Man meditating on a mountain.

Jack Kornfield Finds Freedom in the Moment

Jack Kornfield says he’s never seen a time when people are working so hard to live more fully. But for too many of us, living more fully is synonymous with cramming in more activities or events. As a result, we’re actually missing out on the lives we’re trying to enjoy. “I felt like this was the time to talk about finding freedom where you are,” explains Jack, whose 15th book, No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are, was published May 16. “[People] want to know how to attend to our children, attend to those we love, to our work—but to do it with an open heart and a vast, wide-open spirit.” The best-selling author, and one of the leading teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practices to the West, says, “Living a simpler life is really an invitation to become more fully present,” he explains. “We spend so much time lost in thought, either worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, that we miss out on the moment.” But one day, today will be the past we’re looking back on, and he encourages each person to find the mystery and magic this moment offers. “If we can take a breath, a sort of mindful pause, and say, here I am entering my workplace, or fixing my child’s lunch, or planning my work agenda…if we can take that time to feel our bodies, notice what’s happening out the window, maybe even take a little walk, then we find that we are living in that moment.” Listen to our podcast with Jack Kornfield: Breath by breath Messages from traditional media and social media remind us that we’re missing out, but he says the real “missing out” comes when we’re not living in the present. “Our culture wants us to get more and go more places and do more, buy more—it’s always more, more, more.” The result is that we may be constantly busy but perpetually drained. And, instead of enjoying what we’re doing, we’re thinking about the next thing on our to-do list. “What helps is to understand we’re really not going anywhere,” Jack reminds. “Where we’re going is to be where we are. This [present moment] is God’s gift to us. So it’s not about doing more or getting more, it’s actually being present more.” The mindful pause While mindfulness—or what Jack calls “loving awareness”—can be difficult to master, it is easy to practice, and that’s really all it takes. It begins, he says, by taking two or three loving awareness pauses during the day. “In one minute, you can reset your compass,” he says, explaining that it is as simple as taking three or four breaths and quieting yourself for a moment. “Feel your feet on the ground, be wherever you are, and take those breaths. And then, ask yourself, ‘What is my best intention for this next moment?’ And in that simple pause, your heart will answer.” While this mindful pause will have an immediate effect, slowing down your heart rate, breath and mind, it will also have a longer lasting effect as you begin practicing it more. “There’s a quality of awareness that makes everything go better,” he says. “When you stand still and let the mind quiet just a little, the heart softens, the body is present and your intuition opens. From that, all kinds of possibilities open.” Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.
Read More
A winning college baseball team.

How to Win Like an Underdog

Until June 30, 2016, Coastal Carolina University had never won a national championship in any sport. That all changed in Game 3 of the College World Series at Omaha’s TD Ameritrade Park. In the bottom of the ninth inning, pitcher Alex Cunningham struck out Arizona’s Ryan Haug—securing the title win for the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers and giving the first-time College World Series participants the chance to raise the coveted trophy. “I completely blacked out for a solid two-and-a-half minutes,” Alex says. “I saw myself on the interview, and I don’t even remember taking that interview.” His excitement is understandable, especially when you consider that no College World Series team had won the title in its first appearance in the finals in 60 years. “From the day we walked in there, we were kinda playing with house money,” says Gary Gilmore, Chanticleers head coach. “There weren’t a whole lot of expectations by all of the prognosticators—we were big-time underdogs in that whole deal.” Yet Gary and his coaching staff focused on factors outside of others’ expectations. “There are so many things that we can’t control,” Gary says. “The things we can, we want to be in complete control of: things like our preparation, how we do things to get ready for the game—things as simple as what time we go to bed at night. We don’t let the situation become bigger than life to us.” Take the pressure off One way the team maintained focus was simply by relaxing. “I don’t think anyone on our team felt pressure,” Gary says. A big reason for that: Gary discovered a newfound calmness in his coaching career last year, a trait he says came over him once he started reading the Bible every day. “I think the calmer I was, the calmer the team was,” Gary says. “There were several times in the playoffs when we did dumb things, and maybe five or 10 years ago, I would have come in the dugout and slung a helmet, let out some profanity and blown off steam. This time, I’d say, ‘Hey guys, not a problem. We’ll get them the next inning.’ ” After a hard loss in Game 1, Gary remembers praying for the right words to say to his crew. He walked into the locker room and started clapping in front of his bewildered team. “I told them that I was in the locker room of a national champion, and here’s what we’re going to do for the next two days.” Gary relayed who would pitch, who would relieve and what kind of success they were going to have. “I knew I had to make them believe that we could do it. We had lost, but we weren’t out.” And believing, it turns out, made all the difference. “Talent is on a piece of paper,” Gary explains. “We weren’t the most talented team there, but we played the best. I’ve coached one or two other teams that on paper had significantly more talent. And yet this team found a way to make it work.” Root, root, root for the underdog It’s no secret that most people love to pull for the underdog. Countless studies have backed up this phenomenon, including one published in 2007 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. When 71 participants were asked which imaginary team—one ranked higher than the other—they hoped would prevail in an Olympic swimming event, 75 percent said they preferred to see the lower-ranked team win. “People love to be awed and inspired,” says Caroline Miller, a certified professional coach and author of Creating Your Best Life and Getting Grit. “It’s built into our DNA.” She says the inspiration we feel when we see people outperform themselves causes us to release oxytocin, frequently referred to as the “love hormone”—which makes it easy to see why we get so attached to underdogs. This affinity for the “little guy” extends beyond sports. Southwest Airlines, Apple and even political candidates have gained notoriety and loyal followings due to underdog status. That makes you wonder: What if we could tap into the mindset of underdogs? What enables them to overcome the odds, and how can it be developed? In his 2013 book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell explains how we often overlook the advantages that go along with being an underdog. He writes: “It can open doors and create opportunities and educate and enlighten and make possible what might otherwise have seemed unthinkable.” How sweet it is It turns out, we can learn a lot from all types of underdogs—whether we’re talking about a College World Series team or two self-described “hippiedippy” 20-somethings with a love of ice cream and breaking the rules. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield met while running track in seventh grade gym class, the two slowest of the pack—quite fitting for the duo, as their underdog status would follow them into adulthood and eventually be their claim to fame. By the mid-1970s, Jerry had tried unsuccessfully to get into medical school, while Ben had dropped out of college and attempted to become a potter—only no one wanted to buy his pottery. The solution: They liked hanging out, and they liked eating, so they decided to go into the food business together. Their two favorite foods were ice cream and bagels, and since the machinery required for bagel-making came with a much heftier price tag than that of ice cream, the decision was simple. At war with a behemoth In 1978, Ben & Jerry’s first scoop shop opened in Burlington, Vermont, and beloved flavors like Chunky Monkey were born. As their local popularity began to grow, the pair began to package their ice cream into pint containers and sell it to restaurants and mom-and-pop shops. By the early 1980s, they had set their sights on their first major market: Boston. As they approached store owners there, they learned that business representatives from Haagen-Dazs—which sold to the same supermarkets—had issued an ultimatum to store owners: If they agreed to sell Ben and Jerry’s product, then they would not sell them Haagen-Dazs, a major moneymaker for the distributors. Ben and Jerry filed a class action lawsuit against Pillsbury, Haagen-Dazs’ parent company, but drawn-out legal battles weren’t a viable option for the small company. They knew they would run out of financial resources before the more established business. So what’s an underdog to do? “Ben and I learned to use every tool possible as underdogs, and the biggest resource we had was people,” Jerry says. “We didn’t have money. We didn’t have size to leverage. We had the opportunity to use our people to make a difference.” And so they got creative. The company launched the storied “What’s the Doughboy Afraid of?” campaign, taking out signs on buses, designing T-shirts and including an 800-number on the product packaging. Customers who called were treated to an answering machine message of the co-founders explaining the situation. If they left their address, a campaign bumper sticker was mailed to them. Taking their underdog cause to the streets ignited a passionate following, and Pillsbury soon backed down due to public pressure. These days, Ben & Jerry’s, which became a Unilever subsidiary in 2000, operates some 600 scoop shops in 35 countries. The company maintains an independent board of directors to “ensure we’re making the best ice cream possible in the best way possible,” as stated on benjerry.com. “There’s a curiosity that helps when we’re in that underdog mindset,” explains Michelle McQuaid, best-selling author and workplace well-being teacher. “It goes hand-in-hand with the strength of creativity and being willing to try new ways of doing things, rather than accepting that there’s only one path to success.” Also key to an underdog’s success is maintaining that mindset even after finding success. “In terms of what we spend on marketing and sales, there hasn’t been a significant change from when we were a small underdog business,” says Sean Greenwood, the “grand poobah” of public relations for Ben & Jerry’s and a nearly 30-year employee. “That forces us to be creative and keeps pushing us to use that underdog mindset in the marketplace.” Ben and Jerry didn’t fit the mold of your typical businessmen when they launched their ice cream business nearly 40 years ago—and it has made all the difference. “Embrace who you are and make that your strength,” Jerry says. “We wanted to be ice cream ‘for the people,’ and not an elegant treat just for some. Hold on to your beliefs. If you don’t like the way the model is, then think about changing the model to fit who you are.” A growth mindset Everyone has had moments of success—those times when we’ve pulled something off that we’ve been working really hard toward. Our brain is flooded with happy endorphins, and we never want the feeling to end. What we probably don’t realize, though, is that the high we gain from continued wins can be incredibly addictive. An interesting thing happens when we become accustomed to success. “Neurologically, it changes some things in our brain,” Michelle says. “We start to attach our success to our sense of identity. Then we can begin to fear if we’re not the winner, who does that mean we are?” That’s where underdogs have the upper hand, since they’re not burdened with that addiction to success. “The underdog mindset takes the pressure down,” Michelle says. “It changes the way our brains are working chemically, and it opens us up for learning and growth.” Taking the focus off winning and instead turning our attention toward learning and development is what psychologists call having a growth mindset—a key ingredient to an underdog’s success. Underdogs try harder Louisa Jewell, a well-being teacher and founder of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, says this kind of thinking actually feeds winning behavior. “When you’re an underdog with a growth mindset, you think ‘I don’t have it yet. If I work harder, if I practice more, if I persevere in the face of obstacles, I can get better.’ ” A fixed mindset, on the other hand, leads people to believe they either have it or they don’t—not leaving much room for improvement. “When we have a fixed mindset around our talents, then it doesn’t really propel us into action,” Louisa says. “It doesn’t really motivate us toward behaviors that allow us to work harder and believe that we could one day be the winner.” Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., is a leading researcher on growth mindset. In her research, she discovered that high achievers without a growth mindset eventually plateau and achieve less than they’re capable of because the anxiety tied to their previous successes becomes overwhelming, leading them to stop taking risks. Those with a growth mindset, however, go on to achieve high levels of success in all areas of their lives since they understand that it’s best to keep learning and growing. “It’s not that we don’t love a good outcome when we’re in a growth mindset,” Michelle explains. “We just prioritize the learning over the outcome. The funny thing is, the less we attach to the outcome, the more likely we usually are to get the desired outcome.” According to Caroline, people are often further motivated when they don’t quite get to the finish line the first time around—a concept researchers refer to as the psychology of the near miss, which is a type of failure that comes close to being a success. Take Alex, who before throwing the winning pitch in the 2016 College World Series had lost his high school state championship game three years in a row. “That definitely lit a fire in me that hadn’t gone away until that final pitch of the World Series,” Alex says. Like Alex, those who have authentic grit—another ingredient to an underdog’s success—will be inspired to come back and work harder. Caroline describes authentic grit as the passionate pursuit of hard goals that allows us to take responsible risks and promotes flourishing. “There’s a modicum of failure in everything that we try to achieve,” Gary says. “If you stay with it, every time you get knocked down gives you that much more resilience to come back and fight twice as hard.” Underdogs—and anyone striving for their goals—must also have a strong support system, Gary says. “All of us fail at really anything we try to do in life the majority of the time. We’ve got to have help from above, great friends and great family there to support us.” Don't worry, be happy Studies show us that for athletes to perform at their best, it helps for them to have fun and play in a carefree way. “Carefree doesn’t mean careless or caring less,” says Mike Margolies, chief operating officer of Mental Training Inc. and author of The Athlete Within You. “It means you’re focused on being present.” Think about it this way: Top dogs are usually in a no-win situation. If they win, that was expected. If they don’t, it’s a huge upset. Those in the favored position are under more pressure so they don’t always perform at their best—an advantage to the underdog. “An underdog’s confidence will start to rise because their expectations are pretty low,” Mike explains. “That means they’re going to play at a higher level because they can play carefree.” Winning for the underdog is a bonus, since they don’t face the same scrutiny as the top dog. “It was easy for us to play with confidence because we didn’t have that bar already set for us,” Alex says. “We were just having the time of our lives. There were no expectations to live up to.” Don't forget your 'why' The benefits of having fun aren’t limited to sports. In 1979, one year after being in business, Ben & Jerry’s developed two company philosophies: one focused on giving back to the community, and the second being, “If it’s not fun, why do it?” This importance on having fun is still a huge part of the company’s DNA, but the philosophy was phrased as a question on purpose. The co-founders say there were times with their startup business when 80-hour workweeks were the norm and fun wasn’t always on the agenda. The key is to know why you’re doing it. “You have to have a sense of passion,” Michelle says. “It’s really hard to persist as an underdog if what we’re chasing isn’t meaningful to us, because otherwise falling down just gets too painful for most of us.” Whether it’s launching a business, winning a sports title or achieving the countless other goals that lie within us, we’ve all probably felt at one point like insurmountable odds might get in the way. Luckily, lessons learned from successful underdogs can help guide us on our own paths to success. “If you’re going to be elite, every now and then you’re going to have to be an underdog,” Caroline says. “If you’re an underdog, it means you’re definitely not guaranteed a win—you’re shooting for the moon. Everyone should learn how to do that.” Amanda Gleason writes regularly for Live Happy magazine. Check out her other stories The Birthday Party Project Gives Homeless Kids a Day to Sparkle and Make-a-Wish: Where Science and Hope Meet.
Read More
Book cover: Win at losing

Win at Losing

Imagine if you could harness the power of failure and learn how to thrive after defeat to achieve what you want in life. Win at Losing, written by Sam Weinman, the digital editor of Golf Digest, uses the stories of legendary leaders and sports figures who have faced loss, humiliation and defeat, only to bounce back. Take it from Susan Lucci Soap opera star Susan Lucci was nominated for 19 Daytime Emmy Awards before she won. Her name was synonymous with losing. Although her losses were painful, she learned to handle them by focusing on the process—going to work each day and doing her best—rather than the outcome. She said the healthiest way to handle losing is to shift the emphasis to your own growth. Turn a bad idea around Approximately 75 percent of startups don’t make money back for investors. For all the entrepreneurs who fail, the most resilient of them view failure as a learning experience to acquire new skills. Just like Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways it does not work.” Take it on the chin When Greg Norman lost the Masters, he faced blistering questions from the media and didn’t hide from reality. “There was no talk of a stiff back or a personal issue; he blamed no one but himself,” Sam writes. Instead of focusing only on his loss, he credited Nick Faldo for playing great golf. Don’t let your setbacks blind you to the success of others. Find the balance between recognizing the fault is not solely your own, while not absolving yourself of any blame. With self-awareness, you can turn failure into resilience. Order Win at Losing on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
Read More
Woman in glasses looking pensive.

Say Goodbye to Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a secret held by many—even the highest of achievers. Award-winning actress Tina Fey once said, “The beauty of imposter syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania to a complete feeling of, ‘I’m a fraud! Oh, God, they’re on to me.’” The late acclaimed author and poet Maya Angelou described the syndrome like this: “I’ve written 11 books but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” While not a diagnosable psychiatric condition, imposter syndrome is a very real feeling, first described in 1978 by American psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes as “a sense of phoniness in people who believe they are not that intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” “People believe they are a fraud, that they are not as competent as they appear or as other people believe they are,” says Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., psychologist, author and daughter of cognitive therapy founder Aaron Beck, Ph.D. “People with imposter syndrome tend to believe they have achieved due to luck or fooling others. They fear others will discover their incompetence or inadequacy.” A cause of fear, dread and anxiety High achievers are especially prone to feeling like imposters when taking on a new risk or pushing their abilities to a new level. “It becomes a problem when people consistently underestimate their abilities and feel unduly anxious,” Judith says. “It’s also a problem when they try to hide their ‘incompetence’ by failing to ask questions, seek help and assert their opinions.” Imposter syndrome is linked to perfectionism rather than low self-esteem, but it also can happen in social relationships. “People who suffer from it might attribute their success to luck, discount their own success and live with a sense of dread that others will uncover their real self,” says behavior coach Michael Mantell, Ph.D. Despite obvious success, individuals may feel a strong sense of self-doubt. Imposter syndrome causes people to avoid taking risks and settle for less than what they want because they fear being found out as a phony. The feelings of anxiousness and dread that accompany imposter syndrome cloud happiness as well. Where did it come from? Most people have some insecurities about their competence in various aspects of their work, says Judith. “People with imposter syndrome have achieved what they believe is undeserving success. Thinking thoughts like, ‘I’m not deserving’ is a key distinguishing element between the imposter syndrome and simple generalized insecurity.” Children who grow up in a high-pressure school or home environment that rewards accomplishment and criticizes anything less than perfection have a higher chance of experiencing imposter syndrome. Another contributing factor is having parents who heap praise on a youngster who doesn’t believe he or she deserves it, according to Judith. Getting rid of the imposter By facing imposter syndrome for what it is, you can begin to accept your accomplishments as real, adopt more rational ways of thinking and quiet your fear of being exposed as a fraud. Use these tips to shift away from perfectionism and move toward a more realistic view of yourself. By quieting your internal critic, you can take risks and enjoy the happiness that comes from living your life more fully. 1. Use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques Ask yourself, “Is what I am thinking actually true?” Move toward more realistic thinking. “Look for evidence that you’re really incompetent and for evidence that you are competent,” recommends Judith. Ask for feedback from other people. “[People with imposter syndrome] can change their definition of competence from always performing at the highest level, to doing a reasonable job most of the time,” she says. 2. Talk about it Take your feeling out of the shadows and talk about imposter syndrome with a friend or professional. Seek out people who will support you. 3. Measure your accomplishments with your own ruler Look back on your accomplishments, obstacles you have overcome, results you have materialized and give yourself some credit. Believe those solid realities and not your own bad press. 4. Identify who you are lying to “The ironic part of the imposter syndrome isn’t about the lie we think we are perpetrating on others, it’s about the real, unrealistic belief—the lie—we aim at ourselves,” says Michael. Recognize that you are not a fraud. 5. Let go of perfectionism Stop telling yourself that you must never fail. Says Michael: “Just because I tripped and made an error doesn’t mean I’m an imposter or a fraud; it means I’m human.” 6. Use the three C’s According to Michael, with most emotional distortions, you have to catch your erroneous automatic negative belief, challenge it and change it. Be mindful and aware enough to be able to hear yourself saying unkind and critical things to yourself and then catch, challenge and change those thoughts. 7. Build in unconditional self-acceptance into your daily life Practice rational responses to your negative self-talk. Write out actual rational responses to each negative thought you build around yourself. For example, instead of “I’m not deserving,” breathe deeply and think, “It isn’t about deserving, it’s about actual accomplishment and I’ve certainly worked hard and achieved X, Y or Z.” 8. Think about the value you provide others Shift the thoughts away from you and on to how you can help others. This mental shift can take you out of your mind and into the positive emotions you give to others around you. 9. Take risks and don’t compare yourself to others Don’t compare and despair, Michael advises. When you want to do something big but feel afraid you will fail because you are not the right person/not deserving/not good enough, take that risk and say to yourself, “I don’t know what I am doing, but let’s give it a try and see what happens.” This practice can be wonderfully healing. When you take steps to face your self-doubt and quiet the feeling of imposter syndrome, you can stop letting your fears get in the way of becoming who you want to be. Listen to our podcast: 5 Steps to a More Confident You With Carin Rockind Read more: Face Failure Head-On With These 4 Essential Tools Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
Read More
Book cover: If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Happy?

If You’re So Smart Why Aren’t You Happy?

Author Raj Raghunathan, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Texas McCombs School of Business, has discovered that the things that make people smart and successful can also undermine happiness. In his book, If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Happy, Raj asks, “If intelligence helps with decision-making, smart people should make better life choices. So why are some of the brightest and most successful people profoundly unhappy?” He identifies issues successful people have to overcome to be truly happy, including the following: Stop devaluing happiness Negative beliefs about happiness can prevent people from prioritizing happiness. A common negative belief about happiness is that it will make us lazy. If we are happy, then why work? Define what happiness means to you, and then create “a portfolio of things (pictures, songs, people and activities) that you believe are reliable determinants of happiness as you defined it.” Listen to our podcast with Raj Raghunathan! Don’t be overly controlling Seeking control is a good thing, up to a point, Raj writes. Obsessing about achieving outcomes isn’t a good thing. Mitigate an overly high need for control by learning to appreciate how uncertainty can spice up life. Take internal control (retain the keys to your happiness) by working toward personal mastery of your own mind. Try not to distrust others Trust is critical to happiness. When you can’t trust others, you can’t relax, and when you can’t relax, you can’t be happy, Raj writes. People tend to reciprocate trust with trustworthy behavior. Trusting others builds a culture of trust and boosts happiness. Build up your trust by reminding yourself that people are more trustworthy than you might give them credit for, and take notice every time your trust is validated. Order If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Happy? at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
Read More
Live Happy Phone Snubber

Are You a Phone Snubber?

It’s annoying, and we’re both guilty of it. It’s one of the prime ways we—as married happiness researchers—make each other supremely unhappy. See if you can guess what’s going on here: One of us: “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” The other: “Huh?” (Silence). (More silence). “You done?” “Yes.” “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” “Sounds great.” If you haven’t already guessed, the conversation stopper was a smartphone. While it makes coordinating child care and running our research projects together easier, at times it has also made us feel incredibly disconnected from one another. Checking it when we should be checking in with each other can send signals to our partner whom we love dearly that they are not a priority. Whether it’s looking at the latest scores for fantasy football (Shawn) or lurking the halls of Facebook to get glimpses of friends’ baby pics (Michelle)—those moments when our partner feels we’ve chosen our smartphone over them can damage our relationship. Phone + snubbing = phubbing Researchers have recently given this bad behavior a name: Phubbing (phone + snubbing). Phubbing happens when one person checks a phone, in essence snubbing their partner, when they are supposed to be hanging out together. A study by Brandon McDaniel and Sarah Coyne published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture found that of the women surveyed who were in a romantic relationship, 62 percent of them said phubbing happened to them daily. As many as 1 in 3 said their partner pulled out the phone during meals together, and 25 percent said their loved one sent text messages or emails to other people while they were having a face-to-face conversation. Phubbing is a natural consequence of an addictive national pastime that has only become more prevalent. The Mobile Mindset Study conducted by mobile security company Lookout found that three out of five smartphone users in the U.S. don’t go more than an hour without checking their phones. Another study found that the average American checks his or her phone every six to seven minutes. I guess we’ve just replaced the famous seven-minute conversation lull with a quick scan of social media to fill the void. Break the phone addiction The fallout of these tiny choices in our relationships is real—often leaving the other person feeling insecure that they are boring or frustrated that they are not getting the attention they want. In the study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 70 percent of participants said that phubbing harmed their ability to interact with their romantic partners. Marriage and relationship researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that couples with flourishing relationships have a positivity ratio of 5:1, and that a negative event (like being phubbed by your partner, for instance) necessitates five positive interactions to balance it out. Better not to phub in the first place! We decided to turn to our resident expert on technology and happiness, our colleague and Shawn’s sister Amy Blankson, author of the brilliant new book The Future of Happiness, in which she looks at how to leverage technology to be happier in life. She put away her phone, looked us in the eyes, and gave us her advice on concrete action steps to have a positive relationship with our phones and each other. Here is what we learned: 1. Establish tech-free times Pick the times of day when everyone has the highest chances of connecting in person, like car rides or dinner times, and make sure the phones are stashed. For us, the most fun time of the day with our 3-year-old son, Leo, is the morning. Therefore, we’ve made it a rule that he can’t watch any videos before naptime, and we put our phones away, too. This simple shift has significantly increased the number of meaningful moments between the three of us. 2. Ring in the good times Give the babysitter a special ringtone so you don’t have to check every call. Create a sacred space for date nights by getting the phones off the table. A study from the University of Essex found that having a smartphone on the table during a face-to-face conversation reduces feelings of closeness, trust and relationship quality. Use your phone’s ringtones and notifications to your advantage. 3. Tuck it in Don’t bring your phone to bed with you. Tuck it into its own recharging station away from the bedroom. At the launch of our partner Arianna Huffington’s new well-being company Thrive Global, she unveiled the Phone Bed Charging Station, which is a mini bed, complete with satin sheets and a built-in charger. It’s the perfect size for your smartphone. Arianna suggests putting it in the kitchen or living room and buying an old-fashioned alarm clock for the bedroom. For us, being more conscious of our often unconscious behavior of checking our phones is still a work in progress—but paying attention to it has made all the difference. That and the fact that football is not in full swing this time of year! For more on Amy’s new book, see her interview on page 94 in Live Happy magazine. And, for a great way to use technology to start your day right, join us for our (free) Wake Up & Inspire Happiness Video Workshop at broadcastinghappiness.com/happiness. Read more: Let Technology Lift Your Life Listen to our podcast on tech and well-being: The Future of Happiness With Amy Blankson SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.
Read More
Almonds and whole walnuts being cracked.

Go Nuts When Reaching for a Healthy Snack

Nuts just might be nature’s perfect snack food; they taste great and are easy to take with you. Almonds, cashews, walnuts and their relatives are packed with protein, monounsaturated fat and antioxidants that boost heart health and fight inflammation. And if you are worried about calories, a study in The Journal of Nutrition showed that people who regularly ate nuts not only didn’t gain weight but actually lost weight and kept it off. So snack to your heart’s content (literally). Cashews store an arsenal of powerful nutrients including iron, zinc and magnesium, which can prevent anemia and boost your immune system. Walnuts contain omega-3 fatty acids in addition to the most antioxidants of them all—earning the title of “superfood.” Almonds are loaded with great dietary fiber and are rich in the antioxidant vitamin E. They are also lower in calories than many other nuts. Nutritional information from mayoclinic.org and ncbi.org (National Center for Biotechnology Information). Emily Wise Miller is the web editor for Live Happy. Look for some of her other posts: Tomatoes Take a Starring Role and 3 Easy Steps to Healthy Eating.
Read More
Woman at the gym.

10 Top Health and Wellness Trends of 2017

Step aside, green tea. You’re so 15 minutes ago, paleo. Sorry, kale. There are some new health and wellness trends taking center stage this year. If you know what “athleisure” means (or you are wearing fractal-patterned leggings as you read this), you probably already know some of this year’s trends. We’ve reached out to experts to get the skinny (pun intended) and find out which fun or befuddling health practices will be coming our way this year. 1. Make time for recovery More people are taking muscle recovery seriously after hard workouts, says national fitness trainer and founder of Get Healthy U Chris Freytag. “Baby boomers still love to work out, but I think people are doing things like foam rolling, more yoga, acupuncture and cupping (an ancient practice of using bamboo or glass suction jars to enhance circulation and relieve pain). People are choosing more natural ways to take care of their muscles after a hard workout rather than taking an anti-inflammatory,” she says. 2. The new happy hour Going sans-alcohol is the new cool. Look for more bars and restaurants that feature fun, healthy “mocktails”—cocktail-like beverages made with fresh seasonal ingredients but minus any alcohol. More people are touting the health benefits of living permanently on the wagon and this is leading to social gatherings with a focus on connections over cocktails. Some of the health benefits in addition to no hangover? Abstaining from alcohol can mean improved mental clarity, less body fat, a better mood, enhanced quality of sleep and improved relationships. If that doesn’t make you want to put down your glass of red wine, we found this compelling: Some experts say your life’s purpose can sometimes be masked by even moderate alcohol consumption. Going dry may be the new non-smoking. 3. Fitness anytime, anywhere “In today’s world, where everyone is time-starved, health-conscious, individuals sometimes struggle to be as active as they’d like to be,” says Chuck Runyon, CEO and founder of Anytime Fitness, “our job as fitness facilitators is to help others lead healthier, more active lives whenever they can find the time—be it in the gym, at work, at home or while running errands.” Like other mobile workout businesses, Anytime Fitness has become less gym-centric, working to meet clients where they are. “We’ve also learned a great deal from millennials and that’s why we’re using multiple social media platforms, and a new mobile app, to coach and connect with our members. Imagine providing each of your customers with a personal wellness coach in his or her pocket.  That’s precisely what we’re aiming to do.” 4. A hot mug of bone broth While kombucha was last year’s magic elixir, bone broth, packed with minerals, is the healing tonic of choice in 2017. Mark Sisson, the author of the book The Primal Blueprint, calls bone broth an original superfood. The suggested health benefits are myriad: improved immunity, better sleep, improvement for a leaky gut, increased energy and a more youthful appearance. Mark writes, “A bone broth habit may allow you to enjoy the benefits of a diet rich in animal protein—good body composition, superior recovery from training, strong bones, overall robustness—while avoiding the downsides.” Where do you get this primal concoction? Look for bone broth bars, order it online or make it at home by roasting animal bones—beef, turkey or chicken—overnight with veggies. Enjoy a mug of the broth served hot. 5. Unplug using technology Yes, tech can help us chill out. Start by downloading and using some of the great meditation apps available, such as Calm, Buddhify and Headspace. There are apps that remind you to breathe  and whole gadgets made just to monitor your vitals for stress, such as the WellBe. “People are stressed and becoming more educated on the benefits of deep breathing and meditation even if just for a few minutes during the work day,” Chris Freytag says. Yes, our amazing, addictive devices have become a huge cause of stress and anxiety. Why not also let them help solve the same problem? 6. Veg out and get your protein Old school eating meant meat was the center of your meal and your main protein source. Modern nutrition is all about getting protein from plants. “Plant-based diets are becoming more common,” says Hillary Goldrich, a registered dietitian based out of Asheville, North Carolina. “Eating plant-based meals can improve inflammation, heart health, cholesterol and weight,” Hillary says. “Seeds such as chia, hemp and flax that provide omega-3 fats have become pantry staples. Protein-rich grains such as quinoa, amaranth, sorghum and teff are more accessible. Nuts, beans and avocados provide fiber, healthy fat and protein. Add these healthier proteins to a colorful array of vegetables and fruits, throw in some spices and herbs and you get a flavorful, well-rounded meal.” Meatless Monday may extend further into the week! 7. Don’t toss out the ugly apple Ugly produce needs love too. Social awareness regarding food waste is moving to the forefront, Hillary says. NPR reported that there was enough food waste last year in the United States to fill 44 skyscrapers. “People are seeking ways, on small and large scales, to reduce food waste and repurpose foods,” Hillary says. There’s a movement to love ugly produce and grocery stores are getting in on the love. You should be able to find some bruised and misfit fruit and veggies at Whole Foods and Walmart stores this year. Don’t judge a veggie by its looks. By buying them, you're helping ease the landfills and save the planet! 8. Health meals delivered  Want to whip up some butternut squash agnolotti for the family? Order up your meals and just follow the prep and cooking instructions. “Home cooking has seen a surge and continues to be on trend with the meal delivery service market growing,” Hillary says. “The ease of making a healthy, complete meal in conjunction with pre-measured ingredients and step-by-step instructions make these services overwhelmingly appealing. The competition seems to be keeping costs reasonable.” Hello Fresh, Plated and Blue Apron are some of the most popular meal delivery options. 9. Mindfulness is ever-present Mindfulness remains a focal point of yoga and meditation, but is now increasingly available as an immersive multisensory experience at wellness centers around the country. These spas aim to heighten your senses and increase mindfulness using sound healing, visualization techniques and aromatherapy. The Spa at Mandarin Oriental in Boston, for example, launched a multisensory experience this year designed to “restore health and a sense of well-being,” including sound therapy inspired by the ancient healing art of Himalayan singing bowls. Enjoy vibrations and harmonious tones meant to restore balance and energy. Mindfulness vacations and Zen retreats, once niche escapes for Buddhists and seekers, are also becoming more mainstream. 10. Gym clothes at work? Last year “athleisure” went from being a momentary trend to a lifestyle. Now it’s common to see people wearing fashionable and comfortable workout wear not only outside the gym (at the supermarket, in line at Starbucks), but also crossing over to the final frontier: the workplace. Athleisure is coming to cubicles and offices across the country. More of us are leading active lives and don’t have time to change shoes once we get to the office, let alone entire outfits as we dash to appointments or head to yoga class after work. “Business casual” is about to look—and feel—a whole lot more comfortable. Just think, soon you might be able to wear the same outfit in the office as you do to morning boot camp. “Workleisure” may be the new casual Friday. What new health and wellness trends are you seeing? We’d love to hear from you! Talk to us in the Comments section, below, or on Twitter or Facebook. Read more: 8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise. Listen to our podcast Mindfulness is Pure Awareness With Meditation Ex Jon Kabat-Zinn. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
Read More
Drawing of a comedian telling jokes.

Find Your Funny Bone

What do you get when you put an introverted mechanical engineering student on a stage telling jokes in front of 150 people for 10 minutes? For Nick Seymour, a senior at Iowa State University, it was sheer perspiration-infused terror. “Being on stage was one of my biggest fears,” says Nick, whose worst subject in high school was speech class. “I am this boring guy who sits in the corner and works on math.” So how did that guy find himself here, microphone in hand, sweating it out in front of a huge crowd? Nick’s performance was the final in his honors Comedy College course taught by professional comedian and instructor Gavin Jerome along with ISU economics professor Peter Orazem. Nick signed up for the class to work on his interpersonal skills. Throughout the semester, Nick and other fellow future engineers, mathematicians, psychologists and business leaders learned how to craft and write jokes, bounce ideas off each other, work the crowd and, at the end of the course, showcased their efforts in front of a live audience. The goal of the class is not to learn how to be a professional comedian, although Peter and Gavin agree that a few students have been good enough to make a living doing it, but rather an opportunity to use comedy and humor to learn life lessons such as how to overcome fears of public speaking, build confidence and improve communication. Not everyone is a natural comedian. In fact, most of us aren’t. But, just like any skill, the use of humor and other techniques used in performing comedy or having a comedic mindset can be strengthened with practice and are useful in almost any social situation. “If you want to work in a team environment and get along with your co-workers, then a sense of humor and comedy training make you more likable and able to create rapport, reduce tension, facilitate communication and increase cooperation,” Gavin says. The World Is a Stage If we are shy turtles, humor can coax us out of our shells. If we are trying to break the ice with others, making people laugh can relieve stress and make awkward situations less so. Laughter and humor are ways to strengthen our bonds socially, improve relationships, lower stress and let down our negativity guards to say, “OK, this is a safe space.” Psychologist Brian King, Ph.D., author of the book The Laughing Cure: Emotional and Physical Healing—A Comedian Reveals Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine, says when someone is laughing with you, your brain signals that this person is most likely not out to harm you. “So many people fear public speaking more than anything else,” he says. And when we have success and the audience is engaging, we are overcoming a tremendous amount of anxiety and that can be thrilling. Brian should know, because although he has been a professor and is no stranger to public speaking, he is also a working comedian who still gets nervous when performing. He knows just what kind of pressure Nick is dealing with up on that stage. “The anxiety that is produced is almost relieved immediately by the response of laughter,” he says. “The audience is putting you at ease and saying, ‘Look, we are not going to hurt you and you are OK.’ But until you get that first laugh, it can be nerve-wracking.” It was toward the end of his final set when Nick realized for the first time that he was killing it. “For the fist seven minutes I was terrified. I really didn’t want to be up there. It is way out of my comfort zone,” he says. “The last three minutes, I hit on a joke that was pretty funny and from there I ran with it.” Reviewing his performance video, he can see the moment when he connects with the audience. There’s a shift in his facial expressions from fear to commanding control of the crowd. “I get really animated and I just go crazy on stage. That was the point when I realized that I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing comedy, and I have to keep working on stage, working on my public speaking skills. It has been spectacular for me.” Brian feels that same passion. Learning stand-up comedy “has made me a much more effective and comfortable public speaker,” he says. “There are skills that you learn on a comedy stage that really can’t even be articulated, like how to handle yourself emotionally to ways to think about what you are saying and at the same moment pick up on cues being fed to you from the audience.” When the performer is in sync with the audience, everyone benefits. “There is traditional wisdom with public speaking to open with a joke,” Brian says. “It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, it is such a good rule of thumb.” Communicating Through Comedy Peter, who helped facilitate the Comedy College course at ISU, was also once a student of Gavin’s. He now finds joy in performing comedy as a hobby, but also credits it for improving his speaking and writing skills. “There is nothing more scary than taking something you have written that you think might be funny but you are not sure, and getting up in front of people and having to deliver,” Peter says. “Or knowing that if you have something that bombs, you have to get to the next joke to make up for it. It’s a scary thing, but if you are comfortable with that, then there is not a whole lot that you can’t do.” Peter says great communicators work backward from the message, and in comedy the punchline is the message. When we develop what we want to say, we want to deliver the message as efficiently as possible, whether it is in a boardroom, speaking in public or at a business meeting. “You want to get to the conclusion as quickly and as efficiently as possible, and it has to be understandable to as many people as possible so they are not scratching their heads as to what is the relationship between the setup and the payoff.” Before the course, Nick felt he was lacking in communication skills and certain social protocols in his engineering courses. “They teach you how to do the calculations but they don’t teach you the person-to-person interaction,” Nick says. “I saw so much improvement in my personal skills (after the class); interviews have gone tremendously better. I’ve gotten a ton more interviews because of this. It is easier to talk to people; it’s a lot easier to do presentations.” Read more: Yacov Smirnoff Is Bringing Laughter Back Wacky at Work Iowa State isn’t the only U.S. college to use unconventional practices of comedy when preparing students for life. The Neeley School of Business at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas, recently named a local improv comedy troupe, Four Day Weekend, as its Entrepreneur-in-Residence. Through workshops and lectures, Four Day Weekend is now teaching its “Yes, and…” philosophy to business students, a first for a comedy troupe in the school’s history. The “Yes, and…” approach is standard practice in improvisational comedy and theater. The idea is to completely listen to your partner onstage and not judge or react until they are done. Not knowing what they are going to say, you have to agree to build upon that idea. If everyone agrees to the rules, then the activity is free to go anywhere while creativity and hilarity ensues. Homer Erekson, Ph.D., dean and professor of managerial economics and strategy at TCU, says the philosophy is a good fit for the Neeley School of Business because of the messages of innovation, inclusion and hope. “Part of any community is learning to laugh with each other and learning to celebrate each other as people, and humor is one of those vehicles that does that,” Homer says. “It is a community builder. The best communities are the ones that not only do great work but learn to laugh together.” David Wilk, co-founder of Four Day Weekend, has gone from a struggling comedian to, decades later, performing for U.S. Congress and meeting two presidents just by saying “yes.” “We started out bitter stand-up comics who weren’t that successful, and we switched to improvisation and ‘Yes, and…’ and started building everyone up around us instead of tearing everything down,” David says. “And our business, our careers, our lives, everything around us just flourished.” Gordon Bermant, a lecturer at the University of Pennsylvania’s psychology department, concludes in his opinion piece in the 2013 journal Frontiers in Psychology that the most important component to improv is the “Yes, and…” philosophy because of its “unambiguous and complete support of performing partners for each other.” Because of the use of spontaneity, players can also get lost in a flow state where creativity explodes in the present moment and real bonds of trust can be formed. He equates these actions to the concept of unconditional positive regard (UPR), developed by psychologist Carl Rogers, in which acceptance of a person’s behavior is wholly supported without judgment. “Your idea becomes our idea and we both have buy in,” David says. “If we all do our jobs, we all look good. And what we have found is that we are far more productive and creative collectively than we are individually.” Four Day Weekend performs for businesses and corporations across the country, delivering their message of “no idea is a bad idea.” “Yes, and…” is a philosophy, David says. “It is a retooling of the brain to be more cognizant and accepting of others’ ideas and living in this state of adaptability.” That’s not to say it works for every situation. “I’m a father of two boys,” he says. “If they came to me and asked to play in the street, I wouldn’t say, ‘Yes, and…wear camouflage.’ ” Funny Is As Funny Does In the January 2011 journal Communication Education, a four-decade study on the use of humor in the classroom found that comedy can create a positive environment for learning, “soften” critiques and even help with social cohesiveness. Even bad news may not be so bad when told with a joke. Before taking his comedy class, Nick attended a career fair and did not receive a single offer. After completing the course, he got six internship offers. He also now views life differently. He approaches every day with humor and remembers to not take things too seriously. “Life is fun and games if you let it be.” Nick and a few of his Comedy College classmates have started their own comedy club, performing in local venues in Ames, Iowa, and nearby Des Moines. He has been pushed fully outside his comfort zone and is loving every minute of it. “The best advice I can give to anyone looking at a program like this, is just do it. There is nothing bad that will come out it. What else would you rather spend your time on? Is watching Netflix going to make you a better person? This certainly will.” Brian concurs. He says, “Every time I get off a stage, I feel an ecstatic sense of well-being and it’s great. There are few things better than making a room full of people laugh.” Listen to our podcast Bringing Laughter Back With Yakov Smirnoff Read More: This is Your Brain on Humor Chris Libby is section editor for Live Happy magazine. Chris is also the author of Still Laughing and Why March Madness Makes Us So Happy.
Read More
Woman with a stack of books on her desk.

10 Best Books to Help Achieve Your Goals

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things,” wrote Albert Einstein. Goals give us purpose when our feet hit the floor in the morning. When we set a goal to achieve something—especially something that is tied to our character strengths—we are practicing what some happiness researchers define as authentic happiness: The joy we feel when we are striving toward our full potential. We have hand-picked these 10 inspiring, action-oriented books to help you set goals, stick with them and finally, accomplish them. The bonus? You will feel happier, not only once you achieve your desired goal, but also in the pursuit of it: The journey of mastery and self-discovery is just as important as the destination. 1. Before Happiness: The 5 Hidden Keys to Achieving Success, Spreading Happiness, and Sustaining Positive Change By Shawn Achor Positive change is possible, writes Harvard-trained happiness researcher Shawn Achor, once you recognize that happiness comes before success. When we begin to see our world more positively and realize we can overcome challenges, we summon the drive to achieve personal and professional goals. 2. Nine Things Successful People Do Differently By Heidi Grant Halvorson Social psychologist and motivation expert Heidi Grant Halvorson focuses her research on why some people give up when things get challenging while others persevere. She believes anyone can reach their goals using scientifically-tested strategies to succeed. In this book, Heidi presents studies showing that people who anticipate obstacles and use positive thinking and a plan to persevere outperform those who just dream about a desired outcome. 3. Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide By Caroline Miller Life coach and positive psychology expert Caroline Miller offers a research-based guide to setting and hitting your goals through interactive assessments and quizzes. Discover how to coach yourself to set goals and create physical and social environments that will foster success. When you hit one goal, Caroline explains, the happiness you feel has a “spillover effect” that will help you you achieve additional goals. 4. The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success & Happiness By Jeff Olson What you do today matters. What you do every day matters more. The key to successfully achieving your goals is to take small, simple actions and compound them over time, writes Jeff Olson (full disclosure, founder of Live Happy magazine). “Successful people just do the things that seem to make no difference in the act of doing them and they do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in,” he writes. For example, bringing your lunch from home instead of eating out for one day makes no difference; but do that every day and you’ll save hundreds of dollars per year. 5. The Power of Positive Thinking By Norman Vincent Peale The Power of Positive Thinkinghas helped millions of people achieve their goals since it was first published in 1952. “Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture... Do not build up obstacles in your imagination,” writes Norman, in the original self-help manual. These words still resonate with readers more than half a century later. 6. Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny By Tony Robbins Want to achieve self-mastery? Psychology-of-change expert Tony Robbins provides a plan based on the following four steps: 1) Get clear on what you are committed to achieving; 2) Be willing to take massive action; 3) Notice what is or is not working; 4) Continue to change your approach to achieve what you want. 7. The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life By Bernard Roth In The Achievement Habit, author and Stanford engineering and design professor Bernard Roth shares tools and exercises to overcome obstacles and accomplish goals. Believe you are a doer and achiever in order to become one. Be open to learning from your own experience and from those around you. Ignore distractions that prevent you from achieving your goals. Part memoir and part personal development guide, this book offers a glimpse into a brilliant and creative mind, and many suggestions for ways to develop and test your own new ideas. 8. Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits—to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life By Gretchen Rubin Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin writes that our habits are the invisible architecture of our daily life. It takes some work to form a new positive habit, but once we do, we can harness the energy and regularity of habits to meet our goals. In Better Than Before, Gretchen offers 21 clever strategies to make habits stick and encourages readers to select the strategies that best suit their personalities. Master habits, the book advises, and you master your goals. 9. The Magic of Thinking Big: Acquire the Secrets of Success... Achieving Everything You've Always Wanted By David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. “You are what you think you are,” writes David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. in The Magic of Thinking Big. Exceeding your goals is possible when you believe in yourself. Get over the fear of failure and use the power of a positive attitude to achieve big things. “When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.” 10. Goals! How to Get Everything You Want Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible By Brian Tracy Author of dozens of books on personal development, Brian Tracy explains the 12 steps necessary to set and accomplish goals both large and small. The author emphasizes self-discipline and persistence and two keys to achieving your goals. He also encourages readers to clearly establish their goals: Write them down and be specific. Make sure you can easily explain your goal to someone else, Brian says, and know exactly when you have achieved it. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
Read More