Kid comforting consoling upset sad boy in school yard

3 Tips to Teach Empathy to Your Child

As parents we often hear our child say something sharp or insensitive and we cringe worrying our child is going to grow up to be a boorish clod.Stories of cruelty and insensitivity flow back to us through the grapevine—one child teasing someone who doesn’t speak English as her first language, another tween needling a child on the bus until she bursts into tears, a young tween approaching a lunch table to see that it is full and feels the chill from her classmates who do not turn to soften the rebuff but simply seem oblivious as the girl skulks away from the table and has to find someone else to sit with.And as parents we wonder if these children are cruel, self-centered or if they simply are so oblivious and insensitive, they do not see the pain of others.There is an answer to this problem of bullying, social media vitriol and general rude behavior—we must teach children empathy and kindness. We all witness how cruelty and callousness divides a community—even if it is unintentional. Empathy is showing compassion and understanding another person’s experience and the ability to step into someone else’s shoes. Children who learn to feel empathy are less likely to bully, and more likely to understand and work collaboratively with others. So, ignoring a lack of empathy meansignoring a vital part of any social exchange. And the ability to show empathy is a life skill—if someone in your office does not receive a promotion you are expected to read the room and hold back your joy that you were promoted, if someone’s pet passes away you are expected to express sorrow—and when someone is in distress to ignore that distress does not win friends or make you a prospect for future management roles. Children who learn to feel empathy are less likely to bully, and more likely to understand and work collaboratively with others.” Environment, genetics, social and cultural factors influence our ability to feel empathy. Some children due to their own brain-based challenges do not read social cues, facial expressions and emotions, they don’t have the perspective or the self-awareness to see how others interpret their actions and behaviors. These children, for whatever reason, do not understand how they come across.Their intentions are good, but they don’t really know how to tune in and “walk in the other person’s shoes.” Whatever the situation, teaching empathy must involve not only fostering a community to promote empathy and kindness, but also coaching children individually to help guide them toward greater understanding of what kind and empathetic behavior looks like. We can do this by modeling empathy and reinforcing it with all actions and messages children hear so they can learn to “walk in someone else’s shoes.” Here are Three Tips to Teach Your Child How to Be More Empathetic: Point out emotions and bring attention at the right time to the emotional experience of others and have conversations with your child about another person’s experience. In the minivan or on the go, continue to ask him questions when his conversations present as forgetting other people’s feelings. For example: What do you think is going on in your friend’s life? What did you notice about her reaction to the situation? Collaboratively talk about your child’s behavior when he is rude or lacks empathy and ask him to interpret how his behavior made you feel. Ask your child: How do you think I feel when you correct me? What did you mean to do? Guide children to look at what another person’s situation or point of view may be; rather than preaching to care about someone, help your child step into the shoes of his peer and ask your child questions to help him reflect on other people’s state of mind. What do other people feel? What is the reaction to their behavior? What did the other people’s facial expressions tell them about their feelings? Some children naturally begin to demonstrate empathy as early as 12 months old; others struggle for whatever reason and may demonstrate rude and hurtful behavior. But the ability to understand other people’s emotions and respond with kindness is a life skill essential to help children be part of any group throughout their lives.
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Young woman planning vacation using world map and compass along with other travel accessories. Tourist wearing brown hat looking at the world map.

Do You Have a Strategic Free Spirit?

Strategic free spirit.Sounds like an oxymoron, no? I first learned of the term last month from one of my dear colleagues, Karen Senteio. It was her response to reading the first entry in my Work-from-Anywhere-in-the-World blog series. I think Karen nailed it. Strategic free spirit captures exactly what I hope this year will be. I’m strategic in that I have plotted out the first five-months of this adventure using my work to guide where in the world we go. I’m also a free spirit in that I am letting things unfold in a rhythm that feels right. Rather than the unknown producing fear, the unknown is producing excitement. As another dear colleague Carol Huffman wrote last week: “Planned just enough! Inspiring.” How did strategic free-spirit show-up last month? Two days after arriving at our rental cabin in central Maine, I saw a new listing for a lake house and contacted local agent Tess Keeran. The very next day she showed my husband and me the property on a pristine peninsula. Our dear friend Lisa, who has summered on the lake for decades, also joined us. It was love at first sight! Our offer was accepted and we agreed on a close/move-in date of just eight days!Free spirit, yes, but strategic, too. My husband and I have been dreaming of buying a cabin on this very lake for three years. This week’s coaching questions: What does strategic free-spirit mean to you? When was the last time you gave yourself permission to make a strategic, free spirit decision?
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A group of people working together to complete a goal

Resilience Clears the Path to a Meaningful Life.

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more people who join the #HappyActs movement, the greater the positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! September’s Happy Act theme is resilience. The ability to persevere and reach your goals no matter what obstacles stand in your way is attributed to your resilience. Like many strengths, resilience builds like a muscle for the times when you need it the most. People who are resilient tend to find more positive outcomes in life, see hope in dire situations, view adversities as challenges to overcome and are more likely to help others achieve their goals. September’s Happy Act is to strengthen your resilience by being supportive. If you are a resilient person, then odds are that you have overcome adversity in your life and have developed the coping skills to get you through those hard times. According Dr. Morley Glicken’s book Learning From Resilient People, using your skills to help other people through their time of need not only eases their stress, but strengthens your social bonds with the people you are helping. This adds meaning to your life and increases your happiness. Think about someone in your life that can use your support and write out an action plan with steps on how to accomplish that goal. Leave some room to write down how you feel after completing this task. Our September Happy Activist is champion boxer and mental health advocate Mia St. John. Mia has endured serious tragedies in her life. In 2014, her son Julian, a long-time sufferer of mental illness, fell victim to suicide. Earlier this year, her ex-husband and father to Julian, Kristoff St. John passed away. Soon after, she lost 30 years of sobriety. “There was a point where I thought that I would not recover and I was at my lowest low,” she explains. “There was nowhere to go, I felt, but up. That's my personality.” She says when she finds herself having to make the choice of hope over despair, she has no choice but to keep up the good fight. “I never stop fighting my way through the storm.” Now, Mia is making it her mission to help parents, educators, friends and spouses identify the signs of mental illness so loved ones can get the help they need. She created the Mia St. John Foundation to help empower people suffering from mental illness, addiction, poverty and homelessness. Because of her advocacy and dedication, she is giving people an opportunity to overcome adversity and restore self-worth. “All of us have suffered in our lives," Mia says. "Change comes always and nothing stays the same—not the good or the bad. By overcoming our obstacles, we evolve as humans.” For more information on resilience, check out the links below: When Resilience Meets Agility The Bounce-Back Effect Building Resilience and Well-Being With Karen Reivich 5 Essential Factors for Raising Resilient Kids Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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Young couple hiking trough forest and watching birds

The Joy of Watching Birds

One of the fastest-growing hobbies in America is bird watching, according to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. With the fall migration in full flight, this low-impact activity provides many opportunities to increase well-being. These benefits can include opportunities for discovery and achievement, the promise of new positive relationships and engagement in something meaningful. Researchers at Cornell University say that birdwatchers are five times more likely than non-recreationists to engage in environmental conservation efforts, and adventure traveling can be an economic boon for popular birding areas. Sharon Stiteler, author of the book 1001 Secrets Every Birder Should Know and an avid bird enthusiast, says that bird watching (or birding) takes a minimal monetary investment. All you really need is a good pair of binoculars and the knowledge of what birds might be passing through your area. “It’s easy to do, and you can find fantastic birds in your backyard,” Sharon says. “People think that if you are in an urban area, you may not have the variety…. More birds are adapting to our urban environment.” Sharon says it’s also a good idea to join a local bird watching group and keep up with events and the best viewing locations through social media. “I have a friend in just about every state and every country,” Sharon says. “No matter where you go, you’ll never meet dull people while bird watching.” For hot spots this fall, Sharon suggests anywhere along the Mississippi River, since it is a major migratory corridor; Cape May in New Jersey; and the Rio Grande Valley in Texas. “Another really fantastic place in the fall is Corpus Christi, Texas,” she says. “There is a huge raptor migration that happens there. You can see 100,000 birds of prey migrate over that spot.” For Sharon, the best part about bird watching is that no matter where she goes, she can enjoy an activity that gives her pleasure and adds meaning to her life. “Whether it’s a big city like New York or out in the middle of nowhere in Utah, there is always something there for me to find,” she says. “Especially if there are birds I haven’t seen before. It’s kind of like a treasure hunt.” Field Guide 1. Tundra Swans migrate in large flocks, making their way down both East and West coasts. Before embarking on their 1,000-mile flight for the winter, these monogamous love birds can be found in the Devils Lake area of North Dakota in September and along the Mississippi River in Minnesota in October. 2. The Common Redpoll is a small, socially active finch with a red cap and a yellow, pointed bill that lives in northern Canada. During migration, they travel in flocks of several hundred to several thousand and visit backyard feeders in the northern border states, including Maine, Michigan and North Dakota. 3. The Northern Goshawk is a large raptor that prefers dense forests in North America, Europe and Asia. Don’t get too close; the goshawk is a fierce defender of its nest. In the fall, birders can find them in the Rocky Mountains, the Great Lakes and along the Appalachian Mountains. 4. Green Jays can be found in the tropical areas of Mexico and South America. The South Texas Green Jays will hang around the Mexican border and prefer open spaces. This noisy bunch doesn’t travel much but can be seen as far north as San Antonio. 5. Northern Flickers are part of the woodpecker family and forage on the ground for food. They usually migrate at night and have been spotted in places like New Jersey, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania in late September before making their way to the Gulf States for the winter. 6. White-crowned Sparrows migrate from the deep north and spend their winters vacationing in the states. The Alaskan White-crowned Sparrow has been known to migrate more than 2,000 miles. These elegant creatures rarely travel in parties of eight or more. 7. Dark-eyed Juncos are part of the sparrow family and are often referred to as “snowbirds.” They are one of the most common birds in North America, and more than 600 million of them can be found at backyard feeders across the country during migration and in the winter. (Source: Kevin J. McGowan, Ph.D., Project Manager, Distance Learning in Bird Biology, Cornell Lab of Ornithology/The Birds of North America)
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Beautiful carefree woman in fields being happy open hands outdoors on sunset in nature summer.

8 Ways to Tune in to What Really Matters–YOU!

When we don’t take the time to dial in to what we need physically, mentally and emotionally our life can feel off-kilter. Your body will tell you what it needs, but are you paying attention? The signs are there, but we are too ‘busy’ to notice or are not open to change? Ask yourself these simple questions: How much sleep do I get? Am I compensating for lack of sleep with caffeine and sugar? Do I eat to perform my best mentally and physically? How do I handle stress? Am I personally and professionally fulfilled? Am I constantly sick, sluggish or depressed? Have I considered speaking to a therapist? What are my self-care routines? Is personal development a priority to me? Am I stuck in a toxic relationship? Here are some ways to make self-care a priority: 1. Take care of your EPM: Emotional, Physical and Mental Health We are happier in our personal and professional lives when we take care of ourselves emotionally, physically and mentally. Carve out “me time” because self-care routines impact how you treat other people and how you handle the life’s challenges. Self-care is not selfish; it enables us to unwind, decompress, process the things we struggle with, and take a good hard look at the influences that drain us; this is an essential way to diminish anger, sadness, grief and disappointment and get us to our center core. 2. Shift Your Mindset There are endless activities you can do to shift your mindset such as: Taking a yoga class, meditation or mindfulness workshop. Journaling your feelings and gratitude. Going off the grid and taking a tech break. Getting a makeover. Throwing a party for no reason (or celebrate the end of something, such as a job or relationship, and the excitement of new beginnings!). Taking a trip. Reconnecting with your faith or exploring a new one. Getting out and meet other incredibly uncomfortable and awkward strangers like yourself. Taking music lessons—music is a great healer. Creating a vision board. Enrolling in an art class—ceramics, drawing, painting, glass blowing, etc. Exploring a new hobby or something you used to enjoy. Attending a TED talk, lecture, inspirational workshop, etc. Learning creative and healthy cooking techniques. Volunteering at a local food bank or animal shelter. 4. Flip Your Struggles into New Beginnings Your rejections and struggles might be knocking the wind out of you, but they just might elevate you to a new start. Be open to new possibilities and keep moving forward. 5. Connect Find a networking group and connect with new faces. People who support you and cheer you on are the best network to have in your life. Toxic and critical people can suck the life out of you. Be selfish with whom you choose to spend your time. Aim for a drama-free life with people who have your back. 6. Let Go of Overthinking We tend to worry about the past, the future, and overlook exactly where we are in the present moment. So much thought is spent anticipating and thinking you know how an event or conversation will play out, but unless you have some visionary powers, let it go. Breathe, take a leap, and quiet your mind. 7. Stop the Negative Self Talk We can be our own worst enemy. Stop berating yourself and holding yourself back with self-sabotage, self-doubt and crippling criticism. Try being your own best friend for a change. Be kind to yourself—inside and out. 8. Vent! Talk to someone you know and trust, such as a counselor, friend or confidante. You do not have to deal with trauma and life’s assaults on your own. Sometimes things are just too tough to process solo. Closing off and shutting down is not healthy or productive. Venting is healthy because you can laugh, cry, yell, analyze, and process whatever it is you are suppressing. Expressing yourself leads to greater self-awareness, new beginnings and much needed healing. Adapted fromJaneane’s new book,Get the Funk Out! %^&$ Happens, What to Do Next!© 2019 by Janeane Bernstein, Ed.D. Published by Post Hill Press June 25, 2019.
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Nurse helping a female patient in an emergency room.

The Courage to Care

What does it take to be a hero? Do you have to be faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive? While having uncanny physical powers doesn’t hurt, according to Carol Pearson, Ph.D., author of The Hero Within and Awakening the Heroes Within, all you need to be a hero is the ability to believe in yourself and the courage to do the right thing at the right time. In fact, not jumping on those opportunities in life, such as applying for the job that you’ve always wanted or asking out that person you have admired, can leave you with regret, self-doubt and quite possibly depression. “The heroic life is really based on the idea that you are here for a purpose and the purpose just isn’t for you, and you are going to be happier if you focus on that,” Carol says. “It doesn’t mean that you can’t thrive personally. In fact, very often when people are doing the thing that is most right for them, cosmically right for them, they thrive and do well. The artists paint great pictures that others relate to because they are coming from a place that is connected to the larger world.” While first responders practice their courage daily, and soldiers perform great acts of valor out of circumstance and duty, everyday heroism is something we can all engage in to make the world a better place. “Having courage is fundamental to living a happy life, because if you wimp out, life is going to get you,” Carol says. “It takes courage to be fully intimate with somebody. And to be seen fully and to fully commit to what you love.” The word “hero” inspires visions of the Homeric champion who fights an epic battle or the daring adventurer who returns to change the world with what she has learned. But everyone has the power to live boldly. Carol points out that doctors save lives every day, and parents make great sacrifices to pave the way for their children. “We need to stop just thinking ‘What can I get?’ and not see it as in conflict with one’s own good,” she says. “Very often we are most successful when we are doing not only the right thing for us, but what is good for others as well.” You don’t have to have a Bruce Wayne-esque tragedy in your life to turn you into a caped crusader warding off evildoers at night. More often than not, having a healthy and safe upbringing will give you the confidence and trust in yourself to save someone who has fallen into a river or, at the very least, to rescue a neighbor’s kitten from a tree. While it is not always the case, working on strengths like altruism and bravery will give you the mettle to act when the moment is right. Even if you didn’t know you could, your dormant hero will rise to the occasion. The Everyday Hero Ronnie McCarroll has been a firefighter for more than two decades. Although he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do after high school, he was clear on what he didn’t want to do, and that was follow the family legacy into construction. With limited resources for college, he had to weigh his options closer to home. One of his high school football coaches happened to be a volunteer firefighter and often compared the firefighter atmosphere to that of a football team. Ronnie liked what he heard. He soon put himself through firefighter and emergency medical technician school and started testing for the fire department. “I had to sit back and think about what I really wanted to do, and maybe something that coach said made me think ‘This is it,’” Ronnie says. “Now, looking back, I think it is the best choice I could have ever made. I love the job, and it’s amazing and rewarding. I didn’t think about firefighters giving back, having a sense of duty to help. I never thought about those things until I got into the job.” Now Ronnie is a fire captain at the Flower Mound Fire Department in Flower Mound, Texas, with 24 years on the job. He mentors young firefighters on how to handle dangerous situations. He instructs all of his firefighters to be compassionate and treat all people they encounter on calls as if they were family members. When someone calls 911, more likely than not, it is probably the worst day of his or her life. “I don’t think you can be a good firefighter without [compassion,]” Ronnie says. “You have to constantly fight the urge to not become bitter and calloused. We get a lot of overdose calls where people aren’t happy with their lives. It is easy to sit back and say ‘I would do it this way,’ or ‘I wouldn’t live in this situation.’ For me, I think my compassion is too much sometimes, but I also believe that is what has helped me have a very positive career so far.” Ronnie is passionate about his duty to his community. He is well aware of the risk involved in his line of work, though he never knows what will happen next. “I have been in a couple situations where the thought crossed my mind that I might not get out of this, and I don’t think any of us truly know how we are going to act until we are in that situation,” he says. “But that is the commitment I have made to the people of Flower Mound where I serve. I think there have to be people like that in the world, there have to be people willing to sacrifice.” It hasn’t always been an easy road, he says, and firefighters see things people shouldn’t see. He once had a call to a residence where a baby had died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. There was nothing anyone could do. After that, he volunteered for a critical stress-management class and learned that he had to start dealing with it. “The good things that we do far outweigh the bad experiences,” Ronnie says. “To me that’s rewarding enough to keep plugging away.”                The Sacrifice in Saving Dr. Johnathon Berry grew up reading his dad’s Soldier of Fortune magazines and watching John Wayne in The Green Berets. His father served two tours in Vietnam and recounted stories about the Green Berets training and fighting alongside the Montagnards, the indigenous mountain people of that region. When the time came for John to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, the military was willing to pay for school, and he liked the idea of becoming the Special Forces soldier he so admired as a kid. Through his training, he discovered a knack for medicine. Special Forces Green Beret medics are the go-to physicians for everything from stabilizing battle wounds to dentistry and even veterinary medicine. After three deployments to Afghanistan, he was all too familiar with providing life-saving care on the battlefield. When his 20-year retirement mark in the military was approaching, he opted for medical school over the CIA, FBI or DEA, and eventually became an emergency room doctor. He now splits his time practicing at hospitals in Colorado and Texas. “Carrying a gun was something that I was good at at the time, but I didn’t want to make a career out of it,” John says. “As a father of two girls, it didn’t seem like a good option.” His decision didn’t come without personal sacrifice. When he left Afghanistan in 2002 to take his medical school entrance exams, his friend and fellow Green Beret, Chris Speer, replaced him. Three weeks after the replacement, Chris died of a head injury from a grenade explosion. John was given the honor of escorting Chris’ body back to the United States. John says he can’t help but bear certain responsibility, and it is something he will never forget. “I like to think that God had a different purpose and plan for me.” While his mission has changed and he is no longer risking his life to help others, he continues to save as many lives as he can. He attributes his character to his faith and a solid foundation. His grandparents raised him, instilling a strong sense of family and the responsibility to always look out for and care for others. “I’ve always had a lot of empathy for people,” he says. “So being a natural caregiver, I always have the compassion to want to help people and to be able to feel and understand what my patients are going through.” The Lady With a Lamp Renee Thompson, DNP, RN, the author of Celebrate Nursing: Human by Birth, Hero by Choice, has been a nurse for 25 years. There isn’t much she hasn’t witnessed, felt or heard when it comes to healing the sick. She has done everything from bedside care to taking on executive leadership roles. She knows how important it is for nurses to embrace their heroism. “[Nurses] have to be resilient,” Renee says. “I actually refer to it as hardiness. You have to go into to a workplace with the unpredictability that comes with health care, because you never know what you are going to get. And even when bad things happen, you have to be able to get back up the next day and go back in again.” Now a CEO of her company, RT Connections in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Renee speaks publicly about and provides education on nursing culture. She feels that being heroic in her field is essential because it’s not only good for the patients but for fellow nurses and hospital staff as well. “There is no way anyone in health care can take care of a person independently,” she explains. “If a person embraces their heroism and recognizes that everyone has value, then they are ready to deliver good, compassionate, effective health care. Everything that we do impacts the care that we can deliver to that patient.” With the long hours, sore feet and bereavement that often accompanies nursing, Renee says all of that negativity can be remedied by being positive and compassionate, a beacon of light for someone who is in the darkest of hours. “We have the opportunity to make a serious difference in the lives of other people, especially when they are at their worst,” she says. “There is no greater joy for a nurse than to hold a patient’s hand when they are going through something horrific and that patient comes back to you and says, ‘I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you.’ ” Every nurse has a story like that. For Renee, hers involved a woman with head trauma from a motorcycle accident. The patient could not communicate, and her situation was bleak. Aside from her normal duties, Renee also painted the patient’s nails, shaved her legs and gave her pedicures. Eventually the patient stabilized and was moved to another wing of the hospital.  A few months later, a woman who looked vaguely familiar was waiting for Renee at the nurse’s station. “This woman said to me clearly and articulately, ‘I just wanted to thank you; my daughter told me how you took care of me, and there is no way I can repay you for that,’” Renee recalls. “She gave me the biggest hug, and I cried. It’s just the miracle of life. This was a woman who couldn’t even respond and now she can tell me ‘thank you’ in her own words. That’s what keeps you going. You live for those moments.” How To Be a Hero You don’t have to run into burning buildings, dodge enemy bullets or bring someone back to life to be more heroic. Researchers like Phil Zimbardo, Ph.D., renowned psychologist and founder of the Heroic Imagination Project in San Francisco, and fellow researcher Zeno Franco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the Medical College of Wisconsin, have been working on the topic for years. Their goal is to give families the tools to recognize and help turn around negative situations, making real positive change. To act heroically, it’s critical to increase the sphere of what you are paying attention to in your life, Zeno says. If you see someone being treated unfairly, and you truly believe it’s wrong and something you can speak up about, you will learn to step forward to help instead of saying “It’s not my problem,” he says. “Most of us in any given week have a chance to be a small hero, and over the course of our lives, we’ll have the chance to be pretty significant to somebody else several times,” he says. “Often we miss it and end up being a bystander unintentionally because we are not paying attention.” Failure to act can cause guilt, especially when someone is hurt physically or socially. Zeno says this can lead to self-doubt and negative feelings about your own character. “I think that everyone encounters risks for speaking out about what’s right,” he says. It’s important for people to realize they are still capable of taking action when required, even when it’s not comfortable, he says. For children, sharing stories where the good guys win helps them activate “their heroic imagination,” Zeno says. It can help them learn to not shy away from taking stands when they grow up. Happy Heroes Can being a hero make you happy? Zeno says yes and no. There may be positive satisfaction from saving someone from serious injury or death, but after the heroics are over you may feel as if you didn’t do enough, or you might go through withdrawal once the spotlight is off. Carol says that failing to trust in yourself or consistently act on your beliefs can make you unhappy. “People are happier when they have courage and confidence because they do act on what they want,” she says. Ronnie, as humble and grateful as he is about his job as a firefighter, says he is happier when he’s helping. “Sometimes I feel guilty for taking the accolades for the job that we do,” Ronnie says. “Why wouldn’t someone want to do this? It’s rewarding in itself.” John, the Green Beret medic, says accepting the risk comes with the territory. “When I loaded up on that helicopter or a truck to go on to a target, or when I stood up on that ramp at 25,000 feet at 3 a.m. getting ready to jump out of a transport plane, I was always at peace. I never once worried about my own death.” That risk can also give us perspective, reminding us to live our lives in the present and be grateful for the people we have around us. “When I see that 18-year-old who was in a drunken driving accident and his mom is standing there holding his hand because he has a brain injury that he will never recover from, I think to myself, ‘I’m going to go home and love my daughter, and I’m going to appreciate every single moment with my child,’” Renee says. “Because what makes me any different from this mom and this child? … It can be taken away in a moment. It’s a gift to be able to go home and really be mindful and in the moment with our family and friends."
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Angela Lewis

Angela Lewis Finds Happiness in Love

Growing up in Detroit taught Angela Lewis that anything can be achieved with hard work and passion. The stage and screen actor has starred in numerous hit shows including Code Black, The Last Ship and The Good Wife. Currently, you can check out her gripping performance as Louise Saint in John Singleton’s latest series Snowfall on FX. Coming from such a strong and caring family, Angela says she was shielded from a lot of “noise” that creeps though beleaguered big cities like Detroit. Finding the right mindset to play the lovelorn, drug-addicted Louise seemed like a challenge for Angela at first, but she turned to compassion to breathe life into the character. “I wanted for everyone to not disregard her and women like her and be able to see her from a compassionate place and human place,” Angela says. “That became really important to me and was the reason I wanted to love her, even if no one else was going to love her. She deserved love.” The cathartic process even opened her own eyes to how easily we can write people off because of their unfortunate circumstances. She believes we all can all be happier in life with a little more love. Who taught you the most about happiness and why? I taught myself the most about happiness through life experience. I certainly have role models and people who I have looked to for examples of this or that. In terms of what makes me happy? I have to go deep and explore the inner workings of myself, because no one can give you happiness. You have to find that on your own; you have to know that it comes from inside you. I’ve learned that the hard way, but I have certainly learned. What do you do to pay if forward? Now that I have a platform, so to speak, I’ve got my eyes open and my ears open for a specific organization or a couple of organizations that I can really connect with and believe in, so they will be able to have a louder voice and longer reach. How do you make others close to you happy? I like to encourage people to be their best selves. I remember I had a birthday party recently and one of my friends said, “I won’t wear that dress, because it’s your birthday.” I said, “Oh no, honey. You wear that dress.” Because, no one can dim my light. Everyone should show up as their best selves and shine. I don’t believe that anyone has to dim for anyone else’s light to shine. The more someone else is shining, that just gives me permission to shine. How do you like to get some down time? Going to the movies, going to see plays. We went go-kart racing recently. I haven’t done that in years. I like to go roller skating, I like to go to dinner with my husband or my friends. All kinds of things. Where is your happy place? This may sound cheesy, but my happy place is anywhere with love. That could be with my husband, if it’s just us two here at home, or overseas somewhere, when I am with my close girlfriends or my family. I think of myself as a pretty happy person. Recently l went to see Amma. She travels the world and gives hugs. I went to visit her for the first when she was in Los Angeles. It was such a beautiful experience, and I was there with my husband and a friend of mine. I met a couple new friends. Eventually we were surrounded by swarms of people I didn’t know, but there was so much love and joy in that space that it was really incredible. Wherever there is love, that is my happy place.
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Young adult cancer fighters and survivors jumping on a beach

Waves That Save

In a little town north of Boston, Britte Roossien, a young mother of two, was running a day care program out of her house. In September 2010, however, her life changed when a routine visit to the doctor went horribly wrong. Britte’s doctor told her she had stage 2 Hodgkin’s lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes. She’d barely even had the flu before, and now cancer had stricken her like a runaway truck. Immediate surgery on her neck to remove her lymph nodes was followed by eight cycles of chemotherapy, then a month of radiation. A few months later, still suffering from severe fatigue, full-body aches and dramatic weight loss, Britte returned to the doctor for more tests. The results showed a large tumor had developed in her chest and that it, too, was cancerous. She had to give up her day care business and Britte’s husband, Tony, took over as the main caregiver of their children, son Jace, 4, and daughter Wylie, 2, as Britte underwent another round of treatment. When Jace had a bad dream during the night, Britte would hear his little footsteps as he walked to Tom’s side of the bed, not her own. It broke her heart not to be there for her children. “My life as I knew it came to a complete standstill,” Britte says. “Physically, I was wrecked. Chemo was very difficult for me, and radiation ended up being even worse. I would try to get a walk in daily to keep up my strength, but basically, I spent the majority of my time in bed or on the couch. I was crushed to not have the energy or strength to be the mom or wife that I once was.” Even after her treatment was over and doctors told her she was clear of cancer, Britte suffered from depression and anxiety, often turning to anti-anxiety pills and too many glasses of chardonnay to ease her fears. “Thoughts about the future would freeze me,” she says. “Could this come back? Could it happen to my kids? What the hell caused this in the first place? These are the thoughts that spiraled, causing anxiety, sadness and fear.” Sensing her mental anguish, one of her doctors suggested she check out First Descents, an organization offering cancer patients and survivors free-of-charge outdoor adventures like surfing, climbing and kayaking as a way for them to reclaim their lives.  Months later, still reeling from cancer-induced anxiety, Britte got the call: There was an opening on a First Descents surf trip in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Did she want to go? She had never even contemplated surfing before, but she figured she had nothing to lose. Surfing with a Purpose Ryan Pittsinger, Ph.D., Director of Counseling and Sport Psychology at Texas A&M University, grew up surfing in Manhattan Beach, California and is a self-described surf addict who says at a young age he spent at least three days a week in the ocean. He says even then he understood that surfing was an outlet for him. “If I was having a tough time or something was going on in my life, I could jump in the water and have the opportunity to not think about anything else but the waves,” he says. “Something about being immersed in the ocean—it’s so much more powerful than yourself. It has a mystique and a healing power to it.” As he grew older, Ryan became more and more interested in the idea of surfing’s influence on a person’s mental state and mood, an area that had seen little to no scientific research. After his undergraduate studies, he pursued a master’s degree in psychology at California State University, Long Beach. As part of his master’s thesis, Ryan conducted a study that analyzed 107 individuals—men and women of a range of ages and abilities—before and after a 30-minute surf session. The results, he says, didn’t surprise him that much; after all, it’s what he’d been experiencing in the water his entire life. “The results showed a significant increase in positive mood and tranquility after surfing for 30 minutes, and a decrease in negative feelings and fatigue,” he says. “In other words, participants reported feeling happier and more energized after surfing.” His study, published in the 2014 issue of Psychology of Men & Masculinity, surveys 12 male surfers to see how men use the sport of surfing to cope with life’s stressors, ranging from work tension, difficulty in a relationship or loss of a loved one. Whereas men especially can fall into the traps of using strategies like avoidance, anger or substance abuse to fix problems, Ryan wanted to find out if surfing could solve issues in a healthier, more positive way. He conducted his study literally while surfing. Using an underwater camera and laminated sheets of paper, he asked the men 22 questions about how they use surfing and what surfing provides for them. Often, the survey would be interrupted when the participant would catch a wave. One of the questions on the survey was, “What were you thinking about when you just caught that wave?” The answer, Ryan says, was usually something along the lines of, “When I’m surfing, I’m not thinking about anything except what is directly related to the act of surfing—and nothing related to my troubles.” “It’s pretty unique to have even a few seconds of complete freedom like that,” Ryan says. “Surfing is one way that people can find a real escape from their stresses.” Ryan is among a handful of researchers studying surfing’s impact on human psychology, but they are not entirely alone in their belief in the ocean’s healing powers. When Carly Rogers was 18, her mother passed away suddenly. She dealt with her grief by letting the ocean’s waves wash it away, getting a job as a lifeguard and taking up surfing. Since then, two decades later, she’s been a Los Angeles County lifeguard and an avid surfer. She’s also turned ocean therapy into her career. Carly is the director of programs at the Southern California-based Jimmy Miller Memorial Foundation, a nonprofit established in 2005 in memory of its namesake, a lifelong surfer who took his own life after a battle with mental illness. Carly, who was friends with Jimmy, runs the organization’s ocean therapy program, which offers surf lessons to U.S. veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other injuries, as well as teens living in shelters and foster care programs in inner-city Los Angeles. While getting her doctoral degree in occupational therapy at the University of Southern California, Carly conducted a study looking at the impact five surf sessions can have on Iraq war veterans diagnosed with PTSD and depression. “These veterans were all very strong, athletic, no-fear individuals. But put them in the water and they can’t resist it—they were all laughing and smiling,” Carly says. “They were saying things like, ‘This is the best day of my life. I feel alive.’ Surfing provides a positive, natural environment; a chance to build self-confidence; and a catalyst for change.” Her study, much like Ryan’s, reached the same conclusion: Surfing makes you happier. Healing Waves Avid surfers say they are not surprised by findings like Ryan’s and Carly’s—they, too, have experienced the raw power of the ocean. Among those is world-renowned big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton, who says surfing offers him a chance to relax amid the chaos. “The ocean has been one of the biggest teachers in my life,” Laird says. “Whether it’s the humility or discipline you learn or the confidence and joy you gain from riding a wave, all of those lessons from the sea are applicable on land.” Years ago, Laird was struggling in his relationship with his wife, pro volleyball player Gabrielle Reece—things just weren’t going smoothly. He flew to Tahiti to surf Teahupoo, known to have the toughest and biggest breaks in the world. As he was getting ready to depart the island, a massive swell began to head his way. Laird was ready when a rogue wave with a 30-foot face—which he named the “Millennium Wave”—came toward him. He says riding the giant wave put everything into perspective. “That wave changed my priorities and had a sort of spiritual effect on me,” he says. “We worked the things out in our relationship, and things have never been better.” You don’t have to be a professional surfer to feel the benefits of the ocean, Laird assures. First-time surfers may even notice the impact more. “Your first day surfing, that first ride on a wave, you’re never going to be more present than in that moment. You’re going to appreciate the difficulty of doing it and that leads to your feelings of accomplishment,” Laird says. “Plus, the sensation of riding the energy of a wave has an uplifting effect on your spirit; not only is it fun and makes you happy, it feels like soaring—your spirit takes flight.” Discovering Resilience In Nags Head, N.C., a little blue beachside building called Farmdog’s Surf School rents boards, offers lessons, and serves up post-surf açai bowls. The place is run by a charismatic guy named Robert “Farmdog” Farmer. On a warm day in June 2013, Britte showed up at Farmdog’s in remission from cancer and suited up for her first-ever surf lesson. Within five minutes of arriving, her camp leaders, Wreck and Pedro, granted her a First Descents nickname: “Big Red,” thanks to her recently regrown ginger-colored hair. In the days that followed, Britte got to know fellow cancer fighters as they all attempted the humbling act of standing up on a surfboard. Surfing, it turns out, isn’t exactly easy to learn. But something about it clicked for Britte. “I would try to stand up on my board, and I’d take huge wipeouts, but I’d bounce back up, usually laughing and coughing up some sand,” she says. “I was learning that I wasn’t going to break, that I was much stronger than I ever realized.” Robert says he sees this type of shift in people all the time at the surf school he’s owned since 2007. Over the years, he has witnessed people overcome phobias, ease anxiety, alter their body images and return a year or two later to tell him that his surf lessons changed their lives. “I’m merely a surf instructor, but people do share a lot when they’re in the water with you,” he says. “It’s both physical and mental therapy when we’re out there in the water.” Even when they’re getting pummeled in salt water—getting tossed off their boards by unwieldy waves—Robert says the ocean has a way of healing. “The ocean can have its way with you; it has no empathy,” he says. “But even when you’re out there struggling and the ocean is giving you a beating, it’s still rewarding, still cleansing.” By the time Britte was packing her bags to return to her family in Massachusetts, she was on her way to becoming a different person. “Surfing taught me that cancer was just a small part of my history and the woman that I actually was, right here, surfing, laughing out loud, in the moment and full of love for the people around me. I finally felt separate from cancer.” Since then, that experience has been a springboard for change. Five months later, Britte ran her first marathon, and last winter, she tried ice climbing for the first time. She’s continued to surf as well: This summer, she went on another surf trip with First Descents to Mexico, and she’s taken her family, including her kids, now 8 and 6, surfing, too. “Living life is no longer a scary undertaking. I’ve never felt stronger, less fatigued or more confident in my life,” she says. She no longer relies on anti-anxiety medication or wine to calm her nerves, and when her doctors asked her how she managed the transition, she told them simply, “I started by going surfing.” Want to try surfing? Here’s where to sign up from coast to coast. Campsurf: Los Angeles Take a private lesson or a group class at Manhattan Beach with California’s Campsurf, one of Los Angeles’ most respected surf schools. Bonus: Many of the instructors double as professional competitive surfers. (From $60; Campsurf.com) Farmdog’s Surf School: Nags Head, North Carolina. On the Outer Banks, Farmdog’s Surf School offers private, group and standup-paddleboarding surf lessons for all ages and abilities. Really want to dive in? Sign up for their new adult three-day surf camp held from June through August. (From $65; FarmdogSurfSchool.com) Paskowitz Surf Camp: Mexico and San Diego, California The San Diego-based Paskowitz Surf Camp runs a weeklong camp geared toward beginners in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, each spring, and camps in San Diego year-round. The camp was founded by legendary surfer Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz and is now run by his son, Izzy. (From $1,250 for weeklong camp; Paskowitz.com) Hans Hedemann Surf School: Honolulu, Hawaii Former Association of Surfing Professionals World Tour surfer Hans Hedemann opened Hans Hedemann Surf School in 1995. With three locations around Waikiki and one on Oahu’s North Shore, it’s the perfect place to learn while you’re vacationing in Hawaii. (From $75; HHSurf.com) CoreysWave: Montauk, New York Owned by Southern California transplant Corey Senese, CoreysWave offers private and semi-private adult lessons on Montauk’s Ditch Plains break. Sign up for a lesson between June and August for the warmest water and the most beginner-friendly conditions. (From $125; CoreysWave.com)
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Two young children with arts and crafts

The Art of Change

It was in the aftermath of a gut-wrenching divorce when it finally clicked for Mary-Mitchell Campbell. Suspecting she was too self-absorbed, she left for India on a four-month sojourn, volunteering at an orphanage for girls with disabilities. It was this life-changing experience that inspired the successful Broadway conductor to create Artists Striving To End Poverty (ASTEP), an organization that effects social change through the arts. “When I was there [in India] I developed a reality check,” Mary-Mitchell says. “I realized that I was responsible for what I had learned, and I was going to end up changing things to match that responsibility.” Through the magic of poetry, song, dance and the visual arts, volunteer ASTEP artists, largely found by word-of mouth or by asteponline.org, travel to places like India, Africa and the Philippines, teaching health education and life skills to impoverished children. “We aren’t using the arts to make [the children] artists per se,” she says. “We are using the arts to help them think like artists—to be innovative in their ways of problem solving.” For example, a song might be inspired by a classic Broadway melody, but it teaches the children all the details of HIV—and how to protect themselves. Mary-Mitchell says her months in the orphanage not only spawned ASTEP but helped redefine who she is. The organization’s latest initiative is an annual young people’s conference to address issues such as the environment and poverty—and how the arts can bring about change. “Our goal [going forward] is to fulfill the commitment to the kids—to see them through to a different life—helping them imagine a different life. ASTEP has given me perspective,” she says. “And a sense of purpose. And a lot of joy.”
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An educator teaching a class

Changing the Future With Positive Education

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more people who join the #HappyActs movement, the greater the positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! August’s Happy Act theme is positive education. Psychologist and founding member of positive psychology Martin Seligman, Ph.D., defines positive education as “the intersection of traditional education with the building of well-being.” The goal of positive education is help young people find and develop their character strengths so they can thrive in life. Research shows that students who participated in programs that taught both academic and social and emotional health, had a 10% improvement in grades and well-being as well as a buffer against anger, anxiety and depression. August’s Happy Act is to lead by example by developing your own character strengths while teaching young people about the character strengths they need to flourish, such as kindness, forgiveness, leadership and perseverance. By providing tools to improving social and emotional health, they have the ability to improve their well-being and live a happier life. Psychologist and bestselling author Lea Waters, Ph.D. spoke at the 2018 Festival of Positive Education in Fort Worth, Texas and said, “parenting is a really important piece of the positive education puzzle.” Check out the VIA Institute on Character to find out more about character strengths and how you can apply them to your life as well as those around you. Our August Happy Activist is elementary school teacher Lucie Buissereth-Lindner in Stockholm, Sweden. She says she tries to make the world a happier place by making small impactful changes in her students’ lives every day. “Teaching kids the importance of a relentless work ethic, authenticity and self-belief is the way I give back in hopes to create an army of leaders and a legacy of excellence!” she says. Lucie and her students are working toward competing in the World Inter-School Rope Skipping Championship 2019 in Belgium. “Not only will they test their strengths, and power, but also build self-confidence, make new friends, and broaden their horizons!” Their team is called 'The HusbyGårds Hopprep Starzzz ' which translates to “Super Enthusiastic, Hard-working, Talented Girls and Boys of Sweden!” For more information on positive education, check out the links below: Character and Well-Being 4 Ideas Shaping the Future of Education The Importance of Positive Education The Power of Character Strengths With Ryan Niemiec Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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