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7 Marathons, 7 Continents, 7 Life Lessons

For Michael Silvio, a 51-year-old husband and father of two, Lao Tzu’s words, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” are more meaningful than most. Between 2012 and 2016, Michael ran 7,000 training miles and completed a marathon on each continent. In 2008, he began running in his hometown of Detroit in order to manage his Type 2 diabetes and work-related stress. He joined a running group coached by renowned runner Doug Goodhue. Michael recalls, “When I started, I didn’t have a huge running goal.” 7 Continents Club Three years later, Michael “stumbled upon the idea to run a marathon on all seven continents” and shared it with his dad and brother. “They thought it was one of the most ridiculous ideas I’ve ever had, and doubted I could get into condition” to accomplish such a grueling goal, he says. “After each race, long or short, everyone received a text with my results. Their responses carried me to the next race.” Michael worked in concert with Marathon Tours & Travel to meet his goal, which would include running a marathon in Antarctica. However, he quickly realized the Antarctica Marathon had a four-year waitlist. He would save that feat for last. A close call In the meantime, he completed the other six marathons and experienced the highs and lows that go along with long-distance racing, until things took a surprising turn. Although he felt he was in great condition as an endurance runner, in 2016, Michael began experiencing fatigue and a tightening in his chest. Before being cleared for Antarctica, he sought medical advice and underwent several tests, including an electrocardiogram. Exactly 90 days after crossing the Antarctica marathon finish line on March 13, 2016, Michael underwent outpatient surgery for a 95 percent blockage in the “widow-maker” artery of his heart. Michael shares seven of the life lessons he learned running marathons on every continent. The lessons are listed in the order the marathons were completed. 1. No one supports you like your family. During the Detroit international marathon, Michael’s mother, wife and children stood for hours to see him. His young son, Steven, helped him cross the finish line. 2. You can accomplish more than you think. A logistical glitch in South America meant Michael ran 28.2 miles, the farthest he’s ever run. 3. There is gratitude inside everyone. In Kenya, Michael met children who lived in extreme poverty, yet were grateful for the school supplies he and others brought them. 4. Ask for help. For the Tokyo race, Michael leaned on the doctors, coaches, massage therapists and rehab experts who helped him train properly. Their support strengthened his body and mind so he could complete his goal. 5. If you go too fast, you miss the journey. In London, he made a conscious effort to slow down. By doing so, he noticed the vast number of volunteers. He now gives back by helping at races. 6. Create memories that transcend the experience. The backdrop of stunning Australia enhance Michael’s memory of that marathon, but what is far more important is what he taught his daughter, Mary, who accompanied him—that dreams create freedom. 7. Listen to your body. Upon his return from Antarctica, Michael knew something was very wrong and advocated for his health. “My heart condition allowed me to re-center my internal compass,” Michael says. “It not only helped me focus on my own [health] journey, but I now know the lessons I learned, including perseverance and resilience, can positively influence others. It wasn’t really a setback in my running, it was a step forward in my life.” Read more: Dean Karnazes Goes the Extra Mile Kristin Meekhof is an author, freelance journalist and contributor to Live Happy magazine. Listen to our podcast With Kristin: Finding Joy After Loss.

Self-Care

Mud Runs and 6 Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears

When was the last time you felt that rush of euphoria that comes from facing a fear and crushing it? If you can’t remember, it might be time to step outside your comfort zone. We humans generally prefer to stay comfortable and safe. But there’s a trade-off to this easy life. When we avoid facing fears or taking risks, we miss out on opportunities to grow—emotionally, physically and even spiritually. We forgo the exhilaration and pure bliss you feel only when you are pushing past your limits. Dial up your bravery and face your fears with these seven tips. 1. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable Who likes to feel uncomfortable? No one. But at the end of life you may regret not having followed your dreams, instead taking the easy, predictable path. Pursuing dreams invariably means taking risks and facing fears. The goal of life shouldn’t be to feel comfortable all the time. Tell yourself it’s OK to feel uncomfortable. This mindset switch can help you face a fear and try something new, like talking in front of a group, asking for a promotion, attending a networking event, or writing your first book. Feeling uncomfortable, fearful or nervous is OK. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it. On the contrary, it means you are about to be daring. Follow Winston Churchill’s advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” The only way out is through, and you will feel glorious on the other side. 2. Sign up for a Mud Run or any obstacle race Want to tackle some challenges in your life? Try an athletic challenge first. When you take on a physical challenge, such as a mud run, you begin to see yourself as strong. You have a tangible example of your bravery. Plus, lots of obstacle races promote a communal vibe of mental and physical toughness, challenge and teamwork. Another benefit? Climbing over muddy obstacles and getting dirty will remind you of childhood—when you weren’t burdened by the fears you have now. Not into mud? Try another physical challenge like a ropes course with a zip line, scuba diving or anything that you’ve wanted to do but were afraid you couldn’t. Then take the insights you gained from the physical feat and try putting them to use in your everyday life. 3. Read confidence-boosting books We tell ourselves we will feel confident once we [fill in the blank]. The truth is, confidence comes when we do the thing we fear. Learn how fear is not your enemy and how you can use it as a “powerful source of energy that can be harnessed and used for your benefit,” as psychotherapist Russ Harris writes in his book, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. “The actions of confidence come first,” writes Russ, “the feelings of confidence come later.” Read more: 10 Best Books to Help Achieve Your Goals 4. Follow Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice Do one thing every day that scares you. If you are resistant to diving headfirst into a big fear, use each day to tackle a small one. Chip away at your fears by achieving small wins. Do one cold call. Pitch your idea. Speak up in a meeting. Build up your fear-conquering muscle little by little. 5. Immerse yourself in the thing you fear Psychotherapists have long used something called exposure therapy to rid patients of difficult phobias and anxieties. This involves continually exposing someone to the thing they fear in a controlled environment so that eventually whatever was once monstrous becomes banal. Television producer Shonda Rhimes had a fear of public speaking but conquered it by saying yes to every speaking request for an entire year. She recounts this excruciating yet exalting experiment in her book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person. At the end of the year, she gained the sense of accomplishment and personal empowerment that comes from being scared and doing it anyway (whatever it is). 6. Get a pep talk from a friend Fear can feel isolating. We don’t like to acknowledge that we feel “less than” or weak. But when you talk with a friend about what you would like to achieve and the fears that are holding you back, you not only get support and encouragement but you will probably learn that your friend has fears as well—and may even know strategies for overcoming them. When you make yourself vulnerable and connect with another person in this way, you are fostering deep bonds and building up the network that will propel you forward. 7. Make your own Braveheart list There’s a good chance you already are quite brave but just don’t realize you are. Make your own Braveheart list by writing down all the times you’ve taken on a new challenge or surprised yourself by doing something you didn’t think you could do. Next time you read it, stand in a Wonder Woman pose. You’ve triumphed over fear in the past, and you will do it again. Read more: 11 Steps to a Braver You Read more: 33 Ideas for Living a More Courageous Life Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy and the founder and CEO of themediaconcierge.net.

Self-Care

13 Easy Ways to Boost Your Well-Being

It is always a good idea to give yourself a mental tuneup to help ward off any blue moods. In honor of Mental Health Month, here are a few ideas to help you keep your mind motoring toward happiness. 1. Attitude matters A bad attitude can have adverse effects on your physical health. According to the organization Mental Health of America, people with a positive attitude outlive their grumpy peers over a 30-year period. A few ways to stay optimistic: stop ruminating over the past, don’t worry so much about the future and express a lot of gratitude. 2. The less stress the better Too much stress hurts. And when you have too much for too long, it can even be deadly. Mithu Storoni, Ph.D., author of Stress-Proof: The Scientific Solution to Building a Resilient Brain and Life, writes that when the mind is in an “optimal state” it can fight off stress easier, bolstering the immune system and slowing the effects of disease. Breathing techniques and simple meditations can be quick antidotes to stress when you find yourself a little frayed. 3. Get out and move Sedentary lifestyles can have real consequences on physical and mental health, including increased risks of stroke, heart attacks, cognitive decline and depressed moods. According to the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, more than 80 percent of U.S. adults and adolescents do not meet the guidelines for aerobic and muscle-strengthening activities. If you can’t seem to part with electronic devices that keep you in your chair, find an app to help you get moving. A recent study from Duke Health found that the mobile game Pokémon Go encouraged millions to get up and walk. Participants were twice as likely to reach their 10,000-step goal when playing the game. 4. Good food is brain food Eating healthier is a no-brainer when it comes to good physical health, but it is also great for your brain. According to a recent Gallup Poll, U.S. adults who reported eating healthy in the recent past are 34.1 percent less likely to have depression. Drew Ramsey, psychiatrist, farmer and author of Fifty Shades of Kale and The Happiness Diet says that eating the right foods, including nuts, beans and seafood, can actually boost your mood. 5. Forgive to flourish “It is very difficult to be happy when one is complaining about the past. It is very hard to be happy when we experience ourselves as helpless victims of fate or another person. Forgiveness provides us the evidence that we can cope with life’s difficulties so we don’t have to live afraid and constricted.” —Fred Luskin, Ph.D. 6. Sleep your worries away Improving sleep habits is a great way to care for your emotional and mental health. The National Sleep Foundation estimates that 35 percent of Americans aren’t getting quality sleep. Researchers from the University of Warwick in the U.K. say quality sleep is more important to improving health and happiness than the quantity of Z’s. They equate the feeling we get after a good night’s sleep to that of “winning the lottery.” 7. Laugh often “Laughter is the verbalization of happiness,” says comedian and happiness expert Yakov Smirnoff. “So if it’s a healthy laugh, not nervous laughter, but a healthy, mirthful laugh, it is triggered by humor.” For more, check out our podcast with Yakov. 8. Be excellent to each other Studies show that when people engage in acts of kindness, they experience positive emotions that lead to a release of oxytocin (the love hormone) in the body. Kindness has also been associated with a reduction in symptoms of depression and anxiety. 9. Don’t forget to love yourself “Our mind state is constantly affecting the mind state of others. If we are grumpy and irritable, the people around us are grumpy and irritable. We feed on each other’s emotions. So when you start practicing self-compassion, other people pick up on that and the more you are in this calm, kind, connected place, the more the people around you feel that way, too.” —Kristin Neff, Ph.D, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 10. Practice makes perfect “Whatever we water and cultivate conscientiously thrives and blooms in a regular garden….Bring to mind gratitude and other positive emotions often, and soon they will grow and take over the garden of your heart.”—Joseph Emet, author of Finding the Blue Sky: A Mindful Approach to Choosing Happiness Here and Now. 11. Stay away from all work and no play Danes take their free time very seriously. Malene Rydahl writes in Happy as a Dane: 10 Secrets of the Happiest People in the World, that the Danes dedicate nearly 70 percent of each day to personal activities and spending time with friends and family. It’s this kind of attitude that makes Denmark one of the happiest countries in the world, according to the World Happiness Reports. 12. Slow down “In today’s busy world, our mind is continuously active, jumping from one item to the next at a dizzying speed. Not only is this behavior exhausting, but it can impair how well we attend to any of the tasks at hand. Indeed, much of what crosses our paths does not require our attention or care, but it nonetheless consumes space in our consciousness. Over time, the background noise becomes a normal state, and we lose track of it—falling deeper into a state of mental fatigue, in turn limiting our ability to process important events and emotions. To counteract the deleterious effects of the noise, we need to refocus our attention on a smaller number of subjects. The practice of mindfulness does just that.” —Dr. Michael Finkelstein, internal medicine and holistic physician and author of Slow Medicine: Hope and Healing for Chronic Illness. 13. Savor the flavor “When we can fully engage with our lives, we are happier, less stressed and more grateful. In addition, we’re more likely to remember and recall the calm, peaceful and joyful times, which can help sustain us through the more difficult ones. We don’t have to wait for sunsets on the beach or fancy weddings; we can practice savoring the smaller moments that happen on a daily basis, such as drinking a hot cup of coffee, snuggling our children or eating dinner with a friend.” —Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

The Internet of Things Brings the Future Home

When I was in middle school, my parents were both working full time. So after school, my brother and I would walk home and let ourselves into the house. Plopping down our school bags, we would grab a snack, find a seat on the couch, and, of course, turn on the TV. All of this had to happen quickly, though, because at 4 p.m., The Jetsons came on. We knew every episode by heart, but that didn’t stop us from watching them again and again. We were fascinated by the cartoon vision of the future. What I didn’t know back then was that today’s political, social and business leaders were also watching The Jetsons at home on repeat, shaping a collective vision for the future. The original Jetsons series aired in the 1962-63 season, during the Cold War and shortly after the founding of NASA in 1958. Americans seemed equally optimistic and terrified about the future, giving rise to what came to be called the Golden Age of American Futurism. It was a time filled with artistic renderings of techno-utopian dreams of life in the future. The future looked bright Danny Graydon, the London-based author of the The Jetsons: The Official Guide to the Cartoon Classic, explains: “It [The Jetsons] coincided with this period of American history when there was a renewed hope—the beginning of the ’60s, sort of pre-Vietnam, when Kennedy was in power. So there was something very attractive about the nuclear family with good honest values thriving well into the future. I think that chimed with the zeitgeist of the American culture of the time.” Two decades later, The Jetsons was rebooted, exposing a whole new generation (including me) to the visions of the not-so-distant future. Amazingly, The Jetsons and other futuristic musings from that time accurately predicted many technologies we know today, including flat-screen TVs, video calls, interactive news, talking alarm clocks and even watches that served as phones (hello, Dick Tracy). Fifty years later, when the present seems to have caught up with the once-imagined future, we are left to wonder: What comes next? “The future” has become the topic of 2017, with TED conferences and Wired magazine articles devoted to the latest trends and futuristic projections. The Internet of Things connects our lives The “Internet of Things,” which is how people describe the interconnection between your [smart] phone, car, home (heating systems, alarm, door locks, sound system), baby monitor, garage door opener, and pretty much anything electric is predicted to seamlessly integrate our digital and physical worlds. It will link everything together over Wi-Fi to become part of this crazy network that drives our lives. The idea behind this shift is that by automating and aggregating tasks and information in our environment, we can increase safety, save energy, reduce anxiety and increase happiness. Here are a few of the smart technologies available on the market now: Apple’s new Home app boasts the ability for users to “control a Fantasia-like orchestra of smartgadgetsfrom one place, including everything fromsmart doorbells and locks, to thermostats, light bulbs, humidifiers and entertainment systems.” Did you forget to lock your door when you left home? Don’t worry, your smart home profile will lock the door when you leave, turn off extra lights, and perhaps even adjust your thermostat to save on energy costs. The Ring Video Doorbell lets you see and talk remotely when someone comes to your door. KidsWifi helps you monitor and control what your kids see online, and when—as well as what content their friends bring into your home. Certainly, smart homes sound nice and helpful, but at the end of the day what I really want is a smart and happy home. The truth is that technology is just a tool designed to facilitate happiness. It can help us automate tasks so that we have more quality time, but it can also distract (and frustrate) us if we are not thoughtful about how we use it. While the Internet of Things is ushering in a new era of home automation technologies, it’s important to remember that the happiest places are ones that are connected not with physical wires but with deep personal and emotional circuitry. The happiest homes in the past, present and future are those connected primarily with conversation, quality time, shared dreams and memories. Listen to our podcast: The Future of Happiness With Amy Blankson Read more from Amy: Let Technology Lift Your Life and 5 Tips for Digital Decluttering Amy Blankson, aka the ‘Happy Tech Girl,’ is on a quest to help individuals balance productivity and well-being in the digital era. Amy, with her brother Shawn Achor, co-founded GoodThink, which brings the principles of positive psychology to lifeand works with organizations such as Google, NASA and the U.S. Army. Her new book is called The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era.

Live Happy's Ideas to Recharge on Mother's Day

relationships

7 Ways to Recharge This Mother’s Day

Being a mom is truly an incredible, life-changing experience. It is also a job—one that requires a wide variety of skills. At different times, we moms are required to be doctors, teachers, mediators, chefs, bookkeepers, housekeepers, costume designers, make-up artists, jugglers and more! We need to deal with what's happening in the moment while also planning for the future. We meet many of the wants and needs of our partners, friends and even our community. On top of all that, many of us have to earn an income or even support our families. While many women might feel like they might buckle under the pressure, most of us just say we’ve “got it” and do all we can to take care of what comes with the job. Some of us get so consumed by the demands of our children and families that we are left exhausted and even depleted. In my role as a therapist, I have spoken to many mothers who tell me they are so busy focusing on everyone else that they have forgotten their own needs. Take care of yourself, too This Mother’s Day, why not give yourself a gift, and choose this celebratory moment to commit to taking better care of yourself? I have suggested this idea to a few moms I know, and while many welcomed the idea, I’ve also gotten looks of concern and resistance. Some women feel a sense of obligation or guilt when it comes to taking care of their families, almost as if self-sacrifice is part of the job description once we become mothers. While I do believe it is normal for mothers to make sacrifices, I also think it’s imperative we realize there is a line between sacrifice and suffering. Sadly, many moms I talk to are suffering because they are not getting their needs met. This is not healthy, and there is nothing to feel ashamed of when it comes to practicing self-care. Replenish your energy There is a big difference between self-care and selfishness. Self-care involves taking moments to assess how you're doing and engaging in practices that nurture your emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual well-being. Taking time to replenish your energy does not mean you have “excessive or exclusive concern with oneself,” which is how Merriam-Webster’s defines selfishness. Being a mother means putting others’ needs ahead of your own—most of the time. We are so busy taking care of kids that we forget to properly take care of ourselves. Here are some tips to help recharge your energy before you burn out or reach an emotional low-point: 1. Keep something in the tank When the mother suffers, the children suffer. If we are depleted, we have little or nothing left to give. Keep this in mind when you think about self-care. 2. Put it on the calendar Schedule “mommy time” on your to-do list. Bubble baths, long walks, dinner out with mom friends (don't only talk about the kids at these!) are all great ways to recharge. If we don't plan for fun and relaxation, it may not happen. 3. Phone a friend Build a support system that can cover you when you are in a jam. We all need friends who can pick up the kids, loan a cup of sugar, help with a project, etc., when we are in a bind. 4. Find fun Domestic life can feel routine. Remember what activities you enjoyed as a kid. Find times to laugh with friends as well as your family. It relieves stress and lifts your mood. 5. Draw the line Establish healthy boundaries. Set limits on your time; create rules for the family to follow that will make your life easier; learn to say no. 6. Mom is not your doormat (chauffeur, chef, maid, etc.) If people see that they can take advantage of you with no repercussions, they will. If your family knows you will stay up all night to finish their last-minute projects, they will think nothing of handing you their night-before homework the next time. 7. Be well Develop healthy physical and emotional habits. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, eat healthy food and make time to exercise. Monitor your emotional and spiritual self on a regular basis, and deal with negative feelings as they arise. Listen to our podcast: The Perfect Parent, with Stacy Kaiser Read more from Stacy: Know When to Intervene With Your Teen and 4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know and an editor at large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Lifestyle

Echo Kellum Treats Life as a Gift

Actor and comedian Echo Kellum knows funny. From an early age the Chicago native felt the pull of comedy as he entertained classmates or hammed it up around the dinner table. When he walked into his first improv class in Los Angeles years ago, Echo was instantly hooked by the thrill of being on stage with nothing but his quick wit. “I knew this was right up my alley and it was something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life because of how free and physical you are,” Echo says. “You are the actor, writer, director, choreographer and editor all instantaneously on stage and have to do it all on the fly. You have to bring the funny and make people laugh each week.” He continues to develop and perfect his craft by performing with comedy troupes The Groundlings and Upright Citizens Brigade. Echo also earned comedic chops working on shows including Key and Peele and Sean Saves the World with Sean Hayes, as well as starring in the Netflix film Girlfriend’s Day with Bob Odenkirk released on Valentine’s Day. Lately, you can see him playing Curtis Holt (or Mr. Terrific) on CW’s hit series Arrow. He says his current role, an openly gay character on Team Arrow, is a tribute to a family member and father figure he calls “Pops.” WHO HAS TAUGHT YOU THE MOST ABOUT HAPPINESS? The man who stepped in the place of my father when he passed away. He is my cousin by blood, but when I was 12, he kind of stepped into that role.…He is definitely one of those people who taught me how to maintain happiness and how to strive for what you believe in. He is actually a person of the LGBT community, which is why it makes this current role [Curtis Holt] special. It’s like I am doing it for him. He has wisdom and has helped me get to where I am today. WHEN DID YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LAST? Every time I am in a group chat with my friends. I grew up in the inner city and our love is shown through roasting each other. It’s from a loving place. We are the type of friends who have each other’s backs. We have known each other since we were 9 years old, and we have been through thick and thin together. I use a lot of comedy and humor to lighten up situations and to be silly. People around me are kind of in the same vein, so we all kind of flow and have a natural way we speak to each other. It’s a constant state of euphoria from being silly.” WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT? I am passionate about my kids and work—the whole experience of life and trying to take the most out of each day. I’m just thankful to be here and doing what I love to do...I am pretty much passionate about all the cool things life has to offer. WHAT IS YOUR “GO TO” BOOK, MOVIE OR TV SHOW TO LIFT YOUR MOOD? The show I have been watching lately is Nathan for You on Comedy Central. It is so absurd and silly. HOW DO YOU LIVE HAPPY? I take every day as a gift, and I feel blessed and fortunate that we are on this journey. I surround myself with people I love, create art that means something to people and I smile. Even just smiling releases endorphins and things inside of you that make you happy. Chris Libby is the section editor for Live Happy magazine.

relationships

5 Essential Factors for Raising Resilient Kids

In my personal interactions with parents, I am often asked the pressing question: “How did my child end up this way?” How is my child so happy? So helpful? So cautious? So aggressive? This extends to specific personality traits and behaviors, both positive and negative. Based on my experiences as a parent, coupled with my years studying child development as a professional, I have found that both nature and nurture play a role in shaping individuals. Nature is what people are born with in terms of temperament, intelligence and abilities. Nurture refers to influences from the environment, both immediate (like family and community) and more removed (like societal norms and expectations). Dorothy Law Nolte’s poem, “Children Learn What They Live,” does a great job expressing my point of view regarding the external influences that profoundly affect children’s development with lines such as these: If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient. The concept is quite simple: The actions, words and environment that children are exposed to significantly influence who they are. If they are raised with a healthy dose of positive and motivational experiences, they have a stronger likelihood of being happy, healthy, resilient, positive people. Lead by example There are many ways that we, by example, can contribute to our children’s positive learning. Sometimes our teaching is intentional. We teach our children the importance of good nutrition by taking them to the market and encouraging them to help prepare and enjoy healthy meals. We introduce them to exciting adventures and opportunities to show them the benefits of exploration and being open to new experiences. Lessons can also be more subtle. Our children learn from watching how we interact with others. If we apologize for our mistakes, hold the door for someone in a wheelchair or carry someone’s bag for them, we teach our children the importance of doing so. Similarly, if we grab our children by the arm aggressively every time they misbehave, we are teaching them that getting physical with a person when angry is acceptable. Consider these five essential factors in determining the extent to which children learn what they live: 1. Safety Abraham Maslow, a pioneer in the field of child development, stated that safety is the foundation for anyone to accomplish anything. If we do not feel safe, it is difficult to function and therefore meet our basic needs. Safety refers to both physical and psychological indicators, ranging from having a physically safe school or home to emotional abuse and bullying. It also refers to a feeling of emotional comfort to take risks and be adventurous, knowing that there is a solid, safe place to return to after trying something new. 2. Balance Giving children a sense of balance and teaching them how to juggle the ups and downs of life is an essential life skill. The “everything in moderation” philosophy is taught by example and reinforced by parents, and if executed well, can have profound and positive influences on the way children live their lives. Some cake is perfectly fine to eat, but the entire cake or cake every day can be unhealthy. 3. Role modeling Children learn both healthy and maladaptive behaviors from observing those around them. For example, when children see parents brushing their teeth every morning and evening, they learn good oral hygiene habits. Psychological behavior, like having a positive attitude or taking things in stride, are also learned by example. Conversely, one client’s son picked up on her practice of speaking in a very loud voice, which started to cause problems when it was interpreted negatively by his teachers and coaches. 4. Adventure and openness to new things Interest and curiosity are the foundations of knowledge, growth and change. Infusing our children’s lives with opportunities to try new things will teach them to take risks, enjoy the thrill of adventure and push themselves to grow through exploration. 5. Acceptance of self and others Every day, I meet with people who are unhappy with who they are and the people around them. Sometimes their unhappiness stems from real issues that need to be changed, but people—both adults and children—also struggle with things they have little control over. There’s the boy who has to study twice as hard as his peers to get good grades in math, the girl who despises her curly hair, the painfully shy child who dreads birthday parties—they all struggle with aspects of themselves. As parents, we need to emphasize acceptance as a cornerstone of learning. Those of us who are better at practicing self-acceptance are happier, more motivated, more resilient and more likely to be successful. While life poses many challenges, we have choices in how we tackle them. We teach our children valuable and powerful lessons from how we live our lives. We should be mindful of the degree to which our conduct teaches children about life, their places in society, their futures and their values. Creating safe, balanced, accepting environments for our children will enhance their happiness, successes and resiliency. Listen to our podcast: The Perfect Parent, with Stacy Kaiser Read more from Stacy: Know When to Intervene With Your Teen and 4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know and an editor at large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Reading

10 Best Books for Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. They can steal your motivation and often mask your life’s purpose. They put up debilitating roadblocks to basic daily routines: Even getting out of bed in the morning or eating can seem like a chore. While genetics and life circumstances play a role in depression and anxiety, the right tools and information can give anyone a chance to fight back and find happiness. We’ve put together a powerhouse list of books—recommended (and often written) by psychologists—to give you the resources to release yourself from depression’s grip and live the life you want. 1. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy By David D. Burns, M.D. In this important book, Stanford psychiatrist David Burns, M.D., explains how cognitive behavioral techniques can shift how we feel in every moment. Cognitive distortions are a cause of great suffering in depressed and anxious people. When we learn to challenge our negative thinking and choose different thoughts, we can learn to “feel good.” Takeaway: When you change what you think, you can change how you feel. 2. Healing the Child Within By Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. We all have an inner child who is alive and energetic, according to physician and psychotherapist Charles Whitfield, M.D. A dysfunctional childhood and resulting shame can cause our inner child to be lost. Since it was first published in 1987, this classic book has helped countless people find their inner child and heal the pain of the past. Takeaway: Contacting and living from our true self is the central task of personal growth. 3. The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook By Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D. Since its publication, this practical workbook has been a go-to for anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder, from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) to OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Learn how to use breathing, food, exercise, meditation and positive self-talk to ease your fears. Takeaway: An anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body. 4. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life By Martin Seligman, Ph.D. This fascinating book outlines research done by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., one of the founders of positive psychology, regarding depression and its opposite: learned optimism. An optimistic attitude, according to Martin, is a key factor in overcoming depression. The good news is optimism can be learned. Take an optimism quiz to learn how optimistic you are (or are not). Luckily, you can reset how you think. This book gives you the tools to do just that, for yourself and your children. Takeaway: Pessimism is escapable. 5. The Anxiety & Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution By David A. Clark, Ph.D., and Aaron T. Beck, M.D. Cognitive behavioral therapy founder Aaron T. Beck, M.D., and psychiatrist David A. Clark,Ph.D., offer strategies to identify the triggers that lead to anxiety. Learn how to challenge thoughts and get the courage to take small steps to face situations you fear. Takeaway: Stop it and give yourself a chance. 6. The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points By Alice Boyes, Ph.D. If you second-guess yourself and are hard on yourself in general, you are more likely to suffer from some kind of anxiety. Get unstuck by acquiring new coping skills and understanding how your thought patterns may be causing anxiety. Recognize your innate resilience and ability to cope with things that don’t go as planned. Takeaway: Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. 7. On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety By Andrea Petersen A health and wellness writer for The Wall Street Journal, author Andrea Petersen had another factor motivating her to write a book about anxiety. She has suffered from panic attacks and a diagnosed anxiety disorder since college. On Edge is both a memoir and an objective look at the history and understanding of anxiety, including discussions of current research, medication and non-pharmaceutical treatment. The book makes those experiencing anxiety for the first time (or for a long time) feel as if they are not alone. Takeaway: Enlist the support of family and friends if you find yourself suffering from anxiety. 8. The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression By Andrew Solomon An intellectual, historical and personal study in depression, The Noonday Demon is a research-based book that examines the disease from multiple perspectives. Author Andrew Solomon, winner of the National Book Award, is also a longtime sufferer of depression. He depicts the depths of despair and offers glimmers of hope in this beautifully written work. Takeaway: I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems worse than life is good. 9. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth By M. Scott Peck, M.D. One message in this classic book is that avoiding our problems causes pain and suffering. Though not strictly about depression or anxiety, The Road Less Traveled has helped millions of people grapple with the difficulties of life. Only by facing our pain, says M. Scott Peck, M.D., can we grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Once we accept that life is difficult, we can transcend the problems holding us back. Takeaway:The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior. 10. When Bad Things Happen to Good People By Harold S. Kushner Rabbi Harold S. Kushner writes that pain is the price we pay for being alive. When his 3-year-old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that meant he would only live into his early teens, Harold asked himself, “Why?” We have a choice: We can capitulate to the pain or use these experiences to create meaning in our lives. Again, though this book is not only about depression, it deals with circumstances that can easily cause people to fall into a deep depression if they are not equipped with the right tools to choose another path. Takeaway: Forgiveness is a favor we do for ourselves, not a favor we do for the other party. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Podcast

How to Banish Negative Thoughts with Ora Nadrich

Ora Nadrich is a Certified Life Coach and Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and author of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever. In Says Who, Ora Nadrich has created an incredibly easy to follow method to get rid of negative thoughts, taking away all their power over us. It will work for anyone. It starts by realizing that we are in control over our own thoughts, and we get to decide who stays. What you'll learn in this podcast: 7 questions to ask yourself to help banish negative thinking Why most of our negative thoughts don't even belong to us Why we find negative thoughts so comforting Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever Visit OraNadrich.com

Reading

Sheryl Sandberg on Grief, Healing in Option B

Resilience is like a muscle you can build. Only in her mid-40s, Sheryl Sandberg faced the unimaginable. The COO of Facebook and author of the iconic best-seller Lean In found her husband, Silicon Valley executive Dave Goldberg, dead during a vacation in Mexico. He had suffered from a cardiac arrhythmia while exercising. After the shocking loss, she would then have to face her children, her demanding job and her own seemingly bottomless grief. “We all live some form of Option B,” Sheryl writes. This version of her life—without the love of her life by her side—became Sheryl’s Option B. Co-written with psychologist and Wharton professor Adam Grant, Ph.D., Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy shows how the capacity of the human spirit can help you to persevere and rediscover joy even after facing tremendous pain and adversity. “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events,” writes Sheryl. In processing the death of her husband and partner, she found she had to overcome the three P’s that, according to psychologist Martin Seligman, Ph.D., stunt recovery and elevate depression: Personalization: the belief that we are at fault. Pervasiveness: the belief that an event will affect all areas of our lives. Permanence: the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. “When we realize that negative events don’t mean ‘everything is awful forever’ it makes us less depressed and more able to cope,” Sheryl writes. Studies show that moving away from all-or-nothing thinking helps us become more resilient. “Tragedy doesn’t have to be personal, pervasive or permanent, but resilience can be.” Two years after Dave’s death, unbearable grief still hits in waves, but she aspires to choose meaning and joyand hopes to help others do the same. Here are a few of the hard-won lessons shared in the book: Find hope Even in the darkest hours, you can remain hopeful. “That’s the thing about faith…it helps you know that sooner or later this too shall pass,” she writes. Use hope to take steps forward Grounded hope is the understanding that if you take action, you can make things better. Practice self-compassion Treat yourself with extra kindness during times of stress. Our inner critic can be our own worst enemy. Share your story to heal While not everyone feels comfortable talking about personal tragedy, there is powerful evidence that opening up about traumatic events can improve mental and physical health. Find the gratitude After loss, the emptiness of birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be especially hard. See these milestones as moments to be cherished. Post-traumatic growth (change experienced because of adversity to rise to a higher level of functioning) can help you gain appreciation for life. Live with empathy Loss can result in a heightened awareness of the suffering of others and the ability to live with more compassion. Connect with others Empowered communities build collective resilience. We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections with each other. Build resilience together Humans are wired for both connection and grief, and we naturally possess tools to recover from loss and trauma. But it is something we need to constantly reinforce. “Resilience is not a fixed personality trait,” she writes. “It’s a lifelong project.” Visit optionB.org to connect with others who are coping with challenges. Read stories of people who have built resilience in the face of loss and adversity. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

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