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Sam Worthington Bares His Soul

The opportunity to truly change the trajectory of your life, explore new worlds real or imagined, savor great experiences and live creatively may all come down to seizing a single moment and knowing when to say yes. Actor Sam Worthington knows he’s one of the lucky ones. From Avatar to Clash of the Titans, the 40-year-old family man from Australia has struck gold on the big screen time and time again…not bad for a young kid who never intended to act in the first place. The accidental actor “I kind of stumbled into it,” Sam says. “I was 19 and went to an audition for the premier drama school in Australia (the National Institute of Dramatic Art) with a girl I was dating at the time. That was what she wanted to do.…I went along for moral support. But as the process continued, I got in and she didn’t. So, I kind of went, ‘Well, I’ll see where this path takes me.’ I went there for three years and have been working ever since.” “Working” may be an understatement, as Sam’s workhorse attitude led him to famed director James Cameron’s epic Avatar. After the movie shattered records to become the highest-grossing movie of all time, Sam found himself securely involved in an uber-successful franchise (several sequels are planned for the next few years, and Pandora—The World of Avatar is set to open at Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Florida this summer). Projects of passion Equally comfortable in big-budget films full of special effects or smaller, more intimate pieces, the commitment to the creative integrity of a project is always Sam’s priority. “I don’t really choose my projects depending on budgets or the time it takes to film. It’s never been something that I look at. I look at it and ask, ‘Is this something that interests me? Is the journey of the character exciting? Is the world exciting to inhabit for several months?’ So the scope and the size of the budget never really comes into play.” In his latest film, the big-screen adaption of the best-selling book The Shack, Sam departs from his swashbuckling roles to tackle the inner conflicts that many struggle with when faced with great adversity and the subsequent feelings of being lost. He portrays the lead character, Mackenzie “Mack” Phillips, who questions his own belief system and is forced to embark on a spiritual journey through tragedy and forgiveness. A spiritual journey The heavy subject matter in The Shack is enough to make any actor or film company hesitate before agreeing to leap into such a project. After reading the book and speaking with the producers to learn the vision of the film, Sam says he had no qualms about moving forward. “I think I was going through a time in my life much like what Mack was going through, his search with God and his understanding of what faith can do to other people in the world and these heavy things,” he says. “They really kind of resonated with me in such a strong way that my only reservation was, ‘Can I pull this off and do this as truthfully as I can?’ You go on the journey and you see where it takes you.” Life imitating art Although Sam clearly related to Mack, his relationship with the themes and lessons provided by the story continued to evolve throughout the process. “When I had my first child, about a month or two before we started shooting, that changed my life,” he says. “That probably helped with the journey of Mack. I think it strengthened a lot of my beliefs. I think it strengthened a lot of things in me of what I want to achieve and what I want to pass on to my son…how to live on this earth.” While finding and restoring hope and faith are key messages throughout the story, equally important is the power of forgiveness, a quality that Mack must learn to embrace. Through inhabiting this character, Sam also found a great deal of value in these lessons. Learning to let go “That was something that I definitely enjoyed taking on and learned a lot from...how to forgive, how to move forward, be it from small things or major kinds of burdens that you carry with you as you go through life,” he recounts. “People who have done you wrong and you still carry that guilt and anger many, many years later. It definitely did help give me a set of tools to move forward and become wiser, have a bit more ease with my life and myself, you know?” During his younger days, Sam allowed himself to become too emotionally invested in his work, often to the point where it would affect his life after the cameras stopped rolling each day. Stepping back from those extreme measures signified a true evolution in his priority system, and he resists the instinct to let that inherent anger, sadness or other negative feelings creep in. “I try to realize that the most important thing in my life is my wife and my sons, and any kind of baggage that I’m holding on to from the day shouldn’t be able to come home with me,” he said. “When I was single and alone, yeah, I would beat myself up in hotel rooms and be completely self-indulgent, but I think having kids is the most self-less thing you can do. It teaches you to rise above that selfishness so you have to learn how to let go. Since being a dad, I’ve done, say, four or five jobs and each time has been different in how I let the day go or how I let the frustrations at work go before I get home.” Evolution of a man Now, as a husband and father, Sam says his commitment is to give back to those who matter most to him. “When you’re in your 20s, you think you’re the center of your universe,” he stated. “I’m now 40. The way I look at the world has changed. Your life is very finite and goes fast. It’s the people who are closest to me, not only my immediate family but also my mom and my dad, my sister, and now my brother-in-law and my mother-in-law. They’re the type of people that you always give back to and give love to and be generous to.” His wife, Australian model Lara Bingle, gave him two sons, he says, and “it’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever done for me.” According to Sam, his family life isn’t just personally fulfilling, it’s actually given him new perspective as a performer. “I think that it’s a two-fold thing,” he said. “Having a family, especially having children, makes me a better actor because you're open to more emotions than you’ve ever come across and more experiences flood your life than you can ever have by yourself. So those kind of colors, for lack of a better word, really help your work because you can kind of tap into them and use them.” He continued, “The other side of the coin is that I’m very conscious of what movies to choose because when my sons are older, I want them to look at what their dad has done and be proud of it. There are certain movies that I’ve done that I probably wouldn’t do again because I’m a father and I don’t want my sons to think that’s the way of life.” Meaningful work In the end, Sam has faith that his children will appreciate his work, even if all his roles aren’t necessarily role models. “But I definitely still want to be conscious of being involved in projects that have a bit more positive meaning than I’ve done in the past,” he says. “A lot of family-oriented roles come up because I’m getting older, and I kind of like that because you’re exploring what the character goes through and at the same time you’re exploring what it is to be a dad in your own life. And I like that. That’s kind of...it's an interesting journey to go on.” With a family to ground him, a career destined for many more years of success and time to reflect upon his experiences telling the story of The Shack, Sam is now truly ready for the best part of the filmmaking process: the opportunity for the audience to enjoy and learn from it. “I think the movie is a very hopeful film even though it deals with a very deep and emotionally wrenching journey,” he says. “Even in his darkest, most desperate times, Mack teaches us that we can look to God or each other and realize that we’re not alone. That’s a great thing to me.” He adds, “When my kids get frustrated and upset, all they need is a hug from me. I may not be able to tell exactly what’s going on and what’s wrong, but that hug makes the world better. I think sometimes we can do that for each other, and that’s a really good message to come out of the movie.” Gerry Strauss is a journalist who specializes in entertainment and pop culture. He also wrote Live Happy cover stories on Mayim Bialik and Ming-Na Wen.

David A. Sadler with his free hugs campaign.

Practice

Free Hugs Campaign Spreads Trust and Affection

David A. Sadler, a small-business man from Montgomery, Alabama, may have found the most cost effective way to share happiness. He was fed up with negative news, violence in his community and violence involving police officers in cities across the nation. David wanted to make a statement but didn’t know how. He grabbed a friend with a video camera, went down to a baseball game and stood there blindfolded with his arms wide open. At first, people didn’t know what to think about this man with a T-shirt that asked #Doucount? just daring someone to make the first move. The first hug But then, eventually, someone did. The first hug was a full embrace followed by others from men, women and children, both black and white. David says he could feel the tension drop as they were hugging and thanking him. “How often do you get a hug? How often do you intimately hug someone?” David asks. “I am doing a lot better now that I am officially the hug guy, so I hug my wife every day. A hug is intimate….A lot of people don’t want to touch or even want to make eye contact. Or smile at each other. I am digging into people’s souls, with hope and humanity and saying everybody can use a hug.” That’s it. A simple act and it’s free. It just takes someone to take the first step and the rest can be viral. So viral, that his videos have been viewed more than 5 million times on social media. Blind trust David wears a blindfold to make himself vulnerable. People can see him, open and inviting. David has no choice but to embrace whomever approaches him, and that is the point he is trying to make. He can’t judge you or reject you or find a reason to not interact with you. All he can do is hug. “There is good in everyone and if you stay positive, people will meet you where are,” David says. “When confronted with a positive message, people will mimic you. It has changed my life tremendously.” Doing the right thing His belief and hope in humanity keeps him focused on doing the right thing and getting people to follow suit. He was one of six children raised by his grandmother in the Deep South. He has been profiled and judged by the color of his skin and it would be easy to be angry and frustrated. But he says he has nothing to complain about. He has a wife and three kids and runs a successful car service in Central Alabama and that’s what’s important to him. He has also taken his hug show on the road. He tried the blind trust experiment in New York and even Washington, D.C., during the inauguration of President Trump and found that people in those places want the same thing, too: to live a good life and make the world a better place. We all want the same things “We tend to put everyone in a box based off the decisions they make but if you peel back the onion and get to know someone, you realize we all want the same thing, and we are not as different as we think,” David says. The response to his hugs has been overwhelming at times, but he is not wasting this opportunity. He wants to help people and continue to spread positivity, especially to those among us who need it the most. He realizes he is only one man and can’t be everywhere, but if we follow his lead, he believes there can be great change. It’s ambitious, but David’s hope and self-worth have been restored because he took a leap of faith. What’s stopping you from getting out of your comfort zone and hugging someone you don’t know today? Want to read about more HappyActs? Start here: Inclined to Be Kind Happiness Rocks Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Young Asian woman giving the peace sign.

Practice

Inclined to Be Kind

On a Saturday morning in February, more than 400 people gathered in Cincinnati’s Fountain Square for a peaceful march. But what made this event different from other recent marches around the country and the world is that this wasn’t a protest, most of the participants were children—and they had gathered to promote kindness. Bill Hammons, co-organizer of the Children’s Kindness March, says he came up with the idea when he saw how his 10- and 12-year-old sons were affected by recent political events. “The tone and tenor of national politics [this past election] has been mean and demeaning. Our kids feel this,” he says. “I thought how great it would be to have some positive messaging that could get our kids out and feel like they could participate and make a difference.” He reached out to his friend Sally O’Callaghan, and the idea for the Children’s Kindness March was born. Within hours they had announced it on Facebook and it immediately started to gain traction. “We wanted to focus on children for this march because we felt it was something they needed,” Bill explains. “Most kids naturally ‘get’ kindness. Hopefully, we can put some positivity into our community and get people to focus on what is important…which is kindness.” Lasting benefits The idea of spreading kindness is nothing new; we teach it to our children and we intrinsically know it’s important. But we may overlook how good it is for us both physically and emotionally. Whether we’re giving it or receiving it, kindness has powerful lasting effects. “One of the immediate side effects of kindness is that it makes us feel happier,” explains David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., author of The Five Side Effects of Kindness. “It brings a sense of connection, warmth, gratitude and happiness.” Some studies also have connected acts of kindness with reduced depression and anxiety, and in addition to positive emotional reactions, kindness has been linked with physical benefits. “Focusing on the feelings of compassion and kindness actually cause physical changes in the brain,” David says, adding that most of these changes are seen in the left prefrontal cortex—an area associated with positive emotions and self-control. Kindness also produces oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone,” as well as elevating levels of dopamine and serotonin. In addition to making us feel happier, that has biological effects that can help lower blood pressure, regulate cholesterol and lower levels of inflammation in the body. Passing it on As if the individual benefits didn’t provide enough reason to rethink kindness, it also has a viral effect. Simply witnessing an act of kindness can make us feel more inclined to be kind, and David says that’s due to a one-two punch that begins with the inspiration we feel from watching that act of kindness. “A person feels uplifted by either receiving or witnessing kindness,” he explains. “That moves us to imitate what we witnessed or experienced.” That can trigger the “pay it forward” phenomenon, creating a domino effect among all those who participate. But for all its benefits, David has found there’s one caveat for reaping the rewards of kindness: you can’t fake it. “It’s nature’s catch-22; the side effects only occur when kindness is genuine,” he says. “The biological effects come through the felt connection and elevation that genuine kindness produces. You don’t get the positive side effects if you’re only looking to gain.” Read more: Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Ismael Cala Brings Insights to WOHASU

Ismael Cala, president of Cala Enterprises and founder of the Ismael Cala Foundation, which works to develop leadership skills in disadvantaged youth, is one of more than 25 happiness experts scheduled to speak at the World Happiness Summit in Miami, March 17–19. The social entrepreneur and former host of his own show on CNN en Español will join Live Happy Co-Founder and CEO Deborah K. Heisz and Live Happy columnist and positive psychology expert Michelle Gielan for a special panel at the Summit on March 19. LIVE HAPPY: What is your definition of happiness? ISMAEL CALA: Happiness is created by each of us in our everyday work to achieve excellence. Of course it has nothing to do with having more things but in striving to achieve our desires. We can even be happy when we do not succeed because we have learned the lessons that will help us succeed on another occasion. Our well-being is in our capacity to love, to dream and to reach beyond our fears and comfort zones. LH: The World Happiness Summit has a special Latin American flair, with your Ismael Cala Foundation and CNN en Español as partners. What can the rest of the world learn about happiness from the Latino culture? IC: I read recently that many of the happiest countries are in Latin America. I’m not surprised. Latin America has faced great challenges for decades. These challenges require a kind of constructive leadership that can be found among Latinos. We are people who have managed to find light in dark situations. My education and childhood have taught me to find happiness in small things, in my family and in the achievements of everyday life. And to continue working every day for my dreams. I believe that a positive mindset is an intrinsic capacity in all of us that we must bring to its full potential. LH: Your organization and foundation help youth develop leadership skills to find and fulfill their true purpose. What do you mean when you advise others to “lead from the soul”? IC: True leadership emerges from the path to abundance, a mindset that is born within each one of us. Leading from the soul is conveying the values and pillars with which you build your life to guide others toward success. Such leaders embrace gratitude as their life philosophy and find abundance in everything around them. LH: What are three ways to bring out the best in others you live or work with? IC:1: Practice emotional intelligence. A leader needs to understand his colleagues’ emotions, strengths and values to be able to get the best from the team. With empathy, the leader puts himself in others’ shoes and understands their reactions. The empathic leader listens and responds. 2: Turn obstacles into opportunities. Failures and mistakes are often seen as obstacles, when in reality they are great teachers and can open doors to new opportunities. Keeping an open mind in challenging times can help you gain new experiences that bring you closer to your purpose. 3: Learn to collaborate. Leadership is contrary to individualism and ego. A diversity of opinions and knowledge enriches decisions. A strong leader looks at strategies and solutions from different perspectives and invites participation. The first step is to accept your limits and be aware that you do not have to know everything. LH: Why is a gathering like the World Happiness Summit important? IC: Happiness is the balance between personal satisfaction, calm and inner peace. This is what I feel when I do what I love, which is to advise others on following the path of well-being and excellence. Thanks to the Ismael Cala Foundation, I have been able to help young people who do not have access to education. A life of service brings me joy. In a society where people look more and more to their own interests, it is necessary to convey this message to a broad audience. LH: Tell us more about your foundation. How do you reach children who don’t have access to education? IC: Ismael Cala Foundation collaborates with other foundations and institutions to develop programs for vulnerable children and young people. Our goal is to develop their potential, to make them aware that their capacity has no limits. We teach them that with effort and the right tools, they can achieve their goals. Right now we promote programs of emotional leadership, vocational guidance and education in Latin America and the Caribbean. LH: What are you most looking forward to about the World Happiness Summit? IC: My main objective is to inspire people to live to their full potential. I hope to convey how each one of us can become a leader who inspires those around them to be happy, love themselves and seek continued growth in their lives. For more on the World Happiness Summit, go to Happinesssummit.world. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

science

This Is Your Brain on Humor

Laugh and the world laughs with you, the adage goes. And while laughter and the happiness it brings actually can be contagious—thanks in part to mirror neurons that fire when we observe other people doing a certain action—humor brings with it a variety of surprising benefits even when we enjoy it alone. As researchers have started to look more closely at humor and its effects, they’ve discovered that genuine laughter or mirth lights up multiple areas of the brain. As a joke unfolds, the frontal lobe jumps into action to process the information. It serves as a gatekeeper of sorts and determines if we’re going to “get” the joke or not. If the frontal lobe finds something potentially funny, it lets the effects of that humor proceed, and sends out an electrical wave through the cerebral cortex. From there, the rest of our body responds with surprise, delight and laughter. The results can be anything from a mild chuckle to an all-out belly laugh. And that chuckle does more for you than you might realize. According to research by Carl Marci, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the director of social neuroscience in the Psychotherapy Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, laughter and humor are, among other things, powerful agents in combating mood disorders. Laughter can trigger the brain’s emotional reward center, delivering a heaping dose of feel-good dopamine and mood-lifting serotonin. It can even increase the release of endorphins, the pain-relieving chemicals our brain releases in response to such things as exercise, food and sex. Laughter as a coping tool “Humor definitely has positive effects on us psychologically,” says Alex Borgella, a Ph.D. candidate in psychology at Tufts University, whose research is centered on how, why and when we use humor. “Laughter [is] one of the very first vocalizations made by babies at as early as 2 months. From there, we learn what to laugh at based on our experiences, attitudes and friendships.” Alex says that studies on humor and mental health show a correlation between higher sense of humor scores and attributes such as greater self-esteem, better coping skills during stressful times and a better image of self and of our place in the world. People with a more developed sense of humor may be better equipped for dealing with difficult and even life-threatening situations. “For people working in occupations where negativity or even traumatic events are frequent, such as ER doctors and nurses police and firefighters, having a sense of humor is often described as being essential for the job to prevent occupational burnout,” Alex says. Of course, in order for a joke to work, there has to be a punch line, and it’s that surprise that often triggers the brain’s response to the joke as we are given a new or different way to interpret the situation. Whether we “get” the joke, and whether or not we see it as funny, depends on many different factors. “‪Individual differences exist in the perception of humorous stimuli because of individual differences in other areas,” Alex explains. “For example, a person with preexisting negative views toward a certain social group might think jokes disparaging that group are funny, while actual members of that social group might not. Individual differences in understanding also play a role in humor differences; a computer scientist might find jokes about the complexity of programming in C++a lot funnier than I do.” Nuances of negative humor When it comes to disparagement humor—or humor that belittles an individual or social group—research indicates that even though disparagements are framed as a joke, repeated exposure to such humor can cause us to take situations such as racism or sexism less seriously. “The majority of the research on this topic describes the negative effects of telling or hearing jokes about stigmatized social groups. For example, some research has shown men exposed to sexist humor are more likely to endorse sexist beliefs, withhold donations from women’s organizations and even sometimes have higher endorsements of rape myths,” Alex says. “These effects are obviously negative, and I think the research supports we should attempt to mitigate them.” But not all negative humor has a negative effect, he adds. In fact, “some negative humor might provide us with some relief.” He points to research indicating that turning the negativity toward one’s self and using self-deprecating humor while, say, giving a speech, results in better response from an audience and greater ease. “Using self-deprecating humor to kick off your talk is high on any list [of how to give better speeches] because it makes the audience more comfortable. These effects are similar even in one-on-one situations and across many different identities,” says Alex. Regardless of whether you like your humor a bit on the dark side or prefer it sunny-side up, Alex says that knowing what it does for you—both psychologically and physically—is important. And, he believes, we are probably using it more often than we realize. “We use humor in the processes of forming and maintaining relationships, both casual and intimate. We use humor, at least in part, to decide which television shows to watch, which products to buy, and even which candidates to support,” he says. “A good knowledge of all the factors that play into why we laugh can help us understand all these issues a little better.” Listen to our podcast with comedian and positive psychologist Yakov Smirnoff! Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Practice

Happiness Rocks

We are a Brazilian family living in California. We left our country eight years ago and lived in Canada (Toronto) for almost four years. We then moved to San Diego. My family includes Paulo, my husband; Antonio, our son; and our amazing Boston Terriers, Sgt. Pepper and Hey Jude. In our first year in the United States, I was going through a hard time. One day I went to the beach and picked up a few rocks as I walked. I believed that if I wrote positive words on them and scattered them throughout the house, it would make me feel better. When my son got home from school (he was 10 years old at that time) and saw the rocks, he said: “This is so cool! Let’s paint a lot of them and spread them all over the city to make more people happy.” We have continued to spread joy this way for the last four years. The rocks are left randomly for people to find. We have shared them all over the world, thanks to so many adorable volunteers who help us to spread the love. We just want to put more love into the world so full of selfies and people becoming more and more self-involved. Our Word Rocks Project taught me something very important in these last four years: The world is full—very full—of people in need of love. Or affection. In need of attention and comfort. And this has been a great and deep lesson in my life. Positive feedback People who have found the rocks tell us, “I found the perfect word at the perfect moment.” They often credit the discovery to some kind of magic, or a sign—a message from the angels. Then there was the girl who found a “Be happy” rock in the morning that her brother would be turning 27. He had been murdered a few months before. For her, the rock was a message from him, saying, “Life goes on. Be happy, my sister.” It brings me satisfaction to design the rocks with my family and find creative ways to share them. We are endlessly surprised and pleased at the way our project invites new, meaningful conversations with people around the world we would never have known otherwise. It means a lot to me that I am bringing a positive feeling to the person who finds the rock. It really fills my heart that I can bring hope or a smile through an anonymous gesture. When you open your heart to a greater love, everything makes sense, and life becomes more beautiful. Love shared is love multiplied. Read more: Choose a Word of the Year to Create Lasting Change For more on Carol’s Word Rocks Project, follow her at on Instagram, her Etsy store or her website wordrocks.me.

Lifestyle

Ming-Na Wen, Agent of Change

Juggling the demands of life can be an uphill battle. Enter Ming-Na Wen: mother of two to daughter Michaela, 16, and son Cooper, 11, wife to husband and fellow actor Eric Michael Zee, actress, action hero and the voice of Mulan, one of the most beloved animated Disney characters. At 53 years old, she may be among the busiest women out there, and she just might also be among the happiest. Her secret? Don’t fear life’s challenges...appreciate them. “No matter how stressful a situation can be, look at it as a privilege that you can do all of these things,” Ming-Na explains. “That’s one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. I know a lot of people look at life like, ‘Oh my goodness, I have to drop the kids off. I have to clean the house’...just be happy that you have a house to clean. “If there are certain aspects of your life that you’re not happy with, find ways to change it so you can get to that happy place,” she says. “At the same time, remind yourself that you’re not that person in Bangladesh sitting in a hot factory making garments for three dollars a day.” Mom knows best Ming-Na’s positive outlook has paved the way for an amazing career. From her breakout turn in The Joy Luck Club to her landmark role as the voice of Mulan, she’s been a constant on our screens, both big and small, for more than two decades. However, that success pales in comparison to the achievements of her own personal hero: her mom.“Here’s a woman who survived communism,” Ming-Na says. “Her mom passed away when she was young and her family lost everything early on. She had a tough life, holding down three or four jobs in Hong Kong while raising us, and then she single-handedly brought us to America as a single mom...but she never complained. Even though she had a lot of dreams that she never fulfilled for herself, she doesn’t focus on any of the regrets or negative things in her life. She’s pretty amazing.” The unrelenting optimism Ming-Na learned from her mother would prove crucial in her life and career. By focusing on her own abilities, opportunities and God-given gifts instead of her perceived shortcomings, she paved the way for her own amazing success story. “When I was attending Carnegie Mellon and pursuing drama as my major, if I had said to myself ‘I’m Chinese, so there’s no way I’m going to make it in this business,’ I don’t think I’d have succeeded,” she says. “I think a lot of people fall into that trap, whether they are trying to become a doctor, an artist or even trying to start a family. Success or failure always starts in your own brain. “If you tell yourself enough times that you can achieve something, you can. If you get knocked down, that’s OK. It’s a new step in life, and you’re going to have doors shut in your face. If you allow those rejections to make you believe that you can’t do it anymore, then you’ve allowed yourself to fail for real.” Age is just a number Defying society’s limitations isn’t just Ming-Na’s M.O. these days...it’s her weekly gig. As the one-woman “cavalry” on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., now in its fourth season on ABC, Ming-Na’s role of Agent Melinda May is a lifelong dream come true. “I started off in life as this geek who grew up in my family’s restaurant,” she says, laughing. “Science fiction, comic books…all of this stuff was my escape, my enjoyment in life. To have S.H.I.E.L.D. in my life at this age when I’m required to be so physical and stay very, very healthy is an impetus. I feel like a kid again because I’m living out my childhood fantasy!” From the very first episode of S.H.I.E.L.D., Ming-Na realized that there would be no kid gloves associated with her new role. An action-adventure show at heart, most episodes include fight scenes that would intimidate most. “I think a lot of people put up their own blockades of inaction, like ‘I’m this age now, I shouldn’t be doing that.’ Who makes up these rules? Instead, I’m thinking, ‘What vitamins do I need to take? What exercise program do I need to get on?’ At my age, most people are thinking about retirement...but what are you retiring from? You’re still alive!” Instead of easing up with age, Ming- Na’s physical role on the show has actually increased over the last few seasons…a challenge that she welcomes. “Just last week, I filmed this incredibly long fight scene with 30 or 40 moves in it,” she boasts. “When the choreographer showed me the breakdown, I was like, ‘You’re kidding, right?’ He said, ‘No, this is stuff that I choreographed for you because I know that you can do it.’ When you are surrounded by people who have such faith in you, it makes it much more possible to gure out how to raise the bar and get it done.” Many of Ming-Na’s “friends” (she affectionately refers to them as her “Minga-lings”) all over the world are anxious to learn more about the “Marvel”-ous star’s real-life superpower: her ever-youthful appearance. According to Ming-Na, the answer lies in her mindset. “When you’re positive and have a healthy outlook on life, your brain releases hormones like dopamine,” she says. “That’s been the fountain of youth for me. Not allowing stress to cause a lot of hormone imbalances that lead to overeating, depression and other harmful behaviors is the first step to healthy living and staying young.” No better time than now Both a student and fan of great thinkers and artists from all walks of life, Ming-Na continues to find motivation in everything (and everyone) that she enjoys. “I went to Adele’s show the other night, and she was talking onstage about how she came to America three or four times before anyone cared…she’d find herself singing to a room of 50 people,” she says. “She never stopped because she loved to sing, and it’s all she wanted to do. I love to act and I think it’s very important to find the passion in your life that you want to pursue again and again.” “I’m already thinking about taking voice lessons again,” she adds, only half-jokingly. “I want to be on a stage and sing like that someday. Why can’t I? The only reason would be if I don’t even give it a try.” Ming-Na’s enthusiastic positivity has trickled more into her interviews and social media posts, finally snowballing into her own brand: #Wenever. According to her, it was only within the last few years that she realized the true power of her public voice. “I was constantly getting bombarded by fans asking me what my secrets were for staying young and maintaining my positivity,” she recalls. “When I turned the big 5-0, that became an even bigger issue. I realized that I’ve lived enough years on this earth to offer something, and I really wanted to help people find better answers to their very busy lives. Embrace new challenges “I was really only planning to offer some beauty and fitness tips,” she says, chuckling. “Then I talked to my manager about it and he said ‘Well, why don’t you write a book?’ So now I’m writing a book, and I’m really excited about this new journey of mine.” Despite the attention given to anti-aging, Ming-Na is hopeful that #Wenever will reach both men and women of all age groups and life situations. “Take young women who don’t have children and are focused on starting their careers,” she says. “A lot of them are struggling with the same issues: trying to make ends meet, trying to figure out what they want in life. No matter who you are, we all have challenges, but they don’t have to be stressful. Embrace them…you’re living your life!” While launching a new career as an author usually goes hand-in-hand with dreams of huge sales and lucrative profits, Ming-Na’s motives are more humble: she simply wants to help people. “I’ve been inspired by so many people, and I want to offer the same for my fans,” she says. “I feel like I could be a mom to a lot of people out there. I don’t want to say that I’m a guru since I’m not at that level, but really just someone who could be their friend.” With a heart as illuminating as her amazing career, Ming-Na’s passion continues to be her work, her fans and—most of all—her loved ones. “I’ve always told my husband that if we lose everything but still have our health and each other, everything’s going to be OK,” she says, beaming. “My mom and her family lost everything, but all that mattered to her was moving forward and loving her family. No matter what happens, if you create that positive energy and feed off of it, you’ll feel young and, even more importantly, happy.” Gerry Strauss is a journalist specializing in pop culture and entertainment.

Self-Care

10 Tips for a Happy Friday

Ahhhh, Fridays. The gateway to good times. The fast track to fun. But Fridays are still a workday: You want to be productive, feel good about your accomplishments, and be proud of your work before you close the office door behind you and head out for the weekend (assuming you are lucky enough to leave work behind on Saturdays and Sundays). Sometimes we are so eager to reach the weekend that every hour of Friday seems to pass with a tick-tock of slow torture. We've come up with 10 hacks to make the most of your Friday. Make it productive and fun; collaborative and a little bit relaxing. Leave us your own tips for a happy Friday in the "Comments" section below. 1. Don’t skip breakfast Eat a healthy meal and follow these 7 other science-backed tips for a happy morning 2. Dress for success Wear your happy socks. 3. Listen to music Put on your favorite happy playlist or comedy podcast on the way into work to prime yourself for happiness. 4. Get the tough stuff done first Tackle your thorniest projects early in the day to get them out of the way. Done and done! 5. Get moving Go to the gym at lunch or take a walk with your office buddies. Moving our bodies makes us happier. 6. Send a thank-you email to a colleague It won’t just make the recipient feel better—it will make you feel better, too. 7. Daydream Spend a few minutes thinking about all the fun things you’re going to do over the weekend. (Research shows that just anticipating fun or a trip is almost as good as having fun. Your brain can hardly tell the difference!) 8. Take a breather Take a short meditation break with your co-workers. It’s a great team-building exercise, a break from work and a relaxation practice all in one. If you'd prefer to do something at your desk, here are some free guided meditations from the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center. 9. Clear off your desk A clean desk can help you think in a more organized way as well, some experts say. When you come in on Monday morning, everything will be sparkling and fresh, just waiting for you to get to work. 10. Start Happy Hour early! Emily Wise Miller is the web editor for LiveHappy.com.

Reading

12 Best Books for Your Positive Psychology Reading List

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., defines the positive psychology movement he founded as “the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” The movement helps people cultivate the best in themselves so they can live more meaningful lives. We have gathered together seminal books by many of the founding thinkers of the happiness movement, with subjects ranging from flourishing to flow; from resilience to why we love. Whether you've taken an online course in positive psychology or just want to be happier in your everyday life, reading the titles listed here will give you a running head start on your journey. 1. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's research of optimal experience revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. Learn how to tap into your flow—where you find the right mix between challenge and skill and lose track of time. “A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” ―Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 2. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky’s guidebook and workbook include strategies, exercises and quizzes based on years of extensive research for understanding how to experience and sustain joy. “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us.” ―Sonja Lyubomirsky 3. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Forget about fixing your weaknesses. If you want to be happier, identify and focus on your personal strengths. By using your strengths more, you can experience the positive state of “flow” where you feel energized, engaged and in the zone. With self-assessment quizzes and tips, Martin Seligman shows you how to use your strengths to improve daily interactions with people and each aspect of your life. “Authentic happiness derives from raising the bar for yourself, not rating yourself against others.” ―Martin E.P. Seligman 4. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Happiness on its own, doesn’t give life meaning. Martin Seligman shows how the five pillars of positive psychology work together to build a life of meaning and fulfillment. He calls it PERMA or positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. “Happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships—constitutes human flourishing.” —Martin E.P. Seligman 5. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth, Ph.D. Psychologist Angela Duckworth studied peak performance to discover how grit—a blend of passion and perseverance—is instrumental to achievement. What you say to yourself after a setback or failure can make all the difference. “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” ―Angela Duckworth 6. Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. Love can help us live longer and with more meaning, writes Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychology scholar and director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory. With her decades of research funded by the National Institutes of Health, she shows us how to look for “micro-moments” when we truly connect with others to foster more love in our lives. “Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.” ―Barbara L. Fredrickson 7. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Ph.Ds. Genetics contributes greatly to happiness while income makes little difference. Read the discoveries of three decades of research on happiness. What matters most, according to the authors? Relationships to friends and family. “Psychological wealth includes life satisfaction, the feeling that life is full of meaning, a sense of engagement in interesting activities, the pursuit of important goals, the experience of positive emotional feelings and a sense of spirituality that connects people to things larger than themselves.” ―Ed Diener 8. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. Carol S. Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor, learned through her research that people with a growth mindset believe they can develop their brains, abilities and talents through hard work, while those with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are fixed and cannot be developed. Find out why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success–but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. “Becoming is better than being.” ―Carol S. Dweck 9. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. You may not know what makes you happy after all, according to Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert. This best-selling book explains how the limitations of our imaginations can get in our way of our ability to know what happiness is. “Our inability to recall how we really felt is why our wealth of experiences turns out to be poverty of riches.” ―Daniel Gilbert 10. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor Positive psychology research indicates happiness fuels success, not the other way around. Try these tactics to be happier at work: Train your brain to see patterns of possibility and opportunity; conquer small goals to gradually conquer bigger goals; invest in your social network. “The person we have the greatest power to change is ourself.” ―Shawn Achor 11. Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. With an intense fear of failure, you could fall short of your potential. Welcome failure as a part of life that allows you to grow and enhances your well-being. “The all-or-nothing mindset leads perfectionists to transform every setback they encounter into a catastrophe, an assault on their very worth as human beings. Their sense of self-inevitably suffers as their faultfinding turns inward.” ―Tal Ben-Shahar 12. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Our culture tells us that we have to feel special or above average to feel good about ourselves. Put down the constant comparisons to others and pick up self-compassion. Find out how to treat yourself as you would a best friend and lead a healthier and more productive life as a result. Let go of self-doubt to feel happier. “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ―Kristin Neff Read more: 12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

relationships

How Romantic Are You? [Quiz]

Romance is a wonderful thing—it infuses spontaneous warmth and passion into a relationship. Most romantic people are in love with love; they get extra enjoyment out of fantasy, idealism and little gestures of endearment. Pretty much all of us feel romantic when we begin new relationships. Some of us feel more romantic during sentimental times or just for vacations, date nights or anniversaries. Others can infuse their days with romance on a regular basis. When a couple is on the same page about romance and romantic gestures, it can create a greater bond and be a wonderful route to experiencing more joy together. The question is: How romantic are you? 1. Do you ever create a romantic scene like you'd see in the movies? (Rose petals on the bed or walkway, candles around the room, etc.?) As often as possible, I should have stock in a candle company! I’ve done my share of romantic scenes. Rarely or Never. Those are just clichés. 2. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, I am all about instant love! It could be possible for some people some of the time. Not in real life; only in movies. 3. Do you daydream about romantic places or ideas? One of my favorite things to do! I have had my daydreaming moments. I am not a daydreamer; I live in the real world. 4. Do you find yourself emotionally moved by sentimental gestures? I am easily moved by sentimental gestures. I have my sentimental moments. I am not sentimental. 5. Are you into chick flicks? Romance novels? Still watching shows like The Bachelor in hopes of people finding love even though most of the season’s couples have broken up? Most of my movie, television and book choices involve romance. I sometimes seek out romantic stories and shows. I prefer action, adventure, crime…pretty much anything but romance. 6. Do you write poems and love letters to your special someone? All the time! Maybe on a special occasion or once in a while. Never. 7. Do you use pet names for your partner? So often that I rarely call him/her by his/her real name. I have moments of using pet names or terms of endearment. Not my style. 8. Do you enjoy spooning and cuddling? I will take all of the physical affection I can get. At convenient and appropriate moments in time. I am not much of a cuddler or spooner. 9. Have you brought your partner breakfast in bed? It is something I love doing. I have before and would again. Maybe a granola bar as he/she is headed out the door, but not in bed. 10. Do you plan romantic activities? Those are some of the best kinds of activities, so yes! I mix in romantic activities with other types of activities. Rarely if ever. 11. Do you take initiative in your relationship to be romantic, even if your partner does not? Yes, it is a priority for me. I will do it if it’s been a while. No, it is not all that important or necessary. 12. Do you keep mementos from experiences with your partner, like concert ticket stubs, wine corks and sentimental items from trips? I have enough to fill a scrapbook! I have a few select items from over the years. I am not really into that kind of stuff. 13. Do you know what it is to feel mushy inside? Yes, I am a mush ball, and I love that mushy feeling. I have my mushy moments. Not a pleasant feeling or one I have often. 14. Do you and your partner have a special song together? Yes, and I can tell you exactly what it is. There are songs that make me think of him/her but nothing official. Not really. Some couples do that kind of thing. 15. Would you call yourself a person who is a romantic? I am a romantic, and I am proud of it. I would say I can be romantic, but I am not sure that I am one. I would not describe myself that way. If most of your answers are A: You are a person who tends toward romance and being romantic. You like the idea of love, and the gestures and feelings that come with it. You make romantic experiences a priority and feel most fulfilled when you and your partner are creating those experiences. While very romantic people are passionate, creative and often joyful, they can have moments where the fantasy of a situation leaves them disappointed. You are clearly the type of person that will seek out and create romantic experiences. Be careful to communicate your needs and desires and not to be disappointed when your partner or the moment may not be exactly as romantic as you are. If most of your answers are B: You have your romantic moments and allow yourself to feel and experience romance. You have been known to initiate romantic activities and would likely welcome a partner who enjoyed these types of gestures. You may make romance a priority during sentimental times, or perhaps you sprinkle little bits of it into various moments in your life. Ask yourself if you have the right balance in your life of romance, and adjust the amount if you feel that it is lacking or a bit too much for your taste. If most of your answers are C: You are someone that either shies away from romance or avoids it altogether. While there is no rulebook that says that romance is a must-do or must-have, it is important for you to ask yourself if life this way is working for you. If both you and your partner are fine with this minimal amount of romance and your relationship is working well, then perhaps you want to leave things as they are. If you or your partner are finding that your relationship could use more romance, or if you believe that your lack of romantic skills or feelings are impeding you from finding a relationship, then you might want to make more of an effort to step up your romantic game while still staying somewhat within your comfort zone. Find romantic gestures that work for your style! Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

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