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A woman with a superhero cape ready to take on the world.

What Superheroes Teach Us About Responsibility

Spider-Man’s motto says: “With great power there must also come great responsibility.” We do not need unnatural abilities like wall-crawling to recognize that as ordinary human beings we are already extraordinary creatures possessing the ability to do good in our everyday lives. Taking responsibility for ourselves and for each other can be difficult, but to live well we need to feel as if we have some agency in our own lives. We furthermore want to see if putting our own abilities to use impacts other people’s lives positively, too. Sometimes we can succumb to voices inside ourselves that tell us that our lives are hopelessly beyond our control and we couldn’t possibly be held accountable for who we are because of the misfortunes we’ve suffered. There are always other people who are glad to play the hero and promise to take responsibility for us if only we let them. But that’s not the kind of hero we need. We all need assistance from other people—nobody is self-sufficient—but the help we really need is that of someone who can help us regain confidence in our ability to better take care of ourselves. That, in return, places us in a better position to set an example to others by coming to their assistance, too. Courage Endures Superheroes are suitable role models for a society that treats people as equals and respects their liberty and dignity. They provide good examples of what it means to take responsibility for ourselves and each other. Consider how, in the movie Logan, Wolverine tells his daughter Laura, “Don’t be what they made you.” Black Widow, featured in the Avengers films, is another superhero who has been manipulated to suit the purposes of others rather than being raised to be her own person. Other great characters like Jessica Jones, star of her own Netflix series, and Captain Marvel, coming to theaters in 2019, have been profoundly mistreated. Yet they learn that becoming the best version of themselves is ultimately up to them. Their ability to help others to do the same is contingent on embracing that. Given how privileged Superman is, with his Smallville upbringing in the care of the Kents, with all the knowledge and technology of Krypton at his disposal, with friends as super as those he has in the Justice League, it is easy to forget how much loss he has suffered, how much sorrow he has endured and overcome. Despite all that he remains a symbol of hope and resilience. It Takes Effort Being responsible should never be portrayed as something that is easy to do, but it is how one becomes a beacon of courage and hope to inspire others. Taking responsibility for oneself does not require assuming total control over one’s life or taking the blame for everything. It requires recognizing that how you handle life’s trials or failures—as well as how you treat other people and share your successes—must be reckoned as fundamentally up to you. The advice and encouragement of others is helpful, but it is still up to you to identify good counsel and follow good examples. The challenges that each person confronts in life vary wildly from individual to individual. We all need some help in learning how to be brave and hopeful. We don’t need the kind of discouragement or despair that allows us to be defined and defeated by difficulties. Given that human beings are interdependent, it is incumbent on all of us to learn both personal and interpersonal responsibility. Superhero stories are popular because they convey that message in an age when it seems tempting to surrender to irresponsibility, neglect our responsibilities to each other or allow others to take full responsibility for us. Belief in the Greater Good In their stories, superheroes strive to be altruistic. They perform good deeds and make great sacrifices on behalf of others. But however bright or mighty they may be, you will notice that they do not try to rule other people even for their own good. Trying to rule over others is what supervillains do! Superheroes know that although people often need help to overcome obstacles, we must not be absolved of our responsibilities for ourselves and to each other. Our responsibility to each other extends to improving each other’s ability to live well as free persons. Only then may be strive together to becoming better and happier versions of ourselves, in our own lives and as parts of our communities.

Practice

Kindness Sticks

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more who join the #HappyActs movement, the more positive impact we'll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! August’s theme—just in time for the back-to-school season—is education. For students of all levels, learning character strengths and mental and physical well-being alongside the academic basics ensures both greater achievement and long-term happiness. And for adults, scientists confirm that lifelong learning is associated with greater life satisfaction and a sense of optimism and engagement. Our August 20 Happy Act is to post encouraging and positive notes at school; try our school-themed sticky notes to get things started! Meet our Happy Activist of the month, Kathleen Desloges, a music, drama and dance teacher in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. “I get to work with hundreds of students in a week, and every day we start our classes with a conversation about gratitude, happiness or kindness,” she says. “It’s fun to show up with a purpose!” 3 Steps on How to Prepare for a Happy Act: Researchwhat charitable opportunities are near you. Contactthe organization and discuss how you can help. Plana time to go volunteer and/or determine what you can donate. Learn more: Lifelong Education Delivers Confidence, Joy and Hope. If we’re not learning, we’re not growing. According to the VIA Institute on Character, adults who are learning something new—by taking a class, pursuing a hobby or reading every day—report less stress and greater feelings of hope and purpose. Never Stop Learning. Try these three strategies from Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D., of the Via Institute on Character, to boost your learning mindset and start to see challenges as opportunities. Character and Well-Being. British schoolmaster Sir Anthony Seldon says positive education “isn’t a case of either teaching for tests or teaching for personal growth and happiness; if you teach for happiness and growth and character, you’ll get better exam results because you’ll be developing their intrinsic motivations rather than extrinsic motivations.” 4 Ideas Shaping the Future of Education. Learning to develop grit and character; considering the role of parents; emphasizing what’s going well and focusing on problem-solving over negative characterizations are driving conversations about positive education. The Strength Switch With Lea Waters. Listen to our Live Happy Now podcast with Lea Waters, Ph.D., to learn about the benefits of strength-based parenting and two easy ways to start implementing it. Learning How to Learn Barbara Oakley, Ph.D., the Ramón y Cajal Distinguished Scholar of Global Digital Learning at McMaster University, professor of engineering at Oakland University and author of several books, including A Mind for Numbers and Mindshift, teaches an online course called “Learning How to Learn.” Ready to grow? Start with these guidelines: Think of learning as a lifestyle. Create your own process for acquiring knowledge and skills and ask questions. Work with your brain, not against it. When learning new things, give your brain time so new neural connections can be made. Rethink failure. Encountering difficulty and failure encourages brain plasticity. Be prepared to feel like an impostor, then get over it. Mastery is not a static end state, but a high level of ability to find ways to refine one’s knowledge and skills. Challenge yourself to ask, “What are you learning that keeps you inspired and hungry for more?” Additional Resources: International Positive Education Network Donors Choose Plasticity’s Hero Generation The Strength Switch Via Institute on Character Champlain College Tecmilenio University

Interrnational Positive Education Network

Practice

Summit Kick-Starts Global Positive Education Transformation

Educators, administrators, students and anyone concerned about the inclusion of character and well-being principles in schools traveled from all around the globe to attend The World Positive Education Accelerator (WPEA): Second Festival of Positive Education + Appreciative Inquiry Summit last month in Fort Worth, Texas. Held in the Fort Worth Convention Center, more than 30 countries were represented with roughly 900 like-minded individuals dedicated to integrating more positive education in global educational systems. This conference’s unique approach went beyond topics of learning and achievement in math, science, social studies and language, sharing the latest in research on curricula that boost student well-being, resilience and “grit.” This focus aids the development of individuals who reach their full potential of learning and leading through a positive mindset and critical problem-solving. With a growing number of children struggling today to cope with challenges at school and at home—ranging from technology distractions and innovations to increasing teen depression, bullying and school violence—the need is urgent, participants say. “Essentially we’re redesigning what 21st century global education looks like,” says Sir Anthony Seldon, president of the International Positive Education Network (IPEN), a co-convener of the four-day conference with the David L. Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry at Champlain College. “We want educators to walk away empowered with the tools, resources and connections to make real, lasting change.” Advocates for positive education, including Lea Waters, Ph.D., a psychology researcher at the University of Melbourne in Australia, say that when we focus on our children’s strengths and have the right tools to teach character, we can see grades, life satisfaction, self-confidence and positive emotions improve. This gives our children the best chance to cope with the struggles that life may bring. One of things that has got to be in our close future is the creation of inexpensive ways of reliably and validly training many teachers who want to deliver positive education,”-Martin Seligman, Ph.D. Using David Cooperrider’s Appreciative Inquiry method (a whole-system approach to problem-solving), attendees had the opportunity to look for solutions from all angles, including strengths-based parenting, positive psychology practices, faculty and staff training, and lifting up surrounding institutions and communities. “We have this opportunity to create the best educational systems in the world,” David told the eager crowd. “My heart aches for where it is not happening.” Attendee Margarita Tarragona, Ph.D., a psychologist, coach, organizational consultant and author from Mexico, found the conference empowering. “I came for two reasons. I love positive psychology and am very involved in the movement, and I wanted to experience the full Appreciative Inquiry process for the first time,” she says. “It’s so interesting to me to observe the process that can bring so many people together and turn that energy and brain power into something concrete to create real change. “It was particularly moving to hear David Cooperrider say that of all the projects he’s involved in, he believes this is the most important and the most critical to our global future. What a wonderful inspiration to be a part of that,” she says. Keynote speakers included positive psychology powerhouses such as Martin Seligman, Angela Duckworth, Lea and Anthony. David led the summit portion of the conference with Lindsey Godwin, director of the Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry at Champlain College. Attendees from Texas, California, Vermont, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, China, Mexico, Australia and beyond broke into smaller groups according to their strengths and interests to address summit topics such as teacher enrichment and training; what the future of learning will look like for all levels from early education to higher education; new science and research opportunities; national and international policy; and business as a force for positive education. Martin, a founding father of positive psychology, explained to the crowd that teaching character and well-being in schools can buffer against negativity, anger, anxiety and depression. He notes that more accountability and training is needed to help it take hold. “One of things that has got to be in our close future is the creation of inexpensive ways of reliably and validly training many teachers who want to deliver positive education,” he says. Lisa Sansom, an organizational development specialist from Ontario, Canada, shares the desire for more teacher training at all levels. “I would really like to see this flourish and grow and really come to life,” she says. She believes more leaders in the right positions need to make the right decisions. “The one thing we really need is a leadership champion. Someone who is positioned high enough to be able to say, ‘yes this is it, and start making it happen,’ kind of the way Anthony Seldon has in the U.K. ... We need someone to say, ‘this is great, let’s go.’” The global turnout and interest in positive education was encouraging to Lewis Forrest II, associate dean for university life at George Mason University. He believes there would be more interest in well-being and character in schools if more educators had access to the information. “I’ve gotten a few responses on social media from folks who asked, ‘Where are you, what are you doing?’” he says. “These are really excellent dedicated teachers and educators who just don’t know.” As educators and administrators start to see results, there will be more of a positive response, he says. “With anything that you learn, the critical piece is how you share it, explain it to folks and coach them on what is useful.” For more information or to get involved, go to IPEN and David Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry at Champlain College.

relationships

17 Things Our Kids Teach Us About Happiness

Parenting isn’t easy. We wonder if we are doing a good enough job while we juggle multiple responsibilities and watch our kids grow up too fast. Sometimes we are so caught up in teaching our children that we forget to pause and ask ourselves what we can learn from them. What if children hold the secret to a meaningful and fulfilling adulthood? Here are 17 things you can learn from kids: Stay present. When a child wakes up, they are not stressing about what’s on their to-do list or how to get it all done. Kids just naturally live in the moment. Adults can choose to as well. Be spontaneous. While we may not want to emulate our kids when they go from temper tantrum to happy in a matter of seconds, we can follow their lead when it comes to unplanned fun. Forget the workweek drudgery and the fun-is-for-the-weekend mindset and seek more moments of joy within each day. Find your voice. Our kids are always vying for our attention. They want to be seen and heard. Adults need to know they matter, too. Surround yourself with people who value you and what you have to say. Don’t worry about what other people think. Watch a 4-year-old select an outfit, and you quickly realize they don’t care about what other people think. Blue sparkle pants can go with a black and white polka dot shirt and orange rain boots. Make decisions based on what you like and not what the critics might say. Dance. Don’t wait for a dance club or ballroom lessons, let the music play and dance in your kitchen or down the street. Kids delight in movement, anywhere, any time. Be open to some playful dancing just because. Start with a blank slate. Even if little ones go to bed pouting, they often wake up happy without holding on to what happened the day before. A new day is a chance to start again. Be silly and laugh for no special reason. It’s easy to make kids laugh. Adults? Not so much. Booked schedules and multiple responsibilities can make adults too serious. Let yourself be silly for no special reason. Laugh with your co-workers. Crack a joke. Watch a comedy and laugh out loud. Be playful with your spouse. Laughing is good for your health. Go outdoors. Remember when you were little and you’d come inside smelling like fresh air? You probably had dirt on you, a fresh scratch or two and you were exhilarated from a day of running around outside nonstop. Seek out nature more often to recharge and awaken your spirit. Love unconditionally. Even when we don’t have our best day as a parent, our children love us anyway. Instead of being so tough on yourself, choose to love yourself and others without conditions. It feels so good when your child says, “I love you.” Offer that unconditional love to others around you, too. Do what you love. Kids are inherently drawn to what they love doing. They will ask mom or dad 100 times in a row if they can do that activity. Too often adults let what they love doing slip to the bottom of their list—buried under responsibilities and daily habits. Get back to doing what you love—it’s often the path to your purpose. Play. Children often view every environment as an opportunity to play. What if you began filtering your world (and days) looking for opportunities to have some fun? Make messes. Enjoy the freedom in making a mess. (Note to neat freaks: You can clean it up!) You don’t have to destroy your kitchen with a food fight. Channel your inner child by riding your bike through a puddle, running through the sprinkler, playing in mud with your kids or painting without worry that colors will drip on your clothes. Get excited. How often do you get crazy psyched for something? Anticipation and excitement are skills kids have mastered. (Picture wide eyes, big smiles, jumping up and down and shrieking.) When is the last time you felt that excited? Put some things on your calendar that make you giddy with childlike excitement. Notice the joy all around you. Kids find joy in the smallest of pleasures—from a firetruck that passes by to a butterfly landing near them. Children delight in cloud shapes, a rabbit that hops into the yard and rainbow sprinkles on ice cream. Start noticing and appreciating the simple little joys that surround you every day. Accept others exactly as they are. Children are drawn to adults who show an interest in them. You don’t have to look or be a certain way to be loved and accepted by kids. Take a tip from the little ones: Don’t judge others. Take an open-minded and kind-hearted interest in other people. Be curious about the world. Kids have a natural wonder and curiosity about the world. Be a sponge and love to learn like your kids do. See every new person you meet as someone you could learn something from. Look for new experiences and opportunities to absorb knowledge. Be authentic. Some adults spend their lives learning to be who they are. Children just know who they are unapologetically. Find your way back to who you know yourself to be.

Kirobo Mini can fit in the palm of your hand.

Lifestyle

Driving Happiness

While Knight Industries Two Thousand (KITT) may have been ahead of its time, car companies are turning to neuroscience and artificial intelligence technology to boost your positive emotions behind the wheel and beyond. Recently, Toyota Motor Corporation unveiled a palm-size companion robot to keep you company on and off the road. The Kirobo Mini, which is now available in Japan, is designed to read human emotions—like delight, pleasure, surprise or anger—from our facial expressions. Kirobo Mini will ask if you are sad or comment that you look happy today. If we drive too fast, it may tell us to slow down. Kirobo, which is the Japanese word for hope, eventually adapts to your personality and remembers conversations. According to Toyota, more than 5,000 Kirobo Minis have been sold, and the reception to these cuddly bots has been positive. Some have even accepted Kirobo Mini as part of the family. “We did receive some feedback that Kirobo Mini encouraged and increased conversation between couples who gradually had less conversation after their children had grown up and left home,” according to a spokesperson with Toyota. Researchers at Ford are also trying to enhance the driving experience by tapping in to our emotions. In a recent study, Ford teamed up with neuroscience and bio-emotion research company Sensum to see how driving compared to other peak excitement activities. Researchers found that participants driving in a Ford Focus RS loaded with artificial Intelligence emotion reading technology had 2.1 buzz moments during a typical commute. Only a ride on a roller coaster gave more moments of intense excitement. The 2018 Ford Mustang V8 GT. Photo courtesy of Ford Motor Company. Emma Bergg of Ford Public Affairs says the driver-state research at the Ford Research and Innovation Center in Aachen, Germany, is paving the way for smarter and safer cars. Working with EU-funded projects to bridge the gap between human interaction and autonomous driving, researchers at Ford hope to build in-car systems designed to detect our emotions, notice when our stress levels are too high or when we are too tired to drive. Our cars may even take control and save us from dangerous situations. Michael Knight would be proud. Ford’s “Buzz”-worthy Moments Number of times people hit peak levels of excitement: 3.0 On a roller coaster 2.1 Driving a performance car on a typical commute 1.7 On a shopping trip 1.5 Watching Game of Thrones or sports on TV 0 Salsa dancing, fine dining or a passionate kiss

Lifestyle

Find the Good: A Gritty Raccoon Gives Us All Hope

In our daily lives, it’s so easy to focus on what’s not right—burned toast at breakfast, the slow leak in your car’s back tire, that looming project deadline at work that defies progress. Positive psychologists say it’s our innate negativity bias—built in to help us ward off threats to life and limb—that makes it so easy to worry or stress about challenges large and small. Yet one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my five years building Live Happy—and many more before that—is that living a rich, happy and fulfilling life is about looking for, appreciating and savoring what’s good in our world and investing the time and effort to make those things even better. So, this month I launch my new blog, “Find the Good,” where I share a few high points from our readers, partners and recent news reports. The Critter Grit Award Goes to… The #mprraccoon! In case you missed it, this tenacious 2-year-old female raccoon scaled a St. Paul, Minnesota, high-rise building in June after maintenance workers tried to lure her from a ledge about 20 feet above the ground. Her death-defying 25-story climb to the top caught the attention of Minnesota Public Radio reporter Tim Nelson, who gave a name and a cause to the critter who would just not stop, except for brief adorable pauses with her whiskers squished up against office windows. The Minnesota publication mspmag.com collected the best tweets from her viral adventure, including this one that spoke for us all. And this very concerned Tweet from actress Debra Messing. Fortunately, all appeared to end well, with #mprraccoon enjoying a bowl of stinky cat food on top of the world and eventually being released into a nearby private residential property. Fighting Crime on the Streets of London You can’t make this stuff up. Would you believe Sherlock Holmes actor Benedict Cumberbatch and his Uber driver leapt to the defense of a food delivery bicyclist getting pummeled by four muggers? Just around the corner from Baker Street, even. It was “surreal,” according to the Uber driver in this U.K. news article. “They tried to hit him [Benedict] but he defended himself and pushed them away,” the driver recounted. “He wasn’t injured. Then I think they also recognized it was Benedict and ran away.” No bullying allowed on Benedict’s watch, which puts him firmly in our category of Happiness Hero. As Matthieu Ricard says in this excerpt from his new book, In Search of Wisdom, “Don’t blame yourself for not doing what is beyond your strength, but do reproach yourself for turning away when you can do something.” Mental Health Awareness I highly recommend this brave series on mental health from Live Happy columnist and best-selling Profit From the Positive author Margaret Greenberg. Even though May is mental health month, it’s clear from watching the news and depression statistics that these insights are valuable and needed every day. Here areParts I,II,III, IV, and V. Please comment or share and help end the stigma. It’s Lonely at the Top “Leaders are overwhelmed, distracted and desperate for answers,” says Amy Blankson, best-selling author of The Future of Happiness: Five Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-Being in the Digital Era. If you’re one of those leaders, sign up now for Amy’s TechWell Retreat September 27–28 in Midway, Utah. Redesign your digital life to allow moments of peace and balance—Amy will show you how! We Will Rock You Was the mass celebration from the game-winning goal in the Mexico vs. Germany World Cup match enough to cause a mini man-made earthquake in Mexico City as reported on social media? While I’d like to think so, scientists are doubtful, according to livescience.com. It also warms my heart to see all the amazing team spirit throughout the World Cup, most notably fans from Senegal and Japan helping to clean up their sections of the stadium after matches. Keep looking for the good, and you’ll find it!

Lifestyle

How to Start and Keep a Journal

I’ve kept a journal since I was in third grade. I started with a diary that had a tiny lock and key. Back then I used to grade my days. “Today was terrible. My parents made me eat eggs. Someone at school said I look like Pippi Longstocking. Today is a D.” I moved on to notebooks of all different sizes and designs. For every entry, I filled page after page with my chicken-scratch handwriting until I felt better. Like a genie going back inside her bottle, opening a notebook and writing felt like an escape for me. A journal can be a friend, a secret-keeper, a form of meditation or a therapy session. Science also backs up the therapeutic and health benefits of keeping a journal. James Pennebaker, Ph.D., a psychologist and a leading expert on journaling, says expressive writing—putting words to our painful experiences—can strengthen immunity, decrease anxiety, lessen depression and improve relationships. His research shows that writing about emotional upheavals can even help us heal. I credit journaling combined with talk therapy for overcoming painful moments in my past, and the solace and power of writing has stuck with me as an adult. Now I grab my journal to recharge. I write until I feel a renewed sense of clarity and peace wash over me. Blank pages can unravel challenges and provide comfort. Writing is how I think. Experiencing all the benefits firsthand, I often recommend journaling to others. It’s typically met with, “I want to, but I wouldn’t know what to write.” If journaling doesn’t come naturally to you, but you’d like to reap its benefits, here are some ways to get started. Just Write Write whatever comes to your mind. Turn off the perfectionist and silence the 10th-grade English teacher who lives in your head. Keep it private and tell yourself your notebook is just for you. Then, start putting your thoughts on paper. Stream of consciousness writing can help you connect with who you truly are and what is going on with you at your core. Write to identify or solve a problem. Write to vent. Write to connect with yourself, hear your inner voice and make sure your life is in alignment with your values. Journal to Start a Gratitude Practice Simply writing down three things you are grateful for each day can shift your perspective and make you a happier person. It’s also simple to do. You’ll notice more of what you enjoy because you are training your brain to seek the positive. Your well-being is also likely to improve, as positive psychology founder Martin Seligman, Ph.D., has found in his research. Gratitude has a compound effect. Soon you will have a journal filled with positive thoughts. Write to Heal James encourages people to write about emotionally turbulent experiences because truth-telling heals. There is power in sharing your story. Put words to a painful time or event in your life and watch how the process of sharing your story—even to yourself—can have a transformative effect on your life. Writing can help you think with clarity by filtering out all the noise around you. Let Journaling Evolve With You I don’t plow through journals like I used to anymore. I semi-jokingly tell my husband he’s my journal now. (Poor guy.) With young kids, a husband and a career, I don’t have as much time to journal these days. I use one hardbound journal for an entire calendar year. I may use it for stream-of-consciousness writing when I need to, but now it is more of an everything journal. I use my journal to capture and savor gratitude. I jot down funny things my twin girls say. I use my journal to capture pearls of wisdom from books, experts, podcasts and magazines. I write favorite quotes. I even track my weight and fitness goals. Let your journal work with your life. Let your writing flow in a way that resonates with you. There are numerous ways to keep a journal. Experience how journaling can be life-changing for you.

Lifestyle

The Power of Silence

In an increasingly loud and stressful world, more people are discovering the benefits and power of silence. Quiet pauses throughout the day can connect us, ease our minds and put us in touch with ourselves. Experts agree that we need to choose to make silence a part of our lives. Maybe it’s by taking a moment to remember a loved one, waking up before the sun rises or replacing a noisy time of day with a calming break. “Silence can benefit us if we use it wisely,” says Julie Potiker, a mindfulness expert and author of the new book, Life Falls Apart, But You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos. “If we allow the quiet to slow us down and open us up to what is there in our environment—a dog barking, a bird chirping—it means focusing attention on what you are hearing, which can stop your mind from ruminating and worrying.” Give Your Brain a Break Too much stimulation and noise coming at us without a break can be overwhelming. Make a conscious choice to put your phone down and decide how you will use the silence, Julie says. “It’s hard to make the time to enjoy quiet. We need to carve out quiet time for our mental health. Use the quiet to allow your mind to slow down,” Julie says. “If you are using the quiet time to worry and ruminate—which is what the primate brain is wired to do when we are not engaged in a task—that’s not helpful and it will make things worse.” Choose something positive to direct your attention and stop any negative loop, she suggests. Julie recommends trying a technology blackout for an hour or two on a specific day of the weekend. “See how it feels and if you love it—and I bet you will—you can extend the time until you eventually have a day without technology.” For parents with small kids, Julie suggests taking some quiet time when the kids are asleep. She also recommends guided meditation. While it’s not silence, a guided meditation is especially helpful for those who struggle with negative monkey mind. “Pop in the earbuds and follow the voice for a beautiful break for your brain.” Sukey and Elizabeth Novogratz, authors of the book Just Sit: A Meditation Guide for People Who Know They Should But Don’t, encourage people to take time each day for reflection. Silence isn’t just about the absence of noise, it’s about getting yourself to slow down. “We know the world would be a kinder place if we all slowed down and sat each day, and everyone on this planet could benefit from meditation,” Elizabeth says. Meditation doesn’t have to be a complicated practice, and their book gives straightforward tips to make it easy for everyone. Five Benefits of Silence It helps us live consciously. According to psychologists and philosophers alike, silence can wake us up and provide meaningful answers in our lives. Silence can give us a gentle nudge to let us know if something doesn’t feel right by putting us in touch with our body and our emotions. The psychological benefits of experiencing silence—even when it makes us uncomfortable—can mean more purposeful living. Silence can increase self-awareness, self-compassion and improve decision-making skills with improved mental clarity. Use it to become more mindful and self-compassionate. “Mindfulness is the first step in emotional healing,” Julie says. “It’s being able to turn toward and acknowledge our difficult thoughts and feelings—such as inadequacy, sadness, anger or confusion—with a spirit of openness and curiosity. Self-compassion involves responding to these difficult thoughts and feelings with kindness, sympathy and understanding so that we soothe and comfort ourselves when we’re hurting. Research has shown that self-compassion greatly enhances emotional well-being. It boosts happiness, reduces anxiety and depression, and can even help maintain healthy lifestyle habits such as diet and exercise. Being both mindful and compassionate leads to greater ease and well-being in our daily lives.” It can enhance conversations. By choosing silence, you will naturally listen more and others have the opportunity to share more—enhancing your relationships. It’s a tool for increased emotional regulation. Silence can be the space between a feeling and a response. Take a silent pause and choose your response calmly and wisely. It gets better with practice. If silence is something you rarely get or even fear it a little—lean toward activities that help you practice. Try a yoga class. Listen to nature radio. Drive with the radio off. Sit on your deck or porch in the morning and take in the quiet and stillness. When you go to bed, use the silence to get calm or listen to it raining outside. Let silence help you wander through happy memories or list what you are grateful for in your life right now. Buy some noise-canceling headphones. Ask your family to support you with a 15-minute break for silence. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Silence is a source of great strength.” Taking the time for silence sends yourself the message that you are worth hearing. Honor your life by practicing silence regularly.

Casa Chameleon at Las Catalinas, Costa Rica, Kind Traveler, relaxing ocean view

Lifestyle

One Kind Stay

After Jessica Blotter and Sean Krejci returned from a trip to Belize, they felt inspired to create a simple way to give travelers opportunities to make a difference in the destinations they visit. So, in August 2016 they launched Kind Traveler, the socially conscious hotel booking platform. This unique “give and get” concept rewards vacationers with exclusive hotel rates and other perks when they make a $10 nightly donation to one of the platform’s 50 partnering nonprofit groups. So far, Kind Traveler contributions have fed 77 animals rescued from illegal circuses; funded 630 days of music lessons for students in underserved schools; and helped plant 250 trees in U.S. forests impacted by fires and natural disasters. Travelers also get a bonus from the internal benefits of giving back. “Contributing to the local community evokes feelings of happiness and purpose in addition to creating a more meaningful travel experience,” Jessica says. Want to leave a lasting impact during your summer vacation? Here are five of Kind Traveler’s favorite hotels and the organizations they benefit: Hotel G, San Francisco Using Kind Traveler to book a stay at the centrally located Hotel G in San Francisco’s iconic Union Square helps support animal welfare through the San Francisco Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SF SPCA). These donations feed and provide shelter for rescue cats and dogs, meanwhile travelers can also attend one of the SF SPCA’s local events when they visit. In addition to its partnership with Kind Traveler, the 149-room boutique hotel sells the creative works of local artists with developmental disabilities on behalf of the nonprofit Creativity Explored. The Standard, East Village, New York City With a lobby housed inside a historic tenement-style building, it’s clear The Standard, East Village not only embraces the swanky and eclectic soul of New York City but also supports it. By contributing to the Lower East Side Girls Club (LESGC), the hotel helps provide free education and entrepreneurship training to local young women. LESGC also runs several local businesses like Sweet Things Bake Shop and Girl Made Gift Shop that offer job training and employment to teens and young mothers. The Palms Hotel and Spa, Miami Beach Sunbathe on pristine beaches and help preserve the coastline’s natural beauty at the same time with a stay at the Palms Hotel and Spa. Those who vacation at this luxurious beachfront resort can support the Surfrider Foundation Miami Chapter. The nonprofit keeps beaches clean, tests and manages water quality and restores sand dunes. While in town, travelers can also volunteer during Surfrider’s quarterly beach cleanups. As an added perk, Kind Travelers receive a $50 spa credit per person per stay at the Palms Spa. Casa Chameleon at Las Catalinas, Costa Rica A night at Casa Chameleon at Las Catalinas in Guanacaste, Costa Rica benefits Alfalit, a worldwide literacy and education nonprofit, which has helped more than 8 million people achieve literacy since 1961. A traveler’s nightly donation provides basic resources for students learning to read, write and do basic math. Beyond supporting education, the eco-friendly hotel adheres to green initiatives that help protect the local environment, including the adjacent 1,000 acres of tropical forest. Hotel El Ganzo, San Jose del Cabo, Mexico With the Sea of Cortez as its backdrop, Hotel El Ganzo in San José del Cabo, Mexico is making strides to educate its local community about the benefits of art, music and sustainable agricultural through the El Ganzo Community Center. Located on site, the center helps locals understand how to plant and harvest their own food. This encourages people to take care of the environment and grow ingredients for nutritious meals.

Practice

Be a Positive Coach

If you have played any sport in your life, you have most likely witnessed a red-faced coach hurling angry, saliva-laden directives (and sometimes even chairs) from the sidelines. Cue Bobby Knight. But what if a positive approach rather than a negative and intimidating tone could get more out of the athlete? Matthew Scholes, an advocate of using the tenets of positive psychology in youth sports, is using science-based research to build a better coaching system within youth sports in Australia. He has been researching, developing and implementing positive sports coaching with schools and professional sports teams in Australia and New Zealand since 2011. The idea behind positive sports coaching is to use positive feedback and praise that simultaneously improves athletic performance and boosts mental well-being. This approach will not only benefit the athlete, but the coach, too, leaving both mentally prepared for the stress of competitive sports. A Different Kind of Coaching “Positive Sports Coaching isn’t about just saying everything is good,” Matthew says. “It is about specific and real feedback that is balanced and focuses on developing the athlete’s strengths as well as their weaknesses. Coaches are encouraged to keep a record of specific things the young athletes do well and feed this back to the athletes.” For example, Billy’s soccer coach, instead of just yelling, “great play!” on the field, follows up with an explanation and further encouragement. “Billy, I noticed your excellent on-the-spot decision-making to pass to Jeff, who had a shot at scoring when you didn’t. It’s that kind of big-picture awareness and leadership that will help our team rise to the top in the tournament next week.” Part of Matthew’s work is explaining to coaches how much their words and actions matter. In some cases, coaches may be the most influential adult figure in a young person’s life, Matthew explains. With our built-in negativity bias, it is easy for coaches to focus on the negative aspects, such as a player missing a catch or a goal. Negativity carries more weight than positivity, leaving coaches blinded to all the good things that are happening. For an impressionable young athlete who hasn’t fully developed his emotional intelligence, the negative feedback can have a powerful and lasting impact and can send the wrong message. Matthew believes that when coaches focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, they are rewiring their brains to spot the good. Making Real Impact In a recent study using a positive intervention of only focusing on strengths conducted at the Bunbury Cathedral Grammar School in Southwest Australia, researchers found an increase in athlete engagement, greater athlete resilience and a better understanding of athletes’ abilities from the coaches. Some feedback from coaches included a noticeable improvement, especially with the weaker players, and perseverance in situations that would have previously resulted in failure. From that same study, Matthew also saw girls particularly benefited in the area of negative affect, or poor self-concept. It is his theory that girls have to endure more negative messages from the outside world than boys. For example, women are still underrepresented in sports and often face objectification over talent. When the girls experienced coaching on their strengths, they excelled with more confidence in how they view themselves. The Whole System Model In order for it all to work, there must be a whole system approach, or what David Cooperrider, Ph.D., refers to as an appreciative inquiry approach. According to Matthew, this must include not only the coaches and the students, but schools and parents as well to ensure positive outcomes and thriving individuals. “I am confident that coaching young people in a manner that is positive and developmental has significant benefits to the individual athlete—social, mental health and sporting performance—the coach (team performance, well-being and confidence) and to society with sport having the opportunity to impact the well-being of the next generation of young people.” Positive results have been preliminary so far, but Matthew hopes that the continued use of positive sports coaching will further lead to better grades, improved health and stronger relationships. He is expected to release more results at the 2019 International Positive Psychology Association’s Sixth World Congress.

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