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The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth

On a sunny Saturday afternoon in May 1980, 13-year-old Cari Lightner was walking to a church carnival just a few blocks from her home in Fair Oaks, CA, when she was hit by a car and thrown 125 feet in the air. The driver didn’t stop. He was, Cari’s mother Candace would later learn, drunk and out on bail for another drunken driving hit and run. Cari did not survive. Five months after her daughter’s death, Candace held a press conference on Capitol Hill, announcing the formation of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. In the 33 years since then, the non-profit’s public advocacy work has helped save more than 300,000 lives. Carlos Arredondo, 52, was sitting in the bleachers near the finish line of the Boston Marathon when the bombs went off. He had been waiting to greet runners from Tough Ruck, activeduty National Guard soldiers who march the course carrying 40-pound military backpacks, or “rucks,” to honor comrades killed in combat or lost to suicide. Arredondo clutched an American flag and photos of his two deceased sons—Alexander, who died in a firefight in Iraq in 2004, and Brian, who, deeply depressed over his older brother’s death, hanged himself seven years later. Spotting a young runner with both legs blown off below the knee, Arredondo rushed from the stands, smothered the flames that were still burning the runner’s legs with his hands, then ripped a T-shirt into makeshift tourniquets. An iconic photograph from the day captured Arredondo, in his cowboy hat, his hands soaked in blood, pushing the 27-year old Jeff Bauman in a wheelchair. He would later say, “I had my son on my mind” as he repeated to Bauman, “Stay with me, stay with me.” Strength AfterUpheaval These stories are all illustrations of what experts call post-traumatic growth, or PTG, the phenomenon of people becoming stronger and creating a more meaningful life in the wake of staggering tragedy or trauma. They don’t just bounce back—that would be resilience—in significant ways, they bounce higher than they ever did before. The term PTG was coined in 1995 by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D., and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D., psychologists at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte. “We’d been working with bereaved parents for about a decade,” Richard says. “They’d been through the most shattering kind of loss imaginable. I observed how much they helped each other, how compassionate they were toward other parents who had lost children, how in the midst of their own grief they often wanted to do something about changing the circumstances that had led to their child’s death to prevent other families from suffering the kind of loss they were experiencing. These were remarkable and grounded people who were clear about their priorities in life.” None of these parents, Richard stresses, believed that their child’s death was a good thing. They would have given up all their newfound activism, insights and altruism, their re-ordered sense of what really matters in life, to have their child back. “The process of growth does not eliminate the pain of loss and tragedy,” Lawrence says. “We don’t use words like healing, recovery or closure.” But out of loss there is often gain, he says. And in ways that can be deeply profound, a staggering crisis can often change people for the better. The SuperheroWithin Us We’ve always known that people often grow stronger and discover a sense of mission after tragedy strikes. It’s the stuff of our superheroes, real and fictional. Batman’s caped crusade against crime was inspired by his witnessing the murder of his parents. When Christopher Reeve, the actor who played another superhero, was left a quadriplegic by an equestrian accident, he briefly considered suicide. Instead, with Superman-like resolve, he became a powerful advocate for people with spinal-cord injuries. The Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation, which outlived him and his wife, has awarded more than $81 million to researchers working on a cure for paralysis. In some ways, the term PTG gave experts the language to express, and recognize, something that was hiding in plain sight: trauma’s potential to transform us in positive ways. “Mental health professionals have a long history of looking only at what’s wrong with human functioning,” says psychologist Anna A. Berardi, Ph.D., who directs the Trauma Response Institute at George Fox University in Portland, OR. “But if you ask people, “Have you been through something difficult and come out the other side stronger, wiser and more compassionate?” the majority of us would answer yes. That’s powerful proof that as humans we’re wired to grow as a result of hardship.” The concept of PTG is a striking contrast to PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, the lens through which we’ve viewed trauma for the past few decades. First applied to veterans of the Vietnam War, PTSD entered the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the guidebook to psychiatric diagnosis, in 1980. It became embedded in our popular culture as well. “During those post-Vietnam years the main character in shows like Hawaii 5-0 was often the crazed, paranoid Vietnam veteran who’s going to shoot up innocent people,” says Lawrence. Soon PTSD was being evoked after any type of catastrophic event, natural disasters like Hurricanes Katrina or Sandy, acts of violence such as 9/11 or the mass shootings in Columbine and Newtown. A psychiatrist’s warning that survivors were likely to start showing symptoms of PTSD—vivid flashbacks, emotional numbing, high levels of anxiety and depression, substance abuse— became a staple of the media’s catastrophe coverage. In fact, PTSD is relatively rare. According to statistics from the Department of Veteran Affairs, an estimated 3.6 percent of Americans will experience PTSD during the course of a given year, a fraction of the more than 50 percent of those who report at least one traumatic event. Many more will find that they’ve gained something from their ordeal. “A small percentage of people cannot return to their previous level of functioning after a traumatic event,” says Anna. “Most people emerge from a trauma wiser, with a deeper appreciation of life.” PTG is much more than a new acronym, says psychologist Stephen Joseph, Ph.D., the co-director of the Center for Trauma, Resilience and Growth in Nottingham, England, and author of the book What Doesn't Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth. “It promises,” he writes, “to radically alter our ideas about trauma— especially the notion that trauma inevitably leads to a damaged and dysfunctional life.” The Paradox of Gain After Loss Post-traumatic growth is a response to a seismic event that rocks your world to its very core. Your psychological house isn’t merely rattled—it’s leveled. “Trauma disrupts your core beliefs,” says Judith Mangelsdorf, Ph.D., a trauma researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin. “It’s so far from what you’ve experienced in your life that you can’t integrate it into your belief system. You’re walking home down a street that you thought was safe, and you’re raped. Your core beliefs are shattered.” It’s not the trauma itself that leads to growth but the process of rebuilding, of creating new anchors in a life that has become unmoored. In 2004 Anna traveled to Indonesia as a mental-health first responder after the tsunami that killed over 225,000 people. Entire villages had been wiped out. “The challenge that faced the survivors,” Anna says, “is at the end of the day, can you build your capacity to comprehend what’s happened, and to find meaning in your life?” She recalls one local doctor who was helping tend to the injured. He’d lost his entire family—wife, sons, parents, siblings. “Everything was gone,” Anna says, “but he said, ‘Every day I thank God that I have air to breathe, and I can still use my body and my mind to serve. I’m praying to Allah that I can use this tragedy to learn how to love better.’ ” Anna pauses, then continues. “I was humbled by him.” If that’s a snapshot of post-traumatic growth, the long view is fuzzier. People who go on to a richly redefined life after a crisis may begin with reactions to their trauma that are so violent and extreme, it’s difficult to imagine they can survive, much less thrive. When Carlos Arredondo learned that his son had been killed in a hail of gunfire in Najaf, Iraq, he doused himself with gasoline and lit a propane torch. Suffering second- and third-degree burns, he attended Alexander’s funeral on a stretcher. Distress doesn’t end when growth begins. “You’re talking about the paradox of loss and gain happening at the same time,” says Richard. “It’s a messy, clumsy and difficult path.” Posttraumatic stress and post-traumatic growth may keep company for the rest of our lives. “These experiences co-exist,” says Calhoun. “When someone loses a child, growth may make that pain bearable and may provide meaning to your life. And as time goes on you will have more good days than bad days, but you will always be a bereaved parent.” Five Areas of Positive Change If heart-wrenching loss is part of the human condition so is its flipside: being propelled by the crisis to make positive, meaningful life changes. Researchers have documented post-traumatic growth in Vietnam POWs, the survivors of serious car accidents in Tokyo, women who have battled breast cancer, soldiers who were held as prisoners of war in the Middle East, Germans who survived the Dresden bombings, Turkish earthquake survivors, Bosnian war refugees. Every trauma is a singular one and everyone’s reactions a mix of his or her unique history, resources, biology and temperament. But patterns exist. Richard and Lawrence, who developed an assessment tool called the Posttraumatic Growth Inventory, found that people experience growth in five broad areas. They have a deeper appreciation of life, they experience new possibilities for themselves, their relationships are closer, they feel more spiritually satisfied and they experience a greater sense of personal strength. Judith Mangelsdorf volunteers at the Björn Schulz Foundation in Berlin. Established in 1997 by the parents of an 8-year-old boy who died of leukemia, the foundation operates hospices and provides a wide range of support services to the families of children who are terminally ill. Judith has watched many families move from paralyzing grief through intense self-reflection to a broader way of seeing their role in the world. She offers a sketch of how loss can become a catalyst for positive change. Immediately after the death of a child, parents are, she says, in total despair. “They are suffering so much they feel it’s the end of their life,” she says. “Many wake up night after night with the same dream of their child suffering.” Because you are so clearly suffering, she says, people who care about you show their support. A friend moves into your guest room, your employer says to take as much time off as you need, someone from the church spends an hour with you every day. “You’re still filled with sorrow and searching for answers to the question of why this happened,” says Judith, “but you realize that there are people in your life you can really rely on. And slowly, there may come a point when you think that while you can’t change your own destiny, you may be able to help others.” Many of the parents Judith works with at the Björn Schulz Foundation go on to become “voluntary family companions,” offering compassion to others who are experiencing the anguish of saying goodbye to a dying child. What We Can Learn from Trauma Thrivers Judith says that witnessing these transformations has changed her. She has more perspective, for starters. “Being appreciative of life is something that is very present for me,” she says. After she finishes her last therapy session of the day, she often walks down to the Spree River with her partner, who is also a psychologist. “We take a bottle of wine,” she says, “sit with our feet in the river and talk about what went well—not wrong—that day.” A strong social network and experiencing positive emotions on a daily basis are two things, she says, that help people deal with crisis. She suggests to her patients, and to friends, simple techniques to enhance both. Make a list of five things that make your day a better day—a walk in the park with the dog, a latte at Starbucks, cuddling with your partner, a chat with your sister, 30 minutes spent reading a novel—and try to do them more often. Practice random acts of kindness. When you go to the grocery store ask your 88-year-old neighbor if there’s anything she needs. Ask Richard, who has studied trauma now for over three decades, what we can do to strengthen our potential to experience post-traumatic growth, and he suggests that’s the wrong question to pose. The more meaningful exploration, he says, is what lessons we can take from people who have emerged from trauma stronger, wiser and more compassionate. What do people like Carlos Arredondo, Christopher Reeve, the friend who came out of her breast cancer treatment with stronger family ties, the co-worker who has reshuffled his priorities after a fire destroyed his home have to teach us? “If you can figure out how to live your life as a fully functioning, fully engaged human being,” he says, “you won’t need trauma to transform you, because you’ve already done the work.” Read more: Learning to Thrive With Post-Traumatic Growth

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The Happiest Child Ever?

As positive psychology researchers, recently married and now pregnant with a baby due in February, the biggest reaction we have gotten has been, “That is going to be the happiest baby ever!” No pressure. As first-time parents, we have so much to learn. What works well in a psychology lab might not work well for a 2-month-old colicky baby who at 2 a.m. seems completely unaware of all the research on the importance of sleep. As we go through this learning process, we wanted to share our thoughts and hear yours, as well. We are encouraged by the fact that change is always possible at any point in our lives. Research from the University of Pennsylvania and the University of California, Riverside, shows that while children are born hard-wired with a happiness genetic set point, that is only the starting point. Choices we make and they (eventually) make can help them rise above their genes and their environment. And the great news is that even when we mess up, we can course-correct. Happiness Hygiene Parents teach their kids to brush their teeth in order to make it a habit. And it eventually works; most adults keep up that habit. Aside from that, can you think of another habit we keep through adulthood? Why do we stop there? Equally important to children’s health is their mindset. In order to encourage a grateful mindset, we want to express three new things we are thankful for every night at dinner. In addition, we would like to encourage exercise and two minutes of meditation for the entire family. We realize meditation might sound a bit unusual for a small child, but we’ve recently seen how schools using morning breathing exercises have created calmer classrooms. Learning to quiet our minds early on in life by watching our breath go in and out is a skill that later on improves accuracy at tasks, and rewires the brain for greater creativity, intelligence and energy. The tricky part will be making this an expected part of life, like brushing teeth. Have you parents out there had success with this for a child younger than 5. Normalize Nutrition If food is fuel for our bodies, nutrition is fuel for our brains. Even just one cup of blueberries in the morning can drastically improve a young student’s brain function in the classroom. As researchers, we know that education is extremely important—but our interest in a nutrient rich diet for our son has less to do with ideas about his eventual academic performance and more to do with his overall well being. There is evidence that suggests a higher intake of fruits and vegetables can increase happiness and overall life satisfaction. We hope that by treating nutrient rich foods as treats instead of a concession or chore, our son will grow up eager to share in these options. Let’s be clear: we don’t want him seeing us obsess over our bodies or weight, as this can be very damaging for a child’s self image and lifelong relationship to food. Instead, we want him to see the joy to be had with healthy food—thanks to its taste and cumulative psychological benefits. We’ve been working to better understand the neurological and practical benefits of food ourselves so we can eventually share this knowledge to our son. Healthy foods protect our bodies against disease, naturally brighten our smiles and help us maintain a sharp memory. By introducing these foods as early and enthusiastically as possible, we hope to give our son a lifelong appreciation for nutrition that will help him lead a happy life far beyond his childhood. Noise Canceling If our baby were being born just 100 years ago, this would not be such a top priority; but these days, babies are coming into the human history. Technology is always at their fingertips. We have received text messages, albeit incoherent ones, from 2-year-olds. In Shawn’s newest book, Before Happiness, we look at how the brain can only process 40 bits of information out of the 11 million it receives per second. Our brains are bombarded, we are all developing cultural ADHD and the research shows us that we do not learn as well with that continuous external stimulation. That’s why we will try noise canceling in our home. We will install a white-noise machine in the nursery and not have TV and news blaring in the house, and we plan to model taking 5 percent of each week away from phones, TV and computers. Our hope is that this break from technology and information can help our brains (and our baby’s) find the “signal” more easily, which is the information that helps lead to growth and happiness. Solid Us, Solid Baby Babies need love and support from the moment they arrive, and their brains are wired from birth to seek out a sense of security from the caregivers in their lives. According to neuroscientist and author of Brain Rules John Medina, babies’ brains develop differently if they don’t feel security from the get-go. They are more oriented toward threats and less attached to other people. Beyond the basic duties of feeding, bathing and clothing our little guy, we also hope to communicate love and safety in one very specific way: being verbally supportive in front of our child of each other’s positive contributions to our marriage and peaceful home. We already do this now to some degree, but we recently decided to be more conscious about “calling each other out” when either of us does or says something positive and loving. It’s the little things that we want to acknowledge, like putting the dishes in the dishwasher (which is admittedly not a little thing) or making food for the other one while he or she is working. Each time we thank one another, we strengthen our relationship. And since children not only pick up their parents’ habits, but also derive their sense of security from what they see, we think being highly expressive in a positive way will communicate security and be a win-win all around. Have you used these strategies with your kids? What has been your parenting secret to raising happy kids? Comment below.

An artist sits and contemplates their work

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Is Happiness Important?

When setting out to make a documentary about happiness with Adam Shell, I would not have considered this subject to be controversial. Thought provoking? You bet. A catalyst for conversations among audiences? Hopefully! But when our adventure began more than a year ago, I certainly didn’t think we’d be met with skepticism. But we have—a great deal of it—so I think it’s worth investigating the doubt we’ve encountered while traveling the country. Overwhelmingly, the people we’ve met on our adventure have been supportive and optimistic about the project—they seem to immediately get it and understand the importance of what we’ve set out to do. Perhaps this is why I’ve begun to pay more attention to the dissenting voices of skepticism—they stand out more in a sea of positivity. To be clear, these are not people whom I would characterize as grouchy or contrarian; in fact, many of them are delightfully upbeat and happy. But I have come to appreciate their skepticism about the importance of happiness. It is my assumption that if you have come to this article via Live Happy, you do not fall in this camp of skeptics and critics. It is also my assumption that, like me, you believe happiness is important. Happiness is a universal human desire. Happiness is an unalienable right and a fundamental building block of success—right? Maybe not. I don’t view this group of dissenters as the opposition, but rather as allies in the journey to leading a happier life. In fact, I believe those of us living on a steady diet of self-help and “how to be happier” lists may find the greatest insights into living happy come from the conversations I’ve had with these skeptics, rather than the happiest people in America. I’d like to present their case, which I have defined by three statements about happiness, because I believe doing so will help those looking to lead happier lives. Happiness is not important. Happiness is selfish. Happiness is detrimental to progress. 1.Happiness is not important. Our first task is defining “important.” Overwhelming evidence suggests happiness is important, so long as your desired outcome is recovering from illness faster (Diener, Chan), earning more money (Paul), appearing more attractive (Little, Jones, DeBruine), and relieving stress (Kraft, Pressman) Very few people—if anyone—could seriously argue that these are not important. But for some, the larger question of importance has less to do with a standard of living and more to do with this question: What’s it all about? If you’re reading this hoping that I’ll let you know what it’s all about—that is, the meaning of life—you’re going to be disappointed, as I’m not quite sure (weird, since most 23-year-olds claim to have it all figured out). Instead, I’m going to point out that for a large group of people (our aforementioned skeptics), what it’s all about is not happiness. As I’ve said before, they’re not curmudgeons, Grinches or clinically insane—they’re artists. (All right, some artists may very well be clinically insane, but it’s certainly not a requirement.) I use this label to describe anyone whose primary quest is creation. A painter is an artist whose brush strokes withstand centuries of change and remind us of our cultural roots. A novelist is an artist whose words provoke our imaginations to explore new worlds. An astrophysicist is an artist whose theories and calculations help translate the mysteries of the cosmos into language and common understanding. This group is not motivated by a pursuit of happiness—an often-fleeting feeling—but instead, by a desire to make sense of the world. They want to leave behind tangible evidence of their accomplishments in hopes of enriching lives, even after theirs has ended. Of course, one byproduct of discovering a new particle or receiving a standing ovation is the warm glow we’d call happiness, but that is not their principle motivator. What is most important is not the feeling they receive, but the effect of their work (perhaps this is one of the reasons our society has the tortured artist archetype). 2. Happiness is selfish. I must admit that while none of the skeptics are grouchy, there has certainly been an undertone of disdain for the self-help industry. There are a number of influencing factors, but I believe the common belief is that self-help with regards to happiness is primarily self-serving. The individual is the sole recipient of that dopamine release, and while happiness is absolutely contagious, most people are not looking to be happier for the benefit of those around them. Even more upsetting to this group is the belief that self-help arises from growing amounts of narcissism within our society. Despite what our Founding Fathers wrote, for most of our country’s history, people were not entitled to feel happy. That said, being happy or wanting to be happy does not make you selfish. In fact, through this project I have discovered that many of the happiest people in the country are also the most selfless—acts of service yield the best return on investment (take note of this, as we’ll return to this point in a moment). 3. Happiness is detrimental to progress. “To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not enough time.” —Leonard Bernstein Most people have heard the expression “a fire under your ass,” and I imagine that all who have considered it wouldn’t willingly sit on a wicker chair atop a campfire. But the reality is, necessity drives innovation and progress—but so does stress, as illustrated by Leonard Bernstein’s brilliant observation about the need for not enough time. When charting personal growth, I have observed that the largest leaps come during times of stress. This is not to say that stress and happiness are mutually exclusive, but a great amount of self-help literature focuses on eliminating stress and nestling into a place of easiness. It is for this reason that many believe happiness is detrimental to progress. Why push boundaries and venture outside of your comfort zone if you’re happy? Doing so may result in stress, frustration and a sudden depletion of your once-blissful state. The Good News One of our very first interviews on this journey was with a professor of psychology at University of California, Berkeley, Iris Mauss, Ph.D. We were drawn to Iris after reading a paper she published titled Can Seeking Happiness Make People Happy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness. In this paper, Iris and her colleagues detailed their findings supporting their claim: The pursuit and valuing of happiness can actually have paradoxical effects. In other words, pursuing happiness can make you more unhappy! What Dr. Mauss pointed out to us, though, is that her findings do not say that it is impossible to pursue happiness—you just have to be tricky about it! And this, I believe, is the reason we should all listen to the artists who have expressed skepticism about the importance of happiness. The good news is that you, too, can be an artist! Maybe not in the sense that you should quit your day job and hold out for an exhibit at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, but certainly in the way you should go about arranging life importance. Redefine what you’re after and accept that there is a part of you that does not want to be happy, but instead hungry. For some people, that part speaks louder than for others, but no one is full all the time. In those moments of hunger, I challenge you to consider that happiness may not be the most important thing you can strive for. Instead, attempt to solve a problem, find meaning or create work that benefits others. As I noted before, acts of service are among the best things you can do for yourself, and if we remember that nearly all forms of art and creation are acts of service, there is practically no limit to the happiness you can create. Let happiness be the pleasant byproduct of your pursuits, not the pursuit itself. Adam Shell and Nicholas Kraft are traveling the country to find our nation's happiest people, all while filming the experience to share with audiences in Pursuing Happiness, a feature-length documentary.

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Where Is the Love?

Valentine’s Day is rearing its furry, pink, chocolate-filled, jewel-encrusted head again, and guys and gals everywhere are rushing out to stores, searching for the perfect gift. What was once a day to celebrate love has become an annual competition to see who receives glittering jewelry, the biggest bouquets and decadent chocolates.In short, we’ve drifted away from the true reason for Valentine’s Day: letting someone know you care about them, whether it’s your spouse, friend or even child.And sometimes the best, most meaningful gifts we can give don’t require a trip to the mall at all, but rather, just thought and a little planning.For example…Bake or pick up your Valentine’s favorite dessert. Remind them that calories don’t count on Valentine’s Day.Surprise your Valentine with a full gas tank.Purchase a pack of children's Valentine's cards and hide them around the house for your Valentine to find.Do as Happier at Home author Gretchen Rubin suggests, and make a special Valentine’s Day breakfast using food coloring. Just be sure to have enough red dye on hand.Wake your Valentine up with their favorite morning drink.Take your spouse out and reenact your first date.Let your Valentine pick the movie—and then enjoy it.Think about the little things that make your Valentine happy, and then do them all at once.And, of course, check out our “Year of Happiness: February—28 Days of Love” for even more ideas.This Valentine’s Day let’s resolve to show more love and show off less. Let’s focus on giving from the heart. Because when you love and care about someone, there’s no better day to let them know exactly what they mean to you than Valentine’s Day.

People

At Home With a Happiness Guru

The thousands of ardent comments on her blog speak volumes. So do the countless downloads by fans eager to launch their own “happiness projects” based on her advice.But if you really want to know how Gretchen Rubin’s readers feel about her, check her mailbox. They have sent her gold stars. Bluebird figurines. Homemade art. Her own words, elaborately printed. A beautiful, framed photograph of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, with whom Gretchen has a “miniobsession.” They have sent, in short, the kinds of gifts you choose for a dear friend or sibling.“I get that all the time—people will say, ‘You’re like my sister!’ ” Gretchen says during a Skype chat from her home office on New York’s Upper East Side. (Her office, as you might expect, is extremely happy-looking—salmon walls, scant clutter, a brightly upholstered armchair—as is the animated, red-haired Gretchen herself.) Such reactions to her two books on happiness—The Happiness Projectand its sequel, Happier at Home—never fail to delight her, she says. After all, when she began work on The Happiness Project, plenty of people wondered whether readers would relate to one woman’s search for greater wellbeing. Eight years and more than 24 months on the NewYork Times bestseller list later, with a third happiness-related book due out in 2015, Gretchen has her answer.“I think part of my work’s appeal is that it’s very practical,” she says, echoing many critics. Other writings on happiness can make its pursuit seem “very abstract or complicated”—not to mention pricey. It’s doubtful many of Elizabeth Gilbert’s readers, for instance, are able to follow her Eat, Pray, Love example by seeking fulfillment in Rome, Mumbai and Bali.Gretchen, by contrast, offers recipes for happiness you can follow at home, for little or no money. “Most people are like, ‘Yeah, I could make my bed, I couldenjoy good smells,’ ” she says. “Then you get that feeling of growth, that feeling of ‘I am feeling a little bit happier,’ and that tends to build on itself.” As Gretchen points out in her writing, small attempts to increase happiness often give you the energy to make big attempts—the sort that, unlike bed-making or rose-sniffing, may have deep, long-term payoffs.Which brings us to what are probably even greater reasons for Gretchen’s devoted following: In her books, she chronicles her own happiness-boosting efforts, large and not, with such apparent candor that it’s easy to imagine she’s speaking right to you. And she tries so many things, it’s hard not to find some that mirror your own yearnings, making her seem like some kind of mind reader.Though she still scores a seven-out-of-10 on a standard happiness test, just as she did before she made happiness her grail, Gretchen doesn’t think that’s the real story. “My experience of my day has changed enormously because I’ve done so much to add enthusiasm and fun and enjoyment to it, and get rid of anger and boredom and resentment,” she says. “In a way I’m the same person I always was, but on the other hand, my life is so much different, my experience is so much different, so I’m happier.”From Malaise toMerrinessIn The Happiness Project, Gretchen describes how she realized her life needed tweaking back in 2006: “As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a city bus, I saw that the years were slipping by. ‘What do I want from life, anyway?’ I asked myself. ‘Well…I want to be happy.’ But I had never thought about what made me happy or how I might be happier.”Although she was grateful for her comfortable life in New York, she decided, she was “suffering from midlife malaise.”So Gretchen, true to her past as a lawyer, began exhaustively researching happiness. She sought inspiration from psychologists, philosophers, memoirists, novelists, relatives, friends and, yes, saints. She made a now-famous resolutions chart for herself (downloadable on her website), plus 12 commandments (“Lighten up,” “Enjoy the process”), plus 21 Secrets of Adulthood (“It’s OK to ask for help;” “Do good, feel good”), and began test driving strategies and posting about them on a happiness blog.Some have suggested, at times a bit snarkily, that her resulting books paint Gretchen as more of an everywoman than she is. And it’s true she doesn’t come right out and tell readers that her husband, Jamie, is quite the high-powered guy (now the head of New York Rising Communities Program, he was, when Gretchen began her happiness books, a senior partner at a major private-equity firm), or that “Bob,” her father-in-law, is former U.S. Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin. (“Bob is important to me because he’s my fatherin-law, so that’s the way he’s relevant in the book,” she was quoted as explaining in The New York Times. “I wasn’t tryingto hide it.”)Nor does Gretchen mention that, as the successful author of four books beforeThe Happiness Project(includingPower Money Fame SexandForty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill) she could have sprung for a cab instead of that city bus.“My experience of my day has changedenormously because I’ve done so muchto add enthusiasm and fun and enjoymentto it, and get rid of anger and boredom andresentment,” she says.Overall, though, she is disarmingly open in print about her life’s advantages.She writes, for instance, that she went to Yale for college and law school, and that before her switch to a writing career, she clerked for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. She gives thanks for the “tall, dark and handsome” Jamie; their “two delightful young daughters,” Eliza and Eleanor, their supportive relatives, their nice apartment. She declaresthat money can buy happiness—to a point—as she illustrates with accounts of her own cheering splurges, from art lessons and fancy file boxes to a mountain-scene diorama she commissions for her kitchen.But as we all know, wealth alone won’t make you profoundly happy. Everyone has problems that cash can’t cure, and Gretchen is no exception. She reveals, for instance, that she sometimes feels listless or guilty; that she’s addicted to “gold stars” of recognition; that (most ominously) she and Jamie know that his Hepatitis C, acquired during a childhood blood transfusion, is likely to cause liver failure soon.Assuming you’re well-off enough that you have time to put in, Gretchen suggests that getting happier is often about diligent effort—effort that won’t necessarily make you feel great right away. Chapter by chapter, she shares goals—being in the moment, having more energy, improving family life—and the simple steps she took to bring them closer. Sure, some of her steps are nothing new: making the most of holidays; decluttering; hugging more. But Gretchen has a knack for presenting ideas memorably, paired with insights that, even if others have had them before, feel fresh.In The Happiness Project, for example, she offers this twist on the classic notion of “reframing” your experience: “One sleepless morning, I was wide awake at 3:00 a.m., and at 4:00, instead of continuing to toss and fume, I told myself, ‘I feel grateful for being awake at 4:00.’ I got up, made myself some tea, and headed to my dark, quiet office…I started my day with a feeling of tranquility and accomplishment. Voilà! A complaint turned into thankfulness.”Permitting yourself treats helpsoffset feelings of being deprived oroverwhelmed that might torpedo ahealthy habit, she says.A Habit-forming ReadFor readers used to such Gretchen epiphanies, her next book may come as a surprise. Before and After, which is about making and breaking habits—crucial to happiness—will feature fewer of Gretchen’s own experiences. This is because when it comes to habits, she is “pretty freaky.” In her own lexicon of personalities, she is an “upholder”— someone who responds readily both to other people’s expectations (deadlines, say, or scheduled meetings) and to her own (New Year’s resolutions). “Once upholders have decided to do something, it’s fairly easy for them to stick with it,” she says. But the vast majority of us aren’t upholders. So in much of Before and After, Gretchen shares the stories of other people, including her sister, who fit the three more common types:Questioners: Before they’ll form a habit, they want to know why they should—and will do it only if it makes sense.Obligers: Though they have trouble living up to their own expectations (unlike upholders), they work hard to meet those of other people.Rebels: “They hate habits!” Gretchen says. “They resent them!”Personality by personality, Beforeand After will supply advice for fostering habits related to the “Big Four” habit challenges: eating and drinking healthfully, exercising regularly, getting “real, restorative” rest and relaxation, and ending procrastination in a given area.If you’re a questioner who wants to hit the gym more, say, you might read articles on the benefits of muscle strength. If you’re an obliger, you could schedule gym dates with a buddy.Is rebellion your style? You’ll need to “choose” to exercise every time, Gretchen says, by tapping into the pleasure of a runner’s high, or the joy of feeling the wind in your hair as you ride your bike.Even upholders can use some help in the habit department, though, andBefore and After will also include 16 strategies aimed at a wide variety of personalities. Among them:Treats: Permitting yourself treats helps offset feelings of being deprived or overwhelmed that might torpedoa healthy habit, she says. Treats needn’t be food (and if your new habit involves eating better, they probably shouldn’t be). Some people might allow themselves a crossword puzzle, she suggests, or time to play a sport or musical instrument. “Perfume is a treat for me,” Gretchen says, sniffing her tobacco-vanilla-scented wrist. “I put on perfume several times a day.”Pairing: Try combining your desired new behavior with something you crave or need to do. “Let’s say you’re aBreaking Bad fan,” Gretchen says. “You could say, ‘I’m only gonna watch that when I’m on the treadmill.’” Gretchen, an avowed couch potato at heart, says that in college, “I had a rule that I could only shower after I exercised.”Monitoring: The more aware you are of a behavior, the more likely you are to keep it up. In her first two happiness books, Gretchen experimented with a food diary and pedometer. Now she sports a bracelet (UP by Jawbone) that tracks her steps, food intake and sleep. “But you don’t need anything fancy. You could just keep a little notebook.”Still StrivingMindful of her own advice, Gretchen has post-Skype plans to walk with a friend: “It’s a treat, it’s pairing, it’s scheduling!” But don’t be toointimidated by her disciplined, upholder ways. Even after all these years of studying and seeking happiness, Gretchen shows every sign of remaining the not-too-perfect adopted sister her readers love:She still finds it hard to follow her No. 1 commandment—“Be Gretchen”—instead of being what she or others think she should be, she says.Despite the compelling case she makes in The Happiness Projectfor getting more sleep, “I’ll stay up late doing nothing, rereading a magazine I’ve already read. I remind myself I’m happier, I’m healthier, when I go to sleep on time.”And though she waxes eloquent in print about the need to “accept the reality of other people’s feelings,” she continues to have trouble doing it—especially with Eliza and Eleanor, now 14 and 8, respectively. Take last summer. Eliza was signed up for a debate camp. Just before it began, she suddenly didn’t want to go. Gretchen longed to tell her that she had nothing to be anxious about. But at last she forced herself to sympathize with Eliza, saying things like, “It seems like more work than you imagined.” Eliza went to camp. “If you asked her now if she wasglad,” Gretchen says, “she’d say yes.” Gretchen, meanwhile, is grateful their last hours before the trip were filled with encouragement and understanding, not conflict and anger.Such victories, she says, help keep her striving to uphold all her happiness resolutions from waking to bedtime. Has she had any days like that yet?“Oh, no,” Gretchen says, shaking her head and smiling. “But every day is a new opportunity.”Melissa Balmain is a journalist, poet, and humorist who writes a monthly column for SUCCESS. Her award-winning collection of light verse, Walking in on People, will be published in spring 2014 by Able Muse Press.

Self-Care

Going with the Flow

Heather McPhie had never felt sicker. Heather, the defending national champion in mogul skiing, was at the U.S. Freestyle Championships at California’s Heavenly ski resort last March.The week before, she’d come down with a horrible sinus infection, which she was trying to fight off with antibiotics.The drugs appeared not to be working, and her symptoms—runny nose, achiness, chills—seemed to peak on the Friday of the biggest contest of her season. She was one of the clear favorites to win.Between qualifications and finals, Heather slept for a couple of hours under a table in the VIP tent. She was too tired to take her inspection run, a critical step in planning and visualization.A rare fog settled over the mountain, and visibility was poor. At the top of the course, Heather put her headphones on and tried to push away all of the negativity—her illness, the weather.“It was incredibly stressful, but I quieted my mind,” she says. “You never know what’s going to happen and there are so many variables, so I just focused on my breathing.”She stood in the starting gate as an official counted her down. Three. Two. One. Go! When she pushed off, everything came into sharp focus. Her brain and body, hard-wired to perform thanks to years of training, kicked into overdrive. Time seemed to dissipate and whatever had been bothering her before suddenly vanished.She carved meticulous high-speed turns through the mogul field, wriggling her way down the mountain with the grace of a ballet dancer and the speed of a race car driver. On the first jump of the course, Heather did a huge layout, her body straight as she flipped into the air, landing solidly on both skis. On the second jump, she went for a D-spin, a 42 difficult off-axis 720 (two complete rotations), again landing with ease.The run earned her a miraculous victory and cemented her second national championship title. Her win also nearly guaranteed Heather a chance to represent the United States in mogul skiing at the Winter Olympic Games this February in Sochi, Russia.So just how did a girl who was sick and sleeping under a table hours earlier transform herself into a national champion and pending Olympian in a matter of moments? The answer is something even she can’t quite explain.“It was the like the perfect storm,” Heather says. “I barely remember actually skiing that run. I crossed the finish line, and I was like, ‘I’m not sure exactly what I just did,’ but I knew it felt really good. It was just a feeling. You can’t think your way through it.”This trance—an instinctual mental state that gives way to a sense of effortless concentration—is something that psychologists have spent the last five decades attempting to figure out. The phenomenon has a name: flow.And flow, it turns out, may also hold the key to happiness.Tapping into FlowDating as far back as Aristotle, there is evidence that man could become absorbed by one singular thing.“Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free,” wrote Chuang-Tzu, a Chinese philosopher who lived around the fourth century B.C. “Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.”But the idea wasn’t formally named until the 1970s, when a Hungarian-born researcher named Mihaly “Mike” Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeksent-me-hi), now considered the founding father of flow, debuted his findings. In his research, he described flow as the mental state in which people become so intensely involved in a specific activity that nothing else appears to matter.He came upon the subject from his own experiences. As a child, Mike and his family were held in an Italian prison camp during World War II. He used chess to find a mental escape. “I discovered chess was a miraculous way of entering into a different world where all those things didn’t matter,” Mike once said. “For hours I’d just focus within a reality that had clear rules and goals.”In 1990, Mike published the bookFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experiencewhich became a national best seller. In it, he explained that flow typically occurs when a person stretches his or her mind or body to its limits to achieve something both difficult and worthwhile.That experience, his research found, turned out to be a critical step toward living a happy life. “Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated and defended privately by each person,” he wrote. “People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.”According to his research, Americans report that they experience something akin to flow several times per day, while about 15 percent of people say they never encounter it. He found that musicians, artists and athletes achieved flow most frequently.But for many people, finding flow isn’t as simple as it sounds.“There’s something about flow that’s really intriguing,” says Daniel Tomasulo, an instructor of applied positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “The goal is clear, there’s a very high degree of focus and people can lose their consciousness by engaging in the action.”Through flow, Daniel says, time and reality can appear distorted. “Flow is like all altered states; it’s a type of high,” he says. “And because of that, everybody wants flow.”But how, exactly, do you achieve flow? There’s no easy, front-door entrance, sadly.The way Daniel describes flow, it sounds more like a secret rabbit hole into Wonderland. “If you’re too anxious, you’re not going to be able to function. If you’re too bored, you’re not going to be engaged,” Daniel says. “Being in flow straddles those two extremes. What you’re trying to do is find a portal between the two that pulls you into the flow zone.”If there’s one group of athletes that flow researchers often point to for their high frequency of flow, it’s skiers.Mike often used skiing as a vehicle to describe flow. “Imagine that you are skiing down a slope, and your full attention is focused on the movements of your body,” he writes. “There is no room in your awareness for conflicts or contradictions; you know that a distracting thought or emotion might get you buried face down in the snow. The run is so perfect that you want it to last forever.”Perhaps skiers are more apt to find flow because their sport—which takes place in an often high-risk mountain environment—requires utmost focus and blends challenge with thrill and reward. Or perhaps it’s just because skiers have found the rabbit hole.“In flow, the activity feels effortless. You’re totally engaged from the inside out,” Daniel says. “A skier, for example, might have some ailment, but as soon as they’re in flow, the ailment almost magically goes away.”Staying in the PresentIn 2007, Heather’s first year on the World Cup, the most competitive circuit for elite mogul skiers, she earned rookie of the year. In 2010, she competed at her first Olympics, the Vancouver Games, and she qualified for finals but then crashed. The more intense the competition got, the more anxious she felt.“I kept choking under pressure,” Heather admits.Over the next few years, she battled injuries, while self-doubt and anxiety continued to plague her. As a result, she was struggling to break into the top 10.“I wonder what you could do if you believed in yourself,” her boyfriend said to her around that time.The comment struck her. “For the first time, I realized I was really holding myself back,” she says now. “I doubted myself. I was exhausted and constantly saying, ‘I could be doing more.’ I was just pinballing.”Her coach offered to set her up with a sports psychologist and with that help, McPhie slowly worked through her mental obstacles. She’d always trained intensely on a physical level to get her body ready for the winter season, but never before had she thought she had to train her mind, too.I worked on not worrying about the past or the future but just being here,” she says. “I have made amazing strides.”— Heather McPhieShe learned to focus on the present, the here and now. “I worked on not worrying about the past or the future but just being here,” she says. “I have made amazing strides. Now, I’m much more comfortable with myself. I’m so much happier. I’ve become more relaxed. It’s a constant thing and every day is different. Every day you have a choice.”In addition to being happier, Heather also started to perform better. In 2012, she earned four World Cup podiums and her first U.S. National Championship title. In 2013, Heather had the best season of her career, including five World Cup podiums, three of them gold, and her second National Championship title (while, of course, suffering from a sinus infection). She finished last season ranked third overall in the world, heading into this Olympic year.She says her skiing became more consistent and she was able to push herself to try more difficult tricks. In other words, without even trying to, by focusing on the present and pushing away negative thoughts, Heather reached flow nearly every time she dropped into a contest run.Her next challenge will be keeping that focus during the Olympics this February, where Heather, 29, will be one of the top American women to watch in mogul skiing.“My dream for the Olympics is to have the best run of my life,” she says. “I want gold, don’t get me wrong, I’ve dreamt of that moment. But I’m doing everything I can to stay focused on what I can control. I’m really excited to see what I can do.”Pushing Outthe NegativeLike Heather, Noah Bowman started crumpling under pressure.The Canadian halfpipe skier from Calgary, Alberta, broke onto the competitive freeskiing scene as an alternate at the X Games in Aspen, Colo., in 2012. He wasn’t planning to compete, but when another skier got hurt, Bowman nabbed a spot in the qualifiers.With no pressure and no expectations, he breezed through to the finals, where he landed a switch alley-oop double 900. This insanely technical trick involves a backward take-off with two and a half rotations and two inverted flips. Noah learned the maneuver just days earlier and no skier had ever landed it before. The trick helped Bowman secure a silver medal at his rookie X Games appearance.Looking back, Noah knows he was in flow at that time. “It felt as if I wasn’t thinking about anything, my subconscious took over and everything felt natural,” he says. “I had no outside or negative thoughts and it opened the door to continuously move forward and progress.”But in 2013, now a skier to watch and with halfpipe skiing slated for its Olympic debut in Sochi, Noah felt the glare of the world. He couldn’t commit going into the harder tricks, he felt distracted and he fumbled with moves that previously came naturally to him. His results reflected it—he narrowly missed qualifying for finals at both X Games events last winter.This summer, he knew if he wanted a chance to compete at the 2014 Olympics, he’d need to figure out what was stuck in his path. He worked with a mental trainer and found that stress and negativity were stopping him from getting into flow.“I’ve been able to identify these problems and step past them. I now have a much stronger understanding of flow state and what it takes to achieve it on a regular basis,” Noah, 21, says. “For me it comes down to one very simple thing to get into the flow, and that is fun. Fun is the spark that gets the momentum going, the energy up, and allows me to take myself to new levels.”This winter, when Noah is standing at the top of the halfpipe, waiting for his moment to drop in, whether he’s on Olympic primetime or just out skiing with friends, he’ll be controlling his thoughts, replacing all negative emotions with positive ones. But mostly, he’ll be having fun.He suggests you do the same.“What it really comes down to is finding things that allow you to access flow,” he says. “Find something that makes you happy, something you are passionate about, and then pursue it. You will feel the zone when you do something you love and over time you will learn to control the flow.”Megan Michelson is the freeskiing editor for ESPN.com and a freelance writer, based in Tahoe City, California. She previously worked as an editor for Skiing and Outside magazines and she’s skied everywhere from Alaska to Iceland.

Self-Care

In the News

August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Yahoo Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Standard Republic re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 9, 2017- Live Happy mentioned on ABC7 Chicago re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Celebrity Insider re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on E!news re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, again. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on FOX News Entertainment re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Cosmopolitan.com re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in IBTimes.uk re Anna and Chris. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in News.com.au re Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8. 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in Page Six re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on CNN re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 8, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on ET online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned in IMDB.com news re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned and magazine cover shown on Exttra! TV online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on Entertainment Tonight online re: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. August 7, 2017 - Live Happy mentioned on E News! regarding Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. July 31, 2017 - Live Happy and Michelle Gielan mentioned in article in Inc.com. July 21, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser and Live Happy are mentioned in an article on SheKnows.com about body image. July 20, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on KTLA newscast to discuss the Netflix film To The Bone. July 19, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on Good Day L.A. July 18, 2017 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on FoxLA.com. August 30, 2016 - Live Happy Editor at Large Stacy Kaiser featured on KTLA Newscast re: Making the Best of Your Empty Nest. March 16, 2016 - Live Happy and Happy Acts featured in the Kansas City Star. January 12, 2016 -SheScribes.com featured Live Happy in a piece on how to be happy in the New Year, which included reference to the magazine, website and magnetic chalkboard, recipe sign and water bottle January 5, 2016 -Good Morning Texas had Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, in-studio for a LIVE segment January 1, 2016 -DFW.CBSlocal.com interviewed Deborah Heisz for article "Ask a DFW Expert: 5 Best Snow Day Activities" December 30, 2015 - TODAY Show revealed online coverage of Live Happy Editor-at-Large, Stacy Kasier, TODAY show segment "How to Hang On To Holiday Joy" (Even After the Holidays) December 29, 2015 -TODAY Show aired segment with Stacy Kaiser on the topic of “joy” related to the season and carrying on into the New Year December 18, 2015 -MariaShriver.com featured article by Stacy Kaiser, "When Gift Giving Goes Wrong…7 Things You Can Do" December 11, 2015 -WPTV NewsChannel 5 at 5 NBC mentioned Live Happy's tips on giving "redeemable" gifts December 11, 2015 -MariaShriver.com posted "3 Secrets for De-Stressing The Season & Enjoying the Holidays" December 9, 2015 -Twitter.com/ToTheMotherhoodtweeted a picture of Live Happy Nov/Dec issue cover and subscription December 9, 2015 -WSVN Channel 7 News FOXMention’s Deborah Heisz's tip on giving adult coloring books December 8, 2015 -KPTV More Good Day Oregon, FOX Portland featured Deborah Heisz's clip on returning gifts December 8, 2015 - WGHP Fox 8 News (FOX) mentions Live Happy magazine in segment about subscription gifts December 8, 2015 -Greatist.com featured Stacy Kaiser's expertise in "The Best Way to Respond to Passive Aggressive People" December 4, 2015 -WSVN 7 News Miami (FOX) picked up Fox News Edge, introduced Deborah K. Heisz as Live Happy director and featured gift clip December 3, 2015 -Fox 13 News Salt Lake City (KSTU) mentioned Deborah Heisz and Live Happy magazine in a piece on gift giving this season December 3, 2015 -GQ Magazine Mexico featured article on Jeff Olson and mentioned LiveHappy.com Mexico launch December 2, 2015 - Prevention.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts in article "The 2-Second Relationship Fix That Works" December 2, 2015 -The Hoda Show (Sirius XM radio) had Stacy on LIVE for her ongoing monthly segment in which she discussed holiday gift giving November 30, 2015 -Healthzette.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts in article, "When Bad Habits are Good" November 30, 2015 -MariaShriver.com posted "5 Tips to Get Fit" article from magazine November 23, 2015 -ABCNews.go.com featured Deborah Heisz's tips on a piece about how to MAINTAIN HAPPINESS during the Holidays November 23, 2015 -Just Jenny (Sirius XM) interviewed Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, live on November 20th to discuss gift guides and happy gifts November 18, 2015 -DivorcedMoms.com featured Stacy's advice in article about domestic disputes after divorce November 18, 2015 -WomensRunning.com featured Stacy Kaiser's thoughts for a piece on "Holiday Fitness Hacks Straight from the Top". November 18, 2015 -iWayMagazine.com featured Live Happy in article about Jeff Olson in conjunction with visit to Mexico November 17, 2015 -Radaronline.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in celeb slide show, "When Celebrities Go Out They Go All Out!" November 16, 2015 -The Steve Harvey Show introduced Stacy Kaiser as Live Happy Editor in Chief , included in her lower third, and showed the Nov/Dec issue cover in single-mom panel segment on Nov. 16 November 14, 2015 -TasteofCountry.com featured Dolly Parton's cover story in "Dolly Parton Shares Her Secret to Happiness" November 11, 2015 -Dr. Michelle Robin's Radio Show interviewed Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 11, 2015 -BlogTalkRadio.com featured Dr. Michelle Robin's interview with Deborah Heisz on November 9 at 12pm CST on the Nov/Dec issue and Live Happy overall November 5, 2015 -MarthaStewartWeddings.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s insight in a piece on “10 Ways to Calm Your Nerves Before You Walk Down the Aisle” November 5, 2015 -YourTango.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on fall dating do’s and don’ts November 4, 2015 - The Hoda Show (Sirius XM) interviewed Live Happy Editor in Chief, Stacy Kaiser, for her monthly ongoing segment Link: Stacy talks about forgiveness on The Hoda Show November 3, 2015 -Twitter.com/NBC shared Dolly Parton’s cover story and image to help promote her cover story and her NBC movie, Coat of Many Colors October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in an article on whether it’s wrong for childless people to give parenting advice October 30, 2015 -ScarySymptoms.com featured Stacy Kaiser’s thoughts in a piece on why parents should be popular with their kids and teens October 29, 2015 - Live Happy COO, Deborah Heisz, quoted in USA Today story about clearing clutter October 25, 2015 - Editor at large Stacy Kaiser quoted in story about divorced moms October 23, 2015 - Stacy Kaiser is quoted in this article on 10 Ways to Boost Confidence August 15, 2015 - Mediapost.com Link: Interview with Live Happy Editorial Director Deborah Heisz August 1, 2015 - Inc.com Link: Deborah Heisz's advice is included in this article about vacations July 25, 2015 - The HodaShow Link: Stacy Kaiser on Hoda'sSirius Radio Show July 25, 2015 - The Kim Pagano Radio Show Link: Interview With Deborah Heisz, LH Co-Founder July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heiszdiscusses Traveling With your Kids July 24, 2015 - Healthy Talk Radio Link: Deborah Heisz discusses Ways to Find Your Happy Place July 9. 2015 - LadyLux.com Link: Mentioned in article about The Benefits of Play July 6, 2015 TODAY Show Editor-at-large Stacy Kaiser and contributors Adam Shell and Nick Kraft were featured on the TODAY show July 1, 2015 The Jane Wilkins Radio Show Link:Deborah Heisz Discusses Live Happy and Happiness June 29, 2015 MotherhoodDefined.com Article: Deb Heisz:Kickstart Your Day With a Dose of Positivity June 25, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: What to Do If Mom and Dad Have Different Parenting Styles June 23, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Stacy Kaiser: How Grandparents Can Help During a Divorce June 21, 2015 HuffingtonPost.com Article: Summer Travel Round-Up (Gratitude Journal) January 23, 2015 People.com Article: Why Is Scott Foley Hiding Under the Covers Every Morning? October 31, 2014 JustJared Article: Kristin Chenoweth Gets Into Holiday Spirit for Live Happy Mag October 31, 2014 celebuzz.com Article: Kristin Chenoweth'sWickedly Happy Holidays for 'Live Happy' Magazine August 19, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: Celebrating 31 Days of Friendship August 18, 2014 washingtonpost.com Article: Stay Happy, and You May Live Longer August 7, 2014 semmessavers.com Article:Get Positive with Live Happy Magazine (Review) August 7, 2014SheScribes.com Article:Learn how to Live Happy August 4, 2014 nypost.com Article: Replace your therapist with these psych magazines August 4, 2014 mydevotionalthoughts.net Article: “Live Happy” Magazine Review July 30, 2014 lovetoknow.com Article: Why Are Jobs Stressful? July 28, 2014 mamalikesthis.com Article: Live Happy Magazine Subscription July 9, 2014 Pblcty.com Article: Miranda Lambert Talks Life, Community, and Staying True to Her Roots July 9, 2014 CountryMusicRocks.net Article: Miranda Lambert Featured in Live Happy magazine July 3, 2014 Guitar Girl magazine Article: Miranda Lambert Graces the Cover of Live Happy and Discusses her Credo to Happiness June 30, 2014Dadofdivas.com Article:Be Part of the Movement to Live Happy #giveaway May 13, 2014 Everyday Health Article:Why You Should Make Every Meal a Happy Meal April 16, 2014Yesware Article:The Exercise Effect: How Exercise Can Boost Your Sales Performance April 10, 2014 DailyWorth Article:4 Steps to Find Your Happy March 21, 2014 — Pittsburgh Tribune-Review Article: Pitt Celebrates Happiness with Wall of Positivity March 20, 2014 — Dallas Morning News Article: March 20 is International Day of Happiness March 20, 2014 — Forbes.com Article: Why the World Needs a Happiness Campaign to Live Better March 19, 2014 —USA Today Article:Happy, happy, joy, joy: Books, apps bubble it up March 19, 2014 —Houston Chronicle Article:Houston, Are You Happy? March 19, 2014 —Positively Positive Article:What Successful People and Happy People Have in Common March 19, 2014 Article:Happiness is the Thing March 4, 2014 — Huffington Post Article: Happiness Gets its Day January 10, 2014 —Des MoinesRegister Article: Iowa editor of 'Live Happy' magazine looks beyond bullet-point platitudes December 28, 2013 —Mr. Magazine Article:Live Happy Magazine: Happiness Finds Its Way to Print. The Mr. Magazine™ Interview with Editor in Chief Karol DeWulf Nickell. December 23, 2013 —Albuquerque Journal Article:Positive psychology focuses on what makes us happy December 13, 2013 — MyFox4 Video:Good Day Dallas December 13, 2013 —95.9WATD Article:SSMN: Wednesday December18th, 2013 December 2, 2013 —Washington Post Article:What’s so bad about feeling good? November 25, 2013 —Good News Planet Article:Live Happy Magazine – 25 Ways to Give Happiness at the Holidays November 19 2013 —Wisconsin Public Radio Articles:25 Ways To Give Happiness Over The Holidays November 19, 2013 —Biz Mommy Article:If You're Happy and You Know It... November 18, 2013 —Complete Herbal Guide Article:The Most Important Secrets You Must Learn In Order to Live a Happy, Healthy & Productive Life November 13, 2013 —The Overwhelmed Brain Article:Episode 0001: Jeff Olson: The Slight Edge – The Compounding Effect of Daily Progress November 9, 2013 — Examiner Article:Read celebrity profiles in the new Live Happy magazine November 4, 2013 —EternalLizdom Article:LiveHappy November 1, 2013 —Dr.Oz Video:How to Stop Worrying October 30, 2013 — Networking Witches Article:Live Happy Magazine October 30, 2013 — The Shelly Wilson Show Article:The Shelly Wilson Show with Jeff Olson October24, 2013 —Media DailyNews Article:LiveHappy Launches

Self-Care

Lebowski Fest: the Dude Definitely Abides

In this last post about community, we travel to Louisville...sortof.AlthoughLebowski FestHeadquarters may be located in a basement of a nondescript building, the realLebowskicommunity lives in every corner of the country and maintains their bond through the internet and monthly gatherings.For those unfamiliar,Lebowski Festis a semi-monthly, quasi-annual gathering of people who all share a love for theCoenBrother’s cult filmThe BigLebowski. The term “cult film” really just means it was a major flop at the box office, but then found a new life on DVD – and what a life it found.Peoplelovethis movie. Do a quick Google search and you’ll find a multitude of articles, books, and fan-sites devoted to the film. AllLebowski-roadswill eventually lead to one man: Will Russell. Will is a co-founder ofLebowski Festand a shining example of someone who has harnessed the power of the Internet to build his community.We spent a few days with Will at his gift shops in Louisville, KY, discussing Star Wars, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, and of course The BigLebowski. He’s a kid at heart, as was evident when he showed us the Rolling Roadside Attraction, which is a small bus he converted to be able to bring some of the oddities that he’s collected wherever he pleases. When he opened a compartment in the bus and discovered a zombieGumbycostume, he threw it on – without coaxing – and conducted the rest of the interview from behind the big flesh-eating grin.At one point, Will donned a bowling pin costume (you’ll understand if you’ve seen The BigLebowski), and I began to wonder what his life would have been like without the Internet. Currently, his life is pretty sweet: he owns two successful souvenir shops, is a father to a beautiful young girl, and has 100,000 like-minded friends with whom he shares his greatest lifepassion–Lebowski. But without the Internet, none of this may have been possible. He very well may have continued down the dark path of depression that he found himself on after graduating high school. He told us about wandering the country in his early twenties and feeling very lost. I tried to sugarcoat the experience and offer him the title of vagabond, but he insisted he was simply homeless, occasionally incarcerated, and without connection or direction.Just prior to meeting with Will, theLebowski FestFacebook page had reached 100,000Achievers(a name given toLebowskifans). Will had managed to turn his passion for this quirky film into a thriving community – he was no longer disconnected.Lebowski Festbegan at a local bowling alley (a central setting in the film) when Will and a few friends decided to throw aLebowski-themedbowling party. Today, the traveling festival usually spans two days and includes costumes, bowling, a screening of the film, performances by notable musical artists, and interviews with both the cast and crew of the film.Will’s story of success reminds me how easy it is to not be alone. A woman we interviewed earlier in our travels said that depression is loneliness, and while this may not be true of everyone, I have witnessed time after time that those who are connected are happier than those who feel detached.Lebowski Festis proof that we no longer have to create a community comprised solely of those who are geographically convenient, we can instead foster meaningful relationships through our modern technologies.Of course, the success ofLebowski Festhinges on the fact that it is not merely an online community,Achieversactually meet up in person. There are undeniable benefits to face-to-face interactions, but it is empowering to remember that we are no longer limited to the people, beliefs, customs, and resources that are within our physical reach.Adam Shell and Nicholas Kraft are traveling the country to find our nation's happiest people, all while filming the experience to share with audiences in Pursuing Happiness, a feature-length documentary.

Well-Being

Hopeful People and Their Superpowers

This special emotion is a constant in our lives that helps us achieve what might have been beyond our reach. Hope thrives inside us the moment we are born. As infants we cry out, hoping for comfort. As young children, we anticipate special days and the rituals that go with them, while when we are adolescents, we want a particular boy or girl to like us, a driver’s license and a college acceptance letter. Young adults hope to find a life partner, build a successful career and have a firstborn. We yearn for a loving family to care for us and a long life in our sunset years. While hope evolves and changes throughout our lifetimes, the feelings, motivational benefits and successful outcomes stay the same. More than 20 years of experience and numerous clinical studies have shown me that those who live in a “hopeful” state tend to be more motivated, driven and adventurous, all of which tend to reinforce a strong sense of self-worth and provide more moments of happiness. They benefit from more satisfaction in their chosen careers, have greater romantic success and more friends. They tend to be excited with the possibilities in their lives and surround themselves with successful, hopeful others. As an added bonus, research has proved again and again that happy, hopeful, productive people with solid support systems benefit from a longer, healthier life. Some people turn up their noses at the very concept of hope without realizing that a hopeful person can accomplish things others might find to be out of reach. We live in what can sometimes be a cynical, critical world. Life delivers hard knocks to everyone, no matter what they believe or how positive their attitude. While a hopeful outlook can be somewhat of a hard-wired character trait—often upbringing, difficulty moving on from life’s disappointments such as divorce or financial problems or just one too many tough times—can cause even the most positive person to have partially or fully put hope away. When this happens, the goal is to coax that glorious and life-changing sense of hope back out and reignite it. It starts with hope. The first step begins with taking some time to think about goals that are realistic and within reach, being open to exploring new options, rallying your support system, and doing whatever possible to turn hope into something that is real, tangible and happiness-making. Hope is related to your perceptions about yourself, others and the world around you. If deep down you still believe that good things can happen to you, that life still has possibilities and that you can find a way to make what you are hoping for come true, that is a terrific beginning. Take a moment and think about all the things that you are continuing to hope for. Are you hoping to accomplish a New Year’s resolution? Reach a new level in your job or relationship? Trying to become a kinder person? Lose some weight? Make a hope list. For each item on that list, think about all the things that you can do to accomplish what you were hoping for, and then get started on the easy ones right away. Spend time around a person or a group that you consider to be hopeful and optimistic. Hope is contagious. Being around others who see potential and possibility in their lives will have a ripple effect on yours. Consider joining a group focusing on weight loss, volunteering or attending a book club— it’s much easier to stay motivated and hopeful when you are surrounded by individuals with the same goals. Fill a “hope jar” with slips of paper that include all of the positive things that you hope for. Include the smallest item you can think of, like mastering how to bake cookies without burning them, to larger items, like learning a new skill or finding or improving a relationship. Pull one piece of paper out at the first of every month, and commit to spending the next 30 or so days doing all that you can to accomplish it. Hold onto hope and don’t give up until you’ve turned that idea into a reality. If you feel you are stuck and struggling to re-ignite the fire of hope, reach out to family or friends who appreciate your assets and skills and ask them to offer input on how you might move forward. Often it takes a person who is wiser than you to help you see how to be your best you. As a therapist, I am often asked how I hear so many stories on a daily basis that include struggles, fears and pain. My answer has always been that I see at least a sliver of hope in every person and a grain of optimism in every situation. That’s good news for you, because that means that there is hope and optimism living and breathing inside of you. Stacy Kaiser, the author of How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, is a successful licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and media personality. She has a B.A. in Psychology from California State University, Northridge and her M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. With more than 100 television appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, and a weekly advice column for USA Today, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insight to a wide range of topics.

magic light at the and of walkway in autumn park

Well-Being

Why You Should Turn Your Wishes Into Hopes

Are you wishing or hoping for good things this year?Wondering what the difference is? According to new scientific findings, quite a lot in terms of the results you’ll be getting.Shane Lopez from the Gallup Research organization recently found that eighty-nine per cent of people believe the future will be better than the present. This is what scientists call a wish.Unfortunately, Lopez found only fifty per cent of us believe we can make it so. Yet scientists are adamant both beliefs are required in order for us to ignite enough hope to move us from where we are to where we want to go.The problem with a wish is it makes you passive and less likely to reach your goals. Hope has been found to lift your spirits, buoy your energy and positively change your day-to-day behaviour.The work of you head and your heart, hope happens when your rational self meets your emotional self, Professor Rick Snyder and his colleagues found hope requires three elements:Firstly, hope is built from clearly conceptualized goals that most excite you and fill your mind with pictures of the future. This is called ‘goal thinking’.Secondly, you need to be able to seek out and identify multiple pathways to your goals, pick the most appropriate routes for your situation, and monitor your progress over time. This is called ‘pathways thinking’, but you might want to think of it as ‘way power’.Finally, you need to be able to motivate yourself and to build capacity for persistence and long-term effort in the face of obstacles. This is called ‘agency thinking’, but you might want to think of it as ‘will power’.When it comes to our work researchers have found hope plays a central role in driving persistence, motivation, goal setting and innovation.In fact, other things being equal, hope has been found to lead to a 14% bump in productivity because it makes us feel more engaged and enthusiastic about our work. To put that into context, it means hope is worth about an hour a day.Longitudinal studies of workers have also suggested that employees high in hope experience more happiness and well-being over time.One of my favorite approaches to turn a wish into a hope was created by Lopez and it’s called a Hope Map. Next time you want to turn a hope into action try this simple exercise:Take a piece of paper and place it horizontally on your desk. Then fold it into three sections and open it up once more.On the far right third of the page write the heading ‘Goals’. Then note down below a goal you’re hoping to achieve.On the far left third of the page write the heading ‘Pathways’. Try to note down at least three different pathways you’ll need to initiate to reach your goal.In the middle third of the page write the heading ‘Obstacles’. Try to note down at least one obstacle for each of the pathways you’ve identified. One of the things researchers have uncovered about achieving our goals is we’re more likely to succeed when we plan for possible obstacles at the outset. This way they don’t send us into such a loop.Around the edges of your page note down what you can do to maintain your motivation and will power to complete the pathways and achieve your goal. How will you make the journey enjoyable? Which strengths can you use? Who will encourage you? How will you measure your progress?Once your map is complete your hopes are clear and you’re ready to get on with it.Research suggests no other workplace measure – including job satisfaction, company commitment and confidence to do the job – counts more than hope in determining whether you’ll show up, it’s surely worth a try.So what are you hoping for?Michelle McQuaid, aborn and raised Australian girl, is a best-selling author, workplace wellbeing teacher and playful change activator.

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Lebowski Fest: the Dude Definitely Abides

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Why You Should Turn Your Wishes Into Hopes

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