Family On Hiking Adventure Through Forest

How to Live a Life by Design

More. Did you ever want to be more or have more in your life? Even if you’ve accomplished all you’ve dreamed of or desired, perhaps you’ve noticed that there’s a part of you that keeps nudging you toward whatever is next. As I’ve made my way through life, I, too, have always desired more. I didn’t want to have more things in a physical sense; instead, my aim was to become a better person: more knowledgeable, more thoughtful, more generous, and more loving. Despite my professional successes, I never fully understood why I continued to desire more until I met Mary Morrissey, a premier personal development expert, cherished mentor, and dear friend. Mary was the first to introduce me to the idea that, as human beings, we are always seeking a freer, fuller, more expanded version of ourselves and that life is always seeking its fuller expression through us. Take some time here and really think about how this might manifest itself in your life. Consider the following questions: How do you want to live your life? If you were living a life you truly loved, what would it look like? How would it be different than it is now? What would your health look like? What would your relationships be like — romantic, familial and otherwise? With whom would you be hanging out? Would you travel or pursue hobbies you love? What would you be doing with your time? Since I know it’s tempting to breeze by these questions, I’d like to encourage you to grab a journal or notebook so that you can jot down some initial ideas. Journal 1: How Do You Want to Live Your Life? Take time to write out answers to the questions above. When I ask clients these questions, I get responses that range from impassioned, detailed descriptions about a great imagined future to quizzical looks that convey countless doubts about the ability to achieve any of their dreams. Yet most people share a few important responses: They desire to be fully engaged in something that feels meaningful and purposeful. They want to experience their impact on the people and situations in their lives. They consistently want to feel more confident and empowered, and less affected by life’s daily challenges. No matter how many times people have been advised to be more confident or have higher self-esteem, rarely are they told how to achieve these goals. Rest assured, it can be done. In fact, you can definitely learn how to be confident and resilient. The challenge is that most people believe that life is doing something to them, so they live by constantly reacting to life’s dilemmas. If you perceive life as a set of difficult problems, criticizing and complaining can become coping strategies you use to deal with what you perceive as the harshness of such a life. People often don’t realize that they have a hand in creating the life they want. Once you start setting clear intentions and taking inspired action to meet specific goals, then you begin to develop a sense that you have a say in how life unfolds for you. In fact, many people find their purpose in life by actively pursuing their goals or dreams. When you experience purpose and meaning in what you are doing, it often feels like you are the conduit through which life is fulfilling itself instead of a mere victim of life’s hardships. Personal development trainers often describe these two very different approaches—reactionary versus creative—as, respectively, living “life by default” and “life by design.” This book was written to help you live life by your design. You have a hand in creating a life you love—one that enables you to be confident, emotionally strong, enthusiastic, purpose-driven, and resilient. The process involves embracing all of life: all of the good, fun, enjoyable, happy experiences, and all of the crummy, messy, unexpected, and unpleasant ones, too. The Gift of Unpleasant Feelings Most of us want to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings either because they are so darn uncomfortable or because they elicit some measure of pain. This avoidance, what some psychologists call “experiential avoidance,” occurs through distracting yourself. By moving away from difficult feelings, you actually cut yourself off from emotional information that could help protect or enhance your life. Consistently distracting from or avoiding what is unpleasant and uncomfortable is, unfortunately, often the start of a slow trek to increased anxiety, bodily pain, vulnerability, and disempowerment. If you continue to distract or stay disconnected from the truth of your own life experiences over long periods of time, you may experience feelings of emptiness, numbness, and soulful depression™—a result of being disconnected from yourself. Eventually, this can transform into something worse: intense feelings of isolation, alienation, or hopelessness. But it doesn’t need to move in that direction at all. Just as there’s a path to soulful depression, there’s a path to confidence, emotional strength, and resilience—three qualities that have a direct impact on your ability to lead a meaningful life. How, then, do you develop into an emotionally stronger and more capable person? As paradoxical as it seems, the answer is tied to your capacity to tolerate pain—or your capacity to handle unpleasant feelings. The more you are able to face the pain you experience, the more capable you become. you are able to face the pain you experience, the more capable you become. The essential keys to developing confidence, feeling emotionally strong, and being resilient involve an openness to change, a positive attitude toward pain, a willingness to learn from any experience, and a capacity to experience and express unpleasant feelings. When you’re able to effectively handle unpleasant emotions, you’re likely to feel more centered, confident, capable, and calm in the moment. Your consistent ability to deal with difficult feelings translates into relief from anxiety, harsh self-criticism, and negative self-talk. As you continue the practice of experiencing these unpleasant feelings, you increase your capacity to engage in courageous conversations, which often results in mending and deepening relationships. If you stay well connected to your moment-to-moment experience, not only will you move your life more fully into who you want to be and do more of what you love, you’ll start to develop a greater sense of purpose and meaning in your life. Why wouldn’t you want to embrace your unpleasant feelings if it results in living the life you’ve always wanted? *** Excerpted from90 Seconds to a Life You Love. Copyright © 2019 by Joan I Rosenberg, PhD. Used with permission of Little, Brown and Company, New York. All rights reserved.
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Happy Smiling Young People Hugging, Showing Heart Shape With Hands And Enjoying Each Other Outdoors.

Healthy Relationships Make Us Happy

How much do you value your close relationships? Do you fear your partner will reject you? Are you afraid to commit? How you answer these questions can give you valuable insights into yourself and the people closest to you. Relationship Check-in Research shows you can create distance in an intimate relationship two ways: anxiety and avoidance. Too much attachment-related anxiety, and you may worry your partner doesn’t feel the same way about you or that he or she may leave. Too much attachment-related avoidance, and you may fail to make a commitment and drive people away. When you take the Close Relationships Questionnaire, you can measure your level of attachment. Being happy in our relationships is crucial to our subjective well-being and knowing where you are will show you where to go. Thank You, My Love A study from the University of Georgia found that couples who express gratitude for one another regularly often have healthier, happier relationships. Furthermore, gratitude has a counter effect when a couple is engaged in conflict, such as when they’re undergoing financial stress. Gratitude protects the quality of the marriage, leading to fewer thoughts about divorce. Feeling appreciated and valued puts the same kind of protective coating on the relationship. Allen Barton, Ph.D., postdoctoral research associate at UGA’s Center for Family Research, says a good way for couples to make sure they are expressing enough gratitude is to ask each other, “Do you feel valued and appreciated, and if not what can I do to change that?” It's the Little Things We’ve compiled some of our favorite ideas to strengthen and cultivate healthy, happy relationships in almost every aspect of our lives. Journal with your spouse. Find a journal—anything will do, including a basic spiral notebook—and take a few minutes to write to each other. Remind your spouse why you love him or her, whether it’s generosity toward those in need or an unfailing ability to make you smile. Most of all, keep your writing positive and focused on each other. Send a greeting card. Sending a text message or email is a quick, easy way to say hello to a friend or relative, but sending a physical greeting card shows thought, effort and love. Plus, your recipient can post your card on his or her refrigerator or desk as a daily reminder of you and your relationship. Collect ticket stubs. Remember when you enjoyed the evening under the stars and listened to your favorite band play? Or when you saw that awful movie together? Keep the ticket stubs from wherever your life as a couple takes you, collect them in a glass jar and place it visibly in your home. When you add new tickets to your collection, take a couple of minutes to reminisce about the fun you’ve had together. Plan the ultimate family fun day. Mark it on your calendars. Treat it as seriously as you would a work meeting or soccer practice and escape the commotion of life for a day of family fun. Get the entire family involved in the planning—surprise the kids with a short day trip; attend a local festival; or maybe even spend the day at home baking, watching movies or building a fort. Your family fun day doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg; it’s more about the entire family spending time together. Advice from the Experts How can we communicate more effectively with our loved ones? “For more than four decades I have been privileged to share the five love languages with people around the world. Understanding this concept gives individuals the information needed to effectively express love. By nature, we do for our loved ones what we wish they would do for us. We assume they feel loved. When they eventually say to us, ‘I feel like you don’t love me,’ we are surprised. The problem was not our sincerity. The problem was we were not speaking their love language.”—Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., author of The 5 Love Languages series What are some of the relationship-building benefits of the family dinner? “In today’s fast-paced, technology-steeped culture, having family dinner is the most doable way to hang out together; there are few other settings where the family gathers. …Family dinner provides a way to connect...a time to unwind, to check in, to laugh together, to tell stories. These benefits don’t depend on you making a gourmet meal, using organic ingredients or cooking from scratch. Food brings the family to the table, but it is the conversation and the connection that keeps the family at the table and provides the emotional benefits.”—Anne Fishel, Ph.D., author of Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids What is the single most important thing we can do to improve our relationships with our children? “Our relationships with our children improve the most when we work on our relationships with ourselves. When we find ways to be happy and calm and present, we are warmer and more responsive to our children, better listeners—and more consistent disciplinarians.”—Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work How can we create long-lasting, happy relationships? “Relationships thrive when there is an investment in an emotional piggy bank. Without a balance of positive feelings for each other, there is little to draw on during difficult times. The best way of allowing these positive feelings for each other to grow is to not deplete them. If you can have fewer negative emotions and reactions with each other in the first place, it can help preserve your positive resources.”—Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D., MFA, MAPP, author of Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir
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Busy woman trying to work while babysitting two kids

The Juggle is Real

As a mom who runs a business while nurturing seven kids, I have often felt defeated by the demands of both 21st century motherhood and a career. I can’t tell you the number of times I have thrown my hands in the air and waved the white flag of surrender. The image of a juggler, tossing and catching countless balls, captures the mood of modern motherhood. So many moms today are tired, stressed and pulled in a million directions. They are exhausted from handling endless tasks and responsibilities. When they invest more time at work, they feel guilty for neglecting their family. And when they invest more time with family, they worry about letting the office down or missing out on career advancement. The juggle is real. And sometimes it can feel impossible. Here’s the thing: hope is possible. Mothering, following your dreams and living your best life is possible—all at the same time. The reality is we have choices in how we respond to everything in our lives. It might not seem like it all the time, but the truth is we always have a choice—and it’s always ours. For the last ten years, I have run my own business while raising an increasing number of kids, each born approximately eighteen months apart. Every time a baby arrives, I redesign, reshift, and refigure unique ways to approach self-care, childcare and work. As a result, I have talked to countless women about “balancing it all.” Mothering, following your dreams and living your best life is possible—all at the same time." And balancing it all, I believe, boils down to two central themes: 1. Knowing what is important to you, and 2. Ensuring the activities in your daily calendar actually match your true priorities. Sounds simple, right? And in a way, it is! But identifying what is truly important to us, and ensuring we act in accordance with this, takes some inner searching and some discipline to carry out. And I have found one exercise incredibly helpful in starting this process. Let’s start with a quick definition of priorities. Priorities give rank and importance to things in our lives and often motivate us to action. If health is a high priority, we will make time in the day to exercise. If spending time with your spouse is a high priority, you will ensure that date night is a recurring habit. If our work is a great priority, we will log long hours at the office. But we cannot make everything a priority. You cannot just keep stuffing your life full of things and expect it all to fit. So what is the key here? How do you avoid an overstretched life? The key is you. You have to decide—and declare—what is most important. Then you must not only let your priorities inform your decision making, but also work hard to keep these ranked priorities top of mind. Anyone can say family is at the top of their list. Anyone can say health is a priority. But why do so many people struggle with keeping fitness as a resolution, and why do so many mothers lament the lack of work/life balance? Because goals are only as good as the behavior attached to those goals. And behavior takes motivation to become habit. So, are you ready to get some motivation? One of the most efficient ways to gain clarity on what is truly important to us is to look ahead to the future. Fast forward to your 65th birthday, where your spouse, your adult children, your grandchildren, your friends and the people you have impacted through your work are gathered to celebrate your life. What do you hope they say? What do you hope your years on this earth will have stood for? If you were to live your most ideal life, how do you hope it will be remembered? Doing this exercise, and examining how far the gap is between where you are now, and where you hope your life will lead you, is a great exercise in identifying what is truly important to you, and then beginning to ensure your daily activities stem from your unique ordering of priorities.
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Silly young husband and wife in their kitchen playing with straight uncooked pasta noodles near their puckered faces

It’s OK to Play

Imagine a place where you can leap tall buildings in a single bound or a world where all of the animals can talk to you. Maybe you are Michael Jordan taking the last-second shot…and the crowd…goes…wild! Anyone who doesn’t routinely convene on the playground and use candy as a form of currency probably can’t—or doesn’t—anymore. It’s not that you haven’t at one time in your life, but as we get older, we stop doing those things that made us happy as kids. We have more responsibilities, more worries; we can’t just go off and play cops and robbers or run through sprinklers in the middle of a hot summerday. But do we have to take ourselves so seriously? People, including Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play and author of Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul, and Dr. Adam Blatner, author of The Art of Play and a psychodrama expert, don’t think so. In fact, both are hard at work making sure we don’t work too hard in life. “There is a category in life that’s absolutely valid called ‘just fooling around,’ ” Adam says. “You want to give up the childishness, but not the childlikeness.” According to Adam, when play is safe and friendly, the middle part of the brain (the part that shuts down during our fight-or-flight response) opens up and creativity and inspiration areendless. “When you’re playing, you can sometimes be so safe that you become spontaneous,” he says. “You can improvise, and you can even forget the ego; you become ecstatic. What’s happening is your unconscious is free, and there’s this ecstasy. It’s truly noncompetitive, you aren’t worried about impressing anyone and you are just in the flow. It’s a lot of fun if you can get a fair amount of play in yourlife.” Play on the Brain From the beginning of life, we are wired for playfulness. Once our basic needs are met, our curiosity kicks in, and we start to explore. Play activates and produces the circuits in our brain that allow us to learn, especially in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for judgment, planning and inhibition. Play teaches us how to socialize and empathize with one another, letting us know where the lines are drawn on what is fun and what is hurtful to others. This acts as a dress rehearsal to life and shows us how the world works without actually putting us in danger. “Play is built into [our] biology in avery deep way,” Stuart says. “As we lookat the biology of nutrition and thebiology of sleep, the things that wehumans need to survive, play is notnormally considered something important. But when you look at a life without play, particularly when a child isdeveloping, you begin to see the consequences of play deprivation, whichalso begins to show you the benefits ofplay.” Through four decades of research into the play histories of convicted murderers, Stuart found that the suppression of childhood play led to violent and anti-social behavior, compared to people who were able to play freely. Conversely, he found that fulfilled and successful people were more engaging and optimistic when their history included a healthy amount of play. Playful people tend to be more flexible and adaptable to evolvingsituations. “There is a self-organizing, natural way for healthy play to be part of the developmental trajectory of a child, particularly when it’s not over-controlled by a parent or well-meaning teacher,” Stuart says. “Kids learn to assess risk if there are graduated opportunities to play freely. They learn to not climb the biggest slide in the playground if they aren’t ready to do that. There are these languages of play and play risk that the kids themselves tend to be able tomodify.” While play is more prevalent during childhood for learning and skill development, it continues to benefit our wellbeing throughout our lives. More often than not, Stuart says, the trajectory of optimistic, self-reliant and highly engaged adults gained those qualities through a healthy play history, making it an important component of being fully human. Getting Back to Play “A lot of adults don’t know how to play with their kids—they don’t know what to say,” Adam says. “If their kid says, ‘Mummy, I learned about kings and queens today,’ a lot of parents would say, ‘Yeah, so?’ Very few parents would [respond], ‘Well then, would you like to play kings and queens?’” Adam, a lifelong practitioner of play, says the older we get, the more “don’ts” we tend to collect. When you give yourself a certain amount of “uncontrolness,” you get back the joy of play. Instead of brushing off their request to play royal court as silliness that you don’t have time for, go to that faraway place. “Going through the process of explaining and acting out the roles of kings and queens, whether it’s true or not, is playing,” Adam says. “Grownups forget how they can do this, but it’s wonderful to have one of your sub-roles be as a playmate to your kid. Some of the time you have to stop and be the role of the parent and say, ‘Don’t draw on the wall,’ but most of the time you can be in there playing with the kids. It’s a treasure that’s part of the art of living.” You don’t need a prescription to reclaim your inner child. Thinking back to those playful moments from your childhood, like a favorite birthday gift or a game you really enjoyed, and trying to remember the feeling the experience gave you will remind you to have more fun in your life. The more playful we are, the more flexible we will be emotionally and the greater our imaginations will become. “You can fill your adult life and elder life with more and more play, even in little bits,” Adam says. “It could be two minutes sprinkled throughout the day or it could be 30 seconds. I sing, I whistle, Imove my body in weird ‘dancey’ ways. Ithink of scraps of songs and poetry. The point is I fill my life with joy.” A Couple that Plays Together, Stays Together Dave Lovelace and Georgia Medler, a retired couple living in an active-adult community in Texas, play every chance they get. With a healthy social life, they are constantly dancing, singing, acting and just enjoying life. Both say they have found the perfect match in each other, and they believe their spontaneity and the freedom to be their true selves is the strength of their relationship and 18-year marriage. “When you have the freedom to go ahead and crack jokes and be funny and play, when you know full well that not everything is going to be funny, there’s acceptance, and that gives you the ability to try it knowing there won’t be hurt feelings,” Dave says. “It’s the freedom to play that allows you to playmore.” Dave, or “Sillypops” as his grandchildren affectionately call him, is a salesman-turned-dancer, emcee and actor (a newfound passion). The 70-year-old practical joker never wastes an opportunity to try to make someonelaugh. When Dave and Georgia were married, Dave fashioned the ceremony after the television game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Unbeknownst to Georgia, when the justice of the peace asked Dave if he wanted Georgia to be his wife, he decided to use a lifeline and poll the audience. Luckily, they all said yes. The judge then asked if that was his final answer, and the rest is history. Having fun in life makes Dave and Georgia happy, and they try to instill that trait in their children and grandchildren. Just recently, the couple hosted what they call “Fancy Dinner” night with their grandkids. The kids get to have whatever they like, and for this particular dinner, one granddaughter requested the whole table converse in British accents, and they all made up silly names for each other. “They are free to let their imaginations just go wherever they will,”Dave says. “Spontaneous humor,improvisation and creativity areabsolutely essential to living life, and thekids have picked that up. They do it at home, and they do it here when they visit. Hopefully, we are good role models for them.” The Play State of Happiness Playing doesn’t have to be all, well, child’s play. Anything that you do for the sake of doing and that gets you into the flow is considered play. Both Stuart and Adam agree that when you surround yourself with people who have a light-hearted approach to life and savor the things that bring you joy and fulfillment, your wellbeing benefits. Playful banter with your partner, getting lost in a good book or playing tennis with an old friend and not keeping score—these are all ways to get into the play state. Stuart concludes that playing is an intrinsic act embedded in many species, but we “stretch out” the juvenile period more than any other. We are at the top of the play food chain, and being in a play state opens the door for creativity that gives us the ability to produce beautiful masterpieces or tinker with toys that lead us down the path to great innovations in life. Without play, we wouldn’t have movies, books, music, jokes, planes, trains—or magazines. Life would be pretty dull. “Play precedes happiness, and it is a building block to happiness,” Stuart says. “Really having a sense of fulfillment and joyfulness requires that we honor and stay close to our own personal proclivities and our personal play nature. I think play and happiness are partners.”
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Finding Happiness With Better Sleep

Maintaining proper sleep health is vital to our well-being. Countless studies and years of research have determined that many health problems, both mental and physical, stem from poor sleeping habits. While the National Sleep Foundation recommends seven to nine hours of sleep per night, according to Gallup, almost half of Americans say they fall short of that goal. Gallup also found that people who did fall below the seven-hour threshold also reported significantly lower well-being. Sleep Friendly Seven to nine hours of a good slumber can benefit your physical health, improving your immune system, lowering your blood pressure and help you maintain a proper weight, but did you know it can also help your social life, too? Published in the journal Nature Communications, researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, found that people with poor sleeping habits were more likely to develop social anxiety, which can lead to social isolation. Because we are social animals, when feelings of loneliness set in, negative feelings compound and act as a “social repellant.” Getting adequate quality sleep can have the opposite effect, giving you the energy and confidence you need to be a friendlier person. What are the Odds? Getting the right kind of sleep may make you feel like a million bucks. A study from the University in Warwick reports that the quality of our sleep is just as important, if not more important than the amount of hours we log. Researchers found that the mental and physical boosts we get from better sleep are comparable to those same good feelings of someone who just on a financial jackpot. Over time, these sleep improvements led to an increase in well-being and a decrease in sleep medication. Head of the Class Sleep deficiencies aren’t just limited to adults. Poor sleeping habits and daytime drowsiness can lead to adverse health problems in children and adolescents as well. Conversely, children who practice good sleep habits and take 30 to 60 minute naps at least three times a week were found to be happier, more resilient and had fewer behavior and self-control issues, according to new research from the University of Pennsylvania. The study, published in the journal SLEEP, also shows that kids who took more naps also performed better academically by more than seven percent and had higher IQs than their sleepier counterparts. Bathtime Bliss If you spend most of your nights tossing and turning, then you may want to consider a warm bath before bed. Biomedical engineers at The University of Texas at Austin have found that bathing or showering in warm to hot water one to two hours before bed can result in better sleep quality. Their findings, published in the journal Sleep Medicine Reviews, suggest the water temperatures between 104 and 109 degrees Fahrenheit helps get the body’s circadian rhythm process in line by reducing our core heat so we can fall asleep faster and get a more restful slumber.
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Young woman enjoying hot coffee and reading favorite book, looking at window.

4 Books to Help You Take Charge of Your Happiness

52 Small Changes for the Mind: Improve Memory. Minimize Stress. Increase Productivity. Boost Happiness. by Brett Blumenthal    By making one small change a week all year long, we can feel much less stressed and more fulfilled, writes author Brett Blumenthal. Read 20 minutes a day. Choose books and articles you actually want to (rather than should) read. When you read what you love, your interest in reading grows. Reading keeps your brain healthy and protects against memory loss. Go on a screen diet. How much of your day is spent in front of a screen? Brett reports that some Americans spend up to 10 hours a day online, on mobile devices and in front of the TV. Try to reduce digital time by an hour a day. Attend a lecture in person instead of online or go to a concert instead of watching YouTube videos. Too much screen time can result in stress and sleeping problems, research shows. Deal with demons. Holding on to regret for past mistakes can hurt your potential and your future. Ask yourself: What past mistakes still upset you? Acknowledge your regrets and ask yourself what lessons you have learned. Start viewing your mistakes as “invaluable blessings,” Brett says. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success by Emma Seppala, Ph.D. In her book, The Happiness Track, Emma Seppala, Ph.D., writes that working in a stressed-out overdrive mode isn’t the best or only pathway to success. With the latest findings in cognitive psychology and neuroscience, she shows us how happiness has a profound effect on our professional lives by increasing our productivity as well as our emotional and social intelligence. Tap into your natural resilience. Do something restorative to shore up your resilience like taking a hike in nature or getting a massage. Emma says that the best way to immediately gain resilience in a difficult situation is to focus on your breath, a “rapid and reliable pathway to your nervous system dedicated to helping you regain your optimal state.” Succeed through compassion. A compassionate culture at work results in improved employee productivity and well-being. Inspire each other at work, look out for one another, emphasize the meaningfulness of the work and treat each other with respect and gratitude. Manage your energy well. Letting your emotions rule you can be exhausting. Instead, cultivate calm.  “When you are calm, you are better able to manage your thoughts and feelings,” writes Emma. Being calm allows you to be more observant, listen better, communicate more skillfully and make better decisions. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage, writes author Brené Brown. When we try to prevent ourselves from feeling vulnerable, we also are shutting out experiences that can bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Let go of perfectionism. Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Instead, she advises to move toward healthy striving, which is self-focused: How can I improve? Practice being seen. Share a product, article or piece of art you have created. To become more courageous, we have to risk being vulnerable. You can want people to like what you share without attaching your self-worth to how it is received. Without your self-worth on the line, you are more likely to risk sharing your raw talent and gifts. Connect. True belonging can only happen when we are self-accepting and present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Want to live a connected life? Spend less time and energy winning over people who don’t matter, and see the value of cultivating your true relationships. With vulnerability, you can welcome more love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation and creativity into your life. The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Do you ever feel like you are in a rut of busyness? With her expertise on happiness, productivity and elite performance, author Christine Carter shows you how to step off the merry-go-round of busy and find your sweet spot. Start a new happy habit. The brain starts to wire itself for greater automaticity the first time we repeat a behavior, so you can make huge strides in forming a new habit in just a day or so. Select a new habit that would make you happy if you did it every day—one that has the greatest built-in reward for you. It could be taking a walk at dusk or starting a gratitude journal. Show compassion for strangers. It’s easy to do nice things for people you love, but you can become an Olympic-level giver by giving your time, money or love to strangers. Acts of compassion can help you shift from self-preoccupation to true connection and community. Gain mastery. Mastery is the purest example of finding your sweet spot, where strength and ease intersect. When you master an activity, you have great power with little strain. Gaining mastery often means facing difficulty, persisting and practicing. Christine writes that we should stop trying so hard to do everything right and gain the freedom that comes from doing the right things instead.
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Howie’s family includes himself, his wife Leigh Boniello, and their sons James (age 10) and Holden (age 6).

Howie D is Who He is Meant to Be

Backstreet Boy Howie D has been connecting with people through music all over the world for more than two decades. In what he considers a gift, the ability to make people happy with his voice makes him happy. While raising his first child, James, he noticed he found it difficult to make that musical connection with his son. Like most challenges in his life, he wanted to figure out a solution. On July 12, Howie’s solo family-friendly album Who Am I? will be released. “There was not much out there that we could both relate to,” he says. “I created this album for parents to enjoy with their kids.” The subject matter on the album speaks to the different challenges Howie faced when he was a kid. Songs such as “The Me I'm Meant To Be” and “No Hablo Espanol,” speak to self-confidence and bullying issues kids deal with today as well as overcoming obstacles to help them find their true selves. Howie is planning on transforming the album into a live-action musical at the Rose Theater in Omaha, Nebraska by January 2020. Who has taught you the most about happiness? I would probably have to give my amazing wife, Leigh, the credit. When I met her, she helped me to focus on positive energy and putting positivity out in the universe. She helped me learn to not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Instead, just live in the moment. How to you like to make others happy? I’ve noticed, through music, we’ve been able to bring joy to many people’s lives. Being blessed with a voice to makes people happy is a gift from God. What do you do to pay it forward? I work 365 days a year. I am kind to everyone I meet. I always treat people with respect and believe in the motto, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What is the kindest act someone has ever done for you? My wife, Leigh, giving me the gift of my two amazing children. What are you passionate about? My music, my family and living in the moment. When is the last time you laughed outload? I am always laughing and having a good time. I always get a kick out of when my sons play practical jokes on each other. What is your “go to” book, movie or TV show to boost your mood? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or The Outsiders. Where is your happy place? At home with my kids and family … or on vacation!
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African American man showing thumb up, telling story to interested attentive friends, sitting, drinking coffee in cafe together, smiling multiethnic friends discussing, talking, chatting

12 Ways to Show More Interest in the Lives of Others

One of my happiness resolutions this year is to make more of an effort to understand and share in the interests of my friends and family. When people get along harmoniously—whether at home or in the workplace—they make a point of showing curiosity about each other’s interests and experiences. What kind of interests? Well, one area where this issue often arises is when someone goes on an epic, life-changing adventure in a faraway place—only to feel let down when no one seems very interested in what they saw, thought or experienced. Part of being a good friend (or colleague or family member) is to show an interest, but this can be challenging. People are usually dying to talk about their trip, but often find it difficult to communicate their experiences or thoughts in a way that’s interesting to the folks who didn’t leave home. So, what questions can you ask to help a newly returned traveler talk about his or her trip in a way that’s interesting to you and also satisfying to them? (If you need ideas for questions, I’ve listed 12 below to help get the conversation going.) The point, of course, is not to fake an interest, but rather to find a way to be sincerely interested. And travelers, when you come home, what questions are you dying to answer? What do you wish more people would show an interest in? Because I’m not much of a traveler myself, I know that sometimes I haven’t shown as much interest in people’s travels as I could have. I plan to do better. HERE ARE 12 WAYS TO BREAK THE ICE 1. What was the best moment of the entire trip? 2. What are two interesting things about China (or wherever) that the average person doesn’t know? 3. Tell me about one person you met. 4. Now that you’ve been there yourself, when you think of China, what’s the first image that comes into your head? 5. Did anything go wrong that seems funny now? 6. What little, ordinary thing did you miss from your usual routine? 7. What did you learn about yourself? 8. Where are two other places you’d like to go? 9. Did you take photos? Show me a photo of one of the best experiences you had. 10. What was the biggest misconception you had about China before you saw it for yourself? 11. What advice would you give to someone else who’s thinking of going to China? 12. What made you choose China as your destination when you were planning your trip?
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The Importance of Appreciation With Chris Libby

We all have people in our lives that we love and appreciate, but have you ever thought about how good it is for you to show appreciation for others? A new study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies shows that learning how to show appreciation for others can help you feel less stressed and can even reduce symptoms of depression. Live Happy editor Chris Libby joins us for this podcast to talk about why appreciation is so beneficial—and how you can get more of it in your life. In this episode, you'll learn: Why appreciation can help improve our home and work life. How to show more appreciation for others. Developing appreciation as a character strength. To learn how to show more appreciation, read the articles listed below: 3 Easy Ways to Show Gratitude at Work Appreciate the Beauty All Around You How to Raise Happy Kids Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Community Gardens Grow Happiness

After a day full of sunshine, the deep scent of rich, moist earth gently rises over the coastal community garden of South Laguna, California. As far as the eye can see, every one of the 54 raised beds that surround Katie Babcock is overflowing with lush, green vegetables—beans, chard, arugula and beet greens. Tomato plants bolt up climbing towers toward the sun, potatoes send up sturdy green shoots to feed tubers underground, and there’s even a rumor that blueberries are setting tiny fruits that will one day—please God!—end up in a pie. Some days it’s glorious just to be alive, and moving through the raised beds perched high on a sandy bluff above the Pacific Ocean is rapidly becoming one of those days. Tucked among the village’s shops and homes, the garden is a gathering place in which Katie and about 100 local gardeners grow vegetables, herbs, flowers and fruits for their families—plus enough vegetables to help meet the needs of Friendship Shelter, a six-month residential program for the homeless. They also gather for community potlucks, gardening workshops and work parties. But whether they’re eating, weeding, watering or just burying their noses in gardener Silia Hatzi’s roses, it’s clear that the group members are united by their love of dirt, the bonds of friendship, the healthy promise of fresh vegetables, a commitment to care for those in need—and the clear sense that what they do here on the bluff infuses them with a deep sense of happiness. “Getting in the soil and making a bit of a mess and seeing a finished product is a joyful experience for me,” acknowledges Katie, an Australian production assistant who moved last year to South Laguna. “I grew up on a farm, and I really missed helping things grow. And not having a family here, well, I’d say the gardening community has become my family away from home.” She laughs just thinking about the cast of characters she’s found working in the South Laguna garden. “The people are so kind, so encouraging, so welcoming—it’s given me a sense of place and purpose in the community. The days when we all get together and work and have a laugh…that’s who I am,” she says. Sally Coffey, a retired college administrator who works with new gardeners, couldn’t agree more. When Sally decided to hang up her academic gloves, she realized that she’d been so busy for so many years that she didn’t even know her neighbors. “In this area, you either have to have a kid or a dog to get to know people,” she says. “I was concerned I wouldn’t have any friends to talk to once I left the college. Then one day I went to get breakfast at a coffee shop. I passed a bulletin board with a note on it that said some people were opening a community garden. They had one raised bed plot left. Well, I’d always loved the loamy smell of dirt—and when I was little, right after a rain, I’d go out and lick the sidewalk.” So Sally called the one name on the note that she recognized, then ran over to his office and signed up for the plot. But not only did she get the plot, she got an invitation to the guy’s Halloween party. “He’d invited everybody in the neighborhood, including all the gardeners,” Sally recalls. “I didn’t have a costume, so I just ran home, painted some whiskers on my face and went. I met a bunch of people from the garden. The next day I went down to the garden with them and built boxes for the raised beds. She smiles. “It was instant family.” The Love of Dirt Hanging out with a bunch of great people in the fresh, coastal air is enough to make anyone happy. But scientists have long suspected that we also have an innate attraction to nature that has evolved over the millennia—and that just walking into a garden or contemplating a flower has the ability to trigger a cascade of neurotransmitters that balance us and bless us with happiness, according to the 2013 article “Gardening as a Mental Health Intervention: A Review” in the Mental Health Review Journal. Some suspect that being in an environment with water, woods, plants and other natural materials that enhance our survival triggers this effect, while others wonder if being in a natural environment simply distracts us from the sometimes obsessive challenges of daily life, captivates our attention, shifts a bunch of neurotransmitters and allows us to relax. But distraction, at least the type that captivates our attention in a kind of total absorption that psychologists call “fascination,” isn’t the looking-at-your-watch kind of thing. It’s far more intense, and the effect is as well. “Watching a butterfly land on your hand or the wind moving through the trees—these are the kind of distractions that allow the brain to reboot itself,” explains Jean Larson, Ph.D., lead faculty for the University of Minnesota’s Center for Spirituality and Healing, and manager of the university’s nature-based therapy arboretum. Ancient and modern brain systems trigger electrical impulses. The neocortex—the part of the brain responsible for complex thinking and reasoning—becomes engaged, and the brain’s synapses start firing on all cylinders. It’s a kind of neurological rebalancing act that, as Jean says, “allows us to be in our happy place.” Whether the calm happiness you feel in nature is the result of simply being in a life-supporting environment or rebooting your brain, the effect is powerful. Studies reveal that those who spend time in nature are less likely to be stressed or depressed, and that a few minutes working in a garden—even simply walking through one—can reduce severe depression and increase the ability to think, remember, plan and function. In a Norwegian study, for example, those with clinical depression who participated in a horticulture program cut their depression by 30 percent and increased their ability to think and function effectively by 14 percent. Given those kinds of numbers, it’s heartbreaking to realize that most of us spend around 95 percent of our time indoors. Jean shakes her head. “We’re so disconnected from nature,” she says. “Yet researchers in Scotland have shown that it only takes 30 minutes of being in nature each day to have an effect on how we think and feel.” The Children’s Sharing Garden Carly Sciacca, a full-time mom who grew up in Laguna Beach as the daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter of serious gardeners, is well aware of the spiritual and emotional effects of gardening. “The garden is so joyful,” she says, “and gardening is so therapeutic, particularly when you go through hard times.” That’s one of the reasons Carly brought her daughter, 7-year-old Alani, to plant, water, weed and harvest in the South Laguna community garden. Carly wanted Alani to know that when she hurts, she can drop her problems at the garden gate and get comfort from digging her hands in the soil. She can meditate on a ladybug, sit in the sun and breathe with the rhythm of the earth. But Carly also wanted Alani to discover something else in the garden—the joy of helping others. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, more than 49 million Americans are not sure where their next meal is coming from, while nearly 7 million are already hungry. A natural organizer, Carly established a raised bed plot called “The Children’s Sharing Garden,” and invited parents in the community garden to bring their children to the plot every Sunday morning. Fifteen families responded, and Sunday mornings in the South Laguna garden have become a busy time. The children do most of the work—planting, weeding and meditating on the texture, smell and shape of everything that grows. It not only gives them an opportunity to immerse themselves in nature, but to also experience the joy of growing food for their families and others as well. It took the parents a while to sort out a delivery system, but now every Thursday, Carly, Alani and a group of volunteers gather fresh vegetables from the children’s garden and from a community plot dedicated to raising food for the hungry. They place their bounty on a large table, bag their offering, then take it to the Friendship Shelter for distribution. Some of the vegetables go straight to the shelter’s kitchen where guest chefs prepare them for those enrolled in the shelter’s residential program for the homeless, while other vegetables are transported to area food shelves. The Giving Garden Kids are a big part of The Giving Garden in Carrollton, Texas, as well. Daisy Girl Scouts, Eagle Scouts, National Honor Society students and children from the Aldersgate United Methodist Church all take a turn at cleaning up garden beds, composting, planting, mulching, harvesting and performing the 101 chores a garden demands. “We work these kids hard,” says Terri Barrett, a member of the garden’s board and director of missions at Aldersgate, “but they sign up and come back again and again.” What seems to draw the Carrollton children is the same thing that draws their elders—a strong sense of service to others. Every week—and pretty much year-round because of the moderate Texas climate—both kids and adults can be found bent over an acre of raised beds behind Aldersgate. Fifty percent of everything grown in the garden is given to local food shelves or needy seniors. Since the garden was founded five years ago, its volunteers have contributed 6,000 pounds of fresh produce to feed the hungry. “A few years ago a pastor here at the church realized that the back acreage of the church’s property was just sitting there not doing a thing,” Terri explains. “So he suggested it be used for people who don’t have enough to eat. People at the church thought it was a great idea, so we figured out how we could use the land, drew up a plan, and joined with Keep Carrollton Beautiful, which is the garden club for the community. “Keep Carrollton Beautiful became our umbrella organization so we could have nonprofit status,” Terri adds, then both the organization and the Aldersgate church donated funds. A number of individuals also contributed to the garden, and local businesses were generous. It was a true community effort. “Finally, in 2010, about 100 people—gardeners, architects and people like me who didn’t have a clue about building a garden—we all got together and built the first beds. “Now, the garden is where I find serenity and peace,” says Terri as she looks out over beds overflowing with lush, green vegetables. “It offers us the sense of community that we’ve lost in the electronic age. People meet and talk, we make friends with people of all ages and ethnicities we otherwise wouldn’t know, and we feed those who are hungry.” She smiles. “It’s such a healing place.”
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