kid dressed up as astronaut.

4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids

When I was a new mom, I met a couple I’ll call the Jacksons whose primary goal was to raise their children to become achievement-oriented adults. While this is a common wish for parents, the Jacksons had a fairly extreme way of going about it. When their son was less than a year old, the Jacksons initiated a family policy that no one was to give him anything; if he wanted something, he had to learn to get it for himself. The Jacksons truly believed that if their child had just the bare minimum (of food, clothing, etc.) and was always in need, he would be motivated to find a way to get whatever he wanted on his own—setting him on the path to eventual success. In contrast, many “helicopter parents” harbor the same dreams for their children and yet lean toward the opposite extreme by hovering—offering too much guidance and praise. My experience has been that both of these parenting styles ultimately may do a disservice to children and impede their confidence and success. As a therapist, I suggest a middle-ground approach to parenting that yields the best outcomes for children in terms of success, psychological well-being and self-confidence. Albert Bandura, a psychologist and expert in cognitive development, developed the concept of “self-efficacy”—the way people view themselves as capable and productive makes a tremendous difference in their success. The best way for parents to help children accomplish this is by providing appropriate guidance, support and praise, while allowing for experimentation and even failure. The following key elements are essential for raising children to become motivated, successful and goal-oriented adults. Read more: Which Kind of Goal-Setter Are You? 1. Help kids build confidence in themselves Believing in yourself builds confidence, improves self-esteem and makes both children and adults take more risks, feel more motivated and work harder. If you want to teach your children to feel confident in who they are and their achievements, help them learn their strengths, tell them you believe in their abilities and point out both past and present successes. It may sound simple, but past achievements DO build future successes. Example: Your child is starting a new class, activity or sport. Let her know that it is normal to be worried about something new, but also that she has certain skills that she can use to apply to this new situation. Be specific about what those skills are and give examples of when she has used those skills successfully. 2. Help them understand the "Why" I have heard so many parents utter the following overused phrases: “because I said so,” “you have to do that because it’s your homework assignment” or “the coach/teacher/tutor/school said so.” While each of these statements may be true, they do not explain the reasons or benefits of doing that task. Homework builds skills, allows for practice and teaches concepts outside of the classroom. Our children need to understand these reasons, not simply that they have a duty. Example: Your child says, “I don’t like to read. I think it is boring and I am not good at it.” You respond that it’s OK, not everyone likes reading, but reading is important. You make it clear that as he grows older there will be lots of things he will need to read and understand, and the only way to do that is to practice. Read more: Making Motivation Work 3. Teach kids to look inward for competition and achievement Goal-oriented children learn that trying to do better than they did yesterday and the day before is much more important than trying to be equal to or greater than someone else. Each of us has a unique set of skills and abilities, and we need to focus on honing them so that we can maximize our own growth. During the recent Olympics in Rio, it was clear that swimmer Michael Phelps’ disappointment in his London performance in 2012 was a stronger motivation to excel than any rivalry. Example: Your child says, “Johnny is better than I am at math” or “Alexandra runs so much faster than I do.” The response should be something like the following: “Johnny and Alexandra will be better at some things than you are, and you will be better at other things than they are; we do not need to compare. Instead, let’s talk about how much faster you are than you were in second grade and figure out how we can help you get faster before next year.” 4. Help kids set reasonable goals and make plans to accomplish them Goal setting starts at an early age. It begins when kids learn to do homework before watching TV, or how to clean their rooms and make their beds in an efficient and effective way. As parents, we need to teach our kids what types of goals are reasonable and then help them strategize a way to get them accomplished. Example: Your child has a big project due in two weeks. You sit down with her to discuss how long it will take, what days she will work on it and the best way to get it done well. Then follow up with her to make sure she is keeping on schedule. If we as parents can provide support and guidance while giving kids the stepping stones to develop their own confidence and self-esteem—and let them learn their own lessons through experience—they will be well on their way to success. Read more: Are You Making This Common Parenting Mistake? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
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Person taking notes at a desk.

Which Kind of Goal Setter Are You?

I love that the beginning of the year is a special time to focus on self-improvement. I hate that it often provides an even bigger chance to miserably fail and feel bad about myself for months to come. As a positive psychology researcher, I want to crack the code of successful resolutions. My husband, Shawn, and I decided to conduct a goal-setting experiment, using only ourselves as subjects. We would employ two very different approaches toward achieving our goals, and at the end, compare data. The results have forever changed how I set and achieve goals and improved my self-image in the process. I’m hopeful our experience will help you better understand which approach will work best for your brain and give you the highest chance of goal-setting success. Experiment design The experiment would take three months, and we did it over the summer when the pace of life felt slower. Shawn would follow the science. I would try something completely crazy. We’d each document our results and compare final notes after Labor Day. The control group: Shawn Shawn followed the science to a T, and he was a lovable nerd through this process. Based on the research, he developed this formula: (Specific + Tracked) x Varied = Success Specific—Research shows that while it is good to have big goals, it is best to break them down into small, specific goals. That gives the brain more opportunities for “wins” as we achieve those milestones, which can act as fuel for the future. One of Shawn’s goals was to meditate more; he added a 30-minute session each week on Sundays. Each time he sat down to meditate on a Sunday, his happiness over that win fueled his meditation practice the following week. Tracked—Here is where Shawn’s true scientist came out. He developed a detailed spreadsheet that listed all his goals and tracked percentage progress to the finish line. He even made a bar graph. He applied the research he featured in his book Before Happiness that shows that when the brain sees it is 70 percent or more toward the finish line, it actually speeds up progress. That’s why exhausted marathoners sprint for the finish line. One of his goals was to play tennis four times with a friend he rarely sees. After just six weeks, he was excited to see that he was 75 percent of the way to his goal. Varied—Shawn came up with a range of goals. He wanted to swim a certain number of laps nonstop by the end of the summer, read a certain number of new books for fun (no research books!) and go on three dates with me. I’m so happy for diversification! And no work goals this time because work was busy enough. This followed the research that shows that by varying the areas of your life in which you have goals, accomplishments in one area can help motivate you in others. The experimental group: Michelle I called my approach to the experiment “The Summer of NO Goals.” Yep, you read it right! First, the back story: I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve. A. Lot. What this means is that I always have goals. I get swept up in the excitement of “how great it would be” to do this or that. I go for a run and instantly think, “I should run every morning. How great that would be for my body. I am going to run two miles every morning from now on.” I do it for three days. And then I am on to the next great idea. The worst part is that I have often felt bad about constantly not following through. And then we had our son Leo, who is now 2 1/2, and I have even less time to do anything. But that has been a blessing in disguise, as you’ll see from my formula. Mindful + Tracked + Play = Joy Mindful—Just simply deciding I was not going to set goals for myself during the summer didn’t mean my brain didn’t try to do it anyway. I had formed a habit of it. So I needed to cultivate mindfulness to consciously observe my thought patterns. When I did go for an occasional run, I didn’t let my thinking rob me of the joy of that run by plotting and planning the next 365 runs. I just tried to stay in the moment. I watched my breath go in and out as I jogged. I looked at the trees. Most times I practiced this simple mindfulness technique and felt refreshed, and that feeling made me want to run more. At the end of the summer, I had run 22 percent more than the previous three months. Tracked—Since I had no tangible goals to track, I decided to track progress in all areas of my life. I kept a list of small work projects I accomplished, how many times I went swimming, the number of times I played with Leo in the sandbox, etc. This tracking started to show me two things. First, I do a lot of awesome things during the course of an average day or week so there is no need to feel bad about myself. Second, I started to see how much I do of each kind of activity and which ones bring me the most joy. By consciously moving time from something that is not as fun like answering emails to something that is fun like playing in the sandbox with Leo, that 20-minute swing in the middle of the day energized me for the rest of it. Play—This one was simple. Every time Leo asked me to play, I tried to say “YES!” There are a lot of things that can wait, from doing the dishes to those pesky emails. I want to savor this time with him now while he is young, even if it means having a slightly messy house for a time. Play is memorable. Dishes are not. Results Shawn accomplished 96 percent of his goals for the summer and felt great about it. During my summer of no goals, I was blown away by my long list of accomplishments. I also had shifted approximately 9 percent of my time away from draining activities toward energizing ones. Small shift, great rewards And after the experiment concluded, I was recharged and ready to set goals again. Personal growth starts with each of us understanding what we need right now to inspire and propel us. That’s when applying the science helps. This year, Shawn’s formula might work perfectly for you, or you might need a mindful recharge like I needed. Or maybe it’s time to be your own scientist and come up with a new formula. What’s your approach to goal setting in the new year? Is there one goal you’d like to share? Join the discussion with me on Facebook at facebook.com/MichelleGielan. Read more: Let Technology Revolutionize Your New Year's Resolutions SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with over 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success and the author of Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national news anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.
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Two young people planning their lives.

How to Build Your Best Life

In 2007, a group of students at Stanford University’s design institute took on a daunting challenge: Design a low-cost incubator to save the lives of premature infants who were dying from hypothermia in poor countries like Nepal. While still on the Palo Alto, California, campus, the students began considering ways they could lower the cost of incubators by reducing the number of parts or using cheaper materials. But when they got to Nepal, they observed that many of the donated $20,000 incubators in large urban hospitals weren’t being used. And, as they traveled around the country, they noticed that the premature infants who needed those incubators were being born in remote areas. Saving their lives wasn’t a matter of retooling incubators but addressing a different problem: How could preemies in Nepal be kept warm enough in their towns and villages during their critical first days of life to survive? The students went on to create a miniature sleeping bag with a removable pouch that contained a waxlike material. When the pouch is heated in boiling water, the wax becomes a liquid, providing hours of insulated warmth without electricity. The device, called Embrace, costs just over 1 percent of what an incubator costs. It has since been used in 11 countries and has saved the lives of tens of thousands of low-weight babies. Exploring new pursuits A few years ago, Claudia Brown, a high-tech sales executive, was shifting into life as an empty nester. Open to exploring new pursuits, she began asking lots of people about the kinds of things they found interesting. On a visit to a state park near her home in Santa Cruz, California, she chatted with the guide who was leading a talk about elephant seals. Claudia had never heard of elephant seals before, but she loved animals and she loved the outdoors. What do you like about being an elephant seal docent, she asked? How much training does it take? If I wanted to become a docent what would be the first step? It turned out that there were five small steps before committing to the 25-hour training class. Claudia took those steps, one by one, and today she’s an elephant-seal expert and a docent at Año Nuevo State Park, home to one of the largest breeding colonies in the world for the pinniped. Saving lives with a tiny sleeping bag and finding meaning through work as a wildlife docent were the answers to problems from vastly different arenas. But those two solutions were arrived at through the same process: design thinking. It’s a human-centered approach to product design and problem solving that’s based on practices like understanding a problem through rigorous observation, generating tons of ideas with uncensored brainstorming and going out in the real world to explore and test possible solutions. Design thinking is the linchpin of Stanford’s design program. Formally named the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design, it’s widely dubbed simply “the d.school.” The strategy has helped countless engineers and entrepreneurs develop innovative products and launch startups. It has also helped students flourish through classes that teach them how to design a creative, healthy and happy life the same way product designers would take on developing, say, the next-generation smartphone. Change your mindset The mindset of design thinking “aligns beautifully” with the principles of positive psychology, says Dave Evans, co-author with Bill Burnett of the new best-seller Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life. Bill and Dave based their book on their hugely popular Stanford class “Designing Your Life.” Both the class and book rely on positive psychology tenets like finding flow and silencing your inner critic to take a playful, improvisational approach to creative problem solving. “We have drawn many of our ideas and exercises from the work of the positive psychology movement, and especially from the work of [premier positive psychologist] Martin Seligman,” Bill and Dave write in their book’s “Notes” section about elements from a key chapter. Bernard Roth, Ph.D., one of the founders of the d.school, its academic director and the author of The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life ,believes that positive psychology and design thinking share a bedrock optimism. “In design thinking, we see our lives as something we can study and change,” he says. “You’re never stuck. It’s a can-do approach, a maker mentality, that you can apply to all domains of your life to become happier.” Reframing questions and faulty beliefs Design thinking puts as much emphasis on problem finding as it does on problem solving. If you’re losing sleep over a problem you can’t seem to solve, you’re likely working on the wrong problem. That happens, Bernard says, “when we think we’re dealing with a question when, in fact, we’re dealing with an answer that turns out not to be a good fit to our actual problem.” The question of “how to build a cheaper incubator,” for example, was an answer that didn’t address the problem of helping preemie infants in Nepal survive in their remote villages. One way to uncover the real dilemma is to ask, “What would it do for me if I solved this problem?” Say, for example, you’re grappling with the question, “How can I find a romantic partner?” If you ask yourself what finding a partner or spouse would do for you, one answer might be that a partner would make you less lonely. Next, you reframe your original question to, “How might I feel less lonely?” That dramatically expands the number of possible solutions. You could, say, take classes, join a club, get a dog, volunteer and check out some meet-up groups tailored to your interests. Another way we get tripped up, Bill and Dave point out, is by becoming mired in what they call “gravity problems.” A gravity problem is a fact of life, like the force that makes it difficult to ride your bike up steep hills. Or, say, you want to be promoted to CEO but the family-owned company where you work hasn’t named an outsider to its executive ranks in the five generations it’s been in existence. In life design, if something isn’t actionable, it’s not a problem. When you accept that, you’re free to work around the circumstance and find something that is actionable. A huffing-and-puffing cyclist might invest in a lighter bicycle or work on improving her stamina. The family-firm outsider could look for a job with a larger company or celebrate the freedom that comes with not taking on additional responsibilities and find an outside activity—taking a board position with a local charity—that provides the leadership role he’s seeking. While asking the wrong question leads us to dead ends, dysfunctional beliefs keep us stuck in place. These are the myths we tell ourselves that are both false and nongenerative. Reframing them is a key step in designing your life. Some examples that Dave and Bill offer: DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: If you are successful, you will be happy. REFRAME: True happiness comes from designing a life that works for you. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: It’s too late. REFRAME: It’s never too late to design a life you love. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I have to find the one right idea. REFRAME: I need a lot of ideas so that I can explore any number of possibilities for my future. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I need to figure out my best possible life, make a plan and then execute it. REFRAME: There are multiple great lives (and plans) within me, and I get to choose which one to build my way toward. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I finished designing my life; the hard work is done and everything will be great. REFRAME: You never finish designing your life—life is a joyous and never-ending design project. The art of ideating “You’ll choose better,” Bill and Dave say, “when you have a lot of good ideas to choose from.” That’s why a key element of design thinking is “ideation,” which simply means coming up with a whole slew of ideas. That includes wild and crazy notions, which might not be the fix you’re looking for, but will open you to inventive possibilities. “Mind mapping” is a visual aid to free associating that can help you tap into your idea-generating genius. David Kelley and Tom Kelley, brothers and co-authors of Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential Within Us All, say they use mind mapping all the time to encourage innovative thinking in both work and home life. (David was one of the creators of the d.school as well as the founder of IDEO, an award-winning global design firm. Tom is a partner at IDEO and an executive fellow at the University of California, Berkeley, Haas School of Business.) “From coming up with ideas for a family vacation to identifying home projects to tackle over the weekend,” they write, “mind maps can be used for all sorts of problem solving.” To create a mind map, all you need is a large piece of paper, a pen and as little as 10 minutes (set a time limit for yourself; doing the exercise quickly is important). For example, David followed the four steps of mind mapping when he was planning a dinner party. 1. Write your central topic or challenge in the middle of the page and circle it. David wrote, “A great dinner party with friends.” 2. Jot down five or six things—the first things you think of—that are related to the central theme. David’s mind map included “everyone in the kitchen,” “make your own sundaes,” “teach something” and “get them out of their comfort zone.” 3. Generate new words and thoughts from the first words that came to mind. Keep going until you have at least three or four layers of word associations. Your time limit will force you to “bypass your inner censor,” as Bill and Dave say, and write whatever comes to your mind first. 4. After your time limit is up, look at your mind map and highlight some words or concepts that jump out at you. You’ll likely find that the outer perimeter of the mind map holds the most innovative ideas, since it’s a few steps away from your automatic thinking. For David, the outer layer included such unlikely ideas as “indoor picnic,” “henna tattoos for all,” “everyone must make a hat on arrival” and “each person assigned to introduce another to the group.” What the mind map made clear was that David wanted lots of interaction at his dinner party, even among people who hadn’t previously met. He ended up throwing a party in which guests changed tables after each course, so everyone in the room got a chance to talk to each other. Moving from ideas to action Design thinking might better be called design doing. That’s because it has a strong bias to action. “When you’re designing your life, you can’t think your way there,” says Dave, “you can only live your way there.” The way you do this is through a process called “prototyping.” In design thinking, prototyping doesn’t mean creating mock-ups or dollhouse-sized models. Rather, it’s getting off your sofa to engage with the real world and have prototype conversations or prototype experiences. “Prototypes are little time machines,” Dave says. “They allow us to sneak up on the future.” When Claudia was chatting with the docent she met at the state park, she was prototyping. The bar is set low for prototypes. “You don’t have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life,” Dave says.“You don’t have to know who you are, what your purpose in life is or what your passion is. All you need is one question about which you’re a little bit curious and then you go out into the world and have some small interactions to explore where that question might take you.” Let’s imagine the question you’re pondering is pretty significant: how to make a midlife transition into a new career after 20 years in finance. You create a mind map and pick out some key words from the edges of the map. Say, “petits fours,” “Paris” and “apron.” Those words suggest some curiosity about studying pastry making at a culinary school in Paris. OK, you’re not ready to leave your family and spend a year at Le Cordon Bleu. But you could have a conversation with the woman who sells those beautiful French macarons at the farmers market. Maybe she teaches macaron-making every other Saturday. Or, perhaps, you could spend a day shadowing the owner of Le Croissant, the bakery where you’ve been stopping every morning for years on the way to your finance job. If you enjoy the experience at Le Croissant, you might sign up for a class in startups at the new culinary incubator in the next town. Or, your curiosity might be piqued by the conversation you have with the event planner who stops to pick up a cake for a gala. Her nonprofit builds shelters for women fleeing domestic abuse. Maybe you could join the planning committee for the new shelter; with your finance background, you could certainly help with fundraising. Or, perhaps you could help teach a baking class to the shelter residents. The world suddenly seems a much larger, more diverse and welcoming place. Designers imagine things that don’t yet exist, Dave and Bill say. Then they build them and the world changes. With life design, you can do this in your own life. “You can imagine a career and a life that doesn’t exist; you can build that future, and as a result your life will change,” they write. “If your life is pretty perfect as is, life design will still help you make it an even better version of the life you currently love living.” Shelley Levitt is a freelance journalist living in Southern California, and an editor at large for Live Happy.
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Diverse group of teen girls sitting on a couch touching hands.

How to Raise Empathetic Kids

It’s almost the end of the hour and for the third session in a row, my life coaching client is still complaining about her partner. I’ve tried to help her have some perspective and find a level of empathy for her partner. I’ve even made a couple of guarded attempts at building gratitude, but my efforts have been tossed aside. “What do you really want?” I finally ask, beginning to doubt whether it’s a better relationship. “I want to change him,” she says, pointedly. When I tell her that’s not something I can help her do, she rebukes me for my weak approach. Needless to say, it’s our last session. Unrealistic expectations She wasn’t my first client whose idea of a healthy relationship is one where he or she can change a partner. Or whose relationships are demanding and laden with expectations—and often disappointments. Because healthy relationships of any kind grow on a bedrock of empathy, not selfish demands, where we listen in order to understand and we know how to compromise through win-win communication. There are reasons many of us struggle with this. But in working with clients such as the one I described, I’ve been struck by how often it’s the kind of parenting we receive that sets us up to believe the world revolves around us. Spare the rod… I’m not talking about dysfunctional parenting styles and insecure attachments. I’m talking about well-meaning parents who fulfill their child’s every desire and fail to set boundaries around what they can and cannot have. And in a world where consumerism is having its heyday and parents are busier than ever, many of us risk falling into that category. As a mother of four adolescents myself, I know how much easier it is to give in to my children’s apparently urgent and ever-growing “needs.” Sure, we would have fewer arguments, less emotional agony and guilt, and happier children—in the short run—if we met our children’s every demand. The dopamine addiction When we do give in to our children every time, we feed a part of the brain that’s designed to always want better and more. It’s what neuropsychologist Rick Hanson calls the “rat brain,” and when “newer and better” versions of every product constantly inundate the market, our children’s internal rat is in a continuous tizzy, setting off little “happy hits” of that addictive love drug, dopamine. This emotional frenzy, when continued over time and without proper boundaries, can actually limit the development of the prefrontal cortex that is capable of restraint and perspective. And studies in interpersonal neurobiology show that this results in a less well-integrated brain that is inflexible in its demands, unable to regulate emotions well and singularly focused on its own desires. And in a global world where our individual and collective well-being increasingly depends on our ability to have compassion and to work well with others, we need to prepare our children better. So here’s what we can do instead. 1. Set real boundaries Boundaries help our children make values-based choices, and all the more important when the choices around them are endless, and the pressure to have the latest of everything is bombarding them from many fronts. In adolescence, when the need for social approval is at its peak, boundaries help them stand their ground and enjoy what they do have, rather than run after what they don’t. However these boundaries need to be mutually agreed upon, set in advance rather than willy-nillyand adhered to so that our children learn to trust us. 2. Teach gratitude Gratitude calms the rat brain. It shifts the focus from what’s missing to what’s already present. And given that we’re wired to pay far more attention to the negative, it’s a skill we need to help our children master, so they can appreciate what they have rather than buy into the promise of happiness on the other side of “more.” One way to do so is to have frequent discussions at the dinner table of the good things in their lives that they’re grateful for. 3. Encourage giving Our society worships the individual and fools us into believing that the world revolves around us. But research shows that always being a “taker” is detrimental to our relationships, our well-being and, surprisingly, even our success. Teaching our children the importance of giving, leads not only to their increased happiness, but also to a more just world. We can help them by identifying opportunities to give, and then help them savor the joy that results from doing so. 4. Build empathy and compassion As the most social species on the planet, we’re wired for compassion. But we’re also wired for egoistic pursuits—such is the paradox of the human brain. Research shows that we have two motivational systems that regulate our thoughts, emotions and actions: The competitive system and the compassionate system. But as in the Cherokee legend of the two wolves of the heart, the one that grows stronger is the one we feed. Needless to say, in a world that idealizes fame and fortune, the competitive system is being fattened by the day. Our role as parents is critical in helping our children connect to their emotions and nurture the pathways of compassion. There are billions amongst us, and even more to come, who are desperate for our empathy. Entire populations are suffering terrible fates, and we often become inured or stop caring when we are overwhelmed by the tragedies taking place around the world. But future generations will struggle with the legacy if we let our consumerist and desires outweigh or overrule our concern for other human beings. As Diane Ackerman has so eloquently stated, future geologists will ponder our recklessness as they sift through our remains and find not bones, but all manner of residue that foretell our spoiled and egoistic lives. I know it can be difficult, but we have little choice. Think of it this way: Helping our children burst through their self-centered bubbles and strengthen their compassionate motivational system is essential for the sake of better relationships, a more egalitarian world and a brighter future for the generations who come after us. Homaira Kabir is a positive psychology coach and a cognitive behavioral therapist. She offers online courses and coaching programs to help women develop authentic beliefs in themselves, so they'reable to lead in relationships, at work and in life. Take her free confidence quiz here.
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Woman climbing a road (illustration)

Use the Magic of Momentum to Achieve Success

Inside most of us lies an ambitious goal we’re eager to accomplish. Maybe it’s writing a book or landing a big-time promotion, or perhaps it’s running a marathon. Whatever our aspirations may be, momentum can serve as an underlying force helping to inch us closer to our desired results. Take Jennifer and John-Mark Valo from Sylvania, Ohio: On Oct. 1, 2015, the couple set a goal to pay off $50,792 in debt by Dec. 31, 2016. The couple’s combined annual salary: $75,000. “It was intimidating when we realized what we were about to tackle,” Jennifer says. “At the same time, we were so hopeful and excited to accomplish such a big goal together. We knew we had to take it one day at a time.” As a bakery owner, Jennifer says she racked up the majority of their debt when she opened the business in early 2014. “Before having the bakery, my only real debt was a very small credit card and a car loan.” On the heels of their August 2015 wedding, the pair grew serious about eliminating their debt after attending Financial Peace University, a nine-week video course created by personal finance coach and author Dave Ramsey that teaches participants how to gain control of their money. Lesson No. 1 for the newlyweds: Pay off their smallest balance first, or as Dave teaches, the debt snowball approach. This method requires people to pay off their balances from smallest to largest, regardless of interest rates. The reason? Quick wins build momentum, that unstoppable sensation we’ve likely all experienced as one success seems to trigger another. What we may not realize is that momentum doesn’t have on and off switches, according to Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D., core faculty of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Teachers College, Columbia University, and assistant instructor for the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program at the University of Pennsylvania. “It’s not a start-and-stop kind of process,” he says. “It’s like a heartbeat. There will be times when you pulse toward your goal and times when you pull back a little bit. With momentum, you want to anticipate that there’s going to be this fluctuation.” Instead, Daniel thinks about momentum in terms of what provides sustainability and energy to move us forward in a positive way toward our goal. “It’s about the process of engagement along the way,” he says. Exhibit A: Jennifer and John-Mark paying off a $98 PayPal balance that Jennifer had avoided paying off due to its zero interest. After learning about the debt snowball approach, the duo paid the balance before even leaving the building where the class was held. “I got on my phone and paid it off right there,” Jennifer says. “As silly as it was because it was such a small amount, it was so satisfying to cross that off our list.” But that seemingly small action plays a bigger role than Jennifer implies. “Once people get those quick wins and begin to believe they can be debt-free, they become unstoppable,” Dave says. Margaret H. Greenberg, certified executive coach and co-author of Profit From the Positive, chimes in: “Time is finite,” she says. “But energy and momentum can expand and contract.” The process of momentum, Margaret says, is more about what you do to keep your energy up. And that process begins with your belief system. “There needs to be a spark, something that ignites us,” Daniel says. “It’s not like we’re trying something and hoping it works out and seeing what happens. We’re making that small change because it’s going to help transform us.” For Jennifer and John-Mark, the spark came as they imagined their lives after becoming debt-free. “If you’re just looking at what you’re doing, it can get kind of tiring,” Jennifer says. “If you’re looking forward to the reward—like being out of debt and able to give and save and spend money like you want—that’s very motivating.” And so they took drastic measures: Cable, eating out and trips to the driving range were just a few things cut from the budget. “We didn’t do a whole lot other than just pay rent and our expenses,” John-Mark says. “We tried to maximize what we could set aside for debt.” On Dec. 31, 2016, Jennifer and John-Mark made their final payment—and Jennifer got the first haircut she’d had in 15 months that same day. “It was a great feeling to know we were entering a new year without the burden of debt,” she says. Once you believe that what you’re setting out to do will be worth the effort, dedication and sacrifice that you’re about to put in, you’ve already taken the first step in creating momentum. Plan, Do, Repeat In the late ’90s, New York University psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer conducted a study that’s been replicated and referenced dozens of times over: Prior to the holiday break, he instructed his students to write a report on how they spent Christmas Eve—the due date: Dec. 26. He told half of the students to plan beforehand when and where they would complete the assignment, while the other half received no such instruction. Of the students who didn’t plan for the assignment, only 33 percent completed it, compared with 75 percent who completed it after prior planning. “We’ve come to believe that if we just do it, that’s our path to greater productivity,” Margaret says. “Research shows that often we should replace ‘just do it’ with ‘just plan it.’ Creating a brief plan before diving into your work can actually help you create momentum.” Take an aspiring author who decides to work on her novel every Thursday from 8 a.m. to noon in her home office. By planning in advance when and where her work will get done, Margaret says she’s creating triggers for herself. “You’re more likely to get going and keep going.” Not to mention the major benefit that often results from planning: the creation of habits, a key factor in maintaining momentum. “Habits are basically the way for the brain to function very efficiently using less energy,” says Delia McCabe, a former psychologist turned nutritional neuroscience researcher and author of Feed Your Brain. And since the process of momentum revolves around how to keep your energy up, it’s easy to see why habits play such a critical role. In his 2014 book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg acknowledges that creating new habits, like exercising and eating healthier, can be difficult. He writes: “Once we develop a routine of sitting on the couch, rather than running, or snacking whenever we pass by a doughnut box, those patterns always remain inside our heads.” That doesn’t mean we’re helpless. “By the same rule, though, if we learn to create new neurological routines that overpower those behaviors—if we take control of the habit loop—we can force those bad tendencies to the background.” Once someone creates a new pattern, he writes, going for a jog or ignoring the doughnuts becomes as automatic as any other habit. For example, each time Jennifer and John-Mark discovered extra money in their budget, they automatically applied it toward their debt. By developing that habit, it became so routine that the pair didn’t even think about it, which allowed their debt-payoff snowball to keep rolling. “Your habits are rooted in choice, and you making the decision to do or not do certain things will be what propels you up the success curve or down the failure curve,” says Jeff Olson, author of The Slight Edge and founder of Live Happy. “Time is the force that magnifies all those seemingly insignificant things you do every day to highlight something titanic and unstoppable.” A Hairy Situation In 2003, a group of 30 Aussies embarked on a mission to bring back a long-lost fashion trend. In the process, they created what would become a worldwide phenomenon over the month of November. The annual Movember campaign challenges men around the world to grow a mustache to raise awareness for some of the biggest men’s health issues, including prostate and testicular cancers, mental health and suicide prevention. Men grow a healthy crop of hair for 30 days, seeking donations along the way, and the money goes toward organizations aimed at improving the lives of men who are facing these health issues. Starting out as simply a friendly bet to see if they could resurrect the forgotten ’stache, Movember took on a new form once the four co-founders witnessed the enthusiasm behind the effort. “We were at a stage in our lives when we just wanted to produce something good for the community,” says co-founder Adam Garone. In 2004, they formalized the concept and decided to get all participants growing for the organization’s original cause—prostate cancer. That year, 450 Movember participants raised $54,000, and it was donated to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. “We had no idea whether $54,000 was a big or small number,” Adam says. “We assumed it’d be a small number to the Prostate Cancer Foundation, but it was the biggest donation they’d ever received at the time.” That set things into motion for the big-hearted crew, just as paying off $98 in debt did for Jennifer and John-Mark. Scientific research reveals that achieving success, no matter how small, plays a key role in continued success and maintaining momentum. In a 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers explain that the perception that success is possible is the critical determinant and consequence of psychological momentum. As the authors point out, once people sense they can be successful, they expand their mental and physical effort, which leads to a positive-upward-feedback spiral of more psychological momentum and more success. “Positive emotions fuel our advancement and energize us and basically fund our momentum,” Daniel says. These days, Movember has official campaigns in 21 countries and has raised a total of $770 million to fund more than 1,200 men’s health programs—with no plans to slow down. Ready, Set, Go As you pursue your goals, there will be times when some extra inspiration is required to spur you into action. Maybe it’s at the beginning of your pursuit, or perhaps it comes as you face your first setback. Luckily, Margaret has a plan for that, and it comes in the form of three questions she refers to as “The Five, One and Smallest.” First, ask yourself what you would do if you only had five minutes. Sure, your undertaking undoubtedly needs more attention than five minutes, but Margaret says asking that simple question can trigger ideas on what your next step should be. The next question: What could you do to move your project along by just 1 percent? “We’re not talking about finishing it,” Margaret says. “We’re talking just 1 percent—what would you do?” Then, Margaret suggests asking yourself what the smallest step is you could take right now that would have the biggest, most positive impact. For example, an author might send an interview request to a sought-after expert in the hopes of gaining a valuable resource for his book. Whatever answers you discover after asking these questions will help spark your energy, ignite your momentum and remind you that you have the tools to achieve any goal. “You don’t need an Ivy League education and special skills to set about accomplishing any goal you set for yourself,” Jeff says. “You must, however, practice your craft hour after hour, day after day, and year after year—but you already know how to do everything it takes to make you an outrageous success.” Amanda Riderwrites regularly for Live Happy magazine.
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Dean Karnazes running an ultramarathon.

Dean Karnazes Goes the Extra Mile

Imagine crossing the finish line as you complete your first marathon. You are maxed out mentally and physically; your legs are like overstretched rubber bands and your lungs are on fire. You feel like crying, but you are not sure if it is from extreme joy or pain; it’s probably both. Then imagine doing it again five times over. For ultramarathoner and author Dean Karnazes, a 150-mile race is just another day at the office, and he can finish a marathon before your first coffee break. “There is a saying I have, ‘there is magic in misery,’ ” Dean says. “If you have ever run a marathon, believe it or not, as bad as it was and how bad it hurt, there is magic in it. You feel more alive than at any other point in your life.” That feeling is what keeps him on the perpetual road to finding achievement and meaning. Dean may be an extreme case, but he is a great example of what endurance, drive and grit can accomplish. “It gets to the point where your head is somewhere else,” he says. “You are so focused on the task at hand, and it sounds bizarre to think that for 30-plus hours, but you are really thinking about one single thing. And that is accomplishing your goal. It is that intense.” Dean describes this feeling as “Zen-like” and a unique chance to live in the moment and think about nothing else other than crossing the finish line. This kind of mental focus is often described as “flow,” a state where the mind and body are so in sync that the outer world and even self-consciousness seem to melt away. Researchers claim that this level of engagement is an essential spoke in the happiness wheel. Taking it to the limit Most likely, no one reading this will ever have to endure what Dean goes through to find satisfaction and contentment. But many do find pleasure in running great distances such as marathons, half-marathons, 5K races or any seemingly insurmountable task that we set out to conquer. Dean writes that such feats of strength and personal courage can have profound effects on our well-being, and once we cross the finish line, we are “liberated from the prison of self-doubt and limitations.” Even if we have to nurse our injuries for a week afterward, he says, we have never been freer. The long journey within Dean competes in some of the most mentally and physically taxing races on the planet, including the Badwater Ultramarathon across the sweltering Death Valley desert, a frigid marathon to the South Pole and the punishing Spartathlon in Greece, which he chronicles in his latest book, The Road to Sparta. Set in the rocky terrain of Greece, this annual footrace of 153 miles is the birthplace of the marathon as we know it today and attracts competitors from all around the world. The route retraces the steps of the fabled foot courier Pheidippides who carried important messages back and forth from Athens to Sparta. His job, without the help of energy gels or high-performance running shoes, was to recruit the Spartans to help fight against the massive and breaching Persian army at the battle of Marathon, a role so important that he may have saved the Greeks from tyranny for centuries to come. No pressure. For Dean, whose family descends from Greece, this race was the chance to participate in something bigger than himself; it was a chance to channel history and experience what his ancestors did nearly 2,500 years ago. A personal best Of all his herculean feats in life, the Spartathlon race was a much more personal experience. “It was about finding out who I was as a person and understanding where I came from. It’s more self-discovery and a richer understanding of my heritage and my past,” Dean says. “I think that it’s something that everyone at some level seeks to know. ‘Where did I come from? Who were my people?’ ” His mother’s side of the family is from the carefree island of Ikaria, where life moves slowly and stress is low. His father’s side is a resilient group from the hills of Sparta. The former is where Dean may get his optimistic outlook on life, but the latter is composed of a long line of endurance runners. As a boy, he remembers old folktales of men from Crete running from village to village. He would witness the older people dancing at the local Greek festivals for eight to 10 hours straight and admiring their endurance. This experience went far beyond what any lineage website could bring. “It was really an immersive journey into my past.” Overcoming great odds “Running is such a simple act, but it is profound in its simplicity as well as its complexity,” Dean says. “Let’s face it, running can be mind-numbingly boring.…It can be extremely painful and every runner has a relationship with pain. Everyone else inherently tries to avoid pain and yet we runners embrace it and welcome it.” Through hot and humid wind coming off the Mediterranean Sea, Dean was met with obstacles day and night as he negotiated ankle-breaking terrain across his homeland with a queasy stomach and blistered feet. Admittedly, it wasn’t Dean’s best performance in a race, but he was given a hero’s welcome full of selfies at every checkpoint. “I would say [the Spartathlon] probably is the most grueling ultramarathon on earth…it gets to 100 degrees, but then there’s the terrain. There are points where you are on all fours scaling up the side of a mountain coming into Sparta.” But we as humans have the capability to complete extreme tasks, to hit an extra gear. For ages we have been running long distances. As Dean explains in his book with the help of Professor Paul Cartledge, A.G. Leventis Chair of Greek Culture at Cambridge University, legend holds that Pheidippides may have run back and forth for more than 300 miles, delivering messages amid the famous battle between the Greeks and Persians. He finally reached the end of his journey delivering his final message to Athens, “Nike! (Victory!),” before collapsing to his death. For Dean, “It was a holistic journey, if you will. To think about…the same course I am running on right now, a guy was here 2,500 years ago trying to save democracy. Trying to save all of the things we know today and here was a guy by himself, barefoot with the weight of the world on his shoulders.” Running to save the world Dean is a big believer in uniting people, especially through running. He recently ran a 525 kilometer race on the Silk Road—the ancient trade route spanning from the Mediterranean to China—as a sports ambassador on behalf of the United States. His mission was to connect with people along the way in countries such as Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan and Uzbekistan who don’t often get the chance to see Westerners. On many of his stops, he was greeted with friendly faces and local runners to keep him company on his 50-mile-a-day journey through the high altitudes of Central Asia. “There are so many things in this world that divide us, that separate us: the color of your skin, your race, your religion, your socioeconomic level,” Dean explains. “Running is the great democratizer. There is commonality, no matter where you live or what you look like, you put one foot in front of the other just like every other human and that unites people instead of dividing people. I think that is a beautiful thing.” Listen to the interview with Dean Karnazes on our podcast, Live Happy Now. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy magazine.
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Women in fitness Class

Move With Purpose to Live Better and Longer

People go to all kinds of extremes and expense to hold on to their youth. Yet there’s a simple, healthy habit that will not only keep your body looking fit but also trigger an internal makeover that could add years to your life. I’m talking about exercise. With a sustainable exercise strategy that focuses on consistency, protecting your body and achieving balance, you can be strong and healthy at any age. You don’t need a fancy gym membership. You don’t have to spend hours a day working out. You simply need to commit to a realistic approach that will keep you looking and feeling your best. Get moving—and stay in motion. One of the best ways to achieve a stronger, healthier body is through purposeful movement. It’s an important tool in your fight against disease, mood disorders and early death. No matter your age, you should do your best to move with purpose every day. You need to make it a habit and then stick to it. As you get older, you tend to become more sedentary. You need to fight this every step of the way. It’s not only seniors who fall into this pattern. Those in middle age find themselves in the same trap. The problem is, the less you move, the less you’re motivated to move. You become lethargic and lose energy. The less you move each day, the more your risk increases for falls, sprains and other injuries. Find ways to stay in motion during the day. Get up from your desk and take a walk outside. Do some gardening. Start your morning with some gentle stretching. Ditch the couch and go run some errands instead. Bike rides, yoga, hiking, dancing...whatever you enjoy. Just get moving. Give your body what it needs In your 20s, you were probably aiming for big biceps and flat abs. Don’t worry, you can still have both later in life! As you age, your physical needs change. You begin to lose muscle mass, flexibility and balance. Therefore, it’s important to expand your focus and incorporate strength training and other exercises that will combat these losses and help prevent injury. The good news is there are plenty of options that will keep you fit and add variety to your routine so you don’t get bored and give it up. These are some of my personal favorites: Strength Retaining muscle mass will keep you stronger, stimulate bone growth, lower blood sugar, reduce lower back pain and combat stress. And yes, keep you toned and fit. Weight training and dumbbell presses are effective, and using light weights will get the job done. If you don’t have access to equipment, try planks, knee extensions, squats or sit-backs. Many exercises can be modified and even performed sitting in a chair or leaning against a wall. Do what’s best for your body. Flexibility When your muscles and tendons are more flexible, you enjoy increased range of motion and much less risk of injury. I highly recommend that you grab a yoga mat. Even a few minutes of yoga a day will do the trick. Yoga significantly improves your physical health and transforms your body into one that is firmer, leaner, stronger and more flexible. You might also try Pilates (a system of low-impact exercises to develop strength, flexibility and balance), static stretching (where you hold a stretch for a designated amount of time) or myofascial release, a type of massage provided by a health professional to improve range of motion and increase flexibility after an injury. Balance Maintaining your balance becomes increasingly important as you age. Your bones become more brittle over time, so taking a fall later in life can cause significant damage. Aim to strengthen your core to feel more physically centered. Yoga and tai chi do wonders for improving your balance, but they aren’t your only options. Simple exercises like balancing while standing on one foot or walking heel to toe (with your eyes opened or closed) can help you become steadier on your feet. Everything in moderation The best way to keep any good habit going long term is to keep things easy and sustainable. Staying strong and healthy doesn’t have to feel like a full-time job. The key is to implement small, manageable changes. Devoting even five minutes a day to movement and exercise is all it takes to get started. You’ll see results, and that’s when your motivation kicks in and you make that leap to do more on a regular basis. When you take this approach to exercise, you can transform your body into one that is fit and strong. You’ll not only look younger, but you’ll feel younger and significantly increase your chances of living a longer and healthier life. 4 Exercises to Try Planks can help tone your belly, reduce back pain, and improve your mood, balance, flexibility and posture. Lie facedown with legs extended and elbows bent and directly under shoulders; clasp your hands. Feet should be hip-width apart, and elbows should be shoulder-width apart. Contract your abs, then tuck your toes to lift your body. You should be in a straight line from head to heels. Hold for as long as you can. Knee extensions strengthen muscles in the front of your thigh and shin and can restore mobility and strength to a painful knee. Sit in a chair with the balls of your feet and toes resting on the floor. Extend your right leg in front of you until your knee is straight. With right leg in this position, flex your foot so that your toes point toward your head. Hold in this position for three seconds. Take three to five seconds to lower leg back to starting position. Alternate legs. Squats strengthen your quads, glutes and hamstrings, and many trainers believe help to reduce knee injuries. Stand as tall as you can with your feet shoulder-width apart. Lower your body as far as you can by pushing your hips back and bending your knees. Pause. Now slowly push yourself back to the starting position. Sit-backs stabilize your lower back and help with your postural stability. They can increase flexibility and range of motion. Sit on the floor with your knees bent and your arms folded across your chest. Slowly sit back as far as comfortable while maintaining a flat back, then return to the starting position. Make sure your feet stay in contact with the floor. Read more: The Healing Power of Yoga Listen to our podcast: Health and Happiness With Dr. Partha Nandi DR. PARTHA NANDIis the creator and host of the internationally syndicated, award-winning medical lifestyle television showAsk. Dr. Nandiand author of the bookAsk Dr. Nandi: 5 Steps to Becoming Your Own #HealthHero for Longevity, Well-Being, and a Joyful Life.
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Agent of Positivity with Ming-Na Wen

Actress Ming-Na Wen, star of ABC’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., has become a role model at age 53, with a new book in the works and a burgeoning brand, #Wenever. Learn how this age-defying, butt-kicking superhero manages it all in this episode of Live Happy Now. What you'll learn in this podcast: The importance of taking care of yourself How to create your own happiness through positivity Tips on combating negativity Links mentioned in this episode: Follow Ming-Na on Twitter Follow Ming-Na's WenEver movement on Twitter and Instagram More from this issue: Gianna Simone Fights the Good Fight Theo Rossi Has a Lot on His Plate 5 Experts Weigh in on How to Transform Your Life in 2017
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KIND Foundation Winner Sandra Goldberg (right)

Community Heroes Awarded $1.1 Million for Kindness, Compassion

When he was a child, Daniel Lubetzky’s father told him about the Holocaust. In his father’s stories it wasn’t the death, hatred and inhumanity he had experienced at Dachau concentration camp that stood out. It was the kindness, like when a Nazi guard sneaked him a potato. “My father never forgot that soldier, he always said that potato—that fleeting moment of kindness—helped him stay alive,” Daniel says. That is why, when Daniel established KIND Snacks in 2004, he set company goals of promoting kindness—and of course making a really good nut-and-fruit granola bar. A little over a decade later, Daniel established the nonprofit KIND Foundation to further his mission. In December 2016, the foundation announced the annual winners: KIND People who “show us how to live a life rooted in purpose, forge an inclusive society and lead our communities with determination and humanity,” according to their website, kindsnacks.com. Honoring KIND people Doniece Sandoval, featured in Live Happy’s December 2015 issue for her work with the homeless, was awarded $500,000. Six other winners received $100,000 each. Although their work ranges from water access to prison rehabilitation, they all share one quality—the ability to put kindness into action. These are not the people who are going to see something and just stand by,” said KIND Foundation Director Dana Rosenberg. “All of them saw something and did something." In Doniece’s case, that meant converting old buses to mobile shower units and driving them to locations in San Francisco where the homeless could use them. Although her creation, Lava Mae, is innovative, Doniece said the most incredible acts of kindness she has seen are simple. “We think kindness has to be big,” Doniece says. “But sometimes it’s just the little things.” Little things like when a homeless man ran up to a shower unit announcing he had a job interview and everyone in line let him go first saying, “Go ahead man,” “Get it done,” and “Go get that job.” Many ways to give back Fellow award winner Jodi Rae Ingstad of Valley City, North Dakota, is known for doing little things—lots of them. Her most recent mission is delivering meat to needy elderly residents. Another winner, Jo Dee Davis of Columbus, Ohio, created a holistic rehabilitative prison program. In all, there were almost 5,000 entries—far more than the foundation had expected. Finalists were chosen by a group of judges that included Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and media mogul Arianna Huffington. Nominations had to come from someone other than the nominee; Jodi Rae, however, was recommended by her husband. “When we shared the nomination with Jodi Rae (Ingstad), she was so taken aback by the stories of kindness that her husband shared about her she said, ‘I didn’t realize he was seeing and understanding all of this,’ ” Dana explains. Promoting kindness According to Doniece, hearing about kind acts “lifts you up and makes you realize there’s plenty of good in the world.” Which is exactly what the foundation is about. By recognizing and promoting kindness, in this case by showcasing the winners’ work in videos and stories, they hope to inspire other acts of kindness. The response has been promising. Jodi Rae has been flooded with thank-you notes and offers of support. Jo Dee has also heard from people interested in her work. Doniece—even before the award was announced—received 1,500 requests to bring similar programs to other communities. She plans to use the award money to complete a toolkit that outlines the steps to do that. This year, KIND Foundation plans to work with Harvard University to develop tools to create kinder school environments and will continue awarding $10,000 to worthy causes each month. “Kindness is a magical power,” Daniel says. “We call it a net-happiness aggregator. Both the person doing the kind act and the recipient are better off afterward.” See videos of the winners and read more about their stories at https://www.kindsnacks.com/foundation/kindpeople/ Katya Cengel reports from around the world and teaches journalism at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Her work has appeared in Newsweek, National Geographic and Foreign Policy.
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Live Happy's Word of the Year to Create Real Change

Choose a Word of the Year to Create Real Change

The smooth white stones scattered artfully around Priscilla Gorman Oehlschelaeger’s office make a statement. Adorned with a single word, such as “Family,” “Prosperity,” “Kindness” and “Happy,” each stone represents a commitment to change and positive growth. “It’s something we’ve been doing at my church for more than 10 years,” says Priscilla, a creative coach and artist from Cincinnati. As each year draws to a close, Priscilla’s pastor leads the congregation in a guided meditation to help them think about what they want from the coming year. Then, each person chooses one word to represent that desire and writes it on their stone. “It’s really valuable,” Priscilla says. “People don’t realize that one word can make such a difference, but focusing on that word throughout the year really guides how I carry myself in the way of who I am and how I want to be.” The anti-resolution Choosing a single word to focus on can offer a meaningful alternative to New Year’s resolutions; instead of looking at behavior you want to change, it reminds you of what behavior you want to see in yourself or focus on developing. The practice can be rooted in both spirituality and science, and its effects are cumulative. “Having something simple, a single word, can make a big difference,” explains Jan Stanley, who has a master's degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and works with individuals and organizations to help them create lasting change. “It’s not something you’re going to notice on a day-to-day basis, but when you look back at the end of the year, you’ll be surprised to find how much it has changed you.” Jan points out that thanks to neuroplasticity, or our brain’s ability to reorganize itself by creating new neural connections, we can change the way we react to situations or change the way we look at the world. Having a single word to guide our thoughts for the year can be a powerful force for personal change. “As we focus on that intention, and look for ways for that intention to materialize in our day-to-day lives, it takes us back to the old adage that ‘what fires together wires together.’ “Say you want to be more grateful; you set an intention and write it down; then, when you notice things that make you grateful, you get that dopamine burst and your brain’s reward system kicks in,” Jan says. Those feelings of rewards in your brain add to the joy of practicing gratitude, and make you more likely to continue looking for reasons to be grateful. Over time, it becomes a natural action (and reaction) for your brain. Finding the right word Choosing the word to guide you through the year is a personal decision that calls for careful consideration. A guided meditation, such as the one organized by Priscilla’s pastor, is one way to do that, and meditations designed for this purpose can be found online. Jan also suggests using the ‘best possible future self’ exercise developed by University of Missouri–Columbia professor Laura King, Ph.D., which is designed to help you see yourself as you would like to be in five years. This can be done by writing down what you envision, or by closing your eyes and visualizing what it is you want to achieve and who you want to be. “Think about what attributes it will take to become that person, and then think about what quality it is you’d most like to see flourish,” Jan says. “This isn’t about goal setting; goal setting focuses on what you want to do and what you’d like to accomplish.” “This is about who you want to be.” Make it a tradition Turning this into an annual ritual has proven powerful for many people, including Priscilla. She says looking at her collection of stones reminds her of different stages in her life and of her own growth. “I can look at them and remember why I chose that word and I can see what each word did for me through the years,” she says. “It has meant so much in my life; it’s really a lovely, life-changing tradition.” Read more: 5 Experts Weigh in on How to Transform Your Life in 2017 Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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