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How to Become More Self-Aware with Tasha Eurich

By getting a clearer picture of how we see ourselves and how others see us can lead us on a path to true happiness and self-acceptance. Dr. Tasha Eurich is an organizational psychologist, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author (Bankable Leadership). With a PhD in organizational psychology, she is also the founder of The Eurich Group, where she’s helped thousands of leaders and teams improve their effectiveness through greater self-awareness. What you’ll learn in this podcast: How to make better career and life choices through a better understanding of your values, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses, and impact on others The anatomy of a self-aware leader How to deal with a boss, friend, in-law or sibling who completely lacks any self-awareness Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Find out how self-aware you are by taking this quiz. Purchase a copy of Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life. Follow Tasha on Twitter and Facebook. Download a free sketch note of this episode
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Live Happy's How to Be Your Best Self Every Day

How to Be Your Best Self Every Day

Tom Rath's inspirational documentary Fully Charged uses social scientists’ latest research and powerful, real-life stories to show us practical ways to energize and find meaning and purpose in work and life. We caught up with him to ask him about his purpose in making the film. Live Happy: What inspired you to create the film Fully Charged, and what do you want it to accomplish? Tom Rath: I want to help people see how small adjustments in their daily routines can lead to substantive improvements to their well-being. There is an abundance of quality research on these topics, yet it often ends up hidden in books or academic articles. We need the great research from people like Brian Wansink or Amy Wrzesniewski to reach more people. This is what led us to not only spend time interviewing some of the world's leading experts on well-being, but also to film some of the best individual stories of how this research can be applied to both work and life. LH: How have your own health challenges since you were a teenager contributed to your life’s work, including this film as well as your best-selling books? TR: My lifelong battle with cancer is what motivates me to make those small adjustments and be fully charged, which in turn impacts my long-term health and well-being. It also keeps me focused on how I can contribute to projects like Fully Charged, which will hopefully continue to influence and grow when I am gone. LH: In the film you list the three key elements to a life considered to be fully charged. What are those three things and why is it important for all of us to start to take better control of them? TR: The three elements of being fully charged on a day-to-day basis are having meaningful moments, positive interactions and the physical energy you need to be your best. What I have learned from a lot of research is that well-being is created in the moment. So these are three practical things that need to be present to have a day where you are truly thriving. LH: What top five takeaways or tips do the sources in your film offer viewers to get started in building more energy at work and at home? Eat more greens and less sugar. Move throughout the day. Sleep longer. Make every interaction a net gain. Do something meaningful for another person. LH: Why are interactions so critical? How do those we spend the most time with influence our health and happiness, and what are most of us doing wrong in this area? TR: These little interactions accumulate more rapidly than we realize. We tend to focus on big or grand actions, yet simply asking a brief question and genuinely listening for a moment can often turn someone's day in the right direction. To a degree, our lives are the sum of all these little interactions…so we have to make them count. LH: If we aren’t lucky enough to pursue our life’s passions for a paycheck, how do we begin to build purpose and meaning into our work? TR: If you narrowed down to the core of almost any job, there should be an intent to do something that adds value to the world, for another human being. Even if your job isn’t anywhere close to “ideal” right now, if you can remind yourself of the person you are serving in a very simple way, it should help to build more meaning into your routine. This can be as easy as seeing someone eat a meal you prepared or noticing the smile on the face of a customer you helped. LH: What surprised you about the process of making this film or from the personal journeys of those interviewed? TR: The commonality of human goals and aspirations is pretty remarkable. We all want our lives and the lives of people we care for to be a bit better tomorrow than they are today. When we interviewed people in very different jobs, situations, ages and so forth, it turns out there is a lot we can learn from almost anyone about creating better days. LH:  How can readers view the full film or learn more? TR: The film is available through several major retailers (e.g., Apple, Amazon), and more information and video excerpts can be found at fullychargedmovie.com. Listen to our Live Happy Now podcast with Tom for more: 3 Ways to Get More Out of Life With Tom Rath TOM RATH is a researcher, filmmaker and author of six international best-sellers, including StrengthsFinder 2.0, Eat Move Sleep and Are You Fully Charged? Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.
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Smiling, attractive dark-haired woman looking straight into the camera.

How Well Do You Love Yourself?

Few of us will forget our adolescent years. The emotional meltdowns, the deep friendships, the risks we took, the first love, that first kiss…. Adolescence is a vivid time when your budding sense of self begins to emerge. You learn to express your own ideas and discover your unique identity as your brain laboriously integrates its many parts into a coherent whole. This process doesn’t happen overnight—nor does it end with the much glorified coming of age at 18. Right until your twilight years, you continue to traverse stages of adult development that allow you to grow in consciousness and change the way you relate to yourself and the world. The socialized mind But adolescence is a crucial time in development, when you navigate the critical stage of the socialized mind. That means leaving the nest of your nuclear family to become much more outwardly focused. The interpersonal relationships of your teenage years are critical. Friendships, mentors and crushes reign supreme and help you determine who you are. But since this socialized mind is heavily influenced by people and places, you must rely on your internal voice to help you maneuver through the noise of external expectations. For some, this does not come easily—an adolescent inner voice may not be that well developed, or it may have been negatively influenced already by outside input. And if that weren’t difficult enough, once your brain has painstakingly bridged together a cohesive identity, you rarely escape the destructive barbs of your own critical gaze and negative internal chatter. The formation of your 'self' Your relationship with yourself begins before you even realize it—in the verbal and non-verbal language of your primary caregivers. What you believe to be self-expression is often the expectations and inhibitions developed as a child when you made sense of your internal world through the messages you received. And when these messages are inconsistent, critical or unresponsive—as they often are—you can fail to connect to your emotional cues and to what makes you truly who you are. Instead, you reject parts of yourself you don’t like in order to find acceptance in the sticky tentacles of other people’s expectations. Instead of relying on your own judgment, and going after your deeply desired dreams, you become an eternal prisoner of the socialized mind. Your relationships with others A hollow relationship with yourself reflects in the relationships you form with others. Without a grounding belief in your own worth, you become dependent on approval and acceptance to prove your worth. Even narcissistic behaviors are often a kind of self-defense that masks a fragile sense of self-worth. Since healthy relationships are the marker of countless benefits—from physical health to finding meaning in life—you need to get back in touch with yourself. Here are three important ways to do so: 1. Listen to your body You are hardwired through millennia of evolutionary processes to avoid painful and uncomfortable feelings and emotions. But in doing so, you can become victim to those same emotions and impulses. The ability to face your fears and then rise above them comes not only from cognitive processes but also from deep within your body. The powerful vagus nerve meanders through your gut and heart and back to your brain, allowing you to have gut feeling and intuition. Body scan meditations are excellent ways to reconnect to parts of yourself you’ve dismissed—letting their wisdom find voice again. Create a regular practice that gets you back in touch with your breath and clears your mind and body. 2. Be aware of your mind The human brain is a storyteller. It is constantly looking for patterns and connecting the dots to make sense of the unpredictability and uncertainty of life. And here’s the strange part—the brain doesn’t really care if the story it crafts is painful or incorrect. All it looks for is a pattern, even if this pattern is the result of biased observations and interpretations. Which is why you need to listen to its story with non-judgment, and stay aware of where your mind may be fooling you. In this way, you can listen to the negative chatter in your mind and choose to dismiss it. You can watch your brain seek to connect dots and be aware of what it is doing but not become trapped in its game. 3. Find your North Star Your behaviors are the result of your thoughts, beliefs and emotions. When you do not step back to objectively listen to your internal chatter, you allow it to run your life. To have an alternate route in place, spend some time reflecting on how you want to show up in the world in line with your values and aspirations. Values are a guiding light during those difficult moments when you doubt yourself, feel ambivalent about decisions or worry about being unsupported and rejected and thus leave your dreams aside for one more day. Write down your most deeply held values and ask yourself if you are living according to them. If not, what can you change in your life? How might you do things differently? How can you live your life in accordance with your authentic self? Your relationship with yourself is undoubtedly the most important relationship in your life. To show up fully and shine your brightness in this world, disconnect from the constraints of approval of others and reconnect to the gifts of your inner core. For an authentic life is far above and beyond the limited life of a threatened ego. Homaira Kabir is a positive psychology coach and a cognitive behavioral therapist. She offers online courses and coaching programs to help women develop authentic beliefs in themselves, so they'reable to lead in relationships, at work and in life. Take her free quiz to find out your own level of self-worth.
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Never Second-Guess Yourself Again

Never Second-Guess Yourself Again

Do you ever get together with friends or family, have a great time but later second-guess something you did or said? If you replay events and often wish you could have a do-over, second-guessing could be robbing you of joy and self-esteem. Ruminating about our choices can make us feel pretty miserable. Here, our experts weigh in on why we do this and how we can stop. Build up your self-trust Second-guessing is often caused by not trusting ourselves. Self-doubt can happen as a result of critical parents, perfectionist tendencies, low self-confidence or pessimistic thinking. “When you are low in confidence,” says positive psychology expert Caroline Miller, “research shows that you are more likely to doubt your perceptions and judgment, and make you feel that you need the approval of others. This behavior can lead to depression, anxiety and procrastination.” (Caroline's upcoming book Authentic Grit looks closely at this phonemenon and many others affecting women and power.) “Lacking confidence in our judgments indicates a feeling that the world is out of control and that you don’t have the ability to ground yourself with your own positive choices, which is an indicator of pessimistic thinking,” Caroline explains. Pat Pearson, the author of Stop Self-Sabotage, says we torment ourselves with self-doubt because we are mirroring the people we grew up with, but we can change if we shift from negative to positive thinking. Here are six expert tips on how we can end the self-torment of second-guessing. 1. Notice and replace “The first step is to notice your negative thoughts and then intentionally intervene with a better thought,” Pat says. “When you tell yourself, ‘I will be fine,’ your mind doesn’t believe it, so instead, start a sentence with ‘I choose’ and say something you can believe. For example, say ‘I choose to do everything in my power to create a positive outcome.’” 2. Embrace risk-taking “Go outside your comfort zone when making decisions and decide you are going to risk failure or disapproval,” Caroline says. “Inevitably you will find that nothing disastrous happened, and you might even feel exhilarated from breaking free from the constant need for approval or praise. When we seek out the uncertain and unknown, we push into territory that could lead to our biggest wins. Playing it safe leads to mediocrity,” Caroline says. We can learn how to do this in small chunks, according to Caroline, by having small mastery experiences along the way and building up belief in ourselves. 3. Accept and redirect Accept that you won’t always get things right the first time. If something isn’t going as you hoped, take responsibility and intentionally redirect by tweaking your decisions. “If you always play it safe, you never have a chance to discover how strong and resilient you are, or how creative you can be in searching for solutions,” Caroline says. 4. Build up your self-trust Instead of acting in the moment, switch from your immediate self to your broader self and draw on your life experiences, goals and known abilities to get a full picture and make better decisions about what to say and do. Check in with yourself and learn to trust the broader person. 5. Embrace a growth mindset People who are fixated on doing and saying the right thing have a fixed mindset, Caroline explains. “When this is the case, they believe failure of any kind is a moral indictment as opposed to a learning situation to get better. We all can develop a growth mindset if we decide that mistakes are what allow our minds and abilities to get stronger, and in doing so, we become smarter, more successful and more persistent.” 6. Rewire your brain for self-compassion Practice self-compassion through a meditation called “loving-kindness,” Caroline suggests. Sit quietly and accept your thoughts as they come to you without forming judgments and send compassion to yourself and others. “This has been found to completely rewire the brain and help in situations where depression and low-confidence are chronic.” People who don’t question or berate themselves use skills like risk-taking, self-belief, positive self-talk and optimistic thinking to keep second-guessing at bay. With a little practice, we all can use these skills to stop second-guessing and enjoy life so much more. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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Coach Yourself to Happiness with Sara Oliveri

Sara Oliveri is a Washington, D.C-based life coach and speaker who helps people, as well as organizations, create happier lives. She is one of less than 300 graduates of the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program at the University of Pennsylvania. In this episode we talk about effective tools to create a more meaningful and fulfilling life and how to identify your personal core values to help you achieve authentic happiness. What you'll learn in this podcast: A better understanding of the current "life coaching" trend How to transform your temporary happiness into something sustainable and long-lasting How to increase happiness, meaning and fulfillment Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Follow Sara Oliveri on Facebook and Twitter Purchase a copy of The Valued Self: Healthy Self Esteem Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
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Can You Give Yourself a Mood Makeover?

Can You Give Yourself a Mood Makeover? [QUIZ]

We all have those moments where we feel down in the dumps, gloomy, sad, scared or angry. Sometimes we even feel like we can be happy one moment and miserable the next.While bad moods can have legitimate internal and external causes, we all need the tools to be able to make over our moods so that we can be in a more positive place.Here's a quiz to help you figure out whether your mood makeover tools are sharp or whether you could use a refresher course about shifting from a negative to positive mood when the need arises.1. When I feel anxious about a situation, it impacts my day and my mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never2. If I am at a work, school or social event and accidentally discover a small spill on my pants it puts me in a bad mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never3. If my friend or co-worker has said something to hurt my feelings it is hard for me to shake it off.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never4. If I decide to try a new look and change something like my hairstyle and end up not liking it, I can be upset about it for days, weeks or even months.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never5. If my partner and I go to a party, and I accommodate him/her by leaving early even though I am having a good time, I will likely be upset with one or both of us for having left.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverRead More: Quiz: How Much Emotional Baggage Do You Carry?6. If someone is trying to be playful with me and I am not in the mood, I tend to react in a negative way.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never7. If a stranger approaches me to strike up a conversation, I am likely to be annoyed instead of interested.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never8. If you asked my friends or family, they would say that my negative experiences impact my life and relationships in a significant way.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never9. Sometimes I feel like I am at the mercy of my bad moods and I do not know how to make them better.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverRead More: Quiz: How Close Is Your Relationship?10. I tend to lose sleep over situations that are out of my control.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never11. I have a tendency to put a negative spin on things.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never12. When I feel self-conscious about my appearance or something I have done, it can put me in a bad mood.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never13. If an activity I was looking forward to is canceled due to bad weather or other outside influences, I would have a hard time letting go of my disappointment.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never14. I find that I can be easily distressed in situations that others might consider no big deal.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or Never15. I can be one of those people that switches from being calm to upset fairly quickly.A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Rarely or NeverAnswersMostly A'sIf most of your answers were A, in all likelihood the bulk of your negative moods do not necessarily have a specific external cause. Because our moods can be impacted by the way we think and feel, you might try to work toward channel your thoughts and feelings ina more positive direction.Perhaps you spend too much time dwelling on the bad experiences. Maybe you have a tendency to view things in a negative light. In your quest to make over your mood, it would be useful for you to figure out the source of your negative thinking. It is also important for you to make efforts to focus on positivity, gratitude and happiness in all areas of your life.Mostly B'sIf the majority of your answers were B, you have moments of being able to manage your mood into a positive direction but you also have many moments where you get stuck in negative emotional places. It is important that you identify the ways that you are effective when it comes to being happy and positive and make sure that you continue maintaining those. It is also important that you pinpoint the areas in which you struggling with your mood, so you can begin working at getting new tools and techniques to create more happiness.Mostly C'sIf the majority of your answers were C, you have a great mastery at the skills required to make over your mood. When you are in a bad emotional place or in a negative state of mind whether it is due to internal or external causes you do a good job of managing those feelings and moving into a more positive place. Keep up the good work!Read more about the "Mood Makeover" in the October, 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine!Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
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Mindfulness Matters: Drastically change the way you think and feel.

Give Yourself a Mindfulness Makeover

Diane Baumer admits she was fairly certain mindfulness wouldn’t work for her. “I knew it had worked for others, but my depression was so severe and nothing had ever worked [for treating it]. I’ve had it all my life, and it’s completely rearranged the pathways in my brain.”She first became aware of mindfulness in the 1980s, when she was introduced to Buddhism, but had only learned about it in theory. Last year, desperate to ease her depression and obsessive thoughts, she enrolled in an eight-week mindfulness course. The course taught her how to stay in the moment and not get carried away by her thoughts.“I was amazed by the change in me,” says Diane, who lives in Florence, Kentucky. “I didn’t have racing thoughts, and my obsessive thoughts about death and dying were gone. By the end of the eight weeks, I had learned to just notice my thoughts rather than grab them and run with them. It’s been life changing.”Appreciating life as it happensMindfulness, experts say, is a practice that helps us pay attention to and self-regulate our thoughts. Staying mindful, or in the moment, allows us to appreciate life as it happens. When our minds are busy doing that, it’s impossible to also be ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.Although it is based on a 2,600-year-old Buddhist practice, interest in mindfulness has surged globally in recent years. It began gaining significant traction in the U.S. in the 1970s when Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., began studying the effects of mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He created the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, the first documented structured program to teach mindfulness, which became the model for many programs developed since then.Today, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programs have been implemented in more than 200 medical centers, clinics and hospitals around the world. But it also has gone beyond the medical field. Neuroscientists continue investigating how mindfulness can change both the structure and function of our brains; psychologists use it for their own cognitive improvement as well as to help clients with everything from anxiety and depression to compassion and self-acceptance; business leaders are looking at how mindful decision-making can redefine their workplaces; and educators are embracing such concepts as mindful learning and mindful reading.Studies show mindfulness can improve communication and happiness between couples and co-workers, and prisons have even used it to help reduce hostility and mood disturbances among prisoners.It’s about paying attention“When I start talking about all the things mindfulness can do, I sound like a snake oil salesman,” jokes Richard Sears, PsyD, Ph.D., MBA, ABPP, of the Center for Clinical Mindfulness and Meditation at Union Institute and University in Cincinnati and author of Mindfulness: Living Through Challenges and Enriching Your Life in This Moment.“It increases happiness, improves relationships, helps alleviate conditions like depression and chronic pain.…But really, what’s going on is awareness. It’s about paying attention, bringing us back to what is going on right now.”Richard’s work in the area of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is a form of MBSR that implements cognitive therapy-based exercises. Cognitive therapy explores and challenges negative thought processes; MBCT is effective in treating problems like depression and anxiety, he says, because it creates a connection between our thoughts and our feelings.Listen to author and Live Happy science editor Paula Felps on the Live Happy Now podcast as she discusses what happens "When Happiness Has a Bad Day."Take a moment, take a breath“Once you’ve experienced depression, it cuts a pathway in your brain and makes it easier to become depressed the next time you feel sad,” Richard says.“MBCT teaches you to notice signs of the problems coming up so you can prevent them.” Mindfulness teaches us to take a moment, take a breath and get back to what is happening right now rather than reacting to the “what ifs” of the situation.For Diane, that means one rough patch in her day no longer spirals into negative thoughts that trigger bad memories and depression. “With more awareness comes better choices,” Richard says. “If I’m aware of how I’m reacting, I can lower my stress response, and that makes other things better. I’m less vulnerable, and my immune system can heal better. Everything improves when you become more aware.”Healthier mind, healthier bodyThe mind-body connection has been well proven over time, and mindfulness proponents and practitioners say it holds many keys to creating a healthier, happier life by influencing the body. “It’s not a cure-all, but it will assist in whatever a person is struggling with, whether that’s physical, mental or emotional,” says Ryan M. Niemiec, PsyD, education director at the VIA Institute on Character and author of Mindfulness and Character Strengths: A Practical Guide to Flourishing.“It offers support and assistance in whatever you’re trying to accomplish. Take for example someone with chronic pain; to learn how to face that directly is a huge challenge. But to bring an honest awareness to your own suffering can completely change your relationship with it.”Studies have documented the effects of mindfulness on physical ailments. Ryan says medical and scientific endorsements have boosted its popularity and have shown the ways it can help both physical and mental challenges. “Before” and “after” brain scans show that certain areas of the brain get thicker after practicing mindfulness for about eight weeks, according to Richard. He equates it to building muscle by lifting weights—over time, you get stronger, but it has to be maintained in order for the results to continue.Read More: 3 Must-Have Mindfulness AppsA powerful tool for healthSome clinical studies have focused on how mindfulness can influence specific ailments, including substance abuse, anxiety, PTSD, depression, autism, cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, AIDS, high blood pressure and headaches. On the broadest level, mindfulness is seen as a tool to improve health because it boosts our immune system. Scientists have attributed this to lower secretions of cortisol and adrenaline, both of which suppress the immune system.Louis Alloro was working on his Master of Applied Positive Psychology degree when he first learned about mindfulness. “Even though I had been involved with personal development my whole life, and had started getting involved with positive psychology, I kept thinking, ‘I don’t know how to do that.’”But once a friend (and fellow MAPP student) started teaching him mindfulness, he realized that not only was it something he could do easily, it was something he had always had the tools for. All he needed was someone who could show him how to use them.Today, Louis can’t imagine daily life without mindfulness and meditation practices, which he says help make him more positive and appreciative and benefit him both physically and mentally.Easy self-care“I think the future of health care is self-care, and mindfulness is such an effective, easy and cheap strategy for self-care,” he says. “We can calm our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest-and-digest system, and those are two things that just seem to always be in overdrive today.”Being mindful has allowed Louis to slow his reactions, calm his mind and become healthier. In doing so, he is able to accomplish more while feeling less stressed. “I love the adage that you have to slow down to speed up,” he says. “Mindfulness lets you do that.”Driven to distractionA study by the National Science Foundation discovered that, on any given day, our brain generates some 50,000 thoughts. That averages out to about 52 thoughts a minute during waking hours, so is it any wonder that many of us find it a challenge to “stay in the moment?”As a doctoral student at Harvard, Matt Killingsworth became interested in the association between happiness and what we’re thinking about. He developed the Track Your Happiness app to study the causes of happiness, and monitored users in real time.With more than 15,000 subjects in 80 countries, Matt collected 650,000 “live” reports that led to the conclusion that “a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” People who were “in the moment” consistently were happier than those whose minds were wandering, even if they were performing a task they didn’t enjoy.Unquiet mindsWhat Matt found most surprising was just how often our minds wander. Overall, our minds are on something other than what we’re doing 47 percent of the time. And, unfortunately, when our minds wander, they usually aren’t visiting a happy place. We often end up with anxiety and worry about the future, or anger or regret about the past. Matt’s studies showed that a wandering mind isn’t the consequence of unhappiness and related anger or anxiety; it’s the cause of it.“The only moment we can ever be in is the present,” Richard points out. “Mindfulness is about being in the moment, bringing our attention back to what’s happening right now.” For most of us, learning to be in the moment takes some work to undo what’s become a deeply ingrained pattern. As children, we have the innate ability to enjoy the present moment as it unfolds, but before long, we’re taught to start thinking about the future.Your life is now“We’re often taught that the ‘good thing’ is coming. It’s always about the next thing,” he says. “Over time, we lose the capacity to enjoy good moments. Even when we [accomplish] a great thing, we’re already thinking about what’s next.”While there is a place for planning, he says the current model doesn’t allow us the chance to enjoy the moment. As children, we start talking about what we’ll be when we grow up; we go to high school and think about college, and while in college we dream of the career waiting for us. The cycle continues once we get that job; we start saving for our dream house, working for the next promotion, building the future. Before long, it’s time to save for retirement and plan for the golden years.“About middle age, a lot of us wake up and realized we’ve been tricked. We realize, ‘This is my life! It’s not coming; it’s already here!’ ” Richard says.Putting it into practiceMindfulness can help put us back in touch with our true thoughts and feelings, and millions of people around the world have found it transformational. One of the most effective paths is through meditation, but Ryan says many people are intimidated by the idea.“The three most common reasons for people to abandon their mindfulness meditation practice is that their mind wanders, they forget to do it or they don’t have time,” Ryan says. “Meditation is a way of cultivating mindfulness, so having a formal meditation process is helpful in improving that. But it’s more about finding the right fit.”For one person, that fit might be a centering prayer; for another it might be self-hypnosis; someone else might choose to do an insight meditation. Many classes and online courses now teach mindfulness and meditation practices. Keep in mind that there’s no onesize-fits-all solution; it’s what works for the individual.Find your fit for meditationLouis, for example, is fond of taking mindful walks as a way to improve positive emotions. “I put away my phone and purposefully attend to the experience of taking a walk,” he says. “I feel my feet each time they connect with the ground, and I see things to be grateful for. I can feel my heart rate slowing down, and I become more calm, more at peace.” Walking or eating mindfully are easy, effective ways to take a break—and they can be done unnoticed by others.Diane practices mindfulness in everything from washing the dishes to taking a walk, being careful to notice the touch of sun or water on her skin or the sounds around her.Other simple, common ways to implement mindfulness can include:• Sit quietly and observe what you’re experiencing in that moment. Observe the sights, sounds, and smells that typically go unnoticed during a busy day.• Take note of the physical sensations you’re feeling, whether it’s the texture of a book in your hands, the feeling of the chair against your legs and back or the feeling of water splashing on your skin as you wash your hands.• When experiencing anxiety, depression or anger, become an observer; look at how your body is responding to the emotion instead of becoming absorbed in the feeling itself.Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD of Harvard Medical School, likens it to watching clouds drift by; Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., compares it to watching soap bubbles float in the air. Try using the experience as an opportunity to understand the feeling rather than reacting to it.• And, when all else fails, just take a breath.“With mindfulness, there is no goal than to become more aware,” Ryan says. “A great place to start is just to breathe. Follow your breath, it’s something we all have. And you’ll notice physiological changes almost immediately.”Listen to author and Live Happy science editor Paula Felps on the Live Happy Now podcast as she discusses what happens "When Happiness Has a Bad Day."Read More: 33 Ideas on Mindfulness
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Happily Self-Employed

How to Be Happily Self-Employed

There are countless reasons people decide to go into business. for themselves. They do it because they have ideas they think will make the world a better place. Maybe they want to escape the constraints of 9 to 5, or create legacies that will outlive them.But no one becomes his or her own own boss to work 24/7, ruin their relationships and make their families miserable. Yet that often happens. Want to avoid it? Here, happy entrepreneurs share their tactics for being your own boss and loving it.I have a one-minute rant timer, and whenever I want to complain or vent to my husband, I flip the timer and go for it for a full minute! Then we can discuss solutions, if needed. But most times, once I’ve gotten things off my chest, I can move on and enjoy family time. Without the timer, the rant sessions used to go on for hours."—Jamie Novak, organizing specialist and author of Keep This, Toss ThatI plan fun activities the same way I plan business meetings. I will even put things on my calendar like 'Lie in bed and read.' It sounds goofy, I know, but it works. I’ve also returned to hobbies like knitting and baking, which give me creative satisfaction but are not my day job."—Nancy Shenker, CEO, theONswitch marketing companyWhenever I feel my life getting out of balance, I sit down and make a list of all the ways I spend my time during my waking hours, everything over and above a standard eight-hour work day. I rank the list in order of the amount of time I spend on each. Next to that list, I write down the five things I consider the most important in my life, in order of their importance. For me, just seeing the discrepancy between those lists is an incredibly powerful motivator for putting things back into perspective."—Barry Maher, of Barry Maher and Assoc. (BarryMaher.com), author of Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive Thinking in BusinessAs a company, we dedicate some of our time and energy to helping homeless children. Through an ongoing initiative, we fill up tote bags with blankets, stuffed animals and books and deliver them to a network of local family shelters. Making this a part of my company feeds my spirit and reminds me of what is important, even when something petty is going on with work.—Allison Kugel, co-owner, creative director, Full Scale Media public relations firmBeing in the 24/7 travel business, it’s nearly impossible to keep work from running my life. But I’ve found a way to disconnect and get on with being a husband and dad. My wife takes my phone on Friday evenings and returns it to me on Saturday morning. No calls, no e-mails and no texts. It’s difficult for me to separate myself, but my wife’s a psychiatrist, so I figure she knows best on these matters."—GregGeronemus, co-CEO, smarToursIt's easy to fall into a rut when you work for yourself. There are many days when I’ve found myself attached to my laptop, in my PJs and on the couch at 8 p.m., having barely budged except to open the door for the Chinese food delivery guy.You have to force yourself to get up, get dressed and go out. Even if it’s just taking the dog for a walk, changing up your routine and getting some fresh air is healthy and necessary. Every now and then devote a full day to a field trip; visit a museum or go on a long hike.Inspiration comes from all places, and you’ll find that taking a day off to recuperate and recharge, even in the middle of the week, will do wonders for your productivity and drive.—Sasha Moyer, co-founder and creative director of adelamei.com online clothing boutique
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