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The Pilgrim’s Progress

Eager to reach my destination, I raced ahead of my group, climbing up and down steep hills in the 100-degree heat as the sun beat down on my tired body. Sweating profusely, I realized my water supply was dwindling and began to fret. Would my water run out? Would I suffer heatstroke and deliriously wander off the path? “Stop!” I told myself, realizing I had a choice about which mental path to take—a way out of this negative thinking. I took a few deep, focusing breaths and remembered to “put things into perspective,” tapping into recent resilience training. I then shifted my attention instead to the best thing that could happen and focused on the most probable outcome. This calming exercise helped me realize I was catastrophizing. There was no evidence to support the fear that I would meet my untimely death. I had trained hard and survived in the heat with little water in the past. There was no reason why I couldn’t overcome this challenge. With a fresh mind, I examined my choices. I decided to keep going since I still had some energy and couldn’t be certain whether the group was right behind me or if they had any water to spare. I rationed what remained of my water and plodded onward. Two hours later, I reached the first albergue (hostel), exhausted and dehydrated, but feeling a sense of accomplishment. All of this, and it was just day one of my journey. Confronting Challenges I was invited to hike more than 100 miles of the Camino de Santiago, or Way of St. James, the centuries-old path that meanders through quaint European villages to the shrine of the apostle St. James in Santiago in northwestern Spain in the summer of 2009. In preparation for the trek, I hiked Vermont’s Green Mountains to acclimate my body and read Paulo Coelho’s The Pilgrimage to shape expectations. While prepared physically, I hadn’t envisioned the enormous mental toll of the trip, so I was especially fortunate to have just earned a master’s of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania that I could put into practice. Positive psychology emerged as a field of study in 1998 at the University of Pennsylvania with Martin Seligman, Ph.D., leading the way. At the time, Martin was president of the American Psychological Association. Positive psychology is the scientific study of strengths that help individuals and communities thrive. It celebrates what is good and emphasizes that we can choose to flourish to live our best possible lives. That mental training proved invaluable throughout the trek. On average, we hiked 10 hours a day, every day, for nearly a week. I hiked over 100 miles—the equivalent of four marathons—in six days! Not to mention the 30-plus-pound pack, overstuffed despite specific advice otherwise, that I toted on my back. As I left Ponte de Lima, Portugal’s oldest city, on the first day, I was excited to spot the first yellow arrow marking our starting point. Our group created a game to see who could find the yellow arrows first. We’d find them painted onto tree stumps, affixed to road signs perched high above our heads and imprinted onto centuries-old facades. These vibrant yellow arrows guided us in the right direction, shepherding us to the Camino de Santiago as they have for millions of pilgrims over centuries. Many times, I feared I had taken a wrong turn and was lost. Just as I’d frantically begin searching along cobblestone streets, dirt roads and wooded pathways for the next arrow, it would magically appear, a beacon assuring me I was on track. Putting Positive Psychology Into Practice While we might not have yellow arrows pointing the way, positive psychology does give us important guidance on which mental paths to choose. This marathon hike was a real-world example of how I could choose healthier thoughts and actions, rather than wallow in a helpless state of pity, overwhelmed by negative emotions. The first two days, we “warmed up” by hiking about 16 miles each day. On the third day, we trekked 25 miles, and then a whopping 35 miles the following day, at which point I almost hit a wall. During the final hour of that day’s hike, every muscle in my legs ached, and I experienced spasms in my feet. And to compound matters, it began to rain. Hard. Too exhausted to stop for even a moment (if I did, I might not be able to continue), I left my rain slicker in my pack and plodded on as the drops beat down on my worn body. I began to feel defeated. I noticed myself becoming resentful of my fellow traveling companions for plotting such an unreasonably long hike (35 miles!). Then, suddenly I stopped in my tracks. I was at a crucial moment. I could freak out and downward spiral into negativity, or I could change my thinking and do something positive in the moment. Aha! I realized I had a choice. Focusing on the Positive I shifted my attention from the throbbing pain in my legs to the beautiful flowers that surrounded me in the vineyards. By broadening my perspective, I was able to marvel at nature’s awesome beauty. I reached for my camera and started snapping pictures of the flowers. Soon, I noticed more and more exquisite flowers that seemed to emerge out of nowhere—tall, regal purple flowers waving in the wind and small, simple, white flowers with delicate petals. As I focused my camera on them, they slowly transformed into magnificently intricate creations. Once I focused on positivity, it moved into the foreground and my pain subsided. The beauty of it is that we can decide which to see. I also did some anticipatory savoring—another positive psychology concept—of the warm shower that awaited me when I reached the albergue. I looked forward to the fine albariño wine and a sumptuous meal of sautéed broccoli, green peppers, mushrooms and cannelloni beans that would be prepared by “Chef” Delvino, as we fondly referred to our fellow pilgrim, due to his ability to whip up a delicious meal with a few simple ingredients. I also listened to my favorite classical music, like Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” and Mozart’s “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik,” on my iPod to increase my positive emotions during the particularly challenging times of the journey. Additionally, I reframed what was happening into a positive experience. No longer did I see the storm as a nuisance, but rather a welcome pleasure, reveling in the cool rain as it soothed my hot, achy body. Read more: The Science of Savoring It worked! Not only did I finish the last hour of the most difficult day’s journey, but also I mustered up enough strength to get through the following day’s 20-mile trek and the final 10-mile stretch to Santiago on the sixth day. My new Portuguese friends and fellow pilgrims embraced one another and shared tears of joy upon reaching our goal of hiking the long and laborious Camino de Santiago. It was one of my most rewarding physical, mental and spiritual experiences. I learned how much untapped strength I have. Regardless of how difficult a situation appears, we always have a choice of how we react, respond and feel. I realized how positive choices enable us to push ourselves beyond our preconceived limits, making us stronger than we ever imagined. What I Learned Along the Way Many life lessons emerged throughout my pilgrimage and continue to unfold in my life today. I coined the term “overthinking-anticipating-maximizer” to describe how I had habitually lived most of my life. The phrase depicts a thinking and behavioral style that hasn’t always served me well. I now realize this ritualized pattern of living isn’t written in stone. Rather, it’s composed of learned habits I created, but ones I can unlearn by replacing them with healthier habits. While it will take practice, it is something I can change, resulting in a better state of mind. Here’s a look at each of the three words that have defined my behavior to date: Overthinking. I tend to think quickly and to excess, which can be toxic. Rather than taking simple, sequential steps forward, my mind travels at such rapid speeds that it often veers dangerously off course, taking me on an arduous route. I realized this self-imposed daily mental race exhausts me far more than any physical race I could ever possibly run. And I regularly long for a “mental holiday.” The hike taught me to slow down and focus on taking one step at a time. Practicing these techniques helps me tame my out-of-control thoughts and experience a more peaceful state of mind and better quality of life. Anticipating. Being naturally zestful with a tendency to anticipate, I get easily excited about upcoming opportunities and promising events. Simultaneously, this future-focused preoccupation triggers unnecessary anxiety when confronting uncharted territory. I often get mired in negative what-ifs. What if I run out of water? What if I get lost? What if my throbbing toe falls off? Hiking the Camino helped me practice redirecting my attention to what I could do now in the present. Further, being grounded in the present while truly savoring the moment unleashed my potential to experience awe. Now, when my head starts to spin out of control, I ask myself, “What is the smallest positive thing I can do now that will make the greatest positive impact in the moment?” Reminding myself that I have choices helps prevent me from getting stuck in negative thinking traps. Read more: Jack Kornfield Finds Freedom in the Moment Maximizer. I’ve always prided myself on being the best. After several conversations with psychologist Barry Schwartz discussing his renowned and relevant research, I learned that this intense striving for the best makes me a “maximizer,” as opposed to a “satisficer,” who is content with good enough. When advised to pace myself the first day of the Camino, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wasn’t satisfied with simply getting to Santiago; I wanted to get there first—and in record time. So, what did I do? I ran…uphill! Racing ahead of my companions at full-force not only wiped me out, but also robbed me of opportunities to make personal connections (not to mention share water). Savoring Life Eight years later, as a married mother with a charming 6-year-old boy, I’m living a vastly different life than the single, free-spirited New Yorker who set out for Santiago. However, the indelible lessons I learned on the importance of slowing down, savoring and simplifying continue to inform the way I live today. Having always been a bit of a speed demon—a fast walker, talker and thinker—I am practicing decelerating my daily pace (to the delight of my more deliberate-minded philosopher husband) and I relish more meaningful moments grounded in the present. To further hone these healthy habits, I recently completed an eight-week mindfulness-based stress management course, along with my husband, taught by Michael Baime, director of the Penn Program for Mindfulness. Now, I’m taking more intentional steps to carry only the day’s essentials, rather than lugging around yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s worries. And with a lighter load, I’m better able to focus my attention on the choices and people who matter most to me, like my husband and son. All the while reminding myself that life, like Camino de Santiago, is not a destination, but a journey to be enjoyed. Suzann Pileggi Pawelsi holds a master's in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and is a contributing editor to Live Happy. Her first book, Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts, written with her husband, James Pawelski, Ph.D., comes out in January 2018.

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Do You Have Enough Grit?

Caroline Adams Miller had to develop grit to keep herself alive. She had success and talent but was battling an eating disorder. Then one day a woman stood up in a 12-step recovery meeting and said she was recovering from bulimia one day at a time. Caroline was transformed the moment when she realized that she could enlist the support of others and take her own eating disorder out of the shadows. She went from hopeless to hopeful. It was her turning point. Today she calls grit her life’s work. In her new book, Getting Grit: The Evidence-Based Approach to Cultivating Passion, Perseverance, and Purpose, Caroline shows us—through meticulous research from positive psychology experts—how to develop the trait of authentic grit, one of the key determinants of life satisfaction and success. LIVE HAPPY: You define grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals and note that as a culture, we need more of it. Where have we gone wrong? CAROLINE ADAMS MILLER: I do believe a lot of it started with the self-esteem parenting movement. The belief was if you praise children and tell them that they are special and winners they will believe that and work very hard and live up to that standard of being special. But now we know from the work of Carol Dweck, Ph.D., that it creates a “fixed mindset” that makes people afraid to take risks or not have that praise and it stops them from working hard. Rats that are given sugar water in mazes stop trying to solve the maze; they just sit down and get fat. This is what happened to an entire generation. We have everyone getting trophies and dumbed-down standards. We have playgrounds with woodchips so no one skins a knee. Or phonics made easy. We protect children from themselves to the point where they don’t have to learn any coping skills, or have to learn from failure. And it just keeps getting worse. Listen to our podcast with Caroline Miller: LH: You point out that people need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable to develop grit. What do you mean by that? CAM: I heard a great quote on Wharton Business Radio [Sirius XM channel] the other day. I think it’s the answer. “All learning takes place on the cusp of anxiety.” If you are always in the safe place, it’s the status quo. You aren’t learning. There isn’t that kind of edge of anxiety where you are being forced to pay attention and transgress boundaries of physical safety, emotional safety and intellectual safety—so you are never really changing. And stress is what causes people to become more resilient, not less resilient. People get stronger by doing hard things and braver by being courageous. Read more by Caroline Miller: The 6-Step Goal-Setting Challenge LH: What are some of the ways people can cultivate grit? CAM: People who have grit ask themselves, “Why not?” When faced with something bigger than themselves, they ask, “Why not me?” Change the channel in your brain. Go to another place in your brain. Have a slogan. One day at a time. Attitude of gratitude. Easy does it. Or use a symbol, think of a person, find a way to hijack your brain and go to the best channel for you. Create a team around you. Who can I positively connect with today? Givers end up at the top of the success ladder. They brainstorm. They find ways to comfort themselves. LH: If people could take just one thing away from your book, what would that be? CAM: Anyone can cultivate grit. It is not reserved for Olympic gold medalists. If I can do it and go from being successful, talented and looking good, to realizing I didn’t have it and failing in an epic way that almost cost me my life, and then rebuilding authentically from that, I really do believe everybody can strive for grit—because you are going for what matters in life. Getting Grit: The Evidence-Based Approach to Cultivating Passion, Perseverance, and Purpose is available at Amazon and wherever books are sold. Sandra Bilbray is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Lifestyle

Jim Gaffigan Plays Life for Laughs

In the mid-’90s, Jim Gaffigan was a young copywriter working at Ogilvy & Mather, the giant New York City advertising agency. He suffered from a fear of public speaking that was so acute, it was causing alarm among his colleagues. He had been the class clown back home in rural Indiana. But now, called upon to voice an opinion in meetings or to give a presentation, his pale skin would turn bright red and he’d stammer, tremble and sweat, appearing to be in the full throes of a panic attack. A colleague suggested that taking an improv comedy workshop might help him manage his anxiety. He followed that advice and felt so in his element trading quips, he went on to enroll in a seminar in stand-up comedy. For the final class, each student performed a stand-up set. Those few minutes changed his life. “It was amazing,” he says. “I felt this power and this control. Those were my ideas I brought on stage, they were funny and they were making this roomful of people laugh.” The Family Guy Today, Jim Gaffigan, that once jittery ad writer, is one of the top comedians in the world. With his wife, Jeannie, as his writing and producing partner, he has created a comedy empire built around his profanity-free, self-effacing humor that centers on his frenzied life as a food-loving father of five. There have been platinum-selling, Grammy-nominated comedy albums; international tours; five Netflix comedy specials and two best-selling books (Dad Is Fat and Food: A Love Story). Jim is one of only 10 comics to sell out New York City’s Madison Square Garden. He has starred in hundreds of TV commercials, performed on Broadway and—a thrill for the practicing Catholic—even opened for Pope Francis. This year, he’ll appear in six movies; the roles range from the voice of Peng, the rebellious goose in the animated comedy Duck Duck Goose, to co-starring opposite Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts in the boxing drama Chuck. And the album for his Netflix special Cinco drops on June 13 (just in time for Father's Day). Life, Jim says, “is a pretty established form of chaos.” He is chatting the morning after his family has returned from a trip to Puerto Rico. Jim sniffles, coughs and sneezes. He, Jeannie and the kids—Marre, Patrick, Michael, Jack and Katie—have been trading a cold for weeks, making the four-day excursion especially challenging. It’s amazing the power a baby has over a parent. There is nothing that exists in the universe that can be as difficult, make you lose as much sleep, smell as bad and still be so loved. Once on the road, I drove past a serious skunk smell, and my only thought was ‘I miss my baby.’ —Jim Gaffigan In Puerto Rico, they hiked, surfed and snorkeled. “All the stuff you want to do on a family vacation,” Jim says. “It’s exhausting and it’s expensive, but you cherish those moments. It wipes away some of the parental guilt. Just time with our kids is precious.” As Jim has said, “In those last moments of my existence, I’m not going to be sitting there going, ‘I wish I had done another Netflix special.’ I’m probably going to be thinking about whether I was a decent father and husband.” Parenting Is Paramount That’s why last August, just days after the final episode of the second season of The Jim Gaffigan Show aired, Jim and Jeannie announced they were ending the acclaimed TV Land series. The sitcom was based on their own lives—a stand-up comic and his wife who live with their five kids in a two-bedroom fifth-floor Manhattan walk-up. (In real life, the Gaffigans resided in just that type of apartment until 2013, when they moved into a converted four-bedroom loft.) “We were working 18-hour days, often leaving for the set before the kids woke up,” Jim says. “The show was incredibly fulfilling creatively, but it was just not a sustainable lifestyle. It came down to: We just can’t do the show and do the parenting thing to our five young kids the way we wanted to. We didn’t want to outsource our parenting.” Deciding to call a halt to the show was a big and difficult decision, but Jim says, “So much of my journey has been about rediscovering my priorities. I’m not the same man I was 10 years ago or five years ago.” Today his biggest priority and his greatest challenge is, he says, “making sure our kids are the best humans they can be, empowering them to find their dreams and setting them on a path for happiness. I’m somebody who’s very lucky to have found this job that gives me such happiness, so I feel an even greater responsibility to help my kids find their happiness.” Open-Mic Fright For a while, happiness was elusive for Jim. The youngest of six children, he had been taught by his small-town banker dad and homemaker mom to think of success as security and stability. “I was very much raised to seek a job where I would wear a coat and tie to work,” he says. “I would do that for 30 years, play golf for five and then I would die.” He followed that formula for a while, graduating from Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., with a degree in finance, and then moving to Tampa, Florida, for a coveted consulting job. “Everyone was, ‘Wow, you got this great job,’ ” he says. “But I was absolutely miserable. I think I always wanted to be a comedian or an actor, but it was just this pie-in-the-sky idea. Where I’m from, no one was in the entertainment industry. My town had a marching band, that was it.” Jim moved to New York City to work in advertising—first on the account side but later as a copywriter—and after the triumph of his first stand-up performance, he began hitting the open-mic circuit. The audiences were far less friendly than his fellow students had been. “It was just misery,” he says. “I stumbled around for five years being really horrible and dealing with a lot of stage fright. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. That was my experience. I wasn’t having any positive results but I was just driven to keep doing it.” Finding His ‘Hot Pockets’ After a workday at Ogilvy, he would take an acting class then do a late-night stand-up gig. He was so perpetually exhausted, he’d catch up on sleep in his cubicle, until the afternoon his boss woke him up to let him know she was firing him. Right around this time, the comics he had come up with began getting spots on the Late Show with David Letterman and Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and Jim found himself feeling left behind and filled with anger. Until he had a shift in thinking. With five little kids, there is no ending to bedtime. There is always one awake. [It’s] like they are taking shifts. I imagine they have scheduling meetings: ‘All right, I’ll annoy Dad from midnight to 2 a.m. Who wants the 3 to 6 a.m. shift?’ —Jim Gaffigan “I remember coming to the realization that, all right, I probably wasn’t going to be successful at stand-up in any big way. But so what?” he says. “Sure I was living in a tiny, crummy apartment. I wasn’t making any money and I had no social life, but I got to do what I enjoyed and that in itself was a miracle.” Maybe, he’d come to believe, there wasn’t a big need for his gentle, observational humor, which was based on the recognition that we’re all flawed—with, perhaps, a few extra pounds in the middle and a secret passion for McDonald’s. Still, he had no interest in embracing the put-down comedy that was more popular at the time. That brought “darkness” to an audience; he wanted to bring “lightness.” “Hear me out here,” he says, warming to the subject. “We all have friends that are really funny and really negative that we get a kick out of. But there’s a fatigue after we hang around them. Their jokes are, ‘Let’s make fun of that guy’s shirt’ or ‘Let’s talk about how we all have a common enemy.’ That’s darkness.” Lightness, he says, is acknowledging our common humanity. Take the universal appeal of his Hot Pockets routine, the bit that made him famous. “We all have our Hot Pockets,” he says. “Maybe it’s a 7-Eleven burrito or the empanada from the place on the corner. It’s all the exact same thing.” Then, in January 1999, at the age of 32, Jim made the first of what would turn out to be 22 appearances on the Late Show with David Letterman. “It’s amazing,” he says. “Once I stopped being angry and decided I’m going to be happy that I get to do what I want, I met my writing partner, who ended up being my wife, and then my life just kind of bloomed.” Read more: Goofing Around With Jim Gaffigan He Dreams of Jeannie “We’re probably going to get married,” Jim said to the then–Jeannie Noth when they bumped into each other at a Korean grocery in their downtown Manhattan neighborhood in April 2000. “I felt it wasn’t the first time he’d said that,” Jeannie recalls. “It seemed like a little bit of a line.” Still, she found him funny and he pursued her doggedly “in a non-creepy way.” Their first date was lunch in SoHo, and there was an instant connection. Both Jim and Jeannie are Midwesterners (she hails from Milwaukee), and part of a large brood of siblings (Jeannie is the oldest of nine kids). “Because we both come from big families, there was something very familiar about the way we interacted,” she says. “Like not even asking, ‘Can I taste your food?’ but just reaching into each other’s plates.” Now 14 years after they wed, with five kids between the ages of 4 and 13, Jeannie says with a laugh that she’s discovered the secret to staying married really is just: “Don’t get divorced. Big families are like waterbed stores. They used to be everywhere. Now they are just weird. —Jim Gaffigan “There are so many reasons in this world not to stick it out,” she says. “But I can’t remove our marriage and our relationship from our five kids. There’s something larger at stake. Everybody has [bad] moments, but it’s important not to let them set you on a course that you can’t reverse. And, we’re not one of those couples who never fight. We fight and argue all the time, about politics, about scripts, about what our kids should do. It’s not vicious but everything is a debate, and it strengthens us as parents and in our artistic and creative endeavors.” Hitting the Road, Family in Tow Living in Manhattan with five kids is challenging. Jim and Jeannie don’t own a car and they need two taxis to shuttle across town. Last year, when the family was filmed at a park and then a pizza place for a Father’s Day segment on The Today Show, Al Roker told viewers that a stroller had been accidentally left in a cab during filming. “Sure, it would be a lot easier if we lived in the suburbs,” Jim says. “But this is the life we’ve chosen.” They had all their children at home (yes, in that fifth-floor walk-up), delivered with the help of a midwife. “It was all my wife’s idea,” Jim says in his comedy special Mr. Universe. “I don’t even like cooking at home.” By today’s standards, my dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad, and I’m sure his dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad either. I’m sure my grandfather’s dad would be considered an even worse dad. It all goes back to cavemen just eating their children. —Jim Gaffigan For five summers in a row, they’ve rented a tour bus and taken the kids along as Jim crisscrossed the country, sometimes doing as many as 30 shows in 30 days. “Balancing doing stand-up and traveling with your kids is really hard, but really great,” he says. The Gaffigan gang plans to travel on Jim’s Noble Ape Tour to dozens of U.S. cities as well as planned international destinations such as Beijing, Tokyo, Tel Aviv and Paris. Tour dates this summer in New Zealand and Australia were recently canceled as Jeannie continues to recover from her illness. “We’re making a good living, so now Jeannie and I are recalibrating things as parents and choosing projects that are going to enrich our lives and our family life,” Jim says. “The comedy I do is very much about a white guy American experience,” he says. “I’ve done shows in Finland and Norway and I don’t imagine I’m going to be a huge hit there. My agents see no value in my doing this international stuff, but I love different cultures, and I think it’s my responsibility to expose my children to different things, so I see the value on a personal level.” He’s working on a joke, he says, about how being a tourist and being a parent are similar. “You’re lost. You’re spending money you’re not really sure you can or should. It’s not an enviable position,” he says. With travel, “We establish this very nice existence and then we go somewhere where we don’t even know where we’re going to get our next meal,” he says. “Like parenting, it’s hugely inconvenient. Both are strange journeys of discovery and absolutely amazing.” The Calm in the Center of the Stage Jim had returned from Puerto Rico sneezing and grumpy, getting to his apartment around 7 p.m. It might seem like a night to stay in with a cup of tea, but when Jim got a text from a friend about an opening at a comedy club, he turned to Jeannie. “I might do this show,” he said. Her response, “Please go ahead.” A little while later, he was out the door. I believe each of my five children has made me a better man. So I figure I only need another 34 kids to be a pretty decent guy. —Jim Gaffigan “I’m sick, I’m fatigued, but I hadn’t done stand-up in five days,” Jim says. “It was pretty transformative. It always is. Performing stand-up is my meditation. I’ve been in a bad mood, done a set—sometimes it’s my wife who tells me I’ve got to go—and it’s changed my mood. Or I’ve been way too excited and doing stand-up has balanced me out. “It’s not just about the power you feel,” he says. “It’s about having a conversation with strangers, making them laugh. That improves their experience, and it makes me feel better, too.” Because that’s what happens when you go around spreading lightness. Shortly after press time, Jeannie Gaffigan underwent emergency surgery for a brain tumor. Our hearts and healing wishes go out to the Gaffigan family as she continues to recover. Shelley Levitt is a freelance is an editor at large for Live Happy. Her writing has appeared in Real Simple, People, SUCCESS and many other publications.

Lifestyle

60 Seconds to Happiness

Vin called in during the taping of my new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness. His problem: He feels jealous each time he looks at his Instagram feed because staring back at him are pictures his girlfriend posts while she is out having fun and he is stuck at work. The pictures typically show her goofing off at a bar with her girlfriends, but sometimes also with guys whom Vin doesn’t know. Even though he trusts her, he feels a twinge in the pit of his stomach and doesn’t know what to do. My radio series promises to help people make 1-minute habit changes that will increase happiness. Interestingly, an overwhelming percentage of callers needed help with their social media habits, including feeling down after even just a few minutes on Facebook or spending more time online than they have to spare. I turned to the research for answers as our understanding of social media is changing so rapidly. Hundreds of studies assess our relationships with sites like Facebook and Snapchat and specifically which habits predict greater happiness both online and offline. A former University of Pennsylvania research colleague who is now a senior lecturer at the University of Melbourne, Margaret Kern, Ph.D., led a meta-analysis of the 70 best studies and found a handful of clear themes. I’ve included questions after each big idea and offer a strategy for you to try. 1. Social media is not a mood booster. Not one study found that significant use decreased depression and anxiety. For those battling depression and anxiety, which globally is 4.7 percent and 7.3 percent of people, respectively, turning to social media to feel better doesn’t work. Eight studies found that social media use is directly linked to depression, while 16 others found a nonsignificant connection. If you are feeling lousy, social media can expose you to experiences that make you feel even worse, such as negative news, cyberbullying or an overload from other people’s highlight reels. Ask yourself: When you’re feeling down, do you get on social media to try to make yourself feel better and does that work for you? If not, is there an offline activity that might be better, like going for a walk outside or calling a friend? Take a break: Get off social media for one week. Do it! It’s rejuvenating. Now that it’s summer, go out into the world and make memories. Take pictures. Experience life. The upside is that this will most likely give you more interesting, meaningful things to share with friends when you’re back online. Read more: Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? 2. Social comparison is toxic. Whether you envy celebrities’ awesome lives or judge someone who gets fewer “likes” than you, social comparison creates real misery and false happiness. According to the meta-analysis, social comparison is a big risk factor for depression and anxiety. One study found that more frequent negative social comparisons on Facebook were connected to an increase in rumination. This makes sense since comparing ourselves to others can fan the flames of rumination. Ask yourself: Do you engage in social comparison? If so, is it often with the same people? Clean your feed: Hide people who post negative news so you can make social media a happier place. You can get your news elsewhere. And hide people whom you compare yourself to like celebrities or that always-perfect neighborhood mom. Stop torturing yourself! Let your feed bring you joy, not pain. Setting yourself up for success is a form of self-love. Listen to our podcast, Positive Communication With Michelle Gielan 3. Happy people connect. Using social media is associated with lower levels of loneliness and greater feelings of social connectedness, as well as higher levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem. This doesn’t necessarily mean that using social media makes you happier, but that people who have high levels of happiness and self-esteem also typically use social media as an additional form of connection. Social connection is one of the greatest predictors of happiness we have from our research, so the more we can create it, the better off that makes us. Ask yourself: Do you use social media to deepen friendships? Do you make meaningful comments on friends’ pictures and posts? Do you share pictures and posts instead of merely reading other people’s posts? Connect meaningfully: Use social media to meaningfully connect with your friends by sharing pieces of your life and thoughtfully responding to theirs. Liking everyone’s pictures in your feed doesn’t count. I’m trying to follow these guidelines, too. When I do log on, I try to make it count by making a point to really connect with people I care about. Read more: Let Technology Life Your Life Vin agreed to stay off social media those nights he was away from his girlfriend. He also told her how he felt. Her response was incredible. She replied that while she looked like she was having a blast, she also missed him. Just hearing that made him feel so much better. And guess how long he said the conversation took? You guessed it…just 60 seconds to happiness! Join me @MichelleGielan on social media, where I share happiness resources, including where to listen to our new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness! SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.

Lifestyle

For Queen Latifah, Happiness Reigns Supreme

In 1992, Dana Owens—known to the world as Queen Latifah—had a top 10 single from her Nature of a Sista album and she’d won a part in acclaimed director Spike Lee’s movie Jungle Fever. She was 22 and had been famous since releasing her debut album All Hail the Queen three years earlier. But as the lights of stardom shined on her professional life, a phone call cast unimaginable darkness on her personal life. “Before I could get the ‘hello’ out, [my friend] said, ‘Your brother had an accident on his motorcycle.’ My heart dropped. I couldn’t think,” Queen recalls in her book Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman. She raced to the hospital where she met her mother. Together, the two women prayed that Queen’s older brother, Lancelot “Winki” Jr., a 24-year-old police officer, would survive the crash. But his injuries were too great. When the doctor came to the waiting room and told the family that Lancelot had died from his injuries, Queen says her “world evaporated.” She and Winki had been extremely close, sharing what she calls “a spiritual connection.” As the days passed and she tried to cope with her sorrow and shock, she was also left with the terrible knowledge that she had purchased the motorcycle that killed her brother. “I never imagined that bike, bought in love, would be the cause of Winki’s death,” Queen says in Ladies First. A Lesson From Heartbreak “That was a really tough one,” she says now, the heartbreak still palpable in her voice. “It rocked my life to the core.” Queen started smoking marijuana daily. She spent her days checking on her mother and shooting hoops at a park and spent her nights smoking and drinking until she passed out. It was by reconnecting with her first love of music that Queen tapped into the inner strength she’d forgotten was there. Pouring herself into her lyrics, Queen wrote and recorded her album Black Reign, which includes the track “Winki’s Theme,” dedicated to her brother. “I had to free my soul by releasing the pain through my music,” she explains in Ladies First. Queen also paid tribute to her brother on the open road. Not long after his death, she was back on her own motorcycle, riding in honor of her late sibling. Winki was there, too. Queen had had the key to his bike dipped in gold, and she wore it on a chain around her neck for years. “You can’t stay in those blue or dark places forever.” Queen speaks in her famously husky voice and chooses each word with care. “You have to find whatever inspiration works for you, but you can’t let yourself stay down all the time. Whatever your inspiration, you have to look for a reason to fight the good fight each and every day,” she says. It’s Queen’s fighting spirit and unwillingness to compromise her principles that have helped her move beyond tough times to win acclaim and a slew of awards in music, film and more—and to find a lasting sense of peace and joy. Finding Her Crown The loss of her brother taught Queen she had strength that could vanquish terrible despair. But the foundation for her courage in facing adversity was built years before that tragedy. As a young girl growing up in New Jersey, Queen’s parents, high school teacher Rita and police officer Lancelot (Lance) Owens Sr., taught her to not worry about fitting in. “My mother wanted us to define ourselves, rather than allow others to pin a label on us,” she says. Both parents focused on developing their children’s self-esteem, telling Queen and Winki they were capable of doing anything. Like any kid, though, Queen had growing pains. Concerns about being taller than most girls (and some boys) and what she calls “big-boned” left Queen lacking in self-confidence as a teen. As a result, she says in her book Put on Your Crown: Life-Changing Moments on the Path to Queendom, she “experimented with stuff that could have taken me right down into the gutter if I’d continued with it.” “Around 18 or so, I was making bad choices based on not loving myself so I decided to make a decision to either love [myself] or hate [myself]. I knew I needed to make some changes,” Queen says. “I literally looked in the mirror and kind of had that talk with myself. The one no one wants to have, but just about everyone needs at one point or another. “I decided I needed to love myself. But I also needed to truly believe that, own that, and make decisions based on that. I had to accept myself as I am.” That moment was a turning point for the entertainer. While her high school peers, after graduation, were setting their sights on jobs or college, Queen had other plans. Releasing her debut album All Hail the Queen in 1989, she became a rap star at age 19, using her nickname “Latifah” (which means “delicate and kind” in Arabic). By 21, Queen made her TV acting debut in the smash hit The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. In 1994, she would also win the Grammy for Best Rap Solo Performance for her song “U.N.I.T.Y.” With its lyrics that bashed the male rap culture for its sexism, she established herself as a powerful voice for women, one that has only grown stronger with the years. “I’ve lived a helluva life,” she says, chuckling. Never Stop Fighting Queen was picked to star on the sitcom Living Single in 1993, and during its five-year run, producers told her and other female castmates to slim down. She thought the idea was “ridiculous.” “We were supposed to reflect women in the real world,” says Queen of the show in Put on Your Crown. “So what sense would it make to viewers if we were all skinny?” When she did opt to lose some weight in 2002—the year she was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in the movie Chicago—she did it for her own reasons. “I wanted to feel better and have more energy.” Queen feels passionately that women need to love themselves for who they are and not for a perfect Hollywood ideal—so strongly, in fact, that she wrote not one but two books advising women on how to do so. To maintain both physical and emotional balance, Queen continues to rely on the same looking glass that helped her turn away from bad choices as a teen. “I constantly check in with myself and look in the mirror at who I am and how I want to manage my life. “I’m authentic with myself. I don’t lie to the person in the mirror because the more I feel and acknowledge and accept, the better,” she says. That honesty leads to feeling better about myself—the good and the not so good. It’s very peaceful and calming. “If I’m not eating right, I check in with myself to rein it back in and get back on track,” she continues. “If I break down and smoke, which is something that hooked me at a young age and [which] I’ve fought my whole life, I have to have a heart-to-heart with myself to gear up to go back into battle and fight that fight. No matter what the obstacle, I think it’s important to never stop fighting. I won’t give up.” Queen says she checks in with herself “emotionally, to make sure I feel strong on the inside, too. Because if I’m not at my strongest emotionally, things like unhealthy eating or smoking can creep back in. I’m no different than any woman today. When you wear a lot of hats and carry a lot around, you have to stop and check in on yourself.” Consistent introspection also promotes the gratitude Queen says is vital to her well-being. “Staying in a grateful place feeds my soul. I’m so thankful for my job and work that lets me not only survive but also provide for the people I hold so dear. I’m humbled by the gifts and opportunities I’ve been given. Reflecting on that fills me with such gratefulness. It lifts my spirits anytime I think about it.” Read more: The Joy of Being Dolly Parton Queen of Hearts In 2004, Queen’s mother, Rita Owens, was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. The news sent waves of shock and fear through her daughter. “It was terrifying to hear that because all you can think is ‘My mom’s gonna die,’ ” Queen says. Getting Rita on the right diet and medicine regimens calmed both mother and daughter. “It was empowering to be able to have these things to do,” Queen shares. “You feel like you can take back some control.” Subsequent health issues and complications have led to Rita’s requiring oxygen—and to Queen’s donning of another hat. “I’m a soldier for good health on a mission to help and save my mom,” says Queen, who lives part-time in Rita’s New Jersey home to share caregiving duties along with relatives and medical professionals. “Anything you see [me do] on TV and movies doesn’t exist without my mom. She’s done so much for us, I want to do anything I can to make her happy. “My mom’s sense of humor and ability to always say something ‘just right’ can change my whole attitude,” she says. “I’d say she’s my happiness role model, but honestly, my whole family continues to shape my positive outlook and attitude. “The love and support we have for one another is out of this world,” says Queen, who doesn’t restrict the definition of family to those who share her DNA. “My mom, cousins, best friends, and so on all rally around each other and pick each other up when it’s needed.” Queen calls her group of close friends her “posse”—and most of them date back to her teen years. “I’m fortunate to have people around who tell me the truth and celebrate a great job or smack my hand when I’ve done a bad one. That really helps keep me grounded,” Queen says. “Having people you love and who love you, people you can share a mutual honesty with, is really something.” Queen also credits her strong belief and faith in God with keeping her grounded and balanced. In 2015, Queen and her mom filmed public service announcements that share their family’s story and educate viewers about the symptoms and risks of heart failure. That same year, Queen played the title role in, and was one of the executive producers for, the HBO movie Bessie, about the singer Bessie Smith, for which she won both an Emmy and a Screen Actor’s Guild award. “[Bessie] was not afraid to be wrong or afraid to tell someone just like it is, and that’s a gift,” Queen told The New York Times. She may as well have been talking about herself. Read more: Ming-Na Wen, Agent of Change Queen’s Regal Grace Over the years, Queen Latifah has compiled an astonishing list of accomplishments and she shows no signs of stopping. This year she returns to TV as both actress and producer. Queen’s latest leading role is as the owner of a beauty salon who becomes a surrogate mother to a group of young girls on a quest to find success on the new Lee Daniels series Star on Fox. She is producing a Travel Channel series, The Best Place To Be,where stars divulge their favorite places to eat, drink, shop and sightsee. Anyone with a résumé like hers could easily develop a diva-sized attitude, but Queen never plays the snooty royal card. Indeed, her humility can be disarming. “There’s really no reason I should have done what I have,” she says. “I’m an African-American girl from Newark who doesn’t have the typical look for a lot of the things I’ve wanted to do. “I have always been good at keeping it real with myself,” she says. “I know I’m not always perfect at doing the right things. My life is a work in progress, and I’m not going to create a lie about who I am.” Long live the Queen. Gina Roberts-Grey is an award-winning journalist who has written for Family Circle, Self and Essence among other publications.

Lifestyle

Your Summer Adventure Starts With Our July Issue

It’s that time of year when the neighborhood kids celebrate the last day of school by heading to the pool, making those of us still tied to our day jobs antsy for some fun and adventure. Haven’t started planning yet? Not to worry, Live Happy has you covered with our July issue, on newsstands today, with at least 51 ways to live it up this summer and a featured cover story on comedian Jim Gaffigan. Awash in toys and gearing up for Father’s Day, Jim shares his two missions in life: empowering his five kids to chase their dreams while following his own path to happiness on- and off-stage. Read what happened behind the scenes at our photo shoot. “Jim Gaffigan embodies the theme of this issue because he shares in this zest for adventure when it comes to his family and being onstage,” says Deborah K. Heisz, Live Happy editorial director, CEO and co-founder. “I’m especially inspired by his decision to tour internationally with his family so they can experience new cultures together.” While a world comedy tour isn’t in the cards for most of us, a fun-filled summer day can be as close as 10 minutes away. Our feature, “Well-Being Is a Walk in the Park,” notes that exercising outdoors is strongly associated with positive mental health. Not only that, but neighborhoods with parks report increased interaction among residents, which adds to stronger bonds and life satisfaction. If you’re ready to go all in, consider booking a stay at an adult sleep-away camp. In “Happy Campers,” read about the trend of new adult summer camps where adults have the chance to relax, enjoy nature and have a truly transformative experience. Find our top 20 picks in this resource guide. Other highlights include: Embracing Awe—Once seen as a “luxury handbag of emotions,” the experience of “awe” is now proving its significance to researchers and offers multiple benefits for the mind, body and spirit. Learn more about the science and explore its pathway to well-being in your life. Wonder Bound—Read about five awe-inspiring destinations, ranging from far corners of the world to hidden gems not far from your backyard, to make your travel dreams a reality. Hanging in the Outdoors—Looking for an outdoor adventure but don’t know where to start? Check out our fun camping and travel products—including a double sleeping bag and a water bike—before you hit the road. Pick up a copy of Live Happy today and send us a photo of you enjoying your summer adventure with #livehappy as your guide. Tag us @livehappy on Twitter or @mylivehappy on Instagram or email editor@livehappy.com.

Practice

33 Ideas for Adventure

You don't need to be a boulder-dodging, globe-trotting archaeologist to add more excitement to your life. Check out this list of ideas to spark your inner Indiana Jones and make every day an adventure. 1. Adventure is not something you must travel to find...it's something you take with you. —Diane Ackerman 2. Read anything by Jack London. 3. Listen to "I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash. 4. Try an escape room adventure with friends. 5. Make good use of that GoPro camera you got last Christmas! 6. Watch The Goonies. 7. Read Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. 8. Nothing behind me, everything in front of me, as is ever so on the road. —Jack Kerouac 9. Learn to scuba dive or snorkel. 10. Listen to "(Get Your Kicks on) Route 66." 11. Watch Romancing the Stone. 12. Join Outward Bound. 13. Read Adventures for Your Soul by Shannon Kaiser. 14. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it. —Albert Camus 15. Explore a national park. 16. Try indoor skydiving. 17. Discovery is the ability to be puzzled by simple things. —Noam Chomsky 18. Watch Dances With Wolves. 19. Take the whole family on a weekend bike ride. 20. Climb the nearest mountain. 21. Read Find a Way by Diana Nyad. 22. Create a bucket list and start crossing things off. 23. Read Journey Without Maps by Graham Greene. 24. Take a flying trapeze class. 25. Listen to Graceland by Paul Simon. 26. Sign up for The Amazing Race. 27. Discovering our own path is an essential part of the transformative process. —Stuart Brown 28. Play The Oregon Trail computer game and try not to get a snakebite. 29. Listen to "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen. 30. Watch Time Bandits. 31. Take a Segway tour of the nearest big city. 32. Listen to "Life Is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane. 33. Update your passport. You're going to need it. Read more: Mud Runs and 6 Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears Read more: 33 Ideas for Happy Travels

Lifestyle

20 Best Sleep-Away Camps for Grown-Ups

First it seemed like a fad; now it’s a full-fledged phenomenon. Grown-ups are heading back to camp in droves. Perhaps we miss the camaraderie and fun we found there as kids—or maybe we want to experience that peaceful sense of singing by the fireside and canoeing in a mountain lake for the first time. Many of these adult sleep-away camps evoke traditional summer camp themes: You sleep in a cabin, have campfires and s’mores, eat in a mess hall, do classic camp activities such as tie-dye and arts-and-crafts. Some are like wellness retreats in the wilderness, with a full range of offerings such as power yoga and psychic readings. Other camps cater to more specific themes and hobbies, from wine harvest camp to zombie survival camp. Simply follow your bliss. Don’t see your favorite on this list? Let us know in the “Comments” section, below. 1. Camp Throwback One of the original sleep-away camps for adults, Camp Throwback was founded in 2013 by blogger, author and body acceptance guru Brittany Gibbons and her husband, Andy. Look for old-school games and activities, plenty of booze and an accepting community of all ages. The camp runs two four-day sessions each summer in rural Ohio; places sell out quickly. campthrowback.com/ 2. Camp No Counselors Former camp counselor Adam Tichauer left his corporate job in 2014 to found Camp No Counselors, a concept which he took on Shark Tank and has made into a successful business. Camp No Counselors now operates its weekend camps almost year-round in 16 cities in the U.S. and Canada. The emphasis is on fun, games and freeing your inner child. campnocounselors.com/ Read more: 8 Ways to Find Your Own Tribe 3. Soul Camp No drugs, no alcohol—just lots of great activities, friendly people and fantastic vibes. Soul Camp combines the fun and community of summer camp with the transformative power of a wellness retreat, including all the workshops and amenities you could want. Four-night sessions take place several times a year in New York and California. They also offer special one-day retreats in Chicago and New Jersey. https://soul.camp/ 4. Campowerment Campowerment is more than a camp—it’s an all-women’s empowerment retreat, offering personal development, wellness and mindfulness workshops and activities from dusk till dawn. Camp founder Tammi Leader Fuller has created an environment where every woman can open up, be real and reimagine herself while finding a new community of friends. Camps run in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania and Malibu, California. campowerment.com/ 5. Club Getaway Club Getaway has its own beautiful fixed location in Kent, Connecticut. Choose a weekend in summer for a bit of sunshine, greenery, good food and water sports. Some camps have themes, including Generation X, Camp John Waters, Jewish Professionals and many more. clubgetaway.com/ 6. Camp Bonfire A straightforward camp for grown-ups, Camp Bonfire has great amenities plus the benefit of a prime location on Lake Owego in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. Spend your days taking nature hikes, kayaking or writing poetry. The founders’ philosophy is, “We believe that great joy can be found in nature and each other.” campbonfire.com/ Read more: Green Is Good 7. Camp Kid Again Camp Kid Again is keeping things simple and nostalgic. This South Carolina-based camp may be for adults and offer an open bar, but the packing list reads like a kids’ camp. And the activities could be straight out of a summer camp brochure (relay race, archery, tie-dye) with the exception of more grown-up fun, including human foosball and drinking games. campkidagain.com/ 8. ‘Camp’ Camp Serving the LGBT community since 1997, ‘Camp’ Camp, outside Portland, Maine, may be the first sleep-away camp for grown-ups—a going concern long before the trend caught on. Each year 200 men and women gather from across the country for a week of arts and outdoor activities, camp games, rambles and good times. campcamp.com/ 9. Camp Halcyon Way up north in Wautoma, Wisconsin, Camp Halcyon is splitting the difference between nostalgia and, well, hedonism. Three times a year, in July, August and October, Halcyon offers a hybrid of old-school camp cabins and canoes and grown-up concepts like yoga on the beach (lakefront), three chef-prepared meals a day and a cocktail hour sponsored by local whiskey and beer companies. camphalcyon.com/ 10. Camp Rahh Camp Rahh near Seattle offers an all-inclusive four-day weekend of outdoor fun—four-course meals and bus transportation included. Sleep in traditional log cabins, enjoy live musical performances, meditation, horseback riding and, as they say, “make new best friends.” What could be better than that? Camp Rahh operates once a year; from August 24 to 27 in 2017. camprahh.com/#seattle-adult-summer-camp 11. Camp Nai Nai Nai Summer camp forms such an integral part of the Jewish-American experience; it’s not surprising to find a camp designed especially for Jewish adults. Camp Nai Nai Nai opens its cabin doors once a year on Memorial Day weekend (May 26 to 29 in 2017) in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania, among the lakes and trees of the Catoctin Mountains. Engage in the typical camp games and activities, meet new friends and enjoy Shabbat under the stars. campnainainai.org/ 12. Trybal Gatherings Trybal Gatherings is a collection of several adult camp experiences across the country, all geared toward Jewish young adults. In addition to Camp Nai Nai Nai (see above), TG operates three-day camps with all the fun fixings in August, September and October in the Berkshires in New England, Lake Beulah in Wisconsin and Simi Valley in Southern California. See the website for dates and rates. trybalgatherings.com Read more: Summer Fun Bucket List Themed Camps 13. Camp Winnarainbow (Circus Arts) Perhaps best known as a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, Wavy Gravy is in fact a real person: Formerly a stalwart hippie, he now runs a popular camp for circus arts in Northern California. For one week each summer, grown-ups can try their hand at trapeze, clowning, juggling, magic and more. As Wavy says, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” campwinnarainbow.org/california/kid/camps/summercamps/adult-camp 14. YEA Camp for Adults For 10 years, Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp has been running leadership camps to train teens to get active on social justice issues. Now it's offering a special session to help progressive-minded adults make a bigger difference in the world. Learn how you can get more active on a cause you care about, while enjoying the silliness, fun, and community that's unique to going to camp. Held at an animal sanctuary in High Falls, New York. yeacamp.org/adults 15. Zombie Survival Camp You’ve watched every season of The Walking Dead and you’re feeling a little wary. You know what might help? A weekend packed with hands-on classes in crossbow, knife throwing, Zombitsu (a specialized form of hand-to-hand combat) and advanced first aid (sounds like you’re going to need it). All classes are led by certified instructors dressed like regular people. Camp takes place in Central New Jersey, not far from Atlantic City and Philadelphia. zombiesurvivalcamp.com/ 16. Epic Nerd Camp Epic Nerd Camp (ENC), in Eastern Pennsylvania, not far from Scranton, wins the prize for best name. If you love to dress up in medieval costume and know what LARP is (Live Action Role Playing), you’ve found your tribe! Activities include circus games, non-fatal jousting and every board game imaginable. ENC offers two sessions this August. Bring your cape. epicnerdcamp.com/ 17. Surf Camp Endless Summer Surf Camp enjoys a prime location on San Onofre State Beach, in between Los Angeles and San Diego. A five-day session runs from Monday through Friday during beach season, which is May through September. Learn to ride the waves by day and delight in camping on the beautiful beach by night. (Caveat: San Onofre beach did close once in 2017 due to a shark attack. Bring your spear.) endlesssummersurfcamp.com/adult-surf-camps/ Read more: Mud Runs and 6 Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears 18. Wine Camp Held during the grape harvest in September in Sonoma County, California, this three-day camp offers the chance to pick grapes in the vineyard and tour several Sonoma wineries. Campers also learn the history of winemaking in the area and, of course, enjoy extensive meals served with local Sonoma wines. sonomagrapecamp.com/ 19. Space Camp Thought you were too old to make like Buzz Lightyear? The Space Camp facility in Huntsville, Alabama, made famous in movies for kids, also has a camp for adults. This three-day program is a little less campy than some in that you can sleep in a dorm bunk bed at the facility or at a local Marriott. You do, however, get to train on the multi-axis trainer, and perform an extended-duration simulated mission. Check website for dates and rates. spacecamp.com/space/adult 20. Yoga Camp Kripalu is a school and retreat set among the bucolic hills and valleys of the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts, overlooking Lake Mahkeenac. In June, July and August Kripalu offers five-day sessions that include outdoor yoga, forest bathing sessions, kayaking and arts and creative expression. Not exactly roughing it, accommodations consist of dormitory rooms with bunk beds or single beds—or you can request a private room. kripalu.org/presenters-programs/yoga-summer-camp-outdoor-adventure-adults Read more: Sleep-Away Camps for Grown-Ups Offer Play, Transformation Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy. Her last article for livehappy.com was: On Edge Takes a Personal Look at Living With Anxiety.

Lifestyle

Goofing Around With Jim Gaffigan

For the cover shoot of our July issue with comedian and five-time father Jim Gaffigan, Live Happy Creative Director Kathryn Finney had a very special assistant: her daughter Madison. We talked with Kathryn and Madison about what it was like to work together with a comic genius and veteran photographer Mary Ellen Matthews at this over-the-top shoot. LIVE HAPPY: As Live Happy’s creative director, what were your first thoughts on the possibility of Jim Gaffigan as the July cover? KATHRYN FINNEY: My daughter, Madison, brought up Jim Gaffigan’s name one evening about three years ago. She said he was really funny and that I would like his comedy. Our family watched a Netflix special, and we immediately fell in love. I was so excited when we had him as a cover option. I told my daughter and she immediately asked, “When is the shoot? Can I go?” LH: How did Madison get involved in the shoot? What was it like to work together? Madison loves everything about design. She’s been on several shoots with me since she was very young. Many of those shoots have been in New York City. At the last minute, it worked out that Madison could come along, so I gave her the assignment to capture images and video behind the scenes. She had never been to a photo shoot with a celebrity, and I like to push people (even my daughter) right into the middle of things and encourage them to learn. That is how I learned as a young designer. I could tell Madison was intimidated by photographer Mary Ellen Matthews’ talent and experience, with her Saturday Night Live credits and iconic images of rock stars over the years. Mary Ellen even looks like a rock star. Then in walks Jim. Big, bold, and he hits the scene joking. “I know I’m sick [he had a cold] but when I leave here today, you are going to be saying, ‘That Jim Gaffigan was the best person Live Happy has ever worked with.’ ” After introductions, he learned that my daughter and I are from Iowa. The first thing that he asked us was, “Have you been to Zombie Burger?” Zombie Burger is a hip burger joint in downtown Des Moines. It is delicious. That was the beginning of many conversations about Jim’s favorite topic: FOOD. LH: Describe the New York shoot location and vibe. Mary Ellen chose the location, Pier 59 Studios in NYC. Many fashion shoots take place there. I could see that it had lots of space where people could really spread out, but there was also a sense of privacy. Mary Ellen balanced the natural light from all the bay windows with the provided light for the perfect mix for our subject. Jim, of course, joked about how she was going to deal with his pale complexion. The concept for the shoot emerged from a Father’s Day theme. From what I know, Jim’s whole life is planned around his wonderful family. He says at the beginning of his latest Netflix special, Cinco, that he has now done one comedy special for each one of his kids. On that special, he says, ‘Now I’m done.’ I know this is just not true! He has so much energy. With that in the back of my head, I started to throw out concepts. Jim was very thoughtful about his image. I kept returning to the idea that he is just buried in fatherhood. So, I thought of that iconic image of the film American Beauty where the actress Mena Suvari is buried in rose petals. I’ve always loved that image. Why not bury Jim Gaffigan in toys? That concept was a winner with Jim. He even mentioned it at the shoot. This was his American Beauty moment. And he didn’t mind my using the term “bury him” on the shoot. LH: Was Jim making any jokes about the toys or bubbles in the process? How did the logistics go? With the help of a fantastic, resourceful set designer, Chad Dziewior, everything fell into place. The weekend before the shoot, he texted images of colorful props he had found. I’d text back other ideas and he would find what items were in my head. The ideas were flowing and the pile of props fell into place. Even though he was the subject of our cover and the center of attention, Jim’s wardrobe remained “true to Jim” and how he presents himself in life and onstage. He is super casual and understated. Yet, he had everyone in stitches on set. He played along, fully embracing the toy props. We threw an inflated guitar his way—he rocked out. We gave him a pink microphone, and he followed it with a mic drop. We gave him bubbles, and his play in front of the camera was priceless. We could have gone with different scenarios all day, but we had too much to choose from already. He was a perfect subject for Live Happy. LH: How does Jim embody the Live Happy brand and mission? I was just so impressed by how collected he was. He was very calm, and when Mary Ellen or I would ask him to do something, he was very kind and accommodating. He engaged with everyone. He asked where they were from, if they liked the same restaurants as he liked, and he made everyone laugh. Jim welcomed the staff that was hired to style him like family. He is everything Live Happy should aspire to in looking for individuals with interesting stories to tell. He brings his family with him on tour. He is so proud of his family and his mission. He talked about how he wants to make people feel better when they come to see his show. He finds that is a fantastic thing he has been able to do. When he said that, I truly believed he has a gift. He spreads the gift of happiness. All of us at Live Happy were shocked to learn of Jim’s wife, Jeannie’s, recent nine-hour emergency surgery to remove a brain tumor and are sending positive, healing thoughts to her and the whole Gaffigan family as she recovers. Jeannie—always with Jim’s best interests in mind—called to check in during the shoot and joined in the fun, viewing screen images from photographer Mary Ellen. How Jeannie and Jim have handled such a critical health issue with grace, courage and of course humor just adds to our respect and admiration for them. LH: How long have you been a fan of Jim Gaffigan? Do you have a favorite Netflix show of his or series of jokes that makes you laugh every time? MADISON FINNEY: I’ve been a fan of Jim Gaffigan for more than five years. I have seen all of his Netflix specials and have replayed them in the background multiple times if I’m working on a design project or other homework. I’ve also shown his specials to some of my friends and converted them into Gaffigan fans, too. My boyfriend and I had one of our first dates at a show of his in Los Angeles at the Greek Theatre. I laugh the hardest when he is doing the voice of what he thinks his audience is thinking. Also, the faces he makes in between the jokes are the best. LH: Was he different at all at the shoot than you would have imagined him to be from watching his stand-up routines? Jim had absolutely no ego. I didn’t know what to expect; I’ve only met a few celebrities in my life, but he was so humble. He asked me about where I grew up and about my last two summers in Los Angeles, and about my plans after graduation. I was surprised that I managed to keep my cool! We bonded over both loving Iowa’s Zombie Burger. LH: What stood out for you about the experience? What did you learn about your creative director mom or the creative process during the day? I am very excited to make a move to New York. That is where I’ve landed my first job. This shoot made me realize how little time you have to get the perfect shot when working with talent. Lastly, everything takes twice as long and takes twice as many people as you think it will to get the job done. From my experience of observing and helping document this photo shoot, I think people in New York really love to work and take a lot of pride in what they do. I’m excited to get started and be a small part of the madness. Seeing my mom go from reading her list of ideas on our car ride to orchestrating and executing an idea is always amazing. I’ve assisted my mom on a lot of shoots, but seeing your favorite comic on-screen and off-screen was so much fun and surreal. I’m so thankful for the experience.

An anxious woman with her face hidden on a couch.

Self-Care

On Edge Looks at Living With Anxiety

As a longtime health reporter for The Wall Street Journal, Andrea Petersen was perfectly positioned to write a book on anxiety. But that wasn't the only thing motivating her to come out with the new book, On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety. Since Andrea’s college years, she herself has suffered from chronic anxiety. In On Edge, she deftly combines straightforward reporting on the history and current state of anxiety research with a candid memoir of her own pain and perseverance. We caught up with Andrea to ask her a few questions about the book. LIVE HAPPY: What made you want to write this book? I wanted to put something out in the world that would have helped me when I was 19 and had my first panic attacks, and I had no idea what was going on with me. The book is meant not only to provide information, but also to offer a sense of understanding. I have been a health reporter for a long time. So while I had this personal goal that I wanted to offer empathy and solace, I also realized this was a very exciting time in anxiety research. With advances in neuroimaging and genetics, scientists know so much more about what’s happening inside the brains of anxious people than ever before, and those breakthroughs are already starting to lead to new treatments. I realized there is a good story here, and I wanted to combine the two. I wanted to provide recognition for people who suffer, but also take my reporting experience and put that to work. LH: Who do you see as the primary audience? There are 40 million Americans who will at one point have an anxiety disorder, so that’s a pretty big group of people. It is written for people who suffer from anxiety, but also for the people who love them. It was always difficult for me to explain to someone what it feels like to be anxious. We all get anxious to a degree, but the persistence of it, the relentlessness, the inability to be reassured, can be incredibly maddening to someone who hasn’t experienced it—almost incomprehensible. I wanted to explain to the spouses, the parents, the friends, what it feels like. LH: Is anxiety getting worse in our society, or does it just seem like it? That’s the complicated question. Anxiety has been with us forever. It is laid over our ancient inner threat-detection system, which evolved to keep us alive [fight or flight]. But when I spent time with students at the University of Michigan while researching the book, I had a realization that it’s much harder to get into a top college than it used to be. It’s more expensive; there is a lot more pressure to keep grades up. And a college degree is no longer a guarantee of a good job. These kids came of age during the recession and that is top of mind for them. They have to get the right internship, the right job... The summer after my freshman year, I worked as a waitress at an Irish bar. That would not play well today. Those kinds of things do add a lot of stress. Then again, there is also just less stigma today. When I was in college, I didn’t know a single person who was seeing a therapist. I didn’t know one person who was taking a psychotropic drug. Now students talk about going to therapy, even having a mental illness, without fear of how people will see them. LH: Anxiety is often closely tied to depression, but in your book you stay clear of depression. Is it possible to have one without the other? It’s true that anxiety and depression are often linked. For me, I felt that depression had been covered already by some wonderful books, like Andrew Solomon’s Noonday Demon, and others, while anxiety was a little bit less explored. I definitely have had episodes of anxiety when I was also depressed. During my college years, I got to a certain point in my anxiety when I felt like couldn’t live like that anymore. And the comorbidity is strong. But I had to focus the subject for the book, and anxiety is such a big and unwieldy topic already. LH: What would you say to someone in college today who is suddenly hit with panic attacks as you were? Go get help. Go talk to someone at your college counseling center. Get appropriate help. I ended up in a psychiatric emergency room—I was suicidal, and they gave me several sessions of psychodynamic therapy. I am a huge fan of psychodynamic therapy, but I thought it was so irrelevant at the time whether or not I was angry at my father! Now, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is the first-line treatment. It gives you skills, such as how to ratchet down the negative thoughts. Mindfulness is also a great tool. I am terrible at meditating, but I love yoga. But for acute panic disorder, I would recommend medication and CBT. LH: Are you concerned about becoming ‘The Anxiety Person’? Yes, and that was why I am in awe of these young people I met at the university [of Michigan] who let me use their full names and even their pictures. And I do worry a little how they will fare in the world. I asked them, “Do you worry about how being so candid about mental illness will play out in the working world?” And they say, “A company that would discriminate against me—that’s not a place I want to work.” I have confidence that these same young people who are transforming their college campuses along with the faculty and staff will also transform the workplaces in terms of the taboo. Personally, it took me this long to “come out” and tell my story because I feel like I have a 20-year track record as a reporter at the Journal. My whole goal of doing this is to help other people who are in the same shoes I was in. I don’t know what the blowback will be, but I can handle it. On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety is available at Amazon and wherever books are sold. Read more: 10 Best Books for Depression and Anxiety and 3 Expert-Tested Tips for Tackling Anxiety Emily Wise Miller is the web editor for Live Happy.

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