well as other strategy games like backgammon or Dungeons & Dragons. Fall down, stand up Setbacks are a part of every learning curve, and your kids look to you to learn how to handle failure. So when you run more slowly than you had hoped in the 5K or when you don’t land the job or client you wanted, talk through the problem out loud. Explain what led to the disappointment—you didn’t get in enough practice runs, say, or you didn’t research the company deeply enough—and what you can do better next time. And don’t give up! Sign up for another race, and go after another client. By showing that losing can mean learning, your child won’t want to quit baseball the first time he strikes out. “A big part of grit is being optimistic and overcoming frustration,” Angela explains. Losing is a great opportunity to show the difference that practice can make, too. “Young kids shouldn’t spend all their time in serious- or goal-minded pursuits, but there can still be room for tiny amounts of practice in their days that continue to grow as they get older,” Angela says. Try it for two years By the time kids reach high school, Angela believes they should settle into a few favorite extracurricular activities. Not that they can’t or shouldn’t keep trying new things, but teenagers and beyond would do well to follow Angela’s two-year-rule: “Stick to one activity for at least two years. When you come back for another season of, say, field hockey or debate, you’ve grown. You learn different lessons from it and you bring different and valuable perspectives to it.” That doesn’t happen when you hop around from the Spanish Club one year to the cheerleading squad the next and guitar lessons another. Angela’s team has found that students who demonstrate progression—“they become a section editor and then editor-in-chief of the school paper over the course of high school,” Angela gives as an example—are more successful in college. And way, way beyond. The grit that builds confidence in kids and enables collegiate success can lead to a lifetime of joy. When any of us put time and effort toward pursuing a passion, we are richly rewarded with a strong sense of self-worth and a belief in ourselves and life’s possibilities…or in other words, happiness. What more could we want for our kids? Hear Angela speak about the importance of positive education in our podcast, here. To read more about Grit, see our book summary here. Patty Onderko is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in SUCCESS magazine and elsewhere.

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